So on top of everything else today, the Watergate complex caught fire. On the 13th floor, if you like superstition. Just let that sink in, like pee in a Moscow Ritz-Carlton mattress, as it were.
The Washington, D.C., Fire and Emergency Medical Services Department said just after 2 p.m. that crews had extinguished the fire and were trying to eliminate smoke from several floors in the complex.
The department said no injuries had been reported.
The cause of the fire is still under investigation, but fire marshals have not ruled out the possibility the conflagration resulted from excessive friction, such as might be generated in a veritable orgy of rat-fucking.
And while the alleged video from Donald Trump’s 2013 WaterSportsGate has yet to surface (Penthouse is offering a million bucks to any enterprising spies out there), there is at least video of the fire at the Watergate, from Patrick Garrigan, the Senior Director of Business Development at The Atlantic, who took the video from his very own nearby building:
Beverly Hills surgeon explains at home fix for crepey skin around the arms, legs, and stomach.
— Patrick Garrigan (@PatrickGarrigan) January 11, 2017
Note to the screenwriters for the “January 11” episode of this 2017 program: You’re laying it on a little thick, aren’t you? Nobody’s going to believe this; maybe dial it back a bit? G. Gordon Liddy is complaining this is a tad over the top.
In unrelated news, a flowerpot with a red flag threw itself off Bob Woodward’s balcony, plummeting to the street below. Many people have speculated that if we knew exactly why its final thoughts were “Oh no, not again,” we would know a lot more about the nature of the Universe than we do now.
All we need now is a flash mob of people wearing trench coats converging on DC-area parking garages.