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We're beginning to think she's not good at her job.
We’re beginning to think she’s not good at her job.

So, this Cuba story in the Newsweek! Let’s talk about it briefly, and then LMAO at Trump campaign manager Kellyanne Conway, for basically admitting on “The View” that her boss is a great big crimer who breaks the law, with crimes.

Way back in 1998, one of Trump’s companies secretly did some bidness in Fidel Castro’s Cuba, when the embargo was still very much in effect. Regardless of what you think about the embargo, this was AGAINST THE LAW. Here’s how it worked:

… [W]ith Trump’s knowledge, executives funneled the cash for the Cuba trip through an American consulting firm called Seven Arrows Investment and Development Corp. Once the business consultants traveled to the island and incurred the expenses for the venture, Seven Arrows instructed senior officers with Trump’s company—then called Trump Hotels & Casino Resorts—how to make it appear legal by linking it after the fact to a charitable effort.

The payment by Trump Hotels came just before the New York business mogul launched his first bid for the White House, seeking the nomination of the Reform Party. On his first day of the campaign, he traveled to Miami, where he spoke to a group of Cuban-Americans, a critical voting bloc in the swing state. Trump vowed to maintain the embargo and never spend his or his companies’ money in Cuba until Fidel Castro was removed from power.

He did not disclose that, seven months earlier, Trump Hotels already had reimbursed its consultants for the money they spent on their secret business trip to Havana.

CRIME! CRIME! CRIME! Yeah, white collar crime is tres boring, but it’s still CRIME! CRIME! CRIME!

Of course, it’s not surprising that Trump would do secret business with Castro’s Cuba, considering he was also OK with doing business with dead Libyan fucker Muammar al-Qaddafi.

Any-hoo, read the whole Newsweek thing if you want to, but right now it’s time to make fun of Kellyanne Conway completely confirming all of this on “The View,” like a good little campaign surrogate:

“THE VIEW” CO-HOST PAULA FARIS: I want to ask you about a story … that one of Trump’s companies spent money in Cuba during the embargo, when Fidel Castro, during his regime …

[AUDIENCE GASPS LIKE WTF]

KELLYANNE CONWAY: You have to read the whole story, to find out he didn’t invest in it. … Read the entire story. It starts out with a screaming headline, as it usually does, that he did business in Cuba, and it turns out that he decided not to invest there. You have to read the entire story.

FARIS: So are you denying that his company spent any money in Cuba?

CONWAY: I think they paid money, as I understand from the story, they paid money in 1998, and we’re not supposed to talk about years ago when it comes to the Clintons, but with Trump …

SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT THE CLINTONS, KELLYANNE CONWAY. You just admitted that yes, the Newsweek story is totally correct and yes, Trump secretly spent money in Castro’s Cuba, which is against the law, whether or not Trump ultimately decided to invest MORE money in Cuba. Good lord.

Thursday morning, we spent time talking about how Conway told Megyn Kelly it’s no faiiiiir that Hillary Clinton releases all these mean ads about how Trump is disgusting toward women, by using tape of him being disgusting toward women. She’s soooooo upset that Mean Hillary calls Trump names, when Delicate Donald would never stoop so low as to name-call. She’s complained that nobody believes Trump when he says he would have voted against the Iraq war, simply because he’s on the record supporting the war at the beginning. She’s conflicted as to the meaning of the word “unconstitutional,” and whether it means you can’t do the thing you want to do, just because it’s quote-unquote “unconstitutional.”

So, um — not to go all Judgy Wudgy Was A Bear up in here — but we’re beginning to think Kellyanne Conway is bad at her job. GRANTED, being Trump’s campaign manager is probably the most UNPOSSIBLE job in the world, but this is getting embarrassing.

Luckily, we have an idea, a suggestion for Donald Trump, which we will share in the form of a letter we composed:

Dear Spray-Tan McFuckFace:

You’ve done this several times, but we think that right now, 40 days out from the election, it’s time to YOU’RE FIRED! all your staff again. We have no idea who you should replace Ms. Conway and the “alt-right” racist dude from Breitbart with. You’re such a brilliant businessman, you should be able to pick good people this time, not that any of your previous choices have been S-M-R-T. Maybe you could just get Omarosa to round up a bunch of your fellow reality TV idiots, and make them your staff! Campaign CEO Omarosa, campaign manager Honey Boo Boo’s Mom, press secretary Duck Dynasty Dude … the possibilities are ENDLESS!

You’re still going to fucking lose the election, of course, but at least your new idiot staff will be more entertaining than your current idiot staff.

Just a suggestion.

Love,

Wonket

[Newsweek / Crooks & Liars]

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  • Indiepalin

    Kelly Conway’s hair stylist is beginning to receive death threats.

  • memzilla

    It’s not surprising that there’s another story about Drumpf’s in-Fidel-ity.

    • therblig

      business in-Cuba-tion is a legitimate expense

      • memzilla

        Still, Drumpf’s Havana bad day.

    • Apple Scruff
      • arglebargle

        Ba-Dum-Tista

    • FlownOver

      One could say he’s just another pig in the bay.

      (with apologies to Mssrs. Waters, Mason, Gilmour and Wright)

    • Logic of Color

      He’s going to be guantan a mo effective spokesperson, I’m sure.

      • kareemachan

        I’m thinking he (or Miss Bleached Blonde to the Center of Her Brain, for that matter) have no idea where Gitmo actually is….

    • jmk

      There’s just a raft of these kinds of stories threatening to mar..riel people’s view of Drumpf.

      • Vagennifer Flowers

        Oh dear. I missed the pun battle. I need to git mo time for this kind of stuff.

    • Panika MCD
  • alwayspunkindrublic

    I keep sayin’…it’s all those huge teeth. She just can’t keep her mouth closed.

    • kindness

      Horses give her side eye.

  • Jamoche

    NYTimes review of a Hitler biography is absolutely totally not about Trump at all. Just Hitler. Absolutely Hitler. And in addition, Hitler. Pay no attention to any other “narcissist with a taste for self-dramatization” or “a ‘characteristic fondness for superlatives.’” who might have “adapted the content of his speeches to suit the tastes of his lower-middle-class, nationalist-conservative, ethnic-chauvinist and anti-Semitic listeners.”

    • Msgr_Moment

      I hear that Trump is also a carpet-biter.

      • Callyson

        “We wouldn’t know!”

        – Ivana, Marla and Melania

        • Celtic_GnomeChado

          You left out Ivanka.

      • onedollarjuana

        “What’s wrong with that?”

        – Almost every woman on earth.

        • Callyson

          Yeah, but not if Trump would be the one doing it. Ew.

          • kindness

            Let’s hope Trump pays for good Pool Boys.

    • OneYieldRegular

      Good for Michiku Kakutani, but I sort of hate this story, because it should not take a NYTimes book review to point out Trump’s echoing of Hitler and nearly every other nationalistic, autocratic dictator since this thing began. We’re an entire nation of deplorables if we don’t recognize the signs of totalitarianism and the perils inherent in just finding someone like Trump risible. Anyway, standing on a soapbox and preaching to the Wonkette choir – sorry.

      A loud and distinctly American subtweet worth retweeting and not so sub, Sinclair Lewis’ It Can’t Happen Here, ought to be flying off the bookshelves. It’s stunning to see how little has changed in 80 years concerning your garden variety aspiring fascist.

      • revenant

        somebody in the publishing world is missing a marketing opportunity

  • aureolaborealis

    Spray-Tan McFuckFace was my stripper name.

    • therblig

      how were your pole numbers?

      • Major_Major_Major

        Bigly, I imagine.

      • aureolaborealis

        I poled well … with certain demographics.

      • kareemachan

        YUUUUUGE!!!!! I’m thinking.

    • jesuswasablack

      was?

      • Gayer Than Thou

        That means it’s available. Which is good, because for certain legal reasons I’m no longer allowed to use my current stripper name anymore, Hitlery Vagenda.

    • azeyote

      i’ve heard worse – and still tipped –

  • The DeplorableDemmeVagenda

    Pass the popcorn!

  • I wonder when Trump’s plan for a North Korean golf course will come out

    • jesuswasablack
      • kindness

        You want to say the sand traps are murder then you hit the mine fields.

        • Aleppo Ron

          ‘When we build hazards we don’t fuck around!’

          • Celtic_GnomeChado

            I had friends with a summer cottage on Marquette Island in Michigan’s Upper Peninsula who liked to play croquette. They had this water hazard on their course called Lake Huron.

  • Iam Reading

    And yet half of this dipshit country thinks that Hillary Clinton is a liar and Hillary Clinton is the criminal. FFS. I don’t hate America, just half of it.

  • Electric Ukulele Land

    In all fairness to Kellyanne, she clearly doesn’t know what she’s talking about and is only going off the contents of the Newsweek article.

    But I think the pattern has become clear — Trump digs himself into a hole, before it was judge Curiel, then it was the Kahns, now it’s Alicia Machado — and because he can’t just let things go, he digs in deeper, then he gets frustrated with his campaign staff as his numbers take a dive so he fires them and brings in a new team. So yeah, I think Barron and Conway are both short-timers at this point.

    • AngryKatie

      I know you meant Steve Bannon, but I really prefer imagining Donald will fire his 10 year old son Barron for not doing a better job shoring up his poll numbers.

      • Apple Scruff

        Maybe it’s John Barron he means?

        • AngryKatie

          You know, Donald is unhinged enough to fire himself.

      • Robin

        With his computer skills!

        • Thiazin Red

          I think you mean The Cyber.

          • Snark Tank of Deplorables

            I kept thinking all through the debate that while he SAYS he wants more “Law & Order,” he really means he misses “CSI: Cyber”.

          • Gayer Than Thou

            Now that would be a cool bad-ass stripper name.

      • Electric Ukulele Land

        Given that Melania’s been pretty much MIA since her convention speech, I feel like she’s pretty much been fired (just waiting for the day when the head of HR calls her into the office), so firing the 10 year old might be that far off either. Granted, spousal turnover is a pretty regular event and Trump children that don’t make the grade seem to just be kept largely out of sight rather than completely disappeared.

        • AngryKatie

          She’s getting awfully long in the tooth, so I wouldn’t be surprised if he’d decided it was time to bring in someone with fresh “ideas.”

          It’ll be for the best with Barron. Tiffany is the least bizarre of the Trumplings, that she’s the only one raised with little contact with him can’t be a coincidence.

    • jesuswasablack

      “In all fairness to Kellyanne, she clearly doesn’t know what she’s talking about”

      You should have ended your sentence there, she’s the fucking campaign manager she should know what she’s talking about, her candidate is being accused of breaking the fucking law?

  • Blanche Beecham
    • arglebargle

      I think we may be seeing this a lot the next 40 days.

    • Msgr_Moment

      Worst. Remake. Of. Dirty Dancing. Ever.

    • Lulu Mac
      • Gosala’s pickled tacos

        That’s what my cat does when she’s ready to pounce

    • Beowoof14

      You have admit she was loving what Donald was doing at the debate. His performance lead to much celebration, she just started early.

      • Thiazin Red

        I imagine his response to the baiting was even better than she could have hoped for.

      • Blanche Beecham

        The debate has already happened and yeah i UNDERS SHIMMEY- THIS Shimmey is for the Cuba Money-gate

  • calliecallie

    So, let’s see…
    Violated Cuba embargo. Broke immigration laws by hiring illegal immigrants as models. Broke tax law by using charitable foundation for personal gain. Is there more? Seems like there must be more.
    How exactly do you think Hillary Clinton’s Justice Department will work this? Cheeto’s got to go to prison, right? Even if it’s country club prison? I mean, they put Martha Stewart in prison, FFS.

    • Thiazin Red

      One possible good thing about him getting the nomination is that all this is getting exposure.

  • exinkwretch

    “Yeah, my boss broke the law, but the Clinton broke it worser! Neener Neener!”

  • Apple Scruff

    These Trump knuckledraggers are pulling the “OH that’s so long ago card” with Cuba and Miss Universe, but Bill’s affairs are totes okay to bring up?

  • jesuswasablack

    “I think they paid money, as I understand
    from the story, they paid money in 1998”

    Someones gonna be getting a new gig as a CNN contributor!
    http://i2.cdn.turner.com/cnnnext/dam/assets/160626130609-lewandowski-joins-cnn-00030527-large-169.jpg

  • Msgr_Moment

    /s
    I’m torn because fuck OFAC (the branch of the Treasury Department that enforces the Embargo). You were not forbidden from visiting the Island, just from spending money there. Stupidest concept ever.
    s
    That said, what a maroon!

  • SessileRaptor

    It is indeed a BS law, but if the Clintons had broken it we would literally never hear the end of it. Billions of years in the future when the human race is long extinct implacable robotic entities set in motion by the GOP will still scour the spaceways, their sole mission to seek out alien life forms and force them to hold hearings on the Clinton’s dealings with Cuba.

    Also, Benghazi Benghazi Benghazi.

  • Beowoof14

    So I am thinking at this point Kellyanne is still working for Cruz and payback is a bitch.

  • Callyson

    I’ll get to the post in a moment–first, I need mood music:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CDl9ZMfj6aE

    • SterWonk

      You can’t possibly be implying the word “smooth” describes Trump in any way, shape, or form…?

      • Aleppo Ron

        ‘Distended’?

  • Mehmeisterjr

    I wonder if The Donald had a jones for Cuban cigars. Practically every rich asshole I ever heard of got himself a cache of Cuban cigars.

    • Beowoof14

      I used to smuggle those over from Canada, 40 years ago. Easy to get and get over the bridge with them.

      • SuspectedDemocrat

        I’ve had to tell people, “No I will not be stinking up my luggage with fucking cigars just because you think they’re better than domestically rolled smoldering turds.”

      • Aleppo Ron

        When I drove cab in the border town of Sarnia, I would often see vehicles with Michigan plates parked at one of the smoke shops in town that sold Cuban cigars. I always wondered if they got caught. Especially that huge bloody Escalade with the spinner caps that was always in town on Saturdays.

    • Arolpin

      When I was in the Navy, we would pick them up in whatever Caribbean port we hit. They would sometimes end up stashed in tool boxes, or spare parts, or just wrapped up and taped inside the tail cone of the helicopter. (Another group found out that you shouldn’t try to smuggle more than the allowed amount of duty-free booze in the tail cone when they landed for customs inspection, inspector saw liquid leaking out of the tail cone, and downed the helicopter for a fuel leak. (The fuel tank in the H-60 series is basically at the base of the tail cone.) The people involved QUICKLY confessed, because getting your wrist slapped for customs violation is a LOT easier than dealing with a helicopter with a leaky fuel tank at a commercial airport.

  • Poly_Ester

    But then Donnie’s concept of “Robin Hood” is stealing from the poor (the losers) and keeping it for himself.

  • Scooby

    Is Batista available?

  • AngryKatie

    I think he’ll respond more positively if you address him as MR. Spray-Tan McFuckFace

  • Vincent Ricola

    “Major shake-up in the Trump campaign overnight! Kellyanne Conway has been let go and Trump has appointed Pepe the newly-minted racist frog as his campaign manager! Will this cause a major bump in the polls for Trump?!?! And what will be the effect with women voters?!?!” – CNN, September 30th, 2016.

    • jesuswasablack
      • Vincent Ricola

        Oh please yeeeessssssss. There’s only about a month left, why not?

      • OneYieldRegular

        I was just about to suggest Steve King, but damn, that is too perfect.

    • DainBramage

      Damn, I had a bet on that Pepe would take over the VP role.

    • GHERKINS OF TRUTH!

      Wait, I don’ t know if I can tell which one is the racist cartoon anymore!

      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/d2e5daad961ec3c6438de4467262acd314d6d96143673da66fe4d444ea5387c3.jpg

      • Vincent Ricola

        All of them, Katie?

      • SterWonk

        I’m not up on all the memes the kids these days use; who’s the one on the left end?

        Also too, how on earth did a green cartoon frog become a mascot of white supremacists?

        • GHERKINS OF TRUTH!

          First one is Race Bannon, and the last one is racist Bannon.

          There’s also too a newt and a frog. And no explanations for any of them.

  • Blanche Beecham

    Laws and morals don’t really apply Narcissists, unless it benefits them directly.

  • Beowoof14

    I hear the kids want to fire the campaign staff, I am sure they could find new sycophants if they just hand out cash. They will tell Donnie, he’s great, his plan will be great, his performance was great, his penis is huge. All kinds of BS to get more of that pile of green from Donnie.

    • exinkwretch

      Good theory, except Trumpie has been stiffing his campaign staff just like everyone else that has ever done business with him.

  • Robin

    This shouldn’t come as a surprise. But she worked on the Todd Akin campaign in 2012. Here’s a GREAT quote from her Wikipedia (which has a few good ones)

    “Conway also defended Akin’s position of opposing a “rape” exception for a hypothetical abortion ban on grounds that women’s bodies had mysterious ways of avoiding conception in cases of “legitimate rape.””

  • Callyson

    Trump’s going to find a whole new meaning to the term Miami Heat in 39 days. Hee hee hee…

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/2cf168e9cc08b9ff6ef51f36f22ede3228ac11643d3f5c7f4978dabf79c64711.jpg

    • jesuswasablack

      combined IQ=106

      • Saxo the Grammarian

        combined IQ=rounding error

        FIFY.

    • The Children of the con

    • OneWhiteWhisker

      Right to left: Uday, Qusay, Eva Braun

  • I want to be part of his campaign staff. Chief of Juggalo Staff – getting the first picks of them tasty trumpette juggalettes ;P

  • jesuswasablack

    Yeah I cut a mother fucker but that was years ago!
    http://www.mysterygamecentral.com/img/games/ColdCaseFiles.jpg

  • Pinkham’s Law

    “he did business in Cuba, and it turns out that he decided not to invest there.”

    AT BEST, this means he wanted to illegally invest in Cuba and determined that he wouldn’t make enough $$ for it to be worthwhile. Still not a good look for a candidate for POTUS!

  • Crystalclear12

    Are we SURE she quit working for Cruz?

  • Sheepshagger

    Castro has a way of shutting that down.

  • Shibusa

    “…as I understand from the story…”
    FFS, Kellyanne. Can’t you just ask your boss?

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      She could if she could get him to concentrate long enough. It’s easier just to give him an iPad to play with and go by what’s in the story.

      • Lulu Mac

        works for my five-year-old…

    • AngryKatie

      My understanding of how that works now is that she leaks her question to the NYTimes and then waits for him to respond in a tweet or temper tantrum.

  • Suse
    • What for. Telling the truth? At this point in the camping (yes I spelled it correctly go look it up), what difference does it make (oh no did I just make a Hillary snark?)

      • Thiazin Red

        There really is only so much spin someone can do. Could anyone really come up with spin for the constant stream of shit without breaking down at least a little?

      • Callyson

        What for. Telling the truth?

        Exactly. That’s a deal breaker in Trump World.

        • Msgr_Moment

          The TRUTH? He can’t handle the truth!

    • natoslug

      What a shame. She was doing so well.

    • Callyson

      While her intentions were pure, Conway basically outed her boss as a long-time abuser of women when she said that Trump:

      “made it clear that he came ready to say some rough things if [Clinton] was going to challenge him about his abuse — about his record on women.”

      Oh yeah–she’s out.

      • Suse

        And Krispy Kreme is going to be his new debate coach – possibly and allegedly.

        • Vincent Ricola

          This is fantastic news to wrap up my day!

    • limberrat

      Wow and I was thinking she was just circling the drain this morning.

    • To loose one Campaign Manager may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose two looks like carelessness.”

      • jmk

        And the Oscar goes to…Playonwords!!

        Many upfists for the reference.

        • An Oscar? More likely a Beardsley (“You will, Oscar, you will”)

  • TheGrandWaz00

    Behind the scene look at the Trump surrogates meeting after the Newsweek story broke.
    http://www.reactiongifs.com/r/f.gif

    • Gosala’s pickled tacos

      Muppets libelz. Not even Sam the Eagle would get within a megaparsec of Trump and his merry band of misogynenes, race baiters and bigots.

      • Saxo the Grammarian

        At least Sam the Eagle has an ethos.

        • Gosala’s pickled tacos

          Sam was Irritating and grumpy because he had to put up with a lot of fuzzy minded bleeding hearts, but he didn’t hate anyone. I don’t think Jim Hesen could comprehend the raw hatred that has gripped the Republican Party.

      • YayConspiracy
    • Callyson

      (downloads while laughing ass off)

  • Poly_Ester

    To paraphrase Conway, “we broke the law, yes, but in doing so we determined the rewards for doing so were not high enough to justify doing anything further. So no harm, no foul.”

  • shastakoala

    No Donald. The Statute of Limitations does not apply in politics.

    • arglebargle
      • shastakoala

        Golden Tower of Limitations.

        • Callyson

          For a moment I thought you said Golden Shower of Limitations. I think I’m lost in a sea of gleeful joy today.

  • OneYieldRegular

    Kellyanne Conway sounds like a rigged deal.

  • arglebargle

    Play to your base. Bring in David Duke.

  • If true, then Hillz needs to be marketing this in spanish to the south florida audience like doubletime. Voting in Floridayz starts in like 3 weeks.

  • Callyson

    So, um — not to go all Judgy Wudgy Was A Bear up in here — but we’re beginning to think Kellyanne Conway is bad at her job. GRANTED, being Trump’s campaign manager is probably the most UNPOSSIBLE job in the world, but this is getting embarrassing.

    Or…

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/2b6e5f8baef2d236bfc6ae7fd3d0b766c16d3b8359da91b110fd1a83d466833a.jpg

    • aureolaborealis

      I don’t think it’s very secret. Maybe unwitting, but not secret.

    • Berkeleybear94

      Nah, she’s just radically out of her depth. She’s a pollster and messaging guru who has made a career of being a “Conservative Woman” who softens the image of conservatives with GOP leaning women (although she goes nuts on some social issues and stepped in it with Todd Akin and handling the whole “legitimate rape” issue). Her wins have come primarily in safe states/districts. She’s never had to really mold someone to reach out to the middle the way you have to in a competitive national race (or even a competitive purple state wide race) and no one alive has had to try to work with a major party candidate with as much baggage and complete lack of control of Trump. Plus it isn’t like they promoted her to campaign manager to actually run things – she got the title at the same time Bannon from Breitbart was brought on, mainly (according to what I’ve read) because a donor put a bug in Donald’s ear when the rest of his inner circle was absent. Not that he wouldn’t have done it, but they might have at least cautioned against having an opportunistic right winger become the face of the campaign.

      • Gayer Than Thou

        All of this has the ring of truth, and also too I read it on the internet just now, so I believe you.

        • Berkeleybear94

          Truthiness matters. But seriously, when I read a write up of her clients I couldn’t figure out who thought this was the way to reach out to the middle – Todd Akin, Ted Cruz, Mike Pence are her big hits from what I saw. But she has blond hair and boobies, so I guess that must mean she can convince all women (other than dreaded man hating FemiNazis and SJWs) to see Trump is a good guy.

      • revenant

        who other than “an opportunistic right winger” would even consider the job?

    • Gayer Than Thou

      I thought Trump was doing that. Woah — what if Trump is working to get Hillary elected in November, but Kellyanne Conway is working to get Trump elected in November so that Hillary will get elected, but Breitbart is working to get Kellyanne to get Trump elected so that Hillary will get elected, but Megyn Kelly is working to get Breitbart to get Kellyanne to get Trump elected so Hillary elected…! Even the Gay Mafia is not that sophisticated … Oh Em Gee! Milo What’shisname is behind it all!

  • Callyson
  • Shannanigans
    • Saxo the Grammarian

      The next 8 years could be fun!

    • Jonny On Maui

      That’s precious!

    • Berkeleybear94

      Had a feeling that was going to be the meme that stuck – she’s just so damn joyous in that moment.

  • Suse

    Has Drumpf blamed the NJ train crash on the Muslin Terrists yet?

    • Pickle Truther (AntiDerpomeme)

      Gosh, that’s a mess. At least 1 dead and 100 injured.

      • Suse

        I guess I shouldn’t be snarky about it. :-(

        • Pickle Truther (AntiDerpomeme)

          It’s our stock in trade here, and honestly, I wouldn’t put it past Trumpf to do just that.

      • Callyson

        OUCH…sorry to hear this.

    • Berkeleybear94

      Probably can’t decide whether to blame them or Democrats handling of Amtrak (never mind the GOP trying to kill all infrastructure spending and especially rail funding for years).

      • Arolpin

        Actually, nothing to do with Amtrak. The trains to Hoboken don’t even run on Amtrak tracks. Not that this would prevent an attack on Amtrak from the Thugs, because NE liberals ride Amtrak. (Yes we do, because it’s cheaper, more convenient, significantly more comfortable, and faster than flying between BOS-NYC, NYC-PHI, PHI-BAL, BAL-WDC, & NYC-WDC. In other words we’re not fucking morons who had something just because someone else likes it.)

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      I blame Gene Wilder and Richard Pryor.

      • Suse

        What was that movie – Silver Streak?

        • arglebargle

          ’twas

    • Arolpin

      My mom said that Fucking Tub Of Goo Drumpf Ass Kisser Chris fucking Christie is doing everything short of calling it terrorism to make it seem like terrorism. Fuck him with rusty votes. And Drumpf too.

  • Pickle Truther (AntiDerpomeme)

    What is the deal with Trump and scammy charity operations? No wonder he’s trying to deflect attention away from himself to the Clinton Foundation so badly.

    • Berkeleybear94

      It isn’t just him. There’s a subgroup of fairly wealthy and damn grifty people (along with some just damn grifty people) who regularly abuse charities in a broad range of ways. It is just that most truly wealthy people who do it hire more competent staff and attorneys and actually follow their advice (note I don’t say follow the rules because the people I’m talking about live in the gray – they just don’t flagrantly go past the line the way Trump seems to have done again and again).

      • SuspectedDemocrat

        And most of these cheats don’t expose themselves to undo scrutiny by running for President of the United Fucking States.

        • Berkeleybear94

          Yup. Trump mainly stands out in this circle (just like he does among real estate developers) for his idiotic desire to be the center of attention yet with no apparent idea of the implications of exposure.

        • Notreelyhelping

          That’s what gets me. Did no one take him aside and go: uh, Don…?

          More than ever, I’m waiting for Trump’s mob connections in Atlantic City to surface in a big way. Makes a nice surprise for October. Bonus points if it sucks in Christie.

    • Shibusa

      Did you happen to hear David Fahrenthold on with Terry Gross on NPR? Worth hearing. Pretty fascinating stuff.

  • Lefty Frizzell

    They want credit for addressing one of the most known people in the world by their correct title? Really? Is the bar that fucking low now? Well fucking done Donald – take a gold star.

    • Can’t. He’d never let his spawn anywhere near the military except to pose for the press.

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      I mean, this is a guy who patted himself on the back for not directly mentioning Bill Clinton’s roving penis, while making it very clear that’s what he was referring to. In a presidential debate.

      • Shucky Ducky

        Bill Clinton’s Roving Penis and Medicine Show–live at a hootenanny near you!

        • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

          Seriously tho, how different would our lives be if Bill Clinton’s dick could be detached and left to roam free while Bill was off presidenting?

    • revenant

      much preznit, much good, Donnie!

  • The Wanderer

    His kids are getting hella pissed at Kellyanne and the Breitbart gusset-sniffer. They’re bad for business, so expect Titania, Uday and Qusay to hit up Daddy Warhawks over breakfast soon.

  • Blacktop Cadence

    At any point is this just not going to be a shit show about him and his surrogates doing nothing but poo flinging? I mean, this is a presidential election, right? Not a bunch of grifters grifting the shit out of the stupids who think calling women “cunts” is a brave thing?

    • Idea for October surprise #2 (#1 in case you missed it, Melania is devorcing Trump because shes having an affair with Pence): WWE cage match of candidates for next in line campaign manager. Undertaker retires, and becomes campaign manager because WTF is going to ask the Undertaker anything other than wiffle questions (because he’s pledged to tombstone driver anyone who disagrees with his new bahws).

      • Blacktop Cadence

        I’m pretty sure the October Surprise is going to be them Frankensteining the Ultimate Warrior back to life so they can trot him out for more lecturing about how the queers are destroying America.

  • DainBramage

    Working for Donald, Kellyanne has so many super-shady to criminal shenanigans to deal with, that sometimes they burble out of her mouth hole. Can’t be helped.

    • Callyson

      Donald’s next book should be titled Fifty Shades of Crooked.

      • vivian

        Shifty Fades to Grey?

  • Lulu Mac
  • Scooby

    I thought I was stupid for posting that I was smoking Cohibas and drinking Havana Club.

  • elviouslyqueer

    we’re not supposed to talk about years ago when it comes to the Clintons, but with Trump …

    *ahem*

    TRUMP (on Monday night): “But you want to know the truth? I was going to say something extremely rough to Hillary, to her family, and I said to myself, “I can’t do it. I just can’t do it. It’s inappropriate. It’s not nice.”

    Fuck. You. Kellyanne.

    • Vagennifer Flowers

      Which is kinda awesome, because both Kellyanne and her husband owe their spot in the 1% to relentlessly pimping a narrative about Bill’s dick back in the day.

      • Msgr_Moment

        So she kind of rode Bill’s dick?

        • OneWhiteWhisker

          Really, who hasn’t?

    • Snark Tank of Deplorables

      Maybe he was going to finally confess that he’s Bill’s Cuban cigar connection?

  • Vagennifer Flowers
    • Blacktop Cadence

      Go fuck yourself, Glenn.

      • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

        I used to read him a lot, but OH MY GOD THE SMUG.

        If he were granted eternal life, he’d spend it writing overly verbose, self-righteous articles about how every human who ever lived disappointed him.

      • elviouslyqueer

        He’d have to, since nobody else would get near that mess with a 100-foot dildo.

    • Saxo the Grammarian

      I can think of other words besides “interesting”, Glennie.

    • DainBramage

      Yes, Glenn. There’s a racist, misogynous, bigoted circle of cultural and political elites in the US, and Donnie is part of it. We’ve all known that, like, forever. It’s called the Republican Party.

      • Vagennifer Flowers

        So I guess my question is how is Trump worse than Bush, who Greenwald voted for after the events of the 2004 Convention and Gitmo (how a Patriot acts), and why is he still supporting Trump’s presidential bid?

  • limberrat

    I’m sorry, I opened this one and read the first caption while drinking and now am cleaning up the screen. BWAHAHA!

  • Shibusa

    Oddly, Donald Trump has said he’d would undo the deal Obama struck to reopen diplomatic relations and trade with Cuba. Hmm.

    • TakingAmes

      Makes more money under the table?

  • Hiring Honey Boo Boo’s mom works for me, ’cause then I’ll get to find out why I won’t believe what Honey Boo Boo’s mom looks like now without clicking on clickbait

    • BehaveYrself

      I thought she lost all her belly fat with this one weird trick?!

      • Msgr_Moment

        I was gonna ask about her sideboob.

        • vivian

          Didn’t they divorce?

        • BehaveYrself

          Ah, I still miss the days of sideboob. No amount of dick jokes can make up for that loss.

  • TheGrandWaz00

    Jason Miller, Trump communications director, is on with Chuck Todd right now. Miller has no chin, but Chuck has landed about 30 blows to it so far.

  • Saxo the Grammarian

    Anyone with two neurons to rub together knows (or should know) that presidential candidates are subjected to scrutiny like no other people on earth. That’s what surprises me most about Trump’s candidacy. Surely he knew that his very toenail clippings would be put under a microscope. Did he really think he’d be exempt?

    • natoslug

      Yes. He’s wealthy enough that he generally does not have to face the consequences of his stupidity and surrounds himself with people who reinforce his fucked up worldview, so I think he really didn’t think he would have to put up with the kind of examination that happens to the “little people” who run.

      • vivian

        Shoulda read down before I commented. You said it better.

    • Sister Artemis

      Bu- b-b-b-buuuuhhhhhttttt MEANIES!

    • Let me think… Yes. Yes, he did think that. Objective reality isn’t his strong suit. Or even his possibly able to still lift a finger suit.

    • Thiazin Red

      Right? Don’t campaign teams usually know about their candidate’s history and try to prepare for this kind of thing?

    • Assumes facts not in evidence

    • vivian

      When you are born wealthy, you learn early that most rules do not apply to you. His experience of being treated deferentially due to his wealth has prepared him to skate by on his reputation.

  • Bad Granny

    OT: Guys, Chuckles the Toddler is interviewing Jason Miller and actually acting like a journalist.

    Or maybe it’s the many many pain pills I’ve taken…

    Either way, something’s going on.

    • Lulu Mac
    • ExpatGirl

      I just finished watching. Still trying to pick my jaw up off the floor.

      #ChuckChuckTodd: Do you have any evidence to back up your Google claims?
      Miller: There have been articles!
      #ChuckChuckTodd: You mean the article in Sputnik?!?
      Miller: And Breitbart!

    • Suse

      I can’t get MSNBC to play on my desktop. Just says “live programming will resume shortly.” Is there one weird trick to it?

      • Sister Artemis

        It does that to me when it’s a commercial break time for the TV version

      • Vincent Ricola

        Me too. That’s why I’m always angrily watching CNN, which manages to stream flawlessly somehow even though they’re the worst.

        MSNBC never streams, I constantly get that same message as you until the site eventually forces a clip of some random weekend program that I don’t care about watching to auto-play.

      • ViveLaDeplorables

        If Chuckles really did journalism, the camera crew probably fainted.

      • Bad Granny

        Have you tried turning your monitor slightly to the left?

  • Joe Beese

    Man, if I had an employee who fingered me for a federal crime, there is no way they’d be getting any performance bonus.

  • Bemused

    I think you could staff the entire campaign with Duggars and at least they would only be cluelessly racist instead of deliberately racist.

    • You seem to have mistaken a feature of his campaign strategy for a bug.

  • Jeffocaster in the desert

    Trump and his organization have committed criminal acts. Really. Wow. With Cuba. And Russia. And so forth. Hmmm. I do not know what to think. I am shocked. He still is a candidate. And garnering 40% of the estimated vote. Wow. I guess he is just doing business. Should I vote for him? I don’t trust Hillary. Yeah. I am convinced he is the one to lead this country.

    • Gayer Than Thou

      Well, I mean, she didn’t smile enough during the debate. Or maybe she smiled too much. Either way.

      • elviouslyqueer

        “Too over-prepared. Totally unattractive.”

        –Some media asshole, yesterday.

        • Gayer Than Thou

          Chuck Todd, and Brit Hume, respectively. So, yes. Media assholes.

    • This is why I’m so frustrated at the concept of undecided voters. WHAT’S TO DECIDE??

      • Callyson

        I have to maintain my patience when phonebanking. Lots of undecideds in Nevada for some fucking reason.

        • ViveLaDeplorables

          Thank you for your service. You’re an angel. I don’t think I could do it. I just keep ordering Hillary wine glasses.

        • Berkeleybear94

          Its all the blinking lights and noise in the casino distracting them – heck some still think its 1955.

        • Msgr_Moment

          Meth?

        • Spotts1701

          Welcome to my world. My state’s so damn schizo that Trump and Joe Heck may win while we also reverse the Republican control of the state Legislature, raise taxes for education infrastructure, approve stricter background checks for guns, and approve legal weed.

      • TakingAmes

        I’m almost more disturbed by the prospect that 40% of this country WILL VOTE FOR HIM ANYWAY.

        • Right? Then what? Even if we win, we lose, because we’re stuck with whatever this Trump movement is. And there were polling numbers yesterday showing that only around 20% of them would accept the results of the election if Trump loses. So what comes after that?

          • Dudleydidwrong

            What comes after that?
            Rioting in the streets by the “Law and Order” believers;
            Death and destruction by the “Make American Great Again” and pro-life crowd;
            More hatred, lies, and vilifications by the Christians on the Right.

  • Joe Beese

    In an appearance on “The View” Thursday morning, Donald Trump’s campaign manager insisted that a report alleging one of his companies broke the Cuban trade embargo in 1998 does not mean that the candidate had been “treasonous.”

    TRUMP 2016: NOT TREASONOUS

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      Now that’s a bumper sticker!

      • Mehmeisterjr

        He needs a bumper sticker for the Miami Cuban community. How about:

        TRUMP 2016: YO ♥ FIDEL

    • Gayer Than Thou

      Make Treason Great Again!

    • YayConspiracy

      Trump: Putting the T back in treason.

      • vivian

        Nah, what’s left is reason and he’s never been that close to it.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      TRUMP 2016: NOT so very TREASONOUS (BUT YEAH, TREASONOUS)

      FIFY

  • Gayer Than Thou

    I would gladly swear off those cakes we like for a whole month just for one teeny tiny congressional investigation of Trump. I’m not even particular about which fraud or crime they go after.

  • Spotts1701

    Well, Trump’s gonna do what Trump does best – claim everything is rigged.

    “I had to put up with the anchor and fight the anchor all the time on everything I said,” Trump said of the debate’s moderator, Lester Holt, at a rally in Bedford, New Hampshire. “What a rigged deal.”

    • Callyson

      WTF does he mean by “put up with”? Actually having to answer something he asked?

      • Thiazin Red

        Pointing out lies and attempting to make him follow the rules = rigged.

      • “Put up with”=”look at a blah dude for 90 minutes”

        • Vincent Ricola

          add “and didn’t even sic security on him when he publically corrected me in his uppity way.”

      • Shibusa
      • Vagennifer Flowers

        Occasionally interrupting him if his interruption of her was slopping over into what was supposed to be his next question.

      • DainBramage

        That anchor was getting uppity.

      • Historicat

        Not Sean Hannity.

    • Spotts1701

      Also, Betsy McCaughey said a whole raft of stupid saying that anti-Trump ad using his own words is really Hillary Clinton “body-shaming” young girls.

      These people do not live on this plane of reality. They don’t even visit.

      • limberrat

        I love the interviewer’s look while hearing her respond.

      • Bitter Scribe

        “I’m not body-shaming, yuuuuu’re body-shaming!”

    • greyXstar

      Would that be the debate he spent literally all day yesterday insisting he won??

      • Spotts1701

        The debate he still insists he won, but was also rigged against him. Because both can happen if the logic centers of your brain have been flash-fried.

  • emberglance

    Are we allowed to start saying “Democrat plant” again yet?

  • Callyson

    If the rumors that Kellyanne is about to be fired are true, I wonder who will replace her. Milo Yiannopoulos? Mike Tyson? Darth Vader?

    • emberglance

      Sarah Palin would be a nice fit

    • limberrat

      Omarosa!

    • Thiazin Red

      Milo might make a dent in his support. A gay? That would be tough to sell the hicks on.

      • Vagennifer Flowers

        Hey, how about Peter Thiel? He’s supposed to understand social media, and he can push forward the while ‘You guys in the media are in a world of hurt once I get elected’ narrative that’s been working so beautifully for the Trump campaign so far.

        • Lulu Mac

          Ghey also too

          • Vagennifer Flowers

            Sure. He’ll just spend $40 million destroying you if you mention it

      • (((cynmac)))

        A self-hating gay may be acceptable. Honey Booboo has a gay uncle, Uncle Poodle and he’s accepted.
        https://i.ytimg.com/vi/z4FCuyeS8As/maxresdefault.jpg

      • (((cynmac)))

        A self hating gay might be acceptable. Even Honey BooBoo has a gay uncle, Uncle Poodle and the family accepts him.
        https://i.ytimg.com/vi/z4FCuyeS8As/maxresdefault.jpg

    • Vincent Ricola
      • Thiazin Red

        Satan has way too much class.

      • Callyson

        I was going to say that, but I knew someone here would go there. Hee hee hee…

      • Shucky Ducky
        • Thiazin Red

          I was rereading Good Omens recently, and I can’t help picturing him and hearing that Crowley’s lines in his voice.

          • MizzMazz

            If there’s ever a movie/TV version of Good Omens, I would want Mark Shephard.

          • hendenburg2
          • MizzMazz

            Yay!!!!

          • Berkeleybear94

            Squee! And of course this is on the heels of an American Gods adaptation. If Terry Pratchett could have only lived to be mad about the final version/inspired to write by his anger (Gaiman has a funny piece about discovering that side of Terry while doing press for Good Omens)

        • Vagennifer Flowers

          Oh dear. Does that mean they’re going to be roadtripping bros next season?

        • hendenburg2

          Wait… is that Mark Sheppard? If so, he hasn’t aged well…

        • Vienna Woods

          I love me some Crowley. Impatiently waiting for the last season of Supernatural to drop on Netflix!

      • Berkeleybear94

        He’s got nothing to sell Lucifer – he bargained the souls of himself and his offspring years ago on one of his huuuuuuge deals (and laughed about it, thinking Lucifer had paid something for nothing).

      • Sorry, he’s a man of wealth and taste.

    • limberrat

      Na, thought about it. Meatloaf could just sing when doing interviews.

      • Usedtobeyellerdawg

        Meatloaf couldn’t sing when he was singing.

        • DainBramage

          I can make a meatloaf sing by adding lots of grilled onions and bell peppers.

      • Msgr_Moment

        He would do anything for love, but he won’t do THAT.

    • YayConspiracy

      AOTK

    • elviouslyqueer

      Ted Nugent, obvs.

      • DainBramage

        Folks, we have a winner.

    • ViveLaDeplorables

      I’m hoping that at this point Putin has lost patience and insists on picking the next one himself.

    • Ricky Gay

      John Voight?

    • Berkeleybear94

      Since he likes criminals and scoundrels cast off by society (Lewandowski, Manafort, Ailes), seems only fitting to let Christie take over this week.

      • Yr. Gma

        Isn’t Crisco still technically a governor or something? Isn’t there some kind of law?

        • Callyson

          “That’s OK, Donald, you can take him. We’ll be fine. In fact, we’ll be better off!”

          – New Jersey

        • Berkeleybear94

          Not against a governor serving a campaign, as long as they don’t commingle the job responsibilities (which is another beautiful fiction like the President trying to split campaign and official duties, but it is done). It would just be monumentally stupid for all parties.

          • Spotts1701

            Something being monumentally stupid has not been a barrier for Trump yet.

          • revenant

            it’s just the kind of out-of-the-box thinking this campaign needs!
            (if “out-of-the-box” means “out of your cotton pickin’ mind”)

    • Shibusa

      Victoria Jackson?

      • Callyson

        DAMMIT, there’s a Victoria’s secret joke in here somewhere…

        • Jonny On Maui

          There’s no angel wings on that Victoria…

          ???

          • Callyson

            HA!

    • Shucky Ducky

      Zombie Leni Riefenstahl?

    • TJ Barke

      Darth Vader didn’t suffer fools…

    • I’m guessing one of the children of the con. It would keep the money in the family.

    • Fartknocker

      Leona Helmsley? Oh that’s right she’s dead but I understand from several seance sessions that I get at the South Austin Kiwanis club that she likes Brietbart for his butt sex skills.

    • The chair used by Clint Eastwood?

      • Lulu Mac

        You win.

      • Msgr_Moment

        The price is right.

      • feministing

        don’t think so. last i heard it’s put on some weight.

      • mancitydeplorables

        that would be an improvement in that everything would be “no comment”

    • Eric Cartman.

  • WIDTAP

    Trump 2016: Havana Nights, Putin Boogaloo!

  • YayConspiracy

    Bye bye Kellyanne, it was nice while it lasted!

    • clairence

      she didn’t do a very good job, so no pay for her.

  • Bitter Scribe

    Well, at least he’s consistent. Doing business in dictatorships, with dictators, is nothing new for him.

  • weejee
    • clairence

      “Inside: Vote for his Vice President!” ?!

      • weejee
        • Berkeleybear94

          The good news is, their readership is largely made up of the type of people who may want to vote Trump but don’t want to register to vote for fear it will tell the Government where to find them and drag them to the FEMA camps (and where are those damn things – Thanks, Obama).

        • DainBramage

          I see Dick Morris landed a job in a place he belongs. Good job sinking down to your level, dick.

    • NE is just thinking of the massive sales boost they would get

      • Callyson

        That reminds me, I need to get some toilet paper.

    • Suse

      lmao!11!!

    • Vincent Ricola

      Nuthin’ but the best. Classy.

    • Doug Langley
      • MizzMazz

        Man, I miss that paper. Got them every week – it was the best fun for 75 cents, and the fun I had in the grocery checkout line with peoples comments.

        • Thiazin Red

          Being a writer for them must have been so much fun.

          • Suse

            My favorite story was the woman giving birth to a litter of rabbits.

          • MizzMazz

            What a great job: “Okay, people, what can we make up this week?”

          • revenant

            Donald Westlake wrote a couple of pretty funny novels about a paper like WWN, back when. “Trust Me On This” and “Baby, Would I Lie?” See if your library has them, you won’t regret it.

          • Vienna Woods

            He is a terribly underrated author. I need to find those two- haven’t read them.

        • Callyson

          I had a copy of the one with the cover story “BIBLE PRAYERS TO FLUSH OUT BODY FAT!” for years. Still kicking myself for letting it go.

          • MizzMazz

            I remember that one too! Their terrible photoshops before photoshop were priceless! And there was Ed Anger, with his right wing blow hard column, and Dear Dotty, the advice columnist who called people pinheads…I remember far too much about a stupid tabloid.

        • Arolpin

          The only time Weekly World News made sense was when I was on strong hallucinogens. I remember wondering how I was able to read and understand the articles when the letters were melting off the page. Though that was a LONG time ago (because I’m closer to an old than a young).

          • MizzMazz

            I’m an old, and even then, it was funny, and surprising to me how no one else seemed to be in on the joke. Grocery store line, when people would see it on the belt with my other purchases: “You believe what’s in that rag?’ or, ” Why would you waste your money on that?” all serious like. I bought it for the laughs, and the Bigfoot crossword puzzle my husband liked. Seventy five cents for laughs – worth it to me.

    • “Proud to have the endorsement of the only paper that isn’t failing the always truthful @nationalenquirer”
      @RealDonaldTrump (Probably)

    • HanBarbara

      Didn’t they also endorse Bat Boy back in the day?

    • Jenny, Manocidal Vagendiac

      It isn’t even the main story. Sad.

    • Cindyinencinitas

      What does the Enquirer have against humanity and the environment? Who will buy its papers if the earth is a smoldering heap of irradiated gun humpers?

    • revenant

      what about the Washington Times? for them Drumpff is a natural choice, they’ve been yearning for a real live Fascist since their founding

  • beavertank

    It’s not that she’s bad at her job, it’s that she’s bad at being a sane and rational human being. The problem goes far deeper than just her work with Trump.

  • Panika MCD

    I am beary disappointed that when I put “judgy wudgy was a bear” into the google machine that it did not come up with any great memes with bears. (someone make this happen.) but if you reduce it to “judgy was a bear”, JACKPOT:

    http://image.spreadshirtmedia.com/image-server/v1/compositions/18577105/views/2,width=280,height=280,appearanceId=2,version=1430891392.png/judgy-bear-judging-you_design.png

    it also too brought up a bunch of Drunky Bear stuff which I did not know was a thing (you guys probably did), but I am glad to know it now! I also nominate “Drunky Bear” as a valid nickname for Kellyanne Conway because: do they not look related?

    http://payload.cargocollective.com/1/2/66131/1420564/drunkyjrr%20copy_860.jpg

    http://payload.cargocollective.com/1/2/66131/1420519/bearfishie%20copy_860.jpg

    http://payload.cargocollective.com/1/2/66131/988457/piloting_a_floaty_whale_by_sebreg-d357qgj_860.jpg

    just me? okay. can we call her “Drunky Bear” anyway?

  • TJ Barke

    I’d say this woman was dumber than a bag of hammers, but, you know, bag of hammers libel…

  • hendenburg2

    Christ, Donnie.

    You can’t even move money to Cuba properly. See, the way you go about it is:
    1) Call up Mossack Fonseca. Set up an off-shore corporation in a non-embargo country
    2) Put money into said corporation
    3) Convert US Dollars to a different currency. Mexican pesos, perhaps.
    4) Use THAT money to invest in Cuba.

    • Even Mossack Fonseca have certain standards required of their clients.

      • mancitydeplorables

        that they bring their own money?

  • Doug Langley

    Saaay, you know who else admitted their boss was a crook?

    • Callyson

      The Wells Fargo Bank employees who weren’t in on the scam to rip off their account holders?

      • Vagennifer Flowers

        Oh, hey, speaking of them…

        Wells Fargo & Co., reeling from weeks of pummeling over fraudulent customer accounts, was sanctioned by the Justice Department over improperly repossessing cars owned by members of the military.

        Federal authorities are punishing the San Francisco-based lender for as many as 413 alleged violations of the Servicemembers Civil Relief Act, according to a statement Thursday from the Justice Department, which said the bank agreed to pay more than $4 million to compensate borrowers involved in unlawful repossessions spread over seven years. The bank’s regulator, the Office of the Comptroller of the Currency, also fined the company $20 million for a decade of transgressions, the agency said in a statement.

        “Wells Fargo Bank unlawfully repossessed hundreds of servicemembers’ cars without the proper process, and the bank will now rightfully pay for its violations,” Bill Baer, the Justice Department’s No. 3 official, said in a statement.

        • Doug Langley

          When, good thing my job interview was with JP Morgan Chase instead.

          • Suse

            Hey – how did it go?

          • Doug Langley

            They’re interviewing 3 other people, so I only have a 25% chance. They’re announcing their decision tomorrow or Monday.

          • Suse

            Best of luck!

          • Vagennifer Flowers

            I think in the current market, being in the final 4 for a good job is pretty impressive.

          • Berkeleybear94

            Yeah, but having been there a couple times in the last year the agony of not getting the offer can be pretty excruciating (fortunately I don’t absolutely need a full time job right now – but I will once this dissertation magically writes itself).

          • Vagennifer Flowers

            I wish you totally well. Just saying – you seem legit, as my kid would say.

          • Berkeleybear94

            Why thank you.

          • vivian

            Welll… Yes and No….

        • Nounverb911
        • Callyson

          As if I needed yet another reason to be glad I got my money the fuck out of there. Christ.

    • Spotts1701

      The mafia guys who are now in Witness Protection?

    • Msgr_Moment

      John Dean?

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Claude Vealey?

  • Damian L

    I am shocked that a man that has had children with at least two communists would do business with communists.Shocked I tell ya!

  • feministing

    wait, wait so you mean to tell me “MR. OUTSIDER BUSINESS MAN” has actually been around trying and failing to run for president since 1998??? L oh fucking L.

    • limberrat

      Well, if the Frontline episode is any indication…1988.

    • revenant

      “the Reform Party”. didn’t even get the nomination for that
      that is failure on so many levels, all at once

      • feministing

        lmao even better

  • hendenburg2
    • Callyson

      Another one to add to the bucket of deplorables. Fuck.

      • sw19tacotruck

        We’re going to need a bigger dumpster

      • Arolpin

        KellyAnn will say that he’s obviously a Hillary supporter.

    • limberrat

      Pulling…out…Christmas…Music…to…restore faith…in…humanity.

    • The headline pretty much nails that…

    • Vincent Ricola

      Good luck in life, Tristan Rettke, freshman at ETSU. You’ll have fun trying to get a job and apartment and just about everything else in adult life with this on your record. Hope the internet popularity points were worth it.

      • Suse

        Damn – his FB page is private.

        • hendenburg2

          too bad

        • Jenny, Manocidal Vagendiac

          It is now, evidently Jezebel readers were on that shit. There’s even a video of him being unmasked in front ofnthe protesters and they all laughed. He was upset by that.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        Tristan Rettke is studying public safety. So, plenty of job openings in the field of corrupt policing.

        • Vincent Ricola

          JFC – I missed that last sentence. Talk about the cherry on top of a terrible story.

        • Callyson

          Ferguson, meet your next cop!

          Wait, I shouldn’t laugh–I’m not 100% convinced LAPD wouldn’t take him.

      • Vagennifer Flowers

        What I don’t get is that he decided as an eighteen year old freshman in September that life as an college-educated person with a career had nothing to offer him which would prove his value to the world more than being the biggest racist asshole til five minutes from now.

        • Vincent Ricola

          I don’t get it, either. He blew his entire life up with this terrible decision.

          His parents must be so proud, unless they’re big ole racist monsters too, in which case that might actually be true.

          • Vagennifer Flowers

            Even if they are, tho. Are they willing to watch a son who could have had an easier place in the world throw it away so he can make a point about – what? That BLM protesters have more dignity than he does and he’s a fool?

          • Vincent Ricola

            True. I would think even racist parents are going to be angry if they had to pay tuition and their idiot son got tossed out the first month for being a shithead.

          • Vagennifer Flowers

            Especially since he’s essentially unemployable in law enforcement now, since this would be introduced to the jury in any case he was involved with.

      • Panika MCD

        he’s a shoe in for that ConservativeDailyPost.com position.

    • feministing

      no words. my heart hurts. i cannot believe how incredibly those students reacted in the face of such incromprehnsible ugliness. becoming a national embarrassment was worth that? getting kicked out of school is worth that??

      • Tosca

        He didn’t expect any consequences. He expected to show up, upset people, and waltz off into the sunset with an awesome story to share with his frat bros.

        • feministing

          because that is what society had taught him would happen. delighted to see the world changing in front of my eyes.

    • Suse

      JFC! Just awful.

    • Jenny, Manocidal Vagendiac

      Studying to be a cop…well at least he had the proper career picked out.

    • TJ Barke

      And his point was what? How defective does your mind have to be to think that was in any way a good idea?

      • hendenburg2

        probably doing it 4 teh lulz

        • Spotts1701

          It was a social experiment!

      • Panika MCD

        if you look at his E-Harmony profile, it says one of his life goals is to win a Darwin Award.

        • TJ Barke

          So why have the eharmony profile?

          • Panika MCD

            because he wants to meet the right woman to blow his balls off or doesn’t know what a Darwin Award is or [Insert Answer Here] because I made the whole thing up.

          • hendenburg2

            I wonder if he realized that Dr. Neil Clark Warren guy wants people who use his site to save it till marriage

    • Having read the comments posted in response to the video of Zianna Oliphant, I knew that already

    • That last line – he’s studying public safety? Wat?

      • revenant

        wants to be a cop.
        figures

    • Spotts1701

      Hey, congratulations on ruining your life at the age of 18. Also, thanks for not killing or maiming anyone in the process so the only one who has to suffer for your stupidity is you!
      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/430f74736d018f10cc151f5db794885d43f0366ac4e200629423382cfb0c4cc4.gif

    • Shannanigans

      This is the kind of thing that makes me wish I had a religion or…something.

      • Panika MCD

        so you could lose it?

        • Shannanigans

          Good point, but…no. I meant for the comfort of it. Either in praying for that kid’s salvation or just knowing he’s headed straight for hell for being such a fucking skidmark.

          • Panika MCD

            but I thought “losing one’s religion” meant “getting so angry you forget your Xtian values and take the LAWD’s name in vain…like a lot”…?

          • Shannanigans

            I don’t know how it works since I never had a religion to lose in the first place.

          • Panika MCD
          • Berkeleybear94

            That is the correct Southernism as made famous by REM. Basically forgetting your manners because you see red. Of course that saying gets to the core of what’s wrong with many Christian’s I’ve known – it isn’t really a deep abiding faith but more like a convenient code of conduct/insurance policy on the afterlife. Although it does seem comforting in times of despairin a way doubt is not.

      • hendenburg2

        Rettke probably has TONS of religion.

        Whiskey, however, is a much better “something”

    • Panika MCD

      http://www.fartinvite.com/lolz/80dfecab7482ccf91af04a1e352c9a07369b873a.jpg

      also too: we should not say this because it is not true. we evolved from a common ancestor.

  • Creepoman

    Who cleans out the horse stalls when the stall cleaner takes a shit?

    • Nounverb911

      Egg Romney?

      • vivian

        Ha! As if. THe closest she’s ever been to horseshit is listening to her husband.

  • Joshua Norton

    Hey, hey! Quit being such a libtard! He only broke the embargo laws just a little bit. It’s not like he sent emails or anything.

  • proudgrampa

    BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

    *whew*

  • Be Gin

    Yo Kellyanne! You are on a roll sweetheart!

    Your debate prep was stellar and now you admit your boss is a crook!

    Maybe it is time to have Donnie tweet something to the NAACP about how much he loves watermelon?

    Don’t forget the hispanics! I’m sure the cooks at Trump Tower can make another Taco Bowl!

    • limberrat

      I am sure they can buy a Chipotle burrito and claim that it was made at Trump Tower.

    • HanBarbara

      But… It was only somewhat illegal and it was a long time ago anyway. And everyone knows that he lies. So let’s talk about those e-mails…..

    • Callyson

      “Hey, I did my job–for a moment there it looked as if he could actually win!”

      – Kellyanne Conway

  • azeyote

    she is starting to slip – you can only cram so much horrible shit under that creepy smile of hers till it dribbles out – it’s physics – which you actually need to know exists, in order to plan for it

  • limberrat

    What? It only took her 2 months before she basically shat all over the campaign. Maybe her next campaign, she can wait 3 months before destroying it!

    • Nounverb911

      Next campaign? Shirley you jest.

      • limberrat

        Remember, she ran Todd Akin’s campaign… and she somehow got promoted.

      • Gosala’s pickled tacos

        I’m not jesting and don’t call me surely.

  • OrdinaryJoe

    There are so many steaming piles of Trumpshit coming out of that elephant that the broom brigade sweeping up behind him can’t keep up.

    • HanBarbara

      Couldnt put Trumpty together again….

  • Longstreet63

    It is so sweet of Evan to take pity on The Orange Embarrassment and give him a little helpful advice on his campaign…

  • Panika MCD

    OT – Things I’d Rather Talk About Than Donald Trump (even if it is how his CM is being used as a punching bag for being A Idiot) 9/29/16 #7:

    Van Gogh the Mexican Free-Tail Bat
    https://batworld.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/Vangogh-sideview.jpg
    look at that smile? he’s winning Cutest Bat in All of Bat World!

    when I discovered Bat World about a decade ago, my family was in the habit of making one Consumermas gift a donation to a charity where you could “adopt” an animal and get regular updates on them. that didn’t work out so well the year they did “Adopt a Prairie Chicken” through TPWD. we got one update and it didn’t say anything about our freaking chickens. (the World Wildlife Foundation also has an Adopt-A-Prairie-Chicken program if you are interested in a better run one or at least one not run by the State of Texas).

    anywho, I asked many times if they would get me Van Gogh here for my Adopt-A-Bat. never happened and now never will because he is in retirement. here is his story:

    https://batworld.org/van-gogh/

    but he is still cute and you can still do Adopt-A-Bat through the non-profit. they use the funds for ALL THE BATS, of course, but they only offer to adopt you a bat who is, for whatever reason, going to remain in captivity so they have something to update you on.

    never too early to look into your Consumermas gifts! we Austinites love our bats so long as they have not decided to reside in the dorms as TSD, but that is a story for another time that includes the “I need that on a t-shirt NOW!” line from Sen. Watson: That was not a Democratic bat.

    • feministing

      damnit i shouldn’t have read the reason for the ear

      • Panika MCD

        I should have posted a trigger warning. sorry. here is a better story about one of their permanent residents who is “a Brazilian free-tail who isn’t good at being a bat”:

        https://batworld.org/littlee/

  • Hardly Ideal

    The latest Metal Gear game featured a (unnecessarily?) graphic depiction of a character getting emergency surgery in an attempt to remove a bomb in her stomach. Blood, guts, screaming, everything. Not only that, but they flashed back to the scene at least twice.

    And yet, I’m having an even harder time watching the shit show we politely call The Donald Trump Presidential Campaign.

    Also, too: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zA2q-skiPY0

  • anon_the_great

    This morning on the Stephanie Miller Show Dana Goldberg suggested Trump’s campaign is jury duty for the far right political class.

  • Me not sure

    I’ll bet that he had them bring home more than a few stogies and cases of Havana Club Rum for him to hand out to friends and business associates.

  • Candy Apple

    LOCK HIM UP!

    • weejee

      tRump, turtle McConnell, Ayn Ryan, or AOTK?

      • Callyson

        I’ll roll with the last option, thanks.

  • Suse
    • Callyson

      A woman in Florida has pledged to pay $50,000 to punch Martin Shkreli in the face.

      God, I hope it’s this one:

      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/e7f5628c715931d20fc5388c1cb977cbfedda6c7995d472184818f00603f9361.jpg

      • Suse

        Haha!

      • proudgrampa

        Oh, please, please, please, please, PLEASE!

        • Suse

          Also, please televise!

      • Shannanigans

        Wow! I find that kind of muscling unattractive on most men but it’s sexy as HELL on her!

        • Berkeleybear94

          Well, unlike most of the guys flexing at the gym that’s functional muscle on her. If you don’t recognize her that’s Claressa Shields, 2 time Olympic boxing champion. If you really want to see the double standards for strong women generally and in sports (not that you need any more evidence) there’s a documentary about her that came out before the Rio games called T-Rex: Her Fight for Gold. Both a beautiful underdog story and yet infuriating at the end (hopefully it has gotten slightly better since she repeated).

      • hendenburg2
        • Callyson

          He might pack a meaner punch, but I’m guessing Pharma Bro would feel more humiliated by having a black woman deliver the blow.

          • Jen B_VA

            Bencha the lady would hit harder anyway. Just a feeling I got.

          • On the other hand, there’s absolutely no chance Gregor Clegane would stop at just punching him. He may be a complete monster, but sometimes you need a monster to take down another monster.

          • Jen B_VA

            Gregor SMASH

          • hendenburg2

            You’re absolutely right. Didn’t even think of that.

      • Berkeleybear94

        Naw, Ms. Shields has a full card – there’s a bunch of assholes responsible for the situation in Flint (her hometown) she wants to get to first.

  • Jeffocaster in the desert

    538 is predicting the apocalypse. Cubs have 1 in 4 chance of winning the world series. Only thing worse if the Indians win…………….

    • Bitter Scribe

      Man, whatchoo got against the Cubs? It’s not like they’re the Yankees and everyone is sick of seeing them in the Series.

      • Jeffocaster in the desert

        Nuthin’, just they haven’t won since Jesus lost his sandals…

  • andyshelt

    After blaming a faulty mic and the biased moderator, Trump finally settles on his view of how the debate went.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/e6573c4e9f68cb81f41d0bbab4b16e62d2242e1fa97d3f77c839d4da345ddc18.gif

    • Suse

      Is nothing ever his fault? I can only imagine what a horrible child he was (and still is). He probably blamed the Hispanic housekeeper if he stole a cookie or wet his bed. What a pathetic POS.

      • limberrat

        Seriously, watch this if you get the chance. Really opens your eyes to how terrible he has always been.
        http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/frontline/film/the-choice-2016/

        • Suse

          I will. I missed it the other night. Thanks.

      • DainBramage

        Now, he just blames Melania when he wets the bed, allegedly.

        • vivian

          She looks pretty good for having spent all those years sleeping on rubber sheets.

      • hendenburg2

        Why do you think his dad shipped him off to military school?

        • Suse

          I can’t believe he behaved any differently there.

          • Berkeleybear94

            But in an all male academy full of fuck ups being a bully who blamed everyone else (plus being a half decent athlete) was a path to BMOC status, not the failure and mockery he richly deserved.

          • Jen B_VA

            I am willing to bet the shipping to military school and the beloved status brother got is what made Trump the thin skinned, whining bully that he is today.
            If his mom stayed home instead of trying to get into fancy parties, or if his dad stayed in his life, this never woulda happened. Sad.

      • Dee Andee

        I did read he punched his second-grade teacher in the face when he didn’t get his way.

  • Bitter Scribe

    OT: Mitch McConnell is blaming Obama for not warning him about the downside of legislation that Obama vetoed.

    Where is the bottom? Where is the honest-to-God bottom so that these morons can’t get any dumber?

    • And no shame in their idiocy. It’s hard to stomach

      • Spotts1701

        No time to think – must stick it to the President right before the election!

        • What’s the upside to this intransigence? Aren’t people sick of this?

          • Rachel Book Harlot

            You’d think so, but morons just keep voting for them.

          • Spotts1701

            Cut ads saying they stood up for 9/11 victims and their families. That’s really about it. Because the folks “back home” won’t understand the nuances of international diplomacy.

    • Callyson
      • Vagennifer Flowers

        That’s just it. He did.

    • Suse

      WTF???

    • Panika MCD

      I thought the warning was the veto…?

    • Spotts1701

      I’m pretty sure the downside was explained in the President’s veto message! And also in every single time he said “If you pass this bill, I will veto it”.
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dccWrg2VtYk

    • feministing

      poll: do we think these people really are just that stupid, or are they playing at being stupid because they really are just that evil?

      • Suse

        Yes.

        • vivian

          Right? This is not an either/or, it’s a both/and.

      • Rachel Book Harlot

        I’m going with stupid.

    • Nounverb911

      Sorry Mitch, it’s your fault for not keeping your promise.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W-A09a_gHJc

    • Suse

      Can we bid on punching him in the face?

      • Nounverb911

        Harry Reid is going to do it as a going away present to America.

    • Rachel Book Harlot

      Ah yes, the ‘ol “cover all your bases” fallback: shit’s gonna go south so blame Obama, but keep your job ’cause you voted for the bill.

    • chascates

      The White House press secretary was just shown on PBS Newshour smiling and saying that it appeared Congress has some buyer’s regret and that they would be willing to talk to them about it.

    • anna rampage

      Why is it that it seems a democrat president always has to fix the fuck ups the republicans in congress Always seem to be creating?

      • Dee Andee

        Which he already did, by vetoing the fucking thing in the first place.

        JFC, Mitch is such a damn twat waffle, it’s surreal.

        • anna rampage

          They all are, republicans that is…

          If HB2 in NC went to the floor for another vote today, there’s barely a chance in hell that it would pass, even though Gov McCrappy would like you to believe otherwise…

          • Rachel Book Harlot

            Sadly, in this case even our guys let down their side.

          • anna rampage

            This is true, but only because the GOP would have used it as an flaming bomb against anyone who voted against it during the election season…

            “The Dems are soft on terrorism and the countries that support it”

          • Rachel Book Harlot

            That’s true, but it makes me angry that they chose to safeguard their jobs as opposed to doing the right thing. We’re supposed to be different. I know that’s too much to ask for, though. :(

          • anna rampage

            It shouldn’t be too much to ask for, and I’m on the fence whether is better to go along with political time bombs like this, or to make a stand…

            I prefer they make a stand on the economy, Wall St, social justice, the social safety net, and big banks

          • Pinkham’s Law

            True. Because voting against it would have been political suicide.

    • Msgr_Moment

      Talk about stepping on one’s own dick.

    • Pinkham’s Law

      “Everybody was aware of who the potential beneficiaries were but
      nobody really had focused on the downside in terms of our
      international relationships,” McConnell said.

      Isn’t that YOUR JOB?

  • Nounverb911

    THIS JUST IN: Donnie’s hair has had enough and is trying to escape!

    https://media.giphy.com/media/Dzd1BGrZPjoc0/giphy.gif

    • Suse

      Splutter!1!!

    • Rachel Book Harlot

      lol! It’s much cuter than I had anticipated.

    • cousin itt

      It’s going to declare asylum in Cuba.

      • Msgr_Moment

        Hell, it’s going to thatch a root in Cuba!

    • Spotts1701

      Well, it has more sense than the rest of the campaign staff.

    • anna rampage

      It’s hard to believe that the wig he inherrited from his mother has finally had enough…

  • i know i (we) have been saying this FOREVER but where were these stories 14 months ago? you know the embargo (+ trump U + trump foundation + housing discrimination + whatever else i’m forgetting) are just the tip of the iceberg. he’s a real estate dude. in NY. he is and always has been up to his eyeballs in shenanigans. and they aren’t very hard to find if you look.

    utterly shameful that this is coming out 40 days before the election. utterly shameful that David Fahrenthold is practically alone out there. utterly shameful that the republican party was too damn scared of their witless racist base to do this digging on their own. utterly shameful that the entire world (with the exception of putin) is scared as witless as trump’s base.

    i am utterly disgusted with major parts of my country right now.

    • Suse

      Absolutely. There are no excuses for letting all of his crimes and misdemeanors slide. I was watching a clip of the Kennedy/Nixon debates and seeing all of those long dead news people, who were actual journalists, made me want to weep. Trump would not have gotten away with this shit back then. At least, that’s what I would like to believe.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        Well it wasn’t all great, even back in the day (as I remember, being an old.) There were plenty of RWNJ acolytes and Colbert’s greeting “to all the ships at sea” is probably only comprehensible to people who remember Walter Winchell and I am not even that old.

        But I take your point. It is now worse.

        They’ll now turn on The Donald, maybe just in time, but the next idiot who comes along will get another free ride.

    • Marceline

      Exactly. The press had no problem using him for clicks and ratings but now they are realizing that history won’t remember them kindly. Or more importantly, Donald will be taking his commands from Putin. A man who has no problem killing journalists.

    • Panika MCD

      maybe the GOP is just very bad at oppo research.

      • Jen B_VA

        Wait, you mean there are not made up scandals?????

        • Panika MCD

          I mean, you would think if they were any good at this, it would have come up with it during the primaries when they were all #NeverTrump.

    • roberteye

      The corporate owned, Les Moonvesesque (“He’s bad for America but great for CBS!”) media evidently decided early on that Trump is fab for ratings and click bait, so why do the journalism and knock him out? And Clinton – piece o cake (aided by that goddamn Bernie and his bros)… so let’s make it a horse race otherwise no eyeballs tuning in for disinfo! And look at CNN – HIRING Corey Lowandowski? While he’s still on Trump payroll? It’s been beyond an epic fail of the once great Cronkite-Murrow-Watergate-Pentagon Papers media. If this were the days of street revolutions and guillotines, Chuck Todd et al would be in an ox cart right about now headed for the Place de la Concorde.

      • nightmoth

        When I was in journalism school 20 years ago the grand old man of the college, who was everyone’s favorite professor, used to scathingly refer to the television news department as the “Entertainment Division.” Things have only gotten worse since then.

        • Suttree

          I remember writing an essay in high school (early 90’s) that I used a lexus-nexus search for to find something slightly more reliable than the papers. I got an A-. I was rather gung-ho about being a foreign correspondent, but realized at that point, what “news” was turning into. I decided to be homeless an artist/metalworker instead.

          • nightmoth

            Good for you, Suttree! Just don’t feel guilty about your choices. I’m easily twice your age, so I still feel bad about disappointing my sweet clueless parents. (Who were products of the Victorian, Horatio Alger age.) Things have changed.

          • Suttree

            You are 78 years old? I just try to keep myself informed at this point. I have a father who has always pushed me to being a person who was aware of current politics. I remember Geraldine even though I was 8 years old at the time.

          • nightmoth

            Actually, 65. Just turned medicare age. Mom died 4 years ago at age of 95, and she was an old school FDR Democrat. She was born in 1916 and Dad was from 1908.
            I was a late baby only child who listened closely to their oral histories. They had an innocence about them that Viet Nam ruined for me.

    • Rachel Book Harlot

      Agreed. In fact, I was surprised to see that even CNN seemed to have softened a little on Clinton today. I’m not sure if it will last, but we’ll see.

    • Berkeleybear94

      I understand the outrage but in a sense the press did everyone a solid. After all, if they hadn’t been asleep at the switch the GOP might have nominated someone who could win and maybe keep the Senate too. Plus the people who voted in the closed primary, winner take all system the GOP favors wouldn’t have cared what anyone but Fox said anyways – and it isn’t like they listened when Fox initially tried to torpedo Trump.

      • i agree.

        (unless of course he wins.)

  • chascates

    I wonder if she’s getting paid regularly or has he stiffed her yet? Does she realize the only person that will hire her next will be David Duke?

    • anna rampage

      She’s getting paid alright, likely in unlimited vouchers to Trump’s Taj Mahal….

      • Suttree

        Can’t have ladies on the golf course!

    • Msgr_Moment

      I remember hearing that she was three of the ladies Cruz was stiffing on the side.

  • Stein Olsen
    • Jen B_VA

      THURSDAY!!!!!
      I called it!!!!!

      • Vagendadentacohontas

        You’ve always been the smart one that every snark parent held out as an example to the rest of us…”Why can’t you be more like Jen B_VA?”

        • Jen B_VA

          I am so awesome. I read it on the intertubes so it MUST be true.

          • Blackest Noobs

            some people been saying, just saying some people..ya know

        • Dee Andee

          She can say “tits” better than anyone I know!

          • Jen B_VA

            Someone was singing otto titslinger the other day and I have had it stuck in my head ever since.
            I blame Wonkette.

          • Vagendadentacohontas

            She’s the Bill Braski of tits!

    • Callyson

      Saw that below. She’s toast. Scroll down below if you want hilarious speculation about who will replace her.

      No, I’m not bragging at all about having started that. Why would you think otherwise ;-)

      • Jen B_VA

        *runs to see if anyone claimed Hannity yet*

      • Rachel Book Harlot

        Sarah Palin?

    • Blacktop Cadence

      Hasn’t she been the only one able to actually deal with the Walking Orange Rug?

    • Rachel Book Harlot

      Oh crap! I knew her days were numbered…

    • Panika MCD

      unfortunately, Bipartisan Report is on the list of sites you should be skeptical of:

      http://www.patheos.com/blogs/dispatches/2016/09/18/please-stop-sharing-links-to-these-sites/

      I usually recommend following the links within the article. this one does not lead to any evidence that her job is at risk.

      • data_ninja

        I’ll put this Snopes list right here also.

      • Stein Olsen

        Ah I see. Thanks for the heads up.

  • BMW
  • Barley_Brains

    “Spray-tan McFuckface”

    Pulitzer! Pulitzerer! Pulitzerest!

  • Vagendadentacohontas

    OT: Evan, I haven’t been around for the Lula status updates, but I hope she it well! Hugs and sloppy kisses for all!

  • Callyson

    OK, folks, this has been a fun afternoon, but I’m off to phonebank. Even with this good news I’m not taking anything for granted. Have a good night, everyone!

    • anna rampage

      Bless you! I don’t have the patience to deal with many of those folks anymore…

      I’d toss around the term “hoofwanking bunglecunt” more times in an evening than a pizza maker tosses dough in a day…

    • Rachel Book Harlot

      Thank you for your service!

    • Panika MCD

      don’t be checking in on campaignsick.tumblr.com while you are there…you may find that some people drink and phone bank at the same time!

      seriously, thank you for manning the phones!

    • Shoto

      Tell all Clinton voters to vote early and often, and tell any Drumpf voters that election day has been moved to November 9th…for security reasons.

    • Notreelyhelping

      Phone well!

  • Villago Delenda Est

    You know, the real problem is that he can’t fire the source of all the problems with his campaign.

    No, I’m not talking about Usay, Quday, and Lolita.

    • (((cynmac)))

      Lolita! I was trying to come up with a label. This will work fine.

  • RobKanC

    His supporters will of course defend him by saying, Benghazi, emails and Obamacare. Now he might be a criminal but just think about how he will swindle all those moose limbs and make America grift again.

    • Jen B_VA

      idk, his supporters were very very very adament that Bamz was bringing in the end times and traitoring the country by lifting the embargo.
      AND they were real hot that Hillz did crimes and got away with it.
      Now here is their beloved lord and savior, committing crimes WHILE betraying the embargo and country- they’re kinda stuck on this or they have to stop talking about all the stuff they love to talk about.

      • RobKanC

        Well, he is a rich white person. So he can legally break all the laws and some more.. its in the constitution somewhere.

        • Jen B_VA

          Hillary is also, too, a rich white person.

          • Suttree

            But she is a woman. Q.E.D. Off to jail with her. Or non-presidential looking boot camp.

          • RobKanC

            dang it.. meant to type. Rich White male… She does not have a schlong u see. The constitution is very clear on this point.

      • Spotts1701

        Rubio is “deeply concerned” about it. Mainly because if Little Havana decides to sit it out, he’s sunk.

        • Notreelyhelping

          Bingo.

  • SeekingBarbie

    Bye, bye, Kellyanne. We hardly got to know ya, for which we are grateful. Please sink into obscurity with our blessings.

    • Jen B_VA

      I hope he hires another K. Katrina and Kayleigh will be so lonely.

    • Shoto

      “…Please sink into obscurity with our blessings.”

      But not before “Spray-Tan McFuckFace” stiffs her on All The Monies he owes her for performing her many, valuable TeeVee Whore Services.

    • Blackest Noobs

      who the fuck is he gonna hire if he fires her?

      Ivanka?

      oooh Rudy…..it’s gotta be Rudy.

      • SeekingBarbie

        Trump hires all the BEST people.

  • anna rampage

    My question is shouldn’t the law & order candidate, otherwise known as Spay-Tan McFuckface turn himself in for all the crimes against humanity that he’s committed?

    • Pinkham’s Law

      “Spay-Tan.” Interesting typo. Or did you mean to imply that he’s been de-gendered?

      • anna rampage

        It’s a widely known fact that spray tans will make you sterile…

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        “A tanning method, floor wax, AND a surgical procedure!”

        • Suttree

          I laughed so hard I couldn’t finish my cigarette.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            You’re welcome…you can credit me for helping you live longer.

          • Suttree

            Fine, you’re helping my lungs. What are you going to do about my liver?

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Unfortunately, the only thing I can do there is help you make it worse!

    • Suttree

      That would be bad for business.

    • Shoto

      Actually, I’d rather watch a gaggle of local, state and federal law enforcement professionals frog-march him out of Trump Tower at around 12PM on a weekday, which would, or course, be several hours after sufficient notice had been given to ALL news organizations in NYC. Gotta get those cameras lined up and rolling, right?

  • anna rampage

    I have a feeling Kellyanne is going to be worshipping the porcelain throne tonight and will likely not make it into work tomorrow…

    She got hammered on every appearance she made today, and it looks like it’s not going to be getting better anytime soon!

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      She should sue Trump for cruel and unusual punishment when this is over. If she were remotely human, I’d feel sorry for her.

      • Blackest Noobs

        she doesn’t have enough lawyers

    • Suttree

      If she had the craven ideals of someone who would work for that asshole she should probably have a stronger stomach.

    • Taco Treg

      Something something dogs,
      something something fleas.

    • JerryRich

      The press is now bringing Kryptonite to counteract her super Gish Gallop powers.

  • Shoto

    “Dear Spray-Tan McFuckFace:”

    That’s Brutal, Mr. Hurst, but (as has has been previously noted) The Journalamism is Not Pretty. (Y’know, sorta like (and I say this with the utmost respect) “Spray-Tan McFuckFace.”)

    Also, too:

    “…they paid money in 1998, and we’re not supposed to talk about years ago when it comes to the Clintons, but with Trump …”

    Hey Kellyanne Dingbat: Can you please give that “Yeah, but !!!!BENGHAZIVINCEFOSTEREMAILZ!!!!” bullshit a rest? You’re making me even Moar Tireder than you look when you’re peddling All The Horseshit, All The Time, on All The Cable Teeveez…

  • ViveLaDeplorables
    • Dee Andee

      Like mother like son! And yeah, if a woman pulled that shit, she wouldn’t have even made the initial batch of hopefuls. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/2b4007dc95b2aa1684be19c37c37d84a7fe85f649c32087cc97266348ff44399.jpg

      • Vagenda and Tiara

        She looks nice.

        • cousin itt

          Very fashionable neck bolts.

          • Vagenda and Tiara

            Damn it! I knew she reminded me of someone, but I just couldn’t figure out who. All she’s missing is the white highlight in her hair that looks like a thunderbolt.

          • Shoto

            “Electricity. It’s what’s for dinner.”

        • Michael R

          Do she bite ?

          • Vagenda and Tiara

            That’ll cost extra.

          • revenant

            “Do she bite?” Listen, they just took the muzzle off just long enough to take the picture.

      • Platos_Redhaired_Stepchild

        Oh, no Sarah Palin made it as far as running mate.

    • Vagenda and Tiara

      It drives me insane that this idiot could actually become POTUS, because half the people in this country are morons.

      • cousin itt

        The legacy of slavery and racism is strong in this country. Hopefully, it is dying out as the Greatest Generation and Baby Boomers leave the planet.

        /not all members of those groups

      • Shoto

        Yup. Pretty terrifying shit, alright. Speaking for myself, I can only hope I’m instantaneously vaporized by the nuclear war he casually initiates, rather than having to suffer through the painful aftermath.

        I’m about half-kidding on that. Well, maybe 25% kidding, give or take a point.

        • cousin itt

          This is Lawrence. This is Lawrence, Kansas. Is there anybody there? Anybody at all? https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/827ed8b71f025f5033bc94d3b497ac07d1ee7b06547813c8e20c7b0c256f4212.jpg

          • (((cynmac)))

            That movie was terrifying to me as a kid.

          • cousin itt

            Me too, and I was living in Lawrence when it was made. They filmed it on-location.

        • Vagenda and Tiara

          I’m not joking at all. I was wiped out by the Bush years (financially and emotionally), and I really don’t think I can live through a Trump presidency.

      • Dr. Krieger IRL

        I’m already shopping for superchargers and zoomies for my T100: in case he makes the world into Mad Max land.

        • Vagenda and Tiara

          My fur and leather covered dune buggy is gathering dust in the garage after the Obamapocalypse never happened. Thanks, Obama!

  • cousin itt

    Before Kellyanne declares, “flaming, eject, out”, let us appreciate why she was hired in the first place: And on Friday, Trump announced he had hired Kellyanne Conway, a veteran GOP strategist and pollster, as a senior adviser. Conway, who until recently was helping run a super-PAC backing Cruz, is expected to advise Trump on how to better appeal to female voters. https://www.yahoo.com/news/donald-trump-kevin-kellems-colorado-000000679.html https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/d30f02570127189aacf2383cbd8afca4887838f3978cba04f0ce6de9795097c5.jpg

    • revenant

      the cherry on top of the icing on the cake will be when she finds out she’s being stiffed, but good.

      • Vagenda and Tiara

        God, I hope he doesn’t pay her, and then tells her that sadly, she’s not a 10 because she’s too fucking old.

        • Notreelyhelping

          Doesn’t pay her cause she didn’t do a good job?

          • Shoto

            That’s if he wins or loses. Given a win, I can already hear the response:

            “I didn’t win 100% of the vote, so you didn’t do 100% of your job.”

          • Notreelyhelping

            Yeah. I can hear it. Followed by a muffled scream.

      • Shoto

        We should start a pool on the amount of time it takes for Kellyanne Dingbat to file a lawsuit demanding collection of compensation still outstanding after the campaign augers in. I’ve got $10 on 30 minutes.

        Yeah, good luck with that, Kellyanne Dingbat.

        • Suttree

          Nah, she will be led on with “the check is in the mail” for at least 6 months.

          • Shoto

            Good point. “Damn US Mail!. We’ll stop payment on the original check and issue another one right away…”

            Should buy the unhinged orange man-baby a few more months on top of the original six, right?

          • Suttree

            Along with “You should get back on board to help us privatize it!”

    • Vagenda and Tiara

      Yeah, I just watched one of Trump’s blonde surrogates on CNN defending Donald for calling Miss Universe “fat.” If there’s one way to a lady’s heart it’s too let her know that when she gets fat she will no longer be lovable or worthy.

      • (((cynmac)))

        My brother tried that a “motivator” for his wife to lose weight after delivering his nearly 11-lb son. She had gained over 40 lbs. Less than 2 years later, she delivered a nearly 10-lb daughter and told him under no term to STFU.

        • Vagenda and Tiara

          Yeah, there’s no better way to motivate someone than to tell them they’re worthless if they’re not attractive. It really shows them that you love them!

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Trump’s getting sued by former employees of one of his golf ghettos for discriminatory practices, including fat-shaming.

          • If he gets elected, can those lawsuits proceed? Can he get himself out of them? Is it at all possible he’s running for president because he figures it’s cheaper than losing/settling all his damn lawsuits?

          • Vagenda and Tiara

            Apparently he’d tell the managers to fire hostesses, because they weren’t pretty enough.

          • Shoto
          • Vagenda and Tiara

            I loved that one woman manager refused to fire an overweight woman because she was a good employee. She said she didn’t give a rat’s ass what Trump thought of overweight people. Good on her!

      • Mehmeisterjr

        I always make a point of mentioning to a woman I meet for the first time in exactly what ways her breasts/figure/weight etc fall short of my standards.

        Why am I not the running for President?

        • Vagenda and Tiara

          Where’s YOUR purple heart? Hnnngggh?

          • Mehmeisterjr

            Patience. I ordered one through Amazon.fraud. (Much like The Donald, I always wanted to have one though I share his aversion to being actually wounded.)

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Renowned genius Gary Johnson, after being unable to name a single foreign leader yesterday, then went on to assure his supporters that Hillary would “push the button” in the event of any international dispute.

    Is it possible to terminally overdose on reefer?

    • Panika MCD

      it’s possible to terminally overdose on Gary Johnson.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        His stoner BernOut supporters in the crowd cheered.

        • Panika MCD

          my Prima Brother is a Johnson supporter. (Johnson strap?) it makes this whole taking care of Prima Momma more, well, stupid. but Alien Brother and I at least get to giggle about it.

    • Rasilom

      No it is not to my knowledge.And in truth they act way more like meth addeled pcp junkies than any pot head Ive ever known.

    • Vagenda and Tiara

      He’s far more of a moron than I originally thought he was. I thought he might actually be a good president, until I started listening to him.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        I thought he was a moron from the get-go, but it turns out I vastly underestimated just what a dolt he really is. Bill Weld actually seems relatively normal.

        • Suttree

          Poor Bill Weld. Eh fuck him for signing on with this idiot. Gary reminds me of a republican woman that I used to date. No fucking idea about anything, but they were sure that they were correct. Much like turnip supporters.

        • Vagenda and Tiara

          I thought Johnson was a “moderate” Republican, but he’s actually just a dunce who thinks weed should be legal.

          • revenant

            uh, no. a glance at his record will show you he is a bog-standard Reptilian, except for being against Empire and for weed

          • Vagenda and Tiara

            Those were the first two things I knew about him, so I thought “oh, he seems reasonable” and then I started reading about him and I was like “uhhh…no thanks!” Not that I was going to vote for anyone besides Hillary anyway.

      • I can’t imagine a libertarian ever being a great president, at lest for people who live below the poverty line or need laws protecting them from discrimination. But I did think Johnson came off as a reasonable human being who probably wouldn’t get us nuked if he somehow slipped in. And, you know, he was a governor, so, experience. But now I’m questioning the “wouldn’t get us nuked” part. Guy is a mess on foreign policy.

        Weld seemed like he’d be content to endorse Hillary and be done with it.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          Weld is definitely all, “what the fuck did I get myself into??”.

          • Villago Delenda Est

            Gotta feel for him. Vetting failure nightmare in Weld’s face.

          • He actually seems pretty smart and informed, which I think is the point – he was supposed to bring the credibility. For the non-libertarians, anyway. Seems like the party barely accepted Weld (maybe Vermin Supreme is more their speed?)

          • cousin itt

            The Libertarian mind-Weld.

          • satanscheerleadersloveamerica

            I lived in MA and voted for him as Governor. He was OK. When he was announced as GJ’s VP I thought WTF!!??!! we are deeper into the twilight zone.

        • revenant

          except he was a god-awful right-wing motherfucker of a governor

      • Latverian Diplomat

        “Until I started listening.,.” is practically the Libertarian Party motto.

        • Vagenda and Tiara

          I had a bunch of young friends in 2012 who were saying “that Ron Paul really has some good ideas.” No, no he doesn’t. The kids always go for the candidate who says he’ll legalize weed.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            “Feel free to discriminate against African-Americans all you want while you enjoy your legal weed.”

          • Vagenda and Tiara

            I’d love to be able to shop at a store that said “no blacks allowed.” It would be so cool and retro!

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            The hipsters would be all over that one!

      • anna rampage

        There’s a small handful of good ideas he has, but most of his platforms would be disastrous for our country…

        Then again, the same could be said of Trump…

        • Vagenda and Tiara

          The more I started looking into his platform, the more insane I realized he was.

    • Jonny On Maui
      • mancitydeplorables

        challenge accep

    • Mehmeisterjr

      In a way, since there has never been a Libertarian national leader, ever, even once, it is no surprise that he couldn’t find one that he likes.

      After all, Utopian schemes tend to fall apart quickly and Libertarianism is the nuttiest Utopian scheme ever, based on bad novels and worse logic.

      It does make for an ability to form alliances with anyone, such as Donald Trump until he casts you aside like last week’s underpants.

      However, “Fuck you. I hate you all.” is not a foreign policy.

      Vote Johnson. He’s like Trump, only worse!

      • Jen B_VA

        Bad novels, yes, but the logic is sound.
        Keep your citizens uneducated and powerless and they will not be able to fight off the way you are using them. The best part is you keep them distracted- say with religion, or, idk, promise of free weed- so they never notice what you are doing.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Exactly. Like any utopian scheme, it depends on everyone always doing the right thing, uncompelled by laws or moral codes. As though laws were simply invented by The Man somewhere along the way to keep us down.

        • Jenny, Manocidal Vagendiac

          Yeah they pretty much hate the “man” that isn’t them bossing them around. They’re totally ok if they get to be the man doing the bossing though.

    • msanthropesmr

      I said it yesterday, but it bears repeating. I never thought that weed had any negative side effects, but I guess it makes you stupid.

      • anna rampage

        Nah, I think he was pretty nuts to begin with…

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        In the hands of a libertarian, anything can have negative side effects.

      • Jonny On Maui

        Pot is to stupid as MSG is to taste.

        Just my $0.02…

        • Jen B_VA

          Hey now, MSG has excellent taste! She is witty AND sweet

          • Jonny On Maui

            You of course mean the talented Ms MLG. She is truly witty. As far as sweetness I can only fantasize.

            That’s not true. She’s always been sweet to me.

          • Jen B_VA

            IKR? Sometimes you just see a name and perk because that person makes me laugh/smile/feel good to read about (got a lot of those personally).
            Internets is weird.

          • vivian

            Madison Square Garden?

          • Jonny On Maui

            Mono Sodium Glutamate

          • Jen B_VA

            Micky Saw Gorillas!

          • Jonny On Maui

            Monocular Safety Goggles

            For your pirate employees…

          • Jen B_VA
          • Jonny On Maui

            I do hope I have a slot as a crew member…

          • Jen B_VA

            OF COURSE. You are first mate, probably.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        I’m allergic to the smoke. It shuts down my breathing at the slightest exposure, such as walking past someone on the street who has been smoking. Suddenly being unable to breathe, at all, can be alarming.

        So that counts as a negative side effect, I guess.

        I am gradually getting similar alarming effects from ordinary cigarette smoke. Scary.

        • Jen B_VA

          yikes. Do you know what precisely is triggering it? There…is so many things in smoke.

          • Mehmeisterjr

            I’m going to guess that there is not much research funding available to sort out exactly what it is in pot smoke that sets down my breathing.

            Assuming that they ever figured out what it is, I am sure the tobacco industry would find ways to avoid finding out why their product is hurting me, a lifelong non-smoker.

          • Jen B_VA

            There is a metric ton of evidence on why tobacco smoke hurts non-smokers, and tests now for individual agents, also.
            BUT if pot smoke is also bothering you, it may just be more a generalized “smoke/carbon” thing. Do campfires give you problems, or candles?

      • revenant

        have said it before- Gov. Johnson is the perfect poster boy for the old “Why do you think it’s called dope? slogan

  • OneWhiteWhisker
    • Villago Delenda Est

      Puny Drumpf

    • (((cynmac)))

      That was one of the many entries to the #TrumpWon Twitter feed after the debate, also too. The highjack went on into the next day, causing #TrumpWon to trend. All the Trumpanzees could do was retweet each other tweets and they were easily overwhelmed. The best part was when Donald tweeted a thank you. Obviously he had not looked at the content of the tweets. The hijack ended with people vowing to take #TrumpWon over again on Election Night.

      • Jen B_VA

        Sometimes I love the internets

  • Michael R

    Kellyanne Conway sounds like someone trying to get a
    baked potato into a good preschool .

  • malsperanza

    Did Romney ever finish paying his staffers after he shut off their credit cards on election night?

    I mean, isn’t this a GOP tradition? One can but hope.

    • jowgajen

      Romney really was a good businessman.

      • cousin itt

        And he, like so many other quasi-rational Republicans are currently MIA. Like that asshole, Hugh Hewitt said on MSNBC last night, that SCOTUS was so important to him, he will vote Trump despite his almost daily evisceration of Orange Spice.

        • Mehmeisterjr

          So HH is willing to vote for Trump to get SCOTUS justices who The Donald will not recognize in any case on a Court that he will ignore?

          That seems, um, odd. Batshit crazy, even.

          • (((cynmac)))

            Have you seen the list of possible justices? They’ve gone full wingnut. Heritage Foundation helped him with the “selection”.
            http://www.cnn.com/2016/05/18/politics/donald-trump-supreme-court-nominees/

          • msanthropesmr

            Is Dredd one of them?

          • Mehmeisterjr

            That is what seems to attract HH.

            Historical reference: What happened to the Old Bolshies? If you guess “they lived to a ripe old age,” review your work.

        • revenant

          if anyone has ever said that li’l Hughie Hewitt is a smart man, they were wrong

      • Suttree

        For himself. Not so much for the people working for the companies he bought.

      • malsperanza

        The hell he was.

  • Panika MCD

    LAST CALL FOR BIBLIOHOL(ICS) – Nasty Vile Snarky Little Book Club

    https://scontent-dft4-2.xx.fbcdn.net/t31.0-8/fr/cp0/e15/q65/13767204_1305974869421500_4683015279637185578_o.jpg?efg=eyJpIjoiYiJ9

    here are some books for your face to read, you should buy them through the Amazon linky (https://www.amazon.com/?tag=wonkette0f-20) because what’s better than getting some great pulp products in your mailbox that you will actually read? our Wonkette getting some ameros because you did!

    https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/71SxmbgcRuL.jpg
    the MacArthur Genius Grants were announced this week and Claudia Rankine is getting many ameros for being a goddamned genius and you should seriously consider buying and reading all of her books. but if you want me to split the baby by picking JUST ONE, Citizen is it. that wasn’t even hard. (well, maybe a little.) it was named as a National Book Award Finalist in 2014 and appears on Scott Woods’ “You’ve Read a Ta-Nehisi Coates book. Now What?” list of books you should read instead of asking him stupid questions. (https://scottwoodsmakeslists.wordpress.com/2015/11/26/youve-read-a-ta-nehisi-coates-book-now-what/)
    here is a preview of the awesome you can expect from Citizen: http://workingclasspoems.blogspot.com/2009/03/backed-up-in-soul-collected-from-cnn.html
    you can also find some UTubes where she reads 3 of the poems in the book. my recommendation is to read the book instead because one of the very few areas Claudia Rankine does not rule the world in is reading her work because she does it in a monotone. finally, reading this book will clue you into the LOLs happening right here:
    http://blogs.bookforum.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/CTa1SC5WIAAeYjl.jpg

    shall we continue with the MacArthur geniuses bringing you some cultural understanding? YES, WE CAN SAY “BOX SET”!
    http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-mzO3o-IcukU/U-CFvd1q5yI/AAAAAAAABd0/diit81BOnxY/s1600/006.JPG
    for all you graphic novel people who like history and can only read Jimmy the Smartest Kid on Earth so many times, here is a book set that covers the Boxer Rebellion with illustrations. probably not good for kids, but great for people who want to feel like they’re kids again while talking about grown up stuff. (yes, I know that’s what Wonkette is for, but you can support them by buying this through the Amazon linky: https://www.amazon.com/?tag=wonkette0f-20).
    you should also visit Gene Luen Yang’s website because he will tell you things and thinker all the live long day on his Podcast “Reading Without Walls” which, in true graphic artist form, is in videos: http://geneyang.com/

    finally, because I know books about Shakespeare really piss off TX Lt. Gov. Dan Patrick, nee Dannie Goeb (it’s true, he told Ross Ramsay and everyone else at TribFest https://www.texastribune.org/2016/09/24/dan-patrick-tribfestival/) I offer you:
    https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1457121871i/25622782._UY400_SS400_.jpg
    this covers all the if, ands, buts about this guy we are forced to read badly from the time we hit puberty and the whys people like me call all references to the land known as Italy in his work “Shakespeare Land” because it is clearly not Italy. it also too won an effin’ Pulitzer so read it already!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r9e5L7bX74c

    here is the Amazon linky one more time: https://www.amazon.com/?tag=wonkette0f-20 stay away from butt shafts and go buy some words!

    • Pinkham’s Law

      That may be the best advertisement I have ever read. Bravo!

  • Dr. Krieger IRL

    Shake the crime stick!
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wuPXymJEldE

    CRIME!!!

  • Spotts1701

    Holy shit, the rabbit hole goes DEEPER! Trump Foundation doesn’t have the license required to beg for money.
    https://twitter.com/abbydphillip/status/781652212141481984

    • Mehmeisterjr

      But it’s a University, right?

    • anna rampage

      That’s alright, they’ll still be able to vote in most states, unless they happen to be in Texas….

      • Panika MCD

        please refer anyone living in TX who thinks they can’t vote to me immediately. the registration deadline is 10/10 and I don’t want a repeat of only 25% of eligible voters showing up like 2014.

    • TJ Barke

      YEAH BUT HILLARY’S THE ONE THAT’S SHADY AND CROOKED!

      • Jen B_VA

        For reals. The guy has broken innumerable real laws not to mention a whole buncha commandments…but Hillary MUST be guilty of something because reasons!

        • TJ Barke

          Cuz DEMONCRAT!

          • Jen B_VA

            Those damn demoncrats.
            I think we ought to steal all their tag lines for the larfs of it.

        • I kind of understand why DONALD thinks she must be guilty of something — he projects every wrong thing he does onto other people. Just assumes that everyone will break the same rules that he’d break. But I don’t understand why so many other people buy into it.

          Well, I do understand, but I don’t like it.

        • DainBramage

          Demoncrat and a *gasp* woman!

          • revenant

            i’ve heard enough- convict her now!
            sentence first, trial whenever we get around to it

    • Pinkham’s Law

      From the article:

      In 2011, for instance, Trump was the star of a televised “roast” on
      Comedy Central in New York. He directed his $400,000 appearance fee to
      the Donald J. Trump Foundation, according to a Trump campaign staffer.

      So, it’s reasonable for him – a Real Estate developer and professional self promoter – to get $400 grand for an appearance fee, but something’s fishy if a former SecState gets $250k for a speech? Really, Donald? REALLY?

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Fahrenthold deserves a medal.

      • DainBramage

        Pulitzer?

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          I was saying this yesterday…if Trump ever actually does go down for this shit, Fahrenthold gets a Pulitzer. AND a Coke!

    • Vincent Ricola

      Teeheehee. Good. I hope he gets fined a million billion dollars and has to sell everything he owns (especially that terrifying self-portrait of himself) to pay it off.

      • TJ Barke

        I want him to spend his final years in a 3rd tier nursing home.

        • Vincent Ricola

          I want him to lose everything. Randolph and Mortimer Duke at the end of frozen concentrated orange juice trading lose everything.

          Then the 3rd tier nursing home. A publicly funded one.

      • revenant

        who in the fucking fuck would buy it?
        maybe if it went for a buck-ninety-five, you could back it with plywood, decorate it with marker pen and use it for a dart board, but otherwise?

      • Thiazin Red

        I want him to get sued, then be forced to confess that he doesn’t have the money to pay.

    • Wild Cat

      Well, I’m utterly flabbergasted!

      • DainBramage

        I hate it when I gast my flabber. It tickles and burns.

  • Jeffocaster in the desert

    My FIL contends Obama took all the guns and ammo and stuffed it in a warehouse. He can vote. It is hopeless. And he is an immigrant from a European country. And hates Messicans…..shit…….

    • Jen B_VA

      …Does he have a gun? Ask him how Obama missed it.

      • Jeffocaster in the desert

        He does. My MIL does. It is scary. Racist Says the weirdest bullshit.

        • Jen B_VA

          Like I said, ask him how he managed to hide his guns from the Bamz grabbers :D

          • Jeffocaster in the desert

            I do not have the energy. Been here a few days. I turned off my hearing aide.

    • Suse

      Oh, dear.

      • Jen B_VA

        We should all suggest horribly snarky things Jeff ought to not say to his FIL so that when FIL goes off, Jeff will remember said horribly snarky things and then start giggling.

        • Jeffocaster in the desert

          THAT got a giggle.

          • Jen B_VA

            I got some wingnut relatives ^.^ I imagine allll the stuff I would say, were I interested in never seeing them again. Such as….
            Do you know Rush snorts fetal stem cells?
            Hey, about your candidate- god, that must suck so bad. How bad does it suck, on a scale from one to ten?
            Fox is a terrific news source, so long as by news, you mean nothing of the sort.

            Edit: I get oft asked “Whatcha gigglin about?” to wit I reply “Nothing important.”
            and giggle again.

    • anna rampage

      Well, tell him that Anna hates paranoid European ammosexual immigrants who hate messicans… I mean wholly shit, the messicans have more of a claim to half this country than the European immigrants do… And if he/she/it doesn’t like that, that they should go back to wherever they came from….

      • Jen B_VA

        Now that there is what I am talkin bout

      • Jeffocaster in the desert

        You know, I have respect for the shit he went through. At 15 he escaped the Russians invading Hungary. Lived in refugee camps in Austria Came to the US. Learned English made himself a great life. It is so weird. HAS MEXICAN FRIENDS. Oy.

        • Jen B_VA

          Sometimes people drink the sand because they do not know the difference, Jeff. :huggles: They always think “they don’t mean me!” because they want it to not be them.

        • anna rampage

          That’s awesome, and it’s really sad that he doesn’t see that the vast majority of the messicans (or other latin americans) who are coming here to the states, documented or not, are doing the same exact fucking thing that he did. Escaping violence, poverty, and exceptionally shitty lives and making a much better life for them and the society that they have come to

    • Vecchiojohn

      I actually know where that warehouse is. Tell old dad that I can supply him with all the guns ‘n’ ammo he needs. At a tremendous mark-up, of course. . . .

      • Jeffocaster in the desert

        No ammo. Story is he and HIS FIL blew a hold in the apartment ceiling with a shotgun.

        • Vecchiojohn

          May the Lord bless you and keep you safe from all harm.

        • Jen B_VA

          What is the point of owning guns without the ammo? *squint*

          • anna rampage

            It adds a virtual 2″ to their peckers… ;)

        • anna rampage

          Accidents happen, and ammosexuals are 22 times more likely to be shot accidentally by their own weapons than to ever need them for defense, or to overthrow the govt…

        • TJ Barke

          What’s an FIL?

          • mancitydeplorables

            in laws

          • TJ Barke

            My first guess was Future In Laws, but now I suspect it’s Fucking In Law.

          • mancitydeplorables

            sometimes, there isn’t a difference

    • Vagenda and Tiara

      None of these idiots ever notice all the crap that Fox News tells them is going to happen, never happens. Remember the rampant inflation Obama was going to cause? Remember when Obama caused gas to go up to $4 a gallon? It was odd that he wasn’t responsible when it went down to $2 a gallon. Thanks, Obama!

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Oh, I dunno…we DO have Sharia Law, after all.

        • anna rampage

          Only because the republicans have been passing draconian bills on a state level….

        • Vagenda and Tiara

          Sorry, I’ve been too busy making wedding plans with my dog to notice that the Mooslems have taken over.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Me too! Funny how I’d never even thought of it before Obama was elected!!

          • Vagenda and Tiara

            I wasn’t racist until Obama was elected. Thanks, Obama, for making me a racist!

          • Kavefish

            Hundred meter or quarter mile?

          • revenant

            here’s hoping that you and your dog are as happy as my toaster and me

          • Vagenda and Tiara

            I’ve heard your toaster is positively electric.

        • vivian

          Yeah, we call it “Born Again” though.

      • anna rampage

        Shit, Obama’s energy czar was suppose to raise gas to $10 a gallon to keep people in their place…

        • Vagenda and Tiara

          I’m still furious with Obama for not building FEMA camps to house the Tea Party dunces.

          • Jon Sussex

            What happened to the death panels?

          • anna rampage

            ObamaCare shut those insurance claim denials down….

          • Vagenda and Tiara

            We were promised death panels! Damn it all to hell.

          • zerosumgame0005

            HOVERCARS Also too!

          • Vagenda and Tiara

            I’ve given up that dream. :-(

    • Jenny, Manocidal Vagendiac

      Yup all Obama and not the gun manufacturers decreasing supply to profit ten times more on the demand.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      I’ve heard they’re stored in the Jade Helm Walmart tunnels the Chinese lizard people built.

  • ClueBat

    Spray-Tan McFuckFace is my new favorite nickname.

  • Spotts1701

    “Star Trek has always offered a positive vision of the future, a vision of hope and optimism, and most importantly, a vision of inclusion, where people of all races are accorded equal respect and dignity, where individual beliefs and lifestyles are respected so long as they pose no threat to others. We cannot turn our backs on what is happening in the upcoming election. Never has there been a presidential candidate who stands in such complete opposition to the ideals of the Star Trek universe as Donald Trump.”

    87 actors, authors and production team members of the “Star Trek” franchise have banded together to publicly oppose Donald Trump.

    https://twitter.com/TrekNotTrump/status/781653827112013824

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      USA TofuckingDay urged people not to vote for Trump. That’s like getting dissed by white bread and mayonnaise.

    • cousin itt

      This makes my day. Warp 9 to the future, Mr Sulu! Uhura, open a channel to all peoples of Earth.

    • It’s not normal for Star Trek to endorse or oppose candidates, right? There isn’t some coveted Star Trek endorsement that I’ve never heard of before this year?

      • Spotts1701

        It’s crazy, I’ll admit. But jeez, this election year has been so damn weird as it is.

        • It is very weird. I mean, hey, whatever helps. But this is a new one.

          • Astraea

            I think a lot of people are feeling like they don’t want to be the people who didn’t do everything they could to prevent a Trump presidency.

          • Rachel Maddow was just talking about the USA today endorsement. Or non-endorsement, I guess — not to look a gift horse in the mouth, but I do wish they’d just go the whole way and say to vote for Hillary. Saying don’t vote for Trump won’t help if a bunch of Johnson/Stein/Whoever voters Naderize some important swing state.

          • zerosumgame0005

            excellent way to feel!

        • cousin itt

          There are quite a number of Trek fans who are Republicans and Libertarians. I can barely imagine why that is but it is so.

          • Kiri the Unicorn

            They’re in it for the green Orion slave girls.

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        First I’ve heard of it being coordinated like this.

      • rachelmap

        Something something Prime Directive.

    • TJ Barke

      Well, technically the human race has to go through the Eugenics War and the Atomic Horror before we get to The Federation…

      • mancitydeplorables

        Trump presidency confirmed!

      • jowgajen

        Trump IS a horror.

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        Do the Borg still attack Cochrane’s warp engine project in this timeline?

        • TJ Barke

          Maybe.

    • DainBramage

      That’s a good list. I like how many of the younger stars put themselves out there.

      • Spotts1701

        Getting longer too…about 10 more folks signed on since I posted it.

      • cousin itt

        Here’s hoping the young stars will live long and prosper on the Main Sequence of American society.

  • puipui

    I don’t know, I think Honey Boo Boo’s Mom might be too liberal for the Trump crowd.

    • Yr. Gma

      And horizontally challenged?

  • folderol

    Stand by your man!
    Oh, Kellyanne, you shouldn’t
    Confess his im-proprities!

    Stand by your man!
    Though he is damned, you know it
    He’s gonna put you on TV!
    And you’ll soon join the pun-dit-try!

    • Panika MCD
      • cousin itt

        Frankly, putting Sarah front and center is not as crazy as it might seem.

        • Jonny On Maui

          It’s the “Oh shiny!” for the media and feeds the base…

          • cousin itt

            At this point, what has Donald got to lose?

          • Jen B_VA

            JINX! Also, yours is funnier cause it quotes him XD

        • Jen B_VA

          At this point, it really could not hurt.

        • Panika MCD

          how do you figure?

          • RiSheil

            She makes him look sane by comparison? Used to anyways.

          • Panika MCD

            I think this one may be the other way ’round.

          • cousin itt

            Palin has been absent for some time. Sarah dramatically swoops down from the Northern Province to declare that She has had enough. The Republican Republic demands a savior. A woman with breastplate and horned helmet. Valkyrie v. Banshee. Cue Richard Wagner.

          • Panika MCD

            *swoops in from AZ

            and, just so we’re clear, Sarah is the Banshee, right?

          • Kiri the Unicorn

            Please say there will be Huey gunships also too.

          • cousin itt

            There will be Huey gunships also too. Natch.

          • Kiri the Unicorn

            squee!

  • Hutch

    Just got my absentee voter ballot in the mail from Georgia. What to do? What to do? I’m thinking of not voting for the corrupt, misogynist, totally-not-good-for-the-earth idiot. What say?

    • Blacktop Cadence

      You could vote for the stoned-out-of-his-mind guy or the weirdo who thinks cell signals will damage kids’ brains.

      • Hutch

        Hmm. Let me think….

        • Blacktop Cadence

          Decisions, decisions!

          • Hutch

            I KNOW!

    • Astraea

      I don’t know, I heard that Hillary deleted some e mails

      • Blacktop Cadence

        I have not heard this. Are you sure the media has covered it enough?

      • anna rampage

        Emails? I have emails that I delete all the time…

        Am I gonna get in trouble or something?

        • Suttree

          I finally started to delete emails from a friend of mine who is a republican. Fortunately they were mostly pictures of kitty cats and weasels and snails and rats and turtles.

    • Panika MCD

      hmmm…what’s your precinct number?

      • Hutch

        I’m in Thomasville. I know, I know, like it will do a lot of good. But I do drive the old gals to the polls. Who knows?

        • Panika MCD

          I’m just curious to see what the rest of your ballot looks like.

          • Hutch

            Straight Democratic party. I even write in Ds in uncontested races. Heheh.

          • Panika MCD

            fine, don’t spill the beans about any down ballot races that may be interesting in your neck of the weirds.

    • anna rampage

      Be careful, a conservativish state might consider looking for suggestions as voter fraud…

      • Hutch

        Whay, I nevah! *much pearl clutching on the fainting couch*

        • anna rampage

          We here in very liberal Oregon (read Portland) actually have parties to fill out our mail in ballots all together, and they haven’t shut us down yet!

          • Jen B_VA

            I really, really need to consider moving to Oregon.

          • BloviateMe

            You’ll need the passphrase. Today it’s “Charles Nelsoned Reilly but good.”

          • Jen B_VA

            I suppose I should not repeatedly mention that for the want of an O, your state would be good on pizza?

          • BloviateMe

            “for want of an O” is every Mrs. Trump’s nickname.

          • Jen B_VA

            I am thinking for a life of leisure and all that money, there are plenty of people who will even give that up.
            They wrote a song about it. Something about lying eyes and thin disguise, idk, the radio plays it 1000000 times a day

    • (((cynmac)))

      Johnny Isakson?

      • Hutch

        Republican. I wish I could use tongs with that word.

    • Jen B_VA

      What about the Doctor lady who ignores medical science because obviously?

  • Pinkham’s Law

    Utterly, completely and totally OT, and click-baity as all Hell, but: is there any more happy in the world than watching dogs trying to catch treats?

    • Vincent Ricola

      A+ click. Instant happiness. Will click again.

    • Suttree
      • Pinkham’s Law

        STILL required a dog for the pic. /smug

        • Jen B_VA

          https://media0.giphy.com/media/GwGXoeb0gm7sc/200_s.gif
          Cats may or may not have dogs, as they feel, but they never require them.

          • Pinkham’s Law

            Well, yeah. Cats are Libertarians – it’s all about THEM.

          • Jen B_VA

            That is why I do not vote libertarian. I am already owned by the cat, don’t need it to set policy also, too.

    • Hutch

      Livin’ in the NOW. I sure wish I could.

    • Panika MCD

      that was great. but totes let down. thought it might be the same photographer that did the Underwater Dogs and so I could look at MOAR SILLY DOGSES while waiting for the vet. different photographer:

      http://twistedsifter.com/2012/02/underwater-photos-of-dogs-fetching-their-ball/

      but I guess looking at my pets isn’t so bad.

      • Pinkham’s Law

        They so totally embody the whole “dance like nobody’s watching” thing, don’t they?

        • Panika MCD

          that they do.

        • Jen B_VA

          I can’t dance like nobody is watching. I always worry someone will see me.

          • Jonny On Maui

            You have no need to worry. They do.

          • Is your phone or laptop around? If so, someone likely is

          • Jen B_VA

            heh my phone is not smart and my desk top has no camera XD This is not a paranoid thing, I am just old.

          • Good calls. I have like 4 camera withing 6 feet of me right now

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      I managed to snap this photo of my Mollypop just as she caught a pupperoni treat in her mouth. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/f9de68787c4c9975ef3168e758352341ffd4a19db3d4797a7f9b1398362bcf08.jpg

      • Pinkham’s Law

        Such concentration!

        • Jen B_VA

          They are super focused on those treats.
          Sit! Stand! Heel! Ah hell…oh well have a treat *point*

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          She’s an all-star treat catcher. You can throw them as hard and fast as you can and she still snatches them out of the air.

      • vivian

        Why are midget Airedales called Welsh Terriers?

        Asking for a friend.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          They ARE pretty much miniature Airedales, aren’t they… though I think their temperament is a bit different, in that they are not great with other dogs. My local Airedale Rescue where I got Molly had a Welsh Terrier come through recently. I went to visit and fell in love with her, but she really needed to be in a one-dog house. I’m thinking when I no longer have the strength and energy to deal with a full-size Airedale, a Welshie might be the ticket.

  • Panika MCD

    Things I’d Rather Talk About Than Donald Trump 9/29/16 Dump

    ONE’s a super freak, super freak, it’s super freakay, yow!
    Rick James, BITCH! more specifically, a burglar impersonating Rick James in Mike Pence’s Indiana.

    http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation-now/2015/09/25/man-dressed-rick-james-super-fly-movie-robs-indiana-bank/72803334/

    TWO was killed by a Pepe the Frog meme
    https://67.media.tumblr.com/a5bb71135983c34ab427017a3761d937/tumblr_nnop0zioIR1rlu5lro1_500.gif

    Betty White update: still alive. thanks Obama!

    https://media.giphy.com/media/I66n5KljVjNmg/giphy.gif

    but what is even better about googling her today was that it turned up this headline straight out of Bill and Ted: “Betty White dead 2016” : Actress killed by internet death hoax

    http://en.mediamass.net/people/betty-white/deathhoax.html

    maybe instead of killing people “with votes” we should say that we are killing them with “internet death hoaxes”….? help me out here, Dok. is this legal on Wonkette according to the rules?

    http://www.gifwave.com/media/83504_bill-keanu-reeves-bill-and-teds-excellent-adventure-annas-alex-winter.gif

    when you have to do a number THREE
    https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/71Z-jnOg0QL._SX522_.jpg

    not so much the I-Potty itself, but its Amazon reviews. https://www.amazon.com/CTA-Digital-iPotty-Activity-Seat/dp/B00B3G8UGQ

    here is a 4 STAR review of the product:

    The future of technology is here

    In these times of extreme busyness, you can’t help but get frustrated sometimes and think “there’s just not enough time in the day!” With this item, your capacity to “get s*** done” is increased exponentially.

    PROs:
    * Get s*** done
    * Colors are not only pleasing to the eye, but scientifically proven to encourage productivity and movements
    * No need to flush, built-in incinerator removes waste after motion sensors detect your absence
    * Small enough that you can leave your iPad installed and just carry the whole thing with you
    * Can download a free bidet app (although after the trial period, you have to pay for it with an in-app purchase)
    * Installing your iPad doesn’t cover up the camera lens, for easier multi-tasking (Skyping and wiping?)
    * Seat sensor technology detects up to 4 individuals, adjusting seat height and warmth automatically according to programmable presets
    * Magnetic smart lid keep animals out, and scents in

    CONs:
    * No Bluetooth support, will not sync with a smart watch or wireless headphones
    * I’d love to see this in a champagne color or maybe customizable lids

    This is the best money I’ve spent in years… I will be buying more of these. 2 thumbs up!

    UPDATE: I have dropped my review down to 4 stars. Currently, my left buttock is securely lodged in the seat. While I wait for the fire department to arrive, I wanted to share my further experience with this product. Since I was unable to Facetime for help (less than ideal Wifi access) and had fallen over during my struggle, it wasn’t until the mailman found me on the front porch that I was able to call for help. It clearly needs some sort of safety mechanism to prevent cheek lock.

    FOURnts
    while we’re on the subject of aesthetics, let’s have joke times with fonts:
    https://scontent.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-0/s526x395/14449024_1402458986435043_985989496780657163_n.jpg?oh=eb0ba7c9b277e48d32c8e731b3f3066f&oe=587A4047
    http://s-ak.buzzfed.com/static/enhanced/terminal01/2010/11/30/16/enhanced-buzz-21453-1291152031-24.jpg
    http://s-ak.buzzfed.com/static/enhanced/terminal01/2010/11/30/16/enhanced-buzz-21443-1291152466-23.jpg
    http://img0.joyreactor.com/pics/post/owlturd-comics-font-ass-2118122.png

    FIVE has more new TX monuments
    the African-American Monument being installed on the TX Capitol Grounds.

    https://www.texastribune.org/2016/09/27/african-american-monument-installed-capitol-lawn/

    yay! Rep. Helen Giddings is awesome. and you should too.

    now if we could please move the Confederate Soldiers and 10 Commandments monuments to the State Cemetery where they fuckin’ belong.

    give yr Wonkette a round of SIXlitzers
    ALSO TOO can be filed under: Things I would like to give Wonkette for Realitzering the debates

    bacon pancakes? don’t mind if I do!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cUYSGojUuAU&feature=youtu.be

    p.s. I love my Smokin’ Joe cup. you should get an award from Real Housekeeping or something for that.

    starry SEVEN
    Van Gogh the Mexican Free-Tail Bat
    https://batworld.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/Vangogh-sideview.jpg
    look at that smile? he’s winning Cutest Bat in All of Bat World!

    when I discovered Bat World about a decade ago, my family was in the habit of making one Consumermas gift a donation to a charity where you could “adopt” an animal and get regular updates on them. that didn’t work out so well the year they did “Adopt a Prairie Chicken” through TPWD. we got one update and it didn’t say anything about our freaking chickens. (the World Wildlife Foundation also has an Adopt-A-Prairie-Chicken program if you are interested in a better run one or at least one not run by the State of Texas).

    anywho, I asked many times if they would get me Van Gogh here for my Adopt-A-Bat. never happened and now never will because he is in retirement. here is his story (warning: people are horrible sometimes):

    https://batworld.org/van-gogh/
    [as pointed out by feministing, this may not be a story for everyone. if you want a story about a bat who CHOSE to live in captivity, you may enjoy Little E’s story more (he’s still an adoptable bat): https://batworld.org/littlee/ ]

    but he is still cute and you can still do Adopt-A-Bat through the non-profit. they use the funds for ALL THE BATS, of course, but they only offer to adopt you a bat who is, for whatever reason, going to remain in captivity so they have something to update you on.

    never too early to look into your Consumermas gifts! we Austinites love our bats so long as they have not decided to reside in the dorms as TSD, but that is a story for another time that includes the “I need that on a t-shirt NOW!” line from Sen. Watson: That was not a Democratic bat.

    • anna rampage

      While Betty White might be alive, Abe Vagoda is really dead, or so I’ve heard…

      Honestly, I think Abe is hanging out down at the Silverton Goodwill with Elvis…

      • Panika MCD

        but was he killed dead by the internet?

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        Silverton? I can be there in an hour.

    • Jen B_VA

      I am just dorky enough that those font jokes made me snork.

      • Oh you are not a dork. I significantly snorked on the font jokes. Let us not be dorks together!

        • Jen B_VA

          We’re dorky not-dorks ^.^ Freud just sat up in his grave and was about to say something but then he is dead so he couldn’t.

          • He would just tell us to get medically induced orgasms to fix our hysteria

          • Jen B_VA

            sounds clinical and not at all fun, at all.
            I prefer organic free range induced orgasms

          • There’s a movement! Let’s get that going!

          • Jen B_VA

            We could make so much money, you realize. Like more than if Trump actually had money plus all the benghazemails hillz raked in put together.
            Should make this a thing.

          • And partial fundraiser for teh Wonkette. Especially since i threatened to move in with Trix and Shy when i am elected to the Montana Supreme Court in place of the crazy lady from earlier today. I promised to feed the Future Overlord cookie every morning

          • Jen B_VA

            You just wanna feed her cookies so she does not ship you to the FEMA camps.
            Also, good plan! You know the bunny ranch in Nevada? Why can we not have one of those, but with the guys?
            a dozen or so young, sweet, eager guys…..
            I may need to not live in the same time zone so as not to sample our business model to bankruptcy.

          • Probably good… but also good for you! Sex is exercise after all

          • Jen B_VA

            This is true! Hrm. Well, maybe sample now and again. We should wait until either Nevada legalizes weed,or CO legalizes prostitution, so we can diversify.
            Sin INC sounds rather to the point.

          • Sin-r-gy. That should get us the right kind of attention!

          • Jonny On Maui

            Should you be looking for investors…

          • Jen B_VA

            We could give jobs to wonkers, just saying. Maybe open a Hawii chapter?
            Jerb creators. Hopefully that won’t turn us into Republicans.

          • Georgina Soroses we will be!

          • Jen B_VA

            ooohhh let us become rich enough to hire George Soros XD Then when people accuse us of getting paid by him we can chuckle and go….guess again

          • Mwahahahaha! Manical laughter!

          • Jen B_VA

            OH NICE!!!!!

          • I also want my family to open a bakery called “We Knead the Dough”.

          • Jen B_VA

            I would shop there, not gonna lie XD

          • I stole it shamelessly from the great and amazing Terry Pratchett

          • MrCanoehead
          • Saw it. Wasn’t that good.

  • (((cynmac)))

    Donald is narrowing his base to only Conservative Christians, ust in time for Kristallnacht Election Day.*
    *Not meaning to offend any Jewish Wonkers, but the pogrom in 1938 started on November 9th.
    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/donald-trump-non-christians-raise-hand_us_57ec9600e4b024a52d2ce788?

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Burning Of The Reichstag Day is Feb. 27. Rats, I guess we’ll have to wait until after Trump’s inauguration to celebrate.

      • Jen B_VA

        Sure that did not already happened? Hm…I do seem to recall some February shinanigans going on with the Republican side of fun things- anything on the 27th?

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          I think that might’ve been Kick A Homeless Man Day.

          • Jen B_VA

            Those who do not learn from History……

          • Kiri the Unicorn

            National Make Fun of The Disabled Day.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Good times!

    • Pinkham’s Law

      That may be A Thing to make go viral.

    • SeekingBarbie

      NPR reported on a meeting Trump attended just a couple of weeks ago.

      At a recent gathering of conservative Christians in Washington, D.C., Trump promised that if he is elected president, “we will be one American nation.” The Republican nominee quoted the Bible and spelled out his vision for American unity:
      “Imagine what our country could accomplish if we started working together as one people, under one God, saluting one flag”

      He really HASN’T read the Constitution. Or just doesn’t care. Either is scary.

  • Vagenda and Tiara

    Apparently, “I’ll be in my bunk” took a break during the debate:
    “During the debate, Pornhub.com saw traffic from New Hampshire, Massachusetts and the District of Columbia drop the most, with a 21 percent decline for each location. Meanwhile, traffic from Mississippi, Alaska and Hawaii changed the least, with just a 4 percent drop. Many of the states with the biggest drops in traffic to the porn site either traditionally vote Democratic or are swing states.”

    Snicker…gives a new meaning to the term “swing state.”

    http://nymag.com/daily/intelligencer/2016/09/pornhub-lost-mondays-debate.html

    • Jonny On Maui

      Yay?

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        Porn before politics!

        • BloviateMe

          During, for some.

          • Jen B_VA

            If you are wonkin with pants on, you ain’t wonkin right.
            I finally get that policy.

          • data_ninja

            it’s a touchy subject.

      • Vagenda and Tiara

        Yay!

    • Saxo the Grammarian

      And thus we are… enlightened?

      • Vagenda and Tiara

        Still pants-less though.

    • anna rampage

      It appears either people were interested in seeing Hillary trounce Trump, or the have some really masochistic daddy fantasies…

    • Jen B_VA

      YAY! We took porn back from the conservatives!!!

      Edit: Wait…we dropped? wtf Dems????

      • Vagenda and Tiara

        We do love our bunks…as well as our country. I am NOT ashamed!

  • Lark_in_the_AM

    Nope, Evan, can’t have Honey Boo Boo’s mom – she’s too, you know, ::whispers:: eff ay tee, for The Donald to tolerate, since his delicate sensibilities can’t even bear being served a cocktail by someone who is less than a “10”. He needs to unearth Sarah Palin from wherever she’s gone to ground. Now, there is someone who is entertaining.

    • anna rampage

      Honey Boo Boo, is that a new Little Debbie snack cake, or Hostess product?

    • Krombopulous Pichael

      right?! its so weird how Palin has been kind of conspicuously absent from all these Election goings-on considering how much they played up their relationship for the past few years…

      Gotta distance yrself from whoever the last shitty Republican guy was, like McCain/Palin did to Bush…

    • Courser

      Are they laughing or crying? I can’t tell if they’re being tortured or tickled… or tickle-tortured. I have a confuzzle?

  • Saxo the Grammarian

    Lawrence O’Donnell is having more fun than people should be allowed to have with Conway’s admission ON TV that Trump committed a federal crime.

  • WIDTAP

    Now USAToday is officially #ANYONEBUTTRUMP.

    May not seem like much of a burn to the readers here, but to Trumpkins, this has got to sting.

    • BloviateMe

      I trust there was a color pie chart to explain?

    • Jen B_VA

      I just had a horrible thought. What if the GOP knew they had no chance this year. Not without throwing up someone so goddamned awful it was a comedy, but planned to contrast with Clinton- it doth seem that everything Clinton has been accused of, Trump actually really did.
      So then they let it ride, then yank and when the country is bemoaning the horrible choices, suddenly posit a replacement?

      • anna rampage

        I’ve kind of thought the same thing for a little while, but it’s too late to send in a substitute as most if not all state registrations are shut down…

        • anna rampage

          They could go for write in, but most of their voters are illiterate and likely couldn’t remember the persons name…

          • Jen B_VA

            This is true! I forgot the rules.
            BUT they might suspend that since this has “never happened before!” and is such “a weird election cycle!”

          • Pinkham’s Law

            A Political Party can’t suspend State law.

          • ***glowers menacingly*** give me time. Just a little time

          • Pinkham’s Law

            Sorry, Donald. Nope. No time for you, at all.

          • Oh no. #nevertrump. Me. I will do it!

          • Jen B_VA

            Didn’t they weasel out on the whole MI scheduling whoops though? And another one during primary season also?
            I do seem to recall that, but I might have missed something.

          • (((cynmac)))

            CastraTED wouldn’t be hard for them.

      • Krombopulous Pichael

        if they were such amazing evil geniuses they would have just continued the scam they had going because that shit was working and very few people of consequence had much interest in upsetting the apple cart..

        its weird to see the scammers get scammed…

        “Cant shit a shitter!”

        i bet donald has said that to someone in his life when they wouldnt let some of his bullshit go

        • Jen B_VA

          True. It is the one thing in all this mess that gives me any real satisfaction at all (other than Hillz beating the fucktard with his own fist); it is that the grifters are getting conned and grifted in turn- and they KNOW they are getting conned and grifted (on the higher levels) but there is absolutely nothing they can do about it.
          That gives me some satisfaction.

          • Vagenda and Tiara

            It should also give you some comfort to know that Trump will definitely be a massive fuckup if he’s actually elected. I think the stock market will plunge immediately, then stabilize, then drop again when we go into a recession from his trade wars. Luckily for him, half the country won’t notice.

        • (((cynmac)))

          Not at all sorry to see them go down in flames. Nixon has been the only President to ever resign. Reagan and Bush were disasters. This result of trying to game of the election has backfired spectacularly. Not one of the 17 (17!) candidates that they put forward would have been acceptable in the General. I’ve been popping the popcorn since the GOP convention.

      • TheBoatDude

        Ok, that could happen theoretically, but the party would catastrophically fail, if they did (not that they’re in any great shape, now).

        Also – and I hate saying this- them pulling Trump would be worse for democracy than letting him ride. Don’t misunderstand: He’s a vain, vile racist fuckwad and completely lacks any characteristics or qualifications that are required to sit in The Big Chair. Further, it’s an insult and an embarrassment to the country that he’s gotten this far in the process. BUT…he was chosen by the people. To undermine that process would…well…it would prove what we probably believe anyway, that leaders are chosen by folks that aren’t us…

        Now, I’ve had a couple of Sierra Nevadas, so this might not make sense to me, in the morning….

    • Krombopulous Pichael

      its America’s Favorite Hotel/Motel Door Newspaper, after all!

      • TheBoatDude

        The official newspaper of The Hampton Inn…

    • Krombopulous Pichael

      also, if you look quickly, it looks like “anyone butt rump”

  • Steven

    ‘i passed FOUR bar exams!’— at Trump U

    • anna rampage

      You must be a limbo master by now!

    • bubbuhh

      You must be loaded!

    • Jen B_VA

      Your poor colon!

      …what? Not doing puns?

    • Vagenda and Tiara

      Passed them, or jumped over them?

      • Steven

        she paid them no minf. she jst passed right by them :)

  • Jen B_VA

    I decided there were not nearly enough Bamadeau pics today. SO:
    http://thumbnails.cbc.ca/maven_legacy/thumbnails/724/342/news-obamatrudeau-100316_frame_2053.jpg

  • Sophia

    Totally OT: “Potraitgate” is one of those things I ponder on not being part of the world where I would have $20,000 to spend on a 6′ portrait of myself. What are the chances of going to an auction and there being a portrait of Donald Trump for sale? Not just once but twice. Who is going to buy it if he’s not there? Are there hundreds of these things out there in the world being sold at charity auctions? Are people clamoring to buy a 6′ portrait of Donald Trump to hang on their living room wall? Will there be a Black Friday like incident where people are being trampled in order to purchase one? Did someone have it kicking around their house and decided to get rid of it? Who, other than maybe Trump, would even think to donate something like that to a charity auction expecting that it would make big bucks? Do they get a charitable donation receipt for it? Things that make you go hmmm.

    • I prefer scarecrows stuffed with newspaper and soaked in lighter fluid for my effegies. Much less expensive and more dynamic than portraits.

      • Vagenda and Tiara

        Think what a great dartboard that painting would make.

        • Sophia

          Bullseye would be too small

    • Panika MCD

      at least one of them was one of those things where the artist was doing flash art. it was done in like 15 minutes. I suspect the other one was one he gave to the charity auction and Melania just had to have it! (because the one I didn’t see anything of the provenance on was the one she bid on.)

      • Sophia

        Thanks, that make sense. I’ve been puzzling over this a bit picturing all these 6′ portraits of him floating around. Sometimes I wake up in the night screaming

    • Toomush_Infer

      Not to mention it was first commissioned by Donald, who probably didn’t pay, or didn’t pay anywhere near what he told the Foundation it was worth…

  • Jonny On Maui

    Tomorrow I get to perform a maintenance procedure I never have before. So tonight I will RTFM and prep tools. Here’s a parting song for our R candidate with a shoutout to Shan!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mx0xCI1jaUM

    • Have fun storming the jungle!

      https://youtu.be/LQNKhY7ws48

      • SeekingBarbie

        They have those panda hats at our Natural History Museum and I want one.

    • TheBoatDude

      What is it that you maintain, fine sir? Also, remember to LOTO…

      • Jonny On Maui

        I have a small Deere tractor that assists me with jungle taming…

        Lock out Tag out, words to live by…

    • Suttree

      Read the manual brother. It will save you some time.

      • MilwaukeeKent

        I wondered if that’s what he meant by RTFM (Read the F’ing Manual?) but I’m not up on the hep lingo. Kids these days! I just don’t know.

        • (((cynmac)))

          That was the fuck off given in the IT world to assholes trying to take advantage. Now it is “Google It”.

          • MilwaukeeKent

            Or maybe the full, humiliating “Here, let me Google that for you”

      • Jonny On Maui

        RTFM. Read The Fucking Manual. Words that prevent an aneurism…

        • Suttree

          I never RTFM until I break it and purchase it a second time.

    • anna rampage

      I bet there’s a YouTube video on how to do what you’re about to do!

      YouTube has become one of my best friends for stuff like that!

      • Jonny On Maui

        That is very true! Thankfully the manual was well stocked with pictures.

  • Pinkham’s Law

    OK, so – it’s been a good day. Took the day off work. Made chicken stock and French Onion Soup. Took pain pills (Legit!) and snarked on here. But it’s time to call it a night. Y’all have a good evening!

  • Jeffocaster in the desert

    Adios, Amigos. Manana. (secret Messican code)

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Buenos noches.

  • Toomush_Infer

    Stayed up for Lawrence, but now have got to dive under the covers, see if Mrs. Toomush is under there…!

  • Suttree
  • Suttree
  • Blacktop Cadence

    So, I’m kinda drunk (a bit, hehe, but the only reason I’d venture this.) but I thought I’d poll you guys.

    I’m a closeted transwoman (on HRT, working on voice, career demands a few years before going full femme), and I hit a crazy snag this past weekend. The basic explanation is that I was in love and almost married a woman a decade ago (34 now, 24 then), but we largely broke up because I am trans (“I just am not into women.” — her). Knew it then, tried it, family got in the way, blah blah. Irrelevant to this. The thing is she is supportive and we’ve maintained a pretty close friendship since we called it off. She actually encouraged me to do this again. I think her encouragement saved my life since I was eating myself into an early grave.

    The thing is, she is recently married and has a newborn. Not a problem, but a male friend and I visited over the weekend to see a few bands in Chicago Her hubby was a cool guy before, but is suddenly extremely hostile towards me. I made zero moves on her, she is fucking upset, and my friend and I left a day early because of it all. I mean, she invited us to stay with them, and it was literally the guy giving us the cold shoulder to the point she got upset and apologized as we left.

    I said this was a poll, but I’m still upset about this. I am over what happened a decade ag, but I don’t want to lose my friend and I don’t want to be the cause of any problems at the same time.

    • Panika MCD

      sounds like she knows he was being a jackass. I’m guessing she’s smart enough to already know his good and bad sides and will address it with him. hope you get a good apology from him!

    • Suttree

      I had a relationship that was with a woman that used to be a lesbosexican. I have also have had a friendship of a woman who was going through this. I think that whatever you want to be is awesome.

      • Suttree

        Relationship as best friend.

      • Sister Artemis

        Ooo! I’m going to quit going for the now-passé “lesbian” and its quaint cousin “lezbo” and call myself a lesbosexican from now on!

        • Suttree

          My friend was my best friend and she was awesome! And I loved her.

          • Suttree

            She was my best friend and we had had fun between the woman I was dating and her. I beat a fucker near to death when he raped her her.
            ETA: I am not proud of it. But an ass beating is deserved sometimes.

          • Sister Artemis

            Jeesus fuck. Maybe it’s the rotten week I’ve had, ’cause I don’t often lean this way, but that sounds a well-deserved near death experience. Hopefully not treading too close to the edge of Rule-Land.

          • Suttree

            My good friend ran to my room in the dorms. I chased said fucker down…….. The cops didn’t say a word when they finally showed up.

          • Suttree

            The EMT’s and the cops had nothing to say to me. I went downtown and worked with the DA. He just got got deported.

          • revenant

            well, violence is almost never the answer. wouldn’t think of second-guessing you

          • Suttree

            I feel bad about using violence. But my friend who had just been raped….. I held him until the police got thee

        • anna rampage

          Only if you want taco trucks on every corner!

          • Sister Artemis

            TACOS???? WHO SAID TACOS??? WHERE???!!!?????

          • revenant

            and who doesn’t, i’d like to know? (he said, his eyes taking on a steely, “let’s rumble” glare. or maybe that’s just astigmatism)

          • WomanInAMood

            God, I would love a taco truck right now!

          • anna rampage

            You’re in Portland girlfriend, there’s a taco truck and food pod just about every 10 blocks… ;)

          • WomanInAMood

            Oh, I know. But it would be so much more convenient if it was on the corner. It’s my Friday, it’s been a long week, and effort is something that I don’t seen to have the ability to do.

          • anna rampage

            I totally understand!

    • Sister Artemis

      That is quite sad, and I can so easily understand why you are upset. Hard to say why the guy was upset (your an ex? weird about about transfolk? just an ass in general?). But it seems to me that you need to hang onto your dear friend, and refuse to let his poor behavior (ok, MEAN behavior) get in between you two. I have maintained at least contact, if not closeness, with most of my exes, and it can be so tricky. But when there’s a deep bond, it’s worth hanging on to. That’s what you get from THIS polling site/wonk-pal.

      • Blacktop Cadence

        Yeah, I think that’s a big part of it. I don’t get it. Last year we all did a two day float trip and he was so cool. Suddenly, we came to see a few bands and I’m the clear enemy? Me more than the cis guy? Haha.

        Because I’m, well, trans, my therapist floated the idea he was trying to impress her friends and then, since they’re married and have a kid now, he feels like he has to be less “friendly.” Not sure how accurate that is, but, I can get it.

        I do want to maintain a friendship, but I don’t want to be a problem, if that makes sense. It helps I’m likely to move halfway across the counry next summer, I suppose.

        • Sister Artemis

          maybe since he was cool at an earlier visit, there’s a possibility of it being ok again in the future.

          Take it slowly, you never know what your friend’s dealing with inside her marriage.

          • Blacktop Cadence

            Yeah, that’s what I’m hoping. I’m just kinda determined to be on “her side” regardless. I’m that friend who hates your exes until you don’t kinda deal. I try to be loyal. :-D

          • Sister Artemis

            Me too. I just spent the last 3 days helping my near-hysterical ex of 4+ years get through a hysterectomy; with her panic about doctors and hospitals, several friends and family members not being able to help her, her other more recent ex (also supposedly still a friend) completely bailing on her,of course I stepped up to the plate. After a couple of decades, you know a person; how could I not? I understand this loyalty you speak of! :)

        • anna rampage

          He could have just been mansturating during the time of your visit…

          It happens, don’t ya know! ;)

    • anna rampage

      I’m sorry, that sounds like a total bummer!

      The situation sounds a bit complicated and while you can make a lot of assumptions about what was going on, you’ll likely never know what the trigger for the guy was unless your friend is willing to share that with you.

      My suggestion is to check in with your friend, try to maintain a friendship with that person, and the next time you go up for a visit, perhaps stay somewhere else and see if you can create a bond, or not, with her husband…

      It could very well be that your presence stoked a little jealousy in the guy and he didn’t know how quite to handle it.

      • Blacktop Cadence

        I do wonder if that’s it. I’m not very femme right now, not presenting as a woman, and she did make it clear years ago that was a deal breaker (me eventually transitioning). I am totally okay with that at this point. I get it. If you’re heterosexual, even a transitioned transwoman is, well, female.

        It’s just weird to feel like a threat.

        • anna rampage

          Even if you were very femme, old connections can still trigger jealousy. And at the same time, it could be a number of things that you might not have privy to….

          • Blacktop Cadence

            Haha, well, welcome to my former love life an and the likelihood of further complications. This is, like, the one issue I’d hope I’d break from. I had this one very serious relationship in my life, and now I’m both unhappy about something I did a decade ago and wondering how it’ll happen in the future.

          • anna rampage

            Being friends with ex partners can be tricky regardless…

            I dated a bunch of people throughout my 20s, finally settled down in my mid 30s, yet maintained friendships with many of my exes

            It took a while for my sweetie to get comfortable and not be a little hostile around those I used to date…

          • Blacktop Cadence

            That is a BIG help. I do hope this is temporarily. I did like the guy before this. It was such a dramatic change it threw me and my male friend pretty hard. And he’s a lunkhead! If he noticed, we all did!

          • anna rampage

            I’d suggest phrasing things really nice like and just check in with your friend.

            Something like, “it was so great to come up for a visit to see you, and so lovely to spend time hanging out. I kind of noticed “jim” seemed a little out of sorts while we were there, and he always seemed so cool in the past. Is everything okay, did we do something that was upsetting to him?” And see where it goes…

    • revenant

      there is probably a lot you have no way of knowing about going on between the two of them. it may be that it is all about their relationship, and you just stumbled into the crossfire. pregnancy can put a huge strain on a marriage, and so can a baby, and so can any number of things you haven’t heard about. give her/them time, let her know you are open and supportive- what else can you do?

      • Blacktop Cadence

        Yeah, I agree. Honestly, her best friend doesn’t seem very hot on him lately (we’re also pretty good friends). She called him “controlling” but that is an outsider perspective. It’s just an odd, four or five way situation that is soooo complicated.

        I just don’t want to add to it all.

        • revenant

          give people in trouble time, and space, to work their problems out- while keeping it clear that you want to help, if you can

          • Blacktop Cadence

            I will try and do that. :-)

            On the plus side, we are still talking, if only about fashion. That’s a plus, because I really do want her as a friend.

    • Blacktop Cadence

      BTW, I just want to say thanks everyone. I’ve had that friend and a therapist to discuss this week, and both are hard in my corner.

      It pays to get a few other people involved. Seriously, thanks.

    • TJ Barke

      Was her hubby cool to you before they were a couple, then hostile after they were together? Or hostile only after learning you were trans? What’s the timeline?

  • BadKitty904

    This Just In…

    Steve the Cat Has Achieved His Lifelong Goal of Becoming a Lamb
    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/steve-cat-lamb-new-zealand_us_57ec8c88e4b024a52d2ce015?section=&

    • SeekingBarbie

      Steve the Cat goes Native! That is so cute.

      • BadKitty904

        “Well, I don’t think I did all that much,” Steve said sheepishly. “I just feel like it’s about time that someone gave a good godlamb about these ruminants.”

    • Catstro

      Oh I am so glad I checked in before heading to bed! Steve chewing on that twig with the lamb is the best. Now imma go count some sheep (plus one ginger tabby). God bless Steve the Cat.

    • cat cafe

      And by the way, there was some “surprise” in the article that Steve has become the “leader.” Of course he’s the leader! He’s a cat! They are our overlords!

    • therblig

      Baa Ram Mew

  • MilwaukeeKent

    The spokes-people ( -pods? Dunno) and the whole campaign are solid and disciplined in only one way — any single question about the candidate they’ve offered to speak about is immediately met with a completely unrelated Clinton deflection. “Did he do business in Cuba?” “Why are we talking about Cuba instead of Clinton’s 30,000 emails lost in Benghazi?”. They must think it’s clever. I’m waiting for someone in the press to ask why they can’t talk about their candidate, not holding breath.

    • (((cynmac)))

      Well, now that Hillary is pivoting to talk more about her platform and policy proposals, this will leave Trump twisting in the wind. Her “check out my website” comment was perfect. Her rapid response team was updating in real time. Trump’s website had a paywall.
      The next “debate”, a joint Town Hall with undecided voters will be spectacular.

      • boyblue122

        Trump is still feuding with Rosie o Donnell and the former Miss universe that he insulted lol

        • SeekingBarbie

          How very presidential of him! The dunce just doesn’t get it.

          • Bub the Leftwing Zombie

            As with so many things. He’s surrounded himself with toadies and lickspittles his entire life, and it has, to be charitable, caused him to have a distorted view of reality. He genuinely can’t understand why people might think he’s an idiot. If he has an opinion or view on any subject, in his mind it is ipso facto correct simply because he believes it. And he has never had anyone to disabuse him of the notion.

            A narcissistic, megalomaniacal sociopath who believes himself infallible is not a good person to be commander in chief of the world’s most powerful military force.

          • WomanInAMood

            “Lickspittle” really needs to be brought into current conversation more often.

        • MilwaukeeKent

          He’s doing very well considering his emotional development stopped when he was 8.

  • (((cynmac)))

    OT – Congress overrode Obama’s veto of the “9/11 – Sue the Saudis” bill and now have regrets. They are blaming Obama, that he didn’t warn them that this could have repercussions on our troops and other Americans in the Middle East. These assholes were so vindictive that all they cared about was being anti. Fuck Them.
    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/congress-saudi-arabia-bill-doubts_us_57ed6491e4b024a52d2db13d?section=politics

    • anna rampage

      Sounds similar to when the republicans in NC passed HB2 and are now reeling from the consequences of that…

      I guess this is to be expected when you have one of the bad guys from The Deliverence write your legislation…

      • (((cynmac)))

        The should have known from the Religious Freedumb Laws that there would be a bad reaction. Religious Freedumb laws started by Pence in Indiana.
        I was at the Sine Die when on that last day, the Georgia Lege tried to pass that too. All the CEOs of all the Fortune 500 companies in state called the Governor personally. I have very little respect for our corrupt governor, Nathan “Raw” Deal, but that was a good thing he did. Unlike Open Carry.

        • anna rampage

          Open carry, you mean i can walk down the street sipping on an open beer?

          Oh wait, nope… you mean it’s still illegal to walk down the street with a beer, but totally legal to carry an assault weapon…

          What a fucked up country we live in…

          • (((cynmac)))

            Actually, they are very liberal about drinking openly when there are sportsball games downtown. If your inside our circular highway, I-285, one of our four islands of blue in the sea of red state, you don’t encounter many ammosexuals.

    • Panika MCD

      yeah, that was a fun part of the day.

    • TJ Barke

      Stupid fuckers.

    • Axomamma

      Apparently the other effect is it will enable Iraqis to sue the US government who used them as target practice.

  • Daisy

    Wow, she’s a special kind of dumb, isn’t she?

  • bubbuhh

    Volunteer Messikan Trump Spox is prepared to toast #WALL

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bev4NZEFsCQ

  • SeekingBarbie

    A little while ago Trump tweeted about CNN ratings, gloating because they are low (so he says, I couldn’t care less). WTF? Elections are right around the corner and this is what he thinks is important to share with the electorate? Meanwhile, Hillary is tweeting killer ads (many featuring Trumpo’s own words), info about her policies and Trump’s deficits. She campaigns like a grown-up; Trump campaigns like A Idiot.

    • (((cynmac)))

      Word is that if Trump wins, he’s going to create a network of his own. Like The Blaze or OWN – neither of which have had major impacts. That’s why Faux News has been challenging him lately.

      • anna rampage

        Looks like Roger “sexual harassment Jabba the hut” Ailes will have a place to land after all…

  • Suttree
  • Panika MCD

    not sure if this was posted earlier, but I’ll throw it out there before I sign off:

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/donald-trump-non-christians-raise-hand_us_57ec9600e4b024a52d2ce788?ncid=engmodushpmg00000003

    and remember, kids: sharing is caring.

    http://britslashyank.typepad.com/.a/6a00d8350417e069e20120a6f79f5b970b-800wi

    unless you’re a non-Christian at a Trumple rally.

    • TJ Barke

      Heil Drumpfler!

    • anna rampage

      PSA! Just remember, if your sharing intimate toys with safe sex friends, make sure to put a condom over the toy before switching partners!

      • Sister Artemis

        Always sensible advice, anna!

        • anna rampage

          Ya know, every once in a while I just gotta throw out a bit of sage advice… there are some young folks among us after all… ;)

          • Sister Artemis

            Sometimes I think the oldsters are just as prone… “eh, yeah, condoms…. I used to use ’em….”

          • (((cynmac)))

            They think condoms = no pregnancy vs condoms = no disease. I had it out with my mom when my brother fathered a child out of wedlock. She was bemoaning his mistake, when I said “better a baby than AIDS”. She looked startled.

          • Sister Artemis

            Yep. a lot of the gals I tattoo yammer on about their pill vs norplant vs iud vs etc etc etc, and in a quiet moment I’ll look up and remind them, you know that doesn’t prevent std’s, right?

            Oh the sad look of shock on their faces sometimes! if only one or two start being more careful, I like to think I’ve helped.

          • anna rampage

            OMG, I bet it’s the same expression when I butted into a conversation that two early twenties folks were having. they couldn’t believe their friend didn’t celebrate Christmas, because every one on this planet celebrates Christmas, right…

            I had the audacity to let them know at least 2/3 of the world did not, and the looks on their faces… oh boy…

          • WomanInAMood

            True story, I have a sister-in-law with AIDS. It sucks, and has been tremendously hard on my brother, who thankfully is negative. Condoms are for real, people!

          • (((cynmac)))

            Is it full blown or HIV positive and on drugs? I feel bad for your brother.

          • WomanInAMood

            Full blown. About four years ago, she was hospitalized. Surprise! She has PCP, a form of pneumonia unknown to non-aids folks. It was…heart-breaking. My brother had no idea. Only because a dear family friend, who is a doctor, sat him down was my beloved baby brother able to believe that this was indeed true.

            And, fwiw, AIDS really does a number on people. My sister-in-law had always been very quiet, reticent and a bit sly. Now, she shouts a lot, it’s as if she has no filter. It fucking kills me, the pain that he has been living through.

    • (((cynmac)))

      Or a liberal Christian. Trump could only identify a few outliers in the crowd.

      • WomanInAMood

        How many liberal Christians would be at a Trump rally?

        • anna rampage

          Hey, pickles and cheese!

          Shoot me a message at Anna.rompage@gmail.com

          Let me know when you got this an I’ll delete my email address…

          God forbid one of our Russian trolls gets a hold of it

          • WomanInAMood

            Responded, if you want to delete your account info.

          • anna rampage

            Yay!

          • WomanInAMood

            You got my response then? Awesome.

  • Blackest Noobs

    Joe fukin Biden got me tearing up on the Tonight Show…right now….he’s such a class ACT..the REAL Deal…you know….god!!!!

    and the fukin Republicans give us Trump?

    are you fucking kidding me?

    • anna rampage

      I’m still waiting for Trump to tear off his rubber mask, only to reveal it’s been Joe Biden punking the GOP this whole time…

      • Blackest Noobs

        That’s So Joe Biden !

        ok one of you graphic design dorks cue up That’s So Joe Biden! gif ala That’s So Raven!

  • Blackest Noobs

    just watched a Trump commercial.

    It’s really bad. like it’s just Trump keep saying Makin America Great…and every dipshit dumbshit color of the rainbow race wise saying i wanna make America Great Again not realizing it’s not REALLY including them for REAL REAL.

    • boyblue122

      The only Trump commercial ive seen was made completely from stock footage of families waving and people working. Its like it was made by a high school video editor

      • anna rampage

        That sounds like a step up from the stuff he’s released in the past…

        Perhaps by the time we hit 2050, he’ll have actually figured out how to run an effective presidential campaign…

      • Blackest Noobs

        exactly.

        that’s a right on the nose critique.
        what you wrote should be the annotation for his commercials in an annotated bibliography of Trumpism. serious…dead on…bull’s fukin eye.

    • (((cynmac)))

      If they were actors, I hope they got paid. I was an extra on The Originals (CW show) once and they paid me pretty timely. Same with a Falcons ad.

      • Blackest Noobs

        please tell me you were the guy slumped over in Falcons gear in the stadium alone and the words Season Tickets on Sale ( ok this was like 20 fucking years ago so it’s my paraphrase of the ad campaign and eh, not really a sportsball fan of any sportsball but maybe baseball but not really…it’s complicated)

        not for nothing i couldn’t give two bowel movements over football but that ad made me wanna buy Season Tickets…yeah…go figure.

        • (((cynmac)))

          Nope, female hugging the mascot, Freddy the Falcon. I’ve also been on the Jumbotron and I get recognized around town sometimes for that.

    • Stulexington
    • I’ve thought all along that Hillary’s ads are just so much better, just on a superficial level. And there’s such a variety of them, too. I think Trump had only the one ad during the summer; now there are one or two more I see, but still. It’s almost like they’re not paying enough to get top talent or something! Or that no one can shine shinola enough to make him sound good! Or that he’s utterly without worth or ideas!

      • SeekingBarbie

        Also a tacky cheapskate.

        • boyblue122

          He did say hed be the only one to run for president and make money while doing it

      • (((cynmac)))

        Do you live in a battleground state? Because that’s where Donald’s running his ads. He doesn’t have a lot of money to spend. Ad buys have been scant.

        • I’m in NJ, but in the Philly market, so I see nothing but PA Senate and Trump/Hillary ads.

      • Blackest Noobs

        all those reasons..all of ’em Katie all of em!

      • Axomamma

        I think it’s because he never holds one position (other than “I AM THE BEST”) long enough to run an ad, even if they can get it made.

        • boyblue122

          The wall is his only firm position

      • I appreciate that, although she does have a variety of different ads, there is always the highlighter motif in there, somewhere. Which says Hillary is trying to draw your attention to the important details, whereas Trump is trying to deflect it.

        …Seriously, her campaign is one of the slickest in the literal history of ever.

        • Sister Artemis

          I agree. Really good productions, every one of them.
          This is one of my favorites, just in terms of presentation and how it draws the eye through the material. And it’s primarily based on written words, with video breaking it up, rather than the other way around.
          https://youtu.be/iwAPaeGR4HA

          • Sister Artemis

            Hey, though the Title of the ad is “Trump’s bad week” the opening screen read “Donald’s bad week.” This came out in August. They’ve been doing the “first name” thing for a while.

        • Axomamma

          I never heard of Mook before this campaign but he is serving her very well

        • (((cynmac)))

          She’s following the same data mining model that Obama did. The one complaint I have is the number of emails coming from the DNC. ANd the fact that you can’t unsubscribe. I have them auto-deleting now.

          • I know. I get about five emails a day. Which definitely has me suffering from Hillary fatigue by the end of the day.

          • (((cynmac)))

            You read them? Set them up as spam or aur]todelete them. You know where ActBlue is.

  • boyblue122

    I bet right after the town hall debate in a week or so, Trump is going to say the audience members asking questions were Hillary Clinton plants. Or they were planted by CNN and Anderson Cooper to make him look bad

    • SeekingBarbie

      Anything that’s not a Trump rally will be rigged. If they ask the audience to be quietly respectful, that will be a problem for him, too, as he only knows how to feed off crowd frenzy and not how to address the millions of people who will be watching.

      • (((cynmac)))

        Or feel compassion or sympathy for the people asking the questions. Someone posted the link to the submitted questions and the voting process. I got to page 4 and quit.

      • boyblue122

        Thats true. Trump cant focus without whipping the audience into a frenzy or w/o the help of a teleprompter

        • Sister Artemis

          I’ve been thinking about his complaint about the mike right after the Monday debate. As usual his focus was on how he came across, and in particular, seemed to reference the audience in the room.

          Can’t find a quote right now (I’m supposed to be watching the Frontline episode!), but I think maybe lacking audience response he was a bit lost (they weren’t supposed to respond – maybe Lester was turning around and giving them The Dad Look when the camera’s were off him)

          • WomanInAMood

            Defective Mike, the not-terribly-good-coke-dealer needs to be a thing.

          • He is a thing. Defective Mike will be debating Tim Kaine next week.

          • Shannanigans

            I was just thinking that as I was reading boyblue’s comment. Trump feeds off the audience’s reaction. It’s like he needs their their approval of his bibbling bullshit or just their raw rage.

          • In that case, let’s hope the subsequent moderators keep it up. . .

          • boyblue122

            I think the moderators have to silence the audience so both candidates can be heard.

            If one side gets the audience cheering, it might drown out the other candidate when they start to talk

          • Sister Artemis

            Yes, and may go some way to explaining the way he talks – repeating things, trying things out, repeating them over and over again – sometimes the same exact words 3, 4, 5 times in a row – if the audience is reacting “favorably” (*shudder*)

            I think he tried it during the debate when he kept saying “stamina” and didn’t get the reaction he desperately needed.

          • SeekingBarbie

            Lester verbally reminded them at least once when they started cheering.

  • Sister Artemis

    Watching the Frontline “The Choice” episode on Hillz and the orange buffoon. Anybody else seen it?
    The Choice: 2016

    • anna rampage

      It was pretty amazing, I saw it a couple nights ago…

      • Sister Artemis

        I’ve followed Hillary on and off for years, so the early stuff is familiar to me. The Trump stuff on the other hand is new. We’ve only reached him getting to the end of military school, and already, so much perspective! so much backstory!

        Still an asshole.

        And if course, I still adore Hillz. BUT WILL I??? WILL I AFTER THE FILM iS OOOOVVVVVEEEERRRRRR?????
        (probably, right?)

        [edit: sometimes I feel like conspiracy-theory Pinkie Pie just comes bursting out of me]

        • anna rampage

          Oh god, you’re in the early stages of his asshole failureness…

          Why anyone such as this could make it so well in this life is ficking beyond me..

          you’ll see

      • Sister Artemis

        ok, the crossing-guard story was new to me.

    • (((cynmac)))

      As soon as it hit the website. I didn’t realize how long ago the banks made him step down from managing his properties and just being a pitchman.

    • Suttree

      Yes indeed!

    • limberrat

      Watched it today, I was shocking to learn so much more about the orange asshole.

    • It is on the list in my PBS app thingummy. I’m guessing it is good?

      • Sister Artemis

        It is! I’m about half way through. It follows the model of the other ones they have done (every four years, not sure for how long, after the conventions are done). I’ve watched them all, I think.

        • I was trying to decide what aneurysm-inspiring documentary to watch, tonight. I doubt if I can get through all of it, but it’s a place to start. . .

          • Sister Artemis

            These ones (the Choice series) are pretty easy to break into chunks, as they’re chronological story-telling. Oh! the 1980s! time to change the laundry/go to work/sleep etc

          • Oh, my god, this is such an eye opener. Hillary has been such a hard worker all her life, while Trump has been a certifiable asshole all of his.

            “What’s the difference between what you do and driving a bus?”

            FUCK YOU, DONALD TRUMP! I’D LOVE TO SEE YOU DRIVE A FUCKING BUS! I’D LOVE TO SEE YOU TRY TO DO ANYTHING THAT ACTUALLY MAKES A POSITIVE DIFFERENCE TO ANYONE WHO ISN’T YOU! Asshole.

          • Sister Artemis

            I can’t say I feel sorry, exactly, for Trump, but the kind of upbringing he had looks pretty awful. It’s like they scooped the soul out of him, bit by bit. Does he even know what happiness is? Not revelry in how awesome you think you are, but true happiness?

            Were he asked, Trump himself would probably make a crude joke about sex, or be completely oblivious to the idea that a gold-covered 3-story penthouse does not equal happiness.

          • Shannanigans

            That’s the trouble with libtarts. Compassion coming out of their wherevers all the time.

          • Sister Artemis

            Yeah, I know… I hate it when that happens. Then again, there are worse alternatives

          • cousin itt

            This. All the upfists.

    • yyyaz

      Yep. Made me think much more highly of “People” magazine.

  • btwbfdimho
  • anna rampage

    Okay kids, I’m about to turn into a pumpkin?

    Goodnight y’all!

    • Bub the Leftwing Zombie

      Good night Anna

    • WomanInAMood

      Sleep well.

    • Sister Artemis

      Good night!

  • HEY, YOU GUYS!

    My Hillz swag finally arrived, today, and it is more gorgeouser than I thought it would be!

    I’ll have the only car at work with this

    https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0854/8758/products/image_535cf568-c4be-4357-b8b7-f766468f04dd_grande.jpeg?v=1470791095

    on its badonkadonk! Granted, at work, I haven’t seen any pro-Trump stickers. But it’s time SOMEONE in this little burgh had something other than “Trump” or “Bernie”.

    • Shannanigans

      Ha! If I put that on my car, someone would park their pickup on it.

      • I’m kinda expecting that to happen here, also, too.

        But, I’m an old with excellent insurance. BRING IT! BUY ME A NEW CAR!

        • Sister Artemis

          This could work for so many people driving junkers!

          • Well, as I mentioned elsewhere, it IS a Saturn. . .

          • Sister Artemis

            HEY! SATURNZ LIBULZ!

            (have a 2006 Ion I lurve)

          • Mine is a 2005. I love it, also, too. I will be very sad when it dies/gets crushed by a monster truck with a TRUMP sticker on its nutz.

          • Sister Artemis

            I never want mine to die. I nourish a small, earnest hope that someday GM will see fit to revive the line.

        • Shannanigans

          But I love my car! I would be sad!

          • cat cafe

            I think, maybe we should get a bunch of them and just leave them around in public places.

          • Shannanigans

            Heh. Or put them on pickups…

          • Shannanigans

            I know, PUCKUPS LIBELZ. But almost all the guys I work with are and around are pickup drivers, so…

        • yyyaz

          Hmmm, maybe I can get enough of them to piss off enough ‘necks that they would crush my SO’s POS car while it’s parked safely away from home.

  • Today, while driving around town (like I do), I saw a lone little old lady sitting at the side of the road, surrounded by signs reading, “Pray To End Abortion.”

    And, I thought to myself, “Now, there’s something I can approve of!” I mean, PRAY to end abortion. It isn’t as if she was asking anybody to do anything that would make any difference, whatsoever. Now, “Vote To End Abortion”, that might actually accomplish something, and so I’d likely have a different reaction.

    But, sure, go ahead. Pray. It will probably work just as well as it does after all of those mass shootings and shit.

    • Sister Artemis

      Having worked in clinics, I have to say I have always had a grudging respect for the quiet ones advocating prayer. You know, the ones that didn’t block the driveway. Or chain themselves to doors and gates. And, you know, didn’t scream at the clients, or hold up nasty fetus-fetish posters.

      Nope, a scant few are quiet and pray. Maybe even sit through rainstorms. Don’t like the message, but I can respect the medium.

      • Although, you’ve got to wonder: what sort of omniscient, omnipresent god needs his followers to remind him of the stuff he doesn’t approve of? Like, just how much of a flake is he that he’s all, “I COMMAND THEE TO NOT ABORT THE BABBIES!” and then he sees something shiny and giggles to himself in a corner until enough people pray to him and he’s all, like, “Oh, yeah. That abortion thing. . . “

        • Sister Artemis

          Also, that part where it’s sorta not, nowhere, not even, not nohow, not anywhere in the bibble

        • cat cafe

          Not to mention that their same omniscient, omnipresent god actually really LIKES abortion, and does hundreds of thousands of them EVERY YEAR.

          • Sister Artemis

            Yeah, I’ve tried that argument with them, but they don’t seem to bite.

            Seems so sensible to me: if a God such as they conceive could righteously cast forth from the womb two thirds or more of human conceptions, why is so hard to believe that God might offer that option to some of us free-will livin’ women?

            *sigh* maybe I’m just messaging wrong…

    • Shannanigans

      Ugh. The asshole protesters have been back out in front of my neighbor’s house again off and on the past few weeks. Same sign saying “[name] KILLS BABIES! Pray for her!”

      • Gack! That’s terrible! I assume neighbor works at a family planning center or a clinic, or some such?

        Actually hanging out and harassing people is an entirely different matter. In this case, “Pray for her” is the religious asshole equivalent of, “Bless her heart!”

        • Shannanigans

          Yeah. She works at South Wind. It opened up in Dr. Tiller’s old premises a couple of years ago, which I thought was a brilliant move. The same protesters mailed out fliers back in July with her name, address, AND photograph on them. Oh, so we could PRAY for her. Specifically.

      • Sheepshagger

        What the fuck?

  • SeekingBarbie

    Guess I’d better call it a night as I have another job interview in the morning. And then it’s time for the weekend. Yay!

    • Good luck at the interview! …And the weekend, also, too.

    • Shannanigans

      Break a leg!

    • Sister Artemis

      Good luck, and sleep well!

  • KnaveOfSwords
    • Sister Artemis

      We’re so polite, on the late night discussions, about being OT – after a certain point, aren’t we pretty much 100% off topic, except for occasional musical and/or joke references? Thanks, overlords, for keeping the playground open!

    • Vagandarian the Librarian!

      I can’t believe this came from an AP class. “Special Victims Unit” is a more than disturbing moniker for a history unit on women and African Americans. Sounds like KKK propaganda.

      • Shannanigans

        It’s a big FU. “Hey, you made YOURSELVES victims with all this freedom and civil rights nonsense! You were much better off when you belonged to your masters and husbands!”

    • Sister Artemis

      Not at all hard to believe this, but sure would benefit from a school district or at county in Washington state being named, to back this info up

      • cousin itt

        From her Twitter feed, it seems that the AP Board is aware of the situation. Within the world of AP, this is where shit gets real and dealt with.

    • Thanks for broadcasting this, I saw this before I went to bed.and it was just oo late.

    • Shannanigans

      Horrifying indeed.

      • Vagennifer Flowers

        But, what happens if you buy the endorsement of media conglomerates by making them approved providers for NCLB.

        • Shannanigans

          Eh?

          • Vagennifer Flowers

            Bush. A number of media companies own subsidiaries which were named providers for No Child Left Behind, including Kaplan Testing, which provided all of the profits for the Washington Post Group under the Graham/Weymouth family. And they’re dancing with who brung them.

          • cousin itt

            If you have the stomach for it, just take a look at what W’s NCLB hath unleashed: http://www.excelined.org/team/governor-jeb-bush/ And as he says, it IS bipartisan. Democrats have been on board the reform train as well. Fuck them.

          • Vagennifer Flowers

            sigh.

    • cousin itt

      OK, so the rules are thus: If a high school teacher wants to have an AP class, s/he must submit their syllabus to the AP Board. If it gets approved the teacher is good to go. The obvious flaw in the system (which also applies to the IB Program), is that teachers can fly under the radar of their own obfuscation. The obvious flaw in our digital society is that connectivity is not and has never been the biggest issue; rather, it is the ability to create alt realities without responsible oversight.

  • FDRliberal

    And just as the New York Con Man’s illegal Cuban interests are revealed, a new report shows that Trump’s “charity” wasn’t even properly certified. New York Attorney General Eric Schneiderman needs to take action now. It’s obvious to anyone with open eyes that Trump’s “foundation” is just a slush fund to avoid taxes and buy Trump paintings and Tim Tebow helmets.

    • Suttree

      Ya heard that to? I’m waiting to see him waiting on a NYC street so that I may heckle him.

      • Suttree
        • Shannanigans

          Plushy posse!

          • Markuserektus

            I prolly couldn’t say that out loud.

          • Shannanigans

            Not after adult beverages maybe.

          • Suttree

            Three out of four are presents from my darling Lizzie. I lost Mama Jeebus chicken down south. Mouse I have had for 7 years. But here is the best picture ever! Yes that is me. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/e2b655d1f5c88e80728d50e134aa5025267d0bc00e317b2278ced8af01c5506d.jpg

          • WomanInAMood

            That’s so sweet.

          • Suttree

            Lizzie has given me sooo much love! When I don’t feel well with my back (it tends to involve some meds) I cuddle with my stuffies and have my own little universe.

          • Shannanigans

            Yeah but has she let you have any MEAT yet?

          • Shannanigans

            Too much cuteness!

          • Suttree

            My sweetie gives me the best presents evar! I love her!

          • WomanInAMood

            Lizzietish is a very lucky gal.

          • Suttree

            Nah, I’m a lucky guy.

          • WomanInAMood

            You are both very lucky. And deserving of that.

          • Suttree

            God Damn Wonkette! At the drinky thing she stole my seat. And then she told me that she was Lizzietish. I was all “oh you’re Lizzie?”. The rest is “oh goodness, you look cold”. Why don’t I take you home and warm you up. Teehee

          • WomanInAMood

            That’s as sweet as spun sugar. And you both deserve that.

          • Suttree

            I told her, a few weeks ago, that I love her.

          • WomanInAMood

            That must have taken great courage. May you both be happy. And find find peace together.

          • Suttree

            It did take courage. But it was the right time to say it.

          • WomanInAMood

            I am so very happy for you both. Because you both deserve happiness, and perhaps have found it.

          • Suttree

            I hope that we have. She makes me smile, and sleep. And cuddle with her. I never sleep, but she gets me to sleep sometimes. I just have a problem with sleep. But she sometimes makes me comfortable enough to pass out for a day.

          • WomanInAMood

            I am very happy that you found each other.

          • Suttree

            It’s all her fault. She stole my seat.

          • Suttree

            My old baby that got left in Nola. Mouse misses her. (shut up it’s a rooster, https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/8196e3855889794a084a51a6e45231fa6dc0ddc7c6cd30eb64ae635143d1d998.jpg but we called her Mama Jeebus)

        • Sister Artemis

          who’s the little fella in the foreground?

          • Suttree

            That is my mouse. He was stolen from another cat. He used to ride within my my dragonfly.

          • Suttree

            Give me a second to find a dragonfly pic.

          • Sister Artemis

            You know Suttree, broken up properly, that’s quite a little poem

            That is my mouse.
            He was stolen
            from another cat.
            He
            used to ride
            within
            my dragonfly.

          • Suttree

            Ha! That is the story of my life. I have always taken care of a girlfriends kittens that were found in a garbage can or on the street. I have had my own at kittens when I was young, but gf’s have always stolen the babbies after the breakup.

          • Suttree

            Mouse. Mouse has been with me since an ex and I stole him from Willie Nelson. Willie is a flufferson and my exes step father got super pissed that we stole a 99 cent mouse from Walmart from kitty.

        • Vagennifer Flowers
          • Sister Artemis

            I never even knew there was such a thing as a sloth mug!
            [grabs pencil and want-list]

            Sloths always smile. I love that about them.

          • Vagennifer Flowers

            The kid got it for me. Sloth is a tea infuser.

          • Suttree

            That is bad ass! But you can’t cuddle with them. They are nice though! Meow meow meow meow

          • Vagennifer Flowers

            No, you’re right. Not so cuddly.

            Hedgehog looks like a friendly fellow…

          • Suttree

            Henrietta the Hedgehog was my first present from Lizzie. I was sick last weekend, hay fever, and I was unable to go and see Lizzie. I just cuddled with all of my stuffies that she has given me. I’m so weird that I have to give them equal time. I feel bad when I give moose too much time and lobster isn’t getting enough.

          • Sister Artemis

            I’m so weird that I have to give them equal time. I feel bad when I give moose too much time and lobster isn’t getting enough.

            I’ll wax armchair-shrink for a moment, and suggest that each represents an aspect of yourself, and you are just playing fair with all of your aspects. Seems sensible to me!

          • Suttree

            I have been having terrible back problems lately. I just line all of my stuffies up next to me. I try to give them equal love. It takes my mind off of the pain. I really lay down and figure out who has not gotten enough love in the past 24 hour period. lol

          • Vagennifer Flowers

            You know, I have mountains of (yarn) stash. Maybe I should crochet something cuddly.

          • Suttree

            OMG! I would die if you gave me anything. I would, I don’t even know.

          • Suttree

            Gahhhh. A little of your avatar would be super dooper awesome!

          • Vagennifer Flowers

            You know, the kid has a Cthulhu plushy pattern…

            eta and there’s actually a hello, Cthulhu pattern out there. There truly is an amigurumi of everything.

          • Suttree

            Can I come over and fix something? Paint your house?

          • Vagennifer Flowers

            Nah. I need a project :)

  • Yr. Gma

    Why are you kids still up?

    • cousin itt

      Y R U?

      • Yr. Gma

        Because it is a rule for grandmas that they must check on the young folk before they themselves lock up the liquor cabinet before donning the night cap (the ruffled one that goes on the old grey head.)

    • Shannanigans

      I haz bad sleeps

      • WomanInAMood

        Insomnia seriously sucks.

        • Shannanigans

          But my cat is keeping me company in bed, so that’s nice. He usually ignores me in favor of my son. Maybe because he’s furry.

          • WomanInAMood

            When I can’t sleep, my wee little dog beastie helps. He’s a bit of a cuddle bug.

          • Shannanigans

            I just went and got my cat a big mug of water and let him drink from it. On my bed. He was very thirsty.

          • WomanInAMood

            I hope that helped. Animal friends are the best friends.

          • Shannanigans

            Yeah. I’m worried about the amount of water he’s drinking. Maybe should take him back to the vet…

          • WomanInAMood

            Isn’t it amazing how we are so aware of our pets issues?

    • WomanInAMood

      It’s my Friday. And why not? Yourself?

    • Sister Artemis

      I’m ALWAYS up! And anyways, I too iz grandma, so I get to stay up and watch ALL the old movies while sipping whiskey or baying at the moon or whatever.

      • WomanInAMood

        Whatever is the best.

      • cousin itt

        Very nearly New Moon! No one on this planet will be able to see it’s own moon no matter where they are, no matter how long they stay up during the night.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      I’m just getting off work

  • guppy06

    he was also OK with doing business with dead Libyan fucker Muammar al-Qaddafi.

    Hmm… Do you think Donald makes Melania dress up like Condi?

  • WomanInAMood

    This is completely random.

    https://youtu.be/rNHkWrUcLvU

    • georgiaburning

      good tune, just what I need with my glass of wine before bedtime

  • UnsaltedSinner
    • WomanInAMood

      There isn’t a bigly enough pacifier in the world.

      • Shannanigans

        (gross comment about Putin redacted)

        • WomanInAMood

          Damn, but you are a classy person.

          • Shannanigans

            Do I get a cookie for not being a jackass?

          • WomanInAMood

            You get all of the cookies. And I have never seen you being a jackass. Not once, never.

          • Shannanigans

            Oh I have been!

            Anyway, I was making fun of Trump and the “I coulda been rough in the debate and mentioned something bad but I didn’t” shtick.

          • WomanInAMood

            We all have our special moments, but I can still say with total honestly, that you have never been anything other than lovely.

            And, jeez, what a fuckwit to think that not being a total asshole makes one classy.Trump is nauseating.

          • Vagennifer Flowers

            Not to mention that he absolutely brought it up, so doing it in the context of not bringing it up doesn’t help.

          • Shannanigans

            I kind of lost it with Mr. Teach Me Feminism 101 guy the other day. i was that mad, mostly for everyone else’s sake.

          • WomanInAMood

            Was that the Alex thingie? I saw those posts, and was annoyed. He was so totally tone-deaf. Because I so love being man-splained, because I am so fucking stupid.

            But I prefer to think it was ignorance rather than malice. Trix likes him, so he can’t be a total asshole.

            But I should be wishing you a good night. I like this song.

            https://youtu.be/dM2VN2Hn-Z0

          • Shannanigans

            Yeah, that was him. Eventually, I just figured he must be very young. I remember a long time ago when I was so passionately certain about everything….

    • Shannanigans

      lulz!

    • freakishlystrong

      I go to work early, 3:20 A.M. tweeting screams Cocaine or Meth.

      • Sister Artemis

        ok, but what about 3:20am wonketteing? because I’ve been there (no one else was, sadly)

        • freakishlystrong

          We’re talking among ourselves. Not twatting out horseshit ABOUT ourselves.

          • ZangoCrudmonger

            And likely the stories about us are somewhat true, especially the Dear Penthouse Letters type about a certain Mr. Crudmonger. Ahem.

        • cousin itt

          It’s already 4:20 here in the Rocky Mountain time zone.

          • Sister Artemis

            It’s always 4:20 somewhere…?

          • WomanInAMood

            Toast to the West! Oh hell, I get confused.

          • cousin itt

            See, this is THE ANSWER to all questions.

          • Vagennifer Flowers

            4:07 here. I’m on week three of brutal OT, and saturated with caffeine, so sleep is iffy. Beleaguered husband gets up at five, so I set him up with fresh coffee and I’m wonking while I wait for the melatonin to hit.

          • cousin itt

            Over the years, my experience with caffeine is a reminder to just get more sleep.

          • Vagennifer Flowers

            Generally :)

          • WomanInAMood

            It sounds like you are not having the best night. I’m sorry to hear that, because you deserve good things.

          • Vagennifer Flowers

            Not so much, no. But at least it’s Friday, I’m almost sure. And thanks :)

          • WomanInAMood

            You do know that mountain time does not really exist? Right?

          • cousin itt

            Dude, what?

          • WomanInAMood

            Just repeating stories I heard.

        • I suffer from insomnia and am sometimes around Wonketting late, like now. I worked overnight shifts for years and years. Now I work at home and don’t really have to, but I’m so conditioned to it, that’s when I usually do work.

          And when I try to sleep at night, like tonight. I have a hard time getting there and I end up waking up every few hours. That’s what happened to night. I fell asleep around 2-something, back awake at 4-something. On TV, Obama just finished speaking at the Peres funeral. I started listening to that and thinking about how Trump will never, ever be able to make a speech like the one I just heard the end of. Now I’m probably going to have trouble falling back asleep because of election worries.

          • WomanInAMood

            I wish I had words of wisdom for this situation, but I don’t. Just keep in mind that Trump is going to lose. Bigly.

          • I hope so. I swing wildly between confidence and terror. I have had the insomnia issue forever, so I don’t know if I can legitimately claim the election is making me lose sleep – I’d probably be losing it anyway – but it’s sure not helping. There is just so much at stake. Turns out that almost everyone I give a damn about is poor, female, LGBTQ, a POC, an immigrant, or part of some other group that’s going to suffer if we lose here. I didn’t actually realize that before. I feel like everyone I love is being threatened.

          • WomanInAMood

            My mother’s mother grew up in Weimar Germany. It was a super fun time to be half American (quaker) and half German (jewish). There is a huge amount at stake in this election, no question, but breathe. We will survive this. Because no matter what slithers out from under the rocks, we are better and stronger than that.

      • cousin itt

        Unless it is MOSCOW TIME.

        • Sister Artemis

          hmmm…. 10:20 in the morning, Moscow… yep, sounds like time for a tweet break

        • WomanInAMood

          Idaho is very special.

          • Msgr_Moment

            How ’bout them Vandals?

    • Vagennifer Flowers

      I truly don’t get why they don’t take his phone away, unless they find the five figures of robot likes and retweets he gets on his tweets soothes him enough to put him to sleep.

      • Sister Artemis

        I don’t get why they don’t just drug him all the time.

        • WomanInAMood

          A girl can dream.

          • Sister Artemis

            OMG WHAT IF THEY ALREADY HAVE!!!

          • georgiaburning

            That would explain a lot, though they should have gotten the dosage right by now

          • WomanInAMood

            Dilaudid is not subtle.

          • georgiaburning

            that is true, my mom was on that for pain, and the mood swings were crazy

          • WomanInAMood

            I can only imagine. I’m really sad that you had to deal with that.

          • georgiaburning

            Her last two years were between nursing homes and hospitals. My sisters and I were really torn up. But my wife kept me sane ( or at least functional) through it all. There’s always the question, what more could I have done? Being a grown-up means you keep accumulating these unanswerable questions.

          • WomanInAMood

            You did what you could. Please believe that. Always. Being a grown-up also means knowing that there might never be the one true answer, but that you did your very best.

    • Rachel Book Harlot

      As opposed to his “a lot of people are saying it” gag?

      • Stulexington

        Yeah, but you know you can believe him because he says “believe me” and why would he lie about lying? That’s like a double lie that still makes it true right?

  • UnsaltedSinner
    • Vagennifer Flowers

      I have to hand it to Michael. She’s gonna think her head is still attached until she sneezes.

    • Jen B_VA

      Now that is some trolling.

    • phoenix00

      A++ Master-troll.

  • Sister Artemis

    G’Night Wonkers. Thanks for being here. For about 3 days, I’ve been enmeshed in someone else’s crisis/drama/panic/etc (as a support person, not a participant), and this place, as fleeting as my visits have been, has once again been a nice balance to the FuckWad of Krazee all around us. Till we meet again!

    • georgiaburning

      Good dreams

    • WomanInAMood

      Sleep well. And lovely dreams.

    • Suttree

      I’m glad that you are helping someone else. I am attempting to find love for myself right now. I have an awesome woman who loves me, but I don’t like myself right now.

      • cousin itt

        May love find you looking.

      • Jen B_VA

        :snuggle: Not that it matters, but we think you’re pretty spectacular, Suttree, and so does Liz. Dunno if that helps you feel good about yourself, but since Liz is awesome and we are awesome, you got some good endorsements, at least.

        • Suttree

          Yall make me smile.

      • Sister Artemis

        I’ll just throw this bit out because (even tho it’s 7 hours later) it came into my mind faster than I could finish reading your post. We love you, and we’ll keep loving you (and I imagine so will people in your non-Wonker life), until you can find the path to loving yourself.

        I learned that one in 12-step programs long ago – most of that stuff didn’t stick real solid, but the one about learning to love yourself in the context of love from others, has remained with me. <3

        • Suttree

          I try to pretend a bit. Sometimes at 3 am I get a bit unsure.

          • Sister Artemis

            everybody gets unsure at 3am. Or whatever 3am is in their life. (I think it’s 5am in mine, because of my weird work hours, but everybody has those dark times in the dark hours)

  • WomanInAMood
  • The Wanderer

    Good morning, all.
    Another glorious Friday! It’s bill-paying time – sometimes I feel like a pelican; everywhere I turn there’s an enormous bill right in front of me.
    I also have another day of realizing that, as stupid as Donald Trump is, he has a legitimate shot of wrecking America as thoroughly as he’s wrecked everything in his wake.
    Thank Hastur for Wonkette.

    • Hastur always seemed like a giant dickish asshole to me. Crowley is much more of a bonvivant

  • WomanInAMood

    Oh why not. After all, .. bagpipes…

    https://youtu.be/mOO5qRjVFLw

  • Vagennifer Flowers

    I’m too nice to say so, but, clenis. Clenis clenis clenis clenis clenis.

    The Republican nominee’s decision to dredge up the former president’s sexual history is a risky move in his campaign against Democrat Hillary Clinton, whose own team isn’t fazed by the attack line. Clinton was asked on her campaign plane whether she has an obligation to speak out if Trump brings up her husband’s infidelities. Her answer was a terse “No.”

    Trump critics say it all could backfire, elevating Clinton in the eyes of female voters and motivating her base.

    “The whole notion of trying to get Hillary Clinton to pay for Bill Clinton’s infidelities is just strategically a bad choice,” said Katie Packer, a longtime Republican strategist opposed to Trump’s candidacy. Women in particular, she said, see it as cruel.

    Republican pollster Frank Luntz said Trump’s reference to Bill Clinton’s indiscretions was his low point Monday night among the group of voters with whom he watched the debate.

    “They were laughing about it because they thought that was Trump at his worst,” Luntz said, adding that undecided voters are especially turned off by personal attacks.

    The effort also risks drawing attention to the thrice-married Trump’s own unflattering history with women. His first marriage ended following a well-publicized affair, and two of his top advisers, former New York Mayor Giuliani and former House Speaker Newt Gingrich, have had their own well-documented infidelities. The three have had nine wives combined.

    • The Wanderer

      The Trump camp’s bullshit ‘equivalence’ marches on.

    • This is the stupidest attack. It’s never worked before. It didn’t even really work on Bill, and he was the one who actually did something wrong. You have to hate Hillary to the point of being completely irrational to hold her responsible for being cheated on, or for not being nice enough to the women her husband cheated with. There can’t be that many people who are that irrational.

      • The Wanderer

        Bill was more popular after his impeachment. Not a lot of rightists recall that.

        • Newt fucking Gingrich ought to remember.

          • The Wanderer

            He’s a revisionist, so he’s probably forgotten.

        • Vagennifer Flowers

          He’s more popular now.

        • Pierre_de_Fermat

          They have repressed that memory. They have to.

      • You have to hate Hillary to the point of being completely irrational to hold her responsible for being cheated on

        You mean Trump’s Hillary Hater base.

    • UnsaltedSinner

      Oh, please bring this up at the town hall, Donald! Make my day!

      • The Wanderer

        He’ll bring it up as soon as he finishes bullshitting his way through the specifically planted question. There’s no way he can keep his mouth shut.

    • Jen B_VA

      Hillary should wear a blue dress to the next debate.
      Trump won’t get it. The people will.

    • Msgr_Moment

      Well, it’s worked so well for them in the past….

      • Vagennifer Flowers

        I know when I see the despair on the frozen faces of some dude’s third wife who overlapped number two, I want to hear more about how he figures women are responsible for their husbands’ adultery. And three of them can just get the message out quicker :)

    • Ryan Denniston

      It’s all good. Conway can hit the TV circuit and explain away Trump’s abusive treatment of women!

      • And she’ll do just as good a job as she did spining the Cuba thing

      • Vagennifer Flowers

        No, but, Hillary Clinton is totally the real abuser (and I so enjoy that unlike her ‘gentlemanly’ boss, Conway insists on calling her Mrs. Clinton)

  • WomanInAMood
  • UnsaltedSinner
    • WomanInAMood

      Bill wearing a yarmelka is a scandal? The bar is mighty low.

      • The Wanderer

        I think the worst you can say is that he has it on backwards.

      • bubbuhh

        Well, he is a Clinton. Not only is he wearing a yarmulke, he’s wearing it at a very jaunty angle for a funeral. He’s probably offended the Piratical Islamic Errorists cuz yarmulka. Also too, he’s probably offended some of the Israeli Fundaments with its anti-funereal ‘tude. Come to think of it, he probably offended Xian Fundaments and a certain section of the Feminest Fundaments who think the tip of his top means he’s trolling for funeral sex with someone not his wife.

        Good thing he has a tough fundament of his own.

        • WomanInAMood

          Your explanation is valiant. But RWNJ s need more ranch. Because salad.

          • bubbuhh

            I’m certain NJs of every strip will be able buy into whatever dressing, not to mention their favorite accessories, suits them at their usual salad outlets.

    • The Wanderer

      They’re making hay out of this? Crap on a cracker . . .

      • UnsaltedSinner

        Not yet, but I’m guessing they will.

    • Jen B_VA

      Who wore it better?

  • KJB

    Dear Wonket,

    LOVE the letter, but as any good therapist would advise, KILL IT WITH FIRE, don’t send it. This is not because you need closure and blah blah blah, but because we want Tangerine Ballbag to keep up the horror show and get top wizard HILLS CLINTON into power.

    Love,
    KJB

  • WomanInAMood

    https://youtu.be/HUgwM1Ky228

    Sorry, I’m a bit random, and I so like this song.

  • mancitydeplorables

    Kris Kobach caves in contempt case in big win for Kansas voters

    http://www.kansascity.com/opinion/opn-columns-blogs/yael-t-abouhalkah/article104918556.html

    There are more links in the story, but it seems that around 20k-50k voters will be able to cast the more traditional secret ballot than the provisional one.
    Looks like something good is finally happening in Kansas.

    • Jen B_VA

      heh I was just reading a story where Ohio was asking congress to make the big bully feds to stop “interfering” in state election practices.
      Cute, no?

  • Jen B_VA

    Required Military Reading that will probably never get picked up by too many outlets:
    http://www.nbcnews.com/storyline/obamacare-deadline/600-000-veterans-may-go-without-health-insurance-if-states-n656426

    Sure. They support our troops.

    • phoenix00

      From the same way these patriots supported 9/11 first responders, booyeah!

      • Jen B_VA

        Support our troops does not mean send them to war.
        Luckily, many of the troops sure as shit realize this. 50/50 is my guess, but we shall see what the exits say come november.

        • phoenix00

          Thing is, military folks are most likely leaning- to solid-Repubs. Vast majority white and not-college educated (military covers their tuition). That’s the demo where I have no clue how it’s going to turn out after Nov.

          • Jen B_VA