Tag Archives: Ben Shapiro

  mommyblogging

Shut Up Paul Anka, Ben Shapiro’s Dad Has Written Greatest Pro-Life Anthem OF ALL TIME!

Move over, Paul Anka. There is a new pro-life anthem in town, and not a minute too soon because “You’re Having My Baby” came out over 40 years ago! Let’s remind ourselves of the glory and perfection that was the song about how Paul Anka is super glad his woman did not put a coathanger to the fruit of his jism: Read more on Shut Up Paul Anka, Ben Shapiro’s Dad Has Written Greatest Pro-Life Anthem OF ALL TIME!…
  if ayatollah once ayatollah twice...

Wingnuts Thrilled With Iran Nuclear Deal, Have Nothing But Kind Words For Obama

Same, Beaker. Same.
On Thursday, the Prophet Obama (peace be upon him) won a great victory over the infidels. Or at least a framework for the final agreement of a great victory of the infidels. And the infidels were not pleased! Of course we’re talking about conservatives and the greater wingnuttgentsia, which took to Twitter and blogs and the airwaves to snark and howl like Ben Stiller when he got his dick stuck in his zipper. It was thoroughly entertaining. Here’s a small selection of the shitfit that will likely continue until Iran mercifully nukes America so we don’t have to listen to the conservatives whining about Iranian nukes anymore. Read more on Wingnuts Thrilled With Iran Nuclear Deal, Have Nothing But Kind Words For Obama…
  Are You Afraid Enough? Please Be More Afraid

America Turns To Wingnuts For Comfort, Wisdom On Paris Attacks

Nous ne sommes pas étonnés
So it looks like the search for the murderers of 12 people at the Paris offices of Charlie Hebdo has come to its bloody end, with all the terrorists dead and four hostages killed in an attack on a kosher supermarket in Paris. As usual in these situations (and can we all just pause for a moment and be horrified that we know what’s “usual” in a terrorist attack?), a lot of the details are still not yet certain. But while we’re still learning the details, it’s definitely not too soon to move to the vital important next phase: explaining how the events in Paris fit into American culture-war politics, especially the all-important question of What To Do About All The Muslims. Read more on America Turns To Wingnuts For Comfort, Wisdom On Paris Attacks…
  A Sojourner In A Strange Land. A Very Strange Land

Obama Said Words From The Bible, Is That Even Allowed?

He's stealing our worship words!
Newest Rightwing Butthurt: In his speech on immigration reform, Traitor Usurper Friend Of Lawbreakers Barack Hussein Obama, who never mentions Jesus on Easter or Christmas, actually referenced the Bible, and now that’s a terrible thing. As part of his address, Obama said, Read more on Obama Said Words From The Bible, Is That Even Allowed?…
  poutine on airs

Ted Cruz Will Fix Constitution So Judges Can’t Gay Us Anymore

Even Harvard makes mistakes
With the Supreme Court cramming the civilization-wrecking horror of gay marriage down America’s throat until it tickled our epiglottis and coated our larynx with sweet, milky equality, we were expecting waves of hysterical overreactions from wingnuts everywhere. Sure, there were a few. Gay-panic vector Bryan Fischer worked himself into his usual froth at the idea of the Court legitimizing “sodomy-based marriage.” Genocide Ben Shapiro threw a hilarious temper tantrum in the satin-lined nooks of Dead Breitbart’s Mausoleum for Cocaine-Fueled Rage Monkeys, citing 2003’s Lawrence v. Texas decision as a related case that found “anal penetration was a hard-fought Constitutional right.” Organizations like the National Organization for Marriage (NOM … oh, nom nom nom) issued an incoherent denouncement threatening to behead – with votes – any Republican lawmakers who did not reaffirm the principle of traditional marriage, “a pillar of the party’s founding in 1856.” (Somewhere in the afterlife, John C. Fremont looked up and said, “What?”) But mostly, the reaction felt muted. Read more on Ted Cruz Will Fix Constitution So Judges Can’t Gay Us Anymore…
  If April flowers bring gay showers...wait...

Ben Shapiro Just Doesn’t Get Why These Gays Have To Ruin Sports With Politics

Whey-faced anger bear Ben Shapiro has never met an issue he could not connect to the scourge of leftism and political correctness that is ruining America for whiny, snot-nosed, privileged jerks like Ben Shapiro. Today’s example: This highly unintelligent screed over at Dead Breitbart’s Internet Crypt for Koala-Fondling Lechers, in which Genocide Ben, taking as his jumping-off point the recent controversy over an ESPN report on the showering habits of openly gay sportsballer Michael Sam and his teammates, whines about how politics have invaded American sports. Damn liberals! Always ruining our cherished American institutions where large men beat the crap out of each other while trying to advance an oblong pigskin an arbitrarily conceived distance in a contest of skill and strength. Read more on Ben Shapiro Just Doesn’t Get Why These Gays Have To Ruin Sports With Politics…
  communists under the bed

Gay-Homo Gun-Grabbing Enviro-Pussy Burrito-Makers ‘Chipotle’ Being Communists Again :(

Sorry, CHIPOTLE. We bet you think you’re real “cool” with your big phallic Gay Pride burritos and your fairy-pansy-literary bullshit on your bags, but Ben Shapiro’s TRUTHREVOLT is here to lay the SMACKDOWN: you are a bunch of communists, and also you are stupid, so why don’t you shove a giant cock down your throats already, oh you already did that’s why! What’s up, TruthRevolt? Do you have a masterpiece by the title of “I’d Like A Burrito With A Side Of Communism To Go, Please” for us? YOU DO? Read more on Gay-Homo Gun-Grabbing Enviro-Pussy Burrito-Makers ‘Chipotle’ Being Communists Again :(…
  verbs are gay too

Bristol Palin Knows Who Is Classy And It Is Not The Dumb Gay President

Hey kids! It is time once again for Bristol Palin to smear some Thoughts at us! What is our topic for today? It is how the “president” had a gay sex fist bump, per Ben Shapiro, or “five short paragraphs from the National Review Online followed by two sentences ‘by’ Bristol Palin, neither of which has a verb because verbs are for LOSERS.” Read more on Bristol Palin Knows Who Is Classy And It Is Not The Dumb Gay President…
  oh lord this one's a doozy

Ben Shapiro May Have Finally Lost It, As If Anyone Could Tell

Could someone check Ben Shapiro’s meds? He seems even crankier than usual, and today he’s pretty much decided that Barack Obama is Josef Mengele or something. We’re accustomed to frothing spittle-spraying outrage from Shapiro; it’s pretty much his default setting. This is, after all, a man who celebrated the arrival of his baby daughter into the world by telling the world he would NOT watch the State of the Union address by that terrible socialist. But today his declaration that the Obama administration is fueled by hatred of Jews is, just maybe, a tad unhinged, even for Ben Shapiro, for whom we already know a completely unique scale of hingedness has to be calibrated. Read more on Ben Shapiro May Have Finally Lost It, As If Anyone Could Tell…
  twit fits

A Children’s Treasury Of Thoughtful Reactions To The Hobby Lobby Decision

We’re all still reeling over the awful Hobby Lobby decision today, but thank heavens, some of our great thinkers have already weighed in. For instance, Rick Santorum is positively frothy over the decision, even to the point of losing his prepositions: SCOTUS restored a vital piece our Constitution today [sic]. It’s a great day for all Americans! We didn’t actually notice a part of Our Constitution that said, “Hey, go ahead and tell your employees how they’re supposed to do sex,” but we’ll admit we haven’t read Rick Santorum’s copy. More Big Thoughts ahead! Read more on A Children’s Treasury Of Thoughtful Reactions To The Hobby Lobby Decision…
  shut your parent trap

Ben Shapiro: Why Can’t Barack Obama Be A Great Dad Like Me?

Oh dear god, Benjy Shapiro is thinking about his child again, which inevitably means he will express his tender affection for his tiny child by promising to protect her from the depredations of the Obama Administration. Remember how he welcomed her into the world by sneering at Barack Obama? Welp, he’s at it again, in what looks like a seriously belated Father’s Day column that ran today. Ben Shapiro is just full of love for his daughter, but like one of those crazy people who write letters to the editor comparing airline disasters to abortion, he cannot think of anything without being reminded of just how badly Barack Obama is ruining America. Read more on Ben Shapiro: Why Can’t Barack Obama Be A Great Dad Like Me?…
  derpternal truth

Ben Shapiro: The Moral Arc Of The Universe Bends Towards Ben Shapiro

Whatcha doin’? Nothing much? Want to check out what baby-faced soon-to-be-unibrowed helium-voiced professional whine machine Ben Shapiro is up to? Of course you do! Today, Ben is very very sad that people keep using the phrase “the right side of history” because you keep using those words but Ben Shapiro does not think those words mean what you think they mean, because of God. Read more on Ben Shapiro: The Moral Arc Of The Universe Bends Towards Ben Shapiro…
  wankin' it

Victoria Jackson’s Tiny Cartoon Genital Crusade Finally Making It To The Big Time

Some months ago, our dearly departed Doktor Zoom, who apparently thinks he can take personal days just because we told him personal days don’t roll over and he should take some personal days, brought you the hilarious story of Victoria Jackson’s crusade against tiny cartoon genitals in the 20-year-old book It’s Perfectly Normal. We get a lot of larfs at Miss Jackson’s expense, but it’s just Victoria Jackson, right? RIGHT? Well not anymore! TruthRevolt, the website from the prodigious brain of ball of smegma Ben Shapiro, breathlessly reports that ANGRY PARENTS are ANGRY about tiny cartoon genitals in a 20-year-old book, which — please, pregnant ladies, leave the room — has ALSO BEEN ENDORSED BY PLANNED PARENTHOOD. Read more on Victoria Jackson’s Tiny Cartoon Genital Crusade Finally Making It To The Big Time…
  words will never derp me

Unpersons Ben Shapiro & Dennis Prager Double-Plus Mad At You Hypocrites For Thought-Criming Donald Sterling

America, Ben Shapiro is really disappointed in you. Again. This time, you have all been doing a high tech lynching to Donald Sterling, whom Shapiro happily agrees is a racist scumbag, but who should never be punished for mere thoughtcrime. Also, minor-league wingnut Dennis Prager took a moment away from warning us that people having buttsex in private will kill America, so that he could warn of the terrible slippery slope (covered with santorum, maybe) that will result from punishing a person for his privately expressed private thoughts, which we must disregard even though they’ve now been disseminated far more widely than most public press releases. Shame on us. Read more on Unpersons Ben Shapiro & Dennis Prager Double-Plus Mad At You Hypocrites For Thought-Criming Donald Sterling…
  The Butthurt Locker

Beetle-Browed Whine Machine Ben Shapiro Pretty Sure Stephen Colbert Is Al Jolson

America, feculent dastardling Ben Shapiro is offended. He is very offended. His dudgeon is, in fact, quite high indeed. You see, he realized something yesterday in all the fuss over the announcement that Stephen Colbert would replace David Letterman as host of CBS’s The Late Show: Liberals get all offended by blackface, which is a performance style characterized by broad, exaggerated, stereotypes of The Blacks. (By the way, The Blacks shouldn’t be offended when white fratboys do blackface, because it is just a joke, and the good blacks have no truck with the grievance industry.) And yet, no one seems to be offended by the fact that for years now, Stephen Colbert has been doing exactly the same thing by pretending to be a character based on broad, exaggerated stereotypes of Conservatives. Is this not hypocrisy of the worst sort? This routine, in which Colbert plays at conservatism in order to portray it as unendingly ugly, should be labeled for what it is: vile political blackface. When Colbert plays “Colbert,” it’s not mere mockery or satire or spoof. It’s something far nastier. Oh dear. It looks like we are in for quite the snit. Read more on Beetle-Browed Whine Machine Ben Shapiro Pretty Sure Stephen Colbert Is Al Jolson…
  couldn't happen to a nicer guy

A Children’s Treasury Of Reactions To CBS Declaring Stephen Colbert Pope Of Late Night

It looks like almost everyone on Twitter is congratulating Stephen Colbert on his being chosen to take over David Letterman’s Late Show, except for a few people who are surprised-not-surprised that the job went to a middle-aged white guy, and a few conservatives who are now going to boycott The Late Show because they had somehow forgotten to boycott it a few years ago when everyone in the Wingnuttosphere deliberately twisted a joke Letterman made. But for the most part people are happy, although some have a sad because it also means that the “Stephen Colbert” character will be leaving Comedy Central. Then again, that is just a character played by Stephen Colbert, so it’s possible that someone else could take over the role. How about Dick Sargent? Read more on A Children’s Treasury Of Reactions To CBS Declaring Stephen Colbert Pope Of Late Night…
  let the eagle soar

13 Brave Americans Who Should Be Your New Stephen Colbert

CBS has announced that Stephen Colbert will replace David Letterman on “The Late Show,” leaving one really important question unanswered: if Stephen Colbert becomes David Letterman, who then will be Stephen Colbert? Never fear. We’ve compiled an incisive and trenchant and helpful list of 13 People Who Should Be Your New Stephen Colbert. Read more on 13 Brave Americans Who Should Be Your New Stephen Colbert…
  postcard from idiot america

A Children’s Treasury Of Sober, Thoughtful Reflections On The 2014 Fort Hood Shootings

A terrible thing happened yesterday at Fort Hood in Killeen, Texas, and at this point, we don’t know much about the murderer, Ivan Lopez, except that he was an Iraq vet, was being treated for depression and anxiety, and was being evaluated for possible PTSD.  Those very limited details became available a few hours after the shootings. It didn’t take that long for other ideas to make their way into social media, however, like this charming thought from rightwing angerbucket Pat Dollard, who used to write for the Breitbart family of fine websites, posted shortly after news of the shootings broke, and after Dollard had posted three tweets about the shootings: To our knowledge, Lopez is not one of the infamous Islamabad Lopezes with whom we’re all familiar. But is that any reason not to call for “slaughtering Muslims in the streets”? Read more on A Children’s Treasury Of Sober, Thoughtful Reflections On The 2014 Fort Hood Shootings…
  i wonder if it's friendly?

Barack Obama Will Not Be President Of Naming Things

Barack Obama is feeling a little feisty after yesterday’s big football-spiking speech. Today, he went to Ann Arbor, where he visited Zingerman’s deli with Senate candidate Gary Peters, then gave a speech at the University of Michigan calling for an increase in the minimum wage. And since he had so much fun yesterday saying “there still aren’t any death panels,” he decided to do a little more of that cruel partisan taunting that so vexes the tea-sipping pearl-clutchers on the right. Of Paul Ryan’s budget plan, with tax cuts for the wealthy and food stamp cuts for the poors, Barry said today, they were such old ideas that “It’s like that movie ‘Groundhog Day,’ except it’s not funny. If they tried to sell this sandwich at Zingerman’s, they’d have to call it the stinkburger or the meanwich.” Oh, Barry. You know we love you. We really, really do. But your foray into “naming things” has reminded us of the happy sperm whale who loves naming the new things he meets as he falls unaccountably with a bowl of petunias to the ground. He wonders if the “ground” would be friends with him? Sadly, no. So, sir, now that you have made us all sad, could you do us a little favor and let Old Handsome Joe Biden handle the “quips”? Read more on Barack Obama Will Not Be President Of Naming Things…
  ambien walrus kill your parents

Deleted Comments Of The Week: In Which We Learn Why Liberals Are Emotional Illogical Liars

It’s time once again to go down into the sub-basement levels of the WonketDome to flush out the comment queue and see what’s been clogging up the ones and zeroes. We got a whole bunch of comments in the last few days from people who don’t think a whole heck of a lot of our little wonkosite here; our first example is from “SJG613,” who was displeased with Yr Editrix’s shameful attack on poor Ben Shapiro’s precious freedom to discriminate against The Gays: This is all the liberals do. Conservatives argue facts. Liberals argue insults and made-up stats and will string together any combination of words that will support their position not supported by facts. None of you offer any intelligent response to his POINTS. This, by the way, was in reply to a post in which l’Editrice responded quite factually to Shapiro’s claim that since his right to practice his religion doesn’t come from government, then the government cannot encroach on his religious practice. She noted that the Supreme Court held pretty conclusively that states can say, sorry Native Americans, you don’t have any right to any rite using peyote — at least as long as peyote is banned for everyone. Sounds like facts to us, but Yr Doktor Zoom is so liberal he can barely put words together. Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Week: In Which We Learn Why Liberals Are Emotional Illogical Liars…
  freedom's just another word for no one left to discriminate against

A Children’s Treasury Of Thoughtful, Measured Reactions To Jan Brewer’s Veto Of SB 1062

Jan Brewer’s uncrazy veto of SB 1062, the “No Dogs or Gays” bill, is not that big a surprise — unless of course you’re certain that your ability to keep God happy depends on being free to tell people to GTFO if you dislike what they do with their mooshy bits. If that’s what you believe, then what Jan Brewer did was to stomp liberty into the ground while wiping her ass with the Constitution and cramming the gay agenda down your throat, because that’s really what this is all about. The implications are chilling — people whose businesses are open for business will actually have to sell stuff to people, regardless of what they think God’s opinion of those people is. Needless to say, freedom is over, as the American Patriarchy Association’s Bryan Fischer correctly tweeted: Bullies and bigots of Big Gay bag another scalp, intimidate Gov. Brewer into trampling on religious liberty. Ah, Bryan. Your tears are just the perfect final ingredient for the Big Gay wedding cake. Read more on A Children’s Treasury Of Thoughtful, Measured Reactions To Jan Brewer’s Veto Of SB 1062…