Wonkagenda: Friday, August 26, 2016

It's finally Friday, Wonketariate, and that means happy hour is so close you can almost reach out and taste the adult beverage of your choice! Here's some of the stories yr Wonkette may talking about today!

•  Not even 24 hours after maybe, sort of, offering amnesty to Messicans who aren't "bad dudes," Donald Trump is already started walking that back too because Trump will only stick to his guns for as long as his teevee ratings are high.

• In response to Trump's inability to give a coherent policy on immigration, Eric Cantor has crawled out from the woodwork, so has JEB! Bush, and even Rush Limbaugh is laughing at screeching bird-lady Ann Coulter for praising Trump hours before he said he loves Messicans! Ann Coulter has decided that she's just going to hurl insults on Twitter and violently flail her arms on Fox so Trump knows he made her look so dumb.

• Just to rub salt in a hilariously open wound, Twitter had a field day screwing with Ann Coulter's new book cover. 

• Hot damn! John McCain's Trumpkin primary opponent has boiled her campaign down to just being a tremendous jerkface and calling him an old man. SO ORIGINAL! Isn't loosely focused crankiness his schtick?

• This Arizona congress critter thinks that anyone who backs his "fucking phony, lying piece of shit" opponent is an "ignorant cocksucking idiot," and that they're all RINOs, and liberals, and OMG THERE'S AUDIO!

•  The fight for Harry Reid's Senate seat is starting to get serious now that everyone's looking at Asian-American in Nevada (you know, as opposed to just white people and Latinos).

• Trump's Russian mob-linked ex-comrade might be sleeping with sea creatures after making some sketchy moves. Curiouser and curiouser!

• Science bozos really don't like that Donald Trump and his Trumpkin army think science and fact-based evidence are stupid, so they wrote a mean letter that the Trumpkins probably won't read because it doesn't have any pictures.

• Here's a fun story about how Trump's campaign team is so incompetent that they almost didn't make the Minnesota ballot. Pathetic!

•  Breitbart is going global with its hater-ade. Just let that sink in for a moment.

• Patsy Capshaw Skipper, Mayor of Midland City, Alabama, lost her bid for reelection to a black guy. Instead of being humble about it, she said straight-up racist things on Facebook. Classy!

• TRIGGER WARNING! The University of Chicago has decided to abandon safe spaces because they WANT students have to feel uncomfortable in controversial environments.

• Reince Priebus and the GOP have literally given up on Trump, so they're dumping their Trump money into booze. 

• If you're in to drinking games, here's a new game to play! Let's call it, "Where was this Trump product actually made?" 

• Preznit B. Berry Bamz is going to quadruple the size of Marine National Monument in Papahānaumokuākea, Hawaii, making it the largest protected area on the planet! THANKS OBAMA!

• Mika Brzezinski was throwing glorious bombs all over Trumpkins this morning because Trump has no policies.

• A new bill proposed in Congress would make LOTS OF BEER cheaper because taxes and stuff! HURRAY BEER!

• Obama made this SUPER AWESOME Nice Time of Yosemite National Park in virtual reality!

• Now here's your Friday Nice Time: kitty naps!