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Watch where you point that thing, bub
Perfesser Journalism

We are sorry to inform you that your Wonkette — a mommyblog, recipe hub, jokes about peeners emporium, and fine haberdashery — has been CALLED OUT as a “fake news” purveyor, procurer, and also a pimp by none other than Perfesser of Journamalism, exposer of Hillary Clinton’s child sex ring, professional exorcist, and trucker-speed salesman Alex Jones and his “Infowars” website!

Your Wonkette is very ashamed to be included on a list of “fake news” websites along the likes of:

  • The New York Times
  • The Washington Post
  • CNN
  • NBC News
  • MSNBC
  • CBS News
  • ABC News
  • BBC News
  • Financial Times
  • L.A. Times
  • USA Today
  • NPR
  • PBS
  • The New Yorker
  • and

  • The Economist

Look at me, I am dying inside!

img_6492

Oh, yeah, that really smarts.

[Infowars]

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  • weejee

    Alex Jones – the consummate peener joke.

  • Gayer Than Thou

    Swell. Now my membership rates are gonna skyrocket.

  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    I think of Infowars as performance art. Not good art, just all works of imaginative fiction.

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      Performance art in the man-shoots-dog sense.

      • Gayer Than Thou

        Or in the “my three-year-old could do this, and literally has done it.”

        • weejee

          Performance art as a shell game?

  • Ali | Cat of the Resistance

    WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL THE WAY AT THE BOTTOM?!

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    The BBC is “fake”? Oh I daresay, that is intolerable! Intolerable! The Queen shall hear of this!

    • Oblios_Cap

      She shall not be amused!

      • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

        Do I owe you ten quid now?

    • SecludedCompound

      Well, it is run by Lizard People of the Saxe-Coburg-Gotha illuminati crime syndicate, whose royal crest is a coded message t the world of their support for the Anti-Christ.

      No really, Alex Jones has reported that. i used to listen to this stuff back when it was just fringe nuts being weird that you could get a chuckle out of. Now they have the future president on their show, guys.

  • SuspectedDemocrat

    The comments are fake too, obvs

  • Ezio Auditore

    So they use “social justice warrior” as a disparaging term. Does that mean we can start calling them “infowarriors” every time we see someone alt-right?

    • Gayer Than Thou

      I still say traditional is best, so I’m sticking with “racist pig.”

      • sgt. jmk of the résistance

        You’re so polite – I usually end up with “racist fuckwit.”

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          the judges would also accept ‘delusional fucking morons’

          • Mark Lungo

            I suggest a combination: “Delusional racist morons.”

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      I prefer saying, “OK, that’s just crazy”, and then backing away slowly.

      • MynameisBlarney

        I prefer the pointing and laughing at them hysterically method.

    • Bozilingus

      They are fighting against information, so I think that would be fine.

    • Swampay

      They’d consider it a compliment

    • The DepravedDemmeFatale

      alt-right = neo-nazi

      • Treg Brown

        Or, if pressed for time, just nazi.

        The “neo” part makes it sound too glamorous.

        • Gayer Than Thou

          I mean, a turd is a turd, no matter how new it is.

      • Ezio Auditore

        Instead of saying grammar nazi we should say alt-write.

      • Nasty Candy Apple

        I feel like they would take “neo-Nazi” as a compliment, though.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      They would take it as a compliment.

    • I call them “false flags”. Denial just proves it’s true.

    • Dazza

      Yes. Yes YES.

  • mrFawkes

    Does this mean i can order Wonkette pizza?
    If so, extra snark please.

  • Mpeg

    Infowars: the kind of “Weird” I’m pretty sure Austin, TX does not want to “Keep”~

  • MynameisBlarney

    I totes just fake news’d in my pants.

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      You’re wearing pants? Get out.

      • MynameisBlarney

        I was, but then I fake news’d in them.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        I’m wearing fake pants

    • Ezio Auditore

      I read that as Fox news’d in my pants at first.

      Not sure if it would be any different anyway though.

  • SnarkON

    Did he mention canned clams at all?

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      He used to bugger out on Rothschild conspiracy theories. Now Trump has Steve Mnuchin who used to work for Rothschild and Goldman Sachs, and nary a crazy peep from the crazy nut.

      So… his crazy is conditional.

      • SuspectedDemocrat

        So when it comes to Trump, his motto is clam up and can it?

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        funny how that works- just like their memory, their sanity is selective

  • exinkwretch

    Nice Alex has a dick on his hand, since I doubt there’s one in his trousers.

  • Treg Brown

    I’ve never been prouder of the Wonkette staff. Is this what having kids feels like? :- )

    • Gayer Than Thou

      But with less projectile pooping and barfing.

      • Treg Brown

        So win-win!

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      This must be what it’s like when you have a child who doesn’t shoot up a pizza parlor. So proud.

      • Ceciliajthacker

        Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours and have longer with friends & family! !mj516d:
        On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive if you don’t check it
        !mj516d:
        ➽➽
        ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleFinancialJobsCash516DigitalBlueGetPay$97Hour ★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★::::::!mj516d:….,……

        • Ali | Cat of the Resistance

          Donald Trump’s Commerce Secretary, ladies and gentlemen.

          • arglebargle

            And who doesn’t want to “have longer with friends”.

          • WIDTAP

            As long as those friends have benefits.

    • The DepravedDemmeFatale

      needs more hissy-fits!
      (has the sass, though!)

    • goonemeritus

      Depends on how your kids turn out. I doubt Alex Jones parents are bring up Alex at the weekly bridge game. I however expect Rebecca is printing t shirts up as we speak.

  • Master Contrail Program

    Does Alex Jones – Respected Journalist, happen to have a goatee like that evil Spock did?

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    Winston Smith weeps no longer- the rats won

  • Resistinceisnotfutile

    Oooh I ascurrrd! Hep me, for I am out of tinfoil!

  • OrG

    A badge of honor!

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      We don’t need no stinkin badges!

  • dslindc

    It’s those damn facts that have a truthful bias! Thanks, Obama!

  • Mpeg

    With our newly anointed prestige maybe Jim Hoft will finally pay up now.

    • weejee

      Wouldn’t hold your breath.

  • sgt. jmk of the résistance

    Oh gee, don’t throw Wonkette into that there brer patch, Brother InfoWarty!

  • SuspectedDemocrat

    The good news is we’re far down on the list when his rabid fans decide to “investigate” this.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      You know how much they loved W. They might just start at the bottom.

  • Crystalclear12

    I don’t think fake means what he thinks it means.

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      It’s like when it’s opposite day you’re supposed to say it isn’t opposite day, meaning it is. When you look at this as a fake news story about fake news, it makes perfect sense.

    • Nasty Candy Apple

      Oh, yes, it does: Facts/criticism I don’t like = fake

    • FlownOver

      Hmmmm… If Teh Wonket is reporting an Alex Jones claim that Teh Wonket is a fake news site, which of he following is true:

      (a) Teh Wonket is a real news source
      (b) Alex Jones is a fake person
      (c) It’s crackers to slip a rozzer the dropsy in snide

      • boberiggert

        C. Also, did that have a Source? We knew that phrase when I was in HS 50 years ago.

  • Ezio Auditore

    About 5 or 6 years ago when I was in high school, I spent an entire summer watching this guy’s videos about Bohemian Grove and other conspiracies.

    Yeah, there’s a summer of my life I’ll never get back.

    • Nasty Candy Apple

      Don’t feel bad, I spent the first 21 years of my life in a cult. At least you moved on.

    • Gayer Than Thou

      I spent a summer in high school masturbating and smoking pot. There’s a summer I’d kill to get back.

      • dslindc

        Good uses of time for $1000 please, Alex!

      • Celtic_Gnome

        But, did you do both at the same time?

        Inquiring minds want to know.

  • AntiDerpomeme

    Oooookaay Alex. Projection isn’t just an island in the Pacific. But then again, that’s just what you’d expect me to say11!!1

  • LarryHoudini

    Seven on that list give me almost all my news. It’s no wonder I’m convinced Trump is a total asshole.

    • Nasty Candy Apple

      I’m convinced by the words that come out of his mouth.

  • Gayer Than Thou

    I actually literally only just now noticed that there is, in fact, a “News” link at the top of the screen. How ’bout that? https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/1570072e533a5c3ae52e0d4e7cfee3a5c7c6f0a8fe54e85a6926f4b705f12951.jpg

  • Gayer Than Thou

    “They said her website/mommy blog/porn hub was a ‘fake news’ website – you won’t believe what happened next!”

    • dslindc

      I clicked on this and nothing happened. I have been conditioned to click on the bait, dammit! Now I am sad because I don’t know what happened next!

      • therblig

        and that’s their “one weird trick”

        • SuspectedDemocrat

          I clicked and got a pop-up ad in my pants.

          • Celtic_Gnome

            Who told you pants were allowed?

    • MynameisBlarney

      List of the top 20 most fakest news sites. Number 11 will shock you!

  • eggsacklywright

    The Foghorn Leghorn of alt-Nazi yakkers.

  • Jenny

    Congratulations! Once they figure out you visited certain pizzerias, you’ll also be a member of Hitlery’s child porn ring. NOW THAT IS WHAT YOU CALL MOVING UP IN THE WORLD!

    • Nasty Candy Apple

      Good thing I went on that low-carb diet!

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Notice how none of the good, Republican pizza joints are on that list? (Domino’s, Papa John’s, Donato’s).

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance
    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      Pretty sure what’s left of him is still earthbound.

      Unless they put his body/ashes/whatever on a rocket.

      • Oblios_Cap

        They could do a “Hunter Thompson” for him.

    • Glenn had balls of steel. An American treasure never to be forgotten.

      I’m really shook up over this. Ate lunch with him and few others in ’98 at Johnson Space Center.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      “I have his old job. Not the astronaut one, the other one I’m not at all qualified for.”
      — Rob Portman

    • Resistinceisnotfutile

      OMG that cover is dated my birthday. The face, the eyes, then down to the date. Like taking a punch.

  • Ezio Auditore

    Paul Joseph Watson of course. The guy who talks out of both sides of his mouth. Complains about “safe spaces” for triggered liberals but then agrees with Trump on the theater being a safe space when the Hamilton cast called on Pence.

    http://funnypictures1.fjcdn.com/thumbnails/comments/Pjw+blatant+hypocrisy+don+t+know+_c746f58acf276de1804d33a09b333f68.jpg

  • Mr. Blobfish

    On the May 21 edition of The Alex Jones Show, a caller asked Jones whether he was planning to cover how government technology may be behind a recent spate of sinkholes. After laying out how insurance companies use weather modification to avoid having to pay ski resorts for lack of snow, Jones said that “of course there’s weather weapon stuff going on — we had floods in Texas like fifteen years ago, killed thirty-something people in one night. Turned out it was the Air Force.”

    Following a long tangent, Jones returned to the caller’s subject. While he explained that “natural tornadoes” do exist and that he’s not sure if a government “weather weapon” was involved in the Oklahoma disaster, Jones warned nonetheless that the government “can create and steer groups of tornadoes.”

    Yeah. That Alex Jones.

  • therblig

    Wasn’t Hillary’s Death Squad supposed to take him out? She had 30 years to do it.

    • BJW

      Yeah…all these horrible crimes that she’s supposed to have committed, that everyone knows, and yet can’t find proof? So she’s either the most master, evil criminal genius of all time, or innocent. Occam’s Razor certainly has an opinion to choose. (Do NOT use Occam’s duct tape, please!)

  • Jenny

    TIM LEAAAAAAAGUE!

  • Oblios_Cap

    Well, he should know about fake news.

  • Master Contrail Program

    Are Infowars and Connatix in cahoots? Is that why my browser insists on jumping back to that video in the middle of the page?

    Or is it the Reptilians in the guise of the Bilderbergh Group creating all the hucklebuck?!?

  • Vincent Ricola

    Wait – so does this mean Ted Cruz doesn’t have a deep love of authentic Texas queso? This has all been lies??!!! I’ll bet it goes all the way back to Ana Marie Cox and Obama coordinating with multiple other groups to make me believe that I’ve been a snarky liberal for decades!!!!! Are dick jokes even real???!!! LIEGHAZIS!!!!!!!!!!

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      OI! DON’T MAKE ME STRAP YOU TO THE BED!

    • Master Contrail Program

      The dick jokes are real, but there is no spoon. Or spooning……………

      Sorry you had to find out this way.

      • MynameisBlarney

        Well…there USED to be spooning…but that led to forking….and then we were overrun by sporks.

        So…yeah.

  • Normally I would never recommend watching Alex Jones, but watch this shit:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0BKzuzjjCro

    This is so batshit insane but its amazing sci fi. JJ Abrams needs to get on this , pronto.

    • therblig

      while we’re on the subject of random thoughts:
      how dare he mention PKD!
      and I thought “The best of therblig” on buzzfeed was the pinnacle of celebrity, but now i have to go into a pod and start over?
      does he really believe this shit or is it just to make money?
      just hit 20,000 upvotes – trying to decide if that’s a good thing or not
      my cat’s breath smells like cat food

      • AJ’s a con man like his new daddy Trump.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        So, how do we know that the Pentagon hasn’t already perfected this technology, inserted everyone into the pods, and created Alex Jones so the whole thing sounds so implausible that the few who believe him can be easily marginalized by the software?

      • Resistinceisnotfutile

        Your cat is an operative from the future. Quick, let it outside so it can make contact or we’ll all die!

        • therblig

          ok, but if he’s from the future, shouldn’t he have seen that truck coming?

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Sorry. I made it to 1:58 (mainly because I was doing something else and it was just on in the background), but that’s it for me. He sounds like a demented Sherrod Brown with that gravelly, strained voice.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    Rush Limbaugh, Glenn Beck, and Alex Jones walk into a bar…or do they? And what is “bar” code for? And why are liberal elites like the American Heart Association trying to get people to walk all the time anyway? Are they puppets of Big Shoe Leather?

    • Ezio Auditore

      THE BAR WAS PUT THERE BY THE GLOBALISTS, HOW DARE YOU JOKE ABOUT THAT YOU BRAINWASHED SHEEPLE LIB!

      • Crystalclear12

        Needs more spittle

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Saint Hubbins, the George Soros of quality footwear

  • If you’re making Alex Jones foam at the mouth, you must be doing something right.

    • Britpoptarts

      Or it is a day ending in a Y. But you are also too doing something right.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Is it possible for our beloved ‘Trix to puff out her chest too much?

  • Wonkette belongs on that list as that’s some mighty fine company to keep, Congratulations Trix et al.

    Alex P Jones clicked on the “one magic trick to fix crepy leg” ad and it put him over the top.

    All hail Wonkette! All hail nasty, vile snark!

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Does this mean we get dessert tonight?

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Drinks all around!…

      • Resistinceisnotfutile

        And the staff shall have a bowl of punch!

  • laughingnome

    If you think the Wonkette news is fake you should read the comments which are not allowed.

    • Basically Wonkette does exist. You’re not even reading this. It’s MK ultra projecting thoughts in your head.

      • laughingnome

        Whoa – mind blown.

      • Jus_Wonderin

        “Doesn’t look like anything to me”???

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        I bought the reality fewer subscription and now all I get is a blank page

  • anwisok

    Much coolnessess – we should expect an interesting column from Dok on Sunday!

  • in the name of the moon

    shit i’d put this on my gravestone and in my obituary and shout it and randos on the bus, citing it as the highest point in my whole life

  • The Wanderer

    OT: Godspeed, John Glenn, 1921-2016. US Marine combat pilot in WW2 and Korea original seven Project Mercury astronauts, and the first American to orbit the Earth.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      And, we lost another good one.

      Thanks, 2016.

    • Indeed. We’ll never see anyone with balls like Glenn.

      • willi0000000

        perhaps . . . but i still have the greatest respect for anybody who lets themselves get strapped-in on top of one of those explosive-stuffed, disintegrating totem poles.

      • BJW

        We shall never see the likes of him again. And dammit, that’s been true of SO MANY people this year.

    • Vel Venturi

      We lost Bob Hoover this year, too. 2016, like a jet engine, both sucks and blows.

    • Nockular cavity

      Fuck.

  • tihond

    This feels like something you could put on a resume or wear as a badge of honor.

  • MynameisBlarney

    So…how long before the *LOL* infowarriors invade?

    • Inforwarrior is no match to the analog-based war blogger. We kill you with penis jokes and kindness.

      • MynameisBlarney

        True…
        To be fair, most of the penis jokes are average, but occasionally they’re yuuuuuuuge.

  • Ray in VT

    Oh no. What will Wonkette do without having the respect of Alex Jones. It will be very sad around the office no doubt.

  • shaar dula

    “fake news” purveyor, procurer, and also a pimp” is why I love wonkette.

  • Celtic_Gnome

    I look at that list of fellow travelers and contemplate how many of them bent over backwards to embrace false equivalencies to avoid being labeled as liberal.

    Well played, Mainstream Media. Well played.

  • Jenny

    Wonkette. We Scare Alex Jones.

    This should be your banner ad or something.

    • Suttree

      Wonkette. We look sober next to Alex Jones.
      -alternate version

      • Historicat

        Pft, I look sober next to Alex Jones even after two beers and three shots of tequila.

      • ZangoCrudmonger

        Wonkette looks sober next to Alex Jones after it has blacked out driving down the highway, rolled into the ditch launching empties, half-bottles, the dog, ending stopping with four wheels in the air, crawling out, checking on the dog, and opening another.

        • Suttree

          So it was YOU who hacked my dash-cam!

    • rebecca

      STOLED.

      • BJW

        I hope to see that banner ASAP.

    • SayItWithWookies

      Two more things Wonkette and pizza have in common.

  • Daisy

    Congratulations! You’re obviously doing something (everything) correctly!

  • OrG

    I guess the wingnuts never notice that his “predictions” come true as often as bill kristol’s?Ya know “Obama’s gonna: take yer guns,lock you up in a FEMA camp,declare himself dictator for life,etc.”Prolly not,huh?

  • laughingnome

    Alex Jones – wasn’t he in the Monkees?

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Creationism libelz!

      • ahughes798

        Decent pop band libelz!11!!1, also too.

        • Latverian Diplomat

          A pop band that was created, not evolved IIRC. Everything is connected, as Dirk Gently would say.

          • ahughes798

            True, but well done, anyway.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “You liberal elites think is Alex Jones is a willfully ignorant, red-faced loon shouting hate space and conspiracy theories, but to me, watching his show is like looking into a mirror.”
    — A Trumpkin

    • Ezio Auditore

      Nothing says hero of the working class people like the guy born with a silver spoon in his mouth.

      • Latverian Diplomat

        The Great Trumpkin sure.

        Jones is just the humble son of a dentist, so less a silver spoon, and more of a “way too much time dipping into dad’s nitrous oxide” situation, I think.

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      Alex Jones might be a willfully ignorant red-faced loon shouting hate speech and conspiracy theories…
      Or it could be green. My color-blindness makes it hard to tell.

  • whitroth

    Gee, so that’s like, um, everyone but him is fake news…. Y’know, there’s a medical description of this delusion…..

    On the other hand, that hot babe in the blue hat ain’t no delusion….

    Thanks, Wonkette, I needed something to cheer me up. John Glenn’s gone.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      You’re not paranoid if you can make money off your delusions!
      — Alex Jones

  • At a first glance, I thought Wonkette posted a photo of a close up of a purple penis head.

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      I know, right?
      And his finger looks like a wang, too!

  • Mr. Blobfish

    So, you’re saying all that morning sideboob back in the day was fake?

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

    Hillary now speaking live at Harry Reid ceremony.

    This is almost more than I can bear. I feel so sad for her and our nation. Damn onion ninjas.

  • clairence

    We are competing with the mainstream media and they’re not happy about dissident voices challenging their monopoly on reality.

    Nobody should have a monopoly on reality. Truly, it should be a free-market thing.

  • Annie Towne

    You look so healthy and happy and all-around beautiful, Becks! Some people just wear shame and horror better than others. I’ll bet Dean Baquet isn’t looking as pretty today as you are.

  • Master Contrail Program

    Harsh words coming from a man who shills the real life equivalent of ACME products to increasingly loonier toons.

    You don’t have to be a Super Genius to work here, just amoral.

  • TheGrandWaz00

    So weird. I was just over there reading some headlines and stuff before I came back here. Here’s an actual exchange from an article about the EPA guy. Names withheld.

    –Let’s say that climate change is a complete hoax ……. do you want someone that thinks the earth is 6000 years old , in ANY government position?

    –Absolutly I do.
    Because according to the only true science book, the BIBLE, that is exactly the age of the flat earth we live on.
    No outer space either

    • FauxAntocles

      I keep wondering if they’re secretly excited about global warming because it means another flood is coming that will wipe out all the people they hate.

      • Bozilingus

        I think they are hoping for the fire and brimstone ending.

      • Suttree

        They saw how well it worked out for Russell Crowe. Why the fuck not?

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        But God promised!….

  • zanzibar_buckbuck_mcfate

    CONGRATUMATATIONS OH WICKED ONE

  • Treg Brown

    As reward for this outstanding achievement, please accept my new donation, but don’t laugh at the amount. I’m still a starving student.

    • Daisy

      Same. College is expensive.

      • Treg Brown

        The books! OH MY GOD THE BOOKS!

        Also too, hope you’re having a good day Daisy.

        • Daisy

          God, the books alone, and I’m pretty sure I pay less for mine because social sciences tend to be cheaper. And my day has been pretty pleasant, how about yours, Treg?

          • Treg Brown

            I ran out of tacos at about 11 this morning, but it gives me an excuse to leave campus and hunt down a taco truck. All in all, 8/10.

          • Daisy

            *grins* I attended a review session that wasn’t super helpful, and went to work, and have been happily ignoring my responsibilities ever since getting back to my dorm.

        • BJW

          When my son went to college we did the book-renting thing. Also sold some books to those sites.

  • calliecallie

    Rachel Maddow totally needs to run down this list on her show and be sure to mention Wonkette again!!! We are in pretty good company. Congrats, Editrix, Dok, Evan, Dominic, Shy, Robyn, etc., etc.! You guys made it happen.
    (I’m sorry if I left anyone off the list! My memory’s not what it used to be.)

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Who said that?

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      make sure you tell Rachel that I’m not wearing pants

      • Maddogjohn

        Don’t worry, your reputation precedes you.

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        Me too!…

      • puredog

        I’ll happily watch Rachel when I know she’s not wearing pants.

      • btwbfdimho

        HRC, I presume?

  • How honorable! Makes me want to up my Paypal contribution to this fake ass news site.

  • FauxAntocles

    No Faux News? What the hell?

  • Wombat

    How did that fool manage to miss Al Jazeera in his list of “fake” news sites?

    • MynameisBlarney

      And RT.
      For real though.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        Psssst. the Russkies are our BFF’s now.

    • Suttree

      Because Al Jazeera America shut down more than 3 minutes ago?

    • janecita

      Also The Guardian.

      • clubseal

        Them’s foreign!11!

      • Suttree

        Yup. Idiots love Guardian articles that have comments turned on.

        • janecita

          I can’t even read the comments there anymore. It scares me to realize that I’m surrounded by morons.

  • Constant Gardener

    To be lumped in with WaPo, the La Times and BBC? No higher praise! Well, it could be higher if it came from literally anyone else alive, but still, Fucking Awesome!

  • Scooby

    Looks like Pravda is OK.

    • Nockular cavity

      RT too.

  • Suttree

    I just looked at the infowars article and their comments, and didn’t see a single purposeful dick joke.

    • Jennifer R

      What low fucking standards.

      • clubseal

        Low fucking standards are exactly what his readers look for in a woman.

        • Celtic_Gnome

          Ann Landers said that anyone could get laid if they lowered their standards enough.

          • Yr. Gma

            That hussy got a divorce!

        • Lambsendbeds

          They’d have to find someone with NO standards, self esteem or sense of smell. Being blind and deaf would help also too.

          • clubseal

            Maybe one of those anime girl pillows would do.

      • ZangoCrudmonger

        I suspect their standards for fucking are low as well.

    • OrG

      I thought infowars WAS a dick joke.

      • Suttree

        I said purposeful! The fact that Alex Jones actually shows his enraged veiny penis looking head in public, proves he doesn’t get the joke.

    • Master Contrail Program

      So you didn’t actually click on any of the profiles then?

      Probably for the best.

    • Up In Smoke O’hontas

      So no hard core reporting? Sad.

    • janecita

      Uncultured Swines!

    • Cool_North

      Dick jokes can only be made by those outside the dick pool ;)

    • theblackdog

      Well that’s because comments are not allowed here so we save up all the good dick jokes.

  • Beanz&Berryz

    I think he actually might believe that nonsense!

  • Maddogjohn

    Congratulations.

  • stankbait

    Trixie, you have always been a good bad example!

  • Ruhe

    Whenever I open Wonkette on my browser I catch a faint whiff of brimstone in the room.

  • janecita

    I blame the rising of Alex Jones, on the closing of most of our mental institutions.
    Thanks Reagan

  • Spurning Beer

    At least we still have The Onion for reliable news reporting!

    • Marsupial99

      Kind of scary that The Onion, Daily Currant, Borowitz Report, and others aren’t on a fake news list. That explains a lot.

    • Clyde Barrow

      The Onion – The official news agency of the Trump regime*

      * edited and fact checked by Brietbart.com

  • Clyde Barrow

    Alex Jones and his ilk are resorting to the ultimate form of projection, and their fanbase is eating it up because nobody wants to admit that they’ve been swindled.

    • janecita

      They are too stupid to realize it.

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        It’s true because they want it to be true!. Quid erg whatchamacallit….

      • Yr. Gma

        …and this is true, too.

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      Sure, SOME Nigerian Businessmen are crooks, and some people have gotten ripped off.

      However, mine is totally on the level though!

      • Clyde Barrow

        You too are also friends with the Nigerian Prince that wants to share his Nigerian National Lottery winnings with all of us? He must be legit…where do I send my PIN # to?

        • Yr. Gma

          My mother, in her late 80s, won the Australian Lottery from a Nigerian Prince, and all she had to do was send him $5000 to pay the Australian taxes in Nigeria. She was mad at me until the day she died because I caught wind of it and put a stop to it (the bank called.) Then again, she started out being mad at me the day I was born, so it wasn’t as if anything changed.

      • Constant Gardener

        I don’t know if anyone has ever mentioned this, but you have the best goddamned name anyone has ever goddamned thought up, at any goddamned time. Felt that needed to be said.

    • Yr. Gma

      This is true…

  • therblig

    congrats on being named fake by the faker. that makes it true, right?

  • Bill Slider

    Nice company you keep. Now, if someone could just figure out how to get you their circulation and profits, you could become the bestest fakee news media empire ever. It would be very, very bigly.

  • Painter of Goats

    I’m so proud. *wipes tear away*

  • Stulexington

    Well, he’s the expert he would know.

  • Clyde Barrow

    How did Crooks & Liars not make this beloved list? I guess meth abuse really does affect memory and cognitive function.

    • exinkwretch

      C&L is now one post per day surrounded by a sea of clickbait.

      • Clyde Barrow

        Yeah, I stopped visiting C&L over a year ago. It’s actually a shame, they used to be a great site.

    • willi0000000

      not a bad pick for undeserving of being left out . . . but where the hell is Right Wing Watch?

    • Up In Smoke O’hontas

      I KNEW those delicious recipes HAD to be fake! Drat, I tell you! DRAT!!!

  • Nockular cavity

    “I’m not the fake, YOU’RE the big fake!”

  • Bitter Scribe

    Clicked over to InfoWars.

    TL;DR: “I’m not fake news, you’re fake news!”

    • Nockular cavity

      Beat ya by seconds!

      • Bitter Scribe

        Showoff.

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        Liar!…

    • FauxAntocles

      “I’m not a puppet – YOU’RE a puppet!”

      • Nockular cavity

        We should have known, right then, that the Republic was doomed.

        • ZangoCrudmonger

          I was quite happy in my bubble until the bastard actually won the EC. I’ve been properly chastised for my lack of vision with the doom stick daily.

    • Resisting the Urge – Holly

      Nah Nah Neener Neener – Your mama’s a fake you big ugly faking faker.

  • Ilgattomorte

    All of these fake news sites hide their lies behind sources, quotes and facts. They only report on things that have happened, instead of looking beyond actual events, peeling back the onion and reporting on the deeper truth that can only be felt in the gut. All of the best news stories can only be felt in the gut. That’s why so many great stories come directly out of the colon. Alex Jones peels the onion, takes it apart, puts it back together and then shows us it is really an apple. It was never an onion. Only a lying mainstream bastard would show you an onion!

    So, in short, that’s what a great news story is. It is an apple, disguised as an onion that came out of someone’s colon. Get it right people!

    • Cool_North

      It surely describes infowars (or “war on information”) and Dead Breibart.

    • Historicat

      What I’m getting from this is that Alex Jones wants an onion and an apple shoved up into his colon.

      • Naytch

        With friends like him, who needs enemas?

  • Resisting the Urge – Holly

    Two fakes make a right, right?

    • Ezio Auditore

      Alt-right means wrong.

      • Resisting the Urge – Holly

        Right!

      • OrG

        If you think fascism is wrong,then YES.

    • willi0000000

      there’s a lot more than two fakes on the right . . . damn it!

  • Jonny On Maui

    So reality based existence is fake. Okay. Pass the bong…

    • mancityRed6

      dude, I thought you had it

      • Jonny On Maui

        It’s gotta be around here somewhere…

        • Up In Smoke O’hontas

          Always in the last place you look, too. and also.

        • Resistinceisnotfutile

          Did you check the washing machine?

    • Resisting the Urge – Holly

      Jonny it’s all a bigly huge lie. There is no reality.

      • Me not sure

        We are all just brains in a box, sheeple! (Except the right wingers. They are just a box.)

    • Resistance Fighter MausFeet

      If that’s the case can I decline to pay bills and go to work because it’s just like, your opinion man that I need to pay for goods and services? Because I could get on board with reality being unreal if so.

  • DNC funeral

    Every leftnut website is fake news

    That’s why Hillary lost

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Hillary didn’t lose!….

      • DNC funeral

        Debunked

        • Resistance Fighter MausFeet

          I do not think that word means what you think it means.

        • Up In Smoke O’hontas

          Numbers. How do they work?

          • janecita

            In wingnut universe they don’t.

          • Up In Smoke O’hontas

            It’s all just, like, your opinion, Man.

        • ZangoCrudmonger

          Meh. At least throw us a turgid. YOU’RE NOT INSPIRING!!!1!

        • Paul

          Any facts to back that up Skippy?

          • Up In Smoke O’hontas

            Boring troll. And here we are, being hospitable, trying to feed it and everything. Lazy trolling. I give it a 1. Would not feed again.

        • Me not sure

          No, I just plugged in the bunk charger and rebunked it. See, the green light is back on. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/f7fa2e842baba7504369976d06e256dbf2369dda01f0abc19a0f9c1788786718.jpg

        • Fuck it. I’ve got nothin’

          Other things that have been debunked. Trump lending his planes to take military service people home back during the first Gulf War. Trump University taught actual real estate strategies. Trump is a good businessman. That Trump is literate. Trump does not have business ties to Russia. There are too many more for me to type in a single day. Fuckity Bye.

    • Resistance Fighter MausFeet

      Ah, what a hot take! I.. I have seen the light, up is down, everything I believed to be real is false! Is this the red pill those happy, not lonely, geniuses have spoken of? IT”S GLORIOUS!

      Oh thank the heavens, for a comment on a blog has changed my very LIFE.

    • sadboy

      Apparently, leftnuts are the ones who know how to use punctuation in sentences.

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik
    • Mayor_Mayor_Mayor

      My leftnut is smaller than my rightnut, its a conspiracy. SCROTEGHAZI!!!!!!1!11!!!!!!

    • Treg Brown

      Thanks for coming all the way over from Infowars.

      More page clicks = $$ for us to squander on hats and beer. HAHA SUCKER.

      • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

        And ‘bortions. Don’t forget munny for ‘bortions.

        • Treg Brown

          Wait. Aren’t they free?? And mandatory? Even for guys?

          • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

            Well duh, where do you think we get the sweet sweet bortion munny to pay for the child sex ring pizza dungeons?

          • Up In Smoke O’hontas

            Beat me!

          • Treg Brown

            I’ll have PASTA with my DIET COKE. And EXTRA MUSHROOMS!

          • Up In Smoke O’hontas

            Dude, you forgot to wink… now they’re ON TO US!!!!11!111

          • Up In Smoke O’hontas

            You get the moneyz when you sell the babby parts. Everyone knows that!

          • Fuck it. I’ve got nothin’

            We certainly wouldn’t some guy to regret his abortion by charging him.

        • janecita

          And fetus nuggets, I love those!

          • LesBontemps

            Do you prefer the Original Recipe or Extra Crispy?

          • puredog

            Only Extra Crispy.

          • janecita

            Extra crispy, of course!

      • Up In Smoke O’hontas

        SSHHHHH! Don’t tell him about our Soros checks!

    • janecita

      Is a leftnut a guy with only a testicle?

    • Fuck it. I’ve got nothin’
  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    I’m gonna call it the ult-right from now on….because I don’t think it can get any wackier than complete divorcement from reality…

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      There is no bottom.

      • puredog

        Or — there are bottoms everywhere.

  • Yr. Gma

    He noticed us? Wow!

    • Paperless Tiger

      A-list, Baby.

    • Jennifer R

      We gotta be pissing in his cheerios.

  • Bill Slider

    So, Saloon (sic) didn’t make the cut. They must be jealous.

    • clubseal

      Salon hasn’t been worth a shit since Greenwald left.

  • Me not sure

    Alex Jones has a portrait of himself hidden away that gets saner and saner everyday.

    • Paperless Tiger

      And it still ain’t right.

      • Me not sure

        Never will be either.

  • DNC funeral

    Maddyke has blown a rectumGasket

    • Resistance Fighter MausFeet

      Wait, are you signaling an evil secret society? Are those code words? DO YOU HAVE KIDS TRAPPED IN A HAMBURGER STAND?!@?!?!

      Guys, I think he does.

      • Vincent Ricola

        This makes too much sense not to be real.

        • Resistance Fighter MausFeet

          It’s irresponsible no to speculate.

          • Vincent Ricola

            There’s just too much discussion around it on the internet by very smart people to just pretend nothing is wrong.

      • Up In Smoke O’hontas

        Quick! To teh Wonkebago! We MUST SAVE THEM!!!!

        • Resistance Fighter MausFeet

          If we don’t check who will? Now, I have no idea WHICH Hamburger stand, so let’s just randomly pick one, because I bet they’re all in on it. I mean, listen, how did every hamburger joint in the US come up with combos that are so similar? You know that if you order #3 with a wink what that really means.

        • Suttree

          I read on the innertubes that the hamburger stand is hidden in a bar in NYC. We must start our random search posthaste!

          • Resistance Fighter MausFeet

            To the bar!!

          • Up In Smoke O’hontas

            We’ll need to synchronize our keg stands!

          • Resistance Fighter MausFeet

            Don’t forget shotgunning. Those beers aren’t drinking themselves.

          • Up In Smoke O’hontas

            As long as it’s for teh children.

        • Resistinceisnotfutile

          You crazy kids always messing up my planzzzz.

    • Suttree

      Oh, hai! Nice to see you again Turgid Love Muscle. I see that you are still focusing on rectums, gays, and trans people. I guess your new drum of lube came in.

      • Fuck it. I’ve got nothin’

        This is the first time I’ve seen mention a woman’s rectum though. So progress?

        • Suttree

          She is a lesbian, sooooo IDK?

          • Fuck it. I’ve got nothin’

            In the past he has always refused to respond to questions about the depravity of lesbian relationships. Maybe Wonkette is wearing him down and he’ll tell us the name of his gay porn Tumblr account.

        • Resistance Fighter MausFeet

          Going by the disquis history I don’t think this one is TLM, sadly. I kind of miss him. Because that makes as much sense as anything else this year.

          • Resistance Fighter MausFeet

            This one really likes – DEBUNKED and Dims instead of dems and when asked to explain what the hell facts support any notion that 3 million illegals voted in CA answers with: prove it’s not true. Thus demonstrating the rigorous intellectualism I’ve so come to expect from these types.

          • Suttree

            He still calls everyone either teh ghey or tranny. Maybe the meth hasn’t kicked in yet?

          • Resistance Fighter MausFeet

            Possible. I did see tranny a bunch in the ol’ history. (hee, as if there’s just one asshole out there enjoying being effing rude, I crack me up)

          • Suttree

            Oh I saw tranny a few times. Maybe I scrolled farther. But yeah, TLM isn’t the only closeted nutjob out there by far!

          • Resistance Fighter MausFeet

            One of the many reasons I like this mommy blog community, I’m not the only one that checks troll history to see if I ‘know’ them. ;)

          • Fuck it. I’ve got nothin’

            At least his posts were predictable.

    • OrG

      You’re obviously out of your league here,junior.

      • Jennifer R

        Man that guy sure gave up fast. I guess accounting for 5% of all Disqus traffic has it’s advantages.

        • Up In Smoke O’hontas

          iz we the 5%? cuz that iz yoooooge!

          • Jennifer R

            Who knows but it sure sounds realistic when you see other places with Disqus has maybe 5 comments on the site total.

          • Up In Smoke O’hontas

            Well, I read it on the internet now…

            IZ TROOOO!!!

      • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

        He clearly thought the mean streets of The Hill comments section was good preparation. He knew not the power of the snark mob.

        • Jennifer R

          I hope the next one sticks around long enough for me to get good and lurid.

    • therblig
    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      Yay, more clicks! You’re helping us pay for our sex dungeons, you know :)

    • Treg Brown
      • Msgr_Moment

        No rectum gasket for you, Mr. Walker!

    • Me not sure
    • anon_the_great

      Wait. What?

      Although I gotta admit Rectum Gasket would make a great name for racist Skinhead/Oi band.

    • Cheesus Crust _ Rebel

      Her girlfriend is WAAYYY hotter than your dead chicken.

      Jus’ sayin’.

      • Up In Smoke O’hontas

        Pink Flamingo LIBELZ!!

    • Yr. Gma

      Sweetheart, do you know what a rectum is? I’m afraid you have your picture book upside down.

    • Mary Sandoras

      has= child
      blown= sex
      rectum= ring

      OMGOMG he has a child sex ring in his basement.

      • Msgr_Moment

        The child sex ring is coming from inside the house!

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Meanwhile you seem to be suffering from the trots. They have medicine for that now.

    • Me not sure
      • Msgr_Moment

        A rectum without its bone is a lonely rectum.

        • Me not sure

          Touché.

        • Me not sure

          I can only wonder where those things get exported to. Also, why are they packed “inverted”?

    • doktorzoom

      Sorry, you’re not even interesting enough for Dear ShitFerBrains. But you are banhammered, because, uh, we can’t handle the truths you are destroying us with. Yeah, that’s it.

      –Dok Zoom, Yr Friendly Neighborhood Comments Moderator

    • Msgr_Moment

      Awww. ‘My two late? Cause I really wanted to kiss him and love him and squeeze him and hug him and call him George.

      Or maybe the other way around.

      EDIT: The giggle machine currently shows two results for “rectumgasket”. I look forward to us dominating the giggle rectumgasket count tomorrow!

  • Thorn Spike

    This is what happens when you gut the Fairness Doctrine and shut down the loony bins. I blame Nancy Reagan’s astrologer.

  • Master Contrail Program

    Alex Jones’ war on irresponsible journalism took on a new front today.

    “The local Penny Saver had a story about ‘Kittens Free to Good Home’, yet they let me stagger away with six!”

    “Good home, my ass. Do I have to spell it out for you, folks?” Jones was later heard to remark after coughing up a hairball.

    • Rags

      And picking kitty whiskers out of his teeth.

  • janecita

    According to our new Republican overlords, if a reporter dares to question Russia’s human rights violations she isn’t a real reporter.
    https://www.yahoo.com/news/secretary-of-state-candidate-rep-dana-rohrabacher-defends-russia-denounces-china-201557094.html

  • Skadi

    I am proud to be a subscriber to an official fake news site, certified as such by the man who believes lizard people secretly rule the Earth.

  • Paperless Tiger

    And look, he sent you a troll also too.

    • Jennifer R

      Yeah but it broke in transit. Just sits in the corner and drools.

  • puredog

    Is it just me, or does Mr. Jones’s finger look. . . .oh, I dunno; disturbingly phallic? (It’s probably just me.)

    • Jennifer R

      Judging by his looks and voice, I think everything he touches turns to sausage.

      • clubseal

        He wishes.

        • Jennifer R

          You can hear his arteries harden.

    • shaar dula

      yup just you. Mr. Jones is an unwashed despicable dick in entirety – by his own self. Nothing special about his finger – it’s just part of the whole act. You are reading too much into it.

      • puredog

        Thank you. I come to Wonkette for my reality czechs, and I am never, nevair disappoint.

    • Maree Martin

      It does actually which is surprising, since I’m pretty sure it is his THUMB he repeatedly thrusts up his ass.

    • bbayliss

      Do NOT pull it.

    • Grokenstein

      Sausage fingers are all the rage this season.

  • NoMore Moose

    If you can’t believe Alex Jones who can you believe, huh? He knows things, mkay!

    • Boscoe

      Mebbe the tinfoil people believe that truthfulness is directly linked to VOLUME. He who is loudest WINS!

  • bbayliss

    Badge of honor or of horror?

  • JMP

    Wonkette won’t even tell the TRUTH about the lizard people who secretly control the world like Jones!

    • HazooToo

      Uh, excuse me. I think you’re forgetting about the Greys and the tall lavender-smelling aliens? They work just as hard as the Reptilians, you know!

      • WIDTAP

        Fuck how hard they work! It’s results that count. Praise to our lizard people overlords.

      • Boscoe

        Pfft you are SO brainwashed by the mainstream media! EVERYONE knows the greys and lavenders are a hoax. Only the reptilians are real. READ A BOOK LIBTARD!!!1!11

    • shaar dula

      that’s the entire beauty of wonkette.

    • Boscoe

      -Or the flat earth cover-up!!!1!1 -or the nano-bot chemtrails!!!!1!11!

  • bbayliss

    “There’s something happening, but you don’t know what it is, do you Mr. Jones?

  • Goposaur
    • shaar dula

      yup thats the trouble with mergers,

    • Paperless Tiger

      Hump to please.

    • bbayliss

      One hump or two?

      • Msgr_Moment

        The one on the bottom is clearly a dromedary queen.

        • bbayliss

          Really? I thought I saw camel toe?

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      This is what happens if you let them get their nose under the tent

      • Msgr_Moment

        I do not see her toe.

    • LesBontemps

      I thought yesterday was “hump day.”

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Boy, that sure wasn’t how it was taught in my Corporations class…

    • Alan

      I find that disturbing.

    • therblig

      when was the last time one of these (real) trucks passed you on the highway?

      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/c161ce7ed8f5c4efbccf1899f3f00cebb097aab9122a1a653056e2cb8eaf18bc.jpg

      • Goposaur

        have to admit, been a looooong time. Haven’t seen that since I was a kid.

  • Cheesus Crust _ Rebel

    We should make badges for mommy-blogs who get shunned by Phallix Jones and his frothy followers.

    It’s like a special gold seal for authentic news that makes his strap-on shrink.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      UNENDORSED BY ALEX JONES!

  • WIDTAP

    Of course it is fake news. It is published by someone with a vagina, not a respectable penis like Walter Cronkite, Edward R. Murrow or Katharine Graham.

    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      All of whom probably would have made Alex’s little list, the organizing principle of which seems to be “fake news is people I disagree with.”

  • Jenny

    Alex Jones lives in a mansion outside Austin

    How did he acquire that??? Is he in league with the Rothchilds? I hear he buried gold out on the ranch to hide from the ex wife and now he can’t find it. There’s treasure to be found there tin foil fashionistas!!

    • willi0000000

      hey! . . . i read about that lost gold on the innertubes also, too!

      • Jennifer R

        Didn’t he buy a bunch of bitcoins too?

        • Jenny

          Actually I am pretty sure he did lol.

          • Jennifer R

            I am looking forward to the day it is announced he lost a fortune on pedocoin.

          • Suttree

            Well, no one really knows how much was lost in that MtGox swindle.

          • Jennifer R

            Comedy Answer: Nothing because it’s not money.

          • Suttree

            Hahahahahaha! Nice!

          • Jennifer R

            I mean anyone who does financial business on a site that sold virtual trading cards for the Online version of MtG (yes not even actual paper cards like starcitygames, digital cards for the fucking Online game), deserves neither business nor financial.

      • Jenny

        We really need to spread this truth about Alex Jones. I hear that he can’t leave his house because everyone will see how poorly his skin suit actually fits. Is he a slitheen and the The Doctor was trying to warn us about our future???!

        I’m now on Alex Jones’ radar because I am the only one brave and smart enough to put the facts together. If you guys don’t hear from me it is because his henchmen have gotten to me!!

        • Jennifer R

          Oh fuck, I can smell him now.

  • Msgr_Moment
  • azeyote

    creepy – it was like he was pointing a finger at me personally – and i’m not on that list

  • Someone should just sue him.

  • willi0000000

    alex jones – may his next shit be a hedgehog

    • Up In Smoke O’hontas

      Well played, Sir. Well played.

      • mancityRed6

        yeah, but I really feel sorry for that hedgehog.
        “How did you slip out? Get back in there!”

  • Msgr_Moment
    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      How does this square with the Million Moms and all the uber-puritan conservatives? Or am I only one who remembers all the Right-wing outrage at the first Carls Jr./Hardees commercial that had a woman in…um, suggestive poses?

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        Well, Duh. It’s not an outrage if the Right-wing does it! Can’t your weAK Libural brain undrstand anything?…

      • Jennifer R

        IOKIYAR

    • puredog

      I probably have to turn in my libtart card, but. . . .I could occasionally go for a beauriful woman in a bikini eating a hamburglar. Okay, so sue me.

      • Up In Smoke O’hontas

        If that’s your kink, I’m cool with it. I can’t speak for all the libtards, though. You’d have to take it to the committee at the next meeting of the coven.

      • Msgr_Moment

        Can I eat a woman in a bikini who is watching a hamburger?

    • John Smith

      “Oh, I love to go swimmin’ with bow-legged women and swim between their legs; swim between their legs…!”

      Rates right up there with “Barnacle Bill the Sailor”.

    • btwbfdimho

      Birkinis are for vegans!

    • Mayor_Mayor_Mayor

      Oh for fuck’s sake. How the hell do they keep lowering the bar?

      • therblig

        digging a deeper ditch?

    • Msgr_Moment

      I’ll just sit here and fantasize about the cheese sliming down her nipples.
      Just to make up for Evan’s earlier post.

    • bupkus23

      I don’t know why everyone’s so upset. Kate Upton would make a wonderful Labor Secretary!

      Oh, wait….

      • Msgr_Moment

        Women know tons moar about labor than menfolk, anyways.

    • therblig

      there’s no eye-tracking software here, right? because i swear to god i was looking right at that hamburger. that glorious, heaving, unencumbered hamburger.

  • Grokenstein

    Just be aware that, all snark aside, this list wasn’t aimed at you. Now that Fake News is finally being widely discussed as a problem, Rightwing Agitprop Unltd. is rushing to reassure its customers that THEY are not the problem.

    • Suttree

      Their customers have been beaten so hard with the stupid stick, that this one article should get them through until 2020.

    • Ezio Auditore

      Well I mean the entire summary of the original InfoWars article is, “WE’RE NOT FAKE NEWS, IT’S THESE PEOPLE WHO ARE THE REAL FAKE NEWS/SHILLS!”

    • Up In Smoke O’hontas

      Fair enough. Now I am sad again.

  • TheGrandWaz00

    Alex Jones is proud to be a member of DJT’s sphere of effluence.

    • Mary Sandoras

      Flatulence?

      • therblig

        Trumpulence (c)

  • Alan

    So are these guys really insane or did they just find a way to get rich off of stupid people?

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Eh, a little of column A, little of column B…

    • OrG

      Why not both?

    • Paperless Tiger

      There’s gold in them nuts!

    • MynameisBlarney

      Yes?

    • Bill D. Burger

      “All of em’ Katie!” ___ errr, Alan.

  • Ezio Auditore

    I find it hilarious that they put BuzzFeed, a literal entertainment website, as a fake news source. Like half their articles are fashion, food and Hollywood news.

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      Buzzfeed has real reporters too!

    • doktorzoom

      Buzzfeed has actually been doing real news for quite a while now — McKay Coppins and others have done some very strong investigative stuff.

      • Ezio Auditore

        Once in a while they do, but it’s mostly food and fashion type articles I see. *shrugs*

      • Scrofula

        “26 Things Only 90’s Investigative Journalists Will Get.”
        /snark

      • Shoto

        Michael Hastings published at Buzzfeed until the horribe accident. He was doing some kick-ass reporting.

        • Clark_Nova

          Not an accident.

      • Mr. Blobfish

        I confess to being a big old nerd, but when I see McKay talking to Chis Hayes, I can’t help thinking about all the lockers they’ve been stuffed into. But they’re on the TV and I’m not.

    • puredog

      Actually, these days Buzzfeed is better than a broken clock by quite some.

    • therblig

      “Which enemy of the state are you, based on your Zodiac Sign”

      uh-oh, looks like they may have thrown in with Trumpy

  • bookish
  • John Smith

    Well, it takes one to know one!

  • btwbfdimho

    At this point, i just believe in Donna Rose.

    • Jennifer R

      Donna Rose 2052?

      • therblig

        i’ll be 97, but count me in.

        • Jennifer R

          I will be a spry 69 myself.

  • BoatOfVelociraptors
  • Suttree

    I’ll just assume that The New Yorker is on the list, because he thinks that The Borowitz report is real. Alex is offended that he has a list of the same sources. Or the cartoons are trying to steal his soul.

  • OrG

    RawStory and Crooks and Liars must be sooooooooooooo jealous.

  • Carpe Vagenda

    Aw, come on, that Economist thing has to smart. Especially coming from a guy the Pope says has shit on his breath.

  • Resistance Fighter Big Puppy

    Now all Wonkette has to do is make Trump’s enemies list and we’ll really have it made!

  • btwbfdimho

    Alex J. for White House Spokesman would be quite entertaining.

    • Boscoe

      And no less ridiculous than the rest of Drumph’s administration.

  • Walter Wellstone

    The Meth Alex gets seems to be really powerful shit. I bet he imports it from Mexico.

  • Walter Wellstone

    Is Gawker on the list? No?

    • Pinkham’s Law

      Yes. Yes, it is.

  • Jeffocaster in the East

    You are known by the company you keep. Congratulations, I would say you are in very good company.

  • Scrofula

    When did the conspiracy slingers shift to current events? Why can’t they go back to AM Coast to Coast and aliens and bat babies, and leave us Thorazine-free folks be?

  • Claire

    I feel like this guy got his start in journalism from the Weekly World News until they fired him for being too mean and angry and talking shit about Bat Boy.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Don’t forget that Hair Trumpenfurher called Alex Jones “…a great journalist” and “…someone he would definitely rely on” during his term in office.
    Ya’ don’t know whether to laugh or cry at that level of weapons’ grade goddamned lunacy the presidency of this republic is being taken at lightening speed by the incoming tsunami of idiots.

    • Up In Smoke O’hontas

      And yet, this is the least depressing thing I’ve read all day. I guess the racks are a nice break from the Iron Maiden.

      • therblig

        “At least I’m giving you a place to sleep” – Procrustes

  • Alex Grey

    I would think Al Jazeera America would have made the list…

  • Shoto
    • we’re gonna be saying that for a long time

    • Bill D. Burger

      I saw that earlier. Coincidence that Hair Furor was in Ohio today…hmmmmm! The damned embarrassment and humiliation and sadness probably offed Glenn. That and the 95 years…but still….

    • Bill D. Burger

      Trump’s homage to Glenn: “I felt like I was an astronaut. I watched Alan Shepard’s flight and so people have said I was more successful as an astronaut than Glenn. It’s been said. Glenn came later and did OK.”

      • Msgr_Moment

        “Ed White was not a hero. I prefer heroes who don’t get incinerated on the launch pad.”

        • Bill D. Burger

          Sadly, I could actually imagine him saying that!

          • Shoto

            “Battling the clap was my personal “being incinerated on the launch pad.”

            — Donnie J. Drumpf, Preznit-Elect of All the VD’s

          • therblig

            “I screwed more pooches than Gus Grissom” – Donny Trump

            (i know grissom did not screw the pooch.
            “Initiating the explosive egress system called for pushing or hitting the metal trigger with the hand, which unavoidably left a large, obvious bruise on the astronaut’s hand,[25] but Grissom was found not to have any of the tell-tale bruising. Still, controversy remained, and fellow Mercury astronaut Wally Schirra, at the end of his October 3, 1962 flight, remained inside his spacecraft until it was safely aboard the recovery ship, and made a point of deliberately blowing the hatch to get out, bruising his hand.” – wikipedia)

            a few years ago, grissom’s capsule was on display at liberty science center here in jersey city. it’s amazing how small they were. those guys really did have the right stuff.

          • Shoto

            Yup. Tiny little spacecrafts.

      • Boscoe

        And tomorrow he’ll tell us: “John Glenn called me last night and said he’s my friend and totally voted for me”.

    • Msgr_Moment

      He no longer wanted to live in a world with only 1/3 of ELP left.

      • therblig

        maybe he wanted to go out with an intelligent, thoughtful, caring, competent president at the helm.

    • Dazza

      Oh Lord. 2016 is a bitch.

      • kareemachan

        That’s for damned sure. Aside from all this shit, our kid is in the hospital waiting to see if she’ll need a major operation. Halfway across the country. And we can’t help her.

        Fuck 2016.

    • thixotropic jerk

      what a wunnerful thought – to die in the next few years so you can be “youllajyzed” by Ftrimp ; ^(

  • Bill D. Burger

    On day one of the incoming batshitcrazy bunch’s installment, “Hail to the Chief” should immediately be replaced by a much, much…..much more appropriate salute.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-dCs_IlBV6M

  • On journalistic standards prior to this last election cycle, teh Wonkette is in good company. On current standards, Wonkette is miles better than the majority

  • Poly_Ester

    Remember when the Right-wingers used to get their undershorts in knots over the Soviet’s “Big Lie?” They have learned well from the Russians.

    • Boscoe

      They used to hate Hitler, also too.

    • therblig

      you say big lie
      i say bigly
      let’s call the whole thing off

  • Pierre_de_Fermat

    Lordy, the “deleted comments” should be wild after this.

    • Up In Smoke O’hontas

      I only spotted one troll, but they’re like cockroaches…

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    EMERGENCY: The gov’t has announced they want to shut down this site.

    Ask President-elect Donald Trump to take a stand against the establishment’s desperate move to label independent media as ‘fake news’.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/c7ab356cb376ab7dc924f556b3c3d87ab7d1059b9b33b98be15960da105559c9.jpg

    • JVisconti

      I hate the thought of going to Cosmo com to make dick jokes.

      • therblig

        wait, that warm water/ice cube thing was a joke?

  • JVisconti

    Whether it is ‘big league’ or ‘bigly’ (in Queensish), job well done Editrix.

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    Okay, so not only is Carrier raising prices, some of those “saved” jobs are only going to be saved temporarily until the robots are ready.
    And am I the least bit surprised? No. No I am not.
    https://twitter.com/CNN/status/806986860589355009

    • boyblue123

      much winning

      • Up In Smoke O’hontas

        I, for one, am really sick of it.

        • Dazza

          That was excellent wit, my friend.

          • Up In Smoke O’hontas

            Mamma always told me I was the sharpest spork in the drawer. But she drank a lot ;-)

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      “The remaining jobs will be temporary work, incidentally building robots. They will then be terminated due to ‘market conditions.'”

    • Bill D. Burger

      This was all a PR stunt and one filled with Trump lies from the beginning. Trump has, with his stupid meddling, actually put American workers in danger of becoming bargaining chips and targets when, inevitably now, more companies come forward with sudden ‘plans’ to move jobs out of this country. “Whatcha’ gonna’ give us Donny? Hmmm? Where’s OUR incentives?…etc.”

      • Pinkham’s Law

        “Depends. How big a kickback can I get? Yuuuuuuuuuge? OK. We’ll figure something out.”

    • Mr. Blobfish

      Pffft. That’s that fake news site.

    • boyblue123

      With Trump’s Dept of Labor pick, I assume the layoffs and automation will happen sooner rather than later

    • Gosala

      800 jobs saved at a cost of $7 million or about, what, $900,000 per job.

      Paid for how? By taxes.

      Paid by who? Workers.

      Hell, just give the money to the 800 outright. It would probably do as much good.

      • kareemachan

        It would do much MORE good.

      • boberiggert

        $9,000 per job.

  • Dazza

    Yay Wonkette! So, when do you get your Soros bucks?

    • Bill D. Burger

      Oh Junior. When do you return to your village? They miss their idiot.

      • OrG

        I think ’tis snark.

        • Dazza

          Yes, yes it is.

          • Bill D. Burger

            I jumped the gun. The trolls have my snark button on edge.
            Forgive! ;-)

          • Dazza

            That’s what I thought. Cheers.

      • Dazza

        Bill. Read my comment history before you insult me.

        • Resistinceisnotfutile

          What kind of bird is that?

          • A swallow. Waiting for confirmation if African or European

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            check for coconuts

          • Dazza

            It’s a rainbow lorikeet. The little buggers like to poop on my car. So, pooping from a great height — sounds like commenting on Wonkette!

      • Up In Smoke O’hontas

        Given recent population trends, it’s likely that they have so many idiots they don’t even know when one is gone.

        EDIT: Jumped the gun there, but I like talking about villages and idiots whenever I get the opportunity. I’ll be wearing the dunce cap in teh corner for a while.

        • Dazza

          Hey, whatever makes you happy. I don’t judge.

          • Up In Smoke O’hontas

            Thanks for understanding. I hate to jump on bandwagons, but ever since Shrub went back to TX village idiot jokes have been sparse.

          • Dazza

            I think the Drumpf Cabinet will be an endless source of idiot village jokes, if that is any consolation.

          • Up In Smoke O’hontas

            I regard them as more diabolical than dumb. Cold comfort, but hope springs eternal, eh? cheers either way!

      • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

        Blue on blue!

      • Dazza is an antipoedain regular. He even follows me. But not in the creepy way

        • Gosala

          Antarctic libelz!

        • Dazza

          Heh, heh. Got you fooled, eh?

  • Dave Babler

    Surprised joemygod didn’t make it.

  • boyblue123

    You know youve made it when you are in the company of WaPo and BBC News

  • What’s WONKETTE got the others ain’t?

    MAOR QUALITIES DICK JOKES

    • OrG

      Wait,chuck toad isn’t a dick joke?

      • Dicks are way more awesome than chuckles toaddy

        • mancityRed6

          I’ll take your word on that.

      • mancityRed6

        he’s a dick and a joke, but that doesn’t mean he’s a dick joke

  • YoNastyBunny

    Wow! I love you guys! :-D

    • Bill D. Burger

      We love you back! ~blush!~

  • Paperless Tiger

    Maybe if you announce to send a correspondent to Mexico, you could get a provocative tweet from the Man Himself.

  • YoNastyBunny

    Your Wonkette is very ashamed to be included on a list of “fake news” websites along the likes of:

    So… AOT,K?!?!!

    • Boscoe

      Except for obvious REAL news sources Fox, Brietbart and Weekly World News of course. :P

      • Parakeetist

        Ah, aliens and new diets every issue. The good old days.

        • Boscoe

          Woman gives birth to ten pound eyeball, man shoots 200 pound grasshopper. I still have a small collection of those things from the mid 90’s, right before they discovered photoshop.

      • Begin Anew Day

        Only one of those had Bat Boy.

        Breitbart and Fox are too LOWBROW to cover Bat Boy.

        • I’m nearly positive both have covered Florida politics…

          • Begin Anew Day

            While Weekly World News stayed ABOVE such tawdry triviality.

  • Jamoche

    OT cool stuff: Dinosaurs really did have feathers; they’ve found some in amber.
    http://www.cell.com/current-biology/fulltext/S0960-9822(16)31193-9

    • Thiazin Red

      Cell seems like an odd choice to publish that in. Its good journal and cool find, but it seems a bit outside the subject area.

      • Scrofula

        Technically Current Biology.

    • OK we need cloned dinosaur bird thingies STAT.

      • Jonny On Maui

        They’re called ‘chickens’. Baby raptors, really…

        They are the Godzillas of the insect world…

        • Msgr_Moment

          Popeyes used to have the best fried raptor.

    • Bill D. Burger

      And just what was Amber doing with those dinosaurs?

      !rimshot!

      I’ll show myself out.

      • therblig

        raptor? i hardly even know her!

        • Bill D. Burger

          Oh…plesiosaur!

      • Msgr_Moment

        Amber joke Alert!!
        Too soon?

    • How that dinosaur got into Amber, i’ll never know…. with apologies to Groucho

  • Thiazin Red

    One of the other things that makes no sense about these conspiracy theories, is that apparently people doing the conspiracies leave deliberate clues everywhere. I’m pretty sure people doing crimes don’t leave clues on purpose like its real life Carmen Sandiego.

    • Resistinceisnotfutile

      But it’s clues only the very smrt can find.

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      That and, for a group that they claim literally runs the entire country and also the world, they’re really reticent about murdering the people “exposing” them.

      Like, Stalin racked up a 20 million body-count, but these guys can’t even kill one fat idiot who broadcasts nationally.

      • Msgr_Moment

        That’s just to give themselves plausible deniability.

  • Dazza

    I think this calls for a celebration! I’m gonna send in some wonkbucks to Rebecca and Shy when I get off this train. Any other takers? C’mon, lets send them a little something to buy champagne with.

  • A very fine line separates tragedy from slapstick.

    Are we there yet?

    • Shoto

      I’m afraid we passed that mile-marker when the unhinged orange man-baby made his stately descent down the escalator way back in 2015.

    • Msgr_Moment

      They’re called votesticks in here, young lady!

  • Shoto
  • Saxo the Grammarian

    There’s no better place to get misinformed than Wonkette, and if comments were allowed, I’d say so.

  • BloviateMe

    Does that mean our War on Christmas is fake too? That would suck, I’ve developed a taste for elf blood.

    • Bill D. Burger

      We Pastafarians are still pissed at all the carb-free diets being touted this time of the year.
      Merry Chrifsmas from The Flying Spaghetti Monster.

      http://www.venganza.org/wp-content/uploads/2010/12/spaghettivity.jpg

      • A Bashful Nobody

        IA!! Cthulhu Ftaghn!

        • kareemachan

          Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn!

          • A Bashful Nobody

            Where they shall live in Glory!!!!!!!!!

  • DahBoner
  • Ryan Denniston

    Is that a penis pointed at the camera? All this talk about Trump, I just want to double check.

    • Anna Rompage

      I thought the pic was of a giant dick myself, though it’s a little fuzzy without my glasses on, so I suppose it could be a giant asshole…

      In fact, if I squint, it looks like a gigantic asshole dick…

  • Depraved Granny

    Now I’m questioning everything I thought I knew. Maybe Aaron Schock LOVES vagina. Does my boyfriend JusTru really love me? Are dicks even funny? Is HRH Donna Rose actually the name of an Etsy store, and not really a babby overlord? What really happened at Hastings in 1066? Are you guys just pretending to be depraved?!

    I’m not drunk enough for this.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      I think to be drunk enough for this you would need to be very close to the line for acute alcohol poisoning.

      • Depraved Granny

        So you’re suggesting I should maintain status quo. Probably sound advice. Thanks man, we’ll get through this together.

    • Anna Rompage

      And canned clams are actually really kind of good in the right dish!

      • Depraved Granny

        In EVERY dish. Pulse one can green peas with one can clams in food processor for the best guac!

        • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

          Now wait a minute, there are some universal truths that must be obeyed.

          • Depraved Granny

            Universal Truth can only be found at InfoWars.

        • Poorly Behaved Résistanista

          Calling something guac in the absence of the mighty avocado is deeply depraved. Well done!

        • Msgr_Moment

          If it guacs like a geoduck….

      • Nounverb911
        • Msgr_Moment

          Put some socks on those right now, or at least find a geoducksocker.

        • suziq

          Those are some nice geoducks!! I got some in the freezer right now from last summer…..mmmmm……good thing they don’t look like that anymore after you cut them up and cook them.

        • BloviateMe

          It’s funny that the two bigger ones have a blackish hue, but the little one doesn’t.

          It’s one thing for nature to mock penises, it’s another for it to follow stereotypes.

        • Suttree

          It’s Penis of the Sea!

          • Msgr_Moment

            Does NOT smell like tuna.

    • Msgr_Moment

      I believe it was Dylan Thomas who wrote, “booze heals all wounds.”

      • starfanglednut

        Then had 32 drinks at the White Horse and died in the Chelsea Hotel.

    • BloviateMe
      • Count Awesome

        Really is better than putting it in the microwave though.

      • Poorly Behaved Résistanista

        Now that is one fine dick joke.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Is your whiskey really 80 proof?….was that last joint catnip?….it’s a long staircase down to nothing in the dark…

    • Fuck it. I’ve got nothin’
  • Count Awesome

    Congratulations to Wonkette for being in such good company.

  • Nasty Girl Brianna

    This from the guy that insisted Jade Helm was a plot for the government to take over Texas. With secret passages running underground from WalMart to WalMart.

    That would be like the crazy lunatic down the road calling you crazy. But we all know that he’s just a lunatic that needs to be ignored.

    • clairence

      How do we know that didn’t really happen?
      How do we know that Texas hasn’t been taken over and ‘absorbed’ into the USA?

      Hmm?
      Hmm??

      • Suttree

        So that’s where all of that frothy pus is coming from.

        • Treg Brown

          I thought Rick Santorum was in Pennsylvania??

    • IOnlyLikeCats

      I remember that. I also remember members of the Texas government (looking at you governor and Ted Cruz) thought IT WAS A LEGITIMATE THING to be looked into.

  • Nounverb911

    I noticed that none of the Rupert Murdoch owned papers are on that list.

    • Suttree

      Who would dare besmirch the good name of The New York Post?!

  • XtremeFeministRodeoQueen MLG

    More fake-Wonkette or a Republican’s public apology after his dalliance with a rent boy is publicized? Discuss…

  • Count Awesome

    Wonkette’s new slogan should be “We make up the news so you don’t have to!”

    • Nounverb911

      “All the news that gives you fits”?

    • We make up dick jokes about the news so you can giggle like 7 year olds!

  • Shoto

    ♫ We write the dick jokes that make the whole world sing ♫
    ♫ The recipes and the dick jokes and every-thing… ♫

    • Msgr_Moment

      ♫ We built this city ♫
      ♫ We built this city on vile dick jokes! ♫

    • Count Awesome

      ?Like a dick joke
      Written for the very first time?

  • Kooolest G

    for those of you who don’t watch the videos here, you really should listen to alex jones radio show at least once. you really don’t get the full insanity by just hearing the highlights, he really is that crazy every night for like 2 straight hours. and the whole time he sounds like he’s right on the edge of hyperventilating and stroking out. I swear if every voter in america had to listen to one entire show of him and then they were told that this is where trump gets his news from, people would be shocked at how fucking nuts this is

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      My fear is that twice as many people would vote for Trump afterwards. Is this a great country or what?

      • Kooolest G

        sadly you’re probably right

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          My faith in my fellow Americans is at the lowest ebb ever. The fact that a virus like Alex Jones even exists…

    • XtremeFeministRodeoQueen MLG

      I know exactly one person who is Infowars obsessed, and bless his heart, the more involved he gets with this stuff, the more people he drives away. My best friend and his partner have known him a long time. They tried hard to deal with it, but when someone spews insanity constantly, then shows up at your house with a gun, because he only feels safe when open-carrying, and you have to kick him out? It’s time to end that relationship. It’s sad. People like Alex Jones are getting rich off a lot of people who need serious professional help, and that’s not snark.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        I have a neighbor down the block who’s an Inforwart. Never met the dude, but his car is a cornucopia of paranoia. My favorite sticker says, “At Least The Gestapo KNOCKED!”.

        • XtremeFeministRodeoQueen MLG

          Exactly. And Infowars sells them all this crazy stuff, using their insecurity, paranoia, bigotry to market it to them…it’s a big money racket.

        • Msgr_Moment

          With their Doc Martens!!

        • Mehmeisterjr

          To be fair, that was the nicest thing about The Gestapo. That and the stylish uniforms.

          • Msgr_Moment

            TWO, the TWO nicest things about the Gestapo.

  • Nounverb911

    I see donnie is off on another one of his Nuremberg Thank You Rallies. I wonder who’s paying for all the gas he’s wasting.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/b401722a96d35fe979b9d33d7a9b43dc016445fa938dcec084ad7830b5008927.png

    • Count Awesome

      Why oh why couldn’t it have been a farewell tour.

    • Clyde Barrow

      It’s nice to see him on tour where the average educational level is 5th grade. Keeping it simple for the simpletons.

    • Bill D. Burger

      It’s probably just a taste what’s to come during his time in office. The evil minions headed by Pope Pence will work tirelessly back in D.C. to decimate the poor and sick while Herr Hairball is making his never ending Thank You tours, basking in the adulation of the Trumpanzee mob, and making MurriKKKa great agin’!

      • Yr. Gma

        I think that’s exactly what will happen. The Orange Fuck is in it only for the ceremonies.

        • Shoto

          He’s in it for the grift, then the ceremonies.

          • Begin Anew Day

            He would have done less harm just starting his own cult then.

            Oh. Waitaminute…..

        • Dazza

          Panem et circenses. I won’t volunteer as Tribute if I can possibly help it.

      • clairence

        a distraction while they fleece America.

        .
        ..
        Look! Another shiny thing!

    • JVisconti

      Used to be a big thing when Ringling, Barnum and Bailey would announce dates with signage in my town. Then I tired of clowns.

      • Count Awesome

        Elephants too, also

    • Shoto

      This asshole is a manifest unhinged lunatic. JFC, I can’t even…

    • IOnlyLikeCats

      Quick question, is he selling tickets or giving them away?

      • Msgr_Moment

        “Hold on to your ticket stubs, people. We still have a couple Cabinet seats to give away.”

        • clairence

          priceless!

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • IOnlyLikeCats

      On 6, my sister just gave birth and I’ve been looking for books when bedtime stories start that are diverse and cultural without all of them focusing on race/gender. It was much harder than expected.

  • BJW

    It’s only an honor to be “insulted” by Jones. ;)

  • JCfromNC

    Someone’s probably said it already but OT: 2016 continues to be shitty, Greg Lake, of King Crimson and Emerson, Lake and Palmer is dead at 69.

  • IOnlyLikeCats

    OT Do people think that “triggering” is just a young people phenomenon? Because I understand most people don’t understand but it has a lot more to do with PTSD going untreated in undeveloped brains than it does with “special snowflakes”.

    • yyyaz

      Anyone who believes it is just a young person’s reaction hasn’t been around older vets and others — like me — with PTSD.

      • IOnlyLikeCats

        I honestly can’t justify the dismissal, although I know some people overuse it. For example, I am treated and can generally look at that stuff without having a complete nervous breakdown (now) but I still prefer it tagged.

        • yyyaz

          I have to read the synopses carefully for teevees/movies, and even then get caught out occasionally.

          • IOnlyLikeCats

            One night I had trouble sleeping and made the mistake of watching Patch Adams. Future Mr. Cats was asleep so my best friend was forced to try and talk me down past midnight her time.

          • yyyaz

            Any hint of what triggers me and I hit any button on the remote to make it go away. I don’t get triggered very often in public, but I very consciously avoid places where it is most likely to occur. I have never had anyone who could talk me down, although b/c my spouse knows exactly what it is, she is supportive.

        • You know, there’s a long history in this country of disparaging people who have been diagnosed with one of the relatively newly identified disorders. Thinking about things like fibromyalgia and others. PTSD is one of the disorders that the small brains have difficulty comprehending. Because they are cowards they accuse sufferers of being “weak”. Naturally their minds go to “it’s a grift” because that’s what they would do (and often do).

    • XtremeFeministRodeoQueen MLG

      These are the people who whine about how “sensitive” and “easily offended” liberals, millennials and anyone who isn’t them are, but seem to forget they used to literally murder black people for using the same restroom as them.

      • yyyaz

        And they’re pissed. And they want “their” fucked-up country back. So they got even by voting to burn it all down. “Heroes.”

    • Scrofula

      The media loves a good story about over-sheltered college students. A few kids point out that cavalier rape comments could “trigger” flashbacks in victims, it morphs into printing “trigger warnings” on all class material, and the media runs with “precious millenials can’t handle reality.” Meanwhile the other twenty thousand kids on campus are too busy thinking about their debt loads.

  • Objectifer

    I find The Economist’s dick jokes to be puerile and derivative.

    • Too much micro dick, not enough jokes

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      They spread the seeds of phallacious innuendo.

    • Up In Smoke O’hontas

      Agreed. Limp attempts at best.

      OT: I can’t discern the avatar… is that smug Thomas, or surprised from behind Thomas?

      • Objectifer

        Was going for crazy eyed Thomas but the effect is lost a bit in thumbnail.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    OT, but I watched a documentary-Sour Grapes- about fraud in the world of super expensive wine, featuring a cameo by one of the Koch brothers. If you ever feel like you need a reason to want to take the uber-wealthy, dice them up, cook them in a pot, and feed them to the coyotes (with votes, obvsly), watch this one.

    • notaten

      Super expensive wine to me is anything over 10 bucks, so I have much empathies for these poor abused assholes. I doubt the coyotes would even bother with their carcasses

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        The people in this doc fight over buying $20,000 bottles of wine. Their arrogance, cluelessness, and self-absorbtion…along with their phony erudition and “class”, is astonishing.

        • notaten

          I have actually had it on my list of things to watch, I am still having a hard time listening to billionaires cry right now. I am still suffering Bigly from Trump Election Stress Disorder and have to limit my rage and disgust inducing time to only what I read on Wonkette

          • yyyaz

            Rub a dub dub,
            Make room in that tub.

          • Poorly Behaved Résistanista

            Thanks for giving name to what we’re all experiencing: TESD.
            Not catchy as an acronym, but nonetheless well-named. I can tell you that Mr. Resistance’s PTSD has been highly exacerbated by TESD, whereas my TESD rises and falls, based on how badly fucked I feel from moment to moment.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            This will make your loathing and contempt feel good…like it’s something you earned honestly.

          • notaten

            I have a lot of loathing and contempt, but I have never given a thought as to how I earned it. Now I want to watch this even more so I can feel righteous in my loathing an/or contempt. Thanks!!

        • Odd Jørgensen

          Reminds me of the pretentious ppl in the Penn and Teller “the best” episode, where ppl get served “crap” at fancy restaurants, and has no clue.
          https://youtu.be/AQQ3qcCNcrE

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            I actually ended up more or less rooting for the bad guy. He seems a bit of a sociopath, but he’s also selling these preening, pretentious fucks bottles of 20K wine that he mixed out of California grocery store hooch. And they sniff and sip and pose and blither with all those horrid wine-snob superlatives, gloating about their sophisticated palates and what wealthy, superior human beings they are. Because what really matters to them is not how good the wine really is, it’s bragging about how much they paid for it. Fuck these assholes.

    • Sister the Resister!

      I really like the subtle flavor the votes lend to the broth.

  • Nounverb911

    DAMNIT Rinsed Preebus, why can’t you do anything right!

    https://twitter.com/NYDailyNews/status/806976140380426241

  • geoffalnutt

    You mean all those dick jokes I had laughed at were artificial?

  • Nounverb911

    Fake QEII puts her 2¢ worth in….

    https://twitter.com/Queen_UK/status/806565069542789120

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    Congratulations. Everybody send Trix money. The fancy award ceremony ain’t gona be cheap.

    • Nounverb911

      Is this the award ceremony that Bob Dylan is skipping?

  • jesuswasablack

    It does kinda suck to be listed with NPR, they stopped being fake news years ago!
    http://www.substancenews.net/assets/images2/1362378031.jpg

  • tegrat

    Alex looks rather tumescent in that photo – tee many poonis jokes?

    • Msgr_Moment

      This is why you should always seek medical attention if your dick joke lasts longer than four hours.

  • Nounverb911

    David Frum just said a mouthful… Okay, he has a big mouth, David Frum just said a nibble….

    https://twitter.com/davidfrum/status/806904773676965888

    • IOnlyLikeCats

      And we are, all of us, the bystanders in the splash zone. (Third party voters actually helped set the prank up.)

    • OrG

      Hey trumpanzees, you’ve been punk’d!

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      As long as minorities are adequately bullied and humiliated, they could give a rat’s ass.

      • Yr. Gma

        Yes, some of them. But the ones waiting for the wall and the reopened factories are going to get impatient after awhile.

        • starfanglednut

          Yeah, and go out and beat up some minorities because it’s their fault somehow.

  • JoeChristmas

    Wait, I’ve been faked for seven years now??!? Boy, I feel stupid now.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    It pisses me off that I could die any time from a slip in the tub or bad shellfish, while Alex Jones daily cheats mortality from heart attacks and aneurisms.

  • Objectifer

    So, New York Times and Washington Post but not the New York Post or Washington Times?

  • MynameisBlarney
  • notaten

    And all this time I really believed that Sparkle Pony was the best pony:( I don’t even know what to believe anymore!

    • Nounverb911

      “Sparkle Pony is the kindest, bravest, warmest, most wonderful pony I’ve ever known in my life.”

      • Hutch

        And the Manchurian Candidate did what?

        • Nounverb911

          Got elected presidentaly.

  • Platos_Redhaired_Stepchild

    So every news site that posts factual and semi-factual (I’m looking at you CNN ) stories are “Fake” and the Putin-backed neo nazi propaganda site is “real”? Okay, sure Lexie, sure.

    • Count Awesome

      Yes Virginia, there is a Santa Führer.

  • Nounverb911

    Pretzel Elect Whathisname is still an “Executive Producer” on Celebrity Apprentice.

    https://twitter.com/robertloerzel/status/806989455395614720

    • Dazza

      Just when you think you cannot head-desk one more time, there it is – a new dent by the keyboard.

  • SterWonk

    Look at that list! We are in august company! :-)

    • Nounverb911

      Isn’t it December already?

      • Jon Sussex

        Where did Cocktober go?

        • Nounverb911

          It dissolved on November 8th…

          • HogeyeGrex

            Significant. Shrinkage.

      • Now is the Winter of our discontent

        • Nounverb911

          Needs more global warming?

  • Reality Kills

    Donald at it again! Nominating people to lead agencies/departments they hate most! Sorry, poor people; the next four years are going to be really tough.

    • Anna Rompage

      It’s not Donald doing that. He has no clue who these people he’s appoint are. It’s Rince Pubis, Bannon, and Pence

      • Scrofula

        “And sure, go be executive producer on your old TV show, we got it covered. Here’s some more minutes for your twitter machine.”

  • It’sWhitneyBitch

    Maybe if Alex Jones read some of those fake news sites like he’d know Gawker no longer exists.

  • Carpe Vagenda

    k, so, moving on to real news (and dinosaurs): this is so cool.

    https://twitter.com/Cmdr_Hadfield/status/806954125573308416

  • alwayspunkindrublic
    • Nounverb911
    • SayItWithWookies

      I’m surprised Trump didn’t insist on being photographed in a huge gilt-edged chair. Asshole looks like his mommy made him sit in the corner.

    • Me The People

      The ‘M’ looks like horns, kinda apt.

      • Poorly Behaved Résistanista

        Or very pointy tits.
        Does the M stand for Mommy?
        For Mommies tits?

    • TX Taco Truck Brigade

      y andale

    • Poorly Behaved Résistanista

      Dear Time Magazine: Go fuck yourselves.

  • Jon Sussex

    Wonder what this guy was like as a kid. When did he go from having a bright future bagging groceries to this?

  • Reality Kills

    Listen to this:

    “For too long, the Environmental Protection Agency has spent taxpayer dollars on an out-of-control anti-energy agenda that has destroyed millions of jobs, while also undermining our incredible farmers and many other businesses and industries at every turn. As my EPA administrator, Scott Pruitt, the highly respected attorney general from the state of Oklahoma, will reverse this trend and restore the EPA’s essential mission of keeping our air and our water clean and safe,” Trump said.”

    Read the last sentence again. Trump is a MORON!

    • Nounverb911

      He left out “We will profit from the environment”.

      • notaten

        Duh, just buy our TRUMP MAGA bottled water made from the rapidly melting glaciers with all of the money you will not have once TRUMP has Madke America Great Again!!!!!
        (Started to write Make, then realized Made was maybe more appropriate, so left typo in place for you to make of it what you will)

    • boyblue123

      we will start drilling the Grand Canyon for oil to save the environment

    • Anna Rompage

      Ah yes, Oklahoma – a state that now experiences earthquakes because of a misguided oil based energy policy, and a place where several towns are now dead because of lead mine pollution in the communities…

      Oklahoma, a state where the gender wage gap is $0.73, the poverty rates are high especially in non-dominant communities, and where all the good topsoill blew off in the early 1900s

      • Scrofula

        As I said t’other day, Oklahoma earthquakes are just frissons of God’s love for petroleum.

        • BoatOfVelociraptors

          It always shocks me to see people who try to claim that there’s no connection between fracturing the rock into jelly to get the sweet oils and the rock shaking like jelly.

          • Scrofula

            Or a few million cars stuck in traffic twice a day maybe doing something to the atmosphere.

      • Bear OmNomNom

        The environment in that state sure ain’t a pretty Picher.

    • Dazza

      Brought to you by the Ministry of Truth. If you disbelieve, the Ministry of Love would like a word with you.
      Wow. We are in a dystopian LARP, aren’t we?

      • It’s like the robot overlords said, “You think this is bad? Hold my oil. Watch this.”

        • therblig

          did i say “overlords”, i meant “protectors”

      • therblig

        i assume trump will have a Ministry of Penis or Minipeen if you will

        • Dazza

          Maybe not. I think the screwing of the American people (and the world) will be a feature of all his Ministries/Departments. No need for a special one. I am ordering up extra lube for 21 January 2017. *sigh*

    • therblig

      he means “their” air and water, not ours.

  • Nounverb911

    The Daily Beast takes a walk in Ivanka’s shoes while strolling through her Chinese shoe factory.

    https://twitter.com/Lawrence/status/806978997653475328

    • Yr. Gma

      I guess no one in the Trump family can spell “hypocrite.”

    • shaar dula

      I hope somebody walks away with ivanka’s shoes daily, until she has none.

    • Bill D. Burger

      Make Ghina’ Great Again

    • boyblue123

      Maybe if Ivanka moves the jobs back to the US and then threatens to move them to China again, daddy will give her a tax break

  • Count Awesome

    “Come for the fake news, stay for the real orgasms”
    –Wonkette

    • Msgr_Moment

      Are we anywhere near the two hours to orgasm sign? These lines are longer than Disneyland.

    • Dazza

      That’s a slogan I get behind. Sorry, TMI?

      • BoatOfVelociraptors

        That’s a slogan. I got behind.

  • Yr. Gma

    OT: happy day. My ACLU membership card showed up today.

    • Nounverb911

      Molotov!

    • Go Gma!!

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      What’s your FEMA camp orientation number?

      • Yr. Gma

        That comes under a different cover.

    • Daisy

      Yay!

    • Msgr_Moment

      Tovarishch!

    • shaar dula

      habariyaku! hakunamatata!! Ubuntu!!!

      • efoveks

        Linux!

        Oh, wait. Wrong conversation.. I heard Ubuntu and got all excited..

        • BoatOfVelociraptors

          That’s why you can’t call the Trumpin brownshirts redhats.

          • efoveks

            HA! Good one :)

  • Reality Kills

    How the fuck can you keep the water clean if you let companies frack and clean air if you let companies use coal and pollute the shit out of everything? Can someone fucking explain me??? I am going fucking nuts. I can’t take this Infowar bullshit anymore!! Truth doesn’t matter anymore.

    • Poorly Behaved Résistanista

      Truth is dead. Unknown at this time whether it was murder or suicide.

      • Count Awesome

        It was a murder suicide pact with common sense

      • Bear OmNomNom

        It was driving a car with a cracked taillight in a white suburb.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Once Sarah Palin explains it to you, you’ll understand.

      • Reality Kills

        Sarah … oh, god. (gun coking…., right to my tem…)

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          NO!! We’ll all die a slow, horrible death from our toxic environment soon enough-Trump willing. It’ll be more fun if we wait and just do it all together.

    • shaar dula

      nope no there’s no fucking explanation. no one could explain that. you heard what you heard.

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      It’s like a plate o shrimp.
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X4QKiYar9pI

    • OrG

      Magic

  • schmannity

    Alex Jones also named his wife as a fake orgasmer.

    • He can’t tell

      • ^because his belly hangs farther out than his dinky doo? As we used to say in elementary school…and today

    • Count Awesome

      She said his downstairs region IS a dick joke.

      • A REALLY tiny one

        • efoveks

          Hey, you get your laughs where you can..

        • Me The People

          It was really brave of him though, to publicly admit that he had this tiny, non-functional penis, I remember reading about it.

          • therblig

            is that why he quit NAMBLA? i remember reading that as well.

    • Anna Rompage

      In other words, he’s a self absorb shitty lover that cannot figure out how to get his partner off…

      Shame on him, not on her…

      • schmannity

        Just like Little Donnie and Littler Donnie.

      • Serai 1

        He’s not a lover. He’s a fucker. Men like that are incapable of love, even in the sense of sex.

    • SayItWithWookies

      Hell, Alex Jones’ sex doll fakes it.

      • Shan – Mildly Depraved

        At first I read that as “Alex Jones sex doll fakes it” without the apostrophe and I nearly had to drink a gallon of Brain-O to stop myself imagining what that was like.

    • boyblue123

      Alex Jones thinks his wife has real orgasms

      • Msgr_Moment

        Yes, just not with him.

      • schmannity

        She is, with Roger Stone.

        • Bear OmNomNom

          Or Roger Ailes!

          • Yr. Gma

            More ew.

        • Yr. Gma

          Ew.

    • jesuswasablack

      I’ve met his wife she’s quite familiar!
      http://lovelolaheart.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/blowupdoll.png

  • weejee

    And speaking of conspiracies, this olde porcine agnostic elf is heading off to play Santa at the neighborhood holiday party. Not a black Santa, as we’ve had in the past, but I have a real white beard. Ho, ho, ho…

    / tucks pillows under arm to expand waistline.

    • efoveks

      So you’re a “weejee” fat Santa.. :) Have fun & hand out LOTS & LOTS (a REAL number!) of candy canes. Preferably Jolly Rancher ones, but who am I to say? XD

    • Msgr_Moment

      The other white-meat Santa. Is that legal?

    • BloviateMe

      Don’t forget to bring three hos with you.

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      Mazel Tov!

  • SayItWithWookies

    I went and looked at InfoWars after 11/9 — I’d seen clips of his garbage, but never been to the actual site — and watched the Pizzagate documentary. Holy shit, that’s like a child’s version of the alien abduction or Nostradamus prophecy videos my friends and I would laugh at as teenagers. it’s not wonder nobody saw the Trumpening coming — it was built on a base of humanity too fucking credulous to be believably functioning in society.

  • Reality Kills

    Get ready to shit fer food people! They are going to put all chemical crap they want and there is nothing you can do! Start planting your own gardens!

    • Scrofula

      Wait, if I shit, they’ll give me food? I can’t possibly eat that much.

    • Anna Rompage

      They’ve already been doing that for sometime now… This is the reason why I already converted 2000+ sq ft into gardening space years ago

      • Reality Kills

        Heck, I started last year. Tomatoes were awesome. Looking where to buy an acre somewhere around here.

        • Anna Rompage

          An acre would be great, though you can still grow a ton of food on just a couple thousand sq feet…

          • Reality Kills

            I live a redneck town and although I hate the idea they all voted for Trump, they are till nice people. I’ll give it away as well.

          • Anna Rompage

            My neighbors love the overflow produce I gift them…

    • therblig

      beginning to think i owe glenn beck an apology on that whole survival garden thing.

  • Lefty Wright

    Quite a feather in your Hell. No. cap. Some of the biggest names in fake news. Anyone not on that list ain’t worth listening to. If you can’t not believe Wonkette who can’t you not believe?

    • notaten

      If you use a double-double negative, is that like a quadruple positive? If so, count me in! Oh, and also too, I’m not really a math-type person.

      • BoatOfVelociraptors

        2 squared is the sum of two 2’s.

        • shaar dula

          but only for twos, not even for ones.

          • BoatOfVelociraptors

            Ones were never even, man.

        • notaten

          Ooooow, man, math always fucks me up. I just knew there had to be something deeper. Thanks for giving me more to think about now ;)

      • Sister the Resister!

        …. I was told there would be no math….

  • Begin Anew Day

    Alex Jones is just jealous because Wonkette people are beautiful people while he and his crowd are not blessed that way.

    We could hope that Alex and Infowars sectarians might have some inner beauty to help them compensate for this. But they keep opening their mouths and revealing they have no inner beauty.

    • Me The People

      I think lot of them have problems in the experiencing pleasure/happiness department.

      • Begin Anew Day

        That will be the case until Donnie outlaws all mirrors.

  • Reality Kills

    They guy hates minimum wage, ACA, and $15 an hour? That’s the candidate for the Dept. of Labor we need!!

    • Msgr_Moment

      Secretary of [Cheap] Labor.

      • notaten

        Make America China Again! or, something.

        • efoveks

          MAGA, MACA: they kinda look the same at a glance.

        • OrG

          China?Bangladesh maybe?

          • notaten

            Well, hopefully this story isn’t too long. I worked with a guy who lived in Mexico but had the proper papers to work here in the US. His job was to acid wash airplane propellers so they could be inspected and re-coated to meet FAA requirements. He wore a hole in his chemical protective gloves somehow, probably because he worked 14 hours a day, so asked his supervisor for a new pair. Supervisor said, you only get one pair of gloves per week, so live with it. I did not work in this guys section but I went to his supervisor and told him to give this guy some new gloves, because it was the right thing for him to do. You will never guess (you will guess) what this dickwad said to me: Mind your own business, Jose is lucky to have a job here and he will be fine. I then went to the VP in charge of my section and he told me also too to mind my own business or I could be laid off sooner rather than later. Oh, and coinkidentaly, the machinists union was trying to organize right at that time. So needless to say, I got laid off shortly after, and Jose continued to earn $8.25 an hour to get acid burns all over his hands and arms. This is the libertarian dream that a minority voted for but we will all be living.

      • Roadstergal

        Undersecretary of [Child] Labor.

    • Me The People

      It’s a victory for the little guy against the elites!

      • TJ Barke

        Drainin’ that swamp!

    • efoveks

      You know RK, this total lack of ass kissing means you’ll never be on Trump’s cabinet. :)

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      He must hate Seattle, what with its 3.2 unemployment, 15/hr minimum wage, and 80k median income.

      • Truthiness2U

        And we hate him right back! We had the second lowest votes for him of any major city.

  • Daisy

    OT: Reason why my roommate is The Best: The Body Shop had a buy three, get three deal, and she decided to let me pick out a couple items, so instead of paying $26+, I only paid $16.

    • Score!

      • Daisy

        It’s great, I actually have perfume I like for once.

        • efoveks

          I love the Body Shop. At one point I worked at Godiva. Victoria’s Secret & the Body Shop were 2 and 3 doors down. I never brought home a real paycheck the whole time. :)

          • Daisy

            Yeah, neither would I. I’m also not allowed to work for a bookstore.

          • Is a bad idea. Speaking from experience

          • IOnlyLikeCats

            No, it’s the best idea. If you have someone else willing to pay rent and food for you and all of your friends are OK with book presents.

        • My office is scent free. I bought perfume 3 years ago. Bottle is still 1/3 full

          • Daisy

            I admit, I would feel totally justified in splurging on perfume from there anyway, because perfume lasts awhile.

    • shaar dula

      oh! that Body Shop!!
      Somebody smashed my 15 year old car on 3 sides while it was parked at the train station. I took it to the body shop. Finally ended-up ordering parts online and fixing the front and the back on my own. The side rear door is still all mauled.

  • Pat_Pending

    Tee. And Hee.

  • Msgr_Moment

    oh. woe is me.

    Okay, you asked for it.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xyw3GIayapk

  • Me The People

    I really can’t stand KAC’s voice. It grates in a very special way. Can’t handle it.

    • cynmac will never surrender

      Back when W was POTUS, I had to stop listening to him also too. I would read the transcripts instead. That said, I can’t imagine KAC has anything to say that I need to hear.

      • Shan – Mildly Depraved

        The transcripts were bad enough. And IIRC they weren’t as hard to read as Trump’s.

  • Count Awesome

    Wonkette: the Goldilocks of dick jokes.

  • Ezio Auditore

    OT: Happy 100th Birthday to Kirk Douglas.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Oh, that’s wonderful. Yes. That.

      • Ezio Auditore

        He called out Donald earlier this year too. *Raises toast to Kirk*

        • Carpe Vagenda

          Have you read The Ragman’s Son? I like his movies. I loved his book.

          • Ezio Auditore

            Heard about it but haven’t read it.

          • Carpe Vagenda

            It’s kind of genius. It’s his memoir of growing up poor and jewish and really pissed off in what Trump people think of as the good old days. If you can find it, give it a read. He’s kind of amazing.

            Not least because he slapped that asshole Kubrick back to the previous century for trying to steal Dalton Trumbo’s credit for Spartacus.

    • Me The People

      Yaay. Reminds me to add “Ace In The Hole” to our xmas movie list. Been too long since I watched that.

  • efoveks

    You know you’re a really horrible journimalismer when you get tossed out with The Economist. Someone get the salts! I might think to swoon!

  • Daisy

    OT: I just heard one of the CS majors on my floor say “fuck”, I’m guessing final prep isn’t going well.

    • cynmac will never surrender

      Likely, it is some programming that doesn’t work or was lost to the aether. Back in the olden days, I got a CS minor and uttered “fuck” a lot.

      • Nounverb911

        I took Fortran using punchcards, I said “fuck” more times than I care to remember.

      • Daisy

        It’s brutal here, because Cal’s program is super competitive. My guy friend is in the program, studies almost constantly, has a B, and that still isn’t good enough because the major requires a B+ average.

      • JustDon’tSayDittos

        I took CS electives, plus we did a lot of EE work in FORTRAN. School mainframe (this was a loooong time ago) had a habit of randomly crashing. Basically we had to save every couple of minutes so we wouldn’t lose an hour’s work to the next crash.
        We didn’t say “fuck” as often as “gahd-DAMMIT”!

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      If you ain’t cussin, you ain’t codin!

      • TJ Barke

        Coding is deep magic.

        • BoatOfVelociraptors

          It’s mostly just translating from stupid human to stupid machine.

    • shaar dula

      ah! CS one of those majors who don’t discover that fuck can also be a verb until after graduation.

    • IOnlyLikeCats

      Future Mr. Cats was a CS major and doesn’t understand why I keep telling him it’s not really his fault he went over the time limit at his college (he was three credits short at the end). His college put four years of material (or slightly more) into a three year program.

    • Doug Langley

      Given the CS students I’ve taught, I’m impressed they waited this long.

  • Shibusa
  • Msgr_Moment
  • Anna Rompage

    Temporary government funding bill hits snag in Senate after House refuses to include a long term extension to fund healthcare for coal miners…

    The GOP death panels are already starting, and affecting the one core industry that Trump touted on bring jobs back too…

    • Nounverb911

      Finally a job for Palin.

    • Duke

      He’s not going to do shit for the little people. The poor fools.

      • Anna Rompage

        He’ll throw a handful of jobs back into the sector at 1/2 the wage they were making and no benefits…

      • boyblue123

        as long as they feel emboldened to call minorities and women names, theyll be happy as pigs rolling around in crap

      • Truthiness2U

        I think you meant to say, “the malignant bigots.”

        • Duke

          Actually, those people are seeing changes that they’ll like. It’s the people who believed that their lives would actually be better that will be let down.

  • btwbfdimho

    Like our President Elect, Alex Jones is a true believer in double standards.

  • Jeff Mc Donald

    How will we make sense of our lives if we can’t get irrelevant douche bags to like us? It’s like being called “The Great Satan”…although, admittedly, not as cool.

    • therblig

      how about “The Just OK Satan”?

  • Shan – Mildly Depraved

    I don’t know if anybody’s already posted this because I haven’t been around this afternoon. I also don’t quite know what it means, but…here ya go.

    *tosses chum*

    http://realtimepolitics.com/2016/12/09/breaking-electors-heading-to-court-for-emergency-hearing-to-stop-election-of-donald-trump-updating/

    • Some of the peasants seem to be getting a bit unruly. More power to them.

      • Shan – Mildly Depraved

        Yes!!

    • Anna Rompage

      If neither candidate has 270, then I believe it’s up to congress to appoint the president, which means they’d keep it the same, and use Trump as the fall guy for Pence & Rinse Pubis’s agenda…

      • Shan – Mildly Depraved

        Lalalalalala!

      • TJ Barke

        Come on guys! It’s Rancid Prepuce.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        if it’s tied at 269, it goes to the House of Representatives. Each state gets one vote, so it takes 26 votes to win

        • Doug Langley

          Well, what could go wrong? Republicans are the majority in the House and . . . I think I’ll go to bed and set the snooze alarm for 2020.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            yup, they’d just vote for Pence, most likely (assuming they don’t vote for Rump)

    • shaar dula

      IMO. Recounts and elector revolt etc are all procedural/technical victories. Fundamental fault is 50% of 50% that voted for Trump. That degenerate strand has to be shown reality and brought online.

      • Shan – Mildly Depraved

        Lalalalalala! I can’t hear you, either!

      • sw19womble

        46.2%

    • IOnlyLikeCats

      “Let’s elect someone who didn’t get any votes during the election instead of the woman who ran and won the popular vote!”

      • Shan – Mildly Depraved

        *sigh*

        • IOnlyLikeCats

          I’m hoping this is a performance art piece aimed at making the Supreme Court declare the EC unconstitutional. Because electing someone who didn’t run seems like a good way to do that.

          • sw19womble

            Smash the system!

          • Msgr_Moment

            What’s all this I’m hearing about Eric Clapton deciding the erection?

          • TJ Barke

            What’s God got to do with it?

          • Sister the Resister!

            Sort of a Tina/Joan Osborne mashup, there?

          • Shan – Mildly Depraved

            I’m just gonna take that warm little nugget of hope and hold it close.

            Not all “hug it and squeeze it and call it George” close, mind.

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=023bAm7-AgU

      • TJ Barke

        Let’s elect someone not remotely qualified…

    • Jenny

      None of this is good but really, just fuck it. Fuck it all in its sticky ear.

    • Doug Langley

      Let’s see if I have this straight . . . courageous electors don’t want to put a train-wreck like Trump in the White House . . . but confound it, Colorado law forces them to vote for the qualified winner of the vote . . . so we have to find some way around this so Cruz or Carson or JEB gets the President instead?

      Have I mentioned my eye twitching has got a lot worse?

      • Shan – Mildly Depraved

        I’m just drinking. For medicinal purposes. To avoid the eye twitching.

  • Kakariki

    OT: My “HELL. NO.” Wonkette caps arrived today! Now I can proudly promote all this fake news!

  • Duke

    We’re all feeling Rebecca’s pain. I am sure of that.

    When The Economist is “fake news” the fight is over.

    Reminds me that I didn’t put that dumpster filled with 500 freeze-dried meals on my xmas list.

  • boyblue123

    Drumpf to remain an executive producer of the Apprentice. I guess thats why no more tapes were released after the Billy Bush tape

    • Doug Langley

      Why not? It’s not as if he’ll be busy or anything.

  • ibwilliamsi

    You’re in some fine company there, Rebecca.

  • Jennifer R

    Almost made it to 5! Day drinking ahoy.

    • Anna Rompage

      I had a little brandy in my coffee this morning…

      It was a snow day here in Portland!

      • Jennifer R

        Yeah my friends up in portland pretty much did the same. One had sierra nevada christmas ale and the other got stoned?

  • boyblue123
    • Moebym, Resistance Pilot

      Pay to play. But IOKIYAR.

    • sw19womble

      Imagine if Hillary had taken Chelsea into meetings with foreign dignitaries.
      Imagine her yelling at captains of industry via her Twitter.
      Imagine her remaining executive producer for a reality tv show on NBC, with a the major news channel arm only a few studios away….

      • boyblue123

        good point…hes already done a bunch of stuff they wouldnt let Hillary get away with

      • therblig

        she could have taken in the corpse of socks and still gotten better counsel than ivanka.

  • bookish
    • Msgr_Moment

      They need someone to tell them “you’re fired!”

  • btwbfdimho

    Alex Jones watches just lesbian porn, because he only believes in fake orgasms.

    • BehaveYrself

      To be fair, those are the only kind he’s ever seen.

      • therblig

        to be honest, i’ve never met an unjust lesbian.

  • Msgr_Moment
  • Ezio Auditore

    OT: It annoys me how when a celebrity comes out and says anything even remotely progressive that right-wingers get up in arms and say how they are an actor, musician or sports star (Colin Kaepernick, Green Day etc) and that it’s not their job to get involved with politics…meanwhile, those same people elected a reality show host as President.

    • Sister the Resister!

      That annoys me too. What do the critics think – that when you attain star status of some level, you give up your right to express your opinions? Sooooo stoopid!

      • sw19womble

        Nah, just a convenient way to get people to STFU.
        Sit down. Don’t argue. Just nod at the suits in charge and do what they say…

    • shaar dula

      How are Sean Hannity, Limbaugh, Jones, Beck etc qualified to talk about politics?

      • IOnlyLikeCats

        They’re white and rich and friends with people who pay them to feed people opinions.

      • therblig

        there are people stupid enough to listen to them?

    • therblig

      some idiot on nj.com did a cut and paste of all the rightwing “celebrities” as evidence that hollywood isn’t run by libruls. obligatory bruce willis and angie harmon, and a whole bunch of b-listers. can’t recall if chachi was on the list.

      • shaar dula

        from that link:

        N.J. man indicted for stealing $56K from youth football league
        nice. finally an upright, freedom loving citizen. Santorum’s favorite citizen profile.

        • therblig

          yeah, she was posting on another story. but you missed today’s master criminal – the guy who left work yesterday with his company’s bank deposit, then quit by email and disappeared. his picture was on the front page. we’re an overwhelmingly blue state, but not all of us stop to think things through.

          • shaar dula

            man does he commit!! ossome, way to go. was a ny-nj-er myself. love the place and the people.

  • Beanz&Berryz

    OT WAY. Just bicycled home on the snowy, quickly turning to sheet-icy, streets of Portland. Biked up a steepish hill near home where neighbors with little onez were sledding. My bike geek self got a kick outta that. Stay warm allz.

    • Anna Rompage

      Glad you got home safe, it’s kind of nasty out there

    • shaar dula

      alright! you have shamed me. low 30s bright sunny day, I chickened out and took the car out.

    • Maddogjohn

      Take care.

    • Shan – Mildly Depraved

      It’s stupid cold here in Kansas but at least it’s not icy. But that’s because it’s so dry. Static is so bad I just about re-set my heartbeat every time I close my car door. And brushing my hair is a joke. It ends up looking like a ginger dandelion.

  • IOnlyLikeCats

    I was craving pizza and decided to have pizza night, I can feel my how my blood sugar is and I’m still really tempted to have a cookie and glass of milk.

    • Maddogjohn

      Sorry to hear it.

      • IOnlyLikeCats

        I don’t understand. I haven’t really eaten that much today and I didn’t eat a whole pizza or anything.

        • Mehmeisterjr

          The trouble is that whether you just bust loose and do a complete excess or whether you creep some points every day, it can still hurt you. The latter mistake is worse.

          I know this firsthand.

          I tried to adapt to being a Type-2 diabetic for a full year. I thought I was doing fine (and so did my doctor) before I almost collapsed in a diabetic episode. Figuring out how to really stabilize my blood sugar was a challenge because there is so much bullshit out there.

          Check out the book by Dr. Richard K. Bernstein (Dr. Bernstein’s Diabetic Solution) and you’ll thank me. (I have no connection, financial or otherwise with him and, for once, I am dead serious.)

          It isn’t easy but it works.

        • YetAnotherRebecca

          I’m a type 1 – in my experience, pizza is tricky because because it metabolizes more slowly due to the high fat content from the cheese and other toppings. It won’t spike your BG like other sugary “bad” foods but it will more slowly raise it and take a bit longer to get “out of your system”

          I have 14 years at this, so while I’m sure my experience (was 17, now 31) is far from universal I have noticed a few patterns

    • Up In Smoke O’hontas

      Tis hard. My dad switched from ice cream to frozen grapes…

    • Shan – Mildly Depraved

      Are you testing your blood sugar levels?

      • IOnlyLikeCats

        I am not. My doctor didn’t give me one because I was honest in that I wouldn’t use it (and I would really prefer the bloodless ones to be released in America) but generally you can tell about where you are.

  • Beowoof14

    Got my HELL NO hat today and Alex Jones is an idiot, wanker, rat fucker dog rimmer who should never be listened to.

    • sw19womble

      Why do you hate dog rimmers?!?!!!!!!!

      • Beowoof14

        Well when it comes to other dogs, nothing, Alex however.

  • Count Awesome

    Of all the fake news places on all of the interwebs, I like Wonkette the mostest.

    • Up In Smoke O’hontas

      Bigly!

  • MAZS

    Congratulations !

  • Unspeakable Deeds

    I knew this place was a sham.

    A shame that ‘entertaining’ and ‘fake’ mean the same thing these days.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      “This place” as in …?

      • JustDon’tSayDittos

        Champagne?

    • Shibusa
    • Count Awesome

      Fake is the new real now.

      • IOnlyLikeCats

        “And last week I saw Cameron Diaz at Fred Segal, and I talked her out of buying this truly heinous Alex Jones subscription. Whoever said fake is the new real was seriously disturbed.”

        • Count Awesome

          To paraphrase Edward Norton from “Birdman”: Fake news is just eql news’ slutty little cousin.

  • Incoming Ham

    Congratulations, felicitations and kudos!

    • shaar dula

      Well done. Good Job.

  • shaar dula

    Mother ! May I !!

  • Count Awesome

    Remember kids, the news is only as real as whoever is making it up these days.

  • Jonny On Maui

    For some reason this is playing in my head…

    https://youtu.be/nBB2bPwKWVg

    • Moebym, Resistance Pilot

      Love that track.

    • Shan – Mildly Depraved

      I like Moby.

      *waves hi at Jonny*

      • Jonny On Maui

        Hi Shan! Waves back…

  • sw19womble
  • TJ Barke

    Life has become an Onion article…

    • shaar dula

      What do you mean become an article? Life is an onion.

      • Sister the Resister!

        No no, ogres are onions!

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        on my belt!

    • Ezio Auditore

      Life is really a giant SIMS game.

      • The KGB Ate Our Votes

        Yeah, like when my daughters got bored playing SIMS and built a closet in the front yard and put a family member in it and waited for the grim reaper to show up.

      • TJ Barke

        Let’s hope the player doesn’t put us in the pool and remove the ladders…

  • notaten

    This is the only “fake” news site I trust anymore, because truth is lies and work will set me free, freedom is slavery, I’m sorry, I lost the thread of my thoughts, damn chemtrails

  • Jenny

    It is cold in Austin, for Austin anyway. I made hot chocolate for myself and the kids. Now my stomach hates me. I’m pretty sure the dog that sleeps next to me under the covers is going to opt out of that tonight >_<

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

    Trump at Iowa rally: he mentions the sacrifice of our veterans and says, they ‘paid the ultimate price for OUR country.’

    Dogs’ ears perked up all over the place.

    • The KGB Ate Our Votes

      He also Rick Rolled them – “We’re never going to let you down”
      .
      That’s when I clicked off Chris Hayes. Maybe MSNBC will get the message.

      • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

        They aren’t covering all the speech, just monitoring and so is CNN. Once you’ve seen one fascist, you’ve seen them all.

        • IOnlyLikeCats

          Same with a single millennium of world fashion.

    • Ezio Auditore

      Wonderful. So now he is not going to shut down those bills to help disabled and homeless veterans as “handouts” like the rest of the GOP does, right?

  • The KGB Ate Our Votes

    Has anyone told Donna Rose that she’s living a LIE?!!!111!!!!1!!

  • Nounverb911
  • Ezio Auditore

    Huh. Maybe it’s because I don’t watch his show, but it’s almost halfway through December and I haven’t yet heard Saint Bill in the news with his usual “war on Christmas” running gag. What a Christmas miracle.

  • shaar dula

    Why I love the world? Observing an elder Hispanic lady in uniform reading a Spanish translation of a philosopher who wrote in my native tongue. Every so often she would lift her head up and stare at the horizon.

  • lucidamente

    At the risk of violating the rules for commenting radicals, I have to say that if I were a parent of one of the Newtown victims and saw that little wad of fuck mouthing off about how it was all a hoax, I would get myself an AR-15 and personally end that waste of space (with votes).

  • shivaskeeper

    OT: If you’re in Snowmageddon here in the PNW, stay safe. If you have 4WD, remember it’ll help you go, but it won’t help you stop.

    If you are going to dive off the road, try to do it where I can find you cause I don’t charge people to pull them out again. Unless they speed passed me on a slick road and then drive into the ditch. I have to charge a dumbass fee for that.

    • IOnlyLikeCats

      What’s going on and should I look outside?

      • Sister the Resister!

        Don’t! It’s like reading the comments – you should never do it!

        • IOnlyLikeCats

          I would either die in an apocalypse movie or be among the only survivors if I followed that advice.

      • shivaskeeper

        Like an inch and a half of snow by Oly area. Snowmaggedon for the folks from here.

    • Sister the Resister!

      down in Eugene, things seem to be warming up – hopefully enough to keep the ice off the roads and my front porch steps.

    • boyblue123

      what do they have for snow removal equipment in Oregon? or does the area just rely on warm weather for the snow to melt and go away

      • shivaskeeper

        Not sure about OR. But western WA is pretty thin for snow removal. A few actual plows, some pick ups with plow attachments and I think the garbage trucks can have plows mounted in dire emergencies. It’s not the removal that’s the issue. It’s the panic all around me on the roads because there is some white in the pavement.

        • boyblue123

          ah ok

      • Maddogjohn

        Oregonians are panicked at the very idea of snow. I may yet go out tonight and skid down the hill into the ditch just to keep in practice.

        • boyblue123

          hahaha

          • Maddogjohn

            No fooling, we suck at driving under the best of circumstances, but the minute it snows there begins a sort of slow motion destruction derby all over town as we slide down hill into each other.

          • Notreelyhelping

            Hydroplaning’s just another word for nothing left to lose.

          • therblig

            No Tread On Me!

        • shivaskeeper

          Too far south for me to get you. You’ll be on your own for that one.

        • sw19womble
          • shivaskeeper

            Western Oregonians then. Western Washingtonians are the same way.

          • SeekingResistanceBarbie

            That is lovely. I live in the high desert, too. This makes me want to break out my snowshoes (and toe warmers).

      • Sister the Resister!

        snow plows, but scant few of ’em, and gravel to give us traction. Salt, not so much – mostly used on steps and walkways.

    • notaten

      I once had a guy in a big 4 wheel drive truck pass me on an icy 2 lane road then crash into the ditch. I did stop and ask if he was ok , then I asked if his dick got bigger or smaller as he was spinning out of control, he asked me (not very politely) to get the fuck away from him. Still enjoy remembering that conversation. I am un-apoligetically mean sometimes

      • shivaskeeper

        See, I drive a 1ton 4WD, but I know how to drive it. Downshift instead of hitting the brakes whenever possible, 500lbs of concrete over the rear axle to keep some weight on it, and remembering 4WD does not in any way help me stop. Plus not going overspeed for conditions. Nothing I can do about black ice but steer into the skid.

        Out of what I generally pull out of ditches and whatnot is about 50/50 cars and oversized trucks.

        On Monday I charged a dumbass fee to another truck that blasted past me and the snowplow I was following up the twisty hill before he drove off the road.

      • therblig

        i was driving back to school one winter on rt 78 and found myself on a patch of sheer ice as a semi roared past me. my little vega literally turned 45 degrees to the right while i kept moving forward and was able to slowly straighten myself out before hitting pavement and flipping over.

        without a doubt – smaller.

        • notaten

          But it didn’t happen because you were an asshole, it happened because you were in a Veg-a-matic. Nothing you could do about that!

          • therblig

            god, i loved that car. with the right tires and a flat, curvy road (Rt 501 through Amish country in PA), it was an awesome ride. if it weren’t for the overheating and cylinder warping aluminum blocks, they’d still be making them.

            https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/c3c9b0aa370faebec82497c2983a33b843c69e83011ed67c0a4e5272a0b62808.jpg

          • Requin de la Résistance

            I had a hand-me-down ’74 Vega coupe. Kept a case of STP in the back ….

          • notaten

            Went on several road trips in my best friends veg-a-matic back in the early 80’s, from Charleston SC to Melbourne FL, never had a major problem. Aaaah, fun times!

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      The nice thing about the drive up to Baker is that the hill is so steep when a-holes fly off the road they go a good 20 feet down into the woods and don’t block traffic. Almost always a-holes in their 4wd’s trying to take the switchbacks too fast.

      • Shan – Mildly Depraved

        I was in a vehicle like that years ago with a co-worker who was going super fast all over the snow. I mentioned how that might not be such a good idea and he pooh-poohed my concern, explaining how well his vehicle could “skedaddle” at speed. I told him I wasn’t concerned so much about how well it handled going fast but how well handled slowing down.

        He didn’t get it.

        • BoatOfVelociraptors

          Yeah… It’s the deltas. Falling is fine. That sudden stop tho…

    • Notreelyhelping

      Really, it’s beautiful and kind of peaceful. It’s also fucking cold as hell–I came back to the Left Coast to get away from this weather (and a few other things). But driving in it? Fuhgeddaboutit.

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      Not going to lie. I had a lot of fun driving on the I-90 bridge like it was a slot car track back in 2002. 4 inch deep ruts in the snow was fun.

      • shivaskeeper

        Back in the winter of ’11-’12 I was still in the Army, and the post made the call that work was cancelled except for mission essential people (emergency crews, hospital staff etc…). But that is a recommendation for local commanders, who up until that point I had never seen one disregard. I got a call from a coworker about 1800 in that the BN CDR did not in fact cancel work call, but we were supposed to be in for 0630 PT as well and anyone late was looking at a Field Grade article 15. He needed a ride since there was 20″ of snow on his street.

        I was the only jackass on the back roads heading out to his place. There were trees literally falling around me dragging down power lines in some cases. Not a pleasant drive at all. By the time I got to his place work was finally cancelled. The bonus was I left the only tire tracks in his neighborhood, and since they never did get plowed clean, everyone who lived by him was able to use my ruts to get in and out.

        • BoatOfVelociraptors

          I hope you had chains. There’s “I have to wait 2 hours for a tow” suck, and then there’s “I have to wait 2 days for a tow” suck.

          • shivaskeeper

            No shit chains on all 4 tires. None of that cable chain crap.

    • ltmcdies

      we’re just waiting for it…and yes …no traction in 4WD feels just as awful as in 2WD…

  • Count Awesome

    Alex Jones needs to receive a dildo bouquet from “Insertable Arrangements”.

    • nastymagyar

      Franchise idea of the century!!!!!!!!

  • Blacktop Autumn

    I don’t dare post this on Facebook for looking odd, but having gender dysphoria is like having a toddler on a hair trigger for a major tantrum in your brain.

    Me: “Okay, we’re gonna nail this interview. Got a nice tie, and –”
    Gender dysphoria: “NO, ICKY! THAT’S BOY STUFF!”
    Me: “I know, but we need to get through this and do well. Look good and the like.”
    GD: “I WANT TO BE CUTE!”
    Me: “Look, we’re not cute. We had laser over the weekend, and even though we shaved as close as possible that shit looks rough. Let’s do our best with this interview so we can get the job and start worrying about being cute.”
    GD: “SHUT UP, I WANT TO BE CUTE NOW!”
    Me: “Bitch, we just need to get through this. In a few weeks our super awesome friends are going to take us make up shopping and start helping us out big time! Think of how much better it will be with a solid job and more money?”
    GD: ‘FINE, BUT YOU’RE GOING TO FEEL BAD THE REST OF THE DAY AND THEN HAVE TO FIGHT REALLY HARD NOT TO CRY THE LAST HOUR OF SCHOOL IN FRONT OF A BUNCH OF HONORS KIDS!”
    Me: “I fucking hate you….”

    I did do well at the interview, and do feel better now. Just drained. :-)

    • shaar dula

      wow! cant imagine. interviews are nerve wracking by themselves without this extra layer of complexity. good luck. hope you get it.

    • Me not sure

      Best of luck. I have no idea what you feel, but I have done the “critical interview” before and can imagine the additional pressures you must have dealt with.
      Edit : Don’t sweat the “cute”. I’m a straight 69 year old former high school teacher with a white beard and a bald spot and my wife still calls my ass cute.

    • WeaselPoo

      I wouldn’t know how to advise on gender dysphoria (the old standby of “just be yourself” would probably be of no goddamn use), but I usually tell my students to try and treat the real interview they are actually facing, as a practice for the NEXT interview. Not easy to do, but worth a try.

      • Blacktop Autumn

        Honestly, I just wanted to make light of it. :-) If anything, being trans has taught me to have a good sense of humor about things you just can’t control.

        And just getting an interview was pretty good given my experience in the district. We have a long term sub leaving because she couldn’t get an interview for a teacher’s aid job like I did.

        So, I AM happy, but I feel like this actually offers insight into what we go through too.

        • Dazza

          Thanks BT. I never knew what the GD internal dialogue might sound like. Feel free to continue my education – as you need to do so.

  • Mayor_Mayor_Mayor

    When Alex Jones points the finger at others for fake news… https://youtu.be/oAXry2VcetM

  • IOnlyLikeCats

    My cookie barely fits in my glass of milk. Thanks, Obama.

    • shaar dula

      hahaha.

    • Anna Rompage

      Just be thankful you have a cookie, much less a glass… things might be awfully different in 4 years or trade wars with the rest of the world

      • IOnlyLikeCats

        Honestly if it wasn’t already pitch black here I’d go for a walk now because my blood sugar must be through the roof (I regret nothing). Hopefully I will be in Canada because if Republicans do repeal Obamacare there’s no way I could afford my medications.

    • Moebym, Resistance Pilot
  • bookish

    https://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/plum-line/wp/2016/12/08/the-coming-trump-kleptocracy-perfectly-captured-in-a-single-sentence/?utm_term=.471a505410f2

    …what needs to be emphasized is not simply that such conflicts are very real possibilities, though that’s important. It also matters greatly that our lack of knowledge of the full range and scope of [Trump] interests makes it hard to evaluate whether these conflicts are taking place in any given situation, and if so, what they truly mean.

    WSJ on Trump opacity.
    https://apple.news/AI8YoCCpoQeykJXDCEpOfzg

  • Jenny

    Here is something crazy in a not Alex Jones way!

    This youtube channel takes old vhs tapes and splices them into something ridiculous.

    In this episode, the homeless, they’re gross!

    https://youtu.be/yEabGYwb5Yc

  • Panika MCD

    Alex Jones is just cranky because he has to find a new liquor store.

    OT – funny times from the TX Sunset Hearing:

    witness suggests that LTC Allen West would be offended of someone referred to him as “sarge”. this was his response:
    “Actually, in the military that would be seen as a compliment. But if you referred to me as a sailor this week with the Army vs. Navy game, then we would have a problem.”
    (yes, he does prefer the title LTC to Fmr. Congressman and I thank him for that as someone who has to transcribe this stuff.)

    also too: best Freudian slip of the day was when Sen. Schwertner called Sen. Nichols (aka “Santa Claus”) “Sen. Knuckles”.

    • therblig

      Looney Tunes Crazy? that’s an actual rank?

  • nightmoth

    Will somebody PUH-LEAZE slip some good windowpane LSD into this man’s beverage of choice? He cannot get any crazier, and it may make him sane.

    • Jonny On Maui

      Make it a 4 way hit…

      • The DepravedDemmeFatale

        my brother’s nickname is 4 way.
        *eyeroll*

  • boyblue123
    • JVisconti

      Just tell Jeff Sessions it is a clarinet.
      ed: that was weak. how about a clarinet playing Dixie.

      • Blacktop Autumn

        Too phallic, he’d lose his shit anyway.

      • Maddogjohn

        Or tell him it’s a Jews harp. He’ll believe anything.

    • notaten

      I need to know where to buy this, for my secret santa gift this year. Ummm, it’s not for me, but it’s a gift, for someone else, not me, sooo ;)

      • boyblue123

        haha…its $700 for the bong menorah

        Heres the link:
        https://www.420science.com/products/grav-labs-menorah

        • notaten

          Great, thanks for the link. May be a leeetle out of my price range this year (or any year), but, ya never know. I could hit the Lotto, if I would just buy a ticket.

          • boyblue123

            i could never afford something like that either, I just liked posting the picture

        • JustDon’tSayDittos

          Does this mean you have to keep that thing lit for 10 days? Tommy Chong is on line 1.

          • boyblue123

            i believe it does ;)

  • bookish
    • JVisconti

      For a cool $1m, maybe Trump can get a Lawrence Welk cover band to perform.

    • yyyaz

      Make that 3, WTF, 6 new Air Force Ones.

    • Pinkham’s Law

      Meh. Same amount they gave for Obama’s inaugural. Surprized Donnie isn’t bitching at them to give MOAR because of inflation.

  • Panika MCD

    we’ve been at this since 9 am and people are starting to mix up TDLR and TL;DR if anyone’s interested in forming a drinking game:

    http://tlcsenate.granicus.com/MediaPlayer.php?view_id=5&event_id=2055

    • Panika MCD

      p.s. TDLR = Texas Department of Licensing and Regulation…they’re suggesting a number of licensing boards be transferred there.

    • Maddogjohn

      Are you going to be all right?

      • Panika MCD

        I got an hour break a little while ago. I just thought it’d be nice to have some company. people in TX appreciate my non-sequiturs on the FacePlant, but that doesn’t mean they’ll watch it with me.

        • Maddogjohn

          Thank you for your service

      • Panika MCD

        I keep trying to put in Sen. S. Thompson (aka “Miss T” if you start watch) when she lost the primary for the senate seat and so will remain a rep.

      • Panika MCD

        they’re also doing 2 days in a row of this one. and Prima Momma was being extra Prima yesterday so while my Transpo hearings were significantly shorter (only about 4.5 hours), I didn’t get them finished until after midnight.

  • Reality Kills

    I flip my finger to everyone that is trying to stay optimistic despite Donald is the president-elect.

    • shaar dula

      ya but basic life is still the same no?

    • Jonny On Maui

      Why ya want to be hating on the optimists? They’ve got enough problems…

      • Reality Kills

        I agree. Donald is just enough.

        • efoveks

          Don’t worry: you flip off an optimist and all you get is someone who tells you about how a little birdie learned to fly today. ;)

          • bookish

            When someone tells me to be positive, I’m usually positive I want to smack them. Votes, whutevs.

    • Maddogjohn

      I’m cautiously pessimistic, myself; I’d say it’s a little early to take a wait-and -see attitude, but I’m as flexible as the next guy when it comes to keeping our powder dry and keeping our eye on the prize.

    • Panika MCD

      we cannot fight without optimism. lighten up.

      • Reality Kills

        Optimism? LOL! Donald and his supporters killed all that!

        • Panika MCD

          so…I’m supposed to just give up because there’s nothing to hope for?

          • Reality Kills

            Panika … or move to Canada…. This is a commercial paid for Moving 2 Canada if Donald Wins!

          • Panika MCD

            they need to update their servers to add capacity to deal with all the extra traffic they’re getting already. besides, I just ended a hearing which could have gone until midnight in 30 minutes, from home, with one FacePlant post. because my state senator is awesome. so there’s plenty of reason for hope right there.

          • The DepravedDemmeFatale

            just was on minted.com looking at cards.
            they keep track of all this:
            since the election, the word “cheer” has lost popularity, and the words “hope” and “peace” have gained.
            hmmm…

  • IOnlyLikeCats

    Wow Trumpeters are actually living in an alternate reality. Does anyone know how to fix a Recall experience gone this wrong?

    • Panika MCD

      ask Arnold?

  • Nounverb911
    • shaar dula

      mindblowing!!

    • Sister the Resister!

      I could probably watch that the whole time you are making dinner – kinda mesmerizing…

    • Doug Langley

      Enlightening!

    • shaar dula

      meanwhile 2hrs later I still have this gif doing its thing on my other monitor.

      I need to learn how to reproduce this.

  • Christopher Boscarino

    That’s a good list to be included in. Maybe next a Pulitzer?

    • Nounverb911

      Certainly not Omarosa’s!

    • shaar dula

      Doc could. He really could on a DC beat, don’t you think? He’s like a treasure trove of context.

  • It’s bad that i’m watching Designated Survivor for ideas?

    • IOnlyLikeCats

      Ideas for what, exactly?

      • Just….ideas. that in no way coincide with my War of 1812 reenactment plans.

        • IOnlyLikeCats

          Make sure to actually burn the flag this time.

          • Amy!

            Ignore the flag, ignore the white house. Burn the resident, please (wait at least six weeks before acting on this suggestion, thanks).

          • IOnlyLikeCats

            With votes, with votes.

          • sw19womble

            You’re going to need a bigger vote.
            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QT9BeGNnCqw

        • sw19womble

          You need help from any Brits again? ;p

          • Maybe. Your equiptment is in better shape than ours.

          • sw19womble

            I will have to whip it out and dust it down.
            Will keep you posted…

          • Requin de la Résistance

            Yes, we do. Would mind asking Elizabeth Windsor if she would reconsider the US as a colony?

          • sw19womble

            Let’s start with 13 colonies and go from there. I fear many of the rest of the states are beyond redemption.
            You can make John Oliver Lieutenant Governor if you like….

          • Requin de la Résistance

            Maybe add the western liberal elite states of Washington (western part), Oregon (western part), and California?

          • Canada will welcome them as our three newest provinces with open arms.

          • Requin de la Résistance

            No fair! If you guys get Justin, we have to have a handsome Governor or Governess. Prince Harry seems to be available at the moment …. or maybe that nice Princess Eugenie? She’s already living in NY ….

          • I may be wrong about the open arms thing though. We keep turning down Turks & Caicos

          • sw19womble

            Turks are okay (lovely coffee), but I don’t trust the look of them Caicos one bit. No sirree.

          • Fun peronal fact: i lived across the street from the Embassy for Trinidad & Tobago for a year. Surprisingly quiet, no fun parties

          • Next time live across from the Jamaican Embassy.

          • Amy!

            So, CA, CA?

            BTW, what’s the relative population of CA, US, vs. CA (all of it)? Just idle curiosity (and laziness, ’cause I don’t wanna go look it up).

          • Cali is larger population than all of Canuckistan

          • IOnlyLikeCats

            Your country is basically empty.

          • sw19womble

            Nah, it’s just fucking mahoosive.

          • The trees like the space.

          • sw19womble

            Manitoba laughs at wee Nebraska’s cute little prairie.

          • ltmcdies

            I’m glad something gives Manitoba joy during the long night….

          • shaar dula

            but the new map might raise a few eyebrows?

          • We don’t usually listen to Cartographers for Social Equality

          • Requin de la Résistance

            Thankfully, Florida wasn’t one of the original 13 …

          • shaar dula

            rofl

        • Mayor_Mayor_Mayor

          I will be glad to collaborate when Justin’s Fusilliers reach the republic of Massachusetts. Hell I will scout and guide them all the way to western NC.

        • ltmcdies

          thought…Washington has a hockey team…Toronto has a hockey team (allegedly)…I am sure the descendants of the last 1812 “visitors” could be disguised under helmets and shoulder pads.

  • IOnlyLikeCats

    Exactly how quickly would a Democrat be investigated for bribery and intimidation doing what Donnie is doing?

    • Jonny On Maui

      Probably would have started yesterday…

    • boyblue123

      A democrat probably wouldnt have had to actually do anything. Wikileaks would have just leaked some made up BS and the wingnuts over at the FBI would have started an investigation

    • Panika MCD

      depends on who has jurisdiction.

    • Mayor_Mayor_Mayor

      Two days before they actually did something

    • shivaskeeper

      Pre investigation, along the lines of the pre-impeachment some of the wingnuts were talking about.

      Or no more than 8 seconds after any statement was made.

  • Panika MCD

    using testimony as an advertising opportunity 11.5 hours into a hearing? yeah, that makes me want to punch you in the face with a beep from the timer.

    • Sounds like a fun time for everyone. The punching, i mean, not the 11.5 hrs of testimony

      • Panika MCD

        just punching with the timer’s beep. it’s like “with votes” but in the hearing room. we should give the chair a button to trigger that beep when they do that bullshit.

    • shaar dula

      alright then. easy does it.

  • WeaselPoo

    Having seen this list, I’m sure glad I renewed my subscription to the Ancient Alien Unicorn & Silicone Tits BatBoy Picayune-Shopper

    • Jonny On Maui

      They have the best articles!

      • shaar dula

        yup I read it for the articles too.

        • notaten

          It’s the only real news, that you can trust, that THEY don’t control, you know

        • efoveks

          Not me. I’m in it for the pikcherz. To color, I swear.

      • WeaselPoo

        Indeed..I prefer them to the explicit photos of found objects, but I really enjoy the process of skipping those as an exercise in adult discernment and freedom of thought and will. I also avoid the opinions, the ads, the special features, horoscope, crossword, comics and official notices. I think basically I like the periods the best, because then I get to connect the dots however I want.

        • shaar dula

          haha. rofl.

    • theblackdog

      But does it have Dear Dotti?

  • IOnlyLikeCats

    So there is a post on Facebook about the Human Rights Campaign (a coincidence they have the same initials as HRC? I think not!) talking about educators seeing a difference after the campaign and a Trumpeter went onto the post and said that because they hadn’t heard of that before it might be a lie. #logic

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      That would be a fun game – see what else doesn’t exist because this close-minded fool hasn’t heard of it.

      • efoveks

        Wow, we’re gonna be here all night if we start listing all that out.

        Should I order….. PIZZA?????? bwahahahahahahahaha!

      • YoNastyBunny

        Yeah, if it’s not in any of the oh sobprestigious twatter accounts he follows, it totally didn’t happen.

      • Deodorant.

        • HogeyeGrex

          Sadly, birth control.

  • Ricky Gay

    My goodness. What a banner day for my beloved Wonkette! Not just for the honor of being lumped in with the rest of the lamestream media as purveyors of ALL the false news. But because of the mass of fine reporting exhibited today alone! In fact, I have decided to retire as of 12/31 because my job interferes with my ability to keep up with the posts! Rebecca runs the finest website on the internets, and I have said so long before Rachel Maddow did. (PBUH) Soon I will have all of the times for the jiggery & the pokery. And I will continue to tithe what I can. God bless us everyone!

    • WOT! Congrats, Ricky, if a good thing. Reading it as a good thing XD You could move to hawaii and hang out in the snow with Johnny maybe

      • Ricky Gay

        it is a GREAT thing! Tnx!

        • I am mondo jelly. By the time I reach that august age, there will be no SS, no medicare, and very likely, no jerbs at all. WOO!

          • Ricky Gay

            I remain cautiously optimistic that they cannot destroy it all. And if they do, you can come visit me and kitty and develop a taste for Fancy Feast! (the Chicken Pâté is not so bad)

          • SNORK. Well pretty sure you already olds are gonna be all grandfathered so, bonus! Ya’ll get to take care of your kids again!

          • Requin de la Résistance

            That assumes they ever left.

          • Ricky Gay

            such a Debbie Downer! Heck, I will even put in my teef when you visit!

          • I might do the same! Cause dental…lolz, yeah that was nice to have once XD

        • Jonny On Maui

          You’ll have to bring your own snow… :-)

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    Trump saying the protestors are on “our side”, “they just don’t know it yet”.

    Sorry, but I’s immune to brainwashing sir.

    • boyblue123

      with his son-in-law’s paper calling for an FBI investigation into the protesting, theyll never be on his side

    • IOnlyLikeCats

      Didn’t he also say tonight that his supporters would like what they have in store? Doesn’t that sound like a threat?

    • bookish

      http://www.mediamatters.org/blog/2016/12/07/news-outlet-owned-trump-son-law-posts-op-ed-calling-fbi-investigation-anti-trump-protests/214747

      Jared Kushner, the son-in-law of President-elect Donald J. Trump, has spoken to a lawyer about the possibility of joining the new administration, a move that could violate federal anti-nepotism law and risk legal challenges and political backlash.

      Mr. Trump is urging his son-in-law to join him in the White House, according to one of the people briefed. The president-elect’s sentiment is shared by Stephen K. Bannon, the chief strategist for the White House, and Reince Priebus, who was named chief of staff. Mr. Kushner accompanied Mr. Trump to the White House on Thursday, when the president-elect held his first in-person meeting with President Obama.

      • The DepravedDemmeFatale

        i hate thinking of him meeting with Obama.
        he is not fit to breathe the same air.

        (yep. feeling pissed off tonight.)

  • efoveks

    OT, but KC just scored again. Hill– fastest man in the NFL just got another one!

  • bookish
    • Requin de la Résistance

      There has to be an impeachable offense in these deals somewhere ….

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Part of the scheme to get the Trumpanzees to read nothing outside of the wingnuttosphere. They’re going to need that, to keep them ignorant of how Trump is fucking them over.

    • Count Awesome

      Breaking news from infowars: Trump’s policies already working bigly; turn in tomorrow for more yooge news.

    • TJ Barke

      But we’re the blind sheeple…

      • Don’t believe anything except on the places we tell you to look….but liberals are the real sheep who believe what they are told!!!!!
        ERt.
        ok then!

        • TJ Barke

          Self awareness is hard impossible…

          • This ain’t even self awareness anymore, TJ, it is basic brain function.
            1+1= 2 type shit.
            If you are told to believe only what you are told, then it is not those others who are believing only what they are told.
            I mean…seriously.

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          I left a comment calling it “Pravda for wingnuts.”
          It’s the truth, so I’m sure it will get taken down.

          • It is funny how liberals can read their stuff and find it wanting- even helpfully point out where they got it wrong for them- and THEY are the ones who live in a bubble.
            While they actively tell their people to not believe anything but what they are told there, and…no one has a problem with that?
            Makes me want to start a new fake wingnut news place that is even more insane, for the sole purpose of turning people from the “liberals” at infowars

          • TJ Barke

            If you’re morally bankrupt enough, you can pull it off!

      • Count Awesome

        And Donald is their one eyed king.

  • FAMOUS!!!!!!!
    Am I the only one geeking out that they count Wonkette up there with all the actual reputable news stuffies in the us of a?

    • If only those News stuffies had half the balls of teh Wonkette

    • efoveks

      I’m impressed. Mommyblogs rule!

    • WomanInTheResistance

      That is pretty cool. And we have better dick jokes too.

      • Count Awesome

        Who needs to be a fake news site when you can be a magical mystery emporium of dick jokes?

      • We have WAY better dick jokes than CNN.
        Though they have more dicks

  • John Smith

    OT: Trump ego; anything he can put or keep his name on, FFS!

    From USA Today

    As president, Trump will keep role on ‘Celebrity Apprentice’

    http://usat.ly/2hqmSWF

    • Requin de la Résistance

      Oh FFS! It’s not like our allies aren’t laughing hard enough at the US already?

      • sw19womble
        • Requin de la Résistance

          My British colleagues are laughing and saying, “we told you so!” The Brexit vote showed them that any stupid thing is possible.

        • Dazza

          Too true.

        • Shan – Mildly Depraved

          I miss that show. Especially after the Irish guy left. It kind of went downhill after that.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      *blinks* Does he honestly believe this is a 9-5 job?

      • sw19womble

        Not even that. Probably have some staffers read some stuff at him, then onto the White House lawn for some pitch and putt….

      • IOnlyLikeCats

        I was about to ask does he even understand this is a job?

        • Requin de la Résistance

          No, he doesn’t. And he doesn’t give a shit, as he truly believes he can do whatever the hell he wants.

        • John Smith

          He wouldn’t recognize a job if it bit him on the hair.

          • Requin de la Résistance

            Hair Ferret™ Bites Back!

          • Shan – Mildly Depraved

            I want to see that video.

      • shivaskeeper

        He really has no idea what the job entails.

      • bookish

        Weekends in NYC is the plan.

    • WeaselPoo

      Maybe the more real reality he can backburner as Unprecedent of the USA, the less damage he can do? Just grasping at straws, for a friend.

      • HogeyeGrex

        Nah. He’s got the best people fucking everything up for him. All he’s going to do for the next four years is sign whatever Pence puts in front of him and keep adding the names of anyone who tweets anything less than complimentary about him to his enemies list.

        Oh, and bask in the adoration of the truly vile. At least until they figure out they’ve been conned, and then everyone on both sides of the aisle will be throwing rotten cabbages at him if he shows his face in public.

        • Requin de la Résistance

          So … about two weeks after the inauguration?

          • HogeyeGrex

            After?

            Actually, I’m sure there are those who will never figure it out and will praise Trump with their dying, black-lunged breath even while they watch Blankenship and Goldman-Sachs suck down their retirement.

            Slicey the fuckin’ Pig.

    • IOnlyLikeCats

      Turn the set into the oval office, he’ll never notice the difference!

      • notaten

        He’s only going to be in the oval office for a few hours a week, so just do the green screen with pics of all of his “properties”, anywhere that’s not anywhere near the big red button

    • shaar dula

      nice. so cool and edgy.

      relax man, it’s not like he himself is a celebrity apprentice to the most important job in the world.

    • Count Awesome

      I thought his cabinet search was just about over.

    • uhm. I was very sure CBS fired him and replaced him with Arnold, no?

      • Count Awesome

        One groper leaves, another takes over.

        • meh, executive producer. That is not really a real role. He just gets some capital pushing it.
          And my bad, NBC, not CBS though for some reason I really thought it was CBS

          • John Smith

            Still have his name flashed on the TV. Like being President doesn’t have enough exposure.

          • sw19womble

            No possible conflict of interest with their news-entertainment arm tho…

        • The DepravedDemmeFatale

          the original “Gropenfuhrer.”
          (that’s what he was called when he was gov. of CA.)

      • sw19womble

        Executive Producer is basically “yeah you were involved in the original so here have loads of money”

      • IOnlyLikeCats

        They just decided to get a different face. He still gets credit and money.

    • shaar dula

      The Apprentice is a far more important task.*

      * DJT on Twitter: The Presidency is a far more important task!

    • Panika MCD

      that can’t fucking be legal.

      • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

        It probably isn’t. Ask Donald Trump if he gives a shit, though.

        • Panika MCD

          this isn’t the Barney Xmas videos.

        • Courser

          And no one to hold him account, just a bunch of boot lickers.

  • IOnlyLikeCats

    Apparently the ex-wife of Carl’s Jr.’s CEO “emailed” him to apologize and say he was never abusive and apologize and she regretted the allegation which some spokesperson sent to the news… That’s not suspicious at all, especially since his denial of abuse made no logical considering the injuries reported (the police were involved in the incident), had several plot holes, and his wife could not be contacted directly. So, to recap, just another abusive lying jerkwad who might be in charge of US governance.

    • Count Awesome

      So “when did you stop beating your wife?” is not a loaded question for him?

  • Poly_Ester

    The Economist may be a Tory rag, but it does a good job of cvering American politics

    • I find it odd he did not list Newsweek in that considering how the dude totally shredded him inat one.

      • boyblue123

        he probably just forgot it in his fit of rage

      • Poly_Ester

        The NYT has become something of an ally in the name of fairness. Others would call it an enabler.

  • Utterly OT, but who wouldn’t watch this? (Feel free to ignore the guy in the spandex):

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/98323b818cd351932eb3d936d9c11be839a061e022d11f5c2554f4a97394f304.jpg

    • One of these things is not like the other…
      Also, how many shows are they gonna give that dude on the left? Forget his name, but he’s had like eleventy hundred shows.

      • sw19womble

        Ah he was great in that Starship Troopers spin off and also Ravenous. Superb indie horror movie.

      • Neal McDonough, and the guy in the trench is my imaginary gay husband, John Barrowman

    • Panika MCD

      today, OT means “occupational therapy”. and I think I’m just going to start translating text-speak into what it say to me.

      • That sounds like a good plan :D

      • I have the same issue. And the OT manager decided to finally do her job today for the first fucking time. Which doesn’t make me ragey at all

        • Panika MCD

          you have no idea how long it took for me to get “TL;DR”.

          • LotR was my waterloo
            Took me many many much too long times to get that one and it ain’t like I am not a fan, it is just that my brain does not work in chat speak, having no propensity for language

          • WomanInTheResistance

            I disagree that you have no propensity for language. As your posts are insightful, and frequently very funny. Not speaking text is not shameful. Of course, I use a flip phone, and cannot be considered cutting edge.

          • Oh no, lolz, having no propensity for language just means you are a dope when trying to learn a new one.
            Hence why 2 years of Spanish and I got…donde esta el bano?
            And five terms of russian yielded proshla ka ruskaiya adu
            Edit: Just a nicer way of saying I suck at learning new languages ^.^

          • Donde esta la biblotecha?

          • erm, that is either dance hall or library, right? Thinking library, biblo sounds booky like bible

          • It’s from a rap i learned from comedy TV show Community.

            https://youtu.be/j25tkxg5Vws

          • I forgotted, I can also ask a waiter for two cokes.
            Comerero, dos coca-colas por favor! Danke!

          • Shan – Mildly Depraved

            All you really need to know after ¿Dónde está el baño? is ¡Más cerveza por favor!

          • Courser

            I was just going to say that! It was very convenient when I was in Mexico.

          • WomanInTheResistance

            Yey ghughra bhot mehenghi hey. One year of HindI.

          • uhhhhmmmm either you are welcome, or we should take this to my place *waggles brows*

          • WomanInTheResistance

            This skirt is too expensive.

            also “George Bush gober ki taki kata hey.” I got extra credit for that. It means “George Bush eats dried cow dung patties.”

          • niiicceeeee one. Ki taki kata hey.
            I LIKE IT

          • WomanInTheResistance

            The gober part is quite important.

          • But the other bit makes it sound all aristocats.
            Ahhh a rinki tinki tinki
            Still, gober ki taki kata hey has a good rhythm to it too!

          • Shan – Mildly Depraved

            Remember to NEVER ask “quantos anos tienes” without ALL the tildes. ~

          • Jonny On Maui

            Good evening WomanInTheResistance. I’ve missed you during my B5 binge. How are you this evening?

          • WomanInTheResistance

            I am well, thank you. And I missed you during my mistaken thought that my tablet had died during a freak gravitational disaster. (It was the charger.) How are you this Evening? And is B5 available on Hulu or Netflix, do you know? It sounds awesome.

          • Jonny On Maui

            I’m good! Alas B5 is not available streaming from Netflix, Hulu or Amazon. I unpacked my dvds….

          • WomanInTheResistance

            One of the unsung pleasures of moving, then. You do get a chance to reacquainted yourself with old friends.

          • Jonny On Maui

            Some of my anime is calling my name. I’m resisting for now… :-)

          • WomanInTheResistance

            When I was unable to stream, I went back and watched a lot of dvds. And actually read books. I missed you all a lot, but it was nice to check in with those things again. I had forgotten how “Shoeless Joe” always reduces me into a puddle of wistful tears.

          • Jonny On Maui

            I have all of my Warhammer 40K books, codexes and other documentation. If I were to fall into that I’d never come back out.

            That doesn’t include the Elder army still living in their original boxes…

          • WomanInTheResistance

            Every January I take a week off from work. And go through the complete works of Jane Austin. With the exception of “Sense and Sensibility”, because I don’t much like it. It usually ends in watching the A & E Pride and Prejudice. And wine. And chocolates. Nothing wrong with having those angularIities in one’s character. At least I hope not.

          • I do that in spring with Dragon lance (Chronicles and Legends, not so much the other stuffies). Not quite high art but it only takes a couple days XD

          • WomanInTheResistance

            Nothing wrong with that at all. And I didn’t mean to sound all show-offy. Jane Austin’s books I find very fucking funny, yet kind. She had a very clear-eyed view of her world, aaaand…I’m sounding pretentious again. Sorry.

            All I meant is that all of us have things that resonate with us. And that is right and good that we have our own beauty in this sad old world.

          • Not pretentious at all! I like Jane fine, and her tongue in cheek and dry wit are especially delightful ^.^
            I should re-read some of her stuff. Been years, so probably over due. I find re-reading things I have read multiple times before gives me even a greater pleasure and understanding ^.^

          • Jonny On Maui

            There’s not a thing wrong with that.

          • Really. Is on Netflix Canuck?

          • Jonny On Maui

            I have no idea. Is it?

          • It was when i was scrolling through a couple of weeks ago

          • Jonny On Maui

            Another reason to head north…

          • Did Hawaii get 4 feet of snow? My son mentioned that and I am all….Hawaii?

          • Jonny On Maui

            You’re going to make me look, aren’t you?

          • made ya look, made ya look!
            And DANG, what the hey. You should be like 70 degrees and laughing at New York.

          • Jonny On Maui

            Well, we are here on Maui…

          • ok it is weird to be in a state where it is all 70 in one corner and snowing 4 feet in another. Unless that be like Colorado where that shit goes down all the time because mountains.
            snicker. You get to laugh at New York AND the big island!

          • Jonny On Maui

            Yup! On the big island…

          • Shan – Mildly Depraved

            If it makes you feel any better, I had my flip phone for probably 2 years before I realized I could text with it.

          • WomanInTheResistance

            It took me forever to realize that too. I have finally trained my friends and co-workers to actually pick up the damned phone and talk to me, because texting on my phone is a uniquely tedious experience. Brief texts are fine, but if you want more than a simple sentence, it’s gonna be verbal.

          • Shan – Mildly Depraved

            Oh, I’m the opposite. I hate talking on the phone other than for “WHERE ARE YOU, I’M TRYING TO PICK YOU UP!” or “I’M AT THE GROCERY STORE, WHAT DO YOU WANT?” kind of urgent things. Otherwise, I’m email or text.

          • Courser

            I’ve kind of gotten the same way, especially like a simple question. Today I texted my baby brother asking for his new email address, since he blew up his partnership after the election. Quick & easy.

          • WomanInTheResistance

            And, of course, that is fine too. As I said, texting on my phone for more than a sentence or two is really annoying.

          • Panika MCD

            I have no idea what that is. sounds like a trade group.

          • Panika MCD

            yeah, I’m dumb. but it took me a while to get GoT as well.

          • True Story: I did not get GoT until like last month. Have not seen it nor read it so I don’t know.
            I just read it as “got” and wondered what the hell people were talking about.

          • I do not speak interwebz

      • sw19womble

        Oopsie! I thought it was a movie about Operating Thetans.

      • Courser

        I consider this here mommy blog and recipe hub occupational therapy. It keeps me sane in these totally insane time. Social interaction is important.

    • Pinkham’s Law

      I pay extra attention to guys in spandex.

      • Not when John Barrowman is standing there

        • Shan – Mildly Depraved

          Wait…what is he wearing?

        • Pinkham’s Law

          Who? Which one is he?

          • Fedora and trenchcoat

          • Pinkham’s Law

            Oh. OK. Well, taste is subjective, isn’t it?

          • It’s mostly that he is stupidly charming. And sings. And loves puppies.

            https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/6bd5dc02f71887eb920b99036862e5415482a8bc9f139fd33b0d9ee4b35eb6de.jpg

          • Pinkham’s Law

            Now, THAT’S a picture! I can see why you’d find him interesting!

          • Courser

            Well, he was pretty drop-dead when he was younger. I haven’t seen him in a long time. And Pickwick is right, he’s hysterical and absolutely oozes a particular androgynous sex appeal that’s quite… universal. He’s complicated.

            ETA: Correction: He was never androgynous. Bowie could be androgynous in my book. Barrowman is all male, but in a yes, universal way. He’s hot even to straight guys.

          • Shan – Mildly Depraved

            Fedora?! No!

          • Or is it a Trilby??????

          • Shan – Mildly Depraved

            BURN THEM ALL!!!!

          • WomanInTheResistance

            But I wear them all at work!!! It’s either that or a fucking baseball cap. I would die first.

          • JCfromNC

            John Barrowman, Captain Jack Harkness of Doctor Who and Torchwood fame, currently playing Malcolm Merlyn in Arrow (and Legends of Tomorrow, since that’s where this picture is from). He’s the guy in the middle.

          • Pinkham’s Law

            Well, I’ve heard of Doctor Who . . .

          • He was the first Omnisexual character on TV

          • Shan – Mildly Depraved

            Nomnisexual.

          • Fun with Cthulhu

            Om-nom-nom-nisexual

          • Shan – Mildly Depraved

            Yeah, pretty much!

          • Shan – Mildly Depraved

            Fuck. Now I HAVE TO WATCH ARROW.

          • Yes you do!!!!!

          • Shan – Mildly Depraved

            Only if you watch Dr. Who!

            Start with the Christopher Eccleston ones. Yeah, it’s a LOT of eps ago. If you want to go a step back even more, catch one with Paul McGann.

            Mmm….Paul McGann…..

          • I have seen all the NuWho…and i love me some 9. 10 had better hair, but 9 had a certain je ne sais quois

          • Shan – Mildly Depraved

            Oh! I thought you were making noises like you didn’t know about it!

            Or is it Torchwood you haven’t watched?

          • Nope, watched all that too. And most of The SarahJane adventure

          • It is Pinks who haz not heard of the feller. Picks plans to marry him gayly, which will probably cause people confusion but, you know, Canadian. They be weird with their maple syrup and politeness and such

          • Yea, for i have verily blown whole weekends watching his Con panels on youtube

          • you said blown……

          • Of course i did. Sadly, genitals are too “innie” for him to be interested

          • BUMMER. Though as far as crushes go, having one for a gay guy is all good in the hood since fantasy and all that XD

          • Best thing was when he was Faceplacing live from his hot tub and his hubby wandered into the shot…. naked…he’s hung like a donkey

          • Shan – Mildly Depraved

            But Barrowman is already gay-married. I don’t that’s allowed twice, even now.

          • According to the wingnuts you can marry your lawn mower now, so girl boy boy should be ok!

          • Shan – Mildly Depraved

            Good gravy, I forgot about that. Maybe because I like my crock pot better.

          • I myself would gay marry my ceder swing. It is awesome, Shan. IT IS CEDER. And swings. And sits in the garden being all ceder swingy.
            It is also the nicest piece of furniture that I own which probably says much about me, really.

  • IOnlyLikeCats

    Is anyone else watching Rachel Maddow right now?

    • JCfromNC

      I catch the midnight repeat while I’m at work. Why?

    • Pinkham’s Law

      Just switched over. What did I miss?

      ETA: apparently, the entire show.

      • IOnlyLikeCats

        You know the Somali-American Congresswoman? She was told on a cab ride (by the driver) from the White House to the hotel that she needed to shut up, many things she would (or could) not repeat on television, and called ISIS. EDIT: By an African taxi driver.

        • ….

          • IOnlyLikeCats

            My edit says the taxi driver was African.

          • Pinkham’s Law

            I’m not sure if that makes it better or worse. 0.o

          • Does not matter either way. Bigot is bigot is bigot is bigot.

          • Pinkham’s Law

            Well, it kinda does. I can – almost – give somebody a pass if they grew up/lived in an oppressive, radical Islamic area (because, yeah – those DO exist), are PTSD because of it, and misunderstood who they were picking up because they, being already a refugee, are psychologically incapable of trusting anyone visibly aligning with Islam *deep breathe, because that was one hell of a runon*, but that’s a hell of a lot of intersectionality, isn’t it?

          • Hm. No, I can’t understand anyone treating another human shitty because.
            I should think those oppressed would especially be sensitive about actively suppressing other human beings who themselves did them no wrong, seeing as that would make them align more with their oppressors.
            Well, I can understand it, rationally, just…do not like XD

          • Pinkham’s Law

            Perhaps you missed that I required, like, 18 levels of intersectionality to arrive at a position where it was understandable? YES !!!!! Snark level indecipherable! NEVER thought I could get here!!!!!!

          • rofl no, I got that, I was just on a serious bend so I lept over it XD
            Though your snark level is supreme awesome mecha +100, as you know.

          • shivaskeeper

            Well shit, I missed the snark and my reading comprehension is usually spot on. You got me there.

          • shivaskeeper

            Jen is right. When I was a kid we had a few Jewish neighborhoods around us. Some of the folks were survivors of the progroms and concentration camps. Some of THEM were some of the most racist fucking people you would ever want to meet.

          • That would make Picky more right than me XD
            I mean I get it, I do. I just…idk. One would think having experienced oppression would make you less able to oppress yourself seeing as that would make you the very thing that treated you badly.
            But then I forget, humans are nuts.

          • shivaskeeper

            I meant about the bigot is a bigot is a bigot part. For some people it’s just who they are, and literally nothing will change it.

          • Something has to change it, shiva. Otherwise there is no hope and that is something I refuse to accept as an option.
            I think instead people CAN change, they just choose not to for various reasons including but not limited to limited emotional capacity, fear, and good old fashioned lack of gray matter.
            *note: I do not include lack of education in this because if a lack of education was a root cause, then the solution would be simple education.

          • shivaskeeper

            Some will change over time. But only because they genuinely want to and have changed their beliefs. It can’t be forced on them.

            For some, they are going to need to get old and die off, preferably alone and as miserable as they have made others. They very deliberately do not want to change.

            Sometimes my optimism runs head first into my cynicism.

          • I get those times too.
            I like to call myself an optimistic cynic, or an idealistic realist.
            Or a realistic idealist. Maybe a cynical optimist.
            Basically, you hope for the best! Buuuuttttt you prepare for the worst, just in case.

          • IOnlyLikeCats

            Worse. She also has African heritage and when she reminded him the culture was for them to respect each other (because she was young enough to be his daughter) he told her he didn’t have disgusting daughters.

          • Murrica, fuck yeah.
            *throws up hands*

          • sw19womble

            Sounds like he’s assimilated into the republican lifestyle pretty well.

          • Pinkham’s Law

            Had not seen that quote. Fuck. But its all fake news because it’s in the MSM!!!!!! Never happened. Because we said so!!!

        • Pinkham’s Law

          Yes. I read about that. For Fuck’s Sake, people!

  • Panika MCD

    dammit! a) the board of PTs doesn’t know efficiency for shit because they have 6 points they’ve split between 4 witnesses which are all the same and b) Larry Gonzales and Van Taylor have forgotten how to work the timer. the subject is how they don’t believe consolidation of agencies would provide efficiency.

    • Now THAT is some mighty fine Texas Irony XD

      • Panika MCD

        oh, no. there have been better in the past couple days.

        Exhibit A: the members of the Board of Marriage and Family Therapists can’t recognize problems that are right in front of their faces and are fucking manipulative bastards who are like, “yeah, we totally suck. can you just trust us to change?” (we need to separate “the Trump Effect” into a spectrum.)

        Exhibit B: the guy from Penotol Technologies yesterday who was pushing level 1 autonomous vehicles could not work his Power Point clicker.

        • ok, B is awesome XD I would have laughed in his face.
          IN HIS FACE

          • Panika MCD

            I would have also too, but I was doing it from home and he wasn’t as bad as the people pushing removing our motor vehicle laws because: innovation. they also said they did not have a list of recommendations because Trump might do it all by hisself.

          • *facepalm*

      • Panika MCD

        my state senator is my hero. he saw my complaint on the FacePlant, came back from the holiday party he was hosting and addressed it.