Idiot Trump Appointees Can't Even Pass Background Checks, Doy Doy Doy, You're Fired!

That's a digital officer, right?

Shocking news for the already-understaffed Trump administration, which on top of firing its own people for ideological impurity, also saw six members of the White House staff escorted off the grounds by security last week after they failed their FBI background checks. Among those deemed too risky to be allowed to work at the White House was Gerrit Lansing, the "Chief Digital Officer," who was forced to walk out of the building in shame carrying a cardboard box filled with stuff from his desk, as well as his personal collection of ones and zeroes. Says Politico in an explanation that explains almost nothing,

A source close to Lansing said the issue with the background check was over investments.

What the hell kinds of "investments" would get you booted from the Trump White House? Did they find out he didn't own shares in any Trump holdings? Maybe he had stock in a competitor to Alex Jones? Federal News Radio, which we'll admit sounds like a made-up site but appears real enough, said Lansing has

a business interest in an online fundraising platform called Revv. Multiple media outlets report Lansing is a CEO and co-founder of Revv, however his LinkedIn profile does not include the company.

So we'll assume it was a disclosure problem, then. Or maybe they caught him auctioning off ambassadorships that had already been promised to Trump friends. Lansing had previously worked as the chief digital officer for the Republican National Committee, although the most effective digital asset in last year's election, Pepe the Frog, was actually made up by somebody else. Politico says Lansing left his job of his own accord February 9, which doesn't seem to jibe with their lede saying he was among staffers escorted from the building last week. Maybe he was just one of those people who hangs around even after they're no longer working somewhere, until they're made to leave. Sad. Like Bartleby the Scrivener.

Another person who couldn't pass the background check was Trump's director of scheduling Caroline Wiles, who is presumably now free to go find a job working for someone who actually follows a schedule. Wiles was the daughter of Trump's Florida campaign director, Susan Wiles, but we're sure her personal connection had nothing to do with getting a White House job -- she was just that good at the federal civil service scheduling test. The younger Ms. Wiles resigned Friday before the completion of the background check; Politico had no hints as to what was screwy with her security. We can at least assume she wasn't booted for having connections to Russia, since that's actually a prerequisite for working in the Trump White House. Sources say she will get a job in the Treasury department.

Between the people who've failed background checks, the ones canned for not loving Trump enough, and the Trump administration's astonishing incompetence at actually appointing people to jobs requiring Senate confirmation -- with 515 of 549 jobs still lacking even a named candidate -- it is believed the Trump White House is mostly staffed by holdovers from the Obama administration, ill-tempered robots, and temps from an agency in Sevastopol, Crimea.

[ Politico / Federal News Radio ]