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ALL THE SHADE
ALL THE SHADE

A sad event happened this afternoon! Our president, Barry Bamzalot O’Sexy, held his very last news conference as President of the US and A. :(

For this last presser, Obama decided it was time to give a little constitutional law lecture about what exactly the hell freedom of the press means, how it’s supposed to work, and oh goodness, he was trolling ThinSkin McPussGrabby SO HARD. It was pertinent, in light of all the news about Trump wanting to kick the press out of the White House, then saying he won’t kick them out, but would just have to decide who gets access and who doesn’t (the room is too small and puny!). Oh, and the Trump DC hotel has announced press isn’t allowed on its premises during the inauguration. Oh, and there was that “news conference” Trump did last week, where he abused a CNN reporter and filled the room with aides who were instructed to LOL at his “jokes.” It was very autocratic dictator-styley, because that is what Trump wants to be.

So here comes Barack Obama, calmly explaining to our new Shithead-In-Chief that this is America, and in America things work a certain way, and we are sorry it’s not like your hero Vladimir Putin does it, but anyway fuck you. We’re going to give you most of his statement, because we love you enough to transcribe it for you, and then we’re going to give you a special bonus sexxx video at the end, as a reward for watching and reading. Hooray!

I want to thank all of you. Some of you have been covering me for a long time. […] Some of you I’ve just gotten to know. […] Even when you complain about my long answers, I just want you to know that the only reason they were long is because you ask six-part questions. But I have enjoyed working with all of you.

That does not, of course, mean that I’ve enjoyed every story that you have filed, but that’s the point of this relationship. You’re not supposed to be sycophants, you’re supposed to be skeptics. You’re supposed to ask me tough questions. You’re not supposed to be complimentary, but you’re supposed to cast a critical eye on folks who hold enormous power, and make sure that we are accountable to the people who sent us here. And you have done that, and you’ve done it, for the most part, in ways that I could appreciate for fairness, even if I didn’t always agree with your conclusions.

And having you in this building has made this place work better. It keeps us honest, it makes us work harder. You have made us think about how we are doing what we do, and whether or not we’re able to deliver on what’s been requested by our constituents. […]

I spent a lot of time in my farewell address talking about the state of our democracy. It goes without saying that essential to that is a free press. That is part of how this place, this country, this grand experiment in self-government has to work. It doesn’t work if we don’t have a well-informed citizenry, and you are the conduit through which they receive the information about what’s taking place in the halls of power. So America needs you, and democracy needs you. We need you to establish a baseline of facts and evidence that we can use as a starting point for the kind of reasoned and informed debates that ultimately lead to progress.

And so my hope is that you will continue with the same tenacity that you showed us, to do the hard work of getting to the bottom of stories and getting them right, and to push those of us in power to be the best version of ourselves, and to push this country to be the best version of itself. I have no doubt that you will do so. […]

I want to thank you all for your extraordinary service to our democracy.

YOU HEAR THAT, DONALD TRUMP? THIS IS HOW IT WORKS IN AMERICA, AND IF YOU DON’T LIKE IT, MOVE TO RUSSIA.

Remarkable that an outgoing president feels the need to tell the press what they do for a living, to send a message to the new president. Just … wow.

OK, we promised you a sexxx video, so here is Hot Seth Meyers — who may be our most important late night journalist, now that “The Daily Show” sucks — doing a deep, funny dive into just how much Trump’s press conference was just like what you see in dictatorships. Watch it and share it widely!

OK bye, we will let you go cry now about how that was the last Obama presser ever.

:(

[NBC News on Twitter]

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  • C4TWOMAN

    Farewell Obama, we’ll miss you!

  • Beanz&Berryz

    Simply Presidential… Try not to forget what that looks like and sounds like everyone…

  • IOnlyLikeCats

    I don’t think The Daily Show sucks, I think Trevor Noah fundamentally doesn’t understand several things and no one has thought to tell him he needs to study up a little more.

    • Vincent Ricola

      Trevor Noah is funny enough, but his interviews make me cringe. He is not very skilled at asking good questions and it makes the last 10 minutes of the show amplified awkwardness for me to watch.

      • IOnlyLikeCats

        He’s funny but I wish he’d take a political science class on the side.

        • BrianW

          He seemed to come into his own a little more after the Christmas break. It’s almost like he doesn’t give a damn anymore. I’ve always thought, though, that it was unfair to expect someone not from here to have Stewart’s political acumen right from the start.

          For really barbed political commentary, go with John Oliver or Samantha Bee’s shows.

          • Bozilingus

            It took Jon Stewart a while to find his “sweet spot”, watch some of his first shows on ComedyCentral. Trevor is no Jon, but I think he is doing a good job nonetheless.

          • BrianW

            Oh, I agree. I just hope that Comedy Central doesn’t yank the rug out from under him like they did to Larry Wilmore.

    • Red Bird Resistance Engineer

      He’s also not American. How do you expect a person from South Africa to talk about American politics? But I think that was the whole point of hiring him.

      • IOnlyLikeCats

        Like I said, I like him and I’d be fine with him if he just took a couple political science courses.

        • Red Bird Resistance Engineer

          Agreed. They could have gone with Wilmore instead and gotten a better program.

          • IOnlyLikeCats

            He was too anti-Hillary. Which is really weird considering how pro-civil rights she is. I’m not saying she hasn’t been problematic I’m saying Elizabeth Warren used to be a Republican and we don’t jackhammer her on that.

          • Red Bird Resistance Engineer

            I think he came around in the end.

      • Thaumaturgist

        Half the guys on this website aren’t Americans. We’ve got Canadians, Brits, Canadians, Australians, Canadians, Germans, Canadians and who knows what else. That mean they can’t comment on American politics? Or that we can’t tell jokes about The Right Hon. Stephen Harper?

        And over at Brietbart, they’ve got Russians. Let’s not get into what Russians know about American politics because it might embarrass the rest of us.

        • Red Bird Resistance Engineer

          First of all, you mentioned Canadians three times which is just weird unless you’re into Canadians. Are you? :)

          And second, I was only trying to point out that he had no existing knowledge of American politics. He is a recent immigrant to the US who previously made a living as a stand up comic doing jokes about post apartheid South Africa. His focus is obviously on the social issues related to that. Prior to The Daily Show I don’t remember him doing comedy routines about anything political (outside of issues related to race in South Africa). Am I wrong about that?

          Either way, I agree with everyone that he has a lot of work to do to match John Stewart at his peak.

          • Up In Smoke O’hontas

            You can’t swing a drunken squirrel without hitting a couple Canucks around here.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        Some of his most pointed comedy has been on racial issues in this country, but he has his experiences under apartheid to draw on.

    • Don Gwinn

      I’m honestly not sure what you mean. Would you tell us more about what you see as Trevor Noah’s fundamental misunderstanding if I PROMISE I’m genuinely asking you to give me something to think about and not just starting an argument? ‘Cause I promise.

      • IOnlyLikeCats

        I think there are some things he fundamentally doesn’t understand about American politics. I’m not saying he has to assimilate on culture or even change his views but I feel sometimes he misinforms people because he expects something that isn’t currently in the cards.

  • memzilla Ω

    GOD DAMMIT I WAS PROMISED A GUN-FREE KENYAN MUSLIM SOCIALIST PARADISE and all I got was this rotten orange with hair mange.

  • Oblios_Cap

    In fairness, the Press needed to have its job explained to them since they have been making such a shitty mess of things over the last twenty to thirty years.

    And Trump? Fuck that guy.

    • Crystalclear12

      And the Putin he rode in on.

      (Obligatory)

  • dslindc
  • Msgr_MΩment

    Oh, and the Trump DC hotel has announced press isn’t allowed on its premises during the inauguration.

    Is that related to the wholly unsubstantiated rumor I’ve just started that mentions Russian hookers pissing on clients in the lobby.
    Why won’t Mr. Trump make American Hookers Great Again?

    • Scrofula

      That explains the Russia connection! Russia has the BEST hookers, Donnie only wants to open up trade!

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Slovenia libel! Allegedly.

    • Up In Smoke O’hontas

      He only imports things with his name on them, like ties and odd numbered wives.

  • nightmoth

    This is MY President. I will have none other. I will never dignify Rump with the title.

    • SmokinGood

      I barely can bring myself to use his name, much less add any honorific other than “noted conman”.

      • Up In Smoke O’hontas

        “Serial lying, xenophobic, racist, misogynistic, narcissistic fuckbucket,” is also acceptable.

      • artem1s

        short fingered vulgarian really is the first and best I remember. never gets old

    • The only time I MIGHT call the new guy “president” (and always with a lowercase p as a specific show of disrespect) is if I refer to him as something akin to “president Assface”…

      • Notreelyhelping

        “The Recently Impeached President”

  • Nounverb911
  • Michael Smith

    Seems like a waste to lose him.

    • Sister Artemis

      I don’t think we’ve lost him, just lost the WH. Which, ok, is baaaaaddddd! But we haven’t seen the last of Bamz yet.

  • Nounverb911
    • cmd resistor

      Going to have to watch that every day.

  • Carpe Vagenda

    Remarkable that an outgoing president feels the need to tell the press what they do for a living, to send a message to the new president.

    Hopefully everybody learned something.

    • Sister Artemis

      Teachable moments and all that….

    • janecita

      Ha, ha, ha, you are hilarious!!!

      • Carpe Vagenda

        I am very much looking forward to there being a time when Obama no longer feels the need to be diplomatic.

        • janecita

          Me too, I think that it will be quite memorable.

          • puredog

            I suspect he will hold his tongue for as long as he thinks he can exercise ANY influence with Il Douche.

  • Nounverb911
    • CogitoErgoBibo

      Today, we are all Joe Biden, crossing himself with thoughts and prayers for our country.

  • Nounverb911
  • Suttree

    Now that is a man I would like to have a beer with!

  • Mavenmaven

    And all comments will be subject to prosecution

    • Oblios_Cap

      Prostitution? and Peeing?

  • WomanInTheResistance

    No, I am not crying, you’re crying.

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      Today, we are all not crying.

      And by “not crying” I mean “fucking sobbing for our future FFS.”

      • WomanInTheResistance

        *passes hankie. keeps weeping*

      • Up In Smoke O’hontas

        Yep. Ugly crying, uncontrollable hysterics, with snot bubbles.

    • efoveks

      If you would kindly quit cutting those onions, we could all stop.

      • WomanInTheResistance

        I can’t help it. It’s what us ninjas do.

  • WiscoJoe

    You could literally just read the Constitution verbatim and it would be trolling Trump.

    • IOnlyLikeCats

      I think you’re forgetting about parts that call women and slaves non-people.

      • efoveks

        Even before you get to those amendments that empower all of us, reading the Constitution verbatim is trolling Trump.

  • Vincent Ricola

    Let’s make Seth Meyers the new president. He can be inaugurated on Friday. I’ll bet the Springsteen cover band will decide to play that party.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    I spent a lot of time in my farewell address talking about the state of our democracy. It goes without saying that essential to that is a free press. That is part of how this place, this country, this grand experiment in self-government has to work. It doesn’t work if we don’t have a well-informed citizenry, and you are the conduit through which they receive the information about what’s taking place in the halls of power. So America needs you, and democracy needs you. We need you to establish a baseline of facts and evidence that we can use as a starting point for the kind of reasoned and informed debates that ultimately lead to progress.

    That’s his polite way of saying “So where the fuck where you in 2016?

    I’ll miss you, Mr President. In fact, I already do…

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/6541488d0662d52f311edb1b17891a68a64356d4e516d9b4c5dae49aa9cec278.jpg

  • Suttree

    And there goes greatness. He may have not kicked enough ass for my liking. He may have reached out to the other side too much. I still have an incredible amount of respect for the man. May there be more like you B. Barry Bamzalot!

    • Bebecca

      he is the polar opposite of our soon to be president in every regard.

  • OrdinaryJoe

    Freedom of the Press, not Fawning of the Press. They are supposed to be free to criticize and contradict, not a cheering squad to validate every ignorant utterance. But they are the ones that have to remember their mission is not to bend over and take it for the sake of satisfying the sales driven entertainment minded ownership.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      They’re in the process of insuring all their heads get shaved in 2020.

  • arglebargle

    Not to rain on anyone’s parade, but Donald don’t give a flying fuck. And the shitty press that didn’t do their job to begin with will go along with him as long as their pockets get filled. IMHO

    • Robert Dobbs

      Exactly. It’s gonna take a lot more than throwing shade and getting excited when shade is thrown to actually do something about this guy.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        When he starts throwing people out of the press pool for not being sufficiently obsequious, they’ll get the message and start digging deep for their stories and letting the shit fall where it may.

        Or, that’s my hope, at any rate.

  • Jennifer R

    “But in an interview on “Fox and Friends” broadcast Wednesday morning, Trump said that his administration would “just pick” the reporters allowed into the White House briefing room, indicating that the President-elect is likely to continue his adversarial relationship with the press after his inauguration.”
    http://talkingpointsmemo.com/livewire/obama-trump-media-policy-final-press-conference
    Bolding Mine.

    • BigBoppa ~ Résistant

      So, Fox, Breitbart and Infowars for sure. Instapundit probably. Stormfront maybe. Who else?

      • C4TWOMAN

        Dunno about the Stormfront. Ivanka married a Jew and converted. They tend to be touchy about that.

        • BigBoppa ~ Résistant

          The last batch of Nazis kept a few compliant Jews around to help with logistics. No reason to think the new batch won’t do the same.

          • C4TWOMAN

            Yes, “albi Jews”. It probably helps Ivanka and boytoy hubby are filthy rich.

  • Yr. Gma

    The fat orange fuck is so stupid, he doesn’t even know what a dictator is. He “won” the title for Prom Queen, so now he just expects everyone to follow him around and cheer. That’s what all those others did, Hitler, Stalin, et al. They ran for Prom Queen, won, and then everybody did what they said, including blowing up all the balloons for the gym and telling Heather she wasn’t invited to the slumber party after.

    • msanthropesmr

      That fucking Heather.

      • Heather

        HEY!

        • msanthropesmr

          Uh. Uh. We were talking about another Heather. You don’t know her.

          • puredog

            “Heather? I don’t even KNOW her!”

    • Bebecca

      I think our new mantra should be “President by a technicality” (just like GWB).

  • ArgieBarfie

    Sounds like a tyrant to me. Do we still have time to in-peech him?

  • ViveLaPeésistance

    That is so much shade, global warming is fixed!

  • OrdinaryJoe

    Drain the Trump Swamp in 2018 !!! The campaign starts Friday at noon.

    • Nounverb911

      Trump already has his 2020 re-election slogan:

      Halfway through his interview with The Washington Post, Trump shared a bit of news: He already has decided on his slogan for a reelection bid in 2020.

      “Are you ready?” he said. “ ‘Keep America Great,’ exclamation point.”

      “Get me my lawyer!” the president-elect shouted.

      Two minutes later, one arrived.

      “Will you trademark and register, if you would, if you like it — I think I like it, right? Do this: ‘Keep America Great,’ with an exclamation point. With and without an exclamation. ‘Keep America Great,’ ” Trump said.

      “Got it,” the lawyer replied.

  • CogitoErgoBibo

    Not exactly uplifting, but I think Barry even managed to name-check Meteor 2016 in his presser: “It’s not the end of the world, until it’s the end of the world.”

  • C4TWOMAN

    OT: someone said Trump put a big Jumboscreen in front of the Lincoln Memorial. Not only is is tacky but someone seems to have hacked the video loop:

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/836dad92d8e4b975b2aaead26d4250be59da2e918f703073ac6df5c402986276.jpg

    (Only slightly ‘shopped…)

    • SeeTrain65

      Obama: “It’s already a spectacle. No need to make it bigger.”
      Trump: “Gild everything in sight!”

  • Correction, Evan.
    Obama’s last presser as a sitting president.
    I have the feeling there will be so much very more as former president

    • BrendaKay

      Fingers crossed you are right!

  • My God, that man really still believes in America… he looks out at all the shit spewed from the bowels of the worst of us, and he still really, authentically believes in America.
    In the age of cynicism, no less…

    We’re really not going to have another president like him, are we?

    • WomanInTheResistance

      No. We aren’t.

    • C4TWOMAN

      Not any time soon anyway.

    • IOnlyLikeCats

      We could have had a similar president but we told her we didn’t like her hair or genitalia.

      • BigBoppa ~ Résistant

        AND PANTSUITGHAZI!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111!!!!

      • janecita

        Sorry, but no, Obama is unique. We could have had a smart, decent, hard working female president, but because of the reasons you stated, we are stuck with a clown.

    • Don’t you? Cause that’s what I’m fighting for. America go bragh!

      • Two days before Hair Fuhrer takes office, I’m in the very cynical “Fuck you all, I hope you assholes get what you deserve” phase.

        • I can understand that. I’m generally a very cynical person, people comment on it a lot ;) But, I explain, I am cynical because I’m a romantic and an idealist. I am, I explain, not really as much cynical as extremely disappointed. As people, as a nation, as a world, we are better than this and that’s been the struggle all along. I started this fight when I was a teen and now my hair is white. I believe in the promise and the light of America, in spite of all the assholes and zombies that keep fucking it up, and I will be part of that struggle until they spread my ashes. Stand and Resist.

          • yyyaz

            From a fellow greybeard, thank you. I needed that.

          • Tetsu Kaba

            A lot of us cynics are secret idealists

          • Penny Dreadful Says Resist

            Where’d I put my membership card…

          • BreakingDeadMen

            I YELL BECAUSE I CARE!!!

        • Raan

          “Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want, and deserve to get it good and hard.” – H.L. Menken

    • janecita

      I sincerely doubt it. History will be kind to Obama.

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      He must be on some really good shit.

    • calliecallie

      Never. Not ever.
      Edit: maybe in 60-70 years. That’s how long it’s been since FDR, right?

    • puredog

      God, I hope we will, but as a betting man, I am torn.

    • Snopes Shop

      No not ever

    • Little Lulu ResistanceFighter

      Not in my lifetime. Fortunately, I’m old.

  • WiscoJoe

    Obama: You’re not supposed to be sycophants, you’re supposed to be skeptics. You’re supposed to ask me tough questions.

    Media: YOU CAN’T TELL US WHAT TO DO!!!! WAR ON JOURNALISM!!!

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Any thing Bamz says, even in baby talk that Princess DR could grok, is beyond the feeble cognitive skills of the 70 year old 2 year old, anyways, so while we might get a chuckle out of it, it sailed right over Donald’s ferret-topped head.

  • Marceline

    CJR published an open letter to Trump from the US press corps.

    http://www.cjr.org/covering_trump/trump_white_house_press_corps.php

    I’d like to be encouraged but I can’t help thinking they’ll fold like lawn chairs in a tornado.

    • “We decide how much airtime to give your spokespeople and surrogates.”

      Sadly, this far that appears to be “All of it, Katie”. :(

      • kareemachan

        We’ll just have to remind them of this quote from their letter.

        I thought the letter was great, btw. If they stick to it.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        If Il Douche twatters it, they’ll report it. That’s going to be pretty much the extent of WH reporting for the next four years.

    • 451 Byrnes
  • Crystalclear12

    I think a pissed off press will do a better job. The last time the press got treated like this was during the Nixon administration. That turned out well.

    • Raan

      Which Wonkette writer is going to be the new Hunter. S. Thompson?

      • SeeTrain65

        AOT,K.

  • cmd resistor

    So according to Politico, no press at the DC Trump hotel for the whole inaugural week. (Not sure when that starts, but some journalist tried to go in for a breakfast meeting today and was not let in.) Hotel spokesperson says it is for the “privacy” of their guests…pretty sucky.

    • Thaumaturgist

      At common law, a public house, like a hotel, is required to accept all orderly travelers on the highway. Of course, the common law was amended in large parts of the United States, specifically includeding the District of Columbia, by so-called “Jim Crow” laws.

  • Red Bird Resistance Engineer

    Oh well. I’m sure Barry will not miss having to carry everyone else’s burden for them. America finally has the president it deserves.

  • Nounverb911
  • BrendaKay

    Yes! Getting the news with just the right amount of snark from Wonkette and Seth Meyers is how I keep from crying.

  • MynameisBlarney
  • Ilgattomorte

    The Trump team may be the first administration to literally practice freedom of the press.

    The press will now be truly free to go out and find other pursuits, spend more time with their families and get out of that cramped little room in that old crappy house. Why Donald Trump may be the Moses of The Third Estate. One day we will sing his praises.

    When Donald came to DC land
    let my press corp go
    Nothin up my sleeve, but my tiny hand
    let my press corp go.

    • alpacapunchbowl

      I think you’re on to something.
      First it was Right to Work (for peanuts), now it’s Freedom of the Press (to fuck off and stop asking so many questions, unless you want a one-way ticket to the Alaskan gulag for you and your family).

  • disqus_lWwzrwNaw6

    I love Seth Meyers, who I figure will be “disappeared” before almost anybody else is, probably on the same day Meryl Streep learns that the last 40 years of her federal tax returns are being audited, and FBI Director James Comey announces that he has foiled a plot by Black Lives Matter to remake Red Dawn with an all-black cast, where the communists win.

    • Thaumaturgist

      Little late on the remake of Red Dawn. Russians won on November 8. Remember?

      • alpacapunchbowl

        The remake will be pro-Pootie propaganda.
        The dawn of a bright new day! Mo(u)rning in America and all that.

        • Bad Tom

          How bright a light?
          Hydrogen bright?

          • alpacapunchbowl

            Start with a bare old-fashioned incandescent bulb in a cold pitch black interrogation room and work their way up?

      • Incoming (AKA Large) Ham

        It’ll be a remake of the remake.

        • Bad Tom

          A fake remake of the fake remake fake.
          Now, that’s news!

    • ViveLaPeésistance

      And Alec Baldwin. I expect that he will be exiled to Siberia during the inaugural speech.

    • chortlingdingo

      Sam Bee will probably be disappeared too, both for her late night show and because she’s a woman over 40.

    • Raan

      And yet, we still can’t get IO and EA to make a sequel to Freedom Fighters.

  • BMW
  • C4TWOMAN

    OT: The Russians are ready to party over Trump’s inauguration:
    http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2017/01/18/as-the-black-time-of-barack-obama-ends-russia-celebrates-trump-s-inaugural.html

    “The cult of Trump, displaying his name and face, playing up his tastes
    and interests, is growing big all across Russia, from Moscow to Siberia.
    Before the new year the city of Perm near the Ural mountains
    distributed prianiki, Russia’s traditional honey-spice cookies with a local interpretation of Trump’s slogan on them: “Make Perm great again.”

    The Trump Russian Dolls are particularly disturbing…..

    • ViveLaPeésistance

      If true, how demeaning, disgusting and shameful that an American president-elect got himself into this position, especially since he did it knowingly. But Trump will think it’s just grand.

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      Don’t Pit, Wallow!

      Make Perm Great Again

  • Crystalclear12

    I am starting to think he isn’t going to declare martial law and be dictator for life:(

    • ViveLaPeésistance

      He’s just waiting until 11:45am Friday when the seats for the Oranguration are half-filled with paid* spectators and Ted Nugent, then he’ll declare. At that point all the anti-Trump protestors will rush forth and carry Bamz and OHJB on their shoulders back into the White House.*with exposure dollars

      • Stulexington

        Yeah, he needs to get all the idjiots in the one place they’ll willingly go without their gunz so he can take them all while their backs are turned.

        • Sakonyachen

          The whitehouse really isn’t big enough for all of them. I don’t think all those idiots could fit in DC.

    • gffish

      Time is getting a little short if Obama is going to confiscate all our guns, as the NRA and its right-wing stooges have been claiming he was going to do for the past eight years.

      • mailman27

        *rubs hands* Oh boy, I just can’t wait ’til our “news” programs bring all the gun-grabber guys on to their shows to back track on all that bullshit they’ve been solemnly warning us about…. hello?… hello???

  • Lulu Mac
  • I’m going to miss having a president who can utilize compound sentences.

    • mackafritz

      Or coherent sentences.

      • Electric Ukulele Land

        Or coherent thoughts.

        • puredog

          Or coherency of whatever length.

          • Raan

            Or who doesn’t have to use “yooge” or “sad” in every sentence.

          • Little Lulu ResistanceFighter

            Or “great”.

          • Sakonyachen

            Or “beLIEve me”

    • Sunnyinwyoming

      Or who knows more than five words.

  • YoNastyBunny

    In sum, Journamalism Do-ers:

    When you’ve got Bamz rooting for you to do the right thing, you should not give ONE FLYING COMBOVER WEAVE-PEE FUCK about what Presidenter Mango-itis Huffle-Puff threatens you.

    That is all.

  • doktorzoom
    • The KGB Ate Our Votes
      • Once&futureFred

        “I was going to say sex, but I can’t relate that”…. um…you just did dude.

        • Leonordhardiman

          Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours and have longer with friends & family! !ud515c:
          On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont
          !ud515c:
          ➽➽
          ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleFinancialJobsCash815DirectSolutionGetPay$97Hour ★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★::::::!ud515c:….,…….

    • calliecallie

      It speaks volumes that we have come to that.

    • doktorzoom
      • Swampay

        The impertinenth!

      • Serai 1

        Knuckle-dragging Nazi wannabe says what now?

  • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

    This is important, people!

    In the US, everyone can be press. If you have a camera, videocamera, cellphone, tape recorder, a plain old pencil and piece of paper, or what you can keep in your memory, you can observe and record what you see and hear. With the internet, you can broadcast it. Maybe not nearly as effectively as the big league media, but when you put your work out there is stays out there.

    As the media in the US has been and will continue to drop the ball on a daily basis, it’s up to us to fill in the gaps left by the for-profit and by-RWNJ media giants. If we don’t keep it up, I’m afraid that this, too will be taken away from us.

    Don’t go silently into that good night.

    • cmd resistor

      Harriet the Spies, UNITE.

      • Sister Artemis

        ^^^YES!

    • Tom Krueger

      Unlike how Obama took everyone’s guns, I’m fairly certain that there really is a plan already in place to start taking these freedoms away from us. I type this with Pence in the background spewing falsehoods about Trump and how much the world will come to respect our PE. Trump’s already at historic low 38% approval rating. Citizens who record or document things can help lower it but for how long before he calls those documenting the reality “fake citizens” with “fake videos” (made in “age of computer”) making “fake news”?

      • Unpresidented Ron

        Then send them out-of-country. You might get muzzled inside your borders, but most of the rest of the world will be watching VERY closely, and will appreciate real news.

      • Snopes Shop

        who the FUCK makes up that 38%?

        • Tom Krueger

          Yeah, that’s probably way too high for his approval rating…

      • handyhippie65

        there will be at least 38 countries that see protests against his presidency. there is no way the world will respect us. ridicule us, fear us, despise us, yes. respect us, no.

  • HogeyeGrex

    It keeps us honest, it makes us work harder. You have made us think about how we are doing what we do, and whether or not we’re able to deliver on what’s been requested by our constituents.

    Alas, for the T***p administration, these are impediments rather than goals.

    • OrdinaryJoe

      Like the spelling there. I was going to do Trump*

      *Lost popular vote by over 2 million votes.

      Make him an asterisk.

      • sw19bender

        2.85 million.

      • Bitter Scribe

        Sorry, Garry Trudeau of Doonesbury already used that for Dubya. We’ll have to make him a double asterisk.

        If Republicans keep winning the White House while losing the popular vote, we’ll have to go to daggers, then double daggers, then…?

      • Raan

        I blatantly stole calling him the Beast from Transmetropolitan.

      • HogeyeGrex

        Yeah, well, there are some obscenities even I have trouble saying.

        “Popular vote loser Donald Trump”

        I think one of the front pagers over a the Great Orange Satan is referring to him like that every time. I fully support the idea. There has to be some google-fu to permanently attach that preamble to his name.

  • Beowoof14

    When the major TV networks no longer had to report news, it became infotainment. The news I watched in my younger days, Walter Cronkite, David Brinkley, Chet Huntley, are gone and in the current milieu their like will not return. Most news on cable is people in for a “discussion” just sit and yell at each other. If I wanted to hear that shit, I would just try to get one of my grand kids to do their homework.

    • cmd resistor

      We flipped past CNN last night for not even 5 seconds. I swear there were 8 pundity-looking people at a desk w/Anderson Cooper. I think they had to get a bigger desk than usual to fit them all in. Actually we flipped by so fast I didn’t even count them. Oh, the good old days when Walter would say, And that’s the way it is, Wednesday, January 18, 2017.

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      I’m gonna queue up Network tonight even if I have to pay for it.
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WINDtlPXmmE

      • Unpresidented Ron

        When it came out it was often taken to task for being too extreme, too unrealistic.
        And ten years later Murdoch launches Fox.

        • Ω cynmac will never surrender

          Broadcast News was good too.

    • Once&futureFred

      No SHIT! If ever there was a format to ditch it would be the cursed “Panel discussion” where a liar, or more often a team of liars, shout down a sensible person and a “moderator” pretends to try to keep things going. Why invite serial liars to shout down people who have some grasp of reality, and aren’t trying to bamboozle your viewers. It’s not by accident, the plan is and has been to hand the country over to sociopaths, for CLICKS and ad revenue. Whores.

  • Electric Ukulele Land

    It only SEEMS like trolling because Obama is being reasonable. Being reasonable is by definition being anti-Trump.

    • sw19bender

      See also “pointing out the bleedin’ obvious but falling on deaf ears because elections now = reality television”

  • QHarp, Mujer malévola

    I didn’t watch this– he appointed himself Barack Hussein Obama, First of His Name, President-for-Life, Barrybamz of Kenya, and Guiding Star in the West, right? And I just didn’t hear about it because everyone is too overcome with relief to react? Right?

    • Beanz&Berryz

      In our dreamz

    • WomanInTheResistance

      I so wish that were true.

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      It was the closest to real tears that I have gotten since 11/9. I’ve been fueled by anger, white hot anger, the heat of 1000 suns.

      • handyhippie65

        fear and anger. scary emotions indeed.

  • Swampay

    It’s when Trump tells the CNN reporter “Don’t be rude” that I just want to throw things. Every time I hear this (and I’ve heard it too many times). “don’t be rude”. From the rudest motherfucker ever.

    • chortlingdingo

      Omg, I completely agree. I can hardly stand to listen to or watch him. I don’t know how I’m going to make it through however many years he manages to stay in office.

      • Ω cynmac will never surrender

        CLD – I am very happy with the Trump to Kittens filter on Chrome. They have updated it to include his toadies, also too. Too bad it doesn’t work on video…

        • miss_grundy

          This filter is the bomb!

        • Unpresidented Ron

          I wish like hell there were an Opera version.

        • Serai 1

          I wish they’d develop that for Firefox. Why limit it to only one platform when they could have people using it on multiple browsers?

      • Serai 1

        I simply refuse to watch him at all. I don’t need to see his ugly face or hear his idiotic voice. I can read, thanks.

    • Serai 1

      Would have been great if the reporter had snapped, “You’re being rude right now!”

      • H0mer0

        or “YOU STARTED IT!”

  • AnnieGetYerFun

    “It doesn’t work if we don’t have a well-informed citizenry, and you are the conduit through which they receive the information about what’s taking place in the halls of power.”

    Damn. I feel like that ship has sailed.

  • Kiri the Resistant Unicorn

    In other Real President news, our friends at Right Wing Watch have compiled a list of the ways Barry O has completely failed to take away anyone’s guns, put them into FEMA concentration camps, invade Texas, and force his big black Sharia down their throats, like he’s a legitimate president or something. I myself am very disappoint. I’m not voting for that guy again!

    http://www.rightwingwatch.org/post/10-right-wing-predictions-about-obama-that-never-came-true/

  • Tofu_Killer

    But I like the Trevor Noah Daily Show better…

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      Jon Stewart Libelz!!!111!1

    • Bitter Scribe

      Jeez. Just when I was about to award you taste points for not liking tofu…

    • Roadstergal

      I like them both. Different shows, both good.

  • LucindathePook

    Mr. Pook just told me that a few blocks from us a neighboring person has put up many Trump signs PLUS on a new big silver flagpole a big blue flag with TRUMP written on it in white letters and white stars. I guess this is what we are pledging allegiance to now.

    • ltmcdies

      does he plan to guard it 24/7….

    • Juan de Fuca

      I recently drove by a house in Fallbrook, CA that had one of those TRUMP flags flying from a large silver flagpole in the front yard. Because nothing says that an insufferable blowhard lives here more than a TRUMP flag flying from a large silver pole in the front yard.

      • CindyinEncinitas

        Fallbrook. Figures.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        Shouldn’t the pole be gold?

    • John Norris

      Add a flaming cross to complete the ensemble.

    • handyhippie65

      there is a single wide trailer with a trump flag flying over a traitor rag on the lake where my mother lives. can you say indiana hillbilly?

  • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

    Wait a minute. I thought he was supposed to impose Sharia Law, take all of our guns and force every straight man to gay marry a goat while declaring himself dictator for life. Jesus, what a failure.

    • AJ Milne

      I is likewise disappoint. I was totally _for_ all that. What a letdown.

      What? So I like goats.

      Don’t judge me.

      • mailman27

        Thought you were more of a donkey guy… :)

    • John Norris

      I was hoping to spend winter in a warm FEMA Reeducation Camp.

  • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

    lil Donny – that transcript up there…
    THAT’S CLASS!

    Fucker.

  • Bitter Scribe

    The media is in the tank for Obama! Why else would he have spoken rationally to them?

  • canes_pugnaces

    I sincerely doubt Velvetta McMuffin brain has read the constitution. The Very Very Best of Hitler, however, by all account is his preferred bedtime reading. So there’s that.

  • Tovarich Cock Blockula

    Why don’t the networks just boycott the Urinageration? Just tell their crews not show up, and that they won’t be taking any photos or recordings of the event. Let it become a YouTube only affair. They could say that since they won’t get any good ratings, they are not going to bother with the expense since they are good business people and this would bleed red ink like you know what… That they won’t cover events that would make them look like losers to viewers or to their beancounters at corporate HQ.

    I know, I know, but I can dream, can’t I?

    • Unpresidented Ron

      We are having the same dream. Twitler needs to be shunned.

  • Stulexington

    “Oh, and the Trump DC hotel has announced press isn’t allowed on its premises during the inauguration.” You mean the one that’s going to cause him to be in violation of Federal law the moment he’s inaugurated? I wonder why he doesn’t want the press there that day. Also, isn’t baring someone based on their profession discriminatory, like against some sort of housing law discriminatory?

    • bookish

      We’re supposed to pay for him and his family and his hangers-on but he’s not accountable to us or our democratic institutions. He’s exactly the corrupt, belligerent, ignorant prick I expected him to be.

      • H0mer0

        [and the sycophant plants say “Give him a chance, let’s put all this behind us….both sides do it…” Hillary did nothing wrong! Why was she even “joke-worthy”?]

  • CatCafe de la Resistance

    Seth Meyers has been spectacular through all this. He was calling Trump out for his lies and corruption and general dickheadedness months ago. He really stood up to him, unlike the other latenight hosts Jimmy Pandering Fallon> cough and Stephen Colbert Who Couldn’t Resist All Those Hillary Jokes that Serviced the Right Wing Agenda

    • Serai 1

      He really has developed into an interesting host. I’ve enjoyed his political segments a lot.

      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/64770cd0ab1a3071d60ebca495f8e3c7e2a8ec5b5b61e35433c005ea6dd4cfe8.gif

      • CatCafe de la Resistance

        Hasn’t he? I really admire how he pivoted, when his monologues weren’t working, and was willing to try the “news” feature at his desk, and then worked really hard to make it something different and good. They’re even beginning to find and play video that proves someone is lying, the way Jon S. did in his heydey.

        • Vienna Woods

          “Jimmy, roll 212.”

    • Unregistered Hijabi Rockstar

      The relentless Both-sides-er-ism in the run up to the election was SO bad. I had to stop watching The Daily Show and Colbert… And then everyone is all surprised that Trump won. WHAAT? How is that!? Gee, I dunno, is it because of the ten million jokes about how she’s a criminal?

      People STILL can’t stop calling Hillary “problematic,” and yet the very same people are crying about how Bush wasn’t actually so bad in retrospect.

      Not that I’m bitter. (Note: I am very bitter.)

  • Sardonicuss

    Oh god is this really happening?
    In the course of the last 16 years I have seen the worst President of my lifetime….and the best President of my lifetime, possibly the best of anybody’s lifetime.
    It is hard to think of anything that has shaken me to my core like this …abomination… that we are about to see made real.
    I think back to even Nixon, but at least he was evil in an understandable..Machiavellian way….but this? An obviously mentally ill, blatantly mentally challenged morally weak…. puppet?
    For all of our historic faults as a nation, as a people, as a species on the planet: We do not deserve this. Every thing about it is wrong to the core.

  • Peggy Ryan

    Jan 20th is my son’s birthday. Since it is also a national day of mourning we are celebrating on the 19th.

    • Unpresidented Ron

      Wise. He doesn’t need to know what his special day presages.

    • Serai 1

      I think you should celebrate his birthday with as big a WHOOP DE DO as you can. Ignore the dragon about to swallow the world. Make the day about your son, and don’t mention a word of what’s going on outside that birthday circle.

    • Vienna Woods

      My boy’s is the 21st. We agreed it’s going to be shorty what with everyone being depressed.

  • idiotboy

    I am tired and not hopeful. This is what I DO NOT tell the kids.
    We are fucked.

    • Dazza

      Don’t tell your kids – fuck ’em right back. Protest, use humour to cut the GOPers down, reach out to those targeted by the depolorables – screw up Putin’s plans to enervate Americans and drive them into apathy.

      Let your kids (who have had Obama as President for much of their lives) see how REAL citizens act and think.

      • H0mer0

        our kids already act like REAL citizens and think. it’s the set of entitled white men who harken “back” to an era that never existed.

    • Platos_Redhaired_Stepchild

      I survived the Bush Junior years. I keep telling myself I can survive this. I will also be making copious donations to UCLA, Southern Poverty Law, Planned Parenthood, & Dems over the next 4 years.

      • snigsy

        I survived the Bush Senior years, and just the way you plan to do: don’t lose hope, don’t cave to easy cynicism, don’t give up.

      • Martin L

        At least Bush won’t be the worst president of all time–the Trumpster will clinch that honor.

    • H0mer0

      [how did fucking become a synonym for the opposite of what some of us who like fucking are looking forward to?]

      • puredog

        It is an extremely versatile word, you fucking fuck.

        • CarolinaStewPie

          Exactly fucking what this fucking clearly highly fucking intelligent fucking canine fucking said. Holy fuckety fuck, some fucking things are so fucking obvious. FUCK!

  • John Mruzik

    So I stocked up on soy sauce and my Rat Terriers will help hunt squirrels. I better buy some rice. Oh and whiskey. I just might make it. By the way the crash comes this summer… By the way the dogs look better than Trump photos.

  • azeyote

    the press seems rather lame these days – i doubt a pep talk is gonna do it –

  • Panika MCD

    remember that time early on in Bamz’s first term when he and Billiam J. Saxaphone decided it’d be awesome to go talk to the press like RIGHT NOW on the fly and they found the press room locked and were all, “this is so like The West Wing, bro! we da men!”? I think they should do that every few hours until the end of the term just to fuck with the Grande Detour. like, right now!

  • Unpresidented Ron

    Dear Donnie:
    BYE, FAKE NEWS!

    Wow, suddenly I feel a bit better. Thank you, Seth Meyers!

    • H0mer0

      or like “BYE, FAKE PRESIDENT!” nyuk nyuk
      (That didn’t make me feel better–let’s see if masturbating helps…)

  • handyhippie65

    damn, bamz. when did an outgoing prez ever thank the press? and colbert is the man. myers is cool, but stephen, my stephen. makes my day every weeknight.

    • K.V. Lady

      I adore Colbert, too.

  • John Norris

    I wish the major newspapers and networks would completely stop reporting Mr Trump’s tweets. They should only report on press briefings from his press spokescritter, official press conferences (sure to be rare), and public oral videotaped statements. The lack of responses to tweets will drive him nutter.

    • Lara

      I would honestly like to see a major boycott of Twitter. As long as he’s getting attention on Twitter, Trump will continue to post there. If millions just stopped using it, that might send a message. Even if there was one day that everyone did it, to prove that he doesn’t control us via social media and that the attention he loves and craves can go away at our will it’d make me happy.

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    The saddest part of today is knowing Ted Nugent will neither be dead or in jail….Obama let me down :-(

  • Old Man Yells at Cloud

    “the room is too small and puny!” — like his gloves and his ….

  • President in Exile Firefly

    Outgoing POTUS thanks press for criticizing him. Very weak. Sad. Won’t happen w/ me! Press will love me bigly!

  • h0ffm4nn

    Hey guys, I’m a longtime reader (2006) and an ad-fewer subscriber and I love you guys but I had to comment on something -> while I don’t watch it as much now I think Trevor Noah is doing a fine job on TDS and is a worthy successor to Jon Stewart. No one will ever replace Jon but I think Trevor is doing just fine at what he does. I guess what I’m saying is: LEAVE TREVOR ALONE! YOU’RE LUCKY HE EVEN PERFORMS FOR YOU BASTARDS!

  • freakishlystrong

    I watched this and literally cried, but this:
    You’re not supposed to be sycophants, you’re supposed to be skeptics. is only ever true if the President/Congress has a (D) after their names.

  • hvdv

    Ugh Seth Meyers is a smarmy turd and surely this country can do better than that and I also will never accept him as a credible opinionator, but ew, Tillerson. Well done, I guess.

  • Nockular cavity

    “Daily Show sucks now”????!!? I WILL FIGHT YOU, EVAN!

    • K.V. Lady

      I like Trevor Noah. He’s very funny and does the best impressions ever, but I think he wasn’t the best choice to replace Jon Stewart.

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