Tag Archives: dick cheney

  you don't say

BREAKING: Bush And Cheney MAY HAVE Said Some Lies In Lead-Up To Iraq War

We are so good at lies!
Everybody with two brain cells to rub together at least SUSPECTS that there was some fishy business in the run-up to the war on Iraq, what with the fact Saddam had not attacked us, no WMDs were ever found, etc. And Iraq is back in the news right now, mostly because Jeb Bush, brother of brush-clearing, flightsuit-wearing George W. Bush, has been stepping all over his own dick for a week, trying to explain how the Iraq war wasn’t a mistake, except that it was, NO YOU SHUT UP, etc. Marco Rubio got in on the action too, dancing a jaunty jig on his own dick, because Questions Is Tough. Read more on BREAKING: Bush And Cheney MAY HAVE Said Some Lies In Lead-Up To Iraq War…
  it was the worst of times it was the worst of times

CIA Learned Hottest Torture Tricks From American Psychological Association

From the shores of the Pacific to the Singing Statesmen of DC, the “War On Terror” really brought out the best in us, didn’t it? Now we can add the American Psychological Association (APA) to the list of willingly terrible participants. According to the New York Times, the world’s largest association of psychologists worked hand-in-puffy-soft-hand with the CIA and Bush Administration to formulate an ethical and legal basis for all the fun torturing. Read more on CIA Learned Hottest Torture Tricks From American Psychological Association…
  journamalism

Judith Miller Knows Who To Blame For Her Crap Iraq War Reporting (Hint: Not Judith Miller)

Pure gender-neutral evil
Judith Miller, disgraced former propagandist for the Bush administration (and also former reporter for the New York Times) — now a Fox News contributor, OF COURSE — is still defending herself and the blood on her hands, with a new book, GRRRR. As if it weren’t bad enough that she spent a good part of last year defending poor Dick Cheney from the mean liberal media who can’t just get over that whole “they lied us into war” thing already, she also wants the world to know whose fault it was that she was in on the con job: Read more on Judith Miller Knows Who To Blame For Her Crap Iraq War Reporting (Hint: Not Judith Miller)…
  sure why not

Never Wrong Bill Kristol Has Just The Right GOP Dick To Beat Hillary Clinton

Cool idea
Smirking sack of hot air Bill Kristol offered some of his infallible logic and political acumen on Sunday’s “This Week” with George Stephanopoulos: KRISTOL: If they get to nominate Hillary Clinton, why don’t we get to nominate Dick Cheney? I mean, he has a much — he has a much better record. With his evil self-satisfied chuckle, one might think Kristol is attempting to make a joke. But given that he quite seriously “discovered” Sarah Palin and insisted she was the Next Great Hope of the Republican Party — and also, his constant calling for bombing whatever country’s handy because what could possibly go wrong? — there’s a good chance he thinks he’s serious. Read more on Never Wrong Bill Kristol Has Just The Right GOP Dick To Beat Hillary Clinton…
  Here have some news n stuff

NFL Hires A Girl, Ruins Football

Nothing is sacred anymore
Here’s a tragedy for sportsball fans everywhere: The NFL officially hired Sarah Thomas as a line judge Wednesday, making her the league’s first full-time female official. […] Thomas had been working as a college football referee for eight years in Conference USA. She became the first woman to officiate a major college football game when she worked a contest between Memphis and Jacksonville State in 2007. We can hear wingnuts whining already that 10 years ago we had hope, jobs, and cash. Now we have no hope, jobs, or cash, and skirts are refereeing the NFL, which is supposed to be a manly game, for men, by men, sometimes men who beat their wives. It’s the feminizing of everything, waaaaaah. Read more on NFL Hires A Girl, Ruins Football…
  Tales of Terror

Journey Into Madness: Playboy Interviews Dick Cheney

At the McClean (Virginia) of Madness
The weak light of my sputtering candle guided my descent down the stone steps. In the glow I could read the ancient runes carved in the walls, but of the ancient terrors inscribed there I must not speak.  At the bottom I emerged into a cavern, its dimensions unknowable in the darkness. There was a phosphorous scent like none I had smelled before. From out of the gloaming, an unearthly chuckle beckoned me near. Read more on Journey Into Madness: Playboy Interviews Dick Cheney…
  Here have some Nice Time you deserve it

Nice Republicans Demand SCOTUS Give Them All The Gay Marriages

What a silly news day it has been, what with learning that Future Permanent Queen Of America Hillary Clinton still has to load one of those free AOL disks every time she wants to do either diplomacy or lunch with a foreign official, and that awful warmonger, who is not Dick Cheney, talking to Congress about how Iran will destroy Israel on Twitter, we are exhausted. Read more on Nice Republicans Demand SCOTUS Give Them All The Gay Marriages…
  Let's All Civics Each Other!

AZ Mandates High School Civics Test, We Do Not Even Have A Problem With That

could you pass this?
Arizona Governor Doug Ducey (R) signed into law yesterday a bill requiring Arizona high school students to correctly answer 60 of the 100 questions in the civics section of the Immigration and Naturalization test for US citizenship in order to graduate or receive a GED. Although we are always suspicious when Republicans require citizen-related tests, all of the writers at yr Wonkette love civics very much, and it is our hobby that consumes all of our waking hours. And we love it when high school students do civics on each other, so that is probably a good thing to require of them! Really, the more civics the better, and if learning about civics creates voters who are informed about important things, like how democracy should work, and how it actually works, and how important it is to vote, then we think everyone should spend much more time learning civics by reading Wonkette, and also possibly by reading many other publications as well, plus also Wonkette. Read more on AZ Mandates High School Civics Test, We Do Not Even Have A Problem With That…
  Never ever seriously NEVER forget

2014: The Year We Still Hated George W. Bush, And You Can Too!

Still not over it
Sure, it has been many years since George Dubya Bush occupied the White House, which he stole, YES HE DID. But that doesn’t mean our fierce and fiery hatred of his presidency should end any time soon. In 2014, while he was emailing his nudie self-portraits to his sister (ewwwwww, dude, GROSS) and clearing brush and trying not to choke on pretzels and pretending he’s too dignified to criticize the current president — while not saying squat as his vice president says ALL THE WORST THINGS, gosh, how convenient — George continued to give us plenty of reasons to keep on keeping on with the despising of him and his presidency and, screw it, his little dog too. Read more on 2014: The Year We Still Hated George W. Bush, And You Can Too!…
  Grey Lady To Be Renditioned To Black Site

New York Times Calls For Extradition Of Dick Cheney To Any Planet With A Justice System

The New York Times editorial board ran an editorial Monday calling for the prosecution of those who ran the CIA’s torture program, proving that they are a bunch of hopeless romantics who believe in justice. They aren’t especially hopeful, noting that President Obama has shown virtually no interest in actually prosecuting anyone for torturing some folks, but bless them, they make the case anyway: Read more on New York Times Calls For Extradition Of Dick Cheney To Any Planet With A Justice System…
  Here Is A Nice Thing For A Change

The Colbert Report Is No More. Long Live Stephen Colbert’s Best Moment Ever

As you probably noticed, The Colbert Report ran its final episode last night. It was a big sendoff for a beloved entertainment icon. But remember when he got just a little too real with George W. Bush at the 2006 White House Correspondents’ Dinner and people thought he’d gone too far? Read more on The Colbert Report Is No More. Long Live Stephen Colbert’s Best Moment Ever…
  What’s more American than rectal hydration with mom’s apple pie?

Not At All Shocking New Poll Proves Torture Is Totally An American Value, Actually

It's not wrong when America does it
It’s a good thing we finally got the summarized and redacted truth about the CIA’s torture program so Americans would, at long last, be able to express their informed indignation and demand some accountability. Read more on Not At All Shocking New Poll Proves Torture Is Totally An American Value, Actually…
  How can we miss you if you don't stay away?

Dick Cheney Tortures Us By Making Us Look At More Of George Bush’s Paintings Or Something

Dick Cheney auditions for a reboot of
Sunday was a good day for the bookers on a couple of those political chat shows where Washington’s power brokers yap at each other in brazen displays of verbal hand jobbery. It’s not every week that the president and vice president of the previous administration both make appearances, but with last week’s release of the Senate’s torture report, both men might have been feeling the need to defend their legacy a bit. Surely there would be some tough questions and intense showdowns. Read more on Dick Cheney Tortures Us By Making Us Look At More Of George Bush’s Paintings Or Something…
  conservachristmas

Here Are Stupid Things To Buy For The Beloved Idiot Republicans In Your Life

Greetings, godless liberals! Since you don’t celebrate Christmas in your heathen belief system, you might not realize that the more upright members of society are using one of their “holy days” as a reason to spend the next two weeks exchanging bobbles and trinkets to signal fellowship and lord their financial prosperity over each other. Read more on Here Are Stupid Things To Buy For The Beloved Idiot Republicans In Your Life…
  Tortured Logic 2: Electric (Shocks To The Genitals) Boogaloo

Dick Cheney Throws George W. Bush Under War Criminal Bus

Dick Cheney, the dark lord who makes Satan himself cringe, wants you to know a few things about that Senate report on torture that he has not read but knows is not only “hooey” but also “full of crap.” Read more on Dick Cheney Throws George W. Bush Under War Criminal Bus…
  Obviously a distraction from SomethingElseGhazi

GOP Senators Would Rather Not Talk About Torture, Thanks. Or ‘Torture.’

Chock fulla wet beans.
It sure would be nice if we could put aside our partisan differences for just one half of one second to agree that torturing people — by, for example, raping prisoners with food, or, for another example, killing them — is bad and wrong, and we shouldn’t do that. But yeah, sure, right, whatEVER. This is America, where the one and only time we can agree on anything at all is that Nazis suck. Read more on GOP Senators Would Rather Not Talk About Torture, Thanks. Or ‘Torture.’…
  tortured logic

Dick Cheney Gives Torture Five Stars, Would Torture Again

Is this image hyperbolic? It might be a little hyperbolic.
The Senate Intelligence Committee released its much-anticipated report on the Bush administration’s CIA torture program today, and it’s a pretty big deal. If we’re to believe Fox News, it might be as inflammatory as that “Innocence of Muslims” video that sparked riots all over the Muslim world, except not in Benghazi. Read more on Dick Cheney Gives Torture Five Stars, Would Torture Again…
  Here have some news n stuff

Radical Feminist SCOTUS Forces Texas To Do All The Abortions Again

Bad news for this guy, great news for people who actually have abortions
Image via shortformblog We still can’t quite believe this, but the Supreme Court issued this very brief order on Tuesday, re-opening about a dozen of Texas’s abortion clinics that had been shut down by the 5th Circuit Court of Appeals earlier this month while the lower court decides the underlying case: Read more on Radical Feminist SCOTUS Forces Texas To Do All The Abortions Again…
  Your morning cup of wut?

Scott Brown Will Sue You So Hard, Geek Pizza, And Other News You Can Maybe Use

He's so sensitive
Do you want some news? We have some news! Food news, bad idea news, and Dick Cheney is still a dick news. (Okay, that’s not exactly news, but we have yet another example for you.) Come on in, the water’s fine. And the pizza’s pretty good too. Read more on Scott Brown Will Sue You So Hard, Geek Pizza, And Other News You Can Maybe Use…
  #MadAboutAThing

Senator Ron Johnson To Little Lady Senator: Pics Or GTFO

Wisconsin’s Ron Johnson (R-Of course) has only been a member of the United States Senate for about five minutes (technically he was elected in 2010, which in Senate years is five minutes), but he sure knows a thing or three about how there has never been a single moment of less-than-perfect decorum. (He was not yet in the Senate when Vice President Dick Cheney told Sen. Patrick Leahy to quote unquote GO FUCK YOURSELF back in 2004, so that wouldn’t even count.) Read more on Senator Ron Johnson To Little Lady Senator: Pics Or GTFO…
  the family that preys together stays together

Politico Helps Cheney Family Continues Their Spectacular Charm Offensive Tour

Politico, which is a publication we all still have to pretend isn’t just a retrograde mouthpiece for dickheads, gave human death’s head mask Dick Cheney, his bride of satan, Lynne, and his chip-off-the-old-demon Liz (the gay offspring wisely declined to attend) a lunchtime platform to spew some nonsense and hate about oh, so many things really. You have to hand it to the Cheney family. Their hatefulness is really really well-rounded. Read more on Politico Helps Cheney Family Continues Their Spectacular Charm Offensive Tour…
  call to action for worthly wokette skum

All Y’all Need To Sign This Petition To Make George W. Bush Ambassador To The Iraq Such As

Nobody was all that surprised when the White House’s petition site got turned into a vehicle for silliness, like the petition calling on the U.S. Government to build its very own Death Star, or to deport Piers Morgan for not loving guns the way a real American should. And then there’s the stupid ones, like the suggestion that we name sportsball goalkeeper Tim Howard as “secretary of DEFENSE,” haw-haw. But we’re pretty sure that Wonkers can all get behind this excellent suggestion: Appoint George W. Bush the next ambassador to Iraq. Read more on All Y’all Need To Sign This Petition To Make George W. Bush Ambassador To The Iraq Such As…