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Ain't no party like a Pyongyang party, 'cuase a Pyongyang party is ABSOLUTELY MANDATORY
Ain’t no party like a Pyongyang party, ‘cuase a Pyongyang party is ABSOLUTELY MANDATORY

More important details on how Donald Trump plans to Make America Great Again: not with a lot of sissy effete reading, that’s for damn sure. But with something that will physically SHOW America, and the world, exactly how great it is, again:

trump-parade-quote

Who doesn’t love a good military parade, or a flyover of all the jets? We will have the best mechanized boners ever!

soviet-missile-parade

russian-tank-parade

bomber-flyover

navy-flyover

stormtroopers

shriners-parade

Don’t you feel Great Again? We sure do! Nothing like a good ol’ parade to get the patriotic fervor pounding!

Besides, since Trump is going to be cutting press access to his administration as much as possible, the best indication we may have of who’s up and who’s down inside TrumpWorld will be to pay careful attention to who’s closest to him on the reviewing stand.

Hey, you know WHO ELSE loved a good military parade?

nazi-parade

nuremberg-torches

[Washington Post]

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  • Nounverb911
    • Villago Delenda Est

      One wonders if Donald has tweeted them back asking for tips.

    • Poorly Behaved RĂ©sistanista

      Seems like that style of marching is just asking for a groin pull injury.

      • puredog

        Well, pulling a groin is very much like grabbing a pussy.

  • Electric Ukulele Land

    You know what else would be awesome, if Trump wore a military uniform for no particular reason? One with lots of medals strewn across the chest. And big honk’n mirrored sun glasses. Maybe a tiny mustache for good measure.

  • The Wanderer

    Sweet Sons of Norway, not the SHRINERS!!!!1111!!

    • WomanInTheResistance

      I love this non-comment.

  • Groundloop

    I imagine “What the fuck is up with that guy?” is being asked in 100+ languages at the UN on a daily basis.

  • CogitoErgoBibo

    That military may be flying over New York City…

    Only he could make our military sound like Macy’s holiday parade balloons.

    • An Outhouse for the Resistance

      They need to fly over the fly over places.

    • snark-lurker

      that strikes an ominous chord in me head

    • Celtic_Gnome

      I remember the last time we had jets flying over New York with non-standard flight paths.

      Dick Cheney started reading the daily intel briefings the very next day.

  • An Outhouse for the Resistance

    Did he mention how he’s going to pay for this? Maybe just turn on the treasury printing press?

    • WomanInTheResistance

      You silly, everybody knows Trump doesn’t pay for things.

    • Nounverb911

      Putin’s coronation gift?

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Well, his budget outline looks like the Heritage Foundation’s wet dream. Privatize the Corporation for Public Broadcasting, eliminate the National Endowment for the Arts and the National Endowment for the Humanities. Eliminate all 25 Violence Against Women grants at the Justice Department. Significant cuts to the Departments of Commerce, Energy, Justice and State.

    • Ryan Denniston

      Mexico is paying for it.

  • exinkwretch
  • WiscoJoe

    Who needs the NEA when we’ve got military parades to entertain and inspire us?

  • Nounverb911

    Workers of the jobs coming back to America Unite!
    https://media.giphy.com/media/pIMlKqgdZgvo4/giphy.gif

    • GoutMachine

      That is mesmerizing and kind of soothing.

  • Yr. Gma

    Is Tony Orlando gonna be the drum major?

    • WiscoJoe

      Tony Orlando and Red Dawn

  • Vecchioivan

    🎶 I – love a charade 🎵

  • Mavenmaven

    Someone should remind Trump that when Reagan spoke of the Evil Empire, he didn’t mean it in a good way.

  • TJ Barke

    It’s “walk softly and carry a big stick”
    Not “run around yelling about how you have the best stick ever, it’s yoooge!”

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      There’s no problem with our stick, believe me.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Just what we need. To turn our actual soldiers into asphalt soldiers.

  • GunToting[Redacted]

    Wow, the triple self-Godwin. I’ve heard about them, but never actually witnessed one in the wild.

  • wide_stance_hubby

    ‘You know who else. . .?’

    My thoughts exactly when I saw the headline.

    I go back and forth between being convinced this really is The End of the US (or perhaps the world at large) and being ok because it’s like a fascist takeover by the Keystone Cops.

    • Poorly Behaved RĂ©sistanista

      / That /

    • Historicat

      Why not both? Far too many of history’s greatest hits (including WWI and the French Revolution) were fraught with misunderstandings and missed opportunities which would be incredibly comedic if the results had not been so terrible.

  • “Trump-land, Trump-land over all…”

  • Mavenmaven

    I guess Trump has little arms, too.

    • snark-lurker

      now that wuz a low blow

  • BadKitty904

    And how much is this military masturbation going to cost We the People?

    • Vecchioivan

      Nothing. Mexico,will pay for it.

  • President in Exile Firefly
    • Ryan Denniston

      Needs moar gold!

  • Shoto

    ♫ Trumpland Trumpland Uber Alles… ♫

  • Creepoman

    So, basically the same as every NFL pre-game?

  • Ryan Denniston
  • WotsAllThisThen

    And the best part is, the military can’t refuse to perform or write an open letter stating their objections.

  • jesuswasablack

    “We’re going to display our Military”
    This is gonna be so much fun for merica!

    http://cdn-www.cracked.com/articleimages/ob/40723316AF358FA71C95FAC25CCAE.jpg

    • Ghenghis McCann

      “Barron, you know it’s your father’s turn to play with the toy soldiers.”

  • Suttree

    Dammit Wonkette! How are we supposed to snark on 3 threads in the same hour!!!!??????

    • Nounverb911

      This is good practice for the coming shitstorm.

    • WomanInTheResistance

      Think of it as a warm-up exercise. Gonna be a long four years. Well, with any luck.

    • snark-lurker

      hoppitty hop hop

  • Vecchioivan
  • beingreleased
  • MynameisBlarney
  • BosGrl

    Does anyone know how to get in touch with The Doctor?

    • Nounverb911

      Beetlejuice!
      Beetlejuice!
      Beetlejuice!?

    • Ωbjectifier

      The Doctor is not seeing new patients.

      • snark-lurker

        you didn’t mean “peeing” new patience did you

    • Suttree
    • Nounverb911
      • BosGrl

        I cried when 10 said he didn’t want to leave, but then we got Matt Smith. When 44 leaves tomorrow, we get a Dalek.

        • CogitoErgoBibo

          Matt was a’ight, but I really miss 10. Enough to watch “Broadchurch,” when the BBC is kind enough to lend it to us in ‘Murica.

          • BosGrl

            Yes – can’t wait for Broadchurch 3!

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      “I wanted to know about that Doctor of his. The man who appears out of nowhere and saves the world; except sometimes he doesn’t. All those times in history where there was no sign of him … I wanted to know why not. But I don’t need to ask anymore. I know the answer now: Sometimes the Doctor must look at this planet and turn away in shame.”

    • ken_kukec
  • BadKitty904

    Isn’t this kind of nonsense more typical of Russian dictators? Oh, wait…

    • Ezio Auditore

      That, and possibly Italian dictators from 1929.

      • BadKitty904

        From Il Duce to ll Douche in less than a century.

  • Beanz&Berryz

    Wonkette Headline Prize of the Day.. maybe week…

  • jesuswasablack
    • beingreleased

      My four year old likes playing with army men. Maybe they can have a play date.

      • magyar of infinite power

        Why do you hate your kid?

        • Gayer Than Thou

          Have you ever met a four-year-old?

          • magyar of infinite power

            I have. Which is why have no children. Some people, I assume, enjoy that sort of thing.

        • Bad Tom

          A sacrifice for the Nation!
          A true Patriot.

  • Anna Rompage

    Great, 40 million are about to be kicked of of their healthcare because we lack the money to bridge the gap between people’s medical needs, and insurance companies losing money, and we don;t have enough money to make our education system work for all, but we have enough to pump even more money into our already bloated military….

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/6f156a1e67861e485a7ffffb6883315e9c36353342c24b1edc394afd0df79c54.gif

    • BadKitty904

      But, look! A parade!!1!

    • Oblios_Cap

      And yet we still wet our pants when the occasional terrorist manages to cause a small dose of havoc anywhere in the world.

      • Shibusa

        But it’s no sweat when the occasional angry white unhinged male domestic terrorist shoots up a movie theater or a church or a school or a shopping mall…

        • Gayer Than Thou

          Unhinged male domestic terrorists are an important secondary market for all that sued and surplus military materiel that we bought with our nearly $600 billion in taxpayer dollars. So…

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Most of the bloat goes into the pockets of the CEOs of defense contractors. Soldiers, Sailors, Airmen, and Marines get the leavings, at best.

      • Suttree

        Toaster crumbs at best.

      • CogitoErgoBibo

        Because I always love a good “West Wing” reference, I bring you the $400 ashtray (with bonus Christian Slater!).
        https://youtu.be/7R9kH_HOUXM

        • GoutMachine

          Man, he sure came a long way from Happy Harry Hard-on.

          • Antonin Dvorak

            Now he is winning Emmy’s for Mr. Robot.

        • Anna Rompage

          They could have just made them from stamped stainless steel for a about $1.50 a pop… ;)

          • CogitoErgoBibo

            No fair, thinking rationally! ;-)

          • Villago Delenda Est

            It’s like what a hospital charges you for bandages. They make up a ridiculous number then dicker down with the insurance company to something a lot more reasonable.

            Except DoD doesn’t do the dickering down part.

          • Creepoman

            That’s not mil spec – T-9046J Titanium or GTFO!

    • TheAmazingBeardedLady

      Chinese billionaire says US wasted triliions on warfare instead of investing in infrastructure. He’s right.

      http://www.cnbc.com/2017/01/18/chinese-billionaire-jack-ma-says-the-us-wasted-trillions-on-warfare-instead-of-investing-in-infrastructure.html

  • goonemeritus

    Finally Trump has found a group he can order to the inauguration

  • memzilla Ω

    And for the Inauguration Day Coronation Breakfast: Luftwaffles ‘n Die Wurst!

  • AnnieGetYerFun

    Aw, the Shriners are so cute.

    • MizzMazz

      They sure are. The first song on here is very appropriate for these times.
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=waBchqtu_Ew

      • OrG

        Can we at least get some good punk rock out of this shit storm?

        • MizzMazz

          This old punk is ready. Dammit, I left the album on, and it’s all appropriate. I know it came out in the Reagan years (had it on vinyl with the HR Giger poster) but it’s like a rock opera for today.

        • NE Leach

          Working on it…

      • snark-lurker

        they have the coolest toys

      • ken_kukec

        “Boy, the way Jello Biafra played
        Songs that made the hit parade
        Guys like us, we had it made.
        Those were the days.”

  • MynameisBlarney
    • BosGrl

      Yeah, that was nice for a while.

  • WiscoJoe

    Good thing we all managed to avoid the incredibly real threat of the Jade Helm 15.

  • fawkedifiknow

    Achtung, y’all.

    • Ghenghis McCann

      And so apparently was the Lieutenant Commander who was commentating. A true classic.

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    I need to go several levels beyond #headdesk for this one.

    • Suttree

      Apply ice and booze 30x a day for the next few years.

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      I recommend #headfloor. It’s taking the nation by storm!

    • Doug Langley

      Rubber desks. They’re all the rage.

  • MynameisBlarney
  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    Sergeant Majors marching up and down the square? Stop that! It’s too silly!

  • ltmcdies

    really donald…you are already costing New York how much money in extra security due to your 3rd trophy wife and poor Barron being unable to suck it up and move where your damn job is.

    Now you expect New York to close off a main artery so you can play Kim Jong Un and parade a tank around.

    • BosGrl

      Let them eat taco bowls!

    • nightmoth

      Is there any way in hell New Yawkers can refuse to pay for this shakedown?

      • ltmcdies

        turn down his parade permit? Permits are a city thing, right

    • Clyde Barrow

      Pfft! Those massive cuts in that pesky Medicare program will pay for Donnie’s ego parade.

    • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

      Kim Jong Trump. I love it…

  • Oblios_Cap

    Those flyover aren’t cheap either!

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Oh, God, it’s the last day we have a sane person in the White House. I am not ready for this.
    ..
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/13bcd5012a7d6f08035b2bad2034ccdc28b2a1425281cfb164029d5c7b667dbb.jpg

    • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

      Trumpnados in the Great Plains, Trumpanzees escaped from the zoo, Trumpzilla sighted off the coast of California, dozens of beached Trumpback whales rotting on the beaches, outbreaks of Trumpbola virus shutting down hospitals!
      And then on Saturday…

    • Shibusa

      From the twitter-verse: Tomorrow is the series finale of America.

      • Historicat

        Less satisfying than the Lost finale!

  • Ezio Auditore

    Ask Donny and his republican buddies how they really feel about all those homeless and disabled veterans they think are “asking for handouts”.

  • o’look Skwerl!

    Let me guess. Donald owns the DC paving contracts. Drive a bunch of tanks on the street and get paid to fix repair the damage they do..

    • Villago Delenda Est

      One would hope they’d have pads on the tracks, to minimize that.

    • GoutMachine

      As a D.C. resident, I would be happy if that were to happen. Our streets are already worse than fucking Aleppo’s (whatever that is).

      • o’look Skwerl!

        He’d just get paid for it and claim you loosers ripped them up again! :-P

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      Shit! Shipping all of that asphalt in from China is going to be epic!

  • Can’t they just play an old video on a loop of the Macy’s Parade outside of the Oval Office window?

    Seems cheaper.

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      In order to make Trump happy, the Macy’s Parade will feature huge balloons in the shapes of tanks, artillery, and missile-laden trucks!

    • Querolous

      Macy’s is headed for the dust bin of history. Amazon Parade? Walmart Parade?

  • proudgrampa

    We are freakin’ doomed.

    • Oblios_Cap
    • MynameisBlarney

      Nah.
      It’s gonna suck bawls for a bit, but trump will end up hoist by his own petard sooner rather than later.
      While Pence is a dominionist twat-waffle, he’s not a erratic egomaniacal sociopath that will be putin’s puppet.
      And Pencey will not win a second term.

  • ServantToTheStars
  • GoutMachine

    Wasn’t there some story a few years ago that said that most of those Soviet missiles and things in those big parades were actually fake?

    Seems to fit.

    Edit: Yep, here it is. http://www.independent.co.uk/news/moscow-paraded-dummy-missiles-1185682.html

  • BadKitty904
  • Ezio Auditore

    Why did Barry Allen have to go back in time and save his mom?

    Look what’s he’s done to the timeline.

    https://scontent-sjc2-1.cdninstagram.com/t51.2885-15/e35/15043412_1139169182798619_8278633343751290880_n.jpg?ig_cache_key=MTM3OTcxODA5MTAwNTI1NTgzMw%3D%3D.2

    • MynameisBlarney

      DAMMITALLTOHELLFLASH!

  • NastyBossetti

    Asking a stupid question. Why are we building up our military? Isn’t it big enough already? What exactly is he planning?

    • BosGrl

      This. Parades to himself.

    • Nounverb911
    • Jonny On Maui

      Why the end of the world of course…

    • Lizzietish81
    • Antonin Dvorak

      Back in 2012, Romney was complaining about the Navy because one of his advisers had contracts to build Navy ships. I am guessing their is a similar thing afoot here.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      Meedr moar Monitor and Merrimack

    • snark-lurker

      if you halve to ask you donut wanna know

      • clairence

        I wanna donut

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      it polls well (even though all polls are dishonesty and lying, except the ones tht make him look good).

    • canes_pugnaces

      Think about little things that aren’t big enough (like tiny hands, and such), then think about dicktator wannabes and compensating for those small things…

    • TJ Barke

      To bolster the MIC…

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Because our navy has less ships than it did in 1908 and our Air Force is only a fraction of the size it was in 1945. ‘Cause every good conservative knows that if the USS Carl Vinson tangled with a couple of pre-Dreadnought battleships, or an F-15 got bounced by a pair of P-51s, we’d be fucked.

    • puredog

      Because it’s there. Murka can’t be great again without a bigger military. Do we have to ‘splain EVERYTHING?

      • NastyBossetti

        Yes. I think everything I’ve been taught about this country, its people, and the world are wrong. So I will be needing a lot of explainers.

    • Doug Langley

      Good Lord, man! Haven’t you seen the state of our cavalry? Why, it’s almost nonexistent!

      • Oblios_Cap

        And they fly helio-copters!

    • AngryKatie

      He also has a serious fetish about the military. Listen to him talk about Patton.

      It’s all tied up in his small dick, daddy never loved me, hypermasculine, the biggest bully is the winner, bullshit world view.

      • clairence

        more seriously, the Frontline biography suggests Trump relished the structure and discipline during his time at military school. I wonder if he’s not thinking, “It was good enough for me, so it’ll be good enough for all you lazy-asses.”

        • Americans will have to learn the gentle art of growing bone spurs on their heels.

          Actuall I read somewhere that the only reason he went to military college was because other colleges found his bullying and sociopathy unacceptable. It’s probably not true but it is believable

          • clairence
          • Sorry, but I have always read that version of events as a bully finally finding his metier; the PBS version seems pretty standard hahiography

          • clairence

            I’m pretty sure that’s not true.

          • As I said

          • Celtic_Gnome

            If I remember correctly, he got shipped off to military school after he punched his piano teacher.

          • I knew it was something like that

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        Patton would have glove-smacked Trump into ignominious oblivion.

        • Thiazin Red

          Patton also read stuff and wasn’t a moron.

  • Martini Ambassador

    Seventy six trombones led me to you
    With a hundred and ten cornets close at hand.
    They were followed by rows and rows of the finest virtuosos,
    The cream of ev’ry famous band.

    Seventy six trombones caught the morning sun,
    With a hundred and ten cornets right behind.
    There were more than a thousand reeds springing up like weeds,
    There were horns of ev’ry shape and kind.

    There were copper bottom tympani in horse platoons,
    Thundering, thundering, all along the way.
    Double bell euphoniums and big bassoons,
    Each bassoon having his big fat say.
    There were fifty mounted cannon in the battery,
    Thundering, thundering, louder than before.
    Clarinets of eve’ry size and trumpeters who’d improvise
    A full octave higher than the score.

    Seventy six trombones led the big parade,
    When the order to march rang out loud and clear.
    Starting off with a big bang bong on a Chinese gong,
    By a big bang bonger at the rear.

    Seventy six trombones hit the counter point,
    While a hundred and ten cornets played the air.
    Then I modestly took my place as the one and only bass,
    And I oompahed up and down the square.

  • Spurning Beer

    BOOM SHAKA-LAKA-LAKA BOOM SHAKA-LAKA-LAKA!https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rHcMxOJ5BN4

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      THAT’S THE FACT, JACK.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    When Trump and Putin occupy the Sudetenland, I suppose we’ll to see that be-medaled asswart in his faux military uniform dancing that little Hitleresque jig.

    • Historicat

      If I were Poland, I would be really nervous about now.

  • ken_kukec

    Nothing compared to the Victory Day parade they’re planning in Red Square for the Donald’s first state visit.

  • Nobody tell him about the Mega Grot Tank
    https://youtu.be/js0Rirmc28w

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      Pedant: “That is not a tank. That is a target.”

  • WomanInTheResistance

    I wouldn’t mind seeing something like this.

    https://youtu.be/E2ecasPqhgk

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Make the
      Army
      Ghey
      Again?

  • Lizzietish81

    They’re not even bothering to cover up the fact that they’re fascists.

    • OrG

      Why bother.

    • Tiny kaiju

      Given that Trump has the imagination of a ball of lint, I couldn’t imagine him filling out his coronation inauguration celebration any other way.

    • Suttree

      Why would they? These fuckers love it!

    • Nasty Candy Apple

      Shame only works on people capable of shame. They have no such capacity.

    • Thaumaturgist

      If it was anyone but Trump, I would agree. If it’s Trump, I have to wonder if he understands the gesture.

    • To them it’s a feature, not a bug

  • canes_pugnaces

    I’ve been practicing the goose step, side glance and salute all morning. I have earned all new respect for the North Koreans.

    • GoutMachine

      Just wait until the choreographed colored-card holding class. It’s a bitch on your shoulders.

    • Anna Rompage

      Now if you can master wearing one of those itchy wool brown coats without itching yourself to death, you’ll get a promotion!

      • canes_pugnaces

        Under Herr Trump they’ll be made of yak hair.

    • snark-lurker

      hold that sideglance too long & your eyes will get stuck there

      • Villago Delenda Est

        “Eyes Right” only lasts as long as the formation is passing by the honoree. Once the last rank is past the honoree, it’s “Eyes Front”.

    • magyar of infinite power

      Since my big toes no longer bend, I always walk like that. I’m ready for our bouffanted overlord.

    • Doug Langley

      Hurry up and make an exercise video before someone beats you to it.

  • BadKitty904

    OT: OK, the house is clean, suits are picked up from the drycleaner, my shoes are polished, the future in-laws should be in town in an hour, and I still feel like throwing up. So, I’m right on-track, yes?

    • Mary Sandoras

      Sounds about right. Throw a couple of drinks down the gullet before they get there.

      • BadKitty904

        ugh. Then i would throw up.

        <– lightweight boozer

        • Oblios_Cap

          Go get ’em, Tiger!

          • BadKitty904

            Thanx. The Big Cat’s on his way home from the office, so I’ll be calmer once he’s here.

        • Shibusa

          Deep down, he’s probably a pussycat.

          • BadKitty904

            Oh, he’s not mean or hateful or evil or anything. Just immensely dignified.Very much the hidalgo

    • bookish

      Benadryl. Then you won’t be throwing up, but you might be asleep. Also ginger might help the nausea.

      • BadKitty904

        Actually, good call, in re: “ginger”. Ginger-ale was my Granny’s sovereign remedy for tummyaches.

        • Nasty Candy Apple

          And, in the era without the ACA, a legitimate medical treatment!

          I just made myself sad. :(

          • BadKitty904

            Good – but sad – point!

    • snark-lurker

      abs tho lootly

    • wide_stance_hubby

      WHAT? That’s what I get for moping Wonkette-less for weeks: I had no fucking clue this was coming! Congratulations, BK904 and husband-to-be!!!!

      I’m sitting here in tears now. SO happy for you! When does it happen?

      Advice: do not let details of the day/ceremony distract you from what the day is about, cuz they will try and try.

      • BadKitty904

        Well, it’s a recent development. *hugs* Joaquin and Curtis proposed to me and Jeff – both on one knee and everything – in front of our entire family at my and Jeffsy’s birthday supper last Saturday.

        The marriage is tomorrow at 10AM / the County Clerk’s office – in the last few hours of American democracy. Our lil’ “fuck you” to the Trumpenreich!

        The wedding will take place this summer, after all our moms, aunts, grannies, sisters, cousins, etc., are done quarreling over their plans…

        • BadKitty904

          I’ve been a wreck ever since. Ugh.

          • wide_stance_hubby

            Oh, I remember the wreckage, too. It is terrifying!

          • BadKitty904

            Before we even got freekin home from the supper Saturday, we were already getting phone-calls, texts, and emails. I can’t even imagine what a lil’ slice o’ hell the wedding’s going to be.

        • wide_stance_hubby

          Give that man a rib-crushing hug from the Widestances, because that proposal took nerve and planning! Truly, BK, this news has really cheered me up. I will be watching the clock tomorrow and imagining I am there.

          • BadKitty904

            Will do!

            And it DID! That’s the most surprising thing about this – it’s been going on for over a month and neither Jeffsy or myself had a clue. I’M generally the sneaky one when it comes to surprises – he’s usually clueless. Now I’m going to have to keep a much closer eye on him…

          • wide_stance_hubby

            Same here. Long story but I planted white hyacinths to spell out ILY for hubby on his birthday and popped question in front of them. Totally out of character for me and to this day, he is still surprised I pulled it off (planted in October for March surprise).

          • BadKitty904

            Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! Sneaky AND romantic – a double-threat!

          • BadKitty904

            I was teasing him earlier this week that he only proposed in order to distract me from worrying about the Inaugurination… ;0)

          • wide_stance_hubby

            And has it not? You better marry that man!

          • BadKitty904

            Oh, I’ve known for over a year that we were going to marry. I reckoned he’d figure it out sometime before the actual wedding… ;0)

        • janecita

          Congratulations sweetie! Hopefully, your new mother in law won’t be the typical overbearing Cuban mom:-) Let me know if you want my flan recipe, so you can impress them with your cooking abilities.

      • Tacoclamgenda

        Ditto to all Wide S H said. The first happy heart and tummy bubbles in long time. Congrats!!!!

    • WomanInTheResistance

      That sounds about right. I’m pleased that you are sticking with treadition.

    • OneYieldRegular

      Wow, wonderful, molotov! There should be a celebratory tour in the Wonkabago.

      • BadKitty904

        Now, THAT would be a genuine hoot!

        And thank you for the kind wishes!

    • Bebecca

      are they republicans?

      • BadKitty904

        Absolutely not. Their view is that their family fled Cuba to this country a couple of generations back to avoid a dictator and now they face a new one here.

  • Jonny On Maui

    I used to get quite depressed on occasion when the Wonk news was loaded with extra snark to counteract the horror. Not so much now.

    The one who holds the keys to my heart is safe here on Maui. May whatever gods exist please keep the orange one from remembering that Hawaii is a state.

    • Suttree

      Please have a hammock ready for me! I think that I can build a raft out of empties. The only problem will be the canal toll.

      • snark-lurker

        did you mean “the canal ‘troll'”?

        • Suttree

          Hopefully he lets me pay with the answer to a riddle.

          • snark-lurker

            me never make it. guess how long it took me to get “Nazi” = not see? cheese

    • Stay safe, Jonny

    • puredog

      Pray to Pele.

    • WomanInTheResistance

      If it helps, I doubt the shitgibbon ever knew that Hawaii is a state.

      • Jonny On Maui

        I hope no one tells him!

  • Clyde Barrow
  • UncleTravelingMatt

    Our troops are gonna need bigger hats.

  • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

    I think just about everybody to the left of Pat Buchanan saw that headline yesterday and was like, “Oh, goody, you mean like with tanks and missiles? SMH.” And we dodged another bullet, yaknow? because that much shaking of heads could alter the Earth’s orbit…

    Just please…don’t step on the geese!

  • Marceline

    We already have this. They are called air shows and memorial day parades.

    • BosGrl

      Except we go to those voluntarily.

    • tinker12

      And NASCAR races and NFL games.

  • nightmoth

    Since one picture’s worth a thousand words, those pictures are a library at Mt. Doom.

  • Vicious Babushka

    Israel doesn’t have military parades but they do have a world class Gay Pride parade

    • BadKitty904

      Oy gey!

  • TJ Barke

    Good on ya for the 30 rock joke in the pics alt text, Dok.

  • Master Contrail Program
    • CogitoErgoBibo

      Home Depot. Definitely.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        You misspelled Despot.

    • snark-lurker

      and the sickels too

  • Nounverb911
    • NastyBossetti

      I don’t understand this picture. When you go to Scotland, do bagpipers just follow you around everywhere?

      • Doug Langley

        Wouldn’t you try to drown out Donnie?

      • Only if you are really, really unlucky

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        They probably follow The Donald around trying to annoy him. It does not work though because the stupid git thinks it’s an honor guard.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      A wood in the rough? A wood in the rough? What kind of golfer-wannabe is this asswipe?

      • Nasty Candy Apple

        He knows more about golf than Phil Mickelson or Tiger Woods, duh.

        I heard he cheats like crazy and everyone who plays with him just lets it happen, because Trump.

      • Antonin Dvorak

        That is what tipped you off and not, say, the business suit?

        • Villago Delenda Est

          True, the club he was holding is the first thing I noticed. The business suit indicates photo op.

    • BadKitty904

      That level of surreal must be a natural gift…

  • Bill D. Burger
  • NastyBossetti

    Remember that time when the military was flying over NYC all the time, and it was so fun, and your sister called you in the middle of the night saying she couldn’t ever sleep again she was so scared and you could hear jets flying in the background? Wait, no, that wasn’t fun. It was the days following 9/11.

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      They’re even more fun when they break the sound barrier above you. Then you get to play “Earthquake or Military Jet?”!

      • Nasty Candy Apple

        Yeah, the military used to do war games in the air over our Mojave Desert ranch. I still hate loud noises to this day.

        • Anna Rompage

          I used to hear that stuff all the time time when traveling out to Death Valley through Trona….

          The first time, I was going about 100mph a bit north of town, hear the sonic boom, and thought I had blown something up in my car…

    • Villago Delenda Est

      They are noisy. No doubt about it. Helicopters aren’t very quiet, either.

  • Mary Sandoras

    We will have the best mechanized boners ever!

    FTW!

    • snark-lurker

      hey iz that a dildo joke cause if it is….

  • therblig
    • Antonin Dvorak

      Where was this taken?

      • according to Google Images a display at NAS Oceana

      • (Major_Major_Major)ly_Pissed

        Mothra was just outside the frame.

      • snark-lurker

        that guy on the balcony? I would-a shit myself

        • puredog

          If it was taken with a telephoto (and it probably was), the apparent foreshortening may be misleading.

          • snark-lurker

            cool pic and IF it was really that close and IF i knew it was coming, WOW man

      • therblig

        It’s an F18 flying over the Detroit River as part of air show or air race.

        • Celtic_Gnome

          Hug that shore, buddy. A little off course, and you’re invading Canada.

  • Trump and Putin sharing quality time together…

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dewi05PUBzA

  • Master Contrail Program

    Perhaps those wall builders can get to work on Trumpxes centerpiece parade float in their spare time?https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/75400a803d0a4ea46d59f997a01c463388fb28d425a71b650211dc872edef9c3.jpg

  • President in Exile Firefly
  • BadKitty904
  • AngryKatie

    Trump’s labyrinth of personality disorders would be fascinating if they weren’t 24 hours from taking control of the most powerful military in the world.

    Fred Trump must have been a fucking horror show of a father.

    • Fred Trump had Alzheimers for the last part of his life …

      • Thaumaturgist

        Fred Trump had Alzheimer’s? Did he keep denying he said things that he said on live television or on tape?

        • BosGrl

          right??

    • tinker12

      After GeeDumb Bush, I was truly hoping we were done having frat boys with daddy issues in the WH.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Fascists always love a good military parade. I can just see it now…

    https://boskolives.files.wordpress.com/2016/03/goose-step1.gif?w=455

    My gawwd’ how that simple picture should sicken any true patriotic American. Our tradition celebrates civilian control, civilian authority, not parades of power and intimidation.

    • Suttree

      Your definition of patriot has been hijacked.

      • Oblios_Cap

        Nowadays all you have to do is say “thank you for your service” and “USA, USA” to be a patriot.

        • Villago Delenda Est

          A lot of vets are very leery of the “thank you for your service” saying. It strikes me as somewhat dismissive.

          • shivaskeeper

            I’ll accept the thank you as given, but it does tend to make me uncomfortable.

          • Oblios_Cap

            Being a vet, I can say I certainly am.

      • Thaumaturgist

        My definition of a Christian has been hacked too, but that’s another thread.

      • Creepoman

        Patriotism has now become indistinguishable from nationalism.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      There is a reason why the actual fucking Army does not goose step. For one thing, it’s a pain in the butt to learn and execute properly. For another thing, it’s too strongly identified with former enemies and current adversaries.

  • Fancy Meau-Faux

    It’s moments like these that I wonder if this isn’t some very long weird comedy bit that he is playing on everyone re: the absurdity of banana republic dictators.

    • Lizzietish81

      We’re trapped in a Woody Allen movie.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        “Suck out the poison!”

    • SheReads

      Sasha Baron Cohen has taken it too far this time.

    • Master Contrail Program

      From The Apprentice to El Jeffe.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Still waiting for him to rip off the rubber mask and reveal Andy Kaufman.

  • Markuserektus
  • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

    Perhaps there will be a huge market for Soviet-Era red star flags. We can all buy one and show up for our military vanity parades and display our red flags in a grand gesture of snark.

  • Nasty Candy Apple

    Imagine the furor if Obama had proposed this.

  • Unpresidented_in_Seattle
  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    He’s like an adolescent boy who’s just discovered his dick and wants to share it with the world. Commander in Chief? No, thank you. MY PRESIDENT IN EXILE, BARACK OBAMA, WILL ALWAYS BE CINC.

  • SheReads

    A+ on the headline. Just bravo

  • Unpresidented_in_Seattle

    Idiot on MSNBC extols Trump for having the most twitter followers in presidential history. Lincoln says I once shot a twitter as a youth

    • BadKitty904

      Well, now we know what’s below the bottom of the barrel…

    • beingreleased

      They said there wouldn’t be any math!
      [Edit: disqus might not be showing both pictures: @barackobama=80.7M followers, @realDonalTrump=20.4M followers]
      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/23798a2f3f79039efdecd74d192d6b4ba3994a1a6acba7b705cc6442ac267c8b.png

      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/dffd7d3ee570451ba18e069c00df18ad628d94721d6b6f4ac3d6d8f39801cfb4.png

      • beingreleased

        Looking at these images, which I think I fixed, Obama follows 632K twitters. Trump follows 42. It’s almost as if Trump doesn’t care what anyone else thinks.

        • Nasty Candy Apple

          Normally, you could draw that conclusion, but with Trump, I think he just doesn’t fucking know how Twitter works and those 42 clicks were accidental.

          • Gayer Than Thou

            Porn accounts, probably.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      I don’t suppose this dipshit realizes that there are people who follow Trump (/raisehand) to laugh at his lies in real time?

    • snark-lurker

      me wonders wutz his annual incum

    • Vecchioivan

      “Idiot on MSNBC . . . ”

      Hmm. Lot of that going around.

      • Unpresidented_in_Seattle

        I miss the days of Ed Schultz and Dylan Ratigan yelling at everyone.

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        “Idiot on MSNBC . . . ”

        Sounds kinda routine, if you ask me.

        • Vecchioivan

          What did we learn today, Mika?

          • Celtic_Gnome

            Joe and Mika are going to be like the local rock station’s morning crew on St. Patrick’s Day broadcasting from a bar.

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      whut?

      I saw a thing saying Barack Obama had like 4 times what Don the Con had…AND Trump was like 67th for most followers.

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        Yeah, like, yesterday.

      • Unpresidented_in_Seattle

        If # of followers are a measure of leadership, we can have Justin Bieber taking the oath tomorrow.

        • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

          lol – somebody posted the numbers a bit further down.

        • Antonin Dvorak

          I for one would welcome our new Beyonce overlord.

          • CindyinEncinitas

            I vote for Katy Perry. She roars.

        • Thaumaturgist

          Why not Justin Bieber? We seriously considered Rafael Ted Cruz for president.

          • puredog

            Whaddaya mean “we,” paleface? As horrified as I am at what the morrow shall bring, it would be far, far worse if we were going to install President Cruz.

      • CindyinEncinitas

        Excuse me but who gives a fuck? We’re talking about the president here… Is it just me?

      • And there were strong indication that a lot of those followers were 1 use accounts

    • Nasty Candy Apple

      I heard some of those were bot accounts. Since we’re now in an era where we can choose whatever we want to believe, I choose to believe that.

    • shivaskeeper

      That’s an odd metric. By odd I of course mean stupid. Twitter wasn’t even founded until 2006 and didn’t really take off until 2010 FFS.

      So the metric is essentially part of one presidency until now? That’s what MSNBC is going to go with? Is this some sort of bid to make him more legitimate?

      • Unpresidented Ron

        Almost certainly.

        • OneYieldRegular

          If that’s the case, I find their choice of legitimacy barometer curiously reassuring.

    • OddMan

      What on earth makes the number of twitter followers any form of assessment of a person?
      And then one Google search proves the muttonhead on MSNBC incorrect with his basic story.
      As stated above, Obama has over 80 million (#4) and Donald 20 M (#67).
      Hell, the NYT has more, Kendall Jenner has more, Pitbull has more, there are a whole list of things that are not even people that have more.

      http://friendorfollow.com/twitter/most-followers/

  • Idiokraticdrumpfenjugend
    • BadKitty904

      Here’s hoping the GOPee meets the same fate after declaring war on America.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    When just catapulting the propaganda is not enough . . .

    • Master Contrail Program

      Trebuchet the Trump tripe?

  • Bill D. Burger

    Looks like this just might be a preview of the parade tomorrow. The rain gods are angry, and who could blame em.

    http://www.netanimations.net/Rain-on-my-Parade-animation.gif

    • Nasty Candy Apple

      Are those toads and locusts and other portents of the apocalypse?

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        No. Just piss. God is pissed. Trump is happy.

    • ViveLaPeĂ©sistance

      I was hoping for a blizzard of biblical proportions. Not getting that (absent divine intervention which we can’t rule out) but it’s gonna be messy and chilly. Saturday looks much better. Bwa hahahahah.
      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/a64469167addd7271bca722e269a48cb28c39e92927a412aee8a4a4b96db3092.png

    • Sophie McMillan

      Anyone see Maddow last night where she showed the official inauguration list of “calvary” marchers? Not kidding – there were multiple mounted regiments listed as “calvary” regiments. Not to mention some military horse who has been dead for the last ???? years

  • Mary Sandoras

    Here is what it costs per hour to keep a USAF jet in flight for one hour. These costs are from 2013.

    Costly Flight Hours
    http://nation.time.com/2013/04/02/costly-flight-hours/

    • boyblue122

      Wonder if some paper is writing up the costs of his military parade to use for an article

      • Mary Sandoras

        I hope so.

        • ViveLaPeĂ©sistance

          Including the cost to the cities for security, set-up, clean-up, and road repair. City officials gonna love paying for all that.

    • BosGrl

      So basically one hour = healthcare premiums for 2 families or food for 4 families.

      • Mary Sandoras

        And probably some pocket change.

  • ViveLaPeĂ©sistance

    See, I knew he would declare martial law.

    • borninatrailer

      More like he’s declaring Martial Lawl.

    • Lesa M.

      Martial LOL

  • Notreelyhelping

    You know, Trump, if it’s really that big, you really wouldn’t have to wave it around.

    But it’ll be great with your Freedom Rallies! Maybe you could put ’em together!

    Scuse me…feeling sick for some reason.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      “Any man who must say ‘I am the King’ is no true king.” — Tywin Lannister.

      • Sophie McMillan

        Winter is coming….and seems set to stay

  • Bill D. Burger

    Here’s the Alt-Right / Alabama Militia goose stepping band that will participate at the lead.

    http://meme-lol.com/wp-content/uploads/meme/2014/06/GIF-Geese-Parade-be-like.gif

    • Doug Langley

      That’s not a real parade. I call fowl.

  • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

    i was getting ready for my association meeting and realized it’s less than 24 hours till the inaugration…and it’s somehow more terrifying.

    • Unpresidented_in_Seattle

      Wear a red tie and you’ll carry the rust belt attendees and win in a landslide. :)

  • ViveLaPeĂ©sistance

    Right-wing anti-government spending watchdogs crush this idea in 4..3..2…hahahahahahah WTF was I thinking??!!111!!

  • Michael R
    • Bill D. Burger

      Looks like Christie’s still trying to help.

    • Doug Langley

      “Yes! It’s your very own General Dynamics deluxe Blight 9000 hydrogen bomb! Warning: do not drop.”

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Dropping it would be as bad as crossing the streams…

        • (Major_Major_Major)ly_Pissed

          Crossing the streams is what you pay Russian hookers to do, or so people are saying.

          • Craic

            Snap!

          • Bad Tom

            *Crackle*, BOOM!

      • Bad Tom

        If you do drop it, RUN AWAY, as fast as you can!!!
        ——-
        Later, when it is clear you are not dead, come back, and take a picture of it.

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      Opps!

      [sic]

    • MynameisBlarney

      Something something something, Melania’s Dildo.

  • Notreelyhelping
  • Bill D. Burger

    Here’s the Palin-sponsored marching band from North Pole, Alaska.

    http://i.imgur.com/tiflLmF.gif

    (I know penguins don’t live at the North Pole…so don’t. ~snort~)

  • Master Contrail Program

    Will Prussian Bl——-USA Freedom Kidz kiss and make up in time to participate?

  • OrdinaryJoe
  • Kiri the Resistant Unicorn
    • Jonny On Maui

      The new camo uniforms…

    • Bill D. Burger

      The Solid South represents for Trump! Yeahhhhhh!

      • OrG

        Unfortunately,it’s not just the Solid South.

        • Historicat

          True – the old South has metastisized thoughout the country.

          • Notreelyhelping

            Nice choice of words.

    • ViveLaPeĂ©sistance

      I actually expect this to happen. Or at least for them to try.

      • C4TWOMAN

        What I was thinking. Not with hoods, but something low key. You know, like brownshirts.

        We know a Pro-Trump motorcycle gang will be showing up…

  • Ooooo, the Shriner cars seem perfect for Trump’s tiny, tiny hands.

  • jodyleek

    At the head of the military parades, General Nuisance Don will be wrapped in a flag and carrying a cross.

  • Michael R

    ” We’re expecting President Elect Donald Trump any minute now ”

    https://media.giphy.com/media/26gsge7f3cNHxC2C4/giphy.gif

  • Master Contrail Program

    There’s only one brilliant military leader who could possibly conduct such a display of American greatness! https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/53a846baa55f7e6cfb70f2fb40702621d550023e9c58212d6c4c33a07f8a8127.jpg

    And be part of a well-balanced breakfast!!

  • Michael Smith

    Can’t wait to see what he does with the Summer Olympics!

  • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

    It will be rather amusing to get the Republicans goose-stepping.

    I suspect that It’s really difficult to goose-step if you have a cob up your ass. Or your head.

    • snark-lurker

      that goose step is phalic symbull so gopers gonna love it

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        LOL! “Symbull.” I gotta use that somewhere. Thanks.

    • disqus_lWwzrwNaw6

      In my home town there’s a precision lawnmower team that participates in the parade every July 4th. I’m picturing Donald’s Goosestepping Hoveround Brigades.

      • Doug Langley

        Is that the one Dave Barry wrote about?

        • disqus_lWwzrwNaw6

          No, those are the world famous Lawn Rangers. They’re just nuts–they’re so good it hurts. My home town has its own somewhat quainter and slightly less adept variation on the same theme.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        My hometown 4th of July parade features the Marching Fidels. Wonder if they’re going to march this year?

  • MynameisBlarney

    Don’t worry folks! We still have plenty of hope for the future…

    http://i1173.photobucket.com/albums/r589/duadmin/170119-how-hope-has-changed_zpsexbdsz3q.jpg

    • clairence

      that’s CHANGE, right?

      • MynameisBlarney

        It suuuuure is, clairence.

    • Alexander Stallwitz

      I would only add “doesnt start World war 3”

  • Kiri the Resistant Unicorn

    “That military may come marching down Pennsylvania Avenue.”

    https://bohatala.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/11/1989-Tank-man.jpg

    • Notreelyhelping

      “Hey. Anybody seen Bernie?”

  • disqus_lWwzrwNaw6

    Jesus, maybe it was the goosestepping that reminded me, but just on a side note here, everybody who’s going to be demonstrating tomorrow and Saturday, be really, really alert and careful. I still don’t have any real feel for how fast these people are going to go violent, or how violent they’re going to go, but there’s a truly ominous chime to all this.

    • snark-lurker

      yes, and we must wonder about him replacing Nat Guard commander at instant one.

      • shivaskeeper

        There is nothing to wonder about. This is one of the few things that was above the board. Or at least not shady.

        The Guard Commander in DC was not fired. He tendered his resignation as he is a non-career appointee. Basically his term of duty is as long as current term of the President who selected him.

        He was selected in 2008 by W. He tendered his resignation when Pres Obama was elected in 2008 and again when he was reelected in 2012. Both of those resignations would have been effective at 1201hrs on inauguration day. President Obama rejected the resignation both times and had him continue to serve. In this case the resignation was accepted and it i effective at 1201hrs on inauguration day. There is nothing sinister about this one.

        If the MG has done his job there will be absolutely no disruption to anything. His second in command will step in as the interim commander and everything will continue on.

    • C4TWOMAN

      Well, we can be certain that IF something goes pear-shaped the Right will do everything in it’s power to blame it on the protesters. Anyone going really needs to have their video equipment ready to roll on a moment’s notice.

  • Jgb979

    As terrifying as this is, I take comfort in knowing he’s wayyy too much of a lazy piece of shit to ever pull this off.

    • BosGrl

      Don’t underestimate him.

      • puredog

        Although I have spent the last year underestimating him, I STILL get the giggles when contemplating that concept. Maybe I am a sick man.

        • snark-lurker

          your hear where no comments are allowed, ain’t cha?

    • I suspect that’s what a lot of women have thoght

    • clairence

      he’s not, but those around him hold all the power. Remember Bush with Cheney? At least Bush had some idea what he was doing.

      • Lets not get carried away here… Dubya had no fucking clue. Just ’cause we’ve lowered the bar to motherfucking donald the dipshit does NOT mean that Dubya was remotely competent.

        • BosGrl

          Bush was an idiot but he was a governor with some small clue of how government worked.

        • clairence

          Competence. Bush had been Governor, so he understood a little about government executive branch workings. Trump thinks he’s going to be King tomorrow.

    • Shibusa

      Wait until he hears that Anwar Sadat was murdered during Egypt’s annual victory parade.

      • Idiokraticdrumpfenjugend

        Yeah, but Anwar Sadat didn’t have a wall of meat.

        • natoslug

          Is Wall of Meat available on xHamster or RedTube?

          • Idiokraticdrumpfenjugend

            AOT,K.

          • Celtic_Gnome

            I’m a Wall of Voodoo man myself.

  • Vecchioivan
    • georgiaburning

      New doorman?

      • Doug Langley

        Hmm . . . that might be within his skill level.

        • MynameisBlarney

          Nope.
          Fingers are too short, remember?

        • Doubt it, door handles tend to be shiny, and he’ll get distracted.

          • Doug Langley

            “For the last time, Donald! You grab the door handle, not the resident!!”

        • Unpresidented Ron

          ‘For the last time, THEY tip YOU. You do NOT demand money to let them in!’

      • BouncyFlyer

        “Carlton, Your Doorman” would make a better president.

  • Hm.
    Pentagon might want to mention to the dumbass that they do not “display” the military for many reasons-

    • Truck Fump

      You don’t need to explain it to trump. He knows it all better than anyone.

    • Master Contrail Program

      Rail gun? So that’s like a big league t-shirt cannon right? Fire off a few hats that way!

    • Daisy

      He’ll just attack the “failing” Pentagon on Twitter.

      • ResistanceFictionista blondeiq

        Pentagon? Sad! Weak! You could fly a plane right into it!

  • Master Contrail Program

    Can you imagine the next state funeral with this guy presiding and all the former presidents sitting there?

    I can’t, but that’s our reality now.

    • BosGrl

      Can you imagine him giving a eulogy that’s not all about himself?

      • Doug Langley

        Oh, it’ll be about himself, don’t you worry.

        • BosGrl

          “George Bush, uh W Bush, H Bush, was president during the time that I was building X, the biggest X in the world. It was great. Let me tell you, people are still talking about X…”

      • snark-lurker

        he couldnut do it

    • The Wanderer

      I’m getting mental flashes of the parade Anwar Sadat attended before he got perforated.

    • Unpresidented_in_Seattle

      Trump’s eulogy delivery would somehow include how unfairly he is treated.

    • ResistanceFictionista blondeiq

      What makes you think he’s going to show up at funerals? How is that making America great(TM)? I prefer people who don’t die.

  • WotsAllThisThen

    I don’t know how I feel about the Rockettes’ new costumes.

  • Shibusa

    Gov Greg Abbott will activate the Texas State Guard to monitor Trump’s Jade Helm Parades.

    • Master Contrail Program

      By taking part in it of course.

      IOKIYAR, y’all.

  • Jenny

    Are there not always some sort of drill or color guard involved in most American parades, even the inaugural ones?

    • BosGrl

      I think they’re usually small, local units with someone at the front who can do cool things with their rifle. Not scary shows of power.

      • clairence

        it’ll only be scary the first couple of times….

      • roberteye

        And at every damn sports event – albeit small.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Color guards for all sorts of things.

      They do not goosestep.

    • shivaskeeper

      Yes there are. However this seems to be alluding to marching the military down the street with full weapons systems as a show of power. Not the same thing by any stretch of the imagination.

      • Jenny

        I doubt Trump has watched a parade because that involves joy. I want to have enough faith in our military to say sorry commander we don’t do this type of shit.

        • shivaskeeper

          If they are told to go out on parade, they will go out on parade. Professionals and all that.

          The interesting bit will be who pays for it. The yam won’t be happy with troops matching for a pass and review. He’ll want tanks and heavy armor as well. I doubt he’d be happy with Strykers or something. Tanks are heavy. Even with road pads on the tracks they will tear up the streets. The military won’t want to pay for the damage, the locals won’t want to pay for it either. It should make a good time for everybody.

    • laughingnome

      No colored guards in Trump’s America.

    • Kiri the Resistant Unicorn

      Sure, but usually they leave their tanks back at the base.

  • Unpresidented_in_Seattle

    The staff at your Trump Hotel welcomes you and hope you enjoy your stay. Don’t mind the cameras in the mini bar they are merely for you safety.
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/540c77d639688444346d9ea7a316e45a7088876e22dbea5cc54d4d40f18766d0.jpg

  • The Wanderer
  • MynameisBlarney
    • shivaskeeper

      Outstanding.

    • WomanInTheResistance

      Well, good for her. But I must say that the comments were depressing as hell.

      • MynameisBlarney

        Well, considering the site…

        • WomanInTheResistance

          Granted. And every site has trolls. I prefer to think better of most people in uniform, that’s all.

          • MynameisBlarney

            I wonder how many commenting there are actually IN the Army.

          • WomanInTheResistance

            Probably not many. At least currently. I’m just used to the intelligent vets we get here.

      • Craic

        Eeeew! Girl cootiez!

        • WomanInTheResistance

          Sums up many of them nicely.

      • georgiaburning

        Actually better than I’d have thought, considering the number of old-school retireds who read that.

      • Shan

        Seriously. “That shit is coming to an end on January 21st!”

        Ugh.

        • WomanInTheResistance

          My favorite was “the only time a woman should be in combat if if her kitchen is under attack.” And by favorite, I mean the one that was stupidest.

          Btbf, many of the comments were positive.

          • Shan

            I couldn’t get that far. After “the military is no place for social justice warriors” I had to stop reading and run back here to my safe place.

          • WomanInTheResistance

            No shame in that.

        • Craic

          That’s funny… Sanity, democracy, and civilization are also expiring on the 21st. Weird…

  • Nothing says, “I’ve got deep issues” quite like a parade of tanks and missiles and feigned respect from those in attendance.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Actually, I think it says, “I’ve got a small penis.”

  • Craic

    Why do I get the feeling that tanks rolling up Pennsylvania Ave. will also mark the end of TangenfĂĽhrer’s reign?

    • Unpresidented_in_Seattle

      He has enough generals in the West Wing to make a coup d ‘etat possible by breakfast.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Don’t think there are any tanks in the DC area.

      • Craic

        ….Yet.

  • LarryHoudini

    “That military may be flying over New York City and Washington D.C,. for parades—merely parades, people. The actual military attacks probably won’t begin til well into my second year in office.”

  • laughingnome

    Who knew when fascism came to America it would be wearing orange hair and wrapped in a pee-stained sheet?

    • Master Contrail Program

      Pretty sure the offshore betting sites have always had that at least 11:2 odds.

    • georgiaburning

      The Brits warned us this would happen eventually

      • Bad Tom

        And here I thought it was Sinclair Lewis.

  • MynameisBlarney

    Aaaaaaand….LET THE NIGHTMARE BEGIN!!!!

    Trumpolini to get teh nukular codes tomorrow. yay.

    http://www.politico.com/story/2017/01/donald-trump-nuclear-weapons-233822

    • Anna Rompage

      Just put a child proof safety cap over the button and he’ll never be able to get to it….

    • ViveLaPeĂ©sistance

      As another Wonker said a long time ago: Let’s hope the nuclear code is more than 140 characters.

    • Rick Hill

      Bets they’ll try to put it off as long as possible?
      “Sorry sir. I had them and I left them in my other pants. Did I say we brought along some beautiful dancing girls who would love to meet you?”

    • Rick Hill

      From the article:
      “Little is known about the briefing itself,”

      Bets that changes soon?

    • Alexander Stallwitz

      Theres a story that when Nixon was being impeached, the secretary of defense ordered any orders involving nuclear weapons go through him first. I hope the Pentagon does this for Trumpy

      • The Wanderer

        Yes, Laird and Al Haig insisted on it, as Nixon started getting increasingly wiggy on cheap gin. There was also talk that Haig, on his own authoritah, ordered the 101st Airborne to stand ready if they had to invest DC.

  • Sedagive ’em Hell

    This way lies madness.

    Slightly OT: I joined a local political action group this morning, returning to my Bush-era habits of boots-on-the-ground activism and frequent visits to my state and local reps offices.

    I got lazy during the Obama years. No more.

    • Unpresidented_in_Seattle

      Good message. Your screen name is a dead give away too.

    • BosGrl

      You are an inspiration. We’ve all got to get active.

      • Sedagive ’em Hell

        I once got pinned to the wall by police for defending a women’s health clinic. We won the injunction.

        Good times, good times.

        • BosGrl

          You’re a good one! I signed up to be an escort at Planned Parenthood but I haven’t heard back yet.

          • Unpresidented_in_Seattle

            from my experience, bring ear plugs.

          • Sedagive ’em Hell

            Wonderful! A non-political friend of mine also signed up for the first time.

            It’s a tragedy that we have to do it, but it’s a joy to serve.

    • WomanInTheResistance

      I got an email from our local Womens march. Us volunteers will get cool armbands. No tanks, however.

      • BosGrl

        Are you sure you can’t borrow one from the local police department?

        • WomanInTheResistance

          The Portland PDX has its problems, Lord knows. But the tank division is doing OK. And unlikely to loan us a vehicle. I’m trying to pull some strings with the Shriners, however.

    • The Wanderer

      There are mountains of Madness.

  • Rick Hill

    “will be to pay careful attention to who’s closest to him on the reviewing stand.”

    That’s actually going to be based on attractiveness or whoever looks ruggedly handsome and projects strength….or whoever pays him the most Ameros for the privilege.

    • BosGrl

      Ivanka will be next to him. Melania will be on his other side with a frozen smile on her face. Plus, OMG it’s going to rain. I want to see him with his hair wet.

      • MeerkatsRMammals

        They were talking about DC rain this morning on my local news. He was all “Don’t worry, it’s just a sprinkle, not a total wash out” & I said…dammit! I want thunder, lighting, dogs & cats living together!!!

        • nightmoth

          I want thunder and lightning and golf ball sized hail, and then I want Pat Robertson to get scared and go on teevee and say “It’s a sign from God! I wuz wrong about Trump! I’m sorry, Jesus! Don’t hurt me!”

          • MeerkatsRMammals

            I was going Ghostbusters end times, but I think I like your version better!

        • Historicat

          Hmmm – lightning. I don’t think I can pursue that topic without violating the rules.

          • MeerkatsRMammals

            Of course – I don’t want the lightning to harm him… Just an observation that the weather should match our mood tomorrow ;)

      • Celtic_Gnome

        Have we established that Melania’s leaving NYC for this shitshow?

    • Bad Tom

      Bux always tops beauty.

      • nightmoth

        and bux buys buxom beauty beauty topping

  • Scrofula

    Hey, one way to get infrastructure improvements: point out you physically CAN’T drive (many) tanks down American streets and bridges.

    • Unpresidented_in_Seattle

      The coming privatized toll roads will cut into the defense budget too.

    • Master Contrail Program

      Nah, just use the Rumsfeld-era Humvees, they were relatively light without all that silly armor plating.

      • Scrofula

        You go to parades with the Army you have, not the Army you want.

      • nightmoth

        Last week a very long train was stopped on the tracks near me with many millions of dollars worth of Iraq-era tanks and other military vehicles loaded on its’ flatbeds. We wondered where they were going.
        Maybe to D.C.?

  • Incoming (AKA Large) Ham

    So Trump is upping up his game imitating Putin. That’s not scary at all…

    • Master Contrail Program

      The shirtless pics on horseback will be bad enough.

      • Craic

        Dude! I’m trying to eat, here.

    • magyar of infinite power

      Kim Jong Un also has short fingers, too. And Bad Hair.

    • Bad Tom

      I would pay to watch Trump riding an actual tiger.

    • An Outhouse for the Resistance

      Wait until he takes his shirt off.

  • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN
    • The Wanderer

      Ivanka’s dildo supply.

  • Rick Hill

    How long before his new prezidentin uniform going to be ready?

  • janecita
  • EradicateLiberalism

    The Democrats are the party that thinks a man should be allowed to insert his erect ramrod into another man’s lubed up butthole and thrust it back and forth until HIV infected semen goes flying into his “husband’s” colon, because after all, they’re consenting adults who love each other.” Why should we care about what they think?

    • janecita

      At least we use lube. You guys bend us over, and dry fuck us.

      • Craic

        (High-five)

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        DUNT DUNT DUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!

    • Master Contrail Program

      Sorry Turgid, despite your penchant for purple-headed prose, another hack has already written the inauguration speech.

      • EradicateLiberalism

        Does it involve golden showers?

        • Master Contrail Program

          It’s Trump, so it would seem so.

        • Craic

          Now, now… You have to eat your crow before you can have dessert, shitheel.

    • Notreelyhelping

      Hey! You’re back! How’s it hangin’, Turgid?

      • EradicateLiberalism

        Hangin’ good! How are you?

        • Notreelyhelping

          You don’t even want to know.

      • WomanInTheResistance

        Is this really TLM?

        • EradicateLiberalism

          It’s me!

    • WomanInTheResistance

      Why should we care what you think? Oh that’s right. We don’t.

      And blocked.

    • MeerkatsRMammals

      Trust me pal, nobody here cares what you think either…move along

    • The Wanderer

      Yay! TLM’s back!

      • EradicateLiberalism

        Yes, did you miss me?

        • The Wanderer

          Like a tailor misses a tinker’s dam, but that’s beside the point! The stables for the Pantomime Horse haven’t been mucked out in ages! Do you have a small navigable river handy?

    • Chyron HR

      Trump may pay hookers to pee on him, but he’s never done anal*!

      * That we know of**.

      ** Yet.

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        Of course Trump has done anal! With his head. And with Pooties pud! And Hannity’s and Morning choke’s tongues!

    • Master Contrail Program

      Is this Turgid trolling or your Grindr profile?

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        Why not both?

      • EradicateLiberalism

        The former.

        • Master Contrail Program

          Saving the really flowery verses for them, huh?

        • SecludedCompound

          Ah, so not on your Grindr account? Got it.

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      Your eloquent and erudite composition indicates that you have a very deep fascination for the subject about which you speak. Very, very deep fascination.

      • EradicateLiberalism

        I am quite a poet, aren’t I?

        • Master Contrail Program

          Here I sit so brokenhearted, tried to troll but only sharted.

          • The Wanderer

            Hasten, Jason, get the basin!
            Oops! Slop! Get the mop!

          • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

            Such an adorable little troll. With a rather quaint fascination for infected buttsecks. Everybody needs a hobby.

          • WomanInTheResistance

            Well, maybe it could take up macrame or scrapbooking or something.

        • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

          I saw prose there. Such as it was. It did not look like a poem. I thought maybe a Poe, though. I really think you should go off somewhere and write a book about your favorite subject. A twenty volume masterpiece. Or, I suspect a masterbaterpiece. You can come back here when you are done.

    • Mavenmaven

      I didn’t know Rick Santorum posted here directly!

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        And with such frothy prose, also too.

    • Bad Tom

      Three words: Log Cabin Republicans.

      • puredog

        Three other words: Turgid Love Muscle.

    • SecludedCompound

      I almost sounds like you’ve thought about this in detail for years and really really like thinking about it, and then repeating the things you’ve thought about in public.

    • ResistanceFictionista blondeiq
    • clairence

      sounds like you’ve really thought this through. I mean, really worked it over in your mind. and what vivid mental pictures you paint.

    • Rex Thorne

      We get that it’s hard for you to be gay and caught up in RWNJ hatred of just about everyone. Maybe talk to a shrink instead of acting crazy on the Internet.

  • Juan de Fuca

    Living close to several military installations means we get to see the military flying overhead and convoying out to Twenty-nine Palms every week and that’s how they should be seen – working and training hard. Not wasting time preparing for some dog and pony show for Trumplethinskin.

    • Scrofula

      IDK, I grew up and still live next to the 144th Attack Squadron. I hear them play the SSB at 5pm. So remember, enemies, the time to attack is b/n 5:01pm and 6:59am revelry.

      • The Wanderer

        “Some day I’m going to murder the bugler;
        Some day they’re going to find him dead;
        And then I’ll get that other pup –
        The guy who wakes the bugler up!
        And spend the rest of my life in bed!”

        • Scrofula

          Some day I’ll smash the PA system;
          Or turn the volume down;
          But it’s not a good bet-
          That I can take out the jets!
          That rattle the damn windows out!

  • baconzgood

    Is this really what this country coming to?

    • janecita

      Yes, it is. We are lucky that Trump can’t speak for shit, imagine if he had the penchant for words that Fidel had! We would get a military parade, and a five hours long speech. Thank God, for small favors.
      Ps. Fidel’s longest speech lasted over 7 hours.

      • LucindathePook

        I don’t know. I’d kinda like it if it was cold and rainy tomorrow and brave Sir Trump refused to wear a sissy coat and hat and he spoke for just hours and emulated WH Harrison.

        • janecita

          That would be awesome! He should try to break Harrison’s record. Instead of 31 days, he should aim for 5 or 6, make it memorable!

          • ResistanceFictionista blondeiq

            Does the weekend he’s taking off count in the 5 days? Because then he could be gone by the end of next week, and accomplish that whole Make America Great (Again) ™ thing in record time.

  • Heyzeus Ahchay

    Ha, ha! Cheeto Hitler can’t get the civilians to show him any respect so he has to order out those who can’t refuse. What a loser! What’s next? Ordering the kitchen help to stand in line alongside the Whitehouse driveway when he comes and goes? He’s the cartoon president..

  • NastyBossetti
  • Thorn Spike

    All circus, no bread.

    • Master Contrail Program

      I don’t know, plenty of whitebread at those rallies usually.

  • undercover epicurean

    Has Captain Tinyhands never seen an NFL pregame show?

  • EradicateLiberalism

    Do Traythug supporters even know the facts of the case? I don’t think they do. What it boils down to is that Traythug felt “dissed” by some “creepy ass crackuh” following him at night, and he wanted to show his “girlfriend” (future baby momma) that he wouldn’t let said diss go unpunished! He violently chimped out, and George Zimmerman shot the piece of crap through the heart. End of story.

    • Mavenmaven

      Wow, I didn’t know Trump posted comments here directly.

      • Master Contrail Program

        Toldja he’s a yam of the people.

    • Edith Prickly

      I think you were looking for Stormfront. Please exit out the back and don’t return.

    • Edith Prickly

      DOK!!! Nazi dumbfuck cleanup in Aisle 7!!

    • SammyDEEEEEE

      I didn’t know there was a way to let inmates access the internet.

      What a world.

      • Bad Tom

        Well, there isn’t supposed to be a way.

    • Jenny

      Do you know what year it is?

      • Master Contrail Program

        He’s a Time Lord, Jenny. This is like his 457th regeneration by now? Easy to get confused I guess.

        Just don’t ask him where he keeps his sonic screwdriver. It’s like a whole big thing with this guy.

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          Stuffed up his arse, undoubtedly.

        • BigHorn

          He keisters it.

      • Grokenstein

        I think the li’l guy is lost. Maybe the clerk at the counter can page his mommy to come get him.

    • Master Contrail Program

      Boo! Going to your “greatest hits” well already? Pretty flaccid effort after months away, TLM.

      Usually we have to see a Dok after four hours of your luminescent tumescence.

      • BigHorn

        Effervescent Tumescence is the name of my new glam combo.

    • SecludedCompound

      You are a perfect representation of the people who made this possible, you blithering, dimwitted titweasel.

    • ResistanceFictionista blondeiq

      Wow! Thanks for clearing that up! Your superior whitesplainin’ skill must be a big hit with the laydeez.

    • JohnE_o

      Well…that was pretty random…

    • Jennaratrix
    • BigHorn
    • Rex Thorne

      Dial back your drug intake. You’re regurgitating retro-racism.

  • Bill Slider

    Will the Trump Inaugural feature his former generals who are Cabinet picks in business suits or their former military uniforms?

  • anon_the_great

    The invert of DK Frankenchrist

  • medcannabis1

    Trump is not mentally fit to serve as President and the GOP are using
    him as a tool to get the Dominion Cult members in the Cabinet

    • BadKitty904
    • mailman27

      That is exactly what’s happening.

    • Rex Thorne

      They know he’s crazy, and not even their kind of crazy, but they’re convinced their imaginary god is using Trump as a tool, because propagandists posing as preachers told them to believe this.

      The toxic, politicized, variants of Christianity common in our south and rural areas are pure poison to this nation. They send morons who can not think for themselves marching to vote for maniacs.

      Religious rights in America may have become a suicide pact.

  • SammyDEEEEEE

    Okay, I’m unbearably, unspeakably sad, but…

    That Party Rock video was really well done, and I laughed. Oh, how I laughed.

  • YoBunnyBunny

    A military parade? In DC? I guess he just wants to fuck up traffic for those of us here who voted en masse for Hillz. I guess this is now an occupation rather than presidential administration.

    Btw, the exodus from D.C. Is in full-swing. Afternoon train is packed … and red hats all over union station trying to figure out how Smartrip fare cards work and probably standing on the left of the escalators too… (D.C. metro riders beware!)

    • Mahousu

      Stand right, shove left. That’s my rule.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Passing lane on the left in NYC. “Don’t just stand there, dammit – escalators were invented to get you there faster.”

  • SessileRaptor

    This should go over well with my right wing relatives who farm in the southern part of the state. They can watch the parades while waving their flags and blathering about “supporting the troops” and then go back to making backhanded snippy comments about how big and nice the local VA hospital is and how they all get the top of the line wheelchairs on the taxpayer dime. (I kid you not. that kind of shit is why I haven’t visited them in over a decade and rely on my mom to relay news and remind me why I don’t.)

  • Bebecca

    It sounds like he thinks today’s military consists of four tattered soldiers and a little drummer boy. And anyway, won’t the military have other jobs they might need to be doing? Such a deep thinker, he has really big plans for the country.

    • ResistanceFighterCaptainHowdy

      Yeah, I thought we were going to defeat ISIS, what’s with this artsy fartsy parade shit?

    • BigHorn

      It’s not free to fire all that shit up for a day either.

      • Rex Thorne

        No, but it makes Dear Leader feel strong.
        All the things the far-right hallucinated about Obama being a despot are going to actually come true with Trump.

        • ResistanceFighterCaptainHowdy

          It’s OK if it’s Trump, he’s not being “uppity”.

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    Trump is going to be Putin on a real show here…

  • Jennifer R

    Nobody who uses helicons instead of sousaphones is up to any good. And don’t get me started on convertible contrabasses.

  • Ambignostic

    Don’t you lump the Shriners in with those other assholes!

    • They’ve got kind of a Frankenchrist thing going on with that one.

    • alpacapunchbowl

      Eh, I dunno about that. My grandfather was a Shriner, to the best of my knowledge you don’t get to do that until you’ve scaled up to the higher echelons of the Masons (I’m not implying anything about that one way or the other).
      I remember him showing us photos of his getup for ceremonies, which entailed an outfit consisting of a very cartoony westernized idea of traditional Arab garb, and brown face with heavy eyeliner. Even as a little kid I thought it was fucking weird. They might not all be assholes, but my grandfather sure was. I would even go so far as to say he was an evil fucker.
      The kids’ hospitals are nice though, and the little cars look fun.

  • Kooolest G

    not gonna lie, I love that LMFAO song, love it even more with N. Koreans dancing to it

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    The movie version of this era will be entitled “Downfall 2: The Rise and Fall of Spraytan Hitler”

    • Jennaratrix

      *snurfle* Spraytan Hitler. That’s my new one; I’ve worn out Velveeta Mussolini.

      • Rex Thorne

        Cheeto Benito, and Pumpkin Pinochet also work.

        • ThaagNasty

          So does Twitler.

          • Pirate Jenny

            That’s my personal favorite–so much meaning in one little word!

      • Meccalopolis

        How about, ‘ shitty asshole?’

  • sosuume

    Any way to upvote the headline? Great! :D

  • Markuserektus

    A little OT, with hours to go the gubmint stands empty: As Bloomberg columnist Jonathan Bernstein notes:

    There’s no Trump appointee for any of the top State Department jobs below secretary nominee Rex Tillerson. No Trump appointee for any of the top Department of Defense jobs below retired general James Mattis. Treasury? Same story. Justice? It is one of two departments (along with, bizarrely, Commerce) where Trump has selected a deputy secretary. But no solicitor general, no one at civil rights, no one in the civil division, no one for the national security division…Overall, out of 690 positions requiring Senate confirmation tracked by the Washington Post and Partnership for Public Service, Trump has come up with only 28 people so far.

    • WomanInTheResistance

      Yeah. This will work out well.

    • clairence

      upvoted because there’s no button for “That’s pathetic! We’re so screwed.”

    • clairence

      maybe he’s going to nominate foreigners to some posts, and wants to wait until after he is officially POTUS.

    • BigHorn

      And how many of the current holders of those 660 positions have been told to haul ass at noon on Friday?

      • Historicat

        Probably all of them.

      • Rex Thorne

        By reports, all of them. Trump wants a purge, then he wants to build an authoritarian nation in America’s place.

      • Markuserektus

        Rather than risk doing their job for the princely sum of $1, I’d say AOT,K…

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Fine. The fewer conservatard fuckwits he installs, the better.

  • Pierre_de_Fermat

    And you thought you had last heard this in Barry Lyndon
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DJWFTtbie7A

    I believe this is the Swedish Army, not the Prussian one.

  • whitroth

    Great, he can’t get any other bands to play the Horror, so he’s ordering some.

    And if he limits press access, does this mean we’ll have a whole new job for former Kremlin watchers, White House watchers?

  • mailman27

    All those tanks and planes will surely take your mind off your crepey skin!

  • ResistanceFictionista blondeiq
    • Sister Artemis

      Filmed in my town, and a wonderful scene. May I never see actual tanks rolling down our streets.

  • m3bosha

    Wouldn’t it be easier to just reveal how much we actually spend on the military instead? That or just take a trip to my hometown of Colorado Springs during the AFA graduation. You can watch 100 million dollar airplanes fly over my house for 3 straight days.

    • Ducksworthy

      It would make a better spectacle, since that seems to be the point, to just put those trillions of dollars on pallets (I think there are a bunch of suitable pallets laying around between Baghdad and Mosul) stack it all up on the Washington mall and burn it.

    • bluicebank

      Couldn’t the military just give him a cod piece?

  • EradicateLiberalism

    Liberals don’t believe there is a fundamental right to keep and bear arms, but DO believe there is a fundamental right of a woman to vacuum her baby’s brain out and call it “women’s health care,” for a lazy stoner to get high in public and call it “recreation,” and for a man to insert his raging member into another man’s rear end and call it “consummating a marriage.”

    • The Replicant Brooke
    • (Major_Major_Major)ly_Pissed

      I find this hard to fap to. Can you mayhaps provide more detail w.r.t. to your consummation scene?

    • ResistanceFighterCaptainHowdy

      How about if you go fuck yourself, pardner?

      • VagendaofNastyWoman

        He spends too much time fantasizing about that already.

      • Grokenstein

        Ain’t no one else gonna.

    • BigHorn
    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Hey, is that you, Turgid Love Muscle Guy?

      • WomanInTheResistance

        It is, apparently. It said so earlier, right before I blocked it.

        • VagendaofNastyWoman

          Oh, he’s the Official Wonkette pet troll. It’s kind of like watching an 8 week old puppy trying to hump your leg. You just pick it up, distract it, and move on.

          • WomanInTheResistance

            I was pretty happy with the responses to it. And what a strange person it is.

          • VagendaofNastyWoman

            I think he may actually be a young kid in moms basement trying to come out and going about it the wrong way. Then again, he could be that 400 pound guy sitting on the bed…

          • WomanInTheResistance

            Whatever. While it seems to have some affection from the regulars- and that’s fine! – after the first few posts, I had no interest in reading anything from it. At least he doesn’t seem actively toxic.

    • Resistance Fighter MausFeet

      There he is. Missed you, buddy! How ya’ been, TLM? Been busy with throbbing things?

    • Rex Thorne

      Nazi-style military parades have nothing to do with keeping and bearing arms. They’re the primitive dick-waiving contests that dictators engage in.

      You seem to have gone insane from conflating fetuses with babies. This led you to hate the sane, compassionate segment of the population that cares about humanity, and embrace the toxic, backward, totally-selfish, far-right crowd that wants to enslave pregnant women while claiming to care about unwanted fetuses, but not about anyone who’s been born.

      Your weird anti-gay bigotry and fixation on anal sex are dysfunctions that go with being a toxic, bigoted RWNJ. They really did a number on your mind, filling you with deranged hate. You should save your hate for whoever indoctrinated you into the far-right cult.

    • VagendaofNastyWoman

      You’re back again, with a new screen name! We can all tell, because you think you are shocking us with your graphic fantasies about anal sex. You need a mentor, sweetie. Considerate partners don’t practice it the way you like to describe it.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Ah – but that’s the way HE likes it.

    • Nockular cavity

      I understand how you feel that way, having had your brains vacuumed out and all.

    • TLM!
      We know you crave the dick on the D-Lo

    • Maree Martin

      Whereas conservatives settle for grabbin da pussies…unless they insert their raging members into another man’s rear end and call it “being a closeted Republican politician.”

    • ResistanceFictionista blondeiq

      “Raging” is what makes this art.

    • gingerland62

      I don’t care if you have guns I just care if you are competent to have them, clearly you are full of delusional rage so…

    • Bren

      Hi there, see you on ‘Derp of the day’ soon. I’ll tune in to watch especially for you.

    • Meccalopolis

      There are a lot of people here to help you work throughbyou repressed homosexuality welcome

    • whitroth

      Sure, you’ve got a fundamental right to shove your firearm up your ass, if you can get it in with your head there.

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    Which season of “Man in the High Castle” is this?

    • BadKitty904

      The final season.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Anyone who doesn’t cheer enthusiastically will be subject to nasty tweets.
    That’s how it starts.

    • Grokenstein

      And of course the death threats!

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        That’s “freedom of speech” to a Trumpanzee.

    • Greyhame

      The beatings will continue until morale improves.

  • Panika MCD

    and we will have calendars! so many calendars! the best calendars to display our military! we will have hot generals and hot lady generals–the best! better than those Russian prostitutes! hotter than watching those best Russian prostitutes pee! and if it’s bombs that really get yr gun oiled–have we got a calendar for you! to display our military of course.

    hope they remember to tell the FAA when they’re going to do a fly over.

    and, as far as the press room thing goes: they’ll be making their own news network, didn’t you hear? Jared’s already had all the meetings about it. but, worry not that the press won’t be near by, the Grande Detour will have the BEST PEOPLE including the best leakers. man, will that administration leak like a sieve. there’s a hole in the bucket, Ivanka! Ivanka! there’s a hole in the bucket, Ivanka, a–hole!

  • Grokenstein

    Nae forget this one, laddie:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zp5rXHYpgSg

  • yyyaz

    TLM is shitting his santorum all over again. You have been notified.

  • foreign agitator Captain Kraut

    I’d piss on Trump’s parade, but I fear he’d just enjoy that even more.

  • Paperless Tiger

    That’s why Trump can’t sleep with all those manly army men marching through his head all night. Then he reads Hitler speeches till he falls back asleep. You see the problem.

  • Tom Krueger

    Small hands, small penis but REALLY big tanks and missiles.

  • tehbaddr

    “What do you get for pretending the danger’s not real”, MSM, 3rd party supporters, and moran Trump supporters!

  • idiotboy

    Tanks wreak hell on asphalt, also water/sewer/gas lines. JOB CREATOR!! I love this guy so so proud.
    I have a doctors appt tomorrow to deal with soaring BP over the last year. She is going to ask me to stop drinking. This is going to be my response, “Donald just got the nuke codes.”
    Thanks Dok.

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      ugh, I’m with you. A dentist refused to do any procedures cause my BP was through the roof.

      FWIW – the period when I did quite drinking (i fell off the wagon…hard!) my BP did drop significantly. My smoking and weight are also a concern.

      but thank you for giving me something I can use at my next appt. (And take your meds! Everyday. They’ll help keep it living…)

      • idiotboy

        Thank you also,
        I just started the bp meds a little over a month ago they are low dose but seem to work. I do not smoke cigs nor am I overweight and until an injury or so ago was a decent distance athlete. Then I messed up, got lazy, and here I am a stupid olds that healthcare would rather not waste the time on. Do not blame anyone but myself.
        I know what is the right thing to do. Doing it? That is different.
        Humans, what a piece of work.

        • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

          amen brother, amen. sounds like even at your worst, you were a healthier person that i’ve ever been (You mean not taking care of myself will make me die early? Well that’s not fair!)

          • idiotboy

            Ok what is TX Dept of space tacos stand for? I am aware that not taking care of oneself starts the ball rolling towards death quicker than a clean, perfect life. But there are tradeoffs right?

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            heh…it’s an interesting story (it’s not)…but the last iteration of my name comes from this (and yes, I missed the star wars reference for dayz!).
            (And yes, tacos are very very good, especially here on the border – as are enchilidas, tamales, queso, burritos, flautas and more. You won’t be surprised to hear to we have a diabetes and weight problem down my way).

            “That’s No Ordinary Taco. It’s a SPACE Taco.”

            http://www.slate.com/blogs/bad_astronomy/2017/01/06/astronaut_sam_cristoforetti_shows_us_how_to_make_a_taco_in_space.html

          • idiotboy

            Thanks for the reference, I get it now. Grew up in LA, I have a problem with TX NM OK stealing the background of real Mexican food from us. So Cal is where true US/Mex food grew up.
            Do you have Chile Relleno Burritos as a tradition. Simple question, simple answer y or n.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            N.

            We have chile rellenos – but a chile relleno makes no real sense to me.

            And to respectfully disagree, we’re down here on the border – so it’s actually more like mexico -> the border -> la. THere’s a lot of traffic culturally and literally between there and here.

            I’ve heard the Zoot Suit was invented on the border and transported to LA where it, obviously, became huge/legendary.

            (FWIW – Good Eats says the margarita was another border innovation, as was the concept of “nachos”).

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            p.s. – a fish taco is an abomination upon the earth…kidding, seafood is big in port cities in Mexico, just foreign to me.

  • markregan

    Wintergreen was shrieking with rage and panic. “You and your goddamn memorandums! They’ve gone and transferred combat operations to Special Services!”

    “Oh, no,” moaned General Peckem. “Is that what did it? My memoranda? Is that what made them put Scheisskopf in charge?”

    * * *

    “And do you know what he wants? Do you know what that bastard wants us to do?”

    * * *

    Colonel Cargill listened to General Scheisskopf for a moment and went white as a sheet. “Oh, my God!” he cried, as the phone fell from his fingers. “Do you know what he wants? He wants us to march! He wants EVERYBODY to march!”

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      OT: I’m sure it’s been well noted or well known, but sheisskopf mean “shit head” in german…
      Just an FYI.

      • handyhippie65

        ya beat me to it. it was my go to insult when i was stationed there.

        • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

          heh, scheisse was my school bus-driver’s favorite word. It’s been 30+ years, but it’s the only word I ever remember him saying.

  • nightmoth

    Thanks for nothing, with reminding me about the nuclear codes. I’m into my 2nd glass of cheap wine (I’m an easy drunk) and after weeping to Bob Dylan on my CD player, I’ve put on Cat Stevens. YES! Cat Stevens–before he got religion-that’s how bad it is.

    • Amalga

      I still love the Tea for the Tillerman album. You are not alone.

  • azeyote

    trump loves the guy so much he actually thinks putin means pussy in russian –

  • bluicebank

    Not to second-guess the US military for just saying “no” to rolling M1-A2 Abrams tanks down Pennsylvania Avenue, mostly because asphalt doesn’t do well under 72 tons of steel track …

    but wouldn’t the upside be that Pennsylvania Ave. would afterward become impassable?

    • handyhippie65

      there are rubber track pads to lessen the damage to roads. the m60 i drove in germany didn’t do much damage to pavement, but was murder on the cobblestones.

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    Last one leaving this third world banana republic, please turn out the lights.

    • AlanInSF

      Not to worry. Electricity no longer working.

  • AlanInSF
  • Celtic_Gnome

    Funny how I immediately thought of Adolph when he said that. Guess I’m just a Godwin fool.

  • dshwa

    I’m rather disappointed you didn’t go for a Hunger Games photo. Sea like where we’re headed.

  • GarColga

    People of a certain age will remember when Nixon had the White House guards dress in uniforms that made them look like they were in a college marching band. Look for Trump to do something similar, only more Gilbert and Sullivan-y.

    • (((Aron)))

      WOW.

      That’s pretty amazing. Even right months after you wrote it!

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