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It is a pune, or play on words
It is a pune, or play on words

So the great big alleged Russia/Trump intelligence report is the only thing in the news today, apart from Obama’s farewell address last night (perfect timing!), four cabinet confirmation hearings, and a Trump press conference that — against all odds — he’s actually having! Yes, yes, everyone wants to talk about the PEE HOOKERS. The PEE HOOKERS are not the issue here, Dude. We’re talking about alleged collusion between a presidential campaign and a foreign intelligence service. Also, Dude, PEE HOOKERS is not the preferred nomenclature. “Ladies of negotiable micturition,” please.

Now, let’s look at the stuff that might actually matter for, like, national security, and leave the PEE HOOKERS alone for a while. Can you believe it? Pee hookers? The things we should be paying attention to are the allegations that Donald Trump and his campaign staff colluded with Russian intelligence agents on a campaign of leaks and derogatory information against Hillary Clinton. How credible are the allegations? No telling — but it was concerning enough that U.S. intelligence agencies briefed President Obama and President-elect Trump about the dossier’s existence. So let’s dive right in. To the allegations, not the pee. Ew. If you want to follow along in the documents published by Buzzfeed, here they are.

Page 8: The dossier alleges that, in exchange for the release of hacked emails from the Clinton campaign, the Trump campaign agreed to “sideline Russian intervention in Ukraine as a campaign issue and to raise US/NATO defence commitments in the Baltics and Eastern Europe” — which Trump certainly did, in the actual campaign, with his repeated statements that if the Baltic states wanted support from the U.S. under our NATO treaty agreement, he’d have to check to see if they’d paid what he thought was their fair share toward their own defense. And in July, at the very last press conference Donald Trump held, when he made the little joke about what a hoot it would be if Russia hacked Hillary Clinton’s emails, Trump also seemed very receptive to the idea that Russia could go ahead and keep Crimea, why not?

trump-russia-ukraine-sidelined

The other possible bombshell on page 8 of the dossier is the claim that Trump and his team were mostly unbothered by the news of possible Russian hacking of the DNC and Clinton campaign, because it would distract from his huge financial dealings with China — that’s a thing that would make a hella big difference, if true. Also, more sex stuff. Frankly, we find it difficult to believe Donald Trump would ever find prostitutes a satisfactory replacement for real estate deals and money.

trump-russia-china-distraction

trump-prosties

Page 9: Alleges secret meetings in Moscow between Trump associate Carter Page and Igor Sechin, the head of the Russian state-owned oil company Rosneft, in which was allegedly discussed the possibility of lifting sanctions on Russia over its actions in Ukraine, in exchange for energy cooperation. And hey, Rosneft is the company ExxonMobil CEO and Secretary of State nominee Rex Tillerson negotiated a half-trillion dollar deal with, [Update: whoops, we originally said “half-billion.” That’s chicken feed! — Dok] before those nasty sanctions got in the way. Tillerson received the Russian “Order of Friendship” medal for his efforts, because Oil Is Magic.

trump-russia-carter-page-oil

Beverly Hills surgeon explains at home fix for crepey skin around the arms, legs, and stomach.

This meeting is mentioned again on Page 30, with the added detail that Sechin promised big money to Page if he wanted in on the deal:

trump-russia-rosneft-carter-page

Pages 11-12: A Russian emigre says Trump and his associates supposedly gave information to Russia for eight years about Russian oligarchs and what they were up to while visiting the USA, which we find a bit of a stretch, given Trump’s documented short attention span. Come on. The document also claims the emigre said he or she knew Russia had compromising information on both candidates, but didn’t need to use any leverage against Trump since he was already so cooperative with them.

trump-russia-spying-on-oligarchs

Page 15, page 17: Not related to Trump, but INTERESTING: alleges Russia targeted “educated youth” who might be disgusted with Clinton as an establishment figure to sway them to Trump if at all possible. The DNC leaks were also allegedly aimed at peeling Sanders supporters away from Clinton toward Trump, so oh god, now the comments will be full of “Bernie Bros were Rooshian Dupes” posts and we all live in upside-down land.

trump-russia-anti-clinton-youth

trump-russia-anti-clinton-youth-2

Pages 18-19: First mention of an alleged meeting in Prague between Donald Trump’s lawyer Michael Cohen and Kremlin operatives, in August 2016:

trump-russia-cohen-prague-meeting

Pages 32-33 allege that Cohen was “heavily engaged in a cover up and damage limitation operation” to prevent Trump’s connections to Russia from becoing known. If this turns out to be true, it would be Watergate levels of Huge. Possibly bigger. But that’s a big “if,” as everybody keeps saying.

trump-russia-michael-cohen-meetings-eu

Pages 34-35 offer additional details of the supposed Cohen-Russian meetings, claiming that Cohen discussed the details of paying off operatives and hackers, and discussions of what to do if Hillary Clinton won the election:

trump-russia-michael-cohen-meetings-2

The most explosive stuff here isn’t the pee. It’s those alleged contacts between Trump people and Russian government officials, especially the stuff with Michael Cohen, who absolutely denied anything in the report was true, telling .Mic Tuesday that the entire report was “fake news:”

“Somebody is having a lot of fun at your expense,” Michael Cohen, special counsel to Trump, laughingly told Mic in a phone interview on Tuesday night.

“It’s so ridiculous on so many levels. Clearly the person who created this did so from their imagination or did so hoping the liberal media would run with this fake story for whatever rationale they might have.”

Cohen went on to say the story was “absolutely silly,” and then, to add to the overall climate of seriousness, posted a photo of his passport cover to Twitter along with an absolute denial that he’d ever been to Prague, so there:

michael-cohen-prague-tweet

On CNN this morning, Jake Tapper said that in his efforts to check out the story, he’d spoken to a government source who said a completely different person named Michael Cohen had indeed been in Prague, but it wasn’t Trump’s lawyer:


So how seriously should we be taking this thing? At this point, we’d say Enough that it’s worth more efforts to verify, but damned if anyone has verified it yet. The Lawfare blog says to take a deep breath before either saying “OMG Trump’s nailed!” OR “Total Fake!” Go read the whole thing, but for the moment, let’s focus on a couple of points we think are worth noting:

[While] unproven, the allegations are being taken quite seriously. The President and President-elect do not get briefed on material that the intelligence community does not believe to be at least of some credibility. The individual who generated them is apparently a person whose work intelligence professionals take seriously. And at a personal level, we can attest that we have had a lot of conversations with a lot of different people about the material in this document. While nobody has confirmed any of the allegations, both inside government and in the press, it is clear to us that they are the subject of serious attention.

As to the legal status of the documents Buzzfeed published, Lawfare points out,

it is important to emphasize that this is not a case of the intelligence community leaking sensitive information about an investigative subject out of revenge or any other improper motive. This type of information, referencing sensitive sources and methods and the identities of U.S. persons, is typically treated by the intelligence community with the utmost care. And this material, in fact, does not come from the intelligence community; it comes, rather, from private intelligence documents put together by a company. It is actually not even classified.

The much-talked-about 2-page summary of the information, of course, is classified, and now that all this is out in the wild, we expect the intelligence community will at some point offer a declassified discussion of the thing.

In addition, BBC journalist Paul Wood (at about 24:00 in the recording) says the business of verifying all of this is an extremely dicey matter:

Well, if the Russians have blackmail material, they’re hardly going to release it. So it really comes down to the credibility of these FSB sources, these Russian intelligence officers, quoted by a British intelligence officer, who was employed by an opposition research firm, working first for a super PAC supporting Jeb Bush, and then for an anonymous Democratic donor. So of course it is all extremely problematical.

As of this morning, it’s not even clear whether the 2-page summary was actually given to Trump or President Obama, or whether they were briefed on its contents. CNBC reports Trump was not briefed on it:

The summary of a 35-page dossier originally created as part of anti-Trump opposition research was included in material prepared for those briefing Trump, multiple officials told NBC. But it was not given to Trump’s team, the senior official told NBC. The document was given to the briefers so that they could make the distinction between analyzed intelligence and “disinformation.”

The senior official told NBC News that no investigations found any conclusive or direct link between Trump and the Russian government.

And NBC’s Kasie Hunt says the two-page summary wasn’t given to Trump, either:

trump-russia-kasie-hunt-tweet

Yr Wonkette’s confidential intelligence assessment: Damned if we know! The thing was clearly taken seriously enough that it was (or is still being?) investigated, but it remains unverified, and may never be verified. This doesn’t make it “fake news.” The dossier was not, as far as anyone can tell, made up by Macedonian teenagers, and unlike “PizzaGate,” it was taken seriously by U.S. intelligence agencies, even if they ultimately determine(d?) it’s not credible. Now that it’s out there, given the supposed credibility of the British ex-intelligence agent who prepared it, the thing should probably get a thorough investigation, huh? Also worth mentioning: Regardless of the veracity of this report, the actual intelligence briefing given to Trump DID point out that Russia hacked Republican-related sources, but only released negative information on Clinton. There is other information out there.

We’re going to stay agnostic on the details here, but you know what would lay a lot of this to rest? If the PEEOTUS would release his damned tax returns so we’d have a better picture of where the man’s financial entanglements are — and are not.

[Buzzfeed / Buzzfeed dossier / .Mic / Lawfare / BBC / Democratic Underground / CNBC]

Hell.No. Hats
  • Lizzietish81
    • Probably another Trump fetish.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Rainbow Showers!
        When he was in Oslo.
        Allegedly.

      • The Wanderer

        I doubt he’s an emetophile.

  • Blueb4sunrise

    So, what’s this about pee hookers?

  • memzilla Ω

    “We have secured Russia’s full cooperation in going to war against ISIS and radical Islamic terrorism, in return for lifting US sanctions against Russia.” <– BET ON IT

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Waiting for the micturition
    Or somebody like it.

    • calliecallie

      Is that micturition lady waiting for “go” dough?

      • willi0000000

        from The Book of Wonderfulness™

        “A pun is the lowest form of humor—when you don’t think of it first.”
        – Oscar Levant

      • SigDeFlyinMonky

        In the next world you’re on your own.

    • yyyaz

      Everything he knows is wrong.

  • NastyBossetti

    I think I saw the tv show that golden shower picture is from. It was some show about amazing homes or somesuch, and I was watching it at my brother’s house, and I remember because we were hysterical over how this guy was talking about his “golden shower.” He really loved it.

  • You know, I don’t expect Trump supporters to give a rat’s ass about his treason, but it’d be nice if the press would be at least as excited about it as they were about Anthony Wiener’s laptop.

  • onedollarjuana

    Look, if the Press was interested national security, they wouldn’t have supported Reagan (giving arms to terrorists), Bush the Elder (Iran Contra), Bush the lesser (Iraq). Why change now?

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Because the PEOTUS is bullying them in public?

      • Oblios_Cap

        PEEOTUS.

    • boyblue122

      because id like the US to be a sovereign nation, not one thats beholden to Russia

    • tinker12

      When the autopsy is done on the Great American Experiment, the whore media will be found as the cause of death.

  • timpundit

    I would like to lead everyone in a rousing chorus or two of that old time favorite “Lock him up!”

    annnna one annna two…..

  • msanthropesmr

    Contact your senator. And ask that they treat this as a national security issue.

    • Martini Ambassador

      For real. If the country spent a gazillon dollars and so many wasted hours on Benghazi, there’s no reason that they shouldn’t be looking into this.

      • MΩebym

        Don’t you get it? Embassy attacks are only bad when they happen under Democratic presidents!

    • BadKitty904

      THIS.

    • Jeff Sessions should want to approach it as a public health concern, at least.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      My senators are McTraitor and Lil’ Rand Paul. They will just laugh and hang up on me.

      • msanthropesmr

        Rand will fuck with em. Call em. He’s in it for Rand Paul, so he’ll do something.

  • Reality Kills

    Donald: The Bullshiter-in-Chief.

  • goonemeritus

    Look I agree treason is bad but for Trump to offshore is prostitution dollars when hard working American hookers are under employed is a betrayal of his campaign promises.

    • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

      Good ‘ol Amurrican pee ain’t good enough fer Donnie I reckon…

    • Mary Sandoras

      Your speaking of a guy that imported 3 wives, why not pee?

    • DahBoner

      At least Nixon hired American theives!

  • Wild Cat

    If he’s allowed to take power, there’s no point in cooperating with anything or paying any taxes (in theory), as all the institutions we’ve collectively supported to provide us with internal and external security are a) inept; b) corrupt; and c) invalid.

    • BadKitty904

      If the “President” doesn’t pay taxes, why should I?

    • HogeyeGrex

      That’s sort of the whole point of Republican “governance,” isn’t it?

  • dslindc
    • MΩebym

      So what if Trump is a vile human being compromised by Russia? I got to cast my electoral vote for the first time in 20 years! – PA EC member

    • Banquo’s Ghost

      The terror just kind of leaps off the screen doesn’t it?

  • Martini Ambassador

    This whole thing is nuts. And not the least of the crazy bits, Buzzfeed scoops the story of the decade (if true). It’s insane.

    • calliecallie

      Teen Vogue dropped the ball, I guess.

      • Unpresidented Ron

        Teen Vogue’s people are busy on the ‘conflict of interest’ story. It takes time to sort out Donnie’s financials.

    • zanzibar_buckbuck_mcfate

      Buzzfeed gets high ratings for integrity — CNN owns them, right? Anyway — they’re legit, and these docs are legit, and this is absolute shit.

      • Martini Ambassador

        I think they are still privately owned, with (according to Wikipedia) rounds of funding from NBCUniversal and Comcast.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • BadKitty904
  • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

    “Ladies of negotiable micturition” simply MUST become part of the Wonkette lexicon.

    • msanthropesmr

      Too many words. Pee hookers will do.

      • Ricky Gay

        yeah, The Go-Go’s already taken.

        • msanthropesmr

          We got the beat. Or vacation.

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    Trump’s hair actually is piss yellow though…..

    • Nounverb911

      That’s from holding it in.

  • Bill D. Burger

    “He’s not heavy; he’s my bitch. Hold on my little orange baby. I get you across finish line.”

    http://crooksandliars.com/files/imagecache/node_primary/primary_image/16/07/28512617446_2e87840ccd_z.jpg

  • Pierre_de_Fermat

    I thought the takeaway was something about Trump not being a Nazi, or he was a Nazi, but was persecuted and the US intelligence services were doing the persecuting. Something. I doubt he remembers. But he does remember not to say anything bad about his friend Vlad. That was made clear to him when he visited Lefortovo.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Well, if the Russians have blackmail material, they’re hardly going to release it.

    Unless they decide it would be in their interests to cut Donald loose, that is…

    • Rick Hill

      But why cut loose such a valuable asset? He’s saying all the right things and they’re happy

      • Resistance Fighter Callyson

        For now. Eventually, Donald’s ego will get the best of him, he’ll decide he doesn’t need Papa Putin anymore, and then…

        • Rick Hill

          He will likely cross them. Out of obstinance, stupidity or because he always fails in the end

          • HogeyeGrex

            Five minutes after inauguration.

            “I’m President now. Fuck ’em!”

  • Nounverb911

    I drove past Prague once, was never there.

    • BearOmegaNomNom

      I chewed on a kolacky, but didn’t swallow any. Also too, I didn’t inhale.

  • DainBramage
    • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

      Beeyootiful!

      • DainBramage

        George Takei is the best.

    • TJ Barke

      He’s so catty.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      This cannot be re-posted often enough. I suggest the entire world start trolling Fuckface von Clownstick by playing the tune whenever he walks out onto a stage anywhere.

      • Barbarartanner

        Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours and have longer with friends & family! !ud448c:
        On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
        !ud448c:
        ➽➽
        ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleFinancialJobsCash728MediaRockGetPay$97Hour ★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★::::::!ud448c:….,….

  • Nounverb911
  • Nounverb911
    • Roadstergal

      Bo and Sunny are good eggs, and they know to pee outside.

  • jesuswasablack

    “sideline Russian intervention in Ukraine as a campaign issue and to
    raise US/NATO defence commitments in the Baltics and Eastern Europe”

    See it has to be real MI6 stuff, no self respecting commie-pinko letfy merican jounalist would spell defense: defence!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-8mzWkuOxz8

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

    Thank you Dok, for doing the homework I could never do myself.

    Peace be upon you.

  • tomamitai

    Wait, so these documents didn’t come from a U.S. intelligence source? Maybe someone planted these with Buzzfeed to discredit them and anybody else who ran with them?

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    “Sure, he may have committed treason. But he also promised us lower taxes and free reign over society, so… *shrugs*” – GOP

    • Rick Hill

      He promised all the stuff. He’s only going to deliver all the stuff to a relative few, though

    • BadKitty904

      I would laugh if that were a joke.

  • Oblios_Cap

    I imagine Trump’s administration will break Reagan’s record for the most in jail before 4 years has passed.

  • Ryan Denniston

    “Frankly, we find it difficult to believe
    Donald Trump would ever find prostitutes a satisfactory replacement for
    real estate deals and money.”

    Probably true. But, I still think First Lady Ivanka might be a different story.

  • Nounverb911
  • proudgrampa

    Holy shit. this is getting weirder and weirder.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Yr Wonkette’s confidential intelligence assessment: Damned if we know!

    Karma for Pizzagate, BENGHAZI!!! &etc.

    • I got to tell a trump troll earlier “dude you’re just going to have to prove it all ISN’T True. Many people are saying it is!”

  • Bill D. Burger

    And…why the fuck is Rick Santorum, nose firmly up Trump’s ass, sitting there with CNN “reporters” (I’ll be kind) discussing the presser??

    • Nounverb911

      To keep everyone well lubed?

    • Mr. Blobfish

      CNN is now the kid’s table of cable news.

  • Nounverb911
  • Reality Kills

    I think the they are going to haul your ass in jail if you burn the Russian flag.

  • o’look Skwerl!

    Trump’s team threatened the CNN reporter for asking questions.

    • The Wanderer

      Par for the course.

    • Bill D. Burger

      How Nixonian….and they aren’t even in office yet.

      • Résistance Land Shark

        They aren’t in office yet, so no legal action can be undertaken. Yet.

        • The Wanderer

          That’ll change when some enterprising fellow inserts a rider to an amendment on some obscure spending bill that creates a Federal law making public criticism of the President or any other Federal official a felony.

          • Résistance Land Shark

            Hopefully there will be lots and lots of interns reading every bill and amendment.

    • Résistance Land Shark
    • beingreleased

      Asking questions? At a press conference?

      • mardam422

        From M*A*S*H “The Incubator” episode:
        Gen. Mitchell: Now just a minute! This is a press conference! The last thing I want to do is answer a lot of questions!

        Just use one of those standard S-1798s and write in “Trump” where it says “Gen. Mitchell”.

    • BadKitty904

      Get used to it, American media – YOU helped put Twitler in power.

    • Historicat

      CNN will show ’em – by hiring even more Trump flunkies!

      • Celtic_Gnome

        And he’ll still shit on them, because they’ve proven they’re weak.

  • Picture caption made me giggle a lot. At work. In front of people

  • Nounverb911
  • Nounverb911
    • Unpresidented Ron

      What scares me is that there might not BE a 2020.

      • mardam422

        Humans may not be there, but it will happen.

  • jesuswasablack

    I like the part about “how to process deniable cash payments to operatives”. I’d like to know what channels they are funneling the millions it must take to get KAC to lie so brilliantly with such frequency. I thought it odd that it took so long for her to accept an official position in the administration, must have been some complex money laundering?

    http://wpmedia.news.nationalpost.com/2016/12/kellyanne-conway-2.png?w=620&h=414

    • Yr. Gma

      Lies “brilliantly”?

    • Thaumaturgist

      Now we know why Trump has to revoke the sanctions on Russia. He won’t get his money.

  • Jenny

    Some of these things are easily checked. And we already know Page and Manafort are/were under investigation. The truth is peppered in and now that Trump has pissed on the intelligence agency and the media, well sic him boys.

  • Mary Sandoras

    A Russian emigre says Trump and his associates supposedly gave information to Russia for eight years about Russian oligarchs and what they were up to while visiting the USA, which we find a bit of a stretch, given Trump’s documented short attention span. Come on.

    I don’t think it’s that great of a leap for a guy that has eavesdropped on his employees phone calls, that worked at his hotels. I agree he doesn’t have the attention span but he definitely could make things more accessible to others for spying, particularly if they were staying at any of his hotels.

  • Mike Steele

    reporter who addressed your concerns, Dok, unfortunately added a follow-up which allowed Donald to go far afield without EVER denying that his team colluded with russia. Ergo, question still unanswered. Also, too, unlike Trump’s shill, I’m no Phila,lawyer (just lady MS w/paralegal from Penn State) but her overly simplistic interpretation of the emoluments clause, tailor-made for the low info crowd, did NOT address the many ways he would remain in violation. Finally, business ‘divestiture’ is simply NOT. Over & Out…

  • Ilgattomorte

    All I can say is thank God we didn’t elect Hillary, otherwise we’d have been bogged down in scandal and legal stuff for years.Right guys? (Besides hookers and pee are much more fun than email).

  • TJ Barke

    We are so fucked. I think I’m gonna go live in the mountains…

    • Unpresidented Ron

      Banff is nice. Plus you get to say ‘Banff’ and giggle a lot.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Already a number of pundits are screaming “…lawsuits, a tsunami of lawsuits against this man (Trump) from day one in office. Naked violations of the Constitution and various and numerous ethics and disclosure laws.” Well, he loves lawsuits.
    Fasten your seatbelts….

    http://i1082.photobucket.com/albums/j370/Jezey/Movie%20Vintage%20and%20Classic%20Gif%20tumblrs/tumblr_m83stuPcgM1qerxpyo1_500.gif

  • Idiokraticdrumpfenjugend

    Can we stop up ahead at the next rest area? I have to micturate like a race horse.

  • Poly_Ester

    I think “small-minded and venal” is a complete characterization of our President-elect.

  • Bren

    All of this makes me more classy than a Russian pee hooker. I wouldn’t pee on him if he was on fire. (that’s not moi btw) https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/92c09e6751fcd82c7b32ce1651b2d930ff7fa1155598bef5da63f14d5891de29.jpg

  • BadKitty904

    Thanks, GOPee!!1!

  • Ryan Denniston

    “and hey, Rosneft is the company ExxonMobil CEO and Secretary of State nominee Rex Tillerson negotiated a half-billion dollar deal with”

    Half a trillion, Trump doesn’t associate himself with chumps!

  • Mr. Blobfish

    For anyone else, this would be farcical. But this guy? There is just way too much circumstantial evidence.

  • Bill D. Burger

    That wasn’t a press conference. It was a horror show, a mobster who is a legend in his own mind.
    Scary, frightening swill and a preview of the nightmare to come.

    • Unpresidented Ron

      It was ‘Big Brother: The Early Years.’

    • Randy Riddle

      He only cares about the ratings.

    • BadKitty904

      Somewhere, Joseph Goebbels is laughing…

    • Snopes Shop

      It was a horror show. There are no other words. I am stunned.

  • Ryan Denniston

    “First mention of an alleged meeting in Prague between Donald Trump’s lawyer Michael Cohen and Kremlin operatives, in August 2016”

    Let me guess, the source’s cover name is sleazeball!

  • Unpresidented Ron

    ‘Pee hookers’ for the mockery. ‘Traitor’ for the facts. C’mon, Dok, you know we can keep the two separate in our heads.

  • BadKitty904

    Once again, the GOPee is gambling on the laziness and gullibility of the American public.

    • tinker12

      So far, it’s paid off handsomely for them. Expect more of the same.

      • BadKitty904

        The Repugs will keep doing it as long as it gets them what they want – Power and Control. “If it ain’t broke, etc.”

  • Mr. Blobfish

    She sidestepped an opportunity to categorically deny that any of Trump’s associates met with Russian officials during the campaign.

    “I certainly didn’t,” Conway said. “I wasn’t talking to Moscow — I was talking to people in Macomb County, Michigan. That’s how we won.”

    Now, there’s a denial to hang your nutsack on.

    • Although born in the more toney Oakland County, I was raised in Macomb county, Michigan with ma comb in ma back pocket (it was the 1970s) then got the fuck out to live in the real world.

      Macomb County is where colourful words are still used for anybody not Polish Princess white at the kitchen table while eating Jet’s (or godawful Hungry Howies) pizza.

    • mockingbirds88

      When will she STFU on “we won” and “…but Hillary!” Jesus, put a sock in it.

  • Mike Steele

    Oh, one more thing (just call me Columbo)… funneling hotel revenues to US Treasury merely equals paying his rent to GSA on the hotel he doesn’t own.

  • YoNastyBunny

    Even if the specifics in that report are unverified, Putin and the Kremlin are some duplicitous motherfuckers. I seriously doubt they’d throw their support behind somebody they didn’t already have a butt-hook in.

  • An Outhouse for the Resistance

    Why does every conspriracy involve a meeting in Prague?

    • Brendan_M

      Spies like to write off awesome vacations as work expenses, too.

    • C4TWOMAN

      It’s very picturesque.

  • Randy Riddle

    I’d still like to know if the Russians provided some financial backing for some of the weird groups that popped up, like “Gays for Trump”.

    That group (or at least the guy who runs it from his mom’s basement -he actually lives in the same county I do) is having a “Deplorables Ball” in DC during the Inauguration.

  • anwisok
  • Unpresidented_in_Seattle

    Missed the presser. Did blame the pee story leak on Meryl Streep or Alec Baldwin?

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Maybe. It wasn’t so much a press conference as some sort of angry, avant garde, nihilist, freeform poetry reading.

    • laughingnome

      He blamed it on yellow journalism.

  • Chick_Tract_Fil_A

    To get that graphic, did you have to google ‘golden shower’?
    That’s pretty brave .

    • mardam422

      They had to use their IP (get it) address.

  • laughingnome

    The Yellow River by IP Daily suddenly takes #1 posiiton on Time Bestseller List.

  • An Outhouse for the Resistance

    Google images for Plovdiv Bulgaria. I’d be happy to lay low there. Who knew Bulgaria was such a pretty place.

  • Lance Thrustwell

    I’ve been poo-poohing this report all day partly because I so desperately want to believe it, but I feel utterly pessimistic about the ability (or in some cases, the willingness) of the FBI or the CIA to verify its allegations.

    How are they going to verify? My first thought is that they need to check the whereabouts of every named individual in the report during the periods in question. That’ll be difficult with the Americans, and just about impossible with the Russian ones.

    What else can they do? Who wants to play ‘spy’ with me?

    • A_Changeling

      I wonder if European intelligence agencies have some information they could share with he U.S. in their own best interest. Many of them must spend a lot of resources on Russia.

      • OrdinaryJoe

        Why do you think Sen. McCain was the one who got the original intel leak?

    • Thaumaturgist

      Trouble is, this report aligns with the narrative(s). Pussy grabbing. Bizarre Russian favoritism. Refusal to release tax returns (because the America people never would understand.). Mixing business and diplomacy in meetings with heads of foreign states. Anyone think of anything else?

    • Spurning Beer

      Count me as a paranoid who assumes that multiple governments know exactly where all these individuals were at any given time in the past five years.

    • Rags

      Poo-poohing? ISWYDT

  • Bitter Scribe

    The last question asked at Trump’s press conference today was whether his campaign had coordinated with the Russians during the election. He declined to answer and rushed off the stage immediately afterward.

    Not exactly a way to tamp down suspicion.

    • BadKitty904

      As if anything could tamp it down now.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    Skepticism is warranted. I don’t understand, though, the people who have blown right through skepticism to “Bah, Russia wouldn’t do that.” Frankly, I’d be offended and disappointed if Russian intelligence wasn’t trying to undermine us all day every day.

    • Roadstergal

      Putin has never been anything but 100% above-board and fair in his dealings with internal and external affairs, after all…

      FFS.

  • anwisok
    • Up In Smoke O’hontas

      Byeeeeee!

  • laughingnome

    Has anybody made the joke about trickle down economics yet?

  • laughingnome

    I hope pee jokes don’t supplant dick jokes on Wonkette.

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      Why not both!?!

  • snigsy

    I’m looking forward to John le Carre’s next novel.

    • BadKitty904

      Kinda redundant, no?

    • alpacapunchbowl

      Thing is, he’s too good of a writer. He will struggle with properly drafting the word salad and otherwise not-SMRT dialogue that many of the characters will require.
      I’m going to read the shit out of that book though.

  • If anything REMOTELY like this came from the FBI or CIA in connection with Hillz or Obama, Faux and friends would be gibbering screeching about impeachments, investigations, hangings etc.
    Edit: Mostly I find it funny how we only need to verify it if it is about a Republican ^.^ 11 Benghazi investigations with NO verification of any allegations at all but this, this we need to fine tooth comb!

    • BadKitty904

      For starters. Remember, “hypocrisy” is the GOPee’s platform.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      And even repeatedly de-verified.

  • Bitter Scribe

    In eight years, the Obama administration has never had anything remotely resembling a scandal. The closest his enemies could come was some fake shit like the IRS “targeting” conservative PACs.

    Trump hasn’t even taken office yet, and he’s already embroiled in a scandal involving possible collusion with and blackmail by one of this country’s chief geopolitical rivals.

    The next few years are going to just suck ass.

  • JustDon’tSayOverrated

    I’m a little troubled that the doc can’t decide how to spell “MANAFORT”, one or two ‘N’s?
    OTOH, showing me the cover of a passport doesn’t tell me shit. Open that fucker up! If you went anywhere in the EU, you could travel to the Czech republic without a passport check (or “czech” if you prefer).

    • cmd resistor

      Kinda makes you think they think we are STOOPID, right? My B.S. detector went off every time I ever heard Cohen speak.

      • JustDon’tSayOverrated

        Seriously, my BS detector is in saturation today. I listened to Drump’s pressy on the way to work this morning, and had to set the detector’s range to MAX.

    • theblackdog

      Yup, I saw plenty of pointing out about how the Schengen area actually works. Heck, my passport would suggest I only went to the Netherlands, Germany, and the UK but I do have visits to France and Belgium that weren’t recorded for this reason.

      • alpacapunchbowl

        I’ve always been a little bummed out that my passport from back when I was living in Ireland didn’t have even a fraction of the cool stamps it should have.
        If you’re white and traveling within the EU, they don’t ask shit. They didn’t even ask for my passport the vast majority of the time even though I was going through the non-EU citizen queue.

        • theblackdog

          HAH! That’s a good point. I rarely got stopped in the EU and yes it probably is because I’m white. Still, I should have had a lot more stamps as well.

    • Roadstergal

      My passport says I went to Amsterdam only for my sabbatical. I went alll over Europe, including a few non-EU countries.

  • Blackest Noobs
  • Brendan_M

    In golden tower
    Man likes golden shower, now
    Putin reigns on us

  • BadKitty904

    I had thought the GOPee had set the highest possible bar for corruption and incompetence with the Cheney Administrations. But now, with the addition of blatant treason, they’ve REALLY outdone themselves.

  • Resistance Engineer Red Bird

    IMPEECH1111!!!!!!!!!!221!!!222!!!111111!!!!

  • Relativicus

    In his press conference Don said nobody cares about his tax returns except reporters. There was applause. He also said there’s a “provision” that says the president cannot have a conflict of interest, talked about his amazing electoral victory, deflected to Clinton several times, and wowed us all with a five minute bit on how he could totally run his business and the country at the same time but doesn’t wanna.

    Oh, and he also told us how, just this weekend, he was offered a $2bn deal in Dubai but turned it down.

    • efoveks

      Also too, nice that the yapping yam has a peanut gallery.

      • alpacapunchbowl

        We already knew that he’s profoundly insecure, but bringing a cheering section to what is supposed to be a press conference? Get the fuck outta here.

    • Yellow_Dog_Dem

      Why do all these assholes have to talk about themselves in the third person? FFS.

  • Chick_Tract_Fil_A

    We may catch him in the most disgusting-yet-not-illegal act known to mankind. But I don’t think we’ve even scratched the bottom of the barrel. yet.

  • Swampay

    Even after the inauguration, he’ll still be the PeeOTUS

    • alpacapunchbowl

      I have finally settled on the nickname I will call him by. Because I damn sure ain’t calling him the President. I have too much respect for the office for that.

  • ViveLaPeésistance

    The pee hooker angle isn’t just salacious. If true, or if things like it are true, it demonstrates the kind of leverage Pootie Poot and probably others will have over PEEOTUS, which is devastating to this nation. If true, it shows the same mentality that the pussy-grabbing video demonstrated: a manufactured non-majority of Americans elected a man-baby whose most basic belief is that his celebrity permits him to do whatever he wants, in plain sight, and he will still be rewarded with power. This is terrifying.

    • Erala Contratista

      Worried, but uncontrollable giggling now….

    • mockingbirds88

      And his “you’re fired” joke….jeebus. It’s like if Henry Winkler walked around going “ayyyyy”. Dated, stupid, done.

  • A_Changeling

    To me that the Trump campaign surreptitiously changed the RNC platform to be more advantageous to Russia on Ukraine is the most persuasive argument for there being collusion… I hope there were facts, and I’m waiting for them, but that was pretty strange.

    • JustDon’tSayOverrated

      Yup. So much yup.

    • pstockholm

      Have any Dems uttered the “treason” word yet? If not, why not?

    • CatCafe de la Resistance

      Right? For absolutely no reason at all, suddenly language and even public speeches supporting the illegal land grab in Crimea (which is kind of like Russia coming in and taking Alaska back)… not to mention all that stuff about weakening NATO. It seems so obvious to me.

    • Greyhame

      It really is the one issue where his position is consistent and unwavering.

  • Blackest Noobs

    Trump’s theme song should be a parody of the Depeche Mode song “Personal Jesus”

    just change the song title to Personal Puppet.

    Your OWN….PERSONAL….PUPPET.

    • alpacapunchbowl

      I’m a huge Depeche Mode fan and I should be mad at that, but I’m not. It’s just too good.
      Personal Jesus is one of my least favorite songs by them anyway.

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      The song should be rewritten specifically for Trump. Call it “Personal Piss Christ”.

    • doggiedaddy
  • Garbageman

    Yes, I think all of us agree much more digging is required for this story. . . . But in the meantime, there will be lots of pee jokes, Dude . . .

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/9546b8825cce1d87053424eb6ea1cdefb4d46046945e7da99e2a380fb95bd142.jpg

    • JustDon’tSayOverrated

      This aggression will not stand, man!

      • Garbageman

        Well, we can’t go give him a bill!

      • CatCafe de la Resistance

        It pulled the whole room together, man!

  • Thaumaturgist

    American banks are reluctant to do business with Trump because he has a reputation as a deadbeat.

    Trump spent a lot of time in Russia not doing real estate deals in Russia.

    Trump is opposed to sanctions against Russia(n banks).

    What was he doing in Russia if he wasn’t doing real estate deals in Russia?

  • YayConspiracy

    DJT in the not too distant future:
    “The american people gotta know whether or not their president is a spy. Well I am not a spy.”

    • pstockholm

      And “I did not have sex with that dictator.”

      • CatCafe de la Resistance

        “It depends what “da” is.”

      • Rags

        And “I am not a crook!”

  • DahBoner
  • Erala Contratista

    My first thought when I saw the headlines about the videos was, “didn’t that idiot even see ONE James Bond movie???”. Seems to me all the ones made in the 60s had hot spy ladies trying to get Bondo to get out of his clothes and into somebody more comfortable so their photographer could get a money shot.
    Sheeeesh! What A Idiot the turnip is, indeed.

    • doggiedaddy

      Trump admitted that he bugged the phones in his Florida palace so this should not have been a surprise to him. When man thinks with his dick, all sorts of shit, I mean piss happens,

  • OrdinaryJoe

    When does SNL come back? Cold opeen on the way?

    • Roadstergal

      If they don’t cover this, I’m gonna be pissed!

    • Husband Of Mrs God

      This Saturday, with Felicity Jones and Sturgill Simpson (confess I don’t know either one). Aziz Ansari has it the 21st, with of course Alec Baldwin opening.

  • Michael Loraine

    Wow! That’s a lot of stuff to read! And, oh yes, very important points! But there’s this nagging quandary about the Russian prostitutes. Your article referred to them as “ladies”; has that been corroborated? Not that it matters! I mean, who am I to judge? But I was just, y’know, wondering….

    • nightmoth

      Well, y’know, Melania Trump, the Melania of the nekkid photo shoots is gonna be our new First “Lady” so—-

      • Roadstergal

        Ivanka disagrees.

        • Husband Of Mrs God

          She has been promised the prominent slot.

          • Michael Loraine

            Prominent slot! Hahahahaha!

            I mean I have nothing but the greatest respect for whichever first lady Dear Leader chooses to annoint. They’re all fabulous. The Best!

    • Husband Of Mrs God

      Don’t you know, the peeing scene is much more erotic if the girls project a ladylike demeanor. True professionalism. Gotta deliver for the big bucks.

  • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

    I too, shall remain “agnostic” about these reports. However, nothing is stopping me from being antagonistic about these reports. Let there be snark!

  • AngryKatie

    I saw Rachel Maddow interview Richard Engel last night. He said reporters have known of these allegations for months. He’s personally been told of this and more, including specific dates and descriptions of things captured on video. But none of them have been able to verify them.

    But they’re doing that reporter thing, where they hope gratitude and maybe a free lunch or two would secure it. Not sure about you, but I wouldn’t leak Putin’s ace in the hole for a meal and maybe few drinks. Penthouse is offering a million dollars for video, that’s a step in the right direction, but probably still not enough. I’d want disappear with a new identity and enough cash to live like a king on a tropical island money.

    • CatCafe de la Resistance

      And it’s come to this… Penthouse becomes the responsible agency of reportage.

      • AngryKatie

        2017, the year the Pulitzer was shared between Teen Vogue and Penthouse, would be the perfect sequel to 2016.

        • Husband Of Mrs God

          !!!!111((i))111!!!!

  • going4baroque

    Reverse engineering – remember how Compaq and other IBM competitors in the personal computer business were able to compete with IBM in the marketplace by having the END RESULT of an IBM clone BIOS mimic that of the IBM BIOS, so that in its essential operation there were no appreciable differences in functionality?
    Propaganda’s relationship to truth is analogous to cloning IBM’s bios – essentially concocting a story using actual Trumpian behaviors to make a plausible collaboration with Putin believable. And the finished product? Hard to tell the difference, you gotta trace out the code to tell the difference between the bios’s and with a “frame” to be successful, the jury has to be satisfied with circumstantial evidence.
    I’m not concluding anything, it’s just that I don’t read anything political without wearing skepticals – Above all else, like Bogie,
    don’t play the sap for anyone:
    https://youtu.be/wPT49WXC0Zo

  • Okay. Now that we’ve talked very seriously about “treason” and stuff, how about those pee hookers, amirite?

    But, seriously, this is no different from Benghazi, or email servers, or birth certificates, or seekrit Muslin Brotherhoodgayhookercokefiend. That Trump thinks it is different, and believes that the power of the office compels it to go away, just because it is happening to him, is telling.

    • Husband Of Mrs God

      It’s going to be long four…months?

  • Yr. Gma

    If this has done nothing else, it has at least allowed the Wonketariat to wax humorous about urine, and some of the puns have been spectacular. *applause*

    However, this story does do one other important thing: it takes a subject that is complicated (foreign intervention in the government) and therefore “boring” for the mouth breathers, and it makes it interesting. Potty habits are interesting, especially when they also involve sex and hookers. The pee pee part puts it in the popular culture’s conversation, and I don’t think boring talk about treason does that.

    • EmmaChuur

      Very tremendous big winning point!

  • IOnlyLikeCats

    I’m not sure I believe all of this could be discredited, if only because of that server. (Why did everyone care about Hillary’s but not Cheeto Hitler’s? I know, I know, EMAILS!! BENGHAZ111!!1 VAGINA!!1!)

    • Husband Of Mrs God

      Yeah but, PUSSY1!!!!(i)!1!11!

  • Paul

    Dok,
    Holy fuck!! “micturition”??? Are you a real Dok too?

    • Bob Jetton

      The Dude abides!

  • MegPasadena

    “Tillerson is one of Vladimir Putin’s best American buds, having signed a $500 million oil deal with the Russian state oil company, Rosneft”

    Excuse me, it is actually a $500 billion dollar deal. You have it off by a factor of 1000!

    For example, see the report on the NYT.
    https://www.nytimes.com/2016/12/12/world/europe/rex-tillersons-company-exxon-has-billions-at-stake-over-russia-sanctions.html

  • gullywompr

    Great article, Marty.

  • Celtic_Gnome

    This will be Donald’s KenyanMuslimIllegitimate President thang.

    Enjoy, President Trump.

  • Husband Of Mrs God

    Celtic Gnome just reminded me, to avoid ever saying a certain phrase, I might say Resident Trump.

  • WideStance

    It lends credibility to the dossier that its author reported on the Trump-Putin-“Alpha” (actually Alfa) Group connection on 9/16/16, before Slate’s late October article tying the Trump campaign to the Alfa Bank.

  • Peripatetic Poltroon

    After all my SMH over the right wing gullibility, I must wait for confirmation on this. If it is true, I predict it won’t matter one little tinkle. Politics is no longer about facts or policy or leadership. Just power. And stigginit.

  • Kooolest G

    I bet the Russians paid for the hookers for trump because they knew He would try to skip out on paying them and then their pimps would toss his body in the Volga river.

  • DustBowlBlues

    I didn’t know it was about peeing. Now that “germaphobe” comment makes sense in a trumpy kind of way. I can’t wait for the impeachment charges to be read and CIA immediately volunteering all their video recordings of Trump to be introduced as Exhibit One.
    And back in the day, I thought the Watergate hearings were must-watch teevee.

    • EmmaChuur

      That’s why pee – it’s sterile!!!

  • ken_kukec

    OK, maybe it wasn’t “Michael Cohen.”

    But has anyone checked zombie Roy Cohn’s passport? These dark arts would be right up that rotten sonuvabitch’s alley.

  • John Mruzik

    What about his cocaine use?

  • doggiedaddy

    If his family is Russian and his wife is Ukie, he could also have a passport from one or both of those countries too.

    No matter what you think of them, the US intelligence agencies don’t release info like this unless there is a backup plan or proof.

    Well maybe the FBI does, but I blame Giuliani minions who sought refuge there after his failed senate run. And Comey for being a partisan hack.

    http://www.blogometry.com/uploads/7/5/1/2/75122419/giuliani-dracula-count-ridicula-a-monster-for-our-times-cartoon_orig.jpg

  • Jany
  • Once&futureFred

    And so I wake in the morning
    And I step outside
    And I take a deep breath and I get real high
    And I scream from the top of my lungs
    What’s Cohen on?

  • Marla

    We used to hang treasonors in this country. Let’s bring that back – you know, to make America great again.

    • JeffWest

      Waterboarding would work better than having Russian hookers pee him to death. He’d like that too much.

    • gthog61

      That’s a lot of dems and media types to hang, you know, for the coup they are attempting. I do like the idea though – brava!

      • Marla

        Fuck off, troll.

  • KK

    Trump/Putin want to start conflict between the US and China. It will weaken both countries and makes Russia relatively stronger.

  • JeffWest

    No passport stamp needed to enter Prague or the rest of the Czech Republic once you’re in the EU. Hop the Railjet in Budapest or Vienna, no need to show ID .

    • JDM

      Was there two years ago and again last fall. No stamps in my passport even if you look inside.

  • gthog61

    Let’s ignore the part of the “dossier” that is obvously made up bullshit and focus on the parts that are only probably made up bullshit and speculation.

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