SHARE
South Carolina, September 2015. Lest We Forget.
South Carolina, September 2015. Lest We Forget.

Donald Trump, who won the 2016 election by one of the biggest electoral college margins in history (if you count 46th out of 58 elections), is looking forward to also having the biggest inaugural-day turnouts in history Friday, as long as you include the population of the Greater DC metro area as attending the inauguration. You simply can’t buy a ball gown anywhere within 150 miles of DC, and there is almost certainly no truth to reports that the Trump Inaugural Committee has resorted to hiring seat-fillers for the inaugural grandstands. Heck, how would you even verify such outrageous gossip? Merely jealous rumors from the chattering classes and fake news sites!

So far, the evidence for hired seat-fillers is awfully thin, consisting of a gossipy twitter claim, a snarky link to a Trump Inaugural website offering free “limited edition, commemorative” tickets (that you don’t actually need to have on hand) and little more. We don’t doubt there are plenty of people willing to show up and see the Hairy Cheeto take his oaf of office, and we certainly wouldn’t want to read too much into this video snippet of Inaugural Chair Tom Barrack offering hospitality to protesters, even — “If you’re a protester – show up. We’ll give you cookies and Kool-Aid and whatever else you need” — because maybe they need a crowd of any kind:


There’s plenty of evidence, of course, that Trump paid people to cheer for him at his campaign announcement, and his “press conference” last week had a lot of paid staff in the seats alongside reporters. Given Trump’s hatred of any suggestion that he can’t fill a room (those chairs up top were only empty because the crowd mobbed him up front, no REALLY!), it’s a sure bet that Trump will insist he had ten times as many people at his inaugural as Barack Obama did, even if the real number is more like half Obama’s 2008 attendance. (That was a link from noted LIEBERALS “The Blaze,” btw.) Trump already has to be muttering obscenities over the fact that three times as many bus parking permits have been requested for the day-after protests than for the inaugural, though maybe that’s simply because only low-energy losers take buses. Just compare the private jet parking, OK?

Still, if you’re in the bleachers in DC Friday and you notice any inflatable love dolls sitting near you, be sure to send us pics. Especially if they seem to be leaking pee.

[TMZ / The Blaze / Politico / The Hill / Hollywood Reporter / Politico]

$
Donate with CCDonate with CC
  • MynameisBlarney

    Wait….what?

    Is this for real and true? Like, really real and truly true?

    • I read it on the internet, so it must be!

      • MynameisBlarney

        And they haven’t denied it either, soo….

  • Beanz&Berryz

    His inaugural chair’s name is really Barrack!? Really??

    • SmokinGood

      Wheels within wheels, √(-1)-dimensional chess.

      • Beanz&Berryz

        i is a lonliest number….

        • Gayer Than Thou

          This made me laugh until i cried. And then i just cried.

        • Msgr_MΩment

          Imaginary numbers are the best numbers.

          • Beanz&Berryz

            … for Republican fiscal policy…

          • Jeffery Campbell

            I’m a fan of the irrational #s myself.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        You may be rational, but try to be real.
        This situation is quite complex and our response should be transcendental.

        • willi0000000

          . . . meditate on that!

        • pstockholm

          Myself I can’t quite believe pie is not rational.

          • Msgr_MΩment

            Pie is transcendental.

          • Celtic_Gnome

            But nothing compared to those cakes we like.

  • Ryan Denniston

    I hope they remember to bring lots of yellow gatorade or lemonde to go with all their hooker dolls.

  • Anna Rompage

    Speaking of the inauguration, it appears the Bruce Springsteen cover band, B Street, has backed out of the show, leaving the White Knights of the CCC Marching Band as the headliner for the event…

    • SmokinGood

      I hope The Boss himself personally called them to berate their sorry asses.

      • Tallmutha

        The RawStory link seems to suggest pretty strongly, without coming out and saying, that Bruce intervened.

        Well, they’ve still got The Reagan Years, and Zombie Reagan isn’t likely to complain.

      • C4TWOMAN

        That does seem to be in play:

        “The band members said that they would back out of performing at Trump’s inauguration if theBoss asked them to, and it seems Springsteen wasn’t comfortable with
        them playing his music at anything related to celebrating Trump’s electoral victory.”

        Also too:

        “and were asked to perform at the 2017 ceremony before they knew who the new president would be.”

        • Celtic_Gnome

          Yeah, right. Like Hillary wouldn’t be able to get anyone to play her inauguration, so she put all her chips on the B Street Band. Wouldn’t that have pissed Beyonce off?

    • Red Bird Resistance Engineer

      Link or it didn’t happen.

    • boyblue123

      Maybe the guy who plays the sad trombone on the Price is Right will be the headliner act

      • OneYieldRegular

        I’m still waiting for them to announce Rich Little.

    • TheBoatDude

      I figure his lawyers called up and said “Sure, you can play…just not any of his songs. Now, I would hate for you to think of this as a threat, but we’d sure take it that way, if we were you…”

    • melina1222

      Someone on a UK web site described this as POTUS Interruptus.

      • HajjFredHMinshall

        WHO IS MELANIE BOYD AND WHY IS SHE STALKING ME???

  • SmokinGood

    But… What about the RealDolls?

    • kindness

      What about Japanese sex androids? Could probably get them to pee on command.

      • kareemachan

        TENTACLE SEX OR NADA!!!

        • Unpresidented Ron

          Great Cthulhu said he wanted to attend, but he’ll need a ride in from R’lyeh.

  • Anna Rompage

    Trump’s ability to fill a room is about on par with his ability to fill a jock strap…

  • Vincent Ricola
  • Ryan Denniston

    “There’s plenty of evidence, of course, that Trump paid people to cheer for him at his campaign announcement”

    Story of his life. He has the money, and apparently the need, to pay for all his friends, pay for sex, pay for a wife(s). Sad!

  • Unpresidented Ron

    Nothing pisses (sorry) off a narcissist like being ignored.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Those poor love dolls.

    • MynameisBlarney

      This guy, however, is fucking ecstatic.

      http://images.gawker.com/18k2qxdqj1afzjpg/original.jpg

      • ViveLaPeésistance

        As I am wont to say these day: Dafuque????

        • MynameisBlarney

          Dafuque, indeed.

        • Tallmutha

          Well take this quick quiz:

          1. Is that guy an elected official?
          2. Is he a Republican?

          The answers you’re inclined to think are right, are right. Blake Farenthold, congressschmuck from Texas.

      • o’look Skwerl!

        How’d you get that pic of me? And which one am I? I forgot.

  • Anna Rompage
    • Unpresidented Ron

      Really? Then they’re not very good at it. The Melania model isn’t convincing at ALL.

      • Anna Rompage

        I know, the eyes are too lifelike on the doll…

    • jesuswasablack
    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Six thousand dollars?!? Trump isn’t gonna pay that!

      • Msgr_MΩment

        “She did a sloppy job and couldn’t break it to a proper ending. I refuse to pay.”

  • MynameisBlarney
  • Pisciatoiojohn

    They’re saying “Boo-urns!”

  • goonemeritus

    “Still, if you’re in the bleachers in DC Friday and you notice any inflatable love dolls sitting near you, be sure to send us pics”.

    You do know that the average Wonkette reader would sooner belt sand their own nipples off than attend Trump’s Inauguration ?

    • Unpresidented Ron

      I might go if there was free food. I still have the ear plugs I bought for going to the drag strip.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Maybe the Donald will have some drag strippers, if he can’t find any other entertainment.

    • cheetojeebus

      To clarify, 80 grit hand sanding is okay too also?

    • Gayer Than Thou

      Well, that depends – do I get to keep the commemorative inflatable love doll? And will it look sort of like a college wrestler?

    • hammstring

      RUMP will pay us – right?

    • Résistance Land Shark

      “It’s likely to be a very cheap inaugural,” said the same speaker; “for upon my life I don’t know of anybody to go to it. Suppose we make up a party and volunteer?”

      “I don’t mind going if a lunch is provided,” observed the gentleman with the excrescence on his nose. “But I must be fed, if I make one.”

      Another laugh.

      “Well, I am the most disinterested among you, after all,” said the first speaker,” for I never wear black gloves, and I never eat lunch. But I’ll offer to go, if anybody else will. When I come to think of it, I’m not at all sure that I wasn’t his most particular friend; for we used to stop and speak whenever we met. Bye, bye.”

      Speakers and listeners strolled away, and mixed with other groups. Scrooge knew the men, and looked towards the Spirit for an explanation.

      (with apologies to Dickens)

      • The Wanderer

        Many upfists for this adaptation.

    • OneYieldRegular

      Not to mention: can you imagine any Wonketteer not absconding with an inflatable love doll?

  • An Outhouse for the Resistance

    Hopefully, the weather will cooperate and it’ll be freezing rain.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      It is forecast to rain on Friday in DC. It’s supposed to be sunny on Saturday, then rainy again on Sunday. You’d think there’s a message there…

    • DainBramage

      Maybe Trump can get pneumonia.

      • Unpresidented Ron

        Hey, that’s MY schtick!
        – William Henry Harrison

        • theCryptofishist

          Tippecanoe and Trumpie Too!

  • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

    America makes me proud by not showing up.

    That’s the kind of thing my lazy misanthropic ass can get behind.

    • Gayer Than Thou

      I was just thinking that I really need to do something more useful than just post snarking jokes about PEEOTUS on Twitter, and then it came to me: I can not go to the inauguration!

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        Not that i should be talking, but IF you were interested, there’s supposed to be marches all over the country.

        There’s one in Austin, but that’s still too far to go. My hometown does things so slipshod I didn’t know about the post-election protests till AFTER i saw the photos on the newspaper’s website (who I’m amazed covered it, cause that paper really sucks). They regularly publish things I had no idea were going to take place.

    • C4TWOMAN
  • Pisciatoiojohn

    You know who else drank Kool-Aid don’t you?

    • Anna Rompage

      Jim Jones and his followers?

      Too soon?

    • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

      Donald is buying up all the grape Kool-Aid. Somebody told him the blahs LOVE grape Kool-Aid.

      • Pisciatoiojohn

        I hear he is going to use his taco bowls to lure in unsuspecting ill-eagles.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Mormons? Or is that just jello and porn that they overdo?

      • Pisciatoiojohn

        Sugar: it’s a hell of a drug.

    • Creepoman
      • The Wanderer

        “OH, YEAHHHH!”

    • theCryptofishist

      Hitler?

  • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

    You know, it says something about the looking glass we have gone through that I actually found myself believing for a moment that they really HAD bought 5,300 RealDolls?

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Dok is on location from Belarus this week. Hadn’t you heard?

      • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

        Nyet tovarisch.

    • ViveLaPeésistance

      That’s exactly what I thought until I read the entire post, and even then I thought I missed it.

      • Shibusa

        A friend of the Shibusas works for the company that makes the RealDolls stands.

    • Nockular cavity

      Me too.

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    The sprinsteen cover band dropped out. lol

  • exinkwretch

    I will greatly enjoy not watching Cheetoh get sworn in or sworn at. I’m just going to ignore him until he’s impeached, convicted, tarred, feathered and run out of DC on a rail.

  • CutterTeam

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/1ed297dc42e0620ebfefdbb43f64ad3ab8394464e091e7ecbb7daf748ddf4ae9.jpg

    Let’s see a show of hands. Who here is really worried how this will all end?

    • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

      I’m torn between worry and thinking: “Meh, probably for the best.”

    • Rick Hill

      If we’re lucky….

    • Spurning Beer

      “God damn you all to hell!”

      Yes

      • Khavrinen

        “You maniacs! You blew it up voted for Trump!”

    • ViveLaPeésistance

      At my house, we were just discussing how we will not be making any plans for next weekend in case we have to make a run for it. I am seriously scared about what will happen at 12:01 on Friday.

      • Unpresidented Ron

        The melodramatist in me wants a bevy of FBI agents to suddenly appear and say, ‘Mr Trump, you’re under arrest for treason and malfeasance in office.’

        • Shibusa

          I’d say that’s the dreamer in you.

          • Unpresidented Ron

            I am legion. I contain multitudes. And for some reason they all want lemon meringue pie.

          • The Wanderer

            Oooh. (adds to his shopping list)

          • Vienna Woods
          • Vienna Woods

            Enjoying the freezing rain?

          • Unpresidented Ron

            Oh, very much. And I have to go out in it in a couple of hours. Joy!

          • Vienna Woods

            I had a theatre meeting tonight. I’ve informed them I won’t be there. I just drove east ahead of it to get home, then realized that I’d forgotten my house key and Mr VW at work til 11 (driving back and forth to London on 401 in freezing rain). Then I remembered that I’d left a casement window slightly ajar.I cranked it open, that in itself not easy,and almost didn’t make it in.Two..um… impediments got in the way. But I’m in, eating frozen yogurt with home made strawberry jam, and am going to have a nap,dammit.

          • Unpresidented Ron

            Good grief… hon, last night was NOT the night to be doing adventurous stuff. For either of you.

          • Vienna Woods

            He made it home safe. Said the worst driving was the last 2 minutes before pulling in the drive. So that’s good.

          • Unpresidented Ron

            Very.
            At least now it’s just wet. Cold, miserable and wet.
            I think I hear a duvet calling my name.

        • disqus_lWwzrwNaw6

          The FBI put him in office. More likely to be a bevy of CIA agents who give him a congratulatory explosive “cigar” like the one they tried to give to Fidel all those years ago. Rats! The orange creep doesn’t smoke! Well, maybe an explosive Russian peeing whore, then.

          • OneYieldRegular

            Yes, the CIA and the FBI will be in a huge brawl. The FBI will be throwing bombs and rockets. The CIA will be lighting them and throwing them back.

          • Shalimar

            “He’s going to be doubly-surprised when she pulls her pants down and he sees her exploding penis.”

          • Unpresidented Ron

            Ew! Ha, also, but ew!

    • goonemeritus

      I’m more resigned than worried, I worry that the dog will eat my shoes if I have to stay late at work. I am resigned to the fact that I will be shoveling snow in Western NY for the next three months.

    • Nockular cavity

      Me? Not at all.
      –Dr. Zaius

      • The Wanderer

        Didn’t Falco perform Rock Me, Dr. Zaius?

        • Nockular cavity

          No, it’s Rock Me, I’m a Dentist.

        • I hate every ape I see
          from chimpan A to chimpan Z

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    Cash up front, and I get to wear noise-cancellation earphones, or no sale.

  • JD Mulvey

    Real dolls are “10s”!

  • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

    OT: I’m kinda dumb, so i just this minute realized donald trump’s skin color could best be described as “circus peanut” orange.

    Naturally, google helpfully point out that other people caught on to that awhile ago.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/973c6ed6ba70ca7c607ad2876332f1c09e4e4d0a72f26ad0b0ceeb6310a06543.jpg
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/3548117063c4d9d4088e60042f5c28335e9f6ed809cb1227a48c384242f902c6.jpg

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      PS Google even auto completes it when you tump in “circus peanut donald trump”

      • Anna Rompage

        Just don;t make the mistake I did when I entered “circus penis donald trump” into google…

        • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

          rofl! One can only imagine.

    • cmd resistor

      Appropriately, circus peanuts are some of the grossest things known to humankind.

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        Everybody says that, but I like them! (I’m weird and like a lot of things people hate…like Nicki Minaj).

        • cmd resistor

          I bet you like Peeps, too. I am not being judgmental. People can like that stuff. But I think I kind of hate the marshmallow based things. Except maybe moon-pies.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            lol – actually I don’t! (Which makes me weird again cause most people do…sigh).

          • cmd resistor

            I suppose the circus peanuts are a whole different texture thing. The only real good use for Peeps is the annual Peep diorama contests.

      • theCryptofishist

        And Ringling Brothers is getting out of the traveling circus business.

    • arglebargle

      Correct me if I’m wrong, but I believe the only things to survive a nuclear holocaust are cockroaches, and circus peanuts. Trump will be the last person on earth, thus, he gets all the gold and wins.

      • Skeptical_thinker

        Peeps libel111!!!1!1

  • C4TWOMAN

    Well, dolls don’t have Instagram accounts or blab to reporters, so there’s that.

  • jesuswasablack
  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    Bruce Springsteen Cover Band Drops Out of Inauguration

    The group had played the gala twice before to little controversy for President Obama and signed a contract for this year’s gig in 2013, long before the presidential nominees were decided. But this year was different.

    Out of respect for Bruce Springsteen, they are dropping out.

    • Pisciatoiojohn

      Jesus, next thing you know the hookers will all refuse to work the inauguration.

      • mancityRed6

        shit no, they’re raising prices.

      • Idiokraticdrumpfenjugend

        Nah, there will be plenty of Republican Congressmen in attendance.

        • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

          In honour of the occasion some are offering a $50 discount for watersports.

          • kindness

            Are they charging extra to use their naked bodies to snort blow off of? (asking for a friend, I haven’t done the stuff since 87)

          • MissNomer

            Number one tricky!

      • DoILookAmused2u ?

        Melania won’t be there?

    • Unpresidented Ron

      Wait, so the committee didn’t actually hire them at all? They were taking credit for something done years ago?
      That’s even BETTER!

      • schmannity

        Get used to it. Didn’t you know that Trump saved us from a major depression in 2008 and presided over and economy that produced millions of jobs since?

        • theCryptofishist

          Brace yourself for the upcoming Obama recession.

  • jesuswasablack

    “Purchase Of 5,300 RealDolls”
    But wait there’s more:
    https://all3dp.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/01-e1450251581172.jpg

    • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

      I want one of those!

      • puredog

        If I had one, I’d give you mine (bluurrrgghh).

    • Beowoof14

      With the Vlad entrance showing.

  • Pisciatoiojohn

    I hear Trump is coming out with a Russian hooker sex doll that only pees on you if you give it Trump vodka.

  • o’look Skwerl!

    You simply can’t buy a ball gown gag anywhere within 150 miles of DC
    FIFY
    eBay Trump painting of the day.
    Bid here: http://www.ebay.com/itm/Hillary-Clinton-Trump-Painting-Art-By-Daniel-Cortes-/262810318105

    http://i.ebayimg.com/images/g/PAMAAOSwA3dYLPvG/s-l1600.jpg

    • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

      “The creatures outside looked from pig to man, and from man to pig, and from pig to man again; but already it was impossible to say which was which.”

      • The Wanderer

        I’ll be on the road to Wigan Pier.

        • theCryptofishist

          Shooting an elephant in homage to Catalonia.

      • puredog

        I’ve unearthed it before and I’ll unearth it again: INHOGURATION DAY!

  • MynameisBlarney

    Jayzus fekking CHROIST!

    Odo is real! And he’s apparently a goddamn bigoted fuckstick.

    http://www.rawstory.com/2017/01/michigan-mayor-caught-on-tape-calling-black-people-chimps-and-women-dried-up-cnts/

    • mancityRed6

      “This recording was not me! (he has the expertise available to him to electronically engineer it),” Fouts wrote in a December Facebook post. “This is a PHONY tape.”

      • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

        Ah, the Trump Defense

        • Beowoof14

          When those pee tapes come out I am expecting him to claim it’s gold vodka being poured on him.

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        Pretty sure that’s not how audio works. Spliced together, sure possible, but “electronically engineer” it?

        It’s the “computers can do anything” trope from movies and TV.

      • Nockular cavity

        Sounds legit.

    • Ezio Auditore

      He looks like a rejected actor who tried to play a nazi on Hogan’s Heroes.

    • WomanInTheResistance

      What a delightful ornament to the human race. Eeerrrgggghhhh.

      • MynameisBlarney

        I am not entirely convinced he’s actually human.

    • jesuswasablack

      “They are pussies when they are young,” he says. “And when they get older, they’re just mean, hateful dried-up cunts.”
      I’d like to meet his wife!

    • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

      He seems nice.

    • h4rr4r

      I was glad to see this was not about René Auberjonois.

      • MynameisBlarney

        Yeah. But I couldn’t help but see “Odo” when I saw the article.

        The resemblance is uncanny.

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      I know we’re not supposed to body shame and stuff, but given what he said, I’m gonna note just how funny looking that dude is.

      • MynameisBlarney

        I hear ya.
        Once they say something as fucked up as that.
        Game. Fucking. On.

      • puredog

        No shit, he looks like Putin’s and Trump’s love child.

      • tomamitai

        He looks like a mortician who’s been huffing embalming fluid.

    • The Librarian

      I assume he never looks in a mirror, coz that’s one ug mug.*

      *I rarely comment on anyone’s looks, but felt ok dissing about this asshat.

    • FlownOver

      Dude’s sure to be appointed to the newest cabinet position: Secretary of Being a Total Asshole, All the Time. I hear Trump want to amend the Succession Act to move him up a dozen notches.

  • Ezio Auditore

    And Alex Jones likes to claim Hillary had a hard time getting people to come to her rallies…

  • Martini Ambassador
    • Ezio Auditore

      Donny looks disappointed and Mike looks irritated.

      • willi0000000

        may t’Rump look and feel disappointed for every remaining second of his life!

  • kindness

    Who is that moron in that video who refuses to remember what Donald Trump stood for the ENTIRE Obama presidency? Asshats.

  • WiscoJoe

    Trump will have ten times as many people at his inaugural as Barack Obama did, as long as you don’t count the liberals.

    • o’look Skwerl!

      I hope people show up an start chanting , “Traitor! Traitor! America hater!”

  • Spurning Beer

    Jeez, Kim Jun Un can fill stadiums and draw tens of thousands of performers. You’re losing cred with your peers, Donald.

    • TheBoatDude

      Well, to be fair, Donald doesn’t quite yet have the infrastructure to go door to door and force people out of their homes…yet…

      • theCryptofishist

        So, Wonkette will make a pact not to turn each other in?

    • doktorzoom

      Trump prefers only 2 or 3 peers at a time, or the mattress overflows too quickly.

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      Did he even ask Dennis Rodman?

  • Ryan Denniston

    I want to see the media stir the pot as much as possible. Saturday morning, I want to see wall to wall coverage with comparisons of Trump’s inauguration attendance to Obama’s attendance the second time around.

    • puredog

      Well, that’s just not fair, since this is only Donnie’s first time around. 2009 vs. 2017, now, that’s fair.

  • Tallmutha
    • Ezio Auditore

      I used to think “biker” just meant those guys who ride around on motorbikes and have leather jackets. I didn’t know they were actually a political group now.

      • o’look Skwerl!

        I think these guys are the ones who allegedly drove a million bikes to Washington, but nobody could see them because.

        • ViveLaPeésistance

          Because they wear the Duck Dysfunction camo?

    • Tallmutha

      The Rolling Stones were unavailable to comment on the wisdom of having security for an event provided by biker gangs.

    • Vincent Ricola

      Defend it from what? Non-invited cover bands?

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        They’ll just stand around trying to look tough…cause, as noted, the secret service and other leo’s are on it.

    • The Wanderer

      The Third Infantry Division, the DC Police, the Secret Service, and about 10 other police agencies are not considered sufficient? Fuck these bikers.

      • Tallmutha

        At least they work cheap. I think the Angels got just a few cases of beer for doing Altamont.

        • Beowoof14

          The Angels might view a Trump inauguration as a business opportunity. Think how much blow could be sold to Trump and family.

      • TheBoatDude

        You’re right. It is a bit arrogant. A child offering to pay for a meal with his/her allowance is endearing because the good intention is there; they just are short on the concept. These guys are just self-important.

      • OneYieldRegular

        It’s rather a bad sign, I think, that the Trump team hasn’t asked them to leave law enforcement to, you know, actual law enforcement.

    • ViveLaPeésistance

      Defend it from the humiliation of no one showing up?

    • Beowoof14

      Brown leather gives this guy away as a phony. Real bikers wear black only.

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        I know he probably owns a Harley, but it’d be hilarious if they showed up on Suzukis or Hondas.

        • TheBoatDude

          And probably looks down on Victory’s and Indian’s because their parent company makes snowmobiles. Superior machine be damned…

        • kareemachan

          And riding with him will be his Chihuahua with its own little Harley jacket.

    • CutterTeam

      Don’t sell these guys short. They’ve already stopped Jade Helm 15 and Obama’s gun confiscation program.

      • ViveLaPeésistance

        Also too, the hair gel.

    • TheBoatDude

      I don’t think real bikers use that much hair product…nor do they trim their goatees that nicely…

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        he seems to be one of those modern, poseur bikers.

        • MynameisBlarney

          Which I think is something like…damn near all of them?
          I saw a group of them at a circle k this weekend weekend.
          They all had denim of leather vests with the same logo stitched on the back. “Thunder Cunts” or something.
          Aaaaaanyhoo…they all looked to be bankers and lawyers well past their mid-life crises, and with one or two exceptions, most of their bikes were so over the top gaudy and stupid looking,

          I had to try very hard not to mock them openly.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            I mean, dad was an old biker before he died. He rode to work, so obviously he was ya know, showered, shaved and dressed neatly.

            This being a military neighborhood with lots of retirees, I see some of the old school scruffy looking ones around from time to time. But yeah, back in the day my uncle was one of those older, yuppie bikers. Big house, white carpets(?!), drove only on weekends.

            Hells Angel’s they ain’t. But we do have a criminal gang here that I think is a biker gang.

      • Marion in Savannah

        Take it from someone who used to live across the street from the 3rd Street (Lower East Side, NYC) branch of the Hell’s Angels they ain’t bikers.

        • pstockholm

          Yeah I once lived on Delancey St a very long time ago, had to pass them all the time to get anywhere. They did always say the block was crime free.

          • Marion in Savannah

            It was! They made sure of it.

      • OneYieldRegular

        Real bikers don’t support a putz like Trump.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      Best Buy is giving him the day off.

    • Unpresidented Ron

      And the chief of the DC police is hearing this and going, oh fuck, not this on top of everything else!

    • ViveLaPeésistance

      More likely to be my personal favorite, popular in Florida for those who can’t keep it up.
      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/fa9ba799105790908cff71f6d35e595c39072351fa209452cff8ed866c993b19.png

      • pstockholm

        Trikers for Trump.

      • OneYieldRegular

        Friday! Friday! Friday! It’s Big Daddy Don Garlits and his souped-up Hoveround!

    • Apple Scruff

      Do they not remember what happened at Altamont?

    • Hobbes’ Evil Twin
    • Poorly Behaved Résistanista

      I like the chick wearing white sitting on the white couch so she’s invisible except for the legs. Way to make Roger proud.

    • This is an audition to become die neuen Sturmtruppen des Trump-Führers.

    • Iron Monkey

      The Secret Service, the Washington Metropolitan Police, the U. S. Park Police, Army snipers and goodness knows how many other official law enforcement and national security officers can’t protect the inauguration but a bunch of fat-ass motorcycle riders can.

      Makes as much sense as anything does these days.

    • sosuume

      Chris Cox, the founder of the pro-Trump group, said the bikers will ride to Washington, D.C., and attend Trump’s inauguration.

      “In the event we are needed, we certainly will form a wall of meat,” Cox said.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        Wall of meat? That’s about all they’re good for.

    • Paul

      Jesus fucking tap dancing Christ. Any other Harley riders wanna go counter protest these dipshits? Read some of their FB crap before saying yes. Lots of them have licenses to carry, concealed.

      So do I but am leaving the guns home. These idiots talk tough but generally fold like cheap suits.

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    Look guys just because Vladimir Putin has his hand up Trump’s butt doesn’t mean Donnie is a puppet- it just means they’re into ass play. You liberals are such liars!

  • The Wanderer

    I don’t believe this for a second. RealDolls cost about four figures for a basic model (or at least they did, when I first looked at them about 20 years ago), and I can’t see Trump shelling out for 5300 of them.
    Maybe they’re supposed to be doled as gifts? Perverse Inaugural swag?

    • doktorzoom

      It’s possible the headline was a bit hyperbolic.

      • The Wanderer

        Unfortunately, Dok, we can look forward to an entire Presidential term of hyperbole.

        • theCryptofishist

          And a lot less clever and funny than Dok’s brand.

          (I cannot imagine a knock-off Dok, Chinese, Russian, Vietnamese, or Italian.)

        • MynameisBlarney

          Hyperbole and a half.

        • Bad Tom

          Yuuuge hyperbole. Everyone says so.

      • MynameisBlarney

        NOOOOOOOOO!

        I SO wanted that to be true!

    • Marion in Savannah

      You silly — he got those cheap Chinese knock-offs.

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        Russian imitation brand.

  • CutterTeam

    You only count the Obama inaugural attendees as three-fifths of a person, then Trump will likely end up with the larger crowd. Math !!!

    • boyblue123

      If Drumpf gets even half the crowd Obama got, id be surprised

    • theCryptofishist

      He’ll have the won in some sort of electoral seating thingie, however.

  • JMP

    But doesn’t everyone want to get the excitement of seeing performances by some girl who was on some reality show, 3 Doors Down and a Bruce Springsteen cover band?

    Really, when 3 Doors Down is the fucking biggest name act you can get, that is seriously pathetic. Bigly pathetic, even.

    • Ezio Auditore

      3 Doors Down!? NOOOO!

      Don’t ruin Kryptonite for me!

      • theCryptofishist

        Kryptonite is stronger than Superman; it’s stronger than trump.

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      Bruce Springsteen cover band, hired in 2013 for the event, dropped out.

      • WomanInTheResistance

        The B Team band dropped out? Did Bruce threaten their livelihoods?

        • DoILookAmused2u ?

          No, they just didn’t feel like it respected Bruce.

          • And Bruce still owns copyright on his songs

          • DoILookAmused2u ?

            That’s not a thing with cover bands. It’s just… they were hired before Trump was even elected. They dropped … out of respect for the artist.

          • WomanInTheResistance

            They have redeemed themselves then. How could any self-respecting Bruce fan have anything to do with the shitgibbon?

          • JMP

            Well besides Chris Christie, but then he’s not exactly self-respecting, especially after the way he so eagerly let Trump humiliate him.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            Really? I thought they had to pay some kind of licensing fee to ASCAP or whoever to be able to do paying gigs.

            I know punk rock bands get slapped around all the time for doing covers and parodies.

          • h4rr4r

            They have to pay, but the artist can’t stop them from paying and using the music.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            Ah, thanks.

            Although, frankly that would make more sense. What does a Bruce cover band do if they can’t get the rights to play Bruce’s songs?

          • WomanInTheResistance

            I will stop busting on them. They are making the right decision.

          • h4rr4r

            I have no idea, since they can always get them.

          • Apple Scruff

            No, I’m pretty sure you’re right. I remember reading how Paul McCartney needs to pay to sing his Beatle songs in concert because Michael Jackson (now Sony) owned the rights.

          • theCryptofishist

            Okay, it’s wrong of me, I know. But do you think Paul McCartney busted a gut laughing when he outlived Michael Jackson?

        • h4rr4r

          I looked it up, holy crap they really did drop out!

      • WiscoJoe

        More stage time for 3 Doors Down! Maybe they’ll play “Kryptonite” twice and then do an acoustic version for the encore.

        • JMP

          Now be fair; they did actually have two other top 10 hits and so aren’t quite a one hit wonder. They’re still pretty fucking pathetic, of course.

          • WiscoJoe

            Ugh, now I need to Google 3 Doors Down to figure out what those other two songs are.

            Nope. Can’t say I’ve ever heard those songs before.

          • Bad Tom

            So, a Three Hit Wonder. Is that why they ended up Three Doors Down from the cool kids?

      • Markuserektus

        Prolly get sued for breach of contract.

      • JMP

        They can’t keep a freaking cover band? Ha ha!

    • Vincent Ricola

      I am still trying to figure out who exactly knew 3 Doors Down was still playing music and decided to invite them to play the inauguration?

      • WiscoJoe

        Wait and see who gets the ambassadorship to Japan, and you’ll have your answer.

      • MeerkatsRMammals

        Someone saw them at the Strawberry Festival

      • ViveLaPeésistance

        I’m still trying to figure out exactly WTF is a 3 Doors Down.

        • Vincent Ricola

          They were a mediocre one-hit wonder in the 90s.

          • tomamitai

            I thought they were a Doors cover band fronted by Jim Morrison’s bastard son?

        • theCryptofishist

          Me also, too. My explorations on youtube indicate that one of their songs is called: Here Without You.

          No comment.

    • Tallmutha
    • Markuserektus

      There’s always Nickleback…

  • MynameisBlarney
    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      It’s gonna take an hour to recite 35 words…

      • Unpresidented Ron

        He’ll definitely stumble over the words he doesn’t know. Especially ‘faithfully.’

        • geoffalnutt

          “I swear”.

          • Unpresidented Ron

            I assumed he swore all the time. ‘THAT FUCKER ALEX BALDWIN! HOW DARE HE SAY THOSE THINGS!’

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            Lord knows he’s had to take an oath in all his depositions.

        • BigHorn

          Imagine if one of the requirements for the job was being able to recite the whole 35 word thingy from memory instead of repeating what some other old guy feeds him.

          • Unpresidented Ron

            ‘Don’t I get a teleprompter for this?’

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            Now that would be rich!

      • MynameisBlarney

        He’s got the best words.
        Bigly words.

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      Dammit, always scroll down…I was thinking the same thing just now.

      • MynameisBlarney

        Happens to me all the damn time, lol.

    • Markuserektus

      Why is Donnie making a fist? Oh, wait, never mind…

      • Ezio Auditore

        He thinks he is “woke”.

      • ViveLaPeésistance

        ISWYDT.

    • Ezio Auditore

      “Yeah, yeah I saw Schoolhouse Rock I know how this works. Did I tell you about my hotels? You can see Schoolhouse Rock episodes on the TVs. Very educational. Good stuff. Tremendous.”

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Remember when Roberts fucked up the oath with Obama at his second inauguration, and all the wingnuts jumped on that and said he wasn’t really the President?

      Good times. Good times.

  • Ilgattomorte

    Actually, it’s true that you can’t you can’t buy a Ball Gown within 150 miles of DC. With the Religious Right coming to town there’s a huge influx of closeted transvestites. Coincidentally, I’m also told, you can’t get a seat in any of the DC area airport men’s rooms either.

    That’s the GOP for you.

  • WiscoJoe

    DRUDGE SIRENS: The B-Street Band (aka, “America’s #1 Bruce Springsteen cover band”) has announced that they will no longer be performing at the inauguration.

  • jesuswasablack
    • Ezio Auditore

      Did someone activate Polymerization on Trump and Clinton?

      • jesuswasablack

        I don’t know what they did but it’s fucking cool!

    • puredog

      I can’t start.

    • mailman27

      Very disturbing.

  • The Wanderer

    I will be attending a comics convention in a nearby town on the 20th. I’ll catch him tripping over the oath on replay, and laugh ironically as he pledges, in God’s name, to “support, protect, and defend the Constitution of the United States.”

    • Courser

      I’ll be spending the day mourning the death of my country.

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      Oh lord, I hadn’t tried to imagine donny’s irritating voice and odd cadence doing the oath until you mentioned it.

      “I – Donald J. Trump, who’s just the best and definitely has big hands, do hereby swear to protect and defend, from Gina, who ya know, made up global warming, the United States – just the most tremendous country ever…”

      Seriously, he launches onto so many parentheticals and tangents, I’m wondering if he can get through it without adding something.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      The lightning rods around the Capitol will be getting a workout at that point, I imagine.

  • Pookabun

    My husband yelled at Trump on Twitter and got an email offering him free tickets, so there’s that. Tragically there was no offer of lots of money not that I believe Trump would pay up anyway.

    • WomanInTheResistance

      I’m guessing hubby isn’t going.

      • Pookabun

        Nope hubby will be with me meeting wonkette and marching the next day :)

    • UnsaltedSinner

      He should go and shout “You lie!” at him.

    • theCryptofishist

      That’s the most pathetically stupid way of giving out tickets I’ve ever heard of. And I’ve been to burningman.

  • Poly_Ester

    The A-listers at Donnie’s coronation? The Clintons and the Obamas.

    • WiscoJoe

      The Obamas will be on their way back to Chicago (or Hawaii, or maybe a pot dispensary in Colorado). So, just the Clintons. I kind of hope they spend the entire ceremony whispering and giggling to each other and taking selfies.

      • suziq

        Hmmm, what if somebody “accidentally” swore in Hillary instead. Would it count? I can dream…

        • WiscoJoe

          Remember in 2009 when John Roberts accidentally messed up the oath and then had to go to the Oval Office the next day and re-do it, just to make sure it counted?

          • theCryptofishist

            No, I’d forgotten. Good times.

          • WiscoJoe

            LOL when we all thought THAT represented a potential constitutional crisis. Simpler times…

          • suziq

            Oh yeah I did forget about that! Oops, accidentally swore in Hillary-oh well, let’s just leave it like that. Trump doesn’t actually want to be president, he just wanted to win. So he sorta did, can we be done now?

      • Vienna Woods

        No,the Obamas will be leaving after the ceremony. It’s protocol to be there for the swearing-in.

        • WiscoJoe

          Oh god, they have to wait til after the ceremony to be whisked away in a helicopter? Haven’t they suffered enough? Protocol no longer means anything. They should just skip out in the middle of the night.

          • Vienna Woods

            Fun fact:

            Only four retiring presidents have not attended the inaugurations of their successors. Those who were absent:
            John Adams missed Thomas Jefferson’s inaugural.
            John Quincy Adams was not present at Andrew Jackson’s.
            Andrew Johnson was not at Ulysses Grant’s ceremony.
            Richard Nixon was not present at Gerald Ford’s inaugural.

            So, two one-term sore losers and two impeached presidents.

          • Tallmutha

            (Nixon wasn’t impeached, though he would have been.)

          • Vienna Woods

            Oh, I know,but it sounds so much neater that way.

  • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie
    • tehbaddr

      MEEP! WHERE’S MY VEEP! PENCE, PENCE, COME OUT HERE AND CALM THEM DOWN WITH THAT RELIGIOUS FUNDAMENTALIST SHIT!!!1!11!!!!1!

  • o’look Skwerl!

    Oh guys it gets even better: ‘Bikers for Trump’ to Form ‘Wall of Meat’ If Inauguration Protests Get Out of Hand

    http://insider.foxnews.com/2017/01/14/bikers-trump-wall-meat-inauguration-day-protests-donald-trump

    • The Wanderer

      Tip: Don’t have any pork BBQ in the DC area for a day or two after the Inauguration.

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      ‘Wall of Meat’ ?

      Well, at least they seem vaguely aware.

    • WomanInTheResistance

      Wall of Meat? Really?

      • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

        I know, right? Every day the world feels more like an Onion headline.

      • tomamitai

        Wall Of Voodoo!!!!!! https://youtu.be/eyCEexG9xjw

    • o’look Skwerl!

      Do you think the wall with Mexico will be built with meat?

      • Bad Tom

        No. Spam.

    • WiscoJoe

      This is a relief. I always worry anarchists will do something so douchey it will discredit all of the protesters, but if there’s equally douchey skinheads on hand to retaliate, then at worse it will end up a wash.

      • theCryptofishist

        At least until the media gets hold of it.

    • boyblue123

      Drumpf is even copying Putin’s Night Wolves biker gang

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      keeps sounding more and more like altamont the more I hear about it.

      • BigBoppa pour la résistance

        Altameat.

        • MeerkatsRMammals

          Is “altameat” like soylent green?

          • BigBoppa pour la résistance

            Just like, except soy protein.

      • georgiaburning

        Except that both the Rolling Stones and Hells Angels were A list acts

    • MeerkatsRMammals

      Wouldn’t it be great if no protesters show up for inauguration? By the looks of bus rentals & “sister marches” across the country, there will be plenty of protests to choose from the following day. Probably without the “wall O meat”, bonus :)

    • Anna Rompage

      Is this gonna be anything like that 1 Million Truckers protests a few years back where 30 of them simultaneously blocked traffic around the DC area for a short bit?

      • BearOmegaNomNom

        We got a great big Conway, lyin’ for the Right!

    • Ezio Auditore

      The said thing is that even IF some of the protesters “get out of hand” the media will ignore the fact that most of it is peaceful.

      • o’look Skwerl!
        • Markuserektus

          Have you got anything without Spam?

          • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

            Spam, Trump, Trump, Trump, baked beans, egg, urine, Spam and Trump has not got much Spam in it…

          • WomanInTheResistance

            I’ll have some spam, Trump, Trump, Trump, baked beans, egg, urine, spam and Trump without so much Trump in it, please. Oh, and skip the urine also too.

    • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie
    • Mr. Blobfish

      Can we not call them bikers? They are guys who own motorcycles and pretend they’re badass.

    • chicken thief

      From the source article: “The group will also hold a celebratory ceremony to honor veterans during the lunch recess on Inauguration Day.”

      Lunch recess? Later in the day I suppose they will retire to their sleepy cots after cookies and milk for their nap time.

      • Bad Tom

        I am 100% in favor of naps.

        I hated them when I was a kid.
        I love them now that I’m verging on being an Old.

    • Jamoche

      Non-fox source
      http://www.sfgate.com/politics/article/Bikers-for-Trump-will-form-wall-of-meat-to-10859328.php

      “We’ll be shoulder-to-shoulder with our brothers and we’ll be toe-to-toe with anyone that is going to break through any police barriers, that’s going to be assaulting women, spitting on them, throwing things at them,”

      Um, aren’t you facing the wrong way for that?

      • NastyBossetti

        What is this guy talking about? Is there an organized assault on women scheduled for inauguration day? I mean, other than the assault of Donald Trump being sworn in as president?

        • Jamoche

          RWNJ male logic: them wimmins is gonna need protecting when they’re out there protesting, cause men who are totally not like us are gonna get upset that they’re being all uppity.

    • BearOmegaNomNom

      Because somehow, biker values are best represented by a billionaire authoritarian. Christ, even Kafka’s reaching for the Excedrin at this point.

    • BearOmegaNomNom

      Also too, today’s meat is tomorrow’s hamburger. With votes.

  • tehbaddr

    He’s a sad tiny fingered orange despot. And a vulgarian, also, too!

  • Blackest Noobs

    gang! SAD FACE SAD FACE!!!!

    faux-Bruce Springsteen band isn’t playing for the inaugural!!! they’re bowing out!

    http://www.rawstory.com/2017/01/bruce-springsteen-cover-band-cancels-plans-to-play-at-trump-inauguration-gala/

    gosh how pathetic are you when even the shitty fake version of a well-liked and highly popular rock musician won’t even come to your party….even more pathetic since you’re a cough, cough “billionaire.”

    • puredog

      Actually, they got the idea that at least a couple of real E Streeters were a tad disappointed, and they venerate The Boss so much that they decided not to do anything that might be read as disrespect. That’s their story (though they maybe could have figured this out up front).

      • Vienna Woods

        They’ve been booked since 2013.

      • Blackest Noobs

        story sounds like bullshit…but faux-bands are in my opinion hucksters….no problem if you wanna play your fave bands’ songs but when you make a buck off it…well i have no sympathies for you.

        and this is a me-thing…just think it’s weird you can get paid doing someone else’s intellectual property as your own. i’m kind of stickler against all forms of plagiarism.

        ©

        • tomamitai

          Who you gonna get to play music by dead writers like Mozart, Bach, etc.? Also too, it’s only plagiarism if you claim it’s your own.

          • Blackest Noobs

            eh? that’s a bit of a stretch of logic you got there…also Bruce isn’t dead.

    • chicken thief

      To paraphrase a tweet I saw: “Even a COVER band has more integrity than the GOP”.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      “Fuck that gig–we’re goin’ on tour!”

  • Mr. Blobfish

    His inaugural carriage is gonna look mighty sad rolling down empty streets. https://goo.gl/images/IVDJYX

    • Khavrinen

      Maybe any protestors planning to go should take some tumbleweeds to roll across the road in front of his motorcade?

  • BigBoppa pour la résistance

    Not OT at all:

    That Bruce Springsteen cover band has canceled for the trump coronation.

    http://talkingpointsmemo.com/livewire/b-street-band-cancels-inaugural-appearance

  • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

    trump should do what fraternities do and offer free beer….

    • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

      Think of all the pee!

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        Ha! I’d rather not. Obligatory: “You don’t buy beer, you only rent it.”

        • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

          All collected by Don’s Johns.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        He’ll go from being Putin’s poodle to Putin’s puddle

    • chicken thief

      I heard – and not on the internetz this time, I heard it the old fashioned way: a friend told me over the phone!, that some group was handing out free weed. But for the Inaugeral traffic, I’d just about make that trip for free weed.

      • Bad Tom

        But, will it be good weed?
        Or, skank crap full of stems and seeds?

        Life’s too short to waste on stems and seeds, ’cause you can’t get wasted on ’em.

      • MissNomer

        It’s true. https://www.facebook.com/events/1890851974476868/

        #Trump420 march
        20th and P streets NW and then proceeding toward the National Mall; Jan. 20, 8 a.m.-4:20 p.m.
        What it is: Local marijuana advocacy group DCMJ will begin handing out 4,200 free joints (which is legal under D.C. law) to protesters at 8 a.m. The group will begin marching (without a permit) toward the National Mall at 10 a.m. with plans to light up 4 minutes and 20 seconds into Trump’s speech.
        Their message: “Trump has gone on record saying it’s up to states to decide on medical cannabis laws, but we’re not a state,” DCMJ co-founder Nikolas Schiller says. “We are trying to encourage President-elect Trump to support cannabis reform and push Congress to remove cannabis from the Controlled Substances Act. He has the power to create jobs, create tax revenue and help fix the broken criminal justice system.”
        If you go: Bring your ID, because organizers will not pass out joints to anyone under 21, per D.C. law. Also note that this unpermitted march can easily get you arrested, especially if you choose to smoke in public (illegal under D.C. law) or simply possess marijuana on federal land, such as the National Mall (illegal under federal law). https://www.washingtonpost.com/express/wp/2017/01/13/your-guide-to-inauguration-demonstrations-marches-and-protests/?utm_term=.6752f2fa1fe7

  • Shoto

    Wait: The tickets are actually “limited edition” and “commemorative? Who could pass up that opportunity?

    • HooverVilles

      Snicker, chuckle, snort.
      >^o.o^<

  • Randy Riddle

    Are Vegas bookies taking bets on how many minutes Trump will spend complaining about the losers who didn’t attend in his Inaugural address?

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      he’ll save those for tweets.
      Although you make a point I hadn’t thought of…think his speech will be just like his rallies?

      • ViveLaPeésistance

        I think he’ll try to announce martial law and get dragged off the stage.

      • Randy Riddle

        I dunno. Depends on how many Black people get dragged out of it by his private security guards.

    • theCryptofishist

      Are they taking bets on how big the crowd will be?

      Will he fire whoever’s in charge of counting the crowd? Tath’s one way to end your National Park career.

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    From MJ:

    Just out of curiosity, I did a quick check to see how many people/organizations Donald Trump has demanded an apology from since he began his campaign. The answer is 21:

    Intelligence chiefs
    Cast and producers of Hamilton
    Mika Brzezinski
    The media
    Ruth Bader Ginsburg
    CNN
    Wall Street Journal
    Vicente Fox
    Mark Halperin
    Hillary Clinton
    Rachel Maddow
    Chuck Todd
    Chris Christie
    The liberal media
    The Washington Post
    Carly Fiorina
    Fox News
    Tom Llamas
    Charles Krauthammer
    John McCain
    Univision

    For a guy who never apologizes himself, he sure does demand a lot of apologies from others, doesn’t he?

    • The Wanderer

      As far as I’m concerned, he can go sing in the streets for an apology.

    • chicken thief

      How the fuck Chuckles Todd get on there?! Trump confuse him with Todd Palin or something?

    • UnsaltedSinner

      How the hell did that sycophant Mark Halperin get on the list?

      • Jamoche

        Eventually he turns on everyone.

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      And what the hell does Carly Fiorina have to apologize about? That’s definitely “wrong way round” as the brits say.

    • ViveLaPeésistance

      The Wonketariat isn’t on the list? C’mon Pooty Poot, you’re not even trying.

    • theCryptofishist

      Only 21?

    • theCryptofishist

      “For a guy who never apologizes himself, he sure does demand a lot of apologies from others, doesn’t he?”

      I’m sure it’s a coup-counting thing. Apologizing is a one-down thing. Of course, in Trump’s case it’s a being the bigger man/woman or having bigger hands thing, but he’ll never learn that.

    • Vienna Woods

      What,no Obama?

    • chortlingdingo

      I find it disturbing for an incoming president to specifically target individual Americans in a pissing contest.

  • jesuswasablack
  • WiscoJoe

    Pretty sure conversation at the inaugaration will fall into four categories:

    -Those Hollywood celebrities are so mean!
    -Toby Keith is a living legend! Way better than Beyoncé.
    -No one cares about celebrities anyway!
    -Soon we’ll have our revenge! Na Zdorovie!

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    Somebody needs to form a White Supremacist Rap Band to fill the void left by the B-Street Band dropping out and name it “DJ Nasty and the Golden Showers”.

    • boyblue123

      The P-Stream Band can fill the void

      • DoILookAmused2u ?

        Dirty Don and the ChickPees?

        • boyblue123

          hahaha

    • Is the German group WARNING still around?

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Crh0yHQZuc

      “It’s got a good beat and you can defeat your blood enemies to it!”

    • BearOmegaNomNom

      Kid Rock’s all in!!

  • Are we talkin’ fancy Pepperidge Farm cookies or cheapo 100 for a buck Family Dollar off brands?

    • Marion in Savannah

      You even had to ask?

    • ViveLaPeésistance

      There’s a cookie-baking joke here somewhere but I’ve had too much sake to come up with one.

    • Randy Riddle

      I’ve got two words for you: lemon cream.

  • ViveLaPeésistance

    Do we have an update on the status of the tape on the inaugural port-a-potties?

    • geoffalnutt

      You mean “port-o-potty”. They’ll only need one.

  • Sekhmet1

    They’re reduced to inviting Pauline Hanson allegedly http://junkee.com/everything-cooked-pauline-hanson-invited-trumps-presidential-inauguration/93650

    That said, it prompted this from the God-Empress Lee Lin Chin (for those unfamiliar, she is someone for whom the overused word Icon is extremely apt): https://mobile.twitter.com/LeeLinChinSBS/status/820792351886970881

  • TJ Barke

    Aww man, you got me all hyped up about the realdoll thing.

    • Shucky Ducky

      More lovin’ left over for you, TJ!

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

      Intelligence, guts and class…and instead of her, Donnie is getting inaugurated. Christ, I need a drink…

      • janecita

        The worse part is that she going to the inauguration. I feel so bad for her, she is definitely a way stronger person than me.

        • willi0000000

          maybe she knows something we don’t?

          [ . . . and we’ll all have to see it on youtube ]

          • DahBoner

            By not hiring a full time IT security guy?

            No she does not.

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            Guess who’s email server was NOT hacked?

          • DahBoner

            I’m guessing the RNC servers were, but they didn’t spill the goods because they wanted to help not hurt Trump.

        • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

          She definitely is stronger than me. The best proof that she would have made a superior president, IMO, is the unbelievable grace and aplomb she has shown after having lost it.

    • MissNomer
      • Blanche Beecham

        Whoo-Whoo!

  • Khavrinen

    “If you’re a protester – show up. We’ll give you cookies and Kool-Aid and whatever else you need”

    Given the Trump team’s resemblance to a cult, I’m gonna have to go with “Don’t drink the Kool-Aid!”

    • Doug Langley

      It wouldn’t surprise me if they handed out the Whizzio Chocolate Assortment pack.

      • Shucky Ducky

        They certainly have an overabundance of Cockroach Cluster.

      • WomanInTheResistance

        Crunchy frog libelz!

    • bluicebank

      Yeah, me neither. Plus, I’m just getting the hang of huffing sterno.

    • OneYieldRegular

      His oblivious reference to Kool-Aid makes me think he probably once referred to himself as a “tea-bagger.”

  • chicken thief

    Trump is so sad – FAILING ON DAY ONE. His idol, Putin, never has any problem filling a venue!

    • janecita

      His idol, Putin, is also a real politician, not an ignorant idiot like Trump.

    • Technically, he failed on day -20 or so, the first time

  • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie
    • NastyBossetti

      He can check that off his to-do list!

      • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

        Gotta hand it to him, I guess…he’s been working on that one all his misbegotten fucking life.

  • Notreelyhelping

    So looking forward to pictures of D.C. buskers wearing signs that read: NOT PLAYING INAUGURAL

  • bluicebank
    • Husband Of Mrs God

      Yay!
      For no particular reason (thanks to B Street Band for pulling out) I am remembering “Back To The U.S.S.R.”.

      • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

        If Trump’s father had only pulled out!

        • Husband Of Mrs God

          ^++

  • Husband Of Mrs God

    Soon after the Resident is sworn in, I will know his mailing address.
    Then I can forward his mail, which has been incorrectly sent to my address these many years.

  • JoeChristmas

    There is going to be nowhere to pee-pee!1!!

  • sosuume

    I gotta inflatable doll that I’ll donate. Complete with the enthusiastic expression worthy of this momentous occasion. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/73fed4c04e6b1ae1a99ccdd3ff95d59388e4c0ab7669eb924147939aad9ccb37.jpg

    • snark-lurker

      i have actually never fukked one of those things are they any good?

      • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

        Well, considering you have to give THEM a blowjob first….

        • snark-lurker

          mever get there pass out first

      • sosuume

        Not nearly as good as me, I’ve heard.

    • MissNomer

      Kellyanne, is that you?

      • BrianW

        No, her makeup doesn’t look that good.

      • sosuume

        Soon.

      • Thorn Spike

        In her dreams.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      Somebody said, “Nancy Reagan in her younger days” but I wouldn’t repeat that.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      Not gonna ask.

  • Husband Of Mrs God

    You mean if I go there I can drink the Kool-Aid? Booking my flight now!

    • Husband Of Mrs God

      I can express my frustration? “If I don’t, gonna blow – a 50-amp fuse…”

    • alpacapunchbowl

      That was a particularly poor choice of words, even by the standards of these goons.

    • Bongstar420

      Is it the Tim Leary Koolaide that has been flavored ayn rand (alisa rosenbaum)?

      • Husband Of Mrs God

        I had to Gargle that — and right away I got this insight that you mean Original Flavor.
        Now I have to lie down and sleep this off.

  • boyblue123

    Free inauguration tickets being offered via pop-up ads on the internet apparently

    https://twitter.com/davidaxelrod/status/821020378273292288

    • *peer* what is with the 58th?

      • boyblue123

        Every inauguration is unique I think, just not every president

        • Still does not seem to compute. Will have to look in on that, but at 44 presidents and most of them having double terms (and one of them 5 terms!) seems even that would be a bigger number?

          • boyblue123

            1st inauguration was on 1789. Its 228 years later. Divide the number by four and you get 57.

            Then add in George Washington’s inauguration. 58

          • tomamitai

            F.D. Roosevelt was elected to four terms, not five.

    • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie
      • Doug Langley

        It’s Mourning in America.

    • starfanglednut

      Not worth it. Couldn’t pay me to go.

  • Me The People

    At best,Trump wants to smear his clatty arse over every aspect of American life, at worst he wants to smear his clatty arse over every aspect of American life, then nuke everyone.

  • Resistance Ftr PuckStopsHere

    Trmp as Preznit? Nobody wants to see that.

    • Me The People

      If you look at the recent trajectory of Republican Preznits – George W Bush, then Trump – you can’t even begin to think of what might be next in that series.

  • DahBoner

    Bleachers? Why?

    They’re already blonde.
    https://media3.giphy.com/media/WHeOU3QAWCsh2/200w_d.gif#24

  • It would be really funny if liberals DID go to this thing, and right at the appropriate time, all leaned over and popped the blow up dolls as one.

  • gullywompr

    If a tree falls at the Trump inauguration, does it make a sound?

    • Me The People

      Depending on where exactly it fell, there could be an enormous cheer around the world.

    • BrianW

      There will be no wood at the Trump inauguration, I think.

      • cats530

        With the Viagra-popping contingent there, I’m sure there will be a lot of wood.

        • Mickey Donovan

          If inauguration lasts longer than four hours…

        • Bongstar420

          I thought the tax cuts and deregulations would be enough to keep that wood nice and hard.

        • BrianW

          You’re right, of course. I was thinking that the dolls were to fill out the crowd, not for the crowd to feel them out.

    • ltmcdies

      can it fall on him?

      • Putty

        If it fell on him, would anyone make a sound? Or move to rescue him?

        • Pirate Jenny

          *loud cheering*

  • Latverian Diplomat

    The Russian army is available to supply manpower. They’ll even work for vodka…just not the shitty Trump kind.

  • OneYieldRegular

    Kool-Aid? DO. NOT. DRINK.

  • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

    The Trump inauguration will be the most tragic ceremony in D.C. since this:

    https://youtu.be/e2f30KCAcIE

    • idiotboy

      Fuck. No joke I was five and remember that like it was yesterday. 1/2 the neighborhood was at our home staring at the black and white 13 inch screen and all the adults were crying so us youngsters started crying too though we only had a vague idea of what was going on.
      Now I am crying again for many other reasons. What a shitty start to the year.

      • calliecallie

        Me too. My mom was crying. She literally NEVER cries, so I thought, this is what it takes to make my mom cry, the president has to die. I was in my 20s when I found out she was crying that day because my dad had been in an accident at work. Turns out he was not badly hurt, but at that point she didn’t know.

  • herrointment

    He says the military loves him, perhaps he’ll order up some troops.

    • Duke

      Yeah! The military loves him! And they’d intimidate protesters, too.

      “3x the military than at Obama’s inauguration.”

      At every one paid for being there.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Paid by the taxpayers. Sounds like a Trump deal.

  • Mike Steele

    Seems to me that Jim Jones made an offer of free KoolAid. Then again, Team Trump ain’t read up on its history lately…or ever, from the sound of him. Watched Rep. Peter King try to finess/translate for him again today. Trump needs to hire some dreamers to translate his blather into English for Dummies.

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      A Trump version of Luther, Obama’s anger translator.

      You, sir, are onto something.

      • Mike Steele

        Luther was funny (also, too, ‘substitute teacher’ and ‘college all-star intro’ skits). Obama appreciated it, as did EVERY OTHER President who was mocked, lampooned, imitated, all the way back to Vaughn Meader’s best-selling vinyl album of the 60s, knocking off the ‘First (Kennedy) Family’. Trump is not even familiar with the rich history of political satire. SAD!

    • Peter King isn’t qualified to translate anything aside from IRA orders. FSM i dislike that douchecanoe

    • bluicebank

      Goes down better with vodka.

      • Mike Steele

        Most things do, doncha know…

    • Bill Diaz

      Flavor-Aid, Jim Jones used Flavor-Aid!

      Have a great day!

  • Bongstar420

    Hey..I thought he was paying for support…Where is my offers?

    I’m sure my sister got something. She was a trumpski believer 10 years ago when I still thought he was a loser scam artist. They think I’m the scam artist because I don’t want losers like him profiting from my value adding work. That must be why I don’t get the offers

  • Jamoche

    They need to be careful with those blow-up dolls:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1LXuNpF6NVg

  • Panika MCD

    do not drink the koolaid. do not drink the koolaid. the cookies are dusted with arsenic and there’s brown acid in the koolaid.

    • gingerland62

      Especially the “lemonade” Kool-Aid, Trumps favorite.

  • bluicebank
    • ibwilliamsi

      I see what you did there…

    • YoNastyBunny

      I guess the ticket prices were prohibitively expensive for Trump’s economic-anxiety having white supremacist fanboys.

      • Begin Anew Day

        Perhaps their budgets just couldn’t afford meth AND the Inaugural.

        Priorities.

  • ltmcdies

    really, lady…you went with Kool Aid….have you never ever been on twitter

  • Scrofula
  • andyshelt
  • nick kelly

    Hey Doc -I’m sort of a fan but don’t youse go trashing Real Doll (Copyright)
    You can spend 8K on one and that’s WITHOUT the optional internal skeleton
    I leave that blow up stuff to losers

    • Serai 1

      Many years ago, someone with an in at Warner Bros. put something amazing up for auction at eBay: one of the sculpted silicone Keanu Reeves heads used for the CGI shots in The Matrix. It had a terrified scream on its face. I seriously considered buying it so I could attach it to a Real Doll someday. Would have been fun to sit in the front window.

      • The Return of Traxley

        Or leave tied up in your backseat while you went shopping.

      • phoenix00

        That’s so close to the real thing!

        Or maybe even beyond…..

        • Serai 1

          Pfft. I like Keanu. He’s really good in comedies. He’s good whenever he can lighten up, basically. He’s too po-faced for action, where an actor has to have some kind of unusual sparkle to rise above the material and stand out. Serious Akting is not a thing he excels at, but put on I Love You to Death and you’ll have me falling on the floor laughing.

          • phoenix00

            I’ll have to look out for that one.

          • Serai 1

            It’s from 1991, I think, a very busy year for him. Kevin Kline, Tracey Ullman, Joan Plowright, River Phoenix. Keanu’s only in it for part of the film, where he shows up with William Hurt. They play brothers. It’s a screwball comedy. :D

    • SnarkON

      Gross.

      -signed, a woman

  • Serai 1

    Hm. Well, I figured the headline couldn’t be true. No WAY the Donald would spend that kind of money. Real Dolls are EXPENSIVE.

    • ResistanceFighterCaptainHowdy

      He can hire that many hookers, it would be a lot cheaper.

      • Sakonyachen

        Especially since he will never pay them.

  • Galley_Queen

    Really? Most people think the cast of Hamilton should apologize to Pence? (re: your online poll above). LOL – hell NO!

  • Pinkham’s Law
    • bluicebank

      Atrib: George Takei.

      • Pinkham’s Law

        Yeah – I thought that was a bonus!

  • Serai 1

    Looks like Trump may have just killed the Republicans’ attempt to abolish Obamacare.

    Hee hee. How’s that ability to control him working out for you fellas?

    • miss_grundy

      I hope the Dems stick it to the GOP every day…….

    • calliecallie

      If Trump can make himself useful killing all Paul Ryan’s crazy schemes, I may have to take back some of the things I said about him.

      • He’s making Medicaid-For-All noises. I don’t know how to feel.

      • Serai 1

        As I said to Callyson earlier, I’m starting to think that when Obama said “Don’t underestimate him”, what he meant was “He may do a lot of good just by fucking up completely.”

  • JParkerSD46

    Kool-aid is problematic on several levels. Good lord, these people are stoo-pid!

    • Tom Krueger

      “Drink it…it’s so delicious” Jim Jones

  • MyLovelyNose

    You didn’t say or link anything about 5,300 Real Dolls! Come on, you can’t plant a meme like that just for lulz!

    • Pinkham’s Law

      Rather looks like he can – and did.

    • chadingo

      ya gotta read the whole piece. last sentence:

      “Still, if you’re in the bleachers in DC Friday and you notice any inflatable love dolls sitting near you, be sure to send us pics. Especially if they seem to be leaking pee.”

  • HazooToo
    • Begin Anew Day

      This is why I worship Crom.

      • sparky2212

        …and to hear the lamentations of their women

        • Begin Anew Day

          That too.

          ;>))

  • Begin Anew Day

    So to go see this a person would have to take time off from work.

    They’d spend money on transportation and lodging.

    I guess the tickets are expensive.

    All of it amounts to Big $$$$.

    Still, it is the Biggest Disaster Epic Ever In The History Of The Earth! Bigger than the giant meteor that wiped out the dinosaurs. More Epic than Noah’s Flood. More disastrous than Hitler.

    Call me nuts but I WANT to see this! I just have a yen for disaster flicks, ruin porn and gothic horror. This whole event combines it all.

    One stop shopping.

    • AttilatheBlond

      Tickets are free for the swearing in. Big bucks, I reckon, to attend Fat Cat Balls with Tiny Hand Cheeto

      • Begin Anew Day

        LOL! You said “big…balls” and “cheato” in the same sentence! That buried the needle on my Absurd-O-Meter!

  • xy

    if god were real, he would ensure that no one showed up on Friday as his one act per millennium that he can interfere with human affairs.

    • calliecallie

      I’ve been hoping there will be a big snowstorm or tornado or at least some lightening in DC during the inauguration. God could at least give us some of that.

      • Poorly Behaved Résistanista

        Hey, I’m gonna be there! As is your Editrix and the Wonkette babby so ease up there, Poncho! Though it may well rain (hee hee).

        • calliecallie

          Nothing personal. Just looking for some divine retribution. If it comes, take cover. Consider yourself forewarned. ;-)

          • gingerland62

            Maybe the rapture will happen and all the assholes will float upward…

      • SnarkON

        Much better if it were freakishly hot, like 105 degrees, making the wingnuts wonder if climate change might really be a thing.

      • AttilatheBlond

        Nah, then the Trumpeteers will blame low turn out on weather. I’m hoping for a lovely day myself, all the better to mock his failure to lure.

    • Shiser

      I think you’re mixing up god and Doctor Who again…

      • xy

        Trump is probably a fixed point that can’t be changed. It’s usually disasters that are.

  • Celtic_Gnome

    I have no intention of watching the inauguration. His speech is just going to be me, me, me, and I got enough of that shit from the moment he came down that goddamned escalator.

    Fuck the pissfreak.

  • The Trump Inaugural on Friday…

    MAGA!

    -_-

    #DeplorablyTrumpianWindbagCulture.

    *******

    https://youtu.be/R6dm9rN6oTs

  • WampusKat

    Herr Pepe just can’t garner the crowds Hitler did, Sad.

    Or shall we say: Yet.

    • SeeTrain65

      Soon, they’ll be breaking down the doors to get the crowds out. Literally.

  • ez

    Welcome to Psychoticracy, it begins Friday.

    • Teto85

      Monday. Der Drumpfenführer is taking the weekend off.

  • Usedtobeyellerdawg

    If I bring my own inflatable love doll just because it’s date night, does that count? Just kidding, she wouldn’t set foot in the place.

  • SnarkON

    Psst, protesters, for the love of god, DON’T DRINK THE KOOL-AID.

  • BouncyFlyer

    If this were the Greatest Gen podcast, this is where we cue the ice cream truck music, and have Kevin Uxbridge say something disturbing about what he does with -his- Real Dolls. You have no punishment to fit his crime.

    • The crowd at the inauguration are Husnock. All of them.

  • Akat

    Ok so I only get my news from here these days (REALLY really). And my sarcasm meter is broke. Is he paying people or what?

    I’m so sad I can’t go to the protests. My husband said he’ll deal with my infant. But I didn’t buy train tickets, and I don’t see driving 4 hours by myself with fibromyalgia. But maybe I should. I’m so conflicted.

Previous articleCIA Director Gently Implying FBI Ratf*cked Election For Trump
Next articleObamacare Supporters Scare Colorado Republican Away, Hold Gross ‘Cough-In’ At Trump Restaurant