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You know, this almost sounds like Donald Trump is hinting at using a “Second Amendment remedy” to protect the Supreme Court from Hillary Clinton:

Hillary wants to abolish — essentially abolish — the Second Amendment. By the way, and if she gets to pick her judges — nothing you can do, folks. Although the Second Amendment people maybe there is, I dunno. But I tell you what, that will be a horrible day. If, if Hillary gets to put her judges — right now we’re tied.

We like how the guy in the red shirt turns to his wife and goes WHOOOOAH and then they both giggle.

So there’s Trump, making what maybe he thinks is a “joke” about blowing away Hillary Clinton — and then probably Tim Kaine, too, since he would also appoint the wrong judges. Was that a threat? We mean, maybe it sounded like a threat. Or not, according to some quick-thinking Trumpeez. This one’s masterful:

trump CNN 2nd amendment

It sounded like a threat, right? WRONG. That wasn’t a threat. A real THREAT is printing up t-shirts where you Photoshop the heads of Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton onto some Renaissance art.

But we are probably overthinking this. Donald Trump, he’s just a guy who says things. Don’t take him so seriously when he suggests somebody with a gun could save the Second Amendment from Hillary Clinton. Besides, for the sake of efficiency, Trump has several Secret Service agents right there who can question him.

That oversensitive, mentally unstable Hillary Clinton’s staff got their old lady pants in a bunch over Trump’s suggestion that someone shoot her. Not that he said “shoot her.” He was simply expressing himself using his First Amendment rights. Do YOU have a problem with the First Amendment? Maybe you’d like your name and address posted on the internet as a supporter of Tyranny!

Mook 2nd amendment tweet

Don’t worry, kids, Trump never said anything about shooting anyone. He was talking about the amazing UNITY of Second Amendment people, not their marksmanship:

trump statement 2nd amendment

We dunno, Donald. How can we twist your words when they never come out straight to start with? Anyway, guess that “pivot” to being “presidential” didn’t stick, did it?

UPDATE:

Gabby giffords

If you’re thinking maybe you’d like to put your Outrage Dollars to some good use at Trump’s duplicitous bafflegab, might we suggest a donation to Americans For Responsible Solutions, the new group promoting reasonable regulation of firearms, founded by Gabby Giffords and Mark Kelly? She’s a gun owner who’s had direct experience with what happens when someone who never should have been allowed to get a gun, gets a gun.

[Brad Jaffy, NBC News on Twitter]

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  • natoslug

    This day’s posts better fucking end with a bunch of fucking pictures of puppies and kittens and squirrels.

  • natoslug

    And the only amendment Donald should be considering is the Fifth. Should be easy for him to remember — it’s just like Fifth Avenue, where he plans on shooting someone so that his supporters can take him seriously.

  • RichardBroderickJr

    Another day.

    Another stupid statement by Trump.

    .

    • natoslug

      One a day would be showing impressive restraint.

  • Ms.MLG1979

    You know who else has amazing spirit, are tremendously unified and have great political power?

    The millions of good people who are going to vote against you, Donnie.

    • BearGHAZI

      Shit, I’ll probably go vote against him like 10 times

      • Ms.MLG1979

        Like a good liberal!

      • Painter of Goats

        Yep and I’m bringing my cat so he can vote against him too.

      • Brother Yam

        I’ll dig up gramma and grampa to vote against him too…

    • tehbaddr

      So not Hitler and the 3rd Reich this time huh?

      • Gayer Than Thou

        I was sure that was where this was headed.

  • The Wanderer

    [REDACTED]
    [REDACTED]
    [REDACTED]

  • AntiDerpomeme

    This is my kitten, being a nut. He’s still more balanced than the yam.

    http://i.giphy.com/26BRzbItVAtDbiQE0.gif

    • PortTaiLand

      A creature you can bait with a feather should never have access to nuclear weapons.

      Well, maybe just this once…

  • Scooby

    Nice democracy you got here. Be ashame if something were to happen to it.

  • WeaselPoo

    BTW OT but Trump related: MSN headline reads:
    ” Donald Trump Says ‘I Want to Debate Very Badly.’ But He Has Conditions”

    To which I say to Trump: You WILL debate VERY BADLY and your conditions include tiny hands and psychopathic narcissism, so your point is? .

    • The Wanderer

      Trump will debate, or suffer watching Hillary making her point on live TV – where he can’t talk back.

      • AntiDerpomeme

        Twitter libelz!

      • JMP

        Maddow had a piece recently on the 1992 debates – apparently George Bus Sr. initially refused to debate, so the Clinton campaign got a guy to follow him around in a chicken costume which lead to Bush having a miniature breakdown screaming at the chicken and then finally agreeing to debate. And Trump doesn’t exactly have the self-control that Bush did, so who knows how he’d react to such a shaming.

        • The Wanderer
          • I Only Like Cats

            So the end of his campaign.

        • bupkus23

          Never mind how Trump would react – the Trumpanzees would tear the guy to pieces….

        • Good_Gawd_Yall

          I’m guessing it may involve second amendment stuff plus Fifth Avenue stuff.

        • Cindyinencinitas

          My money would be on the chicken.

      • Callyson

        Oooh, good point–Trump will definitely show up then. Good to know!

    • BMW

      You mean insulting people rather than offering a factual rebuttal isn’t a legitimate debate tactic? Whuuuuuutttt?

      • Señor Skwerl

        It was in the 92nd Street debate team.
        Today’s subject: Your momma’s so fat.

    • ThePuckStopsHere

      All somebody has to do is ask Trump why he’s afraid to debate A GIRL and that should end all debate about the debates: he’ll be there. (And fuck him for saying the President of the United States should be shot. Isn’t there a law against that?)

  • Ezio

    You know what’s so scary is that I am not sure Trump nor many of his supporters are even aware of the weight behind what he just said. If you think about it he’s basically encouraging sedition and provoking people.

    Looks like 90-yo Italian granny who lived thru WW2 Europe is right when she said he’s America’s Mussolini….

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    No wonder he likes Putin.

  • Oneofthebobs

    Lock him up! Lock him up!

  • BMW

    His surrogates have really gotten used to using their “What Donald Trump really meant was” keyboard shortcut.

  • ClarkJoe

    Here in Wisconsin Scott Walker just appointed an unqualified crackpot douchebag to fill a vacancy on the state Supreme Court. I just assumed there was nothing I could do about it, although now I realize that with the Second Amendment people maybe there is, I dunno.

    I hope every Republican that has endorsed Trump is asked to explain exactly how ‘Secondment Amendment people’ can prevent elected officials like Scott Walker from picking judges.

    • Señor Skwerl

      Over here across the St Croix we got a looney running for Supreme Court against a seated justice which is all knowing in the law (a.k.a. qualified) Now I have to take time out of drinking to go down and vote in a primary.

  • Tallmutha

    Another first for Hair Fuhrer–He’s going to be the first presidential candidate to get a talking-to from the Secret Service about why calling for the assassination of a presidential candidate is uncool.

    • OneYieldRegular

      After this, anyone still supporting Trump is not merely an enabler, but a collaborator.

      • Cindyinencinitas

        Accessory.

        • Aquaria

          Collaborator sounds more sinister. History and all.

          • Creepoman

            Co-conspirator?

          • Vienna Woods

            Fellow traveller.

          • Cindyinencinitas

            Point taken.

  • Señor Skwerl

    Trump went on….
    Messicans, America great, and If Congress doesn’t pass laws I like there will be a boom-boom solution, and let me tell you about those jooos.

  • Indiepalin

    Trump later denied saying any such thing during a rally in Kansas Titty, Missouri.

    • I thought is was in Oklahoma Titty.

      • Vicki Lawrence Wig

        Tittieapolis, Tittiesota

        • blondeiq

          In the titty of broken dreams.

      • Brendan_M

        If mammary serves me right, Oklahoma Titty isn’t in a swing state. Only a boob would waste their time there.

        • True, it’s not like it’s Cleavage, Ohio.

        • SterWonk

          I was going to say “don’t be too sure about that”, because when Georgia is in play… but a look at 538 shows that even in the now-cast (Hillary has a 93.9% chance of winning, with ~370 electoral votes and 48% of the popular vote), OK is still solid red.

      • PortTaiLand

        It was somewhere in that areola.

    • Caepan

      There’s a million stories about The Naked Titty.

    • Jo Mathie

      It’s amazing how all the things that he didn’t say are recorded so that people can actually see him saying them. Perhaps he has conveniently selective amnesia.

    • IdRatherBeDancing

      He dare not bring this shit to New York Titty, though.

  • JMP

    Wait, I thought Trump was supposed to be rebooting and laying off saying the outrageous bullshit to act more presidential after his week attacking the parents of a dead soldier?

    • I Only Like Cats

      He just wants to know how low poll numbers can get before the party panics.

      • Beaumarchais?

        Too late…

    • Whale Chowder

      Unpossible. The dude can NOT not say whatever pops into his microencephalic brain.

  • Scooby

    At least the Secret Service won’t have to go too far to have a talk with him.

    • OneYieldRegular

      If they haven’t all already walked off the job in protest.

      • Scooby

        Right, it’s thier buddies that would have to take the bullet for Clinton.

  • Joshua Norton

    Ever notice how whenever Trump says pretty much anything he needs a squad of yes men to run around to the media outlets to explain what he “really” meant when the inevitable shitstorm flares up?

    Obviously very presidential he is.

    • GunToting[Redacted]

      And in the alternate moments they talk about how great is is that he “says what he means.”

  • Ms.MLG1979

    Also too..even on the off chance he didn’t mean it as a threat, why for the love of sweet disco-dancing Jesus would we want a leader of the free world who doesn’t think before he speaks?!

  • Daisy
  • The Wanderer

    Maybe Gamera will save us:

    • Oily Messiah

      Or Robert Smith from the Cure

      • Arolpin

        Disintegration is the best album ever!

    • WeaselPoo

      just the kids, Gamera doesn’t really care about adults

  • Joshua Norton

    Remember when we all naively thought Sarah Palin said the dumbest things in politics?

    Good times.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      In this zoo now, Palin doesn’t stand a chance unless she swears off of meth and ups her game. Odds on that?

    • Hairstrike Alpha

      She still is…Trump is just mean and lazy. Palin is an actual cretin incapable of learning anything…and Louie Gohmert is dumber than both of them.

      • Creepoman

        And Cruz is the one that really keeps me up at night.

    • (((0gham)))

      Remember when “47%” and “binders full of women” were enough to sink a candidate’s presidential hopes?

      For that matter, remember Howard Dean’s “BEE-AAAAAARGH!”?

      We were so innocent back then.

    • Run2Live

      Donnie’s alter ego.

    • Teto85

      We could use a man like the good Emperor right now.

  • Joe Beese

    48 days to the first debate, if he doesn’t chicken out.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0HB_fTQIkQQ

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    Jason Miller is a misunderstood genius.

    • efoveks

      Jet fuel will do that to you.

    • Reddishrabbit

      Anyone knows what happened to Baghdad Bob?

      • OneYieldRegular

        He underwent mitosis into Scottie Nell Hughes and Katrina Pierson.

    • JVisconti

      Being related to John Miller didn’t hurt his career either.

  • Callyson

    Got a related story for us, Washington Post?

    Donald Trump needs a miracle to win

    Journalistic neutrality allegedly forces us to say that the race isn’t over until November, and most media organizations prefer to hype the presidential contest to generate viewers and readers rather than explain why a photo finish is unlikely.

    But a dispassionate examination of the data, combined with a coldblooded look at the candidates, the campaigns and presidential elections, produces only one possible conclusion: Hillary Clinton will defeat Donald Trump in November, and the margin isn’t likely to be as close as Barack Obama’s victory over Mitt Romney.

    • The Wanderer

      “We juggle priceless eggs in variable gravity. I will taste fear until I die.”
      – Niven and Pournelle, The Mote in God’s Eye

    • Jenny

      Well the media narrative of it being a close race is working as well as it did for “landslide for Romney”

      This time though they have an unhinged candidate who is screaming rigged and 2nd amendment options. I know riots and bloodshed are ratings gold but come on.

    • I Only Like Cats

      How has Washington Post become the voice of reason? Quick, what universe am I in?

  • ClarkJoe

    All that’s left to say is, “Trump campaign spokesperson Hope Hicks was unavailable for comment.”

    • The Wanderer

      So you’re saying is . . . they lost Hope?

    • Oily Messiah

      Spokesdoofus is her official title

    • Jamoche

      Hiding in the bathroom going “ohfuckohfuckohfuck”?

    • Hairstrike Alpha

      “Has anyone seen Corey Lewandowski? Why’s there blood on the wall? Oh I guess he beat the shit out of Hope and they’re back together again….”

    • Hairstrike Alpha

      It’s true, there is no Hope for the Trump campaign on this….

  • Daisy

    Ha, found one of my happy place songs:https://youtu.be/mqiH0ZSkM9I

  • Crystalclear12

    Nice shameless shirt plug!

  • Bill Slider

    I can’t decide which one I like better–Donald Trump, Sarah Palin, or that Kentucky county clerk. They appear to be equally qualified, well educated and smart. No person or group appears to own any of them. That’s it, brilliant. They should start a new political party, the Political Orphan Party (POP).

    • arglebargle

      Political Orphan Official Party (POOP)

      • Dudleydidwrong

        I was thinking Political Omnibus Orphan Party, but yours works just as well.

        • theCryptofishist

          I like Omnibus because none of them would know the word. We could tell them it meant anything.

  • JVisconti

    Being a 3rd amendment person, I’m getting into the AirBnB biz but with some restrictions.

  • goonemeritus

    Were surveyor marks used?

  • coozledad

    The DC press is already shitting all over themselves trying to mainstream this as a joke. Talentless, piss licking hacks.

    • thenearesthippie

      Just imagine their reaction if Hillary had said something similar.

    • Tallmutha

      Well, I look forward to seeing Paul Ryan being asked about this and putting on a frightening rictus intended to signify a smile and saying “It was a joke! Didn’t you think it was funny? I sure thought it was funny.”

  • Indiepalin

    Breaking: Trump lawyers trying to get the rights to more rally songs including “Titty of New Orleans”.

    • Joe Beese

      “Fool For The Titty”

      • Oily Messiah

        WE BUILT THIS TITTY ON ROCK AND ROLL!

        • Joe Beese

          “You Belong To The Titty”

          • Hairstrike Alpha

            “Titty Girl”

          • theCryptofishist

            “Titty of Dreams”

          • blondeiq

            Hot chai in the titty? Ow!

        • SteakNEggs

          “Detroit Rock Titty”

          I had that condition once –hurt like hell.

      • arglebargle

        Titty Titty Bang Bang.

        • Dudleydidwrong

          Sounds like Trump’s whole campaign in one image.

          • Joe Beese

            “Paradise Titty”

      • Hairstrike Alpha

        “Living for the Titty”

    • Oily Messiah

      Outside the musical arena, Trump now plans to “borrow without attribution” Reagan’s famous “Shining Titty on a Hill” speech.

    • IdRatherBeDancing

      Hot Child in the Titty

  • goonemeritus

    Trump is making Palin look like Thomas Jefferson by comparison.

    • theCryptofishist

      Palin is sleeping with her slave? I wonder how Todd feels about that.

  • I was thinking of standing in the middle of 5th Avenue until election day with a sign that said, “I’m ready for my headshot, Mr. Trump,” but I’m afraid he or one of his redhats actually would pull the trigger.

  • Lefty Frizzell

    I think he’s going to have to start explaining at the time what is and isn’t a joke because I for one can’t tell the fucking difference between the jokes and the policy positions. I’d like to think they were all jokes…

    • SeeTrain65

      His entire campaign is a joke. Yet, at the same time, it’s no joke.

      • Lefty Frizzell

        Yes – that’s my point, more succinctly put!

    • malsperanza

      Everything is a policy statement, unless everyone starts yelling about how insane and awful it is. Then it’s a joke.

  • Brian

    We already knew Trump supporters would still vote for him if he shot someone. So, they’ll still vote for him if he tells them to shoot someone.

    • natoslug

      So you’re saying he still has a shot.

      • sw19womble

        Not sure, with all his continual misfiring.

        • natoslug

          If it keeps his poll numbers in freefall, I’m more than happy with him continuing to play with his gun and going nowhere near his rifle.

  • natoslug

    Charles Manson is preparing a libelz suit against Trump as we speak, and has requested Trump quit sullying the sociopath brand.

  • cousin itt

    Because an assassination attempt would make such a good case for limiting gun control.

    • sw19womble

      It hasn’t before. *sigh*

    • natoslug

      TOO SOON!

    • Oily Messiah

      Only thing that stop’s a bad assassin with a gun is a good assassin with a gun?

    • malsperanza

      Yeah, the attempted assassination of Reagan worked great for the Brady Bill by getting it absolutely nowhere.

      • JoeChristmas

        And Hinkley ended up in a resort community in Williamsburg..

  • Daisy

    I should’ve just slept in today. I don’t know why I bothered, I hate Tuesday’s. AND THIS IS WHY! It can’t get worse, can it? At least not today?

    • natoslug

      You have to have faith. Of course it can get worse today.

    • Vecchiojohn

      Courage!

    • Cindyinencinitas

      I’m here for you, girl! You can do this! Have a duck!

      • Daisy

        Thanks. *snuggles with duck*

  • OneYieldRegular

    Jesus F-ing Christ.

    • Vecchiojohn

      On a gluten-free wood oven-fired cracker.

  • Oily Messiah

    This is beyond dangerous, what if some dumb fucks take it as a constitutional mandate (looking at you oathkeepers).

    • Gabby Giffords :(

    • lucidamente

      I bet he wishes Sharron Angle were his running mate.

  • I leave the internets for 2 minutes to use the restroom and I come back to this. Jebus H Christo….

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      Learn to pee faster.

    • lucidamente

      Better to purchase the Wonkette catheter, available in all finer medical supply stores.

      • Crystalclear12

        Comes with liquor IV. We gotcha coming and going!

        • Cindyinencinitas

          Can I have pina colada flavor like that stuff at the dentist?

          • Crystalclear12

            Sure, we also have margarita flavor.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    He knows what he’s doing. He’s already said if he loses its because the system is rigged and there will be violence in the streets.

  • Thaumaturgist

    I’m sure The Donald did mean it as a joke. It’s The Donald’s idea of a joke.

    • Just like asking Russia to Hack the US Government….

    • JMP

      It’s not exactly a y good joke, though.

    • timpundit

      It’s all part of the very serious narrative he’s pushing…that if he loses riots will occur and people will start shooting cause the election is rigged. Why he stepped all over his “normal Trump” act yesterday tho, is unknown other than the usual he can’t help himself.

    • Cindyinencinitas

      Why doesn’t he just claim he was drunk?

  • TheGrandWaz00

    Trump spokesmodel Katrina Pierson on CNN moments ago…”oh yeah, well what about the Orlando shooter’s father in the background of a Hillary rally?”

    • anna rampage

      Hurricane Katrina rears her ugly head once again…

      • TheGrandWaz00

        Then Paul Begala says “yeah, that’s really bad. Heads will roll.”

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      Was he there because Obama changed the rules of engagement in 2004?

    • Daisy

      *headdesk* Not the same thing, but thanks for the false equivalency, Katrina dear.

      • SuspectedDemocrat

        I think her point was, “See what happens when you don’t kill the shooter’s family? Just proves the merits of Trump’s law and order platform.”

      • IdRatherBeDancing

        Like all Trump supporters, she is A Idiot.

    • Callyson

      The father who said he wishes his son had joined the armed forces and fought against ISIS instead? Is that the father you mean, Katrina?

      /FFS

  • Treg Brown

    Polls-only forecast
    What polls alone tell us about Nov. 8

    • Daisy

      Thanks Treg.

      • Treg Brown

        Hope it helps your Tuesday Daisy.

        • Daisy

          It is. I have my happy place music and this now.

          • Treg Brown

            I’m already at work, which is a good thing. School’s starting for me very soon and I need all the monies.

          • Daisy

            Congratulations! I can’t get onto the Work-study page yet, because I converted my loan. I’m going to have to email Berkeley soon, if I can’t get on the site.

          • Treg Brown

            Excellent school! You’re going to be very happy there! HIPPIE!

          • Daisy

            Thanks! I’m so happy I’m going, even though UC San Diego was cheaper.

          • Treg Brown

            Lot’s cheaper I imagine, but Berkeley has a totally glorious tradition that you get to be a part of now. I’m envious!

          • Daisy

            A whole $3000. I wouldn’t have even had work-study, it was that cheap. But Berkeley is amazing!

          • Cindyinencinitas

            And it’s in San Diego… Just sayin.

    • natoslug

      I won’t be happy with the polls-only forecast until Jill Stein and Gary Johnson are polling better than Trump.

      • Daisy

        I wouldn’t hold my breath for Jill.

    • Cindyinencinitas

      A thing of beauty. My man, Nate.

  • anna rampage

    He had to say something to distract people from the release of his tax plan that showed the vast majority of financial benefits would go to the top 1%, and drive us into trillions more debt….

  • hendenburg2

    OT: Benghazi Mom and someone else are suing Hillary because for both Benghazi and Emails! And guess who’s representing them?

    That’s right, America’s Worst Lawyer(tm) Larry Klayman!

    http://www.slate.com/blogs/the_slatest/2016/08/09/hillary_clinton_sued_for_benghazi_deaths_of_sean_smith_and_tyrone_woods.html

    • Oily Messiah

      How has that hack not been disbarred, makes me ashamed to be part of the profession.

      • theCryptofishist

        Hack? You pronounce that scheisster?

        • Bear OmNomNom

          Scheisse libelz!

      • Aquaria

        I’ve wondered the same thing. I’ve known lawyers who have done less who no longer have their licenses, but this schmuck still does? WTF?

    • limberrat

      I was wondering who was the lawyer. That says a whole hell of a lot!

    • Bear OmNomNom

      Orly Taitz libelz!

  • Tallmutha

    The Trump camp’s explanation for their candidate’s comments doesn’t pass the laugh test. To say nothing of the turn-away-in-disgusted-contempt test.

  • malsperanza

    OH NO HE DINT.

    • Brendan_M

      What next? Is he going to pick a fight with a baby?

  • Crystalclear12

    This election is not helping my drinking problem.

    • Oily Messiah

      It helps me with mine … helps me drink.

      • Crystalclear12

        Yeah, saw that comment coming, held the door for you.

    • theCryptofishist

      Okay, try not aiming for your eye… Think, Lower, Centered…

    • Jamoche
  • Trump: “The bad news is the election is rigged. The good news is you still have 2nd Amendment remedies.”

  • stankbait

    That POS still deserves the ass whippin’ he never got as a youth.

    • Callyson

      The “with votes” qualifier works very well here.

      • natoslug

        That too.

      • Or with dragons.

      • Jamoche

        Works even better – one ass-whuppin is a single data point. Votes will *bury* him.

      • Brendan_M

        stankbait is clearly talking about unity.

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    Yes casual threats of deadly gun violence against your opponent are the height of hilarity. Donald J. Trump you truly are the master of comedy….

    • Beaumarchais?

      Oh, c’mon—he’s JOKING! Ya know, the class clown, just trying to entertain.

  • Ryan Denniston

    It wouldn’t surprise me if at some point he’s arrested by his Secret Service detail, it really wouldn’t.

    • OneYieldRegular

      It would be well merited at this point.

    • Dawn Abraham

      Aw shit that did it! Fuckin’ funny.

  • Jamoche

    Trump on Thomas Becket: “Priests. So meddlesome. Got to be rid of them. Someone needs to be on it.”

    • lucidamente

      “Not that I have anything against the priests, with their wine and little crackers. They love me!”

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      “When he said the only way to deal with democrats is gold or lead, he was probably talking about fiat currency and the Flint drinking water problem.”

      • Bear OmNomNom

        Don Pablo Escobar!

    • natoslug

      Low energy. Weak. All that praying, and not one Wharton grad. Not smart. Trumps are so smart, my uncle, John Trump, he’s like a teacher or a nuclear guy, or maybe drives a train, what I’m saying it this country’s on the wrong track, we’ve been going downhill, sad, no courage, crooked Hillary got us into this war, tanked our economy, made deals with the Persians, beautiful rugs, by the way, I get all my rugs from Persia, great deals, I get the best deals, like you wouldn’t believe it, believe me, they’re bigly, the best, like my daughter’s tits, best money can buy, I could motorboat those things all day . . .

      • FauxAntocles

        Send to MoDo, stat!

        • Mehmeisterjr

          She wouldn’t understand the parody and would probably rewrite it, adding words like “sesquipedalian” and “mulligatawny.”

        • Bear OmNomNom

          For my money, I’d like to see how Peggy Noonan would dress that up.

  • lucidamente

    You know what Mark Halperin will say about this?

    • Ammo up panzies!

      • shastakoala

        Or Panzers.

        • weejee

          Or pandas

          • Bear OmNomNom

            Right to bear arms!

    • Ryan Denniston

      Something something EMAILZZ!!!!

    • Vecchiojohn

      Do you know how many shits I give what Mark Halperin says about anything?

      • Hairstrike Alpha

        Uhm…two?

        • Vecchiojohn

          No, but you’re close.

      • Callyson

        Let’s all say it together:

        None of them, Katie.

        • Vecchiojohn

          Everybody sing!??

      • Bear OmNomNom

        One Azerbaijani speckled fuck (which is ~0.323 shits at current exchange rates).

        • Vecchiojohn

          Not worth the bones of a Pomerarian grenadier.

    • JMP

      Both sides do it!

      • lucidamente

        Ding, ding, ding! FTW!!

        • JMP

          He’ll justify it by finding some commenter at some liberal blog talking about assassinating Trump, and treat it as the same as a statement by the actual GOP nominee for President.

          • Brendan_M

            Someone should totally assasinate Trump.

            GET MY NAME RIGHT, HALPERIN!

      • IdRatherBeDancing

        I shit you not — on All Due Respect, Halperin dug up an old clip of Joe Biden on the 2008 campaign trail talking about guns and joking about Obama not taking away his gun! Totes BS. You all called it.

  • Mike Steele

    Just said on another site and will say it here: this psychopathic POS will not be happy until he has unleashed an armed insurgency, from which he will find a way to profit handsomely…to make up for all the time and money he has spent on this narcissistic road trip. Secret Service agents deserve a raise to be donated by the Trump Foundation. Lock him up.

  • timpundit

    That he gets away with this shit infuriates me.

    • Nightcrawler

      That he can have new people coming out and disavowing him every single day, constantly say inflammatory things that get him in hot water and still have a legitimate chance at being the next President infuriates me.

    • FauxAntocles

      It gets the news folks yuugge ratings…

    • sw19womble

      The election cycle of 2020 is going to have to go some way to beat this.
      And, unfortunately, it probably will.

    • Hairstrike Alpha

      His poll numbers are as saggy as his bollocks so I wouldn’t say he gets away with it….

      • Bear OmNomNom

        Trumpnuts?!?

  • calliecallie

    I can’t even snark to this. The man’s just fucking evil and stupid.

  • JMP

    How often does Trump feel the need to go to the “I was only kidding!” defense lately, anyway? It doesn’t actually make what he’s said any less awful.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FxmsRK4IG6o

    • weejee

      Cowz with gunz

    • FROM THE INTRO TO PSYCHO 101 SYLLABUS

      The “Why are you so upset? I was just kidding!” defense is a classic narcissistic bully dick move.

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    Velveeta Mussolini is just like any good fascist casually threatening armed insurrection if he doesn’t get his way. I guess neo-fascism is real because an old school fascist would already be in rebellion in the most flamboyant way possible…

  • Joe Beese

    You can now pre-order Ann Coulter’s next book: In Trump We Trust: E Pluribus Awesome!.

    https://www.amazon.com/Trump-We-Trust-Pluribus-Awesome/dp/0735214468/

    Donald Trump isn’t a politician — he’s a one-man wrecking ball against our dysfunctional and corrupt establishment. We’re about to see the deluxe version of the left’s favorite theme: Vote for us or we’ll call you stupid. It’s the working class against the smirking class.

    Now Ann Coulter, with her unique insight, candor, and sense of humor, makes the definitive case for why we should all join his revolution.

    The hardcover price is $16.47.

    Though in three months, it may be discounted.

    • weejee

      They can also serve as replacements for the Sears catalog in the outhouse.

      • Vecchiojohn

        If you run out of corn cobs.

    • Bear OmNomNom

      1647? Just like the year on her calendar!

  • infowhore

    Right now FiveThirtyEight has Trump’s chance of winning at 12.3%. I’m looking forward to this latest statement pushing him into single digits

    • I Only Like Cats

      His chances of winning if the election was held today is 4%. Look at it. It’ll make you happy.

  • Yep, the reaction of grampers and gammy behind him pretty much cement the fact in my mind Trump wasn’t suggesting somebody literally take out Hillary. I mean what sort of sweet grandparents would laugh about that?

  • lucidamente

    Nice pivot, dipshit.

    • Joe Beese

      Or: Nice divot, pipshit.

  • I Only Like Cats

    So are any of Trump’s campaign workers still going to have a job after this is over?

    • OneYieldRegular

      “Member, Donald J. Trump Presidential Campaign Staff” on a CV will be even more disqualifying than “Multiple Felony Counts of Embezzlement from Prior Employers.”

    • Mehmeisterjr

      CNN?

  • JoeChristmas

    He should go to the airport and say the place is rigged.

  • anwisok
    • I Only Like Cats

      Might have to crack out the chinchillas

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      The whole fucking internet may run out of critters. And it’s only Tuesday. SMH

      • The Wanderer

        Pardon me, but what does “SMH” stand for?

        • Daisy

          “Shaking my head”

        • Good_Gawd_Yall

          I use it to mean “smacking my head,” but Daisy’s also correct.

          • Arolpin

            For months I though it meant “So Much Hate”, which had me thinking a lot of people were really angry about a lot of relatively minor things.
            In the case of Drumpf, it’s probably a correct reading.

    • Brendan_M

      Quick, Google capybaras swimming in pools!

    • Joe Beese
      • Aquaria

        More people are killed by hippos in Africa than crocodiles.

        • kareemachan

          Or lions and other large cats.

  • tehbaddr

    Do I need to build a blanket fort in the living room and stay in there all day with some fritos and bevies? What the fucking hell is wrong with these RWNJ’s and horrible news today?

    • Jenny

      This sounds like a good idea.

    • Brendan_M

      Build a blanket fort, and make the monster under the bed pay for it!

      • tehbaddr

        Restore law and order, keep my apartment safe!

    • Aquaria

      Cookies and hot chocolate for me, thanks.

    • kareemachan

      OMG, I haven’t thought about blanket forts forever! And your idea is basically…. VERY tempting.

      • tehbaddr

        Rough times call for tough measures.

  • Vecchiojohn

    I wonder why he didnt choose old Ted Nugent for VP. He could have just had him shoot Hillary.

    • Jason Freeman

      Yeah, but Teddy already proved he is just all talk. He PROMISED us he would be dead or in jail by now. He LIED to us!

      • Mehmeisterjr

        Hey, cut The Nooge a break.

        He has been preparing for his dramatic debut as the protagonist in a modern adaptation of the Ibsen classic:

        An Enema of the People

    • Nightcrawler

      Oh! Nugent is another phony patriot and racist coward who dodged the draft. What a fit!

    • lucidamente

      That pantywaist? Hillary would kick his ass seven ways to Sunday before the Secret Service could reach the podium.

      • Vecchiojohn

        Yeah, he’d shit his pants before he got out the door.

        • lucidamente

          Isn’t that how he got his Vietnam deferment?

          • Vecchiojohn

            Yes. Kinda dumb of him. If he had visited one psychiatrist he could have gotten a letter saying Don’t let this fucker in the Army, he’s bugshit nuts! Only in shrink language.

  • natoslug

    I hear Syria’s planning on sending election monitors here in November.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      So is Putin.

      So efficient, Putin. And great moobs.

  • sw19womble

    I’ve got to feel, at the back of his mind, that Trump is trying to goad the RNC into deselecting him.
    Otherwise, he’s a foul, disgusting sociopathic lunatic.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      The one does not exclude the other.

    • Flashman

      AOTA,K

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      I think it’s thing the second.

  • malsperanza

    So, are there enough people in Ohio, Pennsylvania, and Florida who care only about one thing, owning military firearms? Otherwise, we will toast Turnip to a golden brown and serve him with jam on Nov. 8.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      OT but where did you get that H for your avatar? I saw a very cool rainbow one but I couldn’t figure out how to get it. In your response please remember that I am old, illiterate, and unfamiliar with modern technology. TYVM

      • natoslug

        Do you have a glue stick and an Exacto knife?

        • Good_Gawd_Yall

          Heeheehee. Okay, I earned that.

      • malsperanza

        Try one of these. If you upload it to your Discus profile, Discus will resize it for you.

    • natoslug

      I like seeing what the electoral map looks like if Trump were to lose all female voters — one giant sea of blue. C’mon, women, you’re all smarter than us men! Surely none of you will vote Trump this year!

      • Aquaria

        I’m afraid that there are just enough Stacey Dash types and fundagelical hostages–er, wives–who are too afraid of their husbands to vote other than how they’re told, who will make 100% of women voting against Trump impossible.

      • Dawn Abraham

        Upvote for we’re all smarter than youse guys. One giant sea of blue would be beautiful. A dream.

    • theblackdog

      Enough people in Ohio and Pennsylvania? Yes!

      • malsperanza

        Philadelphia, Harrisburg, Allentown, Reading, Pittsburgh, Scranton, Erie, Cleveland, Columbus, Cincinnati, Toledo, and Akron beg to differ.

        • theblackdog

          They had all better make sure to vote and not underestimate the power of the areas around them. I’m cautious because people said similar things about Maryland’s chances of electing the Republican candidate to governor in 2014 (Baltimore, PG, and Montgomery Counties beg to differ) and lo and behold, the rural counties turned out like crazy to elect him.

          • malsperanza

            PA also sometimes elects Republicans to state offices, and even the occasional Senator, such as their beloved moderate Arlen Specter. This leads Republicans to hope that it will swing. And you’re right that GOTV is crucial, and we must never be complacent. But PA has been solid dark blue in presidential elections since the late 1980s.

        • Yay Harrisburg! Good to know.

  • SeeTrain65

    Forgot to mention, it’s a 20+ minute ride. Consider yourselves warned.

    And still, the question must be asked.

    • Logic of Color

      Eh. I wonder if I could.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      OF COURSE NOT. Trumplethinskin can’t pass any sanity test. Not even a Sanity Clause.

  • Logic of Color

    His campaign is already explaining this away, but even if they’re reasons are valid (they’re not) it doesn’t matter. Presidents have to be able to communicate better than this.

  • I Only Like Cats

    Someone recommend me the sweetest, tastiest, least tasting like alcohol alcoholic drink they know because I’m gonna need seven.

    • Jason Freeman

      They make drinks without alcohol? The horror!

    • anna rampage

      Fireball seems to be popular with the kids these days…

      • natoslug

        Is that another one of those metaphors for Roger Ailes’ junk?

        • anna rampage

          I think that would be called Rumpledforeskin…

          On another note, I found out how they make Fireball…

      • I Only Like Cats

        I accidentally took a swig of juice with fireball mixed in, and didn’t feel the heat at first. Worst. Experience. Ever.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      Get yourself a fruit-flavored wine, like peach or blackberry. But be prepared to spend some time feeling like you just read back-to-back-to-back stories about Donald Trump afterward.

    • natoslug

      Juice a watermelon, add copious quantities of vodka and some lime, then mix in agave syrup until it is sweet enough for your taste.

      • I Only Like Cats

        How does one juice a watermelon?

        • natoslug

          I blend on the lowest setting, using pulse. Then I run it through a strainer to get rid of the seeds.

    • jowgajen

      Boone’s Farms is a thing for a reason.

      • Kristin Peters

        I know, but I just can’t go there again.

    • Daisy

      *scratches head* I think Sangria is pretty sweet. And whatever the hell wine my mom can get at Wal-Mart or Vons cheap.

    • Catstro

      Apparently the new-fangled booze sodas are very popular (if you like root beer apparently there’s a very good one of those). The husband always makes fun of those, and I always remind him that people who don’t like the taste of alcohol need to get drunk, too.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        I tried that hard root beer, it was awful. Bad at being beer, bad at being soda

        • Jamoche

          I had one that did taste like root beer, but it clashed horribly with any sort of food you’d normally eat with either beer or root beer. Burgers, pizza – blech.

          Ciders are nice, though.

          • Catstro

            Root beer literally makes me gag, but that was one I heard good things about from a couple of friends. Cider is a great idea.

    • Jamoche

      For avoiding the alcohol taste, I recommend the milkshake-based drinks. Sugar doesn’t hide it nearly as well as dairy does.

      • I Only Like Cats

        Omg thank you for giving me an excuse to have both alcohol and ice cream..

    • Lefty Frizzell

      Japanese honey umeshu

    • georgiaburning

      Half white zinfandel from a box, half store-brand strawberry soda. Add ice. Don’t count on going to work the next day.

      • I Only Like Cats

        Hahaha, I work from home (and I’m on vacation). Your Oldz rules have nothing to do with me.

      • Mezzaluna

        Sounds like homemade Arbor Mist.

    • Hairstrike Alpha

      Everclear….

      • Ducksworthy

        Only if you cut it with acetone.

        • Jeff in the desert

          And a dash of MEK.

          • Beaumarchais?

            Just a guess—you silkscreen?

          • Jeff in the desert

            Naw, worked in manufacturing my whole life.

          • Beaumarchais?

            Ah. They used to use MEK to dissolve films from silkscreens. One of the nastiest chemicals ever—repeated exposure leads to often-fatal depression. So be careful out there, artists and artisans!

    • TheGrandWaz00

      Amaretto White Russians. Seven of those and you won’t know what hit you. Or care.

    • Ms.MLG1979

      In a giant pitcher, mix a package of orange Kool-aid with a fifth of light rum instead of water. Add a cup of sugar or simple syrup. Fill the rest of the pitcher with orange juice, pineapple juice, and squeeze in a lemon. Mix it up, then pour a glass 3/4 full and top with gingerale. Delicious and you won’t taste the rum. It gets better as it sits, and will knock you on your beautiful bum.

    • IdRatherBeDancing

      Gin, champagne, lemon juice and simple syrup. It tastes like lemonade until the hangover the next morning.

      • Mezzaluna

        Throw in some St.Germain and you are drinking actual Unicorns and Violets

    • Jeff in the desert

      Bailey’s Irish Cream. Chocolate Milk for Adults. Straight from the bottle no mixing required. Sweet and tasty with no alcohol blech.

      • jowgajen

        In coffee or over ice diluted with milk is also good. I actually prefer the cheaper brand called St. Caroline’s (I think).

        Also vanilla vodka is great for mixing with your choice of soda beverage or with milk and kahlua in a White Russian.

        If you like licorice, I recommend Sambuca straight from the bottle out of the freezer.

    • anwisok

      Long Island Ice Tea. If you’re still standing at the end of the third one, you didn’t make it right.

  • Lefty Frizzell

    Once Trump winds up these clockwork psychos and aims them at the Supreme Court, he better be prepared for the fallout when the inbred shitheads whack the black guy.

  • georgiaburning

    I hope that Priebus, Paul Ryan, and the rest of the Repubs have granite countertops so that the forehead banging they’ll be doing for the next three months has real impact.

    • Beaumarchais?

      Three months of this will cause more damage than an NFL career.

  • Isn’t shooting your opponent rigging the election?

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    I can’t believe they’re arguing that the “With Votes” was implied.

    • jowgajen

      Real life becomes the Wonkette comments section.

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        I’m gonna remember this for later. “No fair, Dok! Trump did it! Why can’t I?”

      • Crystalclear12

        I thought there would be more loctus when the Apocalypse started?

      • Joe Beese

        Wonkette doesn’t have a comments section.

        We’ve been over this.

      • Creepoman

        So hypothetically, I can wish for the Banhammer to smite the Donald (with an actual Banhammer, not those pussy votes) without having to worry about said Banhammer falling on my own crown?

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    I came up with the best article name for this controversy! “Much Ado about Trumping”

    • Vecchiojohn

      As You Hate It?

    • natoslug

      (half) A Cock’s worth Orange.

    • Logic of Color

      The Sound and Der Fuhrer

    • sw19womble

      Titties Amendmentwos

    • Toomush_Infer

      Not “The Trumpfest”??….

    • ViveLaRes

      The Guns of Overcomb?

  • anwisok
    • Blackest Noobs

      WHAT!!!!!!!!

      that last one…never seen such a small kitty!!!!

      • Jeff in the desert

        camera angle

  • Blackest Noobs

    wasn’t this his week not to fuck up?

    but then Orange Face said titties and it was back to the taint of presidential candidates.
    now he’s saying this stupid shit about gun-humpers shooting Hillz ( i would say let them try cuz the Secret Service would either blows their brains out or tazer the shit outha their ball sacks, cuz honestly, if a Trump supporter is the assassin, it’s mostly definitely a guy and most definitely a white person)

    • jowgajen

      He made it through Monday, it’s an improvement over last week.

      • Blackest Noobs

        maybe he’ll cry about a rigged game again….Barry totally dissed him on that one….never in my life had i seen a sitting President make fun of such a buffoon….loving how Barry’s got NO MORE FUCKS TO GIVE….HE IS ALL LUTHER NOW!!!!

      • Well, there was the whole “titties” thing, but that was more “ha, look at the doufus” rather than “holy fuck, this man is insane”.

    • IdRatherBeDancing

      Was it even 24 hours? He’s unhinged.

    • Logic of Color

      Careful with “Orange Face”. It could lead to “O-Face” and no one needs that picture in their head

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    My friends, I think it may be time: Let’s all get out there and do some voting!

    • The Wanderer

      I need a drink first.

      • Oily Messiah

        Drunk voting. Lowered inhibitions are required.

      • Vecchiojohn

        You get your drink AFTER you vote, goddamnit. We’re doing this Chicago style.

        • Creepoman

          After our first vote or our last vote?

          • Vecchiojohn

            After each vote, dumdum. We ain’t no pikers you know.

      • weejee

        Time to take a stand?

      • natoslug

        Bring a flask.

    • Catstro

      Early and often!

  • anwisok

    And, Rebecca, Evan, Dok, et al? PLEASE no more horrible stories today? Please?
    https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/b7/90/81/b79081b8e9e266a1b04bc8904d99f324.jpg

  • boyblue122

    If Trump starts losing badly in places like Georgia, SC and Arizona before the debates start, he wont even think of showing up

    • georgiaburning

      Stay strong, Idaho. You have Wyoming and Oklahoma behind you

      • Ducksworthy

        The Broke Back Mountain States, oh and Oklahoma.

  • It’s weird how some conservatives love it when you suggest second amendment remedies against Democrats, but if some black person uses it against a cop he sees as oppressive, they hate it.

    Personally, I think the founders were smarter than that, and didn’t think having any local farmer shoot any person he dislikes was covered by the Second Amendment. But, then again, I keep thinking that they stuck the words “A well regulate militia” in there for a reason.

    • weejee

      Ya think?

    • natoslug

      The founders were strong supporters of a diet high in roughage.

  • Flashman

    Simple fix for Trump: Just lie. Say he was quoting Hillary Clinton.

  • DoctorBill

    Once they let Mook out of the bag, everybody’s gonna be sorry …
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8vw8t4O9JQM

  • TheGrandWaz00

    Would it be against the rules to tell him to pivot on this?
    https://geometryarchitecture.files.wordpress.com/2014/03/31.jpg?w=300&h=223

  • weejee

    Quick Watson, the needle!

  • Painter of Goats

    Trump shoots his mouth off asking for 2nd amendment remedies.

    • Vecchiojohn

      Shootin’ blanks.

  • IdRatherBeDancing

    I have smelled garbage less rancid than this fuckstain.

  • Brian

    Meanwhile Republican leaders are still waiting for Trump to go a bridge too far.

    http://66.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ls6wudpwC71qahdmvo4_250.gif

  • Gayer Than Thou

    Are there no commenting rules for presidential candidates?

    • Brendan_M

      We just have to give him the Banhammer of Loving Correction in November.

    • Paperless Tiger

      Before Trump there almost seemed to be.

  • Ducksworthy

    Trump did so pivot. He just can’t stop pivoting once he starts.

    • Catstro

      He’s done a real 360°

      • Jeff in the desert

        Look folks, we are gonna turn this thing around 360 degrees and head in a new better great for America direction.

  • Flashman

    Great job, Don. You just knocked the Olympics off the front page.

    • sw19womble

      At least he’s good for something.

  • Jgb979

    At RNC headquarters: Priebus slowly walks to his blackboard and erases the number two next to “It has been ___ days since Donald Trump did something that would end the career of any other candidate” and silently replaces it with a zero

    • limberrat

      And Jeb is sitting with is drink and “America” by his side wondering how he lost to him.

    • Dee Andee

    • OddMan

      I think they need to make that sign more ‘granular’.
      It has been __________ hours since Donald Trump did something that would end the career of any other candidate”

  • Ryan Denniston

    Later this week when they reboot the campaign again, they really need to up the dosage two, maybe three times what they used yesterday.

    • Oily Messiah

      I think they already tried turning it on and off again.

      • Jeff in the desert

        Blue (states) screen of death (with votes)

    • georgiaburning

      Pull the batteries out and let it sit overnight

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        Hit it with 480v until it quits moving and starts to smoke

    • Spotts1701

      “Captain, the speech follows no logical pattern.”
      “Random sentences strung together.”

  • DodgeDixie&Descartes

    Fence keeps hitting reset, but Dinnie is just broken. I fear he runs on Windows ands a clean reinstall.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      The blue screen of derp

  • UnsaltedSinner
  • Scooby

    Wasn’t this the kind of rhetoric that got an MP killed in Britan?

    • sw19womble

      That’s a bit of a stretch. FTR nobody even remotely suggested that anyone shoot, stab or otherwise kill any politician.
      Loonies are easy to trigger off tho.

  • DoctorBill

    It is with a heavy heart that I must take this opportunity to deflate Tittiegate (and at the hands of a man so loved at this site) http://gawker.com/he-really-didnt-say-titties-1785049969

    • Vecchiojohn

      Well, you know the old saying. Tits today, guns tomorrow.

  • Is it my imagination or does the Trumpeter give a heavy sigh along with an “Oh shit” grin at the very end of this?

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uaKEpIEI7NI

    • georgiaburning

      He’s having his fun, so is his base

    • Toomush_Infer

      Kayleagh’s eyes are so dark….is she getting enough sleep?…

      • limberrat

        Oh, thats just the mascara running as she bawls realizing she has to defend this guy.

      • georgiaburning

        Notice the blinking eyes, “save me save me,”

      • anna rampage

        Black eyes from banging her head against the wall every time Trump says something stupid, or repulsive…

      • Spotts1701

        I’m pretty sure that’s from laying awake at night thinking “Is this paycheck really worth it?”

    • Astraea

      There’s an old couple behind Trump laughing, I’m pretty sure they weren’t thinking “oh yeah, we’ll get her with our UNITY!”

      • weejee

        With assault (rifle) and pepper spray too.

    • anna rampage

      “The muslim ban”, yep , got that one right here… No need to simplify the already simplified words and ideas coming from Dullard’s mouth

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=viDffWUjcBA

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      Oh sure, he was saying that after Hillary is elected, the only thing that will prevent her from nominating Supreme Court justices, is intense lobbying by the NRA.

      And THAT’s their best explanation?

      • Beaumarchais?

        That’s different from now, how? No downside to Hillary, then—thanks, Trumpshiners!

  • limberrat

    Meanwhile Paul Manafort walks over to the liquor cabinet and pours himself another drink. He then begins weeping softly.

    • Crystalclear12

      Really, at this point it’s straight out of the bottle and he never moves away from the cabinet.

      • limberrat

        That would explain his comment on Paul Ryan last week.

      • bupkus23

        Nah – you guys have Manafort all wrong. He probably instigated this latest outburst from Donnie – he’s just that much of a born ratfucker that he probably thinks that most of the electorate will tune Donnie’s rantings out by the tiome election day rolls around, and will figure it’s a foregone conclusion that Hillary’s gonna win, and just stay home. Then, the semi-sentient haters who comprise Donnie’s base will vote him in instead, and Manafort will receive his cash payment from Putin….

        We just have to prove Manafort wrong come Nov 8th….

        • Crystalclear12

          Plausible: (

          • bupkus23

            I may have gotten some details about the ultimate goal wrong, but after seeing this morning how all the Trump surrogates have all repeated ( almost verbatim ) the idea that Trump was talking about Second Amendment supporters voting against Hillary, I am even more inclined to think this outburst was planned.

            Perhaps rather than causing voters to tune out, this thing is more about discrediting the media/pundits. So many outlets reported Trump’s words as dog-whistling assassination – then the campaign comes out with a somewhat acceptable alternative ( “the power of the vote!” ), and makes it look like those outlets are Chicken Littles, alarmist, etc….

            In a way, it kinda mirrors one of the ways that the right has trried to discredit media reporting on climate change…

            So, perhaps the ultimate goal of Manafort is a little shorter term than my first idea, but it’s still just another ratfuck…

    • natoslug

      He might want to consider an absinthe and lye chaser.

      • Brendan_M

        He has a great deal on premium Russian vodka, though.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Wait ’til Trump stiffs him for not doing the job to Trumpian expectations.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      Good.

  • Joshua Norton

    “Trump did not tell anyone to shoot Hillary”
    .

    • Brian
    • Doug Langley

      “Gosh, Obi Wan, how do you do that?”
      “The Force gives me power over weak minds.”
      “The Force gives me power over weak minds!”
      “Oh, shut up and drive on.”
      “Shut up and drive on!”

  • (((0gham)))

    So I guess the whole “Trump Will be Presidential, PART III: This Time We REALLY Mean It” effort is over with similar results?

    Who could have seen that coming? I mean, besides everybody.

    • Spotts1701

      Man, another sequel? And I thought Jaws 3-D was bad.

    • limberrat

      Man, when did these presidential pivots become Sharknado?

      • Mezzaluna

        Because he keep pivoting so fast, he creates a vortex?

  • Paperless Tiger

    His handlers probably coached him on how to use the dog-whistle, and now they’re probably sorry they did.

    • Jamoche

      “Dammit, Donnie, the point of a dog whistle is that only dogs can hear it.”

  • Everybody’s got rights…

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N7XRg8scL7o

    • Creepoman

      To parrrr-taaay!

    • Incoming Ham

      Neil Patrick Harris FTW.

  • georgiaburning

    Michael Steele is laughing his ass off right now

    • Thaumaturgist

      You laughing. I’m not. Don’t think Steele is either. This isn’t the time to rack up points. I don’t think any rational person is laughing at this.

  • Walter Wellstone

    Can we do away with the “with votes” restraint when we talk about this motherfucker from now on?

    • Paperless Tiger

      In Donald’s case, it would only have made it worse.

    • Mezzaluna

      I think the world needs the pie thrower from a few years back. I suppose technically its assault, but really who ever suffered grievous bodily harm from a pie? Unless they choked on it.

      • Spotts1701

        This is a job for PIE MAN!

    • Just follow it with “just joking.” That works for Trumps.

  • Vecchiojohn

    Maybe Obama should order the Secret Service to keep The Don way from Hillary.

    • limberrat

      Also keep Hillary away from 5th avenue.

    • Catstro

      Hey look! He found a way to get out of the debates!

      • Mezzaluna

        Nothing I can do, she has a restraining order.

        • emmelemm

          Well-played.

        • I Only Like Cats

          Said him to all of his wives at one point, probably.

    • Mezzaluna

      They’ll have line of riot police in full gear between them if he shows up for a debate.

      • Vecchiojohn

        Bullet proof booth would do.

        • Mezzaluna

          Too hot. They would both be sweating in a very unpresidential fashion.

          • Vecchiojohn

            Yeah, remember what happened to Nixon.

    • malsperanza

      It’s not Turnip we need to worry about. Turnip probably doesn’t know how to fire one of his sons’ dumbass rifles. It’s Turnip’s fans who are unhinged and have just been given what they think is a green light to shoot her.

  • btwbfdimho

    Guess who else is clueless about what’s right and what’s wrong?

    • Oily Messiah

      Ted cruz?

    • Spotts1701

      Wubbzy?

    • Mezzaluna

      small children and cats?

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      Trumpenfuhrer voters?

    • Shoeless Joe Jackson?

    • anna rampage

      Conservative voters ages 18-102 who think the GOP and/or Donald Trump can bring renewed success to our country?

    • Incoming Ham

      Fox News?

    • Gleem-McShinez

      Someone claiming the insanity defense?

    • malsperanza

      Jack Sparrow?

    • keinsignal

      wizards.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      I was going to say toddlers, but I think toddlers actually have a more finely tuned sense of right and wrong.

    • kareemachan

      Melanoma?

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    Remember when all the RWNJs lost their shit because Bamz quoted from the Untouchables movie about bringing a knife to a gunfight and they wailed that he was a violent thug? Good times…

    • Bitter Scribe

      Remember when they said he couldn’t function without a teleprompter? Now they have a candidate who says ridiculously offensive shit EVERY SINGLE TIME he speaks without a teleprompter.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        They don’t just project, they projectile vomit. Constantly.

  • Crystalclear12

    Even now Obama is telling some poor secret service guy if he doesn’t shape up he is going to be transferred to Trump duty.

    • kareemachan

      Nah, Obama wouldn’t be THAT vindictive. Michelle? Maybe. I know I’d be all “You do right when on duty – no booze, drugs, or prostitutes, you hear?!” And heads would figuratively roll if they fucked up.

  • Reddishrabbit

    Paul Ryan says he disagress with Trumps plan to launch a nuclear attack on Mexico if they refuse to pay for the wall, but believes Trump has many good ideas about the tax code and says that all republicans should unite behind Trump.

    • Notreelyhelping

      Well, some people are saying….

    • Incoming Ham

      Paul Ryan can’t do math (see his “economic plan” from last election,) Paul Ryan is a coward who is hedging his bets to save his own ass. Paul Ryan is a Idiot.

      • malsperanza

        He will face the wrath of Russ Feingold this fall. With a little elbow grease, he may go down. We can try.

      • Mezzaluna

        Paul Ryan is a zombie eyed granny starver (all credit to Charlie Pierce) who is an embarrassment to people with widows peaks everywhere.

      • kareemachan

        And the scary thing is (yeah, I’ve said this before, but…) that they seem to be grooming Ryan for 2020. I heard two repub talking heads and watched another all say the same exact thing: how Ryan is level-headed, intelligent, moderate, etc, etc, etc. They couldn’t have been any plainer if they had it printed on a T-shirt.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      I’m telling you, they think he’s going to pull out at the last minute (they all say that don’t they) giving them President Pence.

  • Spotts1701

    I wonder of the Clinton campaign is looking into whether pantsuits can be lined with Kevlar.

    • Reddishrabbit

      England can keep their Iron Lady, we have out Kevlar Lady.

    • emmelemm

      I do hope she’s wearing a bulletproof vest, daily.

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        I think that’s why she looks kinda bulky sometimes.

        • Catstro

          I’ve heard that’s the reason her pantsuits are less flattering than usual (really, no snark).

  • feministing

    well all, this is it. this is what crossed the line and killed my soul. i can’t believe this is the world i’m living in.

    • I Only Like Cats

      This has finally driven me beyond my breaking point and driving me to drink.

      • Daisy

        My parents are in the room, and the only alcohol in the house is coconut rum and cheap beer. No boos for me.

        • I Only Like Cats

          Nonalcoholic sparkling cider tastes pretty similar. Doesn’t get you drunk but it’s still nice.

      • Dee Andee

        I’m contemplating it, but I have shit I have to do tomorrow and drinking makes me feel like dookie the day after…unless I drink a ton of water before i turn in. Ship ahoy, matey. I’m climbing into your boat.

        • Jeff in the desert

          dookie, ain’t heard that in a long time.

      • feministing

        i’m using the olympics as a distraction coping mechanism. i don’t know what i’ll do when they end. probably join you and start drinking.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      This is OUR world. Fanta Hitler can fuck right off. And fuck off again when he gets there. Fuck him and all the fucking Trumpanzees. And not with votes.

  • Bigby

    “Was it because of a protest or was it because of guys out for a walk one night and decided they’d go kill some Americans,” Clinton said. “What difference – at this point, what difference does it make?” = wingnuts screech about Treason for 3 fucking years and still never STFU despite their own wingnuttiest CongressJagoffs saying “ain’t nuthin there”

    “Hillary wants to abolish — essentially abolish — the Second Amendment. By the way, and if she gets to pick her judges — nothing you can do, folks. Although the Second Amendment people maybe there is, I dunno. But I tell you what, that will be a horrible day. If, if Hillary gets to put her judges — right now we’re tied”. = shut up, he was only joking and besides he meant with lobbying so shut up, did I mention you should shut up?

    My god, they’re just rolling in treacherous slime.

    • Spotts1701

      I think at this point the slime is taking offense at being compared to the Trump campaign.

    • Vecchiojohn

      Or their own feces.

    • Msgr_Moment

      The R congressional campaign staffer I called this afternoon was really proud of his “the only thing [Hillary] said that was true was that she’d raise middle-class taxes” shit. I did not let that little Aynbot get away with any of that shit.

  • Notreelyhelping

    He…is…fucking…toast. With votes.

    • Oily Messiah

      Mmmmmmm….. toast with votes. *drooling noise*

      • proudgrampa

        Mmmmmm…..toast with marmalade with votes! Yum.

  • Serai 1
    • Dee Andee

      Thank you so much–I needed that!

      • Serai 1

        You’re welcome, seems to be a dark day here at Wonkette.

    • Daisy

      TINY BUNNY! MINE!

      • Jeff in the desert

        You think they are cute until you find one in your truck’s engine compartment taking a poop on the intake manifold.

        • Good_Gawd_Yall

          I would still think it was cute. I don’t know what an intake manifold is.

          • DemmeFatale

            Good Gawd indeed!
            Why all the negativity around here?
            Lighten up, Francis!

        • Vecchiojohn

          Never cared for the little fuckers. Like cabbages with fur. Tasty though.

          • Jeff in the desert

            Hasenpfeffer incorporated

          • sw19womble

            They have dead eyes.

            There, I said it!

        • ViveLaRes

          They bite like a son-of-a-bitch, too. I still have scars from when I used to volunteer at the petting zoo. They train you to hold the butt end toward the visitors for a reason.

        • House0fTheBlueLights

          Or eating your entire garden.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      Evil furface.

  • Jeff in the desert

    I think someone should take Donald J. Trump out with votes.

  • Dee Andee

    JFC. How many people are on staff simply to re-interpret the horrible shit that spills from his mouth-anus-thingie? This man-type-creature makes me physically ill. Man-type-creature because him having a dick (even a tiny one) is an insult to decent men.

    • Barley_Brains

      “Mouth-anus-thing i.e.”=cloaca

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    OT: Yay, Malsperanza! That worked – thank you!

  • Oily Messiah

    Donald Trump would like to remind everyone to watch Taxi Driver this election.

  • Msgr_Moment

    I’m in a doomed congressional district where the R incumbent refuses to state Trump’s name, but says she will support “her party’s nominee”. I contacted her congressional office today to tell her not to mail me crap and then this afternoon her campaign called me as well.
    I asked the staff at each place whether the congresswoman has disowned her party’s standard bearer. No. I told her office to convey to the Congresswoman that I therefore think she is a “gutless weasel” (I didn’t say “shitweasel”, but, boy, was I thinking it.), and the young man calling from the campaign called me a gutless weasel because I wasn’t disowning Hillary.
    Well, howdy, we had an exchange over that one, with him repeatedly slandering Hillz as a liar, etc., etc., as he talked right over me What the fuck ever happened to this country?
    EDIT: FWIW, at least the local NPR listeners aren’t buying her shit: http://www.northcountrypublicradio.org/news/story/32349/20160808/stefanik-stands-behind-donald-trump

    • Oily Messiah

      Rupert murdoch?

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        That. Fucking Aussies need to keep their crap and stop letting it out.
        Course…then the Fucking Murricans could do the same…..but I digress.

      • anna rampage

        Ronald Reagan….

      • Dee Andee

        Precisely. It’s how they win all the debates on FOX. They simply shout over the other person and then say they won.

      • Jeff in the desert

        WATCH IT! A child might hear you…..

    • beavertank

      Apparently when you know you’re going to win your seat back no matter what you don’t much worry about training your campaign staff to not be idiots?

    • That what you get for not going full “shitweasel” right off the bat. Sad.

      • Msgr_Moment

        Well, I WANTED them to put me on their goddamn Do-Not-Contact list.

        • beavertank

          I would assume calling the candidate a shitweasel would do that in spades. But maybe not.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            gotta go full hoofwanking bunglecunt for that.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      Apparently it is fine for congress critters to be gutless weasels so long as they think private citizens are gutless weasels?
      The young man is an idiot. Shame you did not record that. You tube fame and fortune.

    • DemmeFatale

      I’ve never heard of such unprofessional behavior.
      Do you think he’s a misguided Maverick, or do you think this is the “new normal?”
      I’ve said nasty things to campaign offices, and have always been treated politely, (sorta like a disgruntled customer calling customer service).

  • OT: HEY WONKETTE

    In case you’re looking for stories for the Sunday Snake Oil feature:

    http://scienceblogs.com/insolence/2016/08/09/thanks-michael-phelps-for-glamorizing-cupping-quackery/

    • beavertank

      Pfft, everyone knows cupping only works if you create the vacuum by burning something inside the cup.

      Plus it’s exclusively for nipples and other tender bits.

      • SuspectedDemocrat

        I prefer to do my cupping by hand, and exclusively for the nipples and tender bits.

        • Msgr_Moment

          Pro tip: You’d think that a vacuum cleaner would help, but be careful!!

  • greyXstar

    No snark, I’m legit shocked by this. Can we get a Mulligan on this whole 2016 thing?

    • Oily Messiah

      Sure. I’d take 4 more of Obama while we straighten this thing out

      • greyXstar

        Seconded!

        • SuspectedDemocrat

          A complete ban of morans entering the U.S. political system until our leaders can figure out what’s going on.

      • Crystalclear12

        Or lifetime?

      • MissNomer

        Sure, let’s penalize the woman who’s done nothing wrong. :roll:

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      IKR?

      • greyXstar

        Campaign slogan: No Lives Matter

  • Toadette

    You know that moment where you stop thinking of your fellow Americans as good but misled folks, and begin to think some of them might actually need a beating with a Louisville Slugger?

    I think I’ve officially hit that moment. >.<

    • Oily Messiah

      Louisville Slugger of Votes?

      • Toadette

        For safties sake, we’ll go with that. :-D

    • sw19womble

      Sadly, I fear you can’t beat any sense into them.
      With votes, or otherwise.

  • limberrat
    • Vecchiojohn

      Nacht Nacht…

    • feministing

      no but seriously. this has crossed the line and now it is literally just a matter of time when something violent will happen. fuck this.

      • Vecchiojohn

        I am kind of afraid to say this out loud, but I fear an Arthur Bremer type deal.

        • feministing

          i have always feared for obamas safety and said a prayer for him almost daily, and now i have been doing the same for hillary. i never really thought i’d actually think something would absolutely happen, that i’d just be vaguely worried it would.

          no more. something is going to happen and i am sick to my stomach about this for her and for the sane half of us in the country putting up with this insanity.

          • jowgajen

            I take comfort that the USSS has kept the O family safe.

        • OddMan

          Your comment made me go look him up, he shot Wallace in ’72. He got out of prison in 2007 and is still alive.

          • Vecchiojohn

            Welcome to 20th century American history with Great Uncle John.

          • OddMan

            I was in the Navy cruising around on a missile submarine and missed Wallace getting shot. Heck I was out at sea on patrol when Nixon resigned. First notice we had was when Nixon’s (Commander in Chief) picture was taken down in the miss hall, and Ford’s went up. We wondered how many people’s pictures they had on hand.
            I missed a lot of the 70’s.

          • pstockholm

            As did we all, as did we all.

          • Vecchiojohn

            You didn’t miss much, really.

    • Astraea

      Bless Samantha Bee.

      • Vecchiojohn

        PBUH.

    • beavertank

      Nah, first comes the night of the long knives, THEN kristallnacht. You’ve got to consolidate your power by murdering your rivals before you can start purging the people after all.

      • Thaumaturgist

        This is Merika. Merkins do long guns. You ain’t been paying attention?

      • Msgr_Moment

        Kurzfingernacht: Night of the Short Fingers?

      • Teto85

        I wonder if Drumpf will follow through with his threats against those who ran against him after the election?

    • Hairstrike Alpha

      Nutnacht.

    • sw19womble

      Oranjnacht!

    • anwisok

      Unfortunately, I don’t think that’s a joke.

    • JohnBull

      There’s one in the spotlight, he doesn’t look right!!

    • Msgr_Moment

      I rewatched Donnie Darko last night. Sort of the same thing.

  • RobKanC

    Some spins to help the Trump team,

    1. He was just being a dumb big orange baby and that was him asking his mommy for the second bottle. Since he is a baby he says the bottle like other ppl say amendment.
    2. He was just talking out of his ass, I mean, is anyone taking him seriously still.
    3. *hick* i dol’t know *hick* what you ale talking *hick* abou. *hick* more beer over here.

  • memzilla

    Pro Tip: If you have to say “what he really meant was” EVERY FUCKING DAY, your candidate sucks donkey balls.

  • JohnBull

    Other things a Trump supporter think is funny:
    Black people eating watermelon
    Global warming
    Hillary in prison
    Russian people standing in line, because it’s 1975 right now
    Beau Biden dying
    College graduates living with their parents
    Drinking-the-kool-aid jokes, because it alludes to 900 people dying

    What I wouldn’t give to spend an afternoon with such funny, caring people!

    • beavertank

      …but what about those airline peanuts?

      • JohnBull

        Well, those are always a gas.

    • Oily Messiah

      You forgot US soldiers dieing in a way that gives you 8 politically motivated attack investigation

    • I Only Like Cats

      *is 25% black* *hates watermelon* *opens mouth* *closes mouth*

      • beavertank

        But which quarter… right lower quadrant? Upper left quadrant? Random patches here and there that add up to about 25%?

        • Dee Andee

          It tends to spread nicely about. I find my percentage in some really wild black curled hairs that are in random spots on my head. Never a clump, just, random.

    • Dee Andee

      You must be one of the lucky ones. Most of us have to spend entire holiday weekends with these kinds of fuckers, only we have to call them ‘family.’

      • Daisy

        Wedding. November. Post-election. Can’t legally drink.

        • Dee Andee

          Ugh, gawd. I feel for you!

        • jowgajen

          Hopefully you will feel exultant and be unable to wipe your happy landslide grin off of your face.

          • Oily Messiah

            Thanksgiving will be amazing when I get to rub Clinton’s victory in my families face.

          • Astraea

            I was trying to put off all visits until Thanksgiving for this reason.

          • Daisy

            Luckily,the wedding is the Thanksgiving celebration too. I love my aunt,uncle and cousins(not really anyone else) but I hate their politics, and the rest of the family…yeah,not going there.

          • Oily Messiah

            I’ve considered a Trumping nuclear option, cutting off family who support him, fortunately as much as I hate their politics, both parents are never trumpets for now.

        • Jeff in the desert

          Weddings are the worst. Next is funerals.

          • Oily Messiah

            Depends. If there is an open bar at the wedding, I’m golden. Fortunately My family ain’t no baptists

          • Daisy

            Mine are , but not strict (alcohol wise). and the groom is Catholic.

          • Barley_Brains

            No. Weddings are the worst.

          • Notreelyhelping

            In college, we’d debate the worst place to peak on acid. Weddings and funerals were #3 and #2, respectively.

            Number 1? The dentist’s chair.

          • Jeff in the desert

            No, weddings are the worst.

          • Barley_Brains

            No weddings are the wurst!

          • Jeff in the desert

            No, weddings hurt the liverwurst.

          • Barley_Brains

            Yes. I agree with your sausage advice.

          • Jeff in the desert

            Flavored with rosemary and sage.

          • Barley_Brains

            Needs moar fennel.

        • Good_Gawd_Yall

          You can drink at a private party even if it is in a public place. Usually. Of course, if parental units are nearby, that may not be the case.

          • Daisy

            I’ll have to look into that. Sneaking the wine might be possible.

          • A flask or water bottle can be helpful, not that I have ever tried anything like that.

        • limberrat

          You can’t legally, but it is a wedding and sneaking a few isn’t hard. Not saying I have experience in that field…

      • Labor Day, Pigeon Forge, dry town, help me.

        • jowgajen

          Flask.

        • Barley_Brains

          I feel your pain. Spent many a dry holiday with relatives in Sevierville. Never again.

        • Good_Gawd_Yall

          Dry towns and counties are SUCH a good idea! Because no one ever drives drunk to get somewhere for more beer when they run out while they’re stuck there. Especially good in the mountains around Pigeon Forge and Sevierville!

        • Msgr_Moment

          When in a dry town, dry hump!
          Good luck.

        • malsperanza

          Load the ipod with James Brown, couple Js, eat yourself into a diabetic coma.

      • Oily Messiah

        Yea. We hate those times. Sometimes they add us on fb. I get regular updates from my grandma on how terrible my politics are

        • Dee Andee

          Ugh. One of the last things I read on FB was a ‘friend’ saying she thought Mitt was going to be a great president, and she thoroughly supported him. I think I got rid of FB pretty soon after that one.

        • Notreelyhelping

          Consider those thumbs-ups.

      • JohnBull

        An uncle once said something stupid about the surge in Iraq when my brother was in Irbil.
        He (the uncle) hasn’t been invited back to the house since.

      • Astraea

        I’m expected at a dinner of these people tomorrow because my sister’s family is visiting from Oklahoma. And I have to drive home so I can’t get drunk.

        • Jeff in the desert

          That is unconstitutional. Cruel and Unusual punishment.

        • Dee Andee

          omg, no. *shudder*

        • Kristin Peters

          Just find your happy place. Don’t listen. Happy place.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            Fuck that. This year we should start giving back. Let us not be the only family members to dread the festivities for a change.

          • Dee Andee

            In theory, that would be a great move, if that phrase about arguing with idiots didn’t keep coming into my head. Is that why most of us don’t?

          • Astraea

            Unfortunately my mom’s husband gets angry and starts yelling and then my mom gets all stressed out because she can’t tolerate conflict. I’m just hoping that the urge to keep peace will keep them from being too awful. If nothing else, the kids are a distraction.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            I just do not care anymore. You are a better person than I.
            Me? I ain’t keeping the peace anymore. If fence sitters are all upset with confrontation, that is their problem.

          • DemmeFatale

            When my gentle, peacemaker mother-in-law died, the gloves were off. Years of unleashed hatred for my horrible father- in-law were in evidence. No one would drive him to the grave-site part of the funeral, and there are some of their friends that never spoke to him again.
            Sometimes you just have to protect someone.

            A brilliant parody of a thanksgiving family dinner:
            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e2zyjbH9zzA

        • Daisy

          *hugs* Oh man, I’m so sorry.

        • FauxAntocles

          Date, Uber or escort-service…

        • Good_Gawd_Yall

          here’s a question you can ask with a straight face: which of trumplethinskin’s policy positions do you most agree with? how is he going to get that through Congress? because you do understand that Congress makes law, do you not?

          • Astraea

            They’ll have idiotic answers, I’m sure. I’ve tried, but it’s no better than hitting my head against a wall.

          • Good_Gawd_Yall

            Then I suggest you get through it the way I got through Christmas Eve (the night my dad died): I got wasted and someone else had to drive me home and then come get me the next day to pick up my car. Was it inconvenient for everyone else? Yes, yes it was. Did I then or do I now give a tin shit? Nope. Sometimes you’ve got to hold it together any way you can!

    • DemmeFatale

      …dissing a live, gay, soldier or a dead, Muslim, soldier.

  • Gleem-McShinez

    Is there a world record for consecutive days of bed-shitting that he’s trying to break?

    • Doug Langley

      I do feel sorry for the folks at Guinness. They must be ripping up the printing plates every day.

      • Guinness lost all credibility with me when they stopped publishing the picture of the Mcguire Twins riding their matching motorbikes.

  • Scooby

    Will no one rid me of this most troublesome Hillary?

  • Time for a break with some ‘Olympic Diver Pics That Look Like Gay Porn Thanks to Badly Positioned Graphics’.

    https://www.buzzfeed.com/mjs538/porn-that-isnt-porn-that-is-actually-diving?bffbmain&ref=bffbmain&utm_term=.buAmW0k5y#.ogLZmzOp7

    • Thaumaturgist

      LOLOLOL. & LOL some more

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        lol and YUM. Was wondering where the speedos were!
        yay Olympics!

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      ok so they censor the dude in the shower but not the one litterally cupping his bits?

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      Thank you so much!! That’s a riot!
      In return: check out the meme “Phelps Face” – I’d link but I suck at interneting.

  • Vecchiojohn

    Jesus God, it’s a long time to drink o’clock today.

    • Oily Messiah

      It’s always drink o clock.

    • Doug Langley

      I believe it’s 8:00 in Belgium, so have at it.

    • Daisy

      It’s 5 on the east coast, that counts, right?

      EDIT:Well 6, but close.

      • btwbfdimho

        In Uruguay we say:
        It must be between 420 and 5 PM somewhere.

      • Vecchiojohn

        If you don’t believe in Mountain Time – and who does? – it’s 4:30 here. I may just make it.

        • Daisy

          It’s like 3:30 here, but my dad’s started before noon before, so my acceptability standards are sorta low.

        • Dee Andee

          Central time was 5:05 when I took my first sip, but, pure coincidence. I would have started earlier.

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    I thought I had developed Trump Immunity Syndrome, but that statement made me gasp.

  • Paperless Tiger

    Is there such a thing as a class-action restraining order?

  • Iam Reading

    He is setting the bar so low for the GOP candidates who follow him. I’m concerned about the longterm ramifications from the press’ seemingly irrepressible need to normalize his behavior.

    • yyyaz

      … the press’ seemingly irrepressible need to normalize his behavior feed the maws of their starving RW owners. FTFY

  • Sonja

    There were several speakers at the RNC who made thinly veiled threats from the podium in the vein of “Hillary will never be President.”

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      They’ve been making what they think are thinly veiled threats for a long time now. This though was more an outright “you should do something, peeps”

    • Oily Messiah

      This is the party of Ted nugent, just saiyan

  • Me not sure

    “WE’RE TIED”? HAHAHAHAHAHA! Polls talk, bullshit walks.

    • sw19womble

      In Georgia.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        They do not seem to realize that that is actually a GOOD thing for Dems. Silly wingnuts!

        • Me not sure

          Give it time.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            don’t be silly, they will NEVER admit to it. It will be rigged, or it will be voter fraud, or it will be they are not conservative enough, or it will be a million other things but it will never be because most of the country is not really on their side in these things.

          • DoILookAmused2u ?

            Yeah, the BoBs were a warm up act for the main crazy assed act.

          • DemmeFatale

            Ouch!!

      • Paperless Tiger

        In fucking Georgia! Take that!

        • Me not sure

          The latest Atlanta Journal-Constitution poll shows Hillary up 44 to 40. That’s slim, but I’ll take it.

    • limberrat

      Only on that new unskewed polls website.

  • feministing

    maybe orange shitstain really did donate to NAMBLA and that’s why he won’t release his taxes which is why he’s gone and said this totally ludicrous thing about murdering hillary to distract away from the fact that he’s a NAMLBA member. the timing is too coincidental. i mean, just throwing that out there. it’s possible. who knows?

    • beavertank

      It would be irresponsible not to speculate.

      • Msgr_Moment

        Irresponsible is the new responsible this campaign cycle.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      We MUST make this a thing.

      • feministing

        i’m trying!

    • I Only Like Cats

      I didn’t know what that was. Excuse me while I hide in a corner.

      • feministing

        yeah…i’m sorry. i felt the same when i found out about it. i couldn’t believe it was a thing allowed to exist.

    • Reddishrabbit

      John McCain says he does not approve of NAMBLA and anyone supports NAMBLA. When asked about Mr. Trump (alleged) donations, Senator McCain mumbled and shuffled away. His office later clarified he still supports his party nominee.

      • feministing

        tbh i can’t tell anymore if this is actually a thing that happened or not because that’s where we are now i guess

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      “Senator McConnell’s team clarified today that, while the Senator personally abhors NAMBLA, his support for his party’s nominee, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, remains strong.”

    • Dee Andee

      It would be negligent not to speculate!

  • sosuume

    Lock him up!

  • Me not sure

    I think it will be the 13th & 14th Amendment people showing up in yoooge numbers that stop Trump

    • Daisy

      Don’t forget the 15th Amendment!

      • beavertank

        I find the 21st amendment types to make quite a compelling argument myself.

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          Those 19th peeps tho…buncha prudes.

          • Msgr_Moment

            Trump will seek shelter in the 36th.

      • Me not sure

        ?A+

    • marxalot

      For me, the 4th. And the 19th. And… the 24th, actually. And the 15th while we’re at it.

  • Astraea
    • TeeRaak

      “Wait. They’re allowed to shoot back?”

    • Msgr_Moment

      I don’t like doxxing, but come on, now.

    • DemmeFatale

      Leering and grinning POS.
      He must be fun at parties.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        The middle aged and two young women right behind look appaled. By the orange one or the old fuck, or both? I do not know.

        • DemmeFatale

          Yep.
          Looks like they don’t approve of this ghoulish behavior.

    • kaydenpat

      Sociopath. Just like the man they’re supporting.

  • Comments_Usually_Suck ©

    Speaking of health problems I think Trump has lost control of his mouth.

    • feministing

      when ones mouth looks like an anus, one is bound to get verbal diarrhea

    • Daisy

      “lost?”

  • Upright Ape

    Dearest Secret Service persons guarding Hillz……please show up to work sober. And prolly otta “get your affairs in order”. Thanx,

  • Suttree

    What?! It’s just a string of words. Words don’t mean anything if they are put in a particular order, in a particular context. Just like Melanoma’s speech. Am I right?

  • btwbfdimho

    So the Secret Service teams will shoot each other. What could wrong with that?

  • TeeRaak

    Ha ha ha. Trump is too dumb to know…

    Obama already confistkaydeads all your guns back in OH ATE!!!!1!1! ?
    http://14544-presscdn-0-64.pagely.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/obama-gun-control-room-body.jpg

    • kaydenpat

      I see dead guns.

  • Brian

    The statement released by Trump’s camp was clearly Wonkette libelz!!! Suggesting Trump wants to kill Hillary with votes.

  • anna rampage

    I hear Trumps’ spokesperson Kayleigh McEnany, used to be the spokesperson and main sales rep for DOW Chemical’s nerve gas division…

    She came up with the slogan, “Chlorine Gas will not only rid your city of
    undesirable inhabitants, but will leave you city squeaky clean too”

  • Painter of Goats

    Just to lighten things up a bit…

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      Oh, thank you!! I LOL’ed so loud I scared the dogs!

    • yyyaz

      Coincidence?

    • thenearesthippie

      Coming to NBC this fall: The Flying Pontiff

    • andyshelt

      Wow, didn’t even know he’d been injured!

  • Beanz&Berryz

    PS: That photo of Gabby seems reversed. It’s her right arm that’s injured.

  • memzilla

    Trump insinuates shooting Hillary is a good idea. Internet explodes. And on the Faux “News” website? Crickets And Tumbleweeds. (Although it has been suggested that not giving Faux “News” viewers any ideas is a good thing.)
    .

  • Count Awesome

    I advise Hillary to avoid 5th Avenue after she is elected.

  • Msgr_Moment

    I just wrote to Senator Susan Colllins (R-Sanity) to thank her for her principled stand. (Yeah, I’m a head-in-the-clouds optimist like that.) If writing her, or someone who looks like her, does you any good, give her my regards.
    https://www.collins.senate.gov/node/9020/done?sid=81353&token=b7b5028a6e32e2935dd29cef05b75077
    Peace

    • Daisy

      Calling my representative a hoofwanking bunglecunt would be more useful.

      • Msgr_Moment

        She’s not mine, but hopefully Maine doesn’t mind sharing.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      The rats are deserting the sinking ship because it’s sinking, not because the ship’s position or the things it says are offensive. Like every goddamned hoofwanking bunglecunt Republican out there, Collins would eat a baby on live television for votes.

      • Msgr_Moment

        At least there’s still an Easter Bunny. Right? RIGHT?!?!?! OMG, RIGHT???!?!??!

        • Good_Gawd_Yall

          Do you still get chocolates and purple grass? Then yes!

        • Count Awesome

          He’s too busy playing cards with Santa and the Tooth fairy to have ever gotten on that boat

        • Catstro

          I have some bad news…

        • limberrat

          Msgr_Moment, we need to have a talk…

        • cat cafe

          Yes. He is upstate, at a nice farm right now. We can go visit him… well, not today because you have homework… no, not next week because Grandma is visiting. But soon!

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      I wrote to Jeff Flake for the same reasons.

  • Sheepshagger

    The second amendment people startle easily. But they’ll be back after they de nugent their underwear.

  • limberrat
  • hanadora444

    I’m not really sure. Trump’s remark was a bit ambiguous. Did mean shooting Hillary or shooting all potential anti-second amendment candidates for the Supreme Court?

    • TJ Barke

      Yes.

      • hanadora444

        Thought so.

    • DainBramage

      AOT,K

  • Count Awesome

    If someone were to say that after Trump loses in a landslide he will console himself a 2nd amendment remedy in himself he would be outraged that someone even dare promote such a thing.

  • Callyson

    Sort of OT, but unlike the NYT, WaPo’s fact-checks of Trump, such as this one of his Detroit economic spech, are hitting it out of the ball park. Dafuq is wrong with the Grey Lady anyway?

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      Grey lady hates all things Clinton. Always has.

      • cat cafe

        Yep, always. And remember they’re the MoDo hate-stream enablers, too.

    • malsperanza

      ?? NYT tore his economy spee h to shreds today.

      • Callyson

        Sure, they’ve had some good articles. And they have the excellent Gail Collins and Paul Krugman, so there are some good things about it. But this is not the first time I have read a WaPo fact check that kills it and a NYT one that leaves me thinking “That’s it?”

    • malsperanza

      Today’s NYT editorial: “That comment wound up on the Secret Service’s radar. Mr. Trump’s comment should as well. Seldom, if ever, have Americans been exposed to a candidate so willing to descend to the depths of bigotry and intolerance as Mr. Trump. That he would make Tuesday’s comment amid sinking poll numbers and a wave of Republican defections suggests that when bathed in the adulation of a crowd, Mr. Trump is unable to control himself.”

  • Come here a minute
    • limberrat

      Watch as Donald now expends a full day attacking Warren by calling her Pocahontas.

      • AngryKatie

        I assume they’ve got a “keep poking Trump with a sharp stick” plan for now through 11/8.

        They’re going to annoy him into a public “you can’t handle the truth!!!1!” meltdown.

        • cat cafe

          I was thinking more the “strawberries” speech from The Caine Mutiny…. Old Orangestain

        • limberrat

          Considering that hurling any insult at him triggers a response from him, they are doing an excellent job at it.

        • Beaumarchais?

          That’s definitely the plan.

    • Daisy

      I logged into Twitter just to retweet that.

    • bubbuhh

      Poke-Huntress

    • TJ Barke

      Damn, she’s such a Mean Girl.

      • cat cafe

        Nah, she’s the kickass English boarding school Head Girl, takes no shit from anyone, leads the way for everyone else.

    • Nockular cavity

      Scalp ‘im, Princess!

    • Come here a minute
    • cat cafe

      YESSS. Have to go over there just to like and share her tweet!!!

    • olympia

      Oh, she is baaaaaiting him. Reminds me of spats I would have with a boyfriend- I would bait and bait and bait, always with the final goal of him calling me a cunt. And then, my victory would be complete.

    • Jgb979

      No idea how whoever is in charge of preventing Trump meltdowns hasn’t just destroyed his Twitter machine.

      “Check the OTHER couch, I’m sure it just slid between the cushions!”

      #bestcandidateever

  • Joe Beese

    Simone Biles, enjoying being The Best Fucking Gymnast In The World.

    • feministing

      SPOILERS

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        Not really. She was that regardless of anything the olympics could do. Girl’s seriously talented.

        • feministing

          i thought that sarcasm was coming through. damn it. i’ll work on it!

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            DOH. To be honest, I have not seen the things yet myself so I don’t /really/ know

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      Gosh, I’m so glad HuffPo on FB already ruined the outcome of several of tonight’s events for me. Otherwise I’d be mad at you, bro.

  • weejee

    A few years back folks got nervous that the LHC might create a black hole. Can tRump’s cratering in the polls lead to a singularity?

    • Count Awesome

      His hair is quite the singularity

      • Jeff in the desert

        No, they are a result of string theory.

        • Count Awesome

          One string to groom them all….

  • Shoto

    United States Secret Service: Cleanup over at orange man-baby Drumpf’s house.

  • Gleem-McShinez

    Trump ought to consider saving some time and effort, and just get shoes made out of his dick.

    • Jeff in the desert

      Then when he rubs them, he looks like Bozo….oh wait, not enough material.

    • Daisy

      His dick’s big enough for that?

    • yyyaz

      Elf slippers?

  • Paperless Tiger

    It serves them right for running around trying to intimidate people with that ‘Second Amendment remedy’ bullshit. Naturally, Mr. Stream-of-Consciousness had to go there.

    • malsperanza

      I don’t think they mind.

  • TJ Barke

    That photo is totally shopped, donnie’s hands aren’t that big.

  • beingreleased

    Remember the days when all it took to end a presidential campaign was a badly timed scream?

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      IOKIYAR!

      • Gleem-McShinez

        Actually, forgetting the Third Thing, Oooops, used to do it, way back in the day.

    • Reddishrabbit

      Or a funny hat?

    • georgiaburning

      Or riding in a tank

    • Paperless Tiger

      Or windsurfing.

    • boyblue123

      And then onto California and Texas and Ohio and ….beee—-yawwww!!!

    • Beaumarchais?

      How about a tear in the eye on a snowy day in Maine? Stopped one of the most decent Senators ever.

    • Snopes Shop

      dog strapped to the roof of a car

  • anon_the_great

    Democracy is not a suicide pack. Get him first.

  • Reddishrabbit

    Good news everyone! Mark Halperin said this is just like when Hillary talked about RFK assassination, so see, both sides do it. Horray, balance in the force restored.

    P.s. Look up Hillary JFK by mistake, apparently she killed JFK Jr.

    • efoveks

      Well duh. Her victims are legion:

      JFK
      Jimmy Hoffa
      Roger Rabbit

      The hopes and dreams of my youth…. oh, wait. I did that. Never mind….

    • cheetojeebus

      Then they went on to say, these poll numbers a re a good thing for Trump….?
      With all due respect, fuck off Mark….

    • Spotts1701

      Someone stuff a Green Room apple fritter in Halperin’s mouth and shove him in a closet until November, m’kay?

    • Painter of Goats

      OK i’m either overtired or I’ve been spending way too much time here. I subconsciously translated JFK to Jesus Fucking Krist.

      • Reddishrabbit

        I’m pretty sure she did crucify Jesus too.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Isn’t kind of stupid to make death threats against someone who has had most of her previous political opponents murdered?

    • anna rampage

      I hear the Clinton’s are hiding their personal assassin, Ben Ghazi, in the servants quarters in their Chappaqua home, and have disguised him as their gardener…

      • efoveks

        I thought it was the pool guy. Maybe he’s just in on it.

    • Jamoche

      As Miles Vorkosigan put it, “If you really believe that, why are you still standing in my way?

      • DainBramage

        Yes! A Miles Vorkosigan quote! Love that little guy.

    • georgiaburning

      Logic? Excuse me?

    • feministing

      slow clap

    • BadKitty904
    • kaydenpat

      LOL!! Just goes to show that they don’t believe their own conspiracy theories.

  • Count Awesome

    Is THIS the part where Trump-ty Dumpty has a great fall and can’t get put back together again?

    • georgiaburning

      This happened in North Carolina. They eat it up. The local Trumpsters are already sure that ACORN, the Soviet Union and illegal mexicans are going to commit massive vote fraud

      • Count Awesome

        Obama does have a time machine….

      • Msgr_Moment

        Who says they won’t? Mwaahhaaahaaahaa.

    • kaydenpat

      We hope so. At the very least, this won’t help him with voter outreach. All this does is consolidate his bigoted base.

  • cheetojeebus

    Hey Chris Geidner, Don’t fucking piss on my leg and tell me it’s fucking raining you fucking douchebag.

    • kaydenpat

      Tee hee!

  • Callyson

    Got another related news story, WaPo?

    Clinton expands battleground state map with push into Arizona, Georgia

    Representatives of Hillary Clinton’s campaign phoned state Democratic leaders in Arizona and Georgia this week to alert them of plans to begin transferring funds to hire more field organizers in those states, according to several Democratic officials familiar with the calls.

    Polls in both states — which Republican nominee Mitt Romney carried in 2012 — show a tightening race between Clinton and Donald Trump. The move by the Clinton campaign suggests a bid to expand the number of battleground states in play in November…

    If nothing else, an additional investment in the two states could force Trump to spend more money and time in places he needs to win to achieve a path to victory. Trump, who has been slow to take to the airwaves across the country, is not on television in either of the two new states that Clinton is targeting.

    tl;dr: hee hee hee

    • AngryKatie

      I’m surprised she didn’t include SC and MO too. .

    • BadKitty904

      No prisoners! NO PRISONERS!!!

    • kaydenpat

      Trump is going to be so bummed when he realizes that most of Americans hate his guts. Sad!

  • Jeff in the desert

    The dolphin is training as a DNC operative to grab Donald’s phone he uses for twitter…

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E-GLnGoryGE

    • Jamoche

      “So long, and thanks for all the iPods.”

  • cousin itt

    “It’s called the power of unification…”
    The Right Dead Rev. Sun Myung Moon approves of this characterization.

  • Lara

    Who the hell are “Second Ammendment People”, exactly?

    • Sheepshagger

      Straw dogs. Useful idiots. Abortion clinic shooters. Bundys.

    • Cismontane

      Joni Ernst

    • BadKitty904

      They only come out at night…

  • The Other Tim

    Yawning guy at top of video is today’s winner.

  • Msgr_Moment

    Fucking Trump just robocalled me. THIS MEANS WAR!

    • Count Awesome

      You had better go all Daffy Duck on his ass!

    • jowgajen

      Apparently he has crap for voter information then?

      • Msgr_Moment

        I think he bought it from Ben Carson, who called this Dem+Ind household the night of the first bloody debate.

    • Sheepshagger

      Did he use the sexy robot voice?

    • Callyson
      • dslindc

        Hypnotoad would be far more effective.

      • Msgr_Moment

        What I hate is the power dynamics of robocalling. We don’t respect you enough to listen to your concerns, but here, let us tell at you nonstop. (Plus you’re not worth the extra resources that a real phone call would cost.)

        My own inadequate response to why I don’t phonebank is that I have no idea whether the people I would be calling want to be on that list. I refuse to be “that guy”.

        But, honestly and sincerely, Callyson, bless you for your phonebanking.

        • feministing

          i phone bank because i’m not asking for money. just reminding people to vote for hillary. i wouldn’t mind that call and would be happy no ones trying to wriggle $20 from me!

    • feministing

      wtf how did they even get your number and think that would be a good idea?

      • Msgr_Moment

        They’re not the sharpest penises in the meat grinder.

    • Beaumarchais?

      You answered a call from someone you didn’t know? That’s so quaint.

    • kaydenpat

      Disinfect and bleach your phone!!

      • thenearesthippie

        Kill it. Kill it with fire.

  • laineypc

    I think it’s really a coded plea from Trump to get him out of this. He is real sorry and has changed his mind about the whole presidenty thing but his narciss-ego makes it impossible to find a way out.

    • Paperless Tiger

      He’s tried everything.

      • Count Awesome

        He will self-fellate at one of the October debates to ensure his very last followers desert him.

    • BadKitty904

      I could suggest a way out, but then I’d be banhammered…

    • kaydenpat

      From the get go when he called Mexican migrants rapists, he was trying to let us know that he really wasn’t serious about running for President. Some of us got the hint.

  • I wonder if Drumpf and Nudge could share a jail cell for threatening a President(ial) candidate?

    • Daisy

      Works for me. I’ve been overworking my poor iPod thanks to the fucking news today, BTW.

    • BadKitty904

      Squeaky Fromme, a mere woman, served a 34-year sentence. I think Donald, claiming to be a manly man, should be able to serve MUCH longer…

  • Robin

    So he was talking about the NRA? Which has 6 million members or so… until you think a bunch can’t legally vote, some are joke memberships when you want to piss of a liberal friend, many are in states that are going to clinton or trump woud win no matter what…

    So it’s not the bullets of the NRA, but the 1 million people in swing states they have… Yeah that’s the ticket!

    • Daisy

      Hell, there might even be a few red-state dems who are still members.

      • georgiaburning

        Quite a few. In the 1960’s and 70’s the NRA was a reasonable organization promoting firearms safety. Our assistant scoutmaster was an instructor.

        • Daisy

          Yep. So that six million is a bit inflated, at least in concern of who they have on their side.

          • Sheepshagger

            Ooh context.

        • limberrat

          I was an instructor just 15 years ago for blackpowder. Their training even then was extremely strict!

      • Robin

        For sure. That’s one of my biggest pet peeves in politics. Yes the gun rights lobby is loud, and they are obnoxious, but they aren’t this all encompassing voting group. But when you hear politicians or reporters talk about them, they’re the lobby to be feared in the US.

        • yyyaz

          Which is why Merrick Garland can’t get a hearing, or any sensible gun reforms are DOA, and the NRA PACs spend 57 times the money contributed by members, and nearly all of it goes to RWNJs.

  • memzilla

    Pouring in.
    .

  • DainBramage

    Trump should be in a padded cell.

    • Royal Ugly Dude, Esq.

      Lock him up!

      • BadKitty904

        NOW!

  • bubbuhh

    A lot of people in the audience understood exactly what Trump said the moment it came out of his mouth. Watch the white haired guy in the red shirt.

    When Sharron Angle started spewing this shit, she lost all credibility and was crushed with votes. Can Americans do less for Trump?

    https://vine.co/v/5bezz2QJp2w

    • anna rampage

      And the white fools mostly just laugh…

      Ha ha, isn’t the thought of killing someone who has an opposing view funny? I mean it’s better than the best knock knock joke ever….

      For fucks sake, we’re doomed…

      • jowgajen

        They actually look uncomfortable to me.

        • Callyson

          They gave the kind of laugh you give when you’re thinking “he didn’t really say that, right?”

      • kaydenpat

        Fascists have a different sense of humor from normal folks.

    • DainBramage

      Everybody understands perfectly what he meant. Saying he didn’t mean that she and/or her appointees should be shot is just stupid. Of course, it was just a “joke.”

      • Spotts1701

        Trump’s a clown. Y’know, like Pennywise!

        • lroom

          “Don’t lump me in with that freak!” – Pennywise

      • kaydenpat

        But he’s not a comedian. Why is a Presidential candidate making jokes about 2nd Amendment solutions?

        • JohnQFugly

          Jokes, smokes. He wants the votes. Stupid strategy though, because he already has full ammosexual support. That statement was unnecessary.

    • kaydenpat

      He’s not dog whistling (and never dog whistles) so of course everyone understands what he is saying. Only the willfully blind will try to spin this threat of violence into a “joke” or something else.

  • cousin itt

    Don’t vote until you see the whites of their skins.

  • btwbfdimho

  • I Only Like Cats

    OT: My Canadian boyfriend and I read the last paragraph of New York Mag’s NAMBLA article and we have decided that he would say that he respects the trolls…and then try to sue them.

  • Toadette

    I see why Trump picked Mike Pence now. He knew the guy was training to be a janitor after he was embarrassed out of Indiana, so he found him a guy to scrub the floors after he word vomits all over them.

    • DainBramage

      What would it take for Mike Pence to abandon ship?

  • Randy Riddle

    Tune in next week, when Trump “jokes” about bombing Federal offices and lynching Mexicans and Muslims in our next installment of “I’m a Presidential Candidate – Get Me the Hell Out of Here!”

    • kaydenpat

      Thankfully, there are too many intelligent Americans for The Donald to ever be President of these United States. I assume after today’s mess, he’ll have even less supporters to vote for him.

      Trump is Trump’s best enemy.

  • DainBramage

    I’m sure the Secret Service loves him for this. “Thanks for making our jobs harder, Donny Dumbass!” Hopefully an agent or two will find ways to trip him and smash his little fingers in car doors.

    • SayItWithWookies

      Maybe they could just refuse to provide security for him.

      • BadKitty904

        Maybe he should be arrested.

      • DainBramage

        “Sorry Mr. Trump. Because of your reckless stupidity, we need all of our agents to provide protection for Hillary. You’re on your own.”

      • Smokahontas

        Hey, everyone needs a break. ..all at the same time, in another state.

  • Cismontane

    Anyone try to get a comment about this from Joni Ernst? hehe

  • Panika MCD

    as we all know from our histories and sciency stuffs, 2nd Amendment people spring fully formed from the text itself.

  • cousin itt

    #HillarysLifeMatters

  • Astraea

    I think we should start measuring Trump’s insanity in units of Norma Desmond.
    I think we’ve reached “No one ever leaves a star!” levels.

    • Count Awesome

      He seems more like Terry Malloy: “I could have been a contender. I could have had class!”

    • We’re now approaching ‘Funeral for a Dead Monkey’* level.

      *FULL DISCLOSURE: If I had a beloved pet monkey and he went to Heaven I’d probably want a funeral for him, too.

      • Astraea

        We’re going to have to recycle. Even Norma Desmond didn’t do as many crazy things as Donald Trump.

    • yyyaz

      “I am big, the biggest. It’s politics that got small. Sad. Terrible.”

  • Gleem-McShinez

    “It’s perfectly fine to threaten a candidate’s life, after all remember how Al Gore started it, by hanging Chad”

    –Trump Spokesperson, soon

    • Crank Tango

      I thought Obama was to blame for that!

    • kaydenpat

      LOL. Good one!

    • Spotts1701

      Some twit tweeted it’s okay because Clinton make a joke about Ghaddfi getting killed!
      I swear, these folks are reaching for any fig leaf at this point.

  • Comments_Usually_Suck ©

    Donald Trump appears at these compaign events without much policy knowledge. All he does is shows up to parrot his followers insane beliefs. I bet he’s just repeating stuff he reads at Breitbart and Drudge.

    • Dee Andee

      Dude thinks he’s a movie star and those people are all there to be entertained, so he says whatever shit he thinks will make them applaud. And just when we think he can sink no lower…well, hello, another day that ends in Y. Surreal, isn’t it?

      • DemmeFatale

        When he loses, (and he WILL lose), I look forward to all his coward supporters going back under their rocks.

    • BadKitty904

      He’s a walking echo-chamber, a delusional parrot…

  • Marla

    It’s clearly evident that Trump loves to suck NRA dick.

    • BadKitty904

      Why would he be different from any other GOP pol?

      • Marla

        Because Trump won’t get on his knees to do so. I find that o be absolutely amazing. How Grumpy Trumpy can stand upright with so much NRA dick in his festering gob and still preach his unfounded bullshit.

    • (((JustPixelz)))

      And Hannity loves to suck Trump dick. There should be a word for group dick sucking. Trumping?

      • Marla

        Insannity love to comb his hair with the sperm of Roger Murdoch.

        • Dee Andee

          …eeew.

  • Vegan and Tiara

    I saw a very clever bumper sticker today. It said “life’s a bitch, don’t vote for one” and it had Killary’s picture. And people say that Conservatives have no sense of humor!

    • Callyson

      (grumbles about how long it is taking hillaryclinton.com to send the Clinton-Kaine bumpersticker in the mail…then thanks God she has her Hillary sticker on the bumper)

    • Smokahontas

      They’re super funny! Like bullet in the bumper funny! HAHA HAHA…sigh.

      • Vegan and Tiara

        I almost knocked on the old bag’s window, to say “that is SO fucking rude, especially from someone who’s going to be voting for an orange baboon with no class, no brains, and no heart.” I didn’t want to agitate myself though.

        • Smokahontas

          Good thing you didn’t get all worked up! That’s not ladylike!

          • Vegan and Tiara

            I don’t know why it pissed me off so much. Probably because I was picturing this elderly couple sitting in the car saying “I just can’t imagine why politics has gotten so nasty.” They’re all so thin skinned when you bring up facts like “hey, trickle down economics doesn’t work” but they have no problem calling for the opposing candidate to be murdered.

          • Smokahontas

            Well, it’s justified because she murdered Benghazi! !!!1!!1!#

    • Astraea
    • TJ Barke

      But do vote for the xenophobic, racist, fascist, war mongering, thin skinned, carnival barker.

      • BadKitty904

        Carnie LIBELZ!!1!

      • Vegan and Tiara

        He’s also a bitch! Putin’s bitch.

    • BadKitty904

      Yes, many people do say that. Many, MANY people. And justly so.

    • Mezzaluna

      the real punchline is “Then I rear ended them. At a safe speed, with votes and a spike.”

      • Vegan and Tiara

        I only wish I’d thought of doing that!

    • DemmeFatale

      FEMALE DOG LIBEL!!!

  • boyblue123

    When Trump gets his followers to goose step and salute and starts rocking the pencil stash, what will the spin doctors say then?

    • Count Awesome

      “He looks so dick-tatorial.”

    • kaydenpat

      He already has his supporters doing the Nazi salute.

      http://countercurrentnews.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/trump-nazi-salute.jpg

      • boyblue123

        WTFFFF…lol

      • feministing

        jesus fucking christ

      • BadKitty904

        Next stop…

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        You know what? If we were a sane country, just that would have been enough. Now the goddamn NBC Nightly News is “teaching the controversy.” They had a clip of a goddamn apologist for Trumpenfuhrer on, but nobody to refute it. So, I’m not sure where this ends, but I know I’m not sticking around for it.

  • At least this will draw attention away from those vicious “Trump fears tax returns will reveal his donations to NAMBLA” rumors being circulated by robots.

    http://nymag.com/daily/intelligencer/2016/08/many-people-are-saying-donald-trump-donated-to-nambla.html

    • Upright Ape

      Rumors? But……..I believed it.

      • In Trump Land everybody has the right to believe or not believe indisputable facts as they like!

    • jowgajen

      I would (literally) be irresponsible not to speculate.

      • Kristin Peters

        Well, many people say it so we need to discuss.

      • redarmyzombie

        Aaaaand this is why I should scroll down farther before posting comments… >.<

    • feministing

      not rumors. not just robots. i’ve heard a lot of very smart people saying this. we don’t know for sure if it’s true, but people are asking. i think someone should be looking into it!

      • Msgr_Moment

        I hear Trump has turned people into newts.

    • TJ Barke

      Hey, I read about it on the internet…

      • redarmyzombie

        It would be irresponsible not to speculate.

    • Poe’s Law

      Reads to me like it was written by Hairstrike Alpha — well done Hairstrike!

      I’m sure it’s not true, but if it gets him to release his returns, why not?

      Sometimes evil is the way to go.

  • BadKitty904

    So. The FBI has arrested him, then?

  • kaydenpat

    Ryan? McConnell? Are you still endorsing this Dangerous Clown? What does he have to say to get you to acknowledge that this man is not fit to be President?

    You’re obviously okay with his racism, sexism, xenophobia and general stupidity and ignorance. What is the line that he can’t cross and still have your support?

    • Spotts1701

      Ooh, ooh! I know. If Trump says he’ll raise taxes?

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      He can’t promise to change his party affiliation to Democrat.

  • shaar dula

    Welcome to the USSA

    in soviet america the candidate threatens you.

    • kaydenpat

      Well, Trump is a huuge Putin supporter.

  • On the TMI front, I am doing the first round of extreme laxatives for a colonoscopy tomorrow. The stuff coming out of me, is still more appealing than what is coming out of Trump’s mouth.

    • Suse

      I went through that last month. I feel your pain!

    • Mezzaluna

      Much like the boat in Apocalypse Now, never get out of the bathroom.

    • Jonny On Maui

      It sounds like this isn’t your first, butt just in case remember,

      Dab, not wipe…

      • Nope this is my first. You actually helped talk me into it after I mentioned not wanting it. I still don’t want it. :-)

        • Beaumarchais?

          The procedure itself is easy. Drinking the stuff beforehand is the nuisance, and you’re nearly done with that, so keep at it, champ!

          • Thanks, I still have to get up in the morning and drink another half gallon of the stuff, but I am guessing the worst of it is over. And I am reading a copy of an Al Franken book to keep me laughing.

        • Jonny On Maui

          Nobody wants it, well, you know… It serves a good purpose. Enjoy the happy juice and above all in the prep area,

          Dab, don’t wipe.

  • Count Awesome

    When Trump is acting all tough around his secret service detachment, does he insist they call him “agent orange”?

    • snark-lurker

      lol tRUMPs prob nevah even heard those 2 words together b4, brexit any1?

  • Brian

    Theoretically this is one of the reasons the 2nd Amendment exists, ain’t it? If the people are being oppressed by the government they can rise up against it. So, if Trump believes (he doesn’t) Clinton is going to oppress the people by taking away their 2nd Amendment rights, suggesting killing Clinton is the perfect thing to do. He should totally own it. Come out and say, “Damn right we should kill her. 2nd Amendment says so.”

    • King of America

      This is not any of the reasons that the 2nd Amendment exists, though.

      • Brian

        To stand up to government oppression? It absolutely is. Such as, using guns to fight taxation without representation.

        • kaydenpat

          So you are justifying Trump’s call to violence against a President Clinton if she does something your side doesn’t like?

          • Dudleydidwrong

            I don’t think Brian is saying that. The gist is, as I see it, that if Trump is so fucking dumb as to speak up, and if he believes what he is saying, he should honestly own up to advocating a “2nd Amendment remedy.”

          • redarmyzombie

            Actually, he’s not, he’s a regular commenter around here. What he’s saying is that this is the shit gun humpers and their enablers believe, and they should stop being pussyfooting cowards and just say it already.

          • Brian

            I’m not justifying anything. It was a terrible thing to do. I am not on his side of this. I said it in reply to another comment, but I’ll say it again. Trump claims Clinton is going to get rid of the 2nd Amendment (which she can’t do) and he claims to think this is oppressive, many gun nuts do believe she is going to do that and they do believe it is oppression. So they should all just say that. Say they are fighting oppression by wanting to kill her. Show the world just how crazy they are.

        • AngryKatie

          I used to think that too, but I’ve read several things that have made me rethink that.
          I’m on my phone so copy/paste is a pain, but if you google whiskey rebellion 2nd amendment there’s a thorough analysis on a site called armedwithreason or something like that. It should be the first google result.

        • King of America

          The 2nd Amendment was added to allow militia members to carry weapons; it was intended to replace a standing army, not for arming yourself against Big Government.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      Losing an election is not oppression. The president does not have the power to amend the Constitution.

      • Brian

        I’m not saying it is, I’m saying that’s what he claims to believe and what a lot gun nuts do believe. And if they believe it, they should own it.

      • jowgajen

        Help! Help! I’m being oppressed!

    • kaydenpat

      Are you for real?

      • anwisok

        He is not a Trumpeter. May I suggest that your snark detector may need recalibrated? They seem to need a lot of maintenance this election cycle.

        • kaydenpat

          Alright. My snark detector must be broken because I don’t see it in his comment.

          • anwisok

            One clear giveaway, to me, at least, is “if Trump believes (he doesn’t) . . .”

      • Brian

        are you?

    • Berkeleybear94

      Well, that is one spin that’s been put on it. But really the right to own firearms was never really about you or me or anyone we know individually standing up to tyranny. It was either a pre-existing general right tied to the individual right to autonomy and self-defense (Scalia’s interpretation aided by some more recent (some would say revisionist) academics) or it was specifically formalized in the Constitution as a means of ensuring the relationship of the Federal government and the states, in particular that the Feds couldn’t stop the states from having effective militias by banning people from carrying weapons (the “liberal” view and one that arguably comports better with the text as a whole, but which has the implication that at the least your local National Guard unit should have access to ICBMs, which is something I’d rather not contemplate).

      Gun humpers have turned it into their individual right to rage against tyranny but outside of some outlandish comments Scalia made to the University of Wyoming Federalist Society and Clarence Thomas’ very small fan club I don’t think any legal scholars agree – and even in Heller v. DC (which is the case Trump is talking about although I doubt he knows it) Scalia was at pains to point to all the ways the right to carry a weapon could be limited – including who can have one, where they can carry and even regulations licensing or banning certain types of weapons. But the NRA never mentions that paragraph when it riles up assholes like the Bundys or lobbies against extended magazine laws.

      • Brian

        James Madison disagrees with you. “When governments fear the people, there is liberty. When the people fear the government, there is tyranny. The strongest reason for the people to retain the right to keep and bear arms is, as a last resort, to protect themselves against tyranny in government.”

        But regardless, the 2nd Amendment was supposed to be done away with with the Militia Act of 1903 which turned the “well regulated militia” into the National Guard. That is why people need to fight for the right to bear arms individually for defense because the Militia is no longer a useful argument.

        • Berkeleybear94

          In Madison’s comment though note the consistent use of “the people” as opposed to any individual’s perception of tyranny. That complicates any attempt to say he saw the second as an individual fundamental right (as it was used in Heller) or any sort of pro-Bundy right to take up arms on their own rather than a collective right meant as an implied counter to the Federal government by the historic power of citizen soldies the militias represented (as it was understood by most scholars to look at the Second Amendment before the 1980s). As with many arguments made by Madison it comes down to what you actually think he meant and whether the absolutist view can be reconciled with his conduct – see also the vast scholarly debate over what “tyranny of the majority” can really mean in a democracy. Seeing it as a collective right in a Lockean sense of societal self-determination is one that makes both the militia clause and the so called operative clause actually both meaningful and is to my thinking completely consistent with Madison’s comments. So I wouldn’t say he disagrees with me so much as he wrote an ambiguous statement that can support either side of the debate.

  • Comments_Usually_Suck ©

    I’ve never seen a bigger coward than Donald Trump. If you watch him alot you will see him sticking out his chest like some tough guy. I’m sick of this guy.

    • cousin itt

      sticking out his chest

      Frankly, his titties kinda scare me.

      • Count Awesome

        I bet his inner titties are even scarier.

    • sw19womble

      ..

    • Msgr_Moment

      Nothing you can do, folks, Although, the First Amendment people. Maybe there is. I don’t know.

      • Comments_Usually_Suck ©

        Well done.

      • snark-lurker

        you’re not suggesting something…unvotish are you?

    • BadKitty904

      Standard-issue sandbox bully…

    • kaydenpat

      But remember he now has a Purple Heart medal so there!

  • JohnQFugly

    The mental gymnastics of the right trying to reclassify this statement is some of the best reading I’ve had all week.

    • Apple Scruff

      BOYS WILL BE BOYS.

      What more do you want?

      • Mezzaluna

        An adult would be nice. At least we have Hillary.

        • sw19womble

          Kaine seems sensible, and sane, also.

          • Mezzaluna

            True. I liked Badkitty’s title of Attack Chipmunk for Kaine.

      • snark-lurker

        hay! that hert!

    • Spotts1701

      If this were an Olympic event, they’d win all the golds.

    • kaydenpat

      And they’ll have to own all of his crazy comments as the general election season continues. He’s all theirs.

  • Msgr_Moment
    • Callyson

      “The facts are today that we as a nation don’t produce,” Icahn said. “As I’ve said before — and by the way, if you look at what i consider to be very, very smart guys, smart investors, they all feel sort of what I feel. That we are not producing as a nation. We’re fooling ourselves. And the stock market is a mirage. That’s all I can say. I’m not the only one saying that.”

      Jesus, Carl Icahn’s word salad is almost as bad as Trump’s is.

      • TJ Barke

        Our corporations are producing a lot, just in overseas factories…

      • BadKitty904

        Is that a Republican Thing or what?

        • Berkeleybear94

          Not really a GOP thing per se. But there is a generally intellectually incurious strain in many fields of business that also lines up with the current GOP’s simplistic policy message of “government bad” . In this view, talking like a moron in jargon is being “clear” and anything that actually reflects nuance or thought is prone to attack as “weasel words”. See Bush, GW for how well that works when applied to major policy issues foreign or domestic.

      • Daisy

        Eh, wake me up when he reaches Palin levels. Then I’ll be impressed. Or start day drinking.

      • Intellect is not a prerequisite for wealth.

      • kaydenpat

        He may have attended the Zoolander Center for Kids Who Can’t Read Good.
        http://ll-media.tmz.com/2016/02/06/0206-derek-zoolander-vh1-films-paramount-pictures-4.jpg

      • AngryKatie

        This is the guy that made his billions as a corporate raider and bought Trump’s already dead white elephant in Jersey. I’m going to keep him in the “don’t take advice from this guy” column.

    • Spotts1701

      He just wants to get his hands on the Treasury Department, like Trump promised him.

  • Spotts1701

    So this just popped up in my Twitter feed from the guy running for Harry Reid’s seat. I almost want to reply “I trust her more than the guy who jokes about killing his political opponents”.
    https://twitter.com/Heck4Nevada/status/763144430308069376

    • Poe’s Law

      Why not?

      • Msgr_Moment

        You need to pledge money to this shitweasel for the vote to count. Better to just mail him and tell him he’s a fuckhead. Cut out the middleman.

    • Callyson

      Unless you’re afraid that trolls will descend upon you en masse, I say go for it!

    • It wasn’t a joke.

  • King of America

    See? I told you guys he’d manage to top “shouting at a baby”.

    • Joe Beese

      No one’s talking about Khizr Khan any more!

    • bubbuhh

      Dat wuz joke. He wuz jokin wif babby.

      • Suse

        He’d better not try that crap with Lioness Donna Rose.

    • BadKitty904

      Today’s Tuesday, so he still has time this week to foreclose on some widows and to beat some orphans.

      • King of America

        Remember, each week has to be crazier than the one before; he’s gotta save some material.

        • BadKitty904

          I guess that explains why he’s saving biting-heads-off-live-chickens for later….

    • Mezzaluna

      Apparently the mother that it was “hilarious”. She was already headed out of the room, which frankly, surprised me.

      • King of America

        Honestly, I’d just as readily believe the Trump campaign paid her to say that.

    • Brian

      “Guys people were laughing at me for saying titties. I had to change the subject!”

    • Hairstrike Alpha

      Now how does he top this, reference Hitler positively? I think my spirit animal is running out of ways to shock people with his assholery….

  • bubbuhh

    Well, anywayz….Did Trump pivot today? Or, iz he still spinnin wi hiz crazy topp?

    • snark-lurker

      you spelt cwazy wong

    • Spotts1701

      Nope, he’ll use the Daffy Duck defense “I’m not crazy! I just don’t give a darn! HOO-HOO!”

    • Parchment Scroll

      He did one of those things where he was like “A lot of people say I can’t pivot towards Presidential, but they’re wrong. I don’t do a half pivot like some candidates I could name. When Trump pivots he pivots the whole way round. A full 360 pivot towards Presidential.”

  • Dee Andee

    In spite of our anger and incredulity over this latest remark, there is this–what was he saying this FOR? Because he knows he can’t get elected on his own merits, so he has to scare people about Hillary getting to pick liberal-leaning justices, so they’ll vote for him?

    Which is not to say I don’t hope they nail him to the wall on this treasonous shit-talk.

    • King of America

      Well, OK, but next week’s pivot will be even pivotier than this one.

      • Mezzaluna

        We are approaching fucking Bolshoi Ballet Swan Lake pivoting here.

        • WomanInAMood

          Without the talent or discipline.

          • Mezzaluna

            Grace was right out from the beginning. Not even an option.

          • sw19womble

            But with the financial backing of the Kremlin.

          • Mezzaluna

            There will be a slap fight between Putin and Trump over who gets to dance the Black Swan.

          • WomanInAMood

            I would watch that.

          • Dudleydidwrong

            He’d look sweet in ballet slippers and a tutu. But the dance would be called Swineshit Lake, with apologies to Miss Piggy.

  • Suse

    Have we had any gun humping trolls here today? Just curious. We had so many morans here yesterday.

    • jowgajen

      We have not mentioned Putin or Jill Stein.

    • Callyson

      I’m heading out the door now but will come back in a few hours to check. They’re usually late to the party.

    • WomanInAMood

      Yeah. I was only here for a little bit and ran into several. What up with that?

  • Mr. Blobfish

    This morning I half-joking predicted another Trump meltdown today. Donnie did not disappoint.

    • Mr. Blobfish is an official Wonket swami!

    • Dudleydidwrong

      “No one ever went broke betting on Trump hitting a new low each and every day.” — Mencken’s ghost

    • Beaumarchais?

      Always right after a teleprompter episode! Huh.

  • UnsaltedSinner
    • Spotts1701

      Yup.

  • boyblue123

    The best gaffe Fox could come up with during Obama’s era was him saluting a marine with a cup of starbuck’s coffee in his hand as walked off of AF One. They replayed that clip basically all day long when it happened.

    When Trump calls on his supporters to kill Hillary or when he craps on a gold star soldier, they’ll do mental gymnastics all day long to support an anarchist though

  • Poe’s Law

    Will no one rid me of this meddlesome priest?

    • Candy Apple

      Funny how often that quote becomes relevant again.

  • redarmyzombie

    Please, we all know Hillz would Benghazi anyone who even thinks of offing her!

  • Parchment Scroll

    Desperate Repbublicans: “Oh he totally meant with votes!”

    Meanwhile, on 8chan*…

    *Link to mic.com article, not to 8chan I am not evil

  • Count Awesome

    I can’t wait for one of his staffers to right an anonymous tell all about the campaign a la “Primary Colors”. It could be called ” 50 Shades of Orange”.

    • Panika MCD

      correction: 50 Sprays of Bronzer

      • Mezzaluna

        Nice!

      • Beaumarchais?

        Speaking of bronzed boners, we haven’t heard much from our former Speaker. Wonquistas, what are the odds that John Boehner will come out against Trump, and when?

        • SisterArtemis

          Oh, around 2017 he’ll drag himself out of wine and golf paradise and make some snide comment, then drift back into the bottle… can’t say I judge him…

        • Panika MCD

          he’s still icing his middle finger from flipping off his teevee everytime Ted Cruz appeared and he’s a morning drinker now–didn’t you see the Correspondents Dinner?

        • say wha

          Friday night, around closing time at the country club lounge.

    • Mezzaluna

      Fear and Tanning on the Campaign Trail.
      Portrait of a Asshole.
      The Sound and the Furry. (by his hairdresser)

  • bubbuhh
    • Beaumarchais?

      It’s hard to believe all that shit was just last week.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Has Sarah Palin refutiated this yet?

    • Suse

      Too drunk to get out of bed since Drumpf dumped her.

  • Pepper Jack

    @ Chris Geidner:
    Weak spin! Spin harder! Sad!

  • Astraea

    So some conservatives are angry because he went too far. Maybe 1 or 2. Some are angry because he’s hurting their cause. And some really lovely people are just mad that he stepped all over the news that Omar Mateen attended a Clinton rally. Which they were going to spin into all kinds of insanity even though he just showed up as anyone can, and they didn’t even know he was there.

    • sw19womble

      Why would that homophobic asshole turn up to a Dem rally?

      • Astraea

        He sat himself directly behind Clinton where he’d be on camera. So I’m going to guess for the attention.

        • sw19womble

          Hmm. I always thought the wall of faces behind pols at these things were stage-managed.

          • Astraea

            It wasn’t at the one I went to. Anyone could sit back there. It as the advantage of having seats, which the people in front don’t have. But the disadvantage of watching the candidate’s back. So mostly it’s people with signs who want to be seen and people who didn’t want to stand for hours.

          • sw19womble

            Thanks for the info. I thought they liked to vet them and ensure diversity and exclude people prone to make bunny ears, or grin dumbly or wave like they were on kisscam at the sportsball.
            Maybe it’s just for the bigger televised hustings.
            Anyway, yep I agree with the attention-seeking bit. If I had a son who’d gunned down 50 people with an assault rifle, I’d keep a low profile. But maybe that’s just me.

        • thenearesthippie

          This guy seems to need attention almost as much as Trump does.

    • Mezzaluna

      The word will be that Hillary invited him personally.

      • SisterArtemis

        And they did their hair together, with Huma!

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    They couldn’t beat the Fish & Wildlife Service and a lone jack-booted thug from the local sheriff’s office, but they think they’re gonna Second Amendment the United States Government — proud owners of at least a pair of AH-64 Apaches — right out of business? Whatever. Keep chasin’ the dream, wingnuts.

    • Mezzaluna

      They seem to think the military will steal governments guns and come side with them, like the coups you see on TV, but where the wingnuts are in charge, not the actual military. Which is not a thing that happens in reality.

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        Yeah, remember when all those County Sheriff’s and Navy SEALs showed up at the bird sanctuary? That was awesome.

        • Mezzaluna

          There were some very angry Audubon Society members who may have been reservists.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        They are sadly mistaken about the military.

  • King of America
    • King of America

      This is unprecedented.

      • WomanInAMood

        Woah. The Secret Service may have had their little oopsies, but that is definately NOT a group I would want to piss off. Ever. That is the platonic ideal of a pissed off statement.

        • Parchment Scroll

          It is also “please stop telling us what the man said. We were there. Shut up already.”

          • WomanInAMood

            I’ll grant you that. They may be pissed off at many things at the moment. And I can’t blame them.

    • Daisy

      Huh. Wasn’t expecting that.

      • sw19womble

        Nobody expects the US Secret Service!

        • cousin itt

          Except South American hookers.

          • ViveLaRes

            As others here have said, you owe me a new keyboard.

    • Suse

      But they’re not going to do anything about it.

      • WomanInAMood

        Seriously, is there anything that they can do, other than tighten up Hillary’s security?

        • Beaumarchais?

          My hunch is they have a variety of ways to express displeasure. Among the milder would be slowing his campaign to a crawl.

          • Lamashtar

            I remember an ex-Secret Service agent talking about how annoyed President Ford had been getting at the way the agents crowded him. So the agents, to teach him a lesson, backed off. People all wanted to get up on Ford, boxing him in, leaving him nowhere to go. Nothing negative about it, but people were too close. Once Ford started looking around for the agents for help getting out, they moved back in.

      • shaar dula

        you want to give him enough rope to h@^9 himself. no point in making him a martyr. God knows his base has a strong persecution complex. Take a deep breath just let it go, let him do the needful.

        I dont believe in much, but I refuse to lose trust in common humanity. It will take a lot of effort, but the right thing will be done.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Holy Flurking Schnitt.

      • Daisy

        The problem is, does this mean they’re going to do something about it?

    • Beaumarchais?

      That’s gonna sting.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      If my mom is any guide, someone is about to get a very stern lecture.

      • sw19womble

        Your mom is in the Secret Service?

        • UncleTravelingMatt

          Maybe. When I was a kid, she was aware of many things.

          • snark-lurker

            doo tell. dew tell. snot nuff dirty talk round here lately

      • ViveLaRes

        Did they do that thing where they look out the corner of their eye and frown very hard? That look always meant once church is over, my ass was grass and mom was the lawnmower.

    • feministing

      oh shit.

    • jowgajen

      Pretty interesting Twitter account.

    • ViveLaRes

      Someone forgot to tell the Secret Service that comments aren’t allowed.

  • I Only Like Cats

    Clinton might be the most well-read, thoughtful, intelligent, candid, honest, straight-forward candidate to grace the US but let’s just shoot her because vagina!

  • redarmyzombie

    In all seriousness, what the actual fuck is going on? How did we get to the point where a literal fascist has become the presidential nominee of a major political party? This is insane! This is literally insane! This shitbag should have been run out of fucking town already, and the fact he’s still being taken seriously tells me there’s something very, very, *very* wrong in the country!

    What the actual fucking fuck fuck fucking fuck!

    • Count Awesome

      There’s something wrong with a strong percentage of the population.

    • shaar dula

      seriously. this is beyond belief now.

    • Claire

      The actual worst part of this election has been finding out how many of my fellow Americans are just mean, crazy, hateful shitstains. And I don’t even know if it’s a new thing or if they’ve always been like that, they just didn’t feel like they had permission to say it out loud.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        Ohhh they’ve always been this way. And they “said it out loud” via odious legislation about what people can learn, to whom they can pray or get married, how far up their pants were hiked, if they were too brown, if they wanted to use a potty….etc.
        They’re just speaking in plain english what all those social anti justice laws were really about.

  • Joe Beese

    If she had known that he was going to suggest she be assassinated, she would have bought him a less expensive wedding present.

  • Hardly Ideal

    It’s a joke and/or call for unity? Not a call for “Second Amendment Solutions?” Alright, alright, cool. Glad that’s cleared up. Just one more thing…

    IF YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY, COME OUT AND SAY EXACTLY WHAT YOU MEAN. Trust me on this one, Trump: flowery language and metaphor is not your strong suit. Those who want to be profound strive for clarity, after all.

  • shaar dula

    coming to a titty near you

    The story of a country taken for a ride. A roller coaster of megalomania. A story of self-love, hate, demogoguery, tax evasion, and full blown soviet style politics.

    Donald Small Hands

    Critics are raging about it:
    “Unhinged”
    “Disgusting”
    “He takes us where no one has”
    “2 middle fingers (small)”
    “An Ode to Putin”

    • Suse

      You’ll laugh, you’ll cry!

      • Parchment Scroll

        Mainly the crying.

        Our test audiences did a lot of crying.

        There may have been some speaking in tongues.

      • Daisy

        You’ll projectile vomit!

        • WomanInAMood

          You’ll want to be very careful of your footing in the aisles!

      • Count Awesome

        You’ll kiss 20 bucks goodbye.

        • ViveLaRes

          More than that if you sign up to donate on the Trump website.

        • Enfant Terrible

          You’ll ask for the last year of your life back.

        • Poe’s Law

          You’ll kiss 20 bucks 240 years goodbye.

          • Parchment Scroll

            Pff. “Social progress” sounds like something a Progressive would support.

    • snark-lurker

      speaking of titties (you started this) we saw some real, live, in-the-flesh side-boob today, proving there is a gahd afterall. yez, itz the truth: SIDE-BOOB iz out there WOOHOO1!!!10!

      • shaar dula

        hey! some people find peace in kittehs, others like us in tittehs. good fer ya. happy is a good look on everybody.

  • boyblue123

    Didnt the Trump campaign call for some sort of a non-violent/violent uprising should Trump lose a couple weeks ago. I thought that was suggested by campaign manager

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Roger Stone, who should be jailed for treason.

  • andyshelt

    Trump campaign puts up new workplace safety signs at Trump HQ

    • andyshelt

      They were going to go with this one originally but someone at Trump HQ put it on the exit door rather than the entrance!

  • Villago Delenda Est

    He’s calling for insurrection if he doesn’t win.

    Fine, Donald. If you want to do it that way, you’re welcome to.

  • cousin itt

    Anyone check on our reserves of polonium-210 recently?

    Oh, nothing. Just wondering, no bigly.

  • Astraea
    • Jen_Baker_VA

      lol the best bit? Page 147 of 147 XD

  • SisterArtemis
    • ViveLaRes

      Now that is fucking scary.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      A brilliant summation of the issues raised by Trump’s “joking”. Must reading for all wonkers!

  • ViveLaRes

    His intent doesn’t matter. What matters is how his loony-tunes followers will interpret what he says. Anyone who aspires to lead the free world should have enough sense to know that, and enough self-control to avoid blowing the dog-whistle.

    I’m starting to think he’s continuing to lay the groundwork for withdrawing. Trump has to be extremely worried about either the mounting pressure to release his tax returns, or the possibility that his ties with the Russian oligarchy will be revealed. Or both. Whining that the Secret Service is suppressing his freedom to speak his mind would be a plausible fairy tale to spin for his followers when he leaves and takes their money with him.

    • Parchment Scroll

      In terms of prosecution, his intent absolutely matters. In terms of consequences, you’re absolutely right.

      • ViveLaRes

        Totally agree.

  • bubbuhh

    Mebbe, GOPeez should consider sending in Mitch McConnel as a sub. After all, he tole Obama wut 4?

  • weejee

    Instead of a bus, for ground travel the tRump campaign uses a Honey Wagon™. Like the candidate, it too has problems with burps.

    • Panika MCD

      isn’t “Honey Wagon” what he called Ivanka as a pre-potty training child?

  • Brian

    Trump said he could shoot someone and people would still vote for him. At this point, I think the opposite is also true. He could save a baby from drowning, and he wouldn’t get any new votes

    • Count Awesome

      It could even be that baby from his campaign rally last week.

      • puipui

        No, not that baby. He hates that baby. He’ll have someone find him a different baby, the best baby, he has the best babies. Huge babies. Doesn’t Ivanka have a baby he could save?

  • Grizz1y

    Will no one rid me of this troublesome priest?

    • Brian

      god, I’m pissed I didn’t think of that. well done!

      https://media2.giphy.com/media/LYDNZAzOqrez6/200.gif

      • Joe Beese

        Someone needs to ‘shop a “Make America Great Again” hat on him.

        • UncleTravelingMatt

          Probably look even better on Hinckley.

        • WomanInAMood

          I didn’t clink on the GIF, and at first I thought you meant Henry the second. That makes me strangely happy.

    • Panika MCD

      now, Grizz, show us on the doll where the priest touched you:

      https://www.fugly.com/media/IMAGES/Scary/sailor_bubba.jpg

    • Kristin Peters

      This is the exact same! I forgot about him for a second. I guess there is nothing new under the sun.

  • exinkwretch

    The ads for NRA AND Franklin Graham are a nice bit of comic relief. Thanks Wonkette!

  • Mr. Blobfish

    I thought Killary was going to be dead of some malady or other before the election?

    • Panika MCD

      did Mrs. Blobfish never sit you down and give you the talk about the Hillarys and the Immortal Jellyfish?

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      That was yesterday’s bullshit narrative. Try to keep up.

      • Daisy

        *whines* But that’s impossible!

        • SeekingBarbie

          Hey, Daisy, I have a Fuck This gif I think you might like.

          • Suse

            OMG – I heart this so much!

          • Daisy

            I love it!

      • natoslug

        I need to write a TrumpTracker app to keep track of the bullshit of the moment.

        • Jonny On Maui

          How are you going to get past the ‘constant update’ problem?

          • natoslug

            True. I’d never know if I coded in an infinite loop, or if I needed to reduce the refresh rate.

          • SeekingBarbie

            You’d have to quit your day job to keep up.

          • natoslug

            If I don’t quit checking in on Wonkette so much, that might not be an issue.

          • SisterArtemis

            I resemble that remark!

    • natoslug

      Apparently, it’s lead poisoning.

  • natoslug

    Without Trump, who would speak on behalf of the millions of American men whose dicks are so small that they are theoretical?

    • Count Awesome

      Ted Cruz?

    • MikeyArmstrong

      Marco Rubio

    • cousin itt

      You seek the One with a quantum of a penis?

      • Msgr_Moment

        The Planck penis has a theoretical length of 10^-34 meters.
        Schrodinger was a hermaphrodite.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          I’m guessing there are a lot of possible jokes about Heisenberg and sex, but I’m feeling like a bit of a dullard right now.

          • Msgr_Moment

            I guess we know whom he’s boning, but we can’t figure out if he’s done yet?

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            That’s the spirit.

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            If he’s in Schroedinger’s Cathouse, we won’t know anything unless we send somebody in.

          • WomanInAMood

            But wouldn’t that change the outcum?

          • Msgr_Moment

            Must steal “Schroedinger’s Cathouse”.

  • Astraea
    • Daisy

      *snuggles with kittens*

    • Smokahontas

      This is Lucille. She is waiting for breakfast…

      • Astraea

        awww, how adorable!

        • Smokahontas

          She is my official non-dominatrix kitteh…and I will share!

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            impossible. All kittehs are dominatrixable. Just wait a lil why

      • Daisy

        AWWWW!

    • Suse

      Emergency kittens are the bestest kind!

  • Vecchiojohn

    Pocahontas scalps again!

    http://talkingpointsmemo.com/livewire/elizabeth-warren-donald-trump-death-threat

    * and the crowd chants Donny ….. Donny ….. Donny ….*

  • Sardonicuss

    .@realDonaldTrump makes death threats because he's a pathetic coward who can’t handle the fact that he’s losing to a girl.— Elizabeth Warren (@elizabethforma) August 9, 2016

  • gedjcj

    There’s no way I have time to read the 1150+ comments and counting, but I don’t think that’s what he meant.

    • SisterArtemis
      • Jen_Baker_VA

        Best line: The in-group for that joke should be tiny. Like his hands.

    • thenearesthippie

      Meh. I don’t see why, all things considered, he should be given the benefit of the doubt.

    • Astraea

      The people watching him sure seemed to think that’s what he meant.

    • Parchment Scroll

      Absolutely doesn’t matter if that’s what he meant. It’s what people heard.

      https://mic.com/articles/151107/trump-joked-about-assassinating-hillary-clinton-and-white-supremacists-are-loving-it

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      Pretty sure that is precisely what he meant. Even Katrina side stepped by saying “oh he was just saying what could happen”

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      In a different context, I might be inclined to give someone a pass. Given the right has an unfortunate history with these kinds of references, you have to be, at the very least, a complete fucking moron-or Donald Trump-to say something like this publicly.

    • Serai 1

      Irrelevant. The fact that he’s enough of a FUCKING MORON to actually say something like that out loud (not to mention the 5,999 other stupid things he’s said) means he isn’t fit to be elected dog catcher, let alone the President of the United States.

    • jowgajen

      This is a world where women get death threats for writing about video games.

    • Beaumarchais?

      At this point, what he meant doesn’t matter—he said something that a sizeable number of people interpreted as sinister, and he didn’t have the sense to avoid it. When Gerald Ford said there wasn’t any Soviet domination of eastern Europe, he said he meant “domination of eastern Europe’s spirit.” It didn’t matter. People were wondering if he was a lightweight, and that confirmed it.
      In Trump’s case, there’s a long history of walking back dogwhistles. Now everyone hears the whistle and knows who blew it.

      • WomanInAMood

        ^^^ This. ^^^

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    FEMA camps here, now.

  • Count Awesome

    Two years from now Trump will take ALL the credit for everything that is going because he was such a shitty candidate that Hillary was elected in a mandate

    • Serai 1

      He’ll say that was his intention all along.

    • Parchment Scroll

      More likely scenario: Trump will claim that everything is getting worse, blame Hillary for non-existent recession, argue that America should have voted for him.

    • Jukesgrrl

      Two years from now his early-onset dementia will be properly diagnosed and his children will be campaigning for more medical research.

  • Serai 1

    ..

  • Suse

    Seriously, folks. Is he trying to derail this whole shit show? I know he’s got classic NPD and all, but he’s doing everything to get out of this deal.

    • Count Awesome

      Nah, he’s found his true calling now. He’s going to crisscross the nation doing revival meetings and faith healing

      • SisterArtemis

        healing them with his tiny hands…

        • Suse

          They probably only work on minor afflictions.

      • Suse

        Will he be serving the little Jesus crackers?

        • Count Awesome

          No, they’ll be yoooge!

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      There was an article someone posted the other day of him trying to quit yet not quit so as to save face because he can’t abide losing.
      There may be something to what you say…..

      • jowgajen

        That is my favorite theory, but we may just be trying to explain the inexplicable.

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          Well. liberals do tend to think in more sciencey terms, so it only makes sense that we attempt to make sense of the insensible.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      He might have two things.

    • Jukesgrrl

      He’s so lacking in self-awareness it might not even be a conscious wish on his part.

  • rosenbomb

    Well, I was going to go on a post-work jog, but now I might need to go straight to the booze.

    • OrdinaryJoe

      One of my closest friends asked me today if I found myself drinking more these days too.

  • Sardonicuss

    A not ambiguous interpretation…

    • Sardonicuss

      here…

  • Paperless Tiger

    Politics be damned. Absolute monarchs are more civil than this guy. He’s an absolute idiot.

  • King of America
    • Jeff in the desert

      Our standards have been lowered since the last four or five Republicans have ran. Thanks, Obama.

    • Poe’s Law

      Well it’s a quibble, but he did not misspell potatoe. He told a little boy that he misspelled potato.

      Both are acceptable.

      • snark-lurker

        we now haz a cornfuzion headache thanx ty yoo

    • malsperanza

      We decided he was unfit for office because he was an empty-headed parrot who mouthed extreme positions while trying to look like a soap opera star. At that time, these attributes were looked upon with disdain.

    • Jukesgrrl

      What about poor Ed Muskie? He got teary-eyed defending his wife who was called all kinds of names (alcoholic being the nicest one) and he was deemed unfit because he couldn’t “control his emotions like a real man.”

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    This election is becoming almost sitcom-like these days. Every day starts off with an event, and Hillary says something liberal, kind of middle of the road and then the comedy relief comes into the scene falling through the wall of the apartment. He proceeds to dust himself off, straighten his comically hilarious hair and then belch and fart. Finally, he takes a look at the event and proceeds to make a statement full of lies and ignorance, gets bored halfway through and says something….objectively insane. The canned audience stops laughing and gets shocked, then he gets pelted by tomatoes and lettuce and end scene.

  • Ninja0980

    He has to be trying to lose at this point.
    Other then Sarah Palin, no one is this stupid on purpose.

    • Paperless Tiger

      Not where I work.

    • Suse

      Perhaps he has a tumor in the vicinity of his brain’s impulse control center. It would be irresponsible not to speculate.

      • Astraea

        That makes more sense than reality does.

      • natoslug

        Or he’s someone who was born fairly wealthy, was never told no, and was taught that everything he did was the best. Up until now, he really hasn’t had any consequences for his actions. And even now, if he can pass it off as a joke, there may still be basically no consequences. Hopefully his campaign failure will be enough of a failure that people quit treating him like he is of any importance.

        • shoeflyin

          Bingo

      • BadKitty904

        That might explain that Thing on top of his head.

    • OrdinaryJoe

      Try Florida.

    • malsperanza

      He just has no Cultural barriers. He says whatever fleeting thing wanders through his head.

  • Thaumaturgist

    Richard Nixon countenanced burglary of the Democratic National Committee and a psychiatrist’s office, tapped journalists’ phones and at least tried to use the IRS to punish his enemies. Did Nixon ever wink at assassinating his opponents? Did he ever contemplate the murder of anyone on his enemies list? (If you can wink at high profile assassinations, would you stop at covert extreme prejudicial actions aimed at less prominent rivals?)

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      According to Hunt and Liddy, he did. Both have said numerous times that they were involved in a plot to kill Jack Anderson.

      • SeekingBarbie

        That’s despicable, but encouraging people to mass violence is frightening.

        • UncleTravelingMatt

          Also, Nixon was very intelligent and extremely hard-working; Trump is the 2-cent edition of Nixon.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      “We could do it, but it would be wrong.”

    • King of America

      To be fair, he probably didn’t countenance (or was even aware of) the burglary – he DID try to cover it up afterwards, which is nearly as bad.

    • Mezzaluna

      He probably mentioned to Kissenger in passing but had the good sense not to tape a conversion of it. Well, he may have taped it, we’ll never know, will we? Also he was spared the wonder that is social media.

      • Jukesgrrl

        They had Martha Mitchell as their version of the Internet. But they shut her up with drugs.

  • cousin itt

    Hillary is adept in the art of self-defense in a tit-for-titties contest.

    • WomanInAMood

      How the hell did you get that picture of me?

      • OrdinaryJoe

        It’s a damn PMaSsacree

        • WomanInAMood

          I have no idea what that means.

          • SisterArtemis

            I’m getting a little “Alice’s Restaurant” feel from Joe’s terminology

  • OrdinaryJoe

    Chicken Donald. Too afraid to debate Hillary, perfectly ready to stand in the back of the crowd and yell for somebody else to pick up the job of 2d amendmenting Pres. Hillz. An asshole this yuuuge needs to be beaten and beaten badly. And I don’t mean with violence, I mean with votes.

    • BadKitty904

      He is, and always has been, a coward of the first order.

  • What the goddamn shit is wrong with this world? Because it’s not just Trump being a fucking moron – it’s also these others who agree. Who are cackling with glee. Why so hateful?

    • Suse

      There didn’t seem to be anywhere near this level of hatred when I was growing up. Maybe it was just more subtle. I don’t know anymore.

      • Is it more overt? Or just more obvious with constant news? I don’t know, either, but it’s disheartening.

        • natoslug

          Social networking gives the hateful a chance to mingle and feel like they are part of a valid group, so they’re more confident about letting their views be known.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            Worse, they insulate themselves from opposing views and thus just know they are right.
            Hence why so many of our trolls are absolutely godsmacked that someone disagrees with them.

          • natoslug

            I don’t have any votes, just some lengths of 2×4 and some extra metal fence posts, but I’m willing to smack them around a bit more.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            Thing is, those who shriek for violent solutions the most? Are the biggest wimps.
            For realz. Case in point: Bird Sanctuary Ya’llqueda. Sit and pout and saber rattle and when the chips are down, piss your pants and throw your hands up.

          • I get this a lot from my dad and father-in-law who are CONVINCED they know the truth.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            A yep, they KNOW IT!!!! Because they have a group that tells them they are right, no matter how much evidence you fling at them saying the reverse.
            All that is just biased, somehow.

          • Yes! Also, I “don’t understand.”

          • Ah, true. Finding your terrible, awful people.

        • SeekingBarbie

          I think it has gotten worse as the RW characterizes anyone who isn’t RW as less than human. There wasn’t so much vituperative name-calling a few decades ago.

          • The demonizing is exhausting. How can they keep at it?

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            They’d have no votes without it

          • True. I guess anything for a vote.

          • SeekingBarbie

            It’s truly dispiriting and sometimes shocking. I wonder if a person who talks like that on the internet would talk like that to my face. This type of attitude is why we can’t have real political discourse. I think people used to actually do that.

          • I can’t imagine they would. I hope.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            They wouldn’t. They’re by and large chicken shits.
            That is why they spout off at work or in the family- but never like, say, at a baseball game. Someone might have a knife! *quake*

      • malsperanza

        There was plenty of it. There just was no Internet.

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          ^this. Internet.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          No Internet and the haters still had it 99.9% good so they had less to bitch about

          • malsperanza

            Didn’t stop them from lynching people right up through the 990s.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            99.9% isn’t 100%, so there’s always room for anger, whining and some mindless violence

      • snark-lurker

        u b whitie we betcha

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          Even not being white. The amount of out-loud hate is increasing for sure. It used to be more subtle.
          Though, it was always there, so there is that.

      • Parchment Scroll

        I honestly think this is like a pimple that’s burst — yeah it’s a disgusting mass of pus but that was already there and now we’re getting it the hell out of us.

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          That would be, as gross the analogy is, a lovely thought.

          • Parchment Scroll

            It is my sincerest hope.

          • I hope so, too. Because that’s the only positive I can see coming from this.

      • Poe’s Law

        When did you grow up?

        In my childhood George Wallace, Lestor Maddox, Selma, Birmingham, the Boston busing riots,

        What I see now is the reemergence of a current that had been long submerged.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        There was no Internet, and the media took care not to spread the message of racist shitheads.

    • DodgeDixie&Descartes

      You mean Jill Stein “wishes” she could say that?

      • It’s appalling – people need to be better behaved. Roberts Rules of Order!

  • OrdinaryJoe

    And I should add, so much for the “pivot”. Again.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Fucking idiot pivots 360º- and charges blindly ahead.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Completely OT, but another wonderful thing about guns: The last wolf in the Denali area wolf pack is gone. THIS is $arah fucking Palin’s Alaska, Discovery Channel…where “predator extermination” is still a thing, where mouthbreathing goobers are permitted to display their deep love of nature by shooting bears and wolves from fucking helicopters, including pregnant mothers, pups, and cubs. The entire fucking state should be turned into a FEMA camp…with the bears in charge.

    • Poe’s Law

      I have always supported the right to arm bears.

      • Msgr_Moment

        Close enough:

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Do we have to say “with votes” when we fantasize about ursine retribution?

        • Mezzaluna

          No. Bears,like cats are a law unto themselves

          • Ricky Gay

            plus they can take advantage of the claws in the contract.

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            And there ain’t no sanitary claws.

          • Ricky Gay

            Easter Bunny Libel!1!

        • Poe’s Law

          Who said anything about retribution, Comrade?

          Why would armed bears pose a threat to any peaceful, law-abiding citizen?

          • SeekingBarbie

            Like Ukraine and the Baltic States?

          • Poe’s Law

            Traitors.

            Tbe Russian Empire is the raison d’etre of Ukraine, Latvia, Lithuania, Beloruss .

            Worship the Bear.

            But the bear I meant was the American bear, who is entirely benign.

            Yes?

          • SeekingBarbie

            I’ve spent time in the wilderness, and I do NOT want to be closer than 100 yards to a bear.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            I like the cut of your jib, Comrade.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      This so pisses me off. I’ve spent far too much time working to restore the Mexican Gray Wolf here, as well as working with Defenders on wolf issues around the country to watch these shitheels massacre them from airplanes

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        I felt sick reading the article in the Guardian. Apparently, they think killing off large predators will mean more moose and caribou for them to shoot…from helicopters. This concept of predator extermination went out in the fucking 1950s. But not Alaska, apparently.

        • SisterArtemis

          Somebody, maybe a passle of ’em, needs to read Farley Mowat’s “Never Cry Wolf”

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Or anything written by a wildlife biologist in the last 80 years.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          It’s done at the behest of the commercial hunting groups- basically a network of companies that run the equivalent of dude ranches for hunters. Rich DudeBros from the lower 48 pay them a bunch of money to run hunts. They show up in their brand new L.L. Bean gear and North Face jackets, with their brand new long guns that the guides have to teach them how to clean and they expect a trophy kill for their money. Unlike real hunters who understand that they may well not even get a shot off much less a kill every time, these entitled douches expect a prize racked ungulate to be dropped in their lap as part of the deal. So the hunting groups lobby to wipe out the apex predators so any n00b can get their trophy. Nevermind that it means a great many of those ungulates will die of starvation due to overgrazing next winter- business is business.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Sounds like the horrid Trump spawn. I was looking at photos of their animal butchering trip to Africa…they were dressed in the latest designer safari gear.

            Not a hunter myself, but in most ways I don’t have a problem with people who approach it and the animals with respect and pursue them by fair means on neutral ground. Ever see that “King of the HIll” episode where Hank takes Bobby on his first deer hunt? Pretty much mirrors your description above.

    • Jamoche

      There’s a new push to bring bears back to the Bear Flag Republic (aka California), though apparently this is a thing that happens every few years and there’s no bears yet.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        As Zippy mentions below, there has been an attempt to re-introduce gray wolves in the White Mountains here is eastern AZ. Unfortunately, they are regularly shot, trapped, or poisoned by the inbred Mormon militia ranchers that populate the area.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    When there’s a serious effort to repeal the fucking 2nd, I’ll be sending in my Ameros.

    • jowgajen

      All we need is a full Supreme Court.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Contrary to what the Drumpfenführer says*, it will take a bit more than that.

        *i.e., in fact.

  • DodgeDixie&Descartes

    It’s frustrating when REDSTATE starts calling the GOP candidate for POTUS a douchebag. Once upon a time there were clear delineations when it came turf and name calling.

    • WomanInAMood

      Really? RedState is calling him that? Really? Awesome.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        May you live in interesting times. Whomever said that ought to be smacked with votes.

        • WomanInAMood

          Yeah. If things keep going the way they are, I’m going to have to start rationing my votes.

        • Pickwicknext

          Oddly, ’twas the Chinese. Be Confucious is laughing his ass off

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            That is actually inaccurate XD It is a Britt saying they had attributed to the Chinese, but there is no actual evidence that it was ever a Chinese saying (and they’ve had writing for a very very long time)
            My theory: Some sailor decided to cuss someone and blame it on those Chinese.

          • Pickwicknext

            How about we go with the Agatean Empire? It was that fucker Twoflower

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            It was the Hobbits. You know it was them, they always have those pity lil sayings.
            Tricksey nasty hobbitses

            (also, in the interest of fairness, I had /just/ googled that saying to see whom to smack, so this was no fore-knowledge)

          • Pickwicknext

            I hate Hobbits. Let’s blame them. I am totally fine with this plan

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            I hate their second breakfasts and big gnarly hairy feet and ability to go to mount Doom and defeat orcs and giant spiders only to, at the last second, succumb to their own wants and have to be thwarted by a friggin gollum of all things.

          • Pickwicknext

            Marco Rubio is probably a hobbit. He’s all tiny and easily distracted by shiny things

          • Poe’s Law

            All of that, except the second breakfast.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            tbh, I am ok with second breakfast too, but don’t tell anyone

          • Major_Major_Major

            And the repubs have nominated Lord Snapcase for patrician president

    • Beaumarchais?

      He’s unifying America in ways no one could imagine a year ago.

      • jowgajen

        Would be nice if that stuck. We have polarized to the extreme, a little rubber-banding back to the middle would be appreciated now, thank you.

      • Mezzaluna

        Yes and no. Sure we all agree Trump is a bag of slated rat dicks, but we can’t seem to agree that Hillary is the best candidate for POTUS.

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          To be honest, I am perfectly willing to settle for “not trump” at this point.

          • Mezzaluna

            Fuck, I’d vote for my senile cat before I would vote for the orange cocksplat.

          • SisterArtemis

            as long as it’s a senile cat – the non-senile kind are meglomaniacs that would not hesitate to take over the world and force us all to subsist on kibble.

          • Mezzaluna

            The fluffy young one would eat us all before lunchtime Tuesday. But only if we were crunchy. Gooshy people are right out.

          • WomanInAMood

            I’m safe then, when our new kitty overlords take over.

          • Mezzaluna

            He’ll have the rest of us farming moths for him to chase and devour.

          • WomanInAMood

            I bet he’s adorable, in a truly terrifying way. And I would much rather be a moth farmer for a senile cat, than live under a Drumpf presidency. Because, standards.

          • Daisy

            I’d deal with Jill Stein over Trump, and I can’t stand her. Luckily, I don’t have to.

        • Poe’s Law

          Help me out here. In what way is Clinton not the best of the current candidates?

          • Parchment Scroll

            I think what Mezzaluna is saying — and I could be way off base — is that there are those who think Hillary is “just as bad as Trump”. They are wrongstupid, but they exist.

          • Poe’s Law

            There are those, and they should be laughed into oblivion.

            But I was interested in Mezzaluna’s opinion.

          • Parchment Scroll

            Which you got, I saw. :D

          • Mezzaluna

            Oh She IS. but some of the #Nevertrumps and none of the # Neverclintons will ever admit that.

    • Mezzaluna

      A variant of DaVinci’s Universal Man, Trump is the Universal Douchebag.

  • Count Awesome

    Wow. Trump is the 21st century version of Caligula.

    • Msgr_Moment

      That’s a terrible thing to say about Melania. And I’m sure she hasn’t even thought of serving as Senator.

      • Beaumarchais?

        We coulda had Refalca! But neigh…

        • Ricky Gay

          don’t trot that old news out here.

          • Not unless you want a good dressage-ing down.

          • Ricky Gay

            gawd dam I set u up like an Ed McMahon to a pissy old Carson!

      • Count Awesome

        Melania taps her heel twice on the floor in agreement. (Donald cant figure out how to ru peanut butter on her gums to make her liips movemove without a prerecorded speech playi g work.)

  • bubbuhh

    Don’t want to make a big thing of this, but it’s worth noting. The rally where Trump mused about his “2nd Amendment People” was in Wilmington, NC. It was packed long before he spoke with a line out the door of people trying to get in while he was speaking.

    However, at his next rally in Fayetteville – after he said his fateful words – there were no lines although the venue was more than 3/4 full. However, people started leaving in a steady stream around halfway through (25 minute mark) his speech.

    This was reported on by WAPO’s Jenna Johnson.

    https://twitter.com/wpjenna/status/763150108754149377

    • chiefkurtz

      Wow, even in a short clip like this, he fit a lie in, about the US being among the highest taxed countries in the world. http://www.politifact.com/truth-o-meter/statements/2016/may/08/donald-trump/donald-trump-us-not-highest-taxed-nation-in-world/

    • jowgajen

      Fayetteville is a lot younger and more moderate than Wilmington.

      • bubbuhh

        Fayetteville is the county seat and the home of Fort Bragg.

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          But…the military is all behind him….right?

          • Parchment Scroll

            Militant. The word you are looking for is “militant”. Not quite the same.

      • Major_Major_Major

        Fayette Nam is more moderate than Wilmington? I would never have thought that.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Fayetteville is right next to Fort Bragg. Home of the Airborne, the Special Forces.

      • redarmyzombie

        Yeah…I hear that calls to commit treason aren’t very popular with that demographic…

    • So maybe now he needs armed thugs to keep his Loyal Supporters inside the rallies?

  • Jonny On Maui

    OT: Whoot Whoot to local kid sportball…

    http://mauinow.com/2016/08/09/maui-world-champs-return-home/

    • Jeff in the desert

      Cool, and look at this!!!! (all new obituaries?)

    • WomanInAMood

      Aaaawwwwww….

    • Jukesgrrl

      How great for them. Such a good experience.

  • natoslug

    Maybe it’s time for the right to amend their platform to exclude blatant sociopaths. Let’s keep our sociopathy subtle, folks!

  • Brian

    Everybody’s favorite Granholm is on Chris Hayes right now

    • Msgr_Moment

      Thanks.

  • malsperanza

    Stochastic Terrorism:

    Stochastic terrorism is the use of mass communications to incite random actors to carry out violent or terrorist acts that are statistically predictable but individually unpredictable. In short, remote-control murder by lone wolf.

    http://stochasticterrorism.blogspot.com/

    • Poe’s Law

      Are you saying that Trump is attempting to do what DAESH is doing?

      How can you say that? You just a bad person, just horrible, so bad, so sad, really sad to say that Trump is no better than an Islamic Terrorist organization.

      He just meant a Second Amendment solution with votes.

      • OrdinaryJoe

        Votes? So that’s what we are calling ammunition these days?

        • Major_Major_Major

          In a 30 round magazine, .223 votes. The Gee oh pee is gonna have some serious trouble living this shite down.

          • Parchment Scroll

            I’m trying very hard not to resign myself to the thought that they will, somehow, pull it off.

          • Major_Major_Major

            I have to hope that even the “Real Americans” will see through this bullshit.

      • malsperanza

        False equivalency! I was totally going for a Mussolini comparison.

        • Poe’s Law

          Oh…never mind

          Emily Latella

    • Suse

      Just Like Snarly Purina did with the fake baby killing videos. Robert Deer was just waiting for a sign.

  • mike pence is totally the wormtongue of 2016.

    • starfanglednut

      Saruman/Wormtongue 2016

      • Mezzaluna

        Except Saurman had plans. Trump is more like the Orc in the Two Towers movie, who after killing another Orc for questioning his authority, announces “Meat’s back on the menu, boys.”

        • DainBramage

          Uglúk / Wormtongue 2016

  • King of America
  • FeloniousMonk

    Absent friends heard from.

  • Brian

    Chris Hayes making excellent point about the debates. Usually the person with the lead doesn’t want to debate, and the one trailing pushes for debates. That was the huge scandal of the DNC emails was how they fixed the debate schedule. But this year Clinton, the front runner, really wants to debate and Trump doesn’t. Shows the difference in confidence of the two candidates.

    Also, the Khans are coming up soon, because I guess Fox News keeps slamming them for secret Muslim Terrorism.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      But….how does that have anything to do with the DNC emails when she was never behind then, either?

      Edit: OOOhhhhhhhhh I see XD NM Course that the schedule was set like a year ago still makes it a weird analogy.

      • Brian

        I was saying the the thought was DWS was a Clinton supporter, so she rigged the debates to make it harder for a lesser known candidate to gain in the polls. Sorry, that I wasn’t clear. Wasn’t trying to implicate Clinton in anything.

        Also, though, Hayes pointed out that Clinton was fine with the schedule until polls came out the she was down in NH. Then she asked for a NH debate. Again, there’s nothing shady about that, it’s just typical politics.

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          No I see where you were going in retrospect. I thought Hayes was doing a both sides do it slide because they really can’t help themselves.
          <—comprehension is not my friend tonight.

          • Brian

            try more alcohol.

    • Jukesgrrl

      The theme of this election: “Nothing is but what is not.”

  • Astraea

    Gabby GIffords:
    “Responsible, stable individuals won’t take Trump’s rhetoric to its literal end, but his words may provide a magnet for those seeking infamy,” their statement read. “They may provide inspiration or permission for those bent on bloodshed.”

    Full statement:
    http://www.nydailynews.com/news/politics/trump-appears-encourage-gun-rights-advocates-shoot-hillary-article-1.2744550

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      If anyone would know where rhetoric might lead someone…..

    • BadKitty904

      “Responsible, stable individuals” aren’t the ones listening to Trump. As he VERY well knows.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      That really is the worry – some gunfucking nutbag telling himself, “Hey, it’s not just me! If Trump thinks it’s OK…”

    • Msgr_Moment

      Trump doesn’t care what she says. He only likes Congresspeople who weren’t shot.

  • Brian

    hahaha, Trump owns Galaxy phone, his tweets have been analyzed. It seems his insane tweet rages come from Galaxy, while the more Presidential Campaign tweets come from an iPhone. Campaign staff working overtime!

    • Daisy

      Aww, man, I have a Galaxy! :(

      • Pickwicknext

        Me too. Trump can’t ruin it. Only Samsung can can fuck those up

        • Major_Major_Major

          See above, and you too, Missy.

          • Pickwicknext

            I live and vote where your liberals would be right wing conservatives. I will keep my Samsung, thank you very much. I’ve even been investigating upgrading

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            Bamz would not be a right wing conservative. Just sayin
            *struts a bit*

          • Pickwicknext

            Maybe…..

          • Smokahontas

            IDK, he usually has his shirt on. Sigh….silently envies MO.

          • Major_Major_Major

            Sure, rub it in , why doncha? I thought you canadastanese were supposed to be nice.

          • Pickwicknext

            Nah…we’re pretty smug

          • Major_Major_Major

            Fine, Ted Crux, the Bones, and Nickelback are coming your way for keepsies

      • Brian

        It’s the best, or sad! Great phone!! loser! Make America Great! Buy Korean phones!!!!

      • Smokahontas

        I’m so sorry! I hope you recover real soon!

        ~sent from my galaxy obamaphone

      • Jeff in the desert

        I have a 12.88 flipphone from Samsung.

        • Smokahontas

          Is that running on a DOS platform? //:justasking:C drive

          • Major_Major_Major

            Fortran 77 or gtfo

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            Promt 10: Go to 5

          • Smokahontas

            ID10T error. Reboot…and buy a Mac…
            *hides behind couch for obvious reasons *

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            *grabs pitchfork*

        • WomanInAMood

          Thank goodness, another flipphone person! When my friends ask what I can do with it, I stare coldly into their eyes and say, “I call people.”

          • Smokahontas

            But, but, but…when it doesn’t go to voice mail what do you do then?!?!

          • WomanInAMood

            If it doesn’t go to voice mail, then I never got the damned call. I can text in a rudimentary fashion, but my actual friends know that I will respond with a phone call. So they don’t abuse my time. It works for me.

          • Smokahontas

            You can lead an old to texting, but they’re still going to use proper grammer and punctuation. FWIW

          • WomanInAMood

            Yup. It’s always so flattering to be called an old. ;)

        • Jon Sussex

          Lol I just got rid of my 15+ year old Samsung flip because some rubber button thing on it was melting.

      • Major_Major_Major

        You have to turn in your libcard now, classy. You are the same as Drumpf.

      • Be Gin

        I still have a pager.

        It hasn’t buzzed in 17 years.

        Just the way I like it.

        • Pinkham’s Law

          Change batteries. You should have at least gotten an occasional wrong number call.

          • Be Gin

            Batteries?

    • Smokahontas

      Explains the limited vocabulary of best words. Thanx awtowah cerrect!

    • Msgr_Moment

      HIDDEN LEDE: Trump is an Android!

    • King of America

      This has been the assumption for a while now, but the analysis itself is pretty great:

      http://varianceexplained.org/r/trump-tweets/

      • King of America

        (Seriously, go read that now. It has some great graphs.)

        • Parchment Scroll

          IT HAS CODE. :D
          It’s also an interesting article.

          • King of America

            It ends up showing way more than simply “Trump uses an Android” – the breakdown of how Trump is way more negative than the unknown staffer or staffers is fantastic.

  • Dee Andee

    Kitty cleanse photo.

    • WhyFelicia

      Catelope

  • Suse

    Mr Khan is on MSNBC.

  • natoslug

    Is this good news for John McCain yet?

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Oh, calm down everybody – he was suggesting that the judges be shot, not Hillary!
    Sheesh – you damn libtards over-react to everything.

    • Jeff in the desert

      He’s copying that guy from Turkey…not an original thought in that melon.

      • WomanInAMood

        Or that suicide bomber in Pakistan. There is not a speck of snark in this comment, btw.

    • Count Awesome

      When he called Ivanka bangable, someone eventually banged her. He should know better.

    • Smokahontas

      Without voter ID laws he can’t suggest people shoot her with votes since they’d vote like 15 or eleventy times… whatever a full magazine of votes holds.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Isn’t it a “clip” of votes?

        • Smokahontas

          Detail libelz! !!!1!!1

        • Major_Major_Major

          Ur going to two amendment hell, sonny me boy.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            I think we should call it a Clipzine and really drive the ammosexuals bananas.

          • Smokahontas

            You’re a monster!!!

    • Suse

      Drumpf says, “give me a break” over this story.

      • Smokahontas

        Break what?

        *sharpens Louisville vote*

        • Suse

          Slugger?

          • Smokahontas

            Slugger? Hardly even know her!

          • Suse

            Ha!

      • Astraea

        He really likes those kit kat bars.

  • Suse

    Mr Khan is an awesome human being. I want to invite him and his family to dinner.

  • msanthropesmr

    “All I can see is a nation in mourning over the audacity of so few to steal from so many,” he said in a statement. “The thief left so much evidence at the scene of the crime as we shall expose in the people’s petition that we filed last week.”

    “We are delivering democracy on a platter,” Trump said. “We say take it or leave it, but the people have delivered democracy.”

    Robert Mugabe, or Donald Trump?

    • Smokahontas

      AOT,K?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      He’s projecting. AGAIN.

    • jmhm

      Alex, I’ll take Manafort’s Angels for several million…

    • cousin itt

      Too coherent, must be Mugabe.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Hitler?

      • msanthropesmr

        See above. Nice Guess. This is Mugabe after he stole the 2013 election.

  • Msgr_Moment

    Team Hillary has an active effort to harvest GOP refugees.
    http://www.politico.com/story/2016/08/hillary-clinton-recruiting-republicans-226843
    Smile!