Morning, Wonkers! Here’s some of the stories we may be covering today!
- Federal courts have denied an appeal asking them to uphold the Muslim ban, and Donald Trump is tweeting his butthurt this morning.
- Trump defended Putin again by suggesting that killing your political opponents and journalists isn’t that big of a deal, and now Republicans are worried about catching Russian cooties. Meanwhile, the Kremlin thinks Bill O’Reilly’s question about same was “unacceptable and insulting” because nobody ever proved that Putin personally killed all those people.
- The FCC has ended broadband support for the Lifeline program because poor people don’t need affordable internet access, they need to get a fucking job!
- Silicon Valley nerd kings wrote a mean letter to Donald Trump about the guts of their Not American minions.
- The repeal of Dodd-Frank may be harder than Republicans thought because people kind of like laws that force banks and Wall Street to behave like human beings instead of greedy jerks.
- Nancy Pelosi wants to investigate Russian hacking because the possibility of a super secret pee hooker tape being used as blackmail is enough to wet appetites.
- Steve Wynn is the new money man behind the GOP now that the other old white guys have decided to stay home. SAD!
- Here’s some weird thinkery and ‘splainerings about Trump’s first two weeks in the White House, and President Bannon’s villainous doings while America’s loses its mind.
- California Republican Rep. Tom McClintock had to be escorted out of a town hall Saturday after protesters showed up and yelled loudly about the Muslim ban and Obamacare. LOL, Democracy!
- While most of America was rendered partially comatose after gorging themselves on shitty beer and junk food, Lady Gaga gave a fabulous Ultra Sportsball half-time show that was totally gay.
- Here’s your morning Nice Time! It’s SNL’s cold open and Melissa McCarthy’s super spicy Sean Spicer impersonation!
GIVE US MONEY! -