Morning, Wonkers! While you were sleeping or drinking heavily last night, Senate Democrats were back on the floor making a big ol’ stink about Jeff Sessions! So here’s some of the stories we may be talking about today!
- Last night Republicans, citing Rule XIX, told Elizabeth Warren to sit down and shut up because she was reading a letter by Coretta Scott King on the Senate floor during an all night talk-a-thon about Jeff Sessions. She was warned. She was given an explanation. Nevertheless she persisted.
- Betsy DeVos is your new Secretary of Education, and your kids are going to fucking love their new Trump Edition Russian language bibles, presented by Goldman Sachs and brought to you by Carl’s Jr, but some people want to make her life “hell.”
- A federal appeals court was kind of “Meh” on the Trump administration’s defense of its
Muslim bantravel restrictions on religious and ethnic minorities, even though all the not-Christians from Not America pose a security risk that’s too spooky for you to know about.
- The House Administration Committee decided to get rid of the Election Assistance Commission, which was the agency that made sure voting machines can’t be hacked, because waste? Fraud? Abuse? Reasons?
- Wisconsin Republican Rep. Sean Duffy wants to make one thing perfectly clear, when a heavily armed white nationalist commits a clearly defined terrorist act it’s not the same as when a when a spooky brown Muslim person does it! Free Timothy McVeigh, Charles Manson, the Unabomer, Dylann Roof, and the Bader-Meinhoff leftovers!
- The State Department can’t do shit right now because there’s no one in the office. Probably shouldn’t have “You’re Fired” all those senior staffers, huh?
- Trump decided to hear all about veterans’ issues, but forgot to invite the American Legion, Disabled American Veterans and the Veterans of Foreign Wars to talk about those issues. WHOOPS!
- The DOD is looking to rent space in Trump Tower because Trump won’t just GIVE the U.S. government space for doing its job keeping him, his family, tourists and residents alive. No free taco bowl lunches, guys!
- “Big Luther” Strange may be tapped as Alabama’s replacement for Jeff Sessions, which is great because we’ll get to talk about the governor’s ALLEGED sexxxy-times and god-awful cover-up, AND Strange’s ALLEGED funny money party time in Vegas!
- After the sheriff of a rinky-dink Texas town went to D.C. to shoot the shit with Trump, they joked that they would “destroy” the career of a Texas state senator who wanted the cops to actually convict people before stealing all their stuff. The nerve of some people!
- Jake Tapper was being a big meanie to Kellyanne Conway because she’s a such circle-talking, nail biting, goddamn lying liar.
- The House passed the Postal Service Reform Act, a wonky bill that will keep the post office at the expense of retirees and higher postage fees, so it could be a lot worse…(and now we wait for it to get worse).
- Here’s a great op-ed from grammar Nazi and super nerd Dana Milbank, about how Trump’s team needs a dictionary.
- Kanye seems to have ended his bromance with Donald Trump because Yeezy deleted all his pro-Trump tweets.
- Here’s Seth Meyers splainering Trump’s federal hiring freeze, which is another one of those things that’s super important to know about!
And here’s your morning Nice Time: Warthogs and Mongooses having some super fun cleaning time!
GIVE US MONEY! -