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When niche marketing goes too far
When niche marketing goes too far

You know what wingnuts hate more than anything? Weak whiners who are constantly whining about being discriminated against, like the Blacks, or the Messispanics, or the homosexxicans, or the womenfolk. They are utterly sick of all that “identity politics” out there, and just want an America where all white people are treated equally. So of course it only stands to reason that when the Kellogg’s breakfast cereal company decided — voting with its advertising dollars — that it would no longer advertise on the Breitbart website, the folks at Dead Breitbart’s Home For Eternal Butthurt started howling about how the big mean cereal company was committing the greatest hate crime since the corporate murder of the Frito Bandito, and demanded a boycott of the nasty makers of crunchy breakfast foods:

breitbart-kelloggs

And oh, good golly, did they ever offer a fine old snit:

Kellogg Co. announced on Tuesday its decision to pull ads from conservative media giant Breitbart.com because its 45,000,000 monthly conservative readers are not “aligned with our values as a company.” In response, Breitbart News, one of the world’s top news publishers, has launched a #DumpKelloggs petition and called for a boycott of the ubiquitous food manufacturer.

The decision by Kellogg’s, which makes Pringles, Eggo waffles, as well as Special K and Frosted Flakes cereals, among others, will make virtually no revenue impact on Breitbart.com. It does, however, represent an escalation in the war by leftist companies like Target and Allstate against conservative customers whose values propelled Donald Trump into the White House

Ah, yes, it’s Culture War in the shopping cart all over again. Now, maybe there really are 45 million Americans reading Breitbart monthly, although we rather doubt they’re all conservatives — Hi, Kellogg’s, we at Wonkette don’t mind at all, because we only go there to make fun of them. But it’s good to know who the victims of hate are here: poor oppressed wingnuts, who never seem to get a break from the elitist cereal makers.

We suspect the Breitcott will be about as effective in reining in Kellogg’s rampant hate speech as all those boycotts by the 47 women who called themselves the Million Moms — a month or two will go by, Breitbart will declare victory, and somewhere in there, a YouTube video will surface of some poor stock clerk being screamed at for participating in the globalist plot against American Values. Breitbart even posted an online petition/pledge thing (which will incidentally get you on their email list forever), which doesn’t seem to recognize one simple fact: Hyperbole is worse than Hitler.

breitbart-pledge

Yup. “If you serve Kellogg’s products to your family, you are serving up bigotry at your breakfast table.” And if you eat a bagel, you’re helping the international Jewish banking conspiracy.

The counter on the pledge sheet lists 145,200 potential cereal killers so far, which we’ll have to admit is way more than the nearly 35,000 people who signed a White House petition to build a Death Star, so perhaps that’s an impressive turnout for the first day of a boycott. Plenty of people on Twitter are promising to buy more Kellogg’s products, so it’s difficult to say how well the effort to bring Tony the Tiger and Snap, Crackle and Pop to their knees will succeed. It may be worth noting, however, that after wingnuts called for a boycott of Hamilton after the cast politely asked Veep-Elect Mike Pence to respect diversity (those monsters!), the already popular musical set new ticket sales records.

Pro-tip to people planning to put their Kellogg’s products to the torch: Remember that sugary cereal can be rather vigorously flammable, as was discovered a few years back by this gent who tried to punish General Mills for supporting marriage equality:

Oh, those flaming heterosexuals!

[Breitbart]

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  • BMW

    This will go about as well as boycotting Hamilton, which, by the way, is sold out for the next 9 months.

  • boyblue123

    Bigotry – I dont think that word means what you think it means Breitfart readers

  • Cheesus Crust _ Rebel

    Maybe they’ll get confused and buy a shitload of Kellogg’s products, write “Trump” on it, and then… I don’t know – donate?

    *headdesk*

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Yup. “If you serve Kellogg’s products to your family, you are serving up bigotry at your breakfast table.”

    I’d like bigotry with a side of scrambled eggs, please and thank you!

    /FFS

    • Suttree

      Bigotry with a side of scrambled eggs sounds like the customers at Waffle House.

    • OneYieldRegular

      And if you serve up Steve Bannon to your family, you’re also serving up bigotry. What to do, what to do?

    • Mintie

      Do they also have those rectangles of compressed shredded potato they try to pass off as hashbrowns? Because I love those things.

  • Scooby

    I heard they were going to lynch Count Chocula.

    • JohnBull

      And Franken Berry. He’s a bit fruity.

      • Suttree

        That Toucan Sam better watch his back too.

  • Cogswell – User of the wheel

    From Twitter
    Children of the Corn Flakes
    Raisin Klan
    Frosted Shredded Rights
    Reich Krispies
    Honey Bunches of Black-on-Black Crime Statistics
    Kix Seniors off Medicare

    Then some from C&L users
    Special KKK
    Frosted Mini-Whites
    Apple Jackboots
    Racist Bran

  • CountryClubRefugee
  • Lefty Frizzell

    I guess we’ll find out if Breitbart really does speak for the country – let’s wait and see if Kelloggs goes under.

  • OT: Let’s get a jump on Friday, and dance to this (yes, it’s a real thing):

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vq5Lmhx0aV8

    • therblig

      nice bocals

  • Crystalclear12

    This could cause supply issues for your average Breitbart basement dweller.
    What will they eat one handed out of the box while they type out hate?

  • wide_stance_hubby

    Someone needs to be told that the boycott on toothpaste has been over for some time now.

    • Naytch

      We must ensure our Purity of Essence. Of course he is essentially purely Ensure as that’s all he can chew.

  • mancityRed6

    I was planning on doing a target run tonight anyway, I guess I can pick up a can or twenty of pringles.

  • JohnBull

    Pringles and Eggo waffles? Isn’t that pretty much the catering list for a Breitbarter wedding?

    • AntiDerpomeme

      It’s probable that Walmart has their own awful substandard Great Value Food branded dreck as a substitute. Makes weddings more special when you get extra rat-droppings in the buffet offerings.

      • HogeyeGrex

        “It eess a caperrr!”

  • mrFawkes

    The Breitbart foot soldiers were out on manuevers last night at my local market. As I passed through the cereal aisle, I noticed all the Grape Nuts boxes had been magic markered to read Grope Nuts.

    • Anna Rompage

      I see the Children of the Corn Flakes are up to their usual antics…

      • mrFawkes

        Secret agent Special KKK was on point.

  • Now, maybe there really are 45 million Americans reading Breitbart monthly, although we rather doubt they’re all conservatives

    Unless that breaks down to 44,999,990 liberals going there to mock and 10 actual readers, God is dead.

    • Mintie

      I suspect they’re counting page views, including refreshes for the sub-basement trolls spending all day jerking off.

  • Suttree

    Oh yeah, you fuckers! Well I’m going to start boycotting Busch and Natural Light! Take that! I’m sure they just eat sugar straight out of a five pound bag anyway.

    • Johnatx

      Those still with teeth

  • Gayer Than Thou

    Oh my fucking god, Breitbart – if you’re going to center text, pay attention to the line breaks! Sheesh! It’s like you’re not even paying attention to the details.

    • AntiDerpomeme

      Formatting, like spelling and grammar, is a liberal elitist plot.

      • Anna Rompage

        Much like science and math…

        • Suttree

          And sleeves.

          • Gayer Than Thou

            And flossing.

          • arglebargle

            How do you floss three teeth?

          • Shan

            Banjo wire?

          • Skeptical_thinker

            With a rope?

        • FlownOver

          And flushing after.

      • Lance Thrustwell

        There’s a kerning of truth there.

        • wide_stance_hubby

          I delight in confusing young digital types with that term.

        • Kern

          I feel I’m being made responsible for doing something here.

      • Crystalclear12

        You have no idea how much of my time each day is taken up with liberal elitist plots but the war on Christmas each year makes it worth it!

  • OneYieldRegular

    I have to say that I’m pretty impressed by the flammability of Cheerios. Forget kindling from now on.

    • Markuserektus

      A bag of potato chips burns even better…with no residue.

      • Beanz&Berryz

        no residue – if you leave out the bag

      • OneYieldRegular

        You gotta love that the guy bought a box of Cheerios for his protest – like Kellogg’s cares whether you burn it outside your stomach or inside.

  • Lefty Frizzell

    It’s funny how Breitbart is the 118th most popular news site:

    https://www.similarweb.com/website/breitbart.com

    and yet they claim to be first:

    http://www.breitbart.com/tech/2016/06/17/breitbart-ranked-1-in-the-world-for-political-social-media-beats-huffpo-by-2-million/

    by deceptively referring to social media traffic as though it’s all traffic.

  • AntiDerpomeme

    Heheh, click on the video on this one, and then fast forward to the midpoint where the torching begins. Dumbass rednecks can’t even do a simple conflagration protest right.

    • Cheesus Crust _ Rebel

      If it doesn’t involve hairspray, their own farts or a cross – they are typically inept at pyromania.

      • Suttree

        Like the terrorist in a post from yesterday failing to firebomb the clinic.

      • FlownOver

        Issa’s practical experience notwithstanding.

    • Nockular cavity

      They’re against flag-burning because they can’t try it without lighting themselves on fire.

  • Nodrama4mama

    Yay! More Pringles for ME!

  • Beanz&Berryz

    I’m gonna laugh at “flaming heterosexuals” for a good while now…

    And, well. bizness wise, Brietbart doesn’t seem to be very Briet. Launching a boycott of a sponsor cuz they chose not to renew? That’ll attract all the top-end advertisers for SURE!

  • Cheesus Crust _ Rebel

    Can we find the nearest klan/neo-nazi rally, dump a load of Frosted Flakes on their head from the air, and see if they shrivel and die like the wicked witch? Possibly adding some soy milk?

    And can I film it.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Propane seems to be the magic ingredient…

      • Beanz&Berryz

        This is the exact right proper comment to be upvoted by the Rt Hon “Blamethrower”! Thank you Sir.

    • janecita

      They are having a victory rally on December 3rd in NC. Godspeed!

    • Johnatx

      Didn’t Tony the Tiger say “Make America Grrrrreat!?”

    • mancityRed6

      maybe not on their heads, maybe that burning cross?

    • HogeyeGrex

      “As God is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly.”

  • Gayer Than Thou

    Just FYI, Wonkette – even though I am an Elite Platinum Plus Preferred Business Select member who does not have to look at very many ads, I’d be OK with Kellogg’s ads if they are looking for a place to dump a million bucks a month to push Froot-Loops. After all, this is a mommy blog.

    • AntiDerpomeme

      See, that’s an advertising strategy that makes sense. Why was Kellogg’s wasting their money at Dead Bortbert to begin with?

    • arglebargle

      And recipe hub. Maybe there are some variations on Rice Krispie treats out there? Ohhh, maybe in some unreleased Hitlary emails.

    • Creepoman

      Can’t be worse than the “Crepey Skin” ad that I can only assume is micro-targeted directly at me.

      • borninatrailer

        Oh thank goodness it’s not just me..

        • Snopes Shop

          It’s not just you.

      • C4TWOMAN

        And ad block won’t get rid of it. Might have to re-install…

    • Naytch

      I have the steerage class membership and heartily agree except comments aren’t allowed and you can’t hear anything over the noise from the Jefferies tubes anyway.

  • Cogswell – User of the wheel

    Breitbart news is the largest platform for pro-family values on the internet.

    Stop. Stop!!! You’re killin’ me.

    Hahahahahahahahahahahaha!

    WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

    • John Smith
      • Cogswell – User of the wheel

        I loved that as a kid.

        • John Smith

          Loony tunes was my life as a kid!

    • YoNastyBunny

      I don’t think I wanna know what they consider “family values”.

  • Suttree

    While Kellogg’s should have pulled their advertising a long time ago, I’m going to the store in a few and buying me some of their product.

  • More Eggos for me, then. I think I can live with that.

  • Lizzietish81

    While usually this makes life more difficult for a conscience consumer (thank the gods for Buycott) the vast network of corporate ownership, subsidiaries and partners mean that they’ll still end up giving Kellogg money.

    • Suttree

      Plus, these idiots will forget about this by the next time they go to make groceries.

      • Cheesus Crust _ Rebel

        Diabetes ain’t gonna get itself.

      • Anna Rompage

        Like they go out and buy their own groceries, I mean why do that where there’s drive-throughs….

    • Anna Rompage

      If they follow through anything like Trump’s Carrier plan, these folks will buy up all the product on the store shelves thinking that they’ve just done some great service to their Cheeto Hued overlord…

    • janecita

      Sort of when I tried boycotting Koch brothers’ products. They own everything.

      • Gayer Than Thou

        Found out this morning that they literally own my cats.

        • janecita

          You should make them clean the litter box then!

    • mancityRed6

      The only things I had to worry about re: the nestle boycott was the frozen pizza. I literally had to write down the brands I couldn’t get and compare that list to my choices at a few stores.
      I don’t see these people as being that organized.

      • Suttree

        I find food shopping as easy as I find clothes shopping. No brands. I’m not yet checking on who I buy my oranges from this winter, but Lizzie and I spent the summer at the local farmers market. I just don’t buy shit. Fruits, veggies, a little bit of meat. I’m trying to remember why I don’t buy McCormick spices, but they are bad somehow.

        • Shan

          Reducing the quantity to 4oz but keeping it in the same 6oz size can and charging the same price?

      • Lizzietish81

        Seriously, check out buycott, it makes life so much easier

  • msanthropesmr

    These fuckers desperately need the All-Bran

    • Suttree

      Get rid of some of that impacted shit that has backed up into their brains?

    • Gayer Than Thou

      Well, when it comes to that, so do I.

  • msanthropesmr

    These fuckers will just tell themselves that frootloops aren’t really a Kellogg product and they’ll buy it anyway.

  • janecita

    I heard that oxygen has a liberal bias. All conservatives should boycott it.

  • schmannity

    Kellogg’s Mini Wheats are people, specifically, Andrew Breitbart.

  • Lance Thrustwell

    Myself, I like all brands of cereal. I’m not a cereal monogamist.

    • schmannity

      You’re bi-cereal?

      • Mintie

        Sounds more like he’s poly.

        • Lance Thrustwell

          I’m just flaky.

          • Shibusa

            Cerealously.

    • arglebargle

      I’ve found the store brands are just fine for my refined palate.

  • Cogswell – User of the wheel

    The guy in the photo looks like he has to purée his cereal as well as anything else he consumes and suck it up through a straw.

  • Gayer Than Thou

    Boycotts, I’ve decided, are generally bullshit. Unlike (for example) the Montgomery bus boycott, where the boycotters had real economic power and nevertheless had to actually suffer – for a long time – to force the change they wanted, this kind of “boycott” is just about publicity. The gamble is that Fox (or its apparent sister channel CNN) will pick up the story and repeat Brietbart’s lies about readership often enough to make Kellogg’s say it’s kind of sorry.

    • Marceline

      Yeah, I don’t do boycotts. I just decide never to buy the product and move on. Like Chik-Fil-A. I’m not boycotting them. They just don’t exist AFAIC.

      • mancityRed6

        I ate their sandwiches back in, what? ’96? ’95?
        They’re really not that special, IMO.
        Just don’t tell me I have to boycott Popeye’s

        • Bec Jenn

          I remember them as mall food in the 80’s. Didn’t like them then, so saw no need to continue. I know my dollars don’t make much of a difference, but there are a few places that I don’t shop at.

  • JMP

    Wait, they think the most important American value is freedom of speech? Then why did Breitbart support the anti-speech misogynist hate group GamerGate, which aimed to prevent feminist women from discussing sexism in video games? Why do they continue to publish the anti-first-Amendment activist Milo Yiannopolous’ incitements to harass anyone who dares say anything he doesn’t like? Why are they constantly screeching that no one should ever be allowed to call racists racist? Breitbart has shown time and time again that they hate freedom of speech!

    • Mintie

      Because they consider the only real Americans to be themselves, ergo the only speech that needs to be protected is their own.

  • mrFawkes

    They are discovering the power of the interwebs in airing their grievances. Usually, they just burn a cross to protest the burning of the flag.

    • Suttree

      Saves time AND energy.

  • msanthropesmr

    Kellogg mini-whites for the short racist

  • Mintie

    I wonder how many General Mills corporate drones watched that from their cube farm windows and just shook their heads in disbelief while muttering under their breath: “you lit the Honey Nut Cheerios on fire, you idiot! How could you not see that coming?” Meanwhile, an admin in the building foyer sighs, puts down her nail file and calls the cops on the guy committing property damage.

    In other news, in case you plan to support Kellogg’s, be careful how you seat them in your toaster.

  • msanthropesmr

    Are there black Keebler elves?

  • msanthropesmr

    Cheese it, it’s the Breitbart patrol!

  • Marceline

    Didn’t the guy in that video die just a week or two after filming that?

    • AntiDerpomeme

      In a “hold my beer and watch this” incident? It would not be the least bit surprising.

      • MynameisBlarney

        Yeah, someone dared him to light his fart.

        And he did.

        • Jennifer R

          And nothing of value was lost.

        • Meccalopolis

          Blew his brains out

  • Markuserektus

    Next it will be Keebler elf tossing, lynching Famous Amos and infringing on Mother’s rights…

    • puredog

      Sub “Jeff Sessions” for “Keebler elf” and I’m all in.

    • John Smith

      Oh, they already infringe on mother’s rights.

  • Tony Emond

    I’m not sure this guy has enough teeth to eat anything but mushy cereal.

    • MynameisBlarney

      No Grope Nuts for him.
      Poor devil.

  • SuspectedDemocrat

    I like my Jewish banking conspiracy with cream cheese and lox.

    • Rob B

      “conspiracy” hahahaha almost choked. More like fact

      • Gayer Than Thou

        Jewish banking fact? Doesn’t even work.

        • SuspectedDemocrat

          Sadly in these debates the facts are often lox.

          • HogeyeGrex

            Schmear tactics.

      • arglebargle

        You’re not trolling very well. That’s your third comment on this post and hardly anyone has noticed you.

      • Cogswell – User of the wheel

        That swamp drained yet, snowflake?

  • spends2much

    Thank God Cap’n Crunch isn’t made by Kellogg’s so they can still support the troops.

    (Oh wait, it’s made by Pepsi, who was boycotted for supporting the, of course, Gay Agenda a while ago).
    Poor wingnuts…

    • Rob B

      Nope we have a new reason to boycott pepsi, the CEO who is an immigrant but still complains about this country and also hates Trump

      • Suttree

        Good! Boycott everything except that nice lady in Louisiana who makes all of those nice outfits with the pointy hoods.

      • MynameisBlarney

        Well, that’s pretty fucking stupid, but ok. lol

      • Cogswell – User of the wheel

        You were supposed to make a hard right back there to get to breitbart, Trollstoy.

  • Mpeg

    TAGLINE: “War Against Post’s Modernism”

    Dok, please.
    *goes off to rinse and air out pun filter*

    • Suttree

      Ha! I missed the apostrophe s. Awesome Dok!

  • DainBramage the BBROYGBVGW

    There’s no one more whiny than a RWNJ who thinks their intolerance is being oppressed.

    • Rob B

      Yeah cause the streets are filled with right wingers crying and rioting right now…

      • MynameisBlarney

        The goddamn internet sure as fuck is.
        Buncha mewling little WATB’s.

      • Suttree

        There is a slight difference between a lying, pussy grabbing, conflict of interest having racist fuck become president through manipulative means, and crying about advertising dollars somehow curtailing freedom of speech. Freedom of speech doesn’t mean that anyone else has to pay you for it. Why don’t you toss them a couple bucks if you want?

      • timpundit
        • DainBramage the BBROYGBVGW

          The Gawd-awful Emperor has given them permission to air their hate out in the open.

      • Cogswell – User of the wheel

        You seem a little lost.

  • Jim

    The guy in that video at the end looks like Barth from You Can’t Do That on Television.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/5914f1e78ca42db891b3dcfe79d44c5b0eca4fd7b2b58198705e0a17caa547fe.jpg

    • JohnBull

      What do you think’s IN their brains?

  • The cognitive dissonance and mendacity in their boycott letter is astounding. I mean, we see it every day from these fuckpuppets, but we really shouldn’t let that go without comment, lest we become desensitized to just how goddamn full of shit they are.

  • jesuswasablack

    45,000 people reading dead brietbart? I know that FAUX news has seriously fucked this country up over the last decade but if 45 million people are actually swimming in that racist cesspool of miss-information we are truly fucked!
    http://2.media.collegehumor.cvcdn.com/61/16/68eaa740288491656407cf84fb2bbe2f.jpg

    • schmannity

      Rush sure looks sleepy.

      • SuspectedDemocrat

        Oxy and rent boys will do that to you.

        • Gayer Than Thou

          If I had a dime…

    • borninatrailer

      Carl from Sling Blade has really let himself go.

    • Hardly Ideal

      If that’s 45 million unique visitors- as in 45 million new people, not the same few people visiting many times- I’ll eat my phone case.

      • clubseal

        Even 45 million non-unique visitors seems a tad high.

  • MOG253

    “Highly perceptive readers…” sure, whatever.

  • Markuserektus
  • Mr. Blobfish

    It’s hard enough putting food on your families these days without all this economic anxiety.

    • Cogswell – User of the wheel

      I put a pot full of stew on my family and they’re still recovering from the burns.

      • Audible humor response made.

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        I was thinking of making a stew full of pot in order to recover from the latest Trump idiocies.

  • Cogswell – User of the wheel

    Frosted Snowflakes

    • XtremeFeministRodeoQueen MLG

      HA!

  • timpundit

    Doesn’t Kelloggs also make Pop Tarts?

    I give the Brietcott until tomorrow morning then they’ll they declare “victory” with mouths full of brown sugar cinnamon.

  • Marion in Savannah

    Shit. I don’t really like Pringles, and won’t even think of trying Eggo NotWaffles. Does this mean I have to eat cereal 3 meals a day?

  • SuspectedDemocrat

    I would be shocked if the average Breitbart reader was organized enough to keep a list and stick to it. They’ll just buy whatever the kids scream at in Walmart.

    Now if you tell them God wants them to eat deep fried MSG chicken sandwiches, they’ll line up and down the block. But only for a day.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Leggo my Eggo!

  • mrFawkes

    What’s the difference between Cheerios and a Breitbart commenter?
    Cheerios float in the cereal bowl, Breitbarters float in the toilet bowl.

    I’ll show myself out…

    • John Smith

      Breitbart’s readers are what you get 4 hours after eating cheerios.

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        Cheerios and prunes. Sauerkraut and beer, also too.

    • Raan

      Cheerios aren’t racist, sexist jackasses.

  • Cogswell – User of the wheel

    Cream of White

  • XtremeFeministRodeoQueen MLG

    Maybe they’ll boycott everything and shop exclusively at drive thru Beer-N-Bait shops, and then I can enjoy a motherfucking moment of peace and not see one single hairy ass crack hanging out of ill-fitting Wranglers at the grocery store.

    • Bub the Mad Zombie

      You draw such lovely word-pictures. Now if you’ll excuse me, I feel breakfast coming up…

      • XtremeFeministRodeoQueen MLG

        Kelloggs??

        • Bub the Mad Zombie

          Not today. It will be on my next shopping list though.

    • Fancy Meau-Faux

      I was thinking this same thing. They will all be eating Chick-fil-a for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

      • Naytch

        Time to invest in cardiac stents!

    • YoNastyBunny

      So no more Made-for-YouTube rants in the checkout lines or on airplanes??? I think I like this plan.

    • Naytch

      Can the drive thru be staffed by wimmens in bikini tops that have been trained to embiggen my Alpha maleness as I roll coal to my favorite fishing hole?

      • XtremeFeministRodeoQueen MLG

        Yes, but they will all have meth teeth.

  • borninatrailer

    Kellogg’s should troll them and make #DumpKelloggs a marketing thing for their All-Bran cereal.

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      Tweet your selfies with the hashtag!

      • OneYieldRegular

        Please god no.

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      Okay you win the award that I give out for non-existent comments that make me LOL hard enough to scare all three kittehs 2 undr teh bedz.

  • whitroth

    Let’s see if I’ve got this straight: Not-So-Bright-bart complains that an advertiser isn’t spending it’s money on them.

    Fine. I want a petition, signed by all 96,000,000 million Wonketteers that the Koch Bros and Shkrelli and Fries (is it?) should give me a billion dollars, so that my right to free speech is the same as theirs, and so some animals isn’t more equal than others.

    Right, Wonketteers?!

    • Suttree

      I’ll take my share in Pinot Noir and cheese.

      • Usedtobeyellerdawg

        Kellog’s Pinot Noirs! THEY’RE GRAPES!!!

        • whitroth

          As opposed to no-so-Bright-bart’s pining nots?

    • Raan

      But four legs good, two legs better.

  • Dessert tray of DOOOOM

    While this is entertaining in a head shaking sort of way, how many people actually frequent Dead Breitbart’s Room full of Screeching Forks on a Chalkboard? Of this group how many consume Kellogs products? Also how many of them know whether or not they consume Kellogs products or would be able to identify a Kellogs product? Of the group of Breitbart & Kellogs consumers, how many will remember they are boycotting something when their kid demands Pop-Tarts? Is the over-lap large enough to make Kellogs shrug or just laugh?

    • Suttree

      It sure as hell makes us laugh.

  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    A) Breitbart is profamily-HAHAHAHAHAH. 2) Mainstream American ideas-HAHAHAHA. ALSO) Corporations are people too (according to a Supreme Court decision most liberals disagree with) and have every right to exercise their free speech by not giving you money. So, again-HAHAHAHAH. %) Profit!

  • Bub the Mad Zombie

    “In response, Breitbart News, one of the world’s top news publishers,”

    Bitch, please. If a fact happens to get into a Breitbart “story,” it’s purely by fucking accident. If they published an article saying the sky was blue, I’d go outside and check for myself.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Like those assholes would give up Pop Tarts for their warped ideology. They’ll keep eating them, but they promise not to enjoy them.

  • Resistance Fighter MausFeet

    So a group that regularly tries to boycott things like say, Starbucks (by… buying Starbucks) finds an advertiser pulling out for personal belief reasons (or because $/public image) is bigotry? That makes no – oh right, that’s how the world works now.

    I do x = freeze peach
    You do x to me = bigotry to me

    I keep forgetting how ‘reality’ and ‘logic’ work now.

  • Ali | Cat of the Resistance

    If this works as well as the Hamilton boycott, those Kelloggeseses will be rolling in the dough.

  • Jared James

    Shouldn’t we be decrying the EEKONMIC TERRISAM of this dastardly act of treasonous perfidy?

    Pulling ads off of Breitbart is tantamount to a coup d’etat, ask anyone.

  • Bub the Mad Zombie

    Thanks to Data ninja for this:

    Moar #breitbartcereals from Twitter!
    No Fact Chex
    Golden Creeps
    Alpha Bitch
    LIFE as we know it is over
    Grab ’em by the Oats
    Grope Nuts
    Locker Room Crunch
    All Bran Matters
    Raisin Klan
    Hauptmann Crunch

  • Mr. Blobfish

    And then Breitbart went and made a pillow fort that their enemies could not penetrate. Then mom called for dinner.

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      My second award for LOLing the cats under the bed today. I first read that as “pillow fart that their enemies could not penetrate.”

  • Raan

    I’m just straight-up going to steal something I saw on Facebook related to this.

    “You’ll take my pop tarts when you pry them from my cold dead hands. Also I
    need to get these cold dead hands looked at because I’m pretty sure this isn’t normal.”

  • SCENE
    Typical redneck looking white dude in a white tank top comes home with the groceries. Son in brown shirt and shorts runs up and asks helps him unload the bags – like all good and trained kids.
    DAAAD
    Yes boy?
    Where are my frosted flakes?
    You’re eating Great Value shugary boards from now on.
    DAAAD WHERE ARE MY FROSTED FLAKES?
    Your eating this from now on.
    DAAADDDD
    Son storms out, wife comes in.
    Honey, did you forget the frosted flakes.
    WOMAN I am not supporting frosted flakes because my internet buddies tells me not to. So eat the damn great value ones or don’t eat anything.
    Well then I guess you are sleeping in the living room again.
    GRUMBLES to himself, grabs his keys, and exits to go get frosted flakes.
    AND SCENE

    • C4TWOMAN

      I suspect many of these folks don’t have kiddies, but this was what I was thinking too. Advertisers targeting children know well the value of the “whine factor”. I don’t like it, but the ones who do have kids are about to experience it in spades.

      • La Cieca

        Or if they do have kids, they don’t feed them.

      • YoNastyBunny

        Yes, I can remember all the disappointment and shade I used to throw on “Tasty Flakes” and “Froot Hoops”… And don’t let the folks break that shit out when friends are over…

      • Meccalopolis

        It’s why the put the sugary crap on the lower shelves

  • Marceline

    It’s interesting to see a media company that thinks it’s a good idea to bully one of their advertisers. That’s not exactly the kind of thing that makes a corporation with a huge advertising budget want to spend its money on you.

    • C4TWOMAN

      And advertising isn’t cheap. I know. OTOH something like this was bound to happen given how extreme BriteFarts has become. And they’ve worked themselves into a corner they can’t get out of without undermining their propaganda. Not to worry; I’m sure some alt-right sugar daddy will save them from themselves.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        Maybe Donald Trump will save them.

  • Dessert tray of DOOOOM

    Maybe Breitbart can make money with even crazier clickbait, the old-fashioned Macedonian way.

    • blondeiq

      Don’t trust those Macadamians. I hear they’re a bunch of nuts.

  • TX Taco Truck Brigade

    “And if you eat a bagel, you’re helping the international Jewish banking conspiracy”

    FIFY

    • NastyBossetti

      haha I actually didn’t even know it said “banking” in the first place. I read it as baking and just kept going.

      • TX Taco Truck Brigade

        IKR? I read it as “baking’ and thought that was a pretty good joke for a split second, till I noticed it was banking.

        My final project for school has me analyzing each and every character and space in things…Dok had a good joke and didn’t even know it!

        • willi0000000

          Dok knew it . . . it’s just that sometimes he has standards.

          [ occasionally ]

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    Yeah, the deplorables are gonna stop eating Pringles. That’ll totally happen.

  • Saxo the Grammarian

    Reports of butthurt wingnuts ranting incoherently in the cereal aisle at Safeway in 3, 2, 1…

  • Kiri the Resistant Unicorn
    • Jamoche

      Originally voiced by the great Thurl Ravenscroft, who also sang the Grinch song and has an epic name.

      • Zyxomma

        Terrific name.

  • I work for a company that’s owned by the kind of asshole that will throw away cards sent by vendors if they say “Happy Holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas”, and we’d go out of business if we stopped supplying products to Kellogg’s. I can’t even imagine the kind of cognitive dissonance maelstrom going on inside of his head right now. Should be an interesting few weeks!

    • willi0000000

      good luck!

      [ and keep that resumé up to date ]

  • Walter Wellstone

    Frito Bandito is dead? What about Frito Pendejo?

    • Latverian Diplomat

      First they came for Sambo, but I was not a restaurant so I did not speak out.
      Then they came for the Frito Bandito, but I was not a snack food, so I did not speak out.
      Then they came for me, and there was no one left to speak for me.
      — Aunt Jemima

    • Cogswell – User of the wheel

      Frito Pepe

  • calliecallie

    When my son was little, he used to make Eggo Waffle sandwiches for breakfast, with microwave bacon in between. He was so cute.
    Now he is a grown college kid, he still eats like that, but makes them with English muffins and adds an actual fried egg to the sandwich. Aw!

  • cheetojeebus

    In solidarity with Kellogs I offer this:
    1 bag of big marshmallows
    1 regular box of frosted flakes
    a hunk of butter
    some squeeze bottle caramel sauce
    Preheat oven
    Butter a shallow dish
    Sprinkle a thick layer of Frosted Flakes (They’rrrrrre Great!)
    make a layer of marshmallows on top of this.
    cover with more Frosted Flakes (They’rrrrrre Great!)
    scatter some more marshmallows but not as many.
    put in oven check often when the marshmallows are starting to melt put some butter pats all over the top.
    When they look tasty take out of oven allow to cool. drizzle with caramel sauce.
    Gorge yourself on them. accompany with ice cream also too you fat bastard..

    • Jukesgrrl

      Admit it, you’re the Barefoot Contessa.

      • cheetojeebus

        More like a pantless conte.

    • Doug Langley

      Call Guinness. You’ve got the world record for type II diabetes.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    I’m guessing that 45,000,000 per month is 150,000 visiting incognito ten times a day. Can’t trust that government surveillance.

  • GunToting[Redacted]
  • zerosumgame0005

    pretty sure the white welfare queens who read barfbot (most welfare recipients are white) are buying the generic cereals anyway

    • clubseal

      Crisp Rice libels!1!

    • Jukesgrrl

      “Are Doritos a cereal?” — White Welfare Queen

  • Latverian Diplomat

    Can’t trust cereal, named after a goddess. Not suitable for manly men who should stick to Pan cakes.

    • Usedtobeyellerdawg

      You should win something for that. Maybe not all the things, but most of them.

    • blondeiq

      And where do Pop Tarts fit into all this? (Wonders about how to go about marketing “Pop Wood Nymphs”)

      • Latverian Diplomat

        I think you’re being Satyr-ical.

  • C4TWOMAN

    “#DumpKelloggs petition and called for a boycott of the ubiquitous food manufacturer.”

    Another case of delusional entitlement making people believe their butt hurt is shared by the world. I’ll be surprised if their petition breaks 10,000.

    It’s been years since I’ve bought Kellogg’s products. I’m more into Annie’s and other hippy brands. But I might go out of my way to buy something, just to help Kellogg’s out….

    • chortlingdingo

      I don’t really eat cereal, but I may go buy some waffles or something.

      • Shan

        I don’t eat cereal, either, because I can’t drink milk. Or soy milk. And buying almond milk makes me feel like a hipster asshole. Then every time I buy coconut milk with the idea that I’m going to TRY to eat some cereal, my kids drink all the coconut milk and eat all the cereal before I can get around to it.

        • chortlingdingo

          I’ve been told that that’s what kids are for. My parents had all kinds of creative hiding spots for things they didn’t want us to eat.

          • Shan

            So you’re saying all I have to do to get them to eat brussels sprouts is hide them?

          • chortlingdingo

            Hahaha good luck with that one! I won’t even eat those unless they’ve been cooked in butter or with bacon.

          • La Resistance O’hontas

            Put the good stuff you want inside a bag of kale chips and keep them in your trunk just to be sure.

          • Zyxomma

            I had a conversation about this with my BFF while taking a break during my 12-hour marathon Thanksgiving prep. She said her sons will eat ANY veg as long as she (1) covers it in butter and salt, and (2) melts cheese on top.

          • Shan

            Yeah, I tried hiding mine under cheese sauce but the kids would always find it like the dog with the pill in the peanut butter.

        • clubseal

          It’s not any less hipster sounding, but you could make your own almond milk rather easily.

        • La Cieca

          Almond milk is really good. You shouldn’t worry about what people in supermarkets think.

          • Shan

            I don’t, really. It’s just what I’ve read about what it takes to produce it.

          • Doug Langley

            Yeah, the stories of almond slaughterhouses are just horrific.

          • Shan

            I’ve seen the smuggled videos.

        • Jamoche

          Granola cereal is a cookie ingredient.

    • Usedtobeyellerdawg

      I haven’t had Corn Flakes since I was a kid, but if I remember right, they were pretty good, especially if you had a banana sliced up in the bowl. May have to take a retrospective. Also, having looked at the product list, Eggos, Krave and Nutrigrain bars are regulars in our house for the youngs.

      • Me not sure

        EGGOS ARE NOW OFFICIALLY PUSSY WAFFLES! Leggo!

      • C4TWOMAN

        Yeah, something like a nutrition bar would be my speed.

    • Cogswell – User of the wheel

      I’m pretty sure it will if every breitbart reader signs it under 10 aliases each.

    • Maree Martin

      I would, but the fact that the advertised on Breitbart at all makes me less sympathetic.

      • C4TWOMAN

        I kinda think its one of those things where they advertise through a client but don’t know at any one time exactly where their ads are placed until there’s a complaint? IDK, but the internet is really large. Just sayin.

        • Jamoche

          Yeah, that was in one of their press releases.

      • La Resistance O’hontas

        That’s why I stick with deep fried lemons.

    • Jukesgrrl

      Kashi and Nutri-Grain products are owned by Kellogg’s.

    • Zyxomma

      Annie’s is now owned by General Mills.

      • C4TWOMAN

        Next you’ll tell me there’s no Santa Claus.

  • Jgb979

    I actually support Breitbart users boycotting more things, I just wish they would take it writ large.

    If you want to avoid entering every populated area of the country (95% which went blue) that would be super awesome for me! Show those costal liberals who’s boss by sitting at home in Wyoming!

    • Shartiblartfat

      Great. If I ever want to leave home, I can take Interstate Highways for the entire trip, and if I buy gas at rest stops, and hit motels near Interstate interchanges, I can go anywhere without bothering “the simple people of the earth, the common clay of The New West; you know …”

      In the past, I have noticed that the local people henceforth referred to as “deplorables” have instituted speed-traps on small sections of the Interstate Highway system, notably in Albuquerque and Blue Earth.

      • La Resistance O’hontas

        And checkpoints outside Taos.

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      Damn right. They should also boycott the opening night of the new Star Wars! And if they could boycott the mall on Christmas eve, I might actually get my list in on time…

  • Ryan Denniston

    Okay, so I’m now a troll. I posted this at Breitbart.

    Have you all considered that this is a false flag operation meant to distract you from the War on Christmas?

    • Shoto

      “Wow, I never thought of that…”

      — The guy whose photo is at the top of this post.

    • Doug Langley

      You are so cruel. Cruel, cruel, cruel.

    • Crazt Maist Waizy

      Oh, that is brilliant! Please, please let us know how it goes down.

  • JVisconti

    Kelloggs message has always been the best cure for sore assholes is more fiber.

  • chortlingdingo

    I think they’ll be unpleasantly surprised at just how many products Kellogg’s produces. And you can’t forget any sub-companies either.

    • Jukesgrrl

      Keebler’s cookies, Morningstar Farm breakfast meats, Austin cookies and crackers, Cheez-Its, Mrs. Smith’s Pies, Krave, Famous Amos, Chips Deluxe, Fruity Snacks, Pringles, Town House and Zesta crackers, and even stuff sold to godless communists like Kashi, Nutri-Grain, and Gardenburgers,

      • Jamoche

        Morningstar pseudo-meat :( They used to have some nice veggie stuff that wasn’t pseudo-meat, but they dropped it. When I eat veggie, I want veggie, not over-processed imitations.

        • Jukesgrrl

          Oh, I guess that one goes in the godless communist category.

        • Shan

          I like Morningstar spicy black bean burgers.

      • DT

        I bought a shitload of Kellog’s stuff literally hours before this story broke. I am LOVING IT!

      • thixotropic jerk

        Also too: Them Cakes We Like

  • Verena Block

    This isn’t going to work. Only Kraft makes Velveeta, and that’s probably 60% of their daily caloric intake.

  • FlownOver

    Dibs on all their Rice Krispy Treats!

    • Me not sure

      They’re called Race Krispy Treats now!

      • Resistinceisnotfutile

        I thought it was Race KKKrispy Treats.

    • Me not sure

      They’re called Race Krispy Treats now.

  • clubseal

    How does a company pulling their own advertisements from a website assault the website’s free speech again?

    • Don’t you know? It is oppression to not give them money to say whatever they want to say.

      • clubseal

        As the founders, indeed, the Lord, intended.

    • TX Taco Truck Brigade

      these people have some really tortured concepts of how all of this works.

    • Kiri the Resistant Unicorn

      Reasons!

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Rightwing nutjobs are entitled to corporate sponsorship. It’s in the Constitution.
      Just like free grazing land for their cows.

  • Cogswell – User of the wheel

    White On Rice Chex

  • Bitter Scribe

    FYI, Kellogg’s sales have been tanking for years now, because people are finally catching on to what a bad deal mainstream breakfast cereals are, in both price and nutrition. So when their numbers go down again next quarter, guess which insufferably smug, self-righteous “platform” will take the credit IN ALL CAPS?

  • Maree Martin

    Notice how Dead Breitbart listed Pringles, Eggo waffles, and Frosted Flakes in their little diatribe? And they expect junk food subsisting Trump supporters to boycott the company? Bitch, better leggo my Eggo!

    • thixotropic jerk

      Right? It’s not like they’re going to start submitting on the cheap knockoff brands from Holy Jeebus Inna Jack-wagon Canadaland!!!1111

  • mike pearce

    Conservatives do not just make shrill hysterical threats, ( like we will leave the country if someone wins.) We actually stick to what we say we will do and boycott in this case.

    • DT

      Like the General Mills Boycott? You guys have never, ever had a successful boycott of a brand.

      • YoNastyBunny

        Well, they’ve successfully boycotted Hamilton… yeah, it’s been sold out but it totally made the boycott that much easier…

        Bwahahaha!!!!

        • Bub the Mad Zombie

          I’m sure the producers of “Hamilton” were absolutely quaking at the thought of being boycotted by a bunch of toothless “Duck Dynasty” fans in MAGA hats.

          • mancityRed6

            considering the wait list for tickets was about that long in the first place, it’s kinda like saying, “I’m boycotting England, so I’ll never accept an invitation to dine with the Queen!”

          • Bub the Mad Zombie

            To which Her majesty said: “We are quite amused.”

          • Kiri the Resistant Unicorn

            She’s a good sheila, and not at all stuck up!

          • Bub the Mad Zombie

            Right, crack the tubes Bruce! What’s for elevenses?

      • Reddishrabbit

        Well, Disney has vanished thanks to the cconservatives :(
        Now excuse me as I have a drink at Disney Springs before the double feature of Dr. Strange and Rogue One.

    • Oh yeah? So many of you sure left, like you said you were gonna, if Obama won the second time.
      And that boycott of Starbucks, buying starbucks to write stuff on cups, sure worked good!
      Also, you fucktards are about as conservative as I am: That is, not at all.

    • Bub the Mad Zombie

      So when you threaten people with physical violence, those are not empty threats and should be taken seriously? Good to know.

    • Bemused

      I notice that the Nuge is neither dead, nor in jail.

      • mancityRed6

        where’s that 1,000 years of darkness Chuck Norris promised 4 years ago?

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          Starts in about 2 months.

        • Crazt Maist Waizy

          The twist is that it starts… in a thousand years.

    • mancityRed6

      “Conservative talk radio host Rush Limbaugh said on his radio show that he will eventually leave the country if the health care bill passes and its provisions are implemented.
      Liberal media watchdog Media Matters recorded Limbaugh’s comments, which you can hear at left. At the 1:20 mark, Limbaugh says the following: “I’ll just tell you this, if this passes and it’s five years from now and all that stuff gets implemented — I am leaving the country. I’ll go to Costa Rica.””
      http://www.cbsnews.com/news/rush-limbaugh-ill-leave-country-over-health-bill/

      • Bub the Mad Zombie

        His threats are as empty as his fat fucking head.

        • thixotropic jerk

          “Hey! Now I’m offended!”

          ~ Mr. Emptiness

      • TX Taco Truck Brigade

        Lemme see, that was in 2010, add 5 years…hmmm, 2015!

        Obligatory: I was told there’d be no math!

      • mailman27

        I guess the siren call of rent boys wasn’t as loud as the sweet song of living in a country with a strong social contract. You know, roads, cops, the FCC, a relatively affluent society, no political censorship, stable currency…

        • willi0000000

          i’m gonna miss all that.

      • phoenix00

        Costa Rica probably denied him entry.

        • thixotropic jerk

          You know who didn’t deny Rush entry though?

          • phoenix00

            Fox News? Clear Channel?

        • Crazt Maist Waizy

          Knowing what he got up to there…

          • phoenix00

            He probably stunk too much, killed their vibe.

    • TX Taco Truck Brigade

      So Hannity will finally allow himself to be waterboarded for charity? Ted Nugent is way overdue to be dead or in jail.

      Trumps going to build a wall? get mexico to pay for it? bring back the coal industry? unilaterally negotiate trade agreements? bring jobs back from China and Mexico (without local incentives like Carrier got)? get poor european countries to pay more to be a part of NATO?

      Hell we could do this all day with Trump…

    • Jonny On Maui

      Hahahaha! Gigglesnort! Whew!

      Tell me another one. I need a good laugh…

      • Shan

        I keep missing the trolls. Am I not paying attention or are they just really lame?

        • Jonny On Maui

          I haven’t seen a persistent troll since the last month end visit by TLM. They have all been lame.

    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

      You have a little Trump clam chowder on your lip there….

      • Jonny On Maui

        That’s not clam chowder…

    • Kiri the Resistant Unicorn

      Heh. Y’all have fun with that!

    • BigHorn

      Those of you that do will have. The rest not so much.

    • mailman27

      Ted Nugent on Line 1.

    • phoenix00

      Whatcha gonna do, occupy a wildlife refuge?

    • Well, I’m on my way out to the store to buy 3 or 4 boxes of delicious decadent Apple Jacks. Which of us do you think will have a bigger impact? I hope many others will do the same. When you see that Hamilton spike happen for Kellogg? That’s America once again giving you the finger.

      • mike pearce

        Keep eating that sugar filled stuff they crank out and die younger. That is fine with me.

        • Sorry to disappoint. I’m already a Old and in great health which I can improve on even too. You, however, will remain as stupid as a box of rocks.

        • Crazt Maist Waizy

          Oooh, how scared. Who’s ‘shrill’ and ‘hysterical’ now?

      • Crazt Maist Waizy

        Aaagh! People like me over in Britain don’t get Apple Jacks- do they taste of apple, because I’m assuming they do and they sound really, really nice? Not as nice sounding a breakfast as a freshly prepared double Sausage and Egg Mcmuffin, mind, but still really nice

        • Scrofula

          He left out the scare quotes. That’s “Apple” Jacks. I think the cereal is actually referencing flat moonshine cider; the flavor sure is. Actually, it makes you wonder how they got away with naming a kid’s food after old hooch.

          • Crazt Maist Waizy

            Awww. No apple flavoured cereal for future America-visiting me…

          • Scrofula

            Just stop by for some real apples. I can make apple fritters or something.

    • thixotropic jerk

      OH PLEASE!111! Actually that pretty much is ALL that you do, esp your Peerless Feeder The OranGumbah, the walking poster babby for shrill hysteria and empty threats and unkeepable promises. And y’all FELL for it! Integerity, howe doo it werk?

      • mike pearce

        they are missing your brilliant input over on wonkette and daily kos.

        • Shan

          Wow, you ARE lost.

    • Crazt Maist Waizy

      Oh, we got a live one ‘ere! Live one!

      Hi, Mike Pence. I know that isn’t your username, but I imagine you’re probably one of the same anti-woman, conversion-therapy supporting Chicago-duping-out-of-email-transparency types.

      Allow me to ‘pearce’ your little bubble there, (yes I was making a pun, rather than trying to spell the word seriously, but then people like you never do have any sense of what humour is), but wouldn’t threatening an armed revolution if Clinton won count as a ‘shrill hysterical threat?’

      Considering that so many people looked at Canada’s immigration website after Trump’s illegitimate, non-mandate ‘win,’ I’d say people are quite open to leaving.

      The thing is, using the words ‘shrill’ and ‘hysterical’ in reference to supporters of a woman marks you pretty clearly as a misogynistic loser.

      Your candidate ‘won’ and you’re still bitter. You’re never going to be happy, are you? Especially when Trump fulfils around zero percent of his promises. I take pride in knowing that even when your candidate ‘wins,’ you’re still terrified. Oops. Probably not the reaction you were hoping for.

      • mike pearce

        lol- you have no idea who I am and you sure know how to blather don’t you?

        • Crazt Maist Waizy

          Yes, you are ‘mike pearce,’ and you’re a little stupid. I was making fun of you, see, for being unhinged?

          • mike pearce

            You are correct. I am stupid for bothering to reply to a star troll.

          • Crazt Maist Waizy

            So I do know who you are. I thought you said I was wrong? Ah, it doesn’t matters. Trolls gonna troll I suppose, just don’t expect anyone not to laugh at you.

  • Vecchiojohn

    Post’s modernism? For shame.

  • Bemused

    But I thought this was accepted the capitalist way of controlling corporations. Aren’t they supposed to make decisions based on whose dollars will walk if they decide badly? And there are 320 million people in the US 280 million of whom (if you accept the most charitable view of Breitbarts numbers) might walk if they get too much bad publicity. 280 million > 45 million. Why do they hate capitalism?

    • cat cafe

      280 million > 45,000, actually.

  • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

    Aren’t these the same geniuses that boycotted Starbucks by actually buying and promoting their products?

    • YoNastyBunny

      Their faceTube research tells them that “boycotting” means making an obnoxious ass of themselves in the checkout line.

      • Resistinceisnotfutile

        Buy Eggos and yell at a Mexican. That is the gist of their message, I think.

    • Vecchiojohn

      Ready . . . Fire . . . Aim!

      • Beanz&Berryz

        Bang! Ow!

    • NoMore Moose

      That will teach Starbucks. Buy more coffee!!

  • Jukesgrrl

    OT: Million Moms are boycotting Zales this year because they show two women marrying as part of the jeweler’s wedding rings TV ad. They also credit themselves with hurting Target over their bathroom brouhaha although they don’t provide any convincing statistics. (Facts, who needs ’em?)

    • JustDon’tSayDittos

      Who?

    • Begin Anew Day

      Declare victory and run.

  • No no no, they did not say the readers did not align with their views, they said that the rag did not align with their views.
    Boy, talk about biased media!

    • La Resistance O’hontas

      Part of an unfair and imbalanced breakfast.

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    If it’s that easy to get wingnuts to boycott en masse is to place and yank adverts it wouldn’t surprise if every other country and possibly all the coastal states advertise on Breitbart just so they can trigger boycotts by pulling the ads…

  • Poly_Ester

    45 million readers? Probably not! 44 million looking at the pictures, that’s more like it.

    • phoenix00

      Even then I think those numbers are a few orders of magnitude off.

      • aloharob

        just remember; 95% of all statistics are made up on the spot!

        • phoenix00

          Does that take into the account of the right-wing, which sits at close to 100%?

    • cat cafe

      I’m going to say they have under 4 million at most. Perhaps even 400,000 at most. It’s literally a made-up number out of thin air.

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    I have the perfect headline! “Racist Twatwaffles Boycott Waffle Maker”

    Or “Leggo My White Eggo”

    Huh? Huh?

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    Another one: Milk Separates from Cereal”
    I kill me

  • Haha…..

    -_-

  • TX Taco Truck Brigade
  • Paperless Tiger

    Not everyone is comfortable with ‘guilt by association’, Son.

  • NoMore Moose

    If we do this what will I bring to family cookouts?

    • La Resistance O’hontas

      Ribs just don’t taste the same when you don’t use an Applewood cross, IMO.

  • DahBoner

    Hey Bright Butt!

    Didja know Trump burned up his birf certificate so nobody would be able to see it???

    Don’t believe me? Watch.
    https://youtu.be/-dRRz5iutaQ

  • Kelloggs can expect to get buku mo money from me.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      I’ve not seen/heard buku since my mom used it way long ago!

      • Darnit, gave my age away. :)

        • Beanz&Berryz

          Where did you pick up buku? My mom grew up in southern Oregon and then live in northern California, east of SF.

          • Honestly don’t know! I grew up in Memphis, TN so I guess I heard it there. I’m pretty sure it was the original “beaucoup” from French that is now slanged up to be buku.

          • Beanz&Berryz

            Southern & Eastern Oregon have a bit of an Appalachian cultural influence, and Memphis is kinda there near Appalachia, and Appalachia wasn’t too far from a Frenchified part of North America – river-wise anyway.

            I also too figured that buku was slanged up from the French beaucoup, but I couldn’t at all ever figure out where my mom got that bit of Frenchiness… it was her only French-based term…. unless gawdammit turns out to be French too.

            This is very fun.. I’d never heard anyone but my mom use buku…

  • CountryClubRefugee

    Kellogg’s should make Deplora-Bites. They won’t be able to resist.

    • Bub the Mad Zombie

      “Two scoops of frog spawn in every box!”

      • Bemused

        Dried Tadpoles. ick.

    • aloharob

      high in irony

  • Angela Ruzzo

    I would not want to be the parent who has to tell their 4-yr-old “Sorry, sweetie, you can’t eat Rice Crispies anymore because Kelloggs likes brown people.”

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Of course, Rice Krispies(TM) cereal is kinda up-scale for your average Breitbarter….

      • Angela Ruzzo

        Is it? Then I must be outa touch, cause us working class white families wuz eating Rice Krispies 60 years ago, back in them days when there wuz only mebbe 6 different types of cereal. The rich folks ate Shredded Wheat and Wheaties.

        My favorite was Alpha-Bits. Do they still make Alpha-Bits?

        • Cogswell – User of the wheel

          It’s how conservatives learn the alphabet.

          • Spurning Beer

            Unless they buy Cheerios and just learn one vowel.

          • Cogswell – User of the wheel

            Yup, they suffer from inconsonants and are in need of a vowel movement.

          • Shan

            Hee!

        • Lambsendbeds

          Yup, and they are still just as delicious.

        • Beanz&Berryz

          We started there too, with the branded Rice Krispies, but we edged down toward the not-Kelloggs Rice Crispies over time… Ahh.. Good old Alpha-Bits… I did eat a ton of Cap’n Crunch for awhile, despite the impression that it was shredding the roof of my mouth…

          I think I grew up eating every single mass-marketed food fad thing that came down the pike… most all the sugary cereals, all the boxed dinner whatevers including Hamburger Helper, but also too a fair number of from-scratch things too…

          • Shan
          • Cogswell – User of the wheel

            Honey-CombOver?

          • satanscheerleadersloveamerica

            The BEST especially when you are 13 and inadvertently use 1/2 and 1/2 instead of milk. Delicious mistakes can happen.

          • Shan

            The antidote to that is Weetabix. I had to leave the country to find it, though.

          • kev

            one of only many, for me. but truly a classic.

          • Cogswell – User of the wheel

            It wasn’t an impression. It was shredding the roof of your mouth.

          • aloharob

            if you start the day with Captin Crunch and finish it with Captin Morgan …..only then are you a true pirate

          • Beanz&Berryz

            Arrrgh. Me matey…

        • Doug Langley

          God, no. What, you want to encourage reading?

        • Scrofula

          Sorry hon, we got about ten different versions of Rice Krispers, Krispy Rice, Arroz Cruijente, at the Mexican grocery down the street. Branded cereals are for the bourgeoise elite.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            That’s nice for you. In 1960 there was only one in the stores where I lived – and it was Rice Krispies. I don’t eat cereal now – wouldn’t know if there was one kind of 100 kinds.

            No, branded cereals are not for the bourgeois elite. If people like a certain brand for reasons of taste or because it is a comfort food, they have every right to buy it. It’s their money, they can do what they like with it.

          • Scrofula

            /Sarcasm. You’re of course welcome to spend money on Kashi-go-Lean or imported beluga Caviar-Os if you want.

            My “joke” was in re: working class cereal, because I swear I’ve never seen name-brand cereal, soda, shampoo, shoes, panties & sundry in my mother’s house (true, only going back to the 1970’s). This is not something “nice”. Dollar store Krisp-E Rice Poof is just not a thing you want to put in your mouth. To be clear, I was making fun of my mother.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            Thanks for explaining. I’m all in favor of buying quality off-brands, but some people take it to extremes. My father would drive 5 miles each way to Save-A-Lot to save $1.50 on toilet paper, which I thought was silly, particularly as he drove a full-size van that got about 12mpg.

        • kev

          well if they don’t it’s a crime. I always had my love affairs with cereal. Sugar Puffs, Sugar Smacks, Frosted Flakes, you name it. but Alpha-Bits was always a ‘go-to’ cereal. so were Honeycombs.

        • aloharob

          they now only come with the O’s sad to say.

    • phoenix00

      Brown Rice Krispies, otoh, is hipster AF

  • Operation American Jesus®

    “Kellogg’s bigotry.”

    So, this is what it’s come down to. The self-anointed only True TRUE Americans in America are now bewailing and gnashing the cry of ‘discrimination!’ for being ginormous honking braying jackasses and are faux martyring themselves over farking Pop-Tarts.

    Well, looky what I gots:

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/23dcd468f1cbf1d09d0016d4ec33aa1a174fa2d457a77fed0f4f4558bb779903.png https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/73162ab49366fdf26cf07d77f6e107fab0494df869889c08cfff11e430cc4f94.png

    • phoenix00

      Didn’t Tony The Tiger say something about “They’re Grrrreat!”?

      • Cogswell – User of the wheel

        MKGA

        Make Kellogg’s Great Again?!?

        • phoenix00

          > Make Kellogg’s GRRRREAT Again

          FTFY. Good one.

    • of course those cartoon hands are cartoonishly too big

      • kev

        the illustrator is right now being actively sought out by the Rump transition team for a high-level cabinet post. Secretary of Making Rump’s Appendages Seem Big.

        at last report, Mitt Romney also remains in the running for that same slot.

        • aloharob

          to be fair , Romney DID make one of trumps appenages a bit bigger , at least for a time.

  • Vel Venturi

    Well, you know how uppity corporations get when they find out they are actually people. They have all kinds of opinions about stuff!

  • Banquo’s Ghost

    They hate when you’re prejudiced against their prejudice.

  • La Resistance O’hontas

    They’ll have to go Old School and pour the milk straight onto their meth. Sad.

  • phoenix00

    > 45,000,000 monthly conservative readers

    https://66.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lpiewvT6tI1qldlyho1_400.png

    • thixotropic jerk

      Wait, isn’t that Dead Breifart’s Roommate in Hell?

      • phoenix00

        Possible, but I don’t wanna go down there to check.

  • Walter Wellstone

    The guy in that picture… a thoothless redneck waving a Confederate flag. Fucking walking stereotype if I ever saw one. Can you really make this shit up? I don’t think so.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Check out his hat?

      • thixotropic jerk

        Looks like Unkkkle Jeb escaped by swimming out through the trailer park cesspool for one more funtimes rally before his death from self-inflicted terminal gingivitis. “I thought givin’ The Jebbster that baggie of bath salts would encourage his hygiene not his drug-fueled racisms!”

    • Cogswell – User of the wheel

      As I stated way down thread, he probably has to purée everything he consumes and suck it up through a straw.

    • Duke

      He doesn’t need teeth to drink beer.

      • Doug Langley

        Or Kellog’s cereal, if you let it sit in milk long enough.

        • Cogswell – User of the wheel

          He can gum it into submission.

          • Doug Langley

            Watch out – Mini Wheats can be vicious if they’re only wounded.

      • aloharob

        or to rotate the tires on your house

    • Jerry Noneofyourbizz
  • Cogswell – User of the wheel

    breitbart should send that crazy woman from the rants at Michaels and Peet’s coffee to Kelloggs to address the issue.

  • If it goes anything like the #trumpcup, then loyal breitbart readers everywhere will end up buying all the kelloggs products at their local grocer and then tweeting videos of themselves burning up or running over with their #trumptruck boxes of cereal they just purchased…for america. I was told by a highly intelligent man recently that “trolling” in the fashion of the #trumpcup, is cooler and way more effective than a true boycott would be. Bless their hearts, as we say sometimes

    • Begin Anew Day

      Bring it pussies!

      yours truly,

      Kelloggs Stockholders

  • azeyote

    what now i have to buy some Kellogg shit to show solidarity –

    • Walter Wellstone

      I would if I still ate carbs.

  • Courser

    Okay then, I’ll buy some Pop-Tarts the next time I go shopping.

    • kev

      chicken-pot-pies for breakfast are pretty good. you can get quality microwave in 6 minutes starting from frozen.

  • Rick Hill

    ” And if you eat a bagel, you’re helping the international Jewish banking conspiracy.”

    What if it isn’t kosher?

  • MongoJustPawn

    I haven’t enjoyed Frosted Flakes for a long time. It looks like I should stock up!

    • Spurning Beer

      They’re great.

  • Marceline

    They should do a Kellogg’s bonfire and cross burning. Buy and use a truckload of cereal.

    • Begin Anew Day

      The Board of Directors at Kelloggs likes this idea a whole lot!

    • satanscheerleadersloveamerica

      They might do it, but their kids could really use it for breakfast, or dinner for that matter.

    • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

      Remember when France didn’t support our invasion of Iraq and all those tightass New Yorkers poored good French wine down the storm sewers? They could drink it, wash their dog or douche with it! It didn’t occur to them that they had already paid for the wine!

  • Begin Anew Day

    Watch out wing-nuts! You’re talking about the corporate agri-business super power that made you sugar addicts.

    Go on and boycott them if you want to. But the brain trust at Battle Creek Michigan knows you will be trying to scratch that frosted monkey on your back in a few days.

    And they know you’ll come crawling back with your money to get that sweet, sweet sugar rush.

  • Incoming Ham

    If Kellogg is not aligned with their values, wouldn’t they be glad they pulled their ads?

  • Celtic_Gnome

    I know we aren’t supposed to make fun of the mentally challenged because of that whole PC thing, but I laughed out loud at the video of the Cheerio’s torching.

  • Begin Anew Day

    The lead picture shows an obese and toothless yahoo waving his tattered flag.

    I see what you did there Doktor!

  • thixotropic jerk

    Okay, THAT guy in the video incompetently burning the Cheerios because Genital Mills hearts gay homersexxicans needs to check his own flames firstest. Maybe its the vid quality but am wondering how many more pink shirts has he gots hiding in his closet next to the sequins and gold lamé and whatever other bad stereotypes I have in my head? That goatee is questionable at best and the way he talks sets off all the gaydars at the gaycon 3000 level. I know I know, never underestimate our species’ sad and unlimited capacity for self-denial and self-hatred. Obvs a life-long Bretibart Fan!

    • aloharob

      that is NOT a goatee, it is a shock absorber

  • satanscheerleadersloveamerica

    Well… after three weeks of infuriating and depressing stoopidness we have entered a somewhat more entertaining phase of the nightmare.

  • shaar dula

    folks this is winning. first they adopt our way of protest. hopefully next our the reasons/causes. at-least the basic human decency stuff not denying anybody their civil rights, a common basis in basic rationality, not impose religious beliefs in public life.
    Rest all can be argued for. But these basic things are un-negotiable.

  • TundraGrifter

    “…its 45,000,000 monthly conservative readers…”

    And who takes that figure seriously?

    • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

      The less that 100,000 who actually do read it.

    • Alan

      The same people who believe that Trump won 50 states.

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      Its TRUE! Here’s a group photo of them taken just last week!

      https://media.timeout.com/images/100589813/image.jpg

  • Shibusa

    Do we know Breitbart writer & Hillary voter Gregory Ferenstein’s position on the Kellogg boycott?

    • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

      Missionary? Doggy style? Sixtynine? Anyone’s guess!

    • kev

      I vote that henceforth, he shall be called ‘Fartenstain”. Who’s with me?

      • Kiri the Resistant Unicorn

        That’s pronounced “FAHR-ten-steen”!

  • Nasty Girl Brianna

    BMW has also joined in on the “We hate Breitbart and all its foolish followers” train, so now Breitbarters can go buy other German cars.

  • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

    Don’t have time for this shit. I’m trying to watch Ellen and my Frosted Flakes are getting soggy.

    • aloharob

      pour some more beer on them and they will be fine.

  • Skeptical_thinker

    What the actual fuck? I bet you less than 5% of notbrightfart readers even know where the cereal aisle is in the grocery store. I’m pretty sure that their mom’s.don’t trust them with the grocery money.

  • Mavenmaven

    Many of these folks still get into fistfights over Quisp versus Quake.

  • ltmcdies

    that’s right…you go on and “boycott” products sold world wide…..it will be as “effective” as that starbucks and Hamilton thing.

    and according to the current popular vote at least 2.5 million people have now very good reasons to buy a shitload of Kelloggs

  • theblackdog

    I will gladly buy some Pop Tarts because the right wing tears make them extra tasty

  • Alan

    Highly perceptive readers? They didn’t really say that, did they?

    • Tishalicious

      Also, too, it’s a surprisingly big word .

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      Highly perceptive

      Just like Terri Schiavo, they do ALSO TOO follow the ‘loons!

  • Kiri the Resistant Unicorn

    “Breitbart even posted an online petition/pledge thing (which will incidentally get you on their email list forever)…”

    Nothing incidental about it. This is the intended functioning of the right-wing fake outrage machine.

  • RugzYaBurnt

    As if any of these pasty inbreeds are going to stop eating Pop Tarts.

  • JParkerSD46

    Okay, so much funny here. First, 45mil “readers” of Brietbutthurt? Are there that many pictures in it? Second, you know those readers can’t get enough Pringles and Eggos, so they’ll be sending their kids out to load up. And, C, dude, you and your lady friend are really bad protesting pyros.

  • Oh can the wingnuts start a “war against chocolate” so I can have an excuse to get more of that?

    • TheGayAgenda

      Or pizza. I’d also be good with a War Against Pizza.

  • JHan

    Hmm time to stock up on Kellog’s honey oats although I prefer Posts

  • JHan

    Btw did y’all see … Hillary gained some passive votes in PA…. 79,000 people across those states won dRumpolini the E.C.

    79,000 decided this election…….this election stinks. *crossing fingers for the recount efforts*

  • JD Mulvey

    This boycott is a big deal for Kelloggs, because as everyone knows, the diet of the typical Trump voter consists entirely of Pop Tarts, Apple Jacks and Pringles.

  • Rickyphoo

    What the hell? I read their petition thingy twice and did not find a single mention of the 2nd amendment! How could BreezeFart not mention the 2nd amendment?

    BTW, thanks for the Flaming Cereal Guy video. I needed the laugh.

  • Mike Wallace

    Always live the conservative hatred of actual free speech. How dare Kellogg’s believe they have the right to not give Breitbart money!

  • At the crossroads, stay strong

    I have a feeling that that 45 million readers number came from the same *snort* news source as the 3 million illegal voters in California. It stinks because everything pulled out of someone’s asshole stinks.

  • resistance_fighter_rosenbomb

    Aren’t these people supposedly “pro-business?” Businesses can advertise wherever the hell they damn please.

  • ViveLaRevolution

    Kellogg Co. announced on Tuesday its decision to pull ads from conservative media giant dick Breitbart…
    FIFY

  • dshwa

    The Twitter names for new Breitbart approved cereals is worth checking out (sorry don’t have link on phone…)

  • Ricky Gay
  • jellysblues

    That neckerchief that Tony the Tiger wears is a little fey.

  • CriticalDragon1177

    How dare Kellogs oppose our bigotry! They’re bigots for opposing our bigotry. Seriously through, this boycott will fail miserably, much the same way boycott Star Wars failed.

  • brinylon

    I don’t understand. Kellogs is evil and wrong for not supporting brietbart but deplorables are awesome for not supporting Kellogs? How does that work?

    • javadavis

      Even more confusing to me – Breitbart.com supports free speech but Kelloggs is evil for exercising free speech in the form of ad revenue. (eyes crossing)

  • javadavis

    That guy in the last vid – if he wanted to torch the cereal (his words) why did he get all stompy trying to put out the fire when the cereal torched? His consistency lasted less than a minute – ‘let’s torch this in protest! Oh no, it’s torching, make it stomp!’

  • Kelloggs has nothing to worry about. Breitbart readers let Mom do all the shopping. They rarely leave their basement bedroom for anything.

  • BH

    Kellogs cereals are mostly loaded with sugar and are made from gmo corn and wheat. It’s no good for your health anyway.

  • tryingtopickaname

    I betcha you gave yourself a massive hernia in contorting yourself to avoid the irony you snivel about…

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