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His lips are pursed and ready.
His lips are pursed and ready.

Sean Hannity is having a really bad week, everyone. Now, we know, most of his weeks are bad, due to “wakes up every morning as Sean Hannity,” but this week has been BAD. Like, is there a dumber, more pathetic person working in the media right now? Probably not. Here is the evidence:

Sean Hannity is the dumbest motherfucker on planet Earth

So by now, we all know Donald Trump just casually suggested that maybe his gun-humping fans might murder Hillary Clinton in the face, to keep her from appointing judges to the Supreme Court. We also know Trump supporters in the public eye just cannot figure out what to say about that, except to agree he didn’t mean the thing he said, with his sphincter-esque mouth opening. But the Trump campaign says his comments about “Second Amendment people” were about UNITY, and you know who is there to swallow the bullshit Trump mama-birds into his throat and poop it out the other side? Sean Hannity, of course:

“Speaking of unfair,” Hannity said — before agreeing with his guest [Trump] that the media is fundamentally “unfair” because they won’t admit they are voting for Clinton in the same way he openly supports Trump — he played the clip of Trump’s Second Amendment comments.

“So, obviously you are saying that there’s a strong political movement within the Second Amendment and if people mobilize and vote they can stop Hillary from having this impact on the court,” Hannity told Trump. “But that’s not how the media is spinning it.”

Obviously.

CLEARLY. After Hannity pooped that out, he turned around and ate it, because on top of being a baby bird for the Trump campaign, he is also like a shit-eating weenie dog, who eats poo.

Want MOAR HANNITY STUPID? OK! So, did you know that, on top of how there is a fake ding-dong website out there that’s UNSKEWING THE POLLS to make it look like Trump is winning, there are also people out to “prove” Trump will win because he has more twatters on Twitter and way more pokes on Facebook than Hillary Clinton? These people, oblivious that millions of people follow Trump for simple mockery purposes, ACTUALLY believe that they have stumbled onto some kind of polling science that proves Trump will win. Lovebugs, Sean Hannity is one of those mindfuckingly stupid people:

[For] anyone who’s been disheartened by the post-convention bump for Hillary Clinton, the Gateway Pundit has some uplifting numbers for you:

HAHAHAHAHAHAH yes, please tell us what the Stupidest Man On The Internet says, Sean Hannity, please please please:

The website reports that analysis from the two candidates’ social media accounts could mean Donald Trump will win in a landslide.

Consider the two candidates’ Facebook accounts: Trump has over 10 million “likes” while Hillary has just over 5 million.

How about when the two candidates live stream their events? Trump averages 30,000 live viewers per stream while Clinton receives on average, a measly 500 viewers.

And on Reddit, “Hillary for Prison” has more than double the subscribers (55,000) than the actual Hillary Clinton page does (24,000).

Good story, bro.

Want EVEN MOAR HANNITY STUPID, again, all this coming from the same few days? OK, so Monday night, Hannity got all his viewers jizzing in their Ensure milkshakes with excitement, because he promised he was about to reveal MAJOR, CONTROVERSIAL BOMBSHELL stuff about Khizr and Ghazala Khan, parents of American hero Humayan Khan, who gave his life for the United States. How did that go for him, Huffington Post?

[T]he short segment consisted largely of a compilation of Khan’s recent interviews and a snippet from a decades-old article he wrote.

Hannity, an outspoken Trump supporter, highlighted alleged discrepancies in Khan’s views about Sharia law. In a CNN interview after the Democratic National Convention, Khan, who is Muslim, said “there’s no such thing as Sharia law.” In contrast, Khan wrote an article in 1983 in the Houston Journal of International Law that explained how “Islamic jurists classify the sources of Islamic law,” and that explanation included references to Sharia.

OOH! OOH! That sounds like some journalism right there! Except nah, it’s just Hannity The Dumb Dickweasel, bein’ dumb.

Sean Hannity melts down like a toddler with diarrhea when it’s pointed out that he’s the dumbest motherfucker on planet Earth

Did y’all hear the funny story about how one of the editors from the Wall Street Journal, Bret Stephens, called Hannity “Fox News’s dumbest anchor”? Stephens is right, probably! Of course, if we included the dipshit “Fox & Friends” couch under the category of “anchor,” Hannity might have to battle Steve Doocy and Brian Kilmeade to the death for the title, but yeah, among anchors he’s the dumbest. Megyn Kelly is actually intelligent; Bill O’Reilly is a (ALLEGEDLY!) wife-beater blowhard, but he’s smarter than Hannity; Greta Van Susteren gets mad about the internet being slow in space, and is also a Scientologist, but she’s also Wonket’s pal … who else is there? Meh, who gives a fuck? Sean Hannity is the stupidest person at Fox, and also the stupidest person in every room he ever enters, even when he’s alone.

THE POINT is that Hannity heard about what Bret Stephens said, and oh lordy Jesus, he got on Twitter late at night and LOST IT. On the one hand, he queened out like he was White Girl Wasted. On the other hand, he sounded a lot like his wussy, thin-skinned, oversensitive candidate Donald Trump. Here, enjoy a tirade:

hannity1

hannity2

Awwwwwwwwww! He’s cute when he’s mad, just kidding, he’s repulsive and eternally unfuckable.

Bret Stephens’s response to this? Epic:

On Thursday evening I opted to give him the benefit of the doubt by writing on Twitter that he was Fox’s “dumbest anchor.” He immediately proved my point by re-tweeting me to his 1.5 million Twitter followers—an audience I could never have reached on my own. Later, on the radio, he called me a “dumba— with his head up his a—,” demonstrating he can’t even swear competently.

Stephens also referred to Hannity’s slobbering devotion to Donald Trump as the “love that dares to speak its name,” which es muy LOL-lerskates.

If your appetite for poopy fart Twitter rants from Sean Hannity is not sated, you may click here, for he had a tantrum at CNN’s Brian Stelter too.

Sean Hannity calls conspiracy theorist Alex Jones on the Obamaphone, to tell him pleasant sex words, ALLEGEDLY

You’d think all the stuff above happening in the space of just a few days would be enough, but no, because verified crazy person Alex Jones told an anecdote on his radio program, about how Sean Hannity called him up and told him he was “good.” This was part of a healthy discussion about how Roger Ailes’s fall at Fox News is part of the CONSPIRACYYYYYY to elect Hillary. Here is the key thing Jones said:

Hannity, well I’m not going to get Hannity in trouble, but he did reach out to us, he said “great job, we appreciate you, I’m trying my best.” They’re threatening to fire him right now, so he reached out to us and said he appreciates us.

Wow.

In summary and in conclusion, how stupid is Sean Hannity exactly?

So, so stupid. He respects Donald Trump; He respects Jim Hoft, the stupidest man on the entire internet; and he thinks Alex Jones is doing a “great job.” Based on this evidence, and based on his actions this week, Wonkette believes the best course of action would be for Sean Hannity to go drink a lake of farts and get off our television.

[Sean Hannity Show / Huffington Post / The Daily Beast / HuffPo again / Media Matters]

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  • Indiepalin

    Forget about polls, unskewed and otherwise. The only true indicator of a campaign’s ultimate success is the number of yard signs in your neighborhood.

  • Joe Beese
  • bubbuhh

    Hannity and Friends R sooooooooooo stoopit they think “unskewing polls” will ackshully change the results in November.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      The same way Karl Rove thought double-checking the Ohio results would change those.

  • Sardonicuss

    Sean is feeling the pinch since daddy Roger is gone. Even daddy Rupert’s paper feels okay ragging him.

  • Callyson

    This asshole again?

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    Lumpy doesn’t NEED a buttplug, Lumpy IS a buttplug

    FIFY

    • anwisok

      Do. not. want.

  • Incoming Ham

    Sean Hannity, Islamic scholar. Who knew?

    • Señor Skwerl

      He does his research on the internet.

  • Callyson

    Despite what Trump believes, there have been other interpretations, including former CIA director Michael Hayden, who told The Daily Beast, “If someone outside the hall had said it, I suspect the Secret Service would’ve considered it threat and detained the individual for questioning.”

    • Lascauxcaveman

      IOW, “Trump statements are alway bloviating bullshit, so we can’t actually take it seriously.”

  • GoutMachine

    I met Sean Hannity many moons ago, back when he was only a radio moran, not yet a Fox News Moran ™. I had a friend who worked in the advertising department of a radio conglomerate, and she would invite me to certain things.

    Anyway, he was signing one of his books at – get this – a Panera Bread in Dallas. We went, for shits and giggles. She had acquired copies of his books, so I decided I’d have him sign one. I’d give it to my Grandma, who was a died-in-the-wool conservative (and consumer of “Hillary and Bill ran drugs through the Arkansas airports” kinds of videos). I’m like, hey, it’s not like she’ll get converted to the good side anyway.

    So I go up to him and he asks who he should sign the book to. I said, “Becky.” Straight face, no explanation that Becky was my grandmother. The look of sheer terror on his face was priceless. Like a deer in headlights. Who is this 20-something guy? Becky?

    I didn’t have the heart to tell him who Becky was.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      No, you just enjoyed his reaction so much that you wanted it to linger in his consciousness forever, you mean person, you.

      • GoutMachine

        Guilty!

    • schmannity

      Becky Stan?

    • SpideySenser

      Becky with the good hair?

      • GoutMachine

        In that Barbara Bush kind of way, yeah.

    • Caepan

      Maybe he realized that he doesn’t know how to spell “Becky”?

  • Señor Skwerl

    The website reports that analysis from the two candidates’ social media accounts could mean Donald Trump will win in a landslide.

    But what about their Porn Hub pages?

  • Callyson

    But none of this should be surprising from a pundit like Hannity who, earlier today, posted an article on his website that attempted to explain away Trump’s dismal poll numbers with an interesting bit of logic.

    “Consider the two candidates’ Facebook accounts: Trump has over 10 million ‘likes’ while Hillary has just over 5 million,” the piece reads. “How about when the two candidates live stream their events? Trump averages 30,000 live viewers per stream while Clinton receives on average, a measly 500 viewers.”

    The big conclusion: “Don’t let the polls discourage you.”

    Wow, that’s some hard-hitting analysis right there!

    • This is like saying that Fox News’ higher ratings mean it’s a more accurate news source than its competition, rather than accepting that its higher ratings are actually due to it being a worse news channel.

  • Spotts1701

    Sean Hannity, unofficial Minister of Propaganda for Il Douche.

    • Sardonicuss

      Since JoScar is swan ratting, somebody has to carry that filthy water.

  • anna rampage

    How about a ball gag with a kryptonite lock and a pair of concrete loafers?

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …God Hannity is a fucking MORON!!! If “likes” on Facebook determined who was president then kittens and puppies would have been elected POTUS a long time ago you ass WEASAL

    • GoutMachine

      I’m fairly certain Hannity eats kittens for breakfast (ALLEGEDLY).

      • Major_Major_Major

        You don’t want to know what he does to puppies. Trust me on that.

      • Gayer Than Thou

        A lot of people are saying that.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      I’d trust kittens and puppies more with the nuclear launch codes than Teh Donald.

      • schmannity

        I’d trust puppies, but everyone knows kittens want nuclear annihilation.

        • Shan the Libtart

          What? No! Who would open the cans of tuna for them?

    • SadDemInTex

      Did I already say “I love you”?

  • BearGHAZI

    If you’re about to be fired from FOX News for being too stupid, you should just crawl back into your mom’s vaj and try again

    • AngryKatie

      Are we sure she wants anything to do with him at this point?
      Were me mine, I would not.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      She’d have to be a s stupid as he is to allow that

      WAIT!

  • Royal Ugly Dude, Esq.

    polling science that proves Trump will win

    When you set out to prove something, that’s called psuedoscience. Like searching for evidence of Noah’s flood. Or the existence of an aquatic dinosaur that lives in the water hazard of Trump’s Scottish golf course. Or that the thing on top of his head is really a Chupacabra.

    • Alan

      That last one has a chance.

      • Jeff in the desert

        Call Mulder and Scully….

      • Gleem-McShinez

        I WANT TO BELIEVE

  • Villago Delenda Est

    The original Bachpfeifengesicht. Accept no substitutes!

    • Jeff in the desert

      Is that a beer or gesundheit….?

  • Dg Hacket

    O/T but im working at Bernies house in Burlington. Let me know if you have any ?/! for him. Hes standing 10′ away

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      ask him how many $27 donations it took to buy that $600,000 vacation house

      (j/k it was inheritance money from Jane)

    • Jeff in the desert

      Thank him for his service (REALLY!) and thank him for not going Nadir.

    • Logic of Color

      Just tell him thanks for bringing actual liberalism back.

  • Mpeg

    “Hannity Is” [rough draft]

    “Hannity is as dumb as:

    as Ann Coulter is brittle;
    as Hillary is ashame’d;… ”

    *takes swig from gin bottle*

    “..as Donald’s hands are little;
    as my poetry attempts are lame.”

    — a work in progress by Dame Peggetheth

    • Logic of Color

      Nicely compressed

  • Callyson

    there are also people out to “prove” Trump will win because he has more twatters on Twitter and way more pokes on Facebook than Hillary Clinton

    1. How many of those are under 18 and hence won’t be voting?

    2. How many of those are from other countries (cough I’m looking at you, Russian deleted commenter cough)?

    3. How many voters choose to stay off social media?

    FFS, this is too easy…

    • Lefty Frizzell

      The numbers are pretty fucking small compared with the total population.

      They’re a sample, just like polls are a sample.

      But are Facebook likes and twitter followers more representative samples than any poll, anywhere?

      Only if you’re a fucking idiot. So in Hannity’s case – “yes”.

      • Jeff in the desert

        We’re sampling Poles now? WTF, Putin will be pissed…

        • Shan the Libtart

          Wait, no! That’s MY job!

    • Daisy

      1. A lot of fucking people.
      2. I don’t know but probably similar to answer numero uno
      3.Most,I bet.

  • cousin itt

    My chief weapon is stupid and an almost fanatical devotion to the poop.

  • Blank Ron

    Hannity belched forth:

    The website reports that analysis from the two candidates’ social media accounts could mean Donald Trump will win in a landslide.

    In this case ‘analysis’ means ‘pulled it directly out of my ass.’
    Oh, Sean, you unloveable rascal. You’re not relevant now, you never WERE relevant, you will never BE relevant. Stop pretending you have anything worth listening to, kthanxbai.

  • Bub the Leftwing Zombie

    Hannity makes the infamous “Baghdad Bob” look like a solid, trustworthy news source. Watching this piece of shit lose his mind after the election will be one of the very greatest pleasures of my life.

    • Caepan

      I might – might – tune in to FOX “News” on election night, just to watch their collective meltdown.

      I did briefly watch their election coverage in 2008, after McCain conceded to That Socialmalist Kenyan Who Done Palled Around Wif Terrists®. The cast of characters looked like they all had been told that they weren’t going to get paid that month.

  • ManchuCandidate

    he is also like a shit-eating weenie dog, who eats poo.

    Dachshund libel!

    • Jeff in the desert

      every breed libelz…or are Dachshunds more gourmet germans?

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        #ALLBREEDSMATTER

    • Oblios_Cap

      Most of them will eat cat poo, especially as puppies.

  • Brian

    Likely reasons why Trump’s live feed of speeches have significantly more viewers than Clinton’s.

    1) Most speeches occur during hours people work. Clinton supporters have jobs and can’t stop their day to watch a speech. Trump’s supporters either aren’t qualified for jobs or are retired.

    2) Clinton says pretty much the same thing every speech like sane politicians tend to do. You never know what crap Trump might spew.

    3) The competitive meme industry is all about being the fastest to turn Trump’s most recent gaff into a viral sensation.

    • Daisy

      Hell, most teenagers I know follow Trump for the lolz involved.

    • Antonin Dvorak

      Not to mention that any individual can “like” both on fb/yt and attend both rallies. Thus skewing the data.

      • SpideySenser

        But if it’s on the internet it MUST be true!

    • SnarkOff

      For god’s sake, Wonkers, don’t make me point out that the word is “gaffe” twice in one day.

  • lucidamente

    But has he invested in gold yet?

  • baconzgood

    Sean is like that dude at the track that bets on the 40-1 shot named Don’t Waste UR Money, and still is yelling for it to win after it keeled over in the starting gate and has been carted off to the glue factory.

    It’s sad really.

    • GoutMachine

      Hannity’s Little Helper

      • Logic of Color

        Hey everyone I understood another pop reference! Big week for me!

  • Royal Ugly Dude, Esq.

    That’s adorable. He thinks we’re laughing with Trump.

  • The Wanderer

    In order to “drink a lake of farts,” you’d first have to compress the flatus until it liquefied, and of course it’d be extremely cold. Cold enough to be lethal. I don’t want Hannity to drink a lake of farts. I want him to smell a zeppelin hangar full of farts when Trump loses.

    On a OT side note, is anyone else having a lot of trouble with unresponsive or long-running scripts on this site?

    • Royal Ugly Dude, Esq.

      I think one of Saturn’s moons has an ocean of liquid methane. How about a kickstarter campaign to send him there?

    • Antonin Dvorak

      Here is astrophysicist Brian Cox with an explanation:
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5r_TlPwZOvU

      • GoutMachine

        All the upfists. You got Brian Cox AND on QI, no less. Bravo.

        • Antonin Dvorak

          TY. The fact that it fits all the criteria is mind-boggling.

        • Marion in Savannah

          AMEN!!! I’m an Old, and Brian Cox could be my grandchild, but I’ll be in my bunk for a bit…

  • TheGrandWaz00
    • Jeff in the desert

      that is fucking COOL!

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        M.C. Escher does BDSM

        • Jeff in the desert

          Isn’t he that rapper that can’t touch this?

    • Shan the Libtart

      Welp, there goes the rest of MY day.

      • proudgrampa

        I could use that as a meditation device, myself.

        • Shan the Libtart

          I want a real one. It would make a great bracelet (if I wore bracelets). Either that or it would be the best epilator ever.

          • Banrion

            HMMM..commenting so I can find this again. My husband may be able to make me a real life version. Great stress toy for my desk!

    • Marion in Savannah

      That’s an INTERESTING Ouroboros…

    • Cummingtonite

      Hi!

    • That is strangely hypnotic.

  • Callyson

    If Hillary wins I will hold assholes like you accountable

    So you still won’t get the point that the voters are rejecting Republican extremism and Trump insanity? You’ll continue to hand elections to Democrats? Works for me!

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      IKR? I love, love, love that the outcome of the 2012 “think tank” sessions on “let’s not continue to be the stupid party” is fucking Fanta HITLER. Who will they run in 2020? The racist garbageman? The anti-Muslim luggage handler? It’s gonna be awe-inspiring!

      • chimichanga

        Fanta! Bam upfist

  • SayItWithWookies

    You wanna get Sean Assity really worked up? Just mention that Roger Ailes, in defending FOX News’ misleading characterization of reality on their shows, mentioned that Assity and other prime-timers don’t deserve to be fact-checked because they’re not journalists. Even Ailes doesn’t defend Assity’s lack of facts — he just excuses it.

  • Daisy

    Oh Lumpy, how I missed you;not. Also Lumpy, just in case you’re reading, my mom also thinks you’re a stupid motherfucker. My dad does to, he’d just use less swearing. And dear dad’s always been about five steps from becoming one of the mouth breathers.

  • BigCSouthside

    The Dems may not be perfect, but because of Hannity and his like, the Republican Party has become fucking dangerous.

    This party has turned into a willfully ignorant, dishonest cabal, specializing in revisionist history and propaganda only.

    The party needs to fall, for the sake of the republic.

    • Bub the Leftwing Zombie

      When your favourite “historian” is David Barton, when some stupid old asshole walking into the Senate chamber with a snowball is regarded as an argument against actual scientific fact, when your leadership is more concerned with political partisanship than with doing their jobs and governing the country, when you refuse to even debate legislation some 90% of the public favours because you are so beholden to the gun lobby, when your only economic idea is to cut taxes for rich people, no matter how often that has been shown not to work, when you claim to be pro life in any and all circumstances, yet still support capital punishment, and on, and on and ON…you are no longer a political party. You are simply a group of assholes catering to the stupidity and bellicosity of some 40% of the public while trying to figure out ways of getting rich off of it.
      Fuck the Republican party.

      • GoutMachine

        Holy shit, someone broadcast this far and wide.

      • proudgrampa

        Wow. I am in awe of you, sir.

        Well said.

  • Bub the Leftwing Zombie

    Sean is the kind of person who says, completely unironically: “We could do a real job on all of these enemies of Democracy if only we didn’t have to worry about the fucking voters!”

  • Oblios_Cap

    the best course of action would be for Sean Hannity to go drink a lake of farts and get off our television.
    The little rat bastard has never been seen on my television.

    • ImGoingBacon

      penguin libelzzz!!1!

  • janecita

    I totally agree with Hannity, Trump will win by a landslide, just like President Romney did in 2012!

    • schmannity

      Just wait until the final count from Ohio. Romney Four No Years, Four No Years!

  • schmannity

    My Avatar. Nuff said.

  • Lefty Frizzell

    He is the dumbest, but I dislike Varney the most. There’s something about that slimey bastard.

  • baconzgood

    I wish Sean lived in my Irish Catholic family because every family gathering my cousins and I could all beat him up and give him a wedgie. That would be so cool.

  • SuspectedDemocrat

    Consider the two candidates’ Facebook accounts: Trump has over 10 million “likes” while Hillary has just over 5 million.

    All the GOP has to do now is fix their voter ID laws so the only acceptable form of ID is a Facebook account with pictures of guns on it.

    • SpideySenser

      Don’t give them any ideas.

  • Oneofthebobs

    There goes Sean Hannity, with those hilarious jokey tweets again. It’s just a joke, right?

    • Blank Ron

      Yes. Yes, he is a joke.

    • Bub the Leftwing Zombie

      No, I’m afraid he’s serious…

  • kareemachan

    He also went from “Donnie didn’t mean what he said about assassinating HIllary” to “HILLARY’S GONNA TAKE AWAY ALL OUR GUNZ!!!!!11!!!!!!!11!!”

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Two major disappointments by Bamz:

      1. Didn’t take away gunzzz.

      2. Didn’t put ammosexuals in FEMA camps.

      • Logic of Color

        Therez still time for all that AND to claim Dear Leadership of the People’s Republic of America!

      • SnarkOff

        He’s waiting until his last day in office. It’s part of the plan!!!

      • TJ Barke

        Any day now, any day now…

      • greyXstar

        Plenty of time for that, since he’s going to declare martial law and suspend elections forever!!1! JUST WATCH SHEEPLE!!!!!one!!2eleventy

  • Markuserektus

    While the topic at hand is stupid; The conspiracy theorists who believe former Democratic National Committee staffer Seth Rich’s July death was somehow linked to corruption within the agency received new ammunition this week when WikiLeaks announced the group would offer $20,000 reward for information about the man’s death. (copy pasta’d from AOL- sorry it’s owned by Verizon nau).

  • Antonin Dvorak

    Consider the two candidates’ Facebook accounts: Trump has over 10 million “likes” while Hillary has just over 5 million.

    If only everything worked on this principal. McDonald’s would win Five Stars from Michelin every year.

    • Markuserektus

      …and Kony would have been caught in 2012.

    • SpideySenser

      Zagat LIBELZ!!!11!

    • WhyFelicia

      Trump campaign sticker:

      Trump/Pence
      People love us on Yelp!

  • natoslug

    People are too hard on Lumpy. He’s just trying to live up to the journalistic integrity and greatness of his heroes, Philippe Henriot and Mildred Gillars.

    • Royal Ugly Dude, Esq.

      You said “hard on.” Heh heh heh.

  • LibreV

    May I suggest both and then switching them after one day?

    • Gleem-McShinez

      Thank you for your input, Mrs. Hannity.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Maybe a ball gag ?

  • Jgb979

    Please keep fighting amongst yourselves GOP idiots. I’ll just be silently munching on popcorn over here.

    https://media0.giphy.com/media/uqPDIEPMODKne/giphy.gif

  • Logic of Color

    The Alex Jones thing itself is enough

    • AngryKatie

      I do like the “I’m not going to get Hannity in trouble but…” here’s a thing that will likely get him in trouble.

      Have they spent so much time using shady tactics to undermine their opponents that they don’t know how to stop doing that now?

  • AngryKatie

    I’m pretty sure people are live streaming Trump’s events because you never know if he’s finally going to shit on stage, threaten to punch someone in the audience, or claim that he invented the glue that makes post it notes stick.

    You don’t want to be the one confused, or begging co-workers not to spoil it because you DVR’d it to watch later.

    Also, I’m not sure Hannity is stupider that Brian Kilmeade, because there are times I think Kilmeade needs to be reminded to swallow when he’s eating. I think we need a stupid-off to settle that one.

    • GoutMachine

      If I could stand to hear more than one second of his voice, I would, too. I’m curious as to when (not if, mind) he’ll finally say “n*&^er” or “w*&back” or somesuch.

      Also, I need to know when they finally start wearing the brown shirts.

      • AngryKatie

        To be honest, I have the same issue. My brain literally stops listening to him, even if I’m purposefully trying to watch.

        I think it’s a self-defense mechanism. That, or my blood pressure shoots up so high my ears stop working.

        • Daisy

          I tune Trump out, myself. I also do that with my dad, because my brain has trouble with his rambling and poor sentence structure.

    • Joe Beese

      He’s such a refreshing change from the establishment candidates who won’t defecate on stage because it wouldn’t be “politically correct”.

  • AntiDerpomeme

    I was going to say something uncharitable about Hannity and the fact that a buttplug for his mouth would interfere with the dirty, nasty sex things he would be doing for Trump. But that’s just not very nice, so I won’t.

    • Daisy

      It’s Lumpy. Being nice to him is pointless.

    • Mavenmaven

      A Santorum covered buttplug.

      • Slavakitty

        That’s just nasty.

  • beingreleased

    …is part of the CONSPIRACYYYYYY to elect Hillary

    I don’t think they understand what “conspiracy” means. Hillary is openly running for president. Campaign events, TV commercials, a big nominating convention, the works.If it were a conspiracy, we wouldn’t know about it until one day she became president.

    • Rick Hill

      I thought I was part of the conspiracy to stop trump. Goes to show you need to tread the fine print before you join an organization.

  • SnarkOff

    “Consider the two candidates’ Facebook accounts: Trump has over 10 million “likes” while Hillary has just over 5 million.”

    Say, you know whose Facebook account has 54 million “likes”? SPONGEBOB FUCKING SQUAREPANTS.

    • proudgrampa

      SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS FOR PRESIDENT!!!

      • Shalimar

        Alas, Spongebob is only 17 years old. Good news, though, he is a shoe-in 20 years from now.

    • dslindc

      And Spongebob has a much better temperament and would be a much better President than Trump!

  • Vecchiojohn

    The Trumpettes are starting to remind me of the Cubs fans who used to come to the home opener with bags on their heads and signs reading “Wait Til Next Year!”

    • vega60

      Don’t jinx it. The Cubs are actually the best team in all of baseball at the moment…

  • Mavenmaven

    Nice for Hannity to remind us that he hasn’t read the Federalist Papers or understand that we aren’t a popular direct democracy. (On the other hand, following his argument, Psy of Gangnam Style should be our president with 2 billion likes. Of course, Psy would certainly be better than Trump)

    • TJ Barke

      He’d forget all about it when he realizes most americans want at least some tighter restrictions on guns.

  • Caepan

    I’d like to pitch a show to FOX “News”:

    Put Hannity, Doocy and Kilmeade in a round room. Then tell them that whoever finds the penny in the corner gets to keep his job. Roll cameras.

    Hilarity will ensue!

  • proudgrampa

    Every time I hear the word “conspiracy,” I crack up. This is American politics we’re talking about here. There is no way anyone in this business can keep a secret for five minutes, let alone long enough to conspire…

    • Gayer Than Thou

      Seriously. Orlando Bloom goes naked surfing with Katy Perry, and a day later everyone has seen his wiener. How is it possible for conspiracies on this scale to happen undetected in an environment full of people who stand to gain from detecting them?

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        see also: Hillary’s speeches to Wall Street

        • Doug Langley

          Oh, god. I’ve had such arguments with people, trying to explain that everybody who heard the speeches know all about them, and they’re still convinced they’re some vast secret.

      • GoutMachine

        Sure, GTT. That’s just what they want you to believe!

      • edith prickly

        And a fine wiener it is!

        • Objectifer

          Katy seemed indifferent.

          • edith prickly

            She kissed a girl and she liked it.

          • MrCanoehead

            She’s no Jill Sobule.

      • WhyFelicia

        How did I not see this? Maybe some conspiracies are possible, if I am the public.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        Well that Putin guy has been able to keep his affair with Trump pretty quiet.

    • georgiaburning

      That’s what makes theze consiprators so ee-vil: they are so good about hiding stuff and keeping their mouths shut that there is absolutly no evidence

    • Serai 1

      They’re tricky.

  • anwisok
  • Okely D’Oprah

    “Based on this evidence, and based on his
    actions this week, Wonkette believes the best course of action would be
    for Sean Hannity to go drink a lake of farts and get off our television.”

    There must be something wrong with your TV, Evan. He got off mine years ago—decades maybe.

    • SisterArtemis

      I never watch it at home (one of my 13ish channels on my basic package!) and I’m the kind of asshole who asks people in restaurants and bars to change the channel. They are usually either oblivious or relieved to have it changed.

  • TJ Barke

    Donnie’s kinda like god, in that idiots are always trying to interpret what he means.

  • Vecchiojohn

    I almost never see this guy, because why the hell would anyone want to, but does he really look that bad these days? He looks like he’s about ready for the pathologists to open him up.

    • WhyFelicia

      The stupid, it bloats.

  • Gleem-McShinez

    “President Facebook-Elect, Donald J. Trump, is now entering the restaurant, to take a selfie with his lunch. This pro-meal photography will likely give him the mandate he needs to further his bold cute animal videos agenda”

    • Bub the Leftwing Zombie

      The problem is that Trump is so fucking stupid he would torpedo his own cute animal videos agenda right off the bat by having this for lunch:

  • The old joke: A billionaire approaches conservative talkingheads with an offer – change your views to liberal and you’ll be awarded a billion dollars.

    Rush Limbaugh: But I don’t have to switch to Democrat and hang out with the poor browns, right? Where do I sign?

    Ann Coulter: Hey, it’s not like you’re demanding I wear a yarmulke! Where do I sign?

    Bill O’Reilly: Daddy was working class! I’m still working class! Now I’ll work to sue every bitch who fucked me over! Where do I sign?

    Michael Savage: WAAAAAY ahead of you. Where do I sign?

    Greta Van Susternernanernan: Finally the dough I need to completely defeat my thetans with further nose jobs! Where do I sign?

    Sean Hannity: Can you repeat the question using shorter words?

    • Hairstrike Alpha

      Brian Kilmeade: Duh, okay but I still get ta rape a bitch don’t I? (allegedly)

    • chimichanga

      Oh, man… Great idea! Buffett, Gates foundation, Soros, half of Silicon Valley

  • OneYieldRegular

    This could launch an entire series of Sean Hannity jokes.

    How stupid is Sean Hannity? Sean Hannity is so stupid that when Vladimir Putin called Donald Trump a genius, Sean Hannity congratulated himself.

    • Gleem-McShinez

      Sean Hannity is so stupid, he tells people “it’s FINISHING Kruger, idiot” when they mention the Dunning-Kruger Effect.

  • #UnskewSeansIQ

  • Reddishrabbit

    I’m not so sure about Kelly, I mean she did make a point in letting us know that Sanata Clause is white.

    • Vecchiojohn

      “There ain’t no sanity clause.” Chico Marx

      • OddMan

        “Well, you win the white carnation.”

        • Serai 1

          Gimme a nice cold glass eliminate!

    • WhyFelicia

      Oh, she’s a racist bitch, sure. But not actually as dumb as she pretends to be. Same as Gretchen.

  • edith prickly

    At this rate, Trump is going to have to build a yoooge retirement home for irrelevant right-wing media blowhards.

  • OddMan

    Mr. Trump if you are going gage your electability by the number of twitter followers you have, you are behind at least 100 other people.
    Right now Trump has about 10.7 million followers. Katy Perry has 95 million, Justin Bieber has 86 million followers. Even Mr. President Obama is at number 4 on the most followers list at 76 million followers.
    Dream on Bozo.

    http://friendorfollow.com/twitter/most-followers/

  • The Librarian

    Truer words were never spoken. We have a weenie mix and he loves poo. The difference is I would never let Hannity live at my house.

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    This was like a compendium of Hannitzed stupidity- I was wondering when there would be a post because you guys have been threatening one for days and bang! did not disappoint. I have to wonder- how much booze does it take to summarize a week of Sean Hannity greasily swabbing Trump’s gnarled, truncated little knob…

    • Bub the Leftwing Zombie

      Probably more than it will take for me to expunge the memory of that last sentence…but not much more.

    • greyXstar

      No one, really? Okay I’ll say it.

      AOI, K!

      • Shan the Libtart

        I think we were all still busy retching from the visual.

        • greyXstar

          I actually picture him being totally smooth down there, like a Ken doll. No cash and prizes at all.

          • Shan the Libtart

            That’s much less traumatizing, thank you.

          • greyXstar

            Here to help!

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    Trumpites are so grasping for anything to hold onto the delusions are almost tragic…they are like those assholes who really, REALLY expected that the Titanic would right itself once it had gone vertical so they cling on because it is unsinkable!!!11!!

  • I Only Like Cats

    … Are those… Words? My head hurts. The stupid… please save me from the stupid

  • Wild Cat

    Hannity always needed to cover up his Five-Points bloodline . . .

  • borninatrailer

    If Trump has the best words perhaps he could lend him some.

  • Redgyal

    Weenie dog libel!!!11!!111!

  • WhyFelicia

    Oh, Hannity makes Bill O look like some kind of genius. A sociopathic genius, but a genius nonetheless.

  • dshwa

    This is why he never should have dumped Colmes, so he wasn’t the dumbest person on his set.

    • WhyFelicia

      I totally forgot about that guy.

  • beavertank

    I imagine that purgatory is essentially waking up every day, discovering that you’re Sean Hannity, and being totally powerless to stop yourself from going through the day being Sean Hannity.

    • Marion in Savannah

      Sounds like hell to me…

    • Groundhog Libelz!!!!

  • Gleem-McShinez

    The best thing about those tweets? You can literally tell Hannity was counting off on his fingers when he did them, just like he does every night on his show.

    Usually people relying on their fingers to remember “what comes after two” are not considered too sharp, but to his fans, that shows “he shore knows his stuff!!1”

  • OK, so apparently the “proof” that the polls are inaccurate is Trump has more Twitter and FB followers (none of which could POSSIBLY be popcorn-eating looky-loos)?

    FINE.

    Let’s do it this way:

    -Ratings for the DNC beat the RNC 3 out of 4 nights, and by a pretty significant margin overall.

    -As of the end of July, Hillary had raised $374.5 million between her campaign and outside groups, 86% of which came from individual donors. Trump? $98.7m, only 41% of which is from individuals, and 56% of which is from his own self-financing.

    -Despite turnout being lower overall than it was in 2008 (mostly because people weren’t as invested in the outcome), Hillary still picked up 3m more primary votes than Trump did, and Bernie–most of whose supporters instantly switched to her after she clinched–won more than Cruz and Kasich combined. Also? Total turnout for the D primary was only ~500k less than the total R turnout, despite them having 17 candidates and a much more hotly contested race.

    • beavertank

      Well how is he ever going to turn a profit if 56% of the money that went into his campaign came from his own “loans”? Sure there are some tax benefits you can use to come out a little ahead, but for that to work you have to make significant money elsewhere and we all know that’s not happening…

      Even when running a scam Trump is apparently too inept to actually turn a profit. Wow.

      • Jason Freeman

        He will do what he always does and declare bankruptcy. He has to be quite adept at it by now.

      • Well, I believe that much of the money coming from Trump is actually fed back into his own businesses

    • Panika MCD

      I wish the rest of the BoBs would switch over to Hillz (or, okay whatever, Stein or Johnson) already. I’m pretty tired of seeing the memes of rallies which aren’t really rallies and have nothing to do with Bernie and the whole, “How could we have lost?!!???!!!!”

  • WhyFelicia

    I will always think of Hannity as the cuntface who freaked out over Obama ordering Dijon mustard on his hamburger, calling him elitist and unAmerican for not having regular, working class mustard instead.

    • tihond

      Now I’m imagining a frowning young Sean Hannity never being able to enjoy the joys of Dijon Mustard because he dad won’t buy any of that hoity-toity stuff, lest his son becomes a “theater kid.”

    • david spikes

      We need to talk about this whole mustard on hamburgers thing. Pretty sketchy.
      Wouldn’t a cuntface make oral sex really interesting?

      • WhyFelicia

        (I’ll be in my bunk)

      • theblackdog

        Would having one mean you could do oral on yourself?

    • hendenburg2

      Can’t stand Dijon. Especially the dijon that is used at most restaurants. It could just be me, but it always has a petroleum/solvent-y taste

      • WhyFelicia

        Mustard is a strange beast. I like it, but I am a gay Muslim communist Mexican dyke Syrian shariah law femiNazi Jewish black homosexican.

        • JH Marx

          I guess you’re voting for drumf.

  • azeyote

    rehab, programs, and depression therapy, should include the mantra that it’s not that bad, at least you’re not Sean Hannity – i’m telling myself that right now as the Wonkette websites running a script that’s crashing every page – so it’s – i’m not Sean Hannity – and i’ll drink to that –

  • Hannity said … that the media is fundamentally “unfair” because they won’t admit they are voting for Clinton in the same way he openly supports Trump

    Huh. It’s not exactly projection if Hannity outright admits that he’s more interested in supporting his candidate than in journalism, and just assumes everyone else is as well, but it’s similar.

  • Panika MCD
    • Serai 1

      Divine Interventions

      Just in case you thought that was a Photoshop job.

      • nmmagyar

        My go to site for wedding gifts, Mother’s Day and Bar/Bat Mitzvahs!!!!

    • Shan the Libtart

      NOOOOOO!!!! It looks like a vulva with a huge baby-faced clitoris peeking out!

      • Grokenstein
        • HazooToo

          wat

        • Shan the Libtart

          Um…I have NO clue.

          • Amy!

            This? http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/habeeb-it

            I think.

            Forget it, Shan. It’s 4chan-town.

          • Shan the Libtart

            Huh.

          • Grokenstein

            It’s just a completely nonsensical meme from the Internets I find amusing. But the “itty bitty baby, itty bitty boat” line made it seem appropriate.

          • Shan the Libtart

            Oh, wait. I missed the boat joke, too. I forgot about that.

            God, I’m slow.

      • SisterArtemis

        ” a vulva with a huge baby-faced clitoris peeking out”

        That at least would make for interesting sculpture, say a foot or more tall, maybe in bronze, or butter….

    • SisterArtemis

      real-life Imaginary Babby Jeebus is crying right now

      • Panika MCD

        they’ve been selling those things for at least a decade. I’d think the kid would have cried himself to sleep by now.

        • SisterArtemis

          All the sorrows of the world are on his tiny baby shoulders, Panika – YOU try to sleep through that! A babby can only drink so much warm cocoa dammit!

          • Panika MCD

            that’s why you’re supposed to put bourbon in the cocoa!

  • whitroth

    Unless I missed something in your story, Evan, my first reaction is a) would he please turn on the grammar checker in his word processor, and b) would his elementary school please revoke his diploma for graduating, since he *obviously* flunked grammar.

    I mean, the Second Amendment is a fundamental law of this country. It’s also a buncha words on paper (or on the screen). The Second Amendment is not the same thing as either an organization, or a group of gun humping, terrorized of *everythng* and *everyone* outside of their home.

    • Paperless Tiger

      Lately it seems to be a euphemism for murder.

  • TJ Barke

    Pacifier, buttplug… Either way it’d be ending up in an asshole.

  • MAZS

    How’d that unskewing of the polls work out for you in 2012, Sean?

  • Bub the Leftwing Zombie

    Can Somebody Please Give Sean Hannity A Pacifier Or A Buttplug, For His Mouth?

    Might I suggest said pacifier or buttplug be inserted in the ass of the gentleman in the header pic of the Nikki Haley story for several hours before it goes in Hannity’s mouth?

  • TeeRaak

    Sean Hannity, High School Graduate.
    https://media3.giphy.com/media/UNHZCwo2eDny0/200w_d.gif

  • Grokenstein

    I’m having a colonoscopy in less than three hours so I just can’t handle doo-doo references today. Sorry.
    (leaps up and races to bathroom again)

    • Shan the Libtart

      Good luck!

    • Thaumaturgist

      Did yah make it?

    • SisterArtemis

      My medical pitch this year (particularly to straight men): go get the damn colonoscopy, they knock you out, it’s no big deal, and the worst thing is the Crystal-Lite-like taste of the crap you drink the night before. Why can’t they make it taste like gin? or ginger ale? yech.

      But seriously, that was the worst part. And afterwards, I had a woozy conversation with a nurse who turned into a client later (got all the dirt, so to speak, on the procedure), and then went home and supped on soup and watched “To Kill a Mockingbird” for the zillionth time while laying on the couch with the cats.

      Also, THANKS OBAMA – didn’t cost me a dime beyond my regular monthly insurance payment.

      • shoeflyin

        Ha, just got a refund for my last one, apparently they charged me in error.

    • Hang in there man. We’re sending collective good thoughts. (Sister Artemis is right too – the procedure itself is nothing. I was eating pizza 2 hours after I left the hospital).

      • SisterArtemis

        perhaps tmi, but even the pooping is no big deal, imho – just want to stay home for the duration. I got a lot of movie watching and computer work done

        • ahughes798

          Yeah, the prep is the worst part of it, and it’s really not that bad, either…but look at it this way…your innards have never been more squeaky clean!

          • nmmagyar

            Just had my first a few months ago, and I disagree. I actually felt much better when I had a Giardia infection than doing the prep. Fuck that was horrid. But I think I lost 10 pounds, so there’s that…

      • Grokenstein

        Thanks, I’m back home now and having a snack before sleeping off the anesthesia. (Had an endoscopy at the same time, so I got it from both ends at once. Yay! Fortunately I was out like a light throughout the procedure and no major problems were discovered other than what you’d expect in Old Man Butt.)

    • Much sympathy. My Best Beloved recommends puppy training pads on the car seat.

  • hendenburg2

    Using the Fox & Friends couch as an anchor would violate the Clean Water Act.

    Also, don’t look at the Fox & Friends couch under a blacklight

  • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

    *CLUTCHES PEARLS* “Republicans would NEVER joke of such things!”

    http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-L57SPp9kDps/TisOEMRNOeI/AAAAAAAAk3Q/YF-TVYxIVKs/s1600/LiberalHuntingPermit.jpg

    • whitroth

      Um, I’d say, on seeing that, I ought to call the cops and tell them there’s a terrorist there.

    • SisterArtemis

      Yikes. Right up there with the “wanted” webpages the wingnuts use to attack abortion providers

  • Relativicus

    Some people say (me, it’s me who say) Sean Hannity has his own sexual harassment problems at FOX, but it’s all bullshit since when is giving wedgies — to boy and girl FOXeses “sexual”? Join me in hoping Hannity gets through this terrible crisis that I may have made up and attributed to “some people”.

  • Clyde Barrow

    Sean Hannity…..the kid who only had “friends” during summertime, and only because his parents owned a swimming pool. What a tool.

  • alnnc

    What can I say. People like to watch train wrecks. And when you tune in to Trump, you are guaranteed a rerun of a prior train wreck or a whole new one within 5 minutes.

  • AnOuthouse

    weenie dog libelz!!

  • jeff fearnow

    There’s a bunch of lakes of farts on them there Jovian moons. Send him there?

    They won’t need ice – we kept it chilled!

    • boll ocks

      For science!

  • Thaumaturgist

    Ain’t enough gold in the world to float all those Foxchutes.

  • BMW

    I think Hannity is more morally bankrupt and/or intellectually dishonest than dumb. If he actually believed all the blanlet, self-contradictory statements he says defending Republicans and attacking Democrats, his head would implode from the raw force of the hypocritical paradoxes in reasoning.

    • SisterArtemis

      Perhaps, once… but then his head imploded and he is now eternally dumb. Forever. Infinity plus eleventy thousand.

      [aside: did you ever try to explain infinity to a four year old? it was bizarre, trying to get that concept across to the granbabby a couple of years ago – now at six years old, the other day she made the above infinity joke like a pro. I figure in about 9 or 10 more years she’ll be worthy of Wonking with the best of us]

    • andyshelt

      Is Hannity dishonest or dumb?

  • Bitter Scribe

    Hannity is living proof that strong opinions are a substitute for brains.

    If Fox News names a reasonable human being to succeed Ailes, how long do you think Hannity will last?

  • UnsaltedSinner

    Doesn’t Titan have lakes of farts? Someone ask Greta van Susteren.

    • Pickwicknext

      Professor Brian Cox says so. Also says it may be the best possible havitat for ewoks

    • boll ocks

      We could technically ship him there. For science.

  • SullivanSt

    They’re threatening to fire him right now, so he reached out to us and said he appreciates us.

    So, now we know for sure which “host” at Fox is the sexual harasser. Thanks for the unwitting admission, Sean!

  • Paperless Tiger

    It’s arrogant, elitist, enablers like you that never hold R’s accountable that created the opening for Trump!

    No, Sean, your mouth created the opening for Trump. Heh.

    • You said “opening”

      heh… heh..heh .. heh heh heh

  • Sixfiles

    Over 25 years ago I was a community DJ at KCSB (Santa Barbara) when Sean also had a show. The student DJs despised him and the hatred he spread. He got dumped from the station and it was the ACLU that came to his defense when he sued. True story, Google it. Sean also briefly employed me and I even played one on one basketball with this raving imbecile. He told me many times he wanted to be the next Rush L. I presumed he would end up beyond homeless and I was dead wrong. In the USA he’s a 1%er. At the time it didn’t dawn on me to alter his path. At least in 2016 Wonkers has the pleasure of dissecting him limb by limb. Rip his words to pieces friends.

    • SisterArtemis

      Gosh… don’t s’pose ya’d like to… you know… SELL that experience to a discerning journalist somewhere?

      • Sixfiles

        I can’t imagine it’s worth a dime. I wonder if he remembers me. I told a friend from NPR about it and she said I should share it more broadly. Paychecks – he actually handed me paychecks. Soiled paper each one.

        • SisterArtemis

          ew

        • boll ocks

          Wow, have you gotten checked lately? For hannity germs, I mean. His brand of stupid seems to be virulent…

          • Sixfiles

            His removal and ACLU gift happened in 1989. Last time I saw him he was on Highway 101 in Ventura, California with his nasty black van that had just blown the engine. We were working on a house in Malibu. I was thrilled at his loss and walked away. I made attempts to cleanse him but it was already hopeless. I remain stunned he’s had an influence on anyone much less millions.

    • Sixfiles

      This is some of what he was up to back then. I remember two students who did crazy tape loop mash-up shows that took hours to make. They used tape of some his statements looped endlessly. I wish that was somewhere to be found.
      http://mediamatters.org/blog/2014/01/15/flashback-the-repulsive-anti-gay-comments-that/197597

  • FelineMama

    Hey, “Insannity” I have a “Where were you” for YOU! Remember when waterboarding was all the rage. YOU were gonna get waterboarded for charity (vets’ families, I believe.) Where were YOU??!

    • topjob66t

      Coward Hannity punked out. He remains an embarrassing stain to this day for that.

      • boll ocks

        And like a billion other things

  • a_pink_poodle

    It just occurred to me that election night on Fox News could be the funniest shit ever. I remember Karl Rove being flabbergasted that his predictions were falling flat as the news started coming in and I look forward to seeing more of that on election night.

    At least I HOPE I can look forward to it at least.

    • boll ocks

      It will be funny. I plan on watching it, because maybe someone on faux will break down and sob delicious tears when the inevitable happens.

  • DoctorBill

    L believe that in this case the buttplug and the pacifier conform to the philosophical concept of ‘the identity of indiscernibles’.

    • DoctorBill

      lol. google ‘pacifier butt plug’ (not sure if should post: result suggests exactly what should be done with Trump’s ‘opening’)

      • Shan the Libtart

        I’m so glad my computer screens face an empty corner.

  • Justno

    This might be big enough to shut him the hell up.

  • clever_sobriquet
  • zerosumgame0005

    huh, Cartman was right, some people CAN shit through their mouths!

  • JAFischer

    Hannity probably doesn’t know what a buttplug looks like.

    • phoenix00

      No he’s well aware. Just not on the receiving end.

      • Nick Slaughter

        sure, but he’s never watched it go in. like how i turn my head when getting an IV.

        • phoenix00

          Wee Sean can’t bear the pain either

  • Blender_415

    In my experience, a buttplug, properly used, often serves as a pacifier quite well.

  • CATMAN

    The best part of the WSJ piece was near the end, Stephens referring to Hannity’s attempt to blame Ryan an McConnell: “But a McGovern style defeat makes that argument impossible to sustain except among the most cretinous. We can count on Mr. Hannity for that” I haven’t seen the word cretinous used in print for a very long time. The title was pretty good too: “Hannity’s Veneration of Ignorance”

  • cutter

    I have a 24 inch length and 6 in. diameter dildo but it isn’t big enough for hannity. I surmise that it will take at least three.

    • Lambsendbeds

      Dare I ask why you have a 24 inch long dildo that is 6 inches in diameter? Inquiring minds want to know…

      • phoenix00

        “The better to boink you with my dear!”

        • Sarah E. Grove

          I think I’d like to see Hannity “schlonged ” with that!

      • nmmagyar

        Fisting is a strange sport…

      • mardam422

        And why are you not sharing?

  • SeanT1001

    “…he’s repulsive and eternally unfuckable.
    But on the bright side, he has an incredibly punchable face.

    He also gives us other Seans a bad name. We aren’t all like him! In fact, he may be the only Sean with this particular set of sociopathic problems- apart from Sean Young, that is…

    • phoenix00

      Sean Penn libelz!@

      • SeanT1001

        Be fair, he’s no Sean Hannity. He belongs in the class of actors that are fine as long as they’re in front of a camera (paparazzi notwithstanding). Hannity can’t even claim that.

        • phoenix00

          A bunch of actor/actress types are like that! Must come with the profession…

    • Gregory Brown

      But at least Sean Young had the crazy hot thing going big time.

    • Sarah E. Grove

      I know how you feel. Sarah Palin’s stupidness made me want to change my name too .. . . except I had it FIRST!

      • SeanT1001

        Oh, I ain’t changing my name, but it would be nice if he’d do the world a favor and cease to exist. Apparently he enjoys the harassment he gives/receives at Fox.

        Maybe we need a group-
        Seans Against Sean Hannity, fighting the War Against Inanity
        (if the government can wage wars on common nouns capitalized like proper nouns, we can too.)

        As far as Sarah Palin goes… John Cleese had the best outlook on her. He was asked how he felt considering his friend and fellow Python member, Michael Palin, shared a last name with her.
        John believed she was actually funnier than Michael.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    The problem is that “Fox News anchor” and “intelligent human” are mutually exclusive. No intelligent human could possibly deliver Fox “News” lies and bullshit, night after night, without a mental breakdown.
    In general, the more stupid the better . . . making Hannity the ideal Fox anchor.

  • Fox is threatening to fire Sean Hannity? Is there anything we can do to turn those threats into action?

    Will clapping our hands and saying “I believe in fairies!” do it?

    • MilwaukeeKent

      I wish. I hope. But if Alex Jones said it…probably not true.

      • Lara

        Don’t kill the dream. Let us all have this lovely, shining thing on the horizon.

        • Hollyinla

          Yes, let us do that. Comforting thought.

  • Janice Archer Weaver

    After you get Hillary a shunt for her short circuited brain!

    • jmk

      Well… aren’t YOU the low-information dipshit, bless your little heart!!

    • Walter Wellstone

      No, that ain’t it. Try again, sweetie.

    • Um… shunts are for draining fluids. I believe, Clinton meant that she had taken a short-cut from what Comey said in the press conference to the conclusion that there was no way for her to have known that there was mis-marked classified material buried deeply in the email chains and other subtleties that have been lost on the majority of conservatives.

      • Janice Archer Weaver

        Her brain is short circuited.

        • Ooh. You got me there. I was hoping you wouldn’t bring that particular point. That’s where my argument falls to its knees. Oh mother. I am slain.

  • MilwaukeeKent

    What the fuck can anyone say to Sean Hannity besides, “Hi Sluggo. How’s Nancy?”

    (apologies to his long-suffering wife)

  • Ryan Denniston

    “accountable that created the opening for Trump!!”

    This suggests to me that Hannity really isn’t a fan of Trump; am I reading it wrong?

    • Gregory Brown

      When Hannity gets riled up, he don’t think too straight, as opposed to the other times, when he don’t think too straight.

  • Usedtobeyellerdawg

    Fox is steady marching Ailes-ites out the door as we speak. Depending on how close they were to Roger, and how many women bounced off his casting couch and onto those of the hosts, Hannity, Doocy and Kilmeade may be next.

    • John Moore

      Don’t toy with me. It’s cruel.

  • kaydenpat

    After Hannity tried desperately to puff up George Zimmerman, he became invisible to me. He’s a disgusting human being and I will enjoy his tears on November 8th when The Orange Bigot gets whooped by Secretary Clinton. Cannot wait!

    • Shelli Kae

      Yeah, Fox will have some higher than average poll numbers election night , not because Trump wins but to watch live action head explosions! Surround sound should be awesome that night!

  • mardam422

    Why should Hannity get all the butt plugs? What about MY needs?

    • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

      Oh, take your needs and shove them up your ass! Oh, wait?!?!?

  • “Consider the two candidates’ Facebook accounts: Trump has over 10 million “likes” while Hillary has just over 5 million.”

    I take it nobody has explained to him that we don’t cast votes with Facebook likes. (Yet.)

  • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

    That’s an unwashed buttplug, I take it?

    • Sarah E. Grove

      Oh yes, still dripping with santorum, please.

  • Lara

    …he said, with his sphincter-esque mouth opening…

    What I can’t get my mind to wrap around is that Trump’s mouth is obviously an anus, both because he spews shit from it and because it looks just like one, but at the same time he is so lazy that he barely uses the muscles that control his droopy lips and they flap around like two dying fish gasping for air on the beach.

    How can there be a loose-lipped, flapping anus? And yet there is.

    • Gregory Brown

      It is one of the less majestic wonders of nature.

    • snark-lurker

      a anus with teeth
      hummm

      • Hollyinla

        You guys are scary funny. Trump’s mouth is a scary uh..thing.

  • BrayingAssSez

    It isn’t that he’s 12 that gives me the sads about Hannity. It’s the fact he’ll never be 13.

  • JayGoldenBeach

    May I suggest . . .

    • pixeloid

      Damn it! I wanted to post that!

  • Walter Wellstone

    Based on his tweets I say Hannity needs a used (still moist) butt plug in his mouth and a pacifier in his anus. That’ll do it.

    • THAT’s Dusgistung!111!!1! Ar YU incinertating that SEAN Hannittty is a tite *rs*???

      Ill hav U kno …

      Actually you might be right, LIBTARD!!1!!!!11!

      • Walter Wellstone

        Did you have a stroke while typing?

  • Opiwan

    Appropos of nothing… how exactly WOULD one drink a lake of farts? Are they alien nitrogen farts so they sink into the depression in the earth? Are wet farts included, because then the “lake” would be multi-phased, with both liquid and gas! I think Evan needs to be more specific in his hilarious snarking suggestions.

  • snark-lurker

    “…a lake of farts.”
    must mean Neptune farts where methane is so cold…
    How cold is it on Neptue?
    i dunnoplz help

  • Gregory Brown

    As even-tempered and peaceful a man as Al Franken said that within minutes of meeting Hannity for the first time, he wanted to punch him. That takes some doin’ right there.

  • smitallica

    Donald Trump has twice as many Facebook likes as Hillary. He’s more better!

    Guess what, shithead. Shakira has seven times as many as both of them, combined. She’s not going to be president either.

  • crawdaddy

    Hannity’s has been carrying that “stupid chip as big as the ritz” for sometime. He thought all of his incredible success at finding millions of Americans as dumb or dumber than him would be his revenge and it is only confirmation that Miss whatever, his fifth grade teacher was right after all.

  • crawdaddy

    What’s frightening is that he is not cynical he really believes that the Facebook numbers are significant.

  • Run2Live

    Some pundits are running out of adjectives to describe the likes of Lumpy & Trumpy.
    Start with loathsome and work your way through the synonyms.
    loath·some
    ˈlōTHsəm,ˈlōT͟Hsəm/
    adjective
    causing hatred or disgust; repulsive.
    “this loathsome little swine”
    synonyms:
    hateful, detestable, abhorrent, repulsive, odious, repugnant, repellent, disgusting, revolting, sickening, abominable, despicable, contemptible, reprehensible, execrable, damnable; vile, horrible, hideous, nasty, obnoxious, gross, foul, horrid; informal: yucky
    “his first wife was a loathsome creature”

    • I guess Trump, this loathsome little swine, deserved his first wife, a loathsome creature. If birds of a feather attract, I wonder why the marriage didn’t last?

    • Sarah E. Grove

      He is all of those, AND a narcissistic megalomaniac too.

  • That was some in depth analysis by the old Gateway Pundit. The analysis, Trump’s numbers are bigger than Clinton’s. The depth: they didn’t get confused by all those zeroes!

    • Maybe

      You know the Repubs are desperate when they start resorting to numbers.

      Gasp. They’ll be citing science next.

      • SDGeoff

        Oh no!

        • Maybe

          Well, probably not. But they’ll think they are.

  • Maybe

    There is a logistics problem here. Hannity IS a buttplug.

    And if you go by an analysis of social media accounts then it’s clear that a kitten will win the Presidency.

    I think people follow Trump out of the same weird fascination that makes them slow down to look at a traffic accident.

    • Jeffery Campbell

      Stop insulting butt plugs. Right. This. Minute.

  • Shelli Kae

    I was on the Twitter earlier today because I was bored and my new favorite thing to do while bored is start tweet wars with Hannity and Trump’s inbred ‘merican ibicels. I happened upon an intelligent gentleman who tweeted about how all the polls are so wrong, that a “real” poll put out by “them” shows 85% for Trump and 15% for Clinton. When asked who completed the poll he said “they” asked me to keep it close to the cuff and since “they” asked him to keep it secret he would because he ain’t no Hillary Clinton who climbs the highest mountains to scream out all the secrets. He must be telling the truth because “they” polled 50,000 people from 50 different states!
    Talk about delusional!
    With Trump’s latest meltdown, when he so kindly gave President Obama a what’s up as MVP of ISIS, I’m beginning to think he sees the obvious, an ass kicking at the first debate, an ass kicking at the polling booths. Seems his only goal now is to build on crazy and he’s just saying fuck it, if I go down I’m taking a lot of people with me. Hopefully every single republican who continues to back him putting party before country. It’s gonna be a bumpy ride, everyone, so make sure you put on your seatbelt and keep the asshole repellant close at hand!

  • WampusKat

    “he thinks Alex Jones is doing a “great job.”

    I’ve been noticing that Alex Jones is front and center during this election cycle… can’t wait for the Fox breaking news special: “Undercover Lizard People Control The World!”

    View at your own risk. Clicking ‘play’ may result in instantaneous brain damage.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3E4q0Jjkn80

  • PK

    I remember when Hannity ran away like a little girl from a pack of Ron Paul supporters in New Hampshire in 2008. Good times.

  • everhope

    Handjobbity’s brain: that stain in your undies after a particularly bad day of the Kentucky Quick Steps. Don’t even…I lived for a decade in Louisville.

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