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He wishes.
He wishes.

Former CIA and NSA director Michael Hayden had a cup of joe with the “Morning Joe” kids Wednesday, and during his appearance, Joe Scarborough told a tale of Donald Trump meeting with a foreign policy expert and throwing a temper tantrum over why he doesn’t get to use nukes if he becomes president. “WHY WHY WHY?” asked Trump, while he pooped his diamond-encrusted underpants and had an absolute meltdown. OK maybe that is not exactly what went down.

Here is Scarborough’s quote:

 

 

Several months ago, a foreign policy expert on the international level went to advise Donald Trump. And three times [Trump] asked about the use of nuclear weapons. Three times he asked at one point if we had them why can’t we use them. … He just doesn’t have foreign policy experts around him.

Holy shitfuck, y’all. Soooo … if Trump was president, and he just really wanted to use all those American nukes, how quickly could he do that? That’s what Scarborough asked Hayden:

It’s scenario dependent, but the system is designed for speed and decisiveness. It’s not designed to debate the decision.

WORLD GO BOOM LOL THANKS DONALD TRUMP!

So, the short answer to Trump’s question is actually that he COULD use them if he wants to murder millions of innocent civilians and bring about the apocalypse. If that’s what the crying baby wants — not the crying baby at that Trump rally Tuesday, the crying baby named Trump — then the crying baby could do that by putting his delicate child fingers on the big red button.

But the actual answer to why a sane American leader of any political party should know better than to use nukes is a bit more complicated.

Let’s start with that time America DID use them, in Hiroshima and Nagasaki. That may have effectively ended the war against the Japanese in World War II, but it was also the beginning of the Cold War, around the same time Donald Trump was born. At the time, Americans were pretty excited about their fancy new people-killin’ bombs, but it only took a couple years before global opinion coalesced around the idea that those bombs were fuckin’ bad, y’all. For an explanation of HOW BAD, please revisit President Obama’s historic speech in Hiroshima, where he explained that those bombs are fuckin’ bad, y’all.

As the arms race between the United States and the Soviet Union began, the doctrine of Mutually Assured Destruction (the idea that if you nuke the fuck out of us, we have the resources to nuke the fuck out of you right back and EVERYONE WILL DIE) started to form. It deterred nations from striking first with nuclear weapons, and even though the Cold War is over and the Soviet Union is technically no more (sorta kinda, as many would agree Vladimir Putin has always had designs on officially getting the band back together) the doctrine still actually exists, though most people don’t fear The Bomb the way they did in, say, the 1980s.

Speaking of the 1980s, here’s what Saint Ronnie Reagan of the Grand Old Party had to say about nukes:

The original cold warrior himself, Ronald Reagan, […] considered nuclear weapons to be “totally irrational, totally inhumane, good for nothing but killing, possibly destructive of life on earth and civilization.”

Reagan dreamed of a world with NO NUKES, and Donald Trump was alive when he was president! That’s when Trump was married to Ivana and they banged at least three times, producing Ivanka, Eric and Donald, Jr. Was Daddy Trump even paying attention, or was he too busy building his fake empire?

Reagan’s dream of eliminating nukes is shared by gajillions of nations. Did you know we have a thing called the Treaty On The Non-Proliferation of Nuclear Weapons (NPT)? It took effect in 1970, just a couple years after Donald Trump effectively pussed out of serving in the Vietnam War. Here are the nuts and bolts of that treaty:

The NPT is a multilateral treaty aimed at limiting the spread of nuclear weapons including three elements: (1) non-proliferation, (2) disarmament, and (3) peaceful use of nuclear energy. […]

1. States without nuclear weapons will not acquire them;
2. States with nuclear weapons will pursue disarmament;
3. All states can access nuclear technology for peaceful purposes, under safeguards.

Shooting nuclear weapons at people we don’t like may not be BANNED by that treaty, but it surely doesn’t seem to be in keeping with its spirit, does it?

Now, if Trump goes a little Ask Jeeves-ing, he might find that the United States does not actually have an official policy of “No First Use,” but that it’s de facto U.S. policy nonetheless. Trump may not understand terms like de facto or “seventy fucking years of established foreign policy,” so we guess he could pick out a country with a funny name (“Djibouti! Sounds like Your Bootie!”) and nuke it.

HOWEVER, America’s most recent Nuclear Posture Review, conducted by the Obama administration in 2010, should serve to piss on Trump’s Corn Flakes:

[T]he US is ruling out a nuclear response to attacks on America involving biological, chemical or conventional weapons.

But this comes with a big caveat: countries will only be spared a US nuclear response if they comply with the Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty – this does not include Iran and North Korea. […]

The document said America would only use nuclear arms in “extreme circumstances”, and committed it to not developing any new nuclear warheads.

Oh. Well that’s no fun!

But the thing is, that whole Mutually Assured Destruction thingie is still with us, albeit in a different way. Consider:

Two decades after the Cold War ended, there are still more than 17,000 nuclear warheads around the world, the majority still pointing back and forth between the US and Russia. […]

“In the Cold War there was a small risk of utter nuclear catastrophe,” says Paul Rogers, professor of peace studies at Bradford University.

Today the risk is not so much armageddon but a “slippery slope” of proliferation, he says.

North Korea is trying to get nukes, Iran wants them (remember that Iran nuclear deal Sen. Tom Cotton hates so much?), and India and Pakistan have been pointing the damn things at each other for decades. Oh, and Israel is FULL of the motherfuckers, like every man, woman and child in Israel gets his or her own pet nuke, and they have to promise to take REALLY good care of it. (That last sentence may not be entirely accurate, but Israel has a shitload of nuclear weapons.)

The obvious point is that if Trump used the big dick of the U.S. nuclear arsenal as a substitute for his own wimpy wiggly weenie and started nuking shit, it would get BAD really fast.

And then there’s the practical stuff, also too. Trump wants to “bomb the shit out of ISIS,” even though ISIS isn’t an actual country. But some of our allies are actual countries that are really nearby! Our best pals the Saudis and the Israelis probably wouldn’t want to deal with nuclear fallout from Trump’s bomb, we don’t think.

And besides, the United States doesn’t do massive civilian casualties. OK, stop laughing, yes we do, but we do the kinds that are easier to ignore and shove under the rug, NOT the kind that starts Arma-fucking-geddon.

MORAL OF STORY: Sorry, Donald. Even if you get to be president (LOL) you should under no circumstances use our nuclear weapons arsenal. Nope. For real. Don’t touch that button, DON’T FUCKING TOUCH IT, WHAT DID WE JUST TELL YOU ABOUT TOUCHING THAT BUTTON, OH MY GOD!

[Morning Joe on Twitter]

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  • FlownOver

    So, “whiny little WMD terrorist” now, eh?

  • limberrat

    Lock him up! In a padded room!
    Lock him up! In a padded room!
    Lock him up! In a padded room!

  • natoslug

    On the plus side, Trump would only use nukes to settle domestic issues.

  • bubbuhh

    The entire US government is designed to be operated by murder averse politicians, even the scumbaggiest politicos are assumed to be murder averse if they’ve managed to ascend to the higher levels. This design assumption needs to be revisited.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    Joe only thought this was important to mention “several months” after the fact? How long has he been sitting on this little nugget?

    • beatbort

      Joe S. is sensing the change in the wind and, once a politician always a politician, he smells more $$$ sucking up to the Hillary side at this point.

    • snigsy

      And didn’t he realize that this would also make Trump look like an idiot?

    • (((JustPixelz)))

      He said he heard about it in the past few days. Also Paul Manafort says it never happened.

      • The Wanderer

        Manafort says it never happened? Then it did.

        • arglebargle

          I’m waiting for Cristol to weigh in.

      • Creepoman

        Fuck – which dickbag to believe? This is worse than Sophie’s Choice.

      • Parchment Scroll

        And we all know Manafort is trustworthy.

      • BearGHAZI

        According to Paul Manafort, nothing ever happened ever.

  • Nounverb911

    ..

    • Shan the Libtart

      Hey, they spelled Wichita correctly!

    • Lascauxcaveman

      #heblowsalot

      of nukes

  • beatbort

    It may soon be time for a citizen’s arrest of this motherfucker.

    • freakishlystrong

      Joe Scar should do it, he enabled the huge infant for months. Over the phone even. Heavens to Murgatroyd!

  • Jo Mathie

    Jesus, he literally is like a toddler. Please don’t vote him in – our London mayor dissed him and I wouldn’t put it past Trump to bomb us because his feelings were hurt

    • snigsy

      And your mayor has one of those muslin names, too. Another reason to bomb.

    • Alan

      Well he is Muslim.

    • Iam Reading

      He does want to bomb Muslims. Better do a spin around the Queens Gardens before he vaporizes them

    • chimichanga

      Gottendammerung! Even fucked up Reagan would not be allowed in the GOP anymore. Gun control; immigration legislation with amnesty for millions; anti-nuke (isn’t everyone?) Logical extreme destination for the Fox generation.
      FOX did this. This is what Ailes us?

  • hyperbolic_hysteria

    How many more nails can be driven into this coffin?

    • Nounverb911

      AOT,K.

    • Creepoman

      Use counter-sunk wood screws on 2″ spacing, just to be safe.

      • Ima Witstüp

        And a good marine epoxy resin.

      • tomamitai

        And some glue, also too.

      • kindness

        And then chuck the coffin into an active volcano.

        • Creepoman

          Better yet, nuke it!

      • Marion in Savannah

        And lots and lots of glue. And then wrap it up in about 100 feet of chain.

        • Querolous

          Bury under a football stadium in NJ.

  • (((JustPixelz)))

    Tangential OT: it’s been about a year since Iran nuke deal was signed. At the time, Iran was estimated to be three to nine months away from so-called “breakout” to build a bomb. So here we are more the nine months later and they don’t have a bomb yet (except on Fox “News”). Seems like the deal is working.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      I agree with your premise, but . . .

      Iran has been roughly a Friedman Unit away from acquiring nuclear weapons since the 80s. I can actually remember hearing dire warnings about imminent Iranian nukes on the teevee during the Iran-Contra Hearings.

      • HogeyeGrex

        Upfist for F. U.

  • JMP

    But what’s the use of having a toy if you can’t play with it?

    • btwbfdimho

      You can play with my tools, but you can’t play with my toys.

  • Msgr_Moment

    Too bad Manafort is phoning it in. Somebody has to keep sharp objects away from the Boy Yam.

  • chimichanga

    This is so fucked up. Jeezus

    OT Brownbacks go DOWN!

    http://www.dailykos.com/

    • The Wanderer

      Kansans to Governor Brokeback: “I know I can quit you.”

      • Shan the Libtart

        He’s reached his legal term limit. But if Kobach replaces him, I’m….I don’t know. Self-immolation doesn’t sound too drastic at this point.

        • Iam Reading

          Please dont, at least not on a bad air quality day!

        • The Wanderer

          Who’s up against Kobach?

          • Shan the Libtart

            What, for Governor or Secretary of State? He’s got some time before he has to declare, I think. For Governor, it could be Davis again. He ran against Brownback in 2014 and Brownback just BARELY beat him. Which, I suspect, is why Kobach won’t release the voting machine records.

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      The following headline is even better: “Rampaging elephant Trump threatens to bring down whole Republican big top”

    • Shan the Libtart

      Those were just in the Republican primaries where the Teabagger Shitlords got replaced by more moderate Rs. We’ll have to see what happens in November.

      • HogeyeGrex

        Anything is bound to be at least a slight improvement.

        It’s going to be nice when this idea that people who think the very idea of government is bad will be suitable to actually run it is finally out of fashion. Not holding my breath, but…

  • I would sincerely hope that if President Trump… (invokes blood offering to any deity nearby to prevent such a catastrophe) gave the order to fire nuclear weapons for any reason other than a retaliatory response to a nuclear launch or attack against the United States, that the VP, the cabinet, the Senate President, and the Speaker would relieve him under Amendment 25.

    Barring that, I would hope the JCoS would refuse to follow the order.

    • The Wanderer

      A USAF officer got fired for saying, in effect, “I have no idea that the guy ordering me to turn that launch key is sane.” There’s no Personnel Reliability system to ensure that the Commander-in-Chief is in possession of a moiety of his marbles.

      • Creepoman

        That would be a weird decision process:
        A. Disregard criminally insane directive, save the world, get fired.
        or
        B. Obey criminally insane directive, end the world, keep job and pension.

        • Blank Ron

          B. (addendum) Assuming one has an employer left to issue the cheques, or a civilisation in which to cash them.

    • marxalot

      I would hope that the Chief of Staff and the Secret Service detail would shove a decorative Oval Office throw pillow in his mouth until he lost consciousness, then bundle him up in a rug to GW or Bethesda, whichever was further.

  • ManchuCandidate

    Dr Strangehair: Or How I stopped thinking and wanted to use the Bomb.

    • snigsy

      I doubt he ever started thinking.

  • AngryBlakGuy

    “GET THAT BABY OUT OF HERE!!! GET IT OUT!!! ON SECOND THOUGHT, IM GONNA NUKE IT!!! I HATE BABIES!!!”

  • The Wanderer
  • DainBramage

    There are just too many reasons why this Trump moron shouldn’t be trusted with so much as a burned out match. How can one human be so amazingly wrong about so much?

  • As someone who spent a couple of weeks going through the military’s Nuclear, Biological, and Chemical Warfare course, learning how to calculate such things as blast radius, fallout patterns, and “safe time to entry” for tactical nukes, I can say that thinking about using nukes is about as dumb as you can get. They’re indiscriminate, they generally make the area unusable for a long time, and to be honest, they’re crappy from a tactical standpoint. That’s just the “tactical” ones (<20 Kt), and we were told "throw all that stuff out when it comes to the strategic ones." That a potential President doesn't even begin to grasp that "these are bad" is beyond belief, except there's no "beyond" when it comes to Trump.

    • Nounverb911

      “Math, how does that work?”
      –Doonie j Trump

  • JMP
  • freakishlystrong

    This really isn’t funny anymore. In fact, it hasn’t been funny for months. I blame Republicans.

    • Nounverb911

      Can we blame Fox Noise too, also, please?

      • freakishlystrong

        And, ironically, Joe fucking Scarborough.

      • YoBunnyBunny

        AOT,K!!!

    • wurman

      Yep. All 16 of the GOP clowns tangled up in the original car at their on-going debate circuses can take credit. Not one of those idjits surfaced Der Trumpenfuehrer’s insane positions. And now, as Pres. Obama made clear yesterday, the GOP thugs will support their “nominee” until he melts down in front of the world.

      • Creepoman

        And somehow, the press continues under the pretense that this glaringly obvious sociopath is a credible candidate to lead our nation, and the next time Hillary spits on the sidewalk it will be a clear example of “both sides do it.”

        • wurman

          Trump + outrageous comments + massive media = ratings.

          And the media poobahs secretly thank and praise the rethuglicans for the clown car, the so-called debates, and the phony horse race.

          • Creepoman

            Ginning up a “comeback” narrative now. Everyone loves an underdog.

          • wurman

            Yupppers! Der Trumpenfuehrer will shortly, and drekkly, be closing the gap from being 10 points behind to an Earth-shattering 8 points behind . . . because . . . Rasmussen Reports also, too, verily, and forsooth focus group Luntz. Plus Florida.

    • DainBramage

      We can blame the entire conservative media complex, for stupidifying a large percentage of the population. 30+ years of aggressively pushing a fake reality.

    • AngryKatie

      Vox laid out the case for that pretty convincingly
      http://www.vox.com/2016/7/18/12210500/diagnosed-dysfunction-republican-party

  • Ms.MLG1979

    I’m sick and tired of the whole world being at the mercy of people who equate strength and power with violence and destruction.

    • Blank Ron

      Might be fun to try it the other way. Just once. You know, just to see.

  • Indiepalin

    If Reagan would have used nuclear weapons in Grenada, the world would be a better place today.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      There’d be fewer shady dermatologists running around, at least.

    • natoslug

      And in the Galapagos! Those damned tortoises.

      • tomamitai

        They stumped the Internet Anagram Server!

        • natoslug

          Those immortal fucks are of the debbil!

        • HogeyeGrex

          Sire toots.

          • tomamitai

            I set it to return only one word; making multi-word anagrams from single words is unnatural and against Dog!

          • HogeyeGrex

            Lunar tuna, you say?

    • limberrat

      He coulda done that with Lebanon, that would have told Hezbollah who was boss!

    • The Wanderer

      Apart from the incongruity of blowing the shit out of a small Caribbean island, how would it make the world a better place, oh Breitbarter?

  • Ruhe

    It could be even worse if Trump wins and gets access to both the nukes and Obama’s time machine.

  • Parchment Scroll

    I think anyone who ever wants to use a nuclear weapon must first be shown what that entails, how that impacts the lives of survivors, how those who do not die in the initial blast suffer. Then, if such a person were to use a nuclear weapon, they must be shown the personal impact of the attack that they ordered. Interviews with survivors. People dying or wishing they were, crying out “why? Why me? Why this?”

    War is awful. War is one of the worst things we do as a species. But nuclear weapons bring war to the civilian population in a way that nothing else has.

    • natoslug

      That only works if the person being shown has any sense of compassion or empathy.

      • Parchment Scroll

        Anyone I have in anything resembling a position of power over me had damn well better have some fucking empathy. I said to JMP who posted less than a second after you that I can’t really grasp the concept of a human being without empathy, and that’s true enough, but when it comes to positions of authority I really think I shouldn’t have to.

        • natoslug

          Then we had all better hope that Trump takes himself out in a blaze of stupidity before November 8, or that enough voters are not complete morons.

    • JMP

      But then that sadly would not have any effect on someone as utterly lacking in empathy as Donald Trump.

      • Parchment Scroll

        I have difficulty understanding the concept of people without empathy. It’s a failing of mine, but I kind of embrace it.

        • Doug Langley

          Just keep reading over and over: “Who cares if the Kahns lost a son, I’m a great businessman!!”

          • Parchment Scroll

            “Plenty of sacrifices”, right. Ugh, I feel filthy just thinking about it.

        • Blank Ron

          I’m glad you can. I have met far too many of them. There’s a reason I cling to my poniness.

    • “It’s funny ’cause I don’t know them”
      – Trump

    • marxalot

      Make everyone watch Grave of the Fireflies.
      And maybe leave Donnie in the tanning booth for, like, a really long time, so he gets the idea of radiation burns.

      • Lance Thrustwell

        You’ve seen it? I’m a sap at ordinary tearjerkers, so I’m actually kind of scared to watch that one. I’ve heard it’s so sad that it’s, like, disturbing.

        • marxalot

          Bring extra tissues. And some kittens. You will be harrowed.

    • The Wanderer

      “When you fire the first shot, no matter how right you feel, you have no idea who’s going to die. You don’t know whose children are going to scream and burn. How many hearts will be broken. How many lives shattered! How much blood will spill… before everybody does what they were ALWAYS going to have to do from the very beginning! SIT. DOWN. AND. TALK.”

      – The Doctor, The Zygon Inversion

    • Problem; sociopaths and narcissists cannot relate to other people at all. Show Trump the consequences of lobbing a nuke and his reaction will be “Good, I’m glad they’re suffering,”

    • Marion in Savannah

      All those people who die horrible deaths from radiation poisoning? Losers. Weak. /Teh Donald

  • Indiepalin

    Trump may look like and idiot and talk like an idiot, but, trust me, he really is an idiot.

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …this motherfuckker is giving Kim Jung Un a run for his money!!! I wondering how his campaign staffers don’t wheel him out in one of the Hanibal Lecter trolleys to give his speeches

    • The Wanderer

      He’s rabid, no doubt of it.

    • iceweasels

      Well the hardest part is getting the muzzle on without getting bitten.

    • AngryKatie

      They’re too busy sending out resumes and having panic attacks in supply closets.

    • SayItWithWookies

      “What you’ve done is beyond reprehinsible, Doctor Lecter. That said — um — we’re still voting for you.”

  • memzilla

    • Blank Ron

      Yeah right. Trump playing chess: ‘King me!’

  • You know, I really shouldn’t… But when am I going to be here again?

    http://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/67/2c/ac/672cac8a1547ff0ccd2ecb7316c978f6.jpg

  • Alan

    You mean when Obama apologized to the Japanese who are probably still our enemies and deserved it because they started it. He didn’t say MUSLIM TERRORIST in that speech either. So there.

  • Iam Reading

    MTV had a short animation at the end of one of their Liquid Television episodes in the early 90s that featured a clown and his impish dog in the “world control” facility. Dog end up pulling the “do not touch” lever and blows up the world. Donald would be like this, without the humor.

  • AntiDerpomeme

    I’m starting to think that letting know-nothing playboys run for the highest office in the land is a really bad idea. I know it’s not “cool” or whatever to have professional politicians, but let’s be uncool. The stakes are far too high.

  • Joshua Norton

    This year’s “October Surprise” will be that some of us might last ’til October. Surprise!

    • Hairstrike Alpha

      It’ll be a surprise if Trumpy is still around by October, honestly….I’m still wondering when we’ll see straight jackets deployed.

    • beavertank

      The key is tantric campaigning. It’s all in the breathing and the kegels.

      • Paganish

        Yay Kegels! :D

      • Cannedclamscanner

        The key to tantrum campaigning. FIFY

  • Liam

    I have heard it’s not a button but a key. Is trump smart enough to turn a key? I heard he can’t even figure out elevator buttons let alone twist in a clockwise motion

    • AngryKatie

      I’m now imagining Trump in an elevator slapping at the buttons and screaming incoherently, units he wears himself out and falls asleep on the floor.

      Later that day and aide is told “I warned you never to let him get in an elevator alone” as he’s fired.

    • iceweasels

      It’s both. there are two keys, codes to input, and an actual button.

      • beavertank

        This story makes me wish we had gone with the idea of making the president literally, personally, kill an airman to get the codes.

        …not that it would stop Trump, but it might slow him down long enough for someone to jump him first.

        • iceweasels

          He could never kill an airman with those tiny hands and his chicken hawk, draft-dodging cowardice.

  • dslindc

    Let’s just tell him that any use of nukes by the US results in the immediate, simultaneous destruction of Twitter. Problem solved.

    • Paganish

      Like cutting off your nose to get rid of a zit

  • (((JustPixelz)))

    Trump thought we should give/let Japan get nuclear weapons. What if they want some payback after seventy years?

    • beavertank

      I can’t see ANY reason that giving nukes to a nation currently involved in a long-running dick measuring contest with another country that happens to already be nuclear armed *ahem*China*ahem* could go badly.

      • Bill Slider

        China won’t win any dick measuring contest, which is why they want the nuclear bombs, allegedly.

  • Daisy

    Nuclear War isn’t something I generally think about, considering I was born after the Cold War. I just told my parents what Trump said about weapons. My dad listed off a couple of the country’s mentioned here, and said, “He’s so fucking stupid.”

    My dad swears, but it’s nothing compared to my mom. For him, it indicates a special level of stupid. Which Trump certainly embodies.

    • The Wanderer

      I grew up in the shadow of The Bomb. My Dad was in the Army Air Defense Command, which used nuclear-armed antiaircraft missiles to defend the United States. To hear such things makes my blood run cold.

      • Daisy

        *shudders* I can’t imagine how terrified you must feel. My parents are scared enough as it is, and they’re both Generation X.

        • Jenny

          Us Gen x’ers (i’m bordering millenial) were still doing air raid drills and hiding under our desks at school. The threat of catastrophic war didn’t really stop until the end of Bush 1’s term.

        • The Wanderer

          True fact: I was one year old during the Cuban Missile Crisis.

          • Good_Gawd_Yall

            I was born at the tail end of the Eisenhower administration. You damn kids get off my lawn!

    • baconzgood

      You missed out the cold war feel we all felt at the time. Which was the feeling that at any moment you could be vaporized if you were lucky or you could stumble around in the rubble and die of radiation sickness a month later.

      • Dr.Zoidberg

        Yeah, I grew up in the Cold War. You never knew how close we all were to total annihilation from minute to minute.

      • JMP

        It was great to grow up during the Reagan years, always afraid when going to bed that the world might blow up overnight.

        • AngryKatie

          That’s why I got interested in politics.
          I decided if Ronnie was gonna get us all killed I at least wanted to know it was coming.

        • HogeyeGrex

          Didn’t exactly discourage escapist, nihilistic drug abuse.

          Or so I’m told.

    • Hairstrike Alpha

      Calling Trump stupid is an insult to low IQ people…Trump isn’t stupid, he’s ignorant because he’s lazy and he just doesn’t care. He’s Incredibly FUCKING intellectually lazy and he has neither the attention span nor the inclination to learn anything and probably doesn’t read anything that isn’t porn….

    • memzilla

      I was twelve when Mom took me to see Fail Safe, with the iconic countdown scene at the end, the circling over the Empire State Building used as the aiming point. I had always known of the horrors of trying to live in a post nuclear wasteland — thanks, Twilight Zone and Outer Limits! — and from then on, wanted to live in NYC and be as close to Armageddon Central as I could, so I wouldn’t have to worry about the aftermath. This is the view out my window now. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
      .

    • OddMan

      We still have dozens of ballistic missile subs, each ready to fire a salvo more powerful than all the bombs in all of WWII. So does France, England, China, Russia, India.
      We still have hundreds of missiles sitting in sylos read to shoot at a moment’s notice, as do others.
      We still have nuclear bombers ready to take off.
      We are just as ready to destroy the world today as we were at the height of the cold war.
      The Bulletin of Atomic Scientists Doomsday Clock is at 3 minutes to midnight, as close as it has been since the development of the hydrogen bomb in 1953.

      • peteywheats

        But we’re not worried about it anymore! Wheee!

      • clarknt67

        That is kind of the point. The absence of aggressive rhetoric from our Dear Leaders has lowered our anxiety level. If not the real world threat. And of course the knowledge Obama isn’t dumb enough to go there.

    • BeachBum

      When I was a kid we used to have fire drills and attack drills. For fire we went outside. For attack we got under our desks.
      I could go on about the CD radio stations and stuff but that’s enough.

      • BeachBum

        Oh I forgot ! This was in BAKERSFIELD !

        • Daisy

          Oh joy. All of those things were, shall we say, enhanced by the heat, smog, and political environment, I’m sure.

          We had fire drills mostly. Hiding under the desk was for earthquakes. Bomb/Lock down threats started in middle school and high school. Lock downs were for gun/knife/creepy person on campus threats.

    • clarknt67

      I have to wonder if this resonates with post Cold War youth. But then Trump is polling 4th in the youth vote based on racism so it doesn’t matter. But yes. As a child of the 80s it scared me. Living under the anxiety of a nuke attack is no fun.

  • Wild Cat

    Trump? Slim Dick-ens.

  • Callyson

    And three times [Trump] asked about the use of nuclear weapons.

    OK, this isn’t funny anymore.

    • Gayer Than Thou

      For the love of God, mom, and apple pie, I hope they are giving him phony security briefings.

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        I am truly afraid that they are not. Truly.

        • malsperanza

          Obama gets to decide what they tell him.

    • Sir Checkmate

      No, with each time he asked, it went down. First it was funny, then depressing, then downright scary.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Well, nuclear winter would solve global warming. Maybe the moppet is on to something.

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    Trump and Putin can dance while they nuke the world together…..translucent toilet snake Julian Assange can play music for them.

    • natoslug

      Remember, that’s translucent ALLEGED toilet snake Julian Assange.

      • Hairstrike Alpha

        Right, I don’t want to get sued by honest toilet snakes for libel….

  • I think there should be an IQ/general political knowledge test administered before people are allowed to vote…. (not really, Jim Crow should stay as dead as a doornail), but times like these make me wish Rationalia was really a thing…

  • Mavenmaven

    Finally, he will achieve his long frustrated dream of nuking Fort Knox and making his bullion reserves valuable! Oddjob will be avenged!

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    It’s okay- Trump’s comically small wrists are too tiny to attach the nuclear football to him so he’ll never have the codes.

  • exinkwretch

    To be fair, Donald could GET SHIT DONE! by threatening to lob a nuke or 10 into the district of a Congresscritter that was dragging his feet on an important bill.

    • BeachBum

      As of today, the first would one might be Paul Ryan !

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    Yeah apparently Joe Scarborough has been sitting on this information for months- should we be appalled he didn’t speak up sooner or thankful because it just gives another way for America to see how batshit the GOP has become by selecting Velveeta Mussolini?

  • Spotts1701

    Just asking the question “Why can’t we just use our nukes?” should be prima facie evidence of manifest unfitness to serve as President.

    • mrpuma2u

      I am the nuclear walrus. koo koo ka nutty joo. WTF? I hope the Bernie or bust people are paying attention.

    • clubseal

      His followers will claim any of the following:
      1. “liberal media”
      2. “out of context”
      3.
      And go on like it’s no big deal.

    • OddMan

      I think a large number of Trump supporters will ask the same question. “Why the hell can’t we use our nukes?”
      They have been wanting to turn sand into glass since Desert Storm.

    • BeachBum

      I’m guessing Trump supporters don’t know what “prima facie” means. Sounds too foreignny to them.

  • beavertank

    Well, for one thing, the button requires something more substantial than stubby little baby fingers if you’re going to push it…

  • baconzgood

    Wasn’t Christopher Walked supposed to try to shoot him by now?

  • Me not sure

    “It’s not his real name he changed it from some kraut name, Merkwurdiglieben.”

    • The Wanderer

      LOL

    • Dr.Zoidberg

      Smitty Werbenjagermanjensen?

      • Blank Ron

        He was number 1!

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    Trump is just wanting to protect our precious bodily fluids and essences from being sapped and unpurified by those damned commies, Mandrake.

    • h4rr4r

      The ladies want your essence the commies just want to impurify your bodily fluids.

  • Scooby

    If I have nukes I won’t need Twitter.
    -D Trump

    • Bill Slider

      If you use nukes, there will be no Twitter.

  • Daisy

    OT: For some reason, Disqus won’t show all the new comments.

    • limberrat

      Or upvotes.

      • Daisy

        All together now: FUCK YOU, DISQUS!

  • calliecallie

    Don’t touch that button, Donnie.
    I said no.
    No!
    Dammit.

  • cousin itt

    Lawrence, Kansas. This is Lawrence, Kansas. Is anyone out there, anyone at all?

    • The Wanderer

      “This is the voice of world control. I bring you peace. It may be the peace of plenty and content or the peace of unburied death.”
      – Unity, Colossus: The Forbin Project

      • cousin itt

        Awesome movie. Ahead of its time.

      • SisterArtemis

        I have an appreciation for that movie (saw it in college the first time – Go Geoducks!!) but it’s one I wish someone would remake with better production values, and acting. Dr Forbin, played by Eric Braedon, will always be Victor Newman from “The Young and Restless” to me.

        • Arolpin

          Geoducks? You went to Evergreen State? Did you ever get the smell of Patchouli out of your clothes? (I kid, my sister went there for a couple years and then graduated from Seattle U.)

          • SisterArtemis

            Went there on and off for over a decade (long way to do it, but I also left with B.A. and NO student debt) mostly late-1970s to mid-1980s.

            Ahhh the smell of patchouli… never bothered me the way it does some people, and also, I moved to Eugene, where we have our own patchouli-laden collection of neo-hippies. You meddling kids get off my pot-patch!

    • Dr.Zoidberg

      I love that movie. Watched it when it premiered on TV back in the 80’s. Scared me to death….’Threads’ is another good one.

      • BrianW

        If you mean “good” as, “fucking terrifying while knowing that in real life it would be even worse,” then sure, they’re both great. And yes, I saw The Day After when it premiered back then too.

      • AngryKatie

        I still have an old vhs of threads I recorded when it was broadcast here.

        I have no way to play it, and no idea if it’s still any good, but I can’t bring myself to throw it out.

        • Dr.Zoidberg

          The only version of Threads I’ve seen is an old VHS copy posted in parts on YouTube. Chilling as hell.

          • AngryKatie

            Easily the most horrifying movie I’ve seen.

    • proudgrampa

      Bueller? Bueller?

    • Shan the Libtart

      *waves* Hey, I grew up there! And that TV movie was scary as hell!

      • cousin itt

        I went to college there and was on the movie set while filming. The actors took no joy in their work but it had to be made.

  • stankbait

    I want to push the button! https://youtu.be/axBtzSNir1E

    • limberrat

      Lol, that is how my eldest acts!

  • Lance Thrustwell

    Trump can calm all this noise down by just coming out with a brief press conference where he explains that he understands about balance-of-powers theory as well as the historical precedent of mutually assured destruction, and that he would of course never… {breaks out laughing} Whoo! {wipes tears} okay, never mind.

  • proudgrampa

    “It’s scenario dependent, but the system is designed for speed and decisiveness. It’s not designed to debate the decision.”

    That is absolutely, positively, fucking CHILLING.

    • clubseal

      In one sense, sure, but it does at least indicate that they know just about any debate would end up with them not being used. I would hope.

    • Me not sure

      “Look, I’m not saying we wouldn’t get our hair mussed……”

    • Doug Langley

      Unfortunately, that’s the whole point of MAD. If the enemy knows it’ll take you hours or days to respond, then he can throw everything at you and you can’t retaliate.

      • proudgrampa

        Can’t we just go back to playing Tic-Tac-Toe?

        • Doug Langley

          We could try checkers, but Trump would probably screw that up as well . . .

          • Cannedclamscanner

            Rock, paper, scissors?

          • Doug Langley

            Then it’d be like the Dr Who episode where the Doctor tried teaching the game to a race of robots. The robots kept throwing the same moves to each other and never got anywhere.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    Granting the general stupidity/evil implied by his even asking the question, is there any real difference in his stupidity/evil and that of someone (most recently Cruz) running off at the mouth about “carpet bombing” entire countries?

    • The Wanderer

      Rafael’s just a smarmy asshole at this point. We’d need him in a general election mode to plumb the true depths of his depraved mind.

    • beavertank

      Presumably, even idiot end-times fetishists like Cruz are bright enough not to throw the first nuke.

      War crimes, sure. What’s the big deal with pulping civilian centers with conventional warheads? That’s just war, baby. But nukes? Oh no, that makes Jesus cry.

    • Ms.MLG1979

      It’s all a slice right off the Let’s Wag Our Dicks At It No Matter How Much Damage That Causes Or How Many Better Ways There Are To Accomplish Things Because We Can Cake.

    • AngryKatie

      I also think there’s a big difference between throwing red meat to the hordes, and an off camera discussion with an expert about “why can’t I.”

    • artem1s

      since he wants to turn the Middle East into ‘glass’, I always assumed it was part of his end times, chosen one fantasy. yep, Cruz is probably fine with nuking the world. He just wanted to be the one to push the button.

  • limberrat

    Holy shit! This idiot might lead to the Hunger Games being real! That would explain the ridiculous fashion brought about influence by the Orange Man!

  • weejee

    ♪ Boom goes London, boom Pa-ree,
    More room for you and more room for me ♪

    • Me not sure

      “Political Science”

    • Objectifer

      They all hate us anyhow.

  • lucidamente

    Nice of Joe to mention this after fluffing the Donald for the better part of a year. Did Mika threaten to stop putting out for him in the green room?

  • Mhael

    Just a minor historical note here, because seriously, fuck Ronald Reagan, that pontificating, AIDS-denying, Poor people hating, Alzheimer’s ridden bag of dicks: he only got really serious about arms control and reduction after seeing The Day After, because all the horrors and nuclear war HAD APPARENTLY NOT OCCURRED TO HIM BEFORE THAT. That was in 1983, after he’d had the launch codes for three years and no doubt been briefed countless times on the destructive power of ours and the Russian’s arsenals.

    So, ya know…. yay, woo-hoo, golf clap for Reagan NOT wanting to help usher in a world of irradiated nightmare fuel, but the fact that it wasn’t his raison d’etre FROM DAY FUCKING ONE does not go unnoticed or excused from me.

    • The Wanderer

      You won’t hear any argument from me.

    • natoslug

      Reagan is dead. So he’s done at least one nice thing for the world.

    • DesertedPictures

      Still a good movie. Maybe the Donald should watch it.

      • Doug Langley

        Why? He’d probably think it’s a comedy.

  • DerrickWildcat

    Joe Coffee broke up with Donnie.

    • chicken thief

      Ya, like they won’t give him air time any time he wants to call in.

  • Master Contrail Program
    • The Wanderer

      The bright, shiny CANDY-LIKE BUTTON!

      • Master Contrail Program

        Considering the man’s legendary restraint when it comes to reacting to insults, or questioning his own statements, I’m sure everything will hunky-dory.

    • OddMan

      Now answer truthfully, Vote for Trump, or Stimpy.
      I’d have to go with the smarter one and say Stimpy.

  • AngryKatie

    I’ve only seen this covered here and Raw Story so far. Not even MSNBC, the network this happened on, is talking about it.

    Sure, the media is suddenly aware that Trump is maybe a deranged lunatic who possibly shouldn’t be president after all. But the single most compelling argument to date, and crickets.

    • Daisy

      If it’s not a horse race, it cuts into their profits.

    • arglebargle

      top story on HuffPo now as well.

    • The media did seem to do a collective 180 in the last 2 days didn’t they? I’ve been shouting at the bullshit equivalency spewed by NPR since at least this campaign began (actually I ALWAYS shout at NPR during election season). And my standard rant is ‘you all are smart people and know perfectly well he is completely unsuited to be president!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!?!’.

      Now they seem to be panicked by it. I suppose this was inevitable but the irresponsibility is shattering.

      • Me The People

        I’m looking on memeorandum, and it’s wall to wall carnage for Trump.

      • AngryKatie

        I read something this week, and now I can’t remember where or I’d post a link. But the analysis was that they’re so married to the horse race narrative that they literally didn’t see it until it was too late.

        That’s… I have no words for that.

        • DainBramage

          I have nothing to back this up, but it seems to me that news media companies push the horse race aspect of elections because it’s cheap and easy. You don’t have to pay for research into actual issues. News readers and commenters can be people of very shallow understanding.

        • BeachBum

          I heard that also some time ago. Now that the shit is lapping up on them, they’re getting scared and trying “to do their jobs.” Maybe they see themselves working in the Chinese Factory Jobs Trump will provide and the White House Press Corps of only Pravda and Bill O’Reilly.

  • arglebargle

    He’ll be in the fucking bunker. What does he care about civilians. This motherfucker better not win or we are all doomed.

  • lucidamente

    “Well now, what happened is… ahm… one of our presidents, he had a sort of… well, he went a little funny in the head… you know… just a little… funny. And, ah… he went and did a silly thing… Well, I’ll tell you what he did. He ordered his planes… to attack your country… Ah… Well, let me finish, Angela… Let me finish, Angela… Well listen, how do you think I feel about it?… Can you *imagine* how I feel about it, Angela?”

  • clubseal

    “States with nuclear weapons will pursue disarmament”*

    *Except the U.S. and Israel, because we want the final say on everything.

    • YoBunnyBunny

      To America: “You disarm!”
      America: “NOooooo, you disarm first!”
      To America: “NO, YOU disarm!!!!!”
      America: “No, No, No, you have to disarm first!!! Then we’ll disarm…”

  • “Push the button, Frank.”

  • OddMan

    Some of my career involved nuclear weapon delivery systems and I still have a fascination with nucs.
    We are still balls to the walls reworking our nuclear bombs. As discussed in Defence News we are reworking the classic B61-12 dial-a-yield nuclear bomb to bring it up to date. This will cost tens of billions of dollars just for the bombs, and the modernization of our nuclear strike forces will cost more than $450 Billion over the next 20 years.
    http://www.defensenews.com/story/defense/air-space/strike/2016/08/01/new-us-nuclear-warhead-b61-nnsa-production-engineering/87922672/

    Our Triad of land, sea, and air nuclear warfighting capability is on constant alert. As so are Russia and China. We are just as close to nuclear war as we were in hight of the cold war. Our weapons are just more accurate.

    • Dr.Zoidberg

      Well, I won’t sleep easy tonight. Thanks!

    • Lance Thrustwell

      If you’re trying to encourage me to plan for the future and act responsibly, you’re failing miserably.

      • Ms.MLG1979

        I think I’ll blow my savings this weekend! Fuck it!

        • King Swahhilii

          Looks like nooclear combat toe-to-toe wit the Rooskies!

        • Spotts1701

          Irresponsible sex and depravity, WOO!

          • Ms.MLG1979

            It’s like my usual weekends, only with money this time. ;)

        • Objectifer

          Hookers and blow!

    • limberrat

      Yeah… I am not in a position to discuss this…

    • h4rr4r

      What a waste.
      Land and sub based weapons would be more than enough. The chair force just does not want to be left out.

      • OddMan

        Lots of high level arguments about just that. Those new bombers are expensive.

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        Curtis LeMay libel! Which is fine. Carry on.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      But at least our missileers aren’t cheating on exams and getting high any more.

    • Objectifer

      Triad? Isn’t that a Chinese street gang or something?

  • tomamitai

    It’s only August, so either we’ve reached peak derp early, or The Donald™ is crazier than I can imagine.

  • Doug Langley

    And I’ve actually argued with Trump supporters who just know in their bones that Donnie will be the Prez of Peace, as opposed to that uncontrollable war hag Hillary.

    • SisterArtemis

      I don’t care what they say, I’m not taking my “War Hag 2016” sticker off my car!

  • arglebargle

    Silly Evan. Israel doesn’t have any nukes. Just ask them.

  • Me The People

    This reminds me of the time Cersei Lannister wondered how feasible it would be to get all the wildfire and totally blow up King’s Landing.

    • The Wanderer

      It certainly did a number on the Sept of Baelor.

    • natoslug

      It’s time to take away Donut’s HBO subscription.

    • Spoiler alert has expired.

  • h4rr4r

    Pfft. They are not even proper doomsday weapons.

    Now if we salted them with cobalt, then we really could ensure the eradication of all higher life on this planet.

  • Jenny

    So like if the dude wins the cia or the nsa will stop him right? Please tell me our evil shadow government will do some good?!?!?

    Can I volunteer for mars?

    • duckshoe

      “It’s scenario dependent, but the system is designed for speed and decisiveness. It’s not designed to debate the decision.” The Commander in Chief has authority to launch, period. As to whether career military guys would take him out instead (if they thought he was nuts), well, it’s been treated various ways in fiction, e.g., Dr. Strangelove. The 25th Amendment (clause 4) lets the VP and a cabinet majority take a Prez out summarily, but Pence is an End Times lunatic, so that might be a slender hope. Vote Democratic, early and often.

  • Jgb979

    So just to recap in the past 48 hours Donald Trump has:

    1. Yelled at a baby
    2. Called the parents of a dead serviceman traitors
    3. Threatened to use nukes

    I’m sure I’m missing quite a few. What’s honestly left at this point? Punching an old woman in the face? Wardrobe malfunctions?

    • Shan the Libtart

      Actual pants pooping.

      • Hairstrike Alpha

        Oh I’m sure that’s happened….I mean he is 70. You can probably faintly hear the diaper crackles when he goes ambling around in that strange, armless motion walking that he does.

    • DesertedPictures

      Well: has hè send naked pictures of his wife tot friendly media yet?

    • Master Contrail Program

      We’ll find out next time he shares a stage with Ivanka.

    • natoslug

      We’re still waiting for him to live up to his Fifth Avenue promise. I’ll know he’s a serious candidate at that point.

    • Blackest Noobs

      i would say get caught doing something “dirty” with his daughter. i so hope it is not…because gross…he’s so old….but i betcha it wouldn’t faze him and
      if someone is still supporting him and that includes silent Republicans that say nothing and do not reject their support…..yeah these are worst of the worst mankind has to offer….THE WORST…if not already…it is already!

      • Lady Bug

        well he did grope Ivanka at the RNC…

        • Blackest Noobs

          yeah…but i mean much much worse….like beyond pale creepy and gross

    • duckshoe

      Smearing firemen as partisan saboteurs because of the sign on the wall (“occupancy by more than X persons prohibited”.) I think he’s working up to two publc dumps a day as his general-election pace

    • SisterArtemis

      Martin Longman was feeling something similar when he dragged himself to the keyboard this morning:
      With Trump, Every Day is a New Buffet

      … and now I have Cheryl Crow singing “every day is a new buffet… I get a little bit closer….”

    • Gayer Than Thou

      Though I am ordinarily very pro-nipple, I do not want to see any of Trump’s rubbery parts.

  • LarryHoudini

    What an election! On this side, you’ve got Hillary, with the whole email fiasco; on that side, you’ve got Donald, with the whole “Let’s use nukes,” narcissism personality disorder, plans for a wall which will never be built, keep out all muslims, catastrophic tax plans, disavowal of NATO, cozying up to Russia, trade war with China . . .
    How can anyone choose bewteen these two????

    • mackafritz

      The e-mail thing was more of a kerfluffle versus a fiasco.

      • limberrat

        She’s not perfect! I’m voting for someone else!

    • Reddishrabbit

      I may die in a nuclear holocaust with all living things, but I’ll be pure in my voting record!

    • chicken thief

      But who knows what the 11th, 12th, or 13th investigation in BENGHAZI!1!! might uncover? Better to be safe and vote for Making America Great Again.

    • JMP

      But use of the private email server was horrible, I mean it’s possible that it could have been hacked by, say, Russians, unlike the various public email servers which they actually have hacked.

    • BeachBum

      Yeah, I miss the elections of the good ole days, when we had pure, holy, and virtues candidates of choir girls and altar boys running.

      • LarryHoudini

        They may not have been altar boys, but I don’t remember any speed-popping psychotics in previous elections.

  • Blackest Noobs

    Trump does not take well to criticism, one official said, so any critique has to be prefaced with lavish praise ― as if dealing with a child.
    -huffpost

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/runaway-trump-unmanageable_us_57a15f8de4b08a8e8b600c89?te=ThinkProgress

    i mean we knew…we had moments…of hesitation…but deep down…we knew….he’s not going to win. no one ruins a presidential campaign like a Donald Trump.

    • OneWhiteWhisker

      According to the article, Trump is worse than Imelda Marcos! You know it’s bad when your candidate is harder to deal with than a batshit crazy shoe-hoarder.

  • Brian

    Before I make any other comment, I want to consider this statement, “The original cold warrior himself, Ronald Reagan. . .” What? Reagan was the “original” Cold Warrior? I guess JFK was a peaceful resister during the Bay of Pigs and the Cuban Missile Crisis? Ike didn’t endorse the Bay of Pigs because he was a Hot Warrior? t/he McCarthy hearings weren’t a misguided part of the cold war? Reagan wasn’t the “original” cold warrior, he was the Last fucking cold “warrior” when being a cold warrior was safe because everyone realized no one was going to go off shooting nukes.

    at least until Janelle Monae arrived.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4f99Oe8sSz4

    • SisterArtemis

      I liked this very much but I must ask-
      who thought it was a good idea to put strips on those women’s shoulders? It looks like they’re wearing weird skateboards.

  • King Swahhilii

    Pffft, like this donna trumpf guy is like relly bad or’summtin

  • Bill Slider

    My red button is bigger than your red button.

  • JVisconti

    Sounds like a sales scam for Trump backyard bomb shelters. They will only be the best.

    • Spotts1701

      And by “best” you mean constructed of balsa wood and leftover Trump Steaks, yes?

      • Sir Checkmate

        Given how well-cooked Trump likes his steaks, I’m fairly certain that they can be used as roofing shingles.

  • Paperless Tiger

    Trump wants to nuke ISIS because it has seized major oil production areas. Even hawks like Hayden know you can’t nuke the oil. It would contaminate the area and drive global energy prices out of sight overnight, even if you ignore the fact that it would be genocide and the contamination would last an eternity. It’s important to keep in mind that the so-called War on Terror is actually just a battle over energy resources — not the price we the people pay, mind you, but rather, who gets the profits (not us). Excessive force is not justified. Trump is insane.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Oh, great. Now the hippies aren’t just gonna be complaining about my Ford F-42650 getting 2 miles per gallon, they’re gonna complain about the gas being irradiated, too.

      • baconzgood

        I was soooo pissed when the cancelled Ford-F 42650. That girl that played Breda was hot.

    • baconzgood

      I’ve explained this exact same thing to many idiots since the first Gulf war. Their response is usually “I don’t care” to which Baconz calmly said “you will when gas is $35 a gallon and you can’t bet nylon any more”.

  • bookish
    • limberrat

      That would require him to drop out. I doubt he would…

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      The news orgs that have no horse race to report on would have something to do?

    • Marceline

      I want him to stay in. With him we can finally grind the GOP into dust.

    • baconzgood

      Baconz throws a kegger?

      • SisterArtemis

        Better rent a BIG hall, or better yet, a park!

      • SisterArtemis

        Also, I will bring canapés!

    • JMP

      With that ego? Not likely. The only way Trump goes out is if his steady rush of constant anger proves too much for his heart and/or brain to continue functioning.

    • Ima Witstüp
    • bozilingus

      How much is Donnie going to extort from the RNC?

  • What you did was bad republicans. You should feel bad for it.

    I don’t mean that as an Internet meme.

  • Crystalclear12

    For some reason the words: inappropriately pushed button, keeps floating thru my head.

    • Notreelyhelping

      Wait. It’s not this one? Had to answer a tweet.

  • bubbuhh

    While Trump dreams a dream of nukes, the GOPee indulges in wish fulfillment of its own. Silly GOPee. Trump is in it for the cash.
    http://crooksandliars.com/2016/08/gop-officials-considering-options-if-trump

    • limberrat

      So Gary Johnson (allegedly) quits pot and the GOP starts using it?

      • The Wanderer

        From the way Trump’s acting, the GOP are probably on bath salts right now.

  • Master Contrail Program

    I suppose this will be great for the conspiracy nuts, assuming he’d fire off the HAARP Weather Dominator Destructo Ray 5000, before using something as mundane as nukes.

    https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=http://m.youtube.com/watch%3Fv%3D9WM2o_qSpaA&ved=0ahUKEwiHvILB2aXOAhWEPD4KHZQiDXkQtwIIRDAK&usg=AFQjCNFiC8xklCoXHMZXoPsTfzIo5hcO3Q&sig2=BgsB6JHutoH8N6uZiEmZpg

    • limberrat

      COBRALALALALA!

  • HolidayinCambodia

    Don’t you get the feeling that Trump has a railroad set in his basement and he blows up the bridges as the trains go over them?

    • John Iwaniszek

      No. That would require physical effort.

    • Ima Witstüp

      Gomez Addams LIBEL!!!

      • Cannedclamscanner

        Damn, you beat me to it. If I had just read ahead. Sorry

    • Jeff in the desert

      That would constitute semi normal behavior and a safe release for aggression. Naw this fucker never had any normal stuff.

    • Cannedclamscanner

      Gomez libelz!!

  • King Swahhilii

    I consider myself a sane, rational person who tries to retain a level of objectivity regarding all aspects of life. I like to think that we really landed on the moon, 9/11 was a result of us becoming a little to complacent about our national security and that Lee Harvey Oswald was the lone gunman. All that said, if DJT keeps doing what he’s doing I’m seriously going to start believing he is indeed now and always has been put in place by _________ (in this case fill in “the Illuminati”) to ensure HRC a victory in November. Or maybe it’s just the media.

    • Paperless Tiger

      I reckon Trump is just a renegade oligarch or so. A Republican plurality voted him the nomination, evidently because they are pissed about political correctness, which itself is little more than a meme. He’s a meme warrior.

      • jmhm

        I think they’re pissed that they traded off their security and their futures in return for getting brown folks and wimmens and teh gaiz and the snotty elites to be the boss of while they wait for the end times. Now they’re starting to lose control and psych! they don’t get their futures back.

        They just want to make sure the rest of us lose too.

      • Ducksworthy

        Meme Warrior of the Apocalypse. I like it.

      • greyXstar

        God dammit, gamergate!

    • mackafritz

      “the lizard people”

    • Doug Langley

      I’m going with space aliens and a rectal probe that went really wrong.

    • jmhm

      But is he there to ensure Hillary a victory, or is he there to make any of the profoundly unattractive leading Republican candidates look so good by comparison that their base will gratefully vote for them?

    • sw19womble

      Mind-Control Goatsuckers or GTFO

  • Oblios_Cap

    So apparently Fascism isn’t actually carrying a cross and wrapped in the flag. It’s arriving wearing a marmoset and wrapped in white sheets.

  • Here is a rousing, uplifting song to cheer you up
    https://youtu.be/TIoBrob3bjI

    • Jeff in the desert

      A true genius.

  • Portia McGonagal

    All of this is fun and everything, but I don’t want to see peak Trumplosion until about mid-October. I mean his Halloween costume is going to be the best… UGE ! I can see him already setting up his Trump Tower office to look like the Oval.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    On the plus side, at least he’s asking someone questions.

    • btwbfdimho

      Did he ask Putin?

    • On the minus side he isn’t listening to the answers

      • Khavrinen

        Listen? Trump? To anything that doesn’t support his preconceived opinions?

        Never gonna happen.

    • Hairstrike Alpha

      Clarence Thomas does NOT approve of this, “asking questions” thing. That’s for losers.

  • Bureaucrap

    I don’t think even Barry Goldwater ACTUALLY suggested that he would use nuclear weapons before the Johnson campaign made that famous commercial. Correct me if I’m wrong.

    • JMP

      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Barry_Goldwater#U.S._presidential_campaign.2C_1964

      ” In a May 1964 speech, Goldwater suggested that nuclear weapons should be treated more like conventional weapons and used in Vietnam, specifically that they should have been used at Dien Bien Phu in 1954 to defoliate trees.[28] Regarding Vietnam, Goldwater charged that Johnson’s policy was devoid of “goal, course, or purpose”, leaving “only sudden death in the jungles and the slow strangulation of freedom”.[29] Goldwater’s rhetoric on nuclear war was viewed by many as quite uncompromising, a view buttressed by off-hand comments such as, “Let’s lob one into the men’s room at the Kremlin.”[30] He also advocated that field commanders in Vietnam and Europe should be given the authority to use tactical nuclear weapons (which he called “small conventional nuclear weapons”) without presidential confirmation.[31]”

      • Ducksworthy

        Oh. OK then. They’ve been insane since Eisenhower. Thanks for the scholarship.

  • Jeff in the desert

    I see you weakss libtards are thinking of already cutting the Dons power by taking away the newclear arsenals from his power. Just like everyone has guns its much safer using them nukes in a good way peace and America get the upper hand and wins. You pussies are just weak cowardly homos. Fuckin A Don is the MAN!@@222 and if you rig this election, the milita men rav epatriot Bundy is going to take BACK AMERICAN AND MAKE IT LATE AGAIN@@@@@@!!!!!!!

    John 2:13 THe Lord knows whose right and gives them thepower to trash the enemy. Jesus is the way with fire and brimstone. See? Even the bible supports us nuking thiose JEsus hatin homo moosl!ms!!!!!1111

    • baconzgood

      Dad?

  • Michael Smith

    Ronald Reagan was nothing but a godless anti-American liberal.

    • Jeff in the desert

      Yeah ran a labor union and was a Democrat, too!

  • SayItWithWookies

    Sure, you keep saying you can’t just go and nuke people. But the ratings would be huge — it would be the top story for days — weeks — whatever the half-life of plutonium is.

    • Glowing reviews, don’t you know.

    • limberrat

      The ratings would just mushroom!

    • weejee

      But what about the political fallout?

    • chicken thief

      There’s always a silver lining in every dark (mushroom) cloud!

  • Astraea

    Aaaaand a contributing editor for The Nation is claiming that Trump really just wants to prevent a new Cold War, and the media needs to stfu about Russia.

    • The Wanderer

      Are we sure that’s not a Trump sockpuppet?

      • Astraea

        He is apparently a professor emeritus of Russian studies at Princeton.

        • mackafritz

          So a Putinite.

          • Astraea

            He certainly sounds like it.

        • Ducksworthy

          Emeritus sometimes means “he’s lost his mind”.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      And he was only in that brothel to get directions for how to get away from it.

      • jmhm

        He heard the piano music.

    • jmhm

      Oh, wait, it’s a fucking insane policy wielded by a massively untrustworthy and unstable leader supported by a dishonest party, but serious people think it could work out well because it tracks their theories?

      Remind me what forever war of choice we got out of that brilliant fucking strategy.

    • Royal Ugly Dude, Esq.

      That’s Stephen Cohen. He’s Katrina Vanden Huevel’s husband and also president of the Vladimir Putin fanboy club.

  • btwbfdimho

    Melania is concerned a nuclear attack may destroy the Tiffany’s store on 5th Avenue.

    • Notreelyhelping

      Not to mention Bergdorf’s!

  • boyblue122

    But mommy, why wont they let me use the nukes? Whyyyyyy? I wanna, I wanna, I wanna. Its not fair

    • mackafritz

      I read that in Veruca Salt’s voice.

  • John Iwaniszek

    serious question: Will he have to use both of this tiny little hamster hands to push the button?

  • bozilingus

    Why doesn’t Donnie just have his BFF Putin get a nuke for him? Trump could keep it in his bedroom where he and Melania could fondle and stroke it and eventually share an earth-shattering orgasm.

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      How about we just give him some plutonium waste to keep under the bed for a few weeks?

      With votes.

      • Candy Apple

        Putin thinks it adds a certain piquancy to tea.

    • Sir Checkmate

      Thanks. Now I can never get that image out of my skull.

  • btwbfdimho
  • Me The People

    https://youtu.be/8XPzICHxXoQ

    “Crawl out through the fallout, baby, to my loving arms while those ICBMs keep us free
    When you hear me call out, baby kick the wall out and crawl out through the fallout back to me”

    • jmhm

      https://youtu.be/yrbv40ENU_o

      Little johnny jones he was a u.s. pilot,
      And no shrinking vi’let was he.
      He was mighty proud when world war three was declared,
      He wasn’t scared,
      No siree!

      And this is what he said on
      His way to armageddon:

      So long, mom,
      I’m off to drop the bomb,
      So don’t wait up for me.
      But though I may roam,
      I’ll come back to my home,
      Although it may be
      A pile of debris.

      Remember, mommy,
      I’m off to get a commie,
      So send me a salami,
      And try to smile somehow.
      I’ll look for you when the war is over,
      An hour and a half from now!

  • shastakoala

    And Trump was so looking forward to trying out his freeze dried gourmet first strike food stash.

  • So, any of my fellow Wonkers wanna split on one of these?

    http://silohome.com/

    • Candy Apple

      I’m in!

    • weejee

      Have to be a heck of a silo, our current home is about 14 blocks from ground zero.

      • anwisok

        Best place to be if there’s a large scale exchange.

        • Kavefish

          No kidding. Ground zero would be a mercy.

        • TeeRaak

          Weirdly enough, the people most likely to vote for Trump (rural voters living in Bumfuckville) will be most likely to survive. I see your point.

    • Hairstrike Alpha

      Nah, according to the Fallout series if I get irradiated there’s a chance it will mutate me into a ghoul and I’ll live forever while sounding oddly like George Burns. I think I’ll give that a try….

      • TJ Barke

        I mean shoot, I’ll just take some Radaway and I’ll be fine.

        • Hairstrike Alpha

          Don’t forget your Rad-X before hitting any cratered places….you don’t want that Geiger counter signifying death.

    • SisterArtemis

      I’m goin’ for a “no-room” or at least a null-entropy chamber or two

    • SisterArtemis

      Hope that sucker has a working elevator – 7 levels!

    • Well, I suppose it’s OK as far as it goes but I’ve a 300′ deep tin mine cut through solid granite near me

    • Hardly Ideal

      If you think that’s cool, some of those old silos get flooded. It’s really awesome if you’re into cave diving.

    • Shan the Libtart

      How did they get the furniture down those tiny winding stairwells?

      • Wee Mousie

        Inflatable furniture will make America great again.

        • phoenix00

          Make America Inflate Furniture Again?

          • Wee Mousie

            Make Americans fellate furniture for gain?

          • phoenix00

            So that’s where all those stains came from!

  • BadKitty904

    Here’s why you can’t, Donald:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7VG2aJyIFrA

  • Candy Apple

    Donald Trump is what happens when a spoiled, narcissistic child is never told “no.” Fun fact: the President and the Secretary of Defense are the two people responsible for entering nuclear codes. If the SoD refuses, the President can fire him/her and go down the chain firing people until one of them agrees to deploy.

    There are effectively no checks or balances on the President’s use of nukes.

  • baconzgood

    I just Trump saying in a Verrucia Salt voice “but, daddy I want to genocide NOW!”

    • Bear OmNomNom

      Well, he’s certainly got Violent No-Regard for anyone but himself. If he gets elected, we as a nation will kick the Charlie Bucket.

      • Serai 1

        Hillary will save us! She has all the Wonka bars!

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    Speaking of retarded, egotistical morons with their finger on the button and the assholes who admire them- did you guys run off that weird Trump/Putin fapper from yesterday? I was going to see if he melted down before he pissed off and maybe test out some more Putin-speak on him for lulz.

    • Shan the Libtart

      The red-hand icon one? That was bizarre.

    • JustDon’tSayDittos

      Gone. You’ll have to wait for it to get a new nym.
      That was pretty fkn bizarre, though.

    • Serai 1

      I missed that whole schtuss, darn it. I always seem to miss the really interesting ones.

  • Royal Ugly Dude, Esq.

    I don’t want his tiny hands anywhere near this spinner.

    • Kavefish

      I’d like to put a magnet under “DUD WARHEAD (NO EFFECT)” if I may.

    • revenant

      what in the living hell is this from? didn’t know that Milton Bradley offered “Candyland- The Nuclear Option”

      • Royal Ugly Dude, Esq.

        It’s from the Steve Jackson game, Nuclear War. The original set came with bumper sticker that said “Got Change for 10,000,000 People?”

  • I Only Like Cats

    Can we impeach him yet?

  • Bren

    Are there any gold painted nukes?

  • chicken thief

    Well, that’s just insane.

    Of course I still endorse him.

    ~ Paul Ryan, when asked for comment

  • Gayer Than Thou

    We have reached an … interesting … moment in U.S. American history when it is necessary to explain to a major-party presidential candidate why it is that we don’t just use nucular weapons willy-nilly.

    • Ducksworthy

      Formerly major-party.

    • Serai 1

      We have reached an … interesting … moment in U.S. American history

      Somewhere, a Chinese guy is laughing his ass off.

  • BadKitty904

    Following the Trump Presidency:

    The heavens declare the glory of the Bomb, and the firmament showeth His handiwork.
    His sound has gone forth unto all the land and His light unto the end of the world.
    He descendeth from the outermost part of heaven, and there is nothing hid from the heat thereof. There is neither speech nor language, yet His voice is heard among them.
    Praise Him, praise Him, my Strength and my Redeemer.
    Glory be to the Bomb and to the Holy Fallout, as it was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be, world without end. Amen.
    Almighty and everlasting Bomb, Who came down among us to make heaven under Earth, lighten our darkness. Oh, Instrument of God, grant us Thy peace.
    May the blessings of the Bomb Almighty and the fellowship of the Holy Fallout descend upon us all, this night, and for evermore. Amen.

    • Serai 1

      YOU MANIACS! OH, GODDAMN YOU! GODDAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!!!

  • SuspectedDemocrat

    But what if he’s responding to an insult? Then it’s okay, right?

    • Last Hussar

      Only takes one Tinpot dictator to tweet “You aint man enough to use nukes”…

    • Cindyinencinitas

      If it’s from Taylor Swift or RiRi, obvs.

  • TJ Barke

    Because a thin skinned manbaby is totally worthy of being trusted with nuclear authority

    • BadKitty904

      What could possibly go wrong?

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qAyeOxgQUJ0

      • efoveks

        Well THAT was disturbing… I’m gonna go drink now.

        This afternoon’s dance party can’t come soon enough.

        • BadKitty904

          Not exactly a laff riot, is it?

      • TJ Barke

        I really love scary shit like that…

        • BadKitty904

          Me, too. It has a certain horrifying inevitability…

      • thenearesthippie

        And what the fuck am I supposed to do in 15-25 minutes? Just let me sleep.

  • Jamoche

    Robert Heinlein was pretty damn prescient about politics: 1949, The Long Watch, where a soldier sacrifices his life to prevent a nutjob colonel from getting his (presumably short-fingered) hands on nukes he wants to use to kick off his coup attempt.

    Can we send them all to Coventry yet?

    • Serai 1

      Many science fiction writers have tackled this subject. Mid-century it was on everyone’s mind, what with the world having recently been almost eaten by a very similar madman.

  • Lefty Frizzell

    I would have thought the biggest argument against these thingies is the lack of precision. Wherever Donald hasn’t ruled out using them – balkans, baltics, middle east etc – there’s dense and diverse populations of “friend” and “foe” – he’s going to kill tens of millions of civilian allies, and I can’t imagine that going down too well.

    • Ducksworthy

      On the upside, no families left to complain. (Note:This discussion has driven me insane.)

    • Ghenghis McCann

      The good guys wear white hats, the bad guys wear black hats. He saw it in a movie once. All you have to do is separate them out a little.

      • Cindyinencinitas

        In a pinch, you can always tell by the color of their faces…

  • VforV, I’m with Her!

    I’m so old I remember when it was inconceivable that anyone as stupid as GWB could be president.

    Good times.

    • Amy!

      Ronald Reagan LIBEL!!

      • Serai 1

        Reagan scared me more than Bush, frankly. He had fucking Al Haig on his team, the asshole who actually joked about starting a nuclear war.

    • Cannedclamscanner

      I’m right with you. I remember one of the news weeklies doing an issue on the AntiChrist and thinking that if I believed in such things that surely GWB had to be Him.

  • Jim Johnson

    Why do we all have to be so PC about these bombs, fallen heroes, and stuff and just let Trump be Trump, speak his mind, and tell it like it is? After all, he is “just asking”.

    • Cindyinencinitas

      Because people are asking him to. Thousands of people call him every day and ask him to ask.

      • TeeRaak

        Buttdials?

    • Serai 1

      He takes J.A.Q.ing off to a whole new level.

  • VforV, I’m with Her!

    Oooh, this is fun! Some heavyweight ‘thugs are planning an intervention to see if they can get him under some kind of control.

    Yeah, good luck with that.

    • HazooToo

      The fact they need to even think about an intervention, but “brand name” Republicans are still endorsing him. That is what blows my mind.

      • Cindyinencinitas

        I think it denotes the relative strength of the stranglehold each congresscritter’s corporate overlord has over him/her.

      • Serai 1

        It’s unbelievable that they’re backing this fucking lunatic. Who may very well turn out to be the Antichrist. I mean, shit, he certainly fits the general description.

        • HazooToo

          On the other hand, they could be the kind of religious freaks who WANT to bring about the end of the world.

    • The Wanderer

      Only if the intervention uses aluminum baseball bats and they go all “Barking Sushi Time” on him, with votes.

  • Khavrinen

    Two things:

    1. “it only took a couple years before global opinion coalesced around the idea that those bombs were fuckin’ bad, y’all.”
    Global opinion? You think Trump cares about any opinion other than his own, ever?

    and 2. “even though ISIS isn’t an actual country.”
    If he’s unable to distinguish between “suicide bomber trying to sow chaos” and “parents of an American hero” — just because both happen to be Muslim — what make you think he’ll be concerned with the distinction between “actual members of ISIS” and “people who just happen to live in the same region”? Nuke ’em all, let God sort them out!

    • Ducksworthy

      Hmmm. On one hand, I agree that a radioactive Middle East would probably be a more peaceful place, on the other hand, I’m not murderously insane.

      • House0fTheBlueLights

        There is actually a novel (Crash of 1997 I think it was called) about the accidental (I think. I read it a long time ago in a galaxy far away) detonation of nuclear weapons over the Middle East oil fields, causing a worldwide crash of the oil dependent economy. Good times.

        • Sir Checkmate

          That sounds right to me. I could only imagine people’s reactions to a purposeful nuking of the Middle East, besides horror.

    • cat cafe

      He is already doing that–conflating “all Muslims” with “terrorists hijacking the Muslim religion to kill other Muslims.” He’s already expressed the idea of rounding ’em all up and getting rid of them. It’s just a hop skip and an “Arbeit Macht Frei” gate from there to the Zyklion B canisters, let alone nukes.

  • Hardly Ideal

    I’m gonna be frank for a bit. I’m not actually worried about Trump getting his hands on the bomb for a few reasons.

    First, the firing chain is much longer and more complex than just pushing a red button. My faith in humanity isn’t soaring, but it’s high enough to believe that cooler heads will prevail if the military gets an order that’s plainly unwarranted.

    Second, if there’s anything in our firing chain I’m going to worry about, it’s not Trump, but rather how hilariously awful it is.

    • peteywheats

      Not reassured.

      • Serai 1

        Neither am I. I certainly hope our military and, well, everyone SANE involved in this affair are making serious contingency plans to cut this fucking lunatic out of the loop. We’ve got a little time, so fucking GET ON IT, GUYS.

    • TeeRaak

      Are you sure about that?

      A single control center could fire “the entire squadron of 50 missiles” using a device called a single-vote timer, he said. If none of the other four launch control centers stopped a launch command using the timer, the missiles would be fired after the timer expires

  • Daru Titor

    This kinda reminds me of that Stealth movie, where a robot ends up feeling bad it nuked a hideout and the fallout spread to nearby villages.

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stealth_(film)

    • BMW

      That’s what that movie was about? I thought the only point of it was “put Jessica Beil in a flight suit.”

    • BMW

      That’s what that movie was about? I thought the point of it was “put Jessica Biel in a flight suit.”

      • Daru Titor

        That, and computers have feelings too.

  • Rick Hill

    He says what we are all thinking. And It looks like he’s serious, too. “Why can’t we bomb them till we find out if glass glows in the dark?”

  • Naytch

    Can he resist the jolly, red, candy-like button?!?

    https://vimeo.com/126720159

    • Gregory Brown

      Still one of my favorite cartoons. I always looked forward to the next episode with happy happy joy joy until the network fired Kricfalusi and buggered the show.

  • richardgrabman

    Somehow, this is not all that reassuring. With his major opponent — a cheer-leader for droning and bombing (and continuing the proxy war on Mexican and Central American agricultural exports (and against refugees from said conflict) — considered the “sane one”, why should the rest of us on Planet Earth see the United States as anything other than a “rogue state”? None of us are a threat to each other, but the US is a threat to all of us.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      …..wha?
      Where is that citation needed sign

      • Cannedclamscanner

        Oh Jen, richardgrabman seems like such a nice guy, also sweet too. Do we really need any citations?

    • Gregory Brown

      You seem like a nice man, and smart, also too! But bless your heart, didn’t anyone tell you that comments are not allowed?

  • Suse

    If you’ve never seen it, I highly recommend the film Fail Safe (1964), with Henry Fonda as POTUS.

    • Tio_Doidinho

      And “Dr. Strangelove” for the farce side.

    • Cliff Hendroval

      I’ve never seen the movie, but the book gave me nightmares when I was a kid.

      • Zyxomma

        I’ve seen the movie multiple times, and read the book. I recommend them both.

    • Eric Paul

      I have the film and it terrified me as a kid

  • Johnnymoreno

    Trump thinks the “Nuclear Triad” is a Nort Korean Choom Gang, running the streets of China Town.

  • Enfant Terrible

    I dunno, Joe Scarborough tells a story about an unnamed foreign policy expert’s experience with the Don-Don? This looks like a Karl Rove-style rat-fucking to me. I’m skeptical.

    • Popillius

      Trump has actually been eligible for intelligence briefings since he became the GOP nominee, if he asks for them. This is the first I’ve heard he is availing himself of them.

    • Gregory Brown

      Joe’s story isn’t the scary part of that interview. The scary part is that the former director of the NSA does not know of anyone in the intelligence community who has spoken to or advised Donald Trump. Trump very likely believes he already knows everything.

  • Suttree

    Later today on fox news we interview zombie Curtis LeMay. He now admits that he was a gay hippie back in the 60’s when he advocated that we shouldn’t nuke everything in sight and has changed his mind because of Donald Trump’s brilliance. We’ll get to that right after a word from our sponsor, Unca Pat’s anti-radiation bunkers and human chow supplies.

  • whitroth

    “In the Cold War there was a small risk of utter nuclear catastrophe,”
    says Paul Rogers, professor of peace studies at Bradford University.”

    WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?! So, the Cuban Missile Crisis never happened, and we weren’t *that* close to Armageddon ™? And the Russian officer on watch *didn’t* save the world by waiting until it was clear it was geese?

    • Gregory Brown

      The Soviet commander in Cuba had the sole authority for a few days to launch the tactical nukes and intermediate ICBMs that were already on the island, until Khrushchev canceled that authority. We didn’t know either of those things until the 1980s. Our asses were a lot closer to being cinders than we thought even during the crisis.

  • epzik8

    Since MSNBC is supposedly a Librul Meedya Outlet, that must make Joe Scarborough a liberal. I mean, everything not called Fox News is obviously liberal propaganda, right???

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      didn’t ya get the memo? Fox is too liberal now.

      • A_Guy_In_Oregon

        Alex Jones is the only one with the real truth.

        • Sir Checkmate

          Or Glenn Beck, depending on which side of that fight you’re on.

    • snark-lurker

      ‘oly fuck the whole concept of concieving such a question is fucked up i hear yuh baby

  • Randy Riddle

    Trump may be the only prominent political figure that makes Jesse Helms look like a moderate.

    • Odd Jørgensen

      Except Drumpf is not really a political figure, he`s a fucking reality star gone wrong.

      • Randy Riddle

        Wake up, Rip Van Winkle – he’s the GOP nominee.

  • cat cafe

    Every day, he behaves exactly like a spoiled, lazy, nasty third grader without curiosity or knowledge except of new ways to bully people.

    • Tio_Doidinho

      So, Eric Cartman?

    • Cliff Hendroval

      That’s roughly what a friend of mine who was a teaching assistant at the grade school (Dalton?) Uday and Qusay went to said about them

    • handyhippie65

      bully is, as bully does.

    • Gregory Brown

      Third grader libelz! Really, he’s dead square in the toddler zone.

      • cat cafe

        Yes, you’re right. My apologies to third graders. He does remind me of my son when he was 18 months old. Why CAN’T I touch the stove? Why CAN’T I stand on the couch and then pitch myself face forward towards the floor? The red faced screaming is also toddler-level. Of Donnie. My son was actually more reasonable.

  • Yr. Gma

    There is a cute toddlers’ book called “Don’t Push the Button” by Bill Cotter. Someone should sen Trump a copy (unless, of course, he already has it.) Lots of pictures and few big words.

    • Zyxomma

      He doesn’t read. Anything.

  • TeeRaak

    I’ve got a penis. Why can’t I use it?

    Ladies?
    https://media0.giphy.com/media/S25yCLKmbZOhi/200w_d.gif

    • Shan the Libtart

      You can use your penis as much as you like. It doesn’t mean anyone ELSE has to!

  • Serai 1

    I look forward to the movies that will be made about this insane time.

    Should we survive, of course.

  • A_Guy_In_Oregon

    i read on one of those fun-if-these-people-weren’t-so-serious conspiracy sites just a couple of days ago that nuclear weapons don’t even exist. Hiroshima and Nagasaki were just carpet bombed. There is no such thing as nuclear power or nuclear weapons.
    So, don’t get so worked up about Trump’s questions. What you really need to focus on is why Clinton wore WHITE to the convention. I mean, really….

    • Gregory Brown

      The hell? Jesus, I just went to one of those sites, and it was one big hot mess of crazy. I don’t think they left anything out, flat earth, you name it, it’s there.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        Start your own. You could live off the grift you get for centuries.

        • Gregory Brown

          Couldn’t do it. I spent 32 years in newspapers reporting, editing and publishing facts. It would lacerate my soul to take such advantage of the credulous.

    • nick kelly

      Before the A-bombs Tokyo had been leveled with conventional bombs
      The idea of precision bombing abandoned in favor of incendiary attacks -the kind US historians criticize the RAF for using on Germany

      • malsperanza

        Mah man Curtis LeMay. But Tokyo was entirely built of wood. Most cities won’t go down to rubble without nukes.

  • formerChild

    Personally, I’d say give him exactly ONE nuclear device to try out, on the condition that he set it off by hand, so as to have the best possible vantage point. Oh, and give it to him in the desert of Nevada (Note to Dok: Utah also is a possibility, so stay alert and packed)

  • azeyote

    he said it wasn’t that hard to get that fellas Purple Heart – he probably wants everyone to have one too – he’s just that kind of guy

  • handyhippie65

    scientists say they could make a nuclear hand grenade. give one to dumpster, take him to the desert, and let him try it out.

  • Jonny On Maui

    And besides, the United States doesn’t do massive civilian casualties. OK, stop laughing, yes we do, but we do the kinds that are easier to ignore and shove under the rug,

    I guess it depends on your definition of ‘massive’ and the time frame involved. When was the last time we carpet bombed a city full of civilians?

    • HanBarbara

      It doesn’t work anyway. Idiots who don’t bother learning history think that you can lob explosive shells or drop bombs and end all resistance. You can kill a lot of people, and break a lot of shit, but the people left will still resist. They will just move into the jungle, or forest, or mountains, or underground.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        Which is why we don’t do that sort of thing anymore, or, try not to. It does not work.
        sort of like torture. Another rightwing nut rally cry

      • Jonny On Maui

        I’m trying to think of a war or conflict that was won using only air power. none spring to mind…

      • Odd Jørgensen

        London in the 40s comes to mind.

    • malsperanza

      2004 or 2005, more or less. But plenty of bombing in cities since then, just not as heavy.

      Yeah, remember the smart bombs? Nah, me neither.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        Now now, we did not carpet an entire city. Near nuff tho…..

        • malsperanza

          Carpet bombing doesn’t necessarily mean razing a city to the ground. It means waves of bombs, or heavy repeated bombardment over a wide area, as opposed to the “precision” or “surgical” bombing we claimed to be doing in 2003 in Baghdad. For example, the US has run about 9,000 bombing missions in Iraq and 5000 in Syria in the past 18 months. While most of those bombs were not aimed at major urban centers, you might take a look at what has happened to Ramadi. But I was thinking of the massive bombing campaigns in Fallujah in 2004 or so.

  • bluicebank

    It is always a sad to have to explain to the young’uns that this Cold War they might have heard about in history class isn’t exactly over. And that them thar nukes with a uranium half life of 400-plus million years are still fully functional U-235 death stars. And have super cool acronyms attached to them like ICBM and the house favorite, MIRV.

    So the youngs might think it’s going to be “pew-pew, pew, pew, pew” one at a time. It’s over in minutes. If that.

    On the plus side, I can stop defending myself re my crazy uncle notion that the CIA would be in the theoretical, embarrassing position, if Trump wins, of seeing some lone figure with the nom de guerre of “The Jackal” discharge a modified and not-legal weapon, with an illegal round primed with mercury then soldered off and for good luck cross-tipped, and it hitting something orange. Because you just know that everyone’s going to point the finger at the CIA. Especially the FBI, who has it in for the CIA. Thank God the French won’t be behind this hypothetical accident.

    • malsperanza

      Anthrax, dude. In the soup. Much easier.

      • bluicebank

        Well that’s going to make for a very good movie!

        • wavicles

          Throw in a chase!

  • andyshelt

    And as the Trump campaign takes us even deeper down the rabbit hole, the truly bizarre becomes the new normal when even Newt fucking Gingrich manages to position himself as the voice of reason in analyzing Trump as being a perfect demonstration of the Dunning-Krueger effect in action.

    “He can’t learn what he doesn’t know because he doesn’t know he doesn’t know it,” Gingrich said. He added, “You cannot allow yourself to be drawn into fights that aren’t relevant to winning the presidency.”

    Seriously, what the fuck is going on?

    • Dee Andee

      I know, it’s starting to creep me out a little.

      Then I remember Newt is still a selfish little petri dish of bacteria derived from the poop of the komodo dragon, ever-carefully making sure his penis waves in the general direction of whoever is really in charge of the GOP, and then I’m OK.

  • Alexander Stallwitz

    Donald Trump keeps adding evidence to my belief that if he is elected. He will start World War 3. Oh and by the way, Reagan was heavily criticzed by the Far Right for pursuiting reductions in Nuclear arms.

    • Odd Jørgensen

      Reagan would probably be demonized by the current GOP as a commie librul if he ran today.

  • HanBarbara

    I can have my pension sent anywhere. Seriously I’m starting to think that I should research (safer-nowhere will be truly safe) countries to live if this fcuker wins. Maybe Antarctica.

    • Dee Andee

      New Zealand? It’s pretty there, if you don’t mind a few earthquakes and still active volcanoes.

  • Ryan Denniston

    Well, maybe just that one he’s riding.

    obligatory with votes

  • andyshelt

    And my nightmare vision of Trump as President Stillson from The Dead Zone moves a step closer to reality!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fNFVN0Jz0rE

    • I immediately thought of the same thing.

      • Sarah E. Grove

        Me too!

  • Sami

    I would just like to take this moment to point out the one, almost certainly the only one but still there is one, good thing you can say about the Old South African government: as far as I know, South Africa is the only country in the world to have developed nuclear weapons and then decided to disarm.

    Meanwhile, I’m glad down here in Australia we do a lot of primary producing, but we better look to our manufacturing tool chains, because if the rest of the world goes nuclear boom it’s basically going to be us and maybe Africa south of about Lake Victoria and *that’s it*.

    • Apartheid South Africa and Israel tested weapons on Prince Edward Island. The American weather satellite Vela picked up the signature double flash in the Indian Ocean in September 1979. The fall out went up and came down all over the Southern States of Australia. The US wanted proof but did so on the quiet, obtaining samples of sheeps’ thyroid across the country. They contained radioactive Iodine 131. Two months after that I developed an autoimmune thyroid disease (I was 12 years old) that progressed to other chronic autoimmune conditions. Every third person in Perth as some kind of thyroid disease. And you know where else has lots of similar thyroid disease? Chernobyl. I’d love to get some local press about this but I sound like a conspiracy theory nut whenever I talk about it.

      • MrCanoehead

        Ahem. The weapons tests were on the Prince Edward Islands, part of South Africa. Prince Edward Island is in Canada. And as much as we ignore the Maritimes, I’m sure someone would notice if they nuked the potatoes with real nukes.

        • Pickwicknext

          Also, hurting the birthplace of Anne of Green Gables would likely cause some kind of revolution

          • Vienna Woods

            The Japanese wouldn’t like it. They’re obsessed with Anne.

          • MrCanoehead

            Canadians would be angry. The Japanese would be livid.

          • jmk

            Redhaired girls everywhere would go ballistic.

        • Yep, sorry missed the “s” and didn’t think I needed to explain which hemisphere I was talking about. Referencing the Indian Ocean was a bit of a give-a-way too.

      • Akat

        You sound pretty reasonable actually. It would be interesting to get an epidemiologist to study the incidence and prevalence of the health issues. But those things are ridiculously hard to prove. Even around Chernobyl I think I read they could only attribute a very specific issue directly to the meltdown.

        • Thank you! On top of an incidence/prevalence study problems, fall-out is just so random, especially once it gets into the ecosystem and food chain. Unless someone is actively studying the incident in relation to disease it would be near impossible because it wasn’t notifiable. Also a cluster wouldn’t appear in a nationwide disbursement.

          When I fronted to the Children’s hospital they hadn’t seen my condition in a child. Over my 36 years in the health system I have talked to fellow patients, nurses, doctors (without revealing my suspicions) and come away with a truck load of anecdotal evidence.

          There is a blood test – they recently performed it on veterans who were exposed to fall-out during joint Australian – British testing. It showed DNA damage. I’d take it but it’s very expensive.

  • Poly_Ester

    The answer for Donald is that you can’t use nukes because that would destroy the value of your yuge real estate empire and post apocalypse bankruptcy can’t help you.

    • Eric

      Yeah but look at all the freedom there’ll be!

  • eddi

    Allegedly the Joint Chiefs substituted a fake football (the term for the suitcase carrying the launch codes) when Nixon was facing the Watergate hearings. They were afraid he might start a war just to distract everyone. The officer carrying them and the JCS might refuse to allow Donnie to play with their toys. They are not obliged to commit mass murder just because the Commander in Chief says to.

    • dshwa

      Holy shit if they did that to Trump… it’s practically inviting a civil uprising from the derp brigades

      • eddi

        Only if they find out. The Nixon story didn’t start until several years after he resigned.

    • Odd Jørgensen

      They need to Truman Show Drumpf if he ever wins the election. Or maybe just do it now, and let him sit in some derelict closet office in the garden shed of the WH.

  • You know, now would be a really good time for Hillary to present Reince Priebus with a Reset Button.

  • Shoto

    That Europe place Blowed Up Real Good!

    — Donald Trump

    • Sydgal

      You left out… “believe me, real good.”

  • Sarah E. Grove

    This Drumpf idiot reminds me of the Martin Sheen character inThe Dead Zone.

    • Sunnyhorse

      Originally I thought Ted Cruz was the Greg Stillson of our time, but Trump has elbowed him aside with force to take the role.

  • BigCSouthside

    Well, I guess ending humanity is one “get out of debt” strategy

  • mark kunnecke

    In every previous nuclear war waged on this planet, 100% of the nuclear weapons on the planet were exploded. Just saying.

    • Shoto

      You say that like it’s a bad thing.

      — Brig. General, Jack D. Ripper

  • Catherine Freeman
  • Mike Janowski

    “Be careful, America, and be careful Republican leaders…”

    Yeah, Mika, you should have been careful before you took the job of advancing the rhetoric of the right. Fucking moron. NOW you want us to “be careful”?

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