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Morning Wonketariat! Here’s some of the things (and shitholes) we may be talking about today.

Trump bombed a deal on DACA by reportedly calling El Salvador, Haiti and some African nations as “shithole countries.” However, this morning, Trump tweeted a denial that he’d used the word “shithole.” Maybe it’s not one of the 100 words he knows.

CNN lost its shit in the wake of Trump calling Caucasianally Challenged Not America a “shithole,” with Don Lemon throwing a Trump spox off the air, Van Jones and Jason Miller bickering about where shitholes are, and Anderson Cooper getting weepy while remembering his field trip to Haiti in 2010 after a catastrophic quake.

Over at Fox, the beautiful, blue-eyed and blonde talking heads were defending ‘Murica from all the third world shitholes that keep giving us all their tired, sick and poors who don’t even speak American.

Haitian-born Utah GOP Rep. Mia Love is demanding an apology from Trump, but then again, she’s from a “shithole” where everyone has AIDS.

Adam Schiff is fed up and throwing down, highlighting all the ways Republicans keep fucking up the Trump-Russia investigation, and how Trump, his kids, and minions keep dodging and stonewalling the investigation.

Corey Lewandowski will skulk up to the Hill next week to chat with the House Intel Committee about Trump-Russia stuff just after Steve Bannon leaves the place reeking of cheap whiskey and farts.

Eric Trump’s charity paid almost $150,000 to use Trump properties in 2016, even though he could’ve used them free of charge. How curious.

A sad and gin-soaked Dame Peggington Noonington is flummoxed over the media feedback loop that has allowed cartoon characters to run for the highest office in the land, and she damns them all for making politics a grand spectacle for fabulously wealthy elites like her. [Archive]

Shortly after Trump’s shitposting on Twitter about Section 702 of FISA yesterday, Paul Ryan had to spend 30 minutes explaining the difference between domestic and foreign surveillance as congressional Republicans scrambled to figure out who said what on Fox and Friends during “executive time.”

In yet another bizarre interview with the WSJ full of sentence fragments and half-baked thoughts, Trump stated that he has a “very good relationship” with Kim Jong-un. [Archive]

Arizona Senate candidate “Chemtrail” Kelli Ward tried to defend racist criminal and former sheriff Joe Arpaio’s renewed claim that Obama’s birth certificate is fake by calling Arpaio a “patriot” and a “leader” who fought the Mexican-loving law. Too bad the law won.

Trump is expected to reauthorize the Iranian nuclear deal, but he probably won’t stop railing against it with bullshit and bluster.

While speaking alongside the Norwegian Prime Minister earlier this week, Trump bragged about selling a “F-52,” a fancy fighter jet from the future that only exists in a video game.

A company with ties to Betsy DeVos will now be in charge of shaking down broke college students for every last penny in their pockets.

Missouri’s scumbag Republican Gov. Eric Greitens is now under investigation for ALLEGEDLY trying to blackmail his then mistress.

A Florida gun manufacturer is brushing off criticism that its new ad implies shooting anti-fascist protesters by saying it didn’t intend to make a political statement. Lol k.

People in Baltimore are pissed after a video was posted on social media showing hospital security guards unloading a woman at a bus stop in freezing weather wearing only a hospital gown, a practice known as “patient dumping.”

The gay-hatin’ former Ohio state Rep. Wesley Goodman who “You’re Fired” himself after he was caught banging his secret boyfriend in his office (and whose behavior was earlier covered up by the Family Research Council) hasn’t stopped sending young dudes drunken dick pics.

Trump says he canceled his visit to London because Obama was a cheapskate, however there’s rumors that Trump actually canceled due to the small scale of the event, as well as a fear mass protests. Lucky for them, Madame Tussaud’s unveiled its Trump statue in front of the new embassy this morning.

Here’s an old story but an interesting one in light of our new tax cuts for the very rich. Norway proves an interesting case study for raising taxes on corporations and establishing socialist systems of government. For a dark, frozen country so close to the Arctic Circle, it’s actually very successful and a pleasant place to live.

A Swiss group has launched a petition to bar Trump from attending the World Economic Forum in Davos by saying it’s too “progressive” for someone like him. Honestly, they should just call it “classically liberal,” it’s what all the Max Boots are going with these days.

Late this morning a cybersecurity firm suggested that Russian government hackers have been preparing to infiltrate US Senate elections. It’s a good thing we spent the last year setting up all those new security procedures for our elections…

Tronc is continuing to take a massive shit all over the LA Times, so the LAT Guild Organizing Committee released an email detailing why relocating the LA Times office in order to pamper executives and punish reporters is a dick move. Reporters will get “communal work tables.” Execs will get a goddamn helipad.

Since Japan is a magical place that embraces super weird fetishes, there’s now a cryptocurrency-themed J-Pop band that wears luchador masks. 

Because we just want you to be happy, here’s Pauly Shore’s impression of Stephen Miller and Vic Berger’s totally bonkers take on his interview with Jake Tapper last Sunday.

This lady is doing mommyblogging recipe hubs with Mario Batali’s Sexual Harassment Cinnamon Rolls. TASTE THE DISCRIMINATION!

And here’s your morning Nice Time! IT’S FIONA!

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  • coozledad

    Some realtor, an outerbough git
    was caught puffing ringlets of shit.
    Though the shitstorm took place
    in the NYT’s face
    they said “it’s just colorful spit.”

  • Bill D. Burger
    • ChumpsForTrump

      I can’t believe Putin puts his weiner in there..

  • Oblios_Cap
  • rocktonsam

    Most of the 100 words he knows are profane or jibberish.

  • Michael R

    It all started with vegan baby buttholes .

    • arglebargle

      …and then the murders began.

    • Oblios_Cap

      And then they brought the canned clams into the country.

      • The Wanderer

        THOSE MONSTERS!

  • Bill D. Burger

    Let’s see. Is this Hillary or Obama’s fault? ___

    https://twitter.com/kylegriffin1/status/951803624824373248

    PS: Don’t let the Russians know, but they could avoid all the hard work. Just pick up the phone and call Grassley, Cottons, Nunes or Rohrabacher in Congress, and they will gleefully tell you everything.

    • Asterix

      Our government (not) at work. We’ve done nothing since the original attacks by Russia in 2016 (2015?), so of course they’re going to try again. We would.

      Insane – our country has no government. We’re held together with bullshit and lies.

    • Oblios_Cap

      I thought Ghouliani was working on cyber security to keep us safe…

  • Asterix

    But his Muslim ban wasn’t racist at all. Nope. None of his policies are racist. America First! America First! America First!

    I bet Theresa May is happy the asshole currently turning the Oval Office into a shithole is glad he cancelled his visit. I hope Parliament bans trump from the country – hell, the Commonwealth – forever.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Bill D. Burger
  • Blanche de Shambles

    Funny, my dad fled a shithole so I could be raised in a civilized country.

    I believe it was called “Buffalo.”

    • Gayer Than Thou

      Ugh. Those people…

  • Oblios_Cap
  • Martini A, very stable genius

    Not only was that London embassy move initiated by Bush, there was a reason for the pricing that Dumbass is incorrectly twatting about
    https://twitter.com/GlennKesslerWP/status/951681566463479811?ref_src=twcamp%5Eshare%7Ctwsrc%5Em5%7Ctwgr%5Eemail%7Ctwcon%5E7046%7Ctwterm%5E3

    • Oblios_Cap

      Because retrofitting old buildings to support new technology infrastructure is so inexpensive!

  • BadKitty904

    Late this morning a cybersecurity firm suggested that Russian government hackers have been preparing to infiltrate US Senate elections. It’s a good thing we spent the last year setting up all those new security procedures for our elections…

    I’ve been harping on this for some time. Of COURSE, Russia’s going to do it again. It succeeded beyond their wildest dreams in 2016 and their Republican collaborators and co-conspirators have made very sure that nothing whatsoever has been done to fix the threat to American democracy.

    • BadKitty904
    • OneYieldRegular

      It almost seems quaint for Mueller to be investigating collusion when the total absence of effort by Trump to stop or even acknowledge Russian cyber-meddling is staring everyone in the face.

      • BadKitty904

        I’d like to see the RNC/Ryan/Yertle explain that.

    • bupkus231

      And it’s not as if the intelligence of the American electorate has seen that much improvement ( Virginia and Alabama notwithstanding ).

      “Fool me once, shame on – shame on you. Fool me – you can’t get fooled again”

      Wanna bet?

      • BadKitty904

        The electorate made the intelligent decision – the majority voted for Hilz. The current asshole in the Oval Office is entirely due to Russia’s act of war and Republican treason.

        • bupkus231

          PORTIONS of the electorate made the right decision. Having lived in Pennsyltucky for 15 years, I would not blame the Russians entirely for their going for Rump ( by 44,000 out of more than 6M votes cast ).

          Face it – the Russians would ensured a larger margin there ( and in MI and WI ), just to be sure.

  • PubOption

    Is Spike’s Tactical hoping for an Apopkalypse?

    • The Wanderer

      What you do there, I can see it.

  • OneYieldRegular

    From now on, President Shithole’s “southern White House” will be known as “Merde-a-Latrine.”

  • Bill D. Burger

    In light of Trump’s “shithole” comments, it should be noted that today is the 8th anniversary of the earthquake in Haiti.

    Seems appropriate that today The Fucking Moron will have his own “shithole” probed. Here’s hoping for very cold instruments and extremely rough hands.

    • The Wanderer

      Ground glass in the lube.

      • Erala Contratista

        Nu uh…shaved glass.

      • Occupied Shithole of Kavefish

        Taking note of DTs diet and clear lack of fiber, I would counter-suggest: fiberglass.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Eric “Nosferatu” Trump funneling money from his “charity” back to his own family. It’s the classic Double Grift. People now donate not to be charitable but to get insider access to the Trumps, and they walk away laughing to the bank.

  • Tetman Callis

    President Caca de Boca better watch his mouth. This is not a threat or a prediction, just an observation — he’ll cross the wrong people and they’ll come after him. A simple matter of respect.

  • Squeegee

    That map should say “HARD WORKERS” across East Asia….Trump has no issue with Asians pouring into the country because in his mind they are hard worker bees!!!!
    Also maybe it should label Jersualem as capital of the Middle East?

  • Ωbjectifier

    NPR seems to have no problem using the term ‘shithole’ this morning.

    • Robbertjan Brandenburg

      It’s like living in a Southpark episode on Twitter right now and trust me, us Dutchies are known for throwing around obscenities for no real reason.

      • DrBigHead

        Worked with a group from the University of Amsterdam for many years. A couple of them were masters at English profanity.

        Dooie!

      • puredog

        You don’t fucking say.

    • Asterix

      David Green said it out loud after the Lawyers approved. NPR’ers are having a circular firing squad over this.

      Jeezus people, priorities.

      • coozledad

        The middlebrows will never get past the language, much less connect with the idea people like them are essential to an authoritarian regime.

      • Gayer Than Thou

        You can’t be serious – how is it even possible to report this story without using the exact word he used? In a lot of ways, that word is the story.

        • bupkus231

          Fox News radio thus AM – “Blank holes” ( not even an electronic beep – just the annoincer saying the word “blank” )

      • Celtic_Gnome

        Remember how gleeful the teevee news people were after the Lorena Bobbitt incident when they all got to say penis on the air?

    • Bebecca

      We had this same problem when the pussy grabber video came to light.

    • coozledad

      They’ve worked very hard to achieve the pinnacle of blithe white stupidity.

    • LeighBowery’sLuxuryComedy

      Well they did give a warning about HIGHLY offensive language. I got a little chuckle out of wassername dropping the S-bomb on my morning drive, tho.

  • IdiotsforPalin

    Trump just ordered the Interior Department to change the Statue of Liberty inscription to, “Give me your Norwegians, your blondes, your most face-lifted, biggest-breasted, best-bottomed women.

    • DrBigHead

      I”m surprised he didn’t single out eastern Europe. That seems to be his preferred source for wives.

      • Gayer Than Thou

        I fear their own economic anxiety makes them more likely to take jobs that they would otherwise not consider.

    • PubOption

      Some of those Norwegians were known for rape and pillage. He needs to make sure they only send their best people.

  • Crystalclear12

    Yesterday 56 degrees at 7 am today 7.
    I
    Can’t
    Even

    • OneYieldRegular

      At least you get drama in your weather. In San Francisco it’s 66 degrees of seeping chill all the time.

      • Crystalclear12

        That’s just mean!
        I’ll trade you even Steven.

  • Major^3 Andre

    I’m sure it is mentioned below, but a)I’m too fucking lazy to search, and 2:I’m gonna be super productive so I can dip outa work early like a lazy snowflake libtard taker, but the everywhereist writeup on the cinnamon rolls should be a required read. It is hilarious, scathing, and it hits hard AF on every goddamn cylinder. Seriously

    • puredog

      I wandered around a bit. Fine blog.

  • BadKitty904

    In happier news, it’s my birthday! So, for today, I am the boss of all of you!

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/5c97d00c9685c3d79ac22a2095bda419b3effa27812fa04926c3df69f3d23462.jpg

  • Robbertjan Brandenburg

    Shouldn’t that Hippo be YUGE by now?

    • therblig

      she is huge. it’s the pictures that got small.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Awwww…..and the Brits had planned a mASSive welcome:
    (See what I did there?)

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DTUWDhQWAAAe6qI.jpg

    • Rick Hill

      So…how many trips to England are going to be planned and subsequently canceled in the next four years?

      • Tetman Callis

        AOT, K.

        • Rick Hill

          Well, of course. I was wondering about a number. Either that or they will just start making excuses why they can’t go “No, sir, their airport is still not capable of handling a plane as big as Airforce One. I know, sir, pretty cheap. We could go in a different one….of course, it was as stupid idea…”

      • puredog

        “Four years”? Please. Three years, seven years (shudder), or “other.”

    • BadKitty904

      The Empire Strikes Backsides

    • RandomNameAllocated

      that’s mARSEve to you Sir!
      Seriously, one of my friends who’s in her 60s, and a pretty conservative, horse-riding type is desperately sorry he’s not coming as she was looking forward to going on her first demo

  • Rick Hill

    Australia’s label needs changed to Liberal Snitches

  • Bill D. Burger

    The former Prime Minister of Haiti calls out Trump.

    https://twitter.com/LaurentLamothe/status/951664316352286721

  • YoBunnyBunny

    You know shit’s getting real* when Don Lemon is throwing motherfuckers off air.

    (*shits been real for minute now though)

    • puredog

      Easy-peasy Lemon squeezy? Word.

  • msanthropesmr

    I am sick again today! BOO! Video games and hot tea all day long.

  • Gayer Than Thou

    I wonder what other video game accessories we could sell to foreign countries, perhaps as a way to improve our international standing…?

  • schmannity

    Trump is now the White Man’s Burden.

  • Gayer Than Thou
  • Bub, the like, cynical zombie

    Hmmmph! Lies and calumny, sir! I have never stolen any wood in my LIFE!!

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    tRump was complaining that we don’t get immigrants from Norway. My first thought was that Norway probably thinks of the MAGA version of the US is a shithole.

  • I have to say that I have zero fucks to give regarding Mia Love. She threw in with a bunch of racists who only accepted her as a token and a human shield.

    • Asterix

      Every Republican owns Trump. So he’s insulted people Love cares about? Fuck you Mia Love. Fuck every Republican.

      • Gayer Than Thou

        Hey Mia Love – I know a political party that, while it has its own problems, is highly unlikely to permit its officeholders to call your homeland a “shithole.” In case you’d like some of your dignity back.

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        She’d just like to get elected again – little does she know they might not be voting Republican next time around…

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Yeah. NOW she’s offended. Fuck her.

    • ariel_gee_398

      First they came for the Mexicans, and she did not give a shit because she’s an idiot. Then they came for the Muslims, and she did not give a shit because Islamaphobia wins votes. Then they came for the Haitians, and now she’s fucking surprised?

    • therblig

      yup. talk is cheap. i’m sure she votes in lockstep with the rest of the baggers to screw america, but when trumpy talks smack about her heritage, it’s offensive.

    • YoBunnyBunny
  • Major^3 Andre

    Also too, if you have some time, this thread is magnificent. https://twitter.com/owillis/status/950836669703483399

  • Kiri the Like, Smart Unicorn

    “For a dark, frozen country so close to the Arctic Circle, (Norway is) actually very successful and a pleasant place to live.”

    Iceland is a shithole, though.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v4OkbeKbNVI

    (My apologies to the entire country of Iceland, which is actually very beautiful and geologically interesting and full of nice people who continue to struggle with the country’s unfortunate elf infestation. And the ponies are very cute.)

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/b8602eeb01e1b0e829034771654ac5a1ee6c85d48c4b6a0dec35dd5a69653c7b.jpg

  • schmannity
    • Christopher Story

      The extinguished torch is a nice touch.

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        Those damn French set us up!…

    • From Russia with Love

      Miller. Slack jawed and mush mouthed.

    • Tania

      Sounds much like the White Australia policy that existed here for a long time. For a country that invaded with convicts, except South and West Australia, we sure were funny like that. The dictation test is notable as it could be given in any language, meaning you would fail before you even started.

  • Bebecca

    I read in my local newspaper (Lexington KY, we’re an hour from Cincinnati) that local Cincinnati premium ice cream maker, Graeter’s, has a new ice cream in honor of baby Fiona’s first birthday, cutely and appropriately named Chunky Chunky Hippo.

  • A Florida gun manufacturer is brushing off criticism that its new ad implies shooting anti-fascist protesters by saying it didn’t intend to make a political statement.

    This means they acknowledge that their customer base is fascist.

    • MynameisBlarney

      Yup.
      And that they are too.

  • AJ Milne

    ‘Over at Fox, the beautiful, blue-eyed and blonde talking heads were defending ‘Murica from all the third world shitholes that keep giving us all their tired, sick and poors who don’t even speak American…’

    (Sighs…)

    I’ve felt oddly compelled more and more often, this last year, to issues statements like this one.

    Ahem:

    As a blond (no e) blue-eyed person–tho’ with only one X chromosome (far as I know)–I hereby declare these are not my people. They with you? They ain’t with me.

    (It’s kinda like in the 80s when blonde jokes were big, and you were always like… y’know… I’d just like to say… this, um, makes me uncomfortable… I should have solidarity here or somethin’… Only this time, it’s less that, and more: they deserve it. But I was just on my way to the store to get me a black wig and some brown contacts anyway, so leave me outta this.)

    (Or #NotAllBeautiful*Blonds. *This assessment neither confirmed nor endorsed by the FDA.)

    • From Russia with Love

      Pics or… you know.

    • As a lifelong towhead I understand completely.

    • Stulexington

      I believe it is a shot at Fox for hiring women based on their appearance not their journalistic integrity.

      • ChumpsForTrump

        To be fair, their (lack of) journalistic integrity is a close second in importance..

        • Celtic_Gnome

          From what I hear, their lack of journalistic integrity is their most endearing quality.

    • kareemachan

      Well, you KNOW they are all *bleached* blondes…

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      “Give them another chance!”….

    • Erala Contratista

      Ooog! Read ” brown cataracts”. Hope not!

  • lowenufc

    It was to protect the secret development of the F-52s that the Bowling Green Massacre happened. Wake UP Sheeple!1!111!

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      It was the Normayans all along!…

    • Me not sure

      The stealth technology on the F-52 is so good that no one can find one.
      They roll off of the assembly line and simply disappear.

    • lowenufc

      The code name for the F-52s was Project Covfefe.

    • calliecallie

      I made a joke about the Bowling Green Massacre in a meeting the other day, and no one laughed. Was it too soon? Never forget!!1!!

  • Bub, the like, cynical zombie
    • Joe Beese

      Another lying Dem!

      • Oblios_Cap

        Fake News!

  • From Russia with Love

    “Norway proves an interesting case study for raising taxes on corporations and establishing socialist systems of government. For a dark, frozen country so close to the Arctic Circle, it’s actually very successful and a pleasant place to live.”

    $10 beers up there. Fuck that place!

    • You’ve never been to Manhattan.

      • Rags

        Or Perth

      • From Russia with Love

        No, but it’s been 20 years since I’ve been to Oslo.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      So. Staying in Wisconsin, then?…

      • One of my local corner bars still has a shot of Old Crow and a Hamm’s for $5.

        • From Russia with Love

          Last time I was in the Canadian Rockies, you could order a shot of Crown Royal and a Blue, pay with an American twenty, and get a Canadian twenty as change. What a country!

    • kareemachan

      I’ll take $10 beers cuz they come with great education, beautiful scenery, Allemannsrett, family-friendly policies ( paternity leave, etc), AND great healthcare.

      • From Russia with Love

        Some other European shit holes have all that and don’t try to dry everybody out by making them go broke.

    • Jenny

      10 dollar beers is an Austin standard too.

      • From Russia with Love

        Maybe I’m just getting old. The were somewhat cheaper at the Armadillo. I know, it’s gone too.

      • Bobathonic

        What? It’s only $9 in a goddamn baseball park.

      • Fartknocker

        You must be purchasing beers at the fancy bars in the Domain. If you come to South Austin, we boycott anyone who sells a beer for more than $6.00 a bottle. Downtown beers are way overpriced but you can blame that on the bearded, hipster douchebags wearing capri pants.

        • Erala Contratista

          Dudes in capris!!!??!?!?!

          Yechhhhhhh.
          Where’s my Tums……

          • Celtic_Gnome

            They has violated the holy sanctity of Mary Tyler Moore.

            Oh, the huge manatee!

      • Yellerduck

        I paid $15.00 after the currency conversion for a short beer in Rome. Wine was almost free though.

      • TakingAmes

        I was gonna say, sounds like a Cubs baseball game.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    MAKE IT STOP ALREADY!!!!!!!!!!!ONE!!

  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    Okay. About the cinnamon rolls. Great blog. But I’m thinking – when women start to think that the outcome of the argument is not that men will finally understand and agree with them, that’s the moment we’ll start to move forward…

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    You want to see a REAL shithole, stop by my shop some time.

    • DrBigHead

      Or my son’s room.

  • folderol

    It could have been worse. He could have called them shit piles.

  • puredog

    Bannon reeking of cheap whiskey? I thought it was agreed that he was a gin guy. Oh, well, I suppose any port in a storm.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Now port? I suppose next it will be schnapps….

      • puredog

        The him and dame Peggington Noonington in the library with the sherry.

      • gnomemansanisland

        He’ll get to wood alcohol eventually –

      • Bobathonic

        Perhaps he’ll switch to straight methanol.

      • Yellerduck

        Schnapps is only good as a palate cleanser between the MD2020 and Boone’s Farm.

  • ariel_gee_398

    Please tell me that the glorious and good people of the internet have flooded the reviews of every Trump-branded property or business, with a single word: Shithole.

    • therblig

      i saw a tweet this morning to the effect that until yesterday, if you googled “trump” and “shithole”, you only got hotel reviews.

  • Asterix

    The Arizona Republican race is shaping up to be “interesting”. Will it turn out Arizona is more or less insane than the rest of the deep South?

    I’m going with more.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Eric Trump’s charity paid almost $150,000 to use Trump properties in 2016, even though he could’ve used them free of charge. How curious.

    It’s like the tRumps don’t understand the concept of charity. They’ve only heard the old adage that “charity begins at home”.

    • Bobathonic

      Funny, for them, that’s where it ends up.

    • gnomemansanisland

      Selfishness also begins at home.

  • puredog

    Kelli Ward, forced by her proclivities to defend her opponent Arpaio. I love this.

    • It’s the chemtrails, they have rotted her brain.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      And she’s a licensed physician, Duke University educated. Think on that for a sec.

      • puredog

        Well, there are a goodly number of bad peeps in NC, so it stands to reason there’d also be a goodly number of bad stoontz.

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        I’m thinking she failed Ethics…

  • ImGoingBacon

    the lulz @ Wood Thieves

  • therblig

    fiona looks into our souls and knows that some of us are good people. i’m going to end the week on that positive note.

  • Bobathonic
  • Ya know, reading about that Mario Batali sexual harassment scandal reminds me that the asshole was also engaged in wage theft.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Isn’t that pretty much an industry-wide problem? Hell, they want their customers to pay their workers by tipping in the restaurant business.

    • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

      Always, always tip in cash if you can.

  • Jenny

    In a world… where up is down and round is square, one man must stop sucking his own cock to warn the nation of a great impending doom.

    Jarvanka. The corruption is real.

  • Michael R
  • Christopher Story
    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and, I guess, the ear, too…

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      I don’t get it. They are all hot chicks.

      • Christopher Story

        I guess you have to hear them speak to tell the difference. I still crush on Abby Martin, myself. But I also still crush on Rachel Maddow too. Intelligence in a woman is my greatest turn on.

        • deadjello

          Yeh, I’m with ya on Abby Martin.

  • La forza del resistino

    160 years ago, my ancestral Irish family arrived at Ellis Island when their potato patch became a blighted shithole. To be admitted, they had to produce a non-TB cough and be sober enough to recite their name. Uncle Liam needed a few extra hours to pass the 2nd part of the test.

    • Christopher Story

      It wasn’t even a real famine. The English overlords of the time simply wouldn’t release any of the other food stuffs, like grains and meat, to the Irish population to compensate for the loss of potatoes. So the famine was exacerbated by racism and classism.

      • La forza del resistino

        I know. It has taken me 8 generations to find Kate Middleton and kids cute.

  • The Very Stable Librarian

    Pauly Shore’s Miller impression is great. As long as Miller is around, Shore has a gig. I’ll look forward to his take on Miller going to jail.

  • cmd resistor

    Heard part of an NPR interview with some Arizona Freedom Caucus guy on immigration. Then the NPR person started talking about how GOP people were once again having to clean up Trumps “inarticulate” statements. yeah, I guess that is one way to describe it, although stupid,

  • UnsaltedSinner
  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    “…hasn’t stopped sending young dudes drunken dick pics.”
    Drunken dicks describes all of my redneck, Trump loving relatives.

  • Oblios_Cap

    People in Baltimore are pissed after a video was posted on social media showing hospital security guards unloading a woman at a bus stop in freezing weather wearing only a hospital gown, a practice known as “patient dumping.”

    Health care, like Freedumb, isn’t free! Did they at least tie the flap in the back shut?

    • rEVOLutionist

      I would find this story hard to believe if I had not witnessed a similar experience when an elderly woman with a heart condition was released from a rural Oregon hospital to walk 19 miles to her home in paper pj’s with a shit stain down the back.

      • Courser_Resistance

        Something like 5 years ago, an LA hospital was exposed for dumping patients directly into Skid Row. IIRC, some rogue docs had to set up a kind of clinic in an abandoned building to try to care for them

  • Oblios_Cap

    A sad and gin-soaked Dame Peggington Noonington is flummoxed over the media feedback loop that has allowed cartoon characters to run for the highest office in the land, and she damns them all for making politics a grand spectacle for fabulously wealthy elites like her.

    The fact that this harridan is still being paid good money to write drivel and show up on TV is proof that there is no God.

    • Christopher Story

      She still gets a lady boner swooning over Regan. It’s disturbing.

  • Bub, the like, cynical zombie
    • Left Coast Tom

      Makes sense to me…even 20 years ago I wouldn’t have looked at the name “Trump” on a building and thought “that’s where I’d like to call ‘home'”.

      • bupkus231

        Face it, his whole “branding” has been about some imagined snootiness and status – when anyone with half a brain either doesn’t concern him/herself with shit like that – or knows enough that any “status” associated with Rump is phony…

        Of course there’s lotsa people out there with less than half a brain, so all that “excess” price for those condos were not money laundering but purchasing “cachet”….

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        Yup. There was a hotel here in Phoenix back in the early nineties that had a “Trump’s” sign on it. It’s now the Radisson at Metro Center. Anyway, back in the day, every time I drove by that hotel, I thought “Ewwwww!”

        Nowadays, I would probably try to ram my car into the place if that sign was still there. Or at least take a leak on it somewhere.

    • BadKitty904

      Please make a note, Mr. Mueller…

      • OutOfOrbit

        this just added another year to the investigation without end

  • Ruhe

    I watched a bit of Ingraham’s show last night and it was, as usual, a fascinating view into their weird bizarro version of the universe. Coulter led the conversation and it went something like this:
    1)Oh no, the snowflakes are hurt by the use of the s word.
    2)You’re playing the race card again which makes you the racists.
    3)We’re not racists. We just want to maintain the ethnic identity of the nation against the tide…
    4)Okay, we’re racists, but it’s perfectly rational to think this way.

    • YoBunnyBunny

      Fuck all of them.

  • Impatient

    I’m tired and sore this morning, having pulled 10 big garbage bags of rock wool out of my kitchen ceiling and walls (alternating with lath and plaster, of course, thanks be to Covfefe). And it’s grey and drizzling out now. But thanks to various Wonketteers, for giving me laughs and the energy to start again this morning.

    So while I worked yesterday, I kept thinking, This is what it looks like to work on improving one’s kitchen, and to improve mine … and my neighbors’ … house values along the way.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/20675203771d4254f8c5a394e066d44de2fb668785353510a5f83674a97448d6.jpg

    And … This is what it looks like to work on liberating money from schmucks who work hard at something, and from their neighbors, to give it to your filthy rich friends.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/d36740473d4d730a06a2fd9c87f8ab2db36d12f380673e2ab5f176c2e36e030f.jpg

  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter
  • SomeBigRedDog

    Fionna is a good looking puppy, even if she does lack fur.

  • Ghenghis McCann

    What does Trump mean by saying the new embassy in London is in an ‘off-location’; is it too far from the nearest McDonalds?

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      The Russians cannot hear what is being discussed.

  • cmd resistor

    So is “but this was not the language used” even a denial or just one of those Trump stupid things he says? Unless he says “I did not use the word shithole” then he’s not denied it. The WSJ thing is, once again, a scary thing.

    • bupkus231

      He’ll deny it’s a denial.

      • cmd resistor

        The WAPO reporter is standing by the story, and Dick Durbin also, too.

        • bupkus231

          Doesn’t matter – Rump will ignore eyewitnesses and continue to deny the denial of his denial.

          • cmd resistor

            And, sadly, his evil minions love it.

      • Occupied Shithole of Kavefish

        I don’t think I’d protest much if Trump found himself stuck in the middle of De Nile.

    • Occupied Shithole of Kavefish

      It’s simple: he just has to call everyone else in the meeting a liar and he’s off the hook. Easy-peasy.

      • puredog

        Have any Republicans from the meeting been asked to confirm or deny?

        • Occupied Shithole of Kavefish

          “…one ringy-dingy…. two ringy-dingy… three ringy-dingy…”

          “:::boop!::: We’re sorry, that number is either no longer in service or has been disconnected. Please check the number and dial again.”

      • cmd resistor

        Well the Dems made up all their stuff and I don’t see any republicans saying anything, right?

  • Saxo the Grammarian

    Here’s how you entice Stable Genius into being interviewed by the Mueller team. Set up a box trap per the attached illustration. Bait the trap with a McDonald’s combo meal. Get Stable Genius interested by flattering him. “We would appreciate hearing your very smart opinions on Russia and the FBI and stuff coming from your best brain, the best brain ever. Look what we have for you!” He lunges for the combo meal, which springs the trap. Easy peasy! https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/19016f65a6aa72d397290637660b6c53e2b69fc7313081564d4ae57a82bcde4a.jpg

    • kareemachan

      This… could work!

  • Marceline

    I’m trying not to be one of those people who thinks of Mueller as a savior. No one person can save us from this fuckery but I truly, madly, deeply hope he makes Donnie suffer in the only way that really matters: expose him as a fraud then take all his shit with asset forfeiture. I don’t care about jail. I just want him humiliated so so his voters are too.

    That said, when all this is over I want Nuremberg style trials complete with death penalty.

    • OutOfOrbit

      that is a lovely … dream
      dream on
      that is all

    • Christopher Story

      Damn right, and same here. I like to imagine Donnie yelling at the prosecutor in the trial,
      “Call Sean Hannity! Call Sean Hannity! Why won’t you call Sean Hannity?”

    • YoBunnyBunny

      When Mueller’s done with the Trumps, I hope the only place the Trumps can get loans is from some PayDay loan servicer located in a blighted stripmall across next in northwest Florida somewhere.

    • bupkus231

      Look, if you’re dreaming, why not make Rump do the “Walk of Shame” ( from Game of Thrones ) right down the middle of Pennsylvania Avenue ( from the WH right to the District line – altho’ I know he can’t walk that far )…

      I want the rotten tomato concession!

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        Just give Donnie a really, really slow golf cart with which to haul is decrepit carcass.

        • chezmoi

          They could put him in a crate on top.

      • calliecallie

        And shave his head!!!!!!1!!!

  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

    Ben Garrison speaks to you:
    Those who have followed my cartoons for a while have probably come to this conclusion: Ben Garrison loathes Hillary Clinton.

    I am shocked.

    https://grrrgraphics.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/sessions_weed_ben_garrison-1024×728.jpg

    • natoslug

      Ben seems more a meth and bathtub gin type of guy.

  • WeaselPoo

    Things I want the WH Press Corps To Do:
    Ask Trump how many jobs he saved/created with F-52 program.
    Or…
    Ask Trump why Norway is getting our most bigliest advanced F-52 before the US which is still flying the F-24?

    • Beanz&Berryz

      And have him defend the F-24 as a great plane, that also too does not exist.

      • WeaselPoo

        That’s what THEY want you to think!

    • OutOfOrbit

      you know about the F-24?
      *eyes narrow. brows knit. turns to side-eye you*

      • WeaselPoo

        I have sources close to things and familiar with other things.

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      To Donnie, the F-52 has to be at least twice as good as the F-24, right?

  • TootsStansbury

    Usually the wonkgenda throws me into the pit of despair but I actually laughed. The map and ” cheap whiskey and farts”.

    • I don’t see why the word “and” is there.

  • (((fka_donnie_d))), SOB

    Adam

    It’s not hard. Take your ball and go home. Stop showing up for committee meetings. Then simply google “opposition party” and “shadow cabinet”. Just because republicans are illiterate doesn’t mean you get to stop reading.

  • mardam422

    I gotta say it. I think, just maybe, we’ve hit the tipping point. The shithole has hit the fan.
    I apologize if anyone’s used that already.

    • OutOfOrbit

      a perfect circle has no tipping point

    • Stable Genius Demme

      I hope so.
      (But I’ve thought it before.)
      *sigh*

  • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

    Anagram of shithole = his hotel.

    • TundraGrifter

      According to an article in this month’s Vanity Fair, that is certainly true if they were Trump Wine there.

  • Occupied Shithole of Kavefish

    It’s a sincere measure of curiosity about what, exactly, might bring the Orange Turd down.

    Listening to Rachel’s podcast last night, she sounded extremely incensed and even actually swore one-time just to get through the story.

    How many shitholes will it take to sink this mofo? I dunno.

    • TundraGrifter

      I was moved by the end of Anderson Cooper’s show last night where he spoke about his time reporting from Haiti, and a little boy’s bravery. The lad had been trapped in earthquake rubble for five days, living on rain water. I believe he was five years old. Mr. Cooper correctly suggested Mr. Trump could learn a great deal about simple human decency from the people in Haiti.

      • Occupied Shithole of Kavefish

        I didn’t see it, and I don’t know if I could get thru it dry-eyed. I may go look for it later in the day when I have less rage & a little more courage.

      • Ellie

        He was correct about it being a good example but learn from it? He must be imputing a heart and soul to dinky digits that I don’t believe he has.

    • Courser_Resistance

      Oooh, I need to listen to that. I watched her show last night and she certainly seems to have reached a new level of grim.

  • La forza del resistino

    Ask anyone on an Oslo street if they’d consider emigrating to the U.S. and you’ll hear, why would I give up my guaranteed standards of living to move to that shithole.

  • FauxAntocles

    Just FYI, the northern half of Norway is north of the Arctic Circle…

    • kareemachan

      That’s why they get cool northern lights!

    • Celtic_Gnome

      It abuts on Normay.

  • La forza del resistino

    Congrats Donald, you’re the 1st POTUS considered persona non grata in London since the War of 1812.

  • Lance Thrustwell

    I just want to be admired and loved by crowds of people while a sentimental synth groove plays in the background! But can I? No! I am the wrong age, and species. I intend to sue.

    • Like Really Smart Radio

      I would follow you around carrying a boom box playing sentimental synth groove, but I can’t guarantee the admiring crowds

  • TundraGrifter

    I’ve been thinking about DACA and Dreamers (since Mr. Trump tells us these are two very different groups) and I’d like to suggest a new way of looking at this situation.

    The argument from the Regressives is that we must be a nation of laws. OK. To the best of my knowledge, there are two crimes in the US of A that don’t have a statute of limitations – murder and not declaring income to the IRS.

    People who were brought here illegally by their parents are a unique “criminal” in that they did nothing wrong. Indeed, they had no control over their situation. They were forced to commit the crime.

    So why isn’t there a statute of limitations on that crime? Live here for 7 or 10 years and don’t break the law – i.e., don’t restart the clock with a new crime or two – and you’re OK.

    • Occupied Shithole of Kavefish

      Oh, hey! Look who woke up on the sensible side of the bed this morning! This plan is clearly too reasonable to work.

      :::upfisted and applauded:::

      • TundraGrifter

        You are too kind. What good are facts, reason and logic in such a world?

    • Didn’t we have something at one time that allowed undocumented immigrants to apply for Green Cards if they’d resided in the USA for some number of years. Like a Statute of Limitations with a path to citizenship? I remember this, but perhaps it was a confused teacher.

    • goCatgo

      The “nation of laws” is a foil. They don’t enforce the laws they don’t like and they want to put racism into law so they can enforce it. They want to make life as difficult as possible so that immigrants will give up and leave.
      Your suggestion would work only for non racists that want equal justice under the law. We are prolly a few elections away from that.
      Also I understand child support has no limitations.

      • TundraGrifter

        Thank you for the addition to the list!

  • Cogswell – Overlord of Barsoom

    Why is it that every time I try to take the word hate out of my vocabulary, republicans, and his royal anus in particular forcibly put it back in?

    As in, jesus fuck, I fucking hate that motherfucker who is desecrating the presidency and putting an eternal stain on the white house.

    • Stable Genius Demme

      Mr. Demme walks around all day muttering: “piece of shit” at the latest antics.
      For myself, I never thought I could hate someone this much.
      You are SO not alone!

  • sarahjane1912

    Sigh. I wish ‘Straya were ‘liberals’. Or is this Drumpf’s take? My home country is currently being fucked over by the CONSERVATIVE party. Sure, they’re called the Liberal Party, and lean more towards the Dems in your country, but they’re still moneygrabbing arseholes who screw over the poors and hate the gays and think mining our beautiful country is A Good Thing. FFS.

    • goCatgo

      Its just Drumpf’s take. A lot of us have a general idea of your country’s politics. More than just Rake. And Seachange.

      • sarahjane1912

        Oh but that’s in Wonketteville! Yay. Thank gawd!

        PS I loved Seachange. *Grins*

      • Tania

        Rake for PM.

  • Nasty Candy Apple

    Trump could really make this country great by shutting the shithole in his face.

  • WeaselPoo

    Shorter Pegginton Noonington: Celebrity presidenting and the undermining of trust in goverment institutions is too, too awful—-says the flunkey of second rate movie star Ronnie Raygun who campaigned on ,goverment is the problem”.
    Deflection Peggy? Your article is riddled with it, you career is built on it.

  • Lefty Wright

    Since a shithole country or location is more a factor of the people there rather than the geographic area, I think 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, Washington DC should be declared the biggest shithole on earth. Unless Trump is visiting Mar-a-Lago, then it moves south. UN, your move next.

  • Because Norwegians are gonna be lining up to emigrate to Trumplandia…

    • Viva La Tabula Raza

      To Norwegians, America is the shithole. At least, it looks like Trump and his wrecking crew are doing everything they can to make it that way.

  • grindstone

    Many happy returns of the day!

  • New and Improved Say Wha

    SHITHEEL PRESIDENT DERIDES SHITHOLE COUNTRIES. FILM AT 11:00.

  • Watching Fiona gently bounce along the bottom of that tank and bump off her mother’s side made me sincerely wish, just for a minute, that I was a baby hippo in a nice zoo, making children smile and blissfully unaware that the President is fuckbonkers insane and an open racist. Sigh.

  • renegade500

    Jesus I take a few days off to get a pedicure and read a certain book and play with my cats (I mean I could do all that at my cushy state job where I obvs don’t do any work, but optics) and this shithole president has to open his shithole and shit out of it.

    Then I read the sexual harassment apology letter recipe making blog and I’m ready to flip some damned tables.

    Thank god my cats are cute and cuddly and it’s cold out and they help keep me warm.

  • TundraGrifter

    Stable Genius Jason Miller on Don Lemon’s show said we shouldn’t be favoring immigration from any particular nation. On the other hand, of course, this is precisely how Mr. Trump is trying to limit immigration – by specific country. Stupid and illegal, but that’s his policy. And it’s a shame Miller didn’t get called out on his obvious hypocrisy.

    • Mentally Stable Ron

      Of course not, because Don Lemon.

  • cmd resistor

    Thanks, CNN:
    “Trump took a “victory lap” last night after “shithole” comment, official says
    From CNN’s Kaitlan Collins
    President Trump spent his Thursday night phoning aides, allies and friends, asking them how they thought the “shithole” remark was playing out in the press.
    One White House official referred to this as a “victory lap.” “

    • Mentally Stable Ron

      Given his definition of ‘winning,’ is this at all surprising?

  • kareemachan
  • alpacapunchbowl

    I like the cut of cinnamon roll lady’s jib. That was good stuff.

    • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

      But will you subscribe to her newsletter?

      • alpacapunchbowl

        I dunno, are comments allowed?

        • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

          More importantly, are pants required? And what are her opinions on Canned clams?

  • Alexander Stallwitz
    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      Jesus H. Christmas.

  • BearGHAZI

    OMG That mediaite article about homo-hatin’ Wesley Goodman is SAUCY AF

    “At this point, Goodman jumped into what Donald Trump might refer to as “locker room talk.” He told Bratcher he looked “tall,” and began complimenting his size of his feet — because “[you] know what they say about big feet.”

    “I’m confused,” replied Bratcher — attempting to steer the conversation away from the phallic. Goodman, undeterred by Bratcher’s resistance to his advances, explained the obvious: “Size of your feet=size of your manhood… Hopefully it works for us.” “

  • Bitter Scribe

    Jesse Watters on Trump’s “shithole” comment:

    “If he offends some people, fine. There’s so many more offensive things happening the world. ISIS beheading people. There’s crime in the inner-city. There are people getting kicked off welfare.”

    Um…what?

    “People getting kicked off welfare” is a source of indignation for Jesse Watters now? Since when?

  • David Chaillou

    The map at the top is inaccurate. European countries are good people only if they have a trade deficit with America and a negligible proportion of browns and muslims.

    The surplus would be the Netherlands, the UK, Belgium, Luxemburg, Iceland, Monaco, Kosovo, Montenegro and Gibraltar. With the additional brown/muslim constraint that leaves Iceland and Luxemburg.

  • Bitter Scribe

    From the WaPo account:

    [Hospital CEO Mohad] Suntha, who cited the hospital’s 136-year history of providing indigent care in Baltimore, said the woman’s insurance status or ability to pay played no role in the decision to discharge her.

    Does the curriculum in business school include instruction in keeping a straight face when you say shit like that?

  • Celtic_Gnome

    My research has uncovered the biggest shithole in the world. It’s sitting in the White House watching Fox & Friends.

  • SDGeoff3

    Fiona!!!1!

  • goCatgo

    Perhaps Dame Peggington could consider the possibility that the state of current political affairs is more a regression to the mean, rather than a result of the modern media coverage. A case could be made that thru all of civilization, politics has always been a spectacle for the elites. With god-kings, divine right, and kings ruling as gods, it cant really be more of a spectacle. The 10,000 years of monuments, palaces, churches, walls, castles, and tombs are only different today in kind, not purpose.

  • BrendaKay

    Loved the linked blog at The Everywhereist! Bookmarked that site to check it out again someday.

  • Because we just want you to be happy, here’s Pauly Shore’s impression of Stephen Miller…

    Well we were untill you exposed us to Pauly Shore.

  • Mentally Stable Ron

    It’s been an interesting morning Up Here. 24 hours ago there was between six and eight inches of dense, hard-packed snow. Now all that’s left are piles from plowing and shovelling; everybody’s lawns are bare grass. BUT everything is covered in a layer of ice, and it’s just started to snow. And the system is moving west to east, but the tree-damaging winds are blowing east to west.
    And I’m out of milk.

    • suziq

      Eh, who needs milk?
      And it really sucks when you get snow over an ice layer-sorry! Stay home and drink warm beverages (if you have anything!) Cocoa that already has the dried milk in it so you only need water? And of course some peppermint schnapps to really warm you up.

    • M.E. Lawrence

      We’d be happy to send you a bottle of single-malt to make some nice hot toddies. Stay warm and stable.

  • guppy06
    • Khavrinen

      She just heard Trump’s not coming, right? That’d explain the big smile.

  • Angela Ruzzo

    I think it is fascinating that Fiona, the Baby Hippo, is such a star even though she is fat and dimpled all over and does not conform to the artificial Barbie Doll standards set by the fashion industry for human females.

  • Herewegoagain

    The Vikings got other Idea’s and don’t blame them ? just look at that Lunatic Trump .. ‘ Making America Great Again ‘ … Hallelujah …

    Note..

    Norwegians decline President Donald Trump’s offer to move to US
    Norwegians have been quick to decline the offer from Donald Trump to move to the US. The president had said in less than polite terms that they would be more welcome than migrants from other American or African states.

    Norwegians were firm but polite as they went on social media to point out they preferred to stay in one of the richest countries in the world as calculated by GDP per capita, rather than move to the United States. In 2017, the Nordic country was named the happiest nation on the planet and has a welfare state funded in part by large reserves of oil and natural gas.

    “On behalf of Norway: Thanks, but no thanks,” Torbjoern Saetre, a Conservative Party politician in a municipality near Oslo tweeted on Friday.

    Trump had been quoted as saying during a meeting at the White House earlier in the week, “Why do we want all these people from Africa here? They’re s***hole countries … We should have more people from Norway.”

    Christian Christensen, a US citizen living in Sweden, wondered on Twitter why citizens of Norway would emigrate, pointing out the higher occurrences of shootings and poverty as well as the lack of healthcare and a social welfare net.

  • susan_g

    “Why do we want all these people from shithole countries coming here?” –Native Americans since 1492

  • Hither and Yawn

    I desperately hope that “Rhymes With Shithole” is the Jeopardy category for all things related to this administration.

  • Querolous

    Why are we selling Chinese market front wheel drive BMWs to Norway? http://www.bmwblog.com/2016/04/26/bmw-f52-1-series-sedan-sunglow-metallic-debuts-beijing/

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