BREAKING! Bill Clinton's Old F*ckpal Will NOT Be Donald Trump's Debate Guest!

Just missing Jessica Hahn and Donna Rice.

We've got a lot to unpack on this dumb story since we never covered it yesterday, because it was too fucking stupid to bother, and also we had your money to spend. 

This week, Hillary Clinton's campaign cackled that it was inviting Mark Cuban to Monday's Clinton-Trump debate. Cuban is a billionaire who has been contemptuous of "fellow" "billionaire" Donald Trump's business acumen and has accused Trump of inflating his self-claimed worth.

Donald Trump, surprise, did not handle this in an appropriate manner, but instead announced that in retaliation, he would invite as his guest to Monday's debate Gennifer Flowers, who is this lady who used to bang Hillary Clinton's husband on the reg.

Gennifer Flowers, being classy as Sydney Leathers bouncing her boobs into Anthony Weiner's thingie, said yes. But she said it with a lipstick kiss emoticon, and her twitter features her in a pink fur coat, and she really should have aged out of sexworker chic by now, and it's all very cringemaking! I mean, come on:

That's just : (

So, some Thoughts:

• Donald Trump at first deleted this tweet threatening to invite "Jennifer" Flowers, and everybody thought someone on his staff had wrestled some good sense into his head. Then his staff reposted it with Flowers's name spelled right. Oh Donald.

• Donald Trump should really release his SAT scores, his Wharton grades, AND his tax returns all at once so we can see how he did on analogies. Donald Trump: Mark Cuban =/= Hillary Clinton:Gennifer Flowers. Instead, the counterpart to Mark Cuban in this analogy (a supposed peer who inveighs against you and endorsed your opponent) would be "a Secretary of State who thinks Hillary Clinton is crap and has endorsed Donald Trump." Oh whoops there aren't any of those. :(

• NONE OF THIS MAKES ANY SENSE. Donald Trump is trying to ... shame Hillary Clinton with her husband's former mistress, when Donald Trump's own former mistress will presumably be there as well? Her name is Melania Trump, and I am not sure that America gives you a pass for cheating on Wife One with Wife Two and Wife Two with Wife Three. (NO IT DOESN'T, NEWT GINGRICH.)

But it's all good, because Trump campaign idiot Kellyanne Conway says Hillary Clinton is the real Gennifer Flowers-inviter, or something, we don't know, it is fucking sad. From the indispensable Sopan Deb:  

What the everloving fuck is this shit?

• "The question really is why does Mark Cuban have to put out tweets saying it's the humbling at Hofstra"? WHEN DID YOUR DUDE BECOME SO DELICATE A BLOSSOM, KELLYANNE CONWAY? He called Ted Cruz's wife a butterface. He can't take "the humbling at Hofstra"? Apparently Donald Trump is a GIANT PUSSY, ACCORDING TO YOUR OWN TALKING POINT.

• "She [Gennifer Flowers] has not been invited by the campaign. She has a right to be there if somebody else gives her a ticket." So that's how we're playing it these days. Nothing said by Donald Trump, the putative head of his own campaign, is actually official, since it wasn't put out by Donald Trump's campaign. That seems fair and not at all crazy, and you are not terrible at this and bad at spin.

• It's poor judgment for the Clinton campaign to respond (quite mildly!) to Donald Trump's announcement he'd invited Clinton's husband's former fuckpal to the debate, because by responding, Clinton's campaign brought up Gennifer Flowers and now youngs will look up who she is which they would not have done when Donald Trump brought her up we guess. Here is what Clinton's campaign said:  

  "Hillary Clinton plans on using the debate to discuss the issues that make a difference in people's lives. It's not surprising that Donald Trump has chosen a different path," Jennifer Palmieri, the campaign's communications director, said in a statement.

  You know, I don't even see Gennifer Flowers's name in there, which would make it hard to google. Unless they were looking at Trump's tweet in the first place, updated with the dumb and very tacky "g" spelling for ease of Bing!.

• Kellyanne Conway, Donald Trump's campaign manager, is not good at her job. (It's not her fault, and it's not because we're sexist and she's the little woman. Nobody could be good at her job; it is the mucking-out-the-Augean-stables of political campaign jobs, and the horseshit is Donald Trump's mouth.)

  Anyway, now Mike Pence (remember him? he is Trump's vice presidential nominee. We know, we keep forgetting he exists too) says Trump isn't bringing Gennifer Flowers to the "humbling at Hofstra" at all. Not because Pence knows anything, or because the campaign thought better of it, or anything resembling anything smart, but because the debate commission is like "nah, let's stop using the front row to try to psych each other out, that goes for you too, Hillz and Mark Cuban, star of Shark Tank apparently."

  Anyway, have a song!

  Ok good post everyone! Dok is out "sick" (dying of pneumonia like a common Hillary Clinton) so go outside or something, we love you bye bye.