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Take THAT, Trump.
Take THAT, Trump.

If you know us for personal, you know that we love Fiona Apple very much. And that is why we’re happy to show you a Christmas present Fiona made for you, and for us, and for Donald Trump. You see, she changed the words to “The Christmas Song” AKA “Chestnuts Roasting On An Open Fire.” Instead of CHESTnuts, it is Trump’s nuts! Here, have a listen, lyrics after the jump:

Trump’s nuts roasting on an open fire
as he keeps nipping at his foes.
you’ll cry creepy uncle
every time he arrives
for he keeps clawing at your clothes
everybody knows some money and entitlement
can help to make the season white
mothers of color with their kids out of sight
will find it hard to sleep at night.

They know that truuump is on his way.
he’s got black boys in hoodies locked up on his sleigh
and every working man is going to cry
when they learn that Letch don’t care how you live or if you die

Sooo I’m offering this simple phrase
to kids from 1 to 92
although it’s been said many times, many ways
Merry Christmas to you
Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas
Donald Trump, fuck you

Paper Magazine says Trump “HAD BETTER NOT” tweet about Fiona Apple, and we’d agree.

The wingnut website Newsbusters is having a shitfit explosion all over the ugly Christmas sweater its Nana knitted for it, giving it a “language warning,” calling it “vulgar,” and just generally being like “OH MY STARS!” It also offers the Nat King Cole version as a “palate cleanser.” We’ll include the Nat King Cole version too, because we’re feeling Christmassy:

See, Newsbusters? You can rightly mock Donald Trump AND love old Christmas classics at the same time!

The point of this post is that Donald Trump is so fucking screwed, and the artists of America will make sure of it.

Want more Fiona Apple? Here are our two favorite covers she ever did, “Pure Imagination” from Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory, and Elvis Costello’s “I Want You,” which she performed WITH Elvis Costello. She basically stoled the song from him, and he seemed more than happy about that.

Yay, music and making fun of Donald Trump, we’ll see you tomorrow, byeeeeee.

[Dok jumps in like a troublemaker to insist on including the guy who wrote it, Mel Torme, though it is fair to argue the Nat King Cole version is superior]

Oh hey, it’s Evan, talking at you again! Wanna know what goes great with Christmas music, whether it’s about chestnuts or Trump’s nuts? BLUE HATS THAT SAY “HELL. NO.” Because just like Fiona Apple, we and all patriotic Americans are A-LOOKIN’ FOR A FIGHT, to preserve American freedom and democracy and the Constitution, keeping them safe from Donald Trump for many generations to come! BUY YOURS HERE!

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[h/t Pitchfork]

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  • Royal Ugly Dude

    WIngnuts roasting on an open fire sounds pretty good also too.

  • Shibusa

    I find this story very appeeling.

    • Serai 1

      You’ve gotten to the core of the matter, indeed.

      • sw19womble

        The song really groves on you.

        • Serai 1

          That’s a point easy to conseed.

          • Resistinceisnotfutile

            I wonder if she likes kale orchard best?

          • Doug Langley

            Let’s stem these bad puns right now.

          • BigBoppa pour la résistance

            But I just can’t bear to leaf.

          • SayItWithWookies

            Then Stayman.

          • Querolous

            They really are the pits.

    • Fitzgerald Chesterfield

      Whose cider you on?

  • Anna Rompage

    eleventy million upfists go to Fiona!

  • anwisok

    Tuesday night dance party? Hmmmmmmm . . .

  • Serai 1

    I appreciate the sentiment, but as a pagan, I don’t find the idea of anyone being burned very amusing. We’re a tad sensitive about that.

    • Bear OmNomNom

      ♫ If you don’t care for the thought of a fire
      Then just interpolate ‘with votes’… ♫

  • Serai 1
    • weejee

      Ah, some kosher carols.

    • Suse

      Kitty Cats’ Christmas!

    • tomamitai

      I’ll never forget his appearance on the Tomorrow Show when Tom Snyder insisted he was really Don Novello and kept trying to get him to take his glasses off.

  • Ryan Denniston

    Trump even supplies his own log for the fire, just ask him!

  • Serai 1
  • Yr. Gma

    Mel Torme. Underappreciated.

    • The DepravedDemmeFatale

      he had flawless pitch.
      never was sharp or flat.
      especially compared to some of his peers.
      (lookin’ at you, sinatra.)

    • Objectifer

      He does have a bitchin’ nickname. The Velvet Fog.

  • weejee

    …Letch don’t care how you live or if you die

    Only one thing tRump knows – revenge.

  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    Every time Tiny Hands tweets, a devil gets his pitchfork.

  • Msgr_Moment

    I can fap to this tune.
    Don’t judge me.

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      Son, we’re about to go into the holiday season, when I have to deal with literally dozens of family members being all in my private space for three weeks-ish and not giving me a moment’s peace.

      By the end of all that, I could fap to *Taps*.

      • alpacapunchbowl

        LOL

  • C4TWOMAN

    I smell Grammy!

  • Resistance Engineer Red Bird

    #funfact
    Nat King Cole was originally not allowed to buy a house in a “white” neighborhood even though he was a popular singer. He was also boycotted on television by advertisers when a network tried to do the unthinkable and have a variety show starting a black man. My point? It’s good to see that the white supremacists like him now that he’s useful.

    • alpacapunchbowl

      “Like” him. Ayup. How do so many people not see through these twunts’ bullshit??

      • Resistance Engineer Red Bird

        He was one of my Dad’s favorites so I’ve heard the stories. :(

        • Shan – Mildly Depraved

          Remember how you asked about my boss before? Well, he just emailed all of us to let us know he’s reserved a suite for us at the Neil Diamond concert in July and wants to know how many of us and our +1s would like to come.

          • alpacapunchbowl

            As I recall, Neil Diamond also did a pretty solid Christmas album, ha.
            One of my Jewish pals loves Christmas more than anyone I have ever met. Even though she and her raised-Christian husband are atheists, they put a tree up every year and found a rad Star of David tree topper. (And hey, the tree, like all the most beloved Christmas traditions, were stolen from my pagan ancestors in the interest of evangelizing, after all)
            Now that my fam has done that National Geographic DNA test and confirmed that we are at least partly ethnically Jewish, I am so getting one of those Jew-y tree toppers. I love love love fucking with what people think of as tradition. ?

          • Resistance Engineer Red Bird

            So, you’re that one friend everyone has who’s life is generally better and more fun.

          • Shan – Mildly Depraved

            Maybe just my work life. My personal life is pretty boring.

        • alpacapunchbowl

          Same here. One of my most vivid early childhood memories is of sitting in the back of my dad’s Thunderbird while he ran into the record store to buy the Nat King Cole Christmas Album. Generally speaking I dislike Christmas music, but I love Nat King Cole for so many reasons and I absolutely adore this album. Secular as I am, it’s simply not Christmastime without giving this one a listen or two.

    • rebecca

      they burned a cross on his lawn in Hancock Park.

      Hancock Park is in Los Angeles.

      • alpacapunchbowl

        He also had a delightful and highly-regarded variety show, as was the style at the time, that was canceled because the network received so many complaints from racist assholes who were appalled and offended that they were “forced” to see a black man coming into their homes via their televisions. ?

      • Resistance Engineer Red Bird

        They misunderstood the meaning of housewarming.

    • XtremeFeministRodeoQueen MLG

      You know what’s worse than a person being dehumanized and terrorized for the color of his skin? Dirty fucking cuss words in a funny song, that’s what!

      • Groundloop

        Fuckin’ A bubba!

    • The DepravedDemmeFatale

      they let him slide because he was an “entertainer,” (and not uppity like B.O.).

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

    Obviously a fake song. Unlistenable.

    –D. Trump

  • Jeffocaster in the East

    Mel Torme is rolling in his grave……laughing. Another Jewish boy writing popular Xmas songs…..

    • yyyaz

      I can hear a velvet foghorn sounding through the mist.

  • XtremeFeministRodeoQueen MLG

    Wingnuts will counter with their own “hilarious” and “clever” versions of classic Christmas tunes, such as-

    -Santa The Socialist Pig Is Comin’ to Town

    -Rudolph The Red-Nosed Cripple Taker

    -Frosty The Feminist Ice Queen

    -Hillary Got Run Over By A Reindeer

    -Happy Christmas (War Is Coming)

    -Jingle Bell Cuck

    -Rockin’ Around The Tree of Libety

    • Vincent Ricola

      “White Christmas” – performed by Milo in blackface because “har har har”.

    • Oily Messiah

      And who could forget the classics

      Away in a Manger (but fuck em they’re refugees)

      What child is this? Thug.

      Hark the Herald Anglos Sing

      It came upon a kristalnacht clear

      Good Christian strait white men rejoice

      God bless you angry white men

      • Oily Messiah

        God rest you scary altright men let nothing you dismay.
        God emperor Donald J Trump ascends to power one day
        To save us all from cucks and Jews and people who are gay
        Oh tidings of neonazi goy neonazi Goy
        Oh tidings ofor neonazi goy

      • XtremeFeministRodeoQueen MLG

        Herald Anglos!!! Haha!

    • YoNastyBunny

      You’re A Mean One, Mr. Trump

      I Saw Ivanka Kissing Donald Trump

      My Wingnut Christmas List

      We Need A Little Grifting

      Up in the Penthouse Con Men Pause

      O Holy Shit!

      • XtremeFeministRodeoQueen MLG

        Hahaaa!!!

        “I Saw Mama Kissin’ Satan’s Ass” by Barron Trump.

  • Mel Torme wrote part of it. His co-writer was Bob Wills, as in “and his Texas Playboys”. True story

    • yyyaz

      Bob Wills was a talented sumbitch. And one the best things to come out of TX that isn’t an empty Greyhound bus.

  • TX Taco Truck Brigade

    “The wingnut website Newsbusters is having a shitfit explosion all over the ugly Christmas sweater its Nana knitted for it, giving it a “language warning,” calling it “vulgar,” and just generally being like “OH MY STARS!”

    Trump nuts – vulgar!
    “Grab ’em by the pussy” – president material.

  • Lefty Frizzell

    Newsbusters getting all PC on us? I thought they were down with this saying what’s on your mind approach?

    • TX Taco Truck Brigade

      Apparently christmas songs should be a safe space, but college campuses should not.

  • Nodrama4mama

    I am not a hat person. Can we get Hell No Tshirts & underwear

    • President in Exile Firefly

      I’ll pass on the Hell No underwear–I might never get laid again.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
  • nightmoth
  • Land Shark
  • SnarkON

    I appreciate Fiona’s sentiment, but the lyrics are hamfisted and not particularly insightful or even funny. I’d like to see what a really good lyricist, like LCD Soundsystem, Elvis Costello or Kendrick Lamar, could do with the same idea.

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      I liked it, but I’m in a sour mood. The more the merrier, though.

    • Anna Rompage

      I suppose one should always expect a critic to rear it’s ugly head…

      • SnarkON

        You callin’ my head ugly?

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • Vincent Ricola

      It makes me tear up every single time.

    • Yr. Gma

      And it needs to be said over and over again.

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

    Another epic Olbermann rant. I think Keith is upset about a thing.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BfpkhXTdVwI

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      I wish we could subscribe directly to The Resistance, instead of GQ though.

      • Depraved Granny

        It’s bad enough that Charlie Pierce has tricked me into reading Esquire. Sheesh, I already have nightmares that I’ll wake up and find I’ve morphed into a metrosexual. It’s like Kafka, but with beautifully tailored shirts.

        • alpacapunchbowl

          Eh, nothin’ wrong with looking sharp while you’re righteously angry. That said, I admit that I am a mostly heterosexual lady person with a thing for smart, funny handsome devils.

      • The Wanderer
    • Pinkham’s Law

      I’m sure Don the Con’s Taiwan call was merely part of a well-considered, carefully thought out realignment of our China policy. I have faith in our POTUS-E, and am sure that it will all make sense once the breadth of his plan is revealed.

      • Doug Langley

        Now, now, Pinkham, you can’t go off your meds just because you’re feeling better . . .

      • Markuserektus

        Yes, Bob Dole worked tirelessly on that bit of lobbying…

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      Do you think Keith would marry me? I have many fine qualities, and I cook. All the time. Really well.

  • Pinkham’s Law

    I have a feeling Ms. Apple had been nipping some Applejack before she recorded this.

  • Shan – Mildly Depraved

    OT: This is cool! A co-worker of mine is off this week and next week being trained to work/live with his new service dog. It was donated by a group (I can’t find out which one) that donates such things to disabled veterans.

    • The DepravedDemmeFatale

      ran into a veteran (2 tours in iraq) that had a service dog to help with PTSD.
      he was a rescued german shepherd that has changed her life!

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        I met a marine and his dog this fall at the Dem office. They wandered in and talked for awhile. The dog could tell when he was having a nightmare and would wake him up….

        • IOnlyLikeCats

          I know someone who had PTSD because of her family and she said the same. My cat got good at that too (although I wish she would have used less claws).

          • The DepravedDemmeFatale

            they know when something’s wrong, don’t they?

        • The DepravedDemmeFatale

          this dog formed a “protection zone” of about 3 feet around her, which he patrolled.
          it made her feel safe enough to go out.

    • Objectifer

      I had a friend that trained a service dog. Once. She said giving the dog back was the hardest thing she ever had to do. Hats off to those folks, I couldn’t do it since I like dogs more than most people!

      • Shan – Mildly Depraved

        Why did she have to give the dog back?

        • Objectifer

          Training was over, time for the dog to go live with its new client.

          • Shan – Mildly Depraved

            Oh, I misread your original post! I thought you said your friend HAD a trained service dog.

          • Serai 1

            Have you seen Quil, the Japanese film?

      • therblig

        our poodle, gary, was a service dog wash out. he was donated by a breeder, socialized by inmates in a women’s prison, and then sent to K9 Partners for Life http://k94life.org/ one of the great organizations that does this work.

        unfortunately, gary was a bit too skittish and failed his temperament test. ms. blig’s sister in law works at the prison and called her to see if we were interested in adopting him. so a couple of memorial days ago, we drove out to k94life outside of philly with our then dog harold, to see if they’d get along. they did and a donation later, we had a poodle.

        i would never have seen myself with a poodle, but he’s a lovable goofball. after we got him, the inmates sent his puppy book – a scrapbook of his early life. this dog has known only love his entire life.

        https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/80e1874204fc7faf5b4086c5755bf76c1e5a4bdc8dcb1ef62e379b889509cc8f.jpg

        • Yr. Gma

          Awww.

        • Shan – Mildly Depraved

          So sweet! My dad and his wife have two small black poodles. They look a bit alike but they’re different breeds. Not sure what kind, but the girl-one thinks she’s a billy goat and climbs everything, including humans, so she can stand there and look over the terrain or whatever the damn point is.

        • The DepravedDemmeFatale

          those prison programs are inspired!
          all that unconditional love.
          they don’t care what you look like or what you did.

          is that a standard poodle?
          used to have one.
          they’re wicked smart!

    • Creepoman

      Very cool – Freedom Service Dogs is an org in the neighborhood that does that very thing.

    • Yr. Gma

      I see the training dogs at Disneyland all the time. It’s a good place for them to learn how to behave in crowds. I always resist the urge to pet them.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • Yr. Gma

      My grand children played this for me months ago. It’s perfect.

  • shastakoala
  • Creepoman

    That would have to be the world’s smallest serving of Rocky Mountain Oysters.

  • TheGrandWaz00

    “It’s Christmas kids!!!…and Grandpa Trump is here to see you!”
    http://www.reactiongifs.com/r/nvrmnd.gif

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Heading out now, but I’ll leave you good people with this:

    https://twitter.com/ezlusztig/status/806214971356917760

    • tehbaddr

      Yeah, so when are they going to earnestly look into that Russian thing?

  • Land Shark
  • BoatOfVelociraptors

    Control C!
    Control V!
    Can’t you see I’m a journalist…

    *needs to be an industrial rock anthem.

    • SnarkON

      Doesn’t Control C and Control V make you more of an editor?

      • sw19womble

        Republican Sex-Ed Libels!!!!!!!

        • SnarkON

          NICE.

      • BoatOfVelociraptors

        The editor just clicks ok on the CMS.

  • HogeyeGrex

    Man, it has been a long time since she was given the MTV “Best New Artist Rolling Around on a Shag Carpet in Her Underwear” Award.

    • tehbaddr

      Loves me some skinny mixed up girls!

    • The DepravedDemmeFatale

      a psychiatrist friend of mine was very disturbed by all the signs of borderline
      personality disorder in her videos of that era.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        I did a show with her when Tidal was charting- she was quite shy and insecure

  • sw19womble
  • Jamoche

    http://deadspin.com/phillies-pistachio-girl-fired-for-being-a-white-natio-1789696359
    Emily Youcis, better known as “Pistachio Girl” at Philadelphia Phillies games, has been fired from her vendor job by Aramark, because she couldn’t stop supporting white nationalism online.

    Her fans seem nice.

    • therblig

      now i feel bad. if only i had known i could have been a washed up loser at 26 just by espousing disgusting racist opinions. all that time wasted.

    • “Couldn’t”. I… I’m pretty sure she COULD.

  • Carpe Vagenda

    I just really like the way Nat King Cole sings it as if he means it.

    • The Wanderer

      He had a beautiful voice.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        He did. But he also seemed as if he was thinking about the words he was singing, which is pretty rare (jmo).

      • XtremeFeministRodeoQueen MLG

        And it seems absolutely effortless.

        • Carpe Vagenda

          I so envy that. I have to be stoned off my gills (I vaguely remember when I wasn’t corporate and someone’s mom) to sing without freaking out about what it sounds like. It’s wonderful to watch someone just bust out with it.

          • Scrofula

            Take a long drive on the interstate at night with the volume WAY up. No one can see/hear you (including yourself) and you can belt it out as hard as you like.

      • The DepravedDemmeFatale

        cream and velvet.

  • The Wanderer

    To the tune of It Came Upon a Midnight Clear:

    It hangs down from our chandelier
    We don’t know what it does,
    It drips with goo and stringy stuff
    And lets out a high-sounding buzz;
    It grows a couple of feet each day
    And moves with kind of a twitch.
    We keep it cuz it’s a present from
    A visiting uncle who’s rich.

    – MAD Magazine, sometime in the 1970s

  • BigBoppa pour la résistance

    I used to sing it as

    Chestnuts roasting on an open fire
    Jack Frost nosing at your nips….

    I thought that was pretty funny when I was 11.

    • The Wanderer

      The BDSM version:

      Chet’s nuts roasting on an open fire;
      Gimp Jack worshiping my toes, . . . .

  • Spurning Beer

    President-elect Trump would now like to perform his favorite seasonal parodies, “Hark! The Hairlipped Angels Sing” and “While Shepherds Washed Their Socks By Night.”

  • Smibo

    Oh, stop whining, Donald! You hear that song? Read these (non-) comments? Well, we haz news for you, Buttercup; this IS your honeymoon…

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance
    • tehbaddr

      Umm, those are acorns, like his tiny penis! Not Chestnuts…

      http://www.pulpinternational.com/images/postimg/bust_of_plenty.jpg

      • Cousin Itt de La Résistance
        • tehbaddr

          Warming by an open fire!

      • Msgr_Moment

        Red wine with popcorn? Seriously?

        • Shan – Mildly Depraved

          Hey, sprinkle some garlic powder on that popcorn and it’s just like pasta.

          Okay, it’s not. But it makes it a lot less gross with red wine.

          Or so my friend tells me.

        • JustDon’tSayDittos

          Maybe that’s whisky in the wrong glass. It’s a pretty short pour, after all.

          • tehbaddr

            Perhaps Riunite on ice!

          • JustDon’tSayDittos

            Chill a Cella!

      • Shan – Mildly Depraved

        That just makes my back hurt in sympathy.

        • tehbaddr

          I know right! Makes me ache also, too!

  • memzilla (Maquis Uni)

    O/T Nice Time: Fluffya is a little cleaner today!
    .
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/9847f304f88778ee37d875aa913ac2cdefd712bdeb84fe06fd2eaf6f704ead95.jpg
    Guess she’ll have to go back to selling crackers! lol

  • yyyaz
  • IOnlyLikeCats

    I am sipping on hot chocolate right now (because my blood sugar dropped) and because I still don’t have glasses I honestly thought that said “Christmsassy”.

  • i just saw Bad Santa 2…not as funny as the original.

    • shaar dula

      Psst, the original Santa is fictional too.

    • IOnlyLikeCats

      I feel like the title is a warning…

    • sw19womble

      Law of the Sequel.
      My scoring system only allows a sequel/prequel to get 5/10 (and for Bad Santa 3 it would be 2.5/10 etc and so forth)
      I do add +2 points if the movie has a cat or kitten in it tho, so don’t mind me. ;)

  • Nounverb911

    Still my favorite holiday song….

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UEU-9ovWTyk

    • Am on the bus an listening to Rage…is this the BRUUUUCCCEE! version?

      • Nounverb911

        Not quite….

    • Gosala

      “Peace on earth, goodwill to all
      If we follow the line” ?

      No thank you

      Oops, sorry wrong song. I was thinking Here Comes Santa Claus

      Never mind

  • Hey UK Wonkers….i live in the Canuck London and came across a Nando’s today. Should i try it eventually or run screaming in terror?

    • IOnlyLikeCats

      If you do end up going try some for me because I can’t eat spicy food and I really want to try it.

      • Oh. I love spicy good i put hot and/or BBQ sauce on everything

        • Daisy

          Spicy food is great. My FFA friend can’t eat spicy food, so guy friend makes fun of her. Which ends up with me going, “Excuse me?” , cause his way of making fun of her is, “White people can’t eat spicy food.”

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            they also can’t jump, according to Woody Harrelson

          • shaar dula

            On his last day at school and in USA, we took our Bangladeshi colleague out for dinner. He is a great cook himself. But he didn’t go out at all in the US because he was super focused on work (like wrote 14 accepted journal papers plus a 200 page thesis in 3 years).

            In anycase, we thought since he likes spicy food, lets take him to American spicy. With much bravado he ordered the “spiciest thing you have”. He had tears in his eyes, sweat in every pore and an upset stomach from eating at wings. not enough beer to cool him down.

          • georgiaburning

            We can, but we need to venture out away from the mall to get our palates acclimated. Famous Dave’s Bar-B-Que or Chili’s won’t really do it.

    • Objectifer

      peri-peri chicken is AWESOME!

      • Thanks….it’s at a mall i don’t go to often, but has a movie theatre so i end up there periodically

    • sw19womble

      As a veggie, I would say no. :p However, professional soccerball sports kickers seem to find it de rigeur and it is very popular.

      So yeah, treat yourself to a “cheeky nandos” as I believe they call it.

    • tehbaddr

      It is good, I remember it from way back in the day, before it came stateside!

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lWcfQceBib4

    • Kooolest G

      I don’t live in the UK, but nandos is pretty good, they’re all over the place in portugal. and you can get not so spicy sauces there too. I would go for it. carpe pullum

  • HazooToo
  • shaar dula

    I like Fall. Crisp air. The colors, the smells.
    I like the Christmas season. I like communal festivities. I like it when people put the life in life.
    Merry Christmas season y’all.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Bah. Sad….

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      The scent of burning juniper logs in Santa Fe.

      And the farolitos.

      • shaar dula

        yaya. lights! I love lit up stuff.

    • Msgr_Moment

      That’s Happy Holidays, Comrade.
      There’s a war on…

      • Yeah! Jen B and I figured out how to Weaponize War on Chirstmas cakes and EVERYTHING!

      • shaar dula

        I think that’s just playing along. keeping the Grinch thing along. saving Christmas. harmless fun.

    • JustDon’tSayDittos

      Walking through SF, looking at the Xmas trees in Union Square and Pier 39 (dodging tourists) on the last nice day lately. Sipping caramel sea salt hot chocolate from Ghiradelli. The smell of some dank kush hovering over the market across from the Ferry Building.
      Yeah, even the Trumpination of Murka can’t ruin that for me.

  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    Help me. I only got:

    Mad King Trumpledumpf looked out
    On the town of Washing.
    There the Senators lay about
    Ripe for bigly squashing.

    Lightly lied the Fourth Estate
    Though his jabs were cruel
    Every fact they whispered out
    Was just his Tweeter fuel…

  • bookish

    http://www.rollingstone.com/politics/features/van-jones-only-a-love-army-will-conquer-trump-w454026

    At CNN, Jones has towered as a voice of progressive reason – a liberal rock in a televised storm of Don Lemons and Jeffrey Lords. He gave millions of election-night viewers a one-word phrase for understanding the outcome: “white-lash.” During the campaign, Jones also distinguished himself by listening to Trump voters in places like rural Pennsylvania, and fighting against blue-state snobbery that paints too many Trump backers with a cartoonist’s brush.
    On Tuesday, CNN will air an hour-long Van Jones special called The Messy Truth, examining the raw state of our union in the aftermath of Trump’s victory.

    • Shitty and scared. Done. I don’t need 44 minutes!

    • Gosala

      During the campaign, Jones also distinguished himself by listening to Trump voters in places like rural Pennsylvania, and fighting against blue-state snobbery that paints too many Trump backers with a cartoonist’s brush

      Good.

      There is no excuse for voting for Trump.

      On the other hand there is no excuse for reducing Trumpsters to some ridiculous sterotype.

      Both dehumanize and objectify.

      No this isn’t an argument to accommodate what cannot be accommodated or to compromise with cannot be accepted.

      It is the refusal to become what I detest: dismissive of other human beings.

    • Shan – Mildly Depraved

      fighting against blue-state snobbery that paints too many Trump backers with a cartoonist’s brush.

      I live in a blood-red state and I’m surrounded by Trump supporters. It’s not a cartoonist’s brush they’re being painted with by outsiders. They’re doing it themselves. They ARE the cartoons.

      Call me a snob if you will, but I KNOW these people. I work with a lot of them and I’m related to some. I’ve liked and admired and been fond of many of them but it’s their Trump-support itself that turns them into cartoons. Because what they support is not reality-based. It’s not based on positive, realistic images of themselves and what they want. It’s based on flailing against cartoon caricatures of the people they’ve been trained to denigrate in order to feel better about themselves as a way to explain/alleviate their “economic insecurity”.

  • sw19womble

    74.2% turnout. Sweet!
    https://twitter.com/NCPoliticsEU/status/806282701095469056
    Also, an Independent/Green President stomping on the Neo Nazi candidate’s nuts. Twice. In 4 months. Even Sweeter!

    • Rock on with your bad selves Austria!

      • shaar dula

        I work with a lot of Europeans. Germans are the most easy to work with and fun.

    • shaar dula

      the good professor taking the drop-out(?) to school.

    • Serai 1
      • slightly poisoned by everything that has come in the last decade

        • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

          Mrs. Itt went to college with him. He has not changed but we both like the song.

          • Dear lord, he went to college?

          • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

            NYU’s school of the arts. Go figure.

          • Land Shark

            You and Mrs Itt went to Tisch? Really?

            The Land Shark is impressed. Shark pup is looking at NYU … extremely tough to get into …..

          • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

            Just Mrs. I went to KU-Lawrence for my degrees plus more work at CU. I married up.

        • Serai 1

          You mean his movies? Ah, I don’t care. I saw one and said OKAY NOPE. I only watch him in dramas because I think he’s pretty good in those. So I still like bits like this from back when he wasn’t surrounded by yesmen ten feet deep.

  • sw19womble
    • we need games?

      • sw19womble

        Fuck it, if you’re going to have a (fake) Nando’s you might as well go all out :)

    • JustDon’tSayDittos

      How about we drink every time someone writes, “Let’s have a drinking game”?

  • Serai 1

    Thing I Send to Recruiters

    LOL. Anyone tired of spam, form letters, sales calls, etc., will get this, I think.

  • shaar dula

    I just learnt that nerds can come out too!!

    MIT professor Gerald Sussman, for example, seeks to instill pride in nerds:

    My idea is to present an image to children that it is good to be intellectual, and not to care about the peer pressures to be anti-intellectual. I want every child to turn into a nerd – where that means someone who prefers studying and learning to competing for social dominance, which can unfortunately cause the downward spiral into social rejection.

    — Gerald Sussman, quoted by Katie Hafner, The New York Times, 29 August 1993[31]

    Bryan Caplan, a professor of economics at George Mason University, refers to himself as “an openly nerdy man”[32] and has written of a “Jock/Nerd Theory of History”.[33] He believes that income redistribution is a tactic by Jocks to prevent Nerds from gaining power over them.[citation needed]

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nerd
    Its ok to be curious.

  • Thiazin Red

    My favorite Christmas songs:

    Father Christmas (The Kinks)
    Merry Christmas I don’t Want to Fight Tonight (Ramones)
    Don’t Shoot me Santa (The Killers)
    Fairytale of New York (Pogues)
    Christmas in Hollis (Run DMC)
    Christmas Wrapping (The Waitresses)

    On the opposite side, the John Lennon Christmas song makes me want to invent a time machine, and us it to go back and kick him square in the dick, I hate it so much.

  • Nounverb911
    • Thiazin Red

      One of my favorite things about His Dark Materials was the other world where the intelligent creatures see the snake as the hero.

      • sw19womble

        Sadly, the snake lived long enough on this world to see himself become the villain :(

  • i am going to be heavily borrowing “turn around, bend over, and i’ll show you where my shoe fits” from Lin-Manuel for the next few years

    • Daisy

      Oooh, that’s a good one! I also appreciate, “Sit down John, you fat mother-BLEEP!”

      I don’t even know why I like that one so much, just that I do.

    • IOnlyLikeCats

      Don’t forget “You’re in worse shape than the national debt is in” once the economy collapses and “You’re mad as a hatter, son, take your medicine”. Actually that whole half of the song is amazing for GOP insults.

      • Someone mentioned Lin-Manuel as a dark-horse candidate for 2020 earlier today.

        • IOnlyLikeCats

          If he understands how the government works I’m all for it.

          • He might. He raps pretty intelligently about it’s founding

          • IOnlyLikeCats

            It’s more the current state of our nation I hope he knows.

  • Panika MCD

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P37xPiRz1sg

    though my other favorite Consumermas songs are “Oh, Holy Night” (cause it’s purty) and Handel’s Messiah because playing the overture in high school always felt a little sacrilegious and then in one of the interviews to promote Musicophilia Oliver Sacks explained that’s because for a long time certain chord progressions were outlawed and could only be heard in brothels and those are the same chord progressions Handel used for the opus.

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

    The Donald is on my teevee. He’s holding another rally. I’m just waiting for him to unfurl the banner of his new administration.

    He’s bitching about flag burners and reminds everyone that ‘we’re going to see what we can to about that.’

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/8ab65ef9de727d1577b72657e73579cb470e80da37bb25e70af9e5b8d4b61115.png

    • IOnlyLikeCats

      He has not been to Camp Lejeune.

    • Panika MCD

      I never noticed how much that eagle looks like a turkey before now.

    • Gosala

      You should turn off your TV

    • sw19womble

      I’m going to enjoy seeing his little rallies dwindle into little more than driftwood, once most people who voted for Trump suss out he’s working a bigger grift than anything he claimed of Obama and Clinton.
      Potentially the most unpopular president ever within 12 months of this self-aggrandizing bullshit.
      At least one can hope so – and that it poisons the GOP well for decades to come.

      • IOnlyLikeCats

        OK but do you remember the war in Iraq?

      • cheetojeebus

        I hope you’re right, but I think we still under estimate the stupidity of our fellow Americans.

      • notaten

        Nope. It’s going to be our fault(liebruls) for anything that doesn’t work out the way the mouth breathers want. Remember, facts only exist in the minds of whoever is imagining them, so whatever we may know to be true doesn’t really exist because it is too complex for the mouth-breathers to understand, therefore ipso facto Suck it Libtard!! Your rong alluminaty MoFo!!11!

  • data_ninja

    So, this should brighten your day a tiny bit https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aJOtGx5ue40

  • Serai 1

    My favorite Christmas carol, my favorite version…

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zwB6iX-x4AE

  • IOnlyLikeCats

    OT Why would Donald Trump lie about going to a military base? Does he even realize the lies he’s spouting?

    Also, if I was Donald (except smarter and not quite as sociopathic) I’d start stealing Hillary Clinton’s policies, slowly. After all, there wasn’t much policy discussion during the election and she’s the only person thinking up policies that might actually pass the legislature.

    • Gosala

      The only thing Trump said during the campaign that I believe is that he will be unpredictable

      Unpredictable as in unstable, inconsistent, with no long term strategy, no consistent short term objectives, no overarching idea

      He will be the Silicon Valley God of Disruption personified

      And the only thing that will perdure will be the grift

      • IOnlyLikeCats

        What did they say on “The Daily Show”? Something about in ten years us screaming at our children to eat squirrels because of email servers (which we still don’t know anything about)…

    • At least when Reagan claimed all sorts of nutty things it was because he had Alzheimers.

    • bookish

      Just have Melon sign her name at the bottom.

  • Land Shark

    Since we’re on a music kick, let’s look at what we’ve seen at the White House:

    https://youtu.be/LaD7d6tFhMI?t=38m40s

    Let’s go back a bit, and watch President Bill “Big Dog” Clinton:

    https://youtu.be/10OcvYB5f9g?t=19s

    And here’s one of the ONLY people who might play at the New Trump® White House:

    https://youtu.be/nW8S58CYQqs

    • shaar dula

      long live free speech! long live democracy!!

    • cynmac will never surrender

      Wasn’t Fuckabee the one whose daughter was living in an RV behind the governor’s mansion?

      • boberiggert

        Nah, that was Mary Failin’.

  • Serai 1

    …and here it is, in my other favorite version, from the RSC staging of The Life and Adventures of Nicholas Nickleby. The narration leads up to the carol, which is the end of the nine-hour play. EMBIGGEN AND TURN THIS UP TO ELEVEN. You’ll thank me.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pOFVEuSv6hk

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

    Trump is thanking the African American and Hispanic communities for their support.

    Goebbles is giddy in his grave.

    • JVisconti

      Their support is likely just serving lunch and changing the linens at the penthouse.

  • tehbaddr

    To be honest, I was more entertained by the dispatchment of the giant Alaskan Sea Spider that followed.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cm0fcN15-m8

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      It was only a matter of time until the Great Old Ones showed up… Thanks Donnie!

      Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn

    • Anna Rompage

      That’s Christmas dinner right there!

      • Serai 1

        I’ve been thinking about a Facehugger Holiday Turkey, put together from a turkey, a lobster, a king crab, and something for the strangling tail which I haven’t figured out yet. A kind of Roast Xenobeast, so to speak.

        ETA: Oh! Octopus tentacles! YES.

  • mml1996

    OT: But completely freaking out over Friday when I have two exams at once. I begged my uni to have the two on seperate days (they were supplementary exams – given how I couldn’t write the first ones, because of how much stress and anxiety I was in). But no, this is the 3rd time THIS year that they decide to clash the exams they have for me.

    I am this close to breaking down and calling quits but I’m shit angry and I’m channelling it for now. Unimelb is fucked in the head.

    • IOnlyLikeCats

      Aren’t they supposed to listen to requests for health reasons (like anxiety)?

      • mml1996

        I mentioned that. They’re fucked in the head.

        • IOnlyLikeCats

          I guess “reasonable accommodations” means nothing to those jerks. I’m rooting for you. If you need help or anything I’m here.

          • mml1996

            I’m torn between contacting my counsellor and losing precious time or try as much in the hopes that I can avoid a fail.

          • IOnlyLikeCats

            Focus on studying just in case but definitely contact your counselor.

          • mml1996

            Problem is I have to meet her. And I live 1 hour away.

          • IOnlyLikeCats

            Oh, no. I hope you figure it out!

          • shaar dula

            take fail out of mind. get out of here. make a plan. stick to it.
            you will come out better than you imagined. its a type of high.

          • mml1996

            I’ve failed subjects before. This is my last chance

          • mml1996

            I get kicked out of the Country.

          • shaar dula

            shit is real. focus. get out of here.

    • shaar dula

      deep breaths. its hard. one thing at time.

    • Gosala

      1. Many hugs and good wishes

      2. Your university doesn’t give a fig about you. They care or pretend to care, about some “higher” values

      3.Welcome to adulthood

      4. Please do whatever to take care of yourself. A BA is not the most important thing in the world. You are.

  • Msgr_Moment
    • Land Shark

      LOL … a keeper.

  • Nounverb911
    • Tweety bird libelz!

      • Gosala

        Nah, “tweety bird ” seems about right

    • Saxo the Grammarian

      Is Chris Matthews gonna be press secretary?

    • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

      New version of “Hail to the Chief”…
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0jTHNBKjMBU

    • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

      Misspelled “Pwesident” and “twust”…

  • Nounverb911
  • IOnlyLikeCats

    OT: to Chris Hayes’ guest: OK but Europe has higher taxes and I don’t see companies abandoning that continent in mass quantities.

    • The companies aren’t responsible for providing total health care for their employees either

      • IOnlyLikeCats

        Almost like companies prefer the government manage things that have nothing to do with business!

      • Maddogjohn

        Bingo!

  • Nounverb911

    OT
    Softbanks investment is part of an earlier announced investment. The liar-in-chief strikes again.

    https://twitter.com/HirokoTabuchi/status/806258357086650369

    • Me The People

      Overwhelming the media with lies is what got him where he is, he ain’t stopping now.

      • Land Shark

        Except now people are calling him out on his bullshit. This isn’t a campaign anymore, you utter cockwomble.

        • Mayor_Mayor_Mayor

          Its about goddamn motherfucking time people started doing their basic fucking due goddamn diligence.

          • Good_Gawd_Yall

            You mad, bro?
            XD

    • georgiaburning

      And how many of those jobs will go to offshore contractors?

      • Nounverb911

        AOT,K.

  • So even though Boeing took an absolute shellacking today in the market, it managed to finish just barely up. But for a while there Trump’s quick Tweeting finger wiped out a couple billion dollars of worth.

    • Nounverb911

      Someone should check to see if Ivanka and Jared were short selling today.

      • IOnlyLikeCats

        Do we really need to check?

      • Gosala

        Don’t care.

        Not buying Ivanka shorts.

        Fruit of the loom is fine.

    • That was a warning shot. Look what I can do now. You companies better go along with everything I want.

      • Dazza

        Ouch. Yes, I fear you are right.

  • msanthropesmr
  • Me The People

    Flyover country douchebags who voted for Trump – tell us again how having a gold plated shitmuppet Presidenting from a golden throne in fucking Manhattan fulfills all your deepest political dreams.

    • msanthropesmr

      One day, I will be just like him.

      • Me The People

        We can only hope it’s not too long before they figure out they are actually the same poor fools who paid up for Trump University. Only this time there will be no compensation.

        • msanthropesmr

          No. They haven’t figured out they’ve been taken by the MLM schemes, the for profit universities, the 700 club, organized religion in general they won’t. We need politicians on both sides that are in it for public service, not for their own profit.

      • Moebym, Resistance Pilot

        There was a term for people like this. Oh, right: “temporarily embarrassed millionaires”. They genuinely believe that if it weren’t for uppity women/minorities, they’d be rich!

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      He says what I’m thinking only before God-Emperor Herr Fubar I got in trouble for saying it!

  • IOnlyLikeCats

    So is that new movie about gun control progressive propaganda or is the commercial cleverly disguising the message?

  • Nounverb911

    Well, Sweetie, make your designer knock-offs in the US then.

    https://twitter.com/washpostbiz/status/806260095868895232

    • IOnlyLikeCats

      It’s like these people don’t understand that if you label something “artisan” you can cover the price of making it here.

      • Jenny

        Well that’s liberul stuffs! We all know designer names made in China is the way REAL America does it!

        • IOnlyLikeCats

          She’s just dumb. If I made a ready to wear line (with very comfortable elastic clothing disguised as real clothes) that was eco-friendly I could build in the cost of making it here and no one would notice because it would already be sold out.

    • And smart libs won’t buy your shit anyways

    • Msgr_Moment

      That’s why she needs to sit in on talks with foreign leaders — to recoup some of her losses.

    • Land Shark
    • I’m sure the tariff law will have a loophole for blond-haired daughters of United States Presidents.

    • Pinkham’s Law

      At the pricepoint she aims for, the difference in labor costs, as a percentage of MSRP, would be minimal.

      • More for her. That is all these people care about. That and finally getting high society to stop looking down on them.
        Can’t look down on us now! We’re presidential!
        lolz

        • Pinkham’s Law

          They just don’t understand how “Society” works. Because, being President doesn’t guarantee access. Not even close.

          • They will think it does. And a few society biddies will prolly invite them, and then snicker behind their snifters at them.

          • Land Shark

            … and take the money for their charities.

          • I think it would be GREAT to cozy up, accept that check and turn around and donate it to, idk, PP or something. Publically.
            Gee, thank you, Ivanka, this check is going straight to helping poorz get abortions!
            Televised would be best.

          • Land Shark

            … and get right under Donnie’s skin. The twitter rant would be priceless. I truly believe that their are people just WAITING to embarrass the shit out of him. It’s sooooooooo easy.

        • Land Shark

          Donnie’s family doesn’t travel in the aristocratic rich circles. They’re not even noveau riche, they’re just gauche. And tacky. Just look at the decor in the incompressible jizztrumpet’s penthouse.

    • The DepravedDemmeFatale

      klassy!
      serves her right!

  • Msgr_Moment

    “America is pregnant with promise and anticipation, but is murdered by the hand of the inevitable.”
    The Nice saw all this coming 48 years ago! Or else I’m having an acid reflux flashback.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dg9jHTYZ-6U

  • Nounverb911

    Trump actually almost sort-of maybe said something not a lie about the press at his Indoctrination rally in NC this evening….

    https://twitter.com/JonLemire/status/806312732328947712

    • Which one? That Drumpf and his cabinet are more corrupt than Nixon’s? Where Donnie has no understanding of diplomacy and will blunder the world into war via Twitter? Or….too many others?

    • Juan de Payaso

      Couldn’t agree more with him on this one!

      Coming 2017: the Trump-O-Meter!

      A lot of you have asked, so we won’t hold back the news any longer: Yes, absolutely, we’ll be tracking the campaign promises of Donald Trump.

      Meet the Trump-O-Meter.

      The Trump-O-Meter will launch officially sometime after Jan. 1, 2017, and we’ll start tracking President-elect Trump’s promises on Inauguration Day Jan. 20.

      We’ve been planning this for quite some time. Since September, we’ve been working with students at the University of Missouri and the Reynolds Journalism Institute to develop the new promise meter for the next president. So to answer your next question, yes, there were dummies for a “Clintometer” or “Clinton-O-Meter.”

      Along with cataloging Trump’s promises, we are writing special reports on his biggest promises to help readers understand what they mean and the challenges Trump will face to achieve them. We’re including videos and graphics in our multimedia reports, too […]

      http://www.politifact.com/truth-o-meter/article/2016/nov/17/coming-2017-trump-o-meter/

  • IOnlyLikeCats

    Hey is that gold golf club Japan gave Donald a violation of the Constitution? I have a confused.

    • There’s a lot of that going around about these knuckleheads

    • Nounverb911

      He’s not preznit yet, so probably not.

    • Husband Of Mrs God

      Not if it’s gold-plated bamboo.

  • zerosumgame0005
    • Saw the headline, that’s enough. This is why ALL religious fundamentalism is terrifying

      • This. 100 fold. Fundamentalism is the denial of reason and accountability. ALL the Abrahamic religions stress accountability, so why they choose to remove that one thing? To use religion to get away with shit.
        Fuck them all

      • zerosumgame0005

        the video would break your heart :(

    • Land Shark

      Religion is fucking horrible.

      • Gosala

        It can be.

        It can also be life saving.

        • Land Shark

          I’ll expound then …. If you’re a Christian, read the four gospels of the new testament, and ACT LIKE JESUS. The rest of it is bullshit. Any religious dogma that treats others badly is wrong.

          • Husband Of Mrs God

            I told some idiots once, that none of the Old Testament is the teachings of Jesus. They had to nod agreeably.

          • Count Awesome

            Hell is more fun anyway, followed by Catholic heaven and then protestant heaven doncha know.

          • Serai 1

            Y’all can do what you like. I’m going to the Blessed Isles, myself.

          • Count Awesome

            Whore Island for me.

    • Pinkham’s Law

      nope, NOPE, NOPE!!!!! Not EVEN reading that, ok10Qberrymush.

      • zerosumgame0005

        I almost wish I hadn’t…

        • Pinkham’s Law

          very, VERY glad I didn’t. Please do NOT knowledge dump to the collective. Please.

    • Msgr_Moment

      Terrorists.

    • Husband Of Mrs God

      I knew that is very common in parts of Africa and the Middle East.
      I am very surprised to hear of this in the American Midwest, but I realize it might be true. Victorian attitudes about sexual repression apparently did continue about 100 years. This surgery is revolting, but there was a lot of other harsh physical abuse in the name of medicine, like the prefrontal lobotomy.

      • Serai 1

        Which was also mostly used on women.

      • zerosumgame0005

        Amen

    • Husband Of Mrs God

      Oh and by the way, here again we have American Taliban.
      A couple of years ago a wingnut at work asked when Christians were ever so violent about their religion. I brought up the Spanish Inquisition — dismissed as hundreds of years ago — then the KKK. Got him with that one.

  • Msgr_Moment
  • Nounverb911
    • Count Awesome

      When pigs fly…

    • Pigs do fly!

    • Pinkham’s Law
    • Maddogjohn

      ? Fish gotta swim and pigs gotta fly
      ? Geese gotta shit and Trump’s gotta lie . . . ?

    • SNORK

    • Husband Of Mrs God

      Permit Granted!

    • The DepravedDemmeFatale

      revenge of the artists…
      this is what’s gonna keep us sane for the next 4 years.

    • YetAnotherRebecca

      We’re a big blue city and Mayor Emmanuel is a kind of a heavy handed partisan himself – I would love to see *this* feud happen :D

  • boyblue123

    The normally politically-neutral Weather Channel blasts Breitbart news about their claim that climate change is a hoax in a 2 minute video

    https://weather.com/news/news/breitbart-misleads-americans-climate-change?cm_ven=T_WX_CD_120616_2

    • Because weather and climate are not political. They happen and they are real.

      • boyblue123

        True. It probably didnt help that Breitbart used a weather channel clip to illustrate their point either.

      • El_Pinche

        yea verily!
        BTW How do I join the resistance? I have great skills in making salsa.

        • First you need to donate 5 babby parts for the sacrifice under the pizza joint, and then you have to steal a team mascott from across town and marry it.
          I could be confused on a few of those, but basically, just wing it! Maybe steal some death star plans or find a scruffy looking smuggler who knows people

          • El_Pinche

            Speaking of smuggling, I’m off to go smuggle some undocumented workers then poop on church lawn. Thanks!

          • Power to the people!

        • We can always use more salsa. There’s a pile of fatigue jackets in the corner. Find one that fits. (Some them still have the Raging Peasant Army logo. They’re primo.) Oh, and grab a clown nose from the big box. Welcome aboard!

          • El_Pinche

            No need kind sir. I own a few clown noses.

    • Gosala

      However much Blightbart wants to politicize it, science is not political

    • SnarkON

      OF COURSE THE WEATHER CHANNEL WANTS US TO THINK CLIMATE CHANGE IS REAL. THEY HAVE AN AGENDA!!! WAKE UP SHEEPLE!!1!!!!

      • Count Awesome

        Their in league with apparel makers and the sun-block consortium to separate you from your moniez.

  • El_Pinche

    Man, I used to pull my chicken to her “Criminal” music vid back in the 90s, back in the era before internet pornog. I really glad I didn’t actually type that aloud.

    • Yeah, those non-existent comments prevent such slips of the keyboard.

    • The DepravedDemmeFatale

      Mr. Trejo!

    • Why would you pull a chicken? They do not like it and you could get pecked. Would deserve it, too.

      • El_Pinche

        My chicken makes me cry sometimes.

        • I do not haz a chicken, but the landlo does. Whole bunch of them actually, and a rooster. He lets them free range during the day so they hang out at my place.

    • SnarkON

      Welp, never gonna be able to listen to that song again.

      • El_Pinche

        “I’ve been a bad bad girl” ….just the way she sings it makes my albonigas tingle with delight.

        • SnarkON

          Great. Now I can’t eat albondigas anymore. Stop it, Pinche!

          • El_Pinche

            Ay chinelas!

    • Maddogjohn

      Yes … thank you for not sharing that …

      • El_Pinche

        Could have been worse. I won’t tell you about the “room-mate gym sock incident” shortly after that .

  • Husband Of Mrs God

    Record it! Get it on the radio!

  • So, wingnutty co-worker decided to go hey, see how Trump talked Ford out of moving jerbs????
    I set him straight in 2 sentences. “That was actually not true. Ford even put out a statement saying how it was all a lie.”
    He went immediately to look it up and went “HUH.”
    To wit I said “ya’ll need to stop believing the actual fake news”

    • Count Awesome

      He probably can’t tell the difference between a real orgasm and a fake one too, also.

      • He’s a good guy, youngish, disabled vet type, but yeahhhhhh not very well educated and for sure a bit light on the discernment.
        I think I can turn him. Was yappin today about huh maybe what we oughta do is make all the illegals legal and that way the people who hire them would be forced to pay them actual wages ;)
        He was all YEAH that would work!

        • Gosala

          Please do not confuse academic rank with intelligence.

          I’ve known plenty of stupid smart people and plenty of smart stupid people m.

          • I did not, as a matter of fact, confuse academic tank with intelligence.
            I said he was not well educated and, in addition, light on discernment.

        • Pinkham’s Law

          LOL. He has no idea he just endorsed amnesty, does he?

          • Nope! He even knows a guy who hires them illegals and they love it and send their money home and buy big hats!
            And I blink at him a minute and go…huh…why does your buddy not hire an American?
            Edit: That is how that started lol. He’s not a dumb. Bit misinformed but I think I can work with that.

          • Pinkham’s Law

            Misinformed but able to LOGIC! can be brought around. Keep working it. Remember, it’s like fishing. You pull them in, then you give them time to run. Then you pull them in. Then you give them time to run. Eventually, they get tired of defending the indefensible, and you take them to shore. (well. kinda. it’s a metaphor! or an analogy, maybe? Or . . . a simile? which the fucking EVER!) YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!!!!

          • I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN.
            Plus, as a disabled Vet, I think he is going to be in for a few shockers under Der Trumpfher :/ I am just glad he got the gig because he is really gonna need it, soon.

      • El_Pinche

        Wait…women fake it sometimes? Hmm..I need to call my wife.

        • Count Awesome

          Her answer may be along the lines of the fake news we hear so much about.

        • IOnlyLikeCats

          Or maybe you just need to step up your game?

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          you’re OK as long as you didn’t marry Meg Ryan

          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F-bsf2x-aeE

        • Msgr_Moment

          Your wife? She never does.
          Wait, that didn’t come out right.

    • boyblue123

      but Trump said it so it must be true……..

      • Count Awesome

        Needz moar cherry trees.

    • Pinkham’s Law

      I have decided that I will no longer challenge the veracity of his statements. His acolytes care not whether he speaks truth or lies. Instead, I will comment on the results his policies will give.

      35% tariff on imports from “US” companies? 15% increase in prices for those items. Did you realize that includes A, B, C, D . . . A1, B1, C1 . . . a1, b1, c1, d1 . . . 3www, 3xxx, 3yyy, etc?

      Canceling Air Force One contract with Boeing means paying (hypothetical) $1Billion penalty to get nothing, with no guarantee what a new contract would cost.

      • Count Awesome

        “You’ve gotta waste money to make money”
        –Trump

        • Shoto

          “You lose a little bit on every transaction, but you make it up in volume.”

          — Donnie Drumpf, Biznis Genius

      • IOnlyLikeCats

        I don’t understand how people think living wages would make prices go up drastically on basics to make them completely unaffordable (which is not how anything works) but tariffs on imported goods is a great idea.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          because they suck at math?

          • Count Awesome

            And reading.

      • I like it! Though I might do both, depending on the situation.
        I don’t bring it out, but, if brought out, I will no longer smile and nod and sigh.

        • Pinkham’s Law

          I’m serious. This is going to be my thing from now on. Using, so far as possible, RW sources. I’m going to immerse myself in this shit. It’ll take away from my snark time here, but, well, it’s more important. I’ll share my findings, for whomever wants to use them, though!

          • Why RW sources? Surely plain ole centric ones will do.

          • Pinkham’s Law

            Because, “Nobody trusts the MSM anymore! They’re all alt-left!” I’m not out to convince Left wingers. I want to make RWNJs think, if that’s possible.

          • It is possible ^.^ I have faith in you!

          • Pinkham’s Law

            In all honesty, I’m hoping I can share my arguments here, and others will spread them. I have virtually no platform to spread a message from, without help from the collective. I have 22 friends on FB, and today is the very first time, ever, someone I don’t personally know has “shared” one of my posts (my sharing of “The Only Way to Make French Onion Soup“), so – if I have a message worthy of being disseminated – I need all the help I can get!

          • Heck yeah! Any plan on what you are plotting to tackle first? I am thinking maybe it would be wise to pick one thing at a time, sort of immerse yourself in it, rather than jump around.
            I am a little tunnel visioned sometimes though, you might be able to better multi task XD

          • Pinkham’s Law

            Hard to say. He’s presenting so may options, it’s impossible to say which one wold be most worthwhile. I’m kinda leaning toward the Phillipines thing, because, holy fuck! supporting *that *version fo a drug war?!?!??!?! GODDAMN!!!!!

          • IOnlyLikeCats

            A Tumblr blog is a good place to start (I would follow you like a stalker, as I do with McMansion Hell).

          • Pinkham’s Law

            Imma come back to this when I’m not quite so baked, ok?

      • Blacktop Autumn

        Not to mention I read today that such a contract cancellation would end the 747 production line, so… uh, lots of jobs lost?

        Almost said that on Buzzfeed today, but then I remembered I got a job interview on Thursday.

        • Congrats on the interview!

          • Blacktop Autumn

            Thanks! It’s a teacher’s aid gig (I am a licensed high school teacher), but the district generally offers jobs to the aid pool first.

            It’s jamming my foot in the door. :-)

          • Just keep thinking (but do Not SAY OUTLOUD) ” turn around, bend over, and I’ll show you where my shoe fits!”

          • Blacktop Autumn

            Well, it does allow me to slowly transition, too, to be fair. An aid, well, helps a sped teacher or works with a single student throughout the day. An actual teacher sees 150 kids, is on the hook for a lot of extra hours, and being a first year is super stressful. Aids get paid by the hour so we’re done at 3:30.

            I can wait a bit to make this whole affair easier. Not that I don’t have tons of support with the school faculty (district has two large high schools), but I want to concentrate there for now.

            Hell, I have voice therapy twice a week at 5 pm next semester. I can easily meet those appointments now, volunteer at clubs (including the LGBT one), pad out my resume, make myself well known, etc.

            And be ready for an actual teaching gig. :-)

      • efoveks

        On the Boeing contract, Trump also used an inflated figure. Further, it is short sighted to cancel a contract for needed future transportation for POTUS (continuing to fix & maintain the old clunker has reached the point of diminishing returns and is in “throwing good money after bad” territory). Then again, WTF does Trump care? He won’t be in office then anyway..

        • I will be VERY interested to see how much he charges the tax payer for the use of his private jet.
          And since it is private, I am sure the press is not allowed on, yadda yadda.

          • shivaskeeper

            Not a chance. Air Force 1 is the White House for all intents and purposes. The communications suites, crypto equipment, electronic hardening, and various countermeasures required are what drives the price up from about 400M to 850M or so. There is no way a jet not purpose built for all the systems required will be retrofitted for it.

          • efoveks

            What I like about it though, is all the cool missile defense stuff and other sekrit tech is not on Trump’s jet either. There’s still time to blow him out of the sky, with votes!

            And a little OT, but it looks like Florida is going to recount the vote. Who knows? Trump may yet be grounded before he ever takes off anyway. :)

          • Historicat

            Who knows? Trump may yet be grounded before he ever takes off anyway. :)

            Dear Santa, I try not to ask for very much but this is really the only I’ve asked for in decades, so please, please, please make this happen.

        • IOnlyLikeCats

          Tbh this argument really reminds me of Republicans saying the bridges are fine and don’t need to be rebuilt (even though they are far past the expiration date) because not all of them have collapsed yet.

        • shivaskeeper

          Trump cares because there is an Airbus plant in Alabama and his pick for AG is from… Alabama.

          ETA: You can bet any contract Boeing has, Airbus bid on as well.

          • efoveks

            Thank you for putting that all together. It explains a lot.(!) Once again, I came for the dick jokes and got a little more edjimacated along the way.

  • The DepravedDemmeFatale

    the artists are pissed!
    i love it!

  • Gosala

    I know we’re all supposed to be in love with sexxxy Justin, but then there’s this

    https://www.google.com/amp/www.cbc.ca/amp/1.3883592?client=dist-ms-android-sprint-us

    • This seems to be fromthe show that brought you:

      https://youtu.be/BhTZ_tgMUdo

      • Gosala

        And your point is…?

        • I am well aware there are issues with Prime Minister Trudeau (both of them, really). But using an essay from a satire show is not the best method of bolstering your arguement.

          • Gosala

            Says the denizen of Wonkette?

            He is the creepy guy who sidles up at the bar, says all the right things, gets in your pants and doesn’t return your phone calls.

            How hard is that to understand?

          • I get that. I am too fat for the handsome guy at the bar, so i look for the smart guy. And i’m the one likely not to call back

          • Gosala

            Well then Justin has no time for you.

            Why defend a two faced liar who gives not a fig about you?

          • A couple of not the greatest things does not make him a “two faced liar”
            Any more than finding compromise with the canadian right- which ARE a part of his country that he is leading- make him the sleaze at the bar that you give it up to and never calls you back.
            Even Bamz had his drone moments, after all.

          • Gosala

            Yeah, he only grabbed a couple of pussies, so that’s ok.

            No, really. He didn’t make a couple of mistakes but he’s basically a good guy.

            His “mistakes” are not mistakes. They are part of a world view that does not take minority rights seriously, that does not take environmental threats seriously. That doesn’t care about about anything but advancing the neoliberal agenda.

            He says what he says so that he can seduce people into voting for him but he doesn’t mean a word of it.

            You say he has to accommodate the Canadian right.

            I say america is engaged in a death struggle with its right.

            One of the lessons of that struggle is that there can be no compromise with the forces of reaction and antiscience.

            A second lesson is that “we are not a bad as them” is a halfway house that will produce no good.

            The third lesson is that these lessens so not spooky to just America.

          • IOnlyLikeCats

            Uuum he didn’t sexually assault anyone. I see complaints about First Nations against him, but some of those aren’t his fault and he has actually managed to work in one or two of his promises so far.

          • Panika MCD

            JT is not your ex-boyfriend. give it a rest.

          • Panika MCD

            also too: are we to assume that you’re pure as the driven snow and have never made a mistake in your life? is this like Shrub getting away with calling using coke until he was 40 “a youthful indiscretion”?

          • Dazza

            False equivalence.

          • Fuck. He was the lesser of the two evils, and since the greater was fucking Stephen Harper, who is basically Rumsfeld in a cardigan, Canada made out pretty fucking well. It would have been different if Jack Layton had lived, but since Mulcair doesn’t have the dynamism needed to impact national politics, it’s gonna be Libs vs Cons at the national level until the NDP finds another Layton, Broadbent, or Bernie.

          • Gosala

            Well there was the NDP

          • Gosala

            I’m sorry, that’s way to Canadian speak for me. Can you translate?

          • Tayor Doose is the mayor/town selectman of Stars Hollow, CN. It’s fucking Gilmore Girls. Mulcair was the only Canadian thing in the sentence

          • IOnlyLikeCats

            Pickwick just explained that they needed someone super charismatic and liberal to pull that off. Pretty sure you’re not Canadian if you can’t understand the issue since I got the same response from FMC.

          • And i actually voted for the Dippers, but inalso acknowledge that Trudeau was a quality outcome

          • IOnlyLikeCats

            Same response I got from FMC. I’m starting to think this is a common view.

          • Gosala

            I wanted to vote the right way but gee they weren’t charismatic enough

            Yeah,..

          • All politics is sales. If you can’t adequately sell your message or the message of your party, the people are right to not vote for you

          • Dazza

            This is similar to the refrain of the regretful Trump voters I am reading on the interwebs.

          • Dazza

            Splitting the left with a choice between NDP and the Liberals was how Stephen Fuckin Harper and the Conservatives got in to power in the first place. Strategic voting by Canadians put an end to that. Do we want a return to that shit? No way.
            Plus effing Harper deprived me (and other expats) of our votes in 2005. Eff him with a wadge of mouldy votes.

          • Gosala

            That why Canada needs to get rid of first past the last.

            Funny, Trudeau ran on that.

            No be doesn’t seem so keen

          • And go to what? An electoral college? How’s that working out for you?

          • IOnlyLikeCats

            Weird how the people who understand anything about Canadian politics all agree you don’t know what you’re talking about and you should do more research before commenting.

          • Gosala

            Weird how these non comments don’t care what you don’t say

            You should research first past the past before commenting.

          • It’s first past the post. And we have yet to come close to electing, by any antiquated method, a ragingly incompetent white supremacist to national office.

            do not make purity the enemy of Canadian goodness. We made our choice at the polls. He and his party are not perfect and they will not ever be. However, they are noteably better and more qualified to hold office than anyone in the incoming American administratiin

          • Gosala

            Funny that Justin ran against first past the post and now runs away from it.

            Are you so sure that Justin isn’t a ragingly incompetent white supremacist?

            What is his position via a vie the First Nations?

            How exactly does he square the development of the tar sands with global warming?

          • Two Native women in high-profile cabinet posts. Shiek minister of defence.

            First nations: historically messy collection of issues. He is making efforts and the Natives are still willing to work with the Cabinet. It is NOT going to get fixed in 18 months.

            Well, the area around the Tar Sands was on fire for a portion of the summer, including the main living area for the workers. And both the Feds and Alberta are trying to figure out how to help everyone and not go broke. The area has already been developed for production, so now it’s about stabilization and safety. Tar Sands are a shitshow and are not going to be fixed until OPEC is disbanded and the American government actually recognizes that Climate Change is a thing that people caused, and buring fossil fuel en masse is a HUGE contributing factor.

            I have acknowledged that there are issues with Trudeau, but you seem unwilling to listen to the actual current political climate in Canada. All of our parties have issues, even the Rhinoceros party. Regional differences and need abound and the only thing we all truly agree on, is that Toronto sucks.

          • Panika MCD

            what the fuck is wrong with you? do you not understand “don’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good” or do you think you’re the only person who gets to decide what’s good?

          • Dazza

            A straw man argument that likens JT to a “raging white supremacist’ is lazy. As is critiquing something as enormously complicated as the now-changing federal government relationship with First Nations without doing the research on exactly what policies and programs are being implemented regarding Canada’s aboriginal peoples. As the title suggests, each of the Nations has different needs and objectives in the changing relationships.
            – In his administration, JT has overseen the establishment of 6 new First Nations schools, with over 131 more to come, clean drinking water on First Nation territories, the establishment of a programme for the revitalisation of Indigenous languages, the establishment of an inquiry into missing First Nations women, and apologies for the horrors of residential schools.
            – JT was lumbered with pipeline agreements whish predated his administration. The reality is that Canadian voters in the oil patch draw deep water in politics, and securing their jobs may secure support for alternative energy policies. And yes, the tar sands is a serious problem but getting rid of JT will not make that go away.
            – Politics involves negotiation and compromise to get anything done. Sometimes you don’t get everything you want, but stomping your feet and threatening to take your ball and go home leads to madness like government shutdowns, not raising a debt ceiling, or rejecting Hilary Clinton because she wasn’t enough of a pure progressive in her policies or her past work as a Senator or Secretary of State. And that’s how Trump gets in.

          • Dazza

            You aren’t Canadian, so you probably don’t understand the bitter history involved in major changes to the electoral system or the Charter of Rights and Freedoms in the past 4 decades. Changes to either of them is difficult, rancorous, and almost always creates more internal strife than it would resolve.
            Also, when you vote in an election in a Westminster system of governance, you vote for the party, not its leader. JT could be turfed out by the Liberals tomorrow if he behaved corruptly, but they would still be the governing party.

          • Dear lord, we cannot handle another Meech Lake session. I also do not want to live through another referrendum. Parliamentary rules are the only reason we get anything done at all.

          • Dazza

            Agreed.

          • Gosala

            IT IS Funny that Justin ran against first past the post and now runs away from it.
            Are you so sure that Justin isn’t a ragingly incompetent white supremacist?
            What is his position via a vie the First Nations?
            How exactly does he square the development of the tar sands with global warming?

          • IOnlyLikeCats

            Why are you implying Stephen Harper and Justin Trudeau are the same, the same way people equivocated Hillary Clinton and Donald? Because those were basically the two options in the past election, as Future Mr. Cats would tell you if he wasn’t out tonight.

          • Gosala

            I don’t

          • Panika MCD

            what are you actually accusing him of lying about? there are some wingnut videos out there accusing him of making false promises regarding pot, but they are widely debunked. the article does not make clear what he supposedly lied about.

          • Panika MCD

            there were no relevant examples of him actually doing that in the article. at least Wonkette cites its sources.

            last time I checked, JT was not involved in any sex scandals and since you have no first hand knowledge (and the author of the article seems to have none either), you really don’t know what he would do if he met you in a bar–which he fucking wouldn’t because it’s not Cheers.

            besides, you may have missed the part where this is a pants-free zone. so there are no pants to get into.

    • And, as is oft the case, the good is made the enemy of the not perfect.

      • Gosala

        And just what is it that Justin is better than?

        • Donald Trump. Stephen Harper. Brian Mulroney.

          • Msgr_Moment

            Fuck, Marry, Kill?
            Kill them all and let God sort them out.

          • Especially since Mulroney seems to be all happy-go-lucky about Drumpf

          • Gosala

            Not really. He says all the nice things, but his policies give all fuck all to First Nations and climate change.

            So a softer form of grab all the money and fuck the future

          • IOnlyLikeCats

            Even Future Mr. Cats isn’t that Puritan with politics and acknowledges the good Trudeau has done as well as being better than he expected.

          • Gosala

            Good, as in pushing for the development of the tar sands?

            Sure that’s good because a few richpeople will make out and everyone else…

          • Panika MCD

            so part of the problem here is that despite trying to curb tar sands production more recently, Alberta has continued to produce the stuff anyhow. that stuff has to go somewhere because putting it in holding tanks in Alberta is a very bad idea given how corrosive it is. so it’s got to be moved somewhere and they’re using a pipeline that’s been around a while (53 years to be exact) by adding an extension. you generally want these things to be maintained anyhow because you have century long contracts with the companies (usually, which is why the Keystone XL numbers were so inflated)–so they were probably going to do that maintenance anyhow–and they’ve been producing the stuff since 1959. but at least they didn’t go with the 1958 proposal to detonate nukes underground to raise viscosity–because that is not how things work. I’d like to see more details about this and find out if any concessions were made on what to do with all the water they destroy and how to replace it. so I give this project a C- for now, but a C if they managed to get the water concessions.

          • IOnlyLikeCats

            He also went to the tribes for consent and got permission from 8 out of 10 to go ahead so they are really bringing up a non-scandal.

          • Panika MCD

            also too: I didn’t like 100% of the things Bamz did, but I didn’t accuse him of grabbing anyone by the pussy for doing things I didn’t like.

        • Panika MCD

          maybe if you had an article that actually cited some examples instead of making stupid generalizations, we’ll take it more seriously.

      • Panika MCD

        I saw 0 examples in this article about something he actually did that was dickish.

      • Dazza

        Exactly.

    • Shan – Mildly Depraved

      What point did “this” actually have to make?

      • Gosala

        That Justin Trudeau is no better than the other leaders of the Anglo sphere

    • Panika MCD

      so there are asshole purists in every country who like to distill politics down to an anecdote including a bar and an imagined romantic relationship with the head of state. got it.

  • data_ninja

    More fake news that we used to believe, but now we know the truth. http://i.imgur.com/AfciYwH.jpg

    • Count Awesome

      Moon landing and fluoride also, too

  • Nounverb911

    OT
    David Beckham’s video for UNICEF’s campaign to end Child Violence:

    https://twitter.com/UNICEF/status/805744805993062400

    • El_Pinche

      I love ladies, but are you trying to give me an awkward boner?

      • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

        Boners are never awkward.

        • well…….
          They can be. Maybe not for you penis havers, but for sure for others from time to time.

    • alpacapunchbowl

      Oh. My. God. As insanely and ridiculously hot as David Beckham is, I love him even more for his activism

      • Shan – Mildly Depraved

        I really appreciate the activism but I’m still not hot for Beckham. Never was.

        • IOnlyLikeCats

          I mean I’m asexual so all your talk about hotness makes me cock my head a little, bewildered.

          • I figure it has something to do with global warming

          • IOnlyLikeCats

            That would make more sense. It took several years of explanation for me to understand attractiveness means “would sleep with” and not “nice to look, would be friends with or date”.

          • Courser

            I do appreciate nice-looking people, but don’t often put it in the context of sleeping with them. Though people with ugly personalities don’t qualify no matter what they look like

          • BloviateMe

            Cock? Head?

            That’s hawt.

          • IOnlyLikeCats

            ????

          • BloviateMe

            I dunno, was shooting for levity. They’re not all winners.

          • I laughed. Not gonna lie.

          • BloviateMe

            YOU! I knew there had to be at least one person out there as twisted as me.

          • You are in the right place

          • Shan – Mildly Depraved

            Yeah, I don’t normally just look at someone and go “Yeah, I’d do that.”

          • I usually look at a guy and go, nice, but hubby has nicer eyes/is taller/is shorter/has better arms/nicer ass/ flatter ears….etc.
            Think I am still smitten. Even if he does re-arrange my cupboards

          • Shan – Mildly Depraved

            I’d happily let someone rearrange my cupboards if the rest of the relationship didn’t mostly involve me merely tolerating their presence.

            Yeah, I know that’s sad.

          • Beanz&Berryz

            I don’t rearrange cupboards. And I even fix some things. But I sometimes give adult kids suggestions about how to do things in the kitchen. And only one adult kid squarely called it mansplaining. But I think she was wrong about that.

          • Shan – Mildly Depraved

            *pfffizzz*

            (is funny)

        • alpacapunchbowl

          Haha, I can get where you’re coming from, lol.

        • BloviateMe

          Watching “Bent Over like Beckham” might change your mind.

          • alpacapunchbowl

            Lol

          • Shan – Mildly Depraved

            Is that on Redtube?

      • It’s good they didn’t have him do the voice over

        • alpacapunchbowl

          Oh sweet baby jesus, right? Lol

  • IOnlyLikeCats

    It is pretty clear Donald has some sort of relationship with Putin… anyone going to investigate?

    • Count Awesome

      I think I saw them on “Love Connection” in the 80’s.

      • IOnlyLikeCats

        I know they were on “Friendzone”.

      • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

        Weren’t they the couple that, when asked where the strangest place they had ever “made whoopee” was, answered: “In the butt, Chuck.”

        • Count Awesome

          You’re thinking of the “Newlywed Game”.

          • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

            Oh, they were on that too then?

    • I am sure they will get right on that XD

      • They will be all over it like a fat kid on brussel sprouts

        • IOnlyLikeCats

          hey, I know more fat kids willing to eat brussel sprouts than wingnuts willing to face facts.

          • Msgr_Moment

            And why is it Brussels sprouts? We need a tarriff on foreign sprouts. Brooklyn sprouts or GTFO!

          • BloviateMe

            The Belgians are waffling on the whole thing.

          • Msgr_Moment

            I enjoy your wit.

          • BloviateMe

            Why thank you, that’s quite the compliment, considering the level of intelligence and humor this website has to offer. I feel like the dorky little brother here. So much smarts.

          • Dazza

            Very true. Me, too.

        • BloviateMe

          I once gave my brother in law a t shirt that said “I eat pussy like a fat kid eats cake” for Christmas. My mom didn’t see the humor in it.

          • Count Awesome

            Did the back of the shirt offer free mustache rides?

        • Count Awesome

          They’ll fall on it like a fat kid face planting and a pie on the other side of the earth disappears.

        • Dazza

          *Snerk* I’m gonna steal that and use it myself.

    • Blacktop Autumn

      Republican Congress says “What? Clinton emails? Oh.”

    • Msgr_Moment

      I would, but it’s considered bad form to out celebrities.

      • BadKitty904

        As a professional homo, I’m beginning to question that.

        • IOnlyLikeCats

          I think it depends how hypocritical they are.

          • BadKitty904

            I dunno. I’m beginning to favor leveling the playing field…all the way down to the ground.

            “You wanna run for Congress and live the public life on my tax-dollars? OK, let’s make it a *public* life, then, Wanda…”

    • Blacktop Autumn

      Okay, I need to respond to this seriously.

      Are we, as a country, going to pretend Clinton was the most corrupt fucking bitch on the planet and let this Cheeto ape slap his way around shit talking companies he doesn’t like to drag down their stock, appointing his demon spawn to run his barely functioning empire of grift, engage in blatant corruption and skewing of foreign relations to suck his ass, and pretend that she was somehow worse?

      This fucking dipshit appointed two shitstains (three, if you count that hood wearing racist fuckwad Bannon) Goldman assholes to his cabinet among a pack of crazy people.

      I mean, is this REALLY a thing? Speeches to Goldman are bad, but putting some fucker who ran his shit there and who foreclosed on an old lady for 27 cents is now, suddenly okay.

      Seriously,. fuck anyone who excuses. With votes that look a lot like a big, black ass splitting dildo.

      • IOnlyLikeCats

        Speeches are common, not universal, but normal in politics. As was the Iraq war vote. But guess who gets all the fire for it? I agree with everything else.

      • I did not think the speeches were bad even. She told a buncha bankers to their faces that they had to help clean up the mess they made and she would be expecting them to do their part.

      • Panika MCD

        I think the people who couldn’t let go of the speeches voted for Jill Stein because they were fuckin’ purists who didn’t notice that she started the supportive tweets after 3/15 when it was pretty much a foregone conclusion that HRC was the nominee (because: MATH) because she knew that some of the bird brains would vote for her.

      • Pinkham’s Law

        You included four topics in your rant. That is perfectly acceptable for “A Rant,” but utterly ineffective in countering the Orange One. One topic at a time, with 3 – 5 bullet points outlining what the results of his policies would be, would be far more effective. BE SPECIFIC on the results.

      • I, for one, would like to hear more about this dildo…

        • Blacktop Autumn

          God, me too. *lol*

      • bookish

        Every time I think of having smart, experienced, wonky, cautious Clinton as POTUS, and compare her to the lunatic PEOTUS we’ve got now, I just want to cry.

    • Panika MCD

      didn’t the Stormin’ Mormon indicate that the FBI was already on it?

    • BadKitty904

      I don’t know of any federal agency left that can be trusted to do an honest investigation of this subject.

      • IOnlyLikeCats

        Can we appoint Hillary as a special prosecutor?

        • BadKitty904

          Pooty would crumble like the Berlin Wall…

    • Pinkham’s Law

      NO!

      • BloviateMe

        Oh come on, just ask to use his bathroom, and see if he has any prescription fungicide or something. We all suspect it.

    • Dazza

      Erm. What kind of relationship? As in they were sexting, or something? ‘Cos I’m not sure I want to know THAT much.

  • Msgr_Moment

    Lawrence O’Donnell thinks you can’t say ‘ass’ on TV?
    Clearly not a fan of George Carlin.

    • Lawrence is a wee bit uptight

      • IOnlyLikeCats

        But his righteous fury is both entertaining and informative.

      • Count Awesome

        He’s like Cameron from “Ferris Bueller” without the energy.

        • I have no idea how he survived a writers’ room run by Aaron Sorkin

          • Grass?

          • Count Awesome

            ‘Ludes?

          • Shoto

            Pepper spray?

          • Don’t think that would have worked since this was during Sorkin’s coke period

          • YetAnotherRebecca

            Wasn’t Peggy Noonan on the WW writing staff around the same time? Mebbe she shared her chardonnay canaries. The fog they help ease her into is so dense I’m guessing they’re industrial strength

        • BloviateMe

          Goddamn that made me laugh.

    • Panika MCD

      didn’t POTUS do that around the whole BP thing?

    • Pinkham’s Law

      Depends if you’re on broadcast or cable.

    • Courser

      I could swear I’ve heard him say ‘ass’ at some point, but maybe not. I can swear I can hear his voice in my memory. No one really thinks it’s a thing anymore. Even my granny would use ‘ass’; as in, ‘Don’t act like an ass!’

  • Resistance Engineer Red Bird

    OT/ Trump fanboy and well dressed racist Richard Spencer was at Texas A&M University today. He was invited by an alumni who is a neo-Nazi. I’ve noticed a pattern between the Neo-Nazi and Russia.

    https://www.texastribune.org/2016/12/01/meet-strongest-skinhead-who-keeps-bringing-white-n/
    http://fox43.com/2016/12/06/richard-spencers-appearance-draws-ire-of-texas-am-officials-students/

  • Blacktop Autumn

    Oh the hilarious side, notice how suddenly the Republicans are all like “whoa, slow down!” now that they won.

    I mean it’s all “We can’t repeal the ACA right away!” and maybe Ryan was just joshing about that Medicare voucher thing this year! The problem for them is they tacked so hard to the right hating on the black dude that their base is now digesting a stream of Info Wars and Facebook craziness from a country that hasn’t been relevant since Alexander the Great porked dudes.

    Good luck, fuckheads.

    Edit: drink a little less, girl. :-D

    • BadKitty904

      I think they’re still in shock because they knew they didn’t stand a chance in hell of winning a fair election.

      • Land Shark

        “You mean that gerrymandering shit actually WORKED? We are soooo boned.”

        • BadKitty904

          “You mean we’ve wasted all these years obeying the laws and abiding by the Constitution?! Who knew dictatorship would be so EASY?!?1?!”

          ~ The GOP

          • Dazza

            In my darkest dreams, the Koch brothers (and their coven of Dominionists) have been planning, subverting state legislators and astro-turfing a long term plan for the overthrow of the republic.
            Suddenly, the Drumpf hands them the Presidency – while the GOP controls Congress, and they have the chance to load the Supreme Court with Roger B. Taney clones (DNA obtained from raiding that bastard’s tomb). I think that what we are seeing here is a ‘program is loading’ moment while they try to decide what to do first. They probably thought that they had to wait another eight years to get their hands in the levers of power.

          • BadKitty904

            Or the GOP is simply awaiting further orders from the Kremlin.

          • Dazza

            Also possible.

          • BadKitty904

            I’m sure Vlad is still pondering how he can use the GOP to most effectively and permanently destroy America.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      The GOP is the proverbial dog who just caught the car it was chasing

      Now what do we do?

    • Land Shark

      “Y’all have to dance with the one you brung with you.”

      Have fun with that, assclowns.

    • shivaskeeper

      I was listening to the news today whilst driving around and McTurtle was talking repeal ACA first thing on the 3rd. I think it was Dick Durbin who was basically saying you break it, you bought it if you pull 20M + peoples insurance from them.

  • Daisy

    OT: Roommate and guy friend have an arrangement where she pays for a couple of his meals here, and he’ll pay for one of hers when she’s in L.A during the summer.

    • symbiotic meal sharing

    • BloviateMe

      I unwittingly had an arrangement where I paid for my ex-wife’s boyfriend’s phone bill. I’m not sure what I got out of it. I like your roommate’s deal better, all things considered.

      • I apparently was paying for a well’s Fargo seller’s bonus at some point.
        What I got outta it was my credit rating miraculously rebounded about 100 pts when the story broke that they were doing silly things, and a new bank card

    • IOnlyLikeCats

      Your friends are so great to each other.

      (Ask him out.)

      • Daisy

        Good news is, roommate is actually attempting to get me to do something about my crush on him, which is an interesting shift from a couple months ago.

        • IOnlyLikeCats

          Good.

          (Aaaaask hiiiim oooouuuut.)

          • I offered her a linky to quality entertainment to share with him….he’s apparently being a nerd and studying..

          • Daisy

            Six straight hours. That’s what happens when you’re STEM at Berkeley.

          • IOnlyLikeCats

            Did she try kissing him on the neck and/or tickling him?

        • Historicat

          I hope you’re not expecting him to “read the signal” or anything. Boys are stupid – they don’t recognize anything which isn’t direct and clear and plain as day.

    • Pinkham’s Law

      You really, really, need to work out an “arrangement” with him, as well. Also too.

      • Daisy

        An “arrangement”, huh?

        • You give him two sexy times here, and he gives you one in LA during the summer?
          hm. Might need to work on it a bit.

          • Daisy

            On Sunday, he pulled his “show up at the door in his underwear” thing. I’m amazed he hasn’t caught me staring yet.

          • If he’s gonna walk around in his underwear, use your eyes for what they’re for!

          • Daisy

            Oh, I do. ;)

          • BloviateMe

            Just point at his wiener and say “if you’re not using that, can I borrow it for a bit?”

            It’s an icebreaker.

          • I hope not. Because ouch

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            Good Lord, it’s amazing that a girl smart enough to get into UCB doesn’t recognize a great big hint spelled out in letters 10 feet high

          • Daisy

            I’m actually the one who usually opens the door, too. This time, it was roommate, because I had to finish putting on my bathrobe.

          • Next time go open it stark nekky. Oh hey man, waz up?
            Like that, with a serious face

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            Or head to the dollar store, buy a sprig of Mistletoe and a piece of wire to hang it over your noggin, then show up at his door in your underwear- or at least the bathrobe- and just stand there and smile demurely

          • Land Shark

            Oh, my stars! You all are trying to get this fine, young lady to be forward and trampy and ….

            Oh, forget that bullshit! Go with Zippy’s idea. Would work on me.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            We are simple creatures- it would work on every man on the planet, unless they are ghey, a committed monk, or clinically dead (and I wouldn’t count out the first two)

          • IOnlyLikeCats

            Or not interested.

          • We ain’t doin it, he is doin it, we’re just pondering different ways you could deal with the situation

          • Land Shark

            Less pondering, more snuggling. (I was going to say groping, but in the current clime, that term now has been tainted by the tiny fingered, Cheeto-faced, ferret wearing shitgibbon.)

          • Snuggling for the win!

          • IOnlyLikeCats

            I’m asexual and even i would recognize the signs and lock you into a closet together. You need to ask him out.

          • BloviateMe

            LOL, right?

          • ya know, I am just going to suggest that maybe he has caught you staring, and thus the random sightings ;)

  • BadKitty904

    OT: To the tune of Here Comes Santa Claus

    Trump’s not my President,
    Trump’s not my President,
    Not a chance in Hell!

    He lies and cheats,
    And grifts and pervs,
    And belongs in a prison cell!

    • ooooooooooooo We could do this with aaalllll the things?

      Deck the halls with cheap-assed fake gold
      fa la la la la la la la la
      Tis the season to have your soul sold
      fa la la la la la la la la
      Don we now our ill fitting tux
      fa la la la la la la la la
      Whilst we roll in tacky faux lux
      Fa la la la la la la la la

      • BadKitty904

        See?

        • God rest ye angry christianists
          It’s your shit show to run
          Forget that hippy Jesus guy
          and grab your sacred gun
          For Trump has risen in the East and we have just begun
          oooh—hooo Tidings of hatred and fear
          hatred and fear
          oo ooo tidings of hatred and fear

          • BadKitty904

            Burning books…burning booooks,
            It’s Donnie’s time, more’s the pity…

          • Joy to the nuts, the fake news won
            And all the facts are done
            Who needs em when the lie-ie-ies
            Are Tweeted fifty ti-ie-imes
            And broadcast on TV
            For ratings, all with glee
            And broadcast, and broadcast on the TV

          • BadKitty904

            Viiiii-olent blight, haaaaate-filled blight,
            All is straaaaaight, all is whiiiiite…

          • Round yon shooting range
            Mighty and loud
            Whip your bang sticks out
            Make ya real proud

      • Count Awesome

        Can’t use “Little Drummer Boy” because he’s obviously an anchor baby.

        • Vote they told me ba rum bum bum bum
          A Tweeted King to see ba rum bum bum bum
          The finest jerbs he’ll bring ba rum bum bum bum
          He’ll give us everything ba rum bum bum bum, bum bum bum bum, bum bum bum bum
          Vote, they told me, ba rum bum bum bum
          Me and my gun

          • Count Awesome

            You’re just asking to be deported now.

          • According to the test we all took a month ago, I am gonna be on the first bus anyway.

          • So….i should be getting started on the refugee camps?

    • BloviateMe

      Trump’s yule log is short and vulgar.

      • Count Awesome

        Doesn’t matter how much edible gold leaf you put on, it’s still just earrings on a pig.

      • BadKitty904

        It’s like these things just write themselves…

  • Shan – Mildly Depraved

    OT: So my hoverboard-riding, Star Wars/Harry Potter memorabilia-displaying, Broadway tunes singing/dancing (among other things) boss has invited everyone to the party suite he reserved for Neil Diamond’s 50th anniversary tour concert here in July. He asked us to RSVP with our +1 if we have one. After multiple people responded with theirs (because everybody else I work with has a +1) back and forth a bunch of times, I sent a reply-all:

    “Okay. I don’t have a +1 but maybe 7 months will be enough time for me to convince Chris Pratt’s wife to let him come with me.”

    *crickets*

    • BloviateMe

      “So my hoverboard-riding, Star Wars/Harry Potter memorabilia-displaying, Broadway tunes singing/dancing (among other things) boss has invited everyone to the party suite he reserved for Neil Diamond’s 50th anniversary tour concert here in July.”

      Absolutely every word in that sentence is awesome.

      • I take exception to the word in, myself. Coulda been ‘come’ or more info giving early/mid/late, ya know? Sniff.

        • BloviateMe

          I hadn’t thought about that. A whole new paradigm for me to explore. Give me a minute…

        • Shan – Mildly Depraved

          Um, July 14th? Anyway! NOBODY thought it was funny that I was gonna ask Chris Pratt’s WIFE for permission for HIM to come to the concert!

          • Does everyone you work for utterly lack a humor bone? Cause that is kinda funny really XD

          • Shan – Mildly Depraved

            You’d think they’d find it funnier because THEY all seem to have to ask THEIR wives for permission to do anything.

            I swear to dawg, one of the ones who used to work with us at the Other Place complained that he wasn’t even allowed to MASTURBATE because his wife didn’t like it.

            Maybe the Chris Pratt joke was a little too close to the bone, so to speak.

          • I think they are probably all more…wives let men date other women?

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            Just go into work tomorrow and announce that she said yes- you still have several months to get creative

          • I giggled. Your coworkers suck

          • BloviateMe

            To be fair, even as a straight guy, I asked permission to date him long before they got weird.

      • BadKitty904

        USA! USA! USA!

    • You should follow that with a “Please clap”. Maybe that’ll move the needle.

  • Daisy

    OMG, why is Lin so adorable?

    • Cause he is XD

      • I helped Daisy study. I sent her a youtube linky.

        • we’re so very helpful

        • Daisy

          Anthony Ramos, also too.

          • I like Daveed. He has a good tongue

          • Daisy

            Daveed Diggs is perfection.

          • Any man who looks that good in purple crushed velevt breeches and jacket can stay around. And the rapping ability?

          • BadKitty904

            Daveed Diggs is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

        • BloviateMe

          I sent thoughts and prayers for her to get bigly laid.

          • Count Awesome

            With a yooge…

          • BloviateMe

            Exactly.

        • bookish

          Bad influence. Very bad.

  • Okay, so now for a third time I have to go back to the leasing office and try to get my e-mail changed so that I get my parcels. For a so-called “convenience”, this automated system has been pretty damned inconvenient.

    • Since truth is dead and facts do not matter, inconvenience is now convenience. QED!
      Also, ouch, sorry spotts

      • I know they change it when I ask them. But the change never sticks. And it’s not easy for them, because they have to keep dealing with me. I am trying to maintain my patience (it’s not their fault), but this is not the best season for it.

        • ohhh how well I understand that.
          Our regular UPS guy got himself a helper. Only helper sucks. He’s delivered my stuff twice to the landlo (and theirs once to one of our other neighbors) and left one of em in the rain at the end of the driveway.
          For serious.
          NOT THE TIME OF YEAR FOR THIS

          • cynmac will never surrender

            We have had dyslexic postman for years. The good news is that I know all of my neighbors!

  • IOnlyLikeCats

    Donald has claimed he sold all his stock months ago. Ummm… no.

    • BloviateMe

      Sometimes I question his honesty.

      • IOnlyLikeCats

        Sometimes I question his existence. Maybe I ate something spiked and all of this is a bad trip.

      • BadKitty904

        If His Lips Are Moving, He’s Lying.

        • You know his lips move when he tweets, right? #trumpcantread

        • Count Awesome

          Putin’s a great ventriloquist though with his fist so far up Trump’s ass.

    • Count Awesome

      It must have been during that monopoly game he played with real billionaires.

    • BadKitty904

      OK, Sniffles, show us your tax-returns and prove it.

      • shivaskeeper

        You beat with with tax return snark by like a second. Dammit.

        • BadKitty904

          Well, it was just sitting there, out in the open, all obvious…

          • shivaskeeper

            Stupid, slow typing fingers. Mine, not yours obviously.

          • BadKitty904

            I blame Discus.

    • shivaskeeper

      He must have released his tax returns to prove it right? Right? Color me skeptical then.

  • LifelongLurker

    Well, go ahead and sign me up as a brand new Fiona Apple fan. And thanks for bringing back to my recollection that particular E.C. song—I’m trying to figure out how I managed ever to forget it.

  • Daisy

    Also, Jasmine Cephas Jones is the cutest.

  • WomanInTheResistance

    May I say how nice it is to see you all here?

    • WOMAN!!!!!! :huggles:

      • WomanInTheResistance

        JEN!!!! (((Hugs)))

        • Missed you! How is everything? Doggy, mom, car keys well hidden, the cheese fluffing nicely?

          • WomanInTheResistance

            Things are good. And what I thought was a dropped and destroyed tablet turned out to be a stupid charger thing. Heavens, I missed you all.

          • Well yay happy news! Chargers are much cheaper XD
            yikes!
            *cuddles big ol desk top*

          • double post cause I gotta kick it but I wanted to tell ya the test came back good, and also sneak in one more :snuggle: like I do

          • WomanInTheResistance

            Oh, that’s great news! And there can never be too many *hugs* in this bad old world. Sleep well!

    • Hi! **waves excitedly**

      • WomanInTheResistance

        *waves back, very happily*

        • BloviateMe

          *sneaks out silent fart while everyone is waving, moves away*

          • J’Accuse!

          • WomanInTheResistance

            Crop dusting is frowned upon in the best circles. Which is why we’re here, I suppose.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            just blame the dog

    • Daisy

      Hello! :)

      • WomanInTheResistance

        Oh, it’s good to see you! How’s school?

        • Daisy

          It’s pre-finals week, so no classes. I’m supposed to be studying, technically, but I have budgeted my time out.

    • Shan – Mildly Depraved

      *waves*

      • WomanInTheResistance

        *waves back*

    • BloviateMe

      What a perfectly lovely thing to say. It’s nice to see you here too!

    • BadKitty904
    • Panika MCD

      yay!

      • WomanInTheResistance

        Yay! To you too!

  • IOnlyLikeCats

    Welp, Brian Williams is on. Time to make dinner.

    • Macaroni?
      I really want some Macaroni XD

      • IOnlyLikeCats

        I have leftover macaroni. It’s not bad. But I want a steak sandwich tonight.

          • IOnlyLikeCats

            Because diabetes? Also I kind of snacked on potato chips while I was watching MSNBC because I didn’t want to miss anything so I really shouldn’t.

          • Scrofula

            Pro-tip: you can eat (almost) all the starch you want if you pair it with a fat steak (all the protein slows the starch from moving into your guts). It’s probably the only bright spot to diabetes. Seriously, fat baked potato with steak, your sugar will actually DROP.

    • SnarkON

      Isn’t he the dad of that actress on Girls?

  • Daisy

    My roommate, texting guy friend, asks me: “Is there a flipping off emoji?”

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • BadKitty904

      I don’t hate the Dems – I just think they need to crank it up, is all.

      • IOnlyLikeCats

        He’s not talking about you. He’s talking about people who think we need throw aside the Jews/blacks/etc to get that racist white vote.

        • Thiazin Red

          I swear, I don’t want to hear one more “Democrats need to stop with the identity politics and focus all their attention on white men”.

          • BadKitty904

            Someone actually said that?

          • IOnlyLikeCats

            You didn’t hear it?

          • BadKitty904

            No. And I’d better not, either, at least from any Dem I know personally.

    • Scrofula

      Exactly–winning just shy (less than half million) of Obama 2012 means Democrats have totally ignored the white working class and neo-liberalism (whatever the fuck that is) is DEAD and it’s the Democrat’s fault and they demand too much “purity” in their candidate because all 65 fucking million of them actually stayed home or voted Stein somehow.

      • Daisy

        I just laugh when I hear neoliberalism, because it means something totally different to me because my concentration is in international relations.

        • IOnlyLikeCats

          when I hear that, I think “this person is an anarchist” and I slowly inch backward until I am far away from them.

          • Daisy

            I just roll my eyes, because I can’t stop myself from thinking, “That word. It does not mean what you think it means.”

  • Nounverb911

    Pretzel elect Drumpf is officially ordering America to use the phrase ‘Merry Christmas’ instead of hello, goodbye and Happy Channukah.

    https://twitter.com/kurteichenwald/status/806350248025145348
    https://twitter.com/FoxNews/status/806337793597181956

    • WomanInTheResistance

      Would “Merry Fucking Christmes” count?

      • Nounverb911

        Didn’t that happen in March, 1BC?

        • WomanInTheResistance

          There are not enough upvotes in the world for this.

      • Resistance Fighter Callyson
      • Panika MCD

        have you asked Sid Miller and did he slap you?

    • Jen! Get baking on the War on Christmas cakes! We’re gonna need lots!

    • Amy!

      “I’d like to share with you the good news! You can convert or die!”

    • BadKitty904

      I’ll stick with saying “HE’S NOT MY PRESIDENT!!!, thanks.

    • Amy!

      Just FYI, Corey, on 25 December 2016, the POTUS will be our beloved Barack Hussein Obama, a man of humor, empathy, and intelligence.

      It’s next year that we’re stuck with Halloween decorations for Christmas. HTH. HAND. BYH.

    • Panika MCD

      a) he’s not the president yet.

      b) you could already say, “Merry Christmas!” it’s just that businesses found that they got more money for being respectful of all faiths in their packaging, but they didn’t ban their employees from saying it.

      c) he’s going to have a big problem when someone asks his son-in-law about this–not to mention Republican people of the Jewish persuasion like Eric Cantor.

    • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

      I really feel like vomiting. I can’t deal with this bullshit any more.

    • Shan – Mildly Depraved

      Oh, fuck you. You could always say “Merry Christmas” and you still can. And you’ll still sound like the same asshole you always were.

    • Kiri the Resistant Unicorn

      I have no trouble saying “Merry Christmas” to my clients, of whom I assume many if not most are church-goin’ folk. I don’t go so far as to mention that I think Christmas has devolved into a secular holiday, or that my motives are strictly commercial and I’m doing well-practiced customer-service shtick.

      • That’s the true meaning of winter.

        • Kiri the Resistant Unicorn

          Well, there’s this cyclical and perfectly ordinary astronomical thing that happens, too. It’s an adequate reason to have a party.

    • Jamoche

      Salesclerks don’t care if my Christmas is merry, my holidays happy, or even my day is nice. Forcing them to say any of those things just diminishes the sentiment – leave the Merry Christmases to the people at my church on Dec 25 who actually mean it.

      Also, still Advent.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    Jesus. My client has 62 motor vehicle citations in Washington alone. He’s only 30 and has spent 1,873 days incarcerated in WA and ID. That’s some pretty bad driving, and I haven’t even looked at Idaho yet.

    • He seems nice

    • Nounverb911

      Considering that reading, understanding traffic rules, or driving ability is a requirement for a Washington license….

    • WomanInTheResistance

      Brace yourself. Idaho drivers are the worst. Except for Dok, of course. And any other Wonk related Idaho folk.

      • Nounverb911

        Vlad the Impala appreciates that.

    • BadKitty904

      Well, if those damn sidewalks weren’t so narrow…

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        A friend tells the story about his DUI client who is arguing with the cop and drunkenly claims the cop “has it out for him.”
        “Not true,” the cop says, “I’m stopping everybody who drives down that particular stretch of sidewalk.”

        • BadKitty904

          Pretty funny…

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Four and a half years of inCARceration over just vehicle citations?? (It’s all public record but should we be hearing this?)

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        The bulk of his incarceration was for two felonies. Delivery of a controlled substance and unlawful possession of a firearm.

        • Beanz&Berryz

          Dang. It baffles me how someone can get by in the world after that. The ther yhan abject poverty and homelessness. Or just more criming.

  • Shoto
  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Tell me something funny, Salon linky:

    Hustler-in-chief: 5 reasons why I doubt
    Donald Trump will complete his first term
    Donald Trump is the kind of guy who loves the hunt and kill, not 4 years serving the people of the United States

    I actually don’t think Donald trump is going to last four years in office.

    Not because he clearly doesn’t understand the rules or know which phone calls he can and can’t take, and not because he can’t decide if he wants Ivanka or Melania to be the first lady. Not because he nominated Ben Carson to fill a position his own spokesperson admits he knows nothing about, and not because he and Mike Pence are assembling a white supremacist dream team cabinet — yes, I consider Carson a black white supremacist — and not because he proves to be more and more incompetent every day.

    I don’t think Donald Trump will last four years in office because Donald Trump is a hustler. He’s a moneymaker. He’s Mitch from “Paid in Full,” in love with the flip — the kind of guy who gets off by turning one dollar into 20. And Donald loves more than the hunt: He loves the bloody kill and the meal.

    The five reasons in the linky are both true and hilarious. Maybe Salon wants to redeem itself after publishing HA HA Good One?

    • Thiazin Red

      I think hes also lazy, and desperately craves approval. A few months of being expected to work, and facing real criticism from people will make him frustrated.

    • Scrofula

      You mean he loves the well-done kill, brought to him by his accountant.

      • Thiazin Red

        He would go to a nice place and order a steak well done.

    • WomanInTheResistance

      Somehow, I can’t get real excited about a Pence presidency.

      • Yr. Gma

        As I keep saying, he’s less likely to declare war on Canada.

      • bookish

        Me either. He’s vile, but at least he’s not crazy.

  • IOnlyLikeCats

    So apparently Donald can’t make money because he likes to embezzle money from his businesses. Doesn’t anyone care he might do that to country?

    • Amy!

      First answer: “no.”

      Second answer: “65 million do.”

      But for the 62 million (and 300-odd) who voted for the con artist? Naw, they think they’re part of the grift, not the marks.

    • I also don’t think he understands micro or macro economics or that they are different at all

      • Jamoche

        I think his knowledge of business begins and ends with “that’s a nice operation you got there. Shame if anything were to… happen to it.”

        • IOnlyLikeCats

          I listen to MSNBC so they can compare him to a mafia boss for me.

      • bookish

        All Donald knows is “gimmee”.

  • Shoto
    • Thiazin Red

      Fuck this chode.

      • Serai 1

        This entire fucking world is going to be brought down by unlaid, pasty white boys who don’t know how to human.

  • BadKitty904

    Say, where has Johnny been lately?

    • WomanInTheResistance

      Has Jonny been missing? Oh, dear.

      • BadKitty904

        Well, that’s what I’m asking. *I* haven’t seen ‘im, but I’ve spent the past week doing holiday baking, so wadda I know?

        • WomanInTheResistance

          I’ve spent the last week thinking I broke my tablet, and saving my pennies to get a new one. Turns out it was just the charger. Whoa Nelly, did I miss this place.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          he popped in the other day and sounded fine

    • IOnlyLikeCats

      He’s been around.

      • BadKitty904

        Aight, as long as he’s OK, then…

    • Shan – Mildly Depraved

      Yes, that. And since I’ve been wondering about @BosGrl as well.

      • Sister the Resister!

        Also been around, but she had a family tragedy and probably is taking the time she needs.

        And, as long as people absent from conversations is on the table, WomenInAMood/OfTheResistance has been having trouble getting online due to the recent death of her faithful companion, TabletInAMood (a device, not an actual user in case anyone’s wondering; usernames are rather carefree around here).

        • Shan – Mildly Depraved

          Woman is back, I saw. I was just wondering about BosGrl because of her family situation. I hope she’s as okay as she can be, even though I can’t imagine.

          • WomanInTheResistance

            Oh no, what happened to BosGirl?

          • Shan – Mildly Depraved

            Her daughter died.

          • Daisy

            Oh no!

          • WomanInTheResistance

            Oh god, that’s just awful. I’m so sorry to hear that.

          • Resistance Fighter Callyson

            That SUCKS. Hope she’s managing to cope.

          • Shan – Mildly Depraved

            That’s what I was wondering. I haven’t seen her post for a couple of days.

            https://disqus.com/by/bosgrl/

          • BloviateMe

            Ugh. I honestly cannot imagine rallying from a hit like that. Awful.

        • WomanInTheResistance

          I’m back! It was a stupid charger problem, it turns out. I am apparently death to chargers. And it’s good to see you! How goes the puppy-sitting?

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      I haven’t heard from Angry Blak Guy in ages and am concerned.

      • IOnlyLikeCats

        He dropped off the face of the planet a few months back… I miss him.

        • Shan – Mildly Depraved

          Same. I wonder if his family situation is okay. I seem to remember he and his wife were working on ABK #2 so I hope nothing went wrong with that.

      • BadKitty904

        IKR? Since like this past summer. What’s up with that?

  • Shoto

    And even more Same Bee also, too.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z4jz4mLvsWY

  • Daisy

    My roommate once let me in on a conversation with guy friend over text message, which led to me opening the door out of spite and both myself and her laughing. Later on, after I went to shower, guy friend asked if we were having fun. I said yeah, it was pretty fun, and his response was “Sounds like it.”

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Roommates can be fun.

      • Daisy

        Roommates are pretty great, particularly this one. She’s basically my favorite person.

        • Beanz&Berryz

          We just got a new housemate. A daughter going back to grad school moved back. But. More housemate than de-empty nesting. A good thing.

      • Shan – Mildly Depraved

        I hate roommates. They…change things.

        • Beanz&Berryz

          Ya. They do. In big ways and little ways. How you hang in the kitchen in the morning. What conversations are had and when. Who pats whom where. But they add richness too. Their own selves. So long as they are fairly likable. Likability is key I suppose. And not leaving a mess in the kitchen.

          • Shan – Mildly Depraved

            Grmph. I’ve had enough roommates. I’m done.

          • Beanz&Berryz

            I was done with them for a long time. Now. Lately they’ve been our kids and/or their pals for a few months at a time. So. Closer than regular roommates. And Better trained.

          • Shan – Mildly Depraved

            I have two teenagers in the house so I’m a bit grumpy about sharing my space.

          • Beanz&Berryz

            Ahh. 20-somethings seem a bit easier. Especially after a break. And because they have their turns to cook dinner.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Tell us something grimly amusing, WaPo linky:

    Trump’s unpredictable style unnerves corporate America

    That style, including his opaque personal financial dealings and his sudden shots at certain companies, has helped unnerve a corporate America that traditionally craves stability. Some business leaders and economists have worried whether executives can speak their minds about the president-elect or his policies without fear of facing Trump’s rage.

    “Twisting people’s arms is inherently problematic” for a president, said N.
    Gregory Mankiw, a professor of economics at Harvard who served as chairman of the Council of Economic Advisers under President George W. Bush.

    “The president has so much power, you always wonder if there’s some implicit threat to individuals, and that goes beyond what I think a limited government should do,” Mankiw said.

    Welcome to the reality-based community, corporate America.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Good going, corporate America, ya got the businessman ya wanted. Careful what you wish for- it’s all fun and games until POTUS gets pissy and tweets something bad about you, causing your company stock to drop 15-20% in a matter of minutes

      • IOnlyLikeCats

        And maybe short sells your stock as well, for funsies.

        • Shan – Mildly Depraved

          Dafuq with that, anyway? If we were talking about Martha Stewart with any of this, she would have been back in jail already.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            Martha back in the slammer?

            it’s a good thing…

          • AntiDerpomeme

            These days Martha is doing a cooking show with Snoop Dawg on MTV. Based on my brief viewing, both seem to be into “baking” before the show, IYKWIM.

    • boyblue122

      so if a big company expands, will they even bother creating new jobs in the US. Doesnt seem worth it if they have to deal with crybaby-in-chief’s whims

    • Shoto

      The conflicts of interest with this asshole orange clown dictator are so egregious that it boggles the mind. And bonus: We don’t even know the half of it. House and Senate Dems need to push the issue hard, effective immediately.

      • Serai 1

        I don’t understand how this shit doesn’t automatically disqualify him, especially since he’s doing nothing about it. How is there not a process to stop the installation of a President who refuses to fulfill the requirements to even BE President?

    • bookish

      Speaking of style. What an ugly schlump. Get some clothes that fit, and a haircut. God, it’s embarrassing to look at him.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Now tell me something infuriating, WaPo linky:

    He ‘lied his a– off’: Carrier union leader on Trump’s big deal

    Jones, president of the United Steelworkers 1999, which represents Carrier employees, felt optimistic when Trump announced last week that he’d reached a deal with the factory’s parent company, United Technologies, to preserve 1,100 of the
    Indianapolis jobs — until the union leader heard from Carrier that only 730 of the production jobs would stay and 550 of his members would lose their livelihoods, after
    all.

    At the Dec. 1 meeting, where Trump was supposed to lay out the details, Jones hoped he would explain himself.

    “But he got up there,” Jones said Tuesday, “and, for whatever reason, lied his a– off.”

    In front of a crowd of about 150 supervisors, production workers and reporters, Trump praised Carrier and its parent company, United Technologies. “Now they’re keeping — actually the number’s over 1,100 people,” he said, “which is so great.”

    Jones wondered why the president-elect appeared to be inflating the victory. Trump and Pence, he said, could take credit for rescuing 800 of the Carrier jobs, including non-union positions.

    Of the nearly 1,700 workers at the Indianapolis plant, however, 350 in research and development were never scheduled to leave, Jones said. Another 80 jobs, which Trump seemed to include in his figure, were non-union clerical and supervisory positions. (A Carrier spokesperson confirmed that 800 factory jobs once earmarked for Mexico are staying.) And now the president-elect was applauding the company and giving it millions of dollars in tax breaks, even as hundreds of Indianapolis workers prepared to be laid off.

    “Trump and Pence, they pulled a dog and pony show on the numbers”

    Four years of this shit…

    • BadKitty904

      Well, of course he did. What else has he ever done?

      • IOnlyLikeCats

        Built a business with his father’s money and conned his employees over and over again?

        • BadKitty904

          I’d add “destroyed multiple businesses built with his father’s money”…

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        groped women?

        • BadKitty904

          Look, if we were to list all of Trump’s unprosecuted crimes, like he was some common, taxpaying American, we’d’ve been up all night…

    • Thiazin Red

      What?! No?! I’m so shocked, a guy whose own lawyers couldn’t trust him to tell the truth without supervision, who lies constantly, lied?!

    • Shoto

      If my arithmetic is correct, the taxpayer will cough up around $9,600 for each job “saved.”

      Yeah, the unhinged orange clown dictator is such a shit-hot businessman. Pffffttttt…

    • Panika MCD

      so he’s basically guaranteeing payola if the companies will hold PR events for him? who could have seen this coming?

      • Mayor_Mayor_Mayor

        It’s prostitution on a grand scale and in full view of the public.

    • Yr. Gma

      After awhile, when he lies every time he opens his mouth, people will begin to tune him out. “Oh, it’s that loud mouth again. Yawn.” And when the Muslims are not ejected from the country, the great deportation of brown people does not materialize, when the wall still doesn’t get built and shuttered factories do not reopen once a week, even his followers will begin to turn on him.

    • HogeyeGrex
    • HogeyeGrex

      It’s like he’d be embarrassed if he were caught ever telling the truth.

  • Top Chef is coming back! Yay!

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Harold Dieterle or GTFO.

    • Serai 1

      Call me when Iron Chef comes back. The ORIGINAL Iron Chef.

      • The Wanderer

        Secret ingredients I doubt we’ll see on Iron Chef:
        1. Opossum
        2. Raccoon
        3. Human breast milk
        4. ‘Long pig’

        • Mayor_Mayor_Mayor

          In the Iron Chef, REAL America version you probably will. Also cooking over a tire fire with a shopping cart as the brazier.

        • Serai 1

          Yes, and that’s a great reason why I’d want it back. EW.

      • Iron Chef with Alton Brown as host/commentator is apparently coming back

        • Serai 1

          PFFT. Pale, neurasthenic American copycat bullshit. I WANT KAGA AND HIS BELL PEPPER!!!

      • BadWolfGirl

        Yes! Me, also, too!

        • Serai 1

          I downloaded the entire series – all nine seasons – a few years ago. That show was SO FUCKING AWESOME. Commissioner Kaga and his Bell Pepper! Chef Yamamoto and his Really Big Knife! ALLEZ CUISINE!!!

    • Pinkham’s Law

      When are actual cooking shows coming back? F this “reality show” crap that’s all about competition but doesn’t do anything for the viewer but waste time!

  • IOnlyLikeCats

    Not sure how trustworthy this website is in general but this particular article cites its sources so https://extranewsfeed.com/what-centering-the-white-working-class-would-mean-for-democrats-6c4975925e4b#.jgy34nibp

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      Sanders himself wasn’t on the ballot this year, but many of the
      candidates he endorsed, and initiatives he endorsed, were. I like the
      example of Russ Feingold, who ran for Senate in Wisconsin. Sanders
      endorsed and fundraised for Feingold, and Feingold largely pushed
      Sanders’ economic agenda. With Wisconsin being a state that is nearly 87
      percent white, it was a great place to test whether Bernie’s agenda
      would have resonated with the white working class. Feingold ran against
      Ron Johnson, a more traditional big business Republican than Trump. If
      Bernie’s ideas about the white working class are right, then Feingold
      should have won a significant victory. The reality is that Feingold lost
      by a bigger margin than Clinton did in the same state — Feingold lost
      by 3.4 percentage points, while Clinton lost Wisconsin by 0.8.

      Well, shit. Time to double down on our base!

      • IOnlyLikeCats

        Hillary Clinton and other realists have tried to warn us about that. Some of us *coughcoughprotestvoterscoughcough* did not listen.

        • Shan – Mildly Depraved

          You are a brave woman.

          • IOnlyLikeCats

            Why?

          • Shan – Mildly Depraved

            I was joking about you admitting to being a protest voter. Especially here on Wonkette.

          • IOnlyLikeCats

            I did not protest vote. Proud Hillary supporter here. Not on the ballot anyway, I did for the primaries (that is the place to do it after all).

          • Shan – Mildly Depraved

            Oh, sorry. I misunderstood your post, then.

  • BadKitty904

    Aight, my lil’ peaches, the weatherman says it’s almost down to 60 here, so it’s time to jump in bed and snuggle up under the quilts.

    Rest peacefully, Wonklings!!!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rt9PUWkA_nk&list=PLADrGoOagzumIzfPSOxbdhcTjgHaNnyFS&index=7

    • P-shaw! It rain/snowed here today. I love arguing weather with you

    • Shan – Mildly Depraved

      I’ll keep the Kansas ice & snow in lieu of the hurricanes. Okay, and we get the occasional earthquake now, no biggie.

      • BadKitty904

        Hey, at least you can see a hurricane coming and flee somewhere. Where do you flee from an earthquake? “Up”?

        • Shan – Mildly Depraved

          Flee mentally to “blackout panic mode” I guess?

          • BadKitty904

            lol Thanks, but…

    • WomanInTheResistance

      Pleasant dreams.

  • Ok. I am also off to bed…stupid work expecting me to be awake when i’m there

    • Shan – Mildly Depraved

      Good night! I’m about out as well.

    • WomanInTheResistance

      Sleep well!

  • Depraved Granny

    OT alert.

    Do any of the night shift wonkits collect vintage tobaciana, specifically meerschaum pipes? If so, do you wanna answer some n00b questions?

    • Scrofula

      Had to google the hell you were talking about.
      I don’t have anything as pretty as those pipes, but I do have piles of cheap “tobacciana”, especially when the cat knocks it all over the floor.

      • Depraved Granny

        I’d never heard of them until yesterday myself. At this point I may have read every pipe collector’s forum on the internet. Wonkette After Dark is such an eclectic community I was sure I’d at least find someone who knows someone who knows stuff.

        Thanks for looking though!

  • BoatOfVelociraptors

    7 hours of design meetings tomorrow, and I have insomnia…

    • Markuserektus

      Whatcha designin’?

      • Shan – Mildly Depraved

        *checks OP’s user name*

        Commercial kitchen layouts?

      • BoatOfVelociraptors

        ToolKits to help scale up a DAL with a mongo back end. Possibly move WireTiger into production.

        • Shan – Mildly Depraved

          Well, that explains everything.

        • El_Pinche

          Ugg..mongo and dumb ole noSQL.

          SQL FOREVER!

          • BoatOfVelociraptors

            At least in javascript, as shady as it is, you can’t use a variable before declaring it :P

          • SnarkON

            “Is that short for ‘squirrel’?” -My dog

        • Markuserektus

          …sorry I asked. I thought it might be a hydro-electric dam or something.

          • BoatOfVelociraptors

            Nah. That kind of engineering is for my cousin. He was in the Navy.

  • WomanInTheResistance

    It’s very nice to see you all, but I have to go to stupid work tomorrow. Sleep well, everybody!

    https://youtu.be/o9gK2fOq4MY

    • Shan – Mildly Depraved

      Good night!

  • Nounverb911

    Ever wonder how airplanes move around an airport?

    http://www.thisiscolossal.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/gif-2.gif

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      They are moving quickly and efficiently, so that airport is definitely not La Guardia. Or Delay Guardia as I used to call it when I lived there.

      • Nounverb911

        LGA is even worse now that they started the $5B reconstruction that will take 8 years or so….

    • SnarkON

      Do you like gladiator movies?

  • HazooToo

    Well, we may not have a female (or competent or sane or professional or ethical or human) President-Elect, but we at least have our first Female Ink Master tonight… Tiny victories?

  • SnarkON

    Hey! It’s 1 a.m. and I’m finally off deadline. Who wants to hang out? Who?

    • Shan – Mildly Depraved

      *zombie-eyed insomniac waves resentfully*

    • IOnlyLikeCats

      I have to slow down how much work i do in an hour so I’m still here.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    OK, kids, I have to hit the road soon. Might check back in about an hour if any of you are around then!

    • IOnlyLikeCats

      I have at least two hours left, the way I am going. I will see you then.

  • Snopes Shop

    Obamz looked sick with fear during his address tonight.

    • bookish

      Yes.

    • Msgr_Moment

      Obama should insist that Trump take his security briefings and that they be given in suppository form.

    • Pissed de Résistance

      He did not look/sound good. The man must be disgusted with the turn of recent events.

  • IOnlyLikeCats

    If Democrats really believe we should reach out to whites (which we already do) why aren’t they supporting the Louisiana candidate for Senator?

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      We grass roots ones are: I’ve phone banked for him several times and will do so again as my schedule permits. Where the fuck our leaders are, OTOH…yes, I know Foster Campbell’s chances are low but come the fuck on!

  • Nounverb911
  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • Shan – Mildly Depraved

      I am. Barely.

    • boberiggert

      Kinda. The chemo is messing with my guts.

      • IOnlyLikeCats

        Are you OK??

      • Resistance Fighter Callyson

        Ouch…I hope you feel better soon!

      • Scrofula

        My sympathies. I’ve (sort of) been there.

    • Jennifer R

      Having a mania that is making me focus on a project means I don’t get side tracked by internet talking all day sadly.

    • Scrofula

      Well, I’m back. Uh, yeah, fuck Trump. What were we talking about?

    • IOnlyLikeCats

      Yes.

    • Dazza

      Sometimes. I’m supposed to be “working.”

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Quiet tonight, so just one more, but it’s a doozy:

    https://twitter.com/kurteichenwald/status/806191773055852544

    • Scrofula

      Yeah, cause I believe all the other stuff he says.

      • IOnlyLikeCats

        I don’t even believe his name is Donald.

        • georgiaburning

          Where’s the Birth Certificate

        • Resistance Engineer Red Bird

          No. It’s Adolph.

          • Pissed de Résistance

            It’s Leonard Mainway.

    • bookish

      Not to worry, Kurt.

    • Sedagive

      Just hanging out at Kos, taking in the inspirational diaries. One very good one quotes Hemingway: “The world breaks every one and afterward many are stronger in the broken places.”

      Holy mother of god, I don’t want to have to resort to Hemingway (or the WWI poets), but we may just be heading in that direction.

      • ZangoCrudmonger

        Seeing as how it is Dec 7, I’m binge watching The World at War, the WWII BBC documentary. Getting pointers for fighting the fascists.

    • Msgr_Moment

      I was suspicious as soon as Ferret Top said it.

  • IOnlyLikeCats

    OT How was Chris Christie ever “mighty”???

    • Sedagive

      He never was. I’m from Jersey, I know.

      In his glory days Christie vetoed humane legislation for farm animals that passed the bipartisan state senate and was hugely popular, polling at more than 90 percent statewide.

      He did it to appease Iowans because he wanted to be president. He was always a coward, always shifty, and always willing to throw anyone (even the most helpless among us) under the bus (that he kept waiting in traffic for hours while his staff laughed and laughed and laughed).

      • Msgr_Moment

        But not shifty enough for a Cabinet position.

  • IOnlyLikeCats

    http://www.palmerreport.com/news/mohican-recount-exposes-thoroughly-inept-original-counting-process/402/ Honestly do I even want an explanation? Do I want to know how much I shouldn’t trust elections in America?

  • IOnlyLikeCats

    So according to Fusion, some warehouses are made of actual construction materials, with sprinklers, fire extinguishers, and smoke detectors the residents are worried about being thrown out of https://twitter.com/Fusion/status/806404926125420544

    • Markuserektus

      Some things to ponder: People don’t usually live in this type of occupancy, warehouses (usually) don’t have the required exiting for assembly type uses, there has never been a multiple life loss in a structure protected throughout with fire sprinklers.
      This looks to be an old building. Firefighters noted that the second story collapsed early on (the roof trusses appear to be steel which softens quickly when exposed to fire) due to high fire loading or combustible material throughout. The city would be liable if they knowingly allowed violations to persist.

      • IOnlyLikeCats

        OK but: it seems to be a popular place for PoC and the LGBT community in that area, it seems like it’s more on the people who own the property to make sure the fire systems are up to date, some of these aren’t for assembly purposes at all, people occupy them full-time, and have nowhere else to go because they can’t afford anything else, and the city can check that the fire systems are up-to-date (with sprinklers, extinguishers, etc) without creating a new homeless population.

        • Markuserektus

          I am all for people to both have a hangout and a place to thrive. If a building has fire protection, the city will have to take the lead on compliance because owners rarely do.
          If fifty persons gather for the purpose of drinking, dining, entertainment or religious worship, it’s an assembly.
          Landlords don’t really care about the use, it’s just rent to them and if there’s no permits drawn the city will almost never know who’s occupying the building.
          There’s a program in place in some communities where the local government builds housing then allows homeless persons to move in. The tenant’s mental and physical health issues are addressed and they are moved towards some type of employment. This is endeavor is less expensive (it provides the resident a sense of ownership and purpose ) than mere survival on the street. Some type of co-op with the city might be a possibility too. I know this sounds like a lot of government, but I’m big on people staying alive and healthy. I hope the the city of Oakland will allow some compassion in future decisions.

    • HogeyeGrex

      It would kind of suck to be thrown out of a smoke detector.

      • Msgr_Moment

        Fun fact: smoke home smoke detectors contain a tiny piece of americium emitting 37000 alpha particles per second.
        You do not want to seek shelter inside a smoke detector!!

        • therblig

          thank trump we don’t have smoke detectors with mexicanium or chinesium in them anymore.

          • Msgr_Moment

            Make 241Americium Great Again.

  • Cathleenhgarcia

    Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours and have longer with friends & family! !sy615c:
    On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
    !sy615c:
    ➽➽
    ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleFinancialJobsCash905DirectPortGetPay$97Hour ★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★::::::!sy615c:….,…..

    • therblig

      you really should save that money instead of buying a new land rover every tuesday.

      • Pissed de Résistance

        British cars only last a week.

  • Sedagive

    My business often requires me to get up at 4:00 am. This means that I often operate on about 4 hours of sleep a night (or two hours in this case). Sometimes I take the time to roam the drafty, deserted halls of the interwebz, when everything is quiet, taking in abandoned conversations, catching up on old, dusty, half-moderated sites, mining recent Faceplace threads for nutritional content and generally enjoying the jungle while most of the creatures are asleep. Wonkette has always been the best read – you people are gems.

    I really should go back to books.

    • Msgr_Moment

      Germs? Let me get the antiseptic. Single-malt or mixed?

      • Pissed de Résistance

        Yes.

    • freakishlystrong

      Look for me out there when your wandering. I’m up and at em’ at the same time, and usually can’t get back on until the next early morn..I like the serenity. Plus, can’t sleep find myself sitting straight up and yelling; “Fuck, fuck, President Donald Fucking Trump?” Or something.

    • Resistance Engineer Red Bird

      Of course. It’s the only place you can’t leave comments.

  • Pissed de Résistance

    Jake “Wouldya” Tapper interviewed Mike Pence last night on CNN and it went something like this:

    Tapper: “Did you apply for a security clearance for your son when he was on the transition team?”
    Pence: “Many things have been undertaken… Today is Tuesday is it not?”
    Tapper: “Yes it is, and thank you, but I’m interested in whether or not a security clearance was sought for your son.”
    Pence: “Trump’s transition is way ahead of all previous ones… I’m tellin’ ya, we’ve got a lot of irons in the fire…”
    Tapper: “Sir, you have failed twice now to answer the question about a security clearance for your son.”
    Pence: “Jake, have you ever hunted pheasants in an Iowa corn field?”
    Tapper: “Fuck this, you rotten old piece of shit.”

    Something like that. Maybe not exactly like that.

    Team Trump: All the transparency money can buy.

    http://www.dailykos.com/story/2016/12/05/1607556/-Lt-Gen-Flynn-s-son-re-promotes-pizzagate-hoax-hours-after-gunman-acts-on-those-claims

    • Mary Sandoras

      SQUIRREL!

    • AntiDerpomeme

      Pence (why does spelling that out make me giggle so much? Too close to “penis?”) is just getting his practice on for when Tangerine Scream decides he’s had enough and skips off to Russia in the middle of the night.

      “Mr VP, we haven’t seen the President for 4 weeks now. Is everything OK?”

      “Yes, we did install a new sprinkler system in the White House lawn 4 weeks ago. Thank you for noticing. The grass is so green, right?”

      “Sure, but about the missing President…”

      “Immigrants! Taxes! Homosexuality in our precious bodily fluids! Great talking with you, real busy, let’s do this again sometime!”

      • Pissed de Résistance

        I cannot tell a lie. I can, however, talk around a subject until the cows come home.

    • NastyBossetti

      I would like to subscribe to your interview transcription service.

      • Pissed de Résistance

        I only hear every third word or so given the distance involved, but I think I got that one about right.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Yeah, pretty much exactly like that….

      • Pissed de Résistance

        Hey, did you see Obama’s speech? He got some impromptu applause for something, but I missed what he said.

        • therblig

          “I’m not Donald Trump”

          • Pissed de Résistance

            Lol, the other thing,

  • Nounverb911

    Joe Biden’s new campaign slogan is “What the Heck”!

    https://twitter.com/NYMag/status/806447194752618496

  • Msgr_Moment

    Lame Duck President >> Lame as Fuck President.

  • Msgr_Moment

    Guess who else is a despicable, money-grabbing traitor?
    Bob Fucking Dole.

    http://www.politico.com/story/2016/12/bob-dole-donald-trump-taiwan-232266
    Dole lobbied Trump’s team on Taiwan for months
    Private briefings, convention delegation, tougher platform language all preceded protocol-breaking phone call.

    • Pissed de Résistance

      Too much Viagra on Team Trump. They’re fucking everything.

      • If your lizard hindbrain’s erection lasts longer than 4 hours, running a stable government may not be for you

      • Count Awesome

        The entire Team Trump will be in the backyard calling out “Here kitty kitty” in no time.

    • Being a war hero does not exempt you from being a giant useless cocksplat

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        A somewhat traitorous giant useless cocksplat (minus the Viagra), I might add…

    • pstockholm

      I knew there had to be something sleazy and Republican (but I repeat myself) behind that. I doubt Trump even knew last Spring Taiwan was not under mainland control.

      • Msgr_Moment

        Way to Taiwan on, Dole.

  • Land Shark

    Donald Trump, Loser-in-Chief

    Donald Trump is going to be the next president of the United States, but he’s a loser, and he can’t stand it. That’s why he tweeted a lie about millions of Americans voting fraudulently to give Hillary Clinton the popular-vote victory. It doesn’t matter whether he believes that to be true – he needs it to be true. Our thin-skinned baby president-elect hates the idea that millions more people voted for his opponent than for him, so he’ll accept whatever made-up facts he needs to make it not so.

    The schadenfreude over Trump’s feelings of inadequacy is all well and good until you realize the impact his infantile need for approval will have on our country. Make no mistake: Trump isn’t a poll reader who will, say, cancel plans to repeal Obamacare just because it turns out the majority of Americans don’t want him to. Trump seems more the type to recede into his bubble. He’s already back holding the sorts of rallies he misses from the campaign trail, where his strongest supporters wait hours in line to cheer his nonsense. Thursday night he bragged to a surprisingly thin Cincinnati crowd about his victory, which he amusingly characterized as a “landslide.”

    • Pissed de Résistance

      “…which he amusingly characterized as a “landslide.”

      Would you believe “mudslide”?

      • i was going to suggest pyroclastic flow.

        • Pissed de Résistance

          Don’t get the geologist in me riled up…

          • Then maybe you shouldn’t watch Herzog’s Volcano documentary

          • Pissed de Résistance

            More into glaciology, but the two often overlap.

          • pstockholm

            Get a brain, moraine!

          • Pissed de Résistance

            Time to lateral!

          • pstockholm

            Whoa – now I’m really esker-d!

          • Pissed de Résistance

            Let me beat the kettle drum for you. You’ll know if I enjoyed it if I kame. Heh!

          • Msgr_Moment

            Now you’ve got me pining for the fjords.

          • pstockholm

            Goin’ rogen I see.

          • pstockholm

            Ok tuff guy

          • Msgr_Moment

            Gneiss.

    • NastyBossetti

      Every time he opens his mouth, “loser” is the exact word that pops into my mind. MrBossetti is probably really tired of hearing me say the word loser.

      • Land Shark

        I’ve been going with the old standby “dumbass”.

  • Nounverb911

    Good news East Coast, the interview should be over by now. Matt Lauer to pitch slo-pitch softball game to Donnie’s non-answer answers.

    https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/806473064703725568

    • Pissed de Résistance

      Masturbating with large grit sandpaper and Donald Trump interviews are two things I “enjoy.”

      • I enjoy wisdom tooth extraction without anestesia and touching my genitals after handling jalapenos in the same way!

        • Count Awesome

          Well, capsicum has been proven to raise sexual response in women, but I doubt that’s what they had in mind.

          • yeah. not that way. i mean i like some kinky stuff, but that just fucking hurts

          • snark-lurker

            using capsicum for affro dezeac could get messy amirite

          • Count Awesome

            Avoid the Tabasco brand lube too, also.

          • snark-lurker

            yee ghad therez dark thinkz in yer hed

          • Resistance Engineer Red Bird

            Typo?

        • Toomush_Inferesistance

          I’ve heard nettle thrashing is fun, too….if you like national politics…

      • snark-lurker

        alwayz up for naughty talk butt MERCY!!11!!!

      • Bill D. Burger

        I would enjoy slamming my penis in a car door more than watching Lord of the Yams get a reach around from Lauer.

        • Count Awesome

          Would that be gull wing door or standard door?

          • Gull wing for awesomeness, i would assume

          • Count Awesome

            Yoogely classier too, also.

          • Bill D. Burger

            “I guarantee you there’s no problem. I guarantee it.”

          • Pissed de Résistance

            That was a letter to the advisor at Playboy way back when.

            “I like to masturbate with sandpaper. Do I have a problem?”
            “Not for long.”

          • snark-lurker

            dis iz gettin outa hand now

        • Resistance Engineer Red Bird

          Is someone keeping track of his various titles? Lord of the Yams is appropriate.

      • snark-lurker

        omg is there NO humanity in dis thread?

        • Count Awesome

          Just depravity.

          • snark-lurker

            oh, well, in that case, if dats all it iz

        • Pissed de Résistance

          Not since I got here, no.

      • snark-lurker

        wuz thinkin bout finding sum googleporn today & fappin but now i cunt, I just cunt do it. thinkin bout 50-grit haz poot me off

    • Resistance Engineer Red Bird

      It’s amazing how he is willing to talk to the lying media now.

      • But Lauer sucked him off real good during that shitty forum

        • Resistance Engineer Red Bird

          Pickwick! It’s only 7:30 am here. Too early for visual!!!11$$ii1!!!

          • I’ve been up sice 545 and haven’t had caffiene yet. (It’s 830 here)

          • Resistance Engineer Red Bird

            Oh. Well East Coast people are ahead of “Real America”.

          • I am Canuckistanian. We’re light years ahead ;)

          • Pissed de Résistance

            LOL! Indeed you are!

          • Resistance Engineer Red Bird

            The existence of a thing called poutine says otherwise. But okay.

    • Rick Hill

      Well, you don’t ask tough questions of clebs. It’s not like he’s a powerful person or something

  • Nounverb911
    • Well, so was Hitler.

    • Bill D. Burger

      Can’t wait to put the cover on the bottom of the bird cage and leave it longer than usual. Hell, I might take a dump on it myself….then it would be so hard to get into the cage. Gaaaa’ everything has to be complicated. Bigger cage perhaps; we could share. Lord it’s early.

    • NastyBossetti

      It’s not like it’s a surprise or anything, but this kind of thing will not make him any more bearable. It just feeds into his need for adulation and his belief that he is well-loved.

  • Everybody frozen this morning? It’s so quiet…

    • Sorry, the polar bears make it difficult to get to the keyboard.

    • Pissed de Résistance

      Freezing fog in SW Germany for three days. I’ve had to drag myself out of the house for some exercise by the scruff of my neck since Sunday.

    • GLOBAL WARMING IS A HOAX!

  • AntiDerpomeme
  • Nounverb911

    Jeff Bezos has made an appearance at the pretzel elects home….

    https://twitter.com/HowardMortman/status/806493052059664385

    • Bill D. Burger

      Or Trump’s ordered up a big woman warrior for the holidays. As Presnit’ he grabbing more challenging pussies?

    • Resistance Engineer Red Bird

      That’s an Amazon delivery not Bezos.

  • Nounverb911
    • Count Awesome

      They’re he perfect collectible to store in Pandora’s box.

    • Bill D. Burger
    • Ali | Cat of the Resistance

      Ugh. Did they name him Person of the Year?

      • Ali | Cat of the Resistance

        For reminding America that demagoguery feeds on despair and that truth
        is only as powerful as the trust in those who speak it, for empowering a
        hidden electorate by mainstreaming its furies and live-streaming its
        fears, and for framing tomorrow’s political culture by demolishing
        yesterday’s, Donald Trump is TIME’s 2016 Person of the Year.

        Well. Still, frankly, I would have preferred stronger language. Or that they named Hillary. Fucking asshole.

        • Resistance Engineer Red Bird

          Empowered a hidden electorate? All they did was find a new way to advertise to racists in rural areas. They literally used Facebook to target their racist ads to people they knew would respond to it.

          • Ali | Cat of the Resistance

            Which is why I wish it had said something like, “For making racists feel comfortable coming out in the open again, instead of simply blowing dog whistles in public and calling our President a “monkey” or “nigger” in their living room.”

            God, I hate this fucking year.

          • Resistance Engineer Red Bird

            Buck up. If I right, there’s a coalition forming that will be beyond their reach in a few years.

        • YoNastyBunny

          Well, Trump also shares this prestigious superlative with 1938 Hitler…

    • Bill D. Burger
    • BadKitty904
      • Lance Thrustwell

        THAT is a label I can’t wait to use. I don’t think I can yet, but I believe it’s just a matter of time. People shouldn’t use it prematurely; it will rob it of its power.

    • chortlingdingo

      You know, I don’t like to pick at people’s appearances, because you can’t help what you’re born like, but Trump really has got to be one of the most abhorrent-looking men I’ve ever seen. I can hardly stand to look at him. Listening to him is even worse, somehow.

  • Nounverb911
    • Msgr_Moment

      Whispered, during applause: “This is a big fucking deal.”

  • Rick Hill

    Interview after trump rally, er, thank you for recognizing my brilliance tour in NC yesterday. asked about trump being humble, the guy said “He won. He has the right to gloat. Look at gold medal olympians.”

    Blah blah bla, Obama, blah blah, damned hypocrites

    • Resistance Engineer Red Bird

      Which proves that they had no real understanding of what they were voting for.

      • Rick Hill

        Yeah, I am too tired to snark. Fck these people and their double standards and blind desire to destroy in order to “make things better”

        • Resistance Engineer Red Bird

          That’s the trick. They’re collectively lying to people’s faces. They have no desire to destroy in order to make things better. They only want to destroy so they don’t have to share. Their only end game is to be in control.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Ding, ding, ding.

          • sw19womble

            Conservatives just want to win.

          • Rick Hill

            Even if it means the chance to kiss the ass of the guy in charge

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Especially if it means the chance to kiss the ass of the guy in charge.

    • BadKitty904

      a.) Per the popular vote, Hilz is up by 3+ million*, so Trump didn’t win; b.) Consequently, Trump and the GOP have notning like a mandate and are still hated by the majority of Americans; c.) Name an Ameican gold medallist noted for publicly gloating.

      HE’S STILL NOT MY PRESIDENT!!!

      *indicating massive Republican/Russian voter suppression and fraud

      • sw19womble

        Official number is nearer 2.7m (Wasserman had it over 2.7 but then pulled back 50,000 subject to clarification).
        Still a fucking pussy-whipping, and yes, odd how he took every single state he had to, but fared less well in other, less important ones (that were harder to steal/suppress).
        No Olympian medallist worth their salt has ever publically gloated. If any gloaty ones, they are clearly complete cunts.
        QED Trump.

        • BadKitty904

          and yes, odd how he took every single state he had to, but fared less
          well in other, less important ones (that were harder to steal/suppress)

          This is becoming more and more glaringly obvious and suspicious as the recount continues ..despite the Reichpublicans concerted efforts to stop it…

          • sw19womble

            It’s possible for the white rust-belt working class to side with Trump so definitively to allow him to take the swing states (perhaps even including the rednecks in Florida).
            However, the stonewalling in certain Wisconsin counties, the jacking up of the fees to Stein, the absolute cockblocking going on … It’s suspicious… and something to bear in mind when the next round of public surveillance cameras and email snooping comes up before Congress, and the conservatives are all “well, if you have nothing to hide, then you have nothing to fear”

          • BadKitty904

            “If I have nothing to fear, why do you need all the cameras?”

            Wasn’t it Snowden, a few months ago, who warned that if Trump one, expect a MASSIVE increase in overt and covert government surveillance? The Reichpublicans/Russians can’t control you if they can’t see what you’re doing…24/7.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          I don’t think they’ve counted all my dead Mexican relatives’ votes yet. That should get ‘er over the 3 million threshold.

          • Pissed de Résistance

            Could you bring them all in before 2020, please?

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Hey, dead illegal Mexicans came out in force this election, and no doubt will again in 2020….being dead and all. If we could just get a little help from some living white people…

          • Pissed de Résistance

            Yeah, no shit.

        • snark-lurker

          yoo hit on something big: Prez Elek Pussy-whipped by elleventy million

      • Carpe Vagenda

        c) Carl Lewis. But it didn’t make him particularly popular.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          c) Ryan Lochte. Made Carl Lewis look like Mr. Congeniality.

      • Msgr_Moment

        (c) The boxer formerly known as Cassius Clay?

    • Msgr_Moment
  • Nounverb911
    • YoNastyBunny

      FUCK YOU, 2016!!!

    • sw19womble

      His watch has ended.

  • Nounverb911
  • Roadstergal

    Message from my Discover card this week (hey, a temporary 0% float comes in handy now and then):

    “Dear [me],

    As of January 31st, 2017, Discover will discontinue the Job Loss Support benefit.”

    Anticipating a flurry of job loss starting in 2017, for no particular reason?

  • Rick Hill

    For all our beautiful christian friends, this morning. Bless your hearts
    http://img-9gag-fun.9cache.com/photo/a5Zwj7G_460s.jpg

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Good one. Y’ever think that ‘imagination’, for some people, is a fixed-allocation quantity? You know, you use up all your imagination to create a God you can worship, and now there’s none left to picture the suffering of countless children whom God mysteriously fails to save.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      That one’s going to leave a mark.

    • Lefty Frizzell

      Santa’s the original Calvinist. If you didn’t get a present it MUST be because you didn’t deserve one.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Meritocracy Santa.

  • Nounverb911
  • snark-lurker

    can we shun the PigD’s name & never ever use it again, instead sumthing like 000

  • Jeffocaster in the East

    Morning wonks….to be in a good mood I am pretending that Trump does not exist. And listening to The Duke. (Ellington not Wayne). He who shall not be named is going to con everyone. And the working racist class are too clueless to get it…..

    • Pissed de Résistance

      That’s the silver lining. He’s probably going to fuck his supporters worse than he does us. They don’t even see it coming…

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        The difference is that they’ll enjoy getting fucked…or are too stupid to notice.

        • Msgr_Moment

          I anticipate that the National Strategic Lube Depository will be empty within six months.

        • snark-lurker

          they’ll be told and then believe that all the trouble is everything Obammer did just finally catching up to them

    • snark-lurker

      will 000 work for “He who shall not be named”?

  • Nounverb911
    • snark-lurker

      bear in mind thatz not {Best} Person of the Year.;.Times haz had sum purdy nasty critters get that distinktion

      • sw19womble

        Hitler, Stalin, Putin…. he’s in some great company.

  • Once&futureFred

    I saw Fiona Apple in Houston about 5 years ago, she is a force of nature. By the end of the show I was concerned for her, the raw outpouring of emotion she delivers seems like it’d be too much for an ordinary soul. She’s fantastic.

  • Ezio Auditore

    I don’t care what time of year it is, Carol of The Bells by the Trans-Siberian Orchestra is an awesome song to listen to.

  • M.E. Lawrence

    Harry Belafonte’s Christmas album is our household favorite. There are some trad carols with one of those mid-century white-bread choruses lurking in the background, but the rest is Liberation-Theology-Baby-Jesus-Was-One-of-Us. (And utterly gorgeous.)

  • UK Canuck

    Love Fiona Apple! The angle of the shot with her hair dangling toward the camera instantly put me in mind of one of my favourites. Her cover of The Beatles’ “Across the Universe” was used to good effect at the end of Pleasantville at the end of the last century.

    https://youtu.be/UXE1C–WezU

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