Tag Archives: dick cheney

  The Daddy Daughter Dance

Liz Cheney Knows Real U.S. American Patriots Love Old Dick

If you loved last year’s op-ed in the Wall Street Journal, by Dick Cheney and his evil spawn Liz, about why OBAMA SUX, you’ll be quite aroused in your privates to know that they have written a whole entire book about why OBAMA SUX. It is an expansion on their ongoing dialogue with each other that the Cheney administration was AWESOMEBALLS, and it is the fault of President B. Hussein Sucksalot that Gee Dubya Bush destabilized the entire Middle East by invading Iraq because of his own daddy issues, which led to the rise of even worser terrorist organizations like ISIS. It sounds like a real fun book, if you’re into historical fiction. (We do not know if Mrs. Mama Lynne Cheney contributed any HAWT lesbian sex scenes, sorry.) Read more on Liz Cheney Knows Real U.S. American Patriots Love Old Dick…
  Also Dewey *Did* Defeat Truman

Jeb! Bush Remembers That One Time His Brother Won The Iraq War

This one was pretty much mandatory
Jeb! Bush would just like you all to know what a terrific job his brother George did in Iraq. No really, you may have thought it was a quagmire with thousands of dead Americans and hundreds of thousands of dead Iraqis, plus the creation of instability that continues to this day, but now that he’s given it a lot of thought and gone back and forth on it a few times, Jeb! would like you to know that his big bro was much better at war stuff than you remember! Read more on Jeb! Bush Remembers That One Time His Brother Won The Iraq War…
  good luck with that

Dick’s Gay Daughter Mary Cheney Tells Gay-Hating GOP To Stop Being Dicks

The least evil Cheney
Mary Cheney, spawn o’ Dick, is the one Cheney we kind of sort of do not fully despise. She’s The Gay One, and not even the self-hating kind. (Still a Republican, though, with otherwise terrible Republican values.) And while her evil Dark Lord of the Underworld father claims to love his daughter, he’d rather not talk about that because it’s a private family matter. Even though Dick’s other daughter, Liz, who is wholly despicable and evil just like Daddy, very publicly kicked her sister right in the girl nads when she ran (very unsuccessfully) in the Wyoming GOP primary for Senate, on an “I am not pro-gay marriage” platform, because she is wholly despicable. Which is why Mary, like the entire Republican Party in Wyoming, did not support her sister’s campaign and probably had herself a satisfying chuckle when Liz had to drop out of the race. As did we all. Read more on Dick’s Gay Daughter Mary Cheney Tells Gay-Hating GOP To Stop Being Dicks…
  you don't say

BREAKING: Bush And Cheney MAY HAVE Said Some Lies In Lead-Up To Iraq War

We are so good at lies!
Everybody with two brain cells to rub together at least SUSPECTS that there was some fishy business in the run-up to the war on Iraq, what with the fact Saddam had not attacked us, no WMDs were ever found, etc. And Iraq is back in the news right now, mostly because Jeb Bush, brother of brush-clearing, flightsuit-wearing George W. Bush, has been stepping all over his own dick for a week, trying to explain how the Iraq war wasn’t a mistake, except that it was, NO YOU SHUT UP, etc. Marco Rubio got in on the action too, dancing a jaunty jig on his own dick, because Questions Is Tough. Read more on BREAKING: Bush And Cheney MAY HAVE Said Some Lies In Lead-Up To Iraq War…
  it was the worst of times it was the worst of times

CIA Learned Hottest Torture Tricks From American Psychological Association

From the shores of the Pacific to the Singing Statesmen of DC, the “War On Terror” really brought out the best in us, didn’t it? Now we can add the American Psychological Association (APA) to the list of willingly terrible participants. According to the New York Times, the world’s largest association of psychologists worked hand-in-puffy-soft-hand with the CIA and Bush Administration to formulate an ethical and legal basis for all the fun torturing. Read more on CIA Learned Hottest Torture Tricks From American Psychological Association…
  journamalism

Judith Miller Knows Who To Blame For Her Crap Iraq War Reporting (Hint: Not Judith Miller)

Pure gender-neutral evil
Judith Miller, disgraced former propagandist for the Bush administration (and also former reporter for the New York Times) — now a Fox News contributor, OF COURSE — is still defending herself and the blood on her hands, with a new book, GRRRR. As if it weren’t bad enough that she spent a good part of last year defending poor Dick Cheney from the mean liberal media who can’t just get over that whole “they lied us into war” thing already, she also wants the world to know whose fault it was that she was in on the con job: Read more on Judith Miller Knows Who To Blame For Her Crap Iraq War Reporting (Hint: Not Judith Miller)…
  sure why not

Never Wrong Bill Kristol Has Just The Right GOP Dick To Beat Hillary Clinton

Cool idea
Smirking sack of hot air Bill Kristol offered some of his infallible logic and political acumen on Sunday’s “This Week” with George Stephanopoulos: KRISTOL: If they get to nominate Hillary Clinton, why don’t we get to nominate Dick Cheney? I mean, he has a much — he has a much better record. With his evil self-satisfied chuckle, one might think Kristol is attempting to make a joke. But given that he quite seriously “discovered” Sarah Palin and insisted she was the Next Great Hope of the Republican Party — and also, his constant calling for bombing whatever country’s handy because what could possibly go wrong? — there’s a good chance he thinks he’s serious. Read more on Never Wrong Bill Kristol Has Just The Right GOP Dick To Beat Hillary Clinton…
  Here have some news n stuff

NFL Hires A Girl, Ruins Football

Nothing is sacred anymore
Here’s a tragedy for sportsball fans everywhere: The NFL officially hired Sarah Thomas as a line judge Wednesday, making her the league’s first full-time female official. […] Thomas had been working as a college football referee for eight years in Conference USA. She became the first woman to officiate a major college football game when she worked a contest between Memphis and Jacksonville State in 2007. We can hear wingnuts whining already that 10 years ago we had hope, jobs, and cash. Now we have no hope, jobs, or cash, and skirts are refereeing the NFL, which is supposed to be a manly game, for men, by men, sometimes men who beat their wives. It’s the feminizing of everything, waaaaaah. Read more on NFL Hires A Girl, Ruins Football…
  Tales of Terror

Journey Into Madness: Playboy Interviews Dick Cheney

At the McClean (Virginia) of Madness
The weak light of my sputtering candle guided my descent down the stone steps. In the glow I could read the ancient runes carved in the walls, but of the ancient terrors inscribed there I must not speak.  At the bottom I emerged into a cavern, its dimensions unknowable in the darkness. There was a phosphorous scent like none I had smelled before. From out of the gloaming, an unearthly chuckle beckoned me near. Read more on Journey Into Madness: Playboy Interviews Dick Cheney…
  Here have some Nice Time you deserve it

Nice Republicans Demand SCOTUS Give Them All The Gay Marriages

What a silly news day it has been, what with learning that Future Permanent Queen Of America Hillary Clinton still has to load one of those free AOL disks every time she wants to do either diplomacy or lunch with a foreign official, and that awful warmonger, who is not Dick Cheney, talking to Congress about how Iran will destroy Israel on Twitter, we are exhausted. Read more on Nice Republicans Demand SCOTUS Give Them All The Gay Marriages…
  Let's All Civics Each Other!

AZ Mandates High School Civics Test, We Do Not Even Have A Problem With That

could you pass this?
Arizona Governor Doug Ducey (R) signed into law yesterday a bill requiring Arizona high school students to correctly answer 60 of the 100 questions in the civics section of the Immigration and Naturalization test for US citizenship in order to graduate or receive a GED. Although we are always suspicious when Republicans require citizen-related tests, all of the writers at yr Wonkette love civics very much, and it is our hobby that consumes all of our waking hours. And we love it when high school students do civics on each other, so that is probably a good thing to require of them! Really, the more civics the better, and if learning about civics creates voters who are informed about important things, like how democracy should work, and how it actually works, and how important it is to vote, then we think everyone should spend much more time learning civics by reading Wonkette, and also possibly by reading many other publications as well, plus also Wonkette. Read more on AZ Mandates High School Civics Test, We Do Not Even Have A Problem With That…
  Never ever seriously NEVER forget

2014: The Year We Still Hated George W. Bush, And You Can Too!

Still not over it
Sure, it has been many years since George Dubya Bush occupied the White House, which he stole, YES HE DID. But that doesn’t mean our fierce and fiery hatred of his presidency should end any time soon. In 2014, while he was emailing his nudie self-portraits to his sister (ewwwwww, dude, GROSS) and clearing brush and trying not to choke on pretzels and pretending he’s too dignified to criticize the current president — while not saying squat as his vice president says ALL THE WORST THINGS, gosh, how convenient — George continued to give us plenty of reasons to keep on keeping on with the despising of him and his presidency and, screw it, his little dog too. Read more on 2014: The Year We Still Hated George W. Bush, And You Can Too!…
  Grey Lady To Be Renditioned To Black Site

New York Times Calls For Extradition Of Dick Cheney To Any Planet With A Justice System

The New York Times editorial board ran an editorial Monday calling for the prosecution of those who ran the CIA’s torture program, proving that they are a bunch of hopeless romantics who believe in justice. They aren’t especially hopeful, noting that President Obama has shown virtually no interest in actually prosecuting anyone for torturing some folks, but bless them, they make the case anyway: Read more on New York Times Calls For Extradition Of Dick Cheney To Any Planet With A Justice System…
  Here Is A Nice Thing For A Change

The Colbert Report Is No More. Long Live Stephen Colbert’s Best Moment Ever

As you probably noticed, The Colbert Report ran its final episode last night. It was a big sendoff for a beloved entertainment icon. But remember when he got just a little too real with George W. Bush at the 2006 White House Correspondents’ Dinner and people thought he’d gone too far? Read more on The Colbert Report Is No More. Long Live Stephen Colbert’s Best Moment Ever…
  What’s more American than rectal hydration with mom’s apple pie?

Not At All Shocking New Poll Proves Torture Is Totally An American Value, Actually

It's not wrong when America does it
It’s a good thing we finally got the summarized and redacted truth about the CIA’s torture program so Americans would, at long last, be able to express their informed indignation and demand some accountability. Read more on Not At All Shocking New Poll Proves Torture Is Totally An American Value, Actually…
  How can we miss you if you don't stay away?

Dick Cheney Tortures Us By Making Us Look At More Of George Bush’s Paintings Or Something

Dick Cheney auditions for a reboot of
Sunday was a good day for the bookers on a couple of those political chat shows where Washington’s power brokers yap at each other in brazen displays of verbal hand jobbery. It’s not every week that the president and vice president of the previous administration both make appearances, but with last week’s release of the Senate’s torture report, both men might have been feeling the need to defend their legacy a bit. Surely there would be some tough questions and intense showdowns. Read more on Dick Cheney Tortures Us By Making Us Look At More Of George Bush’s Paintings Or Something…