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The Trump administration has sent out a questionnaire to people who supported him in the campaign, all about the most important issue of our day — how the media is unfair to Donald Trump. So they can fill it out and send it back to him, and then he can go “Here! See! Everyone thinks you are unfair to me, neener neener neener, now go do your job and write exclusively about how nice I smell, how big my hands are, how good I am at shaking hands, and how everything is going really great these days for my administration!”

At which point, surely, we will all see the error of our ways.

Here are some sample questions!

Do Trump supporters think “the media” has treated them “unfairly?” Of course they do! We all already know that! That has been a thing for a while. Are they right? No, they are not. If anything, the media treated them rather delicately, often suggesting that they were being jerks because they were “economically anxious” rather than because they actually were jerks.

It is not the job of reporters to blow smoke up the president’s ass and pretend things are going well when they are clearly not. It is, actually, the job of reporters to look for things that are problems and then report on them. That is what is meant by “investigating.” They’re not just supposed to walk up to the president and say “Mr. Trump, how do you think this is going?” and then report that it’s going great. *That is not how anything works.* That’s not being fair, it’s being stupid.

Sure! There was a poll released that said that. There were also several polls that said they did not. Including one from Fox News, the network that is supposedly fair to him. Were the media to only report on that one poll, and then call it a day, that would be biased — reporting on all the polls is not.

Either you’re with us, or you’re biased!

It is not the job of the media to help you demonize Muslims and undocumented immigrants. If you want to do that, go ahead. It’s not that the news media are being biased, it’s that “illegal immigrants” and “Radical Islamic Terrorism” are loaded terms, and they are supposed to be more neutral. If you want to hear those things, go read an op-ed or a blog by a conservative.

Please show me where “the media” says that. Are we talking about pundits and opinion writers? If so, there are many who say they opposite as well! I, as a person who writes her opinion for a living, happen to believe that cutting corporate taxes to the point that has allowed companies like Wal-Mart to expand as much as they have has been detrimental to small businesses that can’t compete on that scale. And while I am a part of “the media” — I am not “the media” itself. I’m also not a reporter. I can say what I think, just as conservatives who don’t believe what I do can say what they think.

Media literacy is important. I cannot tell you the number of times, when I was writing op-eds for more general sites, that I would get comments like “You’re biased! Why don’t you just tell the facts and let us come to our own conclusions” and I would have to explain that it was not my job to do that — and, quite frankly, if you don’t understand the difference between reported news and editorial, then I don’t even want to know what “conclusions” you draw from the facts.

This isn’t to say that reported journalism can’t be biased — because it can be. From story selection to the choice of headline. It’s written by people, and although there is certainly an attempt made to be neutral, everyone has a different idea of what neutral is. That, again, is why media literacy is important.

Again — which media? “The Media” is not a monolith. It includes reported journalism, opinion journalism, talk radio, talk shows, music, art, entertainment, etc. etc. It includes practically everything, all kinds of people, all kinds of opinions. Some of which include positive representations of “people of faith” (Christians, they’re really just talking about Christians here), and some of which include negative representations.

THAT DOESN’T EVEN MAKE SENSE AS A QUESTION. I would love to see them find a straight reported piece in which gun violence was attributed to the Second Amendment. Not an opinion piece, a reported piece. They are the ones who have criticized “the media” for referring to “shootings” as “shootings” because they think that accurately describing what happened makes people not like guns. Calling a shooting a shooting is not “bias,” it’s accurate.

WHAT MEDIA? Is conservative media not media? Because I’m quite certain they don’t do that. Also, even in opinion journalism, we don’t just say “Welp, Donald Trump voters are all racist jerks and we’re not going to explain why! They just are! Take our word for it, because we have no facts.”

Here is how things work! A reporter gathers facts about a story by asking people involved about it. That reporter then reports what they say. For instance, if a crime has been committed, a reporter will ask the police investigating the incident as well as witnesses. If the reporter says “Police are saying the suspect is 5’8″ with buck teeth and a battleship tattooed across his chest” — that is not the reporter drawing conclusions. That is the reporter explaining what police are saying.

After that, there may be pundits who suggest that maybe he was in the Navy or something, because of the tattoo. Does that mean that the initial reporter had it in for the Navy? No, it does not. If it turns out the police are wrong and the suspect is actually 6’2″ with straight teeth and a giant iguana tattooed across his chest, was the reporter lying? No, because the reporter was reporting on what the police were saying.

OY.

Yeah, spend literally all of your time whining about how the “mainstream media” is unfair to you. This is definitely what the president should be doing with his time. Very good idea.

HEY, why not! Maybe Trump will yell at us also, and we’ll get some nice Streisand-effect clicks and donations!

After entering my “information” (not my real information), I was immediately directed to a page asking me to give Donald Trump money in order to fight the “mainstream media.”

I realize it’s possible that my memory is fuzzy here, but I don’t recall President Obama, or any other president in my lifetime, asking for donations to help him do stuff, particularly something as vague as defending “our movement” from the mainstream media, which you can’t do unless you just get rid of the First Amendment entirely. Likely, this has something to do with the fact that he signed up for re-election on day one, which is highly unusual.

So basically, Trump is taking people’s complete misunderstanding of how “the media” and the First Amendment operate, and using that to ask them for money. Seems legit!

You know what’s legit? Us. Help Wonkette tell Donald Trump to fuck himself three ways to Sunday, every day for the next four years.

[DonaldJTrump.com]

Hell.No. Hats
GIVE US MONEY! -

$5.00 Add to cart

  • AnnieGetYerFun

    I took this last night. I was very drunk. I might have answered all over the place.

  • calliecallie

    I wish I could say something clever and witty about all this, but I find as the Trump presidency continues to devolve that I am losing all sense of humor about it.

  • Jenny

    My survey never took me to a money page. I think my liberal use of the word “fuck” probably had something to do with it.

  • Lizzietish81

    I think the media was treating him unfairly…by giving him more press time while bashing his opponent and then trying to normalize his insanity.

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      In fairness, giving Dorito Mussolini more time to talk usually does end up being detrimental to him!

      • Lascauxcaveman

        Yup. They didn’t do him any favors by helping him get elected. He clearly hates the job already, and it’s only going to get worse.

  • memzilla Ω

    Nice poll! Although now I wish I had learned to code in AutoGrift.

  • Crystalclear12

    This is a good idea. Stupid people shouldn’t be allowed to keep their money anyway.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Only the really rich ones do.

  • Oblios_Cap

    You should have put a negative number in the recurring donation field. Instant riches!

  • Count Awesome

    Is Trump the dreamiest president ever?
    No, he’s a nightmare of a tangerine dream.

  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    Not only did I not get a survey, I never got my Obamaphone! What gives?…

  • stankbait

    Trump is a FOXophile because FOX is a Trumpophile.
    He likes his ass kissers.

  • Remember, ‘Take the Next Step’ leads em off the cliff

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      Lemming libelz!

  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    Should Donald trump have held his “presser” in his pajamas?
    No, in his prison stripes.

    • Shakenbake

      As long as it’s not his bathrobe. I’d bet that he never ties it.

      • therblig

        the belt is for autoerotic strangulation, silly

  • Oblios_Cap

    He’ll probably get tens of dollars, since his supporters are pretty much down to a small collection of toothless ex-miners.

  • Belasaurius
    • Jenny

      Hi Mom!

      • Red Bird Resistance Engineer

        Hey. Liking George is mandatory in Texas.

  • Trump wants more money? The $10+ MILLION he and his family are costing us per week isn’t enuff??

  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    Grifter’s gotta grift, madman’s gotta mad. Only the FSM can save us now.

  • Nounverb911
    • Lizzietish81

      All of it Katie?

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      It is unfair!©️ for the press to make fun of the scourge of jellybeans.

      –R. Reagan

  • msanthrope

    I had lots of fun with this too. Told them I rely on AlJazeera for news. Hope I don’t get a visit!

    • Querolous

      Told them Inspire

  • IAMBOWLINGGREEN

    Trump : The best? Or the best ever ? Or just tremendous ?
    (Please note that the ‘best ever’ is the correct answer. And wrong answers come with a penalty. A huge penalty. )

    • therblig

      i’m wavering between betterer and bestest.

      • Querolous

        Play it safe. Bettererest.

  • Lefty Frizzell

    Doesn’t sending it out only to campaign supporters somewhat invalidate the whole point of the exercise – to get unbiased feedback?

    • Crystalclear12

      Oh, I see your confusion. No, see, the purpose of this survey is to get money from rubes.

    • Historicat

      In the interests of providing Donnie with as much feedback as possible, I went to the link and filled out the survey. Just doing my part for the good of the country.

  • snigsy

    I await the distribution of Little Red Books.

    • Asterix

      Gold. Little Gold Books.

    • MynameisBlarney

      For a modest fee of course.

  • Vincent Ricola

    Wingnut lurkers, please don’t give this man your money. I’m not crying “liberal tears” if you do, I am laughing “liberal laffs”.

    Seriously though, homie to homie, you are getting played like a chump if you willingly hand this treasonous liar your hard-earned dollars.

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      Yeah, but that’s 25 fewer Ameros going secretly to support my favorite ghey porn sites. Won’t somebody please think of the MPEGs?!?

    • ariel_gee_398

      Yeah, at least donations to the ACLU are tax deductible. For this you just get derision and an increased chance of dying in a spite-war.

  • MynameisBlarney
    • HazooToo

      Like he’s an infected tumor.

      • MynameisBlarney

        You’re being far too kind.

      • BearDeLaOursistance

        He keeps doing shit that should get him locked up. I suppose that makes him incarcinogenic.

    • Vincent Ricola

      Holy shit, he’s dressed like the out-of-shape Joker in that picture.

    • Sardonicuss

      Until that pressaster, I think they were all peeing in their collective undies of the horror that Ryan had to endure at his rally just after Pussygate.
      Now I think they are peeing in their collective undies at the prospect of a bunch of people showing up at their front doors with pitchforks and torches.
      This is as it should be..except..they need to pee more!

    • C4TWOMAN

      It’s about fukking time!

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Duncan Hunter is a piece of shit.

      There, I said it.

  • BearDeLaOursistance

    When I was just a cub, I remember getting a kick out of Delia Ephron’s “Do I Have to Say Hello?”, a satirical illustrated manners guide aimed at preteens. One of the illustrations featured a permission-seeking kid literally pulling his mother’s tongue out into the shape of the word “YES”. I hadn’t thought of that book in 20 years… but that survey reminded me of nothing so much as that picture.

  • Treg Brown
  • laughingnome

    If we determine that your answers to not meet with our approval should we deport you by

    1) Boat

    2) Airplane

    3) Cattle Car

    • Crystalclear12

      Let me guess, name of the boat is St. Louis?

    • natoslug

      4) Trebuchet

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    His Fraudulency is already looting the Treasury. Does he really need to also be a shakedown artist?

    • ariel_gee_398

      Signs point to yes. I’m surprised he isn’t charging the government a licensing fee for use of his name and image.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      He needs all the loose coppers he can get to repay his Muscovite loan officers.

  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    Also too, this may be an admission that he’s getting ready to quit like a common Palin. Gotta grift in some cash before exiting. I mean, there’s no way he would actually spend the money raised on what he said he was raising it for.

    • YoBunnyBunny

      Oh, Whiskey, don’t be gettin’ me all hot and bothered at the thought of him quitting!!!!!

      • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

        Silly me. If he did decide to quit, he’d probably just sell his “brand” to the highest bidder who would then become a tRump (TM) “President”.

  • Mary Sandoras

    I think I can play this game too.

    Do you think your president is:
    A. Mentally unfit.
    B. Emotionally unfit
    C. Educationally unfit
    D. Needs his diaper changed
    E. All of the above
    F. Other, please specify

    • C4TWOMAN

      AOT,K

    • Latverian Diplomat

      G. Necktie unfit doesn’t fit.

      • one_who_wanders

        Too long and Too loose.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      F. AOT,K, and his followers are AOT, K, too.

  • Count Awesome

    The survey is so useless it will probably be wind up being used for “Family First”.
    “Survey Says…”

  • Nockular cavity

    You know who else asked for a monthly recurring donation…

    • Jenny

      Pat Robertson??!

    • MynameisBlarney

      Jim Bakker?

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      Larry Flynt?

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      Me, from unemployment?

    • Anna Rompage

      PBS, but I got a great canvas tote bag as a thank you!

    • Oblios_Cap

      The sperm bank?

      • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

        Just once a month? Weak.

        • Oblios_Cap

          That’s all they asked for. I believe I was told one could give more…

    • WotsAllThisThen

      The London Philharmonic?

    • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

      My parole officer? In a seal-able cup…

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      Wonkette?

    • Doug Langley

      My landlord?

    • Querolous

      Kotex?

  • CogitoErgoBibo

    I can’t remember who I read on Twitter replying to this that suggested 2 things:
    (1) Reply “other” for each answer and fill in, “Stop whining.”
    (2) Use as your own an address in a closely contested Republican district.

    I like the cut of their jib.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    After entering my “information” (not my real information), I was immediately directed to a page asking me to give Donald Trump money in order to fight the “mainstream media.”

    https://media.makeameme.org/created/trump-needs-money.jpg

  • Latverian Diplomat

    Don’t these things usually have a summary at the end like:

    If you answered “yes” to most questions, we love you! Please give generously.

    If you answered “no” to most questions, how did you even get here? A link from some Fake News site?

    If you answered “No Opinion”, then you may be undeducated. Great. We love you guys!

    If you answered “Other” we hate you. Hate the Other! Hate!

  • Martini Ambassador

    I filled it out. ‘Twas fun. I like the boxes where you can put in your own freeform answer.

  • Chadwells
  • Anna Rompage

    I wonder if their fundraising efforts will be used to fund “real news sites” that portray our dear leader in a more positive light…

    • Red Bird Resistance Engineer

      I think you’re alt-right about that.

    • Sardonicuss

      Comeing soon: HIS News. “His Struggle” is real news.

  • beingreleased

    George Takei’s take on this survey:
    https://twitter.com/GeorgeTakei/status/832644803938521089

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      HA!

  • Chadwells

    I hope he makes millions. Sooner or later, those poor fuckers gotta run out of money sacrifices for their Lord Dampnut.

  • Ryan Denniston

    “The Trump administration has sent out a
    questionnaire to people who supported him in the campaign”

    Thereby proving that when he says he wants to unify the country, he really means that everyone should agree with him. No doubt the results of this “survey” will show up as another alt-fact spewn from the mouth of Old Man Trump as he yells at clouds.

  • goonemeritus

    Man I miss having Nixon to kick around.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    HEY, why not! Maybe Trump will yell at us also, and we’ll get some nice Streisand-effect clicks and donations!

    And maybe some trolls who will be fun to fuck with, instead of tedious and dull ones? Is that too much to hope for?

  • Ryan Denniston

    Trump does know that if he decides not to run, he can’t actually keep the money he raises through his reelection committee. Right?

    • (Major_Major_Major)ly_Pissed

      That money is going out to “expenses” from Trump-owned interests as fast as it comes in. That shit’ll be in the red before he declares whether he will actually run or not.

      • ViveLaPersistence

        Crap, now I have to go back to reading his damn FEC filings. Thanks Obama.

    • OrG

      Short answer: I doubt it.

    • Doug Langley

      No.

      This has been another episode of simple answers to simple questions.

  • elviouslyqueer

    As someone who has crafted more than a few surveys for different audiences, I can safely say that this is one of THE. FUCKING. WORST. This is the kind of thing that makes Nate Silver burst into tears before ordering a seventh round of tequila shots.

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      I’d like to see Nate that wasted.

      On second thought, no, not really.

    • h4rr4r

      Yeah, this makes the part of my brain that remembers my sociology minor want to crawl out of my skull.

      This is not a poll. This was designed to rile up the base so they donate.

      • aureolaborealis

        ‘Push-poll’ is the term, I believe.

        • h4rr4r

          Yup, that is what those old neurons say.

        • CripesAmighty

          There are ‘push polls’, and there are ‘shove-the-bus-off-the-cliff’ polls.

          • Querolous

            “Shove the money in my pocket” polls

    • ViveLaPersistence

      IKR? I answered most of the questions with “This question is dumb,” and “Stop using double negatives to get the answer you want,” and “Did Betsy DeVos write this question? Because it’s illiterate.” I assume they will toss my answers but it felt good.

      • HolidayinCambodia

        I wasn’t as snarky, but many of my answers were things like, “yes, the press treated you unfairly because they treated your arguments as good faith, rational arguments that needed to be equally weighed against good-faith, fact-based arguments of the other side.”

        • Mariewgamache

          Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours & have longer with friends and family! !dh241c:
          On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
          !dh241c:
          ➽➽
          ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleFinancialCashJobs541ShopReviewsGetPaid$97/Hour ★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫::::::!dh241c:….,……

  • laughingnome

    When Bannon Met Trumpy, a romCom farce that has an end of the world ending.

    • Anna Rompage

      I think they already made that one, and somehow I don’t think this sequel you speak of is going to be nearly as funny..
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yma-g4gTwlE

    • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

      Bannon + Trumpy = Bumpy or Tron?

  • goonemeritus

    If we wanted Trump’s supporter opinions we would go to Walmart and ask them ourselves.

  • laughingnome

    As they say in Queens, who axed you?

  • h4rr4r

    I noticed they did not even bother with an email after the poll.

    This is just to get donations.

    • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

      Wow. Getting financially fucked and not even an email kiss.

  • Thiazin Red

    I feel like there should be SOME subtlety when pulling a scam, it shouldn’t be so obvious should it?

    • YoBunnyBunny

      When your targets are aggressively dumb as fuck, there’s no need to be subtle.

      • Thiazin Red

        But just as a dedication to the craft of scamming.

    • aureolaborealis

      Why be subtle when you don’t need to?

    • therblig

      “one does like one’s perfidy to be subtle, don’t you agree?” – Roddy Martindale

  • Blackest Noobs

    decades into the future:

    years later when it’s President Malia’s administration and Donald J. Trump and all his male heirs except for Barron, who turned out to be the “Deep Throat” ( Don Man wasn’t kidding, the kid was good with ‘puters…he was the one who leaked the Flynn leak and the lonely dad bathrobe stories) for the downfall of the Trump dynasty, rots in jail in Guantanamo at the fabulous Camp X-Ray, white people who voted for Trump, who are still fucking assholes, and will be forever and ever and ever, finally realized they got duped….that all this guy ever was…was a con man….oh he did what he said he would do…and he broke the law doing it….and it made everything worse….it took five consecutive Democratic Administration, a bipartisan Congress, to fix all the wrong he did. the Republicans finally gave up on social conservatism, and went back to the old standby….dicks who don’t wanna pay taxes and spend lots of money…but now see you have to spend it sometimes to make our society function…so some taxes and watching how that money is spent like a hawk ( certainly our current Republicans are not like this… but it’s coming, they’re fractured now even if they seem united….they’re not…there’s are cracks)

  • An Outhouse for the Resistance

    Do you think lightweight Schumer should be dictating whether the President meets with the CBC (Canadian Broadcast Company)?
    _ Yes
    _ No
    _ Deport Schumer

    • Anna Rompage

      I’m just happy that they’re not suggesting putting Schumer in an oven, yet….

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      Better to be a lightweight than a bantam cock.

  • one_who_wanders

    In the Public Opinion world we call this FRUGging – Fund Raising Under the Guise of surveying (yes we are that weird). Routinely condemned but still prevalent – I can recall the WWF doing it as well as the RNC numerous times.

    • SweetDeeKat

      Pro wrestling is a non-profit charity? My stars.

      • Querolous

        Uh they had to change to the WWE. Some prior use thing.

    • shoeflyin

      Why I ignore almost all “surveys”

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Five fucking weeks of this shit. Don’t know if I’ll survive this president.

    • Apple Scruff

      I don’t know that he’ll survive. So it’s all good.

      • Doug Langley

        Question 9: Trump will end his term in office by:

        o Stroke
        o Impeachment
        o Cardiac Arrest
        o Other

        • marxalot

          AOT,K
          (just not in that order)

        • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

          I like Article 25 better than Impeachment. Trump should like it, because while other Presidents have been impeached, none have been Article 25’d.

          I’m unique! No other President has yoogely bigly been the best at being unable to discharge their duties, we’re setting records, people! Just ask them! TREMENDOUS

        • Apple Scruff

          I really wish Father Time would step in and do his fucking job. Lord knows Lady Liberty and Lady Justice have their hands full (cause women know what’s up).

    • Marion in Savannah

      I know that my liver won’t.

  • Apple Scruff
    • Shanzgood

      I can’t do it.

      • HogeyeGrex

        Never get out of the boat.

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      “You understand what uranium is you worthless piece of shit now I’m going to talk to you like a school marm addresses an ignorant, brain-damaged kid.”

    • Anna Rompage

      Yes, many many bad things… Like using it as the base for the bronzer Trump uses on a daily basis…

    • dxyseilc of the rstesinace

      He really does have the best words. His words, they’re so great, terrific, just the best.

    • Thaumaturgist

      See? You don’t have to do Wonkette to learn things. Not anymore. You can watch press conferences to learn things.

    • Doug Langley

      I can’t wait until he tries explaining plutonium is a Disney cartoon.

      • Querolous

        And I ant to hear him try to say “Molybdenum.”

        • Doug Langley

          Place yer betz it comes out as “Moby Dick”.

    • therblig

      still, it was nice of him to slip his dick size in there

  • proudgrampa

    “The Media” is the new “They.”

  • shastakoala

    This questionnaire is good spitball material.

  • Swampay

    “Do you believe that Our Party should…” blah blah blah

    Say, that sounds familiar…. who else thought the Party should dominate all political life…?

  • Villago Delenda Est

    I filled one out. I spent a lot of time on “other” in numerous ways.

    These vile people need to [redacted in deference to the Commenting Rules for Radicals]

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Question: Do you believe that the media creates false feuds within our Party in order to make us seem divided?

    Answer: You think the stories about Republicans with half a brain becoming freaked out about the train wreck that is Donald’s reign are false? That’s the best news I’ve had all day!

  • Mavenmaven

    “on our movement” well, clearly this poll is unbiased and scientific.

  • Lefty Frizzell

    It’s basically a skewed poll manufacturing support for an authoritarian regime with a white nationalist agenda. And the funny thing is he doesn’t really have to manufacture that support.

  • Jenny

    Sitting at work listening to my oil business just a good ol boy type of a coworker on the phone with his industry buddies say this presidency has been a disaster so far.

    Why, I never thought I would hear such things…

    • YoBunnyBunny

      Why cann’t they just give Trump a chance, huh?

  • YoBunnyBunny

    Do you believe that the media uses slurs rather than facts to attack conservatives on issues like border control, religious liberties, and ObamaCare?

    WTF? You mean the Anti-Politically Correct Precious Snowflakes are offended by SLURS???? In the very same sentence that they are referring to “ObamaCare”, which was originally a derisive slur for the ACA????

    Why I am even trying to parse this?

    • TJ Barke

      What the fuck is their threshold for a slur?

      • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

        Does it offend a WASP Republican man?
        If yes, slur
        If no, then proceed

        Does it offend anyone else?

        Irrelevant

      • YoBunnyBunny

        I know… “Bigot”, “Homophobe”, “Xenophobic”, “Racist”, “Misogynist”. Those are “slurs” to them… Totally the same as fag, nigger, cunt, and towel-head, right???

  • Chyron HR

    “Do you believe the media has reported unfairly on our movement?”

    Oh, yes, Donald. They never talk about how firm and swift your stools are.

    • Mary Sandoras

      FTW!

    • Chyron HR

      7. Do you use a source not listed above?

      Did you know that people refer to Donald’s adult sons as “Uday and Qusay Trump”?

      8. Which online source do you use the most?

      I read the New York Times and the Washington Post. I assume you did not ask about print media because Donald is functionally illiterate.

      14. Do you believe that contrary to what the media says, raising taxes does not create jobs?

      I believe that nobody who voted for Donald is smart enough to diagram this sentence.

    • Querolous

      This non-comment really boweled me over!

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    Somewhere, Sarah Palin weeps at the thought of a grift unrealized.

    • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

      Sarah would steal bottles from a bag lady so she could get the deposit.

      • Jennifer R

        Well, if you drank as much as she does, you would look for ways to minimize the cost too.

    • Jennifer R

      Saint Sarah from Wasilla is too busy being falling down drunk to care.

  • ZangoCrudmonger

    These fuckers are just unashamed of anything. Every morning I wake to a house full of Amway salesjerks who also have bees shooting out of their mouths.

    Fucking bees stinging me with pyramid scheme double talk. This permanent scowl is frightening even the best of my bartenders.

  • Boscoe

    Wait a minute… WHO is the donation going to? I’m assuming the White house doesn’t have a mechanism for accepting paypal donations. Is it Barron Industries? Did I win?

    • capnkrunch

      Trump campaign 2020. Grift grift grift grift grift…

    • capnkrunch

      “Trump Make America Great Again Committee (“TMAGAC”) is a joint
      fundraising committee composed of Donald J. Trump for President, Inc.
      (“DJTP”) and the Republican National Committee (“RNC”).”

      I was right…

  • azeyote

    he’s got the sheep – might as well do some shearing –

  • jowgajen

    A short trip to school:

    An Eminent Psychiatrist Demurs on Trump’s Mental State

    https://www.nytimes.com/2017/02/14/opinion/an-eminent-psychiatrist-demurs-on-trumps-mental-state.html

    Read the whole thing before getting shouty.

    • La Cieca

      Briefly: “Trump Isn’t Insane, He’s Just Evil”

      • HogeyeGrex

        Ockham’s pinking shears.

  • UnsaltedSinner

    Remember when Trump said he didn’t need to ask people for money, because he’s so fabulously rich?

    • Skaarphy

      Completely forgot. Hard to keep track with his lies.

  • Carpe Vagenda

    Subtle, CNN
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/93a997de401fb3cea5e8c228edb3a79fc7c4a38ee6937d9e42a0fb31c71f31bb.png

    It is highly unlikely that press secretary Sean Spicer and presidential counselor Kellyanne Conway loaded their boss up with Red Bull Thursday morning and advised him to become unhinged during the press conference.

    I doubt they encouraged him to ask April Ryan, an African-American reporter, to set up a meeting with the Congressional Black Caucus or to say, “Nuclear holocaust would be like no other.”

    As my old boss, Rahm Emanuel, used to say, “The fish rots at the head.”

    and he would know.

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      Weird, you’d think a big operation like CNN would know how to spell “faeces”

  • boyblue122

    Is Fox News part of the lying media after looking at this survey

    – Yes
    – I dunno, I only watch Fox. Where else should I go for news now?

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/C44q_sLVUAIITIP.jpg

    • boyblue122

      The twitter replies by Trumpsters are hilarious. Calling fox fake news now

      https://twitter.com/FoxNews/status/832621183719841797

      • Marion in Savannah

        I guess that pretty soon Spicey will have only Breitfart at the press briefings.

        • boyblue122

          and infowars/Alex Jones

  • Teecha

    So… how do I fill this in? What’s a US zip code I can use?

    • Jennifer R

      you can use 28804.

      • Teecha

        Thanks Jennifer!

    • marxalot

      78723, 89120, 20015, 76133, 78666, 60652

    • dxyseilc of the rstesinace

      12345 is an actual zip code.

    • Mary Sandoras

      Make it a red district zip.

    • Marion in Savannah

      Mine is 31404. Deep South, very red.

      • Teecha

        May I use it Marion?

        • Marion in Savannah

          Yes, absolutely!

          • Teecha

            Cheers ears! Have done.

    • boyblue122

      Also, too, heres a website for burner email addresses if you need one. Dont want to get hit by spam using a real email address

      https://temp-mail.org/en/

      • Jennifer R

        It only looks for an @ and a .VallidSuffix

        • boyblue122

          ooh ok…thanks

      • Teecha

        Thanks! I have an old hotmail one I use to avoid spam!

    • puredog

      20500
      That’ll scare ’em.

  • Suttree

    I would love to hear the definition of “slurs”. Please motherfucker, get out a dictionary and tell me something. Please refute that accurately describing someone is a slur. I’m waiting. Even Frank Luntz hates your ass, and that says something horribly terrible about our country.

  • andyshelt

    Venn diagram showing the following groups:

    1) “low information Trumpkins who would complete this questionnaire and then click on the donation link”

    2) “gullible fuckwits who give to crooked televangelists”

    Feel free to add any other categories I failed to list.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/90f9812ebb6140104fc49fa0e3e9b17ea3059a1c906fed14d7d2f668055514fb.png

    • Marion in Savannah

      Republicans and morans.

    • Suttree

      I would, but I don’t want to slur 27% of the population that are cruel, hateful, stupid sacks of shit.

    • Heyzeus Ahchay

      Lucky email recipients who respond to Nigerian princes willing to share their personal wealth.

    • Heyzeus Ahchay

      Unemployed miners who think coal should be used to power aircraft, missiles, home lights and furnaces, office computers, ships, submarines, cars, and e-cigarettes.

    • Heyzeus Ahchay

      Unemployed Slovenian clothes horses who got a glimpse of the U.S. during illegal photo shoots and needed to find a self-obsessed, self-indulgent man-child who would support them in the way to which they wanted to be accustomed.

  • Arse Grammatica

    I flunked this too.

  • proudgrampa
  • marxalot

    Man, it’s a good thing I’m sober now.

    • Suttree

      You lie!

      • marxalot

        Sure it is. If I were still drinking, I’d suspect I had something really bad in order to get my brain that scrambled.

  • honeywest

    This “poll” forgot the question, “When was the last time you beat your wife?”

    • ariel_gee_398

      “If greater than 30 years ago, are you available to fill a Cabinet post?”

      • Suttree

        If less than 30 years ago, can you pay and or threaten her to say that she made it up?

  • o’look Skwerl!

    Totally legit survey. Send monies to Wonkette.

    https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/F7LZR6W

    • Sister the Persister

      Cannot believe I was not pestered for money. 3/10 would maybe survey again.
      (not really – that was fabulous, 10/10, would push clicky things again and again and again!)

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨
    • Chyron HR

      So how’s that developmentally disabled-y fascist-y thing workin’ out for ya? (sucks on 128-ounce Mega Big Gulp, brays witlessly)

    • boyblue122

      Well, that plan worked out well

  • Skaarphy

    Never knew such callous liars in my life, ever. If not for the internet I wouldn’t believe they even existed. Not for their callousness, but for their firm belief that they can get away with it.

    It’s like they KNOW they can get away with it.

    I’m 42 years old, and if they DO get away with it, if Trump doesn’t universally fall from grace come the next months/years, I’ll have to re-adjust my worldview, or peopleview.

    Not let it slowly evolve, like I expected it to do until the day of my demise, but completely throw it overboard and replace it with a more dismal one.

    • Suttree

      Welcome aboard. I hope that you drink, and dislike wearing pants.

      • Skaarphy

        Thank you. I do like to drink, but pants … I don’t know. I like pants. They make me feel look proper.

        • Suttree

          Whatever floats your boat. During the winter, I am fond of pajamas myself.

          • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

            So that is what pants are for! They’re for boat-floating!

            That answers a lot of questions about mizzen-masts, yard-arms and even battening down of hatches.

          • Teecha

            That and why the bosun is spelt boatswain

          • BearDeLaOursistance

            Still doesn’t explain why I got kicked out when I went into that boat shop with a defective product and asked for a mast rebate.

  • Paul Dietzel

    “Question #1: Do you believe the MSM has reported unfairly on our movement”; reminds me of being a H.S. sophomore, hospitalized for a minor Gym Class mishap and one morning the Nurse’s Aide comes in the room, asks if I had a “movement” yet that a.m. Hell, I’m 14 y.o, had no idea WTF she was talking about. I was in there for back spasms (like Tiger Woods, but way back before they became fashionable) so I thought it would sound better that I had regained my mobility so I told her “Oh yeah, I been movin’ all around the bed” and so-on, much to her dismay that she’d have a lot of cleaning up to do. But anyhoo, the movement that poor orderly was asking about is
    no doubt preferable to the one the Trumpettes are referring to.

  • Jennifer R
    • Scrofula

      Pres. Supervillain has such great teeth, though.
      Lack of absurd bouffant troubling.

  • guppy06
  • Lance Thrustwell

    I wuz confused at first – I thought this was an actual “Cosmo quiz” (apparently they have quizzes?). And then I thought – huh, this sounds kind of Fox News-y! I thought Cosmo was all about having mind-blowing sex while shopping for shoes in the cutest blouse ever, or something like that.

    But now all is clear. Who got on a Trump mailing list? You, Robyn? Takin’ one for the team!

    • V4Virginia, NASTY!

      You just have to give “a name,” “a zip code,” and “an e-mail address.”

      According to a friend. **whistles innocently**

  • Grifters gotta grift, Conmen gotta con

  • Jgb979

    He truly is the most sensitive snowflake on the planet. The 24/7 job it must be assuring him that he’s a good boy and that everyone loves him.

    This again was written as comedy but has turned out to be more documentary.
    Through Donald’s Eyes http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/through-donalds-eyes/3438964

    The psychological issues here could fill an encyclopedia.

    • eka

      can we start complaining about trump tears now? it’s alliterative and at least “liberal tears” are about things like the destruction of the planet and abuse of human rights, while trump tears are about how mean cnn is.

      • The Flaming Carrot

        Ich brauche einen krankenWAAAAAAAHgen.

    • Zyxomma

      Never saw that before (just see a few clips here at Wonkette). Well worth the click, thanks.

  • javadavis
  • Bill D. Burger
  • therblig

    best thing i’ve read all day – really makes you think

    https://extranewsfeed.com/why-liberals-are-wrong-about-trump-c865b12c72a7#.imr7t0fsk

    • shoeflyin

      Ooh! Raspberry scones! :)

  • Alan

    Well known fact among economists that cutting taxes on wealthy people encourages them to take higher salaries and pay the peons less. God are people stupid.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      They need encouragement?

      • Alan

        Actually they do. Or maybe they can be discouraged, depending on your point of view.

  • Rick Hill

    They did leave some “questions” for the next letter:
    Do you think that trump should slowly begin rounding up anyone who we think is in the country illegally or should he just authorize the military to set up roadblocks and checkpoints every five miles(excluding neighborhoods that are majority white and earn $200k+)
    A. Now! Start now! Round ’em up and get those kids with their pants down around thier knees while you’re at it!
    B. Taking away our civil liberties should be done incrementally so we can also change the courts to keep liberals from stopping us.
    C. Make trump preznit for life so we can stop making such hard choices.

  • Michael R
    • Roadstergal

      “You want the guy over there.”

  • SnarkON

    Thank you, Robin. Great explainer.

  • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

    If I was an Extreme Ratfucker XXL, I’d figure out some way to contact some Russians to make really large continuing donations to this cause.

    Then follow the money.

    And then then nail this whiny shitwhistle’s dick to the Emoluments Clause, and then hang it around every Trumpkins’ neck to wear around for eternity, like prisoners in olde tyme cartoons.

  • Basic English

    Obama was always asking for donations as I recall. I’d occasionally click on the “add your name to the people who think [the latest GOP atrocity] is unacceptable” — only to get funneled to a donation page. I think that’s standard operating procedure for politicians these days, as all they do is raise money for their next campaign or pet project. Or, in this case, for the Trump Campaign to siphon off cash to the Donald’s hotels for rental space, so he can continue to grift his supporters for the next for years.

    • Heyzeus Ahchay

      I think Cheeto Hitler is trying to raise money for his upcoming legal bills by fleecing the half- and quarter-wits who still believe he’s going to rescue them from the stupidity they didn’t overcome before they quit school in the ninth grade because high school was too hard.

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      That was DNC, not personal campaign funds.

      • Basic English

        Actually it was OFA. Not that I minded.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Polling your supporters to ask if they support you is a sign of desperation.
    And Donnie, “your movement” stinks and needs to be flushed.

    • Rick Hill

      Polling, manipulating, conning….

  • MeerkatsRMammals

    His attacks on the press are really getting out of control. He spent years playing the media (John Barron, gossiping to Page Six, ads for his businesses, etc) & now they’re not playing along. That makes him so sad :( Rather than take his ball & go home, he wants to chuck it at the press pool like a dodge ball?

  • Rick Hill
  • hendenburg2

    We should be consider it lucky that they even had “no” answers available

  • HolidayinCambodia

    I took it, but when I got to the bottom, I decided not to give them my name, or any name, and even my escort-site email address.

    Still, though, I wonder if the first question is a gateway question, and if one answered “no,” they would just toss the whole questionnaire.

    • Roadstergal

      The next survey response options:
      -Yes
      -Hell yes
      -Other (forms of yes)

  • Longstreet63

    I’m pretty sure the results of this survey will come up in the next press conference…

  • darnyoudarnyoutoheck

    *blink* *blink*

  • puredog

    It’s at times like this that I am half-tempted (you’ll see what I did there) to break out my old numismatic hoard of 1/2-cent pieces (still legal specie) and donate them, one by one. Would be horribly expensive, and counter-productive (giving the Trump people rare coins that they could convert to mucho Ameros), but it would still be fun.

  • DahBoner

    I look forward to a new taxpayer funded movie where the hero watches Fox News for 11 hours straight and then strains for an hour trying to drop a log…
    https://media.makeameme.org/created/im-constipated-2radgi.jpg

    • The Flaming Carrot

      After eating the taco salad chez Trump Towers.

      My kid pulled this face when she was still in diapers.

  • SadDemInTex

    After awhile I just started using emojis in the comment box. 🤡👎🏾🤑

  • Juan de Fuca

    The only question this so-called survey is missing is:

    “Are you familiar with the study that shows small hands are not indicative of penis size?”

  • dxyseilc of the rstesinace

    26. Do you believe the mainstream media is so mean and unfair when they quote Donald Trump verbatim?

    27. When the mainstream media digs up your great-grandmother’s corpse and shits on her chest, do you feel that Trump should put a stop to that?

    28. Do you believe Trump has done a good job of hijacking the term “fake news” and using it as Orwellian doublespeak to discredit news sources that don’t slavishly parrot his conspiracy theories?

    29. Do you have any extra money lying around that you could spare for our billionaire president?

  • Ergoetal

    “Do you believe…contrary to…raising taxes does not create jobs…”

    I doubt Trump’s people can follow the double-double negatives to come up with the answer he wants. Better watch out for this one, boyos.

    • Jamoche

      I couldn’t even figure it out, and Boolean logic was my favorite CS class.

  • A_Changeling

    If people fill this using fake info (they can check if an email is real at least, right?) do you think they’ll just ditch those answers and use it as proof that fake Soros protesters are doing voter fraud again, boo-hoo?

    • Jamoche

      The only way to check that an email address is real is to send mail to it; it can’t be done on a webform and isn’t that great an idea on a native app either. They just make sure it matches the minimum format of “a@b.c”. So anything will work to get past the form. It’s possible they may toss results if the mail bounces but that’s non-trivial.

    • Raan
  • Treehopper1104

    Where the hell is that money going?

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      Here’s the trick. Shitgibbon “self-funded” by making a loan to his campaign. He can charge interest on that. Now he’s signed up for 2020, he can raise funds for his campaign … and pay himself back with interest.

      The art of the grift.

  • motmelere
    • PixieThis

      So that’s an “OH YESSSSSSS!!!” Thank you, mr. trump thanks you bigly.

    • SeeTrain65

      You had me at “Hell No.”

  • whitroth

    Are you being treated unfairly?

    FUCK, NOT FAIRLY ENOUGH! If they were being *fair*, they’d have been calling you a lying, sexual predating, crooked FASCIST since you stuck your nose into the primaries.

  • Hollis Brown

    You are trying to prevent the truth from becoming known. This is the true aim of the mainstream media, the only one that gets any attention from the mainstream media. Their one and only mission is to undermine the authority of our nation’s leader in order to promote the radical homosexual islamic progressive feminist illegal alien agenda. These haters of America and its greatness (which will be made again), these greedy corrupt Wall Street socialists, want to destroy us from within. They spread lies with fake propaganda and un American slander of those who endanger their lives and their freedom serving in public office in the face of RADICAL ISLAMIC TERROR agenda. Don’t you get it???! Wake up people ! (and get yer guns)

    • President in Exile Firefly

      I find your views compelling and would like to subscribe to your newsletter.

    • Erala Contratista

      Thought the corrupt, greedy, etcetcetc Wall Streeters are all in the Cabinet now??

    • Tiny kaiju

      That is quite a mouthful there. Is that anything like the lesbian Eskimo midget left handed ninja albino agenda?
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FB9DSWxtsgU

    • Tiny kaiju

      Oh look everybody! It’s another person who doesn’t know what socialism is. Or what Wall Street apparently.

    • Tiny kaiju

      Do please tell us how political risk their lives everyday by flapping their gums and refusing to meet with their constituents? Are all the voters in their districts radical Islamic terrorist homosexual feminist progressive immigrants?

    • Sardonicuss

      Troll better.

    • shivaskeeper

      If you are a Poe, you are good.

      If not, I’m going to need you to show your work. Some sort of citation or evidence of any of your claims would be nice.

      • CripesAmighty

        Yeah, I vote Poe. 8/10.

    • (Major_Major_Major)ly_Pissed

      Did you forget to take your dried frog pills today? Mustrum, the bursar has gone librarian shit arson.

    • Biff52
      • SeeTrain65

        I’m taking the “under.”

    • Jonny On Maui

      You got the warning about the brown acid right?

      • SeeTrain65

        I blocked him. Thank Wavy Gravy for me, would you?

        • Biff52

          I looked through his history, and there’s some thoughtful commentary in there. This is just–weird…

    • (Major_Major_Major)ly_Pissed

      Conversely, and I’m just spit balling here, but perhaps the mainstream media is excercising due diligence and calling out the klepocratic fascist disengenous closeted, reactionary policies of a narcissistic ignorant intemperant blowhard.

      Also too, my taint; swab it, fucko.

    • The Flaming Carrot

      You STOLE the Radiohead bear. I’m tellllllling.

    • Kiri the Resistant Unicorn

      Are you getting enough oxygen?

    • HazooToo
    • CripesAmighty

      BINGO! (Where do I redeem my card?)

    • Tiny kaiju

      It appears I owe you an apology and a major Poe award. Your Nelson Munse HaHa tee shirt will be shipped to you shortly.

  • puredog

    So, I submitted my accurately-filled-out-results-skewing survey and got taken to the money/ID parts. I didn’t want to even give them a dollar (minimum donation), and so bailed. Will my survey answers nonetheless be tallied, or do you have to pay to play?

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      Good one.

  • Mack N. Nietzsche

    More proof that what we have here is a Piracy and not an Administration. WALK THE PLANK! WALK THE PLANK!

  • Mehmeisterjr

    That didn’t exist for long.

  • Raan
    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      I said “Other – Stop tweeting, delete your account”.

  • hvdv

    A former student sent me this very same questionnaire (I teach research methods, and as part of that, constructing a questionnaire is one of the things students are supposed to learn), with the comment “Can we just…. I can’t even… Like how… *slamming my head into my glass desk*” I think she expressed herself eloquently.

    • CatCafe #ShePurrsisted

      Well, there’s her problem, she slammed her HEAD into her glass desk, instead of breaking it with a gavel, which is what you’re supposed to do when some uppity broad thinks she has the right to her own body.

      • hvdv

        Hard-headed women rule the world. If you need a gavel, that’s weak.

  • Ms.MLG on Maui

    Each time I read the words “do Trump supporters think,” I had a little laugh.

    • The Flaming Carrot

      Me, too. Tee hee.

  • Biff52

    On question 15, re: people of faith being unfairly characterized by the media, I answered “Hello, Muslims?”

    • Scrofula

      They said “people”, thus excluding muslins.

  • ViveLaPersistence

    I’ve done the thing 3 times now. What’s the Wonkette record?

  • I took that yesterday and did not realize that #13 referenced political correctness. I have an extension that changes “political correctness” to “treating people with respect” so on my screen, that question read, “Do you believe that treating people with respect has created biased news coverage on both illegal immigration and radical Islamic terrorism?”

    I thought that was weirdly blatant even for Trump. I forgot about the browser extension until I saw the question reproduced here.

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      That’s okay. i answered several with “Other – Citation Needed” so we’re covered.

  • Blender_415

    Is this that stupid “poll” that pops up every once in a while on my phone while I’m trying to play whatever game I’m playing on it?

  • Panika MCD

    yes! someone else who thinks everyone needs media literacy RIGHT NOW! requiring media literacy as part of public school education is yet another thing that makes Canada better than us. and while I’d settle for a high school class, they start in elementary school!

    on the donation thing: Bamz used the whitehouse.gov account for those things. but pretty much every campaign website ever is set up to send those who answer a petition to a donation ask after completing it. this may simply be an oversight.

  • Mike Steele

    At Crroks & Liars, latest propaganda apparatchik tactic: WH floats provocative memo (e.g. Natl Guard); trolls MSM till they get a bite; news outlet requests reply or clarification; getting none, they nevertheless run with it; surrogates pronounce it ‘fake’, and say ‘why didn’t they ask US first?’ over a mellow whine. It’s Machivellian genius, and has worked more than once. Time for MSM to INSIST on clarifications from principals – Cheeto, Cab. Secty., dept. head – and, if none are forthcoming, at least add the old caveat “repeated attempts to reach so-and-so have gone unanswered . Then, ball’s in THEIR court.

  • sgt. jmk of the résistance

    Well, I just took that quiz… that was fun!

    It was probably not what Donkey and his fans wanted to hear, but I had a good time.

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