How do you baffle a not-too-smart nation of people who aren’t really much into book-learnin’? Have competing publishers release similarly-titled books about popular idiot Sarah Palin! Not even counting the “I’m buying this only for ironic reasons” crowd in Brooklyn and Silver Lake, there is apparently total chaos in bookstores, as people who’ve only previously visited bible shops in the strip mall out by the edge of town are now pouring into the Borders and B&N or even trying their hand at “the Amazon,” with pitiable results. MORE »

Sick of it yet, or were you sick of it before you even knew Sarah Palin existed? Well, sorry, her book is coming out next week and we will just post one comical, reportedly true excerpt after another, until the whole book has been paraphrased by the liberal media, and denounced by the actual people who were there. Next up: “She writes that she sat down with Katie Couric in part because she felt sorry for her, after Nicolle Wallace, a McCain aide, said Ms. Couric suffered from low self-esteem.” A McCain advisor calls this “ridiculous!” MORE »

Jesus Christ it’s multiplying! MORE »

As long as we’ve “known” Sarah Palin, she has been the family-having homeworker dinner-cooking hockey mom with a husband who performs manual labor outdoors, for money. But now neither of these descriptions bear any resemblance to reality, because Todd Palin has quit his job in the oil field. This is what we would call an “I’m rich biotch!” moment, because Todd Palin is now rich through his wife, as the advance and sales of her ghostwritten diarrhea pamphlet should sop up most/all of the remaining wealth in America. Meg, being funny: “Meghan Stapleton, Sarah Palin’s personal spokeswoman, says Todd Palin hopes to return to his union job and for now is spending time with his family.” False, and false. But good for Todd! This whole thing has been a real windfall for him, hmm? [AP]

BLINGEE CONTEST. Send your entry (link or attachment) to tips@wonkette.com by 3:30 this afternoon with the subject line, “LOOK AT THIS TANGLE OF THORNS.” Winner gets an “iPhone.” Well? MUSH, MUSH. [Washington Independent]

Frothy British Tory and leisurely National Review writer John “Salad Days” Derbyshire, most famous for being a pervert and excoriating students at Virginia Tech for not properly defending themselves against that gunman, has a new book coming out, just like every other asshole. Within this anger-pamphlet is a section called, “The Case Against Female Suffrage.” Radio host and aged goblin carcass Alan Colmes recently asked Derbyshire to explain this section. Why does he hate nice ladies so much? Any other historic civil rights achievements he wants to dial back? etc. MORE »

Maybe.

• TODAY IN MARKETED EXCERPTS FROM UPCOMING BOOKS, ABOUT POLITICS: “Boris Yeltsin got so drunk during a visit to Washington in 1995 that Secret Service agents found him standing on Pennsylvania Avenue clad only in his underwear and trying to hail a cab so he could fetch a pizza. That was among the indiscretions revealed in a new ‘oral history’ of Bill Clinton’s presidency, based on 79 taped interviews between Mr Clinton and the historian Taylor Branch in late night visits to the White House family quarters. ” Ha ha, nice job with the ironi-quotes there, Times of London. (Because of blowjobs.) [Times of London]

CONGRATULATIONS TO OUR THE PROMISED WORLD WINNERS: Miss Natalie Elder quoted “Take the ‘A’ Train,” John Downs dropped “Let’s Fall In Love,” and Philip Bender mentioned “Blue Skies,” so they have defeated the Puzzle of Weirdness and shall each receive a copy of Lisa Tucker’s new novel, hooray! Thanks to the crazy number of Wonkette Readers who took part in the contest!

We’ve got three (3) copies of bestselling author Lisa Tucker’s crazily well-reviewed new novel, The Promised World, available as special Wonkette Prizes for three readers who solve the Puzzle of Weirdness. UPDATE: WE HAVE WINNERS, NO MORE EMAILS PLEASE! MORE »

In the most shameful “gaffe” since Watergate, socialist prime minister Barack Obama’s press office has apparently put some crappy best-seller book on his vacation reading list even though he was supposedly reading the book last year. God, this guy. Why not just put him in jail now? MORE »