Tag Archives: cnn

  A noun a verb and Hewlett-Packard

Carly Fiorina Gets Lady Quota Affirmative Actioned Into Next Republican Debate

It's not because she's a woman, everybody just wants to see the demon sheep again.
It’s not because she’s a woman, it’s because of that Demon Sheep look in her eyes. Remember how Carly Fiorina has been complaining all the time, like every day, except for how she is SO NOT COMPLAINING (she’s been complaining), that CNN has some sort of lame “rules” about who gets to stand under Donald Trump’s armpits at the next debate? Well, all that complaining has paid off, because CNN decided to change the rules, JUST FOR HER, AWWWWWWW: Read more on Carly Fiorina Gets Lady Quota Affirmative Actioned Into Next Republican Debate…
  Unfair!

So Lame How CNN Won’t Let Carly Fiorina Be President Already

Remember, you guys, when we guesstimated Carly Fiorina was not one of the hopping-so-mad second-tier Republican candidates who anonymously baby-cried to POLITICO that Fox News made them sit at the kids’ table and not get to do real prime time debating with Donald Trump and the other grown-ups? Read more on So Lame How CNN Won’t Let Carly Fiorina Be President Already…
  He didn't get the memo

Poor Dumb Rick Perry Thinks He’s Still Running For President

Hey, why is Rick Perry’s purty mouth still flapping on our television screens? Didn’t we already write the RIP for his presidential Hopes-n-Dreams, on account of how he is all out of dollars American? We did! But it would seem his campaign staff forgot to tell him it’s time to say bye-bye. Maybe because he has stopped paying all of them. No worries, though, Perry says he’ll get to that eventually: Read more on Poor Dumb Rick Perry Thinks He’s Still Running For President…
  Must be Monday

Mike Huckabee Says Awful Dumb Thing Because He’s Mike Huckabee

The sneering sack of fetid rectal discharge that is Mike Huckabee said some stupid this weekend. It wasn’t about Israel this time or about how as president, he will declare martial law to seize control of every poonany in America, for “life.” No, this weekend, on CNN, Huck went retro, reaching back to one of his all-time classics: “Screw you, rape victims.” Read more on Mike Huckabee Says Awful Dumb Thing Because He’s Mike Huckabee…
  We Now Return You To Your Regularly Scheduled Programming

Great Feminist Blog RedState Says Hillary Clinton Is An Ugly Ho

Talk to the hand, and also YOUR MOM Once upon a time, there was a guy with with a real dumb redundant name that is dumb, and for an entire millisecond, he fancied himself a great defender of womenfolk and decency. And fellow feminist icon Jeb! Bush declared him to be “on the side of women,” so it must be true. Read more on Great Feminist Blog RedState Says Hillary Clinton Is An Ugly Ho…
  Case Settled

Megyn Kelly Joked About Her Husband’s Dick One Time, So Donald Trump Wins Forever

Loser You know how Fox News “journalist” Megyn Kelly was probably bleeding from her V-word, and that’s why she was such a B-word to Donald Trump during the Republican debate? (Or maybe not, and Donald Trump is a rude sexist sexismer. Or maybe Kelly is the real sexist and should apologize to Trump. Or maybe Jeb! Bush is the real sexist. Or maybe you are the real sexist, and also a Nazi. Any of these things are possible!) Read more on Megyn Kelly Joked About Her Husband’s Dick One Time, So Donald Trump Wins Forever…
  He says What He Thinks -- Which Varies

Relax, Ladies, Donald Trump Will Let Planned Parenthood Treat Your Wherevers

CALL ME MAYBE
So here’s something that might, in a different political year or for a different candidate, actually get Donald Trump in trouble with his Republican supporters: Trump said on CNN Tuesday morning that he would be OK with keeping some federal funding for Planned Parenthood. Not that any of his supporters actually give a rat’s fundament about his “policies” — because he has none, really, other than Making America Great Again, which covers everything. But if anyone on the right wanted to, they might have some fun with this snippet of an interview with Chris Cuomo, where Trump carefully lays out how he’d handle Planned Parenthood: Read more on Relax, Ladies, Donald Trump Will Let Planned Parenthood Treat Your Wherevers…
  Republicans in so much damned disarray

Republicans Bleeding From Their Everywheres, And It Is Awesome

They sure love us
How’s the lady outreach going? The Republican Party is in the middle of a terribly bloody fight right now about which one of these assholes is the biggest asshole to women. (Hint: It’s all of them.) Thanks to the party’s current favorite presidential contender, Donald Trump, the GOP is trying, yet again, to prove it does not hate Vagina-Americans. And, like all the other failed attempts before this one, it’s going as well as you’d expect. Read more on Republicans Bleeding From Their Everywheres, And It Is Awesome…
  Menstrual Blood Libel!

Donald Trump: Why Was Megyn Kelly Moderating A Debate Instead Of In The Blood Hut?

Hey, it makes as much sense as the original
Hey, it makes as much sense as the original How’s this for a surprise? Donald Trump shot his fool mouth off again, and this time managed to say something stupid enough to get himself disinvited from Erick Erickson’s Cattle Call For Rightwing Ninnyhammers, as we all know what a stickler for politesse Erick, Son of Erick, is. In an interview with CNN Friday, Trump said that he could tell that Megyn Kelly was simply too flushed with lady hormones to be nice to him at Thursday’s Republican primary debate: Read more on Donald Trump: Why Was Megyn Kelly Moderating A Debate Instead Of In The Blood Hut?…
  You punch your mother with that fist?

Who Is Chris Christie Punching In The Face Today?

You shut up, and you shut up, and you shut up
New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie is a raging dick — but that’s not a bug, it’s a feature. It’s his brand, and he’s damn proud of it, and he’s never going to change, eff you, buddy. His pitch to voters is: “It’s time to start offending people.” This strategy has worked well for him in New Jersey, where 65 percent of voters are only saying he’d be a god-frickin’-awful president because they lurve him so much, they want to keep him for themselves. Read more on Who Is Chris Christie Punching In The Face Today?…
  Cannot unsee

Donald Trump Does Not Want To See Your Disgusting Baby-Feedbags

Don't show him your tits
BREAKING: Donald Trump is kind of a dick! No, really, that’s the latest scoop from the New York Times, which reviewed “hundreds of pages of sworn testimony” from a decade’s worth of Trump lawsuits. (He is, as we have previously mentioned, a litigious shouty-faced douche-jockey.) Read more on Donald Trump Does Not Want To See Your Disgusting Baby-Feedbags…
  Add Your Own Holocaust Pun

Trump, Walker OK With Huckabee Calling Obama Hitler, Wish They’d Said It First

This Way To The Primaries, Ladies And Gentlemen
We have now entered Phase Three of the Mike Huckabee Uses A Shitty Holocaust Analogy story. Phase One was when he said the dumb thing about how Obama’s nuclear deal with Iran will “take the Israelis and march them to the door of the oven.” Phase Two was Barack Obama saying that Huck’s comment would be “considered ridiculous if it weren’t so sad” and maybe merely an attempt to be more outrageous than Donald Goddamn Trump, followed by Huck’s angry reply that Obama is totally gonna gas the Jews, and here’s a meme to prove it. Read more on Trump, Walker OK With Huckabee Calling Obama Hitler, Wish They’d Said It First…
  Little Man Syndrome

Ben Shapiro Files Charges Against Transgender Lady For Making Him Look Like Total Pussy

Ben Shapiro getting his wimp ass owned by a girl.
You may have seen this SHOCK VIDEO rolling around the internets the past couple days, of Breitbart’s never-nude pussy Ben Shapiro arguing with transgender journalist Zoey Tur on the “Dr. Drew On Call” program. It’s a long video, not worth your time, but Shapiro was doing his typical little pissypants bigot thing, talking about how Caitlyn Jenner and Zoey Tur (sitting right next to him) are just men in dresses, referring to her as “sir,” and finally Tur let her anger get the best of her for a second, grabbed Shapiro on his little bitch neck and said, “You cut that out now, or you’ll go home in an ambulance.” NOT NICE! Also, too, Shapiro can’t defend himself, clearly, even though his dad probably gave him that whole talk about “if a bully hits you, you hit them back, son!” Read more on Ben Shapiro Files Charges Against Transgender Lady For Making Him Look Like Total Pussy…
  Gay questions is tough

Scott Walker Not Sure How You Get The Gay, But Knows He Doesn’t Like It

Don't ask him, he doesn't know.
Scott Walker is a typical Republican presidential candidate, in that questions are hard, words are hard, and he just doesn’t know what to say about any of this. Like for instance, how does one get the gay? Does one choose the gay, or does Jesus predestine that certain people will be gay? Can you buy the gay? Do you win it on a game show? This is tough! Read more on Scott Walker Not Sure How You Get The Gay, But Knows He Doesn’t Like It…
  Borderline paranoids flock together

Former AZ Gov. Jan Brewer Off Meds Again, Thinks Trump Will Pick Up All Those Headless Corpses In Desert

She has a few words for Donald. None of them make sense
Former Arizona Governor Jan Brewer, who seemed so sane for a little while there as her term ended, has apparently gone off the rails again, the poor dear. Remember when she was hallucinating piles of headless bodies in the desert that simply weren’t there? They’ve apparently started talking to her, only now they all have Donald Trump’s voice, and they’re saying “Join me, Jan! We’ll build a wall together! Nobody can build such a YOOGE CLASSY WALL like me!” And so, Wednesday night on CNN, Brewer cheered on Donald Trump and his insistence that Mexico is sending us a lot of drug dealers, rapists, and murderers. Read more on Former AZ Gov. Jan Brewer Off Meds Again, Thinks Trump Will Pick Up All Those Headless Corpses In Desert…
  Here have some news n stuff

CNN EXCLUSIVE: Beware The Flag Of Radical Islamic Dildos And Buttplugs

While The Gays and their friends were priding through streets all over the world, CNN International assignment editor Lucy Pawle reported this shocking discovery at the Gay Pride in London, where she spotted a “quite distinctive man” with a quite distinctive flag: Read more on CNN EXCLUSIVE: Beware The Flag Of Radical Islamic Dildos And Buttplugs…