Tag Archives: books

  we are extra adorable this week!

Here It Is, The Most Florida Headline To Ever Florida: Your Florida Roundup

We will begin this week’s roundup with a headline that is too perfect, too resplendent, too quintessentially Floridian, for words: Gunshot victim dropped off at Walmart instead of hospital But because Yr Wonkette pays Yr Florida Correspondent to do words, let us break this thing down nice and slow. Read more on Here It Is, The Most Florida Headline To Ever Florida: Your Florida Roundup…
  The doctor will see you now

Mississippi Teabagger Doctor Will Write Rapey Sex Fiction From The Halls Of Congress

Obamacare may not be what the doctor ordered, but RAPE FICTION is!
Introduce yourself to Dr. Starner Jones, who would like to be the congressman from Mississippi’s 1st District, which covers a wide swath of the northern section of Mississippi, from the Memphis suburbs all the way east to Elvis Presley’s birthplace in Tupelo, which is also the home of the American Family Association. Dr. Jones, who has been endorsed by failed pizza teabagger Herman Cain, is one of them “common sense” teabagger conservative types who just wants a fair tax and hates the Mexicanos, stuff like that. And of course, he wants to repeal Obamacare because, as a medical doctor, according to a letter he wrote to Jackson’s Clarion-Ledger newspaper in 2009, he really doesn’t like the idea of healthcare for patients with “a shiny new gold tooth, multiple elaborate tattoos, a very expensive brand of tennis shoes and a new cellular telephone equipped with her favorite tune for a ring tone.” But that stuff’s boring, yo, let’s get to the SEXXX. Read more on Mississippi Teabagger Doctor Will Write Rapey Sex Fiction From The Halls Of Congress…
  Nice Time. OR IS IT?

Oh Great, Now Obama Wants Poor Kids To Read Books, Will This White House Ever Stop?

It's a book. For kids. Shut up.
Look what the Tyrant Obama is up to now! He’s got some half-cocked idea that poor kids should be able to read books, FOR FREE, instead of paying their fair share. So he’s announcing a program Thursday to give poor kids access to 10,000 e-books, which they can read on their Obamaphones, or other appropriate computers or tablets. The Obama administration seems to think it’s somehow a good thing to encourage disadvantaged kids to become better readers and do well in school: Read more on Oh Great, Now Obama Wants Poor Kids To Read Books, Will This White House Ever Stop?…
  For Truth Justice Freedom Reasonably-Priced Love and a Hard-Boiled Egg

Sir Terry Pratchett, God-King Of Literary Nerds, 1948-2015

Why even write an obit? We could just quote Sir Pterry all day
Terry Pratchett, satirical fantasy author, creator of the Discworld series of novels, and all around fine human being, died Thursday at the age of 66. He had been diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimer’s disease in 2007, but kept writing until the completion of his final novel, Raising Steam, last summer. Read more on Sir Terry Pratchett, God-King Of Literary Nerds, 1948-2015…
  Books For Parents Who Hate Their Children

Insane Anti-Vaxxer Children’s Book Will Make Every Kid Want Measles

Oh what fun!
So here is a thing that exists: An anti-vaxxer children’s book called Melanie’s Marvelous Measles, published in 2012 and getting renewed attention now for pretty obvious reasons. It’s a happy little book about the joys of getting measles and staying healthy by never getting vaccinated! We felt a bit guilty about even spending three bucks for the Kindle version, but we knew that you, the Wonkette reader, deserved to get more than a third-hand look at this madness — you deserve a second-hand look through Dok Zoom’s suffering eyes. So we resolved to double our contribution to Doctors Without Borders as penance, and clicked “buy now.” Read more on Insane Anti-Vaxxer Children’s Book Will Make Every Kid Want Measles…
  the power of aqua buddha compels you

Rand Paul Sure Loves This Dude Who Loves The Confederacy

We all put our pants on one leg at a time. Or not.
Like Jesus, we all have a cross to bear, and our particular cross is shaped like Sen. Rand Paul (R-Headdesk), a man so dumb that we are amazed he is allowed out of his house without wearing a helmet and a mouth guard. And when he joins forces with Judge Andrew Napolitano, the Confederate apologist prone to criticizing President Lincoln for forcing an end to slavery when the judge insists the “peculiar institution” would have eventually, someday, probably, likely died out on its own? The tsunami of dumb unleashed on the public could make Idiocracy look like the Oxford classroom scenes in Chariots of Fire. Read more on Rand Paul Sure Loves This Dude Who Loves The Confederacy…
  Joe Biden Swimming Deserves a Quiet Night

Old Naked Joe Biden

On clser examination, that's not OHJB doing the backstroke in a pool
The New York Daily News has the scoop on a new book that uncovers (Ha! Ha!) Old Handsome Joe Biden’s habit of swimming nude, just like John Quincy Adams, except not in the Potomac, so no lady reporters can sit on his clothes to get an exclusive interview. According to Wall Street Journal reporter Ronald Kessler’s The First Family Detail: Secret Service Agents Reveal the Hidden Lives of the Presidents, out later this week, Secret Service agents are a bit squicked out by the Vice President’s swimming attire: Read more on Old Naked Joe Biden…
  laugh while you can monkeyboy

Basketballmer, Birthday Books, Bakersfield, And Boobs, All In Your Afternoon Happy Links!

Man, Snipy and Rebecca take ONE afternoon off from writing the link post, and out come the Ponies. So sue us. Here are your Happy Nice Time links, People: The upcoming Season 2 of HBO’s True Detective will be set in California, but not in Los Angeles, which has Been Done. Read more on Basketballmer, Birthday Books, Bakersfield, And Boobs, All In Your Afternoon Happy Links!…
  let us now brag on awesome kids

Sometimes Your 17-Year-Old Suggests The Best Gift Idea Ever

My son, Kid Zoom, turned 17 yesterday. I’d had no idea what to get him for his birthday, so last weekend I asked him what he’d like. His answer kind of blew me away, because what 17-year-old would ever say, “How about you give me a stack of books that you think it’s absolutely essential for me to read”? Read more on Sometimes Your 17-Year-Old Suggests The Best Gift Idea Ever…
  Too Visible Man

The Cover Of Allen West’s New Book Is Terrific, We Can’t Wait To Laugh At The Mere Idea Of Reading It

Wow, how could this cover of Allen West’s probably terrible new book be any better? More eagles, maybe, like a live one excreting digested fish sludge on Allen West’s head. That’s good luck, we hear! Oh, it could be a Blingee! With pictures of guns and dancing aliens smoking marijuana, yes! Read more on The Cover Of Allen West’s New Book Is Terrific, We Can’t Wait To Laugh At The Mere Idea Of Reading It…
  those weren't the days

New Bush-Cheney Postmortem Shows The Lighter Side Of Gross Incompetence And Corruption

Things are pretty bad now. Many liberals are angry, depressed, or both. We wasted our breath for years, saying “Hey rich folks, we know you don’t love paying taxes, but these people you’re manipulating with ridiculous lies in order to win elections — maybe stop? Because they’re idiots, and they could be dangerous?” Nobody listened. Which reminds us of another time nobody listened to liberals: Always, but especially when George W. Bush was president. Today’s tumble down the memory hole is courtesy of the New York Times as they excerpt/adapt digestible chunks of Peter Baker’s new book “Days of Fire: Bush and Cheney in the White House.” How many amusing pull quotes are there? All of them, Katie Read more on New Bush-Cheney Postmortem Shows The Lighter Side Of Gross Incompetence And Corruption…
  we hunted but never read 'october'

Tom Clancy Killed By Death At 66

Tom Clancy, the author of thrillers like The Hunt for Red October and Patriot Games, has died in a Baltimore hospital at the age of 66. The Hunt for Red October happened along at a perfect time for a technologically driven thriller about a rogue Soviet submarine captain; President Ronald Reagan called it “the perfect yarn” and “non-put-downable.” Clancy returned the favor, dedicating 1997’s Executive Orders “To Ronald Reagan, The Man Who Won the War.” Read more on Tom Clancy Killed By Death At 66…
  all the derp that's fit to herp

Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Compendium Of Contemptible Contretemps

Happy Saturday, you slugabeds! As you blearily try to shake off the residue of last night’s revelries, pour yourself another cuppa joe and treat yourself to a serving of our weekly concatenation of clinking, clanking, caligenous junk from the interwebs that was too stoopid to ignore altogether but that didn’t quite merit a full-length post. And we’ll even start your descent into hell gently, with a bad-news story that’s got a Nice Times kicker. By now, you’ve probably heard that Guido Barilla, the chairman of Italy’s Barilla pasta proudly joined the asshat brigade last week with his vow that the company’s ads would never feature same-sex families: “I would never do (a commercial) with a homosexual family, not for lack of respect but because we don’t agree with them. Ours is a classic family where the woman plays a fundamental role … In the interview, Barilla said he opposed adoption by gay parents, but was in favour of allowing gay marriage, which is not legal in Italy. … If gays “like our pasta and our advertising, they’ll eat our pasta, if they don’t like it then they will not eat it and they will eat another brand,” he said. Pretty impressive how he manages to dismiss both gays and women in a single statement there. The inevitable agita and talk of boycotts ensued, and Barilla issued one of those “sorry if anyone was offended” not-pologies. So there’s that. Read more on Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Compendium Of Contemptible Contretemps…
  another confederacy of dunces

Kentucky Tea Party Will Murder Public Libraries, For Freedom

Score another WIN for Liberty! Residents of several Kentucky counties have been rescued from the tyranny of public libraries — or more specifically, from the tyranny of library boards being able to levy incremental increases in property taxes without an election being called every year or two. The details are buried in the boring particulars of a state law governing the funding of library districts, but the final score is: Homeowners will save a whopping average of $50 a year in property taxes, for FREEDOM. Oh, and the libraries will have their budgets slashed between 55 and 70 percent, effectively gutting them. But hey, LIBERTY!!!!! Read more on Kentucky Tea Party Will Murder Public Libraries, For Freedom…
  the rupert murdoch literary supplement

Nice Time: Fox News Accidentally Sends That Muslim’s Jesus Book To Number One

Yesterday, we were among the nine million blogs that couldn’t believe that insanely hostile interview on Fox in which Fox’s Lauren Green kept badgering author Reza Aslan to explain his audacious act of being both a Muslim and a person who wrote a book about Jebus. Well, here’s some nice news: now that the video has gone viral, sales of the book, Zealot: The Life and Times of Jesus of Nazareth, have gone through the roof. The New York Times reports that Aslan’s publisher, Random House, says that sales have increased 35% in the two days following the video hitting the webospheres. We will just go out on a limb and guess that very few of those purchases came from Fox News viewers; the literate ones seem mostly to have been spamming the book’s reviews on Amazon. Read more on Nice Time: Fox News Accidentally Sends That Muslim’s Jesus Book To Number One…
  how'd the crescent moon get there huh?

Fox News Wants To Know Who Let Some Muslim Write A Jesus Book

Here is Fox News host Lauren Green doing what Fox News does best, channeling Fox News viewers’ mouth-breathing xenophobia into television programming. The lucky recipient is religious scholar Reza Aslan, author of Zealot: The Life and Times of Jesus of Nazareth, which attempts to sort out some facts about a socialist sandal-wearing hippie Palestinian troublemaker who was executed by the Romans. It’s the kind of historical scholarship that gets done all the time in academe, but that can freak out the faithful. But the interview doesn’t even get to the content of the book; it’s all about the fact that Reza Aslan is a Muslim who (gasp!) wrote a book about Jesus. Is that even allowed? We’d bet that Lauren Green is not actually as heroically stupid as she appears to be here, asking again and again (ThinkProgress counted nine times in the full 10-minute interview) just why on earth a Muslim person would go and write a book about “the founder of Christianity.” We’ll give Aslan credit for not simply saying, “Don’t be silly. I wrote a book about Jesus, not about Saul of Tarsus.” Read more on Fox News Wants To Know Who Let Some Muslim Write A Jesus Book…