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WE ARE JUST SAYING.
WE ARE JUST SAYING.

Today, yr Dok Zoom wrote you a nice long analysis of the intelligence dossier from the nice old British former MI6 spy guy, about how it sure looks like Donald Trump (allegedly) colluded with Russia during the election, that Russia actively helped him win, that Russia’s been cultivating Trump for YEARS, and oh also HAHAHA ALLEGEDLY TRUMP HIRED SOME RUSSIAN HOOKERS TO PLAY PEE-PEE GAMES FOR HIS SEXUAL AMUSEMENT AND THIS IS PROBABLY ON TAPE! Dok’s point in the former piece is that as hilarious as HAHAHA ALLEGEDLY PEE-PEE GAMES really is, it’s the active collusion with a hostile power (ahem, cough cough, TREASON?) that we should be focusing on. And he’s right. That is, indeed the important part. Trump’s not going to get impeached for (alleged) piss-play, but he might get impeached for being a literal puppet of Vladimir Putin.

HOWEVER. C’mon you guys, PEE HOOKERS! There are people on the internet right now shaming everybody for laughing instead of focusing on the real stuff, and also too there are some people saying, “SHUT UP, STOP KINK SHAMING, SOME PEOPLE ARE INTO PEE AND IT’S NOT FUNNY!” 1) That is true, and they shouldn’t be shamed. 2) Still funny, and those sensitive kinksters are not allowed to ruin our moment of national hilariousness. Sorry to piss on your Corn Flakes, uh oh you might like that, so maybe not sorry. We at Wonkette aim to please, HAHA WE SAID “AIM”!

So, we agree that people need to focus on the much, much more damning allegations in the report, and this is not a counterpoint to Dok’s piece, per se, but have you all ever met the American people? THEY LOVE THIS SORT OF SHIT. Conversely, average Americans aren’t too keen on getting mired down in the dirty details of reading intelligence dossiers on whether Paul Manafort did X in Ukraine and Carter Page did Y for Russia and ZZZZZZZZZZ.

But you have Americans’ reality show-binging, trans fat slurping attention with HAHA WILL DONALD TRUMP’S (ALLEGED) WEE-WEE HOOKERS PERFORM AT HIS INAUGURATION?

So, when discussing the constitutional crisis we are having, with your plumber or with the old lady who sits next to you at Bible study, you should definitely start with the pee hooker stuff. Trust us, that will get their attention. The obvious truth is that the evidence of years of the Kremlin cultivating Trump, and the two camps colluding (the report even says the Trump campaign PAID THE HACKERS, oh my god), is indeed way more important than how Trump allegedly likes it when ladies pee in his general direction. But you have to help Americans get there first, and pee hookers is the gateway drug to that.

(SIDENOTE: Think also about Trump’s evangelical supporters — they might secretly like pee stuff, but they are in their church’s Porn Addiction class for that, and they do not want to be seen as defending Donald Trump’s pee stuff probably, especially since exactly zero of the Russian hookers were Melania Trump, his wife. Say “DID TRUMP HIRE PEE HOOKERS?” to them a lot.)

In conclusion, as long as you promise, after LOLing about the pee stuff with your friends, your neighbors, and your Kiwanis Club chapter, to really talk to people about Trump’s alleged, probable, likely anti-American collusion with Russia, then it’s totally OK to lead with the pee stuff and make memes about it and just generally enjoy the gift God has given you, with #GoldenShowersWatersportsPeePeeGate. And once all your conversational partners have been sucked in by the pee stuff, they will surely stay around for the rest!

(That, incidentally, was Vladimir Putin’s reasoning when he found the wee wee ladies for Donald Trump HAHAHAHA OMG ALLEGEDLY.)

The end.

P.S. Wanna see the grossest, most hilariously offensive picture ever? Trump’s evangelical supporters will really love this picture of Piss Christ wearing a Make America Great Again hat, made by David Rudin on Twitter. Send it to them!

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Trump’s fault, not ours.

 

 

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  • exinkwretch

    The pee stuff is boring. Let me know when the Cleveland Steamer docs show up.

    • Duke

      And why did I google that?

      And why did you know that?

      No.. don’t answer.

      • exinkwretch

        If Wonkette allowed comments (which it does not!) you would learn lots of perverted things here.

    • Pisciatoiojohn

      I’m holding out for spanking. And then the oral sex.

      • kindness

        For everybody.

      • Serai 1

        Oh, all right. I guess I’ll stay a bit longer.

        • Celtic_Gnome

          And now you know why we don’t wear pants.

      • LesBontemps

        Where do I get in line?

      • BearOmegaNomNom

        It’s too perilous.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      He’s got this really naughty guy, Sanchez, working on it.

      • exinkwretch

        Maybe there’ll be a rusty trombone playing at the inauguration ball! He can’t book any other talent.

        • Msgr_MΩment

          Even Superman can’t make it.

        • BearOmegaNomNom

          He can’t even find kitchen crew to toss the salad.

  • James Rose

    And that’s why they call it the Gee Oh Pee !

  • DahBoner
  • Hither and Yawn

    And he was 2 punches away from a freebie from Ivana Pissanyu.

    • arglebargle

      Two dick punches?

    • Bill D. Burger

      Encourage him to visit Ivana Kutchakokov. I’ll give her a magnifying glass so she can find ‘it’!

  • Bill D. Burger

    Guess that PC ‘stuff’ Comrade Trumpanov is always bellowing about is going by the wayside. Fascinating to find words like “pussy” “fuck” “piss” etc. on the front pages of the NYT and WaPo…etc. I kinda’ like it. ~blush!~

  • timpundit

    Why can’t we take the collusion seriously but point and hoot at the pee hookers and donald at the same time? I have that much talent in me at least, I think.

    • Duke

      It’s called “multi-tasking.”

    • Vincent Ricola

      I’ve kind of been training my entire life to balance pee hooker jokes and serious business discussions successfully. I’m not meditating every other day for nothin’.

    • I get confused if i am not doing a minimum of two things at once

      • willi0000000

        i tried doing one thing at a time . . . once.

  • YayConspiracy

    I hope the tape gets leaked.

    • Bill D. Burger

      Urine good company.

    • Serai 1

      It’ll probably dribble out eventually.

      • LesBontemps

        Live-streaming or GTFO.

    • Nodrama4mama

      I just plan to ask the annoying Trumpers, “Do you think the reason they don’t air the tape is because the hookers are unerage so it would be classified as child pornography?”

      • BigBoppa pour la résistance

        Underage hookers woud make a vas deferens.

        • Nodrama4mama

          This is the best pun I’ve heard all day.

          In all seriousness though, do you think the pee hooker thing will be out of everyone’s systems by the time the women’s march comes? I already had to explain Golden Showers to my 16 year old son, I really don’t want to relay that concept to my 10 year old daughter who thinks its gross when dad grabs mom’s butt when they kiss.

          • BigBoppa pour la résistance

            I feel for you there. My daughter has a 10yo boy and 7yo girl, both very bright and interested in current events because it’s something they do at school. On the other hand though, I hope this becomes the biggest thing since Monica Lewinsky’s navy blue dress.

            In the end, I think the kids will be able to handle this better than the country can handle a Trump regime.

          • H0mer0

            my 17 year old son explained to me what a Donkey Punch was. Now my world would be complete if any of the treason and collusion stuff was taken seriously.

          • Nodrama4mama

            I just looked that up on Urban Dictionary. I would love the treason stuff to be taken seriously, however I fear that in a country full of people who do not understand that Obamacare and the ACA are the same thing will understand collusion or treason.

          • Celtic_Gnome

            It’s still a two-fer. You get to go after Trump supporters (especially fundies) with shit they can’t defend, and you also get to mock Trump, which is kryptonite to narcissists.

          • H0mer0

            you’re a brave woman. I have refrained from looking up a lot of those

            terms online for fear of contracting norovirus or giardia (I already had the hepatitis A series but I don’t know if I need a booster.)

    • H0mer0

      eww!

  • Begin Anew Day

    Nixon DID NOT hire pee hookers….allegedly.

    Reagan DID NOT hire pee hookers….allegedly.

    NEITHER Bush hired pee hookers….allegedly.

    But wouldn’t the world be a better place if they had?

  • Msgr_MΩment

    “SHUT UP, STOP KINK SHAMING, SOME PEOPLE ARE INTO PEE AND IT’S NOT FUNNY!”

    What is: How many pee hookers does it take to screw in a lightbulb, Alex?

  • Mr. Blobfish

    This one time? At pee pee camp?

  • laughingnome

    Can we stop bladdering on about this?

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Urethra with us, or against us.

    • Serai 1

      You sure urine the right site?

      • Msgr_MΩment

        You’ll keep talking about this till urinanalysis.

        • Serai 1

          My shrink thinks I’m making progress, but I’m really just taking the piss.

          • Malaclypse

            Can’t wait for his first prostate of the union address.

          • Serai 1

            Let’s hope it’s better than that piss conference today.

    • timpundit

      Go’nad. Try and stop us.

      • laughingnome

        Trump’s presidency might have been a seminal moment. Instead it will be a urinal moment.

        • willi0000000

          . . . but will t’Rump be serving those urinal cakes he likes?

    • kindness

      Scolds are just pissing in the wind now.

  • Tallmutha

    However we get there, I want him to be impeached and, if possible, imprisoned over the collusion stuff and then jeered and hooted at for the rest of his miserable life over the pee hooker stuff.

    • Bongstar420

      Ironically, I had suspicions about the ruskie mobster and prostitute stuff before it was news and before the hacking occurred.

      This is all just gravy for me

      • Msgr_MΩment

        You don’t want to know how gravy is made.

    • kindness

      If he crosses the Russians they will do the job for us. Hey! Let’s transfer all of Putins Swiss & Caiman Island accounts into Trumps and see what happens.

      • puredog

        Which is why he won’t cross the Russians. And there you go.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Finally, his GOPee primary opponents and the Republican leadership know what was in that punch he served em’!

    http://www.ih8trump.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/cartoon-trump-piss-e1475948027472.jpg

  • Bongstar420

    This is par for the course..WE forced Clinton to lie about getting a BJ at work, trumpski can be forced to lie about his pissing fetish.

  • Pisciatoiojohn
  • kindness

    The only ones I see saying we shouldn’t be talking about Trumps kinky side are Trump supporters. I have yet to be scolded from my lefty friends.

    • timpundit

      I prefer not to talk about it either. Gross. But Duty demands it.

      • H0mer0

        anyone who has been a parent or a baby sitter has been barfed on, peed on and worse.

  • schmannity

    When Trump says he’s going to make it rain at the club, run for the exit.

  • uniquename72

    At what point do we stop pretending that Russia had anything to do with getting Trump elected? Even if you believe everything that’s been printed about their “collusion,” they didn’t force the Dems to run Clinton. They didn’t force Clinton to choose — of all people on earth — Kaine as her running mate. They didn’t force Clinton to pass out in front of cameras at the 9/11 memorial (solidifying her health issues in the minds of idiots). The didn’t force Clinton to not bother having a ground game in vital areas.

    It’s all a smokescreen that has nothing to do with any issue that effects any person in the US. Yes, Russia is terrible. Yes, Trump is terrible. Can we move on to actual issues now?

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Dick joke?

      • schmannity

        Shirley you joke.

        • elviouslyqueer

          Don’t call me Shirley.

    • boyblue123

      The report says Drumpf make a tit-for-tat deal colluding with the Russians to try to sabotage Hillary in exchange for changes to the RNC platform. It amounts to treason

      • Thiazin Red

        Changes to the platform, that he did in fact make.

    • Bongstar420

      When it doesn’t matter to cons anymore.

    • Chyron HR

      “Stop talking about the President and his alleged indentured servitude to a foreign government, guys! Let’s focus on HITLERY!”

    • BearOmegaNomNom

      Their involvement peaked long after Clinton had become the nominee.

    • jowgajen

      Taking potshots at Hillary and Tim is not on the way to the high ground.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      But…the emails!

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      So your post is about 85% “Clinton sucks”, 15% “Trump sucks”.
      So my percentage of not caring vs. caring about your concern is about the same.
      But thanks for stopping by!

    • jangoodell

      Do I have to address this? No.

    • HazooToo

      You’re kidding, right? Please, tell me you’re poeing.

      • Serai 1

        It’s one of Putin’s troll army.

        • HazooToo

          What baffles me is that they keep pretending like they’re one of us, but then say stupid shit like “It doesn’t matter if Trump committed treason, that won’t hurt anyone”. How can anyone be that stupid and bad at trolling?

          • Serai 1

            Because a lot of people here are that bad at being Americans.

    • Chick_Tract_Fil_A

      How is the weather in Stalingrad, comradski uniquename72.

    • Yr. Gma

      Is our trolls learning?

    • Daisy

      Because this is collusion with a foreign government, and passing out isn’t illegal, and neither is running Tim Kaine as VP?

      • H0mer0

        what was wrong with Kaine? He was perfect not-real-dad. In fact, maybe even better-than-real-dad.

        • Daisy

          Exactly!

    • The Wanderer

      By all means! Let’s move on to a discussion about Trump being the most useful fool since Gus Hall.

      • SeriousSummer

        Gus Hall was never elected President.

    • Serai 1

      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/4d06933c38524a291c5e81fefe4afda6268c915ad1336bbf1a3c4a39a8fd7091.jpg

      Because we care about the security of this country and its election process, and it’s kind of important that a foreign enemy has been underhandedly influencing our electorate in order to take down our influence in the world, that’s why.

      And because we don’t listen to trolls who pooh-pooh REAL ISSUES in favor of vague something-or-others out there that they assure us are more important.

    • nightmoth

      “nothing to do with any issue that effects (sic) any person in the US”
      Are you fucking insane?

      • Thiazin Red

        No one will possibly be affected by the outcome of the election or US foreign policy.

    • Marceline

      Person still bitching about Hillary wants to move on to actual issues.

      Person sucks at trolling.

    • Doug Langley

      Actual issues . . . like how Republicans have instigated voter suppression policies, some of which are illegal, for the express purpose of stealing elections? Okay, we can discuss that . . .

  • Bill D. Burger

    This Calvin fan and Hillary supporter didn’t realize that he was ahead of his time.

    http://cdn.fadecals.com/image/cache/data/product/Politics/FA1-calvin-pee-donald-trump-001-750×750.jpg

    • Bongstar420

      A visionary for sure!

    • Ed Itable

      Make America Incontinent Again

    • Serai 1

      No, no. Don’t do that. If you pee on him, you’ll just make him hard.

  • laughingnome

    So now we know why his hair is that certain shade of yellow.

    • Bongstar420

      Stained by all the years of unwashed pissing I presume…I wonder if he smells like stale piss as well

      • schmannity

        People are saying.

    • cmd resistor

      Ok I have a friend who had a roommate who used Grecian Formula, so once to be mean he dumped out the stuff and peed in the bottle. And the guy didn’t figure it out for several weeks…..

      • Celtic_Gnome

        I shouldn’t have laughed. I know I shouldn’t have. But I did.

  • Hey guys! If we’re gonna get Donnie impeached, why not donate to Planned Parenthood to help stave off the Handmaid’s tale nightmare of Pence? It’s last couple of hours on the Hamilton prize too!

    • Chick_Tract_Fil_A

      Isn’t it likely the Kremlin told Trump who to pick as 2nd-in-command? A traitor shouldn’t get to place a staff into power before going off to jail.

  • Nockular cavity

    Well, since everyone’s getting all wee-wee’d up about it…

  • BearOmegaNomNom

    ♫ Goldführer / The man with the kompromat… ♫

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    I’m sorry really you guys but we really should take the piss out of this story and pee play as well

    • Celtic_Gnome

      I am so glad I don’t work at The Onion. Some days, I can’t imagine how they manage to drag themselves into work.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Still gonna be hard convincing his ‘base’ that anything he did was scandalous in the least.

    http://ci.memecdn.com/8622212.jpg

    • georgiaburning

      Trump could be shown feasting on the genitals of newborn children, getting golden showers from the New York Jets defensive line, and giving Putin a blow job, all while being dressed in a pink latex gimp suit. It would increase the sales of the gimp suits.

      • The Wanderer

        I think it’d be the first time the Jets D-line actually did anything positive.

    • Hellhathnofury Demme

      Yeah, but who cares about what they think?!

      (I think we’ve all had enough of them.)

      • Ducksworthy

        Besides they’ve pretty much all crawled back in their burrows.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Got a not really OT op-ed for us, WaPo?

    So Comey understands that the FBI weighing in publicly on open investigations, when charges are still being proved, is unwise. Doing so puts those being investigated at the mercy of innuendo and rumor. Yet Comey ditched this rule when he notified Congress 11 days before the election that the FBI was looking into whether there were previously unrevealed emails from Hillary Clinton on a laptop belonging to her aide’s estranged husband. (It should also be noted that this followed months of anti-Clinton leaks from Rudy Giuliani’s friends in the FBI’s New York field office.)</blockquote

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/13a7ebab07b238d4574b556f9ac10ba54d43aad80c7f28a9704b1c0fddea352c.jpg

    • Mary Sandoras

      I really believe Comey was being manipulated by the Russians. What they have on him is anybody’s guess.

  • Unpresidented_in_Seattle

    The stage is set Donald. Vladimir could come up with 2 ladies named Natasha and Sasha to corroborate the story in 10 minutes when the moment is right.. Good luck Preznit Puppet.

    • willi0000000

      film at eleven!

  • AngryKatie

    If nothing else, Trump and his peeing hookers have really made Twitter worthwhile again

    https://twitter.com/TechnicallyRon/status/819218239087661058

    • ResistanceFictionista blondeiq

      Well played, Britain.

    • Hellhathnofury Demme

      Yeah, diss the BBC.
      That’ll work out.

  • ServantToTheStars
    • Ed Itable

      Depends.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Ladies and Gentlemen……
    …..The Aristocrats!!

  • schmannity

    USA NUMBER 1!!!

  • o’look Skwerl!

    First they laughed at the piss fetishes and we laughed with them….
    Then they made fun of the people who teabag canned clams… and we were ashamed.

  • laughingnome

    Wee wee the pee-ple in order to form a more perfect kleptocracy to take tee Donald Trump to be our unlawfully wetted overlord.

  • BigBoppa pour la résistance

    Maybe Trumpy is obsessed with the pee-pee because he has a serious Vladder infection.

  • LesBontemps

    Dear Penthouse Forum, I never thought this would happen to me, but …

    • Mary Stone

      Penthouse has offered a cool million for the “professional micturation” video.

  • Nounverb911
  • Mavenmaven

    First send that doctored Serrano picture to Rudy Giuliani.

  • Tallmutha

    I’m withholding judgment on this whole matter until Todd Starnes weighs in. I want to hear the word of an expert.

  • whitroth

    I’ve been saying for weeks – remember The Manchurian Candidate? How many spy movies and books talk about worms, who wait and burrow in, until they’re needed? – he really *is* the Moscovian Candidate.

    Between that, and his business interests… OK, here’s $5 that the impeachment hearings start in no more than 9 months, and it’ll be the GOP leading the charge.

    Then we have the horror of Francisco Pence… unless Trumpolini sucks him down with him.

    • Thiazin Red

      But the Manchurian Candidate didn’t go around telling everyone how awesome communism was, how he was going to turn NATO into a protection racket and figuratively suck the dick of a foreign leader while shit talking the current president.

    • Vienna Woods

      I bet that he will squeal on Pence as being complicit rather than let him take over.

      • Ducksworthy

        Ah. That’s a nice thought.

      • DMaster

        Oooh, I like that. ((fingers crossed) take down Ryan and McConnell as well, take down Ryan and McConnell as well, take down Ryan and McConnell as well…)

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Look, you need the pee hookers to get the infotainment airheads of the MSM interested. Treason is not nearly as good for ratings as women giving each other golden showers.

    • Tallmutha

      Two things only the people desire: bread, circuses, and pee hookers.

      Wait. Three things only the people desire…

      • Villago Delenda Est

        I’ll come in again…

        • Msgr_MΩment

          Come and go.

    • Ducksworthy

      Yeah. Remember nobody has ever been Impeeched for treason.

  • Nounverb911
    • IOnlyLikeCats

      My glass is still full of white people tears though, right?

      • DahBoner

        Get a mop handy, it’s only January 11

      • HazooToo

        How about we all just stop drinking things that are nasty? You might come down with something contagious. I’ll make you hot cocoa.

  • LesBontemps

    I’m figuring Team Trump actually planted the pee hooker story precisely to distract attention from the serious shit.

    • Hellhathnofury Demme

      I’m not figuring, but I’m wondering if he did this.
      Seems too negative, but…

      • Celtic_Gnome

        If he did, he’s right up there with the Michigan rep who fabricated the story about getting caught blowing a guy behind a gay bar to distract from his affair with another rep.

  • The Wanderer

    BWAHAHAHAHAHA! I was wondering when someone would trot out Piss Christ. Guaranteed to make wingnut heads go boom.

    • DahBoner

      Piss Christ knowns how to go with the flow

  • Mr. Blobfish

    So when Trump drops the sanctions as soon as he takes office, coincidence? He pretty much has to or the pee tape comes out.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      And nobody wants to see that.

      • BearOmegaNomNom

        I’m willing to bleach my eyes for my country…

  • shaar dula

    this guy is rock solid. looks like nothing will take him down. there has to be dead people by the thousands (military & civilian) or rich people losing their deposits before he even begins to take all this seriously.

  • Nounverb911
  • Hellhathnofury Demme

    Important question:
    Should we say “Pee Pee Gate” or “Pee-ghazi?”

    • BearOmegaNomNom

      Goldwatergate?

    • ResistanceFighterCaptainHowdy

      Yes. Or maybe just “shitgibbon being whizzed on by Russian hookers”.

    • Jenny

      I will just say “hey remember when Trump needed hookers to wet his bed? “

    • Vicki Lawrence Wig

      Investigate the pee-mail servers!

    • Vienna Woods

      Watersportsgate.

  • Yr. Gma

    I think I said something to this effect on another thread.

    • Resistance Fighter MausFeet

      I was just about to give you credit in the comments that don’t exist too. Considering that many people who voted for him refuse to be intellectually rigorous about well, anything, they’ll at least remember and listen to this.

      • Yr. Gma

        Exactly. Of course they won’t all rise up and scream they’ve been duped, but a few will start to think about it. Then something else will happen, and a few more will start to doubt, etc.. It’s going to be a long hard slog to get rid of this asshole, but I have the patience.

        • Resistance Fighter MausFeet

          Ditto, that’s one way in which I can be useful. I can be patient with people who just wanted to check out, and have an authority figure ‘fix’ things. They were told he was lying, they should have known better, but I get where it comes from for some people. Which has zero to do with ‘white working class’ really. But there are some that aren’t lost causes, we can get them back to reality! (I have to believe this as well or I’ll lose it)

  • JMP

    I don’t know, evangelical voters proved that they’re fine with Senators who like to hire prostitutes to “force” them to wear diapers as long as they hate the gay people and slutty women.

  • ViveLaPeésistance

    Don’t worry. After the first flush of excitement passes, we’ll be serious.

    • BearOmegaNomNom

      He’s not the first powerful man to have been a john. Just one of the few to take the term even further.

    • Vienna Woods

      We’ll plunge into the details of the story.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Apparently this is fer realz:
    https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=1214444645257603&set=a.100840766618002.1846.100000762374540&type=3&theater
    Morgan & Lewis named Russia Law Firm of the Year.
    And this is where fucknuts is getting his legal advice?

    Who here can even?

    • BearOmegaNomNom

      And “Sheri Dillon”? Fictional-universe crossover, I know… but is she Barry’s sister?!

    • shaar dula

      fwiw. i, for one, can’t even.

    • Jenny

      I’ve lost the will to even.

    • Vincent Ricola

      I haven’t been able to even since June 2016.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      I can’t even even.

    • ViveLaPeésistance

      I can’t even ever.

      • puredog

        It’s odd, but I also can’t even even ever.

    • Tallmutha
      • ViveLaPeésistance

        And of course it’s yellow.

      • Poorly Behaved Résistanista

        Just keep this pic handy. You’ll be needing to post it daily, methinks.

        • Ducksworthy

          Four (4) More Years! Think of it!

    • Poorly Behaved Résistanista

      Yes, it does appear to be real. You cannot make this shit up!

      • Poorly Behaved Résistanista

        So I did some more reading and Dems have used them, too, so using the firm, per se, may not mean anything untoward, but the fucking optics are still just too much.

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      Even has left the building.

  • Nounverb911
    • Ducksworthy

      Is there a petition? Sign me up!

  • ResistanceFighterCaptainHowdy

    In other news, Schicklgruber is going to put up a “log cabin” in the Lincoln Bedroom.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
  • Nounverb911
  • o’look Skwerl!
    • Msgr_MΩment

      Schadengazm right there.

    • Serai 1

      I keep wondering when these people – not just O’Queef’s idiots, but any of the wingnuts out there – are going to get it through their thick heads that THEY WILL GET CAUGHT. This isn’t the 70’s anymore. You can’t hide this stuff.

      YOU. WILL. GET. CAUGHT.

      Get a fucking brain already.

  • nightmoth

    Totally agree! At last–my husband has a way to get his redneck Trumpster volunteer fire department to sit up and pay attention. But how is Faux News spinning it? Because that’s what they’ll come back with down at the fire hall.

  • WiscoJoe

    Dok Zoom: Hey you kids, stop it with the potty jokes and focus on the real issues.

    Evan: Yes, but also sexxxy time with hookers and watersports!

    I love you Wonkette. You know exactly what I need.

    • Hellhathnofury Demme

      Really.
      Wonkette was born for this.

  • Marceline

    “There are people on the internet right now shaming everybody for laughing instead of focusing on the real stuff, and also too there are some people saying, “SHUT UP, STOP KINK SHAMING, SOME PEOPLE ARE INTO PEE AND IT’S NOT FUNNY!”

    I’m tired of people thinking we can high road our way out of this. I know what Queen Michelle said and in general I agree with her but it’s time for all these desperately precious folks to realize who and what the real enemy is and stop grabbing their pearl. Shantchgrabber is a narcissist. Humiliating him in any way possible is has to be part of the resistance. We have to laugh it him because he wants to be taken seriously. I don’t care if you like to get peed on. I care that this guy might get us all killed.

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      Seriously. I have a few kinks, and I find them deeply sexy. But out of a sexy context, I can completely acknowledge that some of them are hilariously weird.

      • Roadstergal

        I have some kinks, and I am not running for President.

        I mean, certainly not after this year… but you know, in general.

    • Bill D. Burger

      Preach it!

    • Resistance Fighter MausFeet
    • Serai 1

      I love Michelle and I think she was absolutely right, but I also think we need a cadre of people who just don’t give a shit about the high road and will do anything that’s necessary to keep the country from disappearing into a fucking swamp. Most of us should take the high road, because if we don’t, this country will be unlivable on a daily basis for us as ordinary people. But not everybody. You get more results if you don’t put all your eggs in one basket, as they say. Those with a talent for political fisticuffs and underhanded fuckery should do what they do best!

      And of course, we should all feel free to relieve ourselves of this discomfort by letting our snark streams fly!

      • Marceline

        Exactly. Most of the time we need to be MLK but we need people who are also willing to be Omar when the situation calls for it.

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UmtuRRhtGQw

        • Serai 1

          Fuckin’ A. There’s always a need for the undercover soldiers.

  • Picabo

    Flowmax is the new viagra. Who knew?

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Works for me. No, seriously! Works for me.

  • OT but who the fuck are you and what the shit have you done with Marco Rubio?

    https://twitter.com/_FloridaMan/status/819210728452358144

    • Daisy

      They upgraded his technology?

      • Thiazin Red

        Some 400 pound guy must have hacked him.

        • Ducksworthy

          In the hot tub.

    • Thiazin Red

      Nothing makes sense anymore! I want to go back to the real world, not this insane parallel universe!

      • Reddishrabbit

        Take me with you!!! I’ll bring the treats!

        Edited for spelling

    • boyblue123

      He just won a 6 year term in Florida and isnt giving two craps about what Drumpf thinks anymore?

      • Reddishrabbit

        He knows in 6 years FL could be blueish and Trump maybe gone.
        Or
        He has a soul.
        Nah, that can’t be it…

        • Celtic_Gnome

          Trump shit all over him in the primary. Payback’s a bitch.

    • The Wanderer

      Okay, what does he hope to gain from this?

      • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

        TBH, getting even for all the “Little Marco” cracks, I’d bet.

      • Vienna Woods

        2020?

        • Celtic_Gnome

          Little Marco has 2020 vision.

      • Thiazin Red

        Be the new VP if Trump get impeached? A primary challenge?

        • Ducksworthy

          That makes sense. So then, after Pence is indicted, the new Gerald Ford?

      • Serai 1

        It’s not possible he’s actually freaked out by all this?

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Marco in 2020?

    • DahBoner

      Florida Man face tat is wonderful. Every Trump voter needs one

    • TJ Barke

      No one passed him the memo that Russia isn’t communist any more.

    • DahBoner

      Rex wants to be “fully informed” before advising an ignorant jackass?

      • DMaster

        Awful as he is, he’s still a more respectable person than his boss. Hell, even SESSIONS is more respectable than the commander-in-pee at this point.

    • Ducksworthy

      My God! Does this mean Little Marco’s testicles have finally descended?

    • Claire

      Damn. Little Marco sounds genuinely pissed off about Aleppo and has no time for Rex’s shit. Did someone replace him with an actual human being or did he just get a bangin’ software upgrade?

    • redarmyzombie

      WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF ALTERNATE TIMELINE HAVE I BEEN DROPPED IN?! NOTHING MAKES SENSE ANYMORE!!!

  • Nounverb911

    Springsteen to file suit in 3…2…1…
    https://twitter.com/coslive/status/819270289133633536

    • TJ Barke

      Less tribute, more spite.

      • Serai 1

        Looks like a “fuck you”, for sure.

    • Thiazin Red

      Okay this is actually sad. A cover band was seriously the best thing they could get?

      • boyblue123

        I suppose its a step up from letting Drumpf followers perform karaoke

      • Tallmutha

        Actually, this is arguably a step up from The Reagan Years (see here if confused: http://www.thereaganyears.com/home/

      • Serai 1

        Yep. I really am curious to see what Bruce will do. You can’t stop cover bands, but on the other hand, I’m pretty sure he doesn’t want his music to be implied as supporting that asshole.

    • Jenny

      Ahaha what about a Garth Brooks cover too?

    • Yr. Gma

      I guess it’s a banner year for liars. Fake news, fake Springsteen.

    • Tallmutha

      One of those musicians does not look like his real-life counterpart.

      • AOT, K?

        • Tallmutha

          I know, but one in particular.

          • Is it the one who looks like a low-rent Iggy Pop? (Which is quite a statement, considering how low-rent the actual Iggy Pop has been, from time to time.) I don’t really know from the E Street Band

          • Tallmutha

            The original E Street saxophonist was famously, iconically, black. Big deal, I know, just pointing out what a bunch of white guys they are.

          • H0mer0

            Reminds me of my SO’s mom’s 90th birthday party up in Philly: he asked me if I had ever seen a whiter family, and despite some of them being of Italian heritage, he was right (I was the only melanin-replete attendee.)

          • bobbert

            Big Man.

          • Celtic_Gnome

            Oh, yeah. Black. I was thinking the sax player just isn’t big enough.

          • Serai 1
          • Nockular cavity

            “Pee hookers? Pfft! Fucking amateur.”
            –Iggy Pop

          • Meccalopolis

            Jealous cocksuckers, your girlfriends all love me –
            Actual Iggy quote

      • Serai 1

        You noticed that too, eh? Probably the reason they got the gig.

    • Vincent Ricola

      This fucker is trying to trick his idiot supporters into thinking it’s really Bruce Springsteen. And if anyone dares say it’s not, he’ll scream “FAKE NEWS” in their face and unleash Sean Spicer/Corey Lewandowski to remove them by force.

    • Tallmutha
      • Ducksworthy

        I’m not ENTIRELY SURE that Number One refers to their ranking. Especially not from now on.

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      Are we ENTIRELY SURE that when they say “Number one” that they are talking about ratings and not something else they might do for His Majestwee?

    • NastyBossetti

      The #1 Springsteen tribute? Bruce in the USA would like to have a word with this “B Street Band.”
      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/21aa276b0d28a1188136401c2faa711c87f3b3121d479fd9266307849099f820.jpg

      • DMaster

        Any group that performs at the inauguration or for any other of Benedict Donald’s events? Call ’em Pee-Street Band.

  • Msgr_MΩment
    • Nounverb911

      Good for him!

    • cheetojeebus

      His second, there’s video out there of him driving his vintage stingray.

    • Yr. Gma

      Does he have a sign-up sheet for rides?

      • H0mer0

        what kind of rides?
        (a girl can dream)

    • Thiazin Red

      But will he wash it wearing cutoffs, or use it for donuts?

    • Unpresidented_in_Seattle

      What’s a guy with cool aviator sunglasses gonna do with his spare time? I only hope to be physically able to get into a vette driver’s seat when I’m 74.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Naughty Trumpanov Love Limerick

    Vlad sat by his Donald at tea
    Trump asked, “Do you fart when you pee?”
    Putin said with some wit,
    I’ve heard you belch when you shit.
    And The Donald just giggled with glee.

  • Crystalclear12

    In our defense in the past if you wanted to get rid of a Republican you reached “Sex Scandal” name brand poison and it killed them dead!

    • georgiaburning

      All we did was breed resistance into the species, unfortunately.

      • Reddishrabbit

        Vitter won one reelection. Honestly awesome and to me surprising he lost Gov race.

  • Jenny

    No this is what we need. Now infotainment will be like well sure there is treason, treason, money laundering, and more treason, but we also found a russian hooker who says it was her with pics!!!

    • BearOmegaNomNom

      Can “with pics” be the new “with votes”?

      • Jenny

        Not democrat enough!1!1

      • Pisciatoiojohn

        Votes or gtfo?

  • TJ Barke

    Is America great again, yet?

  • WiscoJoe

    Since the election, I’ve been filling our library’s “staff picks” shelf with subliminal messages. On Monday, I added in the movie “Doubt” for some hot Meryl Streep truth-to-power action. Today, I added this gem (pic):

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/26dc41c17cbf6f8e888418e9762eb0f99a32e1b654934f0e7bf7f5dbdcc000e4.png :

    • ViveLaPeésistance

      Brilliant. Things like this, it’s how the resistance will pee-vail.

      • WiscoJoe

        It’s the piddle things that count.

      • Vienna Woods

        Let freedom stream!

        • Barbarartanner

          Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours and have longer with friends & family! !ud446c:
          On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
          !ud446c:
          ➽➽
          ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleFinancialJobsCash726DigitalRockGetPay$97Hour ★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★::::::!ud446c:….,……

    • cheetojeebus
      • WiscoJoe

        NSFW!!!! But I guess I’m already on an article about wee-wee hookers… Oh fuck, our entire country is quickly going to become NSFW, which is a paradox since Trump is going to create so many god damn jobs we’ll all be working 18-hour days.

      • “Meh, needs more beds Obama slept on.”

      • Come here a minute

        I got no problem with modern art, but why the fuck didn’t she pee outside of the barn???!?!?!????111!!@

        • cheetojeebus

          Then there would have been no puddle for the light to artfully reflect off of.

  • WiscoJoe

    I’m old enough to remember when Republicans though Bill Clinton blowjobs were a national security threat (because BLACKMAIL) and that Obama was a Russian puppet (because… taxes or health care or not wanting nuclear war or something).

    • Serai 1

      Oh, they still would… if we’d voted in a Democrat. But you know, IOKIYAR.

  • memzilla Ω
  • Brad’s Granny

    Evan is funtimes Disneyland daddy and Dok is “eat your broccoli then do your homework” daddy. Having two daddies is fun when you’re absolutely sure which one to ask for a new bike!

    • IOnlyLikeCats

      What kind of parent doesn’t feed their children cheesy broccoli?

    • WiscoJoe

      If Dok and Evan were my dueling daddies, I wouldn’t need a bike.

  • Mary Sandoras

    So the hook to treason is the hookers.

  • PixieThis

    The orange man protests too much
    “Oh, Golden Showers”
    Alec Baldwin can’t retire!

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      Orange and Yellow? I haven’t seen anything that hideous since the time I saw Marquette play Syracuse.

    • Rick Hill

      Oh mah gerd! I can see the humor but I’m really hoping this is not the set up of the nxt SNL skit

      • Serai 1

        Do you seriously believe that Lorne Micheals wouldn’t leap on this with both hands and both feet?

  • The Wanderer

    The new theme for the Trump Regime:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Sc6NSgTySU

    • TJ Barke

      Drip drip drip.

      • The Wanderer

        Yellow River, by I. P. Daley.

        • yyyaz

          Sorry, that was by I.P. Freeley.

          • H0mer0

            AOT,K!

  • Joe Beese

    Today we are all Russian wee-wee hookers.

    • Uhh… I’m going to pass on this one…

    • Jamoche

      Today we are all the hotel staff that had to clean up after it.

  • cheetojeebus

    Honestly, I don’t think this will move the needle a bit with the groups that are trading shit off for a bit of power, The anti abortionists? They are already fine with murdering Doctors, The Evangelicals? Pussy grabbing wasn’t enough? Pee will matter little to them. Mitch, The Turtle? Please. Sadly I think we’ll just have to learn to enjoy this waterslide to oblivion. But hey, the jokes will be fun, and we can laugh as the hard rain falls.

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      Not so much the point; Trumpites are lost causes. But we’re more keeping the needle where it is among independents and wavering Dems: Trump stays just as unpopular and undignified as ever. No honeymoon, no high polls for him to brag about, no excuse for knuckling under during the 100 days.

  • Shibusa

    The Pissin’ of the Christ

    • Brad’s Granny

      I’m gonna go ahead and imagine you said that with Sean Connery’s accent.

      • yyyaz

        Great call.

  • Rick Hill

    trump should take heart that he’s so angry. After all, it’s better to be pissed off than pissed….oh, wait….

    • Serai 1

      I guess he can be both.

      • Rick Hill

        He’s older now and an avowed germophobe so maybe he just looks at those videos of women going in his hotel restrooms. I mean, they make those cameras so small now, they could be anywhere. There’s an idea. How about starting an Okeefe style investigation, getting a room at trump’s hotels and checking them out. Maybe bribe some employees…with votes, of course.

        • Yr. Gma

          Maybe he could pee on O’Keefe.

        • DMaster

          Germophobe? Hmm…anyone out there going to the inauguration? When he puts his hand on the Bible to be sworn in (or some other key event), cough in his general direction.

  • ViveLaPeésistance

    I always wondered why there were so many mattress stores in Palm Beach County.

  • Serai 1

    Pussy-grabbing, pee hookers… All we need now is a bukkake revelation, and we’ll have a Kink Trifecta!

    • The Wanderer

      It’s what he uses to keep his hair in place.

    • I’m pretty sure Trump cannot achieve an erection, much less get off.

      • DMaster

        Wouldn’t be surprised if causing noise is the only way he can achieve it, and it’s had diminishing returns with age.

  • Vienna Woods

    OT but I’m finally going to see Rogue One guys! Considering that I saw each of the original 3 at least 20 times in the theatre, this means a lot. Having a Harvey’s burger served by an incredibly polite young man, and lingering with their free WiFi until I meet up with my 23 year old to sit in recliners with an endless supply of popcorn. Life is good!

    • Have fun! I’m going on Friday, and I’ve heard it is very good!

    • Roadstergal

      I am a bitter old woman who grumbles about the movies of The Kids These Days, and I _loved_ Rogue One. The _feel_ of it just took me back to watching the original.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Enjoy. Sounds like a pleasant evening.

    • Unpresidented Ron

      Harvey’s, and then endless popcorn? You really know how to live!

      • Vienna Woods

        It was the recliner seats that were the best. Oh my goodness, why have I never experienced this before?
        Harvey’s, of course, was wonderful. Bacon cheeseburger!

        • Unpresidented Ron

          Harvey’s is a Canadian treasure. One of my Erie friends occasionally makes the drive across the border solely for one of their cheeseburgers.
          And they opened a franchise less than a half hour away from me. Life Up Here can be very good indeed.

          • Vienna Woods

            They do, indeed, make a hamburger a beautiful thing!

          • BackDoorMan

            … with a radio jingle that everybody could sing along to. Mind you, the short-lived slogan of “Meat. Fire. Good.” is not without it’s honest simplicity. Harder to put to music, I guess. Harvey’s definitely remains a standout in the fast food field.

          • BackDoorMan

            … and still Canadian owned. Although, I do miss the days when the fries were fresh-cut P.E.I spuds, fried with the skin on (now I go to NY Fries for those). But as far as corporate fast food burgers go, Harvey’s lived up to the claim of “We make you spoiled with charbroiled.”

  • goonemeritus

    I am willing to bet sites like youporn will have a new category dedicated to Trump parodies within a week.

    • snark-lurker

      oh boy who knew me gotta go google RITE NOW!

    • DMaster

      Sigh…have to promote internet video reviewers whenever I can…just wish it wasn’t thru this one…:

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GN2jTQ0oFw8

  • Rick Hill

    Perhaps this explains some of those photos of Melania. The ones with the thousand yard stare that say to the world “You have no idea the things I’ve seen, the things I’ve had to do….”

    • Ducksworthy

      What’s worse is that poor Svetlana has to report it all back to her bosses.

      • Rick Hill

        She proly just gives them the tapes

  • Bill D. Burger

    Inauguration poem! Got it!
    Maya Angelou read her poem “On the Pulse of Morning” at President Clinton’s inauguration. Richard Blanco read his poem “One Today” at President Obama’s inauguration. Perhaps Trump could get Garrison Keillor to read his poem “Oh What a Luxury” at his! (*I know Keillor is a liberal, but in this one case he just might do it.”

    “Oh What a Luxury”

    O what a luxury it be
    What pleasure O what perfect bliss
    So ordinary and yet chic
    To pee to piss to take a leak
    To feel your bladder just go free
    And open like the Mighty Miss
    And all your cares go down the creek
    To pee to piss to take a leak
    For gentlemen of great physique
    Who can hold water for one week
    For ladies who one quarter-cup
    Of tea can fill completely up
    For folks in urinalysis
    For little kids just learning this
    For Viennese or Swiss or Greek
    For everyone it’s pretty great
    To urinate.
    Women are quite circumspect
    But men can piss with great effect
    With terrible hydraulic force
    Can make a stream or change its course
    Can put out fires or cigarettes
    And sometimes, laying down our bets,
    Late at night outside the bars
    We like to aim up at the stars.
    O yes for men its much more grand
    Women sit or squat
    We stand
    And hold the fellow in our hand
    And proudly watch the golden arc
    Adjust the range and make our mark
    On stones and posts for rival men
    To smell and not come back again.

    • President in Exile Firefly

      Nah. Trump will probably just read “There Once Was a Man from Nantucket.”

  • Unpresidented_in_Seattle

    RE Trump dissing Intel peeps. “Schumer warns Trump: Intel officials ‘have six ways from Sunday at getting back at you.”
    1 down 5 to go.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Also, considering how much Donald HATES being made fun of, one can argue that joking about Peegate is an act of resistance. Carry on!

    https://twitter.com/mmpadellan/status/819272542129102849

    • Serai 1

      Let’s hope his Twitter stream is flooded with snark.

    • Serai 1

      On more thought, you know, I think you’re right. As far as Trump himself goes, this is the way to resist him. Barrage him with mockery on his Twitter stream (heh heh), so much that he can’t think straight, he’ll be so angry. The only one who could stop it would be him, by deleting his account and not going back on Twitter – and of course he’ll never do it. Fun!

    • Yr. Gma

      Yes! Resistance takes many forms.

    • bookish

      We need to ridicule him mercilessly at all times.

  • Sophia

    Tweet from Foreign Policy’s Robbie Grammer:
    Law firm overseeing Trump’s compliance w his business, Morgan Lewis, was named “Russia Law Firm of the Year” in 2016

  • Me not sure

    I have it on good authority from a former Mossad agent that the mattress peeing prostitutes were dressed as Serta Sheep, numbers 1 and 13. Trump won’t touch a woman that is not in sheep’s clothing.

  • tehbaddr

    So does DRUMPF like to get pissed on, or just watch other pepple get pissed all over, also, too!

    • Roadstergal

      Drumpf is pissed on, I am pissed off.

    • WiscoJoe

      He’s a “germaphobe” so he likes to sit in the corner and watch other people be dirty. I believe this tape (allegedly) is of two (or more) prostitutes peeing on each other and the bed (rude!) while the Donald watches.

      • The Wanderer

        Yeah. I think the fetish is called salirophilia.

        • WiscoJoe

          I had to Google that one! And here I thought I knew everything there was to know about fetishes…

          Salirophilia is actually a brilliant explanation for Trump’s entire political worldview.

          • Fits his narcissismsisms nice too.

          • artem1s

            at least the GOPers finally have a name for their new party when they get done burning this one (and the nation) to the ground

      • DMaster

        So he just watches while people he might want to have sex with engage in kink? Huh…people who voted for him, who is the “cuck” again?

    • Ducksworthy

      Yes

  • goonemeritus

    As a democrat I am ok with the nuance presented by Trump being simultaneously a traitor and having a comical proclivity for eastern european urine.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      You’re a peein’, all right.

      • Paul

        You get a gold star.

        Or should it be a red star?

  • DoILookAmused2u ?
    • Vienna Woods

      No.

    • Amy!

      Somebody really, really, really needs to put the Donald’s hairdo on top of leave-brittany-alone boy. It’s close already, but it needs to be unsubtle.

    • chortlingdingo

      Chris Crocker actually did this already.

      https://twitter.com/ChrisCrocker/status/818451499709792260

  • WiscoJoe

    BBC is reporting that there are multiple tapes taken at various hotels in both Moscow and St. Petersburg (video AND audio). So other than the wee wee hookers (alleged) tape, what other tapes (allegedly) might be out there?

    Trump’s Donkey Show? Grabbing Billy by the Bush? Live boys AND dead girls? Celebrity Appendage? The blooper reel from “Playboy Video Centerfold 2000″?

    • The Wanderer

      A live acting-out of The Aristocrats?

      • WiscoJoe

        Well, he (allegedly) is sexually attracted to his daughter and likes to call his son retarded…

        • DMaster

          Eh? I was quite certain of the former, but where is it stated the latter? Not that I doubt anything awful about the guy at this point, I just want any intel I can get.

      • H0mer0

        I would prefer the “Aristocats” since child protective services and ASPCA…nevuh mind.

  • Roadstergal

    If your allegations of treason last longer than four hours…

  • Ducksworthy

    Standard Trump. Smother evidence of foreign corruption and treason was scurrilous salacious scumminess and hope that covers up the stench.

  • Rick Hill

    Keep your eyes on the important part of today’s events. The gauntlet has been thrown down, let’s see who’s the first to come forward with evidence of his doing business in Russia
    https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/819159806489591809

    • JustDon’tSayPeePee
    • ResistanceFighterCaptainHowdy

      No loans, eh?

    • Unpresidented Ron

      I’d expect that David Fahrenthold will have something REAL soon. He seems to have a knack for it.

    • bookish

      That’s not what little Donnie said. He said the family makes big money off Russia.

      • Mary Stone

        “Big” Donnie once bitchslapped little Donnie the college student because little Donnie had the temerity to wear a T-shirt and jeans when “Big” Donnie came to the door. “Big” Donnie demanded he change at once into a suit and tie…
        …they were going to a baseball game.

        • chortlingdingo

          Every day now, I’m so thankful that I wasn’t born into that family.

  • shaar dula

    life is too fucking short. from what i can tell there is only one life too. and that life is not going to live itself and it really is not anyone’s dharma to diminish their sacrifices or those of their loved ones and deny life. Even Trump, as serious a threat he is, is not above life itself.

    • shaar dula

      fuck trump he is not boss of me.

  • Nyumbu

    Urine and year-out, it’s always the same old shit.

  • Bill Slider

    Will Trump have those naked to the waste Dykes on Bikes in the parade? I saw them once, decades ago, at a DC Pride Parade, in chain S, attached to their nipples. They were riding four abreast. Yes, 8 breasts connected by a thick chain as they rode Harley’s. My first thought was, which one was assigned pothole watch?

    • H0mer0

      ow!

    • DMaster

      Yeesh. A giant chain linking 8 breasts together while riding motorbikes? THAT’s got to make it hard to play those children’s card games.

  • Rick Hill

    As those headlines proclaimed on the Nationl Enquirer: Thank gawd trump has already begun restoring dignity to the WH

  • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

    “You know what else they say about my people? The polls, they say I have the most loyal people. Did you ever see that? Where I could stand in the middle of Fifth Avenue and something something pee hookers and I wouldn’t lose any voters, okay? It’s like incredible.”

  • alpacapunchbowl

    I would expect pee fans to have a sense of humor about the whole thing, but maybe I’m just lucky that I run with funny kinksters.

  • Meccalopolis

    So, what’s next? Live boy, dead girl? Irresponsible not to speculate

    • Ducksworthy

      AOT,K?

    • ResistanceFighterCaptainHowdy

      Little boys or shit. Or both.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      Up to eyeballs debt to Russian mob.

      • DMaster

        Considering he has yet to prove he has actual money, I entirely buy that.

  • Ωbjectifier

    One should never pick a fight with the CIA.

    • shaar dula

      i would qualify that with somebody like Trump. Obama and Carter could have. But lesser mortals should know their own boundaries.

  • Shibusa
    • Unpresidented Ron

      Yeah, that didn’t exactly catch much attention.
      Think I’m gonna go back to sleeping in the car on long trips.

    • Edith Prickly

      That’s yet another thing he wasn’t supposed to say in his outside voice.

    • Mary Stone

      He’s like a dog eating his own vomit, isn’t he?

      • DMaster

        Hmm…no. After at least a dozen iterations of consumption and vomit, then we’re in the right ballpark.

  • Heyzeus Ahchay

    I wonder how much of this kind of thing Melonomia will put up with before she bails — prenup or no prenup.

    • Alan

      All of it. She knew he was an ass when she married him.

    • Old Man Yells at Cloud

      Staying gives her a chance to get Moose and Squirrel. https://i.ytimg.com/vi/GrHLfiivaw4/hqdefault.jpg

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      Who knows how much she has been suffering and for how long?

  • BadKitty904

    Thanks, GOPee!!1!

  • Alan

    So I have a theory. If this is not about Trump but rather about disrupting the American political process and sowing distrust then Vlad will release all of the tapes on January 20.

  • ken_kukec

    How many rubles to have Russian hooker pee on you?

    Asking for a comrade.

  • H0mer0

    it looks kinda greenish like antifreeze or bile

  • Ryan Denniston

    “Conversely, average Americans aren’t too
    keen on getting mired down in the dirty details of reading intelligence
    dossiers on whether Paul Manafort did X in Ukraine and Carter Page did Y
    for Russia and ZZZZZZZZZZ.”

    Which is why we have Trump. Also too, the fucking slaveholding states and their delicate fefes that got us the Electoral Collage.

    • SayItWithWookies

      Fefes? I thought we were talking about pee.

  • President in Exile Firefly

    I’ll piss on Trump for free.

    • ResistanceFighterCaptainHowdy

      I wouldn’t want to get that close to him.

    • Tallmutha

      Provided he’s not on fire.

    • MilwaukeeKent

      I wouldn’t walk a mile in his shoes, which are strangely wet although there isn’t a cloud in the sky. Perhaps he didn’t read the instructions on the heels.

    • kev

      i wouldn’t piss in his mouth if his guts were on fire.

      • DMaster

        But you would if he WASN’T on fire, right?

        • kev

          only i fi thought he wouldn’t enjoy it.

  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    Way to go Russian Puppet! THIS is how you make the world RESPECT and FEAR AMERICAN again? THIS is how you make AMERICA GREAT AGAIN? You seem to have gone from MAGA to MANGA. America is now a cartoon country with a caricature as PEE-OTUS. You haven’t even been sworn in, yet you have already proven that you are worthless as a leader. You will be excoriated by historians, reviled by patriots and laughed at for all time by all people of goodwill no matter what you do as President. Thanks for nothing you fuck-knuckle.

    • Mary Stone

      Bukkake Manga

    • Frank Smith

      You mean the POTTYUS, don’t you?

  • TundraGrifter

    Urine luck?

  • SayItWithWookies

    I’m gonna invest in the company that makes those plastic mattress covers, ’cause I bet the Trump Hotels are gonna be buying a shitload of them real soon.

    • Frank Smith

      Gotta fill those radioactive rooms somehow. ;-)

  • Jamoche

    National Enquirer’s last cover said Trump was “already restoring dignity to the White House”. Yeah, about that…

    • Tallmutha

      I know when I want to learn about dignity, the National Enquirer is my go-to source.

      • Ducksworthy

        Its Emily Post for Trumpians.

    • OrG

      Absolutely nothing more dignified than watching hookers pee-pee on each other.Classy,the best.

    • chortlingdingo

      Well, for some folks, the mere fact that Trump is white under that orange fake tan/foundation means he’s got more dignity than Obama, who has the audacity to be black while presidenting.

      • Jamoche

        Seems like whoever stocks the magazines disagrees – the Enquirer isn’t at eye level anymore, it’s right down by the floor :)

        • chortlingdingo

          That’s just beautiful!

        • DMaster

          How it hasn’t been buried yet, I don’t know.

  • I was thinking earlier because conspiracy wednesday, what if they added the piss bit, which is false, so they can blow off the rest of the report, which is true?
    I mean, the FBI has not been exactly not in Trump’s corner.

    • Unpresidented Ron

      Who the hell knows any more? The insanity’s already up to my armpits, and I’m not exactly short.

      • Frank Smith

        Is the Urinational Enquirer covering this?

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      No, the “piss bit” is likely true and allegedly there is more than one tape. McCain has said that the report was passed to him and alarmed, he gave it to Comey personally. Walnuts has insinuated that the FBI leaked the report. And what Buzzfeed published is the same document.

  • bumfug

    In an effort to discredit CNN, the Trump people now claim to have uncovered a copy of the legendary Don Lemon Party video.

  • Jeff Mc Donald

    OK, so, you see…hookers. Anyway, urine and sexy times… No. I just can’t. I mean hookers is a tough enough subject, but then there is the peeing on folks…Nope. Ima leave this shit alone. Carry on.

  • Duke

    When will Pence be president?

    And don’t the British allow bets on that sort of thing?

  • Jukesgrrl

    I find it amazing Trump hasn’t found a place for former Republican senator “Diaper Dave” Vitter in his cabinet.

    • MilwaukeeKent

      Russian Ambassador position still open?

      • Jukesgrrl

        BINGO!

  • redarmyzombie

    Hey, if Trump has golden toilets, why wouldn’t he have golden showers?

    • Frank Smith

      Da-DUM!

  • artem1s

    I feel bad for the curators at the WH. I gotta hope they are spending every waking moment removing every relic, antique, and piece of art and replacing them with well crafted replicas. If any of those object were in my care and I had to watch that vulgarian and his pustulant family defile them, I’m not sure I would be able to keep my sanity.
    http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2013/11/14/article-2506989-1966288F00000578-427_634x826.jpg

    • Nodrama4mama

      I feel so bad for the nice people that have to work in the White House attending to the personal needs of the new first family…

      On another note, do the Trumps not have some pissed of house staff who can walk out with some tax returns and drop them off at the Teen Vogue office?

      • Mary Stone

        This is the thing Donnie the water wizz doesn’t understand. An administration is not in your control, even if you are PeeOTUS, there are any number of underpaid, ambitious, disgruntled, or vengeful people just waiting to bring something to the attention of the media you’ve treated oh-so-well. I actually think his “come at me, bro” attitude to all but the most fawning of media sycophants is a good thing. For too long our fourth estate has grown fat, and lazy, on the rich scraps thrown its way by our professional political class. Now, Donnie the Pissbucket-elect is going to starve them. This will turn them once again into lean, hungry wolves. Journalists will have to practice journimalism. Any news agency worthy of the name should now resolve to do the following: Send the inexperienced to the pressers (they’ll be worthless crap anyway); send your experienced people on the beat. Have them cultivate relationships with informants within the Trump “administration”, and with witnesses to the Trump administration’s bullshit. It’ll probably take the better part of a year to put together, but it could be Woodward and Bernstein times orders of magnitude. If W/B could get Richard Nixon’s deputy director of the FBI to sing, the possibilities for the Trump White House are endless.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        Considering everything we’ve seen so far, I naturally assume he treats the hep like shit.

  • Reximus

    what’s the difference between a lentil and a chickpea?

    .

    .

    .

    .

    .

    .

    .

    .

    .

    .

    .

    .

    .

    .

    .

    .

    .

    Trump wouldn’t pay $1000 to see a lentil!

    • ken_kukec

      Would be even funnier using “garbanzo.”

    • Old Man Yells at Cloud

      He wouldn’t pay $1000, but would say it was not up to his standards and only pay $100.

    • Mary Stone

      Dang, and I was sure the punchline was going to be the following:

      I never had a lentil on my face.

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    Pissed off (sorry) US intelligence services, check
    Still no indication that anyone gives a shit (sorry)

    Pissed off (sorry) the rest of the non-Fox news media, check
    Still no indication that anyone gives a shit (sorry)

    Pissed off the Republican establishment, check
    Still no indication that anyone gives a shit (sorry)

    Starting to piss off the Teatard base
    Still no indication that anyone gives a shit (sorry)

    Sooner or later, he’s going to piss off Putin, and then it’s all over for Donnie-boy.

  • CindyinEncinitas

    My friend and I are making signs for the protest on the 21st. Any suggestions for slogans?

    • Old Man Yells at Cloud

      My suggestion is for you and your friend to each have a sign with half of Reximus’ lentil comment below. One carry the question and the other the answer.

    • Roni Resistance Raven

      Hey Cindy, are you going to DC or is there a local protest planned? Been a bit off the grid for the last two weeks so if there’s a local one I will for sure want to be there.

    • MilwaukeeKent

      “If you sprinkle
      when you tinkle
      be a sweetie
      wipe the seatee”
      or
      “We aim to please
      You aim too, please”
      Maybe just
      “Trump is P.!
      Weeee!”

      • Mary Stone

        After all, you can’t spell Trump without pee.

    • DMaster

      Benedict Donald
      “Pay No Attention to the Man Behind the Iron Curtain!”
      Bannon-Puppet Donald
      Putin-Bitch Donald
      Great Big Phony Donald
      Dime-a-Dozen Dipshit Donald
      #1 Commander-in-Pee
      Digital Dummy Donald
      Late-to-the-18th-Century Donald (or Pence)
      Thieves of Tomorrow
      Needledick! Needledick! Needledick!
      Yellow-Bellied Commander-in-Pee
      The Only Pussy That Warrants Grabbing is the PEOTUS

      Just a few ideas.

  • ken_kukec

    It’s always reassuring when a hotelier tells you he knows all about little cameras, and that, no matter where you travel, there’re some in your hotel room.

  • Scott1960

    TL:DR, had to pee. Some guy in an obvious yellow toupee kept looking though. Really creeped me out.

  • Pat_Pending

    I’d trade the Rockettes for some high-kickin’ wee-wee hookers in a HOT MINUTE! Just don’t sit in the front row! WOOO!!!

    • Saxo the Grammarian

      That would be better than a Gallagher show, for sure for sure.

  • MilwaukeeKent

    May God have merde on Trump’s soul.

    • DMaster

      Oh FUCK no; he gave up the right for divine mercy outside of the most broad, all-encompassing sense a LONG-ass time ago.

  • Mary Stone

    I for one, am looking forward to the right wing evangelical Trump faithful defend water sports. It’s gonna be hilarious. Pants-wettingly hilarious.

  • BreakingDeadMen

    If you haven’t heard this yet, you haven’t lived. A golden oldie.

    https://youtu.be/lkTqOf8SeLE

  • Celtic_Gnome

    Yowzah, Evan. Besides being ignored, narcissists can’t handle mockery. They must, above all else, be TAKEN SERIOUSLY.

    This truly is a gift from God.

    • DMaster

      No, this is still something that humans had to do for ourselves. A gift from God or whomever would’ve been if this story had leaked a year ago, long before he was confirmed as the Republican nominee. Or at least if it had been leaked just after Pussygate, when that hubbub had inexplicably died down.

  • kev

    i heard a Radio BBC broadcast this morning that claims a US spy was told by an Eastern European intelligence agency that they also were aware that Russia had audio and video of Rump’s escapades in Moscow and St. Petersburg. You can get the link at Juanita Jean’s.

  • Mike Steele

    Anybody else think this ‘disgusting, fake news leak’ was just another false flag SQUIRREL!!! To divert attention from the fact that he’ll continue to run his criminal enterprise from the White House? Intel, Gang of 8, HRC campaign, etc. apparently had this shit for months, yet it hits the news day before presser

    • DMaster

      Entirely possible. However, he’s a freaking maniac who can’t stand to look bad. However deflective it may be, keep up the jokes on the matter, as well as the accusations of the important details, like the fact that he’s BEEN IN RUSSIA’S POCKET FOR YEARS! The more he melts down, the more likely the Republicans will turn on him. Not saying it’ll be sunshine lollipops with Reich Pence in charge either, but we’ll be one step closer to getting SOME kind of stability back.

  • Barbarartanner

    Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours and have longer with friends & family! !ud446c:
    On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
    !ud446c:
    ➽➽
    ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleFinancialJobsCash726DigitalRockGetPay$97Hour ★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★::::::!ud446c:….,…….

    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      Ohhhhh Barbararararararar… learn from Lori’s mistake. Don’t buy the car – no matter how cool – with the first month’s earnings. Take the money and run.

  • Oblios_Cap

    We at Wonkette aim to please, HAHA WE SAID “AIM”

    You probably want us to AIM, too. But what does any of this have to do with the American Indian Movement?

    • DMaster

      Or Advanced Ideas Mechanics?

  • Thakkar

    Look, let’s give the man the benefit of the doubt. Here’s what could’ve happened:

    He was by himself in the hotel room. Got naked, as usual and waddled his flabby frame under the covers. Unbeknownst to him, there was a jellyfish lurking under there, as they often do at Russian Hotels. It bit him. The pain was excruciating. Remembering the cure for jellyfish bites from episodes of Baywatch that he repeatedly watched, he tried pissing on the wound but his tiny member could not hit the spot.

    Thinking like the smart businessman he is, he immediately called the concierge and asked for two hookers, pronto. “Don’t send me any fat ones. They’ve gotta be “10’s” —and I don’t mean two “5’s”, they each gotta be “10’s”. This is an important assignment.”

    The hookers arrived promptly and, as instructed, drank copious amounts of water on the way. When they saw Trump, they wished they’d drank vodka instead.

    Still, a job’s a job, they thought. They got naked and did the deed.

    “Darned Russian golden showers aren’t working!” screamed Trump, “Get outta here, I ain’t paying you.”

    As revenge, the disgruntled damsels leaked the story to Hillary, who stored it on her server which the Russians hacked and that’s how the story got out.

    It was the Russians that left out the part about the jellyfish, because, “who’d believe THAT?” they thought.

    The End.

    • Red State Pinko

      This post would be even funnier if it weren’t so plausible.

  • BreakingDeadMen

    The Whizzers Karamazov
    War and Pee
    From Russia With Pee
    The Russia Outhouse

    • DMaster

      Don’t forget to call him the Commander-in-Pee from now on.

      Ah, Benedict Donald. He’s such a cowardly, deflective assmunch, isn’t he? So yellow-bellied.

  • BreakingDeadMen

    The KGB offered the tapes to Pornhub. They looked at Trump’s willie and said “Try Stubhub.”

  • Monty Market

    CIA should take a good leak and release his tax returns. He knows ya got’em, so take a leak now and release ’em.

    • DMaster

      I would love to meet whoever is allegedly in charge of his audit that holds such power over him, however small it may be. You’d think, having proved he can win a presidency of a world power, regardless of how dirty he did so, that Benedict Donald would attempt to then become the head of the IRS, as they can do things that even HE can’t, even at THIS stage.

  • JeffWest

    And here I thought Trump was only full of shit. I stand corrected.

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