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Well, here we are. Donald Trump, President of America, is addressing Congress, as the President.

Of America.

There has been “news” today about how maybe he will soften on immigration, and then it turned out he was being John Barron again his own “senior administration official” — yes, after allllll that bitching about how the media shouldn’t be able to use unnamed sources, yes, correct — and honestly I can’t even work up a head of steam about this evil fucker or his latest incredibly stupid hijinks.

Also, there are reportedly going to be some very bad lines in it about Vision Boards or something, what is it, here it is, REAL QUOTE — “we just need the courage to share the dreams that fill our hearts,” you know, if the dream that fills your heart is about getting rid of all the Muslims.

So, cool, we are READY for ACTION by which I mean honey come over here and bring mama a drink. Please. Love you. Ugh. LET’S LIVEBLOG!

8:53 PM. My eyeballs kind of hurt. Did Donald Trump just give me my FIRST EVER MIGRAINE before he’s even in the room??? Gonna go with “FUCK THAT GUY.”

Here we go. Trump was reportedly working on the speech till the very last minute — all by himself, I am sure! — and he is sounding out the words in the car.

Oh right sorry, here’s a livestream duh.

9:10 PM. You know who is thrilled to be there? Melon Trump.

And Trump begins with a reminder of Black History Month and Work Still to Be Done — and whooooooah he brings up threats to Jews AND the shooting of the two Indian dudes in Kansas a week ago? In his very first sentence? After a week of people asking why the president couldn’t be assed to even tweet about any of it? Well, now all pundits will say he pivoted and it is all good to love him now and nobody ever criticize him ever again, HOORAY!

9:15 PM. Trump is casting himself as Luke Skywalker leading a “quiet rebellion.” I am honestly unclear whether he is talking about a rebellion against Muslims and Messicans or against Democrats. Probably both!

Here, let’s puzzle it out together:

The rebellion started as a quiet protest, spoken by families of all colors and creeds -– families who just wanted a fair shot for their children, and a fair hearing for their concerns.

But then the quiet voices became a loud chorus ― as thousands of citizens now spoke out together, from cities small and large, all across our country.

Finally, the chorus became an earthquake – and the people turned out by the tens of millions, and they were all united by one very simple, but crucial demand, that America must put its own citizens first … because only then, can we truly MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN.

I don’t know, do you guys know? No, nobody knows. It is UNKNOWABLE and INEFFABLE and a CRAZY MOTHERFUCKER. Like GOD.

9:20 PM. Donald Trump brags about all the jobs he’s already saved — billions probably — and the Dakota Pipeline, which will be made with American steel, unlike Trump Tower. He will kill all the terrible regulations, like “clean water” and “don’t grab pussies.”

THANKS TRUMP!

9:25 PM. Donald Trump wants you to know there will not be any “beachheads of terrorism” in the United States. He is less concerned with the more than one percent of Americans who will die by gun each year.

9:30 PM. “Finally, I have kept my promise to appoint a Justice to the United States Supreme Court ― from my The Federalist Society’s list of 20 judges ― who will defend our Constitution.” Fixed that for you, Mr. President!

9:35 PM. OOOH OOOH MR. KOTTER! Donald Trump has STATISTICS!

“Ninety-four million Americans are out of the labor force.” You guys, I just looked it up on Wikipedia, Fount of All Knowledge, for you, and there are 46.2 million Americans over 65, as of 2014 (last year available), and almost 80 million children under 18. So there are basically NEGATIVE UNEMPLOYED PEOPLE.

THANKS OBAMA!

9:40 PM. After a whole bunch of bullshit that is not how anything works, we get this:

“This effort will be guided by two core principles: Buy American, and Hire American.” You just asked for more foreign visas for your fucking winery, dude. AGAIN.

9:41 PM. “Obamacare is collapsing, and we must act decisively to protect all Americans.” You know who has no plan for “replacing” Obamacare? Any Republican. Really! Not anyone at all! But “tax credits and health savings accounts,” and don’t forget “the line around the states,” dude, and we’ll all be fucking ROLLING in primary care visits!

9:50 PM. Here’s a quote!

Education is the civil rights issue of our time.

I am calling upon Members of both parties to pass an education bill that funds school choice for disadvantaged youth, including millions of African-American and Latino children. These families should be free to choose the public, private, charter, magnet, religious or home school that is right for them.

Education is indeed A civil rights issue of our time! (We’d wager the MAIN civil rights issue of our time is “Black people: Please stop shooting them.”) And Frederick Douglass is doing just tremendous work on it. But did you get the part about families being free to choose the “home school” that is right for them? Yeah, Steve King’s got an awesome bill to take money away from public schools and give it to the Duggars instead. FUN!

9:55 PM. Now we are on “Mexicans, stop murdering us!” Jamiel Shaw, who went to school with my son before he was shot and killed by gang members, is the late poster boy for this. His dad is there. He has been VERY ANGRY about this for years, as anyone would be. (Except that immigrants are less violent than real Americans.) And that is why Mexicans should not be allowed in the country, and something about how we should stop being so MEAN to police when they kill black people.

10:00 PM. And we get to the clusterfuck Yemen raid, and how Ryan Owens DEFINITELY did not die in vain, and if he did, it was Obama’s generals’ fault, because the length of time people clapped for him just now was a record. This is missing only a mention of his electoral college win.

10:06 PM. Okay, WHAT THE FUCK IS HE ON ABOUT???

On our 100th anniversary, in 1876, citizens from across our Nation came to Philadelphia to celebrate America’s centennial. At that celebration, the country’s builders and artists and inventors showed off their creations.

Alexander Graham Bell displayed his telephone for the first time.

Remington unveiled the first typewriter. An early attempt was made at electric light.

Thomas Edison showed an automatic telegraph and an electric pen.

Imagine the wonders our country could know in America’s 250th year.

Think of the marvels we can achieve if we simply set free the dreams of our people.

Cures to illnesses that have always plagued us are not too much to hope.

American footprints on distant worlds are not too big a dream.

Millions lifted from welfare to work is not too much to expect.

And streets where mothers are safe from fear ― schools where children learn in peace ― and jobs where Americans prosper and grow ― are not too much to ask.

When we have all of this, we will have made America greater than ever before. For all Americans.

American greatness — and moms on welfare are the greatest impediment? What a fucking dick.

I am sorely lacking in jokes tonight. Let’s let George Takei write one for us!

Yeah, that’s about it!

And here’s the end — the poesy! the soaring flights to the aeries of BLORF!

The time for small thinking is over. The time for trivial fights is behind us.

We just need the courage to share the dreams that fill our hearts.

The bravery to express the hopes that stir our souls.

And the confidence to turn those hopes and dreams to action.

From now on, America will be empowered by our aspirations, not burdened by our fears –-

inspired by the future, not bound by the failures of the past –-

and guided by our vision, not blinded by our doubts.

I am asking all citizens to embrace this Renewal of the American Spirit. I am asking all members of Congress to join me in dreaming big, and bold and daring things for our country. And I am asking everyone watching tonight to seize this moment and ―

Believe in yourselves.

Believe in your future.

And believe, once more, in America.

On C-Span, one man gladhanding with him just told Trump he “knocked it out of the park” and another called it “Reaganesque,” and then someone said “how’d you do in golf against the Japanese?” and oh lord, this is our life now. BABY WE GOT EACH OTHER!

OH NO I JUST MADE IT EVEN WORSE!

If I were you, I’d cancel your donations, FOR EVER.

THE END.

Wonkette is ad-free and supported only by Readers Like You. Aren’t you sorry I have to watch this tonight? Aren’t you grateful I’m watching it FOR you? Give me money.

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  • Nounverb911

    “It’s all Obama’s fault.”
    –DJT

  • SayItWithWookies

    It’s already full of lies and outrages. When the fuck does it start?

    • Bill Slider

      9 pm Eastern

      • Opalescent Riddles

        Eastern? Failed airline! Sad!

  • mackafritz

    Thanks for taking one for the team.

  • WomanInThePersistence

    Dammit, I wasn’t going to do this.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      You sound like Michael Corleone…

      • WomanInThePersistence

        Oddly, I look like him also too.

        • PubOption

          One member of Trump’s entourage looked like John Gotti.

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      Do not, I repeat, DO NOT energize the visual and sound box! Stay here safe with the snark and dick jokes.

      • McMema6

        That’s my whole damn plan.

      • WomanInThePersistence

        That’s actually what I’m doing. For one thing, it’s madness here. And for another, I need to feed my dog and myself.

    • Panika MCD

      I said I wouldn’t cry!

  • Villago Delenda Est

    I just love that photo. I captures the verity of Donald so perfectly.

  • JMP

    Trying to watch MSNBC, and it’s always so annoying how for the big event coverage they stick Rachael Maddow with serial exaggerator Brian Williams and serial interrupter & general asshole Chris Matthews. How about putting Chris Hayes and Joy Reid up there with her instead, they’re both great?

  • Sardonicuss

    Grrr…Uggh.Grrr…RAGE..
    Sorry can’t do it. You guys have fun. hasta manana

    • geoffalnutt

      Ooh! I love hasta. It’s almost Primavera weather!

  • CogitoErgoBibo

    It’s aliiiiiiiive! Hope everyone put down that necessary carb base before the drinky apocalypse to come. Here’s a bingo card for anyone who wants one.
    https://twitter.com/Pappiness/status/836699210326102016

  • tehbaddr

    Thanx ‘Trix, I don’t know if I could watch it without destroying my mind!

  • Hobbes’ Evil Twin

    Is there a channel that doesn’t fucking suck? I’m so sick of politics as reality show. GaaaaH

    • Suse

      C-Span

      • CogitoErgoBibo

        Was just going to say that. Second to what Suse said.

      • Hobbes’ Evil Twin

        thank you

  • Suse

    I am drinking my special bourbon cocktail with smashed fresh blueberries. Delish!

    • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

      I am drinking my special bourbon cocktail straight Wild Turkey 101 with a ginger ale chaser.

      • Suse

        That’s good, too.

        • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

          I’m trying to channel Hunter Thompson. Need some cocaine, LSD and MDA though.

        • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

          I’m trying to channel Hunter Thompson. Need some cocaine, LSD and MDA though.

          • Up In Smoke O’hontas

            Ether or GTFO!
            Also, mind the bats.

          • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

            There is nothing as depraved as a man in the depths of an ether binge…wish I had some.

          • Up In Smoke O’hontas

            Chloroform is as close as I can get. I may dip into that tonight.

          • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

            Amyl poppers and mescaline, anyone?

          • Up In Smoke O’hontas

            Yes. Now, please.

          • Suse

            Reminds me of Cider House Rules.

          • FlownΩver

            Adrenochrome or GTFO

      • Villago Delenda Est

        I might tap into my Laphroiag reserve.

        No, I’ll save that for the impeachment trial.

        • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

          They’re still making it, have a couple.

        • BigBoppa ~ Résistent

          I have a little bit of Bruichladdich Triple Peat that I’ve been saving for an occasion where the Laphroaig isn’t quite special enough. A successful impeachment might be the right time to kill it.

        • SkinlessGenderlessMan

          Balvenie…. It were yummy and distracting.

        • birdbrain53

          Didn’t have any single malt available, I had to make do with Kentucky bourbon.

    • Up In Smoke O’hontas

      I can’t smash blueberries hard enough, and cement blocks make bad mixers…I’ll be sitting under the box of Franzia. Because I’m classy as hell.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Mount Gay…………….

      • Suse

        Bulleit

        • Up In Smoke O’hontas

          Atta girl.

          • Suse

            :-)

      • redblack

        all my upvotes, except for the ones i gave for political snark.

        had the black barrel? (it’s not black strap rum.) smooooth and packs a punch.

      • Ill-Advised

        The Armanac has worn off. There is no more. I haz many sadz.

        That top photo…
        I still keep seeing Trump sitting in front of what looks like a cheap geometric frieze, which my mind keeps insisting is an Islamic design, while a skinny eagle tries to take off.

    • Reality Kills

      Can I have some?!!!!

  • ariel_gee_398

    Imagine the rage that would have been directed at Michelle Obama if she went to Congress wearing a dress with a bra strap visible.
    https://twitter.com/IvankaTrump/status/836750132980891648

    • Villago Delenda Est

      ZOMG, those forearms! Get my smelling salts and the fainting couch!

    • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

      Jesus Christ, I wish I hadn’t lived to fucking see this.

      • Up In Smoke O’hontas

        And you’re a zombie, so that’s saying something!

        • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

          Making a zombie pray for the sweet release of death is a neat trick, tis’ true…

    • ltmcdies
      • Résistance Land Shark Ω

        Wait …. there’s a Mrs Justin Hottie Trudeau?

        • ltmcdies

          I regret to inform you but…yeh….and 3 small Trudeaus…

          • Résistance Land Shark Ω

            And I’ll bet Mrs Trudeau is smart and classy as well.

            Moves into a corner and cries

        • Jukesgrrl

          They went to grade school together. And re-met as adults serving on the same committee of a charity gala. Ain’t that suitably adorable?

      • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

        Breath of fresh air. Thank you.

    • BosGrl

      GEEZ. She thinks she’s going to be walking the red carpet.

    • lucidamente

      Daddy prefers her that way.

    • Jukesgrrl

      Or even sparkles like Melanoma had on.

    • Ill-Advised

      We’ve already seen Melania naked. How much worse is a bra strap?

  • A_Changeling

    Reminds me of the Finnish Independence Day ball – you watch the people come in and criticize their outfits and then turn it off.

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      We need Joan Rivers for shit like this.

      • If ever someone deserved “head in a jar” treatment, it was her

        • Résistance Land Shark Ω

          She would tear Ivanka a new one. And Donnie, she hated him always.

  • Trix! Do you have the Bingo cards from MacLean’s printed and covered with shot glasses? And an ambulance on standby?

  • Suse

    Liz isn’t wearing white, but purple!

  • CogitoErgoBibo

    I do love how MSNBC is snarking on Trump not knowing any better than to leave the dome light on inside the limo so that everyone can watch him completely unobstructed. Idjit.

  • JMP

    Chris Matthews is amazed that Senators and Congressmen who are friends with each other are sitting together. Um, what the hell?

    • Suse

      He’s a idiot.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        “Idiot” only begins to explain Tweety.

  • Suse

    How cute – Pence and Ryan are dressed like twins.

  • Michael R

    Watch Trump speak ?

    ” How many of you have ever started dating because
    you were too lazy to commit a suicide ? ” – Judy Tenuta

    • Suse

      Whatever happened to her?

      • Ω cynmac will never surrender

        Voiceover work.

  • Sandy Beaches

    Who has, “Believe Me,” in tonight’s “take a shot for this phrase” game? I’m just asking because if you give us your name, the name of the nearest hospital and your blood type, we can notify them in advance of your upcoming need for treatment for alcohol poisoning.

    • Panika MCD

      next you’re going to tell me you’re a Nigerian prince.

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      i’ll take a trifecta with “believe me,” “trust me,” and “tremendous.”

    • A_Changeling

      It’s in the bingo downstream.

    • CripesAmighty

      Double shot when he inserts it–like a tic–to punctuate an utterly transparent lie.

    • Riley Whodat Venable

      I had “I”. But I’ve almost emptied a 750 ml. And am I drunk AF.

    • redblack

      had to help a friend move. just got home. missed the dumpster fire that was the president*’s address to a joint session of congress.

      so what about, “and this is so true?” that was a sure-fire innebriator phrase during the campaign season.

      and when he says, “and this is so true,” you can be sure he pulled it straight out of his ass.

      who the fuck talks like that, anyway? it’s like he learned english watching the sopranos.

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    Rush transcript:

    Blah blah blah blah blah bad hombres blah blah blah blah blah blah biggest electoral margin blah blah blah blah great healthcare plan blah blah blah blah leaks are real, news is fake blah blah blah blah, and this time, I don’t want any screw ups!

    • TJ Barke

      Needs more “believe me” and “take a look at”

  • My doctor doesn’t allow me to drink alcohol anymore.

    I hate him right now.

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      Yeah, I had to quit. Sucks.

      • I gotta wonky liver.

        It’s not even from drinking but from a genetic thing, apparently.

        NOT FAIR

      • snark-lurker

        mee too cuz i’m mental

    • SayItWithWookies

      Oh shit — almost forgot the weed. Thanks for the reminder.

      • Up In Smoke O’hontas

        Gotta get the kid bedded down first, then I’m off to the garage! For reasons…

    • tehbaddr

      My Dr. doesn’t allow me to watch any Trump media anymore!

    • Villago Delenda Est

      My doctor doesn’t object to my drinking.

      Because it’s very sparse. A beer/margarita/shot of sake a week, tops.

      And always with a meal.

      • OrdinaryJoe

        I don’t have a drinking problem. Put any alcohol beverage in front of me and I will drink it. No problem.

        • Up In Smoke O’hontas

          I drink, I get drunk, I (rarely) fall down…No Problem!*

          *that’s from a spring break shirt, Daytona circa 1994ish*

    • lucidamente

      Change doctors?

    • TJ Barke
      • (Major_Major_Major)ly_Pissed

        I debated that or straight edge. Bob is the better call.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      I’m gonna load up on cold medicine instead

      • Up In Smoke O’hontas

        Necessity is the mother of invention, and stuff.

    • pragmatist3

      You will HAVE to change doctors under Trumpcare

    • redblack

      so stop going to the doctor.

      problem solved.

      will that be cash, check, or charge?

    • DahBoner

      I don’t drink anymore. I don’t drink any less either. 😁

    • arglebargle

      No worries. Donald is gonna fix that whole “going to a doctor” thing real soon.

  • ariel_gee_398

    Oh, this is nice. The early release of excerpts includes a special “fuck you, refugees” section. It’ll give you the warm fuzzies.
    “The only long-term solution for these humanitarian disasters is to create the conditions where displaced persons can safely return home and begin the long process of rebuilding.”

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      That’s not untrue. It’s just that I don’t think we have any actual plans to make that possible.

      • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

        The “plan” probably involves a lot of high explosives.

        • ariel_gee_398

          Given the budget priorities, weaponry is certainly more likely than humanitarian aid.

    • SayItWithWookies

      And Assmouth is just the man not to do that.

    • A_Changeling

      Peace on Earth.

      • Ill-Advised

        Smoke on the water, first.

  • Michael R

    I’m not looking , but he’s going to go on and on
    about how he won the election , isn’t he ?

    • BosGrl

      yep

    • tehbaddr

      He has to re-instill that in his mind constantly!

    • Kiri the Paid Protestor

      Blah blah blah pulled the sword from the stone, blah blah defeated the evil demon-dragon Hillaryx, blah blah blah millions of illegal votes…

  • Pinkham’s Law

    Well, y’all have fun. I’ll be over at xhamster. *waves*

    • tehbaddr

      Post cute vids you find there of furry little squeaking things!

      • shivaskeeper

        Vids from there may not be appropriate. Even for a non-commenting section like this.

        • Pinkham’s Law

          How dumb do you think I am? I’m not a Trump voter. ferChristsake!

  • Bill Slider

    I look forward to our Commander in Chief telling Rep. Nancy Pelosi that she has nice skin. What will he say to Pocahontas after he gives out an Indian war cry? Will the President wear trousers, or a kilt? I think that I understand why Ringling Bros decided to shut down their circus. The competition just got too tough.

  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    It is hard to disclose the level of disgust this event evokes…

  • JMP

    What do you think the chances are he’s going to mention his fan in Kansas who shot two Indian men (along with a bystander who tried to stop him) for the crime of being foreign?

    • BosGrl

      Good guys with guns

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Look out, Sweden!!!!….

  • ZangoCrudmonger

    Looks like MSNBC is running 20 seconds behind CSPAN

    And here’s a manly tap of the hammer.

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    This was done better when it was called Hail to the Chimp….

    • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

      A fucking chimp sticking his fingers up his own ass and sniffing them would be a more dignified figure than Donnie will be tonight. How I despise that worthless, ignorant, inarticulate piece of shit.

  • Flashman

    I hope Obama uses his occult Muslim powers to make Trump get up there and go nyyygh, nyggh, nyggh.

  • CogitoErgoBibo

    Hell yeah! Notorious RBG is home in her jammies tonight. You go girl.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Probably going to be scarfing popcorn like the rest of us.

      • CogitoErgoBibo

        And getting to say all the things some of her coworkers only wish they could say aloud.

      • No! Only non-chocking hazard food for RBG!

        • Up In Smoke O’hontas

          We can trust her to swallow. She’s got like a million years of experience.

    • Up In Smoke O’hontas

      She’s too smart to listen to this shit, and maybe can’t trust herself not to throw a shoe.

    • Bill Slider

      That means she is the Supreme at a protected an unannounced location, just in case there is a drone strike on the US Capitol, and we need someone to take charge of our government and its citizens. Good choice.

      • CogitoErgoBibo

        Designated Badass.

      • Riley Whodat Venable

        Does she get an open bar, or does she pay for her own drinks.

  • UnsaltedSinner
    • Villago Delenda Est

      CNN is teasing us with that “Trump leaving White House” thing. Assholes.

      • BosGrl

        hahahahaha

      • TJ Barke

        They’re out to get him!

    • JMP

      He looks like he’s masturbating.

      • TJ Barke

        His tiny hands make his dick look yoooge.

    • CripesAmighty

      “My pet goat…”

  • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

    I am predicting that, to anyone with a functioning brain, this will be the most humiliating event in 240 years of American history.

  • ZangoCrudmonger

    And we finally have the answer for “where the white (clothed) women at?”

  • BosGrl

    I would give anything to see all the Dems stand up at the same time during the speech and say YOU LIE!

    • UnsaltedSinner

      They would wear themselves out after five minutes.

  • eggsacklywright

    Omigod, he’s approaching the podium with a live baby to use as a shield!

    • Villago Delenda Est

      OK, I hope Steven King has his lawyers on the line for plagiarism…

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    Okay, revised drinking game: Bigly= take a double shot, when he brags about his electoral victory= drink. When he says very= sip. When he bashes refugees= sip. When he says something vaguely racist= drink. When he says something overtly racist or bigoted= sip! When he lies, don’t drink at all. I don’t want to be responsible for mass alcohol poisoning deaths!

    Okay? Let’s see who survives this!

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Five minutes in, 911 is going to be VERY busy nationwide.

    • UnsaltedSinner

      Are you mad? Just taking a drink every time he mentions his yooge victory could kill you.

    • Shanzgood

      Can I just drink straight from the bottle like I normally do?

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        only if you are playing the timed version. Otherwise, it’s quantity over quality…

      • You not only can. You should.

    • ZangoCrudmonger

      Christ, gonna need a bigger bottle.

  • Suse

    Sounds like there will be a Scalia love-fest.

  • OrdinaryJoe

    MSNBC just did a piece with stats showing that white people are happy the black guy is gone.

    • Suse

      Of course they are.

    • TJ Barke

      Damn honkies.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      They didn’t ask this white guy, on purpose.

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        Or this one….

        • satanscheerleadersloveamerica

          Me either WTF?!?

    • JMP

      White people are the fucking worst.

      • OrdinaryJoe

        I love white people…just not the ones that think white bed sheets make good evening dress.

    • lucidamente

      Was this before or after they played Michelle’s whitey tape?

    • BJW

      Fuck. White person (the human half). I’m ashamed.

    • ltmcdies

      we’ll see how happy they are when their health care is gone…

  • Thaumaturgist

    Tweety is a airhead.

    • Suse

      He got a haircut for the occasion.

  • Me not sure

    I kind of half expect him to pull a pistol out of his jacket pocket and slam it noticably down on the podium before he starts.

    • Shanzgood

      That’s Spicer.

  • CogitoErgoBibo

    Pence and Ryan look like a JC Penney’s Father’s Day sale ad.

  • Vecchioivan

    Shut up, Chris.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Turn. The. Sound. Off…..

  • Suse

    Check out Malaria’s dress!

    • ZangoCrudmonger

      That slit goes all the way to Toronto.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        If Michelle had worn that, well, I don’t have to tell anyone here about the poutrage…

      • Suse

        Black and sparkly, too. Not really appropriate.

      • Me not sure

        …or Regina?

    • Me not sure

      Every male Republican in the building is hiding a huge boner. Also Laura Ingraham and Ann Coulter at their homes.

      • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

        There is no Republican who has to worry about hiding a “huge boner.” The evil fucks are all compensating for their inadequacy in that area.

  • JMP

    Melania looks like she’s ready to start crying again. Has there ever been a First Lady who so clearly hated her husband?

    • Suse

      I know!

    • Panika MCD

      I’m sure there have been several. but I’m pretty sure that there hasn’t been one hated just for being female.

    • Shanzgood

      I don’t even care. She signed up for this shit a long time ago.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      I can’t think of one. Nancy’s adoration of Ron was embarrassing at times, Jackie had good reasons to be cross with JFK, as Mamie Eisenhower did with Dwight.

    • SOME SAY Florence Harding hated Warren so hard she did a murder on him.

      • Jgb979

        I tried to watch Boardwalk Empire,

        It’s just that era was so objectively ugly and that show was a mess

        I do know Warren did make babies with not his wife though.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      It’s that Russian evil….

    • OrdinaryJoe

      Eleanor Roosevelt.

      • artem1s

        Eleanor had class. Yea, she was in an arranged marriage, but she had her own money and position. Also, Eleanor had a wonderful smile and looked pretty happy in almost every picture I’ve ever seen.
        http://izquotes.com/images/eleanor-roosevelt.jpg

  • tehbaddr

    Who will be the first to stand up, thinking that they can fling poo, but remember where they are. Sit back down, gather themselves and proceed to remove their shoe.

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    Daughter-wife Ivanka is here! She’s the Sharon to Donalds Ozzy….

  • Sandy Beaches

    Why is Melania wearing a sequined dress to this event?

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      She hates her husband.

    • BosGrl

      Because she really, really doesn’t know any better.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        And no one dares to tell her otherwise.

    • OrdinaryJoe

      Because isn’t that what she always wore for House calls.

    • tehbaddr

      Eastern block thing for a classy event.

    • Jukesgrrl

      Imagine if Michelle had done that.

  • Panika MCD

    I’m getting queso.

    • Shanzgood

      I made Brussels sprouts with bacon and stuff and put it with spaghetti and it was AMAZING.

      • Panika MCD

        I know. I saved the recipe.

        • Shanzgood

          It was awesome even without the Parmesan. Shockingly, I was completely out.

    • So jealous

      • Panika MCD

        want to be moar jelly? it’s got black beans, guacamole, sour cream and pico in it.

        • I can live without the beans and sour cream, but still jelly

          • Panika MCD

            you need to have mud at least once in your life.

    • A_Changeling

      I’m getting queasy.

      • snark-lurker

        i’m gettin nuttin

        • Up In Smoke O’hontas

          I got a rock.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Damn, I thought I was a masochist, but at least I didn’t tune in early to listen to Chris Matthews set the scene. PBS is just about to start coverage.

  • Jgb979

    Its actually kind of perversely exciting wondering how far lower the bar drops tonight. That no matter what happens it will instantly be the worst joint address to congress in history, and this includes James Buchanan’s “fuck it, I’m moving to New Hampshire to open a bed and breakfast with aunt fancy” speech.

    Still not watching.

  • Arse Grammatica

    First Melania, now the cabinet — too much boobage.

    • Panika MCD

      and they complained about Michelle’s arms…

    • tehbaddr

      Must be side boobage , or it doesn’t count!

  • UnsaltedSinner

    Well, I’m off to watch “Taboo”. And by that, I don’t mean Trump’s speech.

    • tehbaddr

      Like that film from the 70’s, you know…

      • ZangoCrudmonger

        Bow chicka bow bow.

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      Maybe he’ll finally get his ship and STFU about it.

  • boyblue123

    How many seconds into his speech until drumpf talks about crowd size at inauguration or the number of electoral college votes he got

    • TJ Barke

      30, at most.

    • DensityDestiny

      Those are our drink triggers! Cheers!

      • boyblue123

        not for me..i dont want to have to call poison control

  • Jukesgrrl

    Becca, if you’re there: Please tell me Donna Rose isn’t in the room for this bloviating. If she needs to be, let us know and we’ll send her noise-canceling headphones. I fear for children being subjected to anything that man does.

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨
  • Apple Scruff

    Not watching because I just can’t…but following along here so bring it!

    Btw, Colbert is live tonight (did you hear… he started beating Fallon in the ratings!)

    • Jukesgrrl

      Same here.

  • Michael R
  • SayItWithWookies

    Best thing about PBS’s coverage is that David Brooks is sober now, but I’m betting he’s drunk and bitter as fuck by ten-thirty.

  • Suse

    WTF are the twins guffawing about?

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      Melania’s boobs.

    • TJ Barke

      “We’re gonna fuck this country so hard…”

      • Up In Smoke O’hontas

        “And they won’t even know, on account of our tiny dicks!”

  • Sandy Beaches

    Prepare to be underwhelmed…in 5…4….3…2…1…

    • Sandy Beaches

      ….any day now…..

      • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

        “Any day now, I shall be released…”

        • Shanzgood

          Dylan or Midler version?

          • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

            Dylan or The Band for me.

          • Shanzgood

            I heard Midler first so it’ll always be hers for me.

  • ServantToTheStars

    State of the Bufoonian, Goonion and and damn sure Loonion.

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    Tom Ricketts will withdraw his nomination due to being diagnosed with rickets…hey oh!

    • Shanzgood

      My 2nd grade teacher was Mrs. Rickets. She looked like a Far Side character. Frumpy flowery housecoat dress, cats-eye glasses, and a beehive hairdo.

      • TJ Barke

        Far side is great.

        • Shanzgood

          Truth.

  • BosGrl

    I hope someone hands him the wrong speech.

    • RC

      I hope they don’t give him one and just let him riff for an hour

      • beingreleased

        I hope he goes out in a blaze of obscenities.

        • RC

          that would be my dream

    • SayItWithWookies

      “My fellow Americans — La La Land.”

    • Jukesgrrl

      Where is Warren Beatty when you need him?

  • Sandy Beaches

    Paul Ryan: “what a fucking asshole, where is he?”

    • RC

      Stair…got to go around those stairs

  • BosGrl

    I keep thinking I’m going to hear pages with those long horns before he comes in.

  • Flashman

    Pence and Ryan…which one is Tweedledumb?

    • BosGrl

      both

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Tweedledumber and Tweedledumberer

      • desertwind

        Tweedletwat and Tweedleprick.

        [quoting final episode of The Thick of It]

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Prepare to moon teevee in 3….2….1….

  • ltmcdies
  • CogitoErgoBibo

    “Shake my teeny hand. SHAKE IT.”

  • Listening to Art Blakey with cocktail while you all entertain me. Spoiler: This is how i get through his term since Nazis hate jazz.

    • beingreleased

      That is an unbelievably good idea. Now listening to Moanin’.

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    Has there ever been a more boring conglomeration of whiteness than Paul Ryan and Mike Pence? They are like the human equivalent of plain yogurt mixed with cottage cheese…

  • Jukesgrrl

    My dear old Mom is mad as a hornet’s nest. Tuesday is when her favorite TV program, a drama called This Is Us (with NCIS-sized ratings), airs on one of the major networks. Our Dish viewers guide shows it being preempted and she is furious because … exciting storyline or something.

    • CripesAmighty

      I like the cut of your mom’s jib.

    • NastyBossetti

      It’s an emotionally manipulative family drama, in sort of the same way Parenthood was, where the people watching it know they’re being manipulated but watch it anyway because it allows them to feel something. But it has cameos by Milo Ventimiglia’s naked butt, so maybe it’s an improvement on the genre?

      • Jukesgrrl

        My 90-year-old mother is looking at Milo Ventimiglia’s naked ass???

        • NastyBossetti

          Definitely.

      • OppressedMass

        Thank you for this analysis. I didn’t care for “This Is Us” and was wondering if there was something wrong with me.

        • NastyBossetti

          I think the cast is decent (Sterling K Brown and Ron Cephas Jones are amazing, actually, and it may be worth DVR-ing to watch just their scenes), but other than that, it’s a middle of the road nighttime soap.

    • JMP

      And I”m annoyed Legends of Tomorrow was pushed aside for this. At least the Legion of Doom, for all their evil, are intelligent and have personality.

  • OrdinaryJoe

    “Mr. Speaker. The FauxTUS 45* …”

    OK. I’m done with the TV thingy. See you all after this shit drizzle is over.

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

    Drink. Drank. Drunk.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Someone on the news tonight said Assmouth was gonna “speak from the heart.” I wonder if it’s a high, panicked, piping sound, that heart, small and cowed as it must be.

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      Muffled by fat and the misery of being unloved.

  • BloviateMe

    I was going to type something about Trump, but my auto correct suggested:

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/2056eb16c8b3622f181ec86381a250e919fa71f0a096b914f4ddc3814f408c33.jpg

  • Suse

    Did I hear booing?

    • BloviateMe

      Sorry, I’ll try to keep it down.

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        Boooourns!…..

  • JMP

    My cat just jumped off my lap and ran off as soon as the orange thing appeared on the TV screen.

  • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

    OT: Got a 100 on my latest civ pro assignment! Pages and pages and nary an error (that she marked).
    ; P

    • Me not sure

      I’d like to buy this young man a drink. …I’d like to….but

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        No worries, I got a job today too!
        But thanks, believe me, I know what you mean.

    • Kiri the Paid Protestor
  • DensityDestiny

    Oh, fuck. President of the United States. A little part of me just died. Maybe a big part.

  • ServantToTheStars

    Sargent at Arms or WWE announcer?

    • boyblue123

      by god..is that…that..Hillary Clinton’s music

      *fireworks explode* *undertaker’s music starts up*

  • Shoto

    Would somebody please punch Paul ZEGS Ryan right in his smug piehole? Do it for a better US America. There’s $20 in it for you.

  • Christopher Wolfe

    Fucking worm

  • Sonja

    Looks a little more GQ, less orange, yellow, and red.

  • LarryHoudini

    “We must have the courage to stand face to face with our deepest fears, to acknowledge them, to never flinch or look away, and then . . . then embrace them. And in embracing them we will vent our unjustified and irrational hatreds on the heads of the innocent and make them pay for a world gone mad. Go to hell, Manisha Sheth of Plattsburgh, New York! Get out of our country, Eligio Guzman of Laredo, Texas! Eat shit, Zara Ali of Kineshaw, Michigan! No puppet! No puppet! You’re the puppets!”
    –Leaked partial transcript of tonight’s speech

    • Jukesgrrl

      We wouldn’t have deepest fears if you weren’t in the White House.

      • LarryHoudini

        Puppet!

  • BosGrl

    His hair looks weirder than usual.

    • BloviateMe

      He must’ve “cleaned the pipes” before the speech.

  • 3FingerPete

    Who is the orc preceding Trump?

  • Flashman

    Trump thinks that there are a million, a million-two, people in that room.

  • Arse Grammatica

    This fuckhead is president. Crap.

    • Panika MCD

      you just realized?

    • Vecchioivan

      This craphead is president. Fuck.

  • chascates

    Paranoid peon here but I keep seeing B&W films of Hitler.

    • BosGrl

      You are not paranoid.

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    Orange, fat and stupid is no way to get through life, Donald..

    • ZangoCrudmonger

      I wonder if he’ll mention when Japan bombed Yemen last month.

      • Slamtundra

        Don’t stop him he’s on a roll…

    • Shoto

      You forgot crazy, but yeah, exactly.

  • Ilgattomorte

    The exciting thing is that, like his penis, nothing has happened yet.

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      If it lasts for more than 4 hours, I’ll need to see a coroner, not a doctor.

      • Panika MCD

        he thought a 3 hour debate was excessively long.

      • ariel_gee_398

        He’s meant to be discussing all that he’s achieved as president, so I mean, what, 3 minutes? How long does it take to say, “Didn’t shit my pants in public. Yet.”

  • Sonja

    Thank goodness he lost the red tie

    • Panika MCD

      and buttoned his jacket.

  • SayItWithWookies

    WTF has happened to Assmouth’s head? The part (or whatever it is) above his left ear looks scorched and unnatural. And his face is extra-orange tonight.

    • BosGrl

      It is very strange.

    • Jukesgrrl

      Does Kellyanne have shoes on?

      • Republican women are not allowed to have shoes or birth control under Mike Pence.

  • Idiokraticdrumpfenjugend
  • WeaselPoo

    I really have no idea what is going on….so please treat this comment as my official presidential campaign announcement and electoral catch phrase for 2020.

  • Suse

    Heil!

    • ZangoCrudmonger

      Does sound a little itsy bitsy (helluva lot) like it.

  • janecita

    That fucking ugly, smug face! I wish that I didn’t have to work tomorrow, and could get shit faced drunk,.

  • BloviateMe

    These liveblogs are impossible to keep up with.

    Just know that I UPFISTED EVERY ONE OF YOU MAGNIFICENT BASTARDS.

    in spirit.

    • ZangoCrudmonger

      Thank you! Since I know you’ll never make it back to this comment, I’ve finally got that tenner I owe ya.

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

    Has Hillary made it to the podium yet?

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      In some alternate reality, yes. Thanks for that. Sigh…

  • Christopher Wolfe

    Are they going to clap for him for an hour

  • 3FingerPete

    Trump is handing Pence and Ryan copies of The Art of the Deal

  • boredcatlady

    What’s with ivankas bra strap, and will the White House provide a link to purchase dress?

    • janecita

      She looks like a store mannequin.

      • boredcatlady

        With greasy hair

  • Suse

    You like me, you really like me!

  • boredcatlady

    Ohhhhhh, they gave him the downers

    • FlemmishSpy

      Sniff?

  • DahBoner
  • LaylaOhGee

    The rage is rising.

  • TJ Barke

    TRUMP HEIL TRUMP HEIL!

  • WSHHRoastMaster

    How’s everyone doing? It’s been awhile..

    • Kiri the Paid Protestor

      I’m okay. I ain’t watching this shitshow, prolly has somethin’ to do with it.

  • Arse Grammatica

    Democrat women in white. Nice.

  • Blender_415

    A five-minute ovation? vomit.

  • Sandy Beaches

    Here comes Smuggy McSmugFace

  • CogitoErgoBibo

    Is it just me, or does the ferret on Trumpy’s head looks slightly more subdued than usual?

  • JMP

    Do those three idiots up on the podium have even two brain cells between them?

    • TJ Barke

      No.

    • notaten

      If they did they’d probably just take it out and play with it.

  • So, no one explained to “45” that he has to be introduced?

  • Suse

    Joe Scar is there!

  • Flashman

    Dems are wearing white. I hope they’re not surrendering.

    • Leliel

      Lady Democrats.

      It’s a suffragette color.

      • Jukesgrrl

        COOL!

    • exitpursuedbyasloth

      It’s a reference to the suffragettes, who wore white. Democratic women are wearing them as a support for women’s rights.

  • A_Changeling

    Time to turn the sound off.

  • chascates

    “Ladies and Germs . . .”

    • ImPEECH!

      Never gets old. ; )

  • Msgr_MΩment

    I was hoping for an “Et tu, Brute.”

  • aktlib101

    “Well, here we are. Donald Trump, President of America, is addressing Congress, as the President. Of America.
    You watch it, I cannot. Not my president.

  • The Witch of Endor

    OK. I’m bailing. Fuck him (with impeachment!)

  • Sandy Beaches

    ha ha ha – Paul Ryan STILL CAN’T SAY HIS NAME!!!

  • BosGrl

    oh no he didn’t

  • janecita

    “Lady” lol!!!!!

  • By the gods, their are long time hostages of ISIS that look more happy to be put on camera than “45”‘s wife.

  • 3FingerPete

    Citizen of sub-America?

  • Suse

    Civil rights?

  • Chadwells

    You guys are gluttons for punishment!!! You can turn it off, ya know!!

  • Sonja

    Wha?!?

  • JMP

    The work that still remains to be done for civil rights is kind of hampered when we have a fucking white supremacist as President, asshole.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Starting with Black History Month — I was guessing it was gonna be Mexicans, but he went with the latent racism. Nice strategic move.

  • lucidamente

    Frederick Douglass? Fred, stand up and be recognized!

  • FlemmishSpy

    Citizens of sub-America?

  • BMW

    I am having one of those “Oh my gawd, Trump is really actually the president” moments.

    • Michael R

      Bad Reality TV

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      Wish this were a movie…that I could turn off.

  • tomamitai

    Have the fasces on the wall of The House ever been more appropriate?

  • Saxo the Grammarian

    Binge-watching on Netflix. Not my president. Fuck ‘im.

    • ImPEECH!

      I started “Santa Clarita Diet” last night.. The show, not doing an actual diet. Fuck that!

  • chascates

    Where’s Ann Coulter, Alex Jones, and Milo Watshisname?

  • ImPEECH!

    Mike Pence looks tired.

    • SayItWithWookies

      It’s two hours past his bedtime.

  • Christopher Wolfe

    Where is Terry Crews?

  • Panika MCD

    srsly, he got a standing O for acknowledging civil rights is still a thing?!

  • Did he say “Citizens of Some America?”

  • JMP

    Condemning hate? You’re the one inspiring all of these hate crimes, monster.

  • Jukesgrrl

    Doesn’t sound like the amount of applause a regular president gets.

  • CogitoErgoBibo

    See if he condemns evil in general, his fascist fans still love him.

  • boredcatlady

    Yeah. Aaaaand, I’m out. Fuck this shit. Talk to y’all later

  • schmannity

    Holy shit. Did not see that coming in the first sentence.

  • Wild Cat

    I like what LGM is doing. Just ignoring this farce. I’m watching hockey—at least only 62.8% of the players are brain damaged as opposed to those who think this madman has any legitimacy.

    And again: Fuck you twerps who sat on your asses in the face of fascism. I’ll survive fine in NYC, but you lazy fuckers are going to rot.

    • Apple Scruff

      I’m watch last night’s Seth Meyers. I can with this either. Will watch recap on MSNBC (they have some strange guests coming to talk their heads … Kathy Griffin?)

  • BosGrl

    Oh *you* are hate and evil in its ugly form!

  • FlemmishSpy

    He’s got at torch!

    • A_Changeling

      And he’ll use it to set the world on fire.

  • Sonja

    Oh, he finally figured out that there are actually anti-Semitic incidents happening

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

    He has to condemn hate crimes as one of his first sentences.

    What does that tell us?

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      that he plagiarized Obama’s speech like a common Melonia?

  • “Condemning hate and evil in all its ugly forms.”

    So he is stepping down?

  • Michael R

    my heart ( please clap )

  • Shoto

    Jeezuz Xmas Christ, he’s a fucking insane moran. Yeah rhetorical, but still.

  • BloviateMe

    LOL “my heart.”

    As if.

  • ZangoCrudmonger

    They must have the sniff filter on the audio feed.

  • BMW

    “Trump mentioned the city I’m from…guess I got to like him now.”

    -pro-wrestling logic

  • We will use that torch, that sweet, sweet nuclear torch, to light up the world.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Burn, baby, burn.

  • Panika MCD

    I would kill for someone there to have a sign that said, “GOLF CLAP” to hold up when he gets credit for something that should just be.

  • Apple Scruff

    What are the three of them, a fucking boy band in their coordinating ties?

  • chascates

    Manifesto Destiny!!!

  • JMP

    National pride and optimism? Uh, no, it’s shame and hopelessness you’re inspiring.

  • 3FingerPete

    He’s mistaking abject terror for pride.

  • CogitoErgoBibo

    Anyone having a surge of optimism? It sounds dangerous in this administration. See a doctor immediately.

  • Christopher Wolfe

    Brought to you by carls jr.

  • Sonja

    Our allies think you are a fucking joke

  • Panika MCD

    could someone duct tape Mike Pence to his chair. these are not standing O lines.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Oooh — “renewal of American spirit.” You just know Assmouth is secretly dying to rattle off a list of shootings in Chicago instead of this happy lovey bullshit.

  • tomamitai

    Wow, did Cruz put on weight, or is that just a bad angle for him?

    • BloviateMe

      All that soup.

    • ariel_gee_398

      Does he have a good angle?

  • BMW

    They all cheer Melania because they saw her semi-nude pictures. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

    • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

      Maybe there is a little something wrong with that. Wouldn’t want my daughter to. Doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be allowed. But it ain’t Great.

  • ZangoCrudmonger

    Sit down Pence. Ryan already hit the gym once today.

    • Apple Scruff

      But didn’t do his legs.

  • ServantToTheStars

    Eddie and Grandpa Munster and the matching tie bookend thing is creepy AF.

  • Suse

    Sniff!

    • Pat_Pending

      Sniff. Drink!
      Oh, that would be a baaaad hangover…

  • SCK

    Dammit. I wasn’t at work long enough. Fucking hell, the orange colored vegetable is still on.

  • A new surge of optomism? So he has been watching the protests?

  • FlemmishSpy

    Recent decades past?

  • WeaselPoo

    well I’m off to the homeless shelter for the night ( not kidding) have fun all you wonketeers, your princes and princesses of etc.

    • Panika MCD

      thank you for your service!

      • WeaselPoo

        You misunderstand, I’m not helping out at the shelter, I am actually homeless ( though working) .

        • Panika MCD

          sucky. sorry to hear that. how close is your area to dealing with the functionally homeless?

          • WeaselPoo

            I don’t quite understand the “how close is your area” part of your question.
            There is assistance available from various scattered charity and gubmint programs, but there’s little coherence or formal cross-‘agency’ communication—very dependent on the efforts of individuals in each organization instead of planned protocols. Relief or redemption ( if you will) is a crap-shoot/

          • Panika MCD

            so, basically, you guys don’t even have a map yet. I’m saying that many municipalities have plans for eventually housing all people who are in your situation so that shelters can be dedicated to people who need emergency housing or are still trying to get their shit together.

          • WeaselPoo

            sounds about right, yup.

    • ZangoCrudmonger

      Yowza, hope y’all are doing as well as you can be.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Oh, here we go — the Litany of Disaster, iteration the first.

    • msanthropesmr

      My taco bowl was dry.

      • Shanzgood

        Try estrogen creme.

  • chascates

    Remember Bowling Green!!!

  • CogitoErgoBibo

    Inner cities of Chicago! Drink!

  • Shanzgood

    Is the link above really live? I’m confused.

  • Pat_Pending

    Not sure I can do this. Without booze.

    • Ms. Fudge

      Why try? Booze is most definitely necessary.

      • Pat_Pending

        Yeah, you’re right. I’ll go get some rye to go with my tea.

  • janecita

    What a fucking bore!! A country with contaminated water, that’s what we are leaving for our children.

  • What kind of country will we leave for out children?

    A chaotic wasteland full of death, at least according to Steve Bannon when he briefs me on his plans.

  • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

    Love the sea of white on Dem wimmenz!

  • BloviateMe

    LOL, he really enunciated “unprecedented.”

    Cuz he’s SMRT>

  • Old-So-and-So

    45 said “anniverse” instead of anniversary? Why? Because he was born in Kenya

  • paxpax

    He is supposed to be addressing congress. This is not supposed to be a campaign rally. (p.s. hello from the INNER CITY of Chicago – be scart)

  • 3FingerPete

    The presidential nostrils are working, I see.

    • Shoto

      Meth is a helluva drug.

  • Suse

    Rebellion?

  • Shoto

    Yeah, drugs pour in…but what about the rapists? Why did he leave them out? Unfair!

  • Nasty Candy Apple

    I refuse to take part in this shitshow, I’m watching Telemundo instead in protest. Vete a la chingada, Trump, eres un pendejo.

    • Shanzgood

      Vete a la chingada? I thought it was vaya. Am I confused?

      • Nasty Candy Apple

        That’s how I learned it — vete a la chingada, vete a la mierda. I think “vete” is informal.

        • Shanzgood

          Different neighborhoods I guess!

  • Boy, with all this spending, I guess we have to raise a lot of taxes.

    • TJ Barke

      Naw, because republimagic.

  • Al Swearengen

    He’s doing the “lawn-sprinkler” from one Telepromptr to another. Squinting all the way.

    Worst speechifier ever. Sad.

  • LaylaOhGee

    He rocked the world?!

  • Panika MCD
  • Suse

    Big sniffing going on!

  • Michael R

    … I hate that anyone thinks this is authentic

    • Blackest Noobs

      that will be a lot of people to hate…A LOT.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Oh my — he’s talking about himself as though he were the very embodiment of a collective will, and sprang into being only as a result of the outcry of the people. Yeah, fuck you, Donald.

  • BMW

    And now….it’s all about him, again.

  • CogitoErgoBibo

    Earthquake? At least he admits he’s a disaster.

  • By the gods, we have to listen to his messianic crap again???

  • Sonja

    Republicans could have passed infrastructure spending bill anytime in the past 6 years. Why didn’t they?

  • JMP

    One simple demand – jingoism and hatred of foreigners!

  • BloviateMe

    Right wing lickspittles. Gross.

  • Michael R

    Cancer will be cured by Melania

  • FlemmishSpy

    Where are the MAGA hats?

  • chascates

    “And the generations a’comin’ . . .
    HALLELUJAH!”
    (Firesign Theatre)

  • Thanks Obama, for putting your fellow citizens after them brown people.

  • John Resistant Tovarich Smith

    Except more people turned out to say “Fuck You”!

  • Panika MCD

    economic nationalism is a great way to create a dictatorship, but a shitty way to put your citizens first.

  • Blender_415

    He’s filled a quarter of my bingo card in the first two minutes. That’s pretty fucking impressive.

  • CogitoErgoBibo

    Oh look. MAGIC! Every wish will be granted. Ponies for everyone!

  • janecita

    He only has one shtick, one trick pony.

  • Dying industries will come back to life? Thank the gods I’ve started up my buggy whip factory!!!!

  • Full Frontal will be fun tomorrow

  • Al Swearengen

    SNORRRRT!

  • MilwaukeeKent

    Now the Nativism and the bragging start. So much for the conciliatory tone.

  • Weevie

    He’s reading that crap!

  • Panika MCD

    I’m pretty good with the snakeoil industry dying.

  • Old-So-and-So

    INNER CITIES! Bingo.

    • Blackest Noobs

      DRINK!!!

      • Old-So-and-So

        I haven’t stopped since 11/9. Day of INFAMY!

    • TJ Barke

      That was quick.

      • Old-So-and-So

        Not really… He only knows 5 words.

  • chascates

    War on Drugs = Peaceful ‘inner’ cities

  • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

    He’s really bad at the teleprompter. Is so clearly reading. Can’t move his eyes around, is clearly staring at one prompter, then the other.

    • BMW

      TELEPROMPTER~!!!1!!

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      We train speakers not to look so stiff and awkward- he’d probably fail that training

      • PubOption

        He looked stiff and awkward walking up to the podium.

  • SayItWithWookies

    That was quite a pivot from “We’re seeing a renewed spirit of optimism” to “Other countries are screwing us blind and we now suck because of it!” Nice that he kept the first five sentences the speechwriters made for him before going wildly off-track.

  • 3FingerPete

    Roll a booger. Point to God.

  • JMP

    And where do you plan to get the money for all this while you’re proposing to give government money away to the wealthy and slash the budget?

  • FlemmishSpy

    We will purify the drug infested inner cities!

  • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

    I, me, mine.

  • BMW

    “Fuck yo infrastructure.”
    -Paul Ryan (probably)

  • Sonja

    Make billionaires rich again.

  • BosGrl

    So far, no plans, just slogans

  • Republicans just applaud whenever he pauses to breathe?

  • ZangoCrudmonger

    Bridges airports tunnels !! Hookers blow cheap steaks~~

  • tomamitai

    He’s going to rebuild the cities where 60%+ voted against him?

  • DahBoner
  • Zippy W Pinhead

    here comes the lies

  • Suse

    Fucking liar!

  • JMP

    Oh yes, the part where he takes credit for corporate actions that he has absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Post hoc, non propter hoc.

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      Teleprompter schlock.

  • BloviateMe

    He just went Carl Sagan.

  • janecita

    Liar!!!

    • Msgr_MΩment

      The proper format is “YOU LIE”,but thanks for playing.

  • Pat_Pending

    This sounds like a campaign speech.

  • FlownΩver

    First person singular is already getting old

  • chascates

    *All jobs are for attorneys.

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      Yay, more doc review! #TheMcJobsOfLaw

  • Old-So-and-So

    McDonalds has promised to SERVE BILLIONS of HAMBURGERS because of me!!

  • Mr. Blobfish

    President Sniffles creates jobs

  • Weevie

    Here it comes

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    He’s said very several times…

  • Panika MCD

    yay! new american sweat shops!

  • Suse

    Nancy is chewing her lips.

  • Sonja

    Thanks Obama!

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      Exactly.

  • LaylaOhGee

    Liar! Those things were in the works before the asshole came alone

    • Jon Sussex

      “..before that asshole came alone.”
      I wish.
      -Melania

  • chascates

    Wish I could have me one of them F-35s.

  • CogitoErgoBibo

    “Let’s talk some more about me. Me. Me, me, me. All of this is due to MEEEEE! Why don’t you love me?!!!1!1!!!”

  • MSNBC just had a great cut away to Pelosi yawning.

    • John Resistant Tovarich Smith

      And sucking her teeth!

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    He’s saved taxpayers billions by doing nothing

  • Suse

    SNIFF!

  • FlemmishSpy

    You will love this new F35 fighter

  • Weevie

    Well, yeah, he’s giving them$58 billion

  • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

    “Drain the swamp,” brought giggles!

  • Al Swearengen

    Sniffles the Clown.

  • BloviateMe

    I fear he’s going to claim writing the Constitution at this point.

  • Old-So-and-So

    We’ve saved 10 taxpayers billions of dollars! Hello Hiltons and Koch brothers.

  • sundaytrucker

    Worst episode of The Apprentice ever.

  • Michael R
  • DensityDestiny

    I think Nancy Pelosi just threw up in her mouth a little.

    • TJ Barke

      I can’t stop.

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      Too bad. She was aiming further forward.

  • The poor fact checkers. Can they just put up “The whole thing is a lie!!!”

  • Pat_Pending

    No one can believe the swamp-draining comment in person either.

  • ImPEECH!

    Waiting for the *sniff*ing… maybe sips of water help stave that off..

  • SayItWithWookies

    Swamp drained. Swampmonsters now all members of cabinet.

    • Panika MCD

      so that’s how he’s picking cabinet members.

    • MilwaukeeKent

      Also, a lifetime appointee ban on lobbying for foreign governments, with a grandfather clause for damned near every member of his cabinet. If you ain’t in the club already.

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

    Now they need a “you lie’ guy, but it would be non-stop.

  • JMP

    Wait, a hiring freeze on federal workers – how is that supposed to work with the claim you’ll be repairing America’s infrastructure and expanding the military?

    • BosGrl

      And uh, freeze at the VA. So much for taking care of the vets.

      • JMP

        He’s contradicted himself within just a few minutes.

  • Weevie

    Not fantastic any more.

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    I like how he brags constantly about shit his fat ass has nothing to do with.

  • janecita

    Did they just laugh at him?

    • NastyBossetti

      Sure sounded like it!

  • Panika MCD

    why is “drain the swamp” not on this bingo card?

    DRINK!

  • Christopher Wolfe

    TAlk is cheap

  • Trump hitting the vodka. Putin told him it would help.

  • JMP

    Regulations help create jobs, they’re not job crushing, liar.

  • chimichanga

    Thanks for commenting. I ain’t watching.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Zippy W Pinhead

    Simple solutions for simple minds

  • Does it count as draining the swamp if you just put it all in the administration?

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      Relocate the swamp?

  • Msgr_MΩment

    I’m praying for Medea Benjamin to come out of hiding from under one of the benches.

  • SeekingResistanceBarbie

    That regulation rule is ill-advised and ridiculous.

  • BMW

    Republican “deregulation” boner.

  • chascates

    Back to the mines!!!

  • FlemmishSpy

    For every new wife, one old wife must go.

  • tomamitai

    Sulfur water for everyone!

    • ZangoCrudmonger

      From above AND below.

  • JMP

    A ban on lobbying for foreign governments? Um, so how about your Secretary of State or your former campaign manager?

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    Fuck off, coal miners

  • Weevie

    Lobby for a foreign govt? WTF?

    • BosGrl

      Projecting again.

  • anon_the_great

    Not a fucking thing he says matters.

  • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

    He applauded himself?!

  • FlownΩver

    Poison air and water for everyone! Bigly!

  • LaylaOhGee

    Fuck coal

  • Nounverb911

    BOOM! His lies just broke the sound barrier.

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    No really fuck off, coal miners

  • Weevie

    But they don’t have to be.

  • Sonja

    Boo

  • ZangoCrudmonger

    He really likes fucking that coal chicken.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    YOU LIE

  • Vecchioivan

    Coal miners. Drink!

  • snark-lurker

    snoe-nosed shitgibbon. very rare, sad

  • TJ Barke

    I look forward to all the cancer.

  • What good is a life time ban on lobbying for foreign countries after you leave the White House when they are busy lobbying for Russia in the White House.

  • Riley Whodat Venable

    Here it comes; progress.
    New jobs. To start after the factories are built.
    Stock market. Fair enough
    Drain swamp? Now that is funny. Become a “consultant” not a “lobbyist.”
    For every newregulation, two must be eliminated. But it requires a regulation to repeal a regulation.

  • SeekingResistanceBarbie

    Yay! Screwing Native Americans is Great! More lies about the pipelines.

  • Arse Grammatica

    Laughing after “drain the swamp of corruption”?

    I did

  • Weevie

    who wants to mine coal?

  • BosGrl

    He’s issued a directive. Like a dictator.

  • Bill D. Burger

    There he goes again!

    http://i.imgur.com/Hni2BUf.gif

    • FlemmishSpy

      Ouch!

  • Al Swearengen

    We’re going to mine coal. And increase the supply of oil. Because those things make sense at the same time to morons.

  • BloviateMe

    Why am I watching this? It’s like listening to a rapist outline the intricacies of how he’s going to rape you, and insisting you applaud him on every horrible aspect.

  • FlownΩver

    And I pottied all by myself!

    • Vecchioivan

      I smoked pot all by myself.

  • Michael R
  • sundaytrucker

    I want a pipeline. Preferably one that gets me the fuck out of here.

  • Sean McLaren

    Note for Ryan and Pence about the looks on their faces before this started. Flying and falling can be very similar feeling experiences, The wind’s rushing, everything’s moving so fast, you’ve got that adrenaline rush. You may however want to look at the landscape and assess which of these two very different things is likely to actually be happening.

    • FlownΩver

      Throwing themselves at the ground, but forgetting to miss.

  • 3FingerPete

    “We’re fucking the environment” *YAAAAAAY!*

  • SayItWithWookies

    “New American pipelines will be made with American steel.”

    “Uh — Mr. Trump, we use aluminum.”

  • chascates

    “And I nailed some strange while Melania was up in NY taking care of little Damien.”

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Laying pipe with American steel

  • Weevie

    Pipelines don’t carry coal.

    • yyyaz

      One huge one did all the way across Arizona for decades. Slurry.

  • Panika MCD

    even if that steel is substandard or raises your taxes.

  • Sonja

    When he says infrastructure he means pipelines

    • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

      Apparently.

  • DahBoner
  • Me not sure

    He’s lapping up water like a common Li’l Marco.

  • Apple Scruff

    Did he mention his historic electoral college win yet?

  • CogitoErgoBibo

    “My hot boyfriend, Just Trudeau…”

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    American steel? Like your hotels?

    Funny, Keystone already bid out to a Chinese company

  • ServantToTheStars

    My Mom’s lineage was all kinds of Pennsylvania coal mine shit – owners even – but we let that shit go a hundred years ago.

  • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

    I can’t tell you just how much I want to slap that stupid mean grin off Ryan’s face, with every vote in his district.

  • janecita

    FUCKING LIAR!!! DUMB ASSHOLES WILL EAT IT UP! AND NOW I’M SCREAMING!!

  • Panika MCD

    are they booing?

  • So glad i’m not watching this shit

  • Weevie

    Pulled from Trump Tower

  • So, we are shipping all our women to Canada?

    • RC

      I’ll go!

  • Msgr_MΩment
  • tomamitai

    Fact checkers are resigning everywhere, due to overload.

  • exitpursuedbyasloth

    Paul Ryan was literally bouncing up and down and giggling at the thought of the Dakota Access Pipeline.

    • Shoto

      $20 to punch him in the face. Cash money.

    • Weevie

      Because WI is nowhere near there, yup!

  • Shoto

    Would someone please punch Paul ZEGS Ryan in the face? After all, he IS #1 on the list of “Punchiest Faces in US America,” the smug, sociopathic sonofabitch.

    • paxpax

      agree!

  • ServantToTheStars

    Can we spray tan that whole cabinet row?

  • Weevie

    Trudeau hates!!!! you!

  • sundaytrucker

    Non violent crime still ok, apparently

    • BMW

      He can’t lock *himself* up.

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    Git tuff on crime, drink!!

  • JMP

    Considering that violent crime has decreased greatly over the past 20 years, you really don’t need much effort to go after it.

    • ZangoCrudmonger

      There have been studies showing crime rates decreasing according to removing lead from gas, paint, other vectors. Seems like the idea would be to get on that lead poisoning in municipalities.

  • TJ Barke

    We need more short term unsustainable gains!

  • chascates

    THE DRUGS ARE NOT THE PROBLEM FUCKER!

    • Vecchioivan

      Hell, drugs are the solution at this point.

  • DensityDestiny

    Protect the livelihoods of his Mar-a-Lago members…I mean…COAL MINERS.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Wait — what “criminal cartels that have spread all across our nation?” WTF is this guy talking about?

    • FlownΩver

      TrumpCo.

    • JMP

      Brown and black people.

  • Christopher Wolfe

    Fuck water when you have Brawndo

  • sundaytrucker

    Tepid applause for addiction.

  • paxpax

    DJT’s administration is a criminal cartel

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨
  • FlemmishSpy

    The downwardly-mobile folks here in Florida are living their financial dreams.

  • Shoto

    This applause shit is inordinately tedious and nerve-racking.

  • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

    “So badly addicted ….” is there a goodly addicted?

    • Hairstrike Alpha

      There is a bigly one…

    • FlownΩver

      Well, these days…

  • JMP

    Apparently drugs only come from over the border. Does Donald not know how meth is made?

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Is there a buck to be made?

    • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

      No. No he doesn’t.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    What’s with the guy with the big red Question Mark button?

  • CogitoErgoBibo

    He honest to gawd thinks that just by saying these things will happen that, poof, it occurs, doesn’t he? With what money?

    • Shoto

      To be fair, he’s clinically insane

  • SayItWithWookies

    “We’re going to help treat the addicted — with all that money we’re cutting from health programs to pay for our new weapons.”

  • Panika MCD

    a huge drug treatment program? how the fuck is he going to pay for that?!

    • Vecchioivan

      Mexico.

    • TJ Barke

      Deficits.

      • Panika MCD

        I forgot, we don’t care about deficits and the national debt when GOPers are in the White House.

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      That’s what I want to go. He’s promising a zillion dollars in programs here. PLUS increased military spending?

    • Weevie

      canadia

  • Sonja

    Too bad Obama wasn’t doing the same thing (oh wait, he was)

  • Criminal cartels that have spread all across out nation???

    Take that Wall Street!!!!

  • BloviateMe

    They’re going to applaud when he farts. God.

    • SayItWithWookies

      Every sentence.

    • Pat_Pending

      Isn’t that every time he opens his mouth sphincter?

  • LaylaOhGee

    He’s going to start a task force within the Justice Dept. to fight crime

    Wtf do you think they’ve been doing?!

  • John Resistant Tovarich Smith

    Expanding drug treatment while cutting insurance. He means jail, don’t he?

    • Nounverb911

      Private prisons his friends own.

  • Pat_Pending

    Hm. They’re not sure whether to applaud drug treatment. “Hey, you promised we could kill them like in the Phillipines!”

  • exitpursuedbyasloth

    My TV screen is filled with this backpfeifengesicht triad.

  • Nounverb911
  • Weevie

    Making a bigly list of addicts

  • Chadwells
  • Msgr_MΩment

    Well, at least the Rethugs are getting some exercise.

  • CogitoErgoBibo

    FUCKING WALL. Drink!

  • Lawless Chaos? I mean, the White House is a mess, but that is going a bit far, isn’t it?

  • Shoto
  • Unnamed_and_MaybeFake

    Making America safe from all the opioids pouring across the Connecticut border from big pharma warehouses.

  • Sonja

    Too bad Obama wasn’t doing that except he was

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    We must restore the rule of law at the borders.

    But not in the White House…

  • Vecchioivan

    Wall. Drink!

  • SayItWithWookies

    “Great great wall along our southern border.” Take that, Gyna.

  • sundaytrucker

    WALL!!!!! Drink..or better yet escape while you can.

  • JMP

    And once again with the most stupid idea ever uttered, yet it gets applause from his fellow fascists.

  • Disqus est borked.

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      We’re efficient. Didn’t take long.

    • Ms. Fudge

      Grrrrrrrr

  • A Great Great Wall. Let’s see the Chinese top that!!!

  • FlemmishSpy

    Mexico offering sale on great, great ladders.

  • BosGrl

    Right, so deporting Mexican grandmothers will get me a better paycheck?

    • Panika MCD

      only if you do it to that Mexican grandmother before she has life saving brain surgery.

    • Unnamed_and_MaybeFake

      No. And we will lose a lifetime of good mole recipes.

  • BearDeLaOursistance

    Know what ELSE would raise wages? The billionaire class not being cheapskates in the first place. With laws to compel it, if necessary.

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    Stephen Miller wrote this speech, remember that. Bad hombres! Bad dudes!

  • Shanzgood

    Scare wipepo, Donnie!

  • chascates

    Deutschland, Deutschland über alles,

    Über alles in der Welt,

    Wenn es stets zu Schutz und Trutze

    Brüderlich zusammenhält.

  • Ellen D.

    Oh god they’re cheering for the wall.

  • tj wright

    Especially safer for the ethnics!

  • Panika MCD

    we have a new Steinbot troll.

  • Weevie

    No wall, idiot.

  • janecita

    I wanna bitch slap Paul Ryan so fucking bad!

  • Old-So-and-So

    He keeps saying “billions and billions” like he’s the Carl Sagan of idiot encephalitis sufferers.

  • 3FingerPete

    Paul Ryan is all dreamy-eyed tonight.

    • Suse

      Ativan is a wonderful drug.

    • Shoto

      I hate that fucker with the heat of 10,000 suns.

  • Shanzgood

    Fuck. Wall. Where’s the booze?

    • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

      At my right elbow. (I’ve got extra.)

    • m3bosha

      I have all the booze. I am sorry, but I couldn’t take any chances. But if you’re in Colorado come on by to hate watch with shots.

  • tj wright

    A “great, great wall” – take that, China!

  • “We are removing gang members, criminals and drug dealers from our streets by putting them in my cabinet!”

  • Vecchioivan

    Messcuns’ll kill ya. Drink!

  • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

    Mrs. Turtle’s lipstick is WAY too shiny.

  • Christopher Wolfe

    Bunch of gullible
    bastards

  • BosGrl

    Radical Islamic Terrorism – DRINK

  • WomanInThePersistence

    800+ comments in 25 minutes? Goodness, what a bunch of slackers.

  • sundaytrucker

    Radical islamic terrorism….drink!

  • shastakoala

    Don’t forget the Swiss.

  • Sonja

    Magic words!

  • SayItWithWookies

    Ooh, he said “radical Islamic terrorism” — unreasonable bullshit to follow!

  • janecita

    He said the magical words!

    • ZangoCrudmonger

      “Please?” Ha I kid. I meant “please kill me now”.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Asshole is off the assholemeter.

  • JMP

    Actually, liar, the vast majority of the immigrants being deported since you’ve given ICE the go ahead to go full fascists have not committed any crimes.

    • TJ Barke

      THEY’Z CRIMIN JUST BY BEING HERE, QEDERP, LIBTARD!

  • Weevie

    That makes no sense

  • Ms. Fudge

    WTF with all the clapping?

    • Leliel

      Rs: “Must…stroke…ego…of…base…”

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        keep dear leader off teh tweeter

  • m3bosha

    Trump just said he would kick out the immigrants to raise wages. Um… somehow he forgot the part about how that will effect what you pay when you go to the store.

  • Michael R

    and , I turned it off . Ugh

    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      I’m skipping it entirely – there’s a “behind the scenes” thing about the Father Brown mystery TV show on… I’d so much rather watch a fake priest played by Mr. Weasley than a fake president played by Fuckface von Clownstick.

  • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

    Terrorism LIES!

  • So, he is just ignoring his National Security Advisor.

  • Nounverb911
  • BMW

    Immigration is stealing candy from babies and drowning baby kittens. Somewhere Lou Dobbs just ejaculated.

  • BloviateMe

    Made up facts are best facts.

  • Vecchioivan

    Radical ISLAMIC Teerorism™®©. Drink!

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    Paul Ryan looks like he wants Donnie to bend him over….look at the look on his face.

  • SayItWithWookies

    The vast majority of people who committed terrorist acts came here from outside the country?! Where the fuck is he making this shit up from?

    • FlownΩver

      You know. You’re just too couth to say.

  • sundaytrucker

    OKC?….oh right…white people

  • Shanzgood

    Aaaaaaaahhhhg!

  • Weevie

    RIT, the bigly cheer word!

  • FlownΩver

    OK, he said “radical Islamic terrorism.” Very clearly. It will now immediately cease to exist.

  • Me not sure

    I’d like to punch Paul Ryan’s face with Mike Pence’s face

  • But what about Bowling Green!!!!

  • JMP

    Lying again! Most terrorism in the US since 9/11 has been committed by American natives.

  • Vincent Ricola

    I’m way too sober for this clownshow.

  • tj wright

    The terrorists! Boo!

  • janecita

    And in Sweden don’t forget Sweden.

    • Shanzgood

      Lol

  • Old-So-and-So

    HAHAHA He thinks 9-11 is a person! HAY GUISE, WE’RE GONNA DEPORT 9-11!!!

    • BMW

      7-11 was a part time job.

      • Old-So-and-So

        Never forget your Smokey Big Bite

  • Msgr_MΩment

    What about the attack on our Electoral College, Kukla?

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    From the California to the New York Island
    From the Redwood Forest, to the Gulf stream waters…

  • Sonja

    Like Saudi Arabia? And the US?

  • CogitoErgoBibo

    Wait. Attacks since 9/11. But, blah, blah “even the World Trade Center.” Does he know what happened on 9/11?

  • Christopher Wolfe

    Clap for the monkey

  • tj wright

    Yah all 5 of them

  • JMP

    And they give a standing ovation to his super-racist Protocols of the Elders of Islam crap, of course.

  • Suse

    Sniffing bigly!

  • therblig

    apparently, we live in a hellhole.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Wishful thinking on HIS part.

    • Jukesgrrl

      He thinks anything not all gold is awful.

  • John Resistant Tovarich Smith

    The left side of the aisle are better people than me; I would have been heckling from the beginning. They’d have to drag me out.

  • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

    “Beach-head of terrorism?” Fuck you Mr. So-called President.

  • Weevie

    I’ve never seen any of that shit.

  • BloviateMe

    Trump’s going to personally “vet” all the young ladies. For America.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    I thought he was the Ueber extremist?

  • NastyBossetti

    Haha our nation already is a sanctuary for extremists. I guess it’s ok if you’re a Christian extremist or a white supremacist.

  • SayItWithWookies

    “We cannot allow our nation to become a sanctuary for extremists,” says the Nazi.

  • chascates

    Extreme vetting means waterboarding.

  • shastakoala

    Remove Polish workers.

  • “We can’t allow entry from places where proper vetting cannot occur”

    So he is closing off California, Oregon and Washington?

    • RC

      I live in Washington and it would be fine by me. We’ll join Justin up north

  • FlownΩver

    “Be afraid. Be very afraid.”

  • exitpursuedbyasloth

    “Vast majority of terrorists who attacked America after 9/11 came from outside this country” [proceeds to list terror attacks committed by American citizens]

  • 3FingerPete

    The fucking White House has become a sanctuary for extremists.

  • tj wright

    And we’ll make sure every infant has access to firearms, because safety and freedom!

  • Panika MCD

    Marco Rubio looks like he wants to kill it dead.

    • ImPEECH!

      The thing on Drumpf’s head? So say we all..

      • Panika MCD

        the thing under the thing on his head.

  • CogitoErgoBibo

    “Mooslims.” GAWD. REALLY?

    • M.E. Lawrence

      Oh, come on, it’s better than Muslins, that favorite insult of know-nothings, circa 2009.

  • Suse

    Mattis looks cranky.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      “Oh, no. More shit to clean up after.”

    • FlemmishSpy

      Yeah, Trump doesn’t do diplomatic language.

  • Constant Gardener

    Can you be a Republican if you’re not scared shitless all the time?

  • FlemmishSpy

    Moose-lems!

  • Pat_Pending

    We have allies left?

    • BloviateMe

      Da

  • Boy, I wouldn’t want to be a Saudi.

    Who am I kidding, Trump is lying like everything else he has said.

  • Weevie

    We can’t allow a ferret invasion either.

    • M.E. Lawrence

      But wolverines are OK!

  • Laffing Crow

    Proper vetting can not ocher?

  • sundaytrucker

    said “mooslems” ….drink

  • Nounverb911
  • BosGrl

    I really really can’t wait until he lets a really bad ethnic slur fly. It will happen. Hot mic, whatever, but it will happen.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    I don’t have a feed. Has anyone said you lie yet?

  • chascates

    The Supremes are so sad.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Wow, tough talk about ISIS — who I bet are feeling relieved to know Assmouth is the one trying to destroy them. If you thought Iraq was a fuckup the second time, just wait!

  • Weevie

    ISIS is declining, so, yeah, take credit.

  • LaylaOhGee

    You’re creating jihadists every day you dolt

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Where’s RGB?

    • LaylaOhGee

      Home

    • BosGrl

      She had a date.

    • Suse

      She declined to attend.

    • Vincent Ricola

      Outside slashing his tires.

    • shastakoala

      Working out.

    • Constant Gardener

      Drinking like a fish.

    • Nounverb911

      Exercising.

    • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

      Doing her workout (see video on Politico).

    • OrG

      RBG?

      • Msgr_MΩment

        ROYGBIV.

    • M.E. Lawrence

      Just have to share (we share on the west coast, constantly) that my favorite deli serves a Ruth Bader Ginsburg Gimlet.

  • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

    Elena Kagan looks as horrified as I have ever seen a person be.

    • Laffing Crow

      Like she ate bad oysters or something.

      • Résistance Land Shark Ω

        canned clams, even.

  • Constant Gardener

    Justice Breyer looks fucking alarmed.

  • Riley Whodat Venable

    Plan to demolish ISIS. Well, what’s the plan? We plan to destroy them! How? By destroying them!

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      The plan is late, also too. Was only supposed to take 30 days.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      The bigliest plan, so yoooge!

  • CogitoErgoBibo

    I’d love to see an accountant with an old-timey calculator tallying up the total of spending to present at the end of this. He’s tripled the debt inside of 20 minutes.

  • Sonja

    Why did Reagan let all the terrorists parents come in from Afghanistan in the 1980s? Oh yeah, he was arming bin Laden who then did 9/11.

    • Riley Whodat Venable

      On the advice of HW Bush, who was in business with the bin Ladin family and had run the CIA.

  • sundaytrucker

    20 judges? I think he means 19…Wapner died.

  • Weevie

    Israel will attack Iran

  • Jeff Mc Donald

    I just want to thank you Commie Girl for this here livebloggy thing. I couldn’t watch this shitshow if there wasn’t some form of sanity saver handy!

  • Unnamed_and_MaybeFake

    Can someone rescue Justice Kagan and get her out of there.

  • tj wright

    “Everyone who’d do us harm” – which by time we’re through with President Trump, will probably be everyone

  • ImPEECH!

    Mrs Scalia wears shiny objects, but none resemble a flag pin!

  • The Supreme Court Justices look bored. And take that, none of them defend the Constitution as well as a Putin approved judge.

  • Weevie

    FINALLY! PLEASE!

  • Vecchioivan

    Israel. L’chaim!

    • Riley Whodat Venable

      Shethah!

  • TJ Barke

    Massive list of impossible promises? Check. Bloviating about false statistics? Check. Lying about terrorism? Check.

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    So this speech basically sounds like a stump speech on Xanax

    • ZangoCrudmonger

      Missing the lock Hillary up, tho.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Way to go, asshole. Make a widow cry.

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      That’s like a day ending in Y for him.

    • SayItWithWookies

      Bet he evicts her later tonight.

  • Riley Whodat Venable

    Judge Scalia’s widow. In a red dress?

    • BloviateMe

      She’s shopping.

    • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

      If I’d been married to him, when he died, I’d wear a red dress, too.

      • Riley Whodat Venable

        She probably danced on his grave in that dress.

    • Monsieur_Grumpe

      Scoping the interns.

  • tj wright

    Yay we stole a justice! Whoop whoop!

  • therblig

    standing O for the woman who outlived scumbag scalia. don’t we all deserve one?

  • As Marine Scalia’s husband roasts in hell, I’m doing my best to make sure his foolishness is continued.

  • John Resistant Tovarich Smith

    Mrs. Scalia, your husband was scum.

    • thixotropic jerk

      too nice plus mean to honorable scum everywhere

  • JMP

    Neil Gorsuch is an admirer of Antonin Scalia; he has no respect for justice or the Constitution at all.

  • DahBoner
  • FlownΩver

    Confirmed BY the Court of Appeals? Asshole cut class in Civics 101.

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    Where have I heard this before? Oh yeah, every day for the last 18 months.

  • Flashman

    Maureen Scalia…your husband was out screwing the whole freaking country.

  • BMW

    “Radical Islamic Terrorism,” now with 200% more religious fear-mongering.

    • Weevie

      On sale today!

  • chascates

    It’s carnage I tells ya!!!

  • LaylaOhGee

    Swiftly approve the start of impeachment procedures.

  • Weevie

    Get the name right, dude!

  • Nounverb911
  • Panika MCD

    I hope that RBG is washing her hair getting a blood transfusion. she should regularly schedule those.

  • Kiri the Paid Protestor

    Suggested as an alternative to…well, whatever the hell Trumpy’s doing.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=neN5usF5KHk

  • JMP

    The circumstances you inherited were peace and prosperity. You’re just lying about unemployment.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    We need to take all those folks off Foodstamps.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Blame Obama! I’mma be passed out if this keeps up much longer.

  • BloviateMe

    Sounds like we’re the worst country ever.

    • 3FingerPete

      Soon. Soon.

    • shastakoala

      Work in progress.

  • sundaytrucker

    Said gina….drink

  • anon_the_great

    So, his stump speech preferenced with ‘Don’t kick the kikes’

    • FlemmishSpy

      An olive branch to beat Mexicans with.

  • Panika MCD

    he does understand how disability and college work, yes? how about parenting?

  • FlemmishSpy

    Worst financial crash in 65 years, too.

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    3/4 of those 90 million out of the labor force are students, full time caretakers , disabled or retired

    • Thiazin Red

      For some dumbass reason they start counting at 16, so a good chunk of those people are still in high school.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        it’s a favorite wingnut talking point- color me shocked that Donnie sounds like a commenter on Yahoo

    • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

      Many boomers are retiring early.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        thanks to an improving economy and the ACA

  • BosGrl

    My job went to India which is not part of NAFTA, so…?

  • NastyBossetti

    I am enjoying any and all stoic, stony-faced non-applause happening on one side of the chamber.

  • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

    Now he’s gonna trash Obama. FUCK YOU DONNIE BOY.

  • Appreciate the Democrats just sitting there. One of the Senators needs to get out there afterwards and say “We will get Gorsuch approved as quickly as the Republicans did Garland.”

  • Constant Gardener

    Jesus, he just can’t say “China.” He just fucking can’t.

    • Monsieur_Grumpe

      It’s his nuclear.

  • Weevie

    All fake.

  • sundaytrucker

    “our historic history”……huh?

    • idiotboy

      You do not get it obviously. When did you immigrate to this fantastic country? Heathen from hell.

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    What lies is he telling?

    AOT,K

  • Weevie

    Cheena! ?

  • tomamitai

    Since Trump has already begun campaigning for re-election, it is only right that we wait until the next president is elected before any SCOTUS vacancies are filled.

  • BMW

    Now for the “Fun with Post Hoc Reasoning” portion of the speech, where unrelated things are suddenly cause and effect.

  • Laffing Crow

    Yeah!!!! We LOVE Swiftly approving nominations in the Senate!

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Jumpstart the engine of the American dream.
    You’ll need some Chicanos.

  • thixotropic jerk

    we’re going to manufacture manufacturing jobs!!!! JK!!!!!!!!

  • Ilgattomorte

    Oh look!! Trump is reading. Our children is learning!

  • So, Trump wants all those retired ‘Boomers to go back to work?

    • Msgr_MΩment

      WEll, grade schoolers, too.

    • OrG

      Or die.

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      Probably be better if they did, at present they seem to be mostly sitting at home getting brain-warped by Fox news.

    • idiotboy

      I am working. Do I have to prove it?

    • Chris

      When they ditch social security and Medicare it will be necessary.

  • JMP

    Foreign policy disaster? Are you fucking kidding? Barack Obama was outstanding on foreign policy, he had great accomplishments you’re trying to destroy.

  • MilwaukeeKent

    “94 million Americans are not in the workforce (88 million of those are retirees)” This evergreen disingenuous Right Wing half-truth, Ugh, ugh, ugh.

    • Jukesgrrl

      Yeah, what the hell’s with my 90-year-old mother refusing to work?!

  • SayItWithWookies

    “We must restart the engine of the American economy.” Well it’s had about an 80-month windup of constant job growth, which is a record — so it should be doing better any minute now. Oh, hey — look!

  • TJ Barke
  • BosGrl

    OMG the engine was running but you poured Gatorade into the gas tank!

  • thixotropic jerk

    yes no taxes for the rich or corporations trickle on down

    • Monsieur_Grumpe

      That’s tinkle on.

  • Weevie

    They’re all gonna leave!

  • Mavenmaven

    He just lies and lies and lies.

  • Laffing Crow

    FUCK YOU TRUMP! FUCK YOU TRUMP! FUCK YOU TRUMP! FUCK YOU TRUMP! FUCK YOU TRUMP! FUCK YOU TRUMP! FUCK YOU TRUMP! FUFUCK YOU TRUMP!CK YOU TRUMP! FUCK YOU TRUMP! FUCK YOU TRUMP! FUCK YOU TRUMP!

  • Putin is making sure that we have a great economy?

  • DensityDestiny

    Well, he’s right about Syria. I have long thought Hillary would have handled that better. Obama tried to do the right thing, but sometimes that’s not the thing that works.

  • Ilgattomorte

    Paul Ryan is standing and sitting … standing and sitting. That P90x shit is really paying off.

  • ImPEECH!

    “it. will. be. a. big, big, cut.” All single-syllables’ words are Donnie’s Fav.or.ites.

  • tomamitai

    “We will cut the minimum wage to $1 a day to create a level playing field for American companies.”

  • Nounverb911
  • DahBoner
    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      is that tax rates? (i’m not watching) – largest on paper, maybe – but not effective tax rate, i.e. after tax credits, etc.

      • DahBoner

        Corporate tax rates. But no one is stupid enough to pay that rate:

        America has “the most number of deductions available to corporations,” Beckel said. “They pay lower taxes than a lot of European countries do, and under Obama, I have not seen corporate taxes go up all that much.”

        • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

          aye when fucking Shell and G&E are paying literally NO taxes…ridiculous.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    I wonder if his tie was made in the USA

  • Up In Smoke O’hontas

    remember when we had Bamz talking sense and uncle Joe behind him? God, do I want to punch these new fuckers’ smarmy faces!
    Edit for clarity. I’m blind with rage and half drunk. Ok, 7/8ths drunk. Fuck these assholes.

  • Old-So-and-So

    This reminds me that as a country we must stick together and help each other. Start by looking to your side to make sure your partner hasn’t had an aneurysm.

  • BloviateMe

    I want to punch Pence really bad like. Look at that smug fuck. I hate him.

    • Jukesgrrl

      Somebody down the thread said he and Ryan look like a JC Penney’s Father’s Day ad.

  • therblig

    when do we get a GTO on cinderblocks on the white house lawn?

  • CogitoErgoBibo

    Oooo. Senator Warner is tweeting. LOL
    https://twitter.com/MarkWarner/status/836765787495018497

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Looks like someone is gearing up to capitulate- he might beat Manchin to it

  • Weevie

    Level the country, 100% unemployment.

  • ServantToTheStars

    Harleys on the lawn – classy AF

    • FlownΩver

      Next up, rusted-out pickups

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      and a 65 Chevy on blocks in the back

  • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

    Harley’s on the front lawn of the WH because you were uninvited from visiting the factory, you lying asshole.

  • Old-So-and-So

    DID HE TAKE MONEY TO PROMTE HARLYE DAVIDSON?!

    • Panika MCD

      I think Harley was trying to get him to kill himself.

  • Nounverb911
  • Panika MCD

    oh, please try to ride the motorcycle!

  • Ms. Fudge

    And all these plans aren’t going to affect the debt how?

    • JMP

      Magic! As long we believe in tax cuts hard enough, they’ll magically create revenue.

      • Amy!

        Clap harder. Can’t you see how dead Tinkerbell the economy is? Harder than that!

  • Pat_Pending

    BOYCOTT HARLEY-DAVIDSON!!!

    • ZangoCrudmonger

      There are reasons beyond Trump for such action. Something brakes something acceleration something overpriced.

    • Lara

      Honestly it would be awesome if that happened. Their fans are kind of cultish tho.

  • Me not sure

    SHIT, no bike riding accident.

  • anon_the_great

    No dipshit, the rest of the world doesn’t want fat stupid bikes.

  • Vincent Ricola

    Are all 3 of these assholes wearing the same Trump suit?

    • BMW

      Holy crap, you’re right.

  • BMW

    Make America 1929 Again.

  • And its hard to get other countries to buy big, huge, expensive motorcycles.

  • Weevie

    Harley is a really essential product. parked illegally of course!

  • tomamitai

    “Another country” charges 100% tax on our imports? Could you be more specific than that?

    • anon_the_great

      Nope. We won

    • Panika MCD

      nope. it’s just something he heard.

  • NastyBossetti

    Oh, he is interested in fair trade. Does he understand that’s already a known phrase that doesn’t mean what he thinks it does?

    • OrG

      No

  • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

    Nobody outside the US would buy a Harley. They are stupid bikes. (Mr. Mule rides a BMW and fucking hates Harley’s —- no offense to any afficianados here)

  • Weevie

    Harleys use lots of imported parts.

  • chascates

    FFS

  • Kiri the Paid Protestor

    Not watching the anal eructations from DC? Catch up with Uncle Keith!

    https://youtu.be/-e8pwXWSL7s

    • Jukesgrrl

      Could he look any more grim? Do I look like that? (Maybe I do.)

  • Suse

    The Rethugs are creaming their undies bigly!

  • Me not sure

    Hidded?

  • FlemmishSpy

    You get a hog! You get a hog! You get a hog!

  • Jenny

    So how’s the snot-flicking today?

    • Monsieur_Grumpe

      Is he sniffing again?

  • FlownΩver

    19th Century trade policies or GTFO!

  • Weevie

    100% tax is new to flame head? BFD

  • paxpax

    STFU about motorcycles – waste of time. WHAT ABOUT HEALTHCARE – let’s hear about SINGLE PAYER!!

    • Panika MCD

      I want him to try to ride one of those things!

      • therblig

        donorcycle – there’s your healthcare plan

  • You know, if there is one thing Lincoln is known for, it is his trade policy.

  • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

    You’re detaining citizens and legal visitors ASSHOLE.

  • azeyote

    he sounds like stephen miller looks

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Fly like a turkey buzzard
      Into the sea
      Fly like a turkey buzzard
      Just leave us poor folk be.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    YOU LIE!!!

  • JMP

    “Reforming” immigration, meaning making it even harder than it already is. How is the economy going to work when the farm owners can’t hire any actual farmers anyway?

  • SayItWithWookies

    “We’re the greatest country in the world — and we’re not gonna get screwed like we have been for so long!” That’s the trope that’s most obviously self-contradictory — and if Assmouth’s supporters can get past that nonsense, they’ll follow him anywhere.

    • FlownΩver

      It’s already happening. Bigly. Please pass the overdose.

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    MANY

  • chascates

    How about aword to those original inhabitants who are against that pipeline?

  • TJ Barke

    Why would anyone foreign want a HD bike?

    • Weevie

      The high vibration models are popular

    • Shoto

      Extra 10G’s for the logo? Eh, nah.

  • Weevie

    Oprah gave everyone in her audience a car for Christmas, give all of us a Harley!

  • JMP

    Bull fucking shit, our current immigration system makes money for taxpayers.

  • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

    Is Mitch McConnell having a stroke?

    • BloviateMe

      If so, I approve.

    • Suse

      He looks bad.

    • Me not sure

      Stroking himself?

    • Wild Cat

      Poisoned, perhaps.

  • Me not sure

    Turtle doesn’t blink.

  • 3FingerPete

    Wow. Mitch McConnell didn’t blink.

  • therblig

    does he realize that in a true meritocracy, he’d be living under an overpass, eating roadkill?

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    Ryan looks like he found Boehner’s liquor stash

    • shastakoala

      He’s on Trumpilizers.

  • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

    US is not NZ (etc), it is against our very foundation.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Oh awesome — they way to help immigrant families enter the middle class is by only letting the rich ones in. Fucking fantastic plan there, Assmouth.

  • LaylaOhGee

    Yeah, those Syrian women and children need to be able to get a J.O.B. Or they can’t come in

  • CogitoErgoBibo

    So…he’s mandating happiness now. “They WILL BE HAPPY.”

  • TheGrandWazoo2
    • Weevie

      Yow!!!!!

  • JMP

    By the way, everyone who tried to defend The Racist with “he only want to go after ‘illegals’, not legal immigrants” – you were wrong.

  • FlemmishSpy

    So this is conciliatory Drumpf?

  • DahBoner
  • BMW

    Pie in the Sky! Get your Pie in the Sky here!

  • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

    He’s gotta be riffing, that line sounded like it was written by a third-grader.

  • chascates

    So our problems are:
    1. Drugs
    2. Brown people
    3. High taxes

    That’s pretty new!

    • Jukesgrrl

      You forgot Mooslims.

  • Wild Cat

    I’m still watching hockey.
    Let me know when he promises Volkswagons for all true Americans.

  • Suse

    His base is gonna love this!

  • Latverian Diplomat

    Rebecca, 36,000 is a little more than one percent of all American deaths. (CDC says 2,626,418 American deaths in 2016).

    It’s about .01 percent of all Americans.

    Still high and mostly unnecessary.

  • Trump: “Fuck you, you tired, you poor, you huddled masses yearning to be free. We’re just taking the rich from now on!”

  • Flashman

    He’s starting to do that sniff thing, in the middle of sentences, like he did during the debates.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      That means the bullshit is backing up

  • Wellstone En Resistencia, Coño

    Fuck you, Donald.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Ein Autobahn!!

  • Nounverb911
  • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

    Haven’t seen a wild thread like this since the primaries. Viva la Wonketariat!

    • WomanInThePersistence

      I’m not even going to pretend I’m keeping up.

  • Weevie

    Sure, but you’re the problem!

  • SayItWithWookies

    It’s our huge program of national rebuilding — paid for by an all-volunteer army of corporate fat cats. Hello? Hello?

  • 3FingerPete

    REbuilding Americas golf courses.

    • Jukesgrrl

      And his get to be improved first. The Army Corps of Engineers will start their work on Monday.

  • Apple Scruff
  • Tax Rates under Eisenhower: 95%

  • Unnamed_and_MaybeFake

    Supports immigration for East Euro models after reviewing their portfolios.

    • thixotropic jerk

      immigration check:
      grab em by the pussy

    • Msgr_MΩment

      If they have the apporopriate “skills”.

  • Old-So-and-So

    Oh, so he’s going to use the money from PBS to build those highways? Sounds about right. Thanks president of math!

  • JMP

    National rebuilding – yet you just said you wanted to give money away to corporations and build a stupid wall. Where the fuck is the money supposed to come from?

    • Laffing Crow

      Yes and tax relief to the middle class!

  • lucidamente
  • Laffing Crow

    Mitch has the look of a person whose life is passing before their eyes.

    • therblig

      from your lips to Cthulu’s whatevers

  • tomamitai

    “People who have the ability to negotiate” by refusing to pay after the work is done.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Ryan’s laughing like this is Nazi p0rn.

  • chascates

    He’s like the Ronald Reagan for Idiots.

    • TJ Barke

      Redundancy Department of Redundancy.

  • Sonja

    Republicans could have done this anytime in the past 6 years

  • Sandy Beaches

    Is this asshole still blathering? Isn’t he past he “sell by” date?

  • CogitoErgoBibo
    • yyyaz

      And Tuesday ends in “y.”

  • Sonja

    Keyword there is “private”

    • Sister Suffragette

      Who doesn’t love a good toll road?

  • janecita

    I’m a pussy, I don’t have the stomach for this shit fest, I’m bailing out.

  • chascates

    And fuck American!!!

  • ZangoCrudmonger

    Which party launched us into the middle east shitshow?! By which I mean Iraq.

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    Hire American, like my kid’s vineyard

  • So Trump plans to negotiate every little contract on every thing the Federal Government does? That’s how Bannon plans to keep him distracted, I guess.

  • ImPEECH!

    “Higher American”?? Wow, finally something Von Clownstick says I can get behind!

  • Christopher Wolfe

    Narcissists like big projects

  • LaylaOhGee

    How we gonna spend $$trillions on infrastructure when all our money going to military.

    • TJ Barke

      Republinomics.

  • FlemmishSpy

    We’re going to build a great network of Waffle Houses.

  • JMP

    Oh good, here is is the part where he’s literally trying to kill me!

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      Maybe that’s how he’s funding all of this. Kill half the country and services are cheaper.

  • Panika MCD

    DRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!

  • SayItWithWookies

    Buy American and hire American, Assmouth? That shit’s expensive. Besides, your corporate friends have so many good connections in China and Indonesia.

  • Sonja

    With single payer! Kidding…

    • anon_the_great

      No other way to get there

  • therblig

    sounds like Trumpcare will make you immortal.

  • Nounverb911
    • Jamoche

      How many tourism jobs has he killed so far?

    • BMW

      He doesn’t have to actually make any policy changes to make things better. Because Trump is MAGIC.

  • CogitoErgoBibo

    YAY DEMS! You keep those seats on Obamacare garbage! No standing ovation.

  • Shanzgood

    Lie!!!

  • tomamitai

    Healthy ponies for everyone!

  • Old-So-and-So

    It look like Pence and Ryan are getting handjobs, but don’t like handjobs but are really pretending that they like handjobs.

    • MilwaukeeKent

      The difficult part is letting going of the controls for as long as it takes for those two to clap. Any moment Donnie could go “Rzzzzzz…glurg! Plok!”
      Who am I kidding — Bannon is crouched in the podium.

  • Panika MCD

    their faces on his list! DRINK!

  • ZangoCrudmonger

    Oh god, it’s the wishing for a plague of locusts.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Repeal gets a standing ovation — replace gets a confused, tepid half-clap.

  • chascates

    We’ll just pay doctors less.

  • 3FingerPete

    We don’t know how yet, but it would do all that!

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    All the good parts, none of the bad parts- I’m the healthcare fairy!

  • Boy, the taxes to cover everything “45” plans to do will be massive!

  • Ellen D.

    You know, this is really much easier to watch with the sound off.

  • thixotropic jerk

    yeah no plan but let’s replace obama care which was Romney care and before that The Heritage Health care plan you fucking hypocritical nitwits!!!!

  • azeyote

    no one taught him any speech lessons – he doesn’t seem to realize that a sentence is ending

  • KevinShinn

    Wow. What a poseur. Through and through. But so very thankful, no?

  • Sonja

    By taking away coverage…

  • JMP

    Goddamn does Paul Ryan have a punchable face.

    • Shoto

      I loathe that fucker with the heat of 10,000 suns,

    • Wild Cat

      Welfare does that to you. Another lazy white boy POS.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Twilight was a better work of fantasy.

  • BMW

    Keynesian macroeconomic stimulus via infrastructure funding! Yay!
    (And will never happen under a Republican Congress.)

  • Arse Grammatica

    Thumbs down from the women in white!

  • Shoto

    How much can band-aids and splints cost, anyway?

  • JMP

    Increases in health insurance costs have gone way down since the ACA was passed, liar.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      from 31% annually to about 20%

      • JMP

        Still too high, but the only way to lower them is reforms that strengthen regulations on free market health insurance which is just disastrous.

    • TJ Barke

      Yeah, but it has gone up for some people, so we’re on;y gonna talk about them.

      • JMP

        The other day there was a troll on the AV Club whining that it’s so unfair that I get health insurance from the ACA when it made his insurancgo up $200. He was nice.

  • Ninja0980

    What a shitty night to run out of alcohol.

  • DahBoner
  • Laffing Crow

    Oh shut up, you guys haven’t a clue about how to go about any of that shit!

  • Part of me thinks I was raised to be prepared for this crap. Cold War child that had Reagan throw patriot nonsense at me. That 15 minutes “joke” by Reagan and my english teacher making me write what I would do if i only had twenty minutes to get my business together before nuclear destruction shoulda did it. I am not prepared for this sh*t show. I am pissed by it all. I raised myself right to turn to jazz, alcohol, and writing. Maybe I will get through this.

  • DensityDestiny

    They make me sick. Stand up and applause for repealing ACA when their constituents are screaming in fear at home.

  • TJ Barke

    Suicide becoming more appealing all the time…

    • Lara

      Don’t say that. We need every one of us to resist these evil assholes.

      • TJ Barke

        Naw, fuck this shit.

  • Constant Gardener

    He’s starting the ad libs. Here we go naw!

  • tomamitai

    “Obamacare is failing” wherever the GOP has sabotaged it.

  • FlemmishSpy

    Yeah, no mandate for heath insurance *and* lower premiums.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      MAGIC!

  • Panika MCD

    did he just dis KyNect?! KY loves that thing.

    • Jukesgrrl

      Cause they don’t know it’s Obamacare.

      • Panika MCD

        well, they’ve figured it out now and they’re pretty pissed.

  • Weevie

    Not until you came along!

  • Nounverb911
  • “45” comes out for Single payer!

  • chascates

    Social Security and Medicare required fixing as well.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    DISINGENUOUS LIES!!

  • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

    How about supporting Ohamacare!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • SayItWithWookies

    Healthcare — the Litany of Disaster Part II. Obamacare is collapsing, nobody can afford it, they don’t have choices, people are eating rats….

    • thixotropic jerk

      lotta protein in rodentia donchya know!

  • Weevie

    Kentuky’s #1 crop is pot!!!

  • ZangoCrudmonger

    Lies and also lies.

  • Blender_415

    Fact-checkers everywhere are smoking a lot of meth right now; their night is going to be hell.

    • Shoto

      They’re into the airplane glue by now.

  • paxpax

    Kentucky ACA – was a huge success. It’s the insurance companies that have made everything terrible. SINGLE FRICKIN’ PAYER!!

    • TJ Barke

      Would you like a dragon hatchling also?

  • chascates

    OK, is Obamacare worse than ISIS, or Drugs?

    • Weevie

      so many choices

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Yes?

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Yes.

  • Unnamed_and_MaybeFake

    Gotta go. A bottle of vodka just doesn’t last as long as before.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      You need an IV?

  • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

    Obamacare is a disaster, booooooooo!!!!!!

  • Ninja0980

    Has there been any part of this speech that isn’t a lie?

    • Weevie

      No

    • Constant Gardener

      The part when he turned around and told Ryan “you look like a fucking vampire.”

    • NastyBossetti

      Before the speech, Paul Ryan was pointing out to Pence how someone got a haircut. I assume that was true.

  • Weevie

    Where’s Mark Cuban?

  • Shanzgood

    Oh Lincoln

  • CogitoErgoBibo

    “Access” to coverage isn’t coverage!!1!!!11!!!!!!

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      that’s the weasel lie- sure you can get it, 25,000 a year

  • Flashman

    Remember when you were told you could keep your doctor…

    Remember when you said that everybody would be covered, you asshole.

  • NastyBossetti

    People with pre-existing conditions already DO have access to coverage, thanks to… Obamacare! Asshole.

  • BloviateMe

    Too bad Obamacare didn’t cover preexisting, huh Trump. Dick.

  • Nounverb911
    • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

      I’m with SCOTUS.

  • TheGrandWazoo2
    • Panika MCD

      tape. pence. to. the. chair.

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    tax credits and HSA’s

    more GOP MAGIC

  • FlemmishSpy

    Stable transition to death escalators!

  • Nasty Candy Apple
    • thixotropic jerk

      babby boss!

  • tomamitai

    “Tax credits and savings plans” = You’re out of money, you’re out of luck.

    • Jamoche

      Or retired, or coasting through a tech bust on a severance package. I’ve got money, but I’ve paid no taxes this year.

  • Sonja

    Oh, then you need a mandate. And if you have a mandate you need subsidies.

  • Panika MCD

    we don’t have HSAs for him to expand and we don’t want them!

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      If you don’t have spare money to put in them, how does an HSA help?

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        about the same if you don’t pay enough taxes to be cut

        it’s a one percenter giveaway

      • Panika MCD

        egg sac lea.

  • Pat_Pending

    Why can’t one Democrat yell, “YOU LIE!”

    • TJ Barke

      They should all be chanting it. Spineless shits.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Well, clearly this “pivot” will get all the Dems on board, eh?

  • chascates

    Long as they ain’t no pot smokin’

  • SayItWithWookies

    “It must be the plan they want, not the plan forced on them by their government.” Right — so do away with minimum standards, then.

  • DensityDestiny

    Hey, does anybody have the number of that French sniper from Hollande’s talk? Asking for a friend.

  • Christopher Wolfe

    Gaslighter

  • ZangoCrudmonger

    The plan I want is medicare. Can I have that?

    • Opalescent Riddles

      No, we can’t have nice things, or those cakes we like.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Yeah, cheaper pot!

  • Sonja

    He’s talking about taking away coverage for prevention.

  • Weevie

    So we get to make up our own insurance?

  • chascates

    NO SHIT!!! good pot is outrageous!!!

  • Laffing Crow

    Hope they’re all wearing hip waders and packin’ shit shovels.

  • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

    I’m starting to get throbby in my head (stabby comes next).

  • FlemmishSpy

    Cheap drugs!

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    Dude, you just promised big Pharma you wouldn’t do that

  • Panika MCD

    oh, your friend Pharma Bro is going to just do that?

  • So, basically, Obamacare, but you can have a terrible, unregulated cheap plan.

  • ImPEECH!

    Alas, Disqus is not letting my browser Refresh anymore. Cheers, and don’t spill your Hurricane drinks or it’ll stain those nice white suits, Ladiez!!
    ————–

  • Weevie

    From you!

  • Nasty Candy Apple
    • John Resistant Tovarich Smith

      Well, the dick’s about right!

  • Sonja

    Thanks Banny!

  • chascates

    Too cheap to meter!

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Are we still talking about pot?

      • chascates

        I wish!!!

  • 3FingerPete

    Wasn’t it Republicans that forbade the government from negotiating drug prices?

    • SayItWithWookies

      Yup — that was Dubya’s idea in Medicare Part D. Thoughtfully provided to him by our pharma industry.

  • Nounverb911
    • ZangoCrudmonger

      Badasses.

    • Pat_Pending

      I believe that’s Jackie Speier up there!

  • Msgr_MΩment

    INTERNATIONAL lines, muthafucka!

  • FlemmishSpy

    What about health care across national borders?

  • Pat_Pending

    Just like W’s switchgrass speech…

  • Weevie

    OK, that made sense, must be a mistake

  • CogitoErgoBibo

    Georgia tried that “purchase across state lines” thing. FAIL. No one will set up a network of doctors or hospitals outside of their own state and who could blame them?

  • tomamitai

    “Buy health insurance across state lines” Just like fireworks, liquor, and cigarettes!

    • Roni Resistance Raven

      And abortion.

    • Thiazin Red

      Because I’m sure the doctor where I live will take the plan from three states away.

      • CogitoErgoBibo

        EXACTLY. That’s why this won’t work.

    • JMP

      And guns! Every time idiots like Trump try and claim that violence in Chicago proves that gun control doesn’t work, they neglect the basic fact that Chicago is right next door to Indiana which has pretty much no restrictions on buying guns.

  • Bitter Scribe

    So Trump didn’t use the speech to claim that the anti-Jewish attacks were false flags by his opponents? How mature.

    • NastyBossetti

      He’s not done yet.

  • BMW

    I was about to say I am glad they dropped that “buy coverage across state lines” nonsense…but there it is.

  • JMP

    Sell insurance across state lines, like with credit cards? Yeah, no, that would bring costs way up and quality way down, as every single health insurance company would move to the state that lets them get away with screwing over the customers the most, idiot.

  • Laffing Crow

    Republicans are applauding “no one being left out”! Hahahahahahahahahaha ha

    • Lara

      Well, they don’t consider liberals to be real humans, so nobody that counts is left out…

      • Laffing Crow

        Always a loophole with that crowd.

  • Great. I can get my health insurance from Alabama, Florida, or South Carolina.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      of course the simple fix would be to require insurance companies to cover all 50 states, but that would be too easy

      • CripesAmighty

        Or better yet, declare them Protection Rackets and ban them as criminal enterprises under RICO.

        • Jukesgrrl

          I’ll drink to that!

  • Cock Blockula

    I’m not watching this Nuremberg-lite speech because I’m working on my taxes, and by golly, we are getting a refund this year! I am flagging a portion of this to go to my favorite Alt-Charity: Wonkette. If any of you are receiving refunds that would otherwise go to blow, weed, hookers, booze, floating craps games, mahjong, or whatever vices make you happy*, please consider the fact that our Wonkette and its brave cadre of writers make the supreme sacrifice of wading through daily dungheaps of derp, ingesting it, researching it, fact-checking it, and crafting the bigliest, the smartest, and the snarkiest copy the internet has ever known! We must support their brave fight against the Shit For Brains, Morans, and Terribel people in general.

    *Confession: Wonkette is my vice. Please enable it by donating generously.

  • Christopher Wolfe

    There goes incentive for research

  • chascates

    Say it: say 305!!!

  • Ninja0980

    Purchase across state lines.. hmm if I’m a company, I’d be setting up shop in states with less regulation.

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      They tried to allow out of state purchases in Georgia. Didn’t work. None of the out of state companies would set up in-state networks of doctors or hospitals.

    • 3FingerPete

      It’ll be a stampede of companies to Texas.

  • Weevie

    YOU CAN’T FIX SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Democrats and Rethuglicans should get together to kick your ass to the curb,

  • Get the job done right? So we have to wait until the next election????

  • LaylaOhGee

    Republicans obstructed the last eight years! It’s them not us!!

  • (Major_Major_Major)ly_Pissed

    I made it 40 minutes. My summation so far: he kept to the teleprompter, Pence qualifies for the ZEGS label, and there is no way ever, in this universe or any other, that a Conservative can ever attach the qualifier Compassionate without a bean bag riot gun round to the naughty bits at every utterance as penance.

  • Flashman

    Do the Dems get a response to this? Do they get three of them?

    • Up In Smoke O’hontas

      two tonight, one from former KY governor and one from an activist, in Spanish

  • ServantToTheStars

    Paid family leave for vaginal rejuvenation

  • chascates

    Do Pence and Ryan look like foxes or is it just me?

  • BloviateMe

    Yes, deregulation means clean air.

  • Weevie

    Make it happen, turnip!

  • Christopher Wolfe

    pass

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Ladies and gentlemen, let’s go eat sushi and not pay.

  • anon_the_great

    And unicorns for EVERYONE

    • Amy!

      Hush! There’s not enough of Kiri to go around, you know.

    • Kiri the Paid Protestor

      Oh dear… Let me check my planner.

  • Old-So-and-So

    INVEST IN WOMEN’S HEALTH? CLEAN AIR AND WATER? FUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKK YOU LIAR! Sorry, it was either that or my brain would have exploded.

  • Weevie

    whadhesay?

  • LaylaOhGee

    Clean air and water without the EPA?

  • Kiri the Paid Protestor

    Looking for something on the internet that doesn’t insult your intelligence?

    Check out Atlas Obscura: user-generated content about all that is weird and wonderful in the world. I’ve submitted a few items myself!

    http://www.atlasobscura.com/

    • NastyBossetti

      I love that site!

    • Cock Blockula

      This is wonderful! Thank you for the link!

  • Sonja

    Vouchers!

  • Clean air and water? And yet he is dismantling the EPA and getting rid of all regulations.

    That is Alternative Truth for you.

    • OneYieldRegular

      He means clean air and water for Mar-a-Lago’s paying members.

    • DustBowlBlues

      The true, true truth is that the selfish dipshits who farm and ranch in Oklahoma are thrilled. Most of them would dump carcinogens directly into creeks to wash downstream if they could get 1cent a ton more. If you’re a family vegetable farmer, I apologize. I think you should get the ag subsidies, not these ungrateful farm/ranchers.

  • chascates

    “Such a butt on this diseased pariah!”

  • MilwaukeeKent

    Now you’ll be able to keep your doctor, unless they leave the country for a wedding or a funeral back home, in which case you’re shit out of luck.

  • Old-So-and-So

    “This l’evening” He doesn’t know words… again.

  • thixotropic jerk

    shout out to my plant who i care about soooooo deeeepleeeeeey

  • BloviateMe

    “there’s my crippled-american!”

  • Panika MCD

    and she’s wearing white!

  • Rare Disease Day?

    • therblig

      Boneitis

      • I assumed whatever causes “45” to have “hair” like that.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      PANCAKE DAY LIBEL!!

  • leemoder

    My TARDIS just arrived. Bye, everyone!

    • Msgr_MΩment

      ME FIRST!!!

    • A_Changeling

      Running towards it right now.

  • Weevie

    Oh No!

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Fuck Reagan for introducing the human prop bullshit to the SOTUs.

    • Wild Cat

      ‘Fuck Reagan’ would be sufficient in itself.

  • Laffing Crow

    Everything broken can be fixed?

    Especially when the things you say are broken are not really broken. It’s easy to “fix” what’s already “fixed”.

  • anon_the_great

    Rare Disease Day!?!

    Oh fer Fuck’s Sake!

    • FlownΩver

      Let’s pick one for him. Craniorectal Syndrome is my suggestion.

  • chascates

    Obamacare must have been good for her.

  • Suse

    Pompeii disease?

  • SayItWithWookies

    It’s rare disaese day — ironically brought to you by the poster child for affluenza.

  • JMP

    Now it’s hide behind the disabled woman time; lovely.

  • Panika MCD

    technically a genetic disorder.

  • John Resistant Tovarich Smith

    Good thing Megan had a rich daddy.

  • Pat_Pending

    Was she covered in lava? Pompeii Disease?

  • Weevie

    here it comes

    • Msgr_MΩment

      I’ll be in my bunk.

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω

    aren’t we done yet? I can’t keep up on disqus

    • Shanzgood

      Yeaj

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Laetril for everybody!!

  • CogitoErgoBibo

    Megan looks suspicious of this whole thing. I don’t blame her.

  • Ninja0980

    Yup, use her story because everyone has the money or talent to do their own start up company.

  • TJ Barke

    How many stupid fucks are out there lapping this shit up?

    • FlownΩver

      Need I answer? AOT,K!!!

    • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

      AOT,K

    • Shanzgood

      Prolly a lot fewer than the 3M of us on 11/8 now.

  • Laffing Crow

    The first thing he’s ever said that I believe. It’s “Rare Disease Day”.

  • NastyBossetti

    Trump is maybe a man who shouldn’t be talking about “the unbounded power of a father’s love for a daughter?”

    • Pat_Pending

      *Shudder*

    • shastakoala

      Always back to Ivanka.

      • thixotropic jerk

        Ivulva

    • thixotropic jerk

      pussy grab = unbounded wuv

  • Weevie

    threw her under the bus

  • OneYieldRegular

    I just joined and watched the Obamacare part of the bullshit. Trump appears to think his job is simply to make empty promises with no warning of caveat emptor.

  • thixotropic jerk

    i have a very common disease i am sickened by the orange-u-taint!

  • ZangoCrudmonger

    A father’s unbounded love for HER daughter. He’s coming around on gender politics, I see.

  • Christopher Wolfe

    Thats what happened to honey boo boo

  • Weevie

    Not true!

  • SayItWithWookies

    Cutting regulations will enable us to treat more rare diseases? With medicine we don’t know works? Ugh.

  • Flashman

    Slashing restraints at the FDA got us thalydomide.

    • Pat_Pending

      “It was just a couple of flipper babies!”

  • JMP

    Oh good, get rid of drug approval process so that sick people can become human guinea pigs and take untested drugs that could easily kill them. What a great idea!

  • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

    He did not just say, “civil rights?” Asshole.

  • chascates

    No, it is not. Civil rights are the civil rights of our time.

  • anon_the_great

    thalidomide babies for everyone!

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Flipper!

      • chascates

        “…faster than lightning.”

        • Opalescent Riddles

          Queen of the Sea something something

  • Me not sure

    Snake oil for everyone.

  • Ilgattomorte

    Good news! Trump will let us buy healthcare across state lines. Just think of all of the great deals you can get in Yazoo City, Mississippi. But why stop there? Botswana is shitty and cheap. I bet you can get really great healthcare there.

    • Opalescent Riddles

      Don’t forget, you can always use your health saving account / piggy bank / coins under the couch cushions.

  • Panika MCD

    oh, shit. this is where they start talking about block grants and ESAs.

  • DahBoner

    Slash government, bless us with miracles for rich people

  • Unnamed_and_MaybeFake

    Eliminate FDA oversight. Sawdust and chicken feet producers rejoice.

  • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

    School “choice” is evil and everybody knows it.

  • Sonja

    Deregulation and privatization are code words for picking the pockets of the middle class and giving it to the top 1%

  • JMP

    “School choice” is just destroying education for the poor, you idiot, it’s all about destroying public schools and giving money to con artists like you.

    • Panika MCD

      also too destroying education for rural areas.

  • (Major_Major_Major)ly_Pissed

    Soooooo, looks like I am in the market for: black bandanas, mark 1 gas masks, empty wine/liquor bottles, rags, cheap gasoline, and lawyers.

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      Mazeltov!

  • tomamitai

    “The school that is white for them”

  • Constant Gardener

    Wiping ass with Constitution now. That’s nice.

  • Laffing Crow

    Oh Christ! It’s loaves and fishes time……

  • Weevie

    It’s already there!

  • Msgr_MΩment

    I thought it was still Black History Month. White unheard-of-diseases?

    • Shanzgood

      Affluenza

  • Christopher Wolfe

    Bring back the good ol days when doctor stole blacks to experiment on.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Children should be allowed the tax dollars that are spent on their public education and put it towards a quarter of the cost of tuition at a nice private school.

    • FlownΩver

      – that won’t accept most of them.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Unless the school doesn’t want them, then they’re fucked

      • Jamoche

        Oh, so long as they have money, the school wants them. It’s just not going to teach them.

  • ServantToTheStars

    When “This is Your Life” becomes awkward.

  • Weevie

    already there!

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Good ole cherry-picking human interest stories.

  • Panika MCD

    all of his guests are ladies in white!

  • CogitoErgoBibo

    “Here is my African American student.”

    • Panika MCD

      in white.

      • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

        Yep, couldn’t help but notice.

  • thixotropic jerk

    who needs public schools?

  • FlemmishSpy

    Where are the Trump U grads?

    • Weevie

      State of Pissed

  • SeekingResistanceBarbie

    Tries to pretend he cares about minorities by touting voucher programs that largely benefit middle class whites.

    • thixotropic jerk

      alternative truthy

  • Weevie

    Knows everything about….singin’?

  • BloviateMe

    Token black is best black.

  • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

    Murder rate. LIAR!!!!!!

  • therblig

    meanwhile, back in Murderville, USA

  • 3FingerPete

    And now Trump is defunding the agencies that hire social workers. Oh, the irony

  • Flashman

    Rare Disease Day…and I forgot to get a card.

  • chascates

    Its Obama’s fault.

  • Arse Grammatica

    Ooh he is going to let the blas and messicans go to school! Whoopie!

  • SayItWithWookies

    Shot in Chicago — drink!

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Let’s look at the victims of Russian cybercrime: the American people!

  • Have to figure Trump doesn’t like that the Democrats stood for a black woman, but won’t for him.

  • Laffing Crow

    I threw in one for the browns! Look how pleased I am with myself!

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    He’s invading Chicago!

  • chascates

    Did he say “safe” community or “gated”?

  • Weevie

    Nope, still stupid

  • Gated Communities for everyone!!!!

    • therblig

      you get a wall, and you get a wall, and you get a wall!!!!

  • JMP

    Now it’s time to use statistics to lie. The murder rate has been going way down for over twenty years, you idiot; the only reason the increase last year was high was because it was the first increase in ages and it was from such a low baseline.

    • Weevie

      Immigration like, huh?

  • DahBoner
  • BMW

    She was able to graduate from college after several set backs…and somehow she did all that without Trump’s help. Weird.

  • BloviateMe

    “Everyone should get a chance to bang Melania.”

  • thixotropic jerk

    and this is why i am bringing back trimp university

    • DahBoner

      Tiny shrimp mascot

  • LaylaOhGee

    Asshole wouldn’t get within ten feet of Danesha if he saw her on the street.

    • miss_grundy

      He wouldn’t let her rent an apartment in one of his rental properties, either.

  • NastyBossetti

    “Here, look at this black woman about to finish a masters degree. Oh yeah, that reminds me I need to talk about the crime rate!”

  • M.E. Lawrence

    “…we just need the courage to share the dreams that fill our hearts…” Sweet baby Jesus. I’d gladly share my own soaring dreams with fellow Wonketeers, but I don’t want the FBI knocking at my door.

    (I am far too sober and I am not even watching this awful event. More Bombay Sapphire is required.)

    • OneYieldRegular

      “…we just need to terrible taste to let a charred steak fill our heart.”

      • Opalescent Riddles

        Catsup libulz!!!11!

  • OneYieldRegular

    “Our top priority when it comes to health care for Americans must be to lick the ass of the insurance companies until they are driven mad with pleasure…What? Oh, I mean…typo here, to protect those with pre-existing conditions.”

    • Jukesgrrl

      Don’t forget the pharmaceutical industry. They’d like some more love, too.

  • In Mother Russia, all children have great schools, and work for high paying jobs. Putin has told me that many times!

  • chascates

    So if we lose an unarmed black kid every day, so . . .

  • JMP

    No one should ever criticize the police, whatever they do! Going full fascist again I see.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    You know who else was so vocal about the need for unity?

    • Doug Langley

      Gamers who hated Unreal?

    • Opalescent Riddles

      Barney the purple Ken Ham exhibit?

  • ThePuckStopsHere

    This is a Trump campaign speech on Xanex.

    • Opalescent Riddles

      I think you mean meth.

  • SayItWithWookies

    To stop crime, we have to unify — and shut up about cops killing unarmed black men.

  • Weevie

    That you love to support

  • Laffing Crow

    OK, I’m watching a stream and I gather that it’s behind from reading the comments.

    • Opalescent Riddles

      It is delayed by the number of audible aneurysms nationwide.

      • Laffing Crow

        That explains it then!

  • Christopher Wolfe

    obey

  • Pat_Pending

    And now, a big hard-on for the cops…

  • A_Changeling

    First boos?

  • tomamitai

    The temperature is the highest it’s ever been — one year proves nothing.
    The murder rate goes up one year — the streets are flowing blood!

  • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

    VOICE. I can’t even. It is such a minority of crimes.

  • CogitoErgoBibo

    VOICE?! I have no words. You racist piece of SHIT.

  • 3FingerPete

    oh my god

  • Weevie

    Yeah, so what?

  • FlownΩver

    There are somewhere over 300,000,000 American victims. A lot of them just haven’t figured that out yet.

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω

    has there been any actual policy or details?

    • fredoandme

      laughed right out loud over that one!!!!

  • thixotropic jerk

    victims? what about YOUR victims you fuck!

  • LaylaOhGee

    Deep sea fisherman have more dangerous jobs than LEOs

  • Panika MCD

    does he not understand what the crime victims compensation fund is and how it works?

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      He doesn’t, but that’s irrelevant. It’s more important to set up a special office to highlight non-existent immigrant crime.

    • FlownΩver

      “Trump” and “understand” are mutually exclusive.

    • Weevie

      C’mon, he can’t see how stupid his hair looks

  • Nounverb911
  • DustBowlBlues

    Republicans have a special knack for turning every issue into an us vs them. They love cops. We hate them. Simplistic thinking for simplistic 45.

  • miss_grundy

    So, I’m watching Fixer-Uppers. How is the Tangerine Toddler doing?

    • Weevie

      sos

  • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

    Trayvon Martin.

  • Ninja0980

    Yea, fuck you.

  • Weevie

    DHS will now make lots of speeches

  • Christopher Wolfe

    OBEY

  • JMP

    And now he’s copying the newspaper The Criminal Jew produced by the actual Nazis only changing it to the The Criminal Immigrant. This is seriously disgusting and promoting more hate crime.

    • NastyBossetti

      Yeah, this is very very worrying.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    A special office for victims of IMMIGRANT criminals? FFS.

    • Charon_69

      And then we can make the ‘criminals’ wear some sort of identifying patch perhaps?

  • ZangoCrudmonger

    Victims of immigration crime e? Forgot what the e was for, eek?

    • ZangoCrudmonger

      Engagement. Christ what an ass he is.

  • Panika MCD

    look, asshole. we don’t need your “VOICE”, we have this:

    https://www.ovc.gov/about/victimsfund.html

  • Yr. Gma

    Is it over yet?

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω

    5 minutes left

  • FlemmishSpy

    Some immigrant bruised my canteloupe!

  • thixotropic jerk

    another black friend see????

  • CeeQ

    My headache immediate got worse the moment I got home and saw this fuckwit on my TV. Channel changed. Now watching Planet Earth II from BBC America.

    Ahhh the soothing tones of David Attenborough. Headache subsiding.

  • tomamitai

    You know who else liked to point out the ethnicity of criminals?

    • SayItWithWookies

      Bill Cosby?

      • Panika MCD

        PUDDIN’ LIBELZ!

  • SeekingResistanceBarbie

    Victims have been silenced: assertion without evidence.

    • Panika MCD

      he talked over them. he should know.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Oh wow — it’s Two Minutes’ Hate for undocumented immigrants. Jeeze, I’d dislike being used to look like there was some sort of horrible trend going on.

  • Nothing like fucking a couple of dead bodies to get the Republicans all up and clapping.

  • LaylaOhGee

    Who is silencing grieving families?

    • Panika MCD

      his enormous ego.

  • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

    Michael Brown.

    • BosGrl

      Tamir Rice. Trayvon Martin.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    WILLIE HORTON MOMENT.

  • BloviateMe

    This is so fucking gross.

  • Vaara Thaumetergist

    In Russia— we put you behind gate. Make America Gate Again!

  • Nounverb911
  • So, after calling out people killed by illegal aliens, we can assume Trump will move on to hate crimes against Jews and Muslims?

    • BloviateMe

      lulz

    • therblig

      only if they weren’t asking for it.

    • NastyBossetti

      Depends. Are the hate crimes being perpetrated by immigrants?

  • Picabo

    I met a traveller from an antique land
    Who said: Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
    Stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand,
    Half sunk, a shattered visage lies, whose frown,
    And wrinkled lip, and sneer of cold command,
    Tell that its sculptor well those passions read
    Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,
    The hand that mocked them and the heart that fed:

    And on the pedestal these words appear:
    ‘My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
    Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!’
    Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
    Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare
    The lone and level sands stretch far away

    • Wild Cat

      Who said ‘Breaking Bad’ was lowbrow?

  • Sonja

    Anecdotes are so much better than actual data

    • Old-So-and-So

      Hey, he said there are BILLIONS! OF EVERYTHING. #facts

      • Doug Langley

        He’s the reincarnation of Carl Sagan?

        • fredoandme

          you take that back!!!!

    • ZangoCrudmonger

      I heard otherwise, from a friend.

  • Weevie

    OK, he’s wayyyy over the top.

  • MilwaukeeKent

    If only those victims of illegal immigrant crime had been killed by REAL Americans! So much less tragic.

  • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

    Eric Garner.

  • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

    Sandra Bland.

  • Sandy Beaches

    I just can’t

  • Msgr_MΩment

    “and they only have to win, cause I can’t stand LOSERS.”

  • Panika MCD

    that’s not how any of this works!

    • DahBoner

      Amateur drunk at the wheel

  • Weevie

    how sweet, so what?

  • SeekingResistanceBarbie

    For someone without a heart, he sure does demand a lot of love from other people. I don’t “love” many people. Guess I should be deported.

  • Laffing Crow

    I uh, I don’t think I can, uh, I need, I mean, I think I gotta………No more. I’m out.

    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      I made it through 8 seconds of his overpronunciation before bailing.

    • Flashman

      Thank you for giving up the 10 IQ points it cost you to watch this far.

  • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

    Jordan Davis.

  • CogitoErgoBibo
  • LaylaOhGee

    Oh, fuck this puto.

  • BloviateMe

    I hope the Goobers have bruised hands from clapping at EVERY DUMB fucking thing.

  • DustBowlBlues

    I picked up a couple of prescriptions yesterday and there was no charge after Medicare paid. Right there in a pharmacy in rural Oklahoma I looked up and said, “Thank you, LBJ and the Democrats.” Fuck Baby Boomers who are oblivious to how good our generation has it. The spoils of WWII and a Democratic government. And the Warren Court.

    • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

      Excues me? Who do you think is filling the town halls? Boomers. Who marched during VN? Boomers.

      • yyyaz

        Um, yes, yes and yes. Some kids apparently forget who voted in fucking Nixon and goddamned Reagan.

  • thixotropic jerk

    rebuilds the military??? fucker we’ve been at war for 15 fucking years asshole!!!!

    • Wild Cat

      we’ve been at war since 1776

  • A_Changeling

    Why doesn’t my bingo card have fascism?

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Oh? An increase for the VA?

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Saw the first few minutes, then something came up at work. Pretty sure I am glad about that.

  • We need another Viet Nam to thin out “45”‘s vainglorious pimping.

  • SayItWithWookies

    “…eliminates the defense sequester…” Right — not that that’s one-sided, since he wasn’t going to spend any money on non-defense priorities anyway.

    • Toledo Window Box

      The sequester – a Republican plan.

  • Pat_Pending

    This is so grotesque. All the victims’ families are red meat in the water.

  • Weevie

    Tomorrow, the attacks will be epic!

  • KevinShinn

    Wants to spend a lot of money. Lots and lots of money. Not “billions” either, more like megafucktons. And cut taxes on corporations. And on the middle class. Beauty. Did he day where the monies are gonna come from? He must have, I’m sure. I must have missed it. Litigation, perhaps? Iraqi oil? Stiffing contractors perhaps? I’m sure now I’m the idiot.

    • thixotropic jerk

      no no we gonna make so much money see????

    • Toledo Window Box

      He’s said many, many times that he’s the “king of debt”.

    • fredoandme

      he’s gonna jazz up the economy. or something.

      • Opalescent Riddles

        wrong vowel in “jazz”

        • fredoandme

          first i flipped a coin. then i found i just could NOT reference this man’s bodily fluids, even in jestus extremis.

          jazz hands are happy hands.

          • Opalescent Riddles

            Correct, jazz is happy. We need a happy place.

          • fredoandme

            Definitely.

  • Ninja0980

    If you read online, once again pundits are falling for this BS and saying this is his best speech blah blah.
    Nope, it’s the same crap as before.

    • Ricky Gay

      The soft bigotry of low expectations

    • GemlikeFlame

      Now, Ninja… Given the tenor and content of his previous tirades, this may well be his best speech to date. However, as you note, it was pandering, content-free, and offensive to people who know better. Next week we’ll be treated to the same line of abusive garbage he’s been handing out.

      This is going to be a rough four years. The Democrats have their work cut out for them. We can protest all we want and hold unruly town’s hall until Hell freezes over, but the only thing that’s going to make any difference other than to drive rats like Chaffetz and Rubio into hiding is a sustained recall effort coupled with a serious upset at the midterm elections.

      The larger urban centers are increasingly refusing to obey federal dicta, which puts them at risk of enforcement action.. I was in Chicago during the late 60s, the protesters were armed with rocks and baseball bats. Send troops into Chicago now, and the outcome may be very different.

      • Ninja0980

        Our base needs to show up to vote and stop having a fit if a Bernie type candidate isn’t the nominee.

  • thixotropic jerk

    sez the man with military (academy) experience

  • Sonja

    I thought our allies were going to pay for their defense.

  • 3FingerPete

    Killed by the generals.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Why isn’t his FATHER here? Oh,right. I know.

  • Old-So-and-So

    “In uniform… and in Jordache Jeans, who have displayed a pop-up store in front of the building.”

  • therblig

    i guess chief owen didn’t have heel spurs.

  • BMW

    That line about the military that has to fight and “only have to win” made no grammatical or logical sense, but everyone clapped anyways.

  • Shibusa

    I couldn’t watch.

    • Toledo Window Box

      Me either. What’s the point? He’s a lying sack, and an idiot.

  • JMP

    What about someone who died as a “warrior” and a hero who was Muslim? You wouldn’t, say, attack his parents now, would you?

    • Weevie

      does not compute

  • DustBowlBlues

    Speaking as an Old, the whole Oscar fiasco could have been greatly defused if Faye Dunaway had worn her fucking reading glasses. LaLaLand must have been in big text and that was all she could make out.

  • Weevie

    A chicken for every pot

  • Panika MCD

    and Ryan’s dad thinks you need to go fuck yourself with a nuclear weapon right about now. I’m find doing it with votes.

  • Constant Gardener

    Mentioning the SEAL he got killed is not going to go over well.

  • DahBoner
  • SayItWithWookies