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Inside Rick Wiles’s head (Artist’s conception)

Dear Wonkers: We like to think we’re fairly imaginative writers here at Yr Wonkette. We come up with some pretty silly stuff about which to make our little news-related japes. But we must confess: There’s virtually no way we’d have dreamed of spinning out a scenario about the real reason Gen. Mike Flynn got shitcanned by the Trump administration that could possibly equal the sheer creative insanity of fundagelical radio preacher Rick Wiles, who explained Tuesday that Flynn was forced to resign by a cabal of demon-possessed child molesters, led by Hillary Clinton and John Podesta, working out of a Washington DC pizzeria. Yes, kids, according to this great prophet, Mike Flynn was brought low by Satan Himself because Flynn dared to speak the truth about #Pizzagate.

You see, not only is Wiles quite certain #Pizzagate is real, he also knows Hillary Clinton and aide Rhillippe Reines’s tweets making fun of Flynn and suggesting he look for work at Domino’s were not jokes! They were in fact an acknowledgement that the conspiracy is real, and now Hillary is gloating that she and her cabal of “devil-worshiping, Luciferian, demon-possessed maniacs” have defeated Mike Flynn. You betcha!

As you’ll recall, Hillz and Phillz had tweeted:

Jokes? There are no jokes in Rick Wiles’s demon-haunted world, where, as Wiles explained to Jim Bakker in 2015, Satanists also run secret demon-worshiping baby murder temples at Planned Parenthood, where they literally are invited in to help with abortions so they can use aborted babies in Satanic rituals.

That’s the one where Wiles exclaimed of these Planned Parenthood Satanists, “They’re natal Nazis!” which we still need to get on a coffee mug, probably.

So of course Hillary Clinton is bragging about the success of her coven in bringing down Mike Flynn, a good Christian general who simply thinks it makes perfect sense to be afraid of all Muslims:

Here’s the nutso recording from Wiles’s wackaloon radio show:

Hillary Clinton is telling up front what this is all about, guys. She’s telling us […] She’s bragging it’s about Pizzagate. She’s telling them, “We took you down, you dared to talk about our filthy child molestation ring and we took you down.” That’s what she’s saying.

See? And you thought maybe Flynn’s weirdo son was forced out of the Trump transition team because his obsession with conspiracy theories was embarrassing and distracting. That’s what Hillary and her minions want you to believe!

This is about Gen. Flynn and others who are aware that there is a criminal cabal running this nation and much of the world. And I don’t know whether Gen. Flynn comprehends that they are devil-worshiping, Luciferian, demon-possessed maniacs, but he does know they’re child molesters. He does know that they’re criminals, that they’re involved in child trafficking, child molestation, child rape, child murder. He knows it. He knows it! You can’t be in that position of power and not have information about these people.

Obviously! Which is why all the real news comes out on Twitter and the Alex Jones show, at least until Jones takes it down after some nut goes and shoots up a pizza place. Exposing the truth ain’t easy, and the Luciferian demon-possessed maniacs are all over the place, many of them engaged in psychological warfare by calling highly-placed insiders like Mike Flynn and Rick Wiles complete kooks, muahahaha.

Wiles went on to predict that when the real truth about all this finally comes out, the nation will be shocked — since clearly it’s being suppressed now, what with people openly dismissing it on the interwebs and pointing out inconvenient details like the complete lack of any evidence of missing children, victims who’ve survived, forensic evidence, or anything more than some internet loons decoding pizza menus. But once the TRUTH is finally known, he says,

there will be mass vomiting in the society when people find out what these demon-possessed rulers have been doing for decades with children, the children who are kidnapped and disappear.

Why no rash of missing persons reports in Washington? Simple! The children are being disappeared from “third-world nations” and brought to the nonexistent dungeons under Comet Ping Pong, which doesn’t actually have a basement, but only if you believe the media and not Rick Wiles, who added that “Christians don’t even understand that for years they’ve been voting for child molesters. They’ve been voting for devil-worshiping, Luciferian, demon-possessed men and women.”

He doesn’t mean everyone in politics, of course, probably just the Democrats, because we totally remember the fight over the “Luciferian demon-possession, child molestation, flag-burning, and capital gains tax increase” plank of the 1988 platform. But LOTS of world leaders have somehow managed to hide all the evidence:

Many of the key officials, elected and appointed, and in corporate board rooms and in Hollywood and in New York City, they are part of a global child molestation ring. And this must be dealt with. This is the dark cancer that’s killing the country.

Weirdly, while the Clinton-Podesta Satanist ring has forced Mike Flynn out of a job, his first act after resigning was not to rush to Fox News and spill the beans about the cabal. Maybe because he fears for his life! And Rick Wiles, who knows all this, is still walking around free, completely untouched by the nefarious, world-ruling plot, probably thanks to your generous love offerings, which have kept him safe under the Shield of the Lord.

Guy ought to try writing political dick jokes. We bet he could come up with some whoppers.

You know who never gives Yr Wonkette any money to keep us ad-free? Rick Wiles. And neither does SATAN! Think about that connection while you send us money, won’t you? Thanks loads — with extra cheese!

[RightWingWatch]

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  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
  • Nounverb911
    • Pinkham’s Law

      I WANT THAT RECIPE, DAMMIT!

    • HogeyeGrex

      “Your mother sucks pepperonis in hell!!!”

    • Alan

      Demon pizza.

    • Nockular cavity

      Oddly fulfilling to watch.

    • TJ Barke

      This is what you get for ordering from Arkham Pizza…

  • Crystalclear12

    Gawd, these people are exhausting!

  • Treg Brown

    I blame fucking Reagan for shutting down federally funded mental health institutions and normalizing this kind of insanity.

    • aureolaborealis

      I got to be part of a guy’s public suicide right after the big Reagan closure of loony bins. 10/10 would not like to participate again.

      • Shawn Renee Ernoehazy

        I don’t like the term “loony bins” since people in physical health care or even hospice care aren’t being held in “death bins.” But I have learned that the options for chronically mentally ill patients is ridiculously limited and if a patient has a chronic or even short term need for both mental and physical healthcare they can only get one at a time. I am a mental health therapist and work in many different settings, private practice, outpatient hospital, and crisis evaluation. Mentally ill people are not loony, they are in some cases gravely and chronically ill. Some need care that should match that of a skilled nursing facility; there are privately owned “board and care” or “group home” situations for some, but they are voluntary and often lack any kind of mental health treatment. At best, they get help managing medications and transportation. The staff have no training in mental health and none are licensed therapists. Any training the staff gets is on the job and provided by someone with no degree or license to provide training in interventions beyond safe physical restraint or a doc on call to order chemical restraint.
        Sorry for the rant, but I am so disheartened at the lack of parity between “physical” and “mental” illness. We have way more than enough evidence that mental illnesses have biological causes that talk therapy can help many, medication more, and for the chronically and severely ill, an inpatient situation is best with monitored outings and lots of activities for the best possible quality of life.

    • SterWonk

      And now he can buy guns again!

  • memzilla Ω

    Why, just the fact that there’s no evidence to support this conspiracy shows just how effective the conspiracy has been!

    • Nounverb911

      “Evidence? we don’t need no stinking evidence.”
      –Conspiracy Nuts all over

      • Hutch

        Don’t get them started on “false flags!”

        • Nounverb911

          Isn’t “False Flags” an amusement park in Texas?

          • peteywheats

            Yes, “False Flags over Texas” has shaded signs by each ride that say “you must be this white to ride”. Their happy-go-nazi mascot Milo the Mouse is there to greet visitors with his famous catchphrase “I can’t be a nazi because I suck black cock.” Also, all the water in the park is extrememly flammable and full of lead, but is also 100% fluoride free.

    • wide_stance_hubby

      The appalling lack of evidence made it a no-brainer.

  • Asterix

    And Congress has just made it possible for lunatics like these people to go on owning guns.

    Funny how you can’t kill Lucifer with a gun, though.

    • wide_stance_hubby

      Even though ‘mental illness’ is their go-to cause for mass shootings. Surreal.

      • HolidayinCambodia

        Mass killing by WHITE people. Everyone else is part of a conspiracy of everyone who is like them.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Nor can ya catch a feller.

    • JMP

      You can try…

      http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m00k6fpFul1r8gsqgo6_250.gif
      http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m00k6fpFul1r8gsqgo7_250.gif

      (Though The Beast there actually turned out to be a servant of the season’s real villain, who was the second coming of Jesus with enough details changes to avoid offending the faithful)

      • SterWonk

        Huh. Somehow it never occurred to me to link Jasmine with the Second Coming. I guess that makes a certain amount of sense, but I’m not sure I buy it. Any confirmation from Joss et al.?

        • JMP

          Don’t think it’s ever been confirmed, but the analogy seemed pretty clear to me, especially on rewatch; Lorne even compares himself to Judas Iscariot at at one point. And Jasmine is pretty clear that she’s one of the powers that be – basically god – come to Earth to give eternal peace to humanity, after the tribulations of the earlier parts of the season.

          • SterWonk

            Lorne compared himself to Judas when he had to kill Lindsey in the series finale, not related to Jasmine. But yes, Jasmine was explicitly called out as one of The Powers That Be™ a Power That Was.

  • Hutch

    Good gawd! There’s crazy and then there’s batshit pizzagate crazy!

    AAAND, I’m drinking!

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

    Why do I get the feeling Rick Wiles likes to express his love on children?

  • Msgr_MΩment

    “This is about Gen. Flynn and others who are aware that there is a criminal cabal running this nation and much of the world.”

    Just not in the way he thought.

  • Mass vomiting sounds like it could get real messy, real fast.

    • hendenburg2

      I’m sure New York Fashion Week has figured out the logistics

      • Nounverb911

        Is that why no one sat next to Tiffany Trump yesterday?

    • Khavrinen

      Mass vomiting?
      Is that when you puke up your little cup of wine and Jesus crackers?

    • PubOption

      We need an expert opinion from Vomiting_Larry.

    • PUAAN Pussy Has Resist Clawz

      Like this scene from the movie Stand By Me?
      https://youtu.be/zK0JaEde4VI

  • LarryHoudini

    Okay, but if he says the Martian invasion from “The War of the Worlds” actually happened, tell him people will think he’s just ripping off Buckaroo Bonzai.

  • Nounverb911

    Flynn certainly isn’t qualified to do this.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-1mISZnzizM

  • JMP

    Hey Wiles, you know where the most likely place to find child molesters is? Right at the pulpit in front of any church in America.

    • HogeyeGrex

      Methinks he might protest too much.

  • peteywheats

    Thank you for your service Doktor. Without humor, I don’t think I could make it through this morass of ass.

  • Edith Prickly

    Still with the Satanic Panic? The 1980s ended a long time ago, people.

    Also, needz more Illuminati.

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance
      • jqheywood

        Come up to the laaab, see what’s on the slaaaab….

        • Edith Prickly

          I see you shiver with antici-PAtion…
          But maybe the rain
          Isn’t really to blame
          So I’ll remove the cause
          But not the symptom…

      • Jennifer R

        Dr Frank N Furter for HHS secretary!

        • Alternative Pony Ron

          Overqualified.

          • Jennifer R

            Yeah but at least GRS would finally be unquestioningly covered.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Manic Satanic Panic.
      Worst. Unnatural. Hair Coloring. Ever.

      • Sedagive ’em Hell

        Trish and Snookie libelz!

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      Here in Minnesota, the town that had the biggest Satanic Panic in the 80s just had its Domino’s location move to a neighboring town. I smell cover-up!!11!1!

    • anon_the_great

      Actually no. Those Bad Days are not gone

      Here in Washington State, County of Thurston, we elected the 78 year old ex-Sheriff to one of the three spots on our county commission. Gary Edwards was the recently elected Sheriff when he oversaw a Satanic Panic prosecution of two Deputy Sheriffs, one of whom, Paul Ingram, was at the time the Chair of the county Republican Party. Classic tales of Black Mass, infant cannibalism, a deep conspiracy among the local power elite to keep it all hush hush. At one point every cop in Thurston County had been named by Ingram’s 16 year old daughter. Needless to say it was complete bullshit but institutional inertia demanded someone be punished. If not, the $500,000 spent chasing the Devil would look pretty silly.

      After Manchurian Candidate worthy interrogations by county detectives and Ingram’s pastor, Paul pleaded guilty to a single count of 3rd degree molestation (or something close) and served every day of his ten year sentence. Lawrence Wright wrote an account called Remembering Satan.

  • Michael Smith

    “Man, these government regs are going to prevent us from rampantly speculating with clients’ money without fear of repercussion.. What can we do to convince average Americans to hate these regulations?”

    “That’s a tricky one. The regs help them, its plain as day to see. The only thing they hurt is our ability to be as reckless as American rich people have a God-given right to be.”

    “Maybe we could convince them that anyone in government that supports the regulatory state is a child molester.”

    “Haha, good one. How would we do that?”

    “We could get preachers to say it. I mean those people will believe anything that a preacher says.”

    “Jesus, Bill… you might be on to something.”

  • Alan

    Ummm…speechless.

  • Treg Brown
  • Msgr_MΩment

    Flynn is a ram-a-llama ding dong.

  • I Am Helpy

    I dunno if anyone has posted this already but:

    https://twitter.com/reidepstein/status/831959272741298177

    • TJ Barke

      Wait, what?

      • I Am Helpy

        shaaaaaade

    • Persistent Demme

      Clever and snarky.

    • Alternative Pony Ron

      Oh, Mr. Owen, you are on FIRE today!

  • ariel_gee_398

    So Hillary is powerful enough to run and cover up a sex trafficking ring in an imaginary basement, and to get 3-5 million illegal votes in the election, but not powerful enough to actually make sure she became President. in 2020, we need a coven with better priorities.

    • Gayer Than Thou

      Seriously. Why are our evil Democrats so incompetent at the evil stuff that actually matters, like actually getting elected or establishing FEMA camps or enacting mandatory gay butt sechs?

      • ariel_gee_398

        Or taking away all our guns. I was promised!

        • Puck

          I was promised some kind of commie, socialized medicine. Was fine with the gun bit too, I haz some cray cray racist as fuck neighbors who just happen to have guns. And they’re on disability. But hated Obama… one of those types lol.

          • Ursuladpridmore

            Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours & have longer with friends and family! !da268c:
            On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
            !da268c:
            ➽➽
            ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleFinancialCashJobs548MediaPhoenixGetPaid$97/Hour ★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫::::::!da268c:….,….

      • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

        …with college wrestlers?

    • Bebecca

      or better at math

      • ariel_gee_398

        Oh, that’s the problem. Witches=girls and math=hard.

    • schmannity

      Like Jessica Lange in American Horror Story Coven?

    • Puck

      That’s the fun bit about conspiracy theory’s. Fact’s be damned, just throw any damn thing you want together to another crazy idea. Then yell “Illuminati!” Although Illuminati may be out of date now, so fill in with what is relevant.

      • Ellen D.

        “Obama shadow government!”

  • OrG

    Oh Hillary,Why didn’t you use those Luciferian demon possessed maniacs to defeat trump?We could have avoided all of this shit.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Fie on you, demon-eyed llamas! I give you CRYING WEEPY SADFACE LLAMA.

    http://orig06.deviantart.net/ce9d/f/2015/096/1/2/sad_llama_by_sandralolcat-d8onzzz.jpg

  • timpundit

    He had me at “mass vomiting”.

  • Oneofthebobs

    I guess nobody will be saying “in like Flynn” anymore.

  • SweetDeeKat

    Uh, I thought that Lucifer meant “bringer of light,” and not necessarily Satan’s top general or security adviser. Of course I read that in some books, which makes me suspect anyway.

  • shastakoala

    Is there a carry-out deal on the luciferian special?

    • Suttree

      Yes, but it’s BYO Bakers Mitts.

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      does it come with garlic bread?

      • Hutch

        Really, really hot wings.

      • Shakenbake

        What’s garlic bread the code word for again? I left my liberal code sheet in my other pants.

        • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

          uh tax and spend I think.
          I keep misplacing my liberal code books.

      • The Wanderer

        SATANIC garlic bread!

        • shastakoala

          Satanic garlic dipping butter! Satan’s broth.

  • BearDeLaOursistance

    Lies, all lies. I’ve been delivering for 11 years, and never once have I had pizza sex.

    • Hutch

      It all ended in the 1970s. Sigh.

    • Warned_and_Persistent

      I’ve always been suspicious of white pizza.

    • Crank Tango

      Calzones are pretty easy tho.

    • Creepoman

      From your profile picture, I can tell you need to work on your porn ‘stache.

  • Suttree

    I am more afraid of the number of people in government believing this shit, than the number of actual child molesters.

  • yyyaz

    “Natal Nazis,” huh. Insane imbecile doesn’t even know about Der Fuehrer’s program to birth as many babbies as the fraus and frauleins could. Sheesh.

  • They must have moved all of the children from the McMartin Pre-school to the secret underground pizza tunnels.

    The worst thing is that human trafficking is occurring and does occur even in the United States and these dipshits would rather live in fantasy land making up cases where none exist than do something to actually stop the actual traffickers and help real victims.

    • Suttree

      Also no funding for that unless we cut women’s healthcare.

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      “The worst thing is…”

      i was just thinking almost this exact thing.

    • Angela Ruzzo

      It’s sort of like they way they care so much about babies before they are born, but not so much after.

      • janecita
        • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

          first time i’ve ever agreed with a nun…Huh.

          • janecita

            A lot of nuns are awesome. Once a month, I teach birth control classes in the basement of a Catholic Church, the priest doesn’t know. One of the nuns is the look out, the other one helps me distribute the condoms.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            you’re right, I shouldn’t have bashed. I live in a majority catholic town, so…biased. Yeah.
            But I love the commando sex ed stuff! Viva la resitance!

          • janecita

            Priest has a demon from Planned Parenthood, wreaking havoc among his congregation, and he doesn’t even know! I’ve been doing this for over 5 years, lol!

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            lol…do you guys have code words and special signals…all I can think of is the theme from the Great Escape.

          • janecita
          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            I liked the art appreciation nun when she was on tv – she seemed cool.

        • Angela Ruzzo

          Yeah, like that. You go, Sister!

    • Alternative Pony Ron

      Fantasy kids are better than real ones for fundraising and political activism because they don’t require you to actually DO something about them.

    • OneYieldRegular

      Plus, with crazy like that, somebody really ought to check the crawl-space under Rev. Wiles’ home.

  • Suttree

    I thought we aborted fetuses and freebased them. Now we molest children. Soon enough we’ll be getting drunk and having sex with adults!

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      Ask your doctor about Babbysnort(TM).

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      Will no one think of the sheep?

      • Alternative Pony Ron

        I think of them all the time.

        … wait, did I say that out loud again?

    • …we aborted fetuses and freebased them

      A click-bait article this one time told me that Chinamen EAT ’em to make their dicks work better. Apparently with that old one child policy they were as easy to get as McNuggets.

      Fancy that!

      • BearDeLaOursistance

        Gives a whole new meaning to sexual orient-ation!!

      • Suttree

        Was there an accompanying article saying PETA supported that to save rhinos?

      • SnarkON

        I eat them to get rid of my crepey skin.

  • SOMEWHAT OT

    Somebody needs to get Bakker a t-shirt with this image on the front:

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/220f674cbc127fd18ecc9bff0aa91bc2d67026531cef1903f2b079408a8f1355.png

  • Ricky Gay

    yet another malfunctioning AI chatbot.

  • janecita

    It amazes me that Mike Flynn was smart enough to know about the “satanic sex ring,” but he wasn’t bright enough to realize that the phones at foreign embassies are tapped.

    • Crank Tango

      …by the NSA.

    • shastakoala

      And leaky.

      • Crank Tango

        Messy!

        • janecita

          And yellow.

          • wavicles

            And sticky.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      There go my eyes again. Rolling to Hokkaido…

    • David Chaillou

      The children of heaven are ignorant in the ways of the world.

  • The Wanderer

    Mass vomiting? But Spring Break isn’t for a few months yet!

    • Alternative Pony Ron

      Four weeks Up Here. Start training!

  • CogitoErgoBibo

    Every day since January 20, I feel as if my brain would be immeasurably aided by viewing nothing but cat videos on the interwebs.

  • TJ Barke

    I wonder what it’s like to be that divorced from reality…

    • Jennifer R

      I do too, and I suffer from hallucinations.

      • yyyaz

        Damn. I tend to enjoy mine.

        • Jennifer R

          Mine are usually arguing with wingnuts I used to know or involve authority abuse.

      • shastakoala

        Mine tell me the future.

    • Crank Tango

      I though ignorance was supposed to be bliss, but they sure seem angry.

    • Alan

      Obviously painless.

      • TJ Barke

        I dunno, they seem pretty agitated.

        • Alan

          Yet they’re able to persist.

    • Hutch

      My chorus of voices think these guys should be in the looney bin!

      • Nockular cavity

        I agree!

        • Nockular cavity

          Me too!

          • Alternative Pony Ron

            Jeez, why don’t you two get a room?

    • yyyaz

      How about this:

      The future is too bright in WI for me to do anything other than being Governor. 😎— Scott Walker (@ScottWalker) February 15, 2017

    • Alienist

      I think he had his relationship with reality annulled.

      • Alternative Pony Ron

        I wouldn’t be surprised. Clearly the relationship was never consummated. I’m not sure they were ever in the same place together.

    • Lefty Frizzell

      He’s so far out of touch with reality he’s touching it from the other side, man.

      I dunno. Do they believe this crap or do they just sit around snorting blow and coming up with something whacky enough to entertain the rubes, who don’t believe it either, they just pretend to in order to show tribal allegiance?

      • Suttree

        I wish that was the reality of the situation in these cases.

  • Master Contrail Program

    Mass-vomiting? Pizza? Suffering children? Somebody’s been spending too much time at CiCi’s. Sure, the buffet’s cost, in dollars, is only $4.99……………………

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      oh dear GOD is that place awful…my ONLY regret moving back here is the lack of decent pizza.

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        I live in a small college town now and near another even-smaller college even-smaller town, and there is great pizza to be had in both. Day trip yourself to the nearest small college town you can find . . .

        • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

          ugh, I know – sadly i don’t eat much these days and we only have one semi-college down 45 mins a way.

          back in austin there was good pizza to be had. Miami Beach had some good stuff too (cause it’s great late night drunk food).

          What I really need to do is make my own like our friend misanthrope did the other night. Looked good!

          • Good_Gawd_Yall

            It’s not hard, just time-consuming. I just finished a batch of soft pretzels. Dough is basically dough, whatever you do with it at the end.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            GGY, I burn water.
            Really I don’t cook for crap. In her healthier days, TX mom made beef jerky, she was saying last night she should teach me how to make it, cause the store bought stuff is never perfect and ALWAYS expensive. She’s been feeling better of late, so that would probably be a good thing to learn.

            She used to make me HUGE galloon ziploc bags of made to order recipe beef jerky. Good stuff and inexpensive.

          • Jennifer R

            unleavened dough is easy. It’s when you introduce live yeast that you can bugger it all up.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            heh, did you see this photo I posted the other night? THis is the kinda crap I would do. (Actually, that pizza looks too normal.)
            https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/863fcfc14fef9a027fa428d07eedf70cc40c285f63e7b3c4d9f7b634f4713c1c.jpg

          • Jennifer R

            Shoulda used a pizza stone.

          • therblig

            trump served one of those to PM Abe. called it the “august 6th surprise”

        • Alternative Pony Ron

          Yup. Best pizza in the Erie PA area is to be had in the nearby college town of Edinboro. Good wings, too.

      • Jennifer R

        It’s awful, but back when it was 3.99 it was a good way to fill up every couple days.

        • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

          heh, we do what we must. I used to eat del taco or other terrible fast foot breakfasts cause it made my stomach hurt all day…for only $2!

          • Jennifer R

            The stomach pain just helps you not eat again that day!

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            exactly! see, I knew you’d know what I was talking about, esteemed and learned hypothetical lawyer Jennifer Rivas.
            ; P

  • Gayer Than Thou

    Think I might have pizza for dinner tonight.

  • Sedagive ’em Hell

    Being an American these days feels like being locked up with a bunch of angry, home-schooled religious fanatics tripping on bad acid. They’ve gotten ahold of the kerosene and the matches, and they’re starting to speak in tongues…

  • Nockular cavity

    Boy, he musta been REALLY pissed about the Catholic clergy child abuse scandal. Let’s see what he had to say:

    Gee, that’s funny. He seems to not give a shit about that.

    • Alan

      No, no. Those children were possessed. That was exorcism.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Actual child abuse: no problem. Pretend child abuse: let’s get busy!

  • Angela Ruzzo

    Those demons are having way too much fun. First they got to live in the White House with President Obama for 8 years (life of luxury!! Not fair!!) and then they got to possess 3 million marching women (something alt-right men can only fantasize about), and now they are running child sex rings while eating pizza, and I bet they don’t gain weight from the pizza either (Again not fair!). What will they do next? Take over Disney World?

  • TJ Barke

    Hey, has anybody seen Daisy lately?

    • SnarkON

      Last I heard she was headed out for a pizza.

      • Painter of Goats

        Noooooooo!!!

    • Msgr_MΩment

      i’m afraid I can’t answer that, Dave.

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      I was JUST htinking this last night on my way home from class…I’m guessing she’s super busy with school.

      • TJ Barke

        Maybe she finally bagged GFATH…

        • Yr. Gma

          No.

          • TJ Barke

            No?

    • Hutch

      Good lord! With all that’s happening, I thought you meant THIS Daisy!

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dDTBnsqxZ3k

    • suziq

      I saw she has been upfisting and whatnot so she is around.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      I was just thinking about her yesterday. Also, where is Kaw143, who disappeared months ago?

      • TJ Barke

        Really? I could have sworn I saw him just recently…

        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          I haven’t seen him in months. He just disappeared.

  • PixieThis

    Once again….IF SHE HAD ALL THIS POWER, THEN SHE WOULD BE PRESIDENT! These people give new depth to the word stupid.

    • Thiazin Red

      Right? If she was able to murder people at will, orchestrate massive voter fraud and coverups she would have been president 8 years ago.

  • Zeusspeaks

    Now I know what happened to baby Jane.

    • yyyaz

      *bellllccchhhhh, picks at teeth* You were saying?

  • DahBoner

    MSM: General Flynn, when did you know you were the equivalent of cheesy bread?

    Flynn: No Comet.
    https://media0.giphy.com/media/l2Sqi4ken0s6M6rPG/giphy.gif

  • BearDeLaOursistance

    Vince Foster, foster children… you think this is a coincidence?!?!!1?!!1?

    • Brian

      that’s just Bananas Foster

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Jim Bakker is a moran. But you guys already knew that.

    • Jennifer R

      Also a convicted felon.

      • Beowoof14

        Whose prison stay taught him nothing about not doing fraud to the gullible.

  • Painter of Goats

    There will be mass vomiting? Honey, that shit happened the morning of 11/9 when we woke and realized our next president was going to be Donald Trump.

    • Master Contrail Program

      Verily, ’twas enough to fill the largest of “drained” swamps many times over.

  • SnarkON

    This is exactly why I have no interest in “thoughtful discourse” with people who voted for Trump. Some of my FB friends insist that we must engage with the other side and gently and respectfully persuade them to see the error of their ways. For god’s sake, why? They’re batshit.

    • Alan

      Nah, fuck ’em, they’re too stupid.

      • netanil

        I used to think it was ignorance. But you’re right, they are just flat out fucking morons. Sad!
        Believe me.

    • yyyaz

      Maybe they think that training pigs to dance is a noble gesture.

    • Nyumbu

      Plus, you run the risk that whatever horrible pathogen has infected their brains is contagious. See Arthur Herzog’s IQ 83

    • Jamoche

      You can’t reason someone out of a position they didn’t reason themselves into.

  • Lefty Frizzell

    “The truth fears no questions”
    except
    “WTF did you talk to Russkies about you treasonous pile of pus?”

    • yyyaz

      Yeah, it’s always the answers that get ya.

  • Sophia

    What’s even sadder than this crap he’s spouting is that people listen to it and believe it. Pa’s sitting there nodding his head going “Yup, I was just telling Ma that last night.” It’s just mind boggling.

  • Master Contrail Program

    This story reminds me of the auteurs at Big Sausage Pizza .com. You’ll never look at pizza, or the chestbursters from Alien the same way again, if you risk a googlin’. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/703633e45eaf14b38c963e824288cad9f9441eb1f55102b2bcd0950c8e42141b.jpg

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      hot babes and pizza, what could go wr—-aaahhh! Gah, why?

      Just kidding, I didn’t click – but I can’t possibly understand why food and sexy times should not be kept totally separate.

      • Master Contrail Program

        Especially canned clams!

        (Still holding out hope for my Wonkbux Rewards, despite the quick and thorough rejection of that “other” commenting system.)

      • Jennifer R

        Oral fixations, and control mostly.

      • Rags

        Whipped cream and cherries libelz!

      • suziq

        Nothing wrong with combining food and sexxy timez but that doesn’t need to be shared with the general public!

        • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

          friend, I just don’t get it. Then again i’m a germaphobe AND a prude, soooooo. I’m just saying why not one, then the other?!

          • suziq

            Well I guess it depends on what kind of food and what you are doing with it. The whipped cream thing sounds more fun that it actually is. Not sure what you would do with pizza? Guess I don’t want to turn down good food or good sex and if they happen to be at the same time…

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            fair point, I get none of either sooooooo maybe I should be more open minded.

          • suziq

            If it ever comes up just say “one at a time-thanks!” and all good.

      • Master Contrail Program

        You don’t wanna know what erotic shapes me and my boo nibble our Pop-Tarts into then.

    • Hutch

      I cannot imagine the images you had to endure to find that!

  • Nyumbu

    If what Wiles is saying is true, why are so many child molesters actually of the Christian Right Wing persuasion? Oh, yeah, false flag molestations.

    • ariel_gee_398

      I’m surprised more of them don’t try the Pete Townshend defense – “it was research.”

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Pre-teen waistbands. It’s only pre-teen waistbands.

  • Alternative Pony Ron

    Amazing, isn’t it? These people will grasp at any straw, believe any crackpot ‘theory,’ trot out any moronic ‘proof,’ to keep from having to admit that they voted for a demented man-baby who is nothing more than a Russian stooge. And not even one of the good stooges. Joe Besser at BEST.

    • Nyumbu

      Were Curly, Larry, and Moe Russians?

      • Khavrinen

        No, but Groucho, Harpo, Chico, and Zeppo were Marxists.

        • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

          Everyone forgets about Aleppo Marx…

      • Rags
        • Msgr_MΩment

          Drumpf forgot to mention this morning at the presser what a big fan he is.

    • Master Contrail Program

      That’s cold, man.

      • Alternative Pony Ron

        What can I say? I’m a Stooges originalist.

  • ServantToTheStars

    If only Rick knew what Gwyneth Paltrow has been doing with Gino’s Pizza rolls.

    • Hemp Dogbane

      Gino Paulucci, a great Italian, I’m hearing a lot of the good things he’s doing. Italian-American things. The best.

  • Fartknocker

    So child molestation supposedly happened in a pizza parlor basement (but it doesn’t have a basement) in DC under the direct control of Hillary but for a few years we Wonketters were forced to endure the stories of the Duggar man child Josh finger-banging his sisters? You have no credibility and you clearly missed that big media moment Reverend Shit-Fer-Brains.

  • Resistance Fighter MausFeet

    Along with people like Smike Smernovich, this just makes me sad. Not sympathetic to those that cling so hard to very odd theories like this, just sad for humans in general, and how many are so very broken and fight to stay that way rather than face their own (non literal, I presume) demons.

    Oops. I was earnest again. I’m tired today, shhh.

  • Duke

    How long will I have to think “You can’t make this up!”

    Of course, making it up is the essence.

  • whitroth

    Silly question – can’t you complain to the FCC about hate speech, and psychotic speech, being broadcast?

    Oh, that’s right, only if he gets his wife up there and she shows a nipple for 0.1 sec….

  • tehbaddr

    For a taste of true evil skip Comet! Get one of the readily available Jumbo Slices in Adams Morgan around bar closing time on Sat. It’s truly one of the circles of hell, not sure which one, your results may vary.

  • whitroth

    Why can’t I get a radio show?

    • suziq

      You probably could, don’t seem to be any standards.

    • ariel_gee_398

      Well, for starters you appear to speak in complete sentences.

    • Sophia

      You’re sane

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    You can just feel the economic anxiety.

  • schmannity

    Pizzagate is a bridge too far.

  • Suse

    1. Flynn is fired because “no confidence.”
    2. “General Flynn is a wonderful man. I think he’s been treated very, very unfairly by the media, as I call it the fake media, in many cases, and I think it is really a sad thing he was treated so badly,” Trump said during a joint press conference with Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu. Trump called leaks from his administration “a criminal action” and claimed that they are being used to “cover up for” Hillary Clinton’s election loss. “It has been going on for a long time before me, but now it’s really going on,” Trump said. “I think that it is very, very unfair what’s happened to General Flynn, the way he was treated and the documents and papers that were illegally, I stress that, illegally leaked.
    3. Demons/Hillary/pizza

    Got it!

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Trying to logic out conservative thinking is like trying to nail Jell-O to a tree.

      • Suse

        Also, too, herding cats.

        • Jennifer R

          At least cats will eventually get a raid boss down.

      • Hemp Dogbane

        Which flavor?

        • Suse

          Black raspberry was my fave as a kid. I wouldn’t touch it with a 10-foot pole now.

      • Master Contrail Program

        Tough to out crazy a rabid Fox.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        It makes it so difficult to feed those hummingbirds.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Nutty-Yahoo is probably thinking, “Holy shit… this guy is unhinged. Maybe we should chill out on the palestinian problem for a while.”

  • Rags

    It’s those damn hollywood elite moneymen again – leaving aside Mnuchin and Bannon for the moment…..

    • Carpe Vagenda

      and Trump.

  • OrG

    Pizza isn’t even American food.WAKE UP SHEEPLE!!!!!!!!

    • Carpe Vagenda

      I’ve had pizza in italy. It totally is.

  • Beowoof14

    Yes the child torture chamber in the basement of building without a basement, is just the way they fake out all of fact deficient right-wing kooks.

    • Shan McStroppyPants

      Maybe someone could do another story where the alt-premises could be big enough to accommodate them all when they decided to self-investigate.

  • Brian

    can you even get a Halal Pepperoni Pizza? It doesn’t sound Kosher.

  • Master Contrail Program

    Some 7-11s serving something that is vaguely reminiscent of pizza too. Just sayin’.

  • Carpe Vagenda

    Um.

    You know who used to spend a lot of time in sex clubs in New York City? I mean, a _lot_ of time?

    • Resistance Fighter MausFeet

      Hitler?

      • Carpe Vagenda

        needs more frog.

        • Resistance Fighter MausFeet

          I knew I wasn’t doing that right. Also, something overheard in sex clubs in NYC.

        • Panika MCD

          needz moar spay tan!

    • Msgr_MΩment

      You leave my mother out of this!

    • Brian

      Ho Chi Minh? You are talking about Vietnam, right?

    • Ryan Denniston

      Andy Kaufman?

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      Elliot Spitzer?

      • Carpe Vagenda

        I think he mostly took that on the road.

        • Msgr_MΩment

          “I’ll take two to go…”

    • Sedagive ’em Hell

      AOTK

    • Count Awesome

      Al Pacino’s “Cruising” character?

    • Nounverb911
      • PubOption

        She got to see Warhol, her son got to see Trump. I think she had the better deal.

    • Roger and Nikki Stone?

    • janecita

      Bette Midler?
      Wait, those were gay bathhouses, my bad!

      • Suse

        Barry Manilow?

    • Suse

      Roy Cohn?

    • Msgr_MΩment

      AOU,K?

  • Lefty Frizzell

    Seeing as how the oil industry has collapsed due to OPEC over-producing and no amount of domestic drill-baby-drill sing-alongs are going to fix that – the national security advisor really should be sucking up to the muslims to make less of it rather than sucking up to the Russkies to make more of it.

    • HolidayinCambodia

      Well, he was sucking the Russians, but that fucking frigid bitch Killery made him stop before he got his “reward.” This time.

    • Panika MCD

      it’s the other way around–OPEC flooded the market with cheap oil to fuck with us.

      • Lefty Frizzell

        Isn’t that the same way round?

        “OPEC flooded the market with cheap oil to fuck with us” = “the oil industry has collapsed due to OPEC over-producing”

        • Panika MCD

          sorry, I read “over-pricing”. my bad.

  • AncienReggie

    Man. I’m picking up a weird vibe. Because just last month I named my two rescue dogs Global Child and Molestation Ring. Eat your heart out, Nostradamus!

    • Sardonicuss

      Would love to be around to see the neighbors faces when you call in the dogs!

      • AncienReggie

        Nobody borrows my lawnmower.

  • Panika MCD

    no self respecting Luciferian demon-obsessed maniac would call their own child sex ring “filthy”. this undermines their theory entirely.

  • Count Awesome

    “‘Stuffed Crust’ at that pizza joint is the secret code for a side of third world child to be delivered with your pizza”
    –Rick Wiles

    • Master Contrail Program
      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        i….i would actually try that.

        • suziq

          I read your comment at the exact same time I was thinking it sounded disgusting. I suspect we have different tastes.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            we do, I’m sure. I absolutely love junk and fast food.

            All that actual food y’all post about doesn’t interest me in the least.
            ; P

          • suziq

            Definitely not against junk food, don’t do fast food much any more since I had to go gluten free. Total pain in the butt, for a burger you have to go to a semi fancy restaurant and pay $12. Cook at home a lot more now!

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            well I don’t eat much these days, so given my $$ situation, it’s probably a good thing.
            Fast food is why i gained like 50 pounds anyway.

          • suziq

            When I first starting doing the no gluten thing they didn’t have all the gluten free breads and cookies and things so I just didn’t eat all those empty carbs and lost weight without trying or dieting. Now of course even in a little town in Mexico you can get everything, for example I bought a big bag of gluten free pretzels today. And a box of GF pasta noodles but tonight I am going to grill some shrimp with roasted garlic that I already roasted. Since it is just me right now I don’t bother with side dishes or anything.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            mmmmm, pasta and garlic shrimp actually sounds great! And I hate seafood.

            As for cooking for one, I know the feeling; neither mom or I eat much, so sadly lots of stuff goes stale…but she does make some good food – she does an irish style roast with potatoes and carrots that’s good, leftovers go into a stew of course; a good spaghetti with a hint of spicy (cause the border), the picadillo is excellent. I shouldn’t have said I don’t get good food. I do, I just don’t eat a lot.

      • Wellstone En Resistencia, Coño

        Nas. Tee.

      • Shoto

        Scariest food-like substance ever.

    • shastakoala

      And “Rising Crust” is code for “Rising Tide” of child pizza offerings.

  • mrFawkes

    As one of the Godfathers famously said (or maybe it was Little Caesar) “watch the Comet start the Dominos fall.”

  • Ryan Denniston

    THANKS TRUMP!

  • Msgr_MΩment

    OT: “Susan Sarandon: My Sexuality Is ‘Up For Grabs” http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/susan-sarandon-sexuality_us_58a4a8d3e4b03df370dcbe24?2f15bmojcs4i6enrk9&

    Naw. I’m good.

    • Jennifer R

      Translation: “someone, anyone, please touch me again. So cold and alone”

    • Count Awesome

      I’m glad i read that with an empty stomach

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Conversely, who gives a fuck?

    • janecita

      Is she asking Trump to grab her by the pussy?

      • Msgr_MΩment

        It would be irresponsible not to speculate.

  • OrdinaryJoe

    “When beggars die there are no comets seen…”

    Flynnghazi continues.

  • andyshelt

    Who can save us from the fake news tinfoil hat nutjobs?

    Bullshit man to the rescue!

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/dced89d8b8abafb1949126849f8c43c76f2b4d50465a3788851ddc26a50c9f1f.jpg

  • Suse

    Is this our open-thread? There’s a thing over on Raw Story about how fucking miserable Malaria is. This is one of the comments:

    Phoebequeen • 2 minutes ago
    Melania , hon, I have an idea on how you can lessen your and our misery; just go find those pesky tax returns. Mail them to NY Times, and they will take it from there. Then, give it just a few more months, and you can start divorce proceedings and start drawing up your new line of handbags. There ya go.

    • Jennifer R

      Gonna just sit back and enjoy her not being happy.

    • Panika MCD

      Raw Story is a bad source. please follow the links.

      • Suse

        I just liked the comment.

      • Ω cynmac will never surrender

        The story is full of innuendo. The comments are GOLD.

  • Ryan Denniston

    Puzder is out and I have a Sad. I was really looking forward to picking up KFC or Taco Bell at my local school one he and DeVos and Trump got to privatizing elementary school cafeterias.

  • Panika MCD

    these assholes don’t seem to care much for the most at-risk kids. 80% of people trafficked in this country are from this country. most of the kids are runaways. and the majority of the ones that end up in sex trafficking are LGBT youth who ran away from home (probably because their parents wanted them tortured at one of those “reparative therapy” camps).

  • Nounverb911

    Sally’s Apizza, New Haven or Lombardi’s Pizza, New York? Which is better and why?

    • hendenburg2

      Lombardi’s. That’s not even up for discussion.

    • Suse

      We have Amici’s here in the SF bay area. It’s the bomb.

      • hendenburg2

        I was always partial to Blondie’s

        • Suse

          In Berkeley?

          • hendenburg2

            There’s one in downtown SF too, near one of the trolley turn-arounds.

            But yeah, I mainly went to the one in Berkeley

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Arturo’s. And then John’s.

      • snark-lurker

        the boss of me sez i am “a gluton for pussy” & even got me a teeshirt with that on the back

    • Jonny On Maui

      Serpico’s, Pukalani Maui. Best New York style pizza west of the west coast.

    • (Major_Major_Major)ly_Pissed
    • msanthropesmr

      Luzzo’s. Coal fired. The best.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      I make my own. It ain’t hard.

  • Jamoche

    http://www.sfgate.com/entertainment/the-wrap/article/The-Fix-Is-In-CNN-Reporter-Upset-President-10935090.php
    “‘The Fix Is In’: CNN Reporter Upset President Trump Calls on Christian Broadcasting

    “In the last three news conferences, all of the questions to the America news media have been handled by conservative press,” Jim Acosta points out”

    Yeah, not that shocked.

    • Nounverb911
    • Carpe Vagenda

      Little buyer’s remorse there, Jimbo?

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Since you aren’t going to get an honest answer even if you do get to ask a question, “msm” reporters should just not show up at the next WH presser. Let the fuckers talk to the wingnut press, and let them see how far their message gets.

  • Me not sure
  • Count Awesome

    If the Clinton/Podesta cabal could together election in their favor, I highly doubt the same cabal could have pulled this off.

    • Ryan Denniston

      This raises a good point. If Clinton were the criminal mastermind imagined by the right, why is she not preznit?

      • mackafritz

        The same way that Obama was the weakest tyrant in history.

        • Ryan Denniston

          He’s Hitler, also too Chamberlain. Ahhh, were we ever that young?

      • Count Awesome

        Benghazi1!!11 Emails!1!!1

        • Ryan Denniston

          I have a private email server. It’s what the kids do these days.

      • Master Contrail Program

        The same way lazy Mexicans who don’t work are taking our jobs.

      • Suttree

        A few poor yet intrepid loners named Bill, Rush, and Douchenozzle fought back against the empire of evil like the rebels and that guy with the chainsaw hand to give freedom to the people like Fred whatsisname and that guy with the hat that said one for me and go fuck yourself for the rest. Amen.

  • Master Contrail Program

    I’m afraid neither Hillary nor the DNC have the chops to pull off a conspiracy so deep. Our intrepid citizen journalists had better quit digging into the affairs of a certain criminal mastermind or……….

    https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://m.youtube.com/watch%3Fv%3DOJbRuK2tJXo&ved=0ahUKEwjUg6mIlZPSAhUTwGMKHXlgDgEQwqsBCBwwAA&usg=AFQjCNH9zDo_GtPTXyAv5RARL8ZbF2tlTQ&sig2=m_19fllhthixSjGZss746w

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      god, what were they trying to do to us in the 80’s?

      • Count Awesome

        The 80’s were trying to educate us all with the montage.

    • Clyde Barrow

      Is that Max Headroom’s alter ego?

  • Resistance Fighter MausFeet
    • Suse

      Thanks, I needed that.

      • Resistance Fighter MausFeet

        Yeah, today has been a ‘what cute animals can I look up’ day for me. Figured I’m not alone.

    • Jennifer R
      • Resistance Fighter MausFeet

        Oh my gosh.

        • Jennifer R
          • Sedagive ’em Hell

            Just – Thank you.

          • Resistance Fighter MausFeet

            I feel like I may end up needing a ranch so I can host tons of non traditional as pet animals. Only rescues that can’t be rehabbed back to the wild, of course.

    • Sedagive ’em Hell

      Oh so much squee.

  • Rick Hill

    I gotta say, I’m so sick of people, you don’t know how happy I am none of you guys are real.

    • Count Awesome

      I’m THAT voice in EVERYONE’S head.

      • Rick Hill

        How cool is THAT?

        • Count Awesome

          It’s FUCKIN’ awesome.

    • Suse

      None of our moms’ basements are real, either.

      • Rick Hill

        Except that one 400lbs guy

        • hendenburg2

          Perhaps it was technically a storm shelter. I’ll confess I don’t know the ins-and-outs of NJ zoning ordinances.

    • Royal Ugly Dude

      I thought I was the only one with solipsism.
      Wait, I am the only one.

      • JustDon’tSayPeriod.Period!

        Hi, I’m the internet. This blue ribbon is for you.

    • shastakoala

      Is that why I can’t see myself in the mirror?

    • snark-lurker

      you mean i am just a fragment of your immagination. sad now

      • Rick Hill

        No…you’re a very vivid figment of my imagination.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Just have your eyes follow the pocket watch, that’s it…

  • Panika MCD

    had to do Senate Veterans Affairs and Border Security today. used to be called “VAMI”. now is “VABS” which totally sounds like a venereal disease.

    with the exception of Sens. Rodriguez and Uresti, this is entirely the reject crowd and it’s a rough thing to go from Sen Fi to VABS so abruptly. however, it did allow me to bring you this quote:

    “Even though I’m not a veteran, I did go to a military high school–so I know a little about the military. That’s like what Trump said–I’m like Trump.” ~ Sen. Don Huffines (R – Car Salesman)

    why can’t these Republican’s call him “President Trump”?! inquiring minds need to know!

    • Suse

      Every time I hear “President Trump” I feel like someone is walking on my grave.

      • Panika MCD

        well, he was already president of his company, so I have no problem with saying it because that’s what I decide it refers to. as far as POTUS, it feels like we don’t really have one. we have a bunch of children fighting over who’s got the penis POTUS.

  • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

    I know that Southern Baptists think Methodists are squish, but ” Devil worshipping, Luciferian, Demon-possessed maniacs” is a bit harsh.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    I haz a disappoint. In Mnuchin ist kein Hofbrauhaus.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_V40VzunmKI

  • Clyde Barrow
    • Ryan Denniston

      Old Man Trump did a thing?

  • (Major_Major_Major)ly_Pissed

    Crabtree’s bludgeon, the only tool in this chuckleheads toolbox.

    • Count Awesome

      I would bet he has a jackhammer style vibrator .

  • Daniel Hooper

    So these conservative wing nuts think the DNC can cover up a world wide child sex ring and win the popular vote, and yet still lose the electoral college?…

    …Does this not compute for anyone else?

  • Nounverb911

    Not bad, sell the Marlins to the Kushners, get to be Ambassador to France.
    https://twitter.com/POLITICO_Steve/status/831992396573458432

    • Up In Smoke O’hontas

      Both sides do it…
      Right?

      • hendenburg2

        Actually, Obama really did appoint a lot of campaign donors to ambassadorships

        • Tacoclamgenda

          We’ll, that is actually something both sides do.

        • Up In Smoke O’hontas

          True, but were they luciferificated demon fascists?

    • snark-lurker

      whydo you hate Anerican Motors?

    • Suttree

      That’s just how business government works.

    • OrdinaryJoe

      If you ain’t got the quid, there ain’t gonna be any pro quo.

  • Panika MCD

    there’s a punchline to all of these. best efforts to locate them please:

    how many K-Cons does it take to change a lightbulb?

    Steve Bannon walks into a journalist bar and the bar tender says….?

    knock knock? who’s there? Gen. Flynn? Gen. Flynn who?

    • Count Awesome

      KAC can’t change the light bulb so she juat lies that the light bulb isn’t broken.

      • Panika MCD

        you might need to do it in her voice. the one from the Shrub administration I had was:

        are you questioning the incandescence of this lightbulb?! if you question the incandescence of THIS lightbulb, you question the incandescence of lightbulbs everywhere! WHY DO YOU HATE FREEDOM?!?!?!?!

        • hendenburg2

          False. Actual Kellyanne Conway would also complain about “sexism”

      • Suttree

        We don’t need light bulbs because Turnip is the light of the world.

    • Sophia

      How can a light bulb burn out when we haven’t found the light switch?

    • JustDon’tSayPeriod.Period!

      The bartender says, “Sorry, Mr. President, maybe I shouldn’t swinging this bar around so much.”

      • Msgr_MΩment

        “Proceed…”

      • Panika MCD

        WINNER!

        • JustDon’tSayDieInJail

          aw, shucks!

    • Jonny On Maui

      says nothing but smiles as he locks the front door. “Just stepping into the back for a minute.”, is barely heard above the sound of every chair pushing back…

    • 1. All of them, Katie!
      2. “Thank God, now I can pay for that Lamborghini!”
      3. Gen Flynn who fell down and went BOOOOOOM

    • Ms.MLG on Maui

      How many K-Cons does it take to change a light bulb?

      None. Republicans let Obama keep the change.

  • Suse

    Does this nut have a Twitter account? I think I will check.

  • fawkedifiknow

    This guy has both “Luciferian” and water on the brain, bigly.

  • Nounverb911
    • Suttree

      Why is the right so silent on his obviously dementia ridden mind? I really want to hear them explain the great truths behind these statements, that have fucking nothing to do with anything.

    • Panika MCD

      we’re going to see more than one United States of America over the next 3 years? how does that work?

      • Up In Smoke O’hontas

        I’ve been drinking enough to see triple these days.

      • Suttree

        Civil wars! The best ones, like you’ve never seen before. Because I’m a untier not a divisble by one Jesus I decided.

    • PubOption

      Schiff bases his tweets on reality.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        He bases his life on reality. This is the fundamental disagreement he has with Donald.

  • OneYieldRegular

    I don’t know what in tarnation that fella is talking about, but I do know that this pizza is delicious.

    • Up In Smoke O’hontas

      You demon possessed llama!!!!

    • janecita

      The zygote pie is my own personal favorite!

  • Ms.MLG on Maui

    There are a number of reasons I believe Wiles is full of shit, but the number one reason is his pretending to care about third world children!

    • Rick Hill

      Well, remember when republicans acted like they cared about pelicans because Obama was dragging his feet on fixing the deepwater horizon event? It’s tough being a conservative that hates on Democrats

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    This is the kind of nutbag that the GOP and NRA think should be allowed to tote loaded semi-automatic weapons around, just in case he finds something that needs shooting.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      They also think he should get to dictate health care policy. So, there’s that.

      • ariel_gee_398

        I think building god’s army falls under military policy in their view.

        • UncleTravelingMatt

          Military, law enforcement, and reproductive policy.

          • ariel_gee_398

            Sounds like the name of a great new Cabinet post.

    • Rick Hill

      A recent report on the Texas tower shooter mentioned the fact that during the siege there was gunfire of all sorts and from all directions directed towards the tower. Pro gunners noted this kept the shooter from killing more people. The police, however, noted it caused a big delay in going up to stop him because they had to go around and disarm all those regular folks taking potshots.

  • azeyote

    how this guy was overlooked to head homeland security is a national travesty, and should be brought to the supreme leaders attention (asap) before the demons get all the children, the pizza – and pinkie pie too –

  • janecita
  • Nounverb911
  • ViveLaPersistence

    To those of you who still communicate with relatives and acquaintances who voted for Dolt 45, show them these broken campaign promises. Trump wimped out on taking on Big Pharma, and the latest plan to replace ACA is designed to stabilize the market for insurance companies, but will force many Americans to decide if they want to pay higher costs or have less care. Nice work, Trumpers, you fucked yourselves along with the rest of us.

    http://crooksandliars.com/2017/01/trump-breaks-promise-reduce-drug-prices

    http://www.fiercehealthcare.com/payer/trump-administration-floats-rule-aimed-at-stabilizing-aca-exchanges

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      also too – still no voter investigation EO! Like 3 weeks after it was promised!

      • That is only because they started looking into it and found all the voter frauds were being done by their guys

    • Scrofula

      bbbbbut ‘Bortion!!!!
      Burn it all to the ground to stop those babby murderers! Somehow!

      • ariel_gee_398

        The surest way to ensure that no federal funds pay for abortion is to make sure there is no federal govnerment.

    • Ms.MLG on Maui

      Did it hurt women and blahs and Messicans a lot? Worth it!

    • OrdinaryJoe

      …but her email….

  • Carpe Vagenda
    • Scrofula

      Millions of people DID elect him just for the lulz.
      Just like a majority of CA elected a guy who can pick up heavy thing, and has catchphrases.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        and sadly some of them were alt-left, not that there’s much difference.

      • hendenburg2

        Except he turned out not-bad.

        • msanthropesmr

          Eh. Not disastrous? Eh. Not even gonna give him that. Not actively dangerous? Nah. Better than Trump? OK. That one.

          • jowgajen

            I’ll give him not bad as in not evil. He’s not evil.

          • msanthropesmr

            OK. Not actively evil. Yes. I think k I can agree to that.

        • PersistenceFighterCaptainHowdy

          Seemed not-bad at best, but overall probably really not not-bad. Oh, and bankrupted the state also, they like to do that.

          • hendenburg2

            that’s a lot of nots

          • PersistenceFighterCaptainHowdy

            I edited, there was one too many nots. Or maybe there was not. Now it is not, anyway.

        • Scrofula

          Turns out he did have a few brain cells. Trump? Not so much.

      • aureolaborealis

        And then there was the wrestler …

  • Jonny On Maui

    It never ceases to amaze me how worked up over perversion some of our free range loons get, like it’s the only thing they think about all the time…

    Seriously, I hope no one lets this one alone with any kids…

    • JustDon’tSayPeriod.Period!

      So. Much. Yup.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      As usual, it’s projection with these assholes.

  • Count Awesome

    I’m sure Wiles insists that any pizza he ever orders has a cross cut in the center and then the rest is sliced outwards towards the edge as if the cross is radiating light, just to be on the safe side.

  • Sophia

    Sorry if it’s already been posted. Didn’t feel like scrolling down a billion posts:

    U.S. Labor Dept nominee Puzder withdraws, in blow to Trump

    http://www.reuters.com/article/us-usa-trump-puzder-republicans-idUSKBN15U2EV

    • Writing was on the wall for this one. Never seen someone less enthused about a job interview

    • PersistenceFighterCaptainHowdy

      U.S. Labor Dept nominee Puzder withdraws, blows Trump

      FI

    • Marion in Savannah

      For ONCE in my life I decided to see if anyone beat me to it. Yay you, Sophia!

  • Biff52

    I don’t get these nutjobs. If Hillary was that fucking powerful, she’d be in the White House now instead the Shitgibbon.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Obviously, Satan has not been playing his “A” game recently.

      • therblig

        he went for the Easy D

        • Msgr_MΩment

          A gentleman’s C is too much work.

    • PersistenceFighterCaptainHowdy

      And they would be dead, also, after all she’s killed hundreds.

  • Nounverb911
    • NastyBossetti

      I won’t be happy until that reads, “Republicans WILL lose the house in 2018.”

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        I won’t be happy until that reads, “Republicans WILL DID lose the house in 2018.”

        FIFY

        • THIS! Go run for something!

          • Scrofula

            Yeah, start with Mayor of Marfa, TX!

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            oh shut up scro – every time I write a hyphen I have a panic attack!

          • PersistenceFighterCaptainHowdy

            He’s filled with wickedness.

          • thewalkindude

            At least you didn’t do this

            This Russian connection non-sense is merely an attempt to cover-up the many mistakes made in Hillary Clinton’s losing campaign.

          • Scrofula

            Well, shit, yer not gonna win over the Jackson Ranch boys with that kind of talk. You need them boys, cause we know ol’ Widow Mable won’t vote for you. That’s a 5-1 landslide in Marfa.

        • Is it too much to hope to add a “and then a record-sized flock of turkey buzzards simultaneously vomited fish offal all over the bunch”?

          • NastyBossetti

            Now you’re just getting greedy!

        • therblig

          and committed ritual suicide after apologizing to america and the world.

          ok, they don’t need to apologize.

      • Suse

        “Republicans HAVE lost the house by a landslide in 2018.”

        • NastyBossetti

          I am looking for a little happiness before then, though!

      • hendenburg2

        “Lost the House.”

        Nate should probably take a break from counting his chickens….

      • PersistenceFighterCaptainHowdy

        “Republicans – remember them?”

        • Biff52

          That was supposed to happen in 2010, but whoo boy…

          • PersistenceFighterCaptainHowdy

            With a big helping hand from the alt-left.

          • Msgr_MΩment

            and the alt-Soviet.

      • Tacoclamgenda

        Like we did all that winning of Congress and the WH in Nov? Oh wait, no we didn’t, did we?

        • NastyBossetti

          Yes, exactly like that but for REAL this time.

        • House0fTheBlueLights

          We actually did pick up seats, esp. in the Senate which is more resistant to gerrymandering. Sometimes you have to play the long game.

      • suziq

        11/18 Republicans LOST the House!

    • Nasty Candy Apple

      Please be right, Nate.

      • msanthropesmr

        Remember, Nate was the only one that gave Trump a substantial chance. And people, ( actually not me, I just questioned his model a little because EOF the variance.). So I’d take Nate on this one.

    • shaar dula

      with the defection of 28 house members today, the caucus previously known as GOP has splintered into atleast 3 groups – GoP, Tea Party and Pee Party. This expectedly follows the months long, drawn out war of differences in opinions conducted in public since the GoP’s historic wipeout in the 2018 elections, leading to the exiting of GoP stalwarts like Paul Ryan and drowning the Sen. McConnell’s leadership in the wake of turmoil.

      • wait, defection? I was in class all day!

        • shaar dula

          talk to me. by defection i mean deserted. you know what i’m saying? sometimes i use english words that may not mean what i think it means.

        • shaar dula

          i don’t want to see them to merely lose. i want to see them lose in such way that the fear of their own lord is forever burnt into their souls. you know what i’m saying?

    • aureolaborealis

      Well, Nate. You now have one post-VRA/latest gerrymandering election cycle’s worth of data with which to train your statistical model. Which is one more than you had for the last election.

  • Suse
  • Royal Ugly Dude

    I find this story hard to believe. The visa backlog for pizza basement sex kids is so enormous that by the time they’re granted, the kids are ready to start college.

    • Clyde Barrow

      Rush Limbaugh heard about pizza and pedophilia and said, “I’m all in.”

  • shastakoala
  • Nasty Candy Apple

    her cabal of “devil-worshiping, Luciferian, demon-possessed maniacs”

    Um, where can I sign up to be part of this? Saul Alinsky isn’t paying like he used to.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Soros has been an absolute skinflint.

  • Nounverb911
  • The Librarian

    Mr. Wiles needs a dose of reality or a shot of Thorazine.

    • JustDon’tSayPeriod.Period!

      Why not both?

  • Bill D. Burger

    It’s astounding and frightening that in the 21st Century in the United States, these crazy, religiously drunk motherfuckers have managed to garner so much influence, not only socially but also politically.

    Guess all the nation needs is a thorough cleansing of the demons by someone like Benny Hinn.
    “By the power of the Holy Coat, I command you demons…..be gone! “

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/780659cbf4747f5da850b90e7bd8e5cec34f77683fa2b79ded5461d69e2c9963.gif

    And this shit infects the highest levels of our government. Mike Pence comes to mind. He may not be handling snakes and smacking people with coats, but he knows how to pander to those people at the expense of sane people across the country. This creeping theocracy is dangerous and growing.

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      sigh, and people wonder why i’m an atheist.

      • C4TWOMAN

        I got into an weird awkward conflict with a moderator at a gamer forum who decided to interpret any description of a group of people, and criticism thereof as equaling “attacks” against those people.

        IMHO any reasonable reading of the rules visavis “not attacking groups” was, you know, protected groups or broad bigoted assumptions equaling the same thing. What I had written was something like, “I wonder if X group of people with Y upbringing are more prone to Z propaganda/way of thinking”. No rational person could interpret this as “attacking a group”, in this case, children of evangelicals.

        In my further adventures of avoiding this mod’s “bad side”, it became clear he had a peeve, for lack of a better word, that when critizing the actions of people belonging to a religious group, one was never to suggest religion was part of the problem. It was ONLY people being dicks.

        Except–my turn to soap box– there is a difference between scamming people politically with lies that are falsifiable, and scamming someone with “I know better because God talks to me.”

        In the first case, all it takes is(often repeated) presentation of facts for the spell to start to break. In the second, if someone has completely invested in your subjective God person, there is no way to objectively disprove what the scammer is saying. So being exploited by a dishonest person using religion is more damaging by magnitudes than just an ordinary “secular” scam. But with that interpretation of the “rules” it was impossible to even discuss the issue! Hell, by that interpretation of the “rules”, you wouldn’t be able to say anything negative about Nazis! Because they’re a “group”….(no, I did not point that out…though I might in future…)

        Tl;dr: I respect your choice of atheism. Though I remain a (somewhat lapesd) pagan theist, I am also aware of the damage unscrupulous people do in the name of religion. Thanks for letting me get that off my chest.
        =^-^=

        • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

          you be you yo!

        • I think this is really it. We have become, in effect, so tolerant that those who are intolerant are demanding we tolerate them.

    • Suse

      I used to watch Benny Hinn in horrified fascination.

      • Bill D. Burger

        Very understandable. While entertaining, this level of willful ignorance, mob and cult behavior, and outright insanity is unnerving.
        It’s akin to watching ‘Triumph of the Will.’

        https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/ec7ac25efea52100fc6a23da1c7314ac4a74fe4bcb76710e880826a6eb62502c.gif

        • Suse

          He once said that his wife (Hyacinth, Petunia?) was cornered by Satan as she was walking down the street and he said pretty words at her and invited her to lunch!

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            I hope she went to lunch with the devil. I bet he’s quite the conversationalist.

          • NastyBossetti

            He’s probably super handsome and knows all the best restaurants, too.

          • Suse

            I think she ended up dumping Benny and now is the literal “Bride of Satan.”

          • suziq

            I think I’ve been to lunch with Satan! Felt like it any way.

    • Ms.MLG on Maui

      Exactly. And how the hell do you fight meanness, stupidity and willful denial of reality on this level?

      • Tacoclamgenda

        That really is one of our big questions, isn’t it. I thought we’d pretty much taken care of that until this last year +.

        • Ms.MLG on Maui

          It’s painful to realize how bad it is. I truly am shocked.

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    I feel like there should be a law against knowingly spreading bullshit.

    • Vincent Ricola

      I have an Alex Jones loving neighbor that would be put away for life if this law goes into effect. This seems fair to me.

    • Suse

      There *is* a biblical law for that, which these nutjob fake Jesus freaks seem to conveniently forget.

    • Rick Hill

      Where it concerns governing, yes indeed. Of course, you would then have to prove the representative is not so stupid that they actually know it to be a lie or not.

  • Master Contrail Program

    Maybe we should get the World’s Greatest Detective on this underground child-sex ring investigaton? https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/9e17805fe803d53ccdf5f363cef802516e38096ce29844f66f4252c4bedeea7b.jpg

    Hmm. That is……unfortunate. Maybe we should get the World’s Second Greatest Detective on this underground child-sex ring investigaton?

    • Chief Inspector Clouseau?

      • Rick Hill

        Does your dig(dog) bite?

        • Villago Delenda Est

          Do you have a leesaunce for your minkey?

          • Rick Hill

            I remember being 13 and my big brother(the organization) taking me to see the Pink Panther Strikes Again. It was a walkin. We waited forever for it to start. Finally other people show up to watch and it starts. Essecpt it isn’t P P. It’s Carrie. We made it through half of the shower scene and big brother took me and my younger brother out and over to the correct showing.

      • Jennifer R

        He would have a fit from all the k-nifs.

    • therblig

      you mean like a private dick?

      • Ah, sweet college days . . .

      • Suse

        Shaft! Can you dig it?

        • Villago Delenda Est

          That Shaft is one mean moth….

          Shut yo mouf!

    • Suse

      Paul Blart?

    • PersistenceFighterCaptainHowdy

      Ooh, which issue is that?

    • Jennifer R

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s-Bj-7b0rC4

      Also Stephen Colbert plays a lot of homosexuals.

  • Nounverb911
    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      and jim just wants to be on america’s got talent.

    • Bill D. Burger

      Hell, he couldn’t be any worse than the first one you named.

    • DainBramage

      Of course, poor Jim gets no raise and no tip.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      “Punt”

    • RobKanC

      And he will still be way better than Flynn cos his mouth does not have Putin’s dick in it.

  • Hey Christianists; wanna know why record number of people are turning from your grift and indeed, religion in general?
    Listen to the bit up there. That would be why.

  • C4TWOMAN

    Huh? Huh? HUH? What the what the what did I just read?

  • NastyBossetti
    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      It’s funny that even kids can figure out all of Trump’s bullshit is ridiculous.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Oh, I don’t think so. What’s funny is adults can’t figure it out.

        • NastyBossetti

          Some of the comments adults have made about this story are things like, “Leave kids out of politics,” which ignores the fact that some of these kids are old enough to vote, and they came up with the idea themselves.

          • Villago Delenda Est

            “They’re all under the spell of the Demonic Hillary! Stone them!”

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      Lower Merion. Very close to where I spent my childhood.

      • NastyBossetti

        I’m a transplant to the area, but I love it here.

  • Carpe Vagenda
    • Master Contrail Program

      I blame the voters of Rust City. I think it’s somewhere between Smallville, Metropolis, and wherever The Flash lives.

    • therblig

      3:45 or so for the appearance of the Evil Crab

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yPbbksqPe1Q

    • RobKanC

      A thug beating billionaire (who instead of using his wealth to help people like those that killed his parents so it never happens again uses it to build gadgets to beat them up), an illegal alien(who is not illegal cos he isn’t white and grew up in Kansas so somehow it’s ok and who literally has done nothing for his powers, talk about privelege), a speedster (who cannot stop going back in time/space and bringing out the worst scum into the universe). D.C. Is already the fucking worst universe.

      *ends rant*

    • Villago Delenda Est

      The DC universe has no Natasha Romanoff.

      That’s fail right from the getgo.

  • msanthropesmr
    • NastyBossetti

      It *feels* like it is.

    • Tacoclamgenda

      Around here it’s always OT.

    • Persistent Demme

      Is that your doggie?

      • msanthropesmr

        I’m his human.

  • therblig

    what a pussy. trump won’t fill out a march madness bracket. i guess if it’s not rigged, he doesn’t want to look stupid.

    http://new.www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/donald-trump-march-madness_us_58a4bad6e4b045cd34be2e11?03avyrv6zli60f6r&

    • Nounverb911

      It goes back to his childhood when he was the last one chosen for a team, “You take him, no you take him”.

      • Master Contrail Program

        Well, the guy can barely palm a baseball, though he clearly felt an affinity for the basketball’s hue.

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      this fuckin’ dumbass – he really is the most shallow, biggest braying jackass I’ve ever seen.

      • ariel_gee_398

        He’s so fucking fragile.

    • NastyBossetti

      I know literally nothing about college basketball, and even I will fill out a bracket. I choose based on things like uniforms, the way the team’s name sounds when I speak it aloud, and whether I’ve been to wherever the team is from and if I hated it or not. It’s all very scientific. I usually do very well.

      • Vincent Ricola

        This exact methodology has taken me far in many office pools.

    • My group of friends does Oscar pool. The prize is bragging rights and an extra set of picks for our next Movie Day. A prize that is both priceless and worthless

  • Nounverb911
  • Bill Slider

    I need to check the Bible for that story whereby everyone started to speak in tongues, as this shitshow coming from Trump enthusiasts is about as in tongues as anything I have ever seen, imagined, or heard. Their English is unrecognizable. It’s like a 3 sided coin, or a 5 legged stool, or a car with 5 wheels, or a woman with 2 viginas, plus one penis.

    • Jennifer R

      Fun Fact: speaking in tongues is speaking in a foreign language you don’t know, not just babbling nonsense phonemes. The bible even says not to speak in tongues unless someone else knows the language you will be babbling in is around. Fucking christians can’t even get bullshit about their own religion right.

      • Suse

        It’s actually Esperanto.

        • Jennifer R

          Shatner libel.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Well, they ignore with bells on Matthew 6:5. Fuck them.

        • Jennifer R

          I am such an atheist I didn’t even know about religion until I entered public school and was denied lunch for not saying grace the first day.

          And I still know the bible better than most of the faithful.

      • NastyBossetti

        When I was in junior high, I went to a sleepover, and the girl’s mom came into the room throwing holy water around and “speaking in tongues.” It was terrifying. I believe she was in earnest because she thought we were doing something “wrong,” not just fucking with us and trying to freak us out.
        Anyway, we were all Catholic school kids, and every week, a priest would come into our classroom and we could ask him whatever we wanted. So someone was like, “What the fuck is the deal with speaking in tongues?” And he told us you can’t do it unless someone there can understand it. And we were like, “Oh good, so our friend’s mom is just completely insane. What a relief!”

      • If in a religious fever all these Evangelicals and their followers suddenly began speaking English properly I might begin to believe there was a kernel of truth in their horseshit.

      • Sardonicuss

        I used to spark up a bowl and watch Robert Tilton? late at night.
        ooh..mow.mow….shama lama ding dong….
        Now…Buy a prayer rag I sweated on!

    • Count Awesome

      Needz moar seven dollar bills!

  • Suse

    I love you guys! Just sayin’…

  • Jukesgrrl

    That photo from the Jim Bakker show: Her voice may be saying “I hear you,” but her body is saying, “Get me away from this maniac.” And being married to Jim, you’d think she’d be inured to maniacs by now.

  • BMW

    There is a guy on MSNBC right now who was a NSC Advisor to George W. Bush making the case to Greta that there was nothing wrong with Flynn talking to the Russian ambassador about the sanctions after the election.

    *sigh*

    Edit: Stephen Hadley is the alleged treason-excuser’s name, if anyone cares.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      Why is Greta Van Sustern on MSNBC? Another fucking RWNJ gets a job with the “liberal media.”

      • RobKanC

        MSNBC is now officially vying for Fox News demographic. They haven’t been “liberal” for a while now cos liberals don’t watch news and have rage meltdowns all day long.

        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          It’s pissing me off that I turn on CNN and see Trump’s transition team, or I turn on MSNBC, and I see Fox’s rejects.

          • RobKanC

            Both are fake news. So I wouldn’t listen to either. Fox and friends is way better. It has the Trump seal of approval.

        • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

          the TX aunt raged during the campaign over how they were lurching right.

    • Persistent Demme

      Hadley.
      Barf!!

  • Count Awesome

    I guess pizza is a gateway substance. Pizza leads to beer which leads to molesting children.

    • shastakoala

      Or the inappropriate culinary usage of pineapple.

      • C4TWOMAN

        It took me years to be assimilated into the pineapple on pizza cult. Now one friend of mine looks at me like I’m possessed when I have Canadian bacon and pineapple pizza…..

        • shastakoala

          Whenever I don’t want to share my pizza I always order that. Got hooked on it as a kid.

          • Tacoclamgenda

            I just do anchovies. No one does anchovies anymore. Many pizza joints don’t even have them.

          • Persistent Demme

            I’ll share with you!
            I love ’em, and most people don’t!
            (They don’t know what’s good!)

        • Tacoclamgenda

          So your next step up is to pineapple and sauerkraut. No, really it’s a thing. Yes, a Midwestern thing.

          • C4TWOMAN

            Ew.. Nope, Nop nope…in spite of my German heritage, I never took to sauerkraut. Or coleslaw for the matter. Weirdly, I don’t mind steamed or cooked cabbage, though for health reasons I should avoid it….

          • NastyBossetti

            This combination makes more sense than pineapple on pizza, which is an abomination.

          • Pineapple and ham are delicious. Together on a pizza, with light sauce, is loverly.

          • I don’t think we can be sisters anymore. Unless you’re going to assist me in finding a way to weaponize the acid in pineapple

          • tbh, I rarely ever have it because no one does it very good XD
            Generally stick to plain cheese or white.
            As for weaponizing…well….pineapple farts. yeah.

          • No. Flesh dissolving!

          • I do not see any reason to add to it then, if that is your aim.

          • NastyBossetti

            I’m not a huge fan of fruit with meat in general. I will try anything once, though, and I have had pineapple and ham on pizza, and it was not for me.

          • Tacoclamgenda

            It IS pineapple and sauerkraut on pizza.

          • NastyBossetti

            Oh. Oh no! No. I would try sauerkraut on pizza, but not with pineapple.

          • Jonny On Maui

            Thank you! In truth the Hawaiian pizza is pineapple and spam… Heresy!

          • Maybe half the Oxy next dose…

          • Jonny On Maui

            Spoilsport!!1!

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            how you feelin’ today johnny? Doing well? We need you around here buddy.

          • Jonny On Maui

            Doing good TX. It’s all downhill from here. Should be good as new in 2 weeks.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            glad to hear buddy…you’re one of my favorite around here. The world needs you.

          • Jonny On Maui

            Ummm… Thank you?

          • It’s obviously making you crazy if you’re suggestjng that combo on pizza. ;)

      • House0fTheBlueLights

        You MONSTER!

        • shastakoala

          :)

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      It’s in the oven….

  • Nounverb911
  • PersistenceFighterCaptainHowdy
  • chascates

    If you’re trying to find where the child predators are look no further than a local church.

    • Count Awesome

      I’m sure most churches have basements.

  • Idiokraticdrumpfenjugend
    • Count Awesome

      Separate, but equal.

    • Bill D. Burger

      ♪♪Just rollin’ along
      Singing a song….♪♪

    • PersistenceFighterCaptainHowdy

      This really is unprecedented, is it not.

      • Idiokraticdrumpfenjugend

        As the Unprecedent, he is taking the country into uncharted territory!

  • Carpe Vagenda

    NOT THE BRIAR PATCH!!!ELEVENTY!1!

    https://twitter.com/TPM/status/832008923733454848

    • Count Awesome

      I swear, on the last day of creation, God used one of Jabba the Hutt’s turds to create Bannon.

    • That is the new alt right thing. If Trump is failing, it is because too many establishment types (cough priebus cough) are in charge.
      Bannon better be careful least his Monster turn on him.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        Just, the framing that there’s a single thing happening at Breitbart that isn’t coming from Bannon, or that Bannon isn’t desperately trying to clothesline Priebus, is just LOL funny on its face, except for how it’s kind of nauseating.

        • ohhh I see, more plausible deniability then

          • Carpe Vagenda

            It doesn’t matter if nobody else in the world but Trump (and apparently someone overtrained at TPM) believes it

          • Does not really matter what people believe so long as your ass is covered legally.
            Who shall ever forget such great lines as “I don’t remember” and “I can’t recall”?

          • Carpe Vagenda

            “Mistakes were made.”

          • Bwah, forgot that one XD

          • Carpe Vagenda
        • Jennifer R

          Maybe it’s like getting promoted to management, and all your old friends you bowl with don’t feel so comfortable hanging around you any more.

          • Carpe Vagenda

            Nah. There were reams written before the election about how he abused anyone who worked for him, and tried to destroy anyone who tried to leave. And the highly-placed government leaks his boss is so upset about havent’s slowed down…

            I really don’t buy for a moment that he’s not micromanaging his dank meme empire, because his nominal boss isn’t going to last too long.

      • Vincent Ricola

        This is what I’m waiting patiently for – can’t be hardcore anti-establishment when your guy is the establishment. It’s going to be spectacular.

      • Sophia

        Pffft. Bannon’s probably the one behind this trying to get Priebus out. I also read somewhere today (who knows where) that KaC has a whisper campaign going on behind Spicer’s back. Ah, all those fond memories of High School.

    • Master Contrail Program

      He’s so livid his face is turning red and purple!

      Oh wait………

      • Ms.MLG on Maui

        That’s him? I thought that was a diseased human liver!

        • Master Contrail Program

          We’re both right.

    • shaar dula

      i’m sure this is an issue best addressed via ballot. democracy is best with votes, even when some people’s votes mean more than others – like if they were alive today, Einstein’s vote in NJ or R.W. Emerson’s vote or even Ben Franklin’s vote in Ea. PA would be less important than the folks in We. PA.

      I know know elitist etc. etc. All i’m saying is if you are going to decide these things as a popularity contest, at least give every one an equal chance?

  • bluicebank

    Not impressed with Clinton Satanist performance record.

    You’re supposed to take ’em down BEFORE they enter the pizza joint.

    • I just wanna know, if they own all the stuff and run everything, how the fuck did they lose on 11/8 while still retaining the popular vote AND not overtake congress and the Senate?

      • Master Contrail Program

        The same reason all those FEMA-camped Wal-Marts reopened when they said they would. False sense of security. Smiting your foes is one thing, allowing them the sense that they have more to lose is even better.

      • bluicebank

        It’s what I am saying. Actual Satanists would have had Trump & Co. spewing pea soup at GOP Convention.

  • ggaston1960

    Mass vomiting … cool

    • Count Awesome

      Vomitoriums will make a comeback during Trump’s administration.

      • Ms.MLG on Maui

        I don’t know how there could be any vomit left in this country.

        • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

          I tell ya, I ain’t got no vomit left. I saw a Kellyanne pic by accident a few minutes ago.

        • Suse

          My cats will take on the task! One of them just barfed all over the sofa.

          • This is why you leave the plastic covers on!

          • Persistent Demme

            Hey!
            I thought you were from Canada not Long Island!

          • Suse

            Where they also leave the plastic on the lampshades.

          • Suse

            This one is ready for dumpster. The “good” furniture is covered until they’re gone.

          • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

            I have a cat that. just. barfs. There isn’t even any hairball in there–not that I look very closely, but still. And I always step in it–even when I heard it happen and was being careful. I wish I could determine the reason for that behavior so I could correct it.

          • Suse

            Mine, too. It’s just food and it smells terrible. They barf on the bed in the middle of the night, as well as on the floor on both sides of the bed. We always step in it.

          • Persistent Demme

            As a dog owner, I have to admit that it’s good to hear that cats are prolific thrower-uppers.
            (I always hear about how CLEAN they are compared to dogs.)

          • They can be, but it is usually a clean vomit.

          • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

            Well to be fair to my cats, the other two rarely barf. The barfer cat used to eat too fast. He would barf twice a day. But I fixed that by changing the food bowl over to having a very tiny opening on top so the cats have to paw the kibbles out one at a time. That slowed Hambone (that cat’s name) down so he only barfs three or four times a week, now. Still annoying and it doesn’t always happen right after mealtime, either. Often, when I’m asleep so I don’t know about it until I step in it.

          • Persistent Demme

            One of my dogs has a “Slo-Bowl” that has a spiral pattern in it.
            Keeps him from choking.
            He’s a idiot!

          • diet mixed with hair mixed with whatever plant they chewed on last.

        • Count Awesome

          There could always be “Bulimic Pie Eating Contests”.

          • Suse

            Princess Blueberry pie!

        • NastyBossetti

          We really love to eat.

    • JustDon’tSayPeriod.Period!

      Hey, fetishist gotta fetish.

    • I just wanna know if that was a cut at the papists. Is there to be massive amounts of vomiting or, are people gonna do it at mass?

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        yes

    • shastakoala

      In some countries it’s considered a compliment. No wait.

    • Sardonicuss
    • sadboy

      My personal fave was when Igor Vamos of the Yes Men back in 1990 got some friends together, had everyone eat raw potatoes colored with food coloring, went down to a Bob Packwood fundraiser for Dan Quayle, took ipecac and proceeded to vomit red, white and blue on the sidewalk in front of the venue.

  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    It’s not worth it….

    • Bill D. Burger

      👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍

  • Resistance Fighter Astraea

    “‘She is miserable’: Melania Trump reportedly unhappy with new role as First Lady”

    What role?

    • Rick Hill

      The public display of giving half a shit about trump?

      • Sardonicuss

        She had to occasionally touch his sleeve. Which to be fair would make me hoark…

    • TJ Barke

      Not being allowed to use her position to hawk her crap is a big bummer.

    • Sophia

      She looks so unhappy sometimes I almost feel sorry for her. Then I have a drink and snap out of it.

      • Resistance Fighter Astraea

        No one forced her into marrying Trump or staying married to him.

        • I was thinking about that. And I wonder if Trump is a vindictive enough fucker to write wife and youngest out of the will if she dare crosses him.
          If said youngest has anything he might need lifelong care for, and we all know the DonCon is way revenge monkey enough, she could be trapped

          • Resistance Fighter Astraea

            If she’s staying because of money I don’t have any sympathy. Lots of people deal with worse situations with far less money. But I agree it’s very possible that she’s afraid of him for other reasons and no one deserves to be treated that way.

          • Eh, but other people have support networks and skills.
            Ain’t condoning anything, just stipulating that I could understand is all ^.^

          • Resistance Fighter Astraea

            It’s understandable and if she seemed like a nicer person I’d probably have sympathy, but she doesn’t seem so nice even aside from her husband.

          • Jennifer R

            He did it to Marla and Tiffany.

          • Did he? I thought they were back in his good graces?

          • Jennifer R

            But not in the will.

          • BoziSpicer

            Barron had to sign a Non-Disclosure on the 1st day he learned to write.

          • therblig

            is his father even able to read it?

      • Sardonicuss

        Just watch that vid of her spouting birther nonsense. Clears that up right quick.

        • Sophia

          I don’t think I have ever seen that.

      • Count Awesome

        Melania is living a deranged and depraved version of Cinderella an now the fairy godmother has told her “you’re fucked.”

      • Penny Dreadful Says Resist

        I feel sorry for her all the time. She is so clearly miserable. I don’t know how she wound up in the circumstance she did (I have my notions) but nobody deserves what I suspect she lives with.

        Of course I’m re-watching the Doctor Who Tennant specials, and I’m totally relating her to Mrs. Saxon…

    • Count Awesome

      She wins the Oscar for the role of being unable to cash in.

    • shaar dula

      all i have to say on this topic, the resources wasted in tolerating personal preferences of these privileged individuals could be used to otherwise support a good number of families, members of which will contribute back in kind or in tax.

      i for one, don’t ever see the implied couple EVER contributing anything to the country or ever even paying taxes.

      • Penny Dreadful Says Resist

        American Monarchy, with out the (real) class and style.

  • Rick Hill
  • Jamoche

    Yosemite firefall – it’s not on fire, that’s a trick of the light.
    https://www.instagram.com/p/BQchbYKhVfs/

    • TJ Barke

      Let’s bulldoze it and build condos!

    • shaar dula

      really need to go there. mainly because we had geo classes in high school about yosemite. i’ve piligrimaged most of the rest. need to get this one thing done.

      • Scrofula

        Just remember it’s a yuuuuuge park, and the Valley is just a tiny (horribly overcrowded) part.

        • shaar dula

          i know what you mean,. one word niagara. i did that. i know exactly what you mean. i hope yosemite is not like that.

          • Scrofula

            No, even with the crowds in the Valley, you won’t feel like an idiot for making the drive. Plus there’s a lot more than ONE waterfall.

      • FukuiSanYesOta

        Was at the Ahwahnee three weeks back in the snow. Hard to get to, but not crowded and breathtakingly beautiful. Amazing place.

        • shaar dula

          nominally we have seen 38 states in the US and a whole bunch of important landmarks. But always off season -the only time we could afford them.

          so i induced the concept of eigen dimensions of vacations to missus – culture, nature, relaxation. she does all the planning and she grasped that. one of the great advantages of living in the west is being able to access all these dimensions.

    • Suse

      I saw that yesterday. Lovely! My hubs used to camp in Yosemite every summer with his family when they had real actual firefalls. Long time ago.

    • Tiny kaiju
    • Villago Delenda Est

      Still, it’s spectacular! Like Terri Hatcher’s breasts!

    • Penny Dreadful Says Resist

      Amazing.

  • Rick Hill

    Dedicated to all the little cats and kittens out there, typing furiously away at your keyboards…
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cn73Wtem0No

    • zomg, I played this for the youngs at the office and they just sorta….looked at me funny.
      I told them to get some culture.

      • Rick Hill

        It loses a little not being played at midnight with a very odd sounding man reading the lead to it.

        • Also showed them the cat came back.
          Same reaction.
          Sigh….youths.

        • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

          Or being preceded by “Rappin’ Duke” and followed up with “The Sound of Worms”…

    • FUN FACT! Co-founder, singer, and song writer for Barnes & Barnes was none other than BILLY MUMY, of Twilight Zone and Lost in Space fame!

      He’s in the Fish Heads video, too!

      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/8d6d469d7d382222d48930bed4f012abf12f74e584054f7b302188465bd4988b.jpg

      I said EAT THEM UP YUM!!!

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Also of Babylon 5 fame!

      • Sardonicuss

        I have been wishing somebody into the cornfield a lot lately. Not working fast enough.

      • sadboy

        And that video was directed by Bill Paxton, one of only two actors to play characters that have been killed by an Alien, a Terminator and a Predator (along with Lance Henrikson).

      • Penny Dreadful Says Resist

        STOP. Life just keeps getting better.

    • Penny Dreadful Says Resist

      Thank you. Thank you. This runs through my head at regular intervals and it makes me feel. So. Alone.

      Now, do you have “Dog Police”?

  • Jennifer R

    Hey GoP, for the good of the world, quit running candidates with Alzheimer’s.

  • goonemeritus

    Jesus weeps.

    • Picabo

      No. He kicked their asses in the temple. Wish he would come back. Not holding my breath because I am an atheist.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        That’s the part these dumbasses forget. Jesus had a thing for hypocrites.

        • Scrofula

          And rich people.

          • Picabo

            Indeed he did.

        • Sophia

          These dumbasses forget more about Jesus than they remember.

  • Picabo

    In the “let’s go eat sushi and not pay for it” department. (Google Repo Man if you are not an old.)
    You can order your tickets to the Trump re-election rally that will be held on Saturday in Melbourne, FL. Then don’t attend. Shrink the crowd. Linkey thing is at joemygod.
    http://www.joemygod.com/2017/02/15/trump-hold-first-re-election-rally-saturday/
    The comments are wonderful.

    • Suse

      Jinx!

    • Rick Hill

      Re-election rally? Yeah, right.

    • BMW

      Since this is an article about child molesting, and it is in Florida, I have to ask…
      Is Mark Foley gonna be there?
      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/f560d10a31d2288850e3fa68428304490eabd06cb196a2629598662bd6fd7eef.jpg

      • Picabo

        Well. . . Dennis Hastert won’t.

      • shaar dula

        Trump’s gonna lead the The Pee Party. When the dust settles there will be a plaque for an orange statue that will read – Give me your despicable and your discredited.

    • tehbaddr

      Fuck that! Let’s go do crimes!

      • Picabo

        Shrinking the crowd would be much more effective and would NOT give Fox Noise propaganda to feed to the rubes.

        • tehbaddr

          You don’t even know what’s in your own trunk.

      • Jennifer R

        Kind of a turn on.

      • snark-lurker

        we can not do crimes we are not republicans we would go to jail

        • ViveLaPersistence

          We would all go to jail and we would not do well there :(

      • msanthropesmr

        I blame society.
        I’m GLAD that I tortured you!

        • tehbaddr

          Intense!

    • Persistent Demme

      I went there, but I’m askeered to give the shit gibbon my email address!

      • Picabo

        Get a burner email address.

      • ViveLaPersistence

        I set up a fake yahoo email. I now have two tickets. They do want your phone # but supposedly you can stop the texts. This is way outside my comfort zone but desperate times and all.

  • Suse

    Drumpf holding yuuuge rally in Florida on Saturday at the airport. Millions expected to fill hangar (in his mind).

    • Carpe Vagenda

      well, at least he’ll hire american this time.

    • Sophia

      Well since he can’t read all those protesters look like fans. Maybe their signs should have more pictures and less words

    • Scrofula

      Sounds like a sign our leader is getting stressed and insecure–needs more yokels cheering while he garbles.

  • Carpe Vagenda
    • shaar dula

      hey thanks. obama was classy like that. he knew what’s what.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        When Ruby Bridges visited the Oval Office on July 15, President Obama told her, “I think it’s fair to say that if it wasn’t for you guys, I wouldn’t be here today.”

        November 14, 2010 marked the 50th anniversary of six-year-old Ruby’s history-changing walk to the William Franz Public School in New Orleans as part of court-ordered integration in 1960. Six years after the 1954 United States Supreme Court ruling in Brown v. Board of Education declared that state laws establishing separate public schools for black and white students were unconstitutional, this event represented a victory for the American Civil Rights Movement.

        Bridges was at the White House to see how a painting commemorating this personal and historic milestone looks hanging on the wall outside of the Oval Office. American artist Norman Rockwell was criticized by some when this painting first appeared on the cover of Look magazine on January 14,1964; now the iconic portrait will be on display throughout the summer of 2011 in one of the most exalted locations in the country.

        • shaar dula

          i’m learning these things right? my first school in US was AA dominant. p-number of AA classmates. Several classmates and a couple of rivals for missus’ affections during courtship years were AA. The missus’ PhD advisor in our second school was AA. Our college president was a AA woman.The first house we bought in US was AA dominant. We would have stayed their for life but for our employer moving cities. I mean like, I am comfortable with AA.

          But seeing this image was mindblowing even for me.

          http://mediad.publicbroadcasting.net/p/wyprmain/files/styles/large/public/201601/14208369353739-featured-defiance.jpg

          • Carpe Vagenda

            I grew up in Greenwich Village. Not what’s currently defined as Greenwich Village, which is a real estate construct that didn’t exist before the eighties. The place the dispossessed used to live.

            We used to hang out on our stoop with our friends – who had an african-american dad and a white mom — but the cops would roust them from our stoop if we weren’t there.

            I’m really fucking tired of pretending this shit is OK.

          • tehbaddr

            Alphabet city, Loisidia?

    • Persistent Demme

      They go low, we go high!
      Thanks, Carpe!

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      sigh…miss him so much.

  • Big Canadian Sad Times:

    http://www.cbc.ca/beta/news/entertainment/stuart-mclean-dead-obit-1.3984826

    I STRONGLY reccommend the second audio clip in the linked article

    • Penny Dreadful Says Resist

      My sympathies to Canada, and beyond. Every loss of a funny person ripples through civilized society, such as it is.

  • Tiny kaiju

    I have met devil-worshipping, Luciferian, demon possessed maniacs and you sir, are more of pea brained fungal growth

    • Villago Delenda Est

      You’ve managed to dis both peas and fungus with that non-comment. I hope you’re proud.

      • Tiny kaiju

        To be fair, there maybe fungus out there with a brain the size of a pea. I imagine such a fungus could defeat Mr. Wiles in a contest of wits,easily.

    • snark-lurker

      i am not wearing pants are you topless yet?

      • Tiny kaiju

        Dude, I just ate dinner, I don’t want to make myself vomit.

  • BMW
    • Sarah Balfour

      Molestation has been rife in our two parlimentary houses for decades (primarily amongst male Tories* because of their almost exclusively public school background (yes, in British public boys’ schools ‘fagging’ is a thing. It usually means a 6th former using a 1st former as an errand boy, but it has meant a lot more than that in the past, the 6th formers call it ‘initiation’. It used to occur at Oxbridge colleges too. Public schools, being elitist, are a breeding ground for Tories and, Tories, being almost exclusively toffs (in the old days that meant an Oxbridge student whose father had a seat in the House of Lords).

      In the ’80s, under Thatcher, paedophilia amongst Tories, both in the Commons and the Lords, was rife, and not only that, amongst the royals too (some of you may have heard about Jimmy Savile, it is now almost certain that he was a paedo-pimp, grooming young boys for orgies on houseboats moored on the Thames. It was easy because JS was an almost ubiquitous TV and radio personality at the time, and his Saturday teatime show Jim’ll FIx it, was the one every ’80s kid wanted to go on. So he’d simply promise to grant their wishes, if they’d come and meet his friends. Nobody in the ’70s and ’80s had more unfettered access to minors than JS. If one of the royals or a Tory came to him and said could he supply half-a-dozen young boys for an all weekender he’d have had no problems. Paedophilia has been a stain on the British establishment for decades and it’ll never be fully investigated because Tories have ways and means of preventing it being investigated (Official Secrets Act). If you looked at the people ‘honoured’ in the ’70s and ’80s and the MPs and peers accused of paedophilia you’d notice that they pretty much correlate.

      *Not exclusively. Two of the most high profile cases were (Sir) Cyril Smith (he floated around parties, Liberals, Labour, Liberal Democrats) and Lord Greville Jenner (Labour) he died before investigations could formally begin (he claimed to be unfit for trial due to Alzheimer’s, yet he managed to vote over 400 times in the HoL since he claimed to have it).

  • tehbaddr

    Hey, is this our open thread? Cause I wouldn’t know unless told otherwise. I’m far to concerned about Illegal Canadians with calves the size of melons, and more importantly, if Micky D’s is gonna run put of their “special sauce”! I mean think about it, it could really happen! A Big sMac without the special ingredient from Afghanistan!

    • Even with calves the size of cantalopes, it’s still not big enough to help smuggle more of you north

      • You know what I’d like to see?

        A Mexican with calves the size of Melania.

        That’d be something!

      • Scrofula

        Yeah, how’s that not-so-underground railroad coming? When does the ground thaw, cause I only have two hoodies.

      • tehbaddr

        Smuggle thing North, wut? Imma talkin ’bout that sweet Escargot and weed those filthy K’nucks be bringing into this country, and reasonably priced drugs, cutting out our Pharma Industry!111!!1!111!!!!!

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        i was thinking earlier, we should just take all those wonkette donations to pay for our emigration to Johnny’s place.

        • But then where would we talk about things!?!?

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            in frickin’ hawaii yo! Sittin’ on the beach sippin’ drinks with umbrella’s in them.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            The lanaii.

          • Jonny On Maui

            Shoulda looked before posting again…

          • WomanInThePersistence

            How are you today, Jonny? I’m raising my glass to you and She Who Holds the Key to Your Heart.

          • Jonny On Maui

            I’m okay. First day post surgery is always fun. I’m well medicated and tomorrow will be easier. Thank you for asking.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            I’m glad to hear that. Abdominal stuff sucks.

          • Sophia

            Could be like the young uns. sit at the same table & text each other.

          • Jonny On Maui

            On the lanai…

    • Thaumaturgist

      Michigan is America’s first line of defense against Canada.

      • tehbaddr

        Oh, no!

      • BoziSpicer

        Talk to the hand…

        • tehbaddr

          I’ve sen that! People hold up their hand and point, “I’m from here”.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        Yeah, Canadians see Kid Rock and then run back home.

        • Sophia

          Same thought at the same time

      • Sophia

        Yep and you’ll have Kid Rock standing right there in front to defend.

  • Danny Douglas

    This election has let the horrors out of their pulpits. Please, sane ministers stand up and guide your parishioners through the simple words of Jesus: Do unto others as ye would have them do unto you.

    • Tiny kaiju

      Assholes like Mr.Wiles think sane pastors are not real Christians. Instead the Christianists golden rule is “I’ve got mine, fuck you.”

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Mammon worshipers. All of them.

        • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

          Mammary worshippers on the other hands…

          I’m just leaving, thanks.

    • Warned_and_Persistent

      How you can sell $34.95 bibles from your website, when the simple message is distilled into 11 words.

    • Count Awesome

      They are following Trump’s golden rule. Make sure to piss on each other.

    • Jamoche

      We’re getting sermons that focus on things like welcoming the stranger and remember when you were strangers in a strange land too.

      • WomanInThePersistence

        My Mom’s church has already decided that they will all sign up as Muslims should there be any registry.

        • Vecchioivan

          Woot! I’m starting a local chapter of Atheists for Allah.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            UCC is a liberal, loving, actual behave-like-Jesus kind of denomination.

          • Vecchioivan

            My major charity gig often uses the local UCC for meetings.

    • Yr. Gma

      Those ministers are out there. They just don’t get the press.

      • Penny Dreadful Says Resist

        We’re actively involved in becoming a Sanctuary, if need be.

  • Count Awesome

    We a know that Repubs don’t go for pizza and underage sex slaves, they prefer Grindr, airport bathrooms and rentboys.

    • BMW

      Don’t forget Congressional pages.

      • Scrofula

        D’oh.

      • Markuserektus

        No need for bookmarks, just bend over the page…

      • Résistance Land Shark

        and wide stances.

    • Scrofula

      Unless you count cute litte pages/interns. Sort of like slaves.

      • Jennifer R

        Morning Joe sure didn’t like it when his own said no.

  • Suse

    Man, Drumpf is seriously slamming the intelligence community. How long before he’s found in a threesome with Bannon and a dead girl (or a live boy)?

  • Jennifer R

    I think I have earned a hard cider tonight.

    • snark-lurker

      no pants & bottoms up!

      • Jennifer R

        Not the first time I have heard that!

        Say it with a bit more authority next time ;)

        • snark-lurker

          NO PANTS AND BOTTOMS UP, BITCH!

          **runs away hides under bed pee undies**

          • Jennifer R

            Yes, pretty much exactly that. Maybe with less hiding? You can keep the peeing if you want though.

          • snark-lurker

            it wuz just teeny dribble…or 2

          • Jonny On Maui

            You’re doing it wrong. Well, maybe…

  • Jamoche

    LGM is amused by a Fox News writer whose impeccable defense of Trump is that he owns some Trump ties: http://www.lawyersgunsmoneyblog.com/2017/02/stone-cold-sane

    • Sophia

      Hahahaha. (Polite version of WTF)

    • Penny Dreadful Says Resist

      Well, at least Ablow didn’t go so far as to disparage Lincoln, Churchill, or Gandhi, despite their not being nearly as accomplished as Turnip.

      WHAT THE EVER-LOVING FUCK DID I JUST FUCKING READ FOR FUCK’S FUCKING SAKE?

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Wonkerados, I’m off to dinner. Please keep the entire free world abreast of latest developments in the Russian Mole in the White House situation.

  • WomanInThePersistence

    My goodness, while I was at work the intelligence community turned on Trump? This is the most bizarre “presidency”.

    • Sophia

      Yea apparently now they are saying he will die in jail. That trump charm is really working.

      • Penny Dreadful Says Resist

        “He will die in jail” will never, never get old.

        • JustDon’tSayDieInJail

          Inspiring a nym change!
          Edit: typo…

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      You have to admit he’s bringing the country together, mostly in hatred of him, but he is doing what he promised.

    • Susan Szews

      You should have taken off work today, like I did, to read the Twitter and all the news. I literally took a news day. I’ve been so unproductive at work lately, I figured why fight it, take a day off to read all I can at once, and hopefully I’ll, I don’t know, get my fix? We’ll see if it works.

      • WomanInThePersistence

        If I hadn’t just missed over a week with the flu, I might have considered it. Of course, work is becoming a sanity break.

  • UpstateNYObserver

    De-institutionalization was, in hindsight, a very bad idea. Most of these folk should be in a rubber room and appropriately medicated. This shit is evidence of susceptibility to extreme delusions – like hearing voices. They should not be allowed outside appropriate supervised environments.

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      mentally ill libelz!!

      Seriously, these people are evil, not unwell.

      • Jennifer R

        Evil and stupid can be confused for unwell pretty easily.

        • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

          fair enough – but i will ALWAYS make the distinction.

          • Jennifer R

            As a voice hearer I thank you.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            much luv!

    • Markuserektus

      …but, they can still buy a gun.

      • UpstateNYObserver

        Yeah..can’t infringe their 2nd Amendment rights now can we?

      • UpstateNYObserver

        They can do that. You can’t fix stupid, but now they can more readily kill us.

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

    Are those devil llamas or devil alpacas? I always forget how to tell them apart.

    • Picabo

      I thought they were brontosaurus.
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cAYDiPizDIs

    • Tiny kaiju

      Alpacas, I think. The ears are the right shape for alpacas.

    • Crank Tango

      I thought demon sheep had crossbred with giraffes.

  • Picabo
  • Red Bird Resistance Engineer

    Is this the OT?

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      Nobody knows, but we’re pretending it is.

      • Rick Hill

        There is not off topic…matter of fact it’s all off….

    • WomanInThePersistence

      That’s my working assumption.

    • TootsStansbury

      It has to be. The post is so full of WTF. I never understood the pizzeria weirdos. Weirder than the Planned Parenthood cutting up babbies thing.

      • WomanInThePersistence

        That is because you are capable of basic reasoning.

    • Sophia

      Yr. Gma declared it so up thread here

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    Speaking of murdering people, Humana is pulling out of Obamacare, for spite:
    http://www.esquire.com/news-politics/politics/news/a53170/insurance-companies-kill-obamacare/

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      But I was wearing protection!

    • Jamoche

      I know states can put their own requirements on insurance companies; is there anything from saying they can’t sell insurance in a state if they aren’t on the exchange?

      • Ω cynmac will never surrender

        Humana already ‘pulled out’ of Georgia for Obamacare. They still sell Medicaid Advantage plans here tho.

  • Michael R
    • Vecchioivan

      Th fuk?!

    • Blackest Noobs

      oh god im crying laughing….so funny, so fucking unbelievably true…oh god this is so sad.

      i rather be shot again lying in the desert in Iraq thinking OW! and hey this was suppose to be a cake walk ( <—Desert Storm, the fun one) and OUCH!!!!!!

      IVE BEEN SHOT…..I AM DYING….but i wasn't…just freaking out.

      but yeah…choose between being in the now and that….that would be preferred.
      hell, Pappa Bush was no fucking traitor.

  • Red Bird Resistance Engineer

    OT/ With all the politics talk, Evan forgot to do a review of Queen B’s performance at the Grammys. :(
    Very OT/ Are there any Wonketters who know who Machel Montano is?

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Queen B was awesome. And I have never heard of Machel Montano.

    • Ms.MLG on Maui

      No, but Beyoncè looked like a fierce pregnant Goddess. Fantastic.

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

    Because He Knew About The Pizza Sex

    Deep dish, extra cheese, hold the anchovies.

    • Vecchioivan

      Get your hands off my anchovies!

    • msanthropesmr

      No Anchovies? I spell my name, Danger.

      • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

        Nick?

        • msanthropesmr

          Regnad Kcin

      • WomanInThePersistence

        Mom?

  • Nounverb911
  • Yr. Gma

    I hereby declare this the Open Thread. (As A Old, I get to declare random shit without first securing permission.)

  • Tiny kaiju

    Really, really, really OT but Alan Tudyk is criminally underrated.

    • Blackest Noobs

      Alpha from Dollhouse.

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      I did not realize that he was the voice of Jeff! I know him from Firefly.

      • Tiny kaiju

        Check out Tucker and Dale vs Evil. It’s a fun parody of cabin in the woods with creepy locals movies.

      • Tiny kaiju

        The worst thing Josh Wheddon ever did was killing off Wash. Well, that and the Black Widow sub plot in Age of Ultron.

    • He’s one of the headliners on new show called Powerless. With Ron Funches and thr guy who played Abed on Community

      • Tiny kaiju

        I saw the first episode and liked it a lot. Great cast.

  • PersistenceFighterCaptainHowdy

    This is what happens when you search “pizza penis”. Safe content, actually.
    http://crappypictures.com/penis-pizza/

    • Scrofula

      Should I ask why you were searching for pizza penis?

      • PersistenceFighterCaptainHowdy

        Doesn’t everyone?

        • Scrofula

          Fair enough.

          • PersistenceFighterCaptainHowdy

            Actually it was so I could do what I just posted (above).

      • JustDon’tSayDieInJail

        Because ‘taco penis’ was yesterday?

    • HazooToo

      Fucking adorable.

  • Suse
    • Apple Scruff

      Awe, they’re so cute here. They should never be cute!

  • BoziSpicer

    When you believe in things that you don’t understand…
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0CFuCYNx-1g

  • PersistenceFighterCaptainHowdy
    • Sardonicuss

      Herpes pizza?

      • snark-lurker

        the last time my cock looked like that it wuzn’t a VD and i did not regret what it took to get it there

      • janecita

        Human papilloma virus

      • Serai 1

        Those warts look painful.

    • JustDon’tSayDieInJail

      There’s better be sausage in that middle section there.

      • PersistenceFighterCaptainHowdy

        Oh, there’ll be sausage, all right.

  • C4TWOMAN

    OT: Bannon having slap fight with Britefart reporter:
    http://www.rawstory.com/2017/02/steve-bannon-livid-over-absurd-breitbart-report-claiming-priebus-might-get-booted/

    Real infighting or distraction bullshit?

    • Sophia

      Distraction

      • C4TWOMAN

        It’s what I suspect. Mostly because of the timing.
        If I was a prez staffer in an administration accused of treason, the last thing I would care about is what some flunky reporter was saying. Especially as what he’s alleged to be saying has been brought up for months…

  • Nounverb911
  • Michael R
  • Nounverb911
  • Rachel Book Harlot
    • Tiny kaiju

      They missed the part where Congress received a secret briefing and Mitch McConnell shrugged and said “No thanks, man.”

      • JailWardenCaptainHowdy

        Also where the electors requested a briefing, and so on and so on.

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      Holy Shit!

  • Suse

    Little Marco’s having dinner with Drumpf tonight!11!!

    • Crank Tango

      Chump’s power move will be to deny him any water.

    • PersistenceFighterCaptainHowdy

      Bringing an ultimatum and a revolver?

      • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

        I’d bring a geiger counter.

    • Sophia

      God these people have no self respect what so ever

    • Ms.MLG on Maui

      They’re having Borscht.

      • PersistenceFighterCaptainHowdy

        And asparagus?

        • Markuserektus

          Nyet…make pee smell bad.

      • Rick Hill

        Is that another Breitblast writer?

  • Idiokraticdrumpfenjugend
    • Apple Scruff

      IMPREACH!

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      Charles Blow can kiss my ass. I caught him in lies in 2015 and he blocked me on Twitter, when I called him on his BS. Last I checked, I was still blocked.

  • Nounverb911
  • shaar dula

    OT. days when you are back to your bachelor stuff at dinner time and the missus has a business dinner. it stings even if you cook more than half the dinners to eat alone. i mean why even try if all you have to do is feed yourself for one meal? grate carrots and be done with it, no?

    • JustDon’tSayDieInJail

      I mostly get pre-made food from the store I go to pick up whatever else we need. It does have a sad, lonely-guy kind of feel to it.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      I live alone, (except for the dog), and I try to make a real, cooked meal every day. I’m stubborn like that.

      • shaar dula

        need to learnt this. very practical.

        • WomanInThePersistence

          Don’t get me wrong. It isnt always fancy. But I find that a cooked meal once a day keeps my spirits up.

          • Amy!

            I can’t do that, but I do make food for a group once a week, and then sometimes cook for the freezer, and when I cook for myself (also live alone) I always have leftovers. I’m not completely done with processed foods, but most of the time they’re not as interesting as (say) a frozen prepared dinner that I made for myself a few months ago.

            It does kind of feed the need for self-care, right?

          • WomanInThePersistence

            We both deserve good things. I find that sitting down at a table, and eating real food from a plate using silverware, well I need that. And I certainly do the make more and put it in the freezer system. But it is home-cooked. It’s real food. It counts.

          • Yr. Gma

            I no longer have a house full of kids, so my cooking habits had to change. I still make too much for just me and gpa, so I have leftovers to fall back on when I don’t want to do a full cooking thing. I used to like to cook for the family. I guess I just like to cook, period. (Trying Pink’s stew this weekend.)

          • WomanInThePersistence

            I enjoy cooking. And find that it’s difficult to cook for just one. So I’ll cook, and freeze up the leftovers. But I count that as a cooked meal. At least I know what ingredients are in it. And sitting down to one home-cooked meal a day keeps me sane.

      • Ω cynmac will never surrender

        I signed up for Blue Apron this month (2 people, 3 meals a week – the least you can buy) and it’s nice to get exactly what you need and cook real food every other day. Plus my dog like eating things like broccoli stems and kale stems.

    • HazooToo

      That’s why you keep your favorite snacks around. Even if they’re actual food snacks and not processed crap snacks, like mine. You get to eat all the things they hate while they’re out! Indulge!

      • Penny Dreadful Says Resist

        When hubbie-type-person is away I’m likely to eat garlic-butter angel hair with WAY too much fresh-grated parm, with the kids.

        • HazooToo

          I like to eat the spicy stuff when my kid is out for dinner! Or something with a ton of onions! Or BOTH, mwahahahaha!

    • An Outhouse for the Resistance

      Me too. I made a tuna sammich.

    • Persistent Demme

      I like breakfast for dinner.

  • Michael R

    When I’m trolling on censervatives sites under a different name I like to post this :

    Donald Trump :

    A poor mans idea of a rich man.
    A stupid mans idea of a smart man.
    A weak mans idea of a strong man.

    • Shan McStroppyPants

      And their response?

      • Michael R

        Libtard blah blah blah

        • Shan McStroppyPants

          Of course.

    • Yr. Gma

      I would like that better with some apostrophes. Just sayin’.

  • Martini Ambassador
  • HazooToo

    Anybody doing the General Strike thing on Friday?

    • PersistenceFighterCaptainHowdy

      Rain has been consistently forecasted all week for Los Angeles on Friday, which is disappointing.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      I’m not actually scheduled to work on Friday. So any impact would be rather muted. But the burden of this would seem, in my eyes, to rest rather heavy on hourly people. And would be pretty tough for many. In short, I am not a fan of this tactic. It’s a bit privileged.

      • HazooToo

        Sort of agreed, even though people with less have gone on strike in various places just because they were trying to prove they weren’t disposable trash, but at least with this one, people won’t (please god) be screaming at the ones who HAVE to work.

        • WomanInThePersistence

          I certainly am not opposed to this. And of course, what with our being Libtards, we wouldn’t shame people who cannot participate. But I’m sure that we are agreed that people who work in situations where this would put their jobs on the line can, with honor, not participate.

          • HazooToo

            Yes, and hopefully people who do strike or strike by default coz not working that day anyway, will help those people out by not actually going to bother them at their place of work, because “don’t buy stuff” is part of it.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            As I said earlier, not buying stuff is easy. Although I shall have to buy my wine supply a day early.

      • Sophia

        I think the idea was no shopping or stuff as well. Can’t remember where I saw that.

        • WomanInThePersistence

          Well no shopping is easy.

    • Crank Tango

      Self employed, but I do plan to be lazy.

    • TJ Barke

      I don’t work on Friday anyway, so… Yes?

    • An Outhouse for the Resistance

      I’m getting an oil change and have to leave work early so, yeah, kind of.

      • HazooToo

        Get the rest of your shit done beforehand. Probably not enough people will actually participate to make it hard to do or buy anything, really, but not buying stuff is a part of the strike.

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      I’m retired. But I’m not planning to spend any money, like on Urination Day.

  • Rick Hill

    Funny, this. gop representatives say the Russia thing is just not playing back home. The folks who voted trump just don’t care.

    • LucindathePook

      Balls!

      • Rick Hill

        I have had trump supporters say to me “things are going to be so much better. trump is already talking with Russia.”(last December)
        I wonder when their opinion on trump talking to Russia will change to “maybe that’s not a good thing.”?

    • Michael R

      The one thing Trump knew is exactly how stupid his supporters were

      ” I could stand in the middle of 5th Avenue and
      shoot somebody and I wouldn’t lose voters ”

      https://s8.postimg.org/xfxav6z9x/demagogue_kraus.jpg

    • Crank Tango

      You can fool 20% of the people all of the time…

    • Yr. Gma

      The poorly educated do not know any history, and Russia is a place far far away, and that coal mine is going to reopen any minute. The base is a lost cause.

      • Rick Hill

        Well, also, trump has vouched for them so they’re okey dokey now. It’s not as though they are communist anymore, like when Obama was president

      • Penny Dreadful Says Resist

        I continue to suspect that The Base is a Lie.

    • Persistent Demme

      I don’t care about their willfully ignorant, stupid, racist, and greedy, selves anymore.
      We have to do what we do without them.

  • Nounverb911
  • Nounverb911
  • Warned_and_Persistent

    S. Sarandon to appear on Chris Hayes’ show. Can someone come over and tie my hands so I don’t throw anything and broke the TV?

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      Ball gag is a downtown extra.

    • Nounverb911

      They’re showing “The Lost Weekend” on TCM right now…..has to be more cheerful than Sarandon.

      • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

        I’m streaming a telenovela.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Roll up some socks. You can throw like mad, and still have no permanent damage.

      • LucindathePook

        God, that is how my cousin used to wake me up in the mornings when I stayed over, sleeping on a mattress on the floor. Good times.

      • Warned_and_Persistent

        Why do women always have a sensible solution? I’ll find some socks even if they won’t match.

        • WomanInThePersistence

          I learned this from my Mom. And it doesn’t matter the teeniest bit if the socks match.

      • snark-lurker

        those socks from behind the bed…throw in laundry not at TV ok plz thx

    • Apple Scruff

      But at least you got to see National Treasure Maxine Waters!

  • Sophia

    Tomorrow folks. How did I manage to miss they had one in Milwaukee on the 13th?

    The Capital’s Hottest Restaurants Will Shut Down To Protest Trump

    http://www.motherjones.com/politics/2017/02/day-without-immigrants

  • Nounverb911
    • clubseal

      And as long as the Palestinians are dead.

    • Ωbjectifier

      I think Bibi had a boner all day today.

  • Apple Scruff

    So President Cheeto (supposedly) YOU’RE FIRED Flynn yesterday because he wasn’t trustworthy, but today, he says that it’s SO UNFAIR that Flynn got was fired?

    What the what?

    • LucindathePook

      A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin…..

      • Tiny kaiju

        The green guy on a flying skateboard that throws pumpkin bombs at Spider-Man?

        • LucindathePook

          That’s the GREEN Goblin, not the HOBgoblin.

          • Tiny kaiju

            The Hobgoblin is the Green Goblin’s successor. It is also a truly terrible movie covered by MST3K.

          • LucindathePook

            He’s his kid, mebbe?? I haven’t followed Spiderman since college, so thanks for the update.

  • clubseal

    Jesus Christ on a cracker, you’d think the Bible didn’t mention anything about lying being bad.

  • Nounverb911

    This is bad news for New Jersey, Christie’s sticking around.

    https://twitter.com/jdawsey1/status/832031545644945408

    • Apple Scruff

      Meh, he’s out of there next year anyway.

    • Shan McStroppyPants

      Doesn’t that “rumors are swirling” thing mean he’s just circling the drain?

    • Crank Tango

      Swirling. You know what else swirls?

      • Suse

        Pee hookers?

        • Crank Tango

          I was thinking turds in a bowl but yes.

      • Serai 1

        A geek’s head in a toilet?

    • Michael R

      ” My penis is HUGE , right Chris ? ”

      https://s28.postimg.org/v60gp3z0t/christie_endorsing_trump.gif

    • Yr. Gma

      I keep saying he’s gonna be Pence’s VP when Donnie resigns. You heard it here first!

  • JailWardenCaptainHowdy

    Hello!

  • Suse

    Has Roasted Spaghetti been back?

    • JailWardenCaptainHowdy

      Not that I’ve seen, been a couple days, hasn’t it?

    • Rick Hill

      I just realized it’s been awhile since I’ve seen Antiderpomeme around. Hasa she just morphed into a vagenda resistance fighter?

      • Suse

        Not sure. And I haven’t seen Daisy, either.

        • I just sent her a twitter message. If i hear back, i will let you know!

          • Suse

            Thanks.

          • Tiny kaiju

            Is anybody in touch with Anna Elizabeth of Star Trek memes? I haven’t seen her in ages.

        • TJ Barke

          Her profile said the last time she commented was 2 days ago.

          • Suse

            I guess I missed her, then. Keeping up with non-existent comments is hard work.

        • snark-lurker

          daisy is moar a morning person

          • Suse

            Well, that explains it, because I am not.

      • She’s on France time….so maybe on some of her 6 weeks of vacation?

        • Rick Hill

          Ah.

        • Martini Ambassador

          Soon, my lovely, soon!

          • *seething with jealousy whilst freezing my ass off*

          • Rick Hill

            Patience…climate change will take good care of your freezing better half, soon enough

          • Martini Ambassador

            You still get the sexiest world leader, though. God, I’m concerned we’ll get stuck with Rancid LePen if this upcoming election goes sideways like the US did.

          • She really is awful and disgusting.

          • Martini Ambassador

            Her people dropped some of her campaign literature in our mail slot today. I was deeply offended.

          • Find her office, put it in a bag full of dog poop, leave that bag on the stoop, before leaving, set it on fire

      • TJ Barke

        I know her screen name has changed, so I’m not sure.

      • Martini Ambassador

        Oh hai! I’m still here! I changed my nym to reflect my drunken diplomacy direction post SCROTUS election.

        <3 Thanks for asking 'bout li'l ol' me.

        • Rick Hill

          You’re the Martini Ambassador?!? How can you turn a cool handle into a cooler awesomer handle? Enquiring minds want to know!

          • Martini Ambassador

            Believe it or not, the new handle was inspired by some tedious troll, but reswizzled a bit. The trolls can sometimes serve a useful purpose, in their own untended way.

          • Rick Hill

            My own shop name was taken from a real life troll, I unerstand. Rick Hill, however, is from a really awesome guy named Rick that I happen to also be. Not as cool as yours so I have to make up for it with my whit and humor. Now, hold on while I transfer all my MA makes some cool comments and observations to my Antiderp file of cool comments and observations. Or is it the other way around?

      • Serai 1

        Needs more trollz. I’ve got a ton of new dance gifs and nobody to throw them at.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Maybe it got bored. Or the meds kicked in.

  • geoffalnutt

    I one killed a dust bunny with a frozen pizza, but it was self defense.

    • JustDon’tSayDieInJail

      Mynd yew, duhst bunie bytes kan be nasti

    • shaar dula

      oh c’mon. you are way too nice. half the junta here can’t get a wink for the night unless we have strangled a cat, some of us even need two,

    • Suse

      Speaking of bites and bunnies, meet Joey the Skwirl. Aside from his dad’s resemblance to racist skinheads who own guns, it’s a funny story. http://www.atlasobscura.com/articles/pet-squirrel-surprise-burglar-attack

    • snark-lurker

      the dust bunnies under my bed eat socks i am purdy sure

      • Jonny On Maui

        The Dust Bunnies here dismantled the Roomba…

      • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

        Some of mine are dust elephants thanks to my grand puppies.

    • Doug Langley

      Don’t apologize. Dust bunnies can be nasty if only wounded.

  • BMW

    Why is it in the movies when the villian gets exposed, they immediately get arrested and its the end of the movie? We’ve known Trump’s a Russian spy for like 3 months and he’s still in office! This movie sucks.

    • I’m afraid this is going to be a frustrating British series – where they make four or five episodes and then take a break for a couple of years.

      • Suse

        I hate when that happens.

      • JailWardenCaptainHowdy

        But those are really good.

        • Suse

          I like WPC56. Also MI5.

    • Count Awesome

      On the bright side it will make a good episode of MST3000.

      • The Wanderer

        Joel and The Bots would have fun.

      • Suse

        Or Bad Lip Reading.

    • snark-lurker

      no republicans in hollywood movies

      • Suse

        John Voight, James Woods, Tim Allen are always making yuuuge hits, so shut yer lyin’ mouth.

        • Persistent Demme

          Vince Vaughn and Gary Sinise too!

          And, of course, the enabler momma of them all: Susan Sarandon!

          • Suse

            She recently played a very annoying lifestyle guru on The Big C, which is a great series with Laura Linney.

          • snark-lurker

            ya’but…

        • snark-lurker

          yayz, mizzn

    • Doug Langley

      What do you mean ‘arrested’? I thought they were supposed to climb to the top of the World Trade Tower, fight the hero, then slip and fall over the side.

  • Reality Kills

    Can someone tell people stop calling Joe Manchin a Democrat?!!!! That guy is “Democrat” of the old generation. In short, a conservative!

    • Suse

      I call him a traitorous asshole. Does that work?

      • Reality Kills

        It absolutely works!

      • Warned_and_Persistent

        But he knows someone who can get you a great price on your next Epipen.

        • yyyaz

          If by some chronosynclastic infundibulum event I ever come face to face with him he’d better have a Xanapen to jab me with.

    • ariel_gee_398

      At the least I’d like to stop calling him “Senator.”

  • yyyaz

    John Dean talking with Chris Hayes right now.

    • JailWardenCaptainHowdy

      Ooh! I like John Dean. I can watch it on the shitlernets, it will probably be posted later (Rachel gets posted at 9:00 PT).

    • Me not sure

      His book from a few years back “Conservatives Without A Conscience” should be required reading.

    • Yr. Gma

      John Dean has made a name for himself quite apart from his Watergate ties. I think most of the young’ns don’t even know about that. I still can’t see him without remembering the Nixon years, myself.

  • Sophia

    Holy crap!

    Oklahoma hits 100° in the dead of winter, because climate change is real
    This is what climate change looks like.

    https://thinkprogress.org/its-been-45-above-normal-in-oklahoma-this-february-ba30f7bde27a#.i9eqypugq

    • TJ Barke

      Chinese hoax!

      • yyyaz

        TBF, that’s where all the thermometers come from now. Coincidence, libtardz?//???

    • Warned_and_Persistent

      Maybe OK can allocate their snow removal budget to public schools. Ha!
      I’ll show myself out now.

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      Same thing here in Denver. 60s all this week when avg temp is mid 40s. Last week, we hit 81. But that is NOT OK.

  • Reality Kills

    And no, West Virginia and Ohio, coal mining jobs are not coming back! You don’t want black lung and since you voted for Donnie, you are going to lose your ACA insurance.

    • Picabo

      In basketball that’s a triple double in reverse.

    • Bill D. Burger

      And E. Kentucky! That bullshit lie Trump spread to all those people was one of his cruelest charades. Hillary was attacked relentlessly for the truth, for saying she wanted to offer new opportunities and new educational retraining efforts to them because those jobs can’t come back for any number of reasons. But they wanted to believe the crap that Trump was so willing to to tell them.

    • Yr. Gma

      Today you are speaking truth.

      • Reality Kills

        More like, I am not angry. Hahaha!!

  • Reality Kills

    Puzder down.
    Flynn down.
    Hope Pruitt is next!

  • shaar dula

    gn folks. 18th hour of the day.

    • yyyaz

      Night, shaar.

  • An Outhouse for the Resistance

    Pizza sex is the best even if its a bit fattening.

  • boyblue122

    The FBI archive twitter account dumped some files about Drumpf and his race discrimination renting policies from back in the 70s

    • yyyaz

      Hopefully in retaliation for “someone” leaking that FBI probably won’t file any charges against Flynn.

    • Sophia

      That twitter account just doing whatever it wants again. Computers, who can figure them out?????

  • HazooToo
  • Warned_and_Persistent

    OT: Donald has said he will not be following the Bamz tradition of filling out Final Four brackets on the TV when he found the Trump U Runnin’ Grifters team did not make the tourney.

    • yyyaz

      It’s tough to fit your picks on those teeny little lines with crayons. Also.

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      Why does Donald hate gambling?

      • subatomic

        He is fine with it as long a he is betting other peoples money. Do bookies allow you to declare bankruptcy if you lose?

  • natoslug

    For anyone who wants to play whack-a-troll, the Cernovich post is currently having a major outbreak of either MRA or MGTOW herpes.

    • clubseal

      Potato, woman hating potahto.

    • HazooToo

      I will be handing out free bags of dicks. No salt. They’ll have to dip them in super serum.

    • Edith Prickly

      Doop de doop, Imma go troll-hunting…

  • BEST HEADLINE EVER FOR TODAY

    Psychiatrist who coined ‘narcissistic personality disorder’ says Trump’s not mentally ill — just a jerk

    http://www.rawstory.com/2017/02/psychiatrist-who-coined-narcissistic-personality-disorder-says-trumps-not-mentally-ill-just-a-jerk/

    • Jamoche

      I’ve seen that argument elsewhere, and someone pointed out that being rich will provide a hell of a buffer from “[suffering from] the distress and impairment required to diagnose mental disorder.”

      • Serai 1

        I’ve been saying for years that you can’t turn everything into a mental illness. Trump is a fucking jackass. No mental illness required.

        • Reximus

          why not both?

  • Bill D. Burger

    Drip, Drip, Drip
    Charles M. Blow
    Charles M. Blow FEB. 15, 2017

    Every day there is a fresh outrage emerging from the murky bog of the Donald Trump administration.

    Every day there is a new round of questions and a new set of concerns that raise anxieties and lower trust.

    Every day it becomes ever more clear that it is right and just to doubt the legitimacy of this regime and all that flows from it.
    What we know only makes what we don’t know feel all the more ominous. But I believe that facts are forthcoming. Reporters are digging like a crew of coal miners hopped up on a case of Red Bull, and sources in Washington are leaking to anyone with a press credential.

    Drip, drip, drip it goes until the dam breaks and the truth spills.

    https://www.nytimes.com/2017/02/15/opinion/drip-drip-drip.html?_r=0

    • JailWardenCaptainHowdy

      Pah, Blow shilling for the Deep State, they probably offered him a seat on the Trilateral Commission.

  • yyyaz

    Dolt 45 can barely keep his eyes open at end of presser on Bibi, but no sniffles. Huh.

    • snark-lurker

      Dolt 45 — good 1

  • Reality Kills

    The only way that Trump ass can get coal jobs back is if Russia, NK, and us exchange nuclear bombs and wipe out everything. Whoever is left, can go and mine coal. Good luck.

  • Bitter Scribe

    Trump apparently is now saying that he was “forced” to make Flynn resign by “the media.”

    ????????

    How could “the lying media” force Trump to do something he didn’t want to do, since he has nothing but contempt for them?

    • JailWardenCaptainHowdy

      So they can “force” him to resign tomorrow, because this presidenty thing is interfering with golf, and nasty people are saying nasty things to him about dying in jail?

      • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

        Works for me. He can always go to jail later.

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      Well shit! Imma go on my local Cable Access Channel and impeach this stupid dipshit so-called President, then! You’re welcome everyone!

      Who knew we had the power all along!?

    • Yr. Gma

      You can’t make this shit up.

    • Tallmutha

      “If my hand hadn’t been forced by the lying media, I’d have been happy to keep a Russian mole as my primary National Security Advisor.”

      • shivaskeeper

        Nah meng, If DJT doesn’t admit there was a mole, there is no mole. I think it works that way.

    • Me The People

      Sounds like he is trying to create some plausible deniability wiggle room for himself. “I didn’t think he did anything wrong, which means I couldn’t have done anything wrong”

    • shivaskeeper

      A incoherent flip flopping lying liar who lies was incoherent, flip flopped and lied?

      If he’s going for some sort off plausible deniability he’s not doing it right. He can’t settle on a narrative. Either Flynn’s resignation was graciously accepted, Flynn’s resignation was forced by the VP with no input from DJT, DJT himself fired Flynn, the media made the Admin get rid of him because of fake news, or the media made him do it because they hate him so much and while he did nothing wrong, there would be no way to get anything done because the media is crooked.

      All of those are various summaries from the Admin.

  • Bill D. Burger

    [What Did Trump Know, and When Did He Know It?
    Nicholas Kristof
    Nicholas Kristof FEB. 15, 2017

    I referred to Trump last year as “the Russian poodle,” and we’ve known for years of Trump’s financial ties to Russia, with his son Donald Jr. saying in 2008, “We see a lot of money pouring in from Russia.” It’s all the more important now that Trump release his tax returns so that we can understand any financial leverage Russia has over him. Yet the same Republicans who oversaw eight investigations of Benghazi shrug at far greater concerns involving Trump and Russia.

    “I’m just appalled at how little people seem to care about the fact that Russians interfered in our presidential election, clearly, unequivocally, on the part of one candidate,” Michael McFaul, a former ambassador to Russia, told me. “What’s more important than that?” To which I add: Only one thing could be more important — if the Russians had help from within the U.S.

    As I said, there’s a great deal we don’t know. But we urgently need a bipartisan investigation, ideally an independent panel modeled on the 9/11 Commission. It must address what is now the central question: “What did the president know, and when did he know it?”]

    https://www.nytimes.com/2017/02/15/opinion/what-did-trump-know-and-when-did-he-know-it.html?smid=tw-share

    • Suse

      It’s because they all go to schools where fake history is taught. Soviet Union? What’s a Soviet Union? Bay of Pigs? Never heard of it.

  • going4baroque

    https://youtu.be/MA_kQIZJkI0
    Your corrupt ways have finally made you blind

    • snark-lurker

      i thought only looking at pix of neggid womenz did dat

      • going4baroque

        is that thought still under warranty?
        You could ask for your money back

  • Michael R
  • Sophia

    Interesting, what’s the consensus of the legal guys here. I don’t know shit about law.

    New York attorney general reviewing request to bring action to dissolve Trump Organization

    “Under Section 1101 of New York’s Business Corporation Law, the attorney general can ‘bring an action for the dissolution of a corporation . . . [if] the corporation has exceeded the authority conferred upon it by law, or has violated any provision of law whereby it has forfeited its charter, or carried on, conducted or transacted its business in a persistently fraudulent or illegal manner, or by the abuse of its powers contrary to the public policy of the state has become liable to be dissolved.’

    https://thinkprogress.org/ny-ag-trump-org-cf56a0663ada#.tgo9vd2to

    • Warned_and_Persistent

      Jeff Sessions would see that the welcome mat is rolled out in Alabammy to incorporate there if NY kicks Trump out.

      • Sophia

        Still would be a pain in the ass.

    • yyyaz

      The NYAG has every right to file against any business. The success of the action depends entirely upon the evidence available, the competency of the legal team and the opposition’s desire to fight.

  • Suse

    Susan Saran Wrap is on MSNBC now.

    • snark-lurker

      i’m on her!…oh wait that didnut come out right

      • Suse

        Josh Fox is her co-douche bag.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          he can fuck right the hell off too

        • snark-lurker

          omg i iz dying here they are killing me SHMD

          ah…it iz over

    • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

      As I said down thread: I’m streaming a telenovela to keep my blood pressure down and not scare the animals.

      • Suse

        I’m screaming at her and my cats just ran upstairs.

        • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

          The cats and grand puppies are getting used to me screaming.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          She is just so completely full of shit

    • Bill D. Burger
      • Suse

        lmao!

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      what a bitch- “blaming people for mistakes is such a waste of time. We must focus on the fight now”

      Fucking loon… holding people to account for their mistakes is precisely how you avoid making the same mistake again! And we wouldn’t have to be having this fight if a few of you purist dumbfucks had pulled your heads out of your asses in November.

      • Suse

        She’s insufferable! Grrrr….

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          Now she’s trying to BS that Clinton would’ve signed off on the pipeline.

          • Sheepshagger

            Clinton could’ve signed off on the “every third child eviscerated by wild boars” policy and it would be an improvement. Have you seen who’s in charge these days?

          • msanthropesmr

            I honestly don’t think we have enough wild boars in this country to accomplish that. We’d have to start getting immigrant boars to do the job.

          • Sheepshagger

            Gore American, trample American, disembowel American. These swine don’t run. Because they’re fat.

          • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

            There’s those radioactive boars around Chernobyl we could import. Volodya could help with that.

          • JustDon’tSayDieInJail

            Lots of feral hogs, though. Close enough.

          • HazooToo

            But wait, you just said she said… the blame… I give up.

      • Tallmutha

        Uh, some of us were focused on the fight LAST FALL, Shitferbrains.

      • Apple Scruff

        A little bit of projection in these statements, I would guess.

        I wonder if she thinks about this stuff when she gets in her towncar and is driven back to her big house out in Westchester.

      • snark-lurker

        yeah but that is the go-to thing for politicos & howBushco got off

  • Bill D. Burger

    Pressure is growing on melting-face prick Chaffetz. After saying there was no need for any investigation of Flynn, he has already backtracked. Yesterday morning he said, “The Flynn matter is taking care of itself. I see no need for a formal investigation. But today:

    [House Oversight Committee Chairman Rep. Jason Chaffetz told Fox News’ “The First 100 Days” Wednesday night that he would ask the Justice Department’s inspector general to investigate leaks of classified information that led to the resignation of former national security adviser Michael Flynn.

    The Utah Republican told host Martha MacCallum that “no matter where you are on the political spectrum, you cannot have classified information migrating out into a non-classified setting.”]

    Gawwd’ I detest that man. The inertia is staggering when anything concerns a Republican, any Republican…. and the effort just to get him to look at a serious matter with nonpartisan eyes is overwhelming.

  • Apple Scruff

    So Susan Sarandon (on All In With Chris) doesn’t want to play the “blame game” about the election, and pivots to talking about the DAPL.

    Because of course.

    • Suse

      She’s A Idiot.

      • Serai 1

        I’m still gonna see that Feud thing, though. Because it looks AWESOME.

    • Yr. Gma

      Stupid twat.

  • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

    Well, please feel free to get your amazing christainist lord god all covered in Russian Trumpshit too. That surely is a great idea.

    • shivaskeeper

      Currently they are cool with regards to Russia and Christianity. Putin is a strongman and they like that. Putin cracked down on the dirty LBGT’s and they love that. Putin i all for beating the slutty women and you know they salivate over shit like that. Putin loves him some muscular Christianity and they are down with that too.

      They won’t have a problem until they realize Putin’s religious freedoms are only going to apply to the Eastern Orthodox Church and not their particular strain of Baptist.

  • John Resistant Tovarich Smith

    Susan Sarandon – kiss the fattest part of my ass, you arrogant cunt!

    • Apple Scruff

      And that goes too for her douchebro boyfriend there too — “It’s Clinton’s fault for not opposing fracking.” I had to mute the TV.

      • ltmcdies

        I’m sure a comfort to those being subjected to ICE and tossed over the border right now.

    • A_Changeling

      Chris is unusually fierce here. I like it.

      • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

        I’m betting MSNBC set him up for the interview or, he’s playing eleven dimensional chess with the alt left.

    • Suse

      I want to smack her smug face. Quoting Leonard Cohen, yet.

      • A_Changeling

        It was pretty (/too) gracious of them to leave that as the last word. But then during the toss-over Chris made kind of a verbal eye roll – you could tell what he was thinking.

    • disqus_lWwzrwNaw6

      Let it go. Ultimately, it’s like reacting to Ann Coulter or Milo whatisname. This woman is not that important.

    • Moebym of the Returners

      She’s a damn fool if she thinks that scolding Clinton and her supporters is going to improve anything. I’m just DEAD SICK and TIRED of hearing people bring out those same tired arguments well over three months after the election about what she should’ve/could’ve done. Can you please just move on and stop stroking your egos?

  • Picabo

    Going to sleep now. I will leave you with Miles Davis.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zqNTltOGh5c

  • Nounverb911

    HAHAHAHAHAHA
    (Not that anyone should EVER call in a false alarm).

    https://twitter.com/sheridan_kate/status/832040461510418432

    • Suse

      Was Milo with him?

    • JailWardenCaptainHowdy

      He is an actual Nazi. He can be punched.

      • TJ Barke

        I didn’t know Shkreli was a nazi. Giant flaming asshole, yes.

        • JailWardenCaptainHowdy

          He did an interview wearing a Pepe pin.

          • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

            Why am I not surprised?

    • theCryptofishist

      Oh dear, it’s going to become a thing, and then all the right wing assholes will make hay. Lots of hay.

  • disqus_lWwzrwNaw6

    What do these people want, somebody to invade the pizzeria again with a loaded weapon, only kill folks this time?

    Anyhow, people who cannot grasp the significance of the fact that Flynn’s son was forced out of the Trump Administration for being AN EMBARRASSMENT TO THE FUCKING TRUMP ADMINISTRATION are beyond salvation, and will probably not understand any of the stuff about Flynn himself.

    Meanwhile, Sweet JESUS. Do they not have a clue of what a monumental achievement it is to be an embarrassment to a man who has no shame?

    • shivaskeeper

      He didn’t shame DJT at all. He made him look bad. DJT is all about the optics and he has a pathetic need to be liked. Flynn made the optics bad. That is all that happened.

      • disqus_lWwzrwNaw6

        True enough.

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

    Sarandon on MSNBC,

    LaLaLaLaLaLa, DerpDerpDerpDerpDerpDerp

    Only You Can Prevent Hollywood Idiots

    • Serai 1

      I don’t know why people expect actors to have brains. You don’t have to be smart to be an actor – you just have to be able to fake being smart. If I had a nickel for every actor who played a genius on the screen and then turned out to be mouthing words without any idea what they were saying, I could probably buy myself a KitchenAid. Seriously, DO NOT EXPECT BRAINS. Just enjoy their art. (Yes, there are smart, intelligent actors dedicated to worthy causes. Just don’t EXPECT it. Better to expect talented fakery than real integrity, since the first is required for a career and the second is gravy.)

      • msanthropesmr

        Buy yourself a KitchenAid. They’re really useful.

        • Serai 1

          They’re also over $400. In my situation, it would take over a year’s worth of saving to get one, if there are no emergencies to take my money away.

          • Jamoche

            Refurbished ones get closer to $200.

          • Serai 1

            Still almost impossible for me. Sorry, when you’re poor, that kind of expense is way beyond your reach. I’m lucky if I have $30 left over at the end of the month.

          • theCryptofishist

            Damn, I’m sorry. It seems like such a small thing. And of course, when you’re poor any emergency that comes along means a serious retrenchment.

          • Serai 1

            Ten years ago, I could have put money aside for a month or two and picked one up. These days, nope. I hope things will change, because I’m fucking tired of rarely being able to do the things I want to do.

        • FukuiSanYesOta

          Seconded. They’re great.

          • Juan de Fuca

            We’ve had ours for about 15 yea…fuck.

            I’m old now. I’ve become my parents, talking about how long I’ve owned a fucking kitchen appliance.

          • Serai 1

            I’ve been wanting one for years. But like I said, out of my reach.

          • Tacoclamgenda

            Me too.

          • Ω cynmac will never surrender

            My boyfriend won one in a contest. He was ecstatic.

        • snark-lurker

          thoze fuggers are strong & dangerous one ate my neighbor n her dog & both cats before fuze blue

      • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

        Playwrights, otoh, can Shakespeare with the best of the philosophers and politicians.

        • Serai 1

          True, but they are often assholes. Oh well, as Stephen Wright says, you can’t have everything – where would you put it?

      • Doug Langley

        It’s something I call the Celebrity Syndrome. If someone is famous, then everything automatically goes their way. Everyone just has to listen to them on any subject. Everyone says yes to them. It doesn’t matter if they know nothing, they get every consideration and every chance.

        • Serai 1

          Being famous is no guarantee that you’ll get everything you want, or that people will respect you. There’ve been plenty of famous actors who crashed and burned, and everyone watched it happen without lifting a finger to help them.

          • Doug Langley

            How do you know they crashed and burned? Because people are fascinated with every single detail of their lives. Many people have troubles but you never hear of them because no one reports it and no one cares.

          • Serai 1

            Being fascinated by someone’s life is not the same as them getting everything they want. It certainly isn’t the same as respecting them or their opinions. Being famous can be a really horrible experience, despite the silly assumptions that people make about how it makes a great life.

        • theCryptofishist

          So true. Even people who come from a rough background get all born with a silver spoon in their mouth after a while. So irritating.

      • ltmcdies

        you mean like this guyhttp://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/actor-ashton-kutcher-trying-end-modern-day-slavery-n721356

        I watched a good portion of his testimony on CPAC….thoughtful, intelligent and informed.

        • Serai 1

          Has Ashton stopped throwing insanely inflated numbers around? He got in hot water for it a couple of years ago.

          By the by, your link is borked. Better fix it. :)

      • Alan

        The redheaded woman on The X-Files. Oh my god, what an idiot.

        • Serai 1

          Gillian Anderson? She seems like a great person, but admits herself she’s not a genius. (Also, of the two of them, she’s the real Mulder and David’s the real Scully, as in she’s a flighty believer and he’s a cynic.)

          • Alan

            Oh yeah, she’s an idiot.

          • theCryptofishist

            But, but … lesbian?

          • Serai 1

            Uh, no. Where’d you get that idea?

          • theCryptofishist

            I thought she came out. Apparently, I am wrong.

          • Serai 1

            If she has, I sure haven’t heard about it.

          • Serai 1

            I looked it up. No, she’s straight, but she had one short relationship with a lesbian years ago, and recently went public about that.

          • theCryptofishist

            Aha. Ta.

          • Serai 1

            *shrug* Not everyone can be smart. Doesn’t mean she isn’t a good person.

          • Alan

            Absolutely true.

  • Suse

    Rachel’s discussing Sleaze Bannon.

    • Vincent Ricola

      Makes the minute and a half I had to spend with Susan Sarandon all worthwhile.

      • Suse

        Police report!

        • Jamoche

          Aw fuck, I do not need to be reminded of my childhood.

          • Suse

            :-(

      • snark-lurker

        i woodn’t go that far

  • Jamoche

    http://www.newsweek.com/allies-intercept-russia-trump-adviser-communications-557283
    U.S. ALLIES CONDUCT INTELLIGENCE OPERATION AGAINST TRUMP STAFF AND ASSOCIATES, INTERCEPTED COMMUNICATIONS

    “While Newsweek was told which allied nations intercepted the communications and are gathering intelligence on Trump associates, the sources did so on condition that the countries not be identified out of concern those governments would incur the president’s wrath.”

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      Hehe, I’ve got $5 on GCHQ.

      • Sheepshagger

        Estonian counter intelligence.

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      Mossad. Always Mossad. Don’t fuck with Mossad.

      • JailWardenCaptainHowdy

        Do they have a motive? Apart from the administration being full of Nazis.

        • Apart from the administration being full of Nazis.

          They don’t need a better reason.

        • Ω cynmac will never surrender

          Yes. Exposure of the intel to Russia to be shared with Iran.

    • Jenny

      Estonia and Ukraine, probably but UKRAINE, MOSTLY UKRAINE!

      Also too, they’re gathering emails LOL. I am amused by the thought that emails will bring Trump and Putin down.

      • Ω cynmac will never surrender

        Dence too. There is still an open investigation for a law suite in Indiana!

  • MynameisBlarney

    Because, why the fuck not?! That’s why!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ch3X5WrhwGM

  • Stinky_Hole

    M’kay, is this a thing, or am I just being paranoid?
    A rabid Trump supporter out-of-the-blue asked me when the best time to buy a winter coat would be (I avoid interacting with him whenever possible, so who-knows-where his inquiry comes from) . I told him March, because any later than that retailers would have Spring merchandise out (I know, “Spring” was already out in January… I’m thinking about end-of-season-get-rid-of-it sales).
    Is this some desperate ploy that these assholes are using to say “We need to give the new president until March”-shit?
    Or is he really, really stupid?
    Nope, he’s really, really stupid, so that’s not it. Have any of you had this kind of encounter?

    • msanthropesmr

      How much have you had to drink?

      • snark-lurker

        hay thad’s–hic–my–hic–line…hic

      • Stinky_Hole

        There are more in the fridge. This guy is a real Hitlery/email kind of guy, though. I don’t think he was trying to make nice by asking for shopping tips.

        • Sheepshagger

          If you’re getting emails from hitler, buy a coat.

          • FukuiSanYesOta

            May be handy in a nuclear winter.

          • Sheepshagger

            Man I’m going to Bali next week. I’m genuinely concerned that the world might end while I’m in Indonesia. How am I going to settle scores in a murder spree during the apocalypse if I’m not home? I have a list!

          • Suse

            Wow! Have a great time and don’t worry about the end of the world.

          • Sheepshagger

            Easy for you to say, you don’t live there.

          • JailWardenCaptainHowdy

            Just go berserk on random strangers, I’m sure it will be fun.

          • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

            Mr Tetsu Kaba and I might go to Paris at the end of April. I’ve had thoughts about what if there’s a major international incident and we can’t get home.

    • Sheepshagger

      Take their coats.

      • snark-lurker

        i remember that one

    • Tallmutha

      I would just assume he’s planning to move to Russia, where his ilk will be more welcome.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      I dunno. There are people out there who legitimately don’t know this. My mom, who worked in the clothing department of a retail store, went shopping for a winter coat last May.
      It may just be you are overthinking it.

      • Serai 1

        Yeah, let’s not start getting all paranoid and jump at shadows. I have a Russian neighbor, but I’m not sitting here thinking he’s spying on me. He’s actually pretty cool.

        • idiotboy

          I do like Russians mostly. We have a lot of them come up here in the winter to XC ski. Smoke cigs drink vodka and XC ski, all at the same time.
          However, IMO not a good idea to do biz with them usually.

    • Iam Reading

      The correct answer to that question and any question coming from a trumpanzee is “go fuck yourself”

      • Sheepshagger

        “I gotta a fucking backwards coat for you, ya miserable fuck!”

    • JailWardenCaptainHowdy

      Random question could be a sort of free floating intimidation thing.

    • Suse

      Tell him all of the Trump labels are on clearance.

    • Serai 1

      Sounds to me like he just wanted some advice on buying a coat.

      • Ω cynmac will never surrender

        Could be. May be.

      • Stinky_Hole

        Yeah, some details may have been omitted – he couldn’t stop telling everbuddy how evil Hitlery was and how Donald Trump would be the answer to all of America’s problems (and what about that private server?).
        I do not interact with him unless he initiates it (“don’t make eye contact”).
        So I was surprised when he asked. My thoughts have not been solicited in the past.

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      All of my encounters have been from clueless lefties who are just now getting ‘woke’. And have no clue how to get started resisting or how to proceed after the marches. I am giving this Indivisible group in my town one more try, one more meeting.

    • Tacoclamgenda

      Did he ask about cigars?

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    So Governor Abbott is spittin’ mad at the NFL for intimating that, should Texas pass their “bathroom bill”, it might be a long time before they bring a Super Bowl back to the Lone Star State. (He also called Colin Kaepernick a “snowflake” because he won’t stand for the National Anthem and is annoyed the NFL won’t force him to stand or kick him out of the league.)

    And of course, he had to go straight to the favorite canard of conservatives – “Sports is supposed to be FUN! Sports should not be political!” Which would come as a shock to anyone who has paid attention to sports in the last century or so.

    • msanthropesmr

      Gay people don’t play sport!

      • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

        Hahahahaha

    • BoziSpicer

      I guess POC will need to eat in the back of the restaurants in Texas.

    • Jenny

      Houston and Dallas built their stadiums with big super bowl monies in mind. They both happen to be in fairly liberal cities too.

      It is about time the chickens come home to roost for Paxton and Abbott.

      • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

        I’m pretty sure if the NFL tells Jerry Jones that he can’t host a Super Bowl in his BILLION-dollar shrine to greed, he’d suggest his players engage in …unnecessary roughness.

        • Jenny

          Jerry Jones loves money so I can see him folding pretty quickly. What is he going to do? Start his own league? That’s been tried several, several, several times. Twitler lost big money on that. Not worth destroying a franchise brand over something no one but loonies like Paxton and Abbott care about.

  • aktlib101

    I like this:
    ‘He will die in jail’: Intelligence community ready to ‘go nuclear’ on Trump, senior source says
    http://www.rawstory.com/2017/02/he-will-die-in-jail-intelligence-community-ready-to-go-nuclear-on-trump-senior-source-says/?comments=disqus

  • Iam Reading

    An enlightened country would pull this guy off the air put them in a padded truck and get him the help he needs

    • CatCafe #ShePurrsisted

      YES! THIS! I was thinking the same thing. Why is this guy getting air time? Why is he doing anything other than ranting on a street corner until social services comes to help him?

  • OrG

    So,I just had a conversation with Jesus,He said this guy’s full of shit.

    • Serai 1

      Does he still have that cold? I recommended Goldenseal for his sinuses, but I don’t know if he’ll try it.

      • Tacoclamgenda

        Last time we chatted she said Linden Flower worked quite well for her though she thanks you for the recommendation. Oddly, she gets lots of those.

      • CatCafe #ShePurrsisted

        I don’t know, but his followers sure kept saying “Bless you” a lot. HAHAHAHA I’ll be here all week.

        • Serai 1

          I’ll be sure to tip the waiter!

  • Moebym of the Returners
  • aktlib101

    I also started to have just a very small amount of sympathy for Melania, though she is only a grifter who grifts on a pathological grifter: ‘She is miserable’: Melania Trump reportedly unhappy with new role as First Lady
    http://www.rawstory.com/2017/02/she-is-miserable-melania-trump-reportedly-unhappy-with-new-role-as-first-lady/

    • Tallmutha

      Dear Melania: Take a lover. Take three! And spend as much of your husband’s money as you can on making them feel special. They’ll return the favor.

      • Serai 1

        Yes, do. Every scandal helps!

    • o’look Skwerl!

      I suspect she wanted to, you know, actually be a FLOTUS.

      • therblig

        FEOTUS (first escort) is perfectly respectable

    • therblig
    • Treg Brown

      I’m sorry. No. She doesn’t get a pass any longer. After the years of elephant gorilla ape Michelle. No. No more mutton dressed as lamb.

      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/65f06454cc7619d9bd908f1478a96cfe0280d4f9f25e6746f61faf9211a547a9.jpg

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Awww, poor gold digger discovered that a gilded cage is still a cage?

      boo fucking hoo

  • memzilla Ω
  • Juan de Fuca

    People like Rick Wiles and Jim Bakker are the moral equivilant of scammers who prey on the vunerable by leaving voice mail messages claiming to be the IRS and demanding immediate payment by threatening lawsuits and pay garnishments, etc.

    Fresh off his controversial defense of an as yet unrealized Florida tent church project, Rick Wiles on Monday announced an urgent need for $1 million that would allow him to fulfill his dream of a 24 hour Christian news network to compete head to head with CNN, Fox News, and MSNBC. Wiles specifically targeted wealthy elderly listeners telling them that they should consider sending him a large donation before they pass away in order to help save the country from a communist takeover:

    “Somebody out there is sitting on a lot of money. There`s somebody, I just believe this, I believe there’s somebody, and you’re getting up in years, and you might be in your 80’s or 90’s and you’re sitting on a nest egg of millions of dollars, and hmm and you need to look at what’s happened to our country. You’re getting closer & closer to going home to be with the Lord & you’re going to leave behind a country that has been turned into a Communist hell hole, and hmm and you’ve got the opportunity whoever you are, you’ve got the opportunity to do something.”

    “A million dollars – a million dollars would give us the money that we need to launch this type of a network, and it could be done” – (Trunews broadcast for Monday 8-17-09, 45.58 – 47. 03 minutes)

    When the Lamb opened the fourth seal, I heard the voice of the fourth living creature say, “Come!” I looked, and there before me was a $80,000 Range Rover! It’s driver was named Grifter, and False Prophet was seated next to him. They were given power over a fourth of the late night television channels in America and deceived by email, phone and text messages, with all gifts considered tax deductible. – RWNJ Book of Revelation 6:7-8

    https://pjmiller.wordpress.com/2009/08/24/rick-wiles-pleads-for-1-million-to-launch-24-hour-christian-patriotic-news-network/

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      Still can’t beat Creflo Dollar and his Gulfstream G650 drive. They’re only $70M.

    • aktlib101

      Sure, save the country from a leftist Communist dictator? and instead, give it to a Rightwing religious dictator? Much, much better, right?

    • CatCafe #ShePurrsisted

      Aren’t these people just so, so terrible. They’re the moral equivalent of muggers, actually. Or home invasion robbers.

  • Résistance Land Shark

    Kellyanne: run now. Take the cash and bolt while you still have a chance.

    Big Orange can’t tweet his way out of this one. If the House won’t investigate, someone is going to sue. Bring a lawsuit …. let’s see what the discovery phase brings to light.

    • o’look Skwerl!

      Oh do I dare go read further to find out what is going on?