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Looks fun, actually!
Looks fun, actually!

Rejoice, America! Donald Trump is finally going to make us safe from Syrian refugee children! A leaked draft of an executive order on immigration sets out the president’s plan to implement “extreme vetting” of all immigrants and visitors to the USA, as well as putting in place a 30-day ban on visas from seven majority-Muslim countries and immediately ending entrance of refugees from Syria, site of the world’s worst humanitarian crisis. It is not clear when the actual dismantling of the Statue of Liberty will begin, although we expect the poem on its pedestal to be sandblasted off immediately.

The order would place a 30-day stop to visas for immigrant and visitor visas for travelers from Iraq, Iran, Syria, Yemen, Sudan, Libya and Somalia, all Muslim-majority countries whose citizens the order says “would be detrimental to the interests of the United States.” But it would not affect travelers from all Muslim countries — the ban does not apply to Egypt, Turkey, Azerbaijan, the United Arab Emirates, and Saudi Arabia, which by complete coincidence are all countries where the Trump Organization has business interests. While the text of the executive order invokes the September 11, 2001 attack on the United States as a reason to be wary of scary Muslims who want to destroy America, the actual ban would not affect countries the 9/11 hijackers came from:

9-11 hijackers

ICYMI

Oh dear — we fear pointing that out may not be very supportive of the president, proving we just don’t understand why he won.

The order would also immediately end all refugee admission and resettlement for 120 days while refugee vetting procedures — already a 2-year process — are tightened. It would put admission of Syrian refugees on hold indefinitely, because paranoia really sells well. After 120 days, refugee admissions would restart, but annual acceptance of refugees would be cut from 100,000 a year to 50,000, and would still exclude Syrian refugees, because the most desperate refugees clearly are the most dangerous.

The draft also calls for priority to be given to Christian refugees from Muslim countries, except that to at least pretend to conform with the Constitution, that’s phrased with a pretense of neutrality: the 120-day refugee ban would not apply to “those refugee claims made by individuals on the basis of religious-based persecution, provided that the religion of the individual is a minority religion in the individual’s country of nationality.” No religious tests there, no sir.

As for Syrian refugees, Trump isn’t altogether heartless — the order would establish “safe zones” within Syria itself, where refugee camps would be located, so those people will be concentrated in one place but probably won’t get bombed by ISIS or by our good friends the Russians.

Then there’s the “extreme vetting” part:

The draft order instructs the U.S. government to screen visa applicants for their ideologies. “In order to protect Americans, we must ensure that those admitted to this country do not bear hostile attitudes toward our country and its founding principles,” the draft order reads.

The order says the United States should screen visa applicants to block access to those “who would place violent religious edicts over American law” and those who “engage in acts of bigotry or hatred” including “honor” killings, violence against women, and persecution on the basis of religion, race, gender and sexual orientation, a description that human rights groups say also appears to be geared toward Muslims, without naming Islam explicitly.

There may or may not also be a question demanding prospective immigrants and visitors to agree that Donald Trump had the biggest crowd at his inauguration of any president, ever.

For some reason, human rights groups seem less than enthusiastic about the proposal, noting that the most extreme bans on migration are applied to countries the US has bombed. It’s not quite the complete Muslim ban Trump promised, and as of yet, it doesn’t have a Muslim registry in it (give the bastard time), but it’s plenty bad enough. Connecticut Democratic Sen. Chris Murphy even suggested in a statement Wednesday that it’s something less than ideally American, somehow:

We bomb your country, creating a humanitarian nightmare, then lock you inside […] That’s a horror movie, not a foreign policy.

But at least there’s the “extreme vetting,” so we can make sure the few dirty foreigns we do let in will love America. Why on earth they would under this regime is a complete mystery to us, but they’ll need to do a good job of faking it.

[LAT / WaPo / Bloomerg / Quartz / Bloomberg]

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  • FauxAntocles

    This just keeps getting darker and darker.

  • Nounverb911

    So this is good news for all the Saudi’s living in Trump Tower?

  • arglebargle

    How does this fucker have a 36% approval rating?

  • Nounverb911

    “The draft also calls for priority to be given to Christian refugees from Muslim countries”
    Sample question in the ‘religious’ test for refugees: What religion was Jeebus?

    • Ghenghis McCann

      What language was the Bible written in?
      a) Hebrew
      b) Aramaic
      c) Greek
      d) Murrican

      • Which of one these is not a commandment?
        1) Thou shall not seeth a kid in it’s mothers milk
        2) You must not make a statue of anything
        3) All male offspring must be sacrificed to me
        4) You must not make molten gods
        5) You must not kill a fetus

    • GunToting[Redacted]

      That’s easy… Jesus was a Presbyterian.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        I’m sorry, but according to Sister Mary Andrew, my first grade teacher in 1960, Jesus was a Catholic.

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    “I’m Brian and so is my wife!”

  • The huge knowledge base of the US security services continues to astonish
    https://twitter.com/jimwaterson/status/825017459530936320

    • Phoenixdoglover

      I knew it. Ground zero for the zombie apocalypse.

      • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

        Better get my zombie ass down there. I am a bit peckish this morning…

        • Celtic_Gnome

          Sorry, Bub. No brains in sight. You’re gonna go hungry.

    • janecita

      Oh Dear, they made the mistake of having their names submitted in the CORRECT format, that the rest of the world uses, how dare they?!

      • Nounverb911

        Metric dates?

        • janecita

          Lol, sure, if putting the day before the month is considered metric:-)

    • ViveLaRésistance

      Wait, wut???

      • Groundloop

        Brits, and some colonials would write todays date, for example, as 27 January, 2017 (27 01 17), instead of January 27, 2017 (01 27 17). Initially confusing, sure, but it’s troubling that the Secret Service wasn’t familiar with the different standard, and then unable to figure it out.

        • chortlingdingo

          The only time I find date standards confusing is when it’s something like 03/02/17. Is it March? Is it February? Even then, you just have to look at country of origin, and you can figure out it.

          • Celtic_Gnome

            This is Murrica! We date Murrican here!

    • ViveLaRésistance

      Sounds like Trump’s thugs personal security guards have taken over the Secret Service.

    • Lizzietish81

      They probably also forgot to bring hookers.

      • Ghenghis McCann

        In Britain a hooker is a Rugby forward. Might give the Secret Service guys a bit of a shock if they had brought them.

        • And a fag is both a cigarette and a junior schoolboy acting as servant to a senior while a rubber is an eraser

        • formerChild

          And when a brit says ‘fanny’ he/she is referring to the vagina. Which caused all kinds of hilarity when a friend of mine misplaced her fanny pack during a layover at Heathrow. Her inquiries about said missing item culminated in a security interview. (Brits call them ‘bum bags’)

        • Tovarich Cock Blockula

          A wanker is a wanker in both languages however.

    • wide_stance_hubby

      Many people are saying that an incompetent secret service is of no concern to them, because they value truth, not secrets.

    • Bill D. Burger

      If it’s Trump’s hand picked bunch, you might as well offer em’ up in
      Linear Script B.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Comic Sans

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      I, personally, am entirely in favor of a terrifically incompetent Secret Service, for awhile.

      • Ellambaxter

        Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours and have longer with friends & family! !sz280c:
        On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
        !sz280c:
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    • Villago Delenda Est

      UK format is very similar to US military format, so something is amiss here.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Which month is the 23rd?

        • GunToting[Redacted]

          Smarch?

      • Trump knows that a lot of the British press loathe him

        • Khavrinen

          “Trump knows that a lot of the British press people with an ounce of humanity loathe him”

        • Incoming (AKA Large) Ham

          The Scots, also too.

    • WIDTAP

      Bill Hader is going to play Waterson in the movie.

    • Paul

      That’s the lame excuse given to keep the filthy press out

  • Shan

    This is for sure going to help put the brakes on any more radicalization.

    *headdesk*

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      But on the plus side, we’ll be safe- at least during February

  • borninatrailer

    In regards to extreme vetting, be warned that “hang ten” is not a surfing reference.

  • Chyron HR

    Gee, I’m starting to wonder if maybe the liberals weren’t trying to trick us when they kept screaming, “FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, YOU CAN’T LET THESE PEOPLE HAVE COMPLETE CONTROL OVER THE COUNTRY!”

    • TJ Barke

      You are correct, sir!

  • Incoming (AKA Large) Ham

    How is this supposed to work?

    “Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior?”
    “Yeah, sure.”
    “Welcome to the United States.”

    ?

    • Latverian Diplomat

      If you don’t know the answer to a question, just start speaking in tongues.

    • o’look Skwerl!

      So they are going to pretend to be Christians, like conservatives do?

      • Shan

        Ding!

    • Celtic_Gnome

      It’s kind of like loyalty oaths. Back in he 50’s, everyone knew that a commie spy wouldn’t be able to sign an oath pledging loyalty to the United States, so you had them by the balls.

  • Sandy Beaches

    For a bunch of rootin’ tootin’ gun toting ‘merican patriots ready to pop a cap in someone’s ass at the slightest provocation, the people in favor of this sure do act like a bunch of cowering under the bed in fear pussies.

  • Nounverb911

    “the order would establish “safe zones” within Syria itself, where refugee camps would be located”
    So we’re sending troops to Syria now to protect them from the Russian bombers.

    • BadKitty904

      Said Russian bombers being controlled by the same man who now controls the U.S. and, presumably, its troops.

    • snark-lurker

      I would ask, “Does Pooty know about this yet?”

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Oh, this should be good.

    • Historicat

      Haha – no. We’ll draw lines on a map and call those “safe zones” instead of actually doing anything.

  • Martini Ambassador

    How the fuck is Trump still allowed to own businesses that directly impact US policy? A policy, I might add, that is just going to end up adding to the suffering and/or killing more brown people, not that it matters to them.

    • BadKitty904

      *koff* Republican-controlled Congress *koff*

    • Latverian Diplomat

      It’s not really illegal if no one prosecutes you?

    • Nounverb911

      “I am above the law.”
      –DJT

    • BadKitty904

      Now imagine the GOP’s reaction to a Democratic President who owned businesses that directly impact US policy…

    • Villago Delenda Est

      “If the President does it, it’s not illegal.”

  • BadKitty904

    Is the Republican Party actually paid to recruit for Islamic terrorist organizations or is it like, you know, just a hobby?

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/9f56e9a5d495aed8439a226f6ca47797c49f3286c8e12fee19807fa52dd15868.jpg

    • wide_stance_hubby

      When ‘strong defense’ is a pillar of your party’s platform (as opposed to simple common fucking sense), you have to keep threats fresh or no one will eat them.

    • Shoto

      Um…Yes?

      • BadKitty904

        Well, I meant “directly paid,” but yah, you’re right…

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “Security threat level is now at Mountain Dew Code Red.”
    — An extreme administration spokesperson

  • Spurning Beer

    The order says the United States should screen visa applicants to block access to those “who would place violent religious edicts over American law” and those who “engage in acts of bigotry or hatred” including “honor” killings, violence against women, and persecution on the basis of religion, race, gender and sexual orientation….

    Gee, with the exception of the honor killings, this would seem to fit the profile of Republicans and Fundagelicals to a tee. And I could be wrong about the honor killings.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      If you change the word “honor” to “she needed killin'” you’d be fine in at least 90% of the red states.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Time to give Ted Cruz and Mike Pence the old heave ho!

    • PubOption

      Do murders of doctors who provide abortions count as ‘honor’ killings?

  • ‘Depart from Me, accursed ones, into the eternal fire which has been prepared for the devil and his angels; 42 for I was hungry, and you gave Me nothing to eat; I was thirsty, and you gave Me nothing to drink; 43 I was a stranger, and you did not invite Me in; naked, and you did not clothe Me; sick, and in prison, and you did not visit Me.’ 44 Then they themselves also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see You hungry, or thirsty, or a stranger, or naked, or sick, or in prison, and did not [e]take care of You?’ 45 Then He will answer them, ‘Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to Me.’ 46 These will go away into eternal punishment, but the righteous into eternal life.”

    I missed the part where Jesus added, “But all of that is okay, so long as you really hated the gays and stopped the abortions.”

    • Spurning Beer

      “Lord, when did we see you naked in the dressing room at the beauty pageant, and did not come on to you like a bitch, although lo, you were married, and did not grab unto thine pussy bigly?”

    • Ducksworthy

      True Bible Believing Christians have mostly whited the sheep and goats part out.

  • Phoenixdoglover

    Here at 58 East Longitude, I would like to give a big “Fuck You” to the assholes in the White House who think this is going make things safer for America and Americans at home or abroad. Henceforth, I guess I’m from Vancouver, eh?

    • Msgr_MΩment

      CND flag patch on backpack. I never say that I’m Canadian, I just have the patch, along with Denmark, Cuba, and some other place, and used to have a turtle patch from Tortuguero, CR, even though I am no relation to Mitch McConnell.

      • Phoenixdoglover

        Also, choose European pants and footwear. Nothing shouts American like brand new jeans and sneakers.

        In all seriousness, I’m mistaken for a Brit these days, which is good enough. Cheers!

    • Celtic_Gnome

      If you do travel abroad, you better hope you don’t get in trouble. The only one guaranteed to be on duty at the local embassy will be the janitor.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    A leaked draft of an executive order on immigration…

    Sounds like Trump’s administration leaks more than a Russian hooker.
    Allegedly.

    • (sniggers like Mutley on ‘shrooms)

      • Msgr_MΩment

        /dastardly

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Not so much leaks over the past week, but an overflowing toilet.

    • cmd resistor

      So when will the final draft be out? They’ve had this leaked one floating around a couple of days. Also, seems like I saw a headline somewhere saying WH denied that the draft is real. And they would never lie!!!!11

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Does the transfer of classified briefing materials to Russia count as a leak or just standard terms of agreement?

  • WIDTAP

    So Chechnya ,Kyrgyzstan (Boston Bombers family origins) and all the countries Ian Bremmer listed for the 9/11 terrorists – none made the list.

    Ok.

    • Nounverb911

      What about refugees from Boston?

      • WIDTAP

        Depends. What color sox are they wearing?

        • Nounverb911

          Ketchup?

      • proudgrampa

        A-a-and the refugees from Salt Lake City also, too?

        • Nounverb911

          Utah’s a red state so you shouldn’t have any problems unless you’re a liberal… oops, nevermind

    • Red Bird Resistance Engineer

      GTBW. Doesn’t fit the narrative.

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        GTBW – good to be white? get toddlers Big Wheels? gas the bad whiners?

        • Red Bird Resistance Engineer

          Good to be white. Also know as ITWAN.

  • The ban will be focused on, “those who “engage in acts of bigotry or hatred” including “honor” killings, violence against women, and persecution on the basis of religion, race, gender and sexual orientation.”

    Careful Donnie, you’re talking about your base.

    • Alternative Pony Ron

      Can you maybe swap them for some Syrians?

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    I just need to point out that I would not pass this test now, as I feel great hostility towards the US, want her government to fail, and do not believe in their so-called “gawd.”

    • PATRIOT!

    • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

      You are not alone.

    • proudgrampa

      I’m with ya.

    • Adam Field

      According to a strict reading of that, atheists are in the clear: they’re definitely going to be a minority in most countries, and are absolutely going to be subject to at least some persecution. :p

    • Msgr_MΩment

      PBUY.

  • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

    Meaningless, incompetently administered, oppressive measures must not only be done; they must be seen to be done.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    How typical. Donald always has his priorities in order, do things for his financial benefit, and the hell with any other consideration.

  • Lizzietish81

    So if Somalia put up a shack with a gold speckled sign saying “Trump Hotel” would that work?

    • Nounverb911

      Only if the royalty check clears.

    • Master Contrail Program

      Do they serve the best taco bowls?

    • Latverian Diplomat

      “What are their oil reserves again?”
      — Rex Tillerson

    • Master Contrail Program

      The Donald Trump Learnin’ Center For Kidz Who Don’t Tweet So Good And Want To Learn To Do Other Things Good Also Too

    • BadKitty904

      Yes, if you inherit millions from your war-profiteering, slumlord Dad first…

  • Bill D. Burger
  • calliecallie

    I’m confuzed. He’s against those who would place religious edicts over American law (like banning Muslims), engage in acts of bigotry or hatred (like encouraging Nazis and the KKK) including “honor” killings (on 5th avenue, for example), violence against women (pussy-grabbing), and persecution on the basis of religion, race, gender and sexual orientation (don’t forget the disabled reporters!)…It’s Trump!

    OMG, and you know who else did most of that shit?

  • Latverian Diplomat

    Headlines from the future: New INS computer programmed with President Trump’s criteria for extreme vetting exploded today, when one low level employee entered ‘Muslim Supermodel’ into the system.

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    Looks like the pro-life rally in DC is on- it’s YOOGE! They are talking about tens of thousands of people (as opposed to the tens of thousands of people who can be found wandering around on the mall any given weekday)

    • Red Bird Resistance Engineer

      PIcs or it didn’t happen.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        They parked a Stageline mobile stage on the grass- it looks like the B stage at a county fair where some of the audience wanders over while they wait for the headliner to show up on the mainstage

    • Shan

      Are they wearing bloody fetus hats to show their solidarity?

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        Most of them look like tourists who wandered over to see what the noise was all about

        • An Outhouse for the Resistance

          They probably have free snacks.

        • Latverian Diplomat

          “Worst Smithsonian exhibit ever.”

        • janecita

          I used to do that when I lived in Sweden! I ended up protesting against the US occupation of Iraq, Animal Cruelty and sending refugees back to Eritrea.
          Ps. I had to Google Eritrea when I got back to my apartment.

      • cmd resistor

        Speaking of hats, found this brain hat for the March for Science.
        http://www.studioknitsf.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/thumbnail-brains-1-768×432.jpg

        • Shan

          Awesome!

    • Nounverb911
      • Zippy W Pinhead

        I think MSNBC was being nice- that stage is only 32′ wide for reference. I’d guess 4-5000 at most from the one long shot I saw

        • Nounverb911

          I read somewhere about 100 bus permits for today as opposed to 1200 for last Saturday…

        • Martini Ambassador

          Wow, that is weak. There was an anti-abortion march in Paris this week (yeah, we got fundie nutbags and religiwackos over here too), and I think I remember from the news broadcast they they had something like 50,000 participants.

          Geeze, when France out-wingnuts the wingnuts…

          • Pierre_de_Fermat

            Sad!

      • C4TWOMAN

        I’m a bit surprised it’s THAT low. They have turned out real crowds in the past…

        • Alternative Pony Ron

          But it’s COLD!

      • Shoto

        “Billions of people showed up for the rally. Maybe trillions.”

        — Preznit Delusional Tangerine Turd.

      • wide_stance_hubby

        If you count the unborn, who are ALL marching in spirit, this is the largest protest in the history of the universal infinity.

  • calliecallie

    When I heard the phrase “extreme vetting” on the radio this morning, I knew I had this graphic to look forward to today.

  • Shoto
    • BadKitty904

      Be sure to thank the Republican Party for this…

      • Pierre_de_Fermat

        I certainly won’t forget. It would be an offense against proper maners to do otherwise.

  • Ducksworthy

    Dear Senator Murphy,
    Yes. The Trump Presidency is a horror show.

    Thank You
    Ducks

  • Shoto
  • Latverian Diplomat

    “Extreme vetting, if only we had thought of that.”
    — The Mainstream Fucking Media

    • Villago Delenda Est

      But…but…emails!

  • Bill D. Burger

    Perhaps Somalia can be taken off if they just develop more Trump style! It’s the ONLY way to live….bigly and with lots of gold foil.

    https://static.independent.co.uk/s3fs-public/styles/article_small/public/thumbnails/image/2016/12/31/13/trump-mumbai.jpg

  • “Well, I guess we’ll have to pick up the slack again…”

    – Canada.

    • Alternative Pony Ron

      Not like we haven’t had to do that before.
      Fun Fact: Montreal is FULL of elderly Vietnamese, who speak flawless French. I wonder what they’re doing there?

      • proudgrampa

        Hmmmm. Yum! I’ll bet there are a TON of Pho restaurants there!

    • Her son married someone named “Omega”. I don’t know why, but that makes me feel like I have wasted my life.

      • BadKitty904

        The wife of one of the biggest Dem lawyers in our state – who’s a lawyer herownself – is named “Ultima”. And on top of that, she’s a delightful lady.

    • SadDemInTex

      RIP Robin Porch…your humor and spirit will be missed

  • Parakeetist

    I’d love to skyboard with a dog.

    • Pretty sure the dog would be terrified, so I’ll pass :(

      • wide_stance_hubby

        Even worse than a top-mounted dog crate on an auto.

  • Anna Rompage

    The order says the United States should screen visa applicants to block
    access to those “who would place violent religious edicts over American
    law” and those who “engage in acts of bigotry or hatred”

    Hey, does that mean we can start deporting the fascist christian right that support passing laws discriminating against the LGBT community, people who fly the confederate flag, and those using violence & intimidation to try to advance their own political agenda?

    • SadDemInTex

      Damn…that is a great idea!

  • An Outhouse for the Resistance

    I’ve heard that my family snuck in here from Canada some time in the 19th century. Can I be deported and will Canada consider me a refugee?

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Ted Cruz, is that you?

  • proudgrampa

    Hell, they wouldn’t even allow Jesus in with those restrictions.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      “If we let in Jesus, he might not let us speak for him.”
      — A Fundie

      • Villago Delenda Est

        He’d get all temple cleaning on our asses, for sure!

  • Msgr_MΩment
    • Nounverb911

      I’m starting to like this guy (okay, just a little)

      • Martini Ambassador

        At this point, if they flushed the entire Republican party and replaced it with Lindsey clones, I’d be over the goddamn moon.

      • BadKitty904

        Same here. It’s really irritating.

  • MynameisBlarney

    Well folks…guess what…

    China is gearing up for possible armed conflict with the US.

    http://www.democraticunderground.com/10141680270

    • Alternative Pony Ron

      They’re gonna hafta move the hands on the doomsday clock again. Twice in the same week.

      • MynameisBlarney

        That alone should should get trump hauled out of the goddamn WH in a fucking straight jacket.

        • Martini Ambassador

          It’s a game of chicken. How close can we get to another world war before spineless self-serving Republican assholes do something to remove the orange ticking time bomb.

      • Idiokraticdrumpfenjugend

        At what point should we stop loving the bomb and start worrying again?

  • Mavenmaven

    And while we’re on Moslems, he’s also tweeting antisemitic conspiracy theorists: https://twitter.com/kylegriffin1/status/824986183621029891

    • beingreleased

      Look it doesn’t matter what his views on other issues are as long as his evidence for voter fraud is sound. It is, isn’t it?

    • Martini Ambassador

      Sure, that seems likely. And the motivation is “reasons,” obviously.

    • Ducksworthy

      Ah yes. Once, years ago, I took my seemingly sane conservative Catholic brother-in-law aside and asked him, confidentially, isn’t really the Jews? Scratch a conservative and he will bleed NAZI blood.

    • Pierre_de_Fermat

      And, our old friends: racists!
      http://talkingpointsmemo.com/livewire/teresa-unrue-racist-facebook-posts

      Gosh, who would have expected this.

      Now that the Russians have rolled up spy networks, maybe the GRU/FSB could help our “president”.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      He’s a vile sack of racist shit. No wonder Donald likes him!

  • Crystalclear12

    so, the “extreme vetting” is to ask them if they love America?

    Thank Gawd no one lies to public officials!

    • Master Contrail Program

      I love it but I’m not in love with it?

      • Longstreet63

        But are you still willing to sleep with it now and then? Patriotism with benefits?

        • Master Contrail Program

          Sure, no kissing on the mouth though. Too intimate.

    • Kakkeltje

      Of course they don’t. They just present alternative facts.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      I sure as hell don’t. Just the other day, Trump asked me, “Does the length of this tie make my penis look big?”, and I said, “Hell, yeah!”

  • calliecallie

    Dear President Trump,
    We’d like our statue back now.
    Not so fondly,
    France

  • Sardonicuss

    So, in response to 9/11 (Saudi hijackers), Dubya attacks Iraq, creating 2 million Syrian refugees (Iraqis in Syria) which destabilizes Syria, while creating the nursery for the creation of ISIL….at the same time creating the refugee situation that is causing the ascension of the right in Europe…..as well as a campaign boogeyman that helped bring us Drump?
    …but we will not be accepting refugees from Syria or Iraq?
    Man, those Republicans. What a long game they play.
    How to destroy a world in 20 years or less.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Businessman from ‘suspect’ country arrives and is ‘extreme vetted’….OkeyDokey___you’re OK and welcome to the United States and hava’ nice day.
    https://media.giphy.com/media/l0K4aGQF9DmJsvPRS/giphy.gif

  • Master Contrail Program

    Looks like the Regime borrowed Mac’s “Sailing Around The World” itinerary for their extreme vetting agenda.

    Those successful guys have to stick together I suppose.

    https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://m.youtube.com/watch%3Fv%3DuZsWFrM4yNw&ved=0ahUKEwjcvZfH5OLRAhVS4WMKHbKLCsEQwqsBCBwwAA&usg=AFQjCNEh4UO7m8NEx6-Mj_wojKZSbchoyg&sig2=v-OGZPM4CGQ-eekp-jcHNg

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • BadKitty904

      Amen, amen, amen, Cally!

  • resistance_fighter_rosenbomb

    I never knew I could hate someone so much. I want him to know just how much I hate him.

    RAGE!!

  • Jonny On Maui

    *sigh*

    The order says the United States should screen visa applicants to block access to those “who would place violent religious edicts over American law” and those who “engage in acts of bigotry or hatred” including “honor” killings, violence against women, and persecution on the basis of religion, race, gender and sexual orientation

    Perhaps we could apply this to the religious loons who are already here and practice this type of behavior.

    • chortlingdingo

      Ah look at us! I posted nearly the exact same thing simultaneously with you.

  • chortlingdingo

    those who “engage in acts of bigotry or hatred” including “honor” killings, violence against women, and persecution on the basis of religion, race, gender and sexual orientation

    Hm. Sounds like we might be kicking a lot of Americans out of America if we’re upholding these standards.

    • Jonny On Maui

      GMTAASH

      Great Minds Think Alike And Shit Happens

    • BadKitty904

      That should exclude the entire GOP, shouldn’t it?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Kim Davis, GTF out of this country, NAO!

  • Longstreet63

    This will work great, since we know that terrorists would never lie.

    • Nounverb911

      Just Alternative facts?

  • Crystalclear12

    Does anyone know how to treat stupid burns?
    The aloe vera isn’t working.

    • ViveLaRésistance

      I use a good single malt scotch.

      • mPEEg

        ELITIST!1!

        • ViveLaRésistance

          Nah, my step-son sends it to his dad. He’s a good son.

    • Shan

      Vinegar will give some relief.

    • BadKitty904

      Ask DJT – he’s becoming an expert on the topic.

      • Crystalclear12

        No, I imagine he is immune by now. You know, like plague carriers.

        • BadKitty904

          True. Being “burnt” requires some degree of self-awareness. Trump has no real self of which to be aware.

    • proudgrampa

      Ice water.

    • TJ Barke

      DMSO.

    • Pierre_de_Fermat

      How serious is the burn? How did you get it? (I mean, like picked up *hot* item or spilled boiling water over your leg — for the latter, find a doc-in-a-box)

  • MynameisBlarney

    Today in “You have GOT To Be Fucking Kidding Me!” News.

    http://www.democraticunderground.com/10028546302

    • proudgrampa

      And the hypocrisy just keeps coming…

    • TJ Barke

      Lolwut?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Bannon: “What is there to remember? Nothing like this ever happened!”

    • Thiazin Red

      It must have been hard for his staff of actual Nazis to write that.

      • MynameisBlarney

        Prolly made Jared do it.

    • marxalot

      Look, once you’ve read the Newspeak definitions of “good,” “evil,” and “love,” this will make so much more sense.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      My contempt for this hypocritical pig is “prevalent”.

    • MeerkatsRMammals

      He really meant “make love throughout the world”. You’re right, Jared probably wrote the rest of that.

  • President in Exile Firefly

    This is basically Trump’s “no fat chicks” policy.

    • Antonin Dvorak

      “No Fact Checks”

      FTFY

  • Guinnessmonkey

    This isn’t just about immigration. He’s blocking all visas whatsoever. That means the relatives of Iranian-Americans can no longer visit for a weekend (despite the fact that the number of terrorist attacks by Iranians inside the United States still stands at zero).

    Considering the Iranian government sometimes arrests Iranian-Americans as “spies” when they go to visit their relatives in Iran, that means these families are now effectively separated by this racist and idiotic policy. Just the Iranian-Americans are about a million people, nearly all citizens, to say nothing of the other countries.

    This shit is just awful.

  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    I’m getting too old for this shit.

    • Jonny On Maui

      I AM too old for this shit!

      • ViveLaRésistance

        Then is it a silver lining that we may not have to worry about getting much older? :(

        • Jonny On Maui

          Sadly, I still have stuff I want to do…

      • Sardonicuss

        I hear that….or rather: I feel that.

      • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

        You’d think the Russian Puppet and his pals would be WAY too old to pull this kind of shit.

        • marxalot

          Seriously! I didn’t know a 70-year old dude’s heart could withstand the amount of coke it takes to keep him cranked up and doing this sort of shit.

          • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

            Maybe that doctor of his really is a genius.

      • Bebecca

        Day after the election, Hubby said “god I’m glad we’re old”.

  • Résistance Land Shark
  • Résistance Land Shark

    Hey Callista!

    Have fun explaining this INHUMANE BULLSHIT to Pope Francis!

    • ResistanceFictionista blondeiq

      Is she even ALLOWED to be a Catholic? My mother suffered decades of anguish after being unable to obtain a “Rome” annulment for her first marriage to an abusive man who abandoned her. After remarrying my father in a civil service, she was technically disallowed from receiving sacraments. What kind of a god does that?

      • Résistance Land Shark

        From my schooling by the Sisters of No Mercy, Callista is already Hell bound. Her marriage to an already married man, in the view of the “traditional” Catholic Church, would make her an adulteress. If my bruised Catholic memory serves me correctly, that puts her on the highway to Hell, and she would not be allowed any sacraments in the Catholic Church.

        The Church has begun (finally!) to moderate its stance on these matters, but way to late for the many Catholics who suffered abandonment by their faith.

        • ResistanceFictionista blondeiq

          I sincerely hope my mom is flipping them the bird from wherever she is.

  • Prismo87

    Oddly not Christian to prefer Christians for refugee status.

    Christians First, y’all.

  • Thiazin Red

    It does not say RSVP on the Statue of Liberty!

  • Oblios_Cap

    “In order to protect Americans, we must ensure that those admitted to this country do not bear hostile attitudes toward our country and its founding principles,”

    So they have to be down with genocide, slavery, and misogyny?

    • Shibusa

      Shouldn’t we also have a President who do not bear hostile attitudes toward our country and its founding principles?

    • Pierre_de_Fermat

      It’s a + if they are.

  • Nounverb911

    Then again, the US has such a great record with refugees.
    https://twitter.com/Stl_Manifest/status/824985325604794368

    • (Major_Major_Major)ly_Pissed

      Look, when we said we share Judeo-Christian values, we meant it but we were kinda sorta intending to downplay the first half of that. Except when it comes to punishing homoqueers, and muslins, and non-jesus believing jewishers, and loose women what won’t have sex with us – Real Americans (TM)

  • nightmoth

    Since I’m on a “Fuck Hypocrites” tear these days, I demand to be put on a panel to determine who the Christian immigrants are. Checking the “C” box does not count.

    • Bitter Scribe

      Just look for the little crucifix necklaces.

    • natoslug

      But I’m a big fan of “C” boxes!

    • Hardly Ideal

      John Oliver had a good one from the campaign.

      (imitating Jeb Bush) You see, Christians have ears that stick out from the sides of their heads, whereas Muslims lack external ears altogether. Actually, I’m told I was thinking about sea lions vs seals. You’re right, I don’t actually know how to tell Christians and Muslims apart.

  • John Resistant Tovarich Smith

    It will be easy to bypass these restrictions. When they start the questioning, just grab the pussy of the nearest woman.

  • marxalot

    How many American Xtian fundies would pass this “extreme vetting?” And is that percentage inversely proportional to the percentage of those who approve of this crime against humanity?

    • ResistanceFictionista blondeiq

      AOT,K

    • Celtic_Gnome

      About the same number who could pass the citizenship test.

  • Roadstergal

    Seen on the Twitters – “To bypass the ban, Islamic refugees should pretend to be Christian. You know, like Republicans do.”

  • Shibusa

    None of the ISIS-connected suspects who have ever been charged in the USA came from Syria. In fact the overwhelming majority were born in the USA. (Hello, Omar Mateen, Syed Farook…)

  • Shibusa
    • Someone should tell the Con Man in Chief that his new golden curtains make his hair and eyebrows look completely white.

      • Marion in Savannah

        Well, we saw how 8 years in the White House aged W and Obama. He’s just working harder…

        • starfanglednut

          I can’t see trump making it through 4 years of real life where you’re expected to function like an adult. His weight, the way he eats, no exercise…

      • cmd resistor

        So up to date info on the curtains and other decorating changes in the Oval Office.http://www.cbsnews.com/news/how-trump-has-changed-the-oval-office-so-far/

    • Jennifer R

      Look at his “hair” you can see a huge bald patch.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Huh. He does have thoughts on yaoi.

    • MeerkatsRMammals

      Over my cold, dead body!

    • Historicat

      That would get the Deplorables worked up!

  • Lance Thrustwell

    More fiscal responsibility! Hey, don’t let ’em come here and work and pay taxes – instead, create militarily-supported “safe zones” over vast areas and pay for humanitarian aid on a scale that would dwarf most relief efforts! We can totally afford that, and the GOP house will totally go for it!

    I don’t know what I like better – the common sense, the careful planning, or the hard-headed realism.

    • mancityRed6

      “humanitarian aid”
      so, the glass is half full?

  • natoslug

    Banning Somalians? What, he doesn’t want them letting us know what we have to look forward to if Trump remains in office for a full four years?

  • Bitter Scribe

    Hey, they shouldn’t have been dumb enough to have been born in one of those loser countries in the first place.

  • BrendaKay

    Ugh. This thread needs more #cuteanimaltweetoff

    https://twitter.com/hashtag/cuteanimaltweetoff?src=hash

  • Alternative Pony Ron

    It’s a good thing Donnie still has his name on a hotel in Vancouver. (For now, anyway.) Otherwise I’d never get to see the g/f.

  • natoslug

    Adversity builds a person. Trump’s just working on building these people up, making them stronger, more resilient. Why, if they really want a better life, they should do something productive, paint a picture, or write a book like that Anne Frank girl. Now there was a refugee with pluck and courage and determination! Never let the haters get her down, followed her dreams. Whatever happened to her, anyway, after the U.S.(A!!!!GREATESTCUNTRYONERFS!!!!!) denied her family entry? Became a famous novelist, if I recall correctly. Bootstraps, people!

  • In order to protect Americans, we must ensure that those admitted to this country do not bear hostile attitudes toward our country
    OHHHH! I know an orange guy who keeps saying America is not great and it is all carnage and horribleness!!!!!!

    • Alan

      Different tweet.

  • Alan

    I’m just a tad surprised there isn’t an exception for refugees with pussies.

    • Marion in Savannah

      Well, only if they’re 10s.

      • ServantToTheStars

        HEFugees?

      • Alan

        I’m embarrassed that I missed that point.

  • btwbfdimho

    Extreme vetting….it took me a while but i got it now, very funny…

  • NastyBossetti
    • Hardly Ideal

      I always thought that tired ol’ Rorschach quote worked pretty well, too. With a few Trump administration edits:

      The Middle East is a large-scale bonfire scorching everyone too close and covering everything with ash, suffocating the meek. The accumulated rust of all their ruin and carnage will pile up about their waists and all the orphans and widows will look up and shout “Save us!”… and I’ll look down and bellow “No!”

  • mancityRed6

    “it doesn’t have a Muslim registry in it”
    Madeleine Albright said she’s down to register as a Muslim if they ever get around to making that list.

    • Hardly Ideal

      I thought there was something going around about people pledging to register if it ever came to that. That way, it’d be close to useless as many non-Muslims would be on the record.

      • nightmoth

        Just like the Danes all wearing the yellow Star of David when the Nazis tried to round up their Jews. This isn’t our first rodeo.

    • Phoenixdoglover

      Inshallah.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      Jan Schakowsky has said this also.

  • Rick Hill

    trump must feel that the protests against him are too small.

  • notanncoulter

    i can’t take this much longer.
    i just can’t believe this stuff is actually happening.
    seriously.
    are we all living in somebody’s nightmare of our own design?

    • MeerkatsRMammals

      We’re living in a nightmare of someone else’s design…the electoral college

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      Alternate Universe. And no, not a play on the #alternativewhatever. Actual alternate universe.

  • Donkey Option

    This is extreme bullshit.

  • Lefty Frizzell

    He got voted in, by fearful, ignorant racists, to enact fearful, ignorant, racist policies. The fearful, ignorant and racist will cheer. I used to think there weren’t enough of them to push something like this through, but now…

  • MeerkatsRMammals

    All these Executive Orders he’s slammed through over the last few days…how many are actually legal/constitutional? I wanna hope lots of this paperwork signing is just for show.

    • BosGrl

      I wish I could find the tweet I saw, but apparently his EOs are causing a lot of problems for the agencies they involve and are not quite legal in their wording.

      • MeerkatsRMammals

        Fingers crossed!

      • phoenix00

        not quite? Did you mean “not at all”?

    • cmd resistor

      Just ran across this article, which seems to indicate the answer is, “Who knows?” It says Bannon and that speechwriter guy (Miller?) wrote most of them, without running anything by the affected agencies. http://www.politico.com/story/2017/01/trumps-flashy-executive-actions-could-run-aground-234200

      • MeerkatsRMammals

        Yeah, I saw this too. It’s pretty bad when Trump & his cronies are saying one thing, but the guys who will actually pass these orders are saying something different. Not that I trust them either! They’re all running around yelling about how the country is “divided”, looks like that’s some more projection from inside the GOP.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      Here’s what’s going on: the people with an actual clue how this works, + Steve Bannon, are distracting the Trumpster Fire and the media by letting him do all these fun, flashy, worthless EOs. In the meantime, they’re dismantling the democracy over on the Hill where no one is paying attention.

    • Bebecca

      Who is going to stop him, the republicans in Congress? Hardly.

      • MeerkatsRMammals

        Maybe? Possibly? They still want people to vote for them next time, right? Ok, nevermind. We’re fucked :(

      • phoenix00

        Congress Repubs are probably shoving those very EOs onto the Oval Office desk.

    • Jamoche

      The one about using only American steel for the pipelines is illegal: “this is the kind of action that gets you sued by the World Trade Organization.”

      http://www.sfgate.com/technology/businessinsider/article/You-know-Trump-also-just-made-the-Keystone-XL-10884014.php

      • Suttree

        As I understand the law (from my past work not Keystone itself), you are only required to use U.S. steel if it is a government funded project. I think Keystone is being paid for by Transcanada.

    • Mickey Donovan

      He’s actually selling autographs to world leaders.

  • Jacob Prescott

    Simple fix for these countries, just offer to open up a Trump hotel and maybe posit that the Trump is very smart and does many things very bigly.

    • nightmoth

      Build one in Tehran and I’ll try to get a job there. Ever since I watched the Rick Steves Travel episode about visiting Iran I’ve longed to see Persepolis!

  • IOnlyLikeCats

    Are we going to burn the Constitution now or later?

  • Scrofula

    “The order says the United States should screen visa applicants to block access to those “who would place violent religious edicts over American law” and those who “engage in acts of bigotry or hatred”” Those people will be fast-tracked to fill State Department and judicial vacancies.

  • gamera23

    That extreme vet should be wearing an ECO-friendly helmet!

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    Um, the people trying to impose “violent religious edicts over American law” are all in elected office in the U.S. already.

  • gratuitous

    I’m sure the unfavored nations list had nothing to do with whether they had Trump properties or not. I mean, that might look like a colossal conflict of interest, which doesn’t exist anymore. The popular media have their marching orders directly from Steve Bannon, so I hope they just shut up about all this.

  • puredog

    “. . .the most extreme bans on migration are applied to countries the U.S. has bombed.” There’s a certain logic to that, as one might expect people in those countries to be the most pissed off at the U.S.

    • Bongstar420

      We don’t bear any responsibility for their status? Did all of our armaments never hit a civilian population?

      • phoenix00

        We bombed them for their own good! They should be thankful a benevolent altruistic power treats them with such kindness!

  • Cliff Hendroval

    Good on ya, Sen. Murphy.

  • Khavrinen

    “As for Syrian refugees, Trump isn’t altogether heartless — the order
    would establish “safe zones” within Syria itself, where refugee camps
    would be located, so those people will be concentrated in one place but
    probably won’t get bombed by ISIS or by our good friends the Russians.”

    Trump’s so compassionate towards those Syrian refugees, they’re not even going to put up cartoonishly huge signs around the “safe zones” with great big red arrows saying “BOMB HERE”. Or if they do, at least they’ll all be in English, instead of Arabic, so the refugees should be perfectly safe, right?

  • Yr. Gma

    Does this mean we can deport Dr Oz?

    • Keith Taylor

      It means you can deport Donald Trump!

      • Shakenbake

        Or at least Mike Pence.

        • phoenix00

          AOT,K

        • JackLinks

          Mike Dence!
          Now there’s an example of an American Christian terrorist! In Dence’s world, it’s his way or the highway, or jail and just maybe a execution or two!

          • Bongstar420

            Heck ya..Jail for joints!

  • SayItWithOtters

    I wholeheartedly support deporting anyone who would place violent religious edicts over American law and those who engage in acts of bigotry or hatred, violence against women, and persecution on the basis of religion, race, gender and sexual orientation.

    • HazooToo

      Me too. We can start with Hairbeast, and move straight down the chain of command.

      • Bongstar420

        Sounds like some voters that want deportations

  • Damian L

    Why have’nt the impeachment proceedings begun yet? And yes I realize that most Washington democrats are wimps but WTF!

    • has to come from repubs.

      it will.

      • Mike Steele

        Before or after Donald has gotten us into some intl. conflagration?

    • Bongstar420

      Shush…we want this to keep going. Impeachment will slow it.

      We need them to grab it all. I am tired of waiting

  • Celtic_Gnome

    Bring on the Muslim Registration, 45. Almost ever Hillary voter will sign up, making it utterly worthless. While you rant and rave on twitter about how we’re messing up your presidency, we will, of course, continue to point and laugh at your tiny, tiny hands.

  • Zyxomma

    “In order to protect Americans, we must ensure that those admitted to this country do not bear hostile attitudes toward our country and its founding principles,” which founding principles DJT understands NOT AT ALL, FFS.

    • Bongstar420

      They want to make sure they sign up with the NRA for their 2nd Amendment rights I bet

      • Keith Taylor

        Yeah, too right. What if Trump wanted to restrict “the right to bear arms” for Afro-American and Muslim citizens, even the ones born here? Would conservatives be outraged?

  • pixeloid

    “violence against women, and persecution on the basis of religion, race, gender and sexual orientation,”

    Sounds like evangelical “Christians” to me.

  • Mike Steele

    At least one or more of the major media outlets, print/cable/internet, needs to post a weekly list of the myriad conflicts of interest which should be under constant scrutiny right now. Keep repeating Russia, Trump Corp., taxes, personal/business indebtedness to various nations, etc., just as Right chanted the mantra of emails-Benghazi ad nauseum. The Daily Squirrel operation of his 2 sycophant Steves has, thus far, provided the feckless press with a rabbit hole du jour to distract from the primary objective. If we can see it, why can’t they?

  • Ellambaxter

    Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours and have longer with friends & family! !sz280c:
    On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
    !sz280c:
    ➽➽
    ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleFinancialJobsCash570WebCircleGetPay$97Hour ★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★::::::!sz280c:….,…….

  • Mike Steele

    Also, too, our pet peeve (recently resurrected by Rachel), 9/11 hijackers. For over 15 years, have wanted to scream from that legendary NJ rooftop that most of them were SAUDIS, led by the son of GHWB’s bosom buddy, bin Laden the Elder. And yet, they are welcome here, unlike the poor shlubs our interventions have bombed into homelessness. jeez, Louise.

    • phoenix00

      Unassailable logic, this.

    • Keith Taylor

      Much too true. Naturally, Donald Trump has business interests in Saudi Arabia, and besides, the Saudi rulers are the kingpins of OPEC.

      • Mike Steele

        Note, too, that Pacific rim Muslims seem to have gotten a pass; Malaysia, Indonesia, Phillipines, etc. not on unwelcome list, even as he is entertaining the billionaire from Brunei. Persecuted Christians, though they do exist, we’re merely spared as a nod to Pence wing of party. Yet, with their vast ignorance of world affairs, this cherry-picking goes unnoticed among his legions. The redneck comics were right: you can’t fix stupid.

  • JackLinks

    What’s the republican’s supposed to do if they can’t have bogeymen to hate?

  • canes_pugnaces

    All empires end. Sometimes with a bang. Sometimes with the slow, eroding forces of time. Sometimes with a festering load of orange feces. We’re done.

  • Well, this sucks for permanent residents from Yemen who work on US-flagged cargo ships. I can only imagine how awful it is for them when they finally finish a months-long job working ten or twelve hours a day, seven days a week, pull into a US port to go home, and get informed that they are forbidden to enter the country they live in. Where do they go? Their homes, property, and families are in a country that unequivocally refuses them entry, and their passports strictly limit where they can go without time-consuming and expensive visa applications. What a nightmare.

  • Janet Goodell

    Enter Charlton Heston approaching fallen Statue of Liberty, …what have you…
    Well, maybe not CH

  • Jay
  • Bongstar420

    I don’t see why would be terrorists wouldn’t lie about questions like this…also, maybe they should screen citizens with the same questions.

  • Medusa

    I wonder if anyone in Donnie’s entourage bothered to read the terms of the Iran Deal before deciding on which countries to include…. possibly creates a “get out of deal free” Card for Iran…
    we shall see…

  • phoenix00

    He just needs a little bit of time to “figure out what’s going on”. A little bit of time. Just a little bit.

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