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"Hey Donald. Hey Donald. They're right behind you. LOL!"
“Hey Donald. Hey Donald. They’re right behind you. LOL!”

Do you remember the 2016 presidential campaign, when Hillary Clinton died every single day of an affliction she refused to share with the world, and was then daily resurrected to go on and win the popular vote by three million, on account of how she is The Devil? Ah, simpler times. But two curious items have struck us in the news lately, about how Donald Trump might be dying too. But in Trump’s case, he may not be dying of dysentery or dia-beet-us or sniffles like a common Hillary, but rather DYING IN FEAR. Of staircases.

Consider first the Washington Post story where half the White House staff leaked a bunch of shit about how their boss, the president, is a whine-baby who has to be parented constantly, to the point they actually have to control his TV time, because he’s likely to see something on Fox News or Maury or Judge Judy that sets him off, thus starting international crises and such. Totally normal president stuff. But in that piece was this curious tidbit about how Bleeding Nailbed Kellyanne Conway is being pushed aside in the White House, because her new office is up AN ENTIRE FLIGHT OF STAIRS from the Oval Office, and Trump doesn’t Do Stairs.

Here’s that quote again:

One suggested that Conway’s office on the second floor of the West Wing, as opposed to one closer to the Oval Office, was a sign of her diminished standing.

Though Conway took over the workspace previously occupied by Valerie Jarrett, who had been Obama’s closest adviser, the confidant dismissively predicted that Trump would rarely climb a flight of stairs.

Now, at first glance, you might think, “Meh, lazy fucks gonna lazy fuck,” and besides the stairs aren’t gold plated, so they aren’t even usable.

But then, the Times of London did a piece about Trump’s meeting with UK Prime Minister Theresa May, where this tidbit emerged:

Downing Street officials claimed the president’s phobia of stairs and slopes led him to grab the prime minister’s hand as they walked down a ramp at the White House.

PHOBIA OF STAIRS? Trump had to hold a girl’s hand because of his PHOBIA OF STAIRS? But we thought his only phobia was the germs in Russian Hooker Pee. And his phobia of the Normal-Size-Handed Monster Who Lives In The Closet. And his fear of the truth about how many people voted for him. And his servile fear of Vladimir Putin. And his deep dread when it comes to suits that fit him. We are getting off track!

So is Trump a-feared of the stairs? Does he tremble at the way they creak in the night? Did a staircase bite him on his weenus one time? Did he have a great fall on some stairs one time, and that is why his brain appears to be broken?

A couple of possibilities:

  • Trump is 300-eleventy years old and feeble and is being kept artificially alive by the pus-filled sac of whiskey nightmares known as Steve Bannon, who is the real president. Grandpappy Pussgrab just needs some help on stairs, that’s all, and otherwise he’s happy scooting around the West Wing in his Hoveround, ALLEGEDLY AS IF HE EVEN NEEDS ONE.
  • Trump is actually afraid of stairs, because there might be a Muslim on them.
  • Trump is actually afraid of stairs, because there might be “Chicago inner city carnage” AKA a black person on them.
  • Donald Trump does not balance good on stairs, because he’s shaped like a gi-normous bottom-heavy decorative Thanksgiving gourd.
  • Donald Trump doesn’t have the physical strength to lift his gelatinous pork thighs one after the other on the stairs.
  • The stairs give Donald Trump the meat sweats. No, like more than usual.
  • One time a staircase grabbed Donald Trump by the pussy.
  • Trumpty Dumpty fell down some stairs, because Trumpty Dumpty was hallucinating about being chased by some bears, and he lay at the bottom of the stairs broken and wounded for DAYS AND DAYS because Melania gets her kicks by hiding his Life Alert Bracelet, ALLEGEDLY AS IF HE EVEN NEEDS A LIFE ALERT BRACELET.

OK, that’s some ideas why Trump is scared of staircases to get us started. As usual, don’t share your own ideas in the comments section, because Wonkette Does Not Allow Comments.

[Times Of London]

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  • OneYieldRegular

    Worst remake of Battleship Potemkin EVAR.

    • The Wanderer

      He wouldn’t fit into the pram for the Odessa Steps sequence.

    • Reddishrabbit

      Battleship whatever, no sound! They had to write out the dialogue. Also not color, really low energy, not like Trump films. Sad. Putin is great, but bad movie recommendation.

  • Nounverb911
    • Wild Cat

      MC Escher Escher in da House, yo!

    • OneYieldRegular

      And the winner of this year’s Oscar for “Best Visual Metaphor of the Trump Administration” goes to…

    • Reddishrabbit

      Excuse me while I copy this, going to need it.

    • arglebargle

      I MC what you did there.

  • JohnBull
    • ArthurBAblabab

      We have…weak trees.

    • MerBearStare

      This is one of my dad’s favorite movies and this scene legitimately made me afraid of climbing the stairs. But I was 4-years-old at the time. And I got over this fear after a few days. Unlike Donald Trump.

  • nightmoth

    So every elevator in D.C. needs to be jammed.

    • dslindc

      I am not walking down 14 flights of stairs every time the dog needs to pee!

      • nightmoth

        Oh, sorry. Just every one that Rump is fixing to use. We need an insider at the Secret Service.

        • dslindc

          Oh, that’s all right then. Carry on.

  • Apple Scruff

    And meanwhile, Sam Bee is doing god’s work: “Not the White House Correspondents’ Dinner”

    https://www.nytimes.com/2017/01/30/arts/television/donald-trump-correspondents-dinner-samantha-bee.html

    • Suttree

      Yay! That is going to be awesome!

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      I sincerely hope that everyone invited to that dinner turns them down, with obvious lame-o excuses like “I’m having my toenails clipped” or “My dog’s going to meet his birth mother that night,” so that the seats are more than 3/4 empty and the rest are filled with collaborators Faux Noise and Breitbart shitheads.

      • FigaroPho

        Exactly. Fight the occupation, stop being such spineless cowards you fucking media idiots who got us into this mess in the first place!

  • Infrequentcontributor

    weeble wobble?

  • MynameisBlarney
    • Wild Cat

      I pay that cat $200 a week to help solve my drinking problem.

      • Resistance Fighter Astraea

        I’d pay it more than that to solve our Donald Trump problem.

        • coozledad

          Ceiling cat says you can’t haz elevator. iz walkup for you.

        • sg77

          THAT is gonna be really, really expensive.

      • Suttree

        So you have finally taught a cat to fetch?!

    • dslindc

      Mind your own business, cat!

    • The Wanderer

      He’s just going to discuss the internet porn bill.

      • aureolaborealis

        “Blarney. Cat here. We need to talk. It’s 2017. No functioning adult — even one who watches porn 20 hours a day and spends the other four applying healing salves to his genitals — should have an internet porn bill.”

    • timpundit

      I would actually do whatever that cat suggests.

    • Resistance Fighter Astraea

      We’re here today because we care about you…

      • coozledad

        And you tore a big hole in the convertible top.

        • What will you tell your mom & pop?

    • Marion in Savannah

      Ceiling cat has concerns…

      ON EDIT — most of my feline herd are basement cats, so I can get away with all sorts of stuff without getting a look like that. Yay me!

    • Nockular cavity

      Wait…is the cat talking to you, too?

    • Reddishrabbit

      Irish Coffee in the morning is perfectly reasonable!

  • Nounverb911
  • dslindc

    Donald has stairs. The best, most terrifying stairs ever, believe me. You’ll get tired of how terrifying Donald’s stairs are, I guarantee it.

  • memzilla Ω

    Donald Trump doesn’t have the physical strength to lift his gelatinous pork thighs…

    You’d think he’d loin how to take a little ribbing.

  • Pinkham’s Law

    Difficulty using – and consequent fear of – stairs is common in patients with Alzheimer’s and other forms of dementia. Not that I would ever speculate that Donnie might have something like that, of course!

    • Treg Brown

      Just asking questions.

    • Jennaratrix

      Oh, I don’t know; it would be irresponsible not to speculate.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      We with Alzheimers or dementia reject that. We do not want to be associated with that asshole, whatever the fuck his name is. Tell him to go find another disease.

    • Jukesgrrl

      It’s not a secret that his father suffered from Alzheimer’s, although he lived with it into his 90s. And it definitely can run in families.

    • arensb

      He’s just donning the mantle of Reagan.

  • Maybe he’s just never used stairs before, elevators and escalators only!

  • ServantToTheStars

    Maybe fear of a trap door from when he’s been hung numerous times in past lives.

    • nightmoth

      Karma—some people just never learn.

  • Ricky Gay

    he was once alarmed by a bustle in his hedgerow?

  • Nounverb911

    Wait! Has he fallen to the tarmac getting off trump force one yet?

  • dslindc

    It’s a well-known fact that stairs have a liberal bias!

  • stankbait

    One step, two step, three step, goose step!

  • canes_pugnaces

    Escalators are for bigly human meatloaf transport and good, stairs are for losers and very scary.

  • tihond

    Is it wrong to hope foreign leaders put him in tough stairs situations?

  • Martini Ambassador

    If he says “radical Islamic stair-ists” at a presser, then whatever his weirdo problem is will just disappear. Magic-y!

    • tihond

      I can’t believe Obama was never willing to talk about “radical islamic stair-ists.”

  • tihond

    He just doesn’t want what happened to Roger Sterling in season 1 of Mad Men to happen to him.

  • dslindc

    I like Presidents that aren’t afraid of stairs. SAD!

  • Since you were all wondering, and I KNOW that you were, fear of stairs and inclines is called “Bathmophobia”.

    • dslindc

      “Do you think you have Bathmophobia, Charlie Brown?”

      -Lucy

  • UnsaltedSinner

    I’m probably late to this, but wow: Mind. Blown.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gs6UcgiDwg0

    • OneYieldRegular

      I’ve seen it, but it makes me really nervous about watching any of the other episodes of this series.

    • MynameisBlarney

      That’s gotta be his pa.

    • Rags

      2:40 – “When we were kids, we were all afraid of the dark. Then we grew up and we weren’t afraid any more, but it’s funny how a big lie can make us all kids again.”

  • DahBoner
    • tomamitai

      And homophones also, too.

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    While talking to some of his contacts with Putin, they reminded him, “Now you be good boy, da. Wouldn’t want you falling down stairs”?

  • tihond

    To be fair, escalators are the worst.

    • Spurning Beer

      His necktie could get caught in the grating.

      • Alternative Pony Ron

        Of the escalator below his.

  • natoslug

    So far, Trump’s afraid of birds, stairs, Billy Bush’s disapproval, Megyn Kelly’s wherever, Hillary Clinton, the world finding out about how much of an unloved needy babyman he is, refugee babies . . .

    • Treg Brown

      …Vladamir Putin…

    • Spurning Beer

      …germy urine…

    • Villago Delenda Est

      …his tax returns revealing he’s actually a hundredaire…

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      . . . women protesters . . .

    • GoutMachine
  • Crank Tango

    I dunno, but I wish we’d stop talking about impeachment. I want this prick to hang around the necks of the GOP leadership for the next four years, like a rotting albatross.

    • As long as the Democrats fight all of his appointments (particularly those shitty lifetime appointments), I’m okay with this.

      • Marion in Savannah

        I wish I shared your optimism about Democrats fighting anything…

    • Resistance Fighter Astraea

      That’s assuming our country will survive and hold elections 4 years after a coup.

      • Crank Tango

        240 years is a great run.

        • Alternative Pony Ron

          Not really.
          – China

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      4 years? I am not even completely certain we will have a real vote again in two years.

      • Crank Tango

        well, either way, the republican house isn’t gonna help us.

  • beingreleased

    Jezebel had an article on this:
    Donald Trump Can Absolutely Walk Up and Down Stairs Like a Big Boy
    Lots of pictures of him holding on to hand rails going down stairs.

  • Prismo87

    Those stairs? Not even an 8.

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))
  • Dudleydidwrong
  • exinkwretch

    Stairs are for peasants. Men of Trump’s station must ride in golden elevators or platinum helicopters.

  • timpundit
    • cheetojeebus

      Was reaching across upon returning from the concessionstand handing popcorn to a friend. When this was on the screen. I turned and looked and shrieked like a little girl. Popcorn went everywhere.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Much of lil’ Donny’s fear was the result of that time it took him all day to get to the second floor of a building before he figured out he was doing something wrong.

    http://i.imgur.com/P3FHP.jpg

  • o’look Skwerl!

    This explains Betsy DeVos’s comment. The school needed a gun because of stairs, not bears.

  • Krombopulous Pichael

    remember in the billy bush tape he says “dont wanna end up like Pres Ford, who fell down the steps getting off a bus” so its def on his mind

    HA!

    hes as surefooted as a mountain goat on a golden escalator tho!

  • Vecchioivan

    Yesterday upon the stair
    I met a Muslim who wasn’t there.
    He wasn’t there again today
    Maybe I should bomb Iran.

    • Bmaccnm

      Insert golf clap gif here.

    • Michael R

      ^^^ upvote this thing !

      • Jukesgrrl

        Sorry I can only give but one upvote for my country.

  • Marion in Savannah

    OT… I don’t know how many of you read Matt Taibbi in Rolling Stone, but he had this to say about Trump:

    Trump is the perfect modern American. He’s a human consumption machine with no attention span, no self-control, no beliefs and no hobbies outside of sex, spending, eating and talking about himself. Nixon at least played the piano and read classics. He was an intellectual with a pig’s heart. Trump is just the pig part.

    The distance between the two men represents how far we’ve fallen as a nation in the last 40 or 50 years. Once we were merely rotten and evil on the inside. Now we even lack the depth needed to be two-faced, and our dark underbelly is also our shameless, dumb exterior.

    As they used to say, read the whole thing:

    http://www.rollingstone.com/politics/features/matt-taibbis-new-book-insane-clown-president-w461390

    • Vecchioivan

      Makes me glad I shorted dog-whistles.

      • cheetojeebus

        I see silk suits, a monocle and a silver tipped walking stick in your future.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Gee, Matt. I’ve been waiting for the fortunate son of a celebrity to tell me what to think about this.

      Does this mean you’ve decided he’s actually worse than Clinton? How does that make you feel?

    • beingreleased

      In regards to sex (which I know no one wants to think about it regards to Trump, but sometimes we must do unpleasant things), he claimed on Howard Stern that he gets a lot of sex. Melania is living in NY. What is Trump going to do, and will White House staffers be filming it to send to the media?

      • coozledad

        At least he’ll always have a flat surface to put his beer- as long as Paul Ryan’s around.

      • arglebargle

        White House staffers? That’s Putin’s job.

        • Jukesgrrl

          Because they have the best hookers. Putin SAID SO right into a microphone.

        • arensb

          Staffer? I hardly know ‘er!

      • Historicat

        KellyAnne’s got him covered.

      • arensb

        More importantly, since we know that getting a blow job in the Oval Office is an impeachable offense, I think we should be able to get rolling by Friday.
        Or is it lying to Congress that’s the impeachable offense? In which case, when’s the State of the Union address?

    • AngryKatie

      I’ve had a soft spot for him since he dropped acid and went the the DNC.

  • Phoenixdoglover

    I the interest of not commenting, I will not mention that fear of stairs and slopes is a symptom of Alzheimers and other forms of dementia, which affect depth perception.

    • timpundit

      This will not add to my constant anxiety, either.

    • MynameisBlarney

      I REEEEEEALLY hope they didn’t give him the actual nuke codes.

  • Nockular cavity
  • Suttree
  • Crystalclear12

    Too weak for stairs?
    Sad

  • memzilla Ω

    The fear of stairs or slopes is called Bathmophobia.

    *awaits the collective Wonkette punditocracy to pounce*

  • Nounverb911

    OT but KAC has caught the Alzheimer’s from trump too, also.
    https://twitter.com/KellyannePolls/status/826122996330987522

    • ResistanceFictionista blondeiq

      Turnabout is fair play, motherfuckers.

      • Marion in Savannah

        Also, one wonders if Tiger Beat On The Potomac (h/t Pierce) bothered with anything fussy and annoying like, you know, an attributed quote.

    • Fucking GOOD.

      I’ll take 4 years of a deadlocked supreme court v/ a lifetime of whatever human garbage fire Herr Dipshit would nominate…

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        All we need is two years – and people getting off their asses to vote in the midtems.

        • willi0000000

          OK . . . four years it is.

    • timpundit

      Demosharks smell blood in the pee.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      That’s my Senator! You go, Jeff!

    • Reddishrabbit

      Play with fire be prepared to be burnt. The GOP started down this road.

    • timpundit

      Gof forbid it, but if anything happens to Ruth, they better keep it a secret like Weekend At Bernies, until the midterms.

      • Jukesgrrl

        The world is ready for a remake of that movie with heavy political content.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      These shitstains (KaC, etc.) think that history began yesterday with them. What goes around, comes around, sweetheart.

    • Rags

      expect the Senate nukulear option in 3…2….1……

  • Sardonicuss
  • msanthropesmr

    Help, my country’s fallen and can’t get up.

  • Carpe Vagenda

    OT: over the weekend, the ACLU raised six times what they raised in all of 2016.

  • Chadwells

    Well…if you had those tiny little baby hands to catch you if you fall…you’d be scared of stairs too!!! Jesus, Trumpelforeskin is such a fucking little bitch.

    • Marion in Savannah

      Foreskin libelz! Mohel to the white courtesy phone…

      • Dudleydidwrong

        I understand mohels work for tips.

        • Chadwells

          LOL!!!!!! Thank you! I needed that laughs!!

  • Ωbjectifier

    Unfair!!11!!!
    FDR didn’t like stairs either!

  • cheetojeebus

    Poor Ms May, It probably felt like this.
    http://i.imgur.com/q7peJVv.jpg

  • Resistance Fighter Astraea

    As a safety professional, I want to encourage everyone to hold on to the hand rail when walking up and down stairs.
    However, a terrified death-grip is not necessary.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    There is very little disparaging said about Donald that I will not believe. He is a vile creature.

  • Alexander Stallwitz

    So much for the healthest president ever, i am sure it has nothing to do with all the fast foods and junk food he consumes.https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/shortcuts/2017/jan/29/donald-trumps-big-macs-bacon-and-doritos-deconstructing-his-diet

  • BigBoppa ~ Résistant

    Wait until he finds out that Bannon failed miserably on his 12 steps program.

    • btwbfdimho

      There is a mystery there: why Trump tolerates Bannon, after losing a brother to alcoholism and hating alcohol?

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        Because Fuckface is a bloviating asshole with no convictions who didn’t really care about his brother anyway?

      • kareemachan

        Cuz Bannon is a prime brown-noser?

      • coozledad

        Bannon’s job is to appear to suck Trump off while simultaneously making Trump’s mouth move by sticking his arm up his ass. That kind of shit takes rivers of whiskey and pills.

  • Jgb979
    • Shirleypweese

      Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours and have longer with friends & family! !sk256c:
      On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
      !sk256c:
      ➽➽
      ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleFinancialJobsCash546DigitalMateGetPay$97Hour ★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★::::::!sk256c:….,…..

  • MeerkatsRMammals

    I speculate that Trump thinks holding a woman’s hand is some sort of “gentlemanly” gesture. UK had to cover up the fact their “leader” was groped by another “leader”.

    • BigBoppa ~ Résistant

      Maybe she was just fending off his grabbin’ hand.

      • MeerkatsRMammals

        That’s a very good possibility. She did look a bit uncomfortable there.

        • Teecha

          I despise her, but as a fellow Brit- I understand her dismay… the appallingness of touching another human being* to whom you are not related or about to have sex with is unutterable.

          *or whatever species of slime ole farty is

    • GoutMachine

      This is probably one reason why Merkel is being so forceful and won’t meet with him. She remembers being assaulted by skeevy U.S. presidents.

      http://majikthise.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/05mfb5127738bushmerkelhochtemplateidrend_1.jpg

  • sw19bender

    Trump is a Dalek!!!!!!!!!

  • OrdinaryJoe

    If you look at his shoes, it sure does look like he wears 2″ lifts so that might make the Cheeto Benito a bit unstable on inclines and going down stairs.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “You see stairs, I see heart attack.”
    — Donald Trump, healthiest president in history

  • Shoto
  • Michael R
  • CindyinEncinitas

    He’s scared of stairs. I’m scared of a coup. No, for real.
    https://medium.com/@yonatanzunger/trial-balloon-for-a-coup-e024990891d5#.vinksfn6d

    • Sardonicuss

      All of that is scary as hell…but how will he fund it?
      They may try to shut out the judiciary, but they still have to pay for shit. The Republicans are horrible, but when it gets down to it, they would have to accomplish the entire takeover before the 2018 elections…or they will certainly lose their majority.The dems will vote lockstep on blocking funding of anything in the house…so it only takes a few republicans, scared of losing in 2018 to jump ship and vote with the dems.

      • CindyinEncinitas

        I have always wondered what the Blackwater contractors did with all the money they took out of the Iraqi treasury in duffel bags. How much was that? Something like $8 trillion? And I wonder what the people who were the beneficiaries of Hank Paulson’s “programs” did with that money? And the people in Russia who are part of Pooty-poot’s cabal? They are loaded beyond comprehension. And the hedge fund managers and the captains of industry who believe it is their right to dictate government policy here. It makes sense to me. Oh, and the military is going to enjoy the exercise, I think.
        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LCW6Kte2o1A

        • Sardonicuss

          $8 trillion might be a bit high…considering the GDP for the entire U.S. is about $16 trillion and that is Gross….and Iraq was a bombed out shell of a state.. deprived of oil revenue for years. We were airlifting in pallet loads of cash ourselves just bribe them into not killing us….that money is gone with the wind..probably used to fund the startup of ISIS in fact..
          There is a ton of laundered, very dark cash out there, a loit in the hands of the “oilogharchs” of Russian for sure.
          ….but for the things he needs to fund (a private military to take over our own military for instance) you need U.S. treasury levels of out in the open money. That may be a little harder. Hitler used wealthy industrialists to fund his take over, but those industrialists were borrowing from western banks and Germany was a mess.

          • CindyinEncinitas

            Thank you. I feel a little better.

          • Sardonicuss

            I will point out something else. Bannon and Trump may think they will be able to take over the most massive bureaucracy in the world…but most of the reasons they think that is because: they are really stupid.
            This isn’t a dim clown surrounded by Bond villi ans, this is a dim clown surrounded by …other dim clowns.
            For instance, they think that there is a vast silent majority that rose up and made their vicotory possible. They base this on…? The crowds showing up for Drump rallies during the election? The handful of rust belt cracker states they managed to steal through creative voter roll purging?
            Less than 25% of eligible voters put these morons into the White House. Thinking that represents a populist uprising…especially, given the size of the protests (which, by the way, they think will piss off their sleeping giant of deplorables) will be a hopefully fatal mistake.
            We outnumber them…and we are buried deep in the cogs and wheels that keep this thing going. One grain of sand can make the clock off: ….thousands….and it stops altogether.

    • Jeebus fucking Chris.

      • CindyinEncinitas

        We is fukked.

    • Thiazin Red

      This should be bigger news, because whoa if true:

      (6) Finally, I want to highlight a story that many people haven’t noticed. On Wednesday, Reuters reported (in great detail) how 19.5% of Rosneft, Russia’s state oil company, has been sold to parties unknown. This was done through a dizzying array of shell companies, so that the most that can be said with certainty now is that the money “paying” for it was originally loaned out to the shell layers by VTB (the government’s official bank), even though it’s highly unclear who, if anyone, would be paying that loan back; and the recipients have been traced as far as some Cayman Islands shell companies.
      Why is this interesting? Because the much-maligned Steele Dossier (the one with the golden showers in it) included the statement that Putin had offered Trump 19% of Rosneft if he became president and removed sanctions. The reason this is so interesting is that the dossier said this in July, and the sale didn’t happen until early December. And 19.5% sounds an awful lot like “19% plus a brokerage commission.”

      • CindyinEncinitas

        I spent all weekend talking about how this is all about oil. Oh, and money. Piles and piles of money. And this dumbfuck Trumpanzee WHO WORKS SELLING SOLAR PANELS was laughing at me and telling me to give Drumpf a chance. Christ.

  • Treg Brown

    Before she passed away, my grandma was afraid of trees.

    She had Alzheimer’s too.

    • Bill D. Burger

      It’s telling that Donald can’t pass a pussy willow without grabbing it.

      • therblig

        he calls them “pussy willings”

  • Bill D. Burger

    Much of the fear stemmed from Donald’s old man mixing up the way he intended to teach Donald to swim as a child versus the way to teach him to be careful on stairs: “Imma’ just throw him in. Just like my old man did me.”

    https://www.fluffybooru.org/_images/b7d1c945769ab827be0276018436c92a/16635%20-%20animated%20artist%3Asugarnacid%20homestuck%20reaction_fluffies%20safe%20stairs%20sweet_bro_and_hella_jeff.gif

    Old man Trump suffered from Old Timers’ Syndrome also/too!

  • AngryKatie

    I’m afraid of stairs. OK, not exactly stairs, but I’m always afraid I’m going fall and break my neck. I assume it’s because when I was a baby my mom fell down the stairs while carrying me (for reals, this happened not once, not twice, but three times. One of them she threw me into a bush as she went down lest I land on the cement. I love her, but the woman is a menace).

    I hold onto the handrail like a shaky grandmother, and always have. Trump does the same thing. Find a picture of Trump going down stairs without gripping the handrail.

  • mrFawkes

    Dear Leader will issue EO replacing those pathetic, useless old stairs with the modern, beautiful, the best moving stairs, which he so gracefully rode down to start his campaign–escalators in the White House.

    • Jenny

      Fuck that shit, escalators are the real devil!

      • Claire

        I hate escalators. And elevators cut people in half. Stairs or GTFO.

  • Red Bird Resistance Engineer

    I say it’s because he has vertigo.

    • BigBoppa ~ Résistant

      Nah. Just a poorly developed fight or flight instinct.

    • beingreleased
    • Nounverb911

      Is he the Kim Novak character or the Jimmy Stewart one?

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        Did anyone get thrown out of a high window? Then I hope he’s that one. With fucking votes.

        • PubOption

          When is he going to visit Prague?

    • BigBoppa ~ Résistant

      Maybe he’s Psycho.

  • Msgr_MΩment
  • Treg Brown
  • Bill D. Burger

    Trump’s sister is even more afraid, probably the result of the cute pranks Donald played on her when they were children.

    http://www.phobia-fear-release.com/images/fear-of-open-stairs-21775194.jpg

  • therblig

    getting him a robot body won’t help either

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_MS4sLlBvbE

  • MynameisBlarney
  • Jennifer R

    Balance issues are often present shortly before the diagnosis of such things as Dementia, or Alzheimer’s.

    • Vecchioivan

      Hey, I have a lot of balance problems, and I’ll have you know

      • Jennifer R

        Do you need your children or Nazi advisors to help you post? I think not! I mean I could be wrong and you do, at which point I might suggest talking with your doctor.

    • sw19bender

      MSM LIBELS!!!!!!!!!

  • BadKitty904

    OT: Dunno if y’all saw this latest GOP election-rigging fuckery…

    Republicans in Minnesota, Virginia Propose Changes to Their Electoral College Rules
    Republicans in two swing states lost by President Trump in 2016 have introduced legislation that would have benefited Trump in the 2016 election, by splitting up their electoral votes by congressional districts instead of awarding them statewide.
    https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/post-politics/wp/2017/01/25/republicans-in-minnesota-virginia-propose-changes-to-their-electoral-college-rules/?utm_term=.2788ea9fa1d7

    • o’look Skwerl!

      Won’t pass here in Minnesota.

    • Or, and hear me out on this, you could scrap the thing since it was designed to stop the exact thing that just happened, so it clearly ain’t working.

      • Thiazin Red

        At the very least, the number of EC votes needs to be periodically updated as populations change in order for each vote to represent the same number of people.

        So we should be taking some away from places like the Dakotas and Wyoming and giving more to New York and California.

        • georgiaburning

          As long as a state can have no fewer than three votes and the total number is capped; the EC can be gamed. Under the current system, CA has 55 votes, WY has 3. CA should have 66 based on the actual ratio of population from the 2010 census. But the total number of electors is currently limited by the fixed size of the House of Representatives and Senate so this will not happen.

          Originally, the largest to smallest ratio was 12/3 (Virginia to Rhode Island). Notice the many Virginians among the early presidents,

    • MynameisBlarney

      “Republican redistricting is taking a beating in courts right now.”

      http://www.democraticunderground.com/10028565473

  • MynameisBlarney
    • mackafritz

      He’s the best at being the worst.

    • OrG

      WINNING!

    • Melinda Piette

      Well it’s a sort of yoooge, isn’t it??? Riiigghhttt????

      Bit surprised about Dubya’s, considering he also lost the popular vote, 2004 was already super close and he wouldn’t have won that if not for a resurgence of faux patriotism over 9/11

      • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

        Yeah, but 9/11 happened less than a year into his term, and he rode that wave. Probably would have been around Clinton territory otherwise.

    • Vecchioivan

      Just proves how great he is, cuz if he wasn’t, why would so many people hate him, amirite, shut up! – KAC

  • azeyote

    looks like he wont be climbing any stairway to heaven after he blows everything to kingdom come –

  • Chyron HR
  • ViveLaRésistance

    He’s old, obese, disgustingly out-of-shape, wears baggy clothes, is not very bright, and his hands are greasy from all the KFC and MacDonald’s. Of course he’s bad with stairs.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Idda no. He doesn’t have a problem climbing down from his big, beautiful airplane.

    • sw19bender

      Believing it feasible that Trump might be capable of getting up and down stairs on his own is surely the dictionary definition of ‘damning with faint praise’.

  • Daru Titor

    Pennywise the Stepping Stone killed his younger brother during his childhood?

    Or…
    He was visited by 3 staircases(Present, Past and Yet to Come), with the last one leaving him scared shitless whenever spotting a bannister.

  • Shibusa

    He didn’t seem afraid of stairs when he abandoned Melania at the base of the White House steps on Inauguration day.

    • Greyhame

      It’s always less terrifying to ascend.

      • sw19bender

        This is true. sw19mom has that issue – but better/more confident since she had stents put in the artery of one leg (better circulation)

    • aureolaborealis

      He was probably grinding through the moment and unable to think about anything but walking up the stairs without drawing attention to himself. Explains ditching Melania.

  • Greyhame

    There are tiny feet to match the tiny hands. One must engage in a delicate balancing act to keep all that bulbous swineflesh upright over uneven terrain without the benefit of a proper bipedal foundation.

    • laughingnome

      Like Humpty Dumpty – only it’s Trumpty Dumpty

  • Oblios_Cap

    He’s scared of stairs because they remind of his casinos and other businesses; they tumble down them and never get back up.

    • Antonin Dvorak

      Jezebel quoted the manager of one the restaurants in Trump Tower, he said that Herr Hair never eats there because it is only accessible by stairs, and he is afraid someone will push him down them.

      • If I were him, I’d be scared of that too.

    • weejee

      I think it is because tRump is afraid of key of A minor arpeggiated, finger-pickin’ geetar chord progression.

      • Oblios_Cap

        Those minor 7th diminished chords can be a bitch.

  • ViveLaRésistance

    I work in healthcare finance so I subscribe to a lot of industry news feeds. The EO about killing two regs for every new one is causing enormous concern. Imagine for a moment the impact on patient safety.

    • Shan

      Holt shit! THAT WAS REAL?!

    • MynameisBlarney
      • Flashman

        This should be on the back of the $1 bill.

      • Incoming (AKA Large) Ham

        They know they built the monster and yet they feed it and let it grow. It tramples the constitution and they think they can control it to get their wingnut bills through. They haven’t figured out (not many of them anyway) that the monster they created is totally out of control.

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CAZd0tu7jOg

    • Thiazin Red

      Yeah, lead paint doesn’t suddenly become safe to use if we discover something else thats harmful. Nuclear workers don’t need to stop wearing dosimeters because we want to increase workplace safety in another area.

      This EO is seriously the stupidest fucking thing ever.

      • Up In Smoke O’hontas

        Plays well to his small govt. rubes, distracts us from what he’s really doing…I’d say it’s working greatly.

    • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

      Yeah, but corporate profits will increase. Donnie regards that as an acceptable tradeoff.

    • Jon Sussex

      The career people in the military departments are usually pretty adept at this old game and simply combine several regulations into one. The Presidential appointee or SESer gets to claim success by reducing the number of regulations and the regulatory program still functions more-or-less as intended. Not sure how its done in the healthcare field.

  • Little Lulu ResistanceFighter

    Anatomical Insight of the Day: Trump cannot rotate his head from left to right. I always watch for this, and he never rotates his head. Turning his whole body to left or right is how he compensates, since he’s no longer able to hinge from his cervical vertebrae (because of the fascial buildup he’s developed their from terrible postural habits, resulting in a shortened neck and possibly a dowager’s hump). It’s quite possible that this condition coupled with his inability to see where his feet land when he walks down stairs can explain his dread of stairs – probably less for ascending them than for descending them.

    • Chadwells

      I have noticed this too!!!

    • The Wanderer

      Syphilitic paralysis?

      • laughingnome

        Moronic paralysis?

      • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

        Extreme Urea Crystallization

      • coozledad

        You kind of wonder if he didn’t display symptoms when he first contracted it, and now he’s got full blown neurosyphilis. Antibiotics can hold it at bay, but they can’t replace corridors of dead brain tissue.

    • laughingnome

      Heh heh you said dowager’s hump.

      • CindyinEncinitas

        The best name for a Viking death metal polka mashup band. Thank you.

    • GoutMachine

      At least Bob Dole has a fucking war injury. Then again, he was a pussy who got a Purple Heart.

  • The Wanderer

    Here’s an idea regarding the “pass 1 regulation, lose 2” idea that Der Fooey has signed. Choose two matching regulations, and the one replacing them combines the two.

    • PersianOregano

      Well I’d add a third new regulation in the new omnibus reg but that’s just me.

  • weejee

    OT: Breaking news – The State of Washington just filed suit in Federal Court against tRump’s travel ban. AG Bob Ferguson to question why, “every hour matters.”

    • Shan

      That site won’t stop auto refreshing every 2 seconds for long enough to read it.

      • weejee

        Well the press conference is still going on. Also & too, do you use Flash™ blockers?

        • Shan

          Can they work on iPhones?

      • Serai 1

        Once the text appears, click the “x” to make the page stop loading before it’s finished. It won’t reload because it never loaded completely in the first place. :)

        • Shan

          Perfect, thanks!

  • Chadwells

    After all these years…my knuckle tattoos finally have a new purpose under this mother fucking mudget dicked man-child president.

  • Alternative Pony Ron

    The up side to this is that it might keep him out of the Capitol building.
    https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/b/b2/United_States_Capitol_-_west_front.jpg

    • weejee

      He could still sneak in through the servants’ entrance in the back.

      • PubOption

        Only if it were renamed first.

    • Left Coast Tom

      California’s mountainous, so hopefully that will keep him away from here.

      There’s also the fact that when he came to argle-bargle at the state GOP convention he had to climb over a barrier to bypass the protesters. Hopefully the protesters will keep him out of the state as well.

  • jellysblues

    Now the escalator makes sense.

  • bookish

    He’s a lunatic.

    http://www.politico.com/story/2017/01/trump-signs-executive-order-requiring-that-for-every-one-new-regulation-two-must-be-revoked-234365

    President Donald Trump signed an executive order Monday morning requiring that for every new federal regulation implemented, two must be rescinded.

    • mackafritz

      “You can have a new reg. for arsenic in water; we have to take out the ones for lead and mercury.”

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Okay, let’s start by repealing the regulation that provides Secret Service protection to the current President.

      • Oblios_Cap

        He’s got his own security; that wouldn’t bother him.

        • Suttree

          Do you think he pays them well enough?

          • Oblios_Cap

            Do you think he pays them well enough?
            FIFY

        • Serai 1

          Oh, you mean his own Praetorian Guard? Yeah, because that’s worked so well for Emperors in the past.

          Roman Emperors ranked by how hardcore their deaths were

          • Oblios_Cap

            See? Every cloud has a silver lining, they say.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Is the Constitution a Federal Regulation? It may be to Trump.

    • Sandy Beaches

      Wait, you mean that didn’t come from The Onion? Lord, have mercy.

      • Bad Tom

        The Onion writers are in a deep depression right now.
        They can’t top Trump.
        They want to start reprinting the NYT and WP and call it a day.

    • ViveLaRésistance

      I first read that as “every new feudal regulation.”

      • Mehmeisterjr

        It’s the only logical interpretation.

    • Markuserektus

      Except he’s a few hundred short on cabinet members to execute it.

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    Probably afraid somebody’ll push him down them. As any right-thinking person would be highly tempted to do.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Assmouth is not afraid of stairs — he has climbed more stairs than anyone in recorded history. Period.

  • Peggy Ryan

    How is he gonna get on or off Air Force One????

    • Shan

      Crane

    • MynameisBlarney

      Acme Catapult?

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      “Alternative Parachute” ?

    • Markuserektus

      The emergency slide.

    • Doug Langley

      Forklift.

  • laughingnome

    I used to be afraid of stairs – when I was three.

    • CindyinEncinitas

      I used to be scared of the wooden pier at Newport Beach when I was a little girl because I could see the water below and didn’t understand how I wasn’t falling through the pier. I think Trump may be concerned that the stairs are going to suck him in and he will then be a little boy living under the stairs with only his tiny hands to save himself.

  • coozledad

    There’s a motherfucking longass staircase to that hell where they gonna nip his tiny dick off with pincers and feed it to Hitler for eternity.

    Amen.

    • Vecchioivan

      “If you can’t say anything nice . . . Come sit next to me.”

    • Quercus

      Somehow I read “feed it to Hillary for eternity” and that worked, too. Well, except for poor Hillary. She didn’t do anything to deserve such a loathsome diet in the afterlife.

      • coozledad

        You just know that dick is spotted.

    • Serai 1

      Hitler’s busy painting roses.

  • Flashman

    Then how did he get up the pyramid to roll the heads down?

    • Doug Langley

      You’d be amazed what they can do with construction cranes nowadays.

  • The Wanderer

    I just had a mental image of Melania shoving him down the AF1 steps, and not a single jury in the USA convicting her.

    • MynameisBlarney

      Pffffft! They’d give her the Congressional Medal of Honor and a Nobel Peace Prize.

  • Shibusa

    This makes more sense now.
    https://vine.co/v/eeQKl9Lp1tm

  • disqus_lWwzrwNaw6

    That explains the escalator, back when we were stupid and naive and idealistic enough to believe this was all just a goof, because we still lived in the actual US, or whatever.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5tjPZvxwgEk

    • Shibusa

      Great minds!

  • Msgr_MΩment
    • mackafritz

      I am a Virgo, and yes that would be me.

      • MynameisBlarney

        Same here lol

        • Oblios_Cap

          Being a Scorpio, I would punch the Nazi myself.

          • OrG

            Yep,me too.

    • Resistance Fighter Astraea

      I’ve never had the opportunity to punch a Nazi in the face, but if I did, I would totally go home and write a blog post about love and understanding.

      • proudgrampa

        You, too?

        • Resistance Fighter Astraea

          It just makes sense.

          • proudgrampa

            Yup. That “dual personality” thing we Gems have is very interesting, eh?

          • Shan

            I’m a Gemini INTJ so I’m a complete disaster.

          • Doug Langley

            I agree completely. And so do I.

      • ViveLaRésistance

        Me too, except I now would go home and write a blog post about love and understanding MOTHERFUCKER.

    • Serai 1
      • Resistance Fighter Astraea

        I never get tired of seeing Jack get punched.

        • Thiazin Red

          Its amazing how my opinions of the characters shifted over the course of the show. I hated Sawyer at first, but now seeing Jack get punched is nice.

        • Serai 1

          I cheered when it happened. Christ, that fucker was annoying.

    • Thiazin Red

      I could go for a stolen Nazi sandwich right now, so it checks out.

      • Suttree

        Too much mayo!

        • foreign agitator Captain Kraut

          It’s mayo all the way down.

    • Suttree

      I am rather charming. Sounds legit.

      • foreign agitator Captain Kraut

        While I usually scoff at astrology, there seems to be something to this.

        True story: I once talked one nazi into punching another. It was either that or throwing that idiot into Rostock harbour myself.

    • jowgajen

      Oooh, I get glitter.

    • Teecha

      As a Pisces, I’m delighted that my pure psychic powers are being recognised. *psychically punches yet another nazi in the face.
      Are we still saying with votes when we’re talking about nazis?

    • TJ Barke

      As an Aries, yes. Anywhere, any time.

    • Markuserektus

      Proud Virgo.

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      I am an Aries, hold my beer for a moment, and I’ll be right back!

      {WHAM!}

      {Comes back wrapping tape onto my hand.}

  • Hellhathnofury Demme

    Sorta OT:
    Now, we must ask ourselves, “What yoooge thing is T***p or President Bannon trying to distract us from using this unbelievably awful Muslim and refugee ban?”
    Is there a strategy here?
    Something big and personal (the only thing he cares about) in the Russian connection perhaps?
    Ideas?

    • Antonin Dvorak

      Do you think it is more than putting Bannon on the NSC?

      • Hellhathnofury Demme

        Maybe that’s it.

    • TJ Barke

      Well, all the suspected Russian sources for the Steele dossier have been arrested, and at least one was killed.

      • Thiazin Red

        And 19% of Rosneft was sold off to no one knows who, and Trump was promised 19% in the dossier.

    • Markuserektus

      Rumored 19% stake in some Roosky oil thingie.

  • dshwa

    No snark, but fear of stairs and slopes is an early sign of dementia and or Parkinson’s.

    • i’mjustaskingthequestion

      Well…at this point it would be irresponsible not to speculate!

      As of this moment, I can honestly say that the internet told me of a link between trump and dementia. I’M NOT SUGGESTING THERE IS A LINK…all I know is what I read on the internet.

  • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

    I’m really hungry, yet I have no appetite. If nothing else, Donnie’s administration will make it easier for me to keep my weight down.

    • foreign agitator Captain Kraut

      Well, how could you work up an appetite, my dear Bub, when fat, juicy brains have been so rare a commodity these past two weeks?

  • Creepoman

    It all makes sense now – the stupid fucker will go to any length to avoid stairs. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/ef594cb402b83f1a5ecbd956b6078a590fcfccb65ceffb6857ec46e2da2ccc02.png

    • Oblios_Cap

      And exercise, it seems.

    • GoutMachine

      But I thought slopes, also too? HMMMMM. We need a BENGHAZI!!!!1!! level commission to investigate.

      • PubOption

        They took all the jobs in the gulf coast shrimp fishery.

    • Doug Langley

      But, but . . . I thought that was his historic climb up Mt Everest? “Ha! And you losers all needed oxygen!”

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    From NY Daily News: this quote makes me feel better.

    “I pray America survives his presidency, for however long it lasts”. — Barbara A. Res, former executive vice president of the Trump Organization

    http://www.nydailynews.com/opinion/ex-trump-executive-knew-ill-35-years-article-1.2959293?cid=bitly

  • Incoming (AKA Large) Ham

    I found a chrome plug in that turns all pics of Trump into cute cat pictures. It’s been a lifesaver over the last week.

  • Shibusa

    It took such courage to descend those steps. (Note the death grip on Melania’s hand.)
    http://media.breitbart.com/media/2017/01/Donald-Trump-Melania-Trump-Lincoln-Memorial-Inaugural-Concert-Jan-19-2017-Getty.jpg

    • bbayliss

      Why round trip?

      • Shan

        They might not let you in with a 1-way.

        • Rags

          If I offered a 3-way would they let me in?

          • Shan

            Oh god, I forgot where I was again.

          • bbayliss

            I used to forget what day it was, I’ve graduated to confusion about the year.
            It’s important that blood gets to one’s brain.

          • Villago Delenda Est

            Mommyblog and dick joke emporium!

          • Markuserektus

            …better rethink that proposal.

    • Jamoche

      Hmmm… that is the only shot I’ve seen where he holds her hand.

  • proudgrampa
  • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!


    💩
    Tump faw down go boom

    • efoveks

      Either he has a huge ass to cushion his fall, or those pants definitely make him look like a fatass. His tailor might have some passive aggressive tendencies…

      • aureolaborealis

        But not his barber?

      • Thiazin Red

        He must just buy suits that are two size too big off the rack and not have them altered at all. I have noticed some guys are convinced that their clothes should be huge.

        • Moonshine

          The rear view looks just the same in his golf pants.

  • hongdb
    • PubOption

      There could be a lift in those shoes.
      H/t to whoever commented on the possibility earlier in the thread.

  • Idiokraticdrumpfenjugend

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/6f0c928a47a69382e8b2f518c4ae89599778cc9c6418bd61ed1a6b9d97683578.jpg Trump works up the courage to go out and tackle another flight of stairs.

    • Thiazin Red

      Suit too nice, decor too classy.

  • AJ Milne

    Re ‘Trumpty Dumpty fell down some stairs, because Trumpty Dumpty was hallucinating about being chased by some bears…’

    (Ahem…)

    Numpty Trumpty, if anyone cares
    Tripped on his hairpiece and fell down the stairs.
    All the land’s doctors just laughed when they heard–
    Said: ‘maybe call housekeeping; it’s them picks up turd.’

  • Wild Cat

    “The only thing we have to fear is stairs itself!”

  • i’mjustaskingthequestion

    More fake news by Wonkette! He was obviously grabbing for May’s pussy and her hand got in the way. Obviously.

  • Kiri the Resistant Unicorn
  • Shibusa

    Oh my. “Answers to these questions will be indicative: preference for Christians w/ exceptions for Israeli Jews is by definition a religious test”

    https://twitter.com/jimsciutto/status/826097943254024196

    • boyblue122

      The fascist regime in Israel doesnt approve of the ban…lol

      • Wild Cat

        Gotta admit it’s sort of perverse fun watching a bunch of neo-nazis lick kushner and miller’s rectums.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        If the ban only applied to Muslim Untermenschen, they’d have no problem with it.

      • efoveks

        But they like that wall idea, like maybe ole Bibi Bebe doesn’t like the browns either.

        • H0mer0

          [unfortunately, you’re right; they aren’t as kind and welcoming to the Ethiopian Jewishes]

      • OppressedMass

        Neither does Dick Cheney, if you can believe it.

    • Darrell Imaginarian

      You can’t make an omelette without deporting a few Jews.

      • H0mer0

        [I’m ashamed of myself for upfisting that mixed metaphor]

  • bbayliss

    My TV is showing an empty podium again, just like the good old days

  • doktorzoom

    No less crazy than not trusting wheels.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hkUaafdbxIM

  • jowgajen

    Who else is looking forward to the court ruling that finds Trump’s write one repeal two executive order unconstitutional on account of being silly gibberish? Where is Scalia when you need him?

  • laughingnome

    Spicer is lying again today.

    • jowgajen

      It’s a day that ends in “day”.

    • beckstei

      Spicer is breathing today…

  • Ms.MLG on Maui

    We should build stairs to our rights.

    • I hope you really are on Maui!

      • Ms.MLG on Maui

        I really am! Heard y’all got snow last night.

        • bbayliss

          Not Fair

        • Yup. It’s a balmy 25 degrees liberty out right now.

          • Ms.MLG on Maui

            I don’t miss that at all!

        • efoveks

          You better be having mai tais for me. I require one every day you know…

        • Visit the Seven Pools. Take the drive around the island, Haleakala, Maui Lager, get your booty in the Pacific, and have one hell of a good time!

  • Juan de Fuca

    I’d suggest he stay away from the Statue of Liberty. I climbed those stairs when I was about 13 and and they weren’t for the faint of heart. They also weren’t intended for people who don’t understand liberty.

  • bbayliss

    Show and tell at the white house.

  • bbayliss

    GEEEZUS my tv is muted and what I’m seeing is really embarrassing.

  • Jeez…. this Spicer guy explains things to the press like a 7 year old would to his teacher after getting caught copying of his classmate.

  • Angela Ruzzo

    He probably has bad knees, caused by bending down to grab all those pussies. I am 60 and I haven’t gone up or down stairs in 7 years because I have bad knees, but mine are caused by 15 years of ballet and modern dance training in my distant youth (which I do not regret). If there isn’t an elevator or a ramp, I don’t go there. If I absolutely have to go up a flight of stairs, I must go one step at a time, very slowly, and lean on the railing, and Trump would never want to show a weakness like that.

  • georgiaburning

    Invite him to the Bunker Hill Monument in Charlestown. Great photo opportunity at the top, 290-something steps

    • samsuncle

      I remember doing that many years ago. Wish I were able to do it now.

  • Sister Artemis

    You know, I don’t particularly fault The Donald if he has an actual phobia of stairs and slopes – the brain is a weird thing, and I’ll never castigate someone for their unconscious fears. And maybe he’s just gotten a little too used to gold-plated elevators in his life.

    But jeez, you’re a powerful biz-dude, and now “preznit/puppet” of the US of A of Russia, and you can’t come up with a more gracious way to deal with this issue? You’ve got to grab May’s hand? You’ve got to extemporize about what appears to be an ongoing issue? A minor point, but another piece of evidence about poor planning on the part of Cheeto Benito and his administration. Good lord, dude, get it together. Or don’t, because then maybe you fail faster.

    • Juan de Fuca

      Agreed. I’ve always had a thing with heights and have done everything imaginable to overcome it – even made it through Airborne school while in the Army and later served on active jump status at Ft. Bragg. In my civilian career field, climbing ladders and towers and working at heights is something that I’ve had to learn to deal with but I’ve never totally gotten over the phobia.

      But since it’s Trump, who never turns down an opportunity to take a cheap shot at somebody – he’s a chickenshit.

      • Hardly Ideal

        The fear of heights is particularly hardwired into us as a species, so I can’t really fault anyone for that. And hell, I’ve heard that most of the Apollo astronauts regularly suffered from motion sickness, so figure that one out.

        • Juan de Fuca

          Good point and I didn’t know that about the astronauts but can relate. This is one of my favorite videos because it’s funny how people overcome things they’re afraid of or have discomfort in doing because they love their job in spite of the occasional discomfort or maybe because of it? Many people thrive on the challenge thing:

          “There’s only three things I’ve ever been afraid of: electricity, heights and women. And I’m married, too.”

          *Can also relate to being afraid of women. Am also married, too.*

          https://youtu.be/r_1T2_l43Xo

        • H0mer0

          my mom gets motion sick pretty easily but isn’t as afraid of heights as my dad who doesn’t get motion sick but is afraid of heights. What strikes me as strange is that the word vertigo which is used clinically to describe motion sickness actually means fear of heights

    • Left Coast Tom

      Is fear of slopes really a thing (I know fear of heights is)? I mean, that would make it literally impossible for someone to visit San Francisco.

      • Sister Artemis

        So they’re safe, then?

  • Rick Hill

    Cue wingnuts complaining that FDR had polio and everyone gave him a pass….

  • bbayliss

    You don’t get it. in a post truth world post gravity is not far behind.

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    Notice how Drumpf never looks anyone in the eye? It’s because he’s afraid of stares.

    • darnyoudarnyoutoheck

      *snicker*

    • Shan

      Heh

      • H0mer0

        Shan! you got your hair all curlied up!

        • Shan

          My hairdresser did it. I’m useless with that kind of thing!

    • JustDon’tSayPeriod.Period!

      That does it! Someone banister-hammer this guy!

  • darnyoudarnyoutoheck

    Could be as simple as his depth perception is all shot to shit and his opthomologist is as high quality and excellent as his physician.

    • C4TWOMAN

      More like afraid to tell him the bad news…

    • elan

      Maybe it’s Rand Paul.

  • Thorn Spike

    Hate to see him trapped in a burning building.

  • bbayliss

    “There’s strong agreement for how we approached the problem”
    That’s one industrial strength bubble.

  • bbayliss

    “job creators” people who make robots?

  • Kiri the Resistant Unicorn

    Trumpy doesn’t like stairs. His preferred method of ascent is stepping on other people.

    • Bad Tom

      See, stairs are hard, and other people are soft.

      • H0mer0

        ummm, like memory foammmmm

  • C4TWOMAN

    Well, everyone knows Trump can’t read, so…

    • gamera23

      or swim.

  • Juan de Fuca
  • eka

    he’s just angry because his throne and the people to carry it around are late to arrive. rumor is he refused to pay the contractor because there wasn’t enough gold on it.

  • Markuserektus
    • Raan

      Hello there Satan. Thank you for this gift of weeks of nightmares.

  • I Am Helpy

    He’s also tweeted at least twice about how recklessly Obama climbs the stairs to Air Force One, and how he might fall.

  • Ωbjectifier
  • Yellow_Dog_Dem

    This jackass is a psychotherapist’s wet dream.

  • Randy Riddle
  • Whollyholeyholy

    My aunt and uncle got the cutest little keeshond puppy that was scared of the stairs, too. She would yap and yap and yap and want you to come get her. She was also scared of sneezes, and she never got over that. Please let us learn that Trump is terrified of sneezes like Teddy the fluffy keeshond.

  • Mike Steele

    “Thanks for calling on me, Sean. Exactly how does the President plan to keep us safe from radical extremists coming in from countries where he has financial interests?” asked no one ever.

    • nonono

      Would also accept: “What is the administration’s understanding of the vetting process currently in place?”

  • Raan

    STOOP MAN’S AFRAID TO LEAVE HIS STOOP

    • But will he fear the White House morps?

  • JMP

    Is Donald Trump my in-laws? Because California is very weird, a lot of houses here are only tiny little single-story ranchers, and they’ve managed to actually never live in a place with stairs; and every time the come over, they comment on many stairs there are though it’s just one floor up and how tough it must be to have use stairs every time we come and go even though that’s typical.

    • Jennifer R

      I got used to living with stairs in about a week.

    • bobbert

      IN-LAWS??

  • PubOption
  • Wendy Belgard Hanawalt

    Given that Trump always projects onto other people his unacceptable fears, anxieties, hatreds, flaws, etc. and given that Trump loved referring to Hillary as “frail,” my money’s on Trump’s a fragile physical mess.

  • Hellhathnofury Demme

    Banisters, man.
    No banister?
    Terrified?
    Tough shit!

    (This is from someone with PTSD about stairs and falling. Couldn’t wish this fear upon a nicer guy. With votes, of course.)

    • gamera23

      Bannisters are COVERED with germs!

      • Hellhathnofury Demme

        Ha, ha!
        Bonus!

    • ahughes798

      I don’t like stairs, either. I’ve always been a klutz, and have fallen down more stairs than I care to remember. So I have to look at my feet to make sure they’re doing what my brain is telling them to do.

      • Hellhathnofury Demme

        Sure sucks!
        I just had a neurologist tell me that exact thing.
        My feet don’t always “get” what my brain is telling them to do.
        Ugh!

        • ahughes798

          Do you have MS, too? You don’t have to answer that if you don’t want to.

          • Hellhathnofury Demme

            No, the doc thinks it’s thyroid related.
            I have a very close friend with MS, and she sometimes walks very gingerly.
            Sounds like something we have in common.
            (Neither one of us gets that “go for a nice walk after dinner” thing.)

          • ahughes798

            I hear ya! It’s a drag.

          • whitroth

            I’ve read that one in 1000 Americans has MS. I find it beyond reason that three very dear friends of mine have it.

            Yes, I *would* wish that on him.

          • ahughes798

            My next door neighbor has it, a lady in my watercolour class has it…a male guitar player friend has it, another friend’s father died of it….I know a lot of people who have MS. I differentiated my male friends because MS is mostly found in white women of Northern European descent, and is in the broadest sense, genetic.

  • Tetsu Kaba

    Pictures of him walking on stairs remind me of elderly, deconditioned, debilitated patients — especially him looking down at his feet while clutching the bannister for dear life.

    • Duke Woolworth

      He seemed to have no problem with the White House steps when he left Melania behind at the limo and Michelle Obama had to rescue her.

      • H0mer0

        The visual-spatial distortion gets in the way of descending steps; only the obesity gets in the way of ascending steps.

  • Ωbjectifier

    Prolly that deferment bone spur acting up again.

    • foreign agitator Captain Kraut

      Which foot was that again? Oh right, he can’t remember either.

    • I thought it was a brain spur?

  • whitroth

    I still like my thought, that he does use stairs… to visit Kellyanne without anyone seeing.

    On the other hand… is it possible he has *physical* problems with his knees (e.g., osteoarthritis) and refuses to let anyone know…ooohhh, and maybe he’s taking serious pain meds for it? Like, oh, I dunno, off the top of my head, oxycontin?

    • Blackest Noobs

      one could only hope so…and that he is hopelessly addicted to them, cuz, we all know what happens when you’re addicted to opiates, and maybe we get a lil closer to getting America back

      • Opiwan

        uh, you get a huge right wing radio program and change your name to MEGADITTOES?

        • MilwaukeeKent

          Surely you’re not speaking of Russian Limbaugh?

    • ResistanceFighterCaptainHowdy

      Would knee problems be inevitable with his combination of age and obesity?

  • Ducksworthy

    Common symptom of Alzheimer’s.

    • Vienna Woods

      Yep. My thoughts exactly.

    • Verena Block

      I keep saying he’s got dementia, but no one believes me.

      • I Am Helpy

        I believe you!

      • ResistanceFighterCaptainHowdy

        My own family experience is that dementia and late stage bipolar disorder can be indistinguishable.

        • Louise Johnson

          Bipolar disorder is progressive? I didn’t know that…

        • Verena Block

          My mother was bipolar, she has since passed, and my father now has dementia. I see a definite difference in the two illnesses.

          That’s not to say Trump isn’t bipolar. He seems to have any number of disorders.

  • Vienna Woods
  • gamera23

    This adds to evidence that Trump is not a Freemason. He hates to read and the purpose of all the studying is to ascend a staircase. Skeeeerd!

    • Saxo the Grammarian

      Not a Freemason? Maybe Pope Francis will cut him some slack now.

  • Lisa

    If only Betsy DeVos had been there with a gun, she could’ve kilt that there bear dead.

  • Christina

    Your Trump expose made my day :)

    So I guess a 12 step program for megalomaniacs is out of the question?

  • Another theory: During his frequent mental fits Trump thinks he’s Martin Balsam:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rsgDP31v2LE

  • Bebecca

    You know he’s not used to stairs, all his homes have elevators.

    • Jack Tenhet

      Or that one time we saw him going down an escalator. Talk about “low energy”. Remember, we now know every nasty thing he’s ever said about anyone else was simply projection. It’s classic Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

  • r jones
    • Sandy Beaches

      He’s also at least 20 years younger in this photo.

  • r jones
    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      Where are the elevators?

      Because you know there are elevators.

  • Jukesgrrl

    My mother noted weeks ago that Trump seems unstable on his feet. She mentioned specifically that he didn’t seem to do stairs. She was especially mad during the campaign of the fun they made of Hillary tripping on someone’s porch stairs and claiming that she had a brain tumor. I thought at first her complaints just stemmed from her anger about that specific issue, and that she’s 90 and has severe orthopedic problems herself. But the more I watch him, the more right she seems. Last week we were watching him with PM May and when he grabbed her hand, Mom yelled, “LOOK! There he goes again. He has to hold on to another person because he thinks he’s going to fall. You know he says he’s a germaphobe and he doesn’t like to touch people, so why’s he always grabbing them like that?” I’m beginning to think she has a point. Do we ever see him deplaning? What’s that like? The Obamas seemed to use the stairs but surely there are elevators in the White House. Is he using them all the time? Enquiring minds want to know. Esp. given that (as others have noted) irrational fear of falling is an early sign of dementia.

    • Sandy Beaches

      He isn’t a germaphobe except when he is accused of participating in water games. He has said in the past that he isn’t a germaphobe and germaphobes don’t shake hands nor do they shove tic tacs in their mouth before kissing strangers.

      • FlownOver

        And urine is sterile. Lest we forget.

        • Kerlyssa

          i think this is one of my least favorite common misconceptions. it ranks above ‘dog mouths/slobber are antibacterial’, but only barely.

          • H0mer0

            dog kiss libel! (seriously, I love dog kisses, but I admittedly haven’t gotten bulldog slobber on me yet. As a mom and a physician, I’ve gotten a whole lot worse on me (especially as the former)

          • Kerlyssa

            i let dogs and cats lick me, too, but i don’t try and get it in my wounds/ignore dog bites because they are ‘clean.

  • BearLeft

    Obviously he meant to grab Theresa May by the pussy, missed and got her hand instead. Spraytan McFuckface remains unsullied by the phobias of mere mortals, just a red-blooded, pussy-grabbin’ asshole of an American guy.

    • Erala Contratista

      Theresa May heard about his habit. Forewarned is fore-ummmmm.

  • Opiwan

    Russia sent all of their hookers on covert strike missions to pee on all the stairs in Washington/Southern MD/Northern VA

    GRIDLOCK ENSUED

  • Doughnut Jimmy

    Tertiary Syph.?

    • ThaagNasty

      Just waiting on the sores….

      • Frank Smith

        What do you think that orange is? Spray on sore concealer.

  • Me not sure

    It is a well known fact that srairs were invented in the middle east.

  • wavicles

    You’re doing it wrong, ya dope!
    I’ve got amazing memories of things I’ve engaged in on stairs. Just sayin’.

  • BetsyBleedingheart

    Okay confession time. I get very bad vertigo and looking down a flight of stairs makes me nauseous. I have a hard time with long escalators (looking at you, zoo stop of the DC metro). But even I know that railings are the way to go.

    • Sandy Beaches

      Oh the horror of that escalator!!!! I’m still seeing a therapist for having to get on it. Stepping to go down it is terrifying!

      • sgt. jmk of the résistance

        I fell on an escalator as a child, and I do get apprehensive when I have to step onto them, regardless of the direction.

        I still use them, but it requires a mental up-pulling of my big girl pants to get myself psyched to do so.

        • Sandy Beaches

          I’m afraid of heights, but also too, when my kid was three, she yanked her hand from mine getting onto an escalator and I was going down while she stood at the top. It was the longest two minutes of my life as I ran down the escalator and back up again. It happened to another mother in front of me once and I stood at the top yelling, “I’ll wait here for you!” because I knew exactly what she was feeling.

      • BetsyBleedingheart

        IKR. I make my husband stand in front of me so I can grab onto him and close my eyes. Otherwise I might puke.

  • Daisy

    Oh joy, another tuition hike. Add that to the fact that UC Berkeley only guarantees one year of housing, and my sophomore year is looking great./s

    • H0mer0

      You can always do what I did which is inadvertently date a coke dealer and sleep on their living room couch for a couple weeks after which you finally get into the co-op system then get dumped (not that it matters since it was never sexual because he wuz ghey and not out of the closet yet.)

      • Keith Taylor

        Making it possible that more and more and more people who really want a college education face the choice of doing without one … or drug dealing, stripping and prostituting their way through college. This would probably be a situation that’d suit President Trump very well, since it would lower both the education level and the level of sexual morals in his country to a standard with which he’d feel more comfortable …

      • sgt. jmk of the résistance

        …as one does.

  • Yeah, reel murricans, he is …one strong…lead…er…..

    • GordonGekko

      SHIT COVERED NI GGER

  • mtn_socialist

    They call it … high anxiety.

    https://youtu.be/rHrQC67aPBU

  • GordonGekko

    This S H I T T Y site wants me to disable my adblocker. Yeah right, F U C K OFF.

  • StonyPillow

    Simple and obvious. Like most sedentary 70 year old obese men who shovel down junk food every day, he has diabetes and diabetic neuropathy. And like most people with diabetic neuropathy, he has trouble with the stairs because he can’t feel his fee

    The first presidential amputation should be some time after the midterms. History in the making, folks. Until then, we”re as likely to see a medical report from the White House as we are to see his tax returns.

    No stamina. Low energy. Sad!

  • When our dog was a puppy, she had problems with stairs at first. In time she learned to climb up and down like a champ.

    Mr President? Embrace your inner spaniel.

  • bluicebank

    Because he was once punished for going up the down staircase?

  • arundel
  • Stulexington

    No wonder Conway works on the second floor.

  • Pinball or Submission

    Translated into Trumpkin-speak (outdated unfunny memes):

    Donald Trump had ONE weakness! https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/89538d73ad3876f7436c645d4e349774d4eb9ae5d09e16c8fca895bb9420fc65.jpg

  • MilwaukeeKent

    Quick! Someone show him an Escher drawing!

  • hvdv

    Oh, he’s dying alright. (Which would not help us, because Mike Pence, and his death would not help us because Paul Ryan–dammit, the only thing that helps is actually voting better, people.) http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/health/news/9658928/Baggy-eyes-and-baldness-are-heart-attack-signs.html

  • Shirleypweese

    Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours and have longer with friends & family! !sk256c:
    On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
    !sk256c:
    ➽➽
    ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleFinancialJobsCash546DigitalMateGetPay$97Hour ★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★::::::!sk256c:….,……

  • ThaagNasty

    Daleks (he is shaped like one) used to fear stairs too.

    Bastards learned how to levitate.

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    Jesus Christ made of earwax the GOP elected a tough guy who’s afraid of STAIRS?!!? OMG, OMG, OMG!

  • Mirful

    If you don’t really believe he’s afraid of stairs, just watch him descend from the door of what is, sadly, still called Air Force One. With a look of fear on his face, he hangs onto that handrail tighter than a two-year-old toddler would.

  • Outzie

    Remember how he came down an escalator to announce his run?

  • Magic Juan

    I’m guessing it could just be he so out of shape it makes him sweat and pant really badly.

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