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Probably not a hot dog, unless Trump eats chocolate-covered hot dogs, which would be gross.
Probably not a hot dog, unless Trump eats chocolate-covered hot dogs, which would be gross.

Ever since Donald Trump secured the Republican nomination, rational and sane people have been wondering exactly how he is going to weasel out of debating Hillary Clinton, since he’s obviously not mentally on her level. He’s already tried whining about the debate schedule and that the rules are unfair, and we’re certain he’ll continue that, since he hasn’t actually officially agreed to show up yet. Otherwise, we’ve heard he’s not much for studying and just plans to be himself, which should work out wonderfully for Hillary.

But he’s been having debate strategery sessions lately at one of his golf clubs in New Jersey, and Trump and all his closest BFFs are getting together again this Sunday! Won’t that be great?

They will gather over lunch at the golf club on Sunday to plot strategy, [Trump campaign manager Kellyanne] Conway confirmed during an appearance on “Fox News Sunday.”

“I’ll be at lunch at Bedminster, and I’m sure we’ll have a lively conversation,” she said. “Look, he’s an unconventional candidate, and he’s not going to prepare the way Hillary does, which is, you know, locking her[self] in a room and crammed [sic] her head with all those binders.”

Because that’s how you do debate prep, with “lively conversation,” as opposed to being a big lame nerdface Woman Full Of Binders like Hillary. The Washington Post gives us a little more background on these disco brunches at Bedminster, and how they are preparing Trump to meet that crooked, all powerful Hillary, who is probably too frail to even get up on the debate stage anyway:

He summons his informal band of counselors — including former New York mayor Rudolph W. Giuliani, talk-radio host Laura Ingraham and ousted Fox News Channel chairman Roger Ailes — to his New Jersey golf course for Sunday chats. Over bacon cheeseburgers, hot dogs and glasses of Coca-Cola, they test out zingers and chew over ways to refine the Republican nominee’s pitch.

That sounds fabulous. While Hillary The Woman is hunkered over her binders learning “information,” like a common woman who lives inside binders, Trump will be on the patio by the golf course, stuffing bacon cheeseburgers and hot dogs into his anal fissure of a mouth, testing out new nicknames for Hillary to see if they elicit LOLs from the most moronic assholes in the world.

As for other attendees, Trump’s new campaign baby-daddy Stephen Bannon was reportedly at the last Sunday Funday, as were Ivanka Trump and her husband, which must have been mighty distracting for Donald, since he’s suggested in the past he’s into his daughter in the sexual way! They will probably be there this Sunday too, we are guessing, because WTF else do they have to do?

But are they going to practice ANY for the debates? Like, will Roger Ailes put on a blonde wig and bleed out of his wherever while he pretends to be Megyn Kelly asking mean questions? Wasn’t that the point of Trump hiring all these new people, so he can have a campaign that’s run more professionally? Hahaha, no, you silly goose, that was the LAST campaign shake-up. This one was so Trump can be surrounded by sycophantic yes-men while his campaign dies a fiery death. According to the WaPo, some of his staff have made him some binders full of information, but he hasn’t read them. The WaPo also says that if Trump does in fact end up practicing for his debates, Laura Ingraham might play Hillary, which should be magnificent because Laura, like Hillary, is a lady.

But that’s all conjecture, as such rehearsals are surely not necessary. They should just keep putting beefs and hot dogs in their faces and coming up with hilarious zingers, because that will obviously be enough to beat Hillary in debate, obviously.

[The Hill / Washington Post]

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  • Vagenda of Goats

    I first read that as he is conferring with informal band counselors. Which probably couldn’t be any worse than how is actually prepping for the debates.

    • Frank The Rat

      He probably thought it was “Bund” counselors and thought, “oh goody, getting the old gang back together.”

  • bubbuhh

    As he proved during the primary, Trump is a Master Baiter. He intends to Master Bait Hillary Clinton until she cries for mercy. And, if she doesn’t appreciate his efforts, he’ll claim victory and not do the other debates.

  • Nounverb911

    This should make Roger giggle with glee….

  • memzilla

    The question is, how much longer can this engine run when the derpometer is red-lined?
    .

  • Spotts1701

    So the plan is to chow down enough cholesterol and saturated fat to have a heart attack, thus having an excuse to get out of the debates?

    • Blank Ron

      Dang, why do I never read down?

  • SDGeoff

    I am putting my money on Trump bowing out of what passes for debate in our political system. He and his flunkies are in far over their heads, and they know it. It will just get sillier.

    • Spotts1701

      He’ll demand something ridiculous, the CPD will tell him to shove off, so he’ll go back to Hannity and whine how he’s being treated differently.

      • SDGeoff

        He will want to be paid for his time.

  • Vagenda of Goats

    Why is he using Ruy Giuliani, Laura Ingraham and Roger Ailes to test out zingers? There a far superior zinger-writers here at the Wonkette.

    • SDGeoff

      But we are all working for Mrs Clinton.

      • HobbesEvilTwin

        in the tank, as it were.

      • OddMan

        But that is exactly who he needs, someone who really can dish it out like Ms Clinton. We all like hamburgers, hot dogs and cokes so invite us too Mr. Trump. We’ll give you a run for your money.

        PS. You know they will be drinking something a little stronger than Coke.

        • SDGeoff

          If I were working on the Trump campaign, I’d be drunk all day.

          • A LITtle Annoyed, Yet ARoused

            Drinking those Crown n Cokes we like?

        • Aquaria

          Who wants to spend time with this self-absorbed douche nozzle?

          Good grief, I don’t care what eats he’s offering up, it would make me gag on it or puke it all up, just looking at his slimy face.

      • RS07

        corporate working

  • dslindc

    Another type of Sunday gathering without bottomless mimosas . . . and Donald Trump? I spurn it as it would spurn a rabid wolf!

  • Pickle Truther (AntiDerpomeme)

    Studying is for nerds and losers. It’s going to be terrific, ok? I’ll just call her “Crooked Hillary” and everybody will laugh bigly. Then I will talk about how I’m the best, the healthiest candidate. Now let’s have snacks!

    https://media.giphy.com/media/xT1XGwT8Vp3JopS1CE/giphy.gif

    • Longstreet63

      Ah, yes. The old “class clown tries his hand at standup” trope. Blood will flow, but not the way he thinks.

      • Pickle Truther (AntiDerpomeme)

        It will be interesting to see how it plays out. Either he’s delusional enough to think he can outsmart Hillz by just lobbing insults (LOLOLOL!) and he’ll attend a debate and then have his ass handed to him, OR his frail ego will recognize that he’ll get crushed by Hillz and he’ll make some lame excuse so he can ditch the whole thing.

        • Good_Gawd_Yall

          I don’t think he’s actually capable of understanding that he can lose. In his mind he’s got this thing sewn up; he clearly believes that as long as he’s still in the news after whatever fiasco occurs, and there’s someone he can send out a nasty tweet about, he won.

        • revenant

          and no matter the outcome, a significant portion of the Liberal Media, maybe a majority, will declare Casino Mussolini the victor

    • Latverian Diplomat

      He’s going to ignore the questions, rules, and moderator(s) and just say what he wants like he’s at a Trump rally. The Trumpkins in the audience will try to make it sound like they make up most of the audience.

      • Ikimizi

        The moderators will let him get away with it, and the post-debate analysts will say he did better than expected. Winning!

  • Nounverb911

    OT Attention Washington (the real one, not the fantasy one near the Virgin State) Wonkettes!

    Trump and his trumpanzee tour will be ‘fund raising’ in the Seattle area tomorrow, as well as having a Klan Meeting rally in Everett.

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      Trump’s scheduling is so bizarre. I’m guessing it involves blind monkeys and a dart board, given how pointless most of his visits would seem to be relative to possible gains to be achieved there. Of course, I’m probably making it sound more scientific than it actually is…

      • Nounverb911

        Science? How does that work?

      • mackafritz

        I don’t think he’s going there for votes. He’s going for the money. I assume there is a lot of money in Everett.

        • Nounverb911

          Nope, just Boeing….

    • weejee

      On again, off again. But heck, if the Donald wants to waste time in a state he has zero chance of winning, what’s not to like. Here’s hoping the protestors have a good time.

      • Frank The Rat

        He probably thinks it’s “right next door” to Californian and Sister Sara assured him that Hillz is on the ropes down there.

  • BadKitty904
    • bubbuhh

      It was inevitable.

      • BadKitty904

        Given the astounding incompetence with which our electoral process is managed, yes, it was.

    • Pickle Truther (AntiDerpomeme)

      Say, you know who’s server didn’t get hacked?

      • bubbuhh

        But, the Emailz!

        • Pickle Truther (AntiDerpomeme)

          We need another investigation, stat!

      • Little Lulu

        Trump’s butler?

    • weejee

      More likely Putin than Jebus, just sayin’.

      • cousin itt

        No wonder Donald thinks he’s going to win.

        • BadKitty904

          If the Russians can hack our voting system, so can the GOP (not that there’s much diff between the two, at the moment)

          • revenant

            a distinction without a difference, now. and after all the decades of falsely accusing Democrats of being agents of Moscow, the Repigs have finally gone over themselves.

          • James Christopher Owen

            Republicans, like the Russians, have always admired unselfconscious strongmen.

      • BadKitty904

        It certianly sounds like Trump’s owner is trying to protect his “investment”* by rigging the 2016 election.

        *i.e., buying the Presidency of the United States and/or Congress

    • Aquaria

      And the Dem response to this should be, across the board, no variation, no hemming or hawing:

      “WE TOLD YOU SO.”

    • Aquaria

      Also: Every D voter here should vote absentee. Do not vote electronically this election.

    • James Christopher Owen

      Maybe this is why Clinton did trust her emails to government servers.

  • diogenez

    I’m expecting something as informed as this fine debate:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KXwZTymlJlA

  • mackafritz

    “Look, he’s an unconventional candidate, and he’s not going to prepare the way Hillary does”

    Which is to say he won’t actually answer questions with a cogent answer. He’ll bloviate and equivocate and prepare you a lovely word salad.

  • weejee

    tRump rogering Ailes is why the GOP should aBannon all hope.

    • Tallmutha

      That’s the Con way.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      You’re really good at this, baio.

    • chicken thief

      It’s Ingrahamed into their souls!

  • Duke

    It’s too late to learn anything. He’ll just bluster, call names, and work the moderators.

    It’s going to be amahzing.

  • coozledad

    I guess hamburgers are out because Ailes is there.

    • Logic of Color

      That’ll teach me not eat lunch while Wonketting

  • ThirdAmendmentMan

    It’s really sad that the Republican party insults being prepared and thoughtful. These people look at intelligence as bad for leadership.

    • bubbuhh

      The GOPee operates with the idea that personal loyalty is the greatest virtue, much like any feudal state. Most large religions also regard the vassalage system as the only way to operate as well. Brains isn’t a requirement for obedience.

      • revenant

        the Republican party has long since completed the transition from “legitimate political organization in a representative government” to “cult/criminal enterprise”. the latter categories, of course, operate on a strict hierarchical basis (what the Boss says, goes)

    • Logic of Color

      This may be their best strategy. They know he’s never going to actually learn the issues so they’re focusing on “style”

  • JohnBull

    Bacon cheeseburgers, hot dogs, and Coke. Sounds pretty balanced, except we’re missing one food group.

    • Nounverb911

      Heavy metals?

      • Paganish

        Blow.

        • coozledad

          So Christie’s there too?

    • Longstreet63

      Distilled grains?

    • Logic of Color

      Let’s see. Fast, Frozen, Fried and Fizzy. Nope, all there, assuming of course the patties were frozen on delivery.

    • eggsacklywright

      Pudding?

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      Bacon cheeseburgers, hot dogs, and Coke coke.

      Is that better?

    • chicken thief

      Those cakes we like?

  • the Vagenda Manologues

    Laura, like Hillary, is a lady female.

    FIFY. Nobody who’s still proud of outing a teenager to their family after they attempted suicide is by any definition a lady.

  • tehbaddr

    He doesn’t need to practice! He has the best words, and a great mind!

  • Okay, Mr. Trump, so the question is about Iran and whether or not you think diplomacy is working?

    “Team?” Trump barked.

    “9/11! 9/11!” the parrot Giuliani croaked. “Giuliani want a hot dog! SQUAAAAAWK!”

    “Okay, Laura?”

    “BENGHAAZI!!!!@#$,” shrieked the soul of the eldritch abomination currently festering inside the meat shell it labelled Laura Ingram.

    “Good…” Trump said, “Roger?”

    “BOOBIES!”

    “Alright,” Trump said. “I think we’re good. I’m going to the shitter now, which one of you wants to wipe for me?”

    They all raised their appendages.

  • anna rampage

    I wonder if Laura was wearing soiled diapers the whole time, due to her irrational fear of coming across a transwoman in the restroom…

    http://www.mediaite.com/online/laura-ingraham-advises-listeners-on-trans-bathrooms-adult-diapers-diapers-for-everybody/

  • Longstreet63

    Why should trump prepare? He can go out there and babble aimlessly and the next day Fox will say he won, CNN will say it was a tie and everyone else will be called biased.

    • Robin

      Like the frat guy heckling the comedian until he’s challenged to go up and tell a joke.

      The level of embarrassment will be directly related to how many of his frat brothers will laugh at (or believe) anything he says.

  • Apple Scruff

    One of Trump’s cronies is on MSNBC right now. And it’s like, he won’t answer a single question about his candidate without saying, “But Hillary…” So is that their basic strategy, “I know you are but what am I?” Sounds like a winner.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      It’s been working (ish). Their low info voters plus our excluded voters makes me worry.

  • Blackest Noobs

    i hear California will secede from the Union if Trump wins…all liberals welcome to the motherland…and all dickheads can leave Cali for Trumpmerica.

    don’t you worry….it’s gonna be alright.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XEC4dpA9eJo

    • Aquaria

      Y’all don’t have the water necessary to support us all.

      • Blackest Noobs

        man why you gotta ruin my fantasy and P.S. i made it all up….i mean no duh….not like Californians are dicks like Texans….always with their tantrums and threatening to secede.

  • Scooby

    I wonder how much he’s charging his campaign for those dogs?

    • Nounverb911

      They’re made of caviar, right?

      • Scooby

        Just priced that way.

    • OddMan

      Not sure about the costs where this meeting is, but the hamburgers at Trump’s Grill are:
      Hamburger…10.00
      Lettuce, tomato, extra toppings $1.15 each

      So all you get is meat and bun for 10 bucks, each topping costs another $1.15.

      • Scooby

        So, if Chris Christie is there about $60,000?

        • Blank Ron

          Plus dessert.

  • Tallmutha

    Trump puts beef in his mouth, beefs come out. You can’t explain that.

    • RS07

      a beef tide?

  • TheGrandWaz00

    I can see the headlines now.
    Trump Destroyed In Debate: Poll Numbers Rise

    • mackafritz

      Hillary was too mean.

      • therblig

        refused to use her inside voice.

        • Spotts1701

          Laughed at Trump too much. Very shrill and unpresidential.

      • Latverian Diplomat

        “Show off female nerd made helpless old white guy feel stupid and inadequate. Has she no decency?”
        — Washington Post

  • Sardonicuss

    I saw this profound Koan somewhere recently that I believe perfectly sums up Trump’s debate dilemma:
    “When one chooses to whack off in public, one cannot complain when people point and laugh at their tiny dingus”.
    The ancient’s wisdom it truly a timeless source of truth….

  • DemocratsAreEvilPeople

    The central, defining feature of homosexuality is same-sex sodomy, a filthy practice – both from a moral and biological standpoint – that spreads disease, ruins lives and mocks both God and nature. In short, these sexually confused and spiritually lost souls, particularly males caught-up in this lifestyle, can only “consummate” a counterfeit “gay
    marriage” through the squalid, unnatural and feculent abuse of both the reproductive and digestive systems. Yuck. Is it any wonder why these “gay” jihadists want us to focus on the subjective specter of “gay rights” and ignore the objective reality of “gay” wrongs? This is why they terrorize anyone who fails to conform

    • Jeff in the desert

      I think we got ourselves here a genuine troll…..

      • mackafritz

        He’s too stupid to even be considered a troll. At least trolls are somewhat fun.

    • Astraea

      I am lesbian farming at you right now! WATCH OUT! CAUTION! YUCKY!!!

    • Logic of Color

      Do you think he’s referring to Donald’s debate-prep team?

    • mackafritz

      Not this guy again. Didn’t we run him off already,

      • Spotts1701

        We need to electrify the moat.

        • Kavefish
          • Aquaria

            Never gets old. I love the X-ray skeleton showing through.

        • Rotisserie Teal

          Or, sharks with frickin’ laser beams on their heads.

    • Sardonicuss

      Hey, I replied to you below before you even posted! Psychic!

    • Spotts1701

      *sigh*.

    • Lizzietish81

      Oh, one of the bots is broken.

      • Alexander Stallwitz

        We found an early contenter for “Dear shit fer brains” this week

    • therblig

      even thought it’s trump and company, i really think they’re just eating hot dogs.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      Did we read the same post? (snort)

    • Logic of Color

      This is why they terrorize anyone who fails to conform

      Is anyone else picturing roving gangs of homos with sweet leather outfits standing on corners, snapping their fingers, throwing dice against a wall and snarling at not-hot straight guys that walk by?

      • Rotisserie Teal

        Well, I am now.

      • Blank Ron

        Leather outfits? Go on…

    • Jeff in the desert

      There once was a troll homophobic
      Whose fear was to protect his own dick
      Who wrote vile stuff
      Got wonkette rebuff
      And proved he was just a dumb prick

      • Jeff in the desert

        HELP ME!!!! I am stuck in limerick mode…….turn off the switch!!!!!!

        • Paganish

          No. MWAHAHAHAHA

        • Logic of Color

          There once was a guy on Wonkette
          Writing poems he would later regret
          With his earworm complete
          An admirable feat
          would be ridding his brain of this set

        • Kavefish

          That’s the insidious danger of the thing.

          It’s like. Talking… in. Shatnerese you… don’t-just-quit-cold… turkey. No, you… study, you… work. And. Toil. Then… one day you… gain.

          Relief.

        • Jamoche

          It has no off, but it does have other settings – try haiku.

      • Blank Ron

        Extra upvote for finding a rhyme for ‘homophobic.’

    • therblig
    • willi0000000

      not sure because just an old straight guy . . . but maybe this jerk should pull his head out first . . . he might like it better that way.

    • Kavefish

      Don’t quit your day job.

    • Lizzietish81
    • Vagenda of Goats

      You seem to be a little obsessed with how gays “consummate”.

    • Nounverb911

      You DID see the video of Trump and Giuliani kissing at the top/bottom of the comments section?

    • TheGrandWaz00
    • Th’ottest curry in th’ouse

      No, no, no, its brunch. Silly goose.

    • chicken thief

      You are ‘terrorized’ by gay homosexuals?! Faggot…

      • John Orendorff

        But gay homosexuals are the worst kind.

    • Blank Ron

      But mocking your ‘god’ is fun!

  • ClarkJoe

    Great, now I’m craving hot dogs. Thanks, Trump!

    • Plushinobi

      Go read the article on weiner. That should cure your craving.

      • ClarkJoe

        Well, I’m a gay guy with an unhealthy attraction to sleazeballs, so that will just make things worse.

  • ClarkJoe

    I think maybe the Trump campaign is taking that “where’s the beef?” thing a bit too literally.

  • boyblue122

    Hillary should get World Wrestling founder Vince McMahon in character to practice debating Trump. Thats about the closest simulation to debating cheeto-fingers

  • Gorillionaire

    So a near seventy year old man stuffing his gut with high cholesterol animal fat for “lunch” is the most physically fit man Dr. Hollywood has ever seen, but they are worried about Hillz slipping on the stairs.

    • Frank The Rat

      I watched Lawrence Leamer on Q&A on the SPAN last evening. He’s a part time resident of Palm Beach and he talked about going to some $100/plate Sunday brunch at one of the country clubs. Apparently for that price they have crab, lobster, prime ribs, etc on offer for that price.
      He once found himself standing next to Trump who ordered a hamburger, burnt to a char and then coated it with an inch or so of ketchup.
      Apparently he likes them cooked until they’re nice and juicy, and he’s not allergic to red. So there’s that.

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    It was enough to beat 16 of the GOP’s finest (for certain values of finest) and I know we like to snark about what a lame bunch of bozos they were, but he beat them without having any information, too.

    • boyblue122

      Trump got to hide in a crowd of 9 other candidates in the rep. primaries and was just able to throw out a couple zingers now and then. Once the field started to wind down, he started ducking the debates.

      Having to talk for 90 mins seriously about policies doesnt seem like his strong suit

      • Rotisserie Teal

        Yes. And the other cowardly dweebs on stage with him were petrified of “alienating” the very fringe that the Cheeto hued rage monkey was exciting. That will not be the case with Hilz. She’s been fighting that particular brand of stupid for a loooooong time.

        I’m guessing that Drumpf maybe (maybe!) does one debate and then backs out of the rest when he sees how unsuited he is to the format.

  • DemocratsAreEvilPeople

    The God of Israel will not tolerate homosexuality or lesbianism. It is an abomination onto the Lord… I have a cure for AIDS that doesn’t cost one penny. Stop being fags!

    • Lizzietish81

      It was the hot dog eating that set you off wasn’t it?

      • Spotts1701

        I’m surprised he’s only got two posts so far. He’s usually more about quantity than “quality” (for a very loose definition of same).

      • chicken thief

        Wiener’s wiener has him in a fog of a waking dream.

    • mackafritz

      He hasn’t done much about it so far. Considering that there are still homosexuals, we can assume that he tolerates it.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      Oh, I’m SOOOO glad you are here to show us the error of our ways! Wonkers, we’ve been shown the simple truth: it is time for us to STOP BEING FAGS. Who’s with me?

      • therblig

        is it lent already?

    • Tallmutha

      I’m confused. Where are the graphic, lovingly rendered descriptions of engorged ramrods piledriving into hairy assholes?

      • Paganish

        See above.

        • Astraea

          He was just getting warmed up. When you get older these things just take a little more time.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      I have stopped! You saved me! Oh, wait, I wasn’t homosexual to start with.

      • MrCanoehead

        I am heterosexual, but the more I read his posts, the more I want to have gay sex.
        DemocwatsAreEvilPeople is turning me gay!

    • Jenny

      No turgid love muscles. 1 star.

    • Shrieking Denizen

      Dear Turgid Muscle of Love, pray tell me what,s the difference between homosexuality and lesbianism if you are a woman?

    • Paganish

      You heard him, stop abominating on the Lord!

    • Señor Skwerl

      So if you have the cure for AIDS, why do babies get it?

    • RS07

      I would explain to you that “your god of Israel” started as a “god of the desert”…but it would demand to much of you

    • Logic of Color

      Newsflash: The God of Israel has been tolerating gayness for thousands of years.

    • Th’ottest curry in th’ouse

      Dude, it’s figs. God hates figs. See Matthew 21:18-22

    • Brazilian Fart Porn

      Seeing as lesbians are the least likely to transmit AIDS, I don’t need to change. Thanks for caring, though.

    • chicken thief

      But Santa Claus will still bring you toys. Really cool toys. With batteries included!

    • Toomush_Infer

      God’s not so big on assholes, either. Why don’t you put a cork in yours…?

    • Blank Ron

      I’ll see your ‘god’ and raise you one Invisible Pink Unicorn (may Her Holy Hooves never be shod!) She’s not so into random judgement and genocide, for a start.
      And just so you know,* AIDS is more often spread by HETEROsexuals these days, so YOU should stop having sex.** kthxbai
      * I do not believe you are capable of knowing anything, but it’s a handy phrase.
      ** I also don’t believe you’ve ever had sex.

    • Oh, God the pedophile rapist? (Mary was 13)
      God who loved his folks to bash the brains out of new borns and to kill pregnant women?
      Go who though that David and Jonathon were super cool?
      God who accepted human sacrifice?
      God who was so dumb he couldn’t find Adam and Eve in the garden?

      God does not exist, you nasty little moron, and if he did, I and others would find out how to make sure his enemy wins.

    • The Librarian

      Ah, dude, stop mouth breathing. Your cure is nothing but a scam.

    • Aquaria

      Somebody clean up this filth on Aisle 3, before it gets shot (with votes of course).

  • OddMan

    What is this obsession that the GOP has with fucking ‘binders’? Romney and his binders full of women, Ms. Clinton and all her binders. Binders made for Trump that he never looks at.
    ‘Portfolios’ would have been a much more melodious choice.

    • UnsaltedSinner

      I think they have this idea that having binders means you’re smart.

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        Well, gawd forbid we should have another smart president! Look how that turned out . . .
        Oh, wait.

      • chicken thief

        Fucking morans, clipboards is what makes ya look smrt!

        • Mehmeisterjr

          And pocket protectors! Don’t forget the pocket protectors.

        • Aquaria

          No, that was to look like you were busy, back before computers.

    • gene108

      They’re so old fashioned they don’t understand the amount of information that can be stored in a digital device, which basically does away with the need for binders.

      Hillz team probably has the debate prep content on her phone or tablet, so she can do some bed time reading, without lugging around boxes of binders.

      Also, too since Hillz won’t carry around heavy-ass boxes of binders, it is only more proof that she is really not strong enough to open a pickle jar.

      • Aquaria

        If you think you’re going to learn anything from taking notes and trying to retain info using digital means, you’re guaranteed to fail. Information is best retained and comprehended when notes are taken by hand, not on computer.

        Studies have already confirmed this. The kind done by people who know what they’re talking about, not the pop psychology idiots. If you have access to something like Science Direct or other academic journals, I can hook you up with the relevant papers.

        • gene108

          Can’t you read the material on digital formats and take notes in notebooks?

          Why would you need binders for the content you are studying?

          • Aquaria

            Where are you going to store the notes you just took down, if not in a binder?

    • At least they’ve moved beyond pipe rolls

    • Jamoche

      I suspect that “binders” are the olds equivalent of “powerpoint slides”.

    • Aquaria

      Because the last time they ever looked at anything written down, it was when they were flunking high school.

  • Frank The Rat

    “This one was so Trump can be surrounded by sycophantic yes-men while his campaign dies a fiery death.” I agree with this sentiment, but only up to a point. The real point of their sycophancy is to make the big bucks, unless Drumpf is shorting them on their paychecks.
    If they’re a big a sycophants as you say which one is Magda Goebbels? Probably Kellyanne because, assuming she has kids, but ick, I can see her handing them the cyanide and telling them it’s just to help them sleep.

  • Little Lulu

    Ok, Trump looks like he’s sucking a frozen boner. Which begs the question: does it mean you’re gay if you suck a cock that’s unattached? Discuss.

  • Jenny

    Umm did you not see the republican debates? Zingers and calling people names is how Trump won. Like there’s actually going to be “policy” outside “Crooked Hillary emails Benghazi!!”

    • chicken thief

      Also too, she was an enabler for Bill.

  • beingreleased

    It’s pretty much a given that Laura Ingraham will be sexually harassed by one or more of the three men there, right?

    • Vagenda of Goats

      AOT,K

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      Um, why? What on earth does that wizened bat have that any man would want?

      • Latverian Diplomat

        It’s the principle of the thing.

  • Señor Skwerl

    Is there going to be a hot dog eating contest at the debates? Because that may potentially change my vote. (No Carlos Danger, you are not invited… gross.)

  • exinkwretch

    Clinton will fail the pickle jar test then have a seizure. Unless the Illuminati have already replaced her with a realistic robot.

  • DemocratsAreEvilPeople

    To normal, healthy American, shoving one’s HIV infected plump lovestick into another man’s anal cavity is an act of hedonistic sodomy. To liberals, it’s an “act of courage that occurs within the framework of a loving marriage.”

    • Lizzietish81

      You think a lot about hot man on man action?

      • Vagenda of Goats

        It’s all he can think about apparently.

        • MrCanoehead

          Considering that the article has zero to do with homosexuality in the first place, you may be right.

          • UnsaltedSinner

            He looked at the picture and drew the only conclusion his brain would allow.

          • Sardonicuss

            He seems kind of like a subway flasher; context is not as important as setting.

        • TJ Barke

          Occasionally he does think about us stealing all the guns.

      • Señor Skwerl

        Don’t we all?

    • Señor Skwerl

      Silly boy, Corndogs are deep fried. HIV cannot live in them.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      Tell the truth: you and your husband are getting out the lube and putting some Marvin Gaye on the CD player as you type this, aren’t you?

      • Señor Skwerl

        Aren’t we all?

    • Sardonicuss

      …and there it is. No matter how graphic you get: nobody cares about your boner.

      • Vagenda of Goats

        See also: Anthony Weiner

        • Good_Gawd_Yall

          Anthony? Or does having the unfortunate last name Weiner just cause you to do newsworthy stuff?

        • Sardonicuss

          This guy using Wonkette to verbally flash us with his masturbatory fantasies is starting to make me feel …..used….

    • yyyaz

      Do you have any relatives or friends? Get some help. Seriously.

      • Bub the Leftwing Zombie

        He must have relatives, and he probably has friends, as it is obvious from the support GOP the GOP receives that there are many people as twisted as he is.

    • Tallmutha

      It can be both.

      • Logic of Color

        I was just thinking that. Dafuk is wrong with Hedonism?

        • Hemp Dogbane

          Especially hedonism with some sodomy.

        • therblig

          nothing

    • Bub the Leftwing Zombie

      How would you know? It is pretty clear from your posts that you are far from normal OR healthy…especially mentally.

    • Th’ottest curry in th’ouse

      You seem to have put a lot of thought into this. A lot of thought.

    • RS07

      Easy too see that you are not a normal American, because no one thinks like you

    • UnsaltedSinner
      • Msgr_Vagenda

        OMG, I know Dutch.

        • UnsaltedSinner

          Swedish actually, but well done all the same.

          • pstockholm

            He was Dutch but immigrant to Sweden as a child.

    • TJ Barke

      Again with this self loathing closet case? We get it, you want gay sex, but you’ve been conditioned to hate gays.

    • Brazilian Fart Porn

      You, my friend are the true hero! You are proudly showing your stupidity. Bravo!

    • chicken thief

      Just how plump is this lovestick in your vision of the action?

      • therblig

        roughly in the ballpark, frank.

        • chicken thief

          DAER will take in the ballpark as long as it is nestled tightly in his bun with relish.

    • Bigby

      No, dude, that’s Trump’s *mouth* in the picture, not an anal cavity (though the similarities are obvious). And that’s clearly a frozen banana, not a dildo stolen from one of your KKK pal’s “collection”.

    • Toomush_Infer

      Methinks thou protesteth wayyyy too much…

    • Whereas you stuffing your HIV infected penis into a fleshlight is normal?

    • BouncyFlyer

      I’ll bet things like “consent” and “not sexing kids” are evil liberal plots against God’s Law, as well.

  • Joshua Norton

    I suspect that Dan Quayle and his disastrous 1988 “you’re no John Kennedy” debate will suddenly be remembered as as sounding like Pericles when compared to whatever Trump is able to come up with.

    • Tallmutha

      “There you go again”? Positively Ciceronian.

      • Toomush_Infer

        I believe that will be Hillz line…

      • therblig

        Jefferson: “John Adams has a hideous hermaphroditical character, which has neither the force and firmness of a man, nor the gentleness and sensibility of a woman.”

        Adams: “Jefferson is a mean-spirited, low-lived fellow, the son of a half-breed Indian squaw, sired by a Virginia mulatto father.”

        poetry.

        • UnsaltedSinner

        • gene108

          And those two were friends earlier and later in life…hate to see what they’d say about their enemies…

  • UnsaltedSinner

    I wouldn’t expect too much of these debates. Even an idiot like Sarah Palin can be taught to respond to tricky questions with: “The real issue here is…” and then just blab on about whatever talking points that has somehow stuck in the tangled morass of her so-called brain. Trump is unfettered by things like truth or decency, so he can just make shit up and ramble on, confident that the moderators won’t correct him on air or press him for a precise answer (if they do, the right will obviously say the whole thing was rigged and he’ll have the excuse he needs to drop the remaining debates). And then the media will be all: “Oh, wow, he didn’t break down and cry! Clearly the debate was a draw.”

    • grindstone

      I agree with you, but I’m not sure Hair Furor can stay on point if his ego starts getting tweaked. He may go off on a word-salad rant of epic proportions.

  • fawkedifiknow

    The first gotcha question for Trump will be “How many legs are there to the nuclear triad”?

    • mackafritz

      AOT, K

    • therblig

      trump: speaking of milking stools, how about the cans on the daughter of mine?

      • Bub the Leftwing Zombie

        A segue Uncle Miltie would have applauded…but far too clever for Drumpf.

    • Msgr_Vagenda

      “My advisers tell me that all insects have six legs, except for spiders.”

    • Doug Langley

      “Nukular triad? I just love their music. Terrific, just terrific.”

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Trump in training with clever zingers….

    I know you are but what am I?
    I’m rubber you’re glue…
    Crook says what?
    Talk to the hand.
    Blah blah blah.
    Your mother is so fat…
    When did you stop beating your husband?

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      Crooked, lying Hillary
      Benghazi
      emails
      Bill’s blowjobs
      In other words, nothing new, but good red meat for the gibbering troglodytes who’ll be told on Faux that he won.

      • Msgr_Vagenda

        Sammich, Toots. Stat.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      “Women, am I right, fellas?”

  • AngryKatie

    Wasn’t it just, oh four or so days ago, that Kellyanne Conway said Ailes had no role with the campaign?

    • RS07

      like in so many other things “she was not informed”

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      Clearly you have forgotten the central tenant of Trumperism: there is no one truth, there is only what we say just at this moment.

      • Mezzaluna

        The Tao of Derp?

    • OneWhiteWhisker

      He’s been “informally” advising the campaign, which means that nobody is keeping track of how many times his hand “accidentally” brushes a female staffer’s ass as he drools on himself.

  • TheGrandWaz00

    They need to get Ann Coulter in the debate practice to keep up the impression that this is still a horse face.

    • therblig

      Trigger warning.

      • You owe me a keyboard

        • therblig

          GWaz started it!

    • Kavefish

      Makes sense.

      They’ve already got the other end covered.

  • chicken thief

    Laura was invited so Ailes will have someone ‘inside the tent’ to sexually harass in lieu of the waitress?

  • DemocratsAreEvilPeople

    I was researching what gay men do to other gay men at night and let me tell you that the information I found is nothing but disgusting. They do stuff to each other’s stinky areas that is unmentionable. May God save their souls

    • Blank Ron

      No, he may not.

    • AngryKatie

      Was this primary source research?

      • Blank Ron

        He wishes.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      Aha! The truth is out! You spend all your time looking at hot gay action online “at night” but you just can’t get any your own self, what with how hard it is to entice men to come to your mom’s basement.

      • Blank Ron

        Maybe if he picked up all those spooge-encrusted socks and put ’em in the wash?

    • Brazilian Fart Porn

      Pro Tip: It’s not their souls you want to savage save. You may want to try other porn sites, to complete your education.

    • Msgr_Vagenda

      Somebody’s gotta do the research. Have you put enough KY on the research budget?

    • anna rampage

      Sweet little baby jeebus, obviously you’ve never taken a look at PornHub or XNXX, because the vast majority of straight porn includes a lot of anal sex…

      BTW, there is no god, so fuck off!

    • willi0000000

      OK the gays . . . you’re on notice . . . better start doing that stuff during the daylight hours too.

    • Vagenda of Goats

      Yeah, a lot of guys call it “research”.

    • Logic of Color

      Wait…you were researching this at night?

      • Kavefish

        With only one hand, also too.

    • Well, dear heart, heterosexuals do that sort of thing as well. There’s even a nice little song about it
      https://youtu.be/7pzs0aGu1fU

    • Señor Skwerl

      Did you get a boner when researching?

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        I’m gonna guess ‘several’, which were so excitingly painful that it was necessary to research again and again and again, just to be sure his initial impression was right.

    • Lizzietish81

      Damnit, now you’ve crossed over from Gay obsessed Jesus troll to Poe’s Law Troll

    • OneWhiteWhisker

      I know you’re bored what with not being on Twitter anymore but give it a rest already Milo.

    • Thorn Spike

      Researching for a friend?

    • malsperanza

      Did your research involve watching a lot of videos on ButtfuckersRUs.com ? Which one did you get off to the most was the most data-rich and informative? Me, I like the full-length videos the best.

    • zerosumgame0005

      at least their “stinky places” are their butt-holes and not between their ears like you suffer from, and make everyone else around you suffer as well

    • jmk

      Oh Turgid, cupcake – when you look at gay porn, it’s not “research.”

  • Blank Ron

    Wait, I think I have it: Trump is gonna induce a heart attack so he has an excuse for dodging the debates! Luckily it will be the healthiest heart attack in history, so he can still do the President thing from the ICU.

    • the Vagenda Manologues

      I was going to say. I wonder how Dr. Superlatives (who has quite the manly store for the winter himself) feels about a hypertensive guy in his seventies with cholesterol issues eating all this non-alcoholic health food?

    • Kavefish

      Heart spurs. Yeah. That’s it. Self-healing after 24 hours.

    • Sardonicuss

      I kind of see Hillz laughing at him a lot, and him turning from orange to red..and then yeah, stroke, heart attack. Bigly.

  • Msgr_Vagenda

    What a hit piece, Wonkette. Aggravated manoslaughter.

    • UnsaltedSinner

      Seagoon: Now, Bloodnok! Where’s your wife?

      Bloodnok: My wife? Erm, my wife won’t be coming with us old lad. You see, I…er, well, she can’t leave her bed.

      Seagoon: Why not?

      Bloodnok: I’ve sewn her in the mattress.

      Seagoon: You skindrell of scoundrels, that’s matricide!

      • Aquaria

        At first, I thought the last like said Shkreli of Scoundrels, that’s matricide, and I was going to say WTF?

        Then I thought, hey, that works, too.

        Now I’m kinda disappointed at the original.

    • hendenburg2

      It’s part of the Vagenda of Manocide

  • Toomush_Infer

    He’ll start with the disastrous role the Obama presidency has had on the Middle East, try to goad her into snarkiness, step back, roll his eyes and try to make her look like a harridan, because, geez folks, how can we have an emotional woman in the white house? Then he’ll start in on her lies, her lies, her lies… He’ll paint a dark picture of economics and freedums under duress at home here, and how bad she’s been for the black communities…..did I miss anything?

    • UnsaltedSinner

      Her health! She’s at death’s door!

    • HanBarbara

      He’s not able to practice that kind of restraint. She knows exactly how to get under his skin, and she’ll do it. Bigly. Believe me.

    • Squirrel_t_robot

      He’ll excuse Hillary of being without blood from her wherever, which means she is too old to debate Trump the Great.

  • Andy Christiansen

    I lost the will to live a long time ago, but I’m staying alive so I can see these debates

  • DemocratsAreEvilPeople

    Hillary’s base consists of the following groups:

    Blacks who want welfare and racial preferences, Hispanics who want welfare, racial preferences, and amnesty for everyone with brown skin, limp wristed homosexuals who want their deviant lifestyle validated by society, single women who want society to pay for their birth control pills and abortions, union th*gs who want to legally extort as much as possible from the taxpayers, reform “Jews” whose “practice” of Judaism consists of bashing Christianity and whining about the Holocaust, unemployed people whose idea of a job search is sending their resumes written on a napkin to two random companies per week, jihadist Muslims who take advantage of the left’s idea of tolerance (even for people who want to kill them), atheists who are offended by a God they say doesn’t exist, people who think guns are evil and that murder is impossible without them, environmentalists who think that a winter storm is proof of global warming, pathetic lazy losers who worship recreational drug use, “students” who want the loans they took out to get a degree in gender studies forgiven, and finally, disingenuous white liberals who use the others as pawns to gain power. In other words, parasites who make America worse.

    • AngryKatie

      Look DAEP, we’ve come to expect certain things from you, and long rambling diatribes about whatever this is, I honestly didn’t read it, isn’t it.

      Please try again, with more throbbing and thrusting next time.

      • Sardonicuss

        Much fewer graphic anal descriptors.
        Pretty meh. 2 out of 10.
        Would not dance to…

      • Aquaria

        I simply block the filth. I have better things to do with my life.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      Go away, troll, you’re boring.

      • Squirrel_t_robot

        Plus, he is throbbing and his asshole is bleeding.

        • I Only Like Cats

          Bleeding out of his wherever, just blood everywhere, blood coming out of his eyeballs.

    • HanBarbara

      I know the banhammer will fall, but is there any dumb stereotype you’ve left out?

      • gene108

        He forgot Communists, I think.

        • WIDTAP

          Cat lovers.

        • therblig

          and Druids

        • jmk

          Vegans? The left-handed? Hybrid-car-drivers?

    • BeachBum

      And so what is your point ? Or do you hate democracy ?

      • Blank Ron

        I’m familiar with his type: ‘democracy’ = ‘do what I want.’

      • (((JustPixelz)))

        Republicans HATE HATE HATE democracy. That’s why they impeached Bill Clinton (to undo the election), refused to count the Florida ballots, staged recall for Gray Davis (CA gov), write voting restrictions, refuse to reauthorized Voting Rights Act.

    • Toomush_Infer

      So, it’s just a minority of one left then (you), to defend the homeland? And what do you want, oh DA Evil People? Just the percs that come with being a white pseudo-Christian guy in a homeland Europeans stole from the people who were here before? Well okay, then…

      • SeekingBarbie

        He supports a foreign power – God of Israel – so that makes him a traitor to America so he should suffer the consequences, with votes.

    • Squirrel_t_robot

      I suspect having 6 million of one’s people mass murdered warrants a bit of a pout.

    • therblig

      sucks that there are so many more of us, doesn’t it?

      • Squirrel_t_robot

        And we are throbbing!

    • Bigby

      You are correct, sir! And when that coalition kicks the shit out of your babbling circus peanut in November, it’s off to create the liberal Fungenda (imagine dildos slapping on your face…forever). Enjoy!

    • Whereas Trumps base is a shitty, stinky anus and those who follow it in the hopes of getting some.

      Got a cure for your gonorrhea yet?

    • Robin

      In a plural society you take what you can get.
      Since those exact demographics are what got Obama elected, and seem to have grown in size since then (thanks to ACORN) it looks like you’re going to lose even worse this year.

      While you’re here, could you answer a question for me. Since planned parenthood is a racist, eugenic organization, wouldn’t republicons funding it even more get rid of a lot of liberal voters a couple of decades down the road?

      It seems like banning abortions would really hurt the republicans.

      • BeachBum

        I heard a theory on that once. That women having more and more babies has them doing their “job,” keeps them home, and out of the places where the men folk decide and do everything; business, govt, education, military, and religion. Also provides bodies and a workforce to do whats decided. In olden days, a lot of children created poverty, so much the better as people have no choice but to do whats made available. Kinda scary but this came from an older woman that had 4 children.

    • BeachBum

      Obviously you are a very hateful, racist, and bigoted person, but the only real fact in your rant is the Holocaust. It is truly sad you cannot see that clearly. That it was mid last century, not 30,000 years ago, is something seriously to consider, as we, as a specie are exactly identical today. I think everyone in a western democracy should “whine’ about it from time to time, religion aside.
      I would love to take you to Dresden or Auschwitz but I’m sure I couldn’t get along with you for more than 30 seconds. (also I fear for my “stinky areas”)

    • SeekingBarbie

      Yep, and we’re actively working to support all of that, so you’d better start making plans to move to somewhere more to your liking. Russia, maybe?

    • jmk

      It’s amazing, Turgid, old boot – you managed to blart out fourteen straight stereotypes and not a single one of them had even a kernel of truth in them!

      That takes real talent…I honestly didn’t think you could put aside your obsession with gay sex long enough to amass that kind of derpitude.

  • gene108

    Laura Ingraham’s about as good a Hillary stand-in as Trump’s gonna get. She’s an Ivy League educated lawyer. She’s blond. And a girl. Capable of a Vagenda of Manocide, like any woman.

  • WIDTAP

    Aha! Now we know the secret Republican formula:

    Step 1: Something, something.
    Step 2: Something else, something else.
    Step 3: Binders!
    Step 4: Profit!

    • Aquaria

      I got a really cool binder for my calculus class, since it’s a community college, and the professors here have to teach these idiot classmates I have how good study habits work. One of the methods is requiring everyone to turn in a binder of notes, homework, exams, and so forth, at the end of the semester for a grade.

      This is weird to someone my age, who thought, uh, dude, keeping track of all of your work and keeping it all organized is what you’re supposed to do for any class, but apparently many of these millennials are unfamiliar with the concept.

      Anyway, this is my new binder, the Kokuyo Novita Alpha: http://static2.jetpens.com/images/a/000/055/55300.jpg?mark=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.jetpens.com%2Fimages%2Fassets%2Fwatermark.png&markalign=top%2Cright&markscale=19&s=e4458bb9504c5ac28d698e44551228b7

      Jetpens is my hillbilly heroin.

      • WIDTAP

        I don’t know what would make me feel more uncomfortable – knowing your sexual habits or knowing your study organization habits. I feel a little dirty either way.

  • DemocratsAreEvilPeople

    The Democrats are a political party that defines “consummating a marriage” as “ramming one’s raging member into another guy’s butthole.”

    • Squirrel_t_robot

      Is it throbbing, as well?

      • jmk

        It’s totally Turgid!!

    • therblig

      we would also have accepted “vigorous scissoring”

    • Squirrel_t_robot

      You just made on Hillary’s vagenda of manocide, little buddy.

    • I Only Like Cats

      Aww, tell us who you have a crush on that you can’t express. Is it Milo?

    • BouncyFlyer

      Man, you righties sure love to rant about ramming and buttholes, more than any queer guy ever did! Is there something you want to tell us about that?

    • Robin

      Well in our defense, sometimes it’s when our Syrian immigrant love waffle gets their green card with no x-treme vetting.

      We’Re not ALL gay, some of us just like ruining america.

    • Well, you may define it that way but that’s only because you cannot marry your fleshlight.

    • chicken thief

      Since the SCOTUS decision you miss the throat cramming, don’t you?

  • Vienna Woods
  • DemocratsAreEvilPeople

    In liberal la la land, “the right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed” does not preclude a ban on guns, but “nor deny to any person without due process of law” precludes the state from telling a man he can’t shove his erect ramrod into another man’s bleeding asshole. Why is that?

    • I Only Like Cats

      You almost entertained me. You realize that the second amendment was written for muskets and bayonets that could only hold one bullet at a time, right?

      • Paperless Tiger

        That explains the blood.

        • I Only Like Cats

          Not the best lubricant I’ve ever heard of I’ll admit. Well, maybe when a woman is on her period it’s OK, but that doesn’t really help gay men.

      • DemocratsAreEvilPeople

        No, it was not written “for those.” It was written at the time when those existed. Just like the 1st Amendment was not written “for printing presses.”

        • I Only Like Cats

          Printing presses actually kind of existed back then, which machine guns did not. I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t have OK’d those since they didn’t write an amendment protecting cannons.

        • History is not your strong point is it?

          You are aware of the semaphore systems that existed and were covered by the First Amendment?

        • chicken thief

          Each state also had rules for compulsory conscription in their militia.

      • artem1s

        also too, well regulated

    • Toomush_Infer

      Ummmm…..consent?…

    • NellCote71

      Dear DAEP:

      I would not use the word “ban” if I were you.

      Sincerely,
      A concerned non-commenter

      • Pinkham’s Law

        Why not? He’s already very familiar with it.

    • Billy Rubin

      You spend a lot of time thinking about that, don’t ya, tiger?

    • Pinkham’s Law

      I don’t think that’s the line used to say that us homofags can do what we want with our turgid love muscles.

    • UnsaltedSinner

      Liberal la la land? I think I’ve seen that show.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lc5VRSe6ijc

      • BeachBum

        Great show !

    • chicken thief

      Unless you believe that Charles Manson can have a Tomahawk missile (a real one, I’m not referring to his cock, DEAP) in his jail cell, then we all agree that, in fact, the right to bear arms can be regulated.

      We are only disagreeing on where the line should be drawn.

      • DemocratsAreEvilPeople

        No. The founders talked about small arms, not ordnance.

        • Blank Ron

          [citation needed]

        • chicken thief

          So you are saying that the Founding Fathers intended to put reasonable caps on the Right that they wrote into the Constitution by limiting what a person could own within the realm of what existed at the time?

        • They didn’t specify, so according to you that means everything including pornographic pictures of you’re father (which the rest of the world bans under the Geneva conventions).

          By the way was your father a considerate lover?

    • Robin

      Doesn’t it say something right before the “right of the people to bear arms”?

      I swore it did, but every time a gun nut posts here they just mention a shorter version.

      When was the bill of rights amended?

      • DemocratsAreEvilPeople

        Yes. It refers to why the well trained militia is important. Nothing to do with the right.

        • I Only Like Cats

          Then why have it in the law????

          • DemocratsAreEvilPeople

            Laws often list the reason for passing them. Read the Affordable Care Act, for example.

          • I Only Like Cats

            What you just said would make it part of the law, in fact. But our responses are funnier than you so I’m going to go take a shower. Hopefully my shampoo can wash out the stupid.

        • Robin

          So it’s OK to ignore parts of an amendment if you don’t like it?

          Gotcha, so a comma in an amendment means everything before it isn’t as important. Now THAT makes a lot of the following amendments WAY more interesting.

          • artem1s

            well, they ignore the parts of the Babble they don’t like too. cherry picking is a constitutional right too, ya know!

        • greyXstar

          You cannot possibly be that dumb. I refuse to believe it.

        • jmk

          Turgid, old cupcake, it’s somewhat clearer in earlier drafts – “A well regulated militia, composed of the body of the people, being the best security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed; but no person religiously scrupulous shall be compelled to bear arms.”

          As you can see, the right to keep and bear arms is specifically enumerated within the context of service in well-regulated militia. In addition, the language makes it clear that this is a right that is held by the collective “people,” not by individuals, who are always referred to as “persons.”

    • Well, dear, as you are precluded from having a gun because of your felony child abuse, why are you worried?

    • malsperanza

      Omigod! We have a real celebrity here, folks! Look! It’s Turnip’s Debate Coach!

      Awesome! And wow, TOTALLY PERSUASIVE! That is absolutely going to bring in tons of votes from all the people not already on board the Turnip Train.

      Kudos!

    • HanBarbara

      Please come out, find a nice man, and stop fantasizing. You will end up much happier with your life. Otherwise, you will face a life of pretending and loneliness.

    • jmk

      Turgid, old chap, attitudes have changed over the years, and when you finally come out, you’ll find that only the nastiest creeps will be mean to you because you’re gay.

  • Oarboar

    At this point, I fully expect Donald Trump’s opening statement to consist of just two words: “LEEEEEEROY JENKINS!”

    • Squirrel_t_robot

      Huma’s soon to be ex husband is now An Offical Trump Issue™.

      • malsperanza

        For the next three days, til their ADD sends them chasing after the next squirrel.

      • Aquaria

        Why? It has what to do with…what, other than some sad man who has an obvious problem?

  • Billy Rubin

    For his debate strategy, I fully anticipate he will wander on stage in a fugue state, take off his clothes, and indulge in public coprophagia. At this point, it wouldn’t cost him any votes. What has he got to lose?

  • disqus_lWwzrwNaw6

    The overconfidence of Democrats is beginning to depress the hell out of me. I’m sure Ailes and the rest of Team Republican remember how easy it was to distract the political press with Al Gore’s sigh back in 2000.

    All they really need is for Trump not to fall over foaming at the mouth like Peter Finch in Network (although he could probably even get away with that) and then sit back and wait for Chuck Todd and Martha Raddatz to inform the American people that nobody wants to have a beer with a woman who knows what she’s talking about; in fact, nobody wants to have a beer with a woman.

    Can’t you practically hear ol’ Chuck declare that Hillary was boring and had a shrill voice even if she was right on the issues, and that “Trump won by losing”? Because I’ve lived through a boatload of American elections, and God knows I can practically hear him saying it.

    • malsperanza

      Yes, this is why Hillary is practicing for the debates: because she is overconfident.

      That is, one of the candidates if overconfident, but I’m not sure it’s Hilary. Also, last time I looked, the pundits declaring that some guy won by not falling on his face in a drunken stupor was not the thing that actually influenced undecided voters. Trump managing to look and sound vaguely presidential, and not saying anything appalling for 3 straight debates, could win him some hesitant Republican voters. It will not win him any swing voters or any of the people in the growing number of categories of voters he has alienated.

    • HanBarbara

      I think she’s actually meeting with a team of psychologists to talk about exactly what to say to get under his skin, and cause him to fall over, foaming at the mouth. And, she will do it while looking Presidential.

      • Kavefish

        If she sent an email today saying they are collecting funds *specifically* for this, I’d raid every couch cushion in three states and scrabble up every discarded penny I could find and send it off.

        • kareemachan

          Seconded.

      • Aquaria

        That’s one approach she’s undoubtedly pursuing, but she is way too much of the perpetual 4.0 student to rely on that one strategy alone. She’s coming at it from every angle you can possibly imagine.

    • greyXstar

      Your concern is duly noted.

    • Aquaria

      Sigh.

      I’m going to let you in on a secret about perpetual honor roll/4.0 students, from someone who is one, much like Hillary has been all of her life.

      You know why we’re 4.0 students? Because we never–never, ever–take anything for granted. We never assume that we know it all. We never assume that we haven’t missed or forgotten something. We go over and over things, and prepare and prepare, and come at things from multiple angles, trying to prepare for anything that might come at us.

      The last thing anyone could call a perpetual 4.0 student is over-confident. If anything, we are far too pessmistic about out abilities and sell ourselves short, almost always. We don’t trust our abilities enough, even though we have so much to show for all our hard work. We certainly don’t trust professors or debate opponents or anything else to be predictable or reliable in any way.

      The last thing Hillary is right now is over-confident. She is considering every single way the debate can go wrong, and she is preparing for how to respond to each and every worst case scenario.

      This is what a perpetual 4.0 student does, and it is how we always are.

      • James Christopher Owen

        “The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of doubt.” – Bertrand Russell

  • Paperless Tiger

    Trump should do okay in the debates. First, he’s never at a loss for words. Second, he never actually answers a question. Third, nobody is ever quite sure what he’s talking about anyway.

    • Rick Hill

      “What would I do about turning around the economy? I’ll tell you what I won’t do. I won’t raise taxes on everyone like she will and I’ll make sure people get more good jobs instead of the way she will let them all go to China.”

      Yup, trump has a plan….

  • hendenburg2

    Honestly, Hillary should make all the libertarians happy and debate Gary Johnson instead. For one, there would be substance, and two, Johnson would take more republican votes away from Trump

  • DemocratsAreEvilPeople

    Liberals believe the following is in the Constitution:

    “A well stretched out b*tthole, being necessary to the pleasure of a free state, the right of deviant men to b*gger other men in the a** shall not be infringed.”

    • Rick Hill

      You’re late, Wonkette homosexual fantasy discussion group just left. you’ll have to still pay your dues to the Man loving man lover club but be on time, next week. Ok?

    • TheDogAteMyVote

      Now clean off your keyboard and go take a nap. You know how mom hates it when you splooge all over the keyboard.

    • Joshua Norton

    • Blank Ron

      Now you’re just boring.

      • DemocratsAreEvilPeople

        You fed me, no?

        • I Only Like Cats

          *yawns*

      • kareemachan

        Well, people with an anal fetish like DAEP’s are *totally* boring.

    • jmk

      Turgid, cupcake, none of us think about “well stretched out buttholes” as much as you do.

  • RobKanC

    I am assuming the binders are something that Romney mentioned. So a woman reading a binder full of women. That’s some inception level shit.

  • Me not sure

    By the second debate I fully expect Trump to open his fly and vigorously handle himself while staring blankly into an undefined distance. His people will cheer wildly and the media will declare that he won because Hillary was ill-equipped to match him.
    In the third debate Hillary will walk out, take Bill’s pecker out of the pocket of her pant suit and smack Trump in the face with it, knocking him unconscious. This will be taken to be dirty pool.

  • AnOuthouse

    49. ” Over bacon cheeseburgers, hot dogs and glasses of Coca-Cola, they test out zingers ” best describes
    a) a group of sixth grade boys congregating in their club house
    b) prep school sophomore girls plotting against the freshmen.
    c) debate prep by a major political party.

  • DemocratsAreEvilPeople

    The Democrats’ core groups don’t pay any taxes. America will collapse when there are fewer conservatives paying the bills.

    • Robin

      As youre spending your Monday morning trolling a website you hate, I’m guessing you’re not exactly a whale in the IRS’s eyes either.

      The real irony is conservative voters are overwhelmingly old, how much income tax does a retired person pay?

      • DemocratsAreEvilPeople

        And how much does a butt pirate vegan eating stoner pay?

        • Manders

          Aww, I haven’t heard anyone say “butt pirate” since I was in grade school. You’re really taking me back, man.

          You . . . do know that straight people ALSO have anal sex, right? Just because you can’t get any woman to wear that big strap-on you bought doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen.

          • DemocratsAreEvilPeople

            Yeah, but only deviant liberal straight people. Real taxpaying patriotic conservatives don’t.

          • Me not sure

            I have never heard any “conservative” but you ever say that paying taxes was a good thing. Welcome aboard.

          • Me not sure

            I have never heard any “conservative” but you ever say that paying taxes was a good thing. Welcome aboard!

          • Manders

            Right. Except for Randy Boehning. And Steve Wiles. And George Rekers. And Pastor Eddie Long. And Alabama Attorney General Troy King. And Washington state rep Richard Curtis. And Ted Haggard. And Young Republican Glenn Murphy Jr. And California Rep David Drier. And Bruce Barclay. And California state Senator Roy Ashburn. And Senator Larry Craig. And former Congressman Ed Schrock. And Florida rep Robert Allen. And Mark Foley. And . . . my goodness, there are a lot of you fellows. Coming out would really be so much easier.

          • timpundit

            You sure are obsesssed with guy’s butts. Me too, but I’m gay, what’s your excuse?

          • OT – Amber Rose tweeted that Kayne likes fingers in his butt. True story.

        • JD Mulvey

          Ahoy there matey!

        • Robin

          I don’t think you should be disparaging Peter Thiel. You likely can’t afford one days worth of lawyers fees if he reads your comment.

        • We’ve no idea, your the one being paid for your services. Don’t you realise that many sex workers are unionised?

        • Me not sure

          I give up. How much?

        • Me not sure

          I give up. How much??

        • timpundit

          Butt pirate vegans are eating stoners? That’s not very vegan of them.

          • I think that was “vegan eating” stoner. Like stoner get so hungry from the ganja that they eat vegans. I wouldn’t like that because vegan meat would be stringy and not very fatty.

    • Me not sure

      I consider myself to be part of the Democratic core. I have always paid taxes. To whom are you referring?

    • Manocide:_The_Vagenda_of_Fate

      Hey guys! It’s TLM! I can spot him from a mile away!

    • Doug Langley

      I don’t pay dany taxes, but then again, it’s been years since I got a dany.

    • So Democrats are backed by all the big multimillionaires like Donald Trump?

    • JD Mulvey

      ..

    • timpundit

      Arg, matey, I pay taxes on the butts I pirate …and way too much I might add! Eliminate the butt tax, sez I !

    • greyXstar

      Why would there be fewer? Are you clowns going to leave when Hillary wins? Don’t threaten us with a good time!

    • kareemachan

      Such an uncute lil’ special teeny-tiny snowflake.

  • DainBramage

    Women with binders rule.

    • Aquaria

      Pah. Amateur. When you’re really organized, the binders themselves are color coded.

  • Me not sure

    Oh, BTW : This is a chocolate weiner. I honestly believe that Trump could eat one alive at a rally and not suffer any loss of support!

    • calliecallie

      Anthony’s chocolate-covered weiner? Pics or GTFO. (On second thought, no.)

      • Me not sure

        I don ‘t have one of those. I do however, have a recipe for Hot Tamale Surprise that I would be happy to share with you.

  • calliecallie

    To be fair, they probably couldn’t find a Republican woman – or man, for that matter – smart enough to play Hillary in the debate prep.

    • eddi

      He could use an empty chair. That always wows them.

  • JD Mulvey

    It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know that Trump will rely almost totally on “zingers.”

    In fact, even before Trump waddled along, there was a growing consensus among serious beltway types that debate-by-zinger was the way to “win” such things.

    If I was advising Hillary –sad face, she won’t return my calls –I’d say she needs to quickly neuter the whole “zinger” thing by calling it out early. She needs to explicitly acknowledge that he’s going to try to hit her with one-liners, and tell viewers that she’s not going to play that game. Then she gives thorough and thoughtful answers that display her command of the issues, while Donny tosses out silly insults and spanks his limp dick.

    In other words, she needs to tell viewers that his answers are inane and disrespectful of the whole process. She can’t assume that the audience or the gallery of commentators will make that point for her, because they probably won’t.

    • artem1s

      agreed, I think she needs to land the first punch hard, then dismiss any attempts to turn the conversation back to his BS. mostly she needs to call out the media early too. they will be the real enemy, especially in the first go round. they might let up after the first one, especially if they come to believe they will score more ad views if they try and succeed in making Donnie lose his cool.

      • JD Mulvey

        The main thing is that she can’t play the one-liner game, because as we know, she’s held to a different standard and can’t win that way. If she zings him, she’s playing into the “both do it” scenario, and if she doesn’t, he “wins.”

        Trump has managed to dumb the whole thing down to the point where shit like “Crooked Hillary” counts as clever repartee.

    • Sassamaphone

      totz, she should tell the audience right away in her opening statement. “Watch out for the bullshit that’s going to come out of his mouth”, then shes got the audience waiting intently for it. Hes so fucked.

  • DemocratsAreEvilPeople

    Hey liberals, face the facts, your hero, Barack Hussein Obama, is a friggin BUTT PIRATE! And so is Biden! The only question is, who is the pitcher and who is the catcher?

    • Vienna Woods

      Hi Shypixel. Or Doktor Zoom. Clean-up on aisle 7.

      • eddi

        DemEvil just painted the bullseye on his ass. Give the rest time to take a few free shots first.

      • kareemachan

        “Correction: TOXIC clean-up on aisle 7.”

    • Your obsession with anal sex marks you as a true dong puller.

      Remember that your gonorrhea needs antibiotics.

    • HanBarbara

      There are organizations for gay conservatives. You could find a man to your liking and be in a nice relationship. Constantly thinking about the mechanics of gay sex isn’t healthy or interesting. If you’re a woman, you really do have a kink.

      • JD Mulvey

        Could be a man living in a woman’s body?

        • eddi

          He’s a Republican living in a human’s body. That difficult enough.

          • JD Mulvey

            I hear there are treatments for that now.

          • eddi

            The process has been automated.

    • Me not sure

      I’ll have to call Mark Foley, David Vitter and Newt Gingrich and get back to you about any moral issues.

    • timpundit

      That’s not the only question I have, sailor!

    • BrianW

      Your statement is confusing. Since piracy is, “the practice of attacking and robbing ships at sea,” or “a practice similar to piracy but in other contexts, especially hijacking” are you saying that one of the parties was unwilling? If so, that’s just called rape in civilized society. If you’re saying that both parties ARE willing, then it’s just this:
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZmUlKPthrag

      Trigger warning for you: There are some Jewish and other, “ethnic” names on there so check your blood pressure.

    • greyXstar

      Pretty sure the Log Cabin Republicans are still a thing. You could be joining up instead of trying to bother people who are much better at being bothersome.

    • Yr. Gma

      Oh, that is very clever! I am more and more impressed at how inventive these third graders have become since the advent of the Internet. (Thanks, Al Gore.)

  • DemocratsAreEvilPeople

    Why did Democrats make Larry Craig resign? Isn’t he a hero to the gay “community” for trying to pick up a random guy for anal sex in an airport bathroom?

    • JD Mulvey

      Don’t know why we did that. Why don’t you tell us?

    • Manders

      He didn’t, silly. He said he was going to, but then served the rest of his term. Democrats didn’t do shit to him.

      TRY. HARDER. SO BORED. Someone get the hook, for the love of Jeebus.

    • doktorzoom

      For what it’s worth, you’re not outraging us or upsetting us. Boring us for sure, but that’s about it. Feel free to leave our comments section alone. We had a couple of laughs at the first “throbbing member,” but banning you until your next spoofed IP address is now as routine as clearing out the spambots.

  • Martin L

    That damn Hillary—stuffing her head with policy facts and figures. But the Donald really knows how to prepare the best–because of course he has the best brain and the best words.

    • JD Mulvey

      He so SMRT.

    • SeekingBarbie

      And he listens to himself! Or whatever those voices are that are rumbling around in his brain.

  • There is some real high school worthy “make fun of the smart girl who studies on Saturday night” shit coming out of the Republican party.

    Speaking as a former high school smart girl (though not on anything like Hillary’s level ) I don’t think this is a wise move for them. I’ve always expected the smart girls to eventually inherit the earth, and it’s looking like the time is coming sooner than I might have thought. And we remember the people that made fun of us for reading a lot and knowing the correct answers.

    • JD Mulvey

      I always crushed on the smart girls –too bad they were too smart to have anything to do with me.

      • WhyFelicia

        Don’t worry. We dummies are more fertile. So we outnumber them.

        • JD Mulvey

          You dum gurls is sexxxy too.

    • Hijabi Rockstar

      As a fellow smart girl, may I add, “Darn tootin’.”

      • Carolerbedford4

        Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours and have longer with friends & family! !ic584t:
        On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
        !ic584t:
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    • jmk

      Hellz yes, says this former high school smart girl.

    • Aquaria

      I was a rather good student in elementary school, but the brilliant underachiever in junior high and high school. I had lousy habits that I had to unlearn when I went to college, and then I had to re-learn how to be a good student again. Now that I’m back in form, I’m back to the annoying “smart girl who studies on Saturday night” syndrome and all the rest. But I don’t think of studying as work. It’s fun to me.

      Seriously.

      And I’m taking calculus right now. Of course people think I’m a little goofy for finding that a “fun” topic to study, but I do.

      But I also thought sequences and trig identities were fun, so I’m that weirdo.

      • Cannedclamscanner

        Does that mean that your the one who takes care of the math around here? They promised no math so some one has to do it. If so, many many thanks. (I did love algebra though.)

        • Aquaria

          Probably. I am a math major, after all.

      • Jenny

        Hey, I’m taking calculus this semester too!

        • Aquaria

          So how are you liking it? So far, I find it a lot of fun, but I’m a math major, so I’m weird that way.

    • GHERKINS OF TRUTH!

      I, for one, welcome our new Manociding overlords!

      WHO’S NEXT ON THE VAGENDA

    • Land Shark

      Smart girls are best. I married one. That is all.

  • pgjack

    This is ‘Murca! Best zinger gets biggest headline and wins debate.

    • eddi

      For Trump it’s even simpler. Everybody who tunes in is there solely to watch his brilliant performance. High viewer number = Trump victory. Nobody (Trump) cares about substance. Just how many times a day the media says their (Trump) name.

  • Angela Ruzzo

    Wow, Giuliani and Ingraham and Ailes. . . I wouldn’t ask their advice on what toilet paper to buy. When the advisors are idiots, it doesn’t say much for the advisee.

    • JD Mulvey

      They’re excellent advisors on what the dumbest 25% of voters will respond to.

      Their advice will set the table for the biggest trouncing since Reagan-Mondale.

      • Funny, I was thinking Bush/Dukakis.

        • JD Mulvey

          Fair enough. Dukakis got 111 electoral votes, and these days there are enough derp states to get a rancid tomato to 130 or so if it’s got an R next to its name.

  • timpundit

    Does trump think he’s in a improve group now? Is that it, because, I can’t figure this out anymore.

    • Aquaria

      Your typo is funny, considering who we’re dealing with here, and strangely apropos.

      • timpundit

        Well now I can’t edit it. ;)

  • boyblue122

    Hillary has known Trump on a somewhat personal level for a while now, right? Shouldnt that make Trump easier to deal with for Hillary? Its not like anything he’s going to say should really surprise her

    • Aquaria

      Trump is actually more difficult to debate, because he’s knowable, but he’s not 100% predictable. He could come at you with absolutely anything, and you have to sort of prepare for the crazy, which is always difficult.

      Hillary has a tough job here. She has to do all the normal debate prep work and prepare for crazy and be the actual moderator. Do you seriously think the spineless moderators will keep Trump on track, stop him from interrupting everything she says, and bring him back to the issue at hand rather than letting him gallivant along on his Gish Gallop until the final bell rings?

      Come on.

      Hillary’s the only one who will be left to do it. It’s up to her to rein him in when he acts the ass, and she has to do all that without losing her cool or her patience, or sighing, or getting shrill or any of the other stupid things she’ll be accused of.

      • JD Mulvey

        Exactly right. And while we can debate the merits of getting down into the mud with him versus maintaining her cool, it’s really a moot point. She’s got to be the grownup, like it or not. It’s just the cards she’s been dealt in this election because (1) she’s female and (2) her opponent is very effective as a media whore.

      • ExecutorElassus

        Having had many many arguments with skilled bullshitters (for whom “winning the argument as a zero-sum game” takes absolute precedence over dumb boring stuff like “logical consistency,” “addressing the issue at hand,” “the truth-value of the things you say,” or even “truth” as a general concept) I can confirm that it is *extremely* tiring to try to debate them.
        This isn’t much different from how Nixon wore down his opponents’ campaigns. Every time they had a reasonably-formulated response to whatever he said, he’d just switch tacks and accuse them of communist sympathies or tax evasion or whatever. By the time they’d finally tamped down *that* argument, he’d already moved on to talking about how they coddled rapists and Black radicals.
        Given that Ailes is on the team, I think this is probably the biggest danger to Clinton’s campaign: that he can just wear her down making her chase bullshit while he gets to jet-set around setting the terms of the election unopposed.

  • BMW

    It will be a debate the likes of which have not been seen since Bobby Newport vs. Leslie Knope.

    • Bobby Riggs vs Billie Jean King!

      • artem1s

        oddly, it will probably look a lot like that. Riggs came out and mostly clowned around. Billie played like the experienced professional she was and carefully and slowly took him apart. Afterwards the excuses came, claiming Riggs threw the game purposely cause he bet money against himself or didn’t prepare, etc

        • JD Mulvey

          The analogy also works because she was at the top of her game and he was an old fart who didn’t expect to win, just get some attention.

  • lucidamente

    You know many well-placed zingers it will take for Chuck Todd to declare him a serious candidate?

    • JD Mulvey

      At least three. And of course if she hits him with one, Chuck will (1) pan it, and (2) declare that they’re both disrespecting the process.

  • artem1s

    Hey, all you wait staff and bartenders and what not,
    this is your chance to save the world and sneak out the video of Drumpf’s brain trust having their 47% moment! you don’t really want to spend the rest of your life working at one of Donnie’s crappy resorts do you?
    signed, a grateful electorate.

  • kareemachan

    “…and how they are preparing Trump to meet that crooked, all powerful Hillary, who is probably too frail to even get up on the debate stage anyway!”

    I just had a vision of Hillary doing a backwards somersault when heading to her podium for the debate. LOVED it!

  • WhyFelicia

    I figured the debates would consist of Trump sitting at home and Tweeting “Weak! Lame!” while Clinton gives a policy speech. Is that not the plan?

    • Beawild

      Low energy, boring, etc.

  • Fatboy Trump pigging out

  • I’m sure Mr. Trump is thrilled he can now brush off all his old Anthony Weiner zingers for the debates.

    In an unrelated prediction: Every time Trump says ‘Weiner’ Chuck Todd makes an accidental sticky gooey in his underwear.

    • Me not sure

      By mentioning Anthony Weiner and zinger in the same sentence, you have guaranteed that I will never eat another one of these in my life.

      • “Creamy filling”, indeed. . .

        • Me not sure

          There goes lunch.

      • Beawild

        I must lead a deprived life. I didn’t know a “zinger” was an actual treat. It looks like a Twinkie’s cousin.

        • Me not sure

          It is. They come in different flavors and have icing.

          • Beawild

            Although I do love some junk food, I’ve never been a fan of these types of pastries. I think that the last time I had a Twinkie I was a kid.

  • The Librarian

    Hmmmm, I say Trump is eating a fudgecicle or a Dove bar. However, autocorrect turned “fudgecicle” into “disservice” so there’s that.

    • phoenix00

      Your Obamaphone in the tank for Trump!

      • The Librarian

        Ugh, will if it is, I guess I need to stick it in kitty litter to get all the cooties out.

        • phoenix00

          eh, just have to train it better! Not to mention download the latest security updates, wouldn’t want it sending things to Russia, do we?

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    He doesn’t need debate prep, he watches the shows

  • Speaking as the person with the hangover from satan, that lunch sounds fantastic.

    • Pickwicknext

      But the company…oy

  • bookish

    If there is a live audience at the debates, we’ll have to put up with the Trumpians acting out.

  • JD Mulvey

    Hillary would wipe the floor with Trump in anything resembling a real debate. His only chance is to cook the rules to make it more “pro wrestling” and less “debate.” Sadly, our news media will happily assist with that.

  • Billy Rubin

    Is that a *frozen banana* he’s eating? Has he finally gone *full Bluth*?

    http://www.blog.thehoya.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/Arrested-Development-chicken-dance.gif

  • Yeah, I didn’t study before debates when I was forced to take a high school debate class, which is why I spent my rebuttal periods asking the other guy to repeat his points.

  • GHERKINS OF TRUTH!

    Was that photo Donald’s pivot toward minority outreach?

    • phoenix00

      back-and-forth, back-and-forth, back-and-forth….

  • cat cafe

    Of course they’re meeting at “his golf club”! The guy never misses a chance to drag some more money out of the campaign! And you’re very wrong–he’s assembled a team to start his wanna-be media company. The Presidential Campaign is just publicity, a tool to get viewers, and a money-making con. The fiery failure will be his media company once his lazy stupidity and arrogance has a chance to destroy yet another venture.

    • JD Mulvey

      Before it goes in the tank he’ll convert his shares into a licensing deal for his name and likeness. He’ll get paid despite the business losing money.

    • Fartknocker

      Tundratwat Palin is sitting in Wasilla wondering why she didn’t think of this.

  • gallbladder

    “I’ll be at lunch at Bedminster, and I’m sure we’ll have a lively conversation,”

    Anything less than, “What the fuck are you doing?!?” will be a waste of time.

  • Celtic_Gnome

    I’m a Pepsi person myself, just so you know.

  • bookish
  • Pierre_de_Fermat

    This has got to be the most preposterous candidate any major party has ever had run for the presidency. “Testing zingers”? WTF? Is this what he thinks he’ll do at the G-7? With Congressional leaders of both parties? With SecDef and the Joint Chiefs?

    • Jonny On Maui

      I don’t know what Trump thinks he’ll have to do with these folk. I know what I think Trump will have to do with these folk. Not a damn thing, he’s never going to need to in any capacity.

    • Vegan and Tiara

      Trump’s plan on governing consists of letting Mike Pence do the work of governing, while he rides around in his jet and “makes America great again.” I wish I was kidding about this, but I’m not. Trump tried to get Kasich to agree to this plan, and he passed. This would be funny if Pence wasn’t such a dolt.

      • Beawild

        Yes, he actually said it. He would leave the handling of domestic and foreign policy to his VP. It begs the question, why the hell do we need Trump for then????

        • James Christopher Owen

          Keep in mind that Trump’s career has consisted of charging people money to put his name on stuff other people built.

        • ahughes798

          Trump just wants to be King.

      • Pierre_de_Fermat

        Kasich was a right-wing nut, but not that obvious about it and did seem to have come from an older party. Pence is a dolt, but at least me a mediocrity of sort of recognizable dimensions. So the so-called “plan” is to have Trump flying around on AF-1 with “zingers” and assorted tweets that will make America great again, while Pence tries to figure the whole thing out and the Republic comes crashing down. Great. I thought he was just winging it.

        • Vegan and Tiara

          It’s probably a better plan than “let Trump govern the country.” Pence really is a true believer in the “Christian” way of governing, aka screwing the poor, and forcing women to give birth to babies they don’t want. We’re screwed either way.

  • bookish
    • Odd Jørgensen

      “he makes so many faces in the debates”….ayup, he has the best faces, absolutely terrific faces.

  • Vegan and Tiara

    I’m starting to see why Trump’s ghost writer says he has no attention span. He’s probably not capable of reading large amounts of information.

  • TheBoatDude

    Zingers? I figured him more of a Twinkie man…

  • Beawild

    A moron being advised by other morons. If he keeps eating the way he’s been eating, he’s going to keel over with a heart attack before the first debate. Melania should try to feed him a salad once in a while.

  • Delu

    Trump debate?

    Since when?

  • edith prickly

    Where’s Milo Yappadappacrappolos? The ladeeyz just love his zingers about how washing machines and the Pill are oppressing the.

  • Sam Hain

    And then there’s this:

  • A_Guy_In_Oregon

    Oh man! I’d forgotten about Romney’s “Binders full of women” moment in 2012!

  • E.A. Blair

    You never know about chocolate-covered hot dogs – they could be good. Once in my childhood, my sister put chocolate syrup on my cottage cheese just to be nasty. To spite her, I ate it anyway, and it was pretty good. For a while, I frequently ate it that way. I guess you could try dipping a hot dog just to get a sample of the taste without committing to eating the whole thing that way.

  • Jay

    Isn’t that what Christie always says? “Lively conversation”? What is that? Is this some code or just the official lexicon?

    • Jay

      Also, this is all really funny.

  • zanzibar_buckbuck_mcfate

    He’s gonna look like an idiot, but could his completely whackjob way of handling a debate sort of make the ground shift beneath her/our feet a little? I hope to the goddesses that the first debate hosts are hardasses who insist on at the very least making the format strict. Otherwise he might distract everyone with his shiny brand of bullshit and hijack the entire event.

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