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Hot guy, and looks like he's single, hooray!
Hot guy, and looks like he’s single, hooray!

DRUDGE BONERS AND WINGNUT SIRENS!!!1!!!! There is a brand new scoop of scandal on Internet, and it is that the president of America, Barry Gay-slamic Usurper O’Bamistan is in Laos right now, and he is NOT WEARING HIS WEDDING RING. Why why why why why?! Is the president divorcing Michelle Obama to get gay-married to the southeast Asian nation of Laos? Why would he do Michelle like that?

Wingnut intertubes sites need to know. Dumbfuck Drudge links to a thingie from the unhinged looney tunes website The American Mirror, which posted the picture above in that JUST SAYING style, so its brain-damaged commenters could say hilarious things like “The charade is nearly over. We have always known O’s preference is NOT women.” Or how about, “Michael is going to be upset when he/she finds out. Wonder if obama’s [sic] new library is gonna have a bathouse [sic] so he can go back to his old lifestyle?” Obama’s old lifestyle is LURING BATS?

The American Mirror linked to another paragon of journalism, the Washington Free Beacon, reporting last year that Obama didn’t wear his wedding ring this one time, and also some other times, probably because he left it in the “bathouse” again.

We would like to help these poor souls out, so they can go back to their Very Important Lives, which probably involve stuffing their arsenals of weapons into their anal cavities so that tyrant Obama can’t grab them, so we have come up with some reasons why Obama might not be wearing his wedding ring in Laos right now:

  • Do we not all remember how Obama’s wedding ring is covered in secret Islamic messages? IT IS TOO A THING, WorldNetDaily reported it. Obama probably took off his ring because Laos is a Buddhist nation, and Obama respects all religions, as long as they aren’t about Jesus.
  • Do we not all remember that Obama secretly is gay married to a gay Pakistani? IT IS TOO A THING, WorldNetDaily reported it. He probably took off his ring in Laos, because he’s meeting with his gay Muslim husband during this trip abroad, for boning.
  • Do we not all remember how Obama was ALSO secretly married, on top of his gay Pakistani marriage, while he was in college? IT IS TOO A THING, WorldNetDaily reported it. Obama probably had a tantrum on Air Force One on the way to Laos, like “OMG I AM SECRETLY GAY MARRIED TO TOO MANY LADIES AND MEN, FUCK ALL THESE FUCKING WEDDING RINGS,” and then he threw them out of the airplane.
  • Maybe he wants to finger-sex the townspeople while he’s on his visit, and doesn’t want to chafe, because he’s a considerate, modern man who thinks about such things. (Obama would NEVER FINGER-SEX THE TOWNSPEOPLE, but if he did, he wouldn’t chafe.)
  • Maybe Obama wants a little strange on his trip, and he took off his wedding ring because he didn’t want any of the ladies in Laos to know the leader of the free world is married. That’s right, it’s INCOGNITO Obama, pretending to be single and hoping nobody notices who he really is! (He would NEVER DO THAT EITHER. For one, he is a good, loving and faithful husband. For two, Michelle would kill him dead.)
  • Have you ever considered that maybe Obama is just one of those people whose fingers don’t feel comfortable wearing rings, so maybe he wears his real wedding ring, his true symbol of marital devotion to Michelle, ON HIS COCK? Bet you didn’t think of that.

Anyway, the obvious answer is the last one, so sleep tight, wingnuts, secure in the knowledge that your president probably has a gigantic wedding cock ring with Islamic-ese words written on it, which he wears on his dick, which is bigger than yours.

[The American Mirror]

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  • Callyson

    Wedding-ring-gate!

    • Werewolf

      Ringhazi!

  • Msgr_Pheasant_Plucker’s_Son

    He threw it into the volcano on Mount Doom and Trump fell in after it. DUH!!!!!

  • beatbort

    Wow, that really casts a shadow on the Clinton campaign.
    But it’s good news for John McCain.

    • Longstreet63

      Yes, clearly the optics of this are very bad for Hillary Clinton…

  • I… I…

    Oh, fuck it all… just fuck…I hate the universe we live in.

  • Callyson

    OMG, the comments on that wingnut website make our trolls look like Albert fucking Einstein…

    • Heh, all the Wonket #jokes are being made over there, but they’re being fucking serious about them. Crazy shit, I tells ya.

      • anwisok

        You made me think I might find a mo-dick-um of wit there, so I looked. Damn you, sir. Damn you.

  • Do I have a chance with Bamz? No. Am i askeered of Michelle? You betcha!

    • mancityfooty .

      Look, I’ll try to distract her.
      You do what you can with those five seconds.

  • Relativicus

    “Have you ever considered that maybe Obama is just one of those people whose fingers don’t feel comfortable wearing rings, so maybe he wears his real wedding ring, his true symbol of marital devotion to Michelle, ON HIS COCK? Bet you didn’t think of that.”

    I didn’t! But now it’s all I can think about.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      And, if he has anything inscribed on his cock ring, there’s room for War and Peace.

  • anwisok

    “he wears his real wedding ring, his true symbol of marital devotion to Michelle, ON HIS COCK?” So, you’re saying he has a hard time keeping it up? Or are you saying that he suffers from premature ejaculation? OR IS IT BOTH?

  • kindness

    Oh why do you have to be so mean to my man Bammy?

    Obvs he’s going to Bangkok afterwards and he doesn’t want any evil side eye from what ever ladyboi he ends up with.

    So can’t we at least be respectable about him?

  • I Only Like Cats

    Other reasons: He left it on the dresser, on accident (I know even wingnuts do the same thing with their wallet. I’ve seen it). He accidentally dropped it down the sink, Full House style. He gained/lost a few pounds and it doesn’t fit correctly. He dropped it, it rolled away and he doesn’t know the flashlight trick so he couldn’t find it. He just forgot because he doesn’t need a physical reminder of his vows to remember he made them. He did this on purpose to distract conspiracy theorists from all the stupid things they are saying about Hillary, because he is a gentleman.

    • Aquaria

      There are literally a zillion reasons why someone might not wear a wedding ring like he normally does. Heck, he may have noticed that Laos is so hot and humid this time of year that it makes his hands sweat and his ring falls off when he least expects it.

      I’ve lived in places that humid.

      • Amy!

        My rings usually slide off when I’m in chilly environments (like, for Barry, the air-conditioned environment of DC). When it’s hot and humid, my fingers swell up (sometimes enough that I have to swap rings onto the next smaller finger, or if I remember in the morning, I can leave them somewhere safe).

    • meanlawyermom

      My husband and I take our rings off every time we go to the beach or a lake because we are afraid they will fall off in the water and we will lose them. I also take mine off when I shower and have forgotten to put it back on many times.

  • Bub the Leftwing Zombie

    How much more stupid can these fucking people get?
    (It’s a rhetorical question, but I’m sure there will be some amusing answers)

  • Major_Major_Major

    He’s trolling for some strange, eh? BONEGHAZI!!!111!!1!1!ELEVEN!!11!

  • Msgr_Pheasant_Plucker’s_Son

    Wear your damn ring. This is LAOS!

  • Astraea

    If he puts it on, Sauron can find him. DUH. Everyone knows that.

    • Msgr_Pheasant_Plucker’s_Son

      So when does Barack the Gray become Barack the White?

      • Astraea

        After he sacrifices himself so Hillz can save us all.

    • diggferkel

      Wow, I need to hire the Wonkette.com to make excuses for me being late to work or for forgetting an anniversary. They didn’t even try to explain why Obama didn’t wear his ring.

      Obama was always gay. Come on, even basic Gaydar spots him.

  • Well he may be gay married to a secret Mexican muslin and putting all the old white Christians in FEMA camps, but I tell you, even after 7 1/2 years of republican shenanigans, he is HOTTER THAN HELL.

    Can we keep him dad?!?! Please?!?!?!?

  • Painter of Taco Trucks

    Mr. of Goats wears his wedding ring in his pocket. He used to do electrical installations and rings can be conductive, so it just became a habit. Maybe the President had just finished fixing some loose wiring on Air Force One.

  • Aquaria

    I no longer wear a wedding ring. That’s because I got tired of replacing them. Funny, when you do physical labor, your rings tend to come off while you’re working. Since I was a postal worker, if my ring came off and I didn’t notice right off, my ring could soon be on its way from San Antonio to Arizona, or Puerto Rico or even to the dreaded France, so I’d never see it again.

    Replace enough wedding bands, and you soon realize–fuck it. I’m too broke to do this again.

  • (((JustPixelz)))

    MICHELLE! Mrs Michelle Pixelz. Think about it.

  • My fingers swell up when I travel or don’t otherwise stay properly hydrated, and I can’t type when I’m wearing my ring (being a writer, that kind of gets in the way of me doing my job.) I guess these people would see my oft-nekkid left hand and assume I’m a big ol’ gaymo living in a sham marriage or something.

    (Actually, both of us are bi and we’ve been married for almost 20 years, but that means NOTHING! NOTHING, I SAY!)

    • Thiazin Red

      Me too. It also happens when its humid out. I can’t wait for summer to be fully over so all my rings and shoes fit properly again.

      • Vincent Ricola

        Yep. This. I spend all day typing and 9 times out of 10 I’m not wearing my wedding ring. Humidity always results in my hands swelling up like that girl from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. :(

      • Latverian Diplomat

        It must be ironic that your white shoes only fit well after Labor Day. :-)

  • Latverian Diplomat

    Not only was Obama not wearing a wedding ring, but that wedding ring was not wearing a flag pin.

    Case Closed.

  • anna rampage

    My guess is that he hawked his ring to get money for one of those magic mushroom pizzas, and a bag of choom…

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “Maybe he was trying to set up a funny joke about how he didn’t have his wedding ring because he Laosed it. God, I’m good.”
    — Ann Coulter’s Joke Writer

  • Jen B_VA

    Maybe he was taking karate class. Cause you take off your rings for karate class.

    • h4rr4r

      Or machining work, or electrical, or about 100 other hobbies and activities.

      • Jen B_VA

        I just wanna imagine the Bamz doing some karate. Because reasons.

  • JMP

    Obviously Obama is continuing in his plan to take over the world for secret Communist Islam, and as such he has acquired The One Ring and if he wears it in public will be invisible to all but the Nazgûl.

  • Nounverb911

    I read on the internets that Barry lost it playing ‘ringolevio’.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    It’s obvious that this is one of the other Obamas. There are three. I read it on the internet. Or he lost it in a card game. What the hell ya want from me?

    • Jen B_VA

      We liberals are some pretty bad ass mothers if the conspiracy loons are to be believed.
      We have taken over the world, perfected human cloning AND will be soon grabbing everyone’s guns and rights and womins and religions or whatever.
      Fucking liberals kick all the ass.

      • Señor Skwerl

        I for one have the one of best aborted fetus BBQ recipes. The secret is in the screams.

        • JustDon’tSayDittos

          Whoa. That’s dark.
          But carry on!

      • BeachBum

        That sounds like too much work for me. Can I just pass mine on to other liberals ?

      • Logic of Color

        I’m still exhausted from faking all the Obama stuff. You know how hard it was getting that Kenyan kid’s birth covered up?

      • Bub the Leftwing Zombie

        All those RWNJ’s figure they need AR-15s to defend themselves from weedy poli-sci students, lesbian zucchini farmers and people who eat organic granola for breakfast before washing crude oil off seabirds with Dove™ dish soap.
        Seems like overkill to me.

        • revenant

          thing about RWNJs is, they’re easily and often frightened. their fears define them. if we could only find a way to reassure them, we wouldn’t have to put up with the murderous rage that they direct at everybody who scares them by not looking and acting the same as them. sadly, it seems nothing can assuage their constant anxiety

    • laughingnome

      Maybe it was Russian roulette – like in the Deer Hunter. It is Southeast Asia after all.

    • Amy!

      He lost the other Obama in a card game? Deal me in!

  • Iam Reading

    Drudge is projecting. He wants Obama sooooo deep inside of him..

    • BearGHAZI

      He’s such a cuck

  • Astraea

    I heard he gay married Justin Trudeau last time he was in Canada.

    • Jen B_VA
      • Iam Reading

        What? No tongue?

        • Jen B_VA

          It is implied

          • Iam Reading

            That’s the dirtiest and bestest.

        • mancityfooty .

          well not yet, jeez, give it a second

          that is a long gif

          • Jen B_VA

            It is drawn out for your pleasure.
            Like in rocky horror except you never get to say the pation part.

        • calliecallie

          And yet he’s wearing a wedding ring in that picture. Curious.

    • Don’t tell Jen! Then she’ll get in trouble with thr RCMP and the Secret Service. If she’s not already

      • Jen B_VA

        Hey the restraining order only says 1000 miles. I can work with that!

    • Blank Ron

      It would be irresponsible not to fantasise speculate.

    • anna rampage

      Yes, and I hear they’re planning on adopting a little Laoation girl together while they are in Laos…

      Something about needing someone to fix cocktails for their daddies…

      • That sound more like the adoption plans of John Barrowman and his hubby

      • therblig

        it puts the laotian on its skin or else the foreign aid gets thin

    • OneYieldRegular

      Yes, that evil stare that the President gave Putin recently? “Hands off – Justin is mine.”

  • Señor Skwerl

    Obama’s gay? I guess that’s his business.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “It’s true, chicks are way into married guys. That’s why only gay guys don’t wear wedding rings. Heck, I’m so not gay I wear two. If only all the women I meet weren’t lesbians, as they always seem to say right after I start negging them.”
    — A Pick-up Artist

  • proudgrampa

    One Ring to rule them all, One ring to find them; One ring to bring them all
    and in the darkness bind them.

    BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

  • Wild Cat

    Intrepid reporter Matt Drudge
    Is never one to hold a grudge.
    On his head is a hat
    Made of fur from a rat,
    And his rich belly is full of Santorum and fudge.

    • Iam Reading

      And by fudge, I assume you mean Teh poop?

      • Wild Cat

        Well, I’m certainly not implying he gets any journalistic scoops . . .

  • Lefty Frizzell

    This clinches it. I’m voting Trump now.

    • Nounverb911

      And who are you voting for in November?

      • Lefty Frizzell

        BOOM!

  • JMP

    Why are some of the right-wingers obsessed with painting their political opponents as secretly gay, anyway? Could it be because they’re super-homophobic and still think “your a f—-t” is somehow a cromulent insult?

    • TJ Barke

      Yes.

    • anna rampage

      Because secretly, deep down in side, they are jealous of people who have enough courage to toe tap while in a private bathroom stall…

      • Jamoche

        Toe tapping? I’m never going to see this the same way again: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D3nLLI-CilM

        • Oh jeez I just sprayed tea all over my monitor over this!

        • Wild Cat

          Whatever you do, don’t let the neighbors know about Uncle Charlie . . .

        • PubOption

          That guy seems to have a narrow stance.

  • Mavenmaven

    Talking about unhinged, there’s Paul Ryan’s latest press comments defending his linking Zika money to defunding Planned Parenthood, etc.

    • Nope. Not listening to that inbred frat boy ever again

    • Astraea

      Did you see Representative Jolly threatened them all with mosquitos?

      • anna rampage

        It was pretty awesome!

    • Jen B_VA

      Because whores should be punished with zika?

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        as should children

        • Jen B_VA

          So long as we get to punish someone!
          -GOP platform

      • Tacotruckjohn

        Some people just don’t have any whores’ sense.

      • So…congress is getting Zika this year?

        • Marion in Savannah

          I thought all the Republicans’ mothers had already had it…

      • Mavenmaven

        The GOP is really the party of Trump in word and deed. They deserve each other.

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    I heard he traded it to some ladyboy for some illegal drugs

  • blondeiq

    Maybe he is pregnant and his fingers got all swolled up like a preggo lady.

  • TheGrandWaz00
    • mailman27

      The man is a saint.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “The gold of a wedding band interferes with the delicate electronics of a Life Model Decoy. The real Obama is on the Moon, surrendering Earth to the Romulans.”

    • edith prickly

      Woo hoo! Lifetime supply of Romulan ale!

  • Mpeg

    He’s in L-A-O-S which rearranged spells “S-O-L-A” as in, “solo,” “alone”, people!!

    Nevermind the Laotian translation, which goes more like ຢູ່ຄົນດຽວ,,,

    • the Vagenda Manologues

      It also spells Salo. Just saying.

  • the Vagenda Manologues

    Because he took a long, long plane ride and his fingers were swollen?

    • Astraea

      There you go with your plausible facts like some kind of show-off.

      • the Vagenda Manologues

        This is why the press rightly hates me.

        • Pickle Truther (AntiDerpomeme)

          You’re really no fun at all.

          • the Vagenda Manologues

            Um. My opponent is a poopy doodyhead?

          • Pickle Truther (AntiDerpomeme)

            Better, better. Throw in a few “weak” or “sad” or “failing” adjectives in there and you’ll have the MSM eating out of your hands. Which I’m sure are very well-proportioned and not small at all.

      • SeekingBarbie

        Like SCIENCE has anything to do with it. Everyone knows SCIENTISTS are the biggest HOAXERS ever.

  • beavertank

    No, no, bathouses aren’t for luring bats. They’re where the discerning vampire goes to sleep. Obama is clearly a day-walking vampire, like that other nice black vampire from the comic books, and he takes his ring off when he goes hunting the evil vampires because it upsets Michelle when he comes back with vamp-gristle stuck to it.

  • Vagenda Woods

    I am not a ring wearing fan. After 20 years Mr VW finally wore me down to accept a diamond ring, which I lost a couple of years ago. I still have the silver celtic knotwork ring which he has the twin of that we got about 5 years ago, because he wanted to wear a ring, but while he NEVER takes his off, I only put it on if we’re going out somewhere together, and then end up taking it off and stowing it in a zippered pouch so as not to repeat the “lost the diamond ring” debacle.

    • I am not a married. But do frequently wear what i refer to as ‘face-punching rings’ they come in handy on public transit

    • BeachBum

      ot that reminds me of the Ring Episode of Dharma and Greg.

    • baconzgood

      Apparently my wife and my fiance couldn’t take their rings off fast enough.

  • janecita

    OMG, my husband has never wore his wedding ring, he hates jewelry, is he also gay married to a sexy Pakistani man? Is he fingerbanging all the hot Chemical Engineers @ his job? Now I am worried!!!
    Ps. Second question was a trick question, he is the only hot Chem Engineer in the state of NJ.

    • Pickle Truther (AntiDerpomeme)

      My husband takes his off when he “exercises” or “goes on bike rides.” Hmm, I’m definitely married to a gay muslin homo. I mean “bike rides?!!” Seriously?!!

      • ahughes798

        As long as he’s not hiking the Appalachian Trail, I wouldn’t worry.

      • janecita

        Sorry, he is gay:-(

        • Pickle Truther (AntiDerpomeme)

          Well, could be worse. He could be Republican.

          • janecita

            I agree, that would be devastating.

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            He might be of the tens of millions of Secret Republicans™ who are going to put Trump in the White House. (It’s on teh intertubez so it must be true!)

          • WhyFelicia

            Hang on, hang on. Does he have a sense of style?

          • Pickle Truther (AntiDerpomeme)

            His mother told me that they used to call him “Threads” when he was in HS because of his wardrobe choices. But these days he’s been sporting cargo shorts. So, tossup?

    • Snark Tank

      Well, he’s the only hot ChemE in Jersey NOW, since I moved away.

      • janecita

        So, that was you! I remember that when you moved my husband said “There could only be one.”

    • Marion in Savannah

      Heh… Mr. Marion in Savannah insists that men only wear wedding rings because of pressure from jewelers. So for the last 38 years (39 in 5 weeks) he’s been ringless.

    • therblig

      so if he asks me out, i should say “NaBrO”?

      • janecita

        Funny!!,?

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Sodium hypobromite. Geez, Wonkette has everything!

    • Loki1001

      Does not wearing a wedding ring automatically get you married to a sexy Pakistani man? Because I have never worn one and I DIDN’T GET MY SEXY PAKISTANI MAN!

      • janecita

        Sorry, but they ran out of sexy Pakistani men. Now all you can get is a mildly amusing, middle aged, beer bellied, Ukrainian man:-(

  • Bill Slider

    I look forward to the WND article on Hillary’s cock ring, allegedly, when she.buries The Donald in the Electoral College count.

  • JVisconti

    8 yrs in the Oval office stresses relationships. Reagan spent his last term wondering why Jane Wyman wasn’t wiping his chin after breakfast in the morning.

    • therblig

      and why nancy was wiping hers? oh yeah, i went there.

      • Wild Cat

        So did George Peppard.

  • OneYieldRegular

    Obviously he has to take off his super secret decoder ring when in Laos to avoid any possibility of its accidentally setting off one of the 80 f*cking million unexploded bombs left in the country after the Vietnam debacle.

  • Gorillionaire

    Would still rather have a black, sekrit muslin dude screwing preznit over Walnuts or Thurston Romney III.

  • cmd

    I’m going to go with the Incognito Obama.

  • I am entering the beast that is downtown Toronto. 27 hours to my first movie!

    • Wild Cat

      Watch out for falling David Cronenbergs . . . and Leafs fans committing suicide.

      • That second one does not happen often. No Cronenberg on the schedule this year, but i do have a couple of Herzogs

        • Wild Cat

          Ask him if he ever paid that dancing chicken any royalties.

      • weejee

        Is it spring – the Leafs are out once again?

        • Bub the Leftwing Zombie

          They are the only Leafs that die in the spring.

        • Wild Cat

          Curse of Tiger Williams . . .

    • DemmeVagenda

      Do they still obsess about Anne of Green Gables and I Heard the Mermaids Singing?

  • CountryClubJihadi

    I was hoping he left it in Duterte’s ass when he fisted that motherfucker.

    • BeachBum

      Sick. Really Sick. Keep it up !

    • JustDon’tSayDittos

      I was going to say “with votes”, but…

      …not this time. Fuck that murdering SOB.

  • baconzgood

    Maybe it’s inside a turtle.

  • mancityfooty .

    At least no one is talking about all that money he’s giving away so they can dig up those free bombs we left them.

    • Amalga

      Oh yes people are; heard it this
      afternoon at the tavern. And so ….”stupid of him because everybody knows we never bombed Laos”. Conversation between retired career AF aged 68 and retired logger aged 78. I guess I don’t need to go back to town for a couple weeks now that we got that straightened out.

  • Scooby

    has anyone come up with “Hillary stole it”?

    • SDGeoff

      I hear she murdered it.

      • Sakonyachen

        She emailed it to her donors in exchange for moar pantsuits because BENGHAZIIIII!!!!000!!!! After Bill made a pass at it of course.

  • therblig

    gay is gay, whatever floats your boat. but his continued refusal to wear a flag pin is grounds for IMPEECHMINTZ!!!!

  • blondeiq

    Maybe Gollum stoled it and dropped it in a volcano.

    • weejee

      Most sensible answer, just sayin’.

  • Sheepshagger

    The gays have secret sonar codes. Study on it. BATHOUSE!

    • ahughes798

      Yes, they do. Their AIDS rings have tiny GPS systems inside, so one ghey can locate another ghey for the homosexxican sexy times.

      • revenant

        and a radio transmitter, to record each time they score by scratching a Patriot and infecting him with AIDS- get the right number and win a pink Cadillac or another Fabulous! prize (source; WingNutDaily)

    • Loki1001
  • taco truck vagenda

    I seem unable to stop imagining the Obama Cock Ring. . . .

    • edith prickly

      my preciousssss….

      • Darkrose

        One Ring to rule them all…

        Because Obama is the Dark Lord.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      Yeah, I’m pretty much going to my grave with that one.

  • TheGrandWaz00

    Check Hillary’s e-mails for the answer to the mystery.
    http://www.reactiongifs.com/r/clssfd.gif

    • At the corner, turn left

      Damn. As much as I like Hillary, I’m sure going to miss that grin.

  • edith prickly

    He gave it to the taco truck mafia so the White House would be safe while he’s out of the country…

  • Daisy

    They pay that much attention?

    • Jen B_VA

      How else do you think we know about every time Hillz coughed on camera, Sasha rolled her eyes, or Michelle wore flats so as not to tower over everyone else?
      These folks pay minute attention to eeevverrryyytttthing even remotely connected to a democrat.
      That is why they miss things like the outright bribery of one att gen by one orange haired douchecanoe

      • Sakonyachen

        6’1″ and 5’11”? That’s a tall couple. I wonder how many world leaders are bothered by their obvious height advantage? I’m guessing Putin is lucky if he is 5’6″. Wonder if Russians care about height? They all seem to be pretty stocky and alpha on TV. I’ve never met an Russian in real life.

        Fuck all that noise! I’m taller than the Preznit!

  • laineypc

    It’s obviously his secret code to Michelle which sex role playing game they are doing when they are together next. Edited to say: Because it’s his turn to choose.

  • BeachBum

    “Bathouse” That is why I come here. I learn something everyday.

  • calliecallie

    Obama doesn’t go back to the bathouse. He goes back to the Bat Cave.
    SECRET IDENTITY REVEALED!!!

    • revenant

      To the Bathouse, Robyn!

  • bubbuhh

    There is this thing. Wearing weddinig rings is a European Christian tradition that is not much known or acknowledged in the elsewhere parts of the world that are not Christian or conquered by the Christian Europeans. Well, except for Japan which is well known for out-Americaning Americans when it comes to western traditions and fads. In Japan, the groom may have to give three or more rings to the bride to prove his sincerity or worthiness.

  • mancityfooty .

    OT: A question for the panel:
    The engagement ring I used 6 years ago was the one given to my grandmother in the ’30s, so, heirloom. The stone is tiny so it’s not worth much, if anything.
    Is it rude to ask for this back?
    *edited* Next month would have been the fifth anniversary.

    • calliecallie

      Not if you didn’t marry her. I’m amazed she had the stones to keep it.

      • mancityfooty .

        edited

    • Lulu Mac

      Purely theoretical Contract Law 101 answer is that the engagement ring was the consideration for the marriage contract, so if the contract was not fulfilled, then the ring should be returned. As to whether or not asking is rude, well, I’m a lawyer. so….

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      New engagement rings-keep
      Heirloom engagement rings- return

      source: Miss Manners

    • ViveLaRes

      No, it’s very reasonable to ask for it back since it’s an heirloom. I don’t totally understand keeping an engagement ring if things don’t work out, unless it’s worth a whole lot of money and the giver was a real douche. I gave mine back after divorcing the asshole, because I certainly didn’t want it. Flushing it seemed childish and selling it seemed tacky. Good luck!

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Get it back. Tell her one of your kids might want to use it someday.

  • calliecallie

    I lost my wedding ring last Fall in a purely stupid way. I frequently take it off when my fingers swell, and I have a special compartment I keep it in, but I was in a hurry and didn’t put it in the special compartment. I knew at the time it was a dumb idea, but I did it any way. Sure enough. Lost. I still feel bad about it.

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    Dear lord are we discussing preznencial cocks again and can we stop? (Also–I’ll be in my bunk)

    • Sunnyhorse

      Hey, better this one than Donald Trump’s.

      • Sakonyachen

        You are mistaken. Trump’s isn’t presidential, it’s prenatal.

  • Amy

    Flying can make your fingers swell and he’s been doing a lot of that lately. I like the cock ring explanation better though.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Seems to me that swelling would be even more of an issue, but I’m not an expert. (On jewelry.)

  • chascates

    And just where is his American flag lapel pin so people will know he’s patriotic? Hmmm?

  • ltmcdies

    hey did yah hear …Mike Pence says Bams was born in Hawaii..it’s true…
    http://time.com/4482683/mike-pence-trump-obama-birther/?xid=time_socialflow_twitter

    mighty big of yah there Mikey…..

    just thought I add more stupid to the above Drudge stupid…can’t have enough stupid you know

    • revenant

      you can’t? well, all righty then, cuz we sure never will run out of stupid here in US Amercia, land of the freak and home of depraved.

      hell, we never even run low

      • ltmcdies

        your not alone sadly….

  • Ikimizi

    I just got back from the supermarket, and according to the Enquirer, Michelle has gained 95 pounds. There’s pictures, so it must be true.

    • SadDemInTex

      Seriously? She’s photographed thousands of times every day…?

    • CTOH

      I laughed OUT LOUD the other day when I saw that!! Trump’s favorite news source scores another coup!

    • UnsaltedSinner

      We were warned the Antichrist was coming…

  • SadDemInTex

    My spouse and I never exchanged wedding rings. I occasionally wear rings but find them annoying. I go berserk if they don’t slip off easily. And since Fallon had his ring finger torn off in a “freak” accident (he fell and the ring got caught on the counter, finger ripped almost entirely off and it doesn’t look like it works at all any more) I’m too freaked out to wear rings.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Rings don’t stay on my finger – I have streamlined knuckles. After two of them just fell off and got lost, I stopped wearing one.

      • revenant

        me also, a few years of very hard manual labor left me with both lingering carpal tunnel and fingers with barely discernible knuckles

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          I’d like to claim “muscular fingers”, but I know (too many people who know) that the muscles aren’t in the fingers.

      • Sakonyachen

        I have big freaky knuckles which makes my ring huge. When I pick things up it hurts because it smashes against the other fingers. It’s fine though because I lost it after less than two months of marriage. I have a 4 dollar flea market ring that somehow won’t stay on my fingers but isn’t too big so as to be uncomfortable.

  • Erik Lonnrot

    I hope his library has a bat house. Bats are cool and need more nice places to live.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      And they eat mosquitoes, so Zika assault weapons.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Next January, I fully expect the RWNJs to claim victory in forcing Obama from office.

    • Crystalclear12

      And it was just one term because there was no break in between.
      Yeah, that’s the ticket!

    • UnsaltedSinner

      Their brave opposition made him cancel that coup they have been warning you of.

  • CTOH

    OMG – Evan Hurst kills me! TOO fucking funny!

  • CTOH

    Obama’s pinky finger is bigger than #TrumpsLilNubbin.

  • azeyote

    why have a bath room when you can have a bath house – with sauna and hot tub

  • idiotboy

    “…you’re not married are you?”

    “Nah, see any ring?”

    “Ok then, say aren’t you Barack Obama The president of the United States?, beccause I know he is married!”

    “Damn, I get that shit all the time, we look a lot alike, you want to check out my pimped out 747”?

  • meanlawyermom

    “Obama’s old lifestyle is LURING BATS?”

    Best thing I’ve read today! And that’s saying something because there have been some darned funny comments that are not allowed today.

    • Loki1001
    • Courser

      That was the first thing I laughed at today. Just heard this morning that a good friend and SAR teammate is in a Cardiac Care Unit awaiting a heart transplant. He was a rockstar at a SAR exercise a month ago yesterday!!! I’m still stunned.

      I’m a big fan of bats! Awesome that Obama is luring more in!!!

      • meanlawyermom

        Hoping your friend gets a heart transplant. I have a friend with cystic fibrosis waiting to get sick enough to be on the lung transplant list. I can’t decide if I should be hoping she gets sick enough to be on the list or well enough to never need it.

  • mardam422

    Why would he wear his wedding ring? Have you seen some of that young Laotian poontang?

  • jesuswasablack
  • Paperless Tiger

    Probably been shaking hands with the crowd, you know, where you have to use both hands so they all get a shake, and they all squeeze the fuck out of it. Rings off.

  • UnsaltedSinner

    Quick, to the bathouse!

  • Death Rocks From Space

    Sometimes in the summer, when it is hot and humid (like just maybe Laos is) I take off my wedding ring ’cause my fingers swell up like little sausages — though Barry McBama is always lean and mean and I can’t pictures him with puffy fingers.

  • Suttree

    Does this mean that I can cook Michelle dinner? Inquiring minds would like to say that I may massage her hamstrings also too.

    • Serai 1

      I call dibs on her temples.

      • Gene Harrogate, melon humper

        We can both work on her at the same time. I don’t mind sharing!

  • GalacticPunt

    “Hello Vlad. Look down. Check out my ring.”

  • Stulexington

    “Maybe he wants to finger-sex the townspeople while he’s on his visit,” Or maybe he did and that’s how he lost it!

  • Sakonyachen

    “Have to u ever considered that maybe Obama is just one of those people whose fingers don’t feel comfortable wearing rings, so maybe he wears his real wedding ring, his true symbol of marital devotion to Michelle, ON HIS COCK? Bet you didn’t think of that.”

    I thought of that. Which means my wife caught me being gay on the internet again. It’s okay though, I blamed Evan again.

  • Sakonyachen

    “which he wears on his dick, which is bigger than yours.”

    Huge stimulus package!!!!!

  • Lady Willpower

    No wedding ring?????

    You just wait until Moochelle Silverback Wookieeface Trannybama finds out about this! S/he will flex his/her mighty biceps and dick/bitch slap that little bitch Barry Husein Odumbo AKA Frank Marshall Davis junior!

  • Serai 1

    Evan, I thank you for staving off what felt like a looming depression. Seriously, I really needed that laugh. :)

  • SeeTrain65

    Hey, Washington Free Beacon: The National Enquirer called. They want their schtick back.

    Hey, American Mirror: World Net Daily called. Same request.

  • LVTaxman

    As small as his ring finger is, do you really think his ring fits on his d#^k. If it does, it isn’t any bigger than a middle schooler’s.

  • Blackest Noobs

    so i know this might surprise some white right winging tea partying dudes but when you take off your wedding ring, it doesn’t magically make you unmarried so you can”sleep” with underage prostitutes in Haiti or Singapore high on oxycontin.

  • folderol

    Is this the ring that had the loyalty pledge to ISIS engraved in Arabic on it?

    • Calli Arcale

      Well, they think that’s what it says. They can’t read Arabic of course. But it sounds all foreign, anyway. “Ash nazg durbataluk, ash nazg gimbatul, ash nazg thrakataluk, agh burzum-ishi krimpatul.”

  • I don’t wear a wedding band. I have one, naturally. You get one of those when you elope to Las Vegas. It’s like a municipal tradition, or something. But, I’m not a very “ringy” kind of guy. And, besides, it kept falling off and threatening to get lost, which seemed like bad juju for a marriage. So, that ring and also my sainted grandpappy’s gold and diamond ring what I’m supposed to treasure and keep safe for all of those kids I’m not having, are both in a very safe place where I can see them several times daily, but not lose them. The end.

    • WhyFelicia

      Yeah, I can never keep a ring on for very long. This platinum ball and chain, though, is surpringly comfortable.

    • Kooolest G

      when I got married my wife was a massage therapist so she couldn’t wear a ring at work (it can cause infections) and I was a string bass player so I couldn’t wear a ring at work (it makes a clunking noise) so we both put our rings on necklaces. still wear those necklaces to this day 18 years later. we also eloped to vegas

  • Tosca

    “Obama’s old lifestyle is LURING BATS?

    OBAMA IS BATMAN?????

    • Calli Arcale

      OMG, that’s totally what I thought too! WHY DIDN’T WE HEAR ABOUT THIS EARLIER??? So all the Bruce Wayne stuff was just cover? So we wouldn’t guess the REAL Batman is Obama? Or maybe he’s only now assumed the mantle of the Bat, and is in training, preparing for the day when his Presidency ends and he can cleanse the vicious streets of Goth…er, Chicago. :-P

  • mtn_philosoph

    C’mon, everybody is entitled to have a Laosy day every now and then.

    I’ll show myself out now.

  • Celtic_Gnome

    Things heard in a bathouse: “Holy wedding ring, Batman!”

  • Kiri the Unicorn

    “Anyway, the obvious answer is the last
    one, so sleep tight, wingnuts, secure in the knowledge that your
    president probably has a gigantic wedding cock ring with Islamic-ese
    words written on it, which he wears on his dick, which is bigger than
    yours.”

    OMG, I want one!

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