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We have no reason to doubt this.
We have no reason to doubt this.

Excellent news from the world of social science! A new fucking study by researchers from the Universities of Hong Kong, Stanford, Cambridge and Maastricht appears to have found a goddamned link between swearing and honesty, we shit you not. The paper, titled, “Frankly, we do give a damn: The relationship between profanity and honesty,” claims that people tend to swear more as a means of self-expression than as a way to be shitty to other people, and asserts (haha! “ASS HURTS!”) a connection between the amount a person swears and their personal honesty. As with any research, you’re going to want to be a little skeptical about these gerbil-dicks and wait for the sumbitch to be replicated before you take it as fucking gospel, you know?

So here’s the bloody buggery turdwipe of a research design:

They first asked a group of 276 participants about their swearing habits, as well as how honest they were in different situations, and found the most honest people were also the heaviest swearers. […]

In a second study the researchers tested these findings in a more real-life setting, by analysing the status updates of more than 73,000 Facebook users.

They measured for honesty (previous research shows liars prefer to use third-person pronouns than first-person ones and more negative words) and profanity.

Again, they found that honest people were more likely to use profane language.

Then, they used previous data to compare the integrity levels of US states with how often they swear — where they found the same conclusion.

cussing-by-state

We can see some big-ass goat-felching problems with some of the assumptions at work in this fucking fucker, not the least of which — Christ on a turgid love-muscle sucking pogo-stick! — is asking people to rate their own honesty, but encourage you filthy fuckaducks to go read the original cocksplat for yourselves, that you might better determine whether this is a promising direction for future social science, or the work of a bunch of hoofwanking bunglecunts.

Prior research has asserted a link between intelligence and swearing a lot, so who fucking knows, really?

Enjoy your open thread, and while you’re at it, take the time to ponder why we so often label something “profanity” when it is not in fact profaning any deity, but is merely obscene.

Balls.

[The Independent via Newsweek]

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  • YayConspiracy

    well, fuck that!

  • NanBullenshede

    phucque.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    Outfuckingstanding, New Jersey.

    • BeachLoafer

      I’m pretty fucking proud of Connecticut’s showing, where I was born and raised :)

  • Jenny

    I lie to motherfuckers all the time, but I guess I am being honest about that.

  • monoglot

    Holy fuck–honestly.

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    This really is a big fucking deal

  • doktorzoom

    Real fucking mature, Wonkette.

  • baconzgood

    What the Christ is this bull shit?

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    Please note that none of the states in the so-called “Mountain” Time Zone broke 70 in integrity. Lying bastards.

  • Rouge Skwerl!

    Fucking really? Like I need this shit on top of my goddamn muthafucking day. I mean the streets are like a goddamn motherfucking ice rink out there, and your going to tell me the obvious. Those that don’t give a shit are the most honest.

    • splashy79

      Good point. The more they fucking swear, the less likely to give a shit = more honest.

  • natoslug

    So the more I swear, the smarter and more honest I become? Sweet! Wait, whaddya mean I’m misinterpreting the cockslobbering study? Mah personal fakts r just as good as yer research facts, by jibberty!

  • Lefty Frizzell

    The concept of asking people how honest they are seems hopelessly naive.

    • natoslug

      I believe in being above reproach. As a matter of fact, I plan on spending the next four years striving to be at least as honest in my daily dealings as the President of These Here Untied States.

      • TJ Barke

        So… Not at all?

        • natoslug

          Nobody’s perfect.

    • Ryan Denniston

      Like some ass-istant professor who’s 26 and doesn’t know shit about fucking people.

    • YoNastyBunny

      I’m pretty sure they also use the expression “I’m just telling it like it is!”

  • AngryKatie

    Here’s my complexly unscientific research on this subject:
    People who sanctimoniously say fiddlesticks, dangit, etc. and look down on people for swearing are terrible judgmental people and who needs that in their life?

    People who swear a blue streak whether they’re expressing anger or joy will offer to lend you $20 so you don’t have to skip lunch because you forgot your wallet, they always pitch in more than they need to when it’s time to pay the bar tab, you can call them at 2am because your car broke down and you need a ride, and they aren’t ever dicks about any of it.

    • Thiazin Red

      Agree, those are the people who will do something terrible, get called on it, and then tone troll.

    • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

      I’ll take, “FUCKYOU!” over, “Well, bless your heart” any day.

  • WIDTAP

    Now, now. This is correlation, not causation.

    Causation is Southern Culture. The genteel set will say nothing more offensive than “bless your heart”, which is the not-so-honest way of saying “I am about to fuck you up the ass.”

  • Poorly Behaved Résistanista

    I swear more than anybody I know! I must be a fucking saint!

    • Juan de Fuca

      An honest fucking saint!

    • natoslug

      And the smartest person ever!

  • TJ Barke

    I fucking hate everything.

    • CindyinEncinitas

      I hate everything and I’m getting worse!

      • TJ Barke

        Wanna hang out?

        • CindyinEncinitas

          Definitely.

          • TJ Barke

            Ain’t no party like a pity party.

          • CindyinEncinitas

            Except a BALLS-OUT RAGEFEST WHERE WE BURN THIS MOTHERFUCKER DOWN. Then go for beers.

  • The Wanderer

    Fuckin’ A.

  • natoslug

    Speaking of honesty, if anyone dialed into my manager’s conference line at any time over the past five hours, it wasn’t me who forgot to hang up after the 9 a.m. meeting and has been broadcasting a mixture of porn, youtube videos, and lectures on algorithms and modeling scheduling problems. It was, um, my cat. Fucking softphone features . . .

  • BearGHAZI

    Well, fuck me with a sandpaper dildo!

    • Jeffocaster in the East

      Is it coated with Prep H?

      • Rouge Skwerl!

        Motherfuckin’ barbed wire.

        • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

          Alright! Who put hot sauce in my KY??

  • Ryan Denniston

    I don’t know if NSF funded this study, but we can’t fucking defund NSF when it can produce shit like this. Even if that fuckup Donnie becomes preznit.

  • Rouge Skwerl!

    But what about the trolls that come here and use asstericks like a** and b*tch. They always seem dishonest about their sexuality while they describe hot man-on-man action.

    • Uh-oh. Please tell me you didn’t just light the Turgid Love Muscle Beacon, which I’ve only just remembered is Grail-shaped.

  • Jeffocaster in the East

    I do not trust people who do not swear.

    • natoslug

      I do not trust people who do not swear.
      –fify

  • natoslug

    Is this why I keep getting told I have a smart mouth?

    • Rouge Skwerl!

      No, that is for another reason. *eyebrows*

  • clairence

    This study is fuckin’ bullshit!

  • BadKitty904
    • natoslug

      Most honest veep, or most honest veep ever? Or just the exception proving the rule?

      • BadKitty904

        In the vid, Dick is parroting the usual Bush Administration lies on why they let a major American city be destroyed on their watch. I was referencing the honest citizen in the background who, very clearly – twice, tells Cheney to go fuck himself.

        • natoslug

          Dammit — I thought it was going to be the video of Cheney telling someone that, so didn’t want to click. Now I have to watch.

          • BadKitty904

            The clip is – literally – an American Classic and cannot be spread far or wide enough.

    • AngryKatie

      This is one of my all time favorite clips. It’s the deadpan delivery, it slays me every time.

      • BadKitty904

        Vox populi…

    • clairence

      Perhaps we can have a bunch of these incidents over the next four years. The tweet-storms will be priceless.

      • BadKitty904

        “Perhaps”? Haven’t his spawn already been booed and cussed at on the streets of New York? Here’s hoping that’s a start…

        • natoslug

          If I lived in NY or DC, I’d start a rotten cabbage and rotten tomatoes concession stand. Make sure the people had what they needed to freely express themselves.

          • BadKitty904

            The Invisible Middle Finger of the Market…

          • Ω cynmac will never surrender

            There have been protests and marchers every day in front of Trump Tower. The neighbors are upset.

          • natoslug

            Sounds like Trump is a nuisance landlord/tenant. The neighbors should sue.

        • Ω cynmac will never surrender

          Yes, it was Qusay and his wife. Another account says that he was heard to mutter under his breath, “I am rubber…”.
          http://pagesix.com/2016/11/11/eric-trump-heckled-by-teens-while-walking-streets-of-nyc/

          • BadKitty904

            Couldn’t happen to a more deserving hatchling…

  • Ryan Denniston

    The reason the GOP is the party of stoopid is because they don’t believe in science!

    • Poorly Behaved Résistanista

      Don’t you mean motherfucking science?!

      • msanthropesmr

        We’re gonna science the motherfuck out of this fucker, fuckers.

  • AngryKatie

    That FL rates a 71 for integrity tells you definitively that at least half of the FL respondents were lying their asses off.

    • natoslug

      But at least they were swearing when they did so.

    • Thiazin Red

      If you can’t trust Florida Man to answer a survey honestly, who can you trust really?

  • msanthropesmr

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/16acc1d70d920e6d2e927a48876e9b28286d80d7ff4d677f1db82cc6a5cb3b5d.gif

    Today’s Beanymation!

    And, we have another snow day tomorrow for at least half of the Anthrope household.

    • Jeffocaster in the East

      BEANY!!!!! Roo roo rooooooooooooooooo

    • memzilla Ω
      • msanthropesmr

        Beany skips the first 3 steps.

      • Thiazin Red

        At least dogs usually have the decency to not just jump on the table and grab it off your plate. Not so much with cats.

        • Shucky Ducky
          • Thiazin Red

            If he was a normal sized cat he would probably try that, but hes a monster cat.

        • AngryKatie

          I’ve trained mine that if I push something to the far edge of the plate he can have it.

          So far his favorite is blueberry muffins. Specifically blueberry. We’ve been theorizing that his formative years were spent in a dumpster behind a donut shop.

        • Groundloop

          You’ve got a table? And plates? As in more than one?

          Well, La-Di-Fuckin’-DA your majesty!

        • marxalot

          You should meet my mom’s ratter muscle-headed chow hound, Pooka Mooch.
          She climbs chairs onto the table to eat your sandwich. She leaps into the air to steal food from your hand.

    • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

      Which half will be shoveling the driveway?

      • msanthropesmr

        We live in the city. The city will play the part of not shoveling the driveway. They will let it melt, which seems to be their abatement strategy.

    • arglebargle

      He has the appearance of a very good boy.

      • msanthropesmr

        He’s a h*ckin’ great boy.

  • msanthropesmr

    There’s nothing left to say –

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TJPrRaXU4U0

  • Idiokraticdrumpfenjugend

    Why didn”t researchers from the University of Glasgow participate in the study?

    • msanthropesmr

      Nobody could understand whether they were swearing, or asking for haggis.

  • Thiazin Red

    I got an email for Hugo nominations, and I realized that I have barely read or seen anything that qualifies. I’ll have to get on that before March.

    I was excited that Doctor Who was finally back soon, but then I found out that Matt Lucas was in it and I can’t stand him. I find him aggressively unfunny and obnoxious as an actor, writer and as a person whenever I’ve seen an interview with him.

    • He’s reprising the same role he played in the series before, so he won’t be any more obnoxious this time than the was then. . .

      I have given up on the Hugos, until they manage to repair the broken nomination system that allows MRAs to stuff the ballot with authors they approve of, who aren’t silly-nilly girls.

      It says something that they aren’t able to actually win the Hugo. But I find the fact that the organizers aren’t doing anything more to curtail the behavior than shrugging and going, “Boys will be boys. . .” kinda’ disgusting.

      …Unless they’ve done something and I haven’t heard about it? That’s possible, too.

      • Thiazin Red

        He was barely in the River Song Christmas episode so I could ignore him, but it looks like hes going to be a second companion.

    • msanthropesmr

      Be sure to nominate white males who portray slightly misogynist tropes.

    • Poorly Behaved Résistanista

      You get to fucking vote for Hugo noms? Wow!

      • Thiazin Red

        You just have to give them 25 dollars, its voted on by regular fans not industry people. You get all of the nominated writing, so its a pretty good deal most of the time.

        • Poorly Behaved Résistanista

          There is so much learning to be had here! I’m gonna go check that shit out right now! (Unless the thought of voting for something I love that could lose becomes too painful at this time.)

          • Thiazin Red

            After the nominees are chosen you get the packet, which is five novels plus all the short fiction.

        • AngryKatie

          This is the coolest thing I’ve learned in a while.

        • Poorly Behaved Résistanista

          I’m in, I’m in! Hopes they send me the list soon. What fun!

        • Groundloop

          Thanks for the information. I always find myself flummoxed when book shopping and usually fall back on the authors whose work I’ve enjoyed in the past. This sounds like a good way to (maybe) be exposed to some different names.

    • marxalot

      The best perk of being in the World Science Fiction Society, hands down, is the raft of Hugo contender .pdfs, so, go thou and do the Lord’s work. Pick something fun.

      • Thiazin Red

        The only novels I have as definites so far are Every Heart a Doorway, Obelisk Gate, and Book of the Unnamed Midwife.

        • marxalot

          Have you read “Too Like the Lightning?”
          /shameless plug for friend

          • Thiazin Red

            Not yet, but its been on every best of list that I’ve seen. I’ve still got to read Crosstalk and Ninefox Gambit too.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    For all the dingosuckers who complained about how Hillary could cuss like a monkeyfucking sailor.
    Hah!

  • Ryan Denniston

    What the hell is wrong with the Dakotas? Are they, perhaps, PROJECTING (church lady voice)????

    • Thiazin Red

      Or are they really the most honest, because they admit to being dishonest?

  • Crystalclear12

    well, shit, fuck, damn!

    • snark-lurker

      shitfuckcuntpisswhore werks IV moi

      • Crystalclear12

        The classics are the best

  • snark-lurker

    i can not, from personal experience, draw concurrent inferences. fuck it we’ll do it live

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      WE’LL DO IT LIVE!

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Utah can just go fuck itself.

    • Ryan Denniston

      I kind of just mutter that to myself at random. Funny this study didn’t trigger that sentiment.

    • Iam Reading

      They do just that on a regular basis…….#1 in per capita porn consumption.

  • LarryHoudini

    My state is #1! I’ve never been more proud to be a Connecticunt.

    • BosGrl

      I would never have guessed that CT swears more than NJ and NY.

      • LarryHoudini

        Yeah, me neither. But upstate must take some points away from NYC. I lived in the city for ten years and they definitely swear more than people in CT.

        • bupkus23

          Fuckin’ upstaters swear a fuckin’ lot, too!!! Your statistical analysis needs fuckin’ work!

  • The most honest scene in cinematic history:

    https://youtu.be/pDWzGm1W0WY?t=9s

  • BadKitty904
    • shaar dula

      profanity is prayer.

      • BadKitty904

        Didn’t someone say that “Profanity is prayer in shorthand”?

  • Crystalclear12

    is that the Wonkette mascot at the top of this post?

    • snark-lurker

      zat iz yer Dok on Monday morningz

      • Msgr_MΩment

        …in a good mood.

    • Jenny

      That’s my dad’s latest get rich err get beer scheme. Hobo modeling for the internets.

  • shaar dula

    I was told there would be no math. fuck you and up yours wonkette. I’m not reading no social sciences paper. not in my free time. I do enough paper reading to maintain a healthy constitution for a normal adult and know enough to know that social sciences gave us important stat analyzes and have argued with a prof for long enough about the conclusions in SS for him to finally retire at a ripe age. so ya. thanks for your article. but no thanks.
    seriously though, thanks.

  • msanthropesmr
  • Tallmutha

    Frank Booth, a man of integrity.

  • Electric Ukulele Land

    Off topic — but are all the ads I see for fixing crepey skin aimed at Kellyanne Conaeay in case she frequents this site out of a sense of self-loathing.

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      Someone posted the pic of KAC in her “Supergirl” costume and may I say, that woman is unsexy. The opposite of sexy. Not haut.

  • Ryan Denniston

    But nothing about the relation between intelligence and any of the following?:
    – porn
    – pop culture
    – secularism
    – preversion
    – drugs
    – poor grammar
    – Leftism

    I feel like we’re really missing out here.

    • (Major_Major_Major)ly+Fucked

      Pretty sure that venn diagram is just a giant circle, or the olympic rings in a giant circle. One or the other.

  • Pinkham’s Law

    Oddly enough, I swear very little, yet am honest to a fault. No, really. Especially under pressure – then, It’s almost impossible for me to tell a lie, and if I do it is so obvious I am, there’s just no point in trying.

    • I’m the same way. Terrible liar. Which, I’ve decided over the years isn’t the worst thing to have to admit. Although my language could strip the paint off of an aircraft carrier, also, too.

    • shaar dula

      there are people who can keep up with lies under pressure? my go to line when caught lying is ok fine so I said that. its not like I was lying. I rationalize my lying when I’m caught lying. kind of a fight back before acceptance and submission.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      Well my ex never swore at all, hated my swearing, and turned out to be lying pile of rat’s asses. QED

    • snark-lurker

      YOU LIE!!!

    • You’re swearing in your head.
      We’re ON to you

      • Pinkham’s Law

        There may be something to what you say.

    • Poorly Behaved Résistanista

      Aren’t you from the Canada? Different rules. Needs a different study.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Dok Zoom is the kindest, bravest, warmest, most wonderful twat flossing, taint brushed, Cock swabby, Shit sipping, jizz-inhaling cockwomble I’ve ever known in my life.

    • Shucky Ducky

      Truth!

    • shaar dula

      ain’t that the truth by jeebus. aa fucking men.

  • Iam Reading

    Verdad, putas!

  • BadKitty904

    Now, some of y’all have writ me, complainin’ ‘bout dey language I use in my comedy. And dat is some true – I do cuss me some.

    But to all of you that I have offended, please let me say dis, from dey ver’ bottom of my heart – I don’t give a damn.”*

    ~ Justin Wilson

    *Please bear with my attempt to type in Cajun.

    • I have not thought of Justin Wilson in the longest time. . .

      • BadKitty904

        A great favorite of my grandfolks, along with Jerry Clower…

  • lucidamente

    Old joke about parents trying to get their three kids to stop swearing:

    Parent (to First Kid): What do you want for breakfast?

    First Kid: Give me some fucking Corn Flakes.

    (Parent sends First Kid to his room.)

    Parent (to Second Kid): What do you want for breakfast?

    Second Kid: Give me some fucking Corn Flakes.

    (Parent sends Second Kid to her room.)

    Parent (to Third Kid): What do you want for breakfast?

    Third Kid: You can be goddamned sure I’m not going ask for any fucking Corn Flakes.

    • Poorly Behaved Résistanista

      You fucking win!

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      Aw Hell. Now, I’m fucking homesick.

  • CindyinEncinitas

    Balls. Gross.

  • stankbait

    Mother fucker! That bitch Trump eats his own shit. Honestly.

    • tehbaddr

      I bet there’s little actual consumption, more a whole lot of smearing it around and flinging.

      • ResistanceFighterCaptainHowdy

        It is the source of his unique complexion.

        • tehbaddr

          Then he fucking should be careful of what shit he eats!

  • ResistanceFighterCaptainHowdy

    Hayden Christensen in In the Mouth of Madness (1994). He would be about 12 or 13. Funny.
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/0457e34478a0999b8b208f8d9c95296cba3275615969aff54ae47678b0a36a8f.jpg

    • tehbaddr

      Must have missed this one, it’s a Lovecraft story no?

      • ResistanceFighterCaptainHowdy

        Quasi-Lovecraftish John Carpenter. Really good, or interesting, or something. Just watched it again.

      • Thiazin Red

        It John Carpenter doing a Lovecraft style story. Its pretty good, and a shame that it gets overlooked.

        • Fun with Cthulhu

          Agreed, very well done horror thriller,

          • ResistanceFighterCaptainHowdy

            It is rather ghastly and cryptical, with some suggestion of non-Euclidean geometries.

  • arglebargle

    Fuck ‘n A, man.

  • Scrofula

    Oft retold story of my first “sentence” upon returning from errands with my dad: “Bank closed, no money, shit!”

    • AngryKatie

      My first word was bullshit. Uttered after I threw up all over the breakfast table.

      • Scrofula

        “You call that breakfast Mom?” [Heeeuuugh splash] “It’s bullshit!”
        You ARE angry, Katie.

        • AngryKatie

          The poetic justice was that my grandmother was there when it happened. She’d been warning my mom for months that if she didn’t stop swearing in front of me she was going to be sorry.

          Till the day she died she’d laugh so hard she’d cry telling that story.

      • Poorly Behaved Résistanista

        When my 2 year old would drop something, he would exclaim, “SHIT!”
        (Obs I don’t know where he learned it.)

      • Skeptical_thinker

        My sister’s first word was
        “Chickenshit”

        • AngryKatie

          Have to admit, I’m a little jealous of that.

    • Poorly Behaved Résistanista

      An old family friend as a young boy (maybe 5 or something) got in trouble for cussing and his mom said, “I won’t have that in my house.” She spotted him later sitting on the curb in front of the house with his wee suitcase packed.

      When she asked him what he was doing, he said, “Well, where’s a little bastard like me supposed to go?”

    • marxalot

      My oldest cousin apparently had a wee babby speech impediment (what, he had no teeth, it happens) and the first word he learned, thanks to a beloved Tonka toy, was “truck.”
      At least, that’s what he thought he was saying.

      • AngryKatie

        I babysat a kid like that whose dog was named Tucker. It still cracks me up remembering him standing in the yard bellowing “fucker, here fucker.”

  • TheGrandWaz00
    • shaar dula

      for all his profanity, I still can’t believe him. he has fingers way too short for him to be believable.

    • Ryan Denniston

      I’m really glad we got The Anointed One. I wouldn’t want to be associated with The Iodined One.

  • shivaskeeper

    Now I can also tell people my swearing is part of my overall honesty and not just my Jersey accent. Abso-fucking-lutely fucking awesome. Also, too: fuck.

    • Courser

      As a young woman I learned the art of dropping a ‘fuck’ just in the right place to make my point. Not sure if it helped or hurt, but it was entertaining if nothing else.

      • shivaskeeper

        Grew up in North Jersey, spent 23 years in the Army. The swearing is pretty well constant for me.

        • Courser

          My father did a stint in Army Intelligence (I know, a total oxymoron – even he said that). My siblings & I believe he’s always had Asperger’s now that it’s known as a thing. Anyway, when me and my bro were pretty little kids, say pre-school age, he taught the “Do your balls hang low..” song. Just like that. Flash forward to some car ride with *both* ‘rents in the car and my brother and I start in on THAT! Mom starts yelling “Ears! EARS!” so bro and I stick our fingers in our ears. All we can see is that she’s yelling at us but she told us to put our fingers in our ears, so we think it’s the funniest thing EVAR and start rolling around the backseat laughing as only pre-schoolers can. This was WAAAY before there were even seat belts cars, much less child safety seats. I don’t remember anything more than that. It was just insane.

          Not long after, however, I did learn the Ears version of the song, then. Still didn’t make any sense to me, but I was a kid. Dad also taught me the ‘Are you Sleeping’ nursery rhyme in French and only French. Imagine when I went to school and started singing in French.

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    Jesus fucking Christ, I could have told you about this shit months ago when the study came out.

  • BadKitty904
    • snark-lurker

      that is one badfuckingkittycunt

    • Poorly Behaved Résistanista

      Hey, that cat stole my fucking motto! It’s what I repeat every time I read new news.

      • BadKitty904

        Kitty has had it.

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      I have a cat like that. Lemme tell you, he’s murder on sensitive electronic stuff.

      • BadKitty904

        But it DOES make you very mindful of where you set things down…

        • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

          Oh yes. Indeed he does. He likes to pick up random important objects in his mouth and carry them to random locations to play with them until they are broken random objects. But I love him anyway.

          • BadKitty904

            Sounds like he keeps you on your toes!

    • Michael R
  • ResistanceFighterCaptainHowdy
    • tehbaddr

      One of my all time faves!

      Edit: Just saw the cat gif below, should be a response to your post; “fuck this and fuck that…”

  • Kiri the Resistant Unicorn

    I just wanna say that I’d rather hang out with this fucking bunch of rebel scum than with the finest people in the whole god-damned world. I lovingly invite each and every one of you to line up and kiss my fuzzy gray equine ass and trust me to not fart in your fucking faces.

    • Scrofula

      Your equine ass does look very kissable. I’m sure your farts smell like berries anyway.

      • Kiri the Resistant Unicorn

        Thank you. The plumber gave me a funny look when I asked him to install a bidet in the barn, but I think it was worth it.

    • MynameisBlarney
      • Poorly Behaved Résistanista

        I ain’t kissing that things ass. Nor any other part of it.

      • Kiri the Resistant Unicorn

        Yes, it is. Did you notice that your dick is about 3% larger now?

        • MynameisBlarney

          *looks down and faints*

          • Kiri the Resistant Unicorn

            Well, that was unexpected. I’ll stay nearby, in case he wants to go for another ride after he wakes up from his nap.

    • Poorly Behaved Résistanista

      That is so goddamned touching, Uni!

    • marxalot

      I maintain that this wretched hive of scum, profanity, and excellence is in fact inhabited by the finest fucking people in the whole goddamn world, but what the hell do I know?

    • tehbaddr

      Don’t hold back, some here might actually like that, Secularist Perverts that they are!

  • btwbfdimho

    Here’s Alexandr Dugin, the new Rasputin, writing about Brannon.

    Trump’s Right Hand: His Ideology https://t.co/wf6WzRS5gD— Alexandr Dugin (@A_G_Dugin) January 9, 2017

    • Scrofula

      He always looks like his ideology is CVS E&J from the bottle. With a little Alex Jones speed to work through it. I think he’ll follow his mentor’s steps sooner than later.

    • Poorly Behaved Résistanista

      Well, he can fucking try but Trump is too impulsive and thin-skinned to pull it off. You have to be calculating to be able to lead and the man has a fucking thought disorder. Sad! Fail!

    • btwbfdimho
    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      Will someone give that man rapid detox? You think KAC looks rough? This man, this man, I say this man has lived a hard, hard life. Lots of hookers and blow.

    • bupkus23

      I don’t wanna hear nothing about Rump’s right hand, not since I read that Melania has cut him off….

  • TheGrandWaz00

    Greta van Susteren premieres on MSNBC in 18 minutes.

    Fuck that.

    • Poorly Behaved Résistanista

      Double fuck that with nasty sauce on top.

    • natoslug

      I await not watching with bated breath.

      • snark-lurker

        this bated breath thing doz it smell like worms or chum or minnows or wut?

        • natoslug

          mackerel. AKA “Conway Fresh.”

  • Fartknocker

    It’s interesting that the District of Columbia was excluded from the study but not surprising because you can’t get a lot of honest answers from those shitstain politicians in the House or Senate.

    • tehbaddr

      Ummm, it’s because DC is not a State.

  • Scrofula

    Can anyone explain to me why I can’t stop using smart-ass answers to my security questions? I’m trying to secure my MediCal bennies while they last, and I’m locked out.
    What is your favorite sport? Fuck, uh, pussy grabbing? No. Coed naked lacrosse? No. Hoofwanking? Bumbling cunts? No, no. I thought of a few better ones, but I only had like three attempts.

    • natoslug

      You forgot to substitute the occasional number for a letter or symbol, and switch up the case: pV5syGr@bb3r, m@57rb84FUN, etc..

      • Scrofula

        pV$$33c0kk ma57rb8r is my grinder handle, though.

      • Fun with Cthulhu

        Is there not a website to do that substitution for me? If, not then the Internet should get right on that.

        • natoslug

          I have a website that does it for you, for free. Even better, it uses a secure algorithm based on your date of birth, mother’s maiden name, SSN, and credit card number/expiration/cv code. Once you enter those details, I can provide you with a perfect substitution crafted exclusively to you.

          • Fun with Cthulhu

            Since you failed to swear in your pitch, I can only assume that you, sir/madam/slug, are a fraudster and up to no good. Fucker.

          • natoslug

            Dammit! Thwarted again. Hopefully you won’t realize that I am not a real slug.

    • Thiazin Red

      Oh shit, I remember those coed naked shirts. They were everywhere in middle school, that and Big Johnson.

    • tehbaddr

      That’s an easy one! Water sports ; ^ }

  • I am so surprised that folks who do not couch their verbiage in euphemisms and catch phrases might be a tinge more honest.

    • msanthropesmr

      Bless your heart.

      • That phrase right there is why Virginia has a 40

        • msanthropesmr

          I always marvel that people think that Southerns are polite. It just means that they stab you in the back – rather than telling you to your face.

          • marxalot

            It’s like inverse British politeness- the more polite they/we are, the more they hate you/less we think of you.

          • mancityRed6

            They would always say something nice at the shops, something other than “have a nice day” so of course I thought they were being more friendly. Then I realized that it was just a common saying.
            Sort of like Canadian stereotype is the “Sorry” when you know they’re just saying “Get the fuck out of my way.”

        • mancityRed6

          But Kansas has a 39/75, so they’re lying about how honest they are?
          Actually, probably. The only people I can depend on to be honest are friends.

    • Sounds fucking suspicious to me

    • MynameisBlarney

      That sounds like quar tawlk ta me!

  • MynameisBlarney
  • dslindc

    I fucking love science! What does it say about dick jokes?

  • Rouge Skwerl!

    I still love this swearfest: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WTWdP5DMdsM

    • msanthropesmr

      Justin Roiland is a fuckin’ genius. A fan did that animation based on his read for Comedy Central. I can hardly wait for season three – that’s probably my favorite animated series ever.

  • IOnlyLikeCats

    I don’t curse so clearly I am a filthy liar. You must all shun me.

    • Blacktop Autumn

      Get the fuck out!

      :-)

      • Jennifer R

        More like get thy fuck out!

    • shaar dula

      I don’t curse…
      liar liar pants on fire.

    • You cuss in your heart.

    • mancityRed6

      If I must.
      *shakes head slowly, turns away*

    • TheGrandWaz00

      Get thee to a shunnery.

    • Kooolest G

      I don’t believe you when you say you don’t curse. I suppose I would have to believe you if you cursed more

  • Blacktop Autumn

    So, there’s some shitty study out there that explains the link between my foul fucking mouth and my giant goddamn brain? About fucking time.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Oh, hey! How was your day corrupting and warping the little minds of yutes?

      • Blacktop Autumn

        Can’t complain. My job is easier than I thought it would be!

        • suziq

          Clearly not enough corrupting and warping then!

    • tehbaddr

      Secularist Pervert!

  • I just got my USA Elections the game of US Elections game thingy thing and whoa, fast! And also whoa, fast, with 5 inches of snow on the ground!
    You was right, the art is pertiful ^.^

    • tomamitai

      Will we be able to trade them for food after the apocalypse?

      • mancityRed6

        Loser gets eaten?

  • Lefty Frizzell

    During my 30-second “let’s see what they’re up to today” the whole Joe crowd were talking about some dead Iranian dude called Robson Johnny – what the fuck is that all about?

  • tomamitai

    …they used previous data to compare the integrity levels of US states with how often they swear…

    If none of the rest of you sorry assed mother fuckers has already said this, and I don’t know if you have because I am too goddamn lazy to read through all these fucking comments, let me be the first son of a bitch to point out the most common rejoinder anybody makes on the internet when someone cites a study that reaches a conclusion with which they disagree; corre-fucking-lation does NOT mean causation, bitches!

    • Ryan Denniston

      This is why the study should have presented this as preliminary evidence, then structured a test to see if the conclusion was born out. But, it’s a snow day, so I don’t have to read the paper until tomorrow afternoon.

  • tehbaddr

    So what did I miss today? Trump did some psychotic tweeting, Congressional Repthuglicans proposed something nasty again, and there’s prolly something wrong with a number of his cabinet picks, right?

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      You are correct, sir!

      • tehbaddr

        But what of the breaking surprising news? Is there none? What will I tune into at 11? Oh noes!

        • JustDon’tSayOverrated

          Oh, it’s breaking, all right!

          oops, I mean – oh it’s fucking breaking, all right

          • tehbaddr

            Breaking Fucking News! Mmmmmmmm, I can’t Fucking Wait!11!1!!!!1!!1!1!!!1!1!!!11!!!

        • Kiri the Resistant Unicorn
  • Unpresidented_in_Seattle

    Meryl Streep should show up at the inauguration as her Maggie Thatcher character and ask Where is Ronnie?

    • Thiazin Red

      As an experiment or performance art, I would like someone to run using Regan’s positions and see how far they get with current Republicans.

      • tomamitai

        Isn’t that what Hillary did? 😜

        • Fun with Cthulhu

          Kind of correct, sad to say.

        • Kiri the Resistant Unicorn

          BOOM!

        • Poorly Behaved Résistanista

          How did that go in the debates between Hillz and Bernie when they were trying to draw distinctions between themselves? Think, think? Oh, yeah, she was a bit more intent on gun control (because Vermonters like their guns so B held back a little) and B wanted $15 minimum wage right now and she was for $12 now, $15 later, taking an incremental approach.

    • ResistanceFighterCaptainHowdy

      And then do a Cleveland Steamer on Schicklgruber?

  • MynameisBlarney
  • going4baroque

    FUCKING hilarious. So the method used by the study to determine the level of honesty and swearing is to ASK the subjects to compare themselves to a fucking sailor and goddamn George Washington. There’s science for you. Have the lab rats tell you their opinions. Explain to the researchers just how fucking foul-mouthed and goody two-shoes they are, with no apparent penalty such as cutting out their fucking tongues if they lie. Like, a proportional consequence. But like every other bit of news or “science” research, it is all rigged and can’t be trusted.

    OT: Because my science experiment just now comparing my pulse with the sweep of the second hand on the wall clock is proof that the arrow of times goes any which fucking way the observer wishes, I have determined that it is not too late to share with the world of Wonkette cusses for Christmas, this clip of an extraordinarily gifted story-teller:

    https://youtu.be/b9bCLSIheL0

    • Ryan Denniston

      What about Bbaby Jebbus, would he lie more often than Washington? You know, Washington had false teeth. If but one soul was fooled, that’s a lie right there!

      • going4baroque

        all good points, in my defense and not to unnecessarily disparage the babby Jesus, the redeemer never said “trust me on this”

  • BadKitty904

    Personal fave: “You candy-butted, car-thievin’ sos-and-sos ! I curse your names!

    ~ Washington Bartholomew Hogwallop, Jr., from “O Brother, Where Art Thou”

  • MynameisBlarney

    Found out today I’d over paid my landlords.

    They gave me a hunnerd bucks back.

    Fuck yeah.

    • JustDon’tSayOverrated

      Did they say, “Damn it, here’s your fuckin’ money back”?

      • MynameisBlarney

        No, she was like “Now hush dear, and let me fix you a plate for dinner.”

        • NastyBossetti

          Is it your grandma?

          • MynameisBlarney

            Naw, Landlady.
            She and her husband never had kids, so I guess I’m their substitute.
            Which is fine with me.

        • JustDon’tSayOverrated

          She sounds nice!

          • MynameisBlarney

            She really is.
            She gave me an exasperated look when I tried to explain my “maths”. And she was like, “Just go with my math.”

          • JustDon’tSayOverrated

            Just now realizing that is the first time I typed that phrase unsarcastically.

    • msanthropesmr

      Don’t they know they’ll never be “billionaires” that way?

    • Mr. Blobfish

      Woo hoo! Party at Blarney’s!

      • MynameisBlarney

        Cheez Wiz and Ritz crackers for EVERYONE!

  • The Librarian

    Hahaha! Goddamn, this is so me!!!!! My mom and one of my sibs often suggest I should tone it down, but fuck ’em. Honesty and brains beat the shit out of propriety.

    I yam what I yam and that’s all that I yam……

    • marxalot

      My brother sometimes says that I have a 65,000 word vocabulary but lean heavily on 18 of them. 19 if you count “bitch-ass” as an additional word.

  • Picabo

    So Andrew Dice Clay is in the pantheon of honesty. Got it.

  • Jenny

    Today, while at lunch my boss and coworker tried to conform catholic and protestant dogma with the teachings of the boss’ new enlightenment chakra/chi/hadouken guru.

    I spent my lunch coloring a color book while trying not to laugh.

    • Jennifer R

      Some of those abstract coloring books are relaxing as fuck to chill out with after listening to stupid all day.

    • efoveks

      Wow. That’s an awful lot to try to accomplish on one lousy lunch hour. ..

    • tehbaddr

      Can they legally do that? Call the ACLU!

    • Kiri the Resistant Unicorn

      You took the only sensible course available to you, really.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    OT.
    Boy, I miss Troy Polamalu leaping over the offensive line in a perfectly timed blitz.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nt7ZF8CC8hg Not like this guy.

    • mancityRed6

      I am looking forward to them playing the Chiefs this week.
      Just like living in Lawrence made me a Jayhawks fan, living in KC again, I find myself watching/listening to Chiefs’ games.

      • JustDon’tSayOverrated

        STFU, both of you!
        —irritated Raiders sorta-fan

        • mancityRed6

          It’s actually funny, a KC fan will abide a Raider’s fan much more than a Denver fan. At least, if they aren’t playing them at home.

          • JustDon’tSayOverrated

            I ain’t abidin’ no-fuckin-body. Imma sit over here, sulk and drink mah beer.

          • UncleTravelingMatt

            That kind of makes me miss the old AFC West, back when half the games were decided by field goals bouncing off uprights, and Seahawks fans were just sort of pathetic, rather than loud, preachy, and whiny.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Good luck, Chefs.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      As a long suffering Jets fan, is it wrong for me to want everyone to lose?

  • bupkus23

    One has to wonder how many SFB future deleted posters will attempt to complain about all the profanity in this story. It’s almost like they’re stupid or something….

  • marxalot

    Comrade Mom once gave me a decorative kitchen towel (I know, what?) that read:
    You drink too much
    You cuss too much
    You have questionable morals
    You are everything I’ve ever wanted in a friend

    • shaar dula

      thanks for “comrade mom”. my mom was a “comrade mom”. infact come to think of it she was comrade with a capital C. Eureka. This just explains my entire life. Thanks a fucking lot.

      • marxalot

        Along with her beloved husband, my father, Running Dad, they gave me every tool I needed to become an anarcho-socialist thought criminal.
        (Not like “my dad runs.” Like “running dog.” Just like my daddy, I think I’m funny)

  • Vecchiojohn

    i’m damned if I tell some fucking social scientist the fucking truth if they asked any of these goddamn fool nosy questions, the stupid sons of bitches.

  • Panika MCD

    hi, I’m still alive. a lot has happened in the past couple weeks and I’ll try to get ya’ll all the juicy details with a few dick jokes thrown in for good measure, but first I’m going to eat a taco and take my medicine.

    • Ryan Denniston

      Don’t stray too far, you know there won’t be a taco truck on your corner anytime soon. We’re in this for the long haul.

    • shaar dula

      fucking awesome. cant fucking wait. good fucking luck. bitch.

    • Jennifer R

      Both are vital.

    • efoveks

      There are no swears in your non comment. How do we know it’s true, or even you?

      Bwahahahahahaha!

      • Panika MCD

        I thought “dick” was a swear word…and I thought about putting “fucking taco”, but you eat tacos, you don’t fuck them.

        • marxalot

          Says you.

          –Former Austin taco fucker

        • jowgajen

          Why not both?

        • efoveks

          You DID use both “dick” and “taco”… I’ll allow it.

          As for fucking tacos, it depends on which kind.

        • shaar dula

          dick is technically honest term for an anatomy in the body, or a type of person in the mankind.
          you need to work on your honesty.

          • efoveks

            I deleted my response. Yours was better. Fucking better, just so you know I’m being fucking truthful.

          • Panika MCD

            shut up, Richard!

        • Msgr_MΩment

          Pink tacos?
          Why not both?

        • Jennifer R

          I know many a fish taco that has been both fucked and eaten.

  • I believe that should be, “Also, too, balls”. Just sayin….

    • Msgr_MΩment

      /dick joke

      • Rick Hill

        (insert)

  • Me not sure

    If these asswipe researchers had included me in their motherfucking shitbag of a survey, I’m sure that I could raised Geogia’s piss-poor honesty score higher than Goddamned Ala-fucking-bama’s.

    • Picabo

      Are you from Bulloch County?

    • shaar dula

      Shakespeare himself could not have said it better.

      • CatCafe de la Resistance

        Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?
        Fuck, no!

  • Vecchiojohn

    I got your replication right here! 🖕🏿

    • tehbaddr

      Try a few more times, like a bazillion! That’s the re part of research you scum sucking little fucktard! Now get back to work at that research, I’m counting on that for my tenure you little shitweasel!

  • Anna Rompage

    What a fun afternoon! Sitting at the optometrists waiting for my eyes to dilate…

    Things are already starting to look strange.

    • Jennifer R

      If you just need your eyes dilated, I know stuff that does it in like 20 minutes.

      • marxalot

        gimme gimme

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        are there any side effects? (asking for someone who’s been fooled before)…

        • Jennifer R

          Empathy, understanding, and a little more love and respect for everyone else?

      • tehbaddr

        But did you bring enough for the whole class?

    • Vecchiojohn

      Things are strange.

      • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

        People are strange when you’re a stranger.

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    I fuckin’ knew it.

  • ken_kukec

    Always knew that Commandment about taking the Lord’s name in vain and the one about bearing false witness were in irreconcilable tension.

    Same thing with graven images and coveting your neighbor’s ol’ lady. Somebody oughta study that.

  • Picabo
  • Mr. Blobfish

    Just came across these folks from S. Africa. It’s interesting what parts of American culture foreigners pick up on. Ugly but fascinating. https://youtu.be/AIXUgtNC4Kc

    • shaar dula

      It’s interesting what parts of American culture foreigners pick up on.
      There is prolly a thesis or 12 worth of analysis on that. Its actually a very interesting topic to explore. I have a few photos I want to share on this. let me see how I can upload them.

    • BigBoppa pour la résistance

      Is it wrong that Yolandi makes me feel tickly in my down theres?

      https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=HcXNPI-IPPM

      • Mr. Blobfish

        No. No it isn’t.

    • MynameisBlarney

      They’re a weird lot.

  • shaar dula

    a bit serious. one of the problems with profanity is people you are saying it to get offended and then the main point of communication gets defeated. that’s why it does not work in one to one communication. its effective only when talking about a third person.

    • BigBoppa pour la résistance

      That’s a crock of shit.

      • Resisting the Urge – Holly

        Well said!

        • CatCafe de la Resistance

          Well FUCKING said!

          • Resisting the Urge – Holly

            Absofuckinlutly!

    • Résistance Land Shark

      Sorry, man, but total bullshit. ;-)

    • Nockular cavity

      “its effective only when talking about a third person.”

      Who said that? ‘Cause fuck that guy.

    • 3FingerPete

      As a veteran I can testify that profanity in certain environments is essential in achieving desired results. The biggest adjustment I had to make in returning to civilian life was learning how not to swear.

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        With our incoming president, I’m sure this adaptation will no longer be necessary.

        • 3FingerPete

          If I lived in New Jersey that adaptation would have been moot, as well.

      • shaar dula

        rofl.

    • CatCafe de la Resistance

      There’s a difference between profanity directed AT someone (“Fuck you, Mom”) and used in conversation WITH someone (“Mom, I’m just so mad at my fucking teacher, my homework is so fucking hard”) as I kept trying to explain to my troubled teenage son.

      • shaar dula

        Native English speakers seem to have range to their English that boggles my mind. but some times a well placed fuck really gets to the core of the experience.

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      Well, with some people, in a one-on-one setting, communication is impossible anyway, so fuck it. Especially during and after this election fuckfest.

    • Courser

      Fuck THAT shit

      My favorite expression in High School

  • Poorly Behaved Résistanista

    I love that this is an Open Thread but almost nothing is OT because the main topic is motherfucking cussing and there’s just nothing shinier to Wonkers!

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      Everything is Off Topic because there is no comment thread here. Therefore, everything is On Topic. Enjoy!

    • ResistanceFighterCaptainHowdy

      All of the threads are open threads. The open thread is just for people who are less imaginative about being off topic.

  • 3FingerPete
  • Thiazin Red

    Why don’t more places sell half bottles of wine? You’d think with the number of single people you could sell more wine that way. I hardly eve drink a full bottle by myself, but I would have half.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Put a cork in it…

    • Unpresidented_in_Seattle

      As Orphan Annie would say, tomorrow, tomorrow.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      because if they don’t sell you a half bottle, they can sell you the same wine in three glasses for a bigger markup.

    • The Librarian

      A decent liquor store should sell splits. My fave one does. I rarely buy, though, coz ALL the fucking winos at my house.

    • SnarkON

      Buy thyself one of those fancy wine stoppers that preserves the rest of the bottle. Or buy thyself an escort to share the bottle with you.

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

    Wankel rotary engine.

    There, I said it.

    • JustDon’tSayOverrated

      You monster!

    • marxalot

      Oh, talk dirty to me, you filthy animal.

      • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

        Grunties.

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      Where is my fucking fainting couch when I fucking need that fucking thing!

    • Unpresidented_in_Seattle

      what’s a mazda with with you.

      • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

        Audi, stranger!

        • CatCafe de la Resistance

          Jesus Chrysler, how much more of this can we take?

          • AngryKatie

            Normally I try to Dodge it, but today I just couldn’t.

          • CindyinEncinitas

            As long as you’re not in any Damiler…

          • Unpresidented_in_Seattle

            Nowadays Chrysler is ruled by fiat.

          • Incoming (AKA Large) Ham
        • Unpresidented_in_Seattle

          Yugo your way, I’ll go mine. But I won’t count on my Yugo to move.

          • mancityRed6

            No va

          • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

            Next time you Peugeot, use the toilet.

        • memzilla Ω

          Spend time inventing puns? Can’t a Ford to.

    • tehbaddr

      You know the Mazda Rx7 and Rx8 use that confunded form of infernal combustion?

      • Courser

        Yes, I do. Ex BF dropped an RX7 turbo into a Mazda Miata. It was in Car and Driver back in the 80’s. But he didn’t do it all by himself. A Mazda racing outfit in Signal Hill did all the fabrication needed.

        • mancityRed6

          you know what, I remember that

          • Courser

            No shit? I have a copy around here somewhere. I didn’t know him at the time, but he brought the car to CO. Now it’s in a storage container. God only knows what he’ll do with the fucking thing, but it was a gas to road-trip in.

          • mancityRed6

            I can’t imagine that horsepower in a small early type miata.
            Although I also remember someone putting a Wankel engine in a late ’70s Datsun.

          • Courser

            It was crazy-fast. Ex did some SCCA racing in it, I guess. I only got to drive it once and I was both excited and freaked out. It’s a LOT to handle, but even the RX7 brakes were retrofitted ‘cuz yes, it would be a very bad idea to have an engine of that size with only stock Miata brakes. Ex & I use to take it up to the Vintage Car Races in Steamboat over Labor Day weekend. It wasn’t stock anything, so it couldn’t be raced but the drive was a blast in an of itself. Berthod Pass in particular.

          • mancityRed6

            I want.

      • marxalot

        I hear the 8 works so well, you don’t even need to buy 2 anymore!

    • Vecchiojohn

      Titmouse!

      • Poorly Behaved Résistanista

        Cock a doodle do.

        • CindyinEncinitas

          Well aren’t we cocksure!

          • Poorly Behaved Résistanista

            If it walks like a cock …

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        Lake Titicaca.

        • NorthernSaber

          Dildo- actual town in Newfoundland, not far from Push Through.
          I shit you not.

    • JustDon’tSayOverrated

      The Rotary Club is doing what now?

    • BigBoppa pour la résistance

      Tonight’s menu will be cock-a-leeky soup and spotted dick.

    • tehbaddr
      • The Wanderer

        Just remember to NOT WHIZZ ON THE FUCKING ELECTRIC FENCE!

        • Rags

          Sorry, myth busters says busted

          • tomamitai

            Are you sure? I found a video on youtube where they tested if peeing on the third rail of an electric train track would kill you, and they found it could, but only if you grabbed it while pissing on it from three inches away: https://youtu.be/pDY-0ijiOEQ

            I haven’t found video of this, but on this page someone wrote a synopsis of an episode in which they allegedly confirmed that you could get shocked pissing on an electric fence.

            Not surprisingly, there are a number of videos of people and animals pissing on electric fences on youtube, like this one: https://youtu.be/ONCaj4HXYLM

            Also too, while I never tried it myself, I was present when a cousin of mine pissed on an electric fence, and he flew back and landed flat on his back and seemed to be even more dazed than usual for a few minutes afterward. Amazingly, he was completely sober when he did it.

          • Rags

            As I said, Mythbusters called it Busted – check their website to confirm.
            http://www.discovery.com/tv-shows/mythbusters/videos/peeing-on-third-rail-minimyth/

            YMMV

          • tomamitai

            That’s the same video I found, it’s about peeing on the third rail, not an electric fence.

    • ResistanceFighterCaptainHowdy

      Over a prolonged fart?

    • Kiri the Resistant Unicorn
  • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

    I can’t tell if this study was fucking bullshit, or mere horseshit. Fuck it. Frankly, I don’t give a fuck.
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/7f4288a613ebe5fdcd93a94a63a2484ee803a54636bdcf69cea2c798a1635c38.jpg

  • tehbaddr

    The scatterplots are for shit. I wouldn’t publish these fucking results! Check out that lame ass Pearson r! Fucking shit results from a shit study, try harder next time you gaping assholes!

  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    FFS! Is Kelly Anne in this thread? Are you sure not? Okay, I’ll stay, FFS….

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      There is not sufficient fucking profanity in the gotdamned motherfucking Earth to appropriately deal with KellyAnn Conway in any non-existent comment fucking thread.

    • tehbaddr

      That dried up old lying cumdumpster? Shell be lucky to suck on Malania’s crusty panties full of the smegma from Donald’s rubbing all up and down her, begging while she refuses. “Not tonight Herr Donald!”.

    • Unpresidented_in_Seattle

      She’s not here. She is busy doing her 97 TV appearances today.

  • mancityRed6

    I had a dream last night that I moved into a house…with someone. I knew who it was at the time but that memory faded quick.
    What I do remember is that it had a huge kitchen with tall ceilings. White everywhere, but black hardware. There was even a ladder on wheels like a library to get to the top cabinets. It had three sets of overhead lights, but the switches were in three different areas.
    I also had not one, but two bitching El Caminos and a white early ’00s Chevy S10. Kind of like the black one I had, but white. Which is really weird because, I swear, I’ll never have another.
    I remember being in a bar and making sure that this other person had a key to get in, and then we left and I parked the truck across the street.

    At least it beats the fever dreams I had a few weeks ago where I was put into a Matrix type situation to take down Archer.

    • Vecchiojohn

      Oh, I wouldn’t worry about it. I have that dream all the time.

      • mancityRed6

        well, I wasn’t worried, but now I am.

        • Vecchiojohn

          I say, that was a good one. Sherry?

          • mancityRed6

            nah, I’ll stick with the whiskey

    • Unpresidented_in_Seattle

      You’ve sent Freudian dream analysis theory back to the drawing boards.

      • mancityRed6

        honestly, when I would text the ex in the morning, the first words were always “Weird dreams”, and her joke was “I’ll be worried when you don’t have them.”

    • natoslug

      Lucky you. I’ve never dreamed that I was Joe Biden.

      • mancityRed6

        One of the El Camino’s was lifted (and possibly 4 wheel drive, so redneck), but the other was a lowrider.

    • Resistance Fighter MausFeet

      TWO El Caminos? So was the person your dream self was living with your dream wife, or is dream you single?

      • mancityRed6

        There was a woman there, I just can’t remember who she was.
        I did know her, in the dream at least, from my past…so…

      • mancityRed6

        Not sure if she was a wife, but there was a she.

        • Resistance Fighter MausFeet

          Enh, two caminos = two wives in dream world, I’m pretty sure.

          • mancityRed6

            no.
            no, no, no, no, no.
            do not want.

          • Resistance Fighter MausFeet

            But it’s only in your dreams, so you’re safe.

    • IOnlyLikeCats

      How come you get normal dreams? Let’s switch.

  • Carpe Vagenda

    What may be a problem here is that if you ask a random selection of racists, religious bigots, internet trolls and red pill MRA assholes, they almost certainly would rate their own honesty way higher than they do the rest of ours. They probably think that’s the totally admirable reason they’re racists, religious bigots, internet trolls and red pill MRA assholes.

    Of course, fuck those guys.

    • Clyde Barrow

      Ah, the ol’ red pill MRA philosophy! “Girls won’t talk to me, so they’re stuck up sluts. I’m going to my mom’s basement to sulk, listen to Ratt on cassette tape, and play Dungeons & Dragons.”

      I subscribed to line of thinking for a few months. Of course it was 1983, and I was 12 years old…

      • Jennifer R

        I don’t think many MRA folk play D&D. At least not very well. Not like my all furry, all queer, all women group does.

        • Clyde Barrow
        • Thiazin Red

          Or they just complain about how women don’t get an automatic strength penalty anymore and how there are fewer tits in the monster manual.

          • Jennifer R

            One of the greatest days was when designers figured out everything doesn’t need to be in the rules. Kevin Siembieda would learn a thing or 10. A super hero setting game doesn’t need separate entries for doing your taxes by hand, or with a computer.

      • mancityRed6

        I’ll do the other two, but I’m not sulking.
        At least until I can find some other people to play D&D with me.

        • Thiazin Red

          On one of the other open threads there was a sign up if people were interested in starting a game.

          • mancityRed6

            One of the only things I saw for VR headsets (without playing some kind of video game) was for where people got together and played D&D, virtually.
            I’m sure I could find a group in KC if I looked hard enough, but I haven’t played in 21 years and no one really cared that you rolled a 17 or 18 when you made your character.

          • Thiazin Red

            I found my current group on meetup, but I live in NYC so there are a lot of them.

          • IOnlyLikeCats

            Do you guys not know how to use roll20? It’s easy and fun!

          • Jennifer R

            5th ed is super easy to pick up rules wise, and lots of tables are more interested in having fun than strict adherence to let the dice fall where they may.

          • mancityRed6

            the small group of four I was in would end up staying up all night to finish a campaign. but that was ’86-’87

          • Jennifer R

            I have been there back in the day myself. more than once we would start in the early evening, and whoops sun is coming up.

        • Clyde Barrow

          So in other words….you still have a cassette player?

          • mancityRed6

            they’re on youtube, gosh!

          • Clyde Barrow

            I still have a cassette player, probably from 1983, and I probably still have a Ratt cassette. Don’t have a basement or D&D books, though. If I took the red pill, I could blame women for those shortcomings.

          • mancityRed6

            I have a walkman somewheres around here.
            I really need to listen to my hypnosis tapes again.

      • Nah, they’re the sorts who’ll mock D and D players for being betas or whatever.

  • Picabo
  • Courser

    Colorado doesn’t cuss enough??

    Godddamn Hoofwanking Bunglecunt is going to fuck us all over and then assfuck us again. Without lube.

    Thank you very motherfucking much!

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      Hoodwinking Bunglecunts are best Bunglecunts

      • Poorly Behaved Résistanista

        They are the uncircumcised Bunglecunts.

      • tehbaddr

        To be honest, aside from the Hoofwanking variety, I’ve never heard of any other kind. Please tell me all you know about Bunglecunts!

      • tomamitai

        I can’t decide if “Hoodwinking Bunglecunts” sounds more like a brand of British “biscuits” or a beloved children’s cartoon.

  • Vecchiojohn

    This sort of thing reminds me of the remark by a character in an Alison Lurie novel who described social science has a “combination of common sense and nonsense, which is to say, the already obvious and the probably false.” The character was an historian.

    • shaar dula

      you have no idea how much I agree with that. I risked grades arguing that. which is a big deal coz people like me don’t get to be americans without good grades.

    • marxalot

      “I shall not sit with statisticians, nor commit a social science.”

  • mancityRed6

    Monday’s Fucking News
    http://us9.campaign-archive1.com/?u=bc6cfeeede3f05b8504f947c9&id=bb21bb9e06&e=4c7972b372
    It seems apropos considering the open thread

    • Poorly Behaved Résistanista

      I’ve tried to like that site but, to me at least, they don’t make clear what is facts and what is sarcasm so I just get confuses about what is real and what is humor.

      Wonkette, to its great credit, writes in a style that makes it abundantly fucking clear (at least to libruls who don’t have a broken irony meter).

      • Resistance Engineer Red Bird

        Unless you’re name is Brad.

      • tomamitai

        Some of the non-existent comments, however, occasionally leave me wondering.

  • Courser

    Okay, I’ve gotta go out for goddamn cigarettes, fucking weed, and cunty BP meds. Life sucks ass some days.

    • MynameisBlarney

      Wait…what?

      You meds for British Petroleum?
      That’s gotta be like…a LOT.

    • marxalot

      I’m sure your dicksmack doctor has told you how if you’d just lay off the goddamn coffin nails it would go a long fucking way with that shitass blood pressure problem.

      • Courser

        Yeah, the bitch keeps telling me that, but how can I fucking quit any-goddamn-thing when the Fuckstick soon-to-be-in charge is the cum-swallowing AntiChrist???

        • Pierre_de_Fermat

          Well, I see yer problem.

        • marxalot

          No, you’re fucking well right, that’s a bitch and a half, I’d be smoking cigars wrapped in goddamn bacon if I thought it would help me deal with the cockspatter in chief and his shitheel administration.

    • Unpresidented_in_Seattle

      Sorry. But new AG Sessions will eliminate the pot shop trip by June.

      • mancityRed6

        *plans trips to Colorado for April and May*

    • mancityRed6

      I’m in eastern KS, it’s a 9 hour drive to get the second one. Count your blessings.

  • nan

    Anyone watching MSNBC?

    • Clyde Barrow

      Why, are they airing another ‘Lockdown’ marathon?

      • Unpresidented_in_Seattle

        Greta as a corrections officer is a fantasy of many lonely, very lonely convicts.

    • Vecchiojohn

      Yes, as penance for my sins.

      • IOnlyLikeCats

        What did you do, kill people with votes?

    • IOnlyLikeCats

      No, I’m hoping her ratings are horrid and they switch her slot with Joy Reid’s, so she’s only on weekends (when I’m binge-watching Netflix) and I can have a four hour sane block on weekdays.

    • BigBoppa pour la résistance

      I wrote them off when I saw an ad with Rachael Maddaw encouraging viewers to watch Greta’s new show and “give her a chance”. They’ve either replaced Rachael with a doppelganger or lobotomized her.

      • IOnlyLikeCats

        Greta is a friend of hers.

        • BigBoppa pour la résistance

          That’s not gonna save her job when MSNBC goes full on alt-Fox.

          • Resistance Engineer Red Bird

            What makes you think that she isn’t goin full alt-Fox?

          • mancityRed6

            umm, the word there is “alt” and so far, they’re being a sister station.

  • Rick Hill

    You got dreams and so do I
    Your’s won’t live and mine won’t die
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SsSvaOTcpH4

  • Msgr_MΩment
    • UncleTravelingMatt

      I didn’t realize The Onion had switched to straight news.

  • BigBoppa pour la résistance

    BTW, I’m finally all growed up. My Medicare card arrived in today’s mail.

    • Reddishrabbit

      Enjoy it for the next 12 days! Then you can wait for Paul Ryan voucher.

      • msanthropesmr

        Good for free fries at Carl’s Jr.

  • memzilla Ω

    Chuck Schumer trolls Mitch McConnell on Turtle Boy’s desire to fast-track Drumpf nominees without proper vetting.
    https://twitter.com/SenSchumer/status/818544880658108416/photo/1

    • tehbaddr

      Nuh uh! They are making the rules now! From reneging on their constitutional duty to review a supreme court justice, all the way back to trying to make Obama “a one term president”, and all the obstructionist bullshit they pulled. FUCK HIM, TURTLE FACED CUM GUZZLING LITTLE HYPOCRITE!!!111111!!!!!1!!!!1!!!!!

    • artem1s

      damn! great snark Shumer! keep it up!

  • BMW

    I am mad about a thing…my local media in Kansas City, MO, is apparently completely ignoring the new Republican governor’s inauguration. They didn’t cover him much during the campaign, either, but this is ridiculous. The websites for the local broadcast media just repost an AP story.
    Seriously…what are his priorities? What bills does he want to sign? Come on…tell us *something*.

    • Resistance Engineer Red Bird

      Probably promised his soul to the devil and will go along with whatever they tell him to.

    • mancityRed6

      Ha! I’m in Olathe. Since at least mid September. I still haven’t caught up to the local news. The only time I read the Star is when I’m waiting at the convenience store counter.

  • Panika MCD

    Update Part IJFC

    I was going to try to do this in order, but I still have more prescriptions to pick up, so you’ll have to forgive me in putting the epilogue before the climax.

    I spent the weekend in the hospital because my back was thrown out, I was vomiting EVERYTHING and was really dehydrated. I mean my body slurped up 2 liters of fluids in like an hour once the put the IV in dehydrated. the nurse was all, “holy shit! I’ve never seen it go that fast!” I got some good drugs and found out I have a nice big ulcer in my stomach right where it’s supposed to empty in to the duodenum.

    earlier today I polled FacePlant on what we should name said ulcer, but thought I’d wait for the open thread to have a stab at it.

    so POLL: WHAT SHOULD PANIKA’S DONKEY PISS OF AN ULCER BE CALLED?
    (note: I have already turned down Donald, Bernie and K-Conn because none of them have any business in my body.)

    I’ll be back after I get the funnererer meds since I can’t drink for the next month.

    • IOnlyLikeCats

      Trudeau?

    • The Wanderer

      I would name it Timmy.

    • BigBoppa pour la résistance

      “…putting the epilogue before the climax…”

      You can get a prescription to help with that.

    • Ωbjectifier

      Justin Bieber. That’s a good name for an ulcer.

      • Vecchiojohn

        I’d save that for a hemorrhoid.

        • Msgr_MΩment

          That reminds me of an old joke about a German singer, Heino.
          “What’s the difference between Heino and a tampon?”
          “Heino’s for the ass.”
          sounds better in the original German

    • Vecchiojohn

      Fredo?

    • shaar dula

      no panika, I hope we remember you for eternity for things you did or perceived. Not by the size of your ulcer. For all it is worth may you have the best remission and speediest of recoveries.

      • shaar dula

        with your mom and your brother things you do and endure are worthy by themselves. this(which I refuse to name) is not needed and may it go away fast.

        • Panika MCD

          oh, we’ll get to those. fun meds first.

        • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

          “Ul’cer? I hardly know ‘er!”

    • natoslug

      And some people say there is a benevolent god. No drinking is evidence that that theory is complete bullshit.

    • Picabo
    • Resistance Fighter MausFeet

      No drinking? Judas it is, then. I wish you a speedy recovery!

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      Brad? I’d name it Brad.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        That Brad sounds like the pitts.

    • BosGrl

      Voldemort? Then you can pretend the ulcer is a horcrux.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      It sounds like a Black Hole, so let’s go with Astronomy.
      I nominate “Pulsar, the Ulcer”.
      Or we could go with “Ulcer” as a surname, in which case “Reep” or “Imp” would work.

      ADDENDUM: By the way, sorry to hear about the hell you’ve probably just gone through. Finding the good drugs is wonderful, though. You know what they say: “Good drugs will get you through the times of no duodenum better than a duodenum will get you through the times of no drugs.”
      Hang in there.

    • Missed this before, but I hope you heal well, Panika.
      And name? Of course it is Conald the Drumfarian

  • Ωbjectifier

    How fucking timely is this. My dipshit boss just had a talk with me about my “colorful language”. Goddamn hoofwanking bunglecunt should mind his own business. I’m talking truth over here!

  • btwbfdimho
    • Resistance Engineer Red Bird

      I’m not going to watch that before you tell me what it is.

      • tomamitai

        I watched about 30 seconds, it seems to be some Swedish guy explaining how to use Ikea furniture to survive the apocalypse or something.

        • Resistance Engineer Red Bird

          Oh. Well I have all the furniture I need right now so I’ll do a hard pass.

  • Apple Scruff
    • IOnlyLikeCats

      That dress still looks like a badly made tablecloth (my eyes are still vomiting from the designs I was exposed to last night).

      • Vienna Woods

        I have a weakness for pansies and I think it’s pretty cute.

    • tehbaddr

      Good! Fuck that Little ShitWeasel Bro and his smirking cock gobbling face! His plans are anti – American, and he is a pox on the face of the country!

      BTW I think we should all start pointing out how “Anti – American” they are!

  • Carpe Vagenda

    I’ll just quote my muse, a random guy we passed when we were walking to the train from the Science Museum in Flushing Meadow Park (also near Shea Stadium) during the last subway series and somebody yelled “Yankees!” My random guy didn’t even turn around. He just yelled “Fucken get the fuck back to the fucken Bronx, you fucken yankee fuck.”

    People applauded. I love New York.

    • Vecchiojohn

      Anybody who hates the Yankees can’t be stupid.

  • IOnlyLikeCats

    This has been on my mind for a while now, but my roommate is disabled (a stroke caused by an aneurysm, she wasn’t found for several hours) and the other day we were talking and she told me there is a type of physical therapy for people like her to regain use of her arm. Medicare won’t cover it unless she shows some progress on her own. This is literally the only developed country in the world where that isn’t covered automatically. And I’m not sure whether to be full of fury or just cry forever.

    • Resistance Engineer Red Bird

      Why not both?

      • IOnlyLikeCats

        I actually have to function during daily life so it’s one or the other.

        • mackafritz

          Then fury. You can work with fury.

    • BigBoppa pour la résistance

      My suggestion is that you name either your torch or pitchfork after your friend and carry it proudly into battle.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        Or – and not that I’m suggesting that you should have to – figure out what PT would involve and do it with her until you see some outcome. It sucks, and it shouldn’t be necessary, but I hear it works better with a coach/buddy/cheering section.

        • IOnlyLikeCats

          It’s really intensive stuff or she would have started already (like 25 hours per week).

          • Carpe Vagenda

            You know, my doctor told me I wouldn’t get the use of my arm back after an accident, but I switched and used the broken arm for smoking and got full mobility back in a ridiculous amount of time.

            I’m not suggesting that it’s easy or that you should have to, but you can get an awful lot done if you’re determined. And both of you will have the carrot of making those fuckers pay.

    • mancityRed6

      the ex MIL had a stroke in her early 40s. supposedly she’s only working on half her brain.
      she’s got something close to $200k in savings and liquid assets (the half of her brain that works is good with money), but she still won’t pay a couple grand for a new leg brace.

    • OrG

      Go with fury.

  • SadDemInTex

    Fucking shit I’ve got to get out of Texas….lady behind me in line at JoAnne’s where I got materials for my sign and pussy hat for the Women’s March in Austin on 21st…”Just wait till after the inauguration,…Hillary and Bill will be sent to jail for child sex trafficking.” And,of course, she gets her “truthiness” from Facebook. This fucking shitty state…

    • Ωbjectifier

      Best thing to come out of Texas is I-10.

      • BigBoppa pour la résistance

        ROUTE 66 LIBELZ!!!!!!!!

        • mancityRed6

          I-35 libelzz!

          • Ωbjectifier

            That takes you to OK. Not much of an improvement.

          • mancityRed6

            Yeah, OK and Kansas, but one of those is where I call home, so…

    • Reddishrabbit

      I’m sure we can fit you into NYC. As long as you don’t mind studio the size of a postage stamp.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        Westchester could use a few Democrats. The ones we have are all in what for all intensive purposes are gated communities.

        • shaar dula

          what white plains too? last I know that republican pretender was whipped like a common ass.

          • Carpe Vagenda

            Yeah. Sadly, Westchester politics is controlled by Republican assholes, and could be challenged by the local Democrats but the local Democrats are Susan Sarandon.

      • SadDemInTex

        I lived in NYC….can’t afford it at all!!!

    • IOnlyLikeCats

      If you don’t mind rain you should move to the PNW, that way you can be among liberal elites but have living space larger than a cardboard box.

      • shaar dula

        ya right. in NYC rooms mebbe small but minds are wide open. And I really like NYC because it is a lived in city. There is no pretentiousness to it. Its not trying to be anything else. Its good and bad are right there in the open. Its unlike any number of fake towns in the rest America who are all trying to be something. With NYC its all out there and in open. I really love NYC for the verve and ferment it has.

        • tomamitai

          Even after Giuliani and Bloomberg?

      • OrG

        If you are cool,please come.If you just think you can make a lot of money,well it rains ALL the time.Its miserable,stay the fuck away!

      • tomamitai

        Aren’t there a bunch of white supremacists up that way?

        • Sister Artemis

          yeah, but not enough to sway the whole region. Note the BIG BLUE SWATH that is the West Coast in national elections. Particularly between the Cascades/Sierras and the Pacific, it’s pretty blue.

      • SadDemInTex

        I lived in Portland and Seattle. I’m stuck here because of work.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      What is it with craft people? I swear, half the crochet blogs on the interwebz are run by mean evangelicals and called some version of “The Happy Hooker”

      • Getting to stay at homes and people who do not get out much.
        It is targeted. Very targeted.

        • IOnlyLikeCats

          I don’t get out much and I wanted to learn how to crochet. But I know the reputation of most of the bloggers and I don’t want to give those crazy people page views.

          • Most of em I think are non assholish and just here are patterns and how to do it!
            If it starts getting heavy handed, find another XD

        • Carpe Vagenda

          But that’s me. Granted I telecommute so I won’t be disingenuous about there being a difference, but gee whiz.

    • BosGrl

      They believe this crap but when there is video evidence of Drumpf being a piece of shit, it’s all “That’s your opinion!”

  • Raan

    Boner.

    Boner boner boner.

    Boner boner boner, boner boner boner boner boner.

    Erect penis.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Now, I’m not a scientist, but fuck that shit.

  • ResistanceFighterCaptainHowdy

    The people who complain that Hillary ran on identity politics whereas Obama didn’t, are they the same people whose heads exploded when Obama said “Reagan”?

    • Picabo

      Yes.

    • IOnlyLikeCats

      What ARE identity politics? Admitting black people exist???

      • Daisy

        Yes.

        • IOnlyLikeCats

          Excuse me, if you need me, I’ll be screaming into a void until something collapses.

      • Thiazin Red

        Occasionally focusing on issues that affect groups other than white men.

        • mancityRed6

          what? they have those?

      • artem1s

        pretty much, yes

    • Pretty much!
      See, the trick is, no matter what you say or do, if you are a Democrat, the right will say it is WRONG while the left will say you shouldacoulda done it better.
      WEEE!

  • OrdinaryJoe

    Shit. I damn well could have told you fucking that.

  • SnarkON

    Dok, this is a motherfucking masterwork.

  • TheGrandWaz00

    Just woke up from an afternoon dream time. I was in front of a tribunal of the worst people (like Trump appointees) I had worked with for 30 years. They were all taking potshots at me for things that I had said or done that hurt their fee-fees over the years. So, after all the grilling was done, the leader of the pack (who everybody hated) says “You must realize Mr. Waz00, we have formed a very powerful committee that can have serious consequences for your future here.” I replied, “You must realize Sharon, I retired 8 years ago.”

    Afternoon nap times are fun.

  • Sister Artemis

    I don’t know about the rest of you, but I feel completely fucking vindicated now, and also that Thomas Aspertame or whoever the fuck got called out in Dear shit fer Brains this week can just go fuck himself.

    okay, fucking is my favorite swearword. Sorry mom.

    • Juan de Fuca

      You’re in good company. I use “fuck” as often as Trump lies, or at least once every three minutes.

    • Daisy

      I favor “goddamn” myself.

      • mancityRed6

        try “god fucking damn”
        it’s cathartic.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          Fucking-A!

      • marxalot

        Family legend has it that my gr’grandfather used that word nearly exclusively and well-nigh exhaustively, to the point where, when he came in to the house one day exclaiming that some piece of farming equipment or other had given up the ghost at last, and despairing of his ill fortune, his wife calmly replied that he had implored the Almighty to condemn everything on the farm so often that he had only himself to blame if his prayers were answered.

        • Daisy

          HA!

    • Unpresidented_in_Seattle

      I once worked for an ex-Navy guy who could use variations of fuck as a noun, verb, adjective and pronoun at least 4 times in a sentence.

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      Artemis, go to your fucking room and wash that nasty shit out of your fucking mouth with fucking soap!

      –Mom

      (obligatory)

      • Sister Artemis

        With my mom (who only says fuck when she’s very drunk), it would be “Now, honey, is that really the approach you want to take?” and I’d get The Look of Stern Disappointment. Now, if she was drunk, it would be followed by insane giggling and liberal use of the f word.

        • shaar dula

          oh god. I just regressed.

        • mancityRed6

          mom didn’t drink, smoke, or curse. she was a “good girl”
          after I hit a certain age (18), dad would whisper the good words, even if we were outside and far away from her ears.

          • Just think about what she’s hiding!

          • mancityRed6

            she counsels sex offenders and sex offendees. yeah, she’s tough as nails.
            one time, a priest told her to “shut up”.
            dad says if looks could kill, he’d look like the ending of Raider’s.

          • SNORK. I think I love her XD

          • mancityRed6

            farm girl, a twin. her mom would go into town and leave chores. one to clean, the other to cook. mom would always clean, her sister cooked. until xmas ’93, I only remember her cooking frozen fish sticks (catholic), boiling hot dogs and no bake cookies.
            doctor’s assistant until she shattered her wrist and the doctor retired, she went back to school at the same time I was. a year earlier actually. working full time and school full time, she was always on the books.
            but she got a 4.0 through junior college, regular college and grad school. when she went to take the test for what states she could practice in, she had time so now she’s licensed in all 50 states.

          • She sounds amazing <3 My mom was similar! Including the lack of cooking skills, the fish sticks, the catholic and the going back to school and kicking everyone's ass

          • mancityRed6

            there was a problem with high school, I was skipping class but it coincided with my orthodontist appointments.
            mom was pissed until she noticed the days I was gone.
            she went in to “talk” to the principal.
            he told me, just never bring your mom in again.

          • mancityRed6

            and part of the going back to school is that she knew shorthand and could take notes better than anyone.
            when you’re used to transcribing dr’s notes (on tape), taking notes in class is easy, apparently.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            That’s what I’m hoping happens to Donnie when he puts his hand on the Bible to be sworn in…

    • Ωbjectifier
    • shaar dula

      aww. you apologized to your mom. in my case it would have to my dad. see my dad comes from a very intimate yet vulgar background -the tiype of people who would endearingly say alright, which of you sobs called this sob a sob. but for some weird reason dad thought it was best for me and my sis to be hidden from that. and yet everytime he said “jhampu” my sister and I giggled like the teenagers we were.

  • Vecchiojohn
  • OrdinaryJoe

    Come on Oregon and Washington. Join your friends down here in Baja Pacifica. We could make one hell of a state.

    • OrG

      I’m in!

    • Ωbjectifier

      Can Baja Arizona come too?

      • OrdinaryJoe

        I have an idea to bring in Baja Arizona and use you guys as the bridge to also bring along New Mexico and Colorado.

  • Vincent Ricola

    Yep. I could’ve told them that without the study, I’ve been fucking saying that shit for years. I don’t trust people who don’t swear.

    I also don’t trust people who use an oxford comma and if someone wants to grant me money, I will do that study for them.

  • Yr. Gma

    I do not do potty mouth in front of the children. I also try not to lie to them, but Santa. Easter Bunny, etc. Whatcha gonna do? Fuck.

    • SnarkON

      I curse like a fucking sailor in front of SnarkON Jr. He’s a teen now, with an impressive vocabulary of expletives.

    • BosGrl

      I didn’t swear either but my mother swore like a truck driver in front of my kids so it canceled out.

    • Daisy

      My mom gave up on the not swearing thing after she stopped babysitting, so about when I was 9..

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Just tell the kids: there ain’t no fucking Santa.

    • mancityRed6

      it’s funny, a friend of mine and his friends will whisper or have a pause in the conversation in front of his two under age 5 kids.
      his wife, though, fuckety fuck fuck fuck.

  • marxalot

    Update: since last I checked, a Women’s March Sister March has been organized here in LV! Looks like I won’t be needing to do a fly-through to Flagstaff that weekend!

    • Yr. Gma

      Excellent!

    • SnarkON

      Plus, gambling!

      • mancityRed6

        the last I heard, if you live in Vegas, you do not go to the strip.

        • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

          The Strip’s for tourists. If you want decent action where you won’t get soaked, hit Boulder Highway or the West side.

          • mancityRed6

            (as someone who has only been in the airport)
            Exactly.

          • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

            Years ago, you could go to the Sahara, play $2 blackjack all night, then have a nice steak and egg breakfast before heading home and probably be out $30-50 if you had a bad night at the tables.

        • SnarkON

          That is true; you do not. But if you’re marching through anyway…

          • mancityRed6

            make fun of the yokels

  • Armorat

    New Jersey tied with Iowa for most honest? Say it ain’t so!

    • therblig

      fuckin’ A!

    • Unpresidented_in_Seattle

      Christie musta been out of state when the poll was taken.

      • tomamitai

        As a man of nearly Christie’s size and age, I am willing to bet the only running he does is with his mouth or nose, and maybe his butt, after some bad canned clams.

  • Yr. Gma

    That guy in the picture looks like my cousin Gary except he didn’t smoke one cigarette at a time.

  • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

    Shitheel, shitwad, shitbird.

    I combine shit with so many things, it’s like Iron Shit Chef up in this shit.

    • tinker12

      Here’s some inspiration from drunk trailer park supervisor Jim Lahey of “Trailer Park Boys” fame — https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5R8At-Qno_o

      • Ωbjectifier

        We’re in the eye of a shit-i-cane here!

        • tinker12

          I believe you’re right — the Obama years were the eye of the shit-i-cane.

        • tinker12

          The Obama years will indeed be considered the “eye” of a shit-I-cane.

  • OrG

    Tell me something I don’t already mother fucking,cock sucking,sonofabitching know.

  • msanthropesmr

    Warning, autoplay….

    http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/meryl-streeps-golden-globes-speech-press-freedom-group-touts-uptick-donations-shout-962785

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

    Keep tweeting you shit weasel butt ass dick ball munch!

  • WomanInTheResistance

    Fucking hell, this is goddammed awesome.

    And I used actual profanity.

  • Sister Artemis
  • shaar dula

    all in dok nice post. teaches us something. provokes us to look into our own behavior.

    well done sir.

    • I thought it just encouraged us to cuss a bit?

      • Ω cynmac will never surrender

        That was my takeaway as well.

      • shaar dula

        ok any kids. you still need to learn to use your words. profanity hurts other people and it does not get message out, unfortunately.
        approaching people with decency is important and totally worth it.

        • Hm. I like my take away better.
          But I didn’t cuss there so I could be lying.

          • shaar dula

            ya god knows the world don’t need no brood of prudes.

          • To be perfectly honest, I sorta dropped the ball on the cussin when the eldest was about 2 and I dropped an entire pot of freshly boiled spaghetti- and the water it was in!- right on my bare foot.
            Mistakes were made, words were learned

        • Jennifer R

          People who resort to tone arguments have already lost the intellectual debate.

          • BigBoppa pour la résistance

            Fuckin’ A.

      • WomanInTheResistance

        We needed encouragement? Oh my stars and goddamn whiskers!

  • Resistance Engineer Red Bird

    The closer we get to the inauguration the stronger that queasy feeling in my stomach gets. Most of what the GOP is planning to do will not benefit anyone except those who are already rich (not the single digit millionaires who Thiel considers poor) and have influence. The rest of us need to either come together to take care of ourselves as a united group or risk getting run over by those who don’t really care.

    That’s my depressing message for the night. I won’t be able to watch Barry’s good bye special tomorrow. I’ll be eating dinner with a bunch of clueless people who believe things are going to go well for them.

    • mackafritz

      What’s more depressing are his followers who know they have been fed a shit sandwich, don’t care and want more.

      • WomanInTheResistance

        I don’t know how many of them have figured it out yet, tbh.

        • Ω cynmac will never surrender

          Areyousorryyet.com is an upgrade fro Trumpgrets because it puts a positive tweet from a Trumpanzee right next to the inevitable regretful tweet.
          #WINNING

          • WomanInTheResistance

            “Full me once shame on me” is a special kind of stupid. Thanks for this. I needed it.

      • Resistance Engineer Red Bird

        Yes, I know people like that. What can you do?

    • IOnlyLikeCats

      Honestly I’m in shock at this point.

      • Resistance Engineer Red Bird

        I’m disappointed.

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      I don’t know if I could do it. I have a very low tolerance for smugness.

      • Resistance Engineer Red Bird

        Yeah. It’s going to be fun.

  • ResistanceFighterCaptainHowdy
  • Zippy W Pinhead
    • OrG

      Why isn’t this jerk in jail?Oh yeah,IOKIYAR

    • OrdinaryJoe

      And nobody in the Lame Stream Media will care because they can’t use the words “Hillary Clinton” and “email server” in the story.

  • Nounverb911

    Hopefully we will be able to curse with joy soon.
    FUCK Manson!

    https://twitter.com/NYDailyNews/status/818577860143124480

    • Normally I would not rejoice in anyone’s failing health. Even the most awful person is still a life and therefore deserved of, at least that much, respect (as in, respect for a life).
      But in this case……

      • shaar dula

        why you burden yourself with uncalled for guilt? no equality between between an ignoramus and an unrepentant bigot. on no equivalence scale does bigotry level

    • OrdinaryJoe

      Too bad for him. There was probably a place for him in the alt-rightministration.

      • Begin Anew Day

        He was ahead of his time.

        • OrdinaryJoe

          Yah. If he had focused on right wing politics, he could have ushered in a version of Trumpism even sooner.

  • Nounverb911
  • Nounverb911
    • Carpe Vagenda

      to be fair to Reagan, apparently Trump stalked him like he was prey and Reagan’s people worked overtime keeping Trump away from him.

      • Sister Artemis

        Nancy looks like she doesn’t think very highly of The Donald

        • That is a look of disgust. The signature looks very weird too. Hers I mean. Shaky, disjointed…is that really Nancy’s?

          • Sister Artemis

            “Nancie & Reagan Reagan”

            WTF?

          • Carpe Vagenda

            He signed that. The White House sent a corrected copy later.

          • …really? Goddamn it I hate that I have to keep asking really XD

          • JustDon’tSayOverrated

            That was the first thing I saw.

        • Carpe Vagenda

          According to her son, she really didn’t.

    • BigBoppa pour la résistance

      Is that signed “Nancy & Reagan Reagan?

      • Nounverb911

        Sure looks that way.

      • tehbaddr

        Yup, senile he was!

    • tehbaddr

      The Senile old Fuck, and his cock gobbling Hollywood whore of a wife!

    • BadKitty904

      So, an Axis of Evil…

    • therblig

      so dementia IS contagious?

    • natoslug

      The fact that Ronnie couldn’t remember his own name should have been a sign . . . Reagan Reagan?

    • tehbaddr

      Old Ronny’s thinking, “hey he sure looks like a swell young guy. Nancy why don’t we invite him to stay with you tonight?”

    • satanscheerleadersloveamerica

      fuck every one in that photo less the guy in the Navy uniform with a metric shit ton of rusty chainsaw votes for a month.

    • Bill D. Burger

      The President looked at Trump and said: “My favorite color of the alphabet is eggplant.”

  • tinker12

    K’na!

  • MΩebym

    A fucking Internet and IRL troll – who has been fucking banned from Twitter – has an unofficial role as a fucking advisor to the transition team on “alt-right”-approved Cabinet picks. We truly are fucked as a nation.

    http://www.forbes.com/sites/mattdrange/2017/01/09/chuck-johnson-troll-trump-transition-team/#23f17d8e5c12

    • Makes sense. The entire Transition team is made up of pud pullin 4chan dorks.

      • Daisy

        Dorks libelz.

        • that is why I qualified with pud pullin 4chan dorks first ^,^
          All dorks are not created equal

          • Daisy

            My favorite thing to do when guy friend starts talking about something (no matter my level of interest) is to call him a dork. Course, he calls the rest of us weirdos in response, so it goes both ways.

        • Dork is a term for a whale penis

    • boyblue123

      wasnt that the guy that got banned by twitter for a while

    • shivaskeeper

      What could possibly go wrong there?

    • Pinkham’s Law

      Hubs has been saying I’m overreacting to the election results. He also is under the impression that I no longer read anything but refuge hugging homo libtard rags like this here mommyblog and recipehub.

      I read him the title and a few choice excerpt from that, THEN told him where it was from.

      His response? “You don’t know if that’s true or not.”

      *headdesk*

      W E . A R E . D O O M E D ! ! ! !

      Doooooooooooooomed.

      *weeping now*

      • o.O
        Maybe he…is just trying to stay positive by ignoring it all? Not everyone is a wonk.
        But yes. Yes we know if it is true or not, really!

        • Pinkham’s Law

          He is being very Zen about it. “The Democrats don’t have enough votes to do anything unless they can get some Republicans to vote with them. Whatever is going to happen, I can’t do anything but watch.”

          • hm. Zen or fatalist?
            Tomayto, tomahto
            BUT at least someone can be Zen about the probably destruction of our country, the repeal of a half century of social progress and a return to the halcyon days of the company store, so…score?

          • Pinkham’s Law

            He knows what NBC says on the evening news. He has NO IDEA what they have in mind.

          • I myself do not understand how he can not seeing as they have made it very very clear…..
            BUT like I said, I got a brother like that. I think part of it is hope it won’t be that bad and part of it is hope they don’t mean me. I mean, my brother is no dumb bunny- he has to see it. He therefore must be choosing to not see it.
            Maybe it is like that?

          • Pinkham’s Law

            He reminded me that I am basing my outlook on the worst case scenario: they get everything they want. He doesn’t think they’ll get the worst things they’re after, and that, even at that, they will overreach and get thrown out in the next election.

          • No snark, pinks, but this one time I am REALLY hoping your hubby is right.

          • Pinkham’s Law

            *nods enthusiastically*

            I have never wanted to be wrong so badly.

          • MΩebym

            I hate that attitude, I really do. I see this in my parents, and it drives me crazy. We CAN do something about it, dammit!

      • (Major_Major_Major)ly+Fucked

        My wife has bought into the both siderist bullshittery. Dickless Donny is even having deleterious consequences on my holdouts also too. Life is a shit salad of late.

        • Pinkham’s Law

          Mr. Law knows that Don the Con is a bad thing, but doesn’t realize just how far the R’s plan to go.

          • Me thinks he will. Just remember to not say I told you so too often when the time comes ^.^
            I myself plan to repeat it in every conversation with my brother who is pretty much the same. Ah well, does not affect me! He thinks.
            Waaaittttt for it

          • Pinkham’s Law

            His brothers, on the other hand, are Trumpsters. I will tell THEM “I told you so” as often and loudly as I can.

          • SNORK. Bro is not a Trumpster but did vote Trump (in a blue county of PA, he was just being arbitrary because burn it all down). That is why I say fair game to be mean

    • Villago Delenda Est

      That site is so fucked up it’s beyond belief. Fuck them and the morans who do their coding. All of them should be voted…to the moon, Alice!

  • tehbaddr

    “Now, I had heard that word at least ten times a day from my old man. He worked in profanity the way other artists might work in oils or clay. It was his true medium; a master.”

    • BadKitty904

      Ralphie LIBELZ!!1!

      • tehbaddr

        Seriously, my old man was not one to abstain from cursing often. He wasn’t all that colorful though in his verbiage.

    • TJ Barke

      He wove a tapestry of obscenity that for all we know is still hanging over lake Michigan.

    • Vienna Woods

      Which made me and my sons laugh ourselves silly the first time we saw it, because that right there was Mr VW.

  • Markuserektus

    A favorite through the ages:

    https://youtu.be/eujTLnCSgJs

  • BadKitty904

    GOP Promises Americans Will Be Able to Keep Current Medical Conditions If Obamacare Repealed
    http://www.theonion.com/article/gop-promises-americans-will-be-able-keep-current-m-54995

    • marxalot

      Now there’s a Rethug promise you can believe!

      • BadKitty904

        There’s the only Rethug promise you can believe.

  • Pinkham’s Law

    NV911:
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/79c5786115a3007656a861420aa1e3b6b1b1845e4da72ef23b452f2e2dbf1b02.jpg Today, I am a Tiger fan. Let’s see them bring that title back to Death Valley!

    • msanthropesmr

      GO sports ball

      • Sister Artemis

        Piggers gonna go all the way this year!

        • msanthropesmr

          Fuck Yeah – Piggers.

          • Sister Artemis

            It’s their glistening spandex buttocks that gets the job done.

    • (Major_Major_Major)ly+Fucked

      Gotta stay with the SEC. Roll Tide

      • Pinkham’s Law

        It’s ok. Somebody has to cheer for the losing side.

    • Nounverb911

      MANY THANKS! GO TIGERS!

  • Kiri the Resistant Unicorn
  • JMP

    But what all those motherfucking assholes who think acting like some goddamn Victorian prude means their shit don’t stink and makes them somefuckinghow morally superior, those cockheads?

    • Daisy

      I see you’ve met a certain portion of my dad’s family.

      • JMP

        I was thinking about the many internet trolls I’ve seen try to dismiss good points with, “you used profanity that invalidates everything you say potty mouth!” despite the fact that you know those shitheads use those words every day, just like everyone other fucking person in America.

    • bookish

      We should get rid of Mike Pence, and keep Mike Pence’s potty mouth parrot.

  • Nounverb911
    • Unpresidented_in_Seattle

      I’m an inveterate underdog rooter, but the Tide could beat the bottom 1/2 of NFL teams.

      • mancityRed6

        UT and OU could beat the bottom half of the NFL.

        • WomanInTheResistance
          • mancityRed6

            I had no idea what that meant when I first watched it at 12 years old.
            Now, though, sometimes I wish I could go back to that innocent time.

          • My kids know what it means!
            I am pretending otherwise, however.

  • Nounverb911
    • mancityRed6

      holy crap, that must be everyone, practice squad included.

  • Ilgattomorte

    Fuck you Asshole, I’m lying.
    But if I am lying, why am I cursing?
    I am honestly serious about lying you asshole felcher.
    But how can I be honest about lying
    … and yet I’m cursing
    … so I must be fucking honest
    … but if I am honest, then I am a motherfucking lying cocksucker

    … and this is where my head explodes.

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    Since I work in nonprofit, which is going straight into the tank (although the arts sometimes do quite well under Repubs, as long as they’re not controversial), I went and applied to go to grad school in studio arts, at the ridiculous age of 61. Because fuck me, I’m sick of my soul-sucking job. I’ll hear the results in about a month.

    • WomanInTheResistance

      Good for you. And there is nothing rediculous about 61.

      • suziq

        I am 61 and totally ridiculous.

        • mancityRed6

          my mom did it all at 39, getting her masters at 45

        • WomanInTheResistance

          Correlation is not causation.

        • House0fTheBlueLights

          I’m still only a little ridiculous. Total ridiculosity is the goal, however.

          • suziq

            You can make it!!

    • WOO! Good luck, Blues, I know you can do eeet!

    • Martini Ambassador

      I did the career change to artisan thing several years ago. I’m not any richer (and frankly, I still keep a toe or two in the old world of computer programming, for income supplementation), but I am happy that I get to be creative. Go for it!

      Also notable, a lot of the folks that want to my artisan trade school were 2nd career seekers, average age roughly 50. So, you are not alone.

      • House0fTheBlueLights

        Yeah, I’ll keep doing the grantwriting thing regardless, but if I’m going to pursue something hopeless, it might as well be something that I love doing.

        • Martini Ambassador

          Oh, I wouldn’t think of it as “hopeless,” just more like something you’ll enjoy pouring yourself into where the reward will be more about self-fulfillment than oodles of cash. And hey, you might just get the oodles of cash too, some people do!

    • mancityRed6

      good fucking luck
      (honestly)

    • BigBoppa pour la résistance

      Due to a series of events, I didn’t get to go to college until I was 30. I felt pretty conspicuous walking into that first class until I noticed a lady sitting in the front row who was well past retirement age.

      • Daisy

        The youngest person in my graduating class is sixteen, the oldest is 71. So there’s a range.

        • Sister Artemis

          I’d say so!

    • Vincent Ricola

      I wish you so much luck. I dream about being brave enough to go back to school at my age and getting out of the corporate hellscape. I’m rooting for you.

      • mancityRed6

        the cost and the time are the only things that stop me. I’m at work from 5:30-4 most days and the cats would go even more feral if I wasn’t home.

        • Vincent Ricola

          I think I could work around the time – my husband and kids are self-sufficient enough – but I’m scared of the cost. I’m still paying loans on the first time I went 20 years ago and I don’t have the guts to borrow another bunch of thousands of dollars. :(

          • mancityRed6

            I’ve never been long enough to accrue a debt of more than $6k. I would look at going back but it wouldn’t do a thing in the job I’m in. And the job I’m in people still retire from, so…

        • House0fTheBlueLights

          I found a program that comes with a tuition ride, living stipend PLUS TA salary. Problem is I have only about a 5% chance (they take 5 per year, out of about 100 applications). However, worst case scenario I get a full month of dreaming out of it.

          • mancityRed6

            worst case, they say “no”.
            absolute worst case.
            never ventured, nothing yada yada yada

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Interesting that while the profanity rate and the integrity numbers are not so hot for Wyoming, home of Dick “Fuck You, Democrat Scumbags” Cheney.

    • bupkus23

      Sheeeit – he’s a Texan. Just pretended to live in Wyoming so he could run on the same ticket as Shrub.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        He was Wyoming’s sole Congressman for a while back in the 80’s. It’s true that he rediscovered his roots in 2000, though.

  • Ωbjectifier
  • Claire

    What pisses me off is people who say “Oh, fudge!” or “Aitch ee double hockey sticks!” or type f*ck in places where there is no profanity filter. Everyone knows what you’re really saying! Everyone! You don’t get brownie points for not swearing when you say something that literally every person in earshot translates into profanity in their head. That’s the swearing equivalent of saying “Well, I didn’t say anything racist, I just mentioned that, you know, Those People…”

    Stop it, you fuckmarmots. Nobody is fooled and everyone thinks you’re a smarmy shitlord. Swear like an adult or forswear the cutesy substitutes too.

    • snafu is still cool though, right?

      • Claire

        Well, yes, just out of sheer expediency. It would take too long to recite the whole phrase every time you wanted to use it.

      • Ωbjectifier

        Tango Uniform.
        Charlie Foxtrort.

        • Villago Delenda Est

          One is not supposed to use swear words on the radio network, which is why there is a Whiskey Tango Foxtrot.

      • WomanInTheResistance

        Situation normal, all fucked up is not only cool, it’s sadly accurate.

      • Also fubar.

        • Also, too, Bogy-a

          • Claire

            What does that one mean? Google fails me.

          • Jennifer R

            I can’t read these damn half threaded things.

          • I just made it up for the future coronation.
            Bend over, grab your ankles ^.^
            Edit, I shoulda done L-BATOE demmit. Missed opportunity.

          • Not to be confused with hoohah. Although…

    • Swearing purity!!!

    • mancityRed6

      I’ve known people who treat “gosh” as if you’re taking god’s name in vain.

      • Do you point and laugh at them?

        • mancityRed6

          yes, at least internally.

          • External is more fun

          • mancityRed6

            at the time, I didn’t want to get brutally kicked out of the church.
            nowadays, I’m a little more relaxed, or, at least I have been for the last 24 years.

      • WomanInTheResistance

        I have a dear friend who says “cheese and rice” when sorely provoked, I regret to say. She has many lovely qualities, though.

        • mancityRed6

          the inside joke was from the really cheezy ghost hunter show.
          “shut the door!”

          • WomanInTheResistance

            I always thought it was “shut the front door”.

          • mancityRed6

            now that, that is just plain filth.

        • YoNastyBunny

          “Cheese and rice”. That’s cute…

        • Sister Artemis

          I always kinda liked “dagnabbit!”

          • WomanInTheResistance

            That’s because “dagnabbit” is so fucking cute.

      • ‘Gee’ I suppose I understand, but Gosh?

        • mancityRed6

          gosh is another word for “god” in their world.

          • HogeyeGrex

            With some folks the issue isn’t the particular word. Swearing itself is the bad thing. Allowing one’s emotions to surface is considered poor form, and sinful.

            These people are often repressed as shit, and incredibly fucking boring. Also, it’s a bit dishonest if you think about it, just to come back to the topic at hand.

          • mancityRed6

            “These people are often repressed as shit, and incredibly fucking boring.”
            dear lord, I couldn’t imagine being with a woman who couldn’t say fuck. or a woman who wasn’t smarter than my flyover state education.

          • puredog

            sheesh, molly fogger, consarn it.

    • Mystery_Poster

      You’re absolutely correct – my daughter got detention once when she was in middle school for saying “Sugar Honey Iced Tea.” haha

    • Ωbjectifier

      You’d love Utah. “Oh my heck”. Really, they say that shit all the time.

    • John Mruzik
      • John Mruzik

        Oh, by the way I like to say fuck…

      • Ωbjectifier

        Don’t toss them in the bath tub, they don’t like that.

      • puredog

        So long as they stay in their chateaux.

    • Vincent Ricola

      I watched an entire office morph “clusterfuck” into “clustermess” and it broke my whole heart. We’re adults, for fucks sake.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      I had a friend in high school who was a preacher’s daughter, and clued me in to the slippery slope from faahhhh to fudge to full out fuck. It was hilarious watching her younger brothers follow the path.

    • JustDon’tSayOverrated

      I like to use the less-loaded words just to mix it up. Maybe add a little ironic tone, or add some rhymes. Everyone who knows me knows the very next thing out of my mouth could be a swear, which sometimes makes “shucky darn” kinda funny.

      • WomanInTheResistance

        I have been known to use the occasional “Golly!” Just to see if anybody is paying attention.

    • puredog

      Anything that makes the fuckmarmots happy, well, I dunno, shrug.

    • bupkus23

      Yeah – it’s kinda like Jimmy Carter “lusting in his heart”…

  • Not to be picky but I see WA is 4th in integrity but 31st in profanity rate. Just a buncha weirdos up here.

    • personally, I do not think the people asked answered the second question very honestly

    • Mr. Blobfish

      Fuck you. Are you happy now?

  • BigBoppa pour la résistance

    There’s some underlying truth to this.
    https://youtu.be/fHRDfut2Vx0

  • I don’t care whether it is malicious or self expression, excessive swearing still makes you a disgusting person.

    Luckily for people like that, they can never be as bad as a Republican!

    I also doubt very highly that people who swear more are more intelligent. If one swears excessively, it tends to be more of a sign that one isn’t clever enough to think of a better way of expressing oneself.

    • msanthropesmr

      Yep. I’m disgusting.

      Fuck me sideways, I’m disgusting.

      • You only swore once though?

        • msanthropesmr

          In my mind, I was swearing a whole lot more than that.

          • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

            Didn’t know sideways was that much fun.

          • alpacapunchbowl

            You gotta try it sometime, it can be pretty goddam fun

          • Kiri the Resistant Unicorn

            If you use enough lube, sure.

          • I swear in my mind quite a bit too (mainly when my phone goes on the blink- literally it takes ages to write a single sentence sometimes!)

    • OrG

      It didn’t say more intelligent,it said more honest.

      • They mentioned the other study though, about intelligence. I don’t doubt that a little bit if swearing indicates you are more honest.

    • Notreelyhelping

      With all due respect, that’s horseshit.*

      Over the years, I’ve had the privilege of knowing some extremely bright and talented writers, journalists, and artists. All were capable of some inventive profanity–not because they had a meager vocabulary; rather, they loved words. All words.

      Radio professionals were the worst; because they couldn’t swear on the air, it came pouring out during commercial breaks.

      *Not really, but it makes a great attention getter.

      • alpacapunchbowl

        Eh, it is pretty fuckin’ horseshit

      • Remember I meant excessive swearing though, and also didn’t mean literally everyone, just in general.

        One of my favourite actors swears a lot apparently, but it is almost always for reasons. Not just random.

      • Ωbjectifier

        You should hear air traffic controllers. When they’re busy they have to squeeze a lot of swearing in a short time. Til they get caught on a hot mic.

        • “Please help us, we’ve got one wing on fire! We need to land?”
          Then,
          “Uh, control, sorry, there are ducks on sheets tapping on the runway? Well move them then!”

          • Ωbjectifier

            No it’s usually commentary on the parentage and upbringing of the pilot in question.

    • doktorzoom

      While I’m always a little dubious about the value of any single study claiming such correlations, I don’t think it’s necessarily unlikely that intelligence and cursing are related, or could be. I’d like to think our cussin’ around here is pretty creative, at the very least.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        In the military, if you’re not using swear words, perhaps you just don’t understand the situation.

        • BloviateMe

          My stint in the Air Force was working on B-52s, or “BUFFs”, as they are affectionately known. I was watching some show on them, and the dude with an English accent happily informed everyone it stood for “Big Ugly Flying Fellows.”

          I don’t suppose anyone sees the fucking flaw there? I was irritated as hell.

          • Villago Delenda Est

            You have to water it down lest people’s delusion that the USAF is made up of Boy Scouts is shattered.

          • BloviateMe

            Harumph. We were just as cunty as the next guy.

          • shivaskeeper

            Polite company and all I guess?

          • ahughes798

            A Flight Attendant I know calls the planes she flies on FLUFs. Fat Little Ugly Fuckers.

        • shivaskeeper

          I concur. After a while though they are just words. Fuck being the best and most versatile. It can be a noun, a verb, an adjective, an adverb, a filler word (like uh or um), or really just anything you need it to be.

          • Vagenda and Tiara

            I find “fuck” to be very fucking useful.

          • shivaskeeper

            As you fucking well should you fucking fuck.

          • Vagenda and Tiara

            I fucking love you!

          • BloviateMe

            …and refreshing!

          • Villago Delenda Est

            I had a boss who decided the entire DIVARTY ops shop needed to make a New Year’s resolution not to use the F word. We were doing pretty good until about the fourth of January, when some idiotic directive came down from Division and the boss went ballistic and the resolution was broken.

          • shivaskeeper

            Gunbunnies made it 3 whole day without saying fuck? I have heard some unbelievable stories in my time, but nothing like that. :)

        • this made me lol

      • Around Wonkette it certainly is pretty cool and creative!

        • Sister Artemis

          A lot of the language is pretty creative, and swearing just is a subset of that.

          Plus, can you really have dick jokes without swearing? Also, all the best mommy blogs get pretty salty at times.

          • Now there’s a conundrum. I suppose there could be metaphor making the joke, but otherwise it would be difficult.

        • puredog

          Secularist Preverts know no other way of expressing themselves.

          • Villago Delenda Est

            Upfist for this week’s Shit-fer-brains reference.

      • Vagenda and Tiara

        Fuckin’ A, man.

    • SnarkON

      You and I will definitely never be friends.

    • Shit, man, I only fucking curse when the mother fucking assholes really deserve to have their asses ripped a really goddamned YUGE one.
      But then, I am not very clever ^.^

      • You are very clever indeed, Jen. Don’t say otherwise!

        • I see my plan is going forth as planned. Eeexxxceellleeennt.
          tbh, I do not cuss much, though I will wing one out when I REALLY mean it.
          Not out of prudishness or anything, but generally because I am so laid back, very little gets me all flapped up. Until after the crisis has passed, of course.

          • I’d say I’m practically exactly the same!

            I don’t do it often, bute on the occasional time I do, it is really meant.

    • Kiri the Resistant Unicorn
    • satanscheerleadersloveamerica

      there is a place and time for everything. Know your crowd the social situation and what will be deemed appropriate and speak accordingly. I have a hard, angry foul mouthed streak (part of why I love teh Wonket), but I know when to back off and speak polite and “proper”. Self awareness and consideration for others its not difficult.

      • To be srs for a second, this.

      • Oh definitely. I don’t understand why some people in the world don’t get this ‘respect’ for others thing…

        • I think it is a problem knowing what respect is.
          To some people, respect seems to mean letting them do whatever they want and say whatever, whenever they want and then applauding them for it.
          Instead of, you know, simply not being a dick.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      I know a fucking couple who every other fucking word out of their fucking mouths is fuck. They are not bright. If they have ever voted in their lives it was for Trump. What the fuck is up with them?

      • Their problem, obviously, is only using 1 cuss word.
        Now if you use all 50 of them like in Connecticut…..

      • They sound a bundle of joy!

        Usually people grow out of acting like that when they’re, what, ten?

      • Serai 1

        Ah, some people are just fucking assholes.

    • puredog

      Well, since I do not aspire to be a disgusting person, I will be fucking sure not to use the fucking fuck word excessivley. Thanks for the tip, Miss Manners!

      • It isn’t about manners. It is about context and consideration. It really isn’t difficult.

  • Begin Anew Day

    Maybe donnie will bring back the expressions “corn hole”, “corn holer” and “corn holing”.

    I sure do feel like these archaic vulgarities are due for a rebirth.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • doktorzoom

      What I love about this song is that the opening piano notes sound like a very deliberate nod to the opening of the Carpenters’ “Close To You”: And then the lyrics start.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iFx-5PGLgb4

      • OrG

        I’d say not only deliberate,but quite obvious.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        “It’s an homage!”

      • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

        Ah, but that voice! As a tween I fell in love with Karen’s voice. Still gets to me.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      How did I not know about this song when I got divorced.

      • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

        My divorce lawyer did a great cover of it for me.

    • tehbaddr

      Awesome!

  • John Mruzik

    sometimes it is the perfect expression.

  • Marceline

    Meryl’s speech results in donations to the Committee to Protect Journalists.

    This is what it looks like when an ally – a real ally – uses their privilege for the greater good. If you’re white, straight, Christian, rich and/or male and you genuinely give a fuck about those who aren’t, (I’m only one of those things.) we need you now more than ever.

    http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/meryl-streeps-golden-globes-speech-press-freedom-group-touts-uptick-donations-shout-962785

    • BloviateMe

      It’s white, isn’t it? That’s your one thing.

      • Juan de Fuca

        If it’s male, I’m going to stop imagining what some of ya’ll are really like in the real world.

        • Kiri the Resistant Unicorn

          Oh, please don’t- I’m much cuter when I’m imaginary!

          • WomanInTheResistance

            You’re cute always.

        • about that, Juan….

      • Marceline

        Is this going to turn into a game of “Clue?”

        • BloviateMe

          I clearly could use one.

        • OrG

          I guess rich.

    • Juan de Fuca

      As white, straight male who likes MMA and football, I’m with you and Meryl.

    • Vagenda and Tiara

      You’re rich, and you didn’t tell me? I may have to rescind our internet best friendship.

  • Count Awesome

    Seems like the states that swear the most are the most edumaceted ones.

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

    On a scale of say, 0 to 5 Xenus, how did Greta van Susterenenenenen do on MSNBC today?

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/91896c7c9bcd9e36638341651a3db8056883cd1f1756eb1fcb8757541f2a32bd.jpg

    • Count Awesome

      Only the e-meter knows for sure.

      • mailman27

        Just ask a tomato.

    • Bill D. Burger

      Someone named ‘Xenu’ came by here in a spaceship asking directions and said Greta was going in the nearest volcano. Doesn’t sound promising.

    • Vagenda and Tiara

      I refuse to watch her, or Megyn Kelly, so I have no comment.

    • Bill D. Burger

      Her manager is already getting the plans for tomorrow night’s show.

      https://notesfromthebartender.files.wordpress.com/2009/11/xenu.jpg

      • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

        Take me to your weeder.

    • tehbaddr

      Really doesn’t matter, so long as I can continue to look at that pic!

    • Unpresidented_in_Seattle

      No one should ever look up to a man in a brown suit. Ever.

    • Tallmutha

      I once saw a subway poster for Fox News on which someone had grafittied “THUG LIFE” on Greta’s forehead. The memory makes me laugh to this day.

    • Yr. Gma

      I thought I had lost my mind. I tuned the car radio to MSNBC (siriusxm) and heard her and thought I had somehow put Fox into the favorites buttons.

    • tehbaddr

      So, I used to often pass by the head “Church” in DC. We used to joke about taking a tour, then would look at one another and shake our heads, thinking we don’t have enough back-up, if one or some of us don’t come out of that “House”.

  • IOnlyLikeCats

    My sister has severe schizophrenia (and the side effects from her medications make her extremely tired, forgetful, and confused) but she thinks she should start working and she told me she’s doing too well for social security. On the one hand, I want to believe and cheer her on. On the other hand, that’s clearly not what she needs right now and society has deluded her on what “good enough to work” means.

    • Unpresidented_in_Seattle

      Tough call. My son had similar symptoms and found working with his hands (woodworking) with little interpersonal challenges rewarding. Wish her well in whatever she does.

    • Maybe if she has something small? To start with? See how it goes sort of thing?

    • shaar dula

      ok you are officially my sister in experience. really hard to deal with schizos. took in a roomie coz didn’t bear to see him in an halfway house. suffice to say by the end of it, I was out scheming him to a ticket back to his parents. story for another day,

    • tehbaddr

      Mebbe some part time at a low stress position?

      • IOnlyLikeCats

        She’s interested in my job which is pretty much exactly that (and work from home). I have no idea if she will succeed or not. I’m very worried.

        • tehbaddr

          Hey, if she’s working from home it’s all on her. No bullshit from other co-employees. Though there is the management, always a frustrating issue.

        • Jennifer R

          Work from home requires an obscene amount of self discipline as you are no doubt very aware, I can see why you are worried.

    • ahughes798

      Has she seen a lawyer about getting Disability? Apply twice. You will be turned down twice, I guarantee it. Then hire a lawyer who specialises in Disability law. Mine was very helpful.

      • IOnlyLikeCats

        If she can’t get my job she said she’ll look into it.

      • Jennifer R

        A social worker can sometimes help you get in on the second time. If you can find one who specializes in the work it can be very helpful.

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      I just applied for Disability in October and my application is already in medical review. One of my therapists said that I was not ready to work, and given my age, I should apply. Does your sister have a therapist and/or psychiatrist that she can work with? What is their opinion?

      • IOnlyLikeCats

        I don’t know if she’s been seeing anyone except to get prescriptions (my mom seriously has a problem with appointments unless she thinks she can get something out of them). But I’ll ask.

      • Jennifer R

        Good luck with your application, and be prepared to appeal some rejections.

        • Ω cynmac will never surrender

          Yeah, my mom used to work for SSA and that’s standard operating procedures in Georgia.

          • Jennifer R

            My social worker was surprised I only got rejected once.

          • Ω cynmac will never surrender

            I am hoping for that outcome as well. It’s easier to get approved in Blue states. Here in Atlanta, the scandal is that one of the administrative judges that hears appeals moved his court to an outer suburb, to be closer to his home, rather than being convenient to mass transit and the majority of the people applying. And the judge you get assigned to matters as well.

          • Jennifer R

            Well NC is bluer than Georgia for sure.

          • Ω cynmac will never surrender

            We are desperately trying for Purple. The election was 51% Trump, 49% Clinton, but all 16 electoral votes went to Trump. Of course they did.

          • Jennifer R

            Sounds about what Southern Baptist Jesus would want.

  • My mother’s go-to in extremis was “shit shinola”. I fall back on “rat bastard goat fuckers”. Different generations.

    • BloviateMe

      My mom called my sisters and I “shit asses, every one” for years.

    • Shan

      My stepdad called me Shiny. Short for Shinola. I guess he knew the difference?

      Dawg, I miss him.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      When I was four my mother taught me to say “piss shit and corruption” when I was upset, to stop me from cursing. XD

      It’s still my go-to curse.

      • Tallmutha

        Love it. I sometimes say “Horse shit and gunfire!” Nobody taught it to me though, I learned it from an out-of-print lexicon of Texas vernacular by one of the original Fugs, titled “Texas Crude.” That book was the greatest.

    • Pinkham’s Law

      My dad’s worst was, “Damn, double damn, triple damn!” If we heard that coming out from under the hood of the car, it was time to find another place we needed to be.

      Remember the movie, Falling Down? This could be a picture of my dad.

      https://muveerevues.files.wordpress.com/2010/12/fallingdown1-e1292796852900.jpg

      • Good movie, very scary.
        Also, my dad would go damn. Damn kids. DAMN KIDS.
        Even when there were no kids living in the house. We used to joke mom and say “does he say “Damn wife” now?”

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      I would get exasperated with my daughter and cry out, “Dammit, Andrea”. When she was about 4, she had had enough and she stood up to me and said, “My name is NOT Dammit Andwhea”. She had a lisp.

    • I remember my first day of kindergarten well. It was the day I learned that my name wasn’t, “you little shit.”

  • MΩebym

    My parents hate it when I curse because it’s not “ladylike” behavior. Gaaaah. Also, fuck.

    • Shan

      My mom taught me to swear like a sailor but only in appropriate situations.

      Like, you can fix it if it’s just screwed but if it’s fucked, forget about it.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        They did a study on “last words” in airplane cockpits. Those who said “shit” had a higher probability of not surviving the crisis that those who said “fuck”. “Fuck” apparently is a more optimistic of our chances swear word than “shit”, which relays a certain resignation to the crisis.

        • BloviateMe

          No shit?

        • Count Awesome

          Any results for “smoke ’em if you got ’em”?

        • I’m on record saying both in heavy turbulence over the Midwest today.

        • Juan de Fuca

          If Sully could do it, I can fucking do it too!

        • To me *shit* carries a sense of disgust and finality, whereas *fuck* conveys a sense of being pissed off but determined.

        • puredog

          That’s fucksinating.

    • My mom said that once to me.
      I told her I really don’t give a fuck
      She giggled.

    • ahughes798

      I got my mouth washed out with soap for saying “Fuck.” When I was 7. It’s hard to turn off the swear machine, sometimes.

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      My one brother doesn’t like me to swear in front of his 13 and 15 year olds. My other brother and I let it rip with his 13 and 7 year old. The prissy brother’s kids roll their eyes. It’s big fun. Last Christmas, I called him a “wussy” and my 7 year-old niece giggled and said “wussy, good one”. Good times, good times.

      • snork. I lived too far away to be the bad influence on the niece and nephew. I shoulda tried harder XD

  • Count Awesome

    The countess’s new year’s resolution is to cut down on her swearing. Now when she doesn’t use profanity I’ll be a dick and and her ask her if she *really* being truthful.

  • Having been excoriated by my other half for my language during a long weekend visit in AZ with the Trump side of the family, I feel vindicated.

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      My BF and I went to visit one of his sisters in Dallas, TX in September and I was on my best behavior. The family was more concerned about his health and kept pumping me for information, so we never got into anything political. We’re an interracial couple and we went to see Ozzy Osbourne with one of his nieces and her husband. In the t-shirt line, a Trumpanzee tried to start something, but my BF, my hero shut him down.
      But that was before the election. I don’t know if I could keep my cool now.

  • Martini Ambassador

    Heh, Sam Bee riffs on imagined Trumpy Twit reviews of Meryl movies: https://medium.com/@fullfrontalsamb/trumps-movie-blurbs-d85f03988009#.8xtyhwgx5

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      Thank you, Canada!

  • I was 5. 1971. My mother backed up my dad’s car to run to Kmart. She accidently snapped off the passenger door mirror, with a nearby light pole, from his new red ‘cuda.

    She quietly muttered ffffffuck. I looked at her and she at me and we bonded at that moment like none before or since.

    • Count Awesome

      First time I heard “fuck” was when I was about 5 and an older kid was asked “Want to know the worst word you can say to a grown up?”

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Which of course was interpreted as “it’s way cool to say this to a grown up!”

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      My brother was learning to read and was about four. He had seen some graffiti and asked my mom, “what does F-U-C-K spell? Is it FUCK?” From her reaction, he had found his new favorite word.

      • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

        That happened to me! I went to a restaurant bathroom all by myself when I was about 7 and came back to my mom and within earshot of other diners, I asked, “What does f u c k spell?”

        She was mortified and said, “That’s a bad word men use.”

      • nightmoth

        Hey, cynmac! OT, but I sent you an email and I don’t think my 8 yr. old computer can deal with boxbe: at least it didn’t look like it went through.
        Anyway—you inspired me and I’m coming to Atlanta with a carload!

        • Ω cynmac will never surrender

          Just answered you with my address and phone number. Now I am really excited!!

          • nightmoth

            Got it—yippee!

  • tehbaddr
  • puredog

    What the fuck do you fucking fuckers think you fucking fuck? That is all.

  • cheetojeebus

    We were all fucked when the bunglecunts started hoofwanking, Suddenly it wasn’t cool anymore. The jitbags.

    • tehbaddr

      I umm, got nothing on that!

    • OrG

      What’s a jitbag?Asking for a friend.

      • cheetojeebus

        Philly slang for a used condom. We can be very helpful on the Wonkette.

        • goddamn I love Philly.
          Edit: Though, and it has been many moons since my yute, but was it not jizzbag?

          • cheetojeebus

            I’ve heard bot’, In the environs i circulated in post grad school in philly washing dishes, a really awful person was referred to as a Jitbag.

        • BoatOfVelociraptors

          Keeps you safe from the cunt nuggets and ass goblins.

    • Shoto

      Fuckin A.

  • Vagenda and Tiara

    Charles Pierce on the Meryl Streep kerfluffle:
    “Also predictably, all the well-fattened friends of the working class went leaping onto the electric Twitter machine to demonstrate that they have the backs of those salt-of-the-earth suckers who watch their programs, buy their books, and vote against economic self-interest because that’s what makes liberals cry. And if you can’t laugh at a bunch of TV-star pundits calling an actor elitist in support of a jumped-up game show host whose commodes are made of gold, you simply aren’t having enough fun in politics these days.”

    Sigh…they never see the irony.

  • BloviateMe

    True story I actually didn’t make up:

    My ex-wife’s sister was pretty blasted once, and relating a story when there were kids around, and in her head, she was saying “the F word,” but she was actually saying “the Fuck word.” We all laughed at her, and she got really agitated, and was all “what? I said ‘the fuck word” all indignant like.

    We laughed a whole lot at that point. What a fuck up.

    • shaar dula

      my neice and nephew already know all the swear words from school. still prohibited at house. the other day we ate our tummy’s full and there was further talk about food. I swore against anybody speaking about food and said food was the f word. The kids laffed their eye balls out.

      • eka

        i remember trying to say all the swear words as a kid. i must have been less than 10 because it was the old house but still already in grade school. There’s a time when you really mean them and you know when that happens. I didn’t mean them back then.

        I do remember German three year olds happily singing “ich scheisse in die Hose” without it sounding awkward at all, but that’s Germany I guess, or at least Berlin.

        • Ω cynmac will never surrender

          I Shit In My Pants!! Gotta love German.

          • eka

            i also love how americans think it’s so rad to know german swear words that even three year olds are happy to babble all day long.

  • Vienna Woods

    I have told this story here before, but when my first-born was 2 he thought “fuck” meant a spill or mishap. He spilled some milk on the floor, trotted over to me, and said “Mummy, fuck! Fuck, Mummy,” pointing over at the milk. I just about bust a gut laughing on the inside. Another time I came in exhausted from the garden, a month pregnant with #2, feeling shitty and it was a cold night. I leaned against the railing and groaned a bit. Sitting in his high chair, #1 brightly piped, “Fuck!” Both me and Mr VW had a difficult time.

    We stopped the little fucker from swearing for a few years, but he swears like a trooper now. (26, and the 23 yr old swears moderately) But then, I have no qualms about saying motherfucker in front of them, so ya know, they fit right in.

    • Juan de Fuca

      I love this comment even more knowing you were an English teacher.

      #Vindicated

      • shaar dula

        I love it even more even more knowing now that she was an English teacher.

        • Juan de Fuca

          Yes. It’s part of the reason why I try to watch my spelling and grammar when Vienna is on line.

          ETA: Just joking, of course. She’s patient with those of us who struggle with spelling and grammar.

          • I ain’t gots no problums wif my spelling nor gramart.

          • Juan de Fuca

            I’m wit’ ya jen.

          • Vienna Woods

            Hey, if I’m not being paid to do it, I refrain from corrections. Except when I’m listening to the radio in the car and I yell the correct use of prepositions to the idiots on the air. Or the British History podcaster that I do quite like listening to, but who will keep saying that there were “less merchants” or whatever. “Fewer!” I bark irritably.

          • Penny Dreadful Says Resist

            I’m pretty sure my kids think “fewer!” is a curse, at this point.

      • Vienna Woods

        I never swore in front of students. Not once. It was very tempting, but I refrained, and when they swore I would point out to them that I knew how to use those words also, too, but that there was a time and a place.

    • Up In Smoke O’hontas

      LOVE THIS!!!
      When my son was barely two y.o. I put him on time out for probably throwing tains, or something. Anyway, as I took his tiny hand in mine, and walked him to the time out chair, calmly telling him about consequences, like a common non-child abuser, he uttered the perfect response, “Oh, shit.”
      I continue to be proud to this day.

  • Tallmutha

    “Yes, I say ‘shit.’ Some people complain about my language. Come on out to
    the parking lot and let me slam my car door on your hand. You’ll say ‘shit.’ And ‘motherfucker’ too.” — Sir Redd Foxx

    • mancityRed6

      I saw “hand” and automatically replaced it with “head”
      but that’s just me.

      • Tallmutha

        “Let my slam my car door on your head. You’ll say ‘shit.’ And ‘hoofwanking bunglecunt’ too.”

  • MΩebym

    On CNN now: Condi Rice endorsed Sessions for AG.

    • Ωbjectifier

      Umm, Condi, you know you’re black, right?

    • Marceline

      Ugh. This bitch.

      • mancityRed6

        you’re a lot nicer than I am.

    • BloviateMe

      Huh. As low as my expectations of her were, she still failed to meet them.

      • Vienna Woods

        As I once yelled at a colleague crossing a picket line, “Well, Cyril, at least our opinion of you isn’t any lower than it already was.”

        • mancityRed6

          crossing a picket line?
          you better believe that’s a paddlin’
          http://i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/238/219/71f.png

          • Vienna Woods

            It was the cherry on a disgusting career. He got a student pregnant long before I joined the staff. Interestingly, long after he retired he was ordered to hand over all documentation that he was ever a teacher- copies of accreditation, etc. Retroactively kicked out. No explanation, but hmmm… one could guess at it.

          • mancityRed6

            that is all shades of different, there.

      • Serai 1

        I’ve no expectation of morality from that woman. When the people of New Orleans were drowning, she went fucking shoe shopping.

        • mancityRed6

          never mind the chaos in Israel/Palestine and she went where first? to how many countries?
          yeah.

    • Royal Ugly Dude

      At least she’s not a traitor to her race, like a white civil rights lawyer. Right Jeff?

    • Shoto

      One would think an endorsement by Condi Rice might be sufficient reason to reject his nomination, never mind his sordid “the south shall rise again” history.

      Oh, and fuck that guy.

    • Bill D. Burger

      Condi had a great time at a Lil’ Jeffy Sessions’ get together and was convinced to support him.

      http://i.imgur.com/5EA9NhY.jpg

    • See, he is not a racist! They made sure to trot out a black lady to say so!

      • Blackest Noobs

        token Auntie Tommy

        • Aw come on, now, Noobs. Surely the Black Community ™ appreciates this outreach by the GOP?

        • Count Awesome

          Will Sessions wear black face and sing “Mammie”?

          • theblackdog

            That was one of the most uncomfortable episodes of Are You Being Served? that I ever watched

          • mancityRed6

            this time or the last time?

          • Blackest Noobs

            he does this at his annual hate a Negro Party

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Fuck her and the crippled horse she rode in on.

    • mancityRed6

      a woman with an oil tanker named after her?
      how did that happen?

    • Serai 1
    • Penny Dreadful Says Resist

      Bitch.

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      I wonder what her price was. As an Alabama native from the Bombingham era, she should have set a high one. Not that she has much currency with the black community either. We don’t use the word “uppity”. “Siddity” and “Prissy” come to mind.

  • Up In Smoke O’hontas

    Shit, that dick, George Carlin, is one fucking happy, dead, motherfuckin cunt today! I can tell you pussies that right goddamn now.

    *what did I miss? I know I missed something…gah!?!? I can be such an ass sometimes*

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

    Let’s bunglecunt in the jungle
    Well, that’s all right by me
    I’ll write on your tombstone, I thank you for dinner
    This game that we animals play is an Anthony Weiner

    • Courser

      Did the Beasty Boys do that one?

  • Serai 1

    Poor widdle Paulie Ryan SO SCARED of all those meen wimminz OMG!!!

    Jesus, what PUSSIES these fucking wingnuts are.

  • OneYieldRegular

    Dammit all to hell, good evening.

  • IOnlyLikeCats

    So, to lighter news, does anyone here know how to convince someone to replace a six year old laptop they constantly have to fix?

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      “Accidentally” spill something on it?

      • IOnlyLikeCats

        He lives in another country! Also I think he has spilled stuff on it and it still works. It is the undead of computers.

        • mancityRed6

          send me the name of this unholy laptop, for I wish to purchase it

        • Sister Artemis

          Jeez, maybe it would be a bad omen to kill it off!

          • Ωbjectifier

            Hell yeah, ride it out!

          • IOnlyLikeCats

            This is the third time he has had to “reformat” in six months.

          • Penny Dreadful Says Resist

            You sure it’s not a Mac?

          • IOnlyLikeCats

            Definitely a Windows (although Ubuntu is installed as well).

          • mancityRed6

            I’ve never had a problem with a MAC, except for the “probook” that wouldn’t burn cds, let alone dvds.
            yeah, that’s why I’m on chrome and lean heavily towards my hulu and netflix.

          • tehbaddr

            That’s because he keeps tweaking it!

        • Daisy

          He might replace it if it tries draining his blood then.

          • IOnlyLikeCats

            He claims to be a vampire, does he have blood?

          • Daisy

            If it starts eating his brain then? After this, I’m pretty much out of ideas that don’t involve acid or goo.

        • OneYieldRegular

          Dearest Vladimir,

          You will be able to hack the RNC too if you upgrade.

          Your friends,
          DNC IT Department

        • tehbaddr

          It will cease eventually, I think I have like 5 from ~ 2002 on that I should recycle.

        • tehbaddr

          Truth is he doesn’t want to give it up, it’s like giving part of himself away. You must rest it from him, once he complies, you can wipe or destroy the machine together, dance on it’s ashes. Then hunt for a new replacement deemed worthy!

    • mancityRed6

      chromebook. obviously they don’t need any of the real software.

      • IOnlyLikeCats

        He’s a coder so I’m pretty sure he actually does. XD

        • mancityRed6

          well, sheeeeeit

          • tehbaddr

            Have I told you how hard it is to use my Chromebook with these chill temps and windchill? Oh, never mind! Silly me the Chromebook rarely leaves the domicile. As you were.

          • mancityRed6

            honestly, the ‘book has shut down on me when I’m out here on the balcony in the mornings.
            no, the battery was not flat.

        • mancityRed6

          I sit corrected, then

    • Jennifer R

      Parts are rapidly expiring on the shelf?

      • IOnlyLikeCats

        Basically it’s completely falling apart. I’d tell you all the things that are wrong with it but I don’t want to make the comment two paragraphs long.

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      Enroll them in a 12-Step program?

    • tehbaddr

      Show them a Samsung Chromebook with Matt screen and explain Cloud Computing. Unless they’re using serious shit like adobe suite or processor intensive software, they will be very happy.

      • IOnlyLikeCats

        The processor intensive software, I think. He’d probably use the Linux OS if he didn’t use it for everyday tasks as well.

        • tehbaddr

          Linux is just the underpinning program guts. He can prolly run that on small processor cloud based modern ‘puters. Though if he’s a Linux guy he won’t trust the cloud, I’m not sure I do myself!

          • IOnlyLikeCats

            He is a serious privacy advocate, I’m pretty sure he’d rather eat one of his own limbs.

          • tehbaddr

            Sounds like the kind of guy that should buy a semi dead one in better condition than his somewhere. then wipe and resurrect it!

    • Bill D. Burger

      Remind her that she can help people in 3rd world countries begin their own cyber journeys. They need to upgrade.

      http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-UFq47cNgOgQ/TxxYO93E7gI/AAAAAAAAFtM/Eb3AYaZph_4/s640/ladies001.jpg

    • Truck Fump

      It would be cheaper to replace than to keep repairing?

      • IOnlyLikeCats

        Constantly fixing it is really time consuming at this point. Also using it is apparently not a pleasant experience.

        • Sister Artemis

          So why is your pal hanging on to it? what’s up that they DON’T want to replace it?

          • IOnlyLikeCats

            He is currently paying off my laptop and paying for my rent and food. >.> I keep asking if he wants me to use my checks for a new laptop but he says, “No, no, don’t worry about me. Buy something you like.” and for some reason I trust him?

          • tehbaddr

            Hey! I think I saw this movie!

    • natoslug

      Drive a railroad spike through it when they step out of the room and tell them it was that way when you got there?

    • Unpresidented Ron

      Borrow it and throw it off a roof. ‘Welp, don’t think I can fix it THIS time.’

  • I Am Helpy
  • Truck Fump

    There were two ways i knew I was in trouble. The use of my first and middle name, and mom saying a cuss word. She never cussed until she was completely pissed off and unable to control her language.

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      Same here. Full name destroyed. Full name + mom wasted on booze and Valium = Escape

    • Penny Dreadful Says Resist

      Was your mom me?

  • Vagenda and Tiara

    From “Trump Supposedly Opposes the GOP’s Obamacare Repeal Plan”:
    “It’s hard to say. On the immediate subject at hand, Trump’s been trying to tell congressional Republicans to be careful about inheriting a whirlwind by repealing Obamacare before a replacement is in place. Rand Paul seems to think a replacement is real easy, perhaps because what most people think of as “losing your health insurance” he regards as “freedom.” So it’s possible they are, as Paul put it, in “total agreement” in opposing “repeal and delay” while being far apart on the matter of how quickly the simultaneous action occurs.”
    http://nymag.com/daily/intelligencer/2017/01/did-trump-tell-paul-he-opposes-repeal-and-delay-for-aca.html

    On the one hand I don’t want people to lose their insurance, on the other hand I want the GOP to fuck their base, and make a catastrophic error from which they will not soon recover.

    • natoslug

      As long as your definition of “not soon” matches my definition of “never,” I wholeheartedly agree.

      • Vagenda and Tiara

        I’m caught in a web of emotions! Now I’m reading that they’ve figured out it would be stupid to fuck with SS and Medicare. I really want them to fuck enough people over that they fall out of favor permanently.

        • Oh do not fret. They will figure out a way to fuck with it, but defer the problem until say, 18 or 20 and then they can rightly blame the democrats for it!

        • natoslug

          But they’re still planning on fucking those of us who are under 50 out of our eventual SS, right? I’d hate for them to quit singing their greatest hits . . .

          • Vagenda and Tiara

            That would be sad! Rinse Prius came out today and said Trump is going to keep his promise not to gut SS and Medicare, so Paul Ryan is either crying in his beer, or plotting a coup. I’m guessing the latter.

    • OrG

      Oh,they’re going to fuck their.Will their base realize who fucked them?THAT is the question.I’m not hopeful.

      • Nope. They have proven that not even a vastly improved economy and 4.8% unemployment will let them, not to mention them own selves finally getting health care despite pre-existing, for a second, will make them, for a second, not believe that it is all the Democrat’s fault. Always

        • I Am Helpy

          If they haven’t figured it out in all the time since the Civil War, when the exact same families were up to the exact same tricks, they’re not gonna.

      • Serai 1

        That is ALL they’re going to do. They’ve no intention of doing a single thing that benefits anyone but themselves and their cronies. They’re out to bleed the country dry.

    • Serai 1

      Fine, so let them do it on an issue where ONLY their base will be fucked violently. The rest of us can do without their goddamned backwash.

  • Saxo the Grammarian

    Offered with comment, goddamit…

    https://youtu.be/Qjd8HobrTzA

  • BadKitty904
    • Bill D. Burger

      Peter (trying to get past Jesus at the last supper): “Dude, you’re in the way.”

      Jesus: “Shut the fuck up. I am the way.”

      http://i.imgur.com/DpuR3Th.png

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance
    • mancityRed6

      So Jesus and Moses were out golfing.
      They ran into an old guy on the course and Moses was all, “Jesus, let’s just go past him.”
      Jesus was all into it and said, “Let’s play with him.”
      Moses was pissed, but he lined up his drive. Straight shot but it was headed for the water until Moses raised his arms and the water split in two and the ball bounced once, twice, and stopped a foot from the pin.
      Jesus said, “Nice shot Mos.”
      Jesus stepped up and shot nearly the exact same shot, but when it was headed for the water, it hit on top and bounced over the waves to land within one foot of the pin.
      “Nice shot, Jesus,” said Moses.
      Then it was the old man’s turn.
      He stepped up to the pin and swung, and the ball went exactly 3 inches.
      “oh god,” said Moses,” we are going to be here all day.”
      At that point a squirrel took off across the green and grabbed the golf ball. Taking off across the grass it was in turn grabbed by an eagle.
      The eagle dropped the squirrel which dropped the golf ball and it made a hole in one.
      “Nice shot, dad,” Jesus said.
      (an old catholic joke from way back when.)

      • theblackdog

        That’s a good one. The other punchline I have heard is “Stop showing off, dad.”

      • Unpresidented Ron

        It’s a beautiful Sunday morning in Ireland. The parish priest is an avid golfer, and it’s too much temptation for him. He calls up the verger and tells him to handle Mass, because he’s sick and has to stay in bed. And the moment all the villagers are in church, the priest loads his clubs in the car and takes off for the golf course two counties over. Just to be safe.
        But it just so happens that St Peter is looking down on the earth from heaven, and ha canNOT believe what he sees. ‘GOD!’ he yells, ‘Come over here and look at this! It’s a priest, playing golf, on a SUNDAY!’
        ‘No worries,’ says God, ‘Hold my beer and watch this.’
        The priest tees up on the first hole, an easy par three to get you warmed up. He hits a hinky drive that arcs to the left, but a sudden breeze blows up and carries the ball right to the pin, where it bounces once and drops into the cup. Hole in one.
        The priest is amazed. He’s never hit an ace in his life. Feeling rather pleased with himself, he tees up at the par five second and swings. WHACK! He slices the ball, but miraculously the ball hits a tree trunk, gets a lucky bounce off the cart path, skips over a bunker and rolls merrily into the cup. Another hole-in-one.
        Astonished at his luck, he hits a reasonable drive down the third-hole fairway. It looks to be rolling to a stop when a sprinkler head malfunctions and squirts the ball up into the air. it lands at the far edge of the green with so much backspin that it immediately skids back and into the cup. Hole in one.
        The priest is aghast, and stays so all day. Eighteen holes, eighteen strokes, a hole-in-one every time. The sort of game that can happen only once in a lifetime.
        St Peter looks sternly at God. ‘What sort of punishment is that? You just gave that priest the best game he’ll ever have in his life.’
        God grins. ‘So? Who’s he going to tell?’

        • mancityRed6

          my dad could learn something from you…
          and now I have a joke to tell the next time I see him.

          • Unpresidented Ron

            Glad you liked it. I hope he does too!

  • OneYieldRegular

    My goddaughter’s mother has the filthiest mouth I’ve encountered outside of a John Waters movie. Fortunately, my goddaughter only swears when she tells her mother, “Shut the fuck up, mom.”

    • mancityRed6

      jesus, the price of soap if I lived in that house /sn

  • Daisy

    Good news: While the bills aren’t paid yet, my financial aid did disburse this afternoon/evening/some point after the goddamned bank closed.

    • WOOT!

    • Awesome timing!

      • Daisy

        Yep! It’ll be paid with no effort on my part, because of EFT, but it’s somewhat amusing because it’s like, “Yay, I’m not getting kicked out!”, but it isn’t official until it processes. Tomorrow.

  • memzilla Ω
    • IOnlyLikeCats

      The funniest part of this is the store just let them take it.

      • Jamoche

        They’re getting free publicity :)

    • Vienna Woods

      Hey, Toronto squirrels are tough little buggers.

      • IOnlyLikeCats

        I don’t know about the squirrels but the raccoons are basically chaotic evil cats.

        • Vienna Woods

          Fuck yes. I’ll never forget the night there were raccoons on the roof outside my window.

          • IOnlyLikeCats

            New Zealand friend and I walked to Wendy’s and she thought she saw a family of cats and tried to go near them. Future Mr. Cats and I had to explain no, and that’s generally a poor idea.

        • Daisy

          I wouldn’t necessarily compare them to cats, but squirrels are definitely chaotic evil. Pulled from my experiences at Berkeley and Yosemite.

          • I can second that, from my experience driving.
            Friggin pick a direction, squirrels

          • UncleTravelingMatt

            My old climbing partner had a Yosemite squirrel/chipmunk gnaw through his backpack to get at his PB&J tortilla. Hilarious, I thought.

          • Courser

            Jesus, those little bastards are voracious.

          • UncleTravelingMatt

            The best part was that we were into a 3-pitch climb, so he could see it happening, but was helpless to stop it.

        • Count Awesome

          Rocky J. Squirrel libelz!!!

        • theblackdog

          I heard that when the San Antonio Riverwalk had redone their Xmas lights, they had a problem with squirrels chewing through the wires and knocking out some of the displays

      • OrG

        Squirrels are basically rats with bushy tails.

      • mancityRed6

        halloween, in ’99, I didn’t get invited to the party in my hometown of Nevada so I got high and drunk by myself.
        Near about midnight, I went to bed. After watching “Evil Dead” again, in a house surrounded by woods.
        I couldn’t get to sleep because there were all these scratching sounds in the walls.
        I was sure it was the woods and I’d awoken something within them (Evil Dead).
        No, it was just squirrels in the attic.
        Again.

        • Courser

          Fuck toys in the attic. Goddamn squirrels in the attic is much worse. Bats in the attic is the worst, though. I think. I dunno, I don’t have an attic.

          • mancityRed6

            they were in the attic and they came down through the walls above my head.
            I was lying in bed trying to get the cats to sleep with me, but to no avail.
            bastards.

      • Unpresidented Ron

        We used to call the ones that hang out behind the Parliament buildings, ‘Queen’s Park Muggers.’ Cheeky lil buggers would steal your sandwich the second you took your hands off it.

    • Daisy

      You know, the students at Berkeley once had a protest to stop people from feeding the squirrels.

      • OneYieldRegular

        At UCSC, the protest would have focused on not feeding them anything inorganic.

        • Daisy

          Ah, UCSC, the only UC that can compete with us in the bizarre competition..

      • I would ask why, but I really do not think it matters

        • Daisy

          Berkeley. That’s the only answer needed.

      • Scrofula

        We more civilized folks in Davis gave the squirrels birth control injections. Seriously.

    • mancityRed6

      oh, and it was a black squirrel, too /sn

      • BloviateMe

        So we’ve clearly defined this as looting, and not survival then…

        • mancityRed6

          tomato, tomahto

    • SeeTrain65

      I think he’s taking Caramellos. Who’s the victim here?

      • theblackdog

        But if they’re Canadian Caramellos that means it’s the actual Cadbury recipe, right?

    • Vagenda and Tiara

      Looks more like the work of a cat burglar to me.

      ~A. Squirrel

    • Juan de Fuca

      How big are the fucking squirrels in Canada?

      • WomanInTheResistance

        Bigger now, is my guess.

      • Courser

        That’s a big motherfucking squirrel, but it’s also not your typical red squirrel, either. When I lived in the mountains the big, black tufted squirrels were nothing to fuck with. I had big goddamn Russian Wolfhounds and the squirrel just about ripped my biggest dog’s face off. My male Sloughi’s face was torn up, too.

        Do not fuck with the black squirrels. They fight back.

      • Half the size of the mother fuckers in Philly

    • msanthropesmr

      WHERE ARE THEIR PARENTS?

      • memzilla Ω

        Also too, look at those saggy pants he’s wearing!

        • msanthropesmr

          WAIT A MINIT! HES NAKED!

    • tehbaddr
    • Serai 1

      Maybe… not leave the door open?

      • Pressure sensitive door+big squirrel= candy bar.

        • Serai 1

          Recalibrate the door so it takes more than five pounds of pressure on the mat to open it?

    • Doug Langley

      “We just can’t understand why they keep hitting the Almond Joy but never touch the Mounds.”

    • calliecallie

      At casa calliecallie, we feed the squirrels as well as the birds. We have three varieties – black, fox, and the tiny red ones. We name them based on their characteristics. This year’s star squirrel is a fox squirrel known as “Fuzzy Ears” or sometimes “Bruce Willis” for his ability to cling to the underside of the table after falling off when the blue jay startled him. Peanuts. They all go nuts for peanuts.

  • SeeTrain65

    I’ll demonstrate.
    “I can’t abide all the swearing in this article.” = BIG FUCKING LIE.

  • Nounverb911

    AAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Okay. Is that a general vent of frustration or is there a specific reason you’re screaming into the ether tonight?

      • Pinkham’s Law

        Sportsball. I’m watching the same game.

        • tehbaddr

          Shame! The Dopiate of the masses! Repent!

          • I thought the liberal main stream media was the dopiate of the masses?
            Srs people, keep the lines straight, I R easily confused.

    • Pinkham’s Law

      Yeah. I know. :(

    • SeeTrain65

      Actual quiz my brother gave me a few days ago. Don’t know the answer.

      Which phrase did Charlie Brown say most often?

      A. Good Grief!
      B. Rats!
      C. ARRRGH!
      D. Sigh…
      E. I Can’t Stand It.

  • Tallmutha

    I’m not sure I can tell this story properly in this medium, but my extremely proper, refined mother, a Christian Scientist and product of Southern California debutante culture, was thrown into a relationship–never mind how–with a younger woman who was a pure product of lumpen, Southern–Well, I know “white trash” is a problematic term, but there you go. This woman’s common-law husband was named Rooster, if that gives you the idea. Anyway, at one point Mom thought she should caution this young lady about her free use of the vernacular. What she said was “Er, Dear– We call that ‘making love.'”

    • OneYieldRegular

      “never mind how”

      Dammit, you’ve left out the best part.

      • alpacapunchbowl

        No, she mentioned the bisque.

      • Tallmutha

        Well, the short version of the backstory is: she married my handsome dad and moved to his hometown in southwestern Michigan (where there are a lot of migrant workers). Think “Green Acres.”

        • Ω cynmac will never surrender

          What happened to Rooster? Poor guy to lose such a gem.

    • Courser

      Heh, my very Victorian grandmother did charity work helping out the poor that lived down by the river. Everytime she visited the family, there was another baby on the way. When she tried to very gently suggest… I don’t know what, but the woman’s reply was, “Well, there’s not much else to do around here.” Which I guess left my grandmother pretty much speechless. I mean, if it’s true…

    • ResistanceFighterCaptainHowdy

      “That’s funny, we call it makin’ babies!”

  • theblackdog

    I get the feeling there is going to be some major changes in who I interact with on social media in the future since it might be long overdue to stop giving some people chances and just dump their asses to the curb.

    I watched one of my friends go full Trumpkin today as she threw a fit about Meryl’s speech last night, saying that she should just go back to making movies for the peasants. This was the same woman who responded to me saying soon after the election that I couldn’t trust that a Trump voter was not racist, sexist, or homophobic that she was sorry I felt that way and she still loved me. So this to me feels like a betrayal to watch her behave like this and it feels like that’s just lip service, even though she knows that I as a gay man have a lot to lose under the direction of the Cheeto Hitler. I don’t even know if it’s worth saying anything but the temptation is sorely there to go to her and be like “What the fuck is wrong with you? You’re a woman of color who is a cop that has to handle sexual assault cases involving women and yet you support a man who thinks its okay to sexually assault women. What the FUCK?”

    Shit like this is why I have been stepping away from social media in general and just trying to cultivate some new friend groups to see instead.

    • suziq

      Way back in The Olden Days (maybe 2015?) you could reason with people, or disagree about policies or whatever. There is no way to have a conversation with a Trumper though. When I am stuck with one they refuse to justify their position and will not have a discussion. Maybe better that way? And of course when everything goes horribly wrong it will be Obama’s fault or whatever.

      • HazooToo

        It was further back than that. I think it started with Bush Baby’s second term.

        • Yes indeed. Let us not forget the lesson of the Dixie Chicks.

          • ResistanceFighterCaptainHowdy

            It became OK for there to be a Unitary Executive, and for people to be told to “watch what they say”. And to commit war crimes. And to lose literally millions of subpoenaed emails. And other things.

          • Well, of course. Republican means whatever you do is ok.
            Apparently, even making fun of disabled people.
            And if you say hey, do not make fun of disabled people! You are wrong, somehow.

          • HazooToo

            No idea how many times I’ve played that song since 11/9. Never forget! That was the day America lost it’s godforsaken mind!

      • Ω cynmac will never surrender

        It always devolves into personal attacks too. Fuck That Noize.

      • theblackdog

        This has been my problem. Reasoning with them usually gets me a “Well you just don’t understand my experience” or “You just think you’re so much smarter.” No motherfucker, I know I am being smarter than you because I’m not the one posting “All Lives Matter” bullshit and fake quotes that fit your worldview but are debunked in 2 seconds with a damn Google search.

    • You should sincerely ask her why she thinks a citizen of this country has no rights in saying what she thinks is right. And then go “Is it because she is liberal?”

    • Serai 1

      Every time I hear that crap, it’s so obvious that they’re just livid THEY don’t have a microphone and the attention of the whole world. It’s such a three-year-old way to react to a fellow citizen addressing her peers.

      • Not to mention, all she said was making fun of the disabled is a BAD THING.
        Are these fuckers saying making fun of the disabled is a good thing?
        We should start asking them that.

        • Serai 1

          Of course they are. They’re the same assholes who think they should be able to say n****r. The only rights that matter are their rights to treat anyone else like shit.

          • Ω cynmac will never surrender

            The n-word things really gets to me because it’s a matter of tone. Whn back people use the word, 90% of the time it’s playful, not an insult. Like the difference between saying “Brother” as a greeting and saying “Brother” like “Dammit”.

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      Welcome, friend.

    • HazooToo

      Go ahead and give into temptation. Ask her all of that. Ask her what she thinks of his White Power supporters. Ask her exactly who she thinks the “peasants” are. Ask her if she’s proud of herself for supporting a dumb, illiterate, craven, bloodsucking asshole, who wants an arms race, mass deportations, and religious profiling.

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      Unfriend her on social media and if you need to block her. Send her a PM to say that she can reach you by phone or email only. Tell her that there have been too many times that you’ve seen insensitive messages and that it’s stressing you out. I’ve done it with annoying family members, Bernie Bros and Trumpanzees.
      Your timeline, your rules.

    • janecita

      Get rid of all the noxious people in your social media, you don’t need that kind of aggravation. Too bad that we are not allowed to comment here, because I think that you might like us;-)

      • theblackdog

        I know, I’m so upset this awesome mommyblog with occasional recipes doesn’t allow comments! How else can I get to talk to all of these wonderful readers? ;-)

  • Résistance Land Shark

    Donald Trump inauguration: Ethics concerns swirl around Trump team

    A recent CNN Money investigation revealed that Monica Crowley, named by Mr Trump to be senior director of strategic communications for his National Security Council, had committed more than 50 instances of plagiarism in her 2012 book, What the (Bleep) Just Happened. The article compared excerpts where she apparently drew entire passages word-for-word from newspaper articles, columns and online essays.

    How’s that swamp draining going?
    http://vignette2.wikia.nocookie.net/evil/images/3/34/The_Swamps_of_Sadness.jpg

    • msanthropesmr

      ROUS errywhere.

    • Bill D. Burger

      It’s some day, in the far distant future, going to dawn on the Trumpanzees that not only is he not going to drain the swamp, he’s brought in the people who maintain and own the swamp to run the country. What a bunch of fucking morons they are.

      • suziq

        Probably not, read an article over the weekend that “the swamp” Don The Con’s fans think needs draining is composed of those liberal elite climate change regulating brainiacs and tax-and-spend democrats etc. They are actually fine and dandy with his cabinet choices. What could possibly go wrong?

        • They will learn, too late, and blame us anyway.
          WEEE!!!
          After we clean it all up for them again, of course.

    • Jamoche

      From this can we assume that people who use (bleep) instead of fuck are less honest?

  • Bill D. Burger

    After this, when I’m in the bathroom and ask my wife to ‘…come here and look at this anaconda.’ she’s not going to break into a fit of laughter.
    [It’s never a dull day in Arlington County Animal Control! Last week, our Animal Control team received a call about a snake in the toilet of a local apartment. Officer Brenys White was able to safely remove the snake from the toilet and brought him back to the shelter. We were all in for a bit of a surprise – we were expecting him to be a wild snake or a ball python, but the snake is, in fact, a juvenile Yellow Anaconda!]
    https://scontent-atl3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-0/p526x296/15826488_10154903209693522_5865483493787745213_n.jpg?oh=b522102a8bd1b199d54fc66bb862a842&oe=58E4D758

    • Vecchiojohn

      Pleasant dreams everyone.

      • Bill D. Burger

        And my brother has a phobia about spiders in toilet bowls! Can’t wait to show him this.

        • alpacapunchbowl

          Is it still a phobia if the fear in question is plausible, if not probable?

        • Master Contrail Program

          My anaconda don’t want none ’til you bare your buns, hon.

    • IOnlyLikeCats

      I do not feel safe making jokes about this.

    • ResistanceFighterCaptainHowdy

      Mmm, nice snake. Pretty.

    • BloviateMe

      Fuck Sharknado, the real threat is Anacondoleezza Rice.

    • shivaskeeper

      I used to breed Yellow ‘condas. They tended to be pretty foul tempered critters. Probably because both my breeders were wild caught and then imported. Good snakes to keep if you could handle their temperament and the fact that the females averaged 10’ or so.

      • BloviateMe

        I’m sort of stunned that’s legal. Those buggers get enormous.

        • shivaskeeper

          Depends on where you are. Some places make it verboten, some require a permit, and some have no restriction. I always followed the law about it wherever I was. The greens are the ones that get huge, 16′-17′ average, going up over 20′ for an exceptional one, and heavy as hell. Yellows are related, but are way smaller. The Burmese and Reticulated Pythons I bred got much, much bigger on average.

    • OneYieldRegular

      I was in Mexico a couple months ago. Walked outside the apartment one morning to find a boa constrictor on the bottom step, completely wrapped around a 3-foot-long iguana.

      • ResistanceFighterCaptainHowdy

        Oh, poor iguana. Now that would makes me has upset.

    • janecita

      So pretty! I love snakes.

  • Reality Kills

    Good evening! Here I am going again! Impeach Donald before he even pledges! The man is simply a thin-skinned moron! No Donald, Hollywood doesn’t like you! Get over it! And talking about overhyped, well, you are going to be the most overhyped “politician” history has ever known!

  • Unpresidented Ron

    Fukkin’ A, Dok.

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    Okay, so cleanup’s begun on the flooded out zones (we still have some flooding in outlying areas, but the worst has passed).
    Of course, the next three days are expected to dump another 2-5 feet of snow at Tahoe and soak us again with rain. So who knows?

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    I’m a little surprised to see West Virginia so close to Washington, Idaho, and Oregon in profanity usage. When I moved there from the NW, the people I was around — in a locker room, no less — seemed almost traumatized by my casual profanity. From my WA and ID-based upbringing, I regarded “fuck” and permutations thereof as not only every part of speech, but also as a way of life, a condiment, and my motherfucking birthright.

    • Maybe when they asked people there, they thought Gosh was a cuss word so copped to it

    • Sister Artemis

      Damn fucking straight!

  • ResistanceFighterCaptainHowdy

    The photo is of Mike Pence’s future appointed Vice President, who will replace Pence when he is impeached.

  • IOnlyLikeCats

    Talking about cursing, I remember getting my mouth out with soap, and I don’t even think I said anything vulgar. I think I just disagreed with the adult.

    • OneYieldRegular

      That happened to me too, in kindergarten, and I can still remember thinking that it was completely, utterly outrageous for an adult to do that to a child.

  • ResistanceFighterCaptainHowdy
    • Me The People

      Some really gross invertebrates coming out of the cracks in the floor now.

    • OrG

      I like stories like this.

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender
      • yyyaz

        I dunno, she seems niiicce.

    • shivaskeeper

      I don’t think going to comment section on that one would be good for my sanity. Good story though.

      • ResistanceFighterCaptainHowdy

        Yes, I think we can guess why it is closed.

  • SeeTrain65

    OT: Another entertainer has something to say about a certain entertainer’s speech at the Golden Globes last night.
    https://twitter.com/Travistritt/status/818339794325479424

    • Who?

      • SeeTrain65

        Exactly my response to the old countrified has-been.

      • Ω cynmac will never surrender

        Cuntry singer. Last Grammy was in 1999. Currently without a major label contract. Popping up for PR. He’s been political himself in the past.

    • ResistanceFighterCaptainHowdy

      I don’t have Twitter, will someone tell him to go fuck himself, please?

      • He’s not worth it.

      • SeeTrain65

        Done and done. Over and over again.

      • OneYieldRegular

        Travis Tritter?

    • IOnlyLikeCats

      Not worth the pixels he is taking up.

    • TJ Barke

      This is ‘Merica, motherfucker, we got freedom of speech, so suck my ass.

    • nightmoth

      question for Travis—Did you ever lick that drinking problem?

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Yep. Another celebrity who hasn’t had a hit in donkey’s years telling other celebrities what to do. Chuck Woolery did the same thing.

    • Me The People

      Who the fuck is this? Sounds like he maybe opened for Rupert Pupkin back in the day?

      • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

        “Outlaw” country guy who used to be notable. But hasn’t had a hit since W’s first term and is pretty much confined to the county fair/small-time circuit nowadays.

        • Juan de Fuca

          My mom used to listen to him. I don’t think he’s released a new song in the past ten years and one of those songs was a Richard Marx cover, so…there’s that.

          • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

            Yeah, his last chart hit was in 2005 or so. His most notable song since 2000 was “Modern Day Bonnie and Clyde” and that’s mostly because Billy Bob Thornton was in the music video.

          • Juan de Fuca

            I thought his song “Anymore” was pretty good. Depressing as hell but he sang it pretty good.

        • Résistance Land Shark

          Damn! He’s still playing out? I figured he retired to obscurity living in a single wide, drinking rot gut moonshine, and barking at the fucking moon.

          • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

            To be honest, so did I.

    • OneYieldRegular

      Wow, Travis Tritt has never really heard of Paul Robeson, has he?

    • Shoto

      Travis Twit misspelled his last name. Also, too, does Travis Twit not understand that his tweeter blurp is, in fact, “political rhetoric?”

      • SeeTrain65

        I think he missed that Bund meeting.

    • Juan de Fuca

      He’s still alive?

      • Count Awesome

        His career doesn’t seem to be.

    • Says the man who once got lambasted because he wanted to do something for Sandy Hook.
      What the even hell, Travis.

    • SeeTrain65

      Just realized I should have used sarcasm quotes for “Another entertainer.”

    • Marceline

      Hey Travis, Here’s a quarter, call someone who cares.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=29ebiwO4O70

    • shivaskeeper

      How about… no.

    • Bill D. Burger

      Who?

      Sounds like that should be Travis Twit.

    • Vincent Ricola

      Why didn’t Donald ask you to play the inauguration, Travis Tritt? Because you suck? Or did you say no? I’m guessing it is the “wasn’t asked because he sucks” option.

    • Count Awesome

      Does this mean Toby Keith is going to make a yoooge comeback?

      • SeeTrain65

        God, I hope not. Now Lee Greenwood … (snark off)

      • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

        He came out with a new song about 6 months ago. The first line:

        “If the White House was in Texas, man we’d get a straighter answer”

        *CLICK* Next, please!

        • Daisy

          Please. I have relatives in Texas. They don’t say anything outright. There’s a reason that “bless your heart” is a southern insult.

    • Bill D. Burger

      So “… all actors, musicians and entertainers” give up their freedom of expression and free speech when they enter those fields?

      “Grow a brain….moran’!”

      • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

        I like how later on he said actors, musicians and such should “stick to what they know best” and most of the replies were “So Donald Trump should have stuck to real estate, then?”

        • Count Awesome

          Or groping. Definitely groping

        • Well if it best, then Don should stick to con games

          • Jamoche

            I thought that’s what he just did.

    • janecita

      I don’t know who he is, and I don’t care enough to Google him, so I’m going to assume that he is a has been, looking for some extra time in the spotlight. Fuck him.

      • Vincent Ricola

        You’ve guessed correctly! Your prize is precious time you saved not googling or giving any fucks about this guy.

        • janecita

          Yay, I’m a winner;-)

    • Me The People

      “Lookin at you Scott Baio” Except not, of course.

    • Count Awesome

      What do the Dixie Chicks think of this?

    • HazooToo
    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Go ahead and laugh, but that man is out there every night month or so, playing the finest casinos in Pocola, OK and Charles Town, WV.

    • Count Awesome

      He’s just butthurt because he isn’t a-list enough to play the inauguration.

    • Daisy

      Please crawl back into your hole of obscurity, Travis. I prefer pretending you don’t exist, considering I hate your music. (My mom likes some of his songs. She also likes Alabama. And Kid Rock. Their music, that is.)

    • Juan de Fuca

      Seems as though this guy is only famous now for going on Twitter rages. Here’s one that he went on a while back after Beyonce performed a song with the Dixie Chicks at a CMA event:

      https://twitter.com/Travistritt/status/794392438013980672

      http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/travis-tritt-slams-cma-awards-over-beyonce-performance_us_5820bc0be4b0aac62485ec8d

      • Count Awesome

        He’s that desperate for a gig?

    • Doug Langley

      I’m not up on this guy. How much wailing did he do about Clint Eastwood arguing with a chair?

      • Serai 1

        Man, I was just thinking that. They’re always perfectly fine with a wingnut expressing his opinion, no matter how vile it may be.

    • Serai 1

      Hey, Travis. How about you stick to your pickin’ and let your fellow citizens decide for themselves how they will exercise their rights?

  • Vagenda and Tiara

    Why Trump will be the Dunning Kruger president:
    http://nymag.com/scienceofus/2017/01/why-donald-trump-will-be-the-dunning-kruger-president.html

    God save us all!

    • Look at my shocked face.

      • Serai 1

        Oh my god, woman. You look so shocked.

    • Jamoche

      “But that’s why you hire good people, I guess.”

      There was a sad pause in our conversation.

  • Résistance Land Shark

    Meryl Streep’s anti-Trump Golden Globe speech divides America: Twitter war breaks out over whether actress was ‘brave’ or ‘disrespectful’ to President-elect and his voters

    Fuck all of you fucking wussies who can’t take “disrespect” of the orange sentient assmouth after his constant twitter vomiting of hate and bigotry. Fuck you.

    • She said that people should not make fun of disabled people
      What, precisely, is disrespectful about that?

      • Scrofula

        Didn’t you hear KaC this morning? It’s disrespectful cause nig- African Americans did it to a white kid, and Meryl said NOTHING.

        • ResistanceFighterCaptainHowdy

          We will be hearing that. exact. thing. for the next four years.

        • Résistance Land Shark

          NEITHER DID THE ORANGE SENTIENT ASSMOUTH. Fuck off, Kellyanne.

          • Scrofula

            Y’know, sentience implies self-awareness. Different from self-absorption.

        • OneYieldRegular

          And they’re going to prison, whereas Hair Majesty is going to the White House.

      • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

        She dared to open her mouth a criticize a President-elect. Apparently that’s a hangin’ offense again…

    • Scrofula

      She never even said his name.
      That’s not disrespect, that’s classy.

      • I think that is the part he most had a problem with, tbh
        Edit: SNORK she should just come out and go “Guys, I was talking about South Park…what made you think I meant Trump?”
        bwahahahahahaahha

        • Hence, it was my favourite part

          • Courser

            I prefer it that way. I know I won’t speak the motherfucking name.

    • shivaskeeper

      I will say it again. No one owes trump any respect at all. Not to him, or the office he is going to be sworn into. Respect is earned.

      • Résistance Land Shark

        The office gets respect, as I’m an olde tyme patriot. The current occupant will be remembered well.

        The next occupant doesn’t deserve jack shit.

        • shivaskeeper

          I’m pretty damn patriotic myself. However one thing I learned as a leader is respect has to start it’s flow from more power to less, just like electricity. The higher ups need to show respect to the subordinates if they expect to get respect.

          If the man abuses and degrades the office, or uses it as a tool of oppression as it looks like he’s going to, the office loses respect as well.

      • yyyaz

        So is disrespect, of which he has earned a metric shit-ton.

        • shivaskeeper

          That goes without saying.

      • Courser

        He’s defiled the office before he even actually took office.

    • OrG

      Brave or disrespectful?Why not both?

    • ResistanceFighterCaptainHowdy

      How is it possible to be disrespectful to a pile of pig shit?

      • Résistance Land Shark

        Because pig shit smells better than chicken shit?

    • ResistanceFighterCaptainHowdy

      Now this is one year I can’t wait for the Oscars.

    • Tallmutha

      The Daily Mail is Murdoch’s rag, no? Or something worse? Anyay, fuck them. America is divided. Some damn actress’s 3-minute speech didn’t do that.

      • Right? And pretty much most of America…still not on twitter! And a bunch of Trumpkins pouting about her werds is not really much a division anyway!

      • Me The People

        Worse.

    • HazooToo

      It’s the Dixie Chicks all over again.

      • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

        Yup. They still don’t play them around here. Not even on the stations that only play hit songs from that era.

        • HazooToo

          What was that about Reverse McCarthyism, again?

          • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

            I remember about 3-4 years ago one station did a call-in poll asking if they should put them back in rotation. About 2 out of every 3 callers said “HELL NO!”, and those were the ones who weren’t vulgar about it.

          • HazooToo

            Jesus, those are some sour grapes! But now, we’re supposed to stop “whining about an election that’s over”. Sure.

          • Count Awesome

            The vulgar ones were the more honest, obviously.

        • Daisy

          I always ask people who drove through here to get to NorCal whether they found something other than a country station, and the answer is almost always “No.” I cannot remember ever hearing a Dixie Chicks song.

          • HazooToo

            “Goodbye Earl” and “Not Ready To Make Nice” are the best ones. Go youtube gloriously!

    • MΩebym

      Trump isn’t entitled to everyone’s unyielding respect because he is the president-elect. Trump voters aren’t entitled to everyone’s unyielding respect because their candidate won the stupid election on a technicality.

      Respect. Is. Fucking. EARNED.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        First lesson a shavetail butterbar Army officer should learn. ESPECIALLY those guys from Hudson High.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      One cannot be disrespectful by definition to one who is utterly unworthy of any respect under any circumstances.

  • Scrofula

    My 69 yo father is debating going to a cheap yoga class tonight (he doesn’t realize yet, but that’s the first sign of doom for the temporarily ascendant right). He just asked me about the potential for major gas leaks. I’ve never done Yoga in a class setting, but as a metformin user I’m usually an expert in gas. I told him to try a bunch of crunches in the parking lot.
    Any advice from you prius-driving NPR-loving quinoa-eating yoga fuckers?

    • Guru says gas happens.

    • HazooToo

      Embrace the fart.

    • BloviateMe

      You had me at “yoga fuckers.”

    • ResistanceFighterCaptainHowdy

      Avoid the Wind Releasing Pose? (That was an actual thing in the one yoga class I was ever in, because, I would rather not say.)

      • Scrofula
        • msanthropesmr

          Is she passed out in the second part?

          I thought that was teh “Knee smeller”

          • Scrofula

            She’s clearly blocking her nose, then collapses in relief upon “release”.

        • ResistanceFighterCaptainHowdy

          Is it actually for the purpose of . . . ?

          • Scrofula

            It “stimulates the digestive system”. By freeing up room, I guess.

          • ResistanceFighterCaptainHowdy

            Oh, those crazy Hindus.

          • alpacapunchbowl

            Yes

        • BloviateMe

          I find the “dog peeing on a hydrant” position more useful for gas expulsion, in everyday life.

          • Scrofula

            Figured it’d be your avatar pose.

        • Wild Cat

          John Bolton requests a sniff.

    • msanthropesmr

      Get a sixpack and watch sportsball instead?

      • Scrofula

        He is watching the game, so he’s torn. This being a dry house (because me) it’s a tossup.

        • msanthropesmr

          Doesn’t have to be alcoholic. Could be cocola.

          • Scrofula

            You and I both know that ain’t the same thing.

          • ResistanceFighterCaptainHowdy

            Could be malta, now that would be good. Unless you’re not Caribbean, I gather it’s an acquired taste.

    • Bill D. Burger

      Gas leaks do happen.
      “Become one with the fart.” ___ Or is that budo?

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tTnHvmVV1iM

    • alpacapunchbowl

      Tell him to fucking laugh it off. Shit, I once QUEEFED in a yoga class while doing the plow pose. And yes, it was loud as shit and pretty obvious that it warn’t no ordinary fart. No one else laughed but me (it was a very uptight studio that I eventually quit going to for non-queef related reasons). Uptight mothafuckas can suck a syphilitic twat and blow it out their arseholes.
      (How’d I do with the cussin? I threw in one or two more than I normally would in the spirit of tonight’s thread but it didn’t feel entirely natural)

      • Count Awesome

        Was it something like this?

        https://youtu.be/O00hjvusnn8

        • alpacapunchbowl

          Noooooot exactly…

      • Scrofula

        UPDATE: he took off before I could share queef stories and videos. Oh well. I think it wasn’t helping him, but I appreciate it.

        • alpacapunchbowl

          So he is going to yoga? If so, good for him! And hey, he doesn’t have to worry about the dread queef.

          • Scrofula

            Yeah, my white republican (non-caps) blue-collar Viet Nam vet AM radio-listening father left halfway through a football game to do Yoga. This is potential backlash, folks. [Difficulty: not a Trump fan.]

      • Kiri the Resistant Unicorn

        *looks up from clipboard*

        You did fine. I’d say you have potential.

    • Doug Langley
    • Panika MCD

      according to this scholarly article, a diet of leaves and grass will produce more gas, but it will not smell or at least not smell unpleasant.

      https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/51QJG0HXGML._SX258_BO1,204,203,200_.jpg

      • Scrofula

        I’ve known some vegans. The first part is true; the second not so much.

      • WomanInTheResistance

        Eats, shoots, and leaves?

      • Kiri the Resistant Unicorn

        It’s true. Us equines are basically self-propelled compost bins.

  • Pinkham’s Law

    FINALLY!!!!

    • BloviateMe

      Thank the gods.

    • What? Tell me! I must know!

      • msanthropesmr

        SPORTSBALL! GO PIGGERS!

        • OrG

          When they put this on cable,they were telling me DON’T WATCH.

      • Me The People

        Better not be a sports story is all I’m saying.

        • BloviateMe

          It’s the big Quidditch match for the Nat’l Championship. All the rage.

      • Pinkham’s Law

        9 minutes into the 2nd quarter, down 14 points. Clemson FINALLY gets some points.

        TL,DR: The Piggers scored!

        • Oh. Sports, go sports! But not really

          • Wild Cat

            Are you not patriotic enough to enjoy watching our young heroes experience their first nationally televised concussions?

          • Not my country. We do it on ice with sharpened blades, ya giant whimps

          • Wild Cat

            Got three games this month watching my concussed Islanders skate in circles . . . Good news is seats near the ice are really cheap.

          • Twirling towards freedom?

          • Wild Cat

            They suck. I’ll take asylum and the Laffs. Canada can have all our Minnesota and New England scrubs.

          • Unpresidented Ron

            Go team go! No, I don’t care where, just get out of here.

  • Nounverb911

    YYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

    • Wild Cat

      Yeah. Fug Bear Bryant and Ray Perkins.

    • ResistanceFighterCaptainHowdy