dick cheney
Dick Cheney Fondly Recalls How ‘Ready To Go’ Into The Wrong Country Bush Administration Was After 9/11
The GOPgasm over BENGHAZI!!!!!!! has officially become The Dumbest Thing That Republicans Pulled Out of Their Collective AssesTM, so we would like to invite everyone who thinks it is worse than Watergate but also thinks Benghazi is in Cuba to kindly fuck ALL the way off. Especially this Dick: “In my past experience when we [...]
Dana Perino Writes Gross Love Letter To Secret Boyfriend George W. Bush
Did you know that it is Let’s Pretend George W. Bush Was Teh Awesome Week? No? Neither did we, because we did not get that memo, and also, the way we remember it, he sucked harder than an industrial-strength Hoover — what with how he shredded the Constitution, did war to the wrong goddamn countries, [...]
Hero Sen. Rob Portman Courageously Endorses Equal Rights For His Family Members
A Republican did a good thing today, guys. In a story that came out mere moments after midnight, it was revealed that Ohio Sen. Rob Portman is now in favor of gay marriage. It’s true! He didn’t always feel that way, but he’s been thinking a lot, and talking to a lot of folks, and [...]
A Childrens’ Treasury Of People You Never Wanted To Think About Ever Again
Since this month marks the ten-year anniversary of the War to Soothe George W. Bush’s Daddy Issues, and because our blood pressure has not skyrocketed to the point where it blew out the cuff the nurse strapped around our arm at our last physical, your Wonkette thought it would be fun to take a look [...]
Obama Trying To Take Too Many Guns, Says Man Who Shot Old Man In The Face
Someone has an opinion about something, and that someone is still-undead former vice president/dark lord Dick Cheney, and that something is whether or not we should all have guns with which to shoot old men in the face.
Jury: KBR Caused Troops’ Cancer; KBR: Pay Up, America!
A guest post from your comrade “Glasspusher.” Remember when liberals had Dick Cheney’s Halliburton to be OUTRAGED about, like common wingnuts have a black president? Well, jump in your time machine and set it for “2002,” because Halliburton and its subsidiary, KBR, are whispering your name from across space and time! Yes, now we find [...]
Sarah Palin Is So Mad At Dick Cheney, You Guys
It is fair to say that Sarah Palin got her feewees just the littlest bit hurted by Dick Cheney’s declaration that, let’s see, what did he say … oh yes, she was a stupid moron who should have never been born, let alone attempted to fill his shoes in the highest and most powerful office [...]
Romney, Cheney and McCain All Busy Interventioning Each Other Over Impending Presidential Loss
Does your family throw great interventions? Catered, maybe, with a really soothing jazz band noodling in the background to provide that little oomph? Don’t worry, it comes with practice. Soon you’ll have it down to the point where you no longer even need to assign roles like “stop and get the deli platter,” and “don’t [...]
Dick Cheney To Shoot At Mitt Romney For Fundraising Stunt
Poor Mitt Romney, the sadnesses keep piling atop sadnesses, until all the sadness is drained, and there is nothing. Just a few days ago he was enjoying a lil’ R&R at the actual ancient forest palace that he owns. Riding the boat, competitive nail hammering, all the summer activities that he loves, he was doing. [...]
Underwater German Deathbots To Keep Sweet, Sweet Crude A-Bubblin’
The realpolitik wunderkinds in charge of Iran have been threatening for awhile now to respond to a Western boycott on their oil by cutting off access to ALL the oil, but now the loose-lipped traitors at Nobama’s Pentagon have let it slip that the U.S. Navy is globally forcing some good into what they call [...]
Dick Cheney’s Daughter Got Gay Married, To Another Lady!
Wedding bells in DC! See down here, in the World’s Most Evil City, we let gay people get married and don’t think nothin’ about it. The proud couple today was Mary Cheney, daughter of a former banana republic warlord, and longtime girlfriend Heather Poe, who probably has parents too. Cheney has already used science magick [...]
The Wonkette Geopoliticker: Which Five Bloody Dictators Deserve A Date With The Hague?
International Justice Alert: Charles Taylor was sentenced this week by the Hague to serve 50 years in a British Slammer for his heinous acts that he says were done “with honour.” He’s expected to appeal, but chances are he will finish his life behind bars. As we maintain, the world is becoming increasingly inhospitable to [...]
Bad Boy Chef-Trotter Tony Bourdain Will Fry Up Dick Cheney’s Skull And Sodomize Him With It
Man, bad boy cheftrotter Tony Bourdain (your Editrix calls him “Tony” because of how he is her lover) will eat anything. There he always is, puking his way around Rangoon or whatever, eating turd hash on a salad of gravel and smiling wanly at his eager hosts. But what would he most like to eat? [...]
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