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ryan c, man's pocket Constitution says this is some bullshit, man.
ryan c, man’s pocket Constitution says this is some bullshit, man.

In a series of weirdass legal filings full of Sovereign Citizen word magicks, Ryan Bundy, one of the multiple freedom-fightin’ sons of Cliven Bundy who occupied the Malheur Wildlife Refuge in Oregon earlier this year, is making believe that he is not actually subject to federal or state law, because he is a free man and you can’t put your filthy laws on a free man, you monsters. It’s not quite the same as pleading guilty, but it doesn’t make him magically immune from prosecution any more than painting his ass green and wearing purple undies would make him the Incredible Hulk.

Oregon Public Broadcasting, which we’ve subscribed to because their coverage of the Bunditarian Freedom Comporee was so good, sorted through some of the SovCit arglebargle for readers who insist on living in mere reality:

Bundy, who is representing himself in the conspiracy case against the refuge occupiers, declares himself an “idiot of the ‘Legal Society’” and not subject to federal law, according to the documents.

“I, ryan c, man, am an idiot of the ‘Legal Society’; and; am an idiot (layman, outsider) of the ‘Bar Association’; and; i am incompetent; and; am not required by any law to be competent,” Bundy wrote in a motion filed to U.S. District Court Judge Anna Brown.

Oh, and what a beautiful document it is, complete with the magical phrasing and capitalization/punctuation games that Sovereign Citizens’ pseudolegal “theories” insist separate the physical human being from the “corporate” or “legal entity” known by the name “Ryan Bundy.” One is a man, a lump of flesh, the other a mere legal fiction created by the illegal machinations of the United States Government (Inc.), which isn’t real, either. We’ve cropped out his signature on all but the first image, which for all we know makes us liable for prosecution by a citizens’ grand jury made up of gnomes.

bundy doc 1

bundy doc 2

bundy doc 3

bundy doc 3a

bundy doc 4

Possibly the best bit in the whole mess is the cover sheet statement by Bundy’s court-appointed standby attorney, Lisa J. Ludwig, who knows she has a hopelessly deluded SovCit on her hands. She says she conferred with the prosecuting U.S. attorney in the case, and “The government takes no position on this filing.” We’ll hope she went home and had a nice glass of wine after that, and reminded herself that hers is a noble calling.

Bundy also filed another, lengthier notice declaring himself to be a “man” and a member of the “bundy society” (lowercase, in SovCit magic, you know, is very important) and that he is owned solely by God, and responsible only to god, so your laws don’t count, so there. It is undetermined whether he also turned around three times and spat. Here’s one page, just so you can have a taste of the weird:

Bundy doc 5

There’s some excellent pseudolegal gibberish in there as well, about how the states of nevada and oregon (LOWER CASE IZ NOT TYPO IT IZ MAGICK!) are not part of the “UNITED STATES OF AMERICA” (CAPS MATTER TOO) and laws passed by “Congress” do not apply to citizens of Heaven, not to mention Oregon, and so on; furthermore, the courts and the law enforcement officers responsible for his arrest have no authority, so he is entitled to immediate payment of $800 million in compensation for all the trouble those illegitimate bad guys have subjected him to. Also, the judge is in contempt of court, since obviously she knows she has no authority over Bundy, and she and the entire law enforcement apparatus responsible for his arrest and jailing should all “be put in a concrete cell for one hundred years or restore i to liberty and cease and desist immediately[.]” Guess he told THEM! He gives the court until July 30 to comply, but doesn’t say what the penalty will be if they don’t. God’s wrath, we bet.

OPB offers a bit of commentary on the weirdness:

Self-declared “sovereign citizens” have a long, if unsuccessful, history of declaring themselves not subject to federal laws.

Bundy also told the court in the filings that any past signatures by him are now invalid and that U.S. marshals and other law enforcement are illegally holding him in jail. He wrote that he should be paid $1 million to fill the “role” of defendant in the case.

Bundy muses in the filing that he is “willing to consider” playing the role of judge or bailiff in the case if the court pays him a similar sum.

Bundy has previously attempted a halfassed effort at escape from jail; in April, jail staff found a rope he’d made by tearing up bed sheets and braiding the strips into a 12-15 foot rope. He told bailiffs he was simply “a rancher, trying to practice braiding rope,” as one does.

Out in the real world, Ryan Bundy and ryan c, man (and idiot), are both scheduled for a status hearing in court next Wednesday.

[Oregon Public Broadcasting via TPM / OPB]

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  • UncleTravelingMatt

    Ayup. Everything seems to be in order. I imagine he’ll be on his way home by close of business.

    • Miss Mnemosyne

      With full apologies and compensation for having been denied his guns for snuggling purposes.

      • Reddishrabbit

        I still get a little teary when I think of the poor guns, all alone in some dark lockup.

  • JMP

    “I, ryan c, man, am an idiot; … and; i am incompetent”

    I think that’s the first true honest statement he has ever made.

    • weejee

      Idjits must idjitifiy the meaning of the Constitution.

    • HogeyeGrex

      Whoever comes up with that stuff for them is a master troll. Next they’ll have him repeating “Oh wha, Ta goo, Siam” over and over in the witness box.

      • Ima Witstüp

        I am Sofa King! We, Todd, did.

      • OddMan

        Or the version we learned, goo changed to Naa.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      I’ve heard of the ‘twinkie’ defense but not the ‘r3t@rd’ defense.

  • weejee

    painting his ass green and wearing purple undies would make him the Incredible Hulk

    The picture of that, the freakin’ vision.

    / starts to clean-up coffee nasal Vesuvius, this will take some time…

  • FlownOver

    Yeah, I’m sure the warden and Big Earl (his soon-to-be “best buddy”) will take that into account.

  • Treg Brown

    “I, ryan c, man, am an idiot of the ‘Legal Society’; and; am an idiot (layman, outsider) of the ‘Bar Association’; and; i am incompetent; and; am not required by any law to be competent,” Bundy wrote in a motion filed to U.S. District Court Judge Anna Brown.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      And by “all due respect” I mean zip, nada, bupkis.

  • Scooby

    I think he is going for Unfit to Stand Trial. Not a smart move. He’d have been better off going for not guilty by reason of insanity.

  • UnsaltedSinner

    Well, in claiming to be an idiot and incompetent, he has at least made a legal claim that can’t be dismissed out of hand. Progress!

  • JMP

    i, ryan certainly put a lot of c,men all over those pages.

  • Miss Mnemosyne

    Here’s some happy for you all after reading that: Tim Kaine saying total AWWWW Nice Dad stuff to Hillary last night.

    Apparently this is what he said to her on stage after she accepted the nomination and speechified:

    “It is a great country and you’ve just made it a lot greater,” Kaine told Clinton, the Virginia senator recounted Friday morning on CNN’s “New Day.”

  • bubbuhh

    The green make-up and purple stretchy pants doesn’t work?

  • Me not sure

    If he is going to be taken seriously as a idiot, he is going to have to get the other side of his face fucked up.

    • FlownOver

      Separated at birth?

      • Me not sure

        For her sake I hope not.

  • tehbaddr

    im scocked; i tell u shoked: acsually, i,m n0t that shoqed!

    • Me not sure

      ….and sT;unn;ed.

  • Be Gin

    He’s a little old to be practicing knot tying. Any decent agriculturalist ties knots in their sleep by the time they are ten.

  • CapnFatback

    lowercase, in SovCit magic, you know, is very important

    Which is precisely how the renowned litigator, e.e. cummings, became a SovCit hero in his case little lame balloonman v. u.s. government.

    • snigsy

      Weeeee

    • OneYieldRegular

      mud-luscious

  • georgiaburning

    “un-lien-able rights” ? So if he owes you money, forget about it?

    • Blank Ron

      Gee, now why does that sound familiar?

  • Spotts1701

    He gives the court until July 30 to comply, but doesn’t say what the penalty will be if they don’t.

    He’ll file another insane pile of gibberish?

    • Seek

      Sure but it’s Authentic Frontier Gibberish, so he’s got that going for him.

  • UnsaltedSinner

    Speaking of incompetent idiots: Oh Bernie or Busters, how can I begin to ignore you when you keep providing so much entertainment?

    https://twitter.com/CharlotteAlter/status/758882324578570240

    #Revolution

    • Spotts1701

      “Microaggressions”? You mean like scowling because you wanted to show your ass in public?
      Oy, one more time for the folks who slept through class – politics ain’t beanbag. Sharp elbows aplenty in this realm. Better get used to it.

      • UnsaltedSinner

        It’s like that time the French decided to storm the Bastille, but then the King’s troops gave them angry looks that made them uncomfortable, so they went home instead.

        • h4rr4r

          Woah now, pretty sure that is outside their safe space.

        • Reddishrabbit

          Don’t forget the eye rolls and whispered conversations!

    • JMP

      Aw, you didn’t get a chance to be a giant asshole in public and try an ruin a historic moment out of pique? Poor babies!

    • DainBramage

      Their parents said their special snowflake should always get their way.

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      Fart-in denied!

    • OneYieldRegular

      “Marginalized” by “microagressions” prevented them from being “disruptive”? Holy Xenu, they’re starting to sound like Scientologists.

  • CATMAN

    I’m sure in the annals of American jurisprudence stupidity is not an affirmative defense

  • And yet, he still makes as much sense as Donald J. Trump.

  • janecita

    He doesn’t consider himself a citizen of the United States, but he carries a pocket sized constitution of the UNITED STATES!!! He really is a fucking idiot!

    • Miss Mnemosyne

      Because he loves America more than you ever will. Same way Texans claim to while still yammering about leaving the union.

    • coozledad

      I hope Iggy Pop sues his balls off.

      • janecita

        ???

        • coozledad

          oblique reference to Iggy’s first solo album.

          • janecita

            Thanks for the explanation:-)

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Yeah, but it’s a special “sovcit” version of Constitution that has been mangled and twisted by a guy named Skousen.

      • janecita

        That explains a lot, thanks.

    • Operation American Jesus®

      Well, there’s the Constitution in toto that our justice system uses today, from the first quilled letter to the very last on one on the very last Amendment. That Constitution is the BAD Constitution. BAD CONSTO! VERY UNGOOD!!

      The only real Constitution is the version right before the War of Northern Aggression when President Lincoln became, sovcits claim, the biggest traitor who ever treasoned in the entire history of traitorous treasoners.

      Sovcits refer to it as the “organic” Constitution and if we could just get back to THAT version, but throw in some shiat by a fundy Mormon lunatic named Skousen that would blow your head cleeeeeean off, then America would be perfectly happy again! YOU’LL see!!

      And don’t even ask sovcits about Amendments regarding slavery and women’s suffrage that were passed AFTER the “organic” version, because for some reason that kinda makes them all ate-up with the Cranky McCrankypants.

      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/f4cf9de16987efe305c5a423362e3133fc995ee156922ee633b1e448c51db18b.jpg

      • frrolfe

        That is very concise. Ties it all together. Graphic adds the bow on top

      • Invidosa

        . . . I adore you.

  • Paganish

    I hate LARPers :P

    • TJ Barke

      Magic missile!

      • SuspectedDemocrat

        Lightning bolt! Lightning bolt!

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    Nearly 1/2 the people in this country would tell you that he is a real American, whereas Khizr Khan is not.

    • janecita
      • jmhm

        Any time Sandy Rios talks about religion, this needs to reappear

        “Jews tend to demonize evangelicals,” [Rabbi Yechiel Eckstein, head of the International Fellowship of Christians and Jews] said sadly.

        “And not the other way around?” I asked.

        Eckstein shrugged. “Not really. No.”

        Throughout this conversation, Rios was clearly eager to join in. And as soon as there was a pause in the discussion, she did. “You know,” she said, “the truth is, Christians do want to convert Jews.”

        Eckstein and Mamo exchanged glances. “Not by some bait-and-switch trick,” she said. “But we believe it’s part of God’s plan.” Eckstein winced the way he had when Pastor Munsey called him a born-again Christian.

        “Anyway,” Rios said, “we love Jews, notwithstanding their rudeness and hatred for us.”

        • janecita

          The good rabbi kept some crappy company:-) She is a horrible human being.

          • jmhm

            The good rabbi was trying to bring around a greater rapprochement between jews and evangelicals. Which is why the reporter from the Times was there…

            From the little I hear (I don’t really follow her) she’s gone all pre-Reagan on the jew-hating now.

          • janecita

            I read the article, the poor man was speechless, and she just kept on talking like what she was saying was perfectly normal.

          • jmhm

            I can’t emphasize too strongly how well-qualified this woman is to sell the message that women are mouthy and not too bright.

        • OneYieldRegular

          This woman needs to be given a tour of Auschwitz, and not today, but back in 1945 when the liberators of the camps forced ordinary Germans to walk through and have a look at the horrors for which they were responsible.

          • jmhm

            Just saying, the America First thing is not a coincidence.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        What the ever living fuck is wrong with these people?

        • janecita

          They hate this country.

  • Yet another demonstration of why we need to keep guns and legal documents out of the hands of insane people.

  • Ms.MLG1979

    Sure did leave a big mess down here on Earth for others to clean up for someone who never left Heaven.

    • Kind of adds a whole new dimension to the term, shit storm, doesn’t it?

    • JMP

      But I thought that, ooh, heaven is a place on Earth.

      • Astraea

        The Bundys sure aren’t the ones making it that way.

      • Oneofthebobs

        A place where nothing ever happens.

  • TJ Barke

    I’d care more about the philosophical underpinnings of the concept of refusing to consent to the laws of a nation who’s rule you do not accept if they weren’t just retarded excuses for lazy, greedy assholes to act like lazy, greedy assholes.

    • h4rr4r

      The answer to that line of thought is “don’t let the door hit you where evolution split you.”

      • TJ Barke

        Except that the entire earth belongs to the various nations and their citizens now, and there is no frontier left…

        • Villago Delenda Est

          There’s always space, the final frontier…

          • TJ Barke

            Don’t mind the massive capital requirements and technical qualifications and infrastructure and manufacturing bases necessary…

          • Villago Delenda Est

            Oh, details shmetails…

        • h4rr4r

          The oceans are widely available.

          Besides there are various lawless war torn regions.

        • HogeyeGrex

          There hasn’t really been any frontier for hundreds if not thousands of years.

  • CapnFatback

    I kept having to take my iRyanC to the Genius Bar because it didn’t work, wasn’t bright enough, and kept trying to hack into government property.

  • Crystalclear12

    Those poor souls trapped in the same jail with him!
    That is cruel and unusual!

  • mailman27

    Since ryan c bundy is not a person, couldn’t we just sew him up in canvas and drop him from a helicopter into the Pacific Ocean? I’m kidding, of course. Just spitballing.

  • natoslug

    At least he’s being honest about it. Most idiots think they’re brilliant.

    • Oneofthebobs

      If you want to lead the idiots, first you must let them know that you are one of them.

  • Señor Skwerl King

    He’s doing it wrong. Here are the real magic words.
    I,King, Skwerl am a MOTHERFUCKING GENIUS! Locking up a beautiful being, human would be a crime greater than genocide. And you don’t want to be a part of crimes against humanity!

  • Oneofthebobs

    Bundy; the idiot’s idiot.

  • DainBramage

    How did Trump not pick this guy for VP?

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      Ryan Bundy may be an idiot, but he’s not stupid enough to hitch his star to Trump’s dumpster fire.

    • BadKitty904

      Early days, boyo, especially once Pence realizes his mistake…

  • And here I thought Al was the stupid Bundy.

    • tehbaddr

      It’s all a question of degree.

  • whitroth

    I am not a man, I are a free idiot!

  • Lefty Frizzell

    If the laws don’t apply is he waiving habeus corpus and the geneva conventions? They could just stuff him in an oubliette without trial and be done with it.

    • HazooToo

      Deport that sucker back to the land he claims Citizenship of. With votes.

  • URQ196

    Here in Oregon we are just shaking our head. I wonder if the stupidity was caused by when he was hit by a car while playing in the road when he was seven or if it’s natural.

    • My dog was hit by a car and he is smarter than Bundy. Cuter too.

    • Creepoman

      Take two parts blazing ass desert sun, a soupcon and a half of nuclear fallout, shake vigorously in the bed of an F-150 pick-up, and voila! A Bundy.

    • BadKitty904

      I’d also have the water supply tested. Somethin’ ain’t right, here…

    • HogeyeGrex

      Yes.

  • JMP

    i; have, a message: for ryan c, man; from al y, weird man;

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Gv0H-vPoDc

    • Lark_in_the_AM

      I hadn’t seen this – brilliant!

  • Lark_in_the_AM
  • cousin itt

    How can Man R. Idiot be filing “legal” papers if he is pleading to what he would consider to be a non-legal or illegal entity? Wouldn’t rolling papers be more appropriate in this case? Or maybe Big Chief tablet paper?

  • tehbaddr

    ryan c, man, does, not appear to, be, a freman to, me

    • cousin itt

      Yep, dude sure has a way with the Weird.

      • tehbaddr

        He just needs to find the word that kills, too bad his vocabulary is highly limited!

  • natoslug

    Reads pretty much like what you’d expect a legal document created by someone whose head’s been crushed by a car would read like. Ayup. Dude, seriously, you’re the poster child for diminished capacity. Go for it!

  • SessileRaptor

    We plainly need to follow China’s lead and start dredging up the ocean floor to create islands. Not to extend our maritime borders, but just to have someplace we can dump “Sovereign Citizens” and say “OK, you get your wish, you’re not subject to the federal laws of the united states or any other country, you’re completely free. Good luck with that!”

    • natoslug

      I stand by my usual choice of Nauru as a good place for the various SovCit, Libertarian and Lackwit groups to rehome themselves to.

      • SessileRaptor

        Wow, I I read about obscure and isolated places as a semi-hobby and I actually had to look that one up. That’s one shitty sounding island they have there alright. Maybe we can crowd fund a resettlement of the native population to somewhere not-shitty, then give it to the lackwits for their grand experiment, no takebacks.

        For total holy-shit-that’s-isolated islands my favorite is still Gough Island, but that’s got birds on it who never did anything to deserve being on the same landmass as libertarians.

        • Peripatetic Poltroon

          Naw, the Naurutans (?) did that shit to themselves. Let ’em stay there & rot.

        • willi0000000

          best bit of “putting lipstick on a pig” has to be the description of the island which includes the marvelous phrase

          “Dominated by a central phosphate plateau…”

          best euphemism evah for guano.

    • Reddishrabbit

      Civil War on Sovereign Islanders in 3…2…1

    • BadKitty904

      I hear the Aleutians are nice.

      • Peripatetic Poltroon

        True, but the reindeer & musk oxen might object.

      • SessileRaptor

        What did the Aleut people ever do to deserve a bunch of sovereign idiots dumped on them?

  • Shan the Libtart

    a boy has no name

    • TJ Barke

      A child called it?

    • tehbaddr

      A boy is nothing.

      • Shan the Libtart

        He just doesn’t know it yet.

  • Lefty Frizzell

    His constitution is upside down. Is it possible he can’t read, and has no idea what the thing actually says?

    • BadKitty904

      Dyslexia would explain a lot in this case, actually…

  • Painter of Goats

    He just tired of no one sitting with him in the mess hall. Though who could blame them.

  • Painter of Goats

    He’s suffering piteously from a plethora of puctuation.

    • AntiDerpomeme

      Semicolons, like CAPS are endowed with xtra-magikkal powers.

    • BadKitty904

      I’m surprised his former typing teacher hasn’t beaten him even more senseless than he already is.

  • Creepoman

    I love his new system of proofs:
    1. “I believe (whatever batshit thing I wanna believe)
    2. “I have no evidence to the contrary” (though much evidence may exist, I simply don’t have it on me)
    3. “Therefore it is so” (Presto! It just is.)
    If only I new the trooth sooner, collidge wood have bin so mutch ezer.

    • Astraea

      This is how I know that America Ferrera is my future wife.

      • BadKitty904

        This is how I know I’m getting a triceratops for Christmas!

    • Spotts1701

      Mr. Trump, shouldn’t you be on the campaign trail?

  • SuspectedDemocrat

    The entire Bundy clan should pull a Spartacus and stand up one by one and declare, “I am an idiot!”

    • anwisok

      I doubt the Prosecution would Object.

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    I have scraped stuff out from under my fingernails that’s smarter than this person.

  • coozledad

    The prosecutor in the case convened with the judge, who suggested a revision of the filing, including the equally legally binding terms “Permachaw” ‘High Plains Fuckwhistle” and “Line Dance Cosmopolitan.”

    “Idiot” can stay.” said the judge. “That’s absolutely correct.”

  • Ryan Denniston

    “and that he is owned solely by God, and responsible only to god, so your laws don’t count, so there. ”

    So why’d he file the motion?

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      Good point, shouldn’t that sort of declaration be mailed to a church?

      • jmhm

        or nailed to the door of one

        • natoslug

          More smeared on the door of one. Or put in a bag and lit on fire after being placed on the doorstep.

          • SuspectedDemocrat

            It’s the sort of declaration you usually find piled up in a cow field.

    • BadKitty904

      If he’s the property of God, isn’t God legally liable here?

      • Ima Witstüp

        For improper disposal of hazardous waste.

  • Lefty Frizzell

    Somebody’s trolling him with this “idiot” so-called “legal” terminology.

  • Antonin Dvorak

    So, the government of the United States of America does not exist, but legal tender of said government is totally a real and very much welcome?

    • TJ Barke

      And its constitution is a document to be obeyed and venerated…

      • natoslug

        Fortunately, said constitution is only a paragraph or two long, mostly mentions god and jesus and guns, and has but one amendment, so it’s a lot easier to read and memorize.

        • Lisavwinder4

          <<o. ★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★:::::::!!bt287p:….,….

          • chimichanga

            This spam makes a lot more sense than the sovereign citizen crap.

          • natoslug

            Oh Lisa, you sad twunt. Get back under Roger’s desk and prove your loyalty to Fox Corp.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        E PLEBNEESTA!

      • Shibusa

        Also Blue Lives Matter, except of course when they are trying to enforce laws being violated by Sovereign Citizens.

        • Denisejheck

          <<o. ★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★:::::::!!bt850p:….,.

    • Lefty Frizzell

      It’s magic!

    • Lark_in_the_AM

      Funny how that works, innit?

    • georgiaburning

      He does mention the Bunkerville post office, though he’s not interesting enough to have his picture on the wall

      • Invidosa

        As to that, when is mail a fucking right?

        • Alan

          He is without evidence to the contrary. Therefore it is so.

    • BadKitty904

      Perhaps the bars on his cell won’t exist, either.

      • glasspusher

        The way he’s acting makes me think he doesn’t recognize closing time at a bar.

    • TheGrandWaz00

      Gold sellers make me scratch my head too. “Your paper money is worthless, so send it to us.”

      • Villago Delenda Est

        The Bitcoin idjits say the same thing.

      • HogeyeGrex

        The whole “Your paper currency is worth nothing outside of the idea that people agree it has a value. It makes much more sense to cling to this shiny metal that is worth nothing outside of the idea that people agree it has a value.” thing just annoys me.

        Okay, gold does have some basic electronic utility, but that is certainly not the determining factor in its value.

        • sw19womble

          Precious metals are still precious, although modern mining techniques make it a little moot . It’s the diamond scam of cartels controlling the supply that really makes a mockery of it all. That said, when the zombie apocalypse renders society little more than a distant memory, all those gold coins and silver ingots will become very useful. :)

          • Captain Kraut

            For bashing zombie heads in?

            Wouldn’t it rather be a barter economy: “That’ll be two strips of otter jerky, one sock and a handjob, Sir.”?

          • Jared James

            “Sorry, all I have is salmon and blowjobs. Can you make change for a pair of pants?”

          • Invidosa

            But . . . Only if people want said ingots. . . Or they become handy weapons for bashing zombie brains. Shit, the brass chain holding up my petunias would be precious metal if the whole world suddenly decided brass was worth killing over.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Yes, yes, attack him on the basis of everyday logic, why don’t you?

    • Jukesgrrl

      He’d prefer to do business in Ron Paul Gold®, but it isn’t accepted at most 7-Elevens or porn shops.

    • Steven Posey

      Right to a fair and speedy trial, out the window. Ban on cruel and usual punishment? Gone.

      He’s going to spend the rest of his days in indefinite detention, being fed the brown acid and bombarded with Beyonce songs.

    • Operation American Jesus®

      And they swear that the courts of the United States of America are invalid, unconstitutional and most egregiously ungodly, but they end up being the very most vexatious of ALL litigants, second only to birther Orly Taitz and birther Larry Klayman who even sued his own mother. SUED HIS OWN MOTHER.

      Klayman is so noxious that even the Bundy Bunch refused his volunteer efforts to “set them free.”

    • Operation American Jesus®

      When they sue, they very much prefer and specifically specify their renumerations be forthcoming in gold bars or silver coins pre-Kennedy.

      So far, not one sovcit suit has yet authorized our illegitimate CORPORATE government to pay them in Bitcoin or even in even what’s left of ye olde timey Confederate money.

      Weird how, for them, sometimes the gubbmint is real and sometimes it ain’t. Just depends on whatever sovcit pie-hole emissions happen to be blowin’ in the wind that day.

      • HogeyeGrex

        Kind of like God’s Word, the Bible. It’s all a matter of what’s convenient for them on any given day.

  • Blender_415

    Does Microsoft Office have a template for this kind of shit, like they have templates for a gazillion different fax cover sheets?

    • Ryan Denniston

      You have to whisper the sekret words to Clippie.

      • HogeyeGrex

        Clippie was already nearly as annoying as the Bundy bunch. The very idea of that fucking thing coming unbidden onto the screen whingeing about admirality courts and gold fringe is enough to make one weep.

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    So basically his defense is that he is an idiot who believes in ungrammatical magic?

    • natoslug

      His Paladin rolled a 17, so they have to let him out. IT’S THE RULES, MAN!

    • Ima Witstüp

      Who’s going to argue with that?

    • Daisy

      Is he hoping the judge will be too busy laughing his ass off to start the trial?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Can you imagine the look down the nose Minerva McGonagle would give him?

    • HogeyeGrex

      I think it boils down to “Nuh uh. You’re not the boss of me!”
      His appeal is expected to hinge on the long standing legal precedent of “Dot, dot, circle, dot. Now you have the cootie shot.”

  • anwisok

    Not guilty due to mental defect or disease? Or unable to participate in his own defense? Kin of po tay to/po tah to, isn’t it? If incompetent to stand trial, doesn’t that risk being locked in the loony bin until he is? And doesn’t a successful insanity defense end with him being locked up in the loony bin until he is no longer insane? (IANAL, but I watch a lot of Law and Order)

    • JMP

      If he’s not competent to stand trial, then he’s also not competent to participate in his own defense (and therefore can’t represent himself), though the converse is not necessarily true; the standard for the former is stricter than the latter, for example the Unabomber was found incompetent to participate in his own defense but competent to stand trial (which probably saved his life, since he wanted to argue that his killings were justified while his lawyers argued insanity and got him life imprisonment instead of death).

    • Spotts1701

      Pretty much – if you’re determined by a court to be “incompetent” to stand trial, you get sent to an institution in an attempt to “restore competency”. This usually involves either forced medication or requirements to participate in mental health examinations (with the penalty being an additional charge of obstruction of justice if it is determined you are malingering or feigning continued incompetence to avoid trial).
      Insanity defense, as JMP said, is a whole different kettle of fish.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Well, we are dealing with a po-tay-toh/po-tah-toh head, here…

  • SuspectedDemocrat

    The judge said, “Oh I hadn’t thought of that” and that’s how the American government disbanded itself once and for all. The End.

  • Sheepshagger

    “Bring out the tarp boys, we got a idiot here”.

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    Etymology of Idiot:

    Idiot is a word derived from the Greek ἰδιώτης, idiōtēs.

    An idiot in Athenian democracy was someone who was characterized by self-centeredness and concerned almost exclusively with private—as opposed to public—affairs.[6]
    Idiocy was the natural state of ignorance into which all persons were
    born and its opposite, citizenship, was effected through formalized
    education.[6] In Athenian democracy, idiots were born and citizens were made
    through education (although citizenship was also largely hereditary).
    “Idiot” originally referred to “layman, person lacking professional
    skill”, “person so mentally deficient as to be incapable of ordinary
    reasoning”. Declining to take part in public life, such as democratic government of the polis (city state), was considered dishonorable. “Idiots” were seen as having bad judgment in public and political matters

    • DinkyBossetti

      That is really interesting.

    • TheGrandWaz00

      So, Bundy likes Greek?

      • DoILookAmused2u ?

        And manages to mostly get it wrong.

    • Jukesgrrl

      Thanks for that!

    • James Christopher Owen

      Oh, the irony…

    • goonemeritus

      You write real pretty.

  • DainBramage

    The Bundys should change their name to Gumby.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M68GeL8PafE

    • Villago Delenda Est

      “My brain hurts!”

      “Well, it will have to come out, then!”

  • natoslug

    That legal reasoning doesn’t sound like it’s worth the paper it was wiped onto.

  • AntiDerpomeme

    This segment by far is my fave part, because all men are equal x2 and un-lien-able.

    • Lark_in_the_AM

      Jefferson plagiarism in the defense of stupidity is definitely a vice.

  • TheGrandWaz00

    i, can’t get no, satisfaction.

  • Creepoman

    Joke’s on him – He’d be walking out the front door, a free man with a crisp $20 bill in his pocket, if only he knew the secret power of the phrase “A Idiot”.

  • memzilla

    n,e,e,d,s,; m,o,a,r,; c,o,m,m,a,s,;

    Jeebus, my English-major typing fingers actually twitched doing that.

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      ryan c, i, is, no, e e cummings

      • HogeyeGrex

        d(a

        bun
        dy
        th

        ink

        s)
        er
        p

        iness

    • arglebargle

      semi;colons, a;l;s;o; t;o;o;

  • SuspectedDemocrat

    Once again, Trump’s theme song rings true. You can’t always get what you wanted.

  • Juan de Fuca

    The League of Less Than Ordinary Militiamen.

  • HazooToo

    When people who are not citizens commit crimes in America, don’t they often get deported back to their homeland? Would it be a breach of the rules to suggest he be immediately sent back to Heaven with all due haste?

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      With votes.

    • Jukesgrrl

      With votes, as well as haste.

    • natoslug

      Is there a Greyhound route to Heaven? I am certain that it would be a very short bus ride for him.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        a stairway…

  • tehbaddr

    Wait a minute here! I saw no reference the person, individual, or agent! I call Bollocks!

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      Who is the settler in this matter?

      • tehbaddr

        You’re right! I forgot about the settler, further proof that this is the liberal media stirring up the muck on good upstanding patriots!!1!!!11!!!!1111!!!

        • Ima Witstüp

          False flag fringe!

          • tehbaddr

            Sir, why does ur flag hang that way in this unauthoritized court, of supposed law?

          • James Christopher Owen

            Does your flag hang low?
            Does it wobble to and fro?
            Can ya tie it in a knot?
            Can ya tie it a bow?

      • OneYieldRegular

        ryan; c, am i in in mi am i; idiot/ i; incompetent #*^ sov. rin. c. tizen;-)?

    • natoslug

      Great. Now we have to figure out the various dimensions of representation of the bollocks.

      • tehbaddr

        Mine defy measurement or position in any place in space or time!

        • Malaclypse

          Every time I figure out position and velocity, I lose track of spin. Figure out spin, and I lose position. Damn uncertain around here.

        • James Christopher Owen

          But are they heavy, black and pendulous?

  • Daisy

    Well, I’ve never seen that much delusion, and almost my entire Facebook feed is comprised of trumpsters and sTrumpets (look, I’m helping!) and Bernie Brats.

  • anwisok

    And Dok thought the RWNJs that show up *here* are bad! This guy went full Nut Job. You never go full Nut Job!

  • Lark_in_the_AM

    Since he’s an illegal alien now, he should be deported. I hear that North Korea is very nice this time of year.

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      Any planet with no government will do.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      It’s a lot like the mid Atlantic states in North Korea right now. Which, I can tell you as an Oregonian, Ryan will not enjoy.

  • orygoon

    He’s not a free man, is he? Nor will he be for a long time. Assclown.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Well, it is the silly season.

    Of course, as far as the Bundy Bunch is concerned, it’s ALWAYS the silly season.

    • James Christopher Owen

      For a second I read that as “Bundy Brunch”. I shudder to imagine what would be served there, but whatever it is, it clearly kills brain cells.

  • mancityfooty .

    Jesus fucking wept.
    I am neither high enough nor insane enough to understand his authentic frontier gibberish.
    I really feel bad for the lawyers and judge who have to actually read this.

    • AngryKatie

      At least he didn’t write it in blood as they sometimes do.

  • Jukesgrrl

    Is there a name for the disability he has?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Drumpfsterism.

    • m3bosha

      Republican

    • Miss Mnemosyne

      Privilege.

    • natoslug

      Deeply held religious belief.

    • Daisy

      incomprehensible stupidity.

    • tehbaddr

      You could open a DSM randomly to any page and find something that fits. That’s not true of most people in society!

    • chascates

      Goofy as a run-over dog.

    • BadKitty904

      And is it covered by Obamacare?

  • BadKitty904

    Self-declared “sovereign citizens” have a long, if unsuccessful, history of declaring themselves not subject to federal laws.

    So have criminals and crazy people.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Uh, Ryan, the Feds HAVE your ass.

      Possession is 9/10ths of the law, you know…

  • TheGrandWaz00

    “common man? i thought they said commas, man.”

  • cousin itt

    i r idiot therefore, i yam.

    • tehbaddr

      but i r weasel!

      • Grizz1y

        I r baboon, star of cartoon, you am weasel.

        • tehbaddr

          Ouch my failing synapses, u r right!

    • James Christopher Owen

      I yam what I yam. Toot toot!

  • msanthropesmr

  • GunToting[Redacted]

    I’m not normally one to make fun of one’s appearance (especially when there is so much else to mock) but what the hell is up with this dude’s head? Was he kicked by a mule? Did his mom eat too many paint chips?

    • natoslug

      Run over by a car as a child. Fortunately, it didn’t affect anything of use to him.

      • GunToting[Redacted]

        No, but it might help explain a few things.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        By his moran of a father

      • Shucky Ducky

        Was he chasing the car at the time?

        • natoslug

          I think he was playing in the driveway, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he were either chasing the car or licking the tire at the time.

    • Peripatetic Poltroon

      He had a stroke. Don’t mock that. Fortunately, there is soooo much to mock.

  • Robert Weiler

    Well, he got one thing partially right; he is an idiot. The reason it’s partial is that he is in fact a complete idiot. How does one live 46 years without 2 brain cells to rub together?

    • Skeptical_thinker

      If they had rubbed together they would have mated and produced more brain cells. We can’t have that!

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Ask Donald Drumpf, who hasn’t needed 2 brain cells for 70 years.

  • Reddishrabbit

    I’ll be curious what he writes on his tax form. Just kidding! I doubt he pays taxes.

    • Shoto

      Filing Status: Single, A Idiot. (Pretty sure there’s not a checkbox for that one.)

  • Shoto

    I find it HighLarious that these Sovereign Citizens are still in lockup. Does that make me a bad person?

    • Jukesgrrl

      Hell, no. The birds are happy, too. They have their sanctuary back without the human poop and empty vanilla creamer packages.

  • OrdinaryJoe

    Al and Peg Bundy obviously had one too many kids.

  • Jukesgrrl

    Imagine what he could come up with if he actually was allowed to have access to the internet in his cell.

    • natoslug

      Sticky fingers and a rash on his junk?

      • Villago Delenda Est

        The Utah delegation to the RNC, after all, spent all their time in the Cleveland “Combat Zone”, if you will, last week.

  • natoslug

    This is a result of the combination of homeschooling and a (more?) bizarre form of LDS fundamentalism. I want to laugh at him, and often do, but at the same time, I realize he’s spent his entire life having this shit drilled into his addlepated brain by his parents and peers and being a natural follower, really never had a chance. OTOH, damn, the Bundys do grow some exceptional stupid.

    • AngryKatie

      I had the same though. The shit their dad taught them, and the shit he didn’t.

      Did you ever see the movie Frailty with Bill Paxton playing a crazy dad convinced god has given him the ability to see demons and the obligation to kill them when he does? He trains his sons to assist him in his mission. I think growing up in the Bundy household was probably a lot like that, but with government conspiracy theories instead of killing demons.

  • Reddishrabbit

    I’m glad none of these idiots went to law school, because otherwise they would have learned the actual secret way to write your name and always get away with any crime! (It’s reversal capitalization! They are soooo close)

  • TheGrandWaz00

    The judge gave Bundy a break when the test results came back.
    http://photosaws.sparkpeople.com/guid/4568ba33-dbb3-4615-98df-9af8e3067473.jpeg

    • TJ Barke

      Shouldn’t we also be seeing the rat’s skeleton?

      • Sheepshagger

        Hey hey a witch! Gettim!

      • TheGrandWaz00

        I’m an internet commenter, not a scientist.

      • glasspusher

        No. The bible says you wouldn’t

    • natoslug

      There’s no way his brain gerbil is still living.

  • TundraGrifter

    Just think of all those “idiots” who wasted years of their lives and thousands of dollars of their money going to “law” school!

  • Sheepshagger

    I fucking hate sov cits. Enough that my views on them are not very congruent with rules for radicals (no regicide appendix) but I was happy to see the mewling jurisdiction denier in court yesterday dragged away by the rozzers and banged up for the day before he even had the chance to make his special argument about the queen not owning roads, so he didn’t need a license. It’s pretty sweet listening to someone wailing “you have no power to do this” as its done to them. Sov cits. They can go make joinder with themselves, fuckers.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Yeah, I have no use for them either, because they’re basically selfish assholes who refuse to acknowledge that they’d die cold and starving in the wild without the rest of us around to feel some empathy for them that they would never return.

  • Constant Gardener

    Since he’s not an American or even a member of human society see P. 28:[(primary) citizen of Heaven], he should sit in jail until God comes by to pick him up.

  • Jenny

    Hey there you nice white feller. I see you’re a salt of the earth type of folk. Are you tired of having to pay for the goods you need? Me too! So I’ve come up with a legal loop hole. Ya see, all ya have to do is say you’re an idiot too dumb to enter into a contract, and then in the signature line note that you’re exempt from levy. Why if they still do business with you that is on them friend for not reading the fine print. I reckon you ought to make sure whatever goods you do purchase are one time use, or damaged well enough to avoid return just in case. Now I’ll tell you what, this is one loophole to live the life you’ve always wanted. If you give me 5 gold coins I’ll let you know even more useful tips. You could be living free today!

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Ah, yes, the common clay of the New West…

      • brucej

        I came here to mention the Authentic Frontier Gibberish!

        • wurman

          Allllll righteeee then. Can a rhetorician please parse iRyan’s pleadings in juxtaposition with one of Der Trumpenfuehrer’s stump speeches and establish a linguistic difference????

          • brucej

            Well, see it’s not difficult. i ryan.c idiot is speaking the pure Western dialect of AFG; Trump is speaking the Eastern dialect, with a lot of Entitled Asshole overlaid.

          • wurman

            I did not know there was an Eastern dialect of such gibberish. Must’ve been originated by Natty Bumpo in concert (pun intended) with Chingachgook.

    • harryr

      Does the next tip involve Nigerian princes at all?

      • Jenny

        No sir, but have I mentioned Madame Jennivere’s energy salve? Made from the finest canine anal gland secretions, it is guaranteed to put a pep in your step. Quantities are limited, don’t miss out on this exclusive item!

  • Me The People

    “Signed by the hand of ryan c. ”

    I’m guessing that the entity referred to as ryan c could not be held by any assurances given by the aforesaid naturally existing appendage know as :hand: furthermore he could not presume to speak on it’s behalf or be reasonably expected to be privy to it’s motives.

    • vivian

      I believe said hand, acting as his wife, is immune from prosecution.

      • Me The People

        It probably IS his wife, in effect.

    • The Wanderer

      All these aforesaids are giving me a sore head.

  • Michael Brown

    Ignorant jackass should have been going to work every day and the world should have never known who he is.

  • Parchment Scroll

    I’m crying with laughter here because his signature says “all rights reserved”, a very special kind of stupid indeed.

  • chascates

    So, not guilty by reason of insanity.

    • weejee

      You capitalized ‘So’. Does that mean no SovCit magic required?

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Let me check…no, the movement of the wand was wrong, incorrect wrist action.

    • Barley_Brains

      Inanity.

  • harryeagar

    OK, I get the heaven contention and the mailing address claim, but what the hell do these people have against objective pronouns?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      They fence them in.

      • Peripatetic Poltroon

        that took me a moment.

  • Lefty Frizzell

    I think he’s an unstable, gun-toting, treasonous moron. I am without evidence to the contrary, therefore it is so.

  • King of America

    no man is qualified to represent i

  • Paperless Tiger

    Ignorance is no excuse even if you can prove it.

    • weejee

      Ignorance is Blatz.

      • Spotts1701

        Sorry, can’t get Blatzed tonight. Stuff to do.

      • Objectifer

        When your out of beer, tough Schlitz.

  • snigsy

    Serious question: why does he only use the pronoun “i” (lower case, of course) to

    refer to himself, and not “me” or “my” when needed? Is this part of the magic? (Batshit crazy seems too easy an answer.)

    • Bitter Scribe

      Maybe he’s channeling his inner e.e. cummings.

    • AngryKatie

      Read this. It won’t really answer your question, but it will illustrate that whatever the answer is, it’s clearly batshit crazy:
      http://www.vox.com/2016/2/9/10942860/sovereign-citizens-movement

      • snigsy

        Thanks for the link. And, wow, either that is massive magical thinking or some genuinely scary batshit. (And I thought Pynchon’s Trystero conspiracy was harmless fun!)

        • AngryKatie

          Yeah, these ones are special crazy. I still don’t fully get how this part of their philosophy is related to Mormonism, but I know a lot of them are Mormons and there is some kind of link. I find them fascinating (also too other fringe groups like the FLDS).

          They could totally be a wacky cult in a Pynchon novel.

          • wurman

            Tyrone Slothrop slander as well as Deutschlandischer scat porn defamation.

      • tehbaddr

        Nice little synopsis of some of the SovCit nonsense and core of their insanity.

  • Bitter Scribe

    IANAL, but can’t the judge declare that he’s not competent to represent himself and order him to get a real lawyer? Otherwise, his “trial” will be a farce and any verdict reversible.

    • CJTX

      I am also NAL – but I’m a paralegal student. If I remember correctly from criminal law class (and just general knowledge) competency has to do with psychological state. That is, knowing the difference between right and wrong, the consequences of a person’s actions. Crazy theories don’t apply if he’s otherwise competent.

      Also, and I’m fuzzy on this point (although I did get an A in the class), I believe a defendant has a RIGHT to defend themselves. If they lose, it’s “too bad, so sad” as my instructor used to say. IIRC, that standby attorney is there so that halfway through the trial, the defendant (realizing they’re losing), won’t say, oh I want a lawyer now (cause you have that right too) and causing a mistrial.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Competency in that context refers to his ability to understand the proceedings and assist counsel in his defense. I don’t practice in Federal Court, but in Washington and Idaho the standard for minimal competence is extremely low. I used to handle 120-140 felony cases per year, and I can remember only one year in which more than one or two of my clients were deemed not competent.

      CJTX is correct, people have an absolute right to represent themselves, though the judge may (as she did here) appoint stand-by counsel to act as a legal advisor to the defendant. Pro se defendants are held to the same standards and expected knowledge as licensed attorneys, and are prohibited from challenging their conviction on the grounds that they lacked proper counsel or training, or what-have-you. Basically, the judge repeatedly warns them of the danger of self-representation, and if they insist on proceeding pro se and lose, they are just SOL, ’cause trialin’ ain’t easy.

      • CJTX

        Very well explained – and that is why I’m not a lawyer. ;)

    • wurman

      Can the judge refer iBundy for psychiatric evaluation for an indeterminate time and pull a “Randle Patrick McMurphy” as per Ken Kesey, One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest?

  • CJTX

    skimmed it — tc/dr (too crazy, didn’t read)

    But I loved this part: “I am without evidence to the contrary, so it is so”.

    Aaaand that’s these people in a nutshell.

  • vivian

    Funny thing is in Greek idios, from whence idiot, means ‘own, private’ but I believe was used in the context of mistaking one’s own private world for the larger world.
    Poor hapless Ryan is a verifiable idiot indeed.

  • Vecchiojohn

    Needs more hereins, hereinafters and aforesaids to make it double-plus-legal.

    • Serai 1

      Plus some wax seals and a big red ribbon.

  • vivian

    i see what he didn’t do there.

  • Major_Major_Major

    The following sentiment for the Bundinista s is from I, major_major, and not the entity DBA Major_Major_Major. A cock punch for you, and one for you, cock punches for ALL of you.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Needz moar Majors

      • Major_Major_Major

        What are you, some kind of gold fringed flag narko-fed?

        • Villago Delenda Est

          Lemme see…once an honest-to-FSM a little bit of sovereignty wielding commissioned officer in the US Army…

          YES!

          • Major_Major_Major

            As an ex-navy noncom, the gold fringed applies to me. You ground pounders are on your own, though.

  • diogenez

    Possesses a surprising level of self-awareness…!

  • jwtukker

    The Ranch Stupidians, the “sovereign citizens”, the “patriot movement” and Donald Trump are complete morons, traitors to our country and unbelievable assholes with no grip on reality whatsoever; I am without evidence to the contrary, therefore it is so.

    • Me The People

      ‘Ranch Stupidians’ is great.

    • JustDon’tSayDittos

      It doesn’t count if you use upper case.

    • tehbaddr

      Actually, I read that somewhere else on the interwebs. Must be true!

  • Me The People

    Citizen of heaven? Is he documented?

    • jwtukker

      “Papers, if you please.”

      • Me The People

        “Sorry, sir, this is the United States of America. We’re going to have to send you back home by the fastest available route”

        • Tovarish Z

          “and at your own expense.”

    • Ima Witstüp

      “Heaven is a place”

    • BadKitty904

      So, he’s an illegal immigrant? DEPORT HIM!!1!

  • OneYieldRegular

    “i; ryan c, man, am…”

    What the hell language is this, ASCII code?

    • vivian

      ASCII and ye shall receive…

      • BoatOfVelociraptors

        I am resigned to my UTF-8.

        • Peripatetic Poltroon

          Beats the hell out of UCS-32.

        • Ima Witstüp

          My UTF ate my eunuch ode.

      • BadKitty904

        Oh, say can ASCII,
        By the dawn’s early light?

    • Ima Witstüp

      I remember acoustic modems. We’d call that line noise.

      • BoatOfVelociraptors

        Get the AT H0 of here!

        • Spotts1701

          What are you on a baud?

      • SullivanSt

        Me too. Don’t get me started on the hoops our outbound office faxes jump through to reach their destination in a modern telephonic world.

    • wurman

      Is that a Star Wars variant?

  • cousin itt

    Today, we are all i.

  • vivian
    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      You cannae fool me, there ain’t no such thing as a sanity clause.

  • BadKitty904

    “IANAL” seems pretty apt, actually…

  • anna rampage

    He does realize that the judge can order him to stand trial wearing a straight jacket & ball gag?

    Or is that his fetishy fantasy?

    • bubbuhh

      Is this what is meant by Judicial Restraint?

      • Shoto

        Either that or Judicial Activism. I always get those two things mixed up.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      I vote for Spit Hood!

  • Nockular cavity

    “NO JAIL I.”

    Sorry, Horta libel.

  • Astraea
    • bubbuhh

      Politics is getting very furry.

      • The Wanderer

        And that makes me a sad panda.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Funny that no one is hacking the RNC’s network. Of course, it’s much easier to go to PornoTube and just download from the site using the standard interface…

  • Me The People

    So funny that these Sov Cit types still haven’t figured out that their shit don’t work unless it’s in the proper Latin.

    • bubbuhh

      Latin is one of the magicky languages. Is why all the best gigglelos are Latin.

    • Astraea

      They can’t even handle one language.

    • JustDon’tSayDittos

      Which reminds me, lawyer Latin-speakers, does Lisa Ludwig have say, “For fuck’s sake!” in Latin? Anyone know the Latin phrase?

      • Dudleydidwrong

        Nam prompter irrumabo, from what I can gather. My Latin teachers of many decades ago didn’t get to that lesson.

        • wurman

          I prefer propter coitus

    • wurman

      Hey! I looked up what you tried to write there. It has to be in “proper Latin,” hand written right to left backwards (à la da Vinci), then recited in the center of a circle on the courtroom floor while holding a crucifix in the left hand.

  • ITakeAcidAndIVote

    He lost me at “sovereign”.

  • Peripatetic Poltroon

    He’s right, you know. There is no law requiring him to be competent. A loophole many have taken advantage of.

  • Peripatetic Poltroon

    Also, “sovereign succotash” is genius.

  • Sounds like he’s renouncing his US citizenship. So after a nice long stint in Federal prison for violating the law, we should deport his ass to a country that will take him.

    • Astraea

      They only wish their nonsense would be taken that seriously.

    • Me The People

      That would be ‘Heaven’

      • Bemused

        There’s only one way to get to Heaven. I don’t think he’d like that either.

  • Me The People

    OT I got a small moth in my mouth there. Must be time to shut the door again lol

    • tehbaddr

      SO, how did it taste, powdery?

      • Me The People

        Dunno, it stuck to the roof of my mouth near the back, had to drink coffee to wash it down.

        • SisterArtemis

          protein

          • Barley_Brains

            With no cholesterol!

      • Dudleydidwrong

        Gluten free, I’ll bet. Maybe you can sell ’em.

  • Joshua Norton

    He still has a more sane concept of how government works that Donald Trump does.

    • BadKitty904

      I’m seeing a lot of similarities, now that you mention it, in their creative approach to Reality…

  • BadKitty904

    Heads up, Ryan…

    Dr. Moreau: *cracks whip* “What is the Law?
    Beastfolk: “Not to eat meat, that is the Law. Are we not Men?
    Dr. Moreau: *cracks whip* “What is the Law?
    Beastfolk: “Not to go on all fours, that is the Law. Are we not Men?
    Dr. Moreau: *cracks whip* “What is the Law?
    Beastfolk: “Not to spill blood, that is the Law. Are we not Men?

    • natoslug

      We are Devo.

      • The Wanderer

        The Bundys have dared to be stupid.

        • James Christopher Owen

          I could definitely believe that one or more of them has stuck his head in a microwave…

        • tehbaddr

          Send the Smart Patrol after them!

  • Oneofthebobs

    Self described idiot Ryan Bund, not satisfied with a fool for a client, chose an idiot instead.

  • AngryKatie

    This is an object lesson in why you shouldn’t park your car on your child’s head.

  • M3lod1us

    Let’s separate the world of reality from the world of fantasy. The two do not go together when dealing with federal charges.

    In the real world they are being charged with serious crimes and no magical set of words will see them free.

    However in the fantasy world in which the sovereign citizen’s beliefs on our system were actually true and that we we’re all divided up into three separate groups: The Very Secret Cabal (TVSC), the Sheeple, and the few, brave souls that know The Truth.

    Now in tonight’s episode our brave hero Ryan “The Super-Duper Patriot” Bundy and the entire Bundy Bunch who last season brought The Truth to millions of Patriots across this land and in a cliff hanger was illegally captured by the TVSC is currently languishing in a dungeon. But luckily our brave hero has the Answer “Lower case letters and punctuation will set us free.”

    If we work by the logic of that universe the Bundy Bunch would all soon be free, but would the TVSC just let them go? The TVSC runs everything and everyone after all. Why wouldn’t they just ignore their crazy laws and sentence the Bundy Bunch to a long prison term?

    Hmmm. Looks like fantasy and reality will meet after all.

    • bubbuhh

      Iz Marcia or Kelly a Sov Cit 2?

    • TJ Barke

      Right?

    • Thorn Spike

      “The Very Secret Cabal (TVSC)”

      This reads more like an SCTV skit.

      • M3lod1us

        SPECTRE was already taken.

  • bubbuhh

    How cum nun o teh Sov Cits evah declare they R nut subject 2 teh laws uv science?

    • Serai 1

      Wait.

    • Doug Langley

      U r 2 smrt 4 me.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Let’s test out this “law of gravity” thing by taking you up in a helicopter…

  • SullivanSt

    Were I the judge, I don’t think I would be able to resist the temptation to agree that “yes, you are an idiot, man”… especially for thinking any of that nonsense was at all significant.

  • The Wanderer

    Oh, thank Cthulhu! It says a lot when I consider an articule about the insanity of SovCits to be a breath of fresh air after Donald Trump!

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    Reminds me of a now-retired judge I knew, who, when confronted with one of these guys, let out an exasperated sigh and said, “Someone’s informed you that you can remain silent, right?”

    • Smokahontas

      Spit out my beer on that one!

  • Serai 1

    Wait, I thought e.e. cummings was dead.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      That’s what the Incorporated States of America would have you believe.

  • Enfant Terrible

    Authentic Sovereign Citizen Gibberish!

    If he’s trying for an insanity defense, he’s doing it wrong.

  • BadKitty904

    I think the state and federal government should send Ryan a bill for services-rendered up ’til the time he seceded from Reality.

    • tehbaddr

      Now who’s reality would that be? Surely for c, man; idiot, those bills would not exist.

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    #ALLCAPSMATTER

    • bubbuhh

      #SOVERREIGNCAPS

      • cousin itt

        #CAPGUNSHOOTBLANKS

        • Major_Major_Major

          #DONALDSHOOTSBLANKS

          • wurman

            Why don’t his sons look like Der Trumpenfuehrer? What’s up with that. Not even a little bit. It’s a dubious . . .

          • Major_Major_Major

            I’m going with test tube babies with Ted Bundy’s sperm.

          • wurman

            Bad testing tubes

          • Smokahontas

            #DONALDSCREWBANKS

  • masked mumbler

    Lol “i am without evidence to the contrary, therefore it is so” These men have the logical and philosophical abilities of a toddler.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Toddler libelz!

    • tehbaddr

      Don’t be mocking my belief in a higher god, and his most noodly appendage!

      • JustDon’tSayDittos

        Marinara be with you!

    • Barley_Brains

      Or a theologian.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      It’s worse than you think. I actually watched a motion hearing starring one of these fools. He was claiming that he did not have to pay his credit card bill because reasons. He started the “I have no evidence to the contrary” garbage, and counsel for the bank responded that they had provided all the evidence in discovery. He told the judge “I didn’t open the mail from them. I had it returned to sender, therefore their supposed evidence doesn’t exist.”

      • SisterArtemis

        Man, my paycheck is going to go soooooo much further now!

      • DainBramage

        “I’ve never studied any physics, much less ‘gravity’. Therefore, if I jump from the north side of the Grand Canyon, I will travel through the air and reach the southern side unharmed.”

        • UncleTravelingMatt

          And since you won’t remember any evidence to the contrary . . .

        • Kip TW

          The Road Runner Defense. Be sure to have the right verbiage on any little signs you may hold up. Couldn’t hurt to have a ludicrously tiny umbrella on hand as well.

        • Jamoche

          In the cartoon where Bugs explains how he and Elmer met:

          At one point, Elmer is about to fall from a cliff, but doesn’t fall because he hasn’t “studied gravity yet.” Later, Bugs leaves a book about gravity where Elmer will find it. Elmer reads it and the next time he steps off a cliff he falls, prompting him to adopt ignorance as his motto.

          Yep, that’s about it.

      • Notreelyhelping

        Also, as I learned when I was allegedly five years of age, you all disappear when I leave the room.

      • Smokahontas

        I hope the judge had a good chuckle before awarding judgment to the plaintiff plus fees!

    • Iam Reading

      Puts hands over eyes. YOU CAN’T SEE ME!

      • Smokahontas

        WHERE’S Iam Reading??!!? Where IS he??! He was JUST right HERE!!!

  • duckshoe

    For the many not familiar with the Multnomah County Detention Center, it’s an office tower. There are courtrooms, court staff offices, and the Central Precinct on the lower floors. Jail cells start at maybe the 8th floor? (It’s been years.) So braiding himself 12-15 feet of rope was even less effective than his legal work, if that’s possible.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      You have to admit, though, that Ryan is more than doing his part to keep Portland weird.

  • Poe’s Law

    * Puts away purple underwear *

    • Major_Major_Major

      Dr. Banner, now more than ever, USAmerica needs you. Noooooooooooo

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    Someone needs to charge him with semicolon abuse

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      There’s a prison joke there I’m not going anywhere near.

    • James Christopher Owen

      A semicolon cleansing is needed here, yes?

      • Smokahontas

        Punctuenema?

  • mancityfooty .

    “former NBA player”
    No, Kareem is the leading points scorer.
    Sportsball forever!

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      So he’s what, the former next Lebron?

      • mancityfooty .

        No disrespect, but look up the major players first.
        Lebron ain’t shit.

        • UncleTravelingMatt

          I was gonna say Kobe, but I don’t want Kareem driving up here and whomping my ass.

          • mancityfooty .

            skyhook up your…
            oh, yeah

          • mancityfooty .

            that mofo coached bball on an indian reservation for a $1 a year

        • Hairstrike Alpha

          Oh come on….I’m a big basketball fan too but Lebron ain’t shit? He’s won how many titles and he’s been to the finals what, six consecutive years on 2 different teams? Give LeBron some love.

          • mancityfooty .

            38,387 points

          • Hairstrike Alpha

            I’m not saying he’s greater than Kareem- I’m saying he’s also great in his own right. So give the man some love…

          • mancityfooty .

            nope, sorry, 4th on the list.
            I like my b ball
            KU

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      No, my name is Roger Murdock

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        Roger, Roger.

        • mancityfooty .

          over, over

        • Biff52

          Roger ain’t here either, man.

  • SisterArtemis

    when I saw “idiot” in the headline, I assumed some snark was involved (you know how we do, here in the wonkasphere) but nope, turns out it’s his term… for himself? I haz a confewz

    • Me The People

      The sov cits should all wear t-shirts and caps with ‘Idiot’ on them, to show their solidarity.

      • Smokahontas

        Tranny idot!

  • Steven Posey

    Every time I come across one of those sovereign citizen loons, they’re yammering off a list of random trial names and ordinance numbers, before some cop yanks them out of a car window. Police brutality is abhorrent, but it’s always hilarious to hear the wails of “I don’t consent! I don’t consent!” as some officer goes full on robocop.

    They really think they have a book of magic spells, like depressingly impotent, usually racist wizards.

    • Iam Reading

      Someone has been watching sovcit compilations on youtube!

      • Steven Posey

        Schadenfreude is the best breakfast.

    • Smokahontas

      Crazy Old Smokodad is one of these, he types his letters to the Court in Comic Sans. This gie speLz better tho.

      • Steven Posey

        My particular favorite was the “Free natural man”. Looked like Yukon Cornelius, complete with the giant mustache and blanket jacket.

    • therblig
  • Bemused

    Theoretically speaking, lets say that his position has validity. He is not a legal person and is not subject to the legal laws of the United States of American. Legal rights are also included in such things as laws. So if he is not subject to the laws, than he is not subject to the rights either. If this is the case, no law-enforcement agency could be held responsible for putting him in jail because he is not a person who has rights. He does not need a trial because he is not a person who is subject to the law that grants him a right to a trial. It seems to me that there would be nothing preventing anyone from just chucking him into whatever jail for the rest of his non-legal life.

    • Iam Reading

      We almost posted simultaneously. Yours is the better post. Mine is just a Cliffs Notes version

      • Bemused

        Snarky minds think alike. :P

    • DainBramage

      So, for legal purposes, he’s claiming to just be an lump of meat with no rights or responsibilities? I vote we move him and the other lumps to an uninhabited atoll out in the Pacific.

      • Biff52

        Lump. Rhymes with trump. Does this mean he just endorsed trump? This changes EVERYTHING!

  • Duke

    Great googly-moogly! He’s broken the code!

    • Me The People

      He walks free, all laws are invalidated and all of America becomes Deliverance Country.

    • tehbaddr

      I jumped up and down on the chest of the him. I injured the sovcit!

  • Iam Reading

    So we can just dump him in a gulag along with any othe sovcit we happen to pick up, yes?

    • therblig

      crate of dildos and 55 gal of lube? they’re all about the goo logs.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    “The Government stipulates that Mr. Bundy is an idiot.”

    Somewhere in Portland, there’s an AUSA with that document laying on his or her desk.

    • Steven Posey

      Suspect is thought to be armed, pink, and stupid.

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    He’s the one that got kicked by a mule, right? If so…good.

    • JustDon’tSayDittos

      He got runned over by his daddy’s truck.

      • SnarkOff

        Was his daddy driving?

        • JustDon’tSayDittos

          I think so. It’s beloved Wonkette’s archives somewhere.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          I heard daddy turned him the other way then drove over the other side of his head to try to “fix” it.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            ……….

      • Hairstrike Alpha

        I renew my “good” comment.

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    Hey Ryan- don’t do the crime if you can’t do the time!

  • Operation American Jesus®

    Boy howdy, Lowercase Ryan knows hiz sovbiz don’t he! He’s especially right about not being beholden to the American Bar Association because last year the ABA was sued for $600,000,000 dollars by the fake-judge group in Colorado (now led by fake-judge Bruce Doucette because the real leader (fake judge Steve Curry, who sold fake meteorites among other fake things, is in jail too for sovereigning hisself like a honking braying jackass) and one very verbose fake-judge in Alaska named Anna (followed by gobteen thousand last names). I just call her Anna von Strudel de la PopTart for short.

    The ABA failed to respond to that “lawsuit” in the very courts the sovcits deem invalid and unconstitutional, therefore the sovcits won, the ABA is bankrupt with nary a penny its name, is utterly powerless and also something about the Queen and the Vatican is better now too, but I forget exactly what. Many hoorays!!

    Below is a link to Anna von Strudel de la PopTart’s suit against the ABA. She can never say anything in less than 140 characters or less than 140 words, so that’s why she’s not on Twitter and why this writ is 44 pages long. Anna is super articulate, probably very high in the IQ department, but when it comes to Anna of a Thousand Names, I just don’t even.

    http://www.annavonreitz.com/commerciallien.pdf

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      A “Constitutional Ranger” from Colorado once deemed me “one of the good ones” and said that after all the other lawyers were deported (because being a member of the Bar means you are an English citizen) I would be allowed to stay.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        You must’ve felt very proud.

        • UncleTravelingMatt

          Confused, mostly.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            What did you do to earn their admiration, shoot up some petroglyphs or something?

          • UncleTravelingMatt

            I didn’t do anything. He had been arrested for discharging a firearm within city limits. I was appointed to represent him. Before I received notice of appointment, the Prosecutor informed me that he’d filed a motion to dismiss.

            Turns out, when he was in private practice, he did some work for the prior owners of the property upon which the gun was fired, now owned by Constitutional Ranger #7. The City’s border bisected the property. Depending on where he was standing on the property, he could have blazed away legally or been in violation of City Ordinance.

            I went to the jail, told my client to roll up, ’cause he’d be out in a matter of minutes, and that was it.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Western CO, I’m assuming.

          • UncleTravelingMatt

            This all happened in Idaho. He was from Weld County, CO. Moved to Idaho after being arrested in Weld County for impersonating a police officer. Ditto Arapaho Co.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Wingnuts in Idaho?? Nah, I don’t believe it.

      • Operation American Jesus®

        The fact that the “Constitutional Ranger” didn’t sovereign-citizens’ arrest you right then and there shows you also one of the lucky ones.

        The self-anointed constitutional rangers and marshals and deputies of sovcit Colorado have the POWAH! You don’t even wanna mess with them because they will really, in this here real world, file a malicious lien against your all your assets.

        Among actual malicious, scheming and scammery and not just gobsmacking stupid things they do, they file malicious liens against real judges, real bailiffs, real court clerks, real attorneys, etcetera. Very serious shiat right there.

        • UncleTravelingMatt

          Huh. Yeah, just addressed that below. He had been charged twice with impersonating a police officer before moving to Idaho.

        • UncleTravelingMatt

          He was convicted in Arapaho Co. but because he was 400 years old and looked like a slightly less healthy version of The Cryptkeeper, Colorado gave him a small fine and said go forth and sin no more.

    • Jamoche

      tl;dr version: “Is the sky green? Yes or No? If No, please explain.”

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    This one is going to get dramatized in “Portlandia” isn’t it?

  • HogeyeGrex

    and that he is owned solely by God, and responsible only to god, so your laws don’t count, so there.

    Render unto Caesar, motherfucker.

    Your soul can be as free as you want. The rest of you has to abide by the law.

    Also, too: dumbass capitalized his signature.

  • Callyson

    “i; ryan c., man” sounds like a comic book villain…

    …oh, right, this is a Bundy we’re talking about. In that case, I suppose I have to give him credit for being self aware at least.

  • Ilgattomorte

    i; the man:–) ilgattomorte am a citizen of the 3rd circle of hell;-‘which you get to by taking the styx highway and getting off at exit 36

    i;( am:- not related to Ilgattomorte, DBA, LLC, LMNOP; and sometimes Y and W.

    i:::;( swear all this to be true; as that herein i; will pinky swear.

    I*$; answer only to our dark lord SATAN;@– and therefore cannot be held responsible for this comment.!;;****

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    Any trolls about? It’s been a while since I kicked the ass of one….

    • DainBramage

      They seem to be in retreat as the DNC kicked the RNC’s tender bottom up and down the street.

    • Iam Reading

      NPR and mojo are lousy with them. Happy hunting

      • Smokahontas

        Saw you at mojo a couple days ago but I couldn’t say hi cuz I was with my mom and that’s just embarrassing!

  • Kip TW

    Well, obviously he’s scared of government, because if you take an S away and rearrange the rest of CONGRESS, it almost spells NEGROES, and that’s enough for a sovereign idiot. But doesn’t he know that all you have to do is walk up and say “Tubal Caine” to the judge in a normal speaking voice, and he’ll let you off with a Masonic butt bump?

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Ya got trouble in right here in River City
      With a capital T and that rhymes with P
      And that stands for Those People

  • Callyson

    i am without evidence to the contrary, therefore it is so

    Well, now I know how TrumpPenceZees’ logic works…

  • goonemeritus

    So this admitted illegal alien seized federal land and threatened our beloved constabulary with weapons. I’m told that Congress passed laws forbidding the incarceration of this kind of terrorist inside our borders. Don’t we have some black sites left over from the previous administration?

  • Hemp Dogbane

    i, hemp dogbane, man, am gettin’ pretty damn tired of people stealin’ my testosterone !

  • Biff52

    No argument here.

    Biff52, man, A Idiot

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Have to agree.

      punkindrublic, old man, idiot.

      • Astraea

        astraea, goddess, idiot

        • JustDon’tSayDittos

          just;don-t–>say: dittos, magnetic ink, idiot

          • Smokahontas

            Smokoidiot, drunken fool, idiot also too

          • therblig

            therblig; elemental motion id10t , as well and/

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            Huh. Guess I am the only genius around here.
            *struts around*

          • JustDon’tSayDittos

            That means you have cut all our meat!

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            ….You may want to consider rephrasing that. I am really mean, you know. And sort of uncouth.

          • JustDon’tSayDittos

            You don’t scare me!
            *strategically covers self*

          • Astraea

            Nice symbols. You might be getting closer to the code.

        • TJ Barke

          What offerings do you take and what rewards to you bestow upon your devotees?

          • Msgr_Moment

            We could try to find some virgins in here to sacrifice.

          • JustDon’tSayDittos

            Really? That could be a long search.

          • TJ Barke

            Virgins? What? We’re all defiled preverts around here.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            Speak for yourself, TJ. I am as pure as the driven snow.
            After Vdot gets a hold of it.

          • Astraea

            I take ameros and tuna sashimi. And some day I will return for real and bring the golden age, but I’m waiting for humans to stop being terrible.

            Could be a while.

    • msanthropesmr

      I am a special snoflake. I ar a moron.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Ma, that boy just ain’t never been right.

  • tehbaddr

    Is that a cheek load of chaw, or stupid he’s sporting there?

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      His head was run over by a truck when he was little. It’s unknown whether he was this stupid before the accident, but I’m guessing yes.

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        Apple, tree. I’m guessing you’re guess is correct.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        I am curious if his folks sought hospital care and, if so, did they pay for it.
        For reals, some doctor could have done something but they just care that much for their kids I guess.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          If they did, I can’t imagine them paying for it, rugged individualists that they are. All these Mormon fundies live in compounds a thousand miles from goatfuck, nowhere, but they’re not shy about grabbing all the free government shit they can lay their hands on.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            So basically they are the takers the GOP keeps yammering about?

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            The entire power elite in Colorado City is currently under indictment for massive food stamp and government services fraud, a scam they’ve been running for a generation. SOMEbody’s gotta pay for all those damn kids, and it sure as shit isn’t going to be them if they can help it.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            The whole pologyamy thingy thing, I have heard, is basically a food stamps scam.
            Because each secondary wife is not recognized as a married woman by law, and therefore as a single woman with no income, eligible for food stamps.
            Why, oh why, do the wingnuts never freak about the ACTUAL fraud I do not know.

          • JMP

            Because white is why they don’t freak out.

          • revenant

            plus extra-crispy bucket of Jeebus, which magically makes crimes and misdemeanors negligible

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            I keep forgetting that.
            My new office is staffed with a young black millenial, a slightly older than he but younger than I asian lady who was adopted by irish catholics, and my own mixed ass.
            Our entire division, we decided today, is getting deported come November. But since I am mixed, I get chopped up first. My big Euro nose gets to stay tho.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            A food stamps and sex-with-underage-girls scam.

  • Astraea

    I don’t know what I”m going to do with myself tonight since the convention is over. I suppose some of the stuff I didn’t get done during the conventions.

    • Sardonicuss

      I know.
      One week of despair drinking followed by one week of celebratory drinking. Maybe one week of rehab?

    • SnarkOff

      I’m thinking about getting drunk.

      • Sardonicuss

        You’ve convinced me. Stop with the arm twisting.

      • Astraea

        I still feel hungover!

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        What time should I come by?

        • SnarkOff

          Don’t tempt me!

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            That’s the whole idea!

    • msanthropesmr

      IKR? I’m like. Shouldn’t there be shouty people somewhere. And then, I’m like. What do I comment on. And then, I ‘m like. I gotta get another beer. And maybe some cookies.

      • Astraea

        I just replayed Jennifer Granholm’s speech. Who needs clean dishes.

        • Sardonicuss

          I may revisit the master..Barack. I have seen a few speculate that that could have been one of the greatest political speeches ever. (Cesca). It was pretty damn good.

          • Astraea

            He had the best words.

          • Sardonicuss

            Charlie Pierce had a great take on it as usual….and on Bill’s. Bill was a trip down a river. Old Charlie is a poet.

      • msanthropesmr

        Can I get cookie delivery? I don’t want to walk up to the end of the block.

    • Msgr_Moment

      WDWS: Wingnut Derangement Withdrawal Syndrome.

  • Shan the Libtart

    “I; ryan c, man, am not a creation of the Legal Society”

    So…you’re not a legal person and therefore are imminently abortable? Sweet!

    • Smokahontas

      Please proceed!!!

      • Shan the Libtart

        I would but there’s a 17520 hour waiting period.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      Is he illegal since he is not legal and if so, can we deport him somewhere? Cause the Republicans told us them illegals is all criminals.

    • Msgr_Moment

      ILLEAGLE!!! DEPORTT!!!

    • Hairstrike Alpha

      Post ‘bortion America….

  • SnarkOff

    whAt a FucKing asshoLe.

    • PattyJM

      That sums it up pretty well.

  • Panika MCD

    wasn’t there a commandment about honoring thy father and mather? one would think that all of a sudden changing your name would violate that quite a bit.

    disclaimer: my capitalization style has nothing to do with these jackwagons.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      Special disclaimer: Since he signs his name with the proper capitalization, doesn’t that make his statement null and void?

      • Panika MCD

        probs.

  • Notreelyhelping

    “Please inform Mr. Bundy that Ken Kesey is a beloved author in Oregon, and the court is quite familiar with the plot of ‘One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest.’ Though this court dismisses this argument as irrelevant, it wishes Mr. Bundy luck in trying harder.”

    • Sardonicuss

      He comes pre-lobotomized.

    • natoslug

      A little electroshock might help jumpstart his brain.

  • Msgr_Moment

    C’mon people. It’s all there in Article XII of that document he’s got in his shirt pocket.

  • Bemused

    Somewhere someone is writing a movie set in the old west. Some SovCit has committed a mortal offense and the jury has come back. The crusty old Sheriff takes him out back.

    A Idiot, “Hey, y’all can’t execute me! I’m a Sovereign Citizen of Heaven and you don’t have no jurisdiction.

    Crusty Sheriff, “I know, son, and that’s why this ain’t no execution. We’re jus extraditin’ your ass back to Heaven.”

    • therblig

      didn’t dead levon vinculum already craft a similar a masterpiece?

      • Bemused

        Possible but…
        Tc;Dnk
        (too country; do not know)

  • ViveLaRes

    This doofus’s grammar, punctuation and capitalization is even worse than what I get from the millenial business school grads at work.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      All three are SovCit codes. They really believe writing that way makes them special exempt from all laws except the ones they choose to force on everyone else.

  • Jen_Baker_VA

    Wait wait wait wait wait…because he says so, he is not bound by the laws of the US…but something? Makes the US bound by his laws because he says so?

    • msanthropesmr

      “I am not bound by the laws of gravity! Watch me fly!”

      • Msgr_Moment

        He has probably already slipped the bonds of the laws of syntax.

        • msanthropesmr

          “I am not bound by the bounds of sanity!”

        • revenant

          “the surly bonds of syntax”

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          Punctuation Tyranny is the worst!

      • Nounverb911
        • Msgr_Moment

          I always try to savor that first three seconds before gravity kicks in.

      • Astraea

        Watch out for little girls with buckets of water.

    • feministing

      i am not a citizen of the US! there is no such thing as government! i demand the US government pay me one MILlion dollars!

      • msanthropesmr

        So, I imagine someone’s brought this up, but – is that one million dollars legal tender? I mean, it’s issued by the government? Right? The illeagle one?

        • UnsaltedSinner

          Gold coins only, of course.

        • revenant

          the godless heathen government is fictional except when giving handouts to Sov Cits; at which point it magically pops into existence, only to disappear once again as soon as the check clears

    • revenant

      that’s the “Sovereign” part.
      “Every Man a King”!

  • Nounverb911

    OT!

    What’s your TRUMP SCORE? Find out how much Trump hates you with this one weird test.

    https://twitter.com/TheCut/status/759140119131594756

    • msanthropesmr

      I SCORED HIGHER THAN MELANIA TRUMP! MUST BE MY SMALL HANDS!

    • Poe’s Law

      My score: 649: very bad, sad person.

      I am so proud.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      525 – YOU ARE THE WORST PERSON
      Projected fate: DEPORTED

      wtf? I was borned in Philly. Where are they going to deport me to- Trenton?

      • msanthropesmr

        Woman. As a straight, white, Jewishish male with small hands, I don’t even rate scorn.

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          Oh hell, he wants you to count his money.

          • msanthropesmr

            With my small hands, and jewishishness, I’d be a natural.

          • Poe’s Law

            That’s creepy as hell.

      • bubbuhh

        Wow. I managed a 618. It must have been the penis

        • msanthropesmr

          692. Don’t hold it against me.

          • Astraea

            514!

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            We’ll move to Canadia with Pickwick, and stalk, I mean, respectfully admire Justin Truedeau. In?

          • Astraea

            I’m in! He’s not bad looking for a man.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            Well, I can stalk him, you can respectfully admire him. Win either way ^.^

          • BrianW

            Wow, that’s good. I got a 680. Then again, I’m a white straight male so there wasn’t much hope for a low score.

    • Msgr_Moment

      665 Irrelevant clown!

    • Astraea

      I scored higher than last time.

      Troubling.

      • Poe’s Law

        Random variation. I wouldn’t worry about it unless a trend develops.

        With you, it won’t.

        • Astraea

          I sure hope not. I want to keep my status as The Worst Person.

          • Poe’s Law

            I will always think you are The Worst Person. If the numbers disagree, damn statistics.

          • Astraea

            You’re so sweet. I think you’re The Worst Person, too!

          • Poe’s Law

            Aw, shucks.

    • TJ Barke

      Aw, I’m just A Very Bad Person, Sad!

      • Poe’s Law

        It’s because we’re white, male and born here. But we can overcome. We can pull ourselves down by our bootstraps.

        • berkeleyfarm

          I am a white born here Christian. But I am still THE WORST PERSON ;).

    • Marion in Savannah

      YAY!!! I am the WORST person! Prolly because I are a wimmenz. I’m apparently fated to languish in Trump Resort Guantanamo Bay.

  • Msgr_Moment

    tl;dr version for Ryan’s buddies:

    You’re not the boss of me!

    • SnarkOff

      “You’re not the boss of this idiot!” FIFY

    • kareemachan

      Said with a foot-stomp.

  • msanthropesmr

    So, I mean – right here, we have the classic, and cliched definition of insanity – doing something over and over, and expecting different results – has *any* one of these whackjobs EVER been released by a court? I imagine they think they’ll go in front of the judge and he or she will say “YOU’RE RIGHT! SHIT I NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT! LET’S MAKE THIS MAN A JUDGE!”

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      Think they are trying for the wear them down defense.

    • javadavis

      He’s playing to the [other] rubes idiots.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      These goobers live in isolated fundie hickoid communities where the local civic structure is all made up of their brethren, and this kind of nonsense is SOP. A real justice system is something they’ve never encountered before.

      • msanthropesmr

        I’ve said it before, I thought Dale Gribble was an unrealistic character, adn then I found out the problem was, his character didn’t go far enough. :(

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          And Dale was funny and essentially harmless. These inbred Mormon fundies are pretty scary folks in real life.

          • msanthropesmr

            I’ve given my name as Rusty Shackleford before….

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Perfect. King of the Hill was so brilliant.

        • BrianW

          I grew up with people like Dale Gribble. His speech patterns reminded me of my cousin.

        • UncleTravelingMatt

          I’d love to hear what Judge has to say (uncensored) about Dale Gribble and Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho being best-case scenarios.

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        My primary experience with them was in the area around Kamiah, Idaho, where Bo Gritz created a commune after the Ruby Ridge debacle. They were neither welcomed, nor particularly highly regarded, by the locals.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          Bo Gritz….was he the guy that led some whack-o vigilante turd hunt to free some hostages or something?

          • UncleTravelingMatt

            Something like that. He also shot himself in the head and somehow missed his brain. Then he moved to Nevada. I don’t know if all these things are related.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Hmmm. Changed his name to “Cliven Bundy” perhaps?

          • Marion in Savannah

            ” shot himself in the head and somehow missed his brain”

            Welp, if the head is large enough and we can assume the brain is almost nonexistant, how hard could that be?

        • Poe’s Law

          Are you trying to tell me that hicks are not all inbred, gap toothed, mouth breathing goobers,

          Who cling to their guns and bibles and hate all outsiders on site

          Who are ready at a moment’s notice to take arms against the infidel United States in order to defend a narrow minded vision of blood and soul and religion

          Are a sterotype?

          Get out.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      I asked one, one time, “do you seriously think that in 200 years of American jurisprudence, nobody was as smart as you, to think of this?”

      The answer: “I don’t know what you mean by juryprudish.”

      • msanthropesmr

        It means the jury don’t like nudity.

        • revenant

          unless it is tastefully done and intrinsic to the plot

  • mancityfooty .

    OT, Kaine spent his youth in KCMO]
    Awww yeah!

    • Shan the Libtart

      So did I. Ok, spent in NKCMO. Which was way worse.

      • mancityfooty .

        anytime spent north of the river

  • Grokenstein

    but it doesn’t make him magically immune from prosecution any more than painting his ass green and wearing purple undies would make him the Incredible Hulk.

    “It ain’t?!? Dang it all, they goes my next legal stratergy!”

  • Jen_Baker_VA

    All right, I say it is time that anyone who declares themselves not a citizen of the united states does not get the constitutional protections of citizens.
    Let us see how fast they change their magic code.

    • Jamoche

      http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/1863/12/the-man-without-a-country/308751/

      “This person on his trial by court-martial expressed with an oath the wish that he might ‘never hear of the United States again.’

      “The Court sentenced him to have his wish fulfilled.

      We’re gonna need a bigger boat.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        ….damn. That is…wow. I do not think I’d wish that on anyone.
        I just meant like don’t read him his miranda or something then laugh when he complains about it.

        • Jamoche

          Well, it was written in the middle of the Civil War; I don’t think the author thought subtlety was going to work.

      • Recipriversexclusons

        Thanks for read, that was excellent.

        It appears that Nolan wasn’t stripped of his citizenship nor did surrender it. Rather, it reads like the consequence of the Chinese proverb, “Be careful what you wish for…”. That being said, I doubt any of clan Bundy could conduct themselves so graciously under the best of circumstances.

    • kareemachan

      If they aren’t citizens, do they get their SS, Medicare, Medicaid, gummint help of many different kinds, etc?

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        Well of course. They EARNED those.

  • DainBramage

    Shakespeare would’ve had fun mocking these guys. Dogberry from Much Ado About Nothing —
    “Dost thou not suspect my place? dost thou not suspect my years? O that he were here to write me down an ass! But, masters, remember that I am an ass; though it be not written down, yet forget not that I am an ass. No, thou villain, thou art full of piety, as shall be proved upon thee by good witness. I am a wise fellow, and, which is more, an officer, and, which is more, a householder, and, which is more, as pretty a piece of flesh as any is in Messina, and one that knows the law, go to; and a rich fellow enough, go to; and a fellow that hath had losses, and one that hath two gowns and every thing handsome about him. Bring him away. O that I had been writ down an ass!”

    • UnsaltedSinner

      Clearly, Shakespeare had encountered their 16th century equivalents.

    • kareemachan

      Too many words for a Trumpette sycophant to bother reading.

      • DainBramage

        Yeah, Shakespeare had a lot of words. The best words.

  • Upright Ape

    The ol’ “Derp Defence” worked for Reagan during the Iran Contra Scandal……he said, under oath, “I can’t remember” *hundreds of times to hundreds of questions and totally skated on the whole sordid affair.

    *The scary thing is Reagan might have been telling the truth. He was dumb enough to have forgotten everything.

    • Sakonyachen

      Also too, I’m pretty sure he had dementia.

    • UnsaltedSinner

      It’s the one time his staff was thankful for his Alzheimer.

      • bubbuhh

        Al Zheimer was a helluva lawyer.

        • Marion in Savannah

          Lawyer? I coulda sworn he was a great Klezmer band member..

          • bubbuhh

            That wuz hiz nite job.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Just like that time Bill Clinton lied about getting a blow job. Exactly the same. Both sides do it.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        heh my favorite Clinton moment is the inhale thing.
        I used to tell people that sure, I tried pot, but I never exhaled.
        Good for a cheap chuckle every time.

        • Poe’s Law

          You’re supposed to exhale?

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            Not if you are doing it right.

    • revenant

      so did Alberto Gonzalez, some years later
      stern “Law and Order”, “Throw Away The Key” type right-wingers always suffer severe memory loss when hauled in to court as defendants; a thing that they would never let any ordinary alleged perpetrator get away with

    • CripesAmighty

      “Derp Defence” FTW. Hahahahahaha!

    • Marion in Savannah

      Not dumb — profoundly senile.

  • Sakonyachen

    This sounds more like a setup for an insanity plea than an actual defense. But then again, you don’t have to be crazy to be completely wrong.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “This makes me regret putting the semicolon in the home row.”
    — Christopher Scholes

    • kareemachan

      Lulz, I had to look up who he was.

  • CripesAmighty

    OT-In case you haven’t heard, the appellate court just handed the primate house known as the NC legislature it’s hat in a striking rebuke striking down it’s voter suppression statutes as having not merely discriminatory effect, but ‘discriminatory intent’. SLAM!

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      YESSSSSS. Heard that earlier ^.^
      Course, now they will totally have mass confusion and make excuses as to why it is too late to fix anything now and still massively suppress voters.

      • CripesAmighty

        They’ll prolly appeal, but Atty General Roy will probably aggressively enforce any injunctions ordered as a remedy. This is gonna get innerestin’.

      • Panika MCD

        5th Circuit told TX that they have to either alter or get rid of it by Nov. 8. but they’ve allowed a special election to go ahead with it. it’s pretty big because both they and SCOTUS have said consistently that changing things 8 months out would be too confusing. we’re moving in the right direction.

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          Slow but steady wins the race, comrad *hugs* the tides, they are turnin!

    • Panika MCD

      everyone always cares about NC. we got our TX voter ID law struck down by the 5th Circuit last week–and the 5th is full of assholes!

      • CripesAmighty

        2 down…

        • Panika MCD

          and half of our very own HB2.

  • pragmatist3

    If he wants to be paid $1million for playing the role of Ryan Bundy, then he better do a better job of it

    • Panika MCD

      but, look at that face!

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Any fellow Patriots feel like stopping by to go liberate some beer from the liquor store tonight?

    • Astraea

      I’m looking at my cat sleeping on the floor and thinking that stretching out next to her looks like the best option.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Sissy.

        • Astraea

          It’s true.

        • msanthropesmr

          I bought a 24 pack of Yuengling last thursday. Still going strong on that.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            You’re not trying hard enough. Mark up!

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Can I wear my blue tarp?

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        If you want to fit in with the rest of us, yes. And don’t forget your Bundy Edition Pocket Constitution!

      • Panika MCD

        are you going to share?

    • Juan de Fuca

      Just got home from work but did manage to liberate some beer from BevMo on the way home. ¡Salud!

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Slainte’. Pleasant weekend to the de Fuca clan.

        What flavor, btw?

        • Juan de Fuca

          Trying out Ballast Point’s Sculpin IPA. They just opened a new joint here in town so giving them a go. First one tastes pretty nice, not bad at all…

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            We got a new micro brew up round these here parts and it is Rusty Beaver and I am all hrm, I do not want beaver flavored beer.
            <—coward

          • Juan de Fuca

            ^would try^

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            ^not surprised^
            One of these days I will, because when I was in my misspent youth I had an appreciation for the finer hops of life.But gotta screw up that courage firstly just in case they make it with iron nails or something.

          • Juan de Fuca

            During my own misspent youth, I had an appreciation for anything new that Miller was marketing. BTW, checked out the Rusty Beaver website to see if our local BevMo is selling anything from ’em and love their motto – “You Never Forget Your First Beaver.”

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            It’s the closest micro to me, but still near an hour away…so yah, rural as fuck XD
            idk, tacky as it is, inuendo amuses me, especially when it is sooooooo very obvious like that.

          • Juan de Fuca

            There’s a microbrew down in Carlsbad that I sometimes hit up after a surf, if I’m surfing with my local mate down there. The name of the place is “Pizza Port” and they have some of the coolest names for their brew. Some of them are tacky, most are puns which is why I like the place. That and the beer is good. The pizza is okay but all pizza is decent pizza after spending a few hours in the sun and ocean.

            I love some of the names of these beers:

            http://www.pizzaport.com/grog/

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            I like how the URL is grog

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Like band names, all the good beer names are NOT taken. I’m amazed at some of the cluelessness. Moose Drool? Really?

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            When I was in collage it was railbender, which, depending on which brewmaster was making it, could have anything from 8-12%.
            Fucking good shit. Reddish, heady, smooth. Then they started bottling it and it went to a steady 7% and has a metalic aftertaste.
            Sigh.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Some of the early microbrewers were initially successful because it was still something of a novelty, but don’t really have the chops to compete now. So many brewers are really mastering the craft….you really have to bring your A game these days.

          • UncleTravelingMatt

            Here in SE Washington, we have some good local beers. They have resisted the “see how bitter we can make an IPA” trend that seemed to dominate PDX and Seattle for so long. It’s neat to watch some of the better brewers get away from IPAs and Hefes and move toward some other styles.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Name a few, if you don’t mind. I’m into the Belgian thing these days, but one of the things that drove me to it was exactly what you mentioned, that off-the-charts bitterness contest. That seems to have abated somewhat. I also came back to appreciating a real good regular Pale Ale also too. Odell’s St. Lupulin comes to mind.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            I love a good Belgian, always have. Nice and fruity aftertaste, nice and dark but not meal-in-a-cup like a stout.

            Erie Brewing Co. Makes a pale they call “Mad Anthony’s Pale Ale” and the slogan is, or was many moons ago “I’d storm hell if you’d only plan it”
            The old sticker is better than the current
            http://res.cloudinary.com/ratebeer/image/upload/w_120,c_limit/beer_7452.jpg

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            “I love a good Belgian, always have. And their beer is good too!”

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            Come to think of it, the beer has a fruity after taste too.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Mon Dieu!

          • UncleTravelingMatt

            Terminal Gravity (Enterprise, OR); Riverport (Clarkston, WA); No-Li (Spokane, WA); Laht Neppur (Waitsburg, WA/Walla Walla, WA) are my go-tos. Laht Neppur is particularly interesting, with some sort-of-almost-lambic-hybrids, which, while not my thing, are really popular.

            Most of them have decided to really focus on making either a good common or a good kolsch.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            I’ll keep an eye out. Some of the local taphouse bottle shops are really good about ordering in things people recommend.

          • UncleTravelingMatt

            You never know. My buddy in the Bay Area started cruising Grocery Outlet ’cause they regularly carried Pike and Elysian beers. He finds TG and No-Li there from time to time.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            I tried a blood orange pale ale from Elysian last week. Never had their beer before….it was really good.

          • UncleTravelingMatt

            Just now occurred to me that you mean styles, not brewers.

            I like a good Kolsch, and brewers here are really getting into them. To me, a brewer can’t hide much when they brew a Kolsch — it’s either good, or it’s not. American Pale Ales/California Commons are kind of the same way, I think. This area has a lot of German influence, so some more traditional Bocks and Maibocks are surfacing, and that’s always good (particularly the maibocks.)

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Feel the same way about Pilsners…not an easy beer to brew, and like you said about Kolsch, nowhere to hide.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            They were more a local than a micro and eventually spread through PA. But same same.

          • UncleTravelingMatt

            I liked a now closed micro called Skull & Bones because the t-shirts rocked. The beer was not good, but the motto was “When you need a beer really bad, we make a really bad beer.”

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Gotta admire truth in advertising.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Ooh, I love Sculpin. The Grapefruit IPA is really good too…just the perfect hint of fruit flavor. A place we play pretty regularly has Ballast Point beers on tap, and they’re pretty free with the pints. I’ve mostly shown admirable self-restraint.

    • mancityfooty .

      KC Chiefs say, “Aww hell, we haven’t won anything since the ’60s”

    • kareemachan

      I would, but I can’t drink alcohol right now, and I need to go admire our master bathroom at least once every half hour, as I just finished cleaning and painting it, and refinishing the molding. It is BEAUTIFUL!! And why did it take us this long to do something which took a total of two days to finish?

      • Panika MCD

        that would seem to be an argument for more beer and an early breaking of the seal.

        • Marion in Savannah

          Gazackly. Sit on the edge of the beautiful tub and admire your handiwork WHILE having a beer.

          • GeneralLerong

            Hell, fill the tub with beer.

    • Panika MCD

      I would, but I’m going to my friend’s show. I will liberate some beer and whiskey from the bar in your honor.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Thank you for your service, comrade.

  • pgjack

    Seems like he’s got the idiot part right.

  • Msgr_Moment

    God is the sole sovereign of I

    I is always whining.

    Old pirates, yes, they rob I;
    Sold I to the merchant ships,
    Minutes after they took I
    From the bottomless pit.

  • bubbuhh

    Well, oopz. Trump’s teenie tiny appendages seem to have fumbled somethin away away O!

    Clinton leads Trump by 6 points after Democratic confab:
    Reuters/Ipsos poll

    http://www.reuters.com/article/us-usa-election-poll-idUSKCN1092M5

    • Astraea
      • Msgr_Moment

        WTF?

        • Astraea

          it’s cracking me up. It’s when all the sparklers and stuff started going off up above them.

          • jowgajen

            Isn’t that the face your mom/grandma made in order to get you to eat your peas?

          • malsperanza

            I love me some DNC, but I will spend most of this weekend laughing at gifs of Bill Clinton playing with balloons.

    • Panika MCD

      hoping it goes up a bit more.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        In reality it will, but the press will never report it. They will skew it until it is as close as possible and look how tight it is! That way they get to yammer about her untrustworthyness, their favorite of topics.

    • proudgrampa

      For statistics nerds (I’m one), check out this relatively new concept: Credibility Intervals:
      https://ipsos-na.com/dl/pdf/research/public-affairs/IpsosPA_CredibilityIntervals.pdf

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        I would like to know how any online pole can have a credibility interval.
        for srs.

        • proudgrampa

          I know, but ya GOTTA BELIEVE (no, you don’t).

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            I don’t actually believe any polls XD For or against whom I am for or against lol, does not matter. It is like the local weather report- yeah they are getting more “accurate” and “scientific” if you do not mind that it may or may not reflect the reality of what is going on.

          • proudgrampa

            I remember calling the US Weather Service years ago for a report. They said, “Hold on, let me look out the window.”

            I at least admire this entity for attempting to put some constraints around the online poll. They recognize the problems with “margin of error.”

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            I wish them all the luck in the world! And really hope they succeed.
            I still however will bring my umbrella XD

          • proudgrampa

            You are wise, my friend, to always bring an umbrella!

      • bubbuhh

        Thankz.

        • proudgrampa

          You betcha.

  • revenant

    “i am without evidence…”
    or the first fucking clue

  • AnOuthouse

    Sounds like he’s an angel.

  • kareemachan

    He done LUV his semi-colons, that’s for sure. And what’s with using “I” instead of “me”?

  • Operation American Jesus®

    In another bit of sovcit good news, sort of, the remainder of the Sovereign Singing Mom’s children have been taken into care by CPS. The older kids know mom is very mentally unstable (one son even postage as such on Facebook and asked everyone to please gentle with his mom because she’s mentally unwell), but despite the physical violence and neglect in the home and on the road, they all still love their mom. A very complex situation for the kids, as mom’s mental status might not be fixable.

    http://www.oregonlive.com/oregon-standoff/2016/07/oregon_standoffs_singing_mom_l.html

    Singing at Malheur for Jesus, for tax-exempt donations and for perhaps an opportunity to escape:
    ….
    http://image.oregonlive.com/home/olive-media/width960/img/oregonian/photo/2016/05/03/odalis-sharp-p1070445jpeg-b4c7f6387ce4a283.jpeg

    • Msgr_Moment

      May she get the help she needs. Ramen.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Mother of God. No snarking at this.

    • Panika MCD

      the Prima Momma is mentally unstable and I love her anyway.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      Those are some good kids, hey. Here is hoping they get out and don’t fall into the same traps.

    • TJ Barke

      You gotta be pretty unstable to buy into the sovcit nonsense in the first place, but damn, what a mess.

    • Astraea

      I hope they all get the help they need, and that those kids can stay out of that environment. Poor things.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Weird that they have so many more legal complications than the average American.

  • Astraea
    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Took drublic jr. to see a traveling stage production of that when he was a lad. It was great, good live band…

  • NorthernSaber

    You know, I think that with the right, ahem, “ambience” all this lower-case I ranting could read like Bob Marley song lyrics.

  • TheGrandWaz00

    I thought my sewer had backed up this afternoon until I turned on my TV and saw Trump was in town.

  • Blender_415

    Full confession: I never really paid attention to photos of this guy, just his actions… I thought his face looked a little weird in pics because he always had a face full of chewing tobacco action going on. My housemate is laughing her ass off in my general direction right now…

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      His dad ran over his head with a truck.

      • Blender_415

        Hi Jen! Thanks for the additional confirmation that I’m A Idiot; you, my housemate and the entire Google Machine Universe can now laugh at me.

        That being said, he’s still a fucktard.

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          You are not an idiot, I R. It was truck fell on him, I thought it was runned over XD

          idk, I can’t help but feel for the guy a little. YES adult responsibility, but how much mental and pysical trauma has he suffered in life? Has he ever had a chance at all?

      • bubbuhh

        Realiez? Dad wheeliez on hiz head?

      • cessnadriver

        Ford LTD. Fell off a jackstand. Daddie didn’t take him to the doctor. A bone spur cut into a nerve. Docs could have fixed it.

        • Jenny

          That is fucked up. How can you just say shake it off kid. The blood alone would have been traumatic. What a dick.

          • cessnadriver

            Cliveyboy turned it into a momo life lesson. People who know them say that Cliveyboy would mock Squishedhead constantly about his face. Just like Jesus wanted.

    • cessnadriver

      I want to buy a Ford LTD and drive it around the courthouse with a magnetic sign that says, “here to finish the job!”.

  • bubbuhh

    U no who else might be a SOV CIT? Melania Trump!!!! As a SOV CIT, it wuz fine fine fine 4 her 2 award herself a college degree. Explainz how she wuz able 2 write Michelle Obama’s speech 2.

    Anywayz, Melania may have decided 2 go under teh covers wif her eceptionalizms. Her website has vanished into the intertubez winds.

    http://www.nbcbayarea.com/news/national-international/Melania-Trumps-Website-Deleted-After-Degree-Claims-Debunked-388590372.html

    Sad.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      Trump released a statement about the website on Twitter Thursday: “The website in question was created in 2012 and has been removed because it does not accurately reflect my current business and professional interests.”

      uhm. It was her website. What the…..

      • bubbuhh

        Wow. Trump haz no clue how thingz float around in the interwebz forever. Weak.

      • malsperanza

        That was supposedly Melania’s statement, released on her behalf by the Trump Organization, and then tweeted out by loving husbo.

        “Does not accurately reflect” is pretty much on point, tho. It didn’t accurately reflect squat, did it?

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          yeaaahhhhhh. Something tells me they may claim it was supposed to be Melania’s statement, but it really wasn’t.

  • Randy Riddle

    “i am incompetent; and; am not required by any law to be competent.”

    Wait … didn’t Trump tweet this a couple of days ago?

  • bluicebank

    Having once played attorney (as executor of my Dad’s estate), I could’ve told “ryan c” he ain’t getting anywhere in court with that crap. Da court wants clean typing, proper syntax, a few Latin words, and all the proper forms in triplicate. Being an idiot doesn’t mean squat. He needs to invoke the In Santa-y Clause, instead.

  • Vegan and Tiara

    Three words I never want to hear spew out of Roger Ailes’s dirty mouth: “dance for me.” This is Fifty Shades of GROSS:

    http://nymag.com/daily/intelligencer/2016/07/fmr-fox-booker-harassed-by-ailes-for-20-years.html

    Uggh…I think I need a Silkwood shower.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      This is what I find very interesting:
      filing Freedom of Information Act requests on Ailes’s competitors Charlie Black, Paul Manafort, and Roger Stone, the latter two of whom are now advising Trump.

      One wonders if this would ever have come to light otherwise.

      • Vegan and Tiara

        That caught my eye, too. The timing of all of this was a bit odd as well.

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          All the timing is a bit odd. One wonders if certain Russian Hackers and such are not part of the weird thing going on.
          And how pissed they are all going to be when they don’t get paid at the end of this all.

          • vivian

            This script does not end well for the Donnie.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            Hope he knows that the Russians do not take being stiffed or “renegotiated” very well.
            Even a little bit.

          • natoslug

            I’m perfectly happy with him having a teachable moment, as it were.

  • Nounverb911
  • UpstateNYObserver

    Really, the SocCit shit has been put down over and over and over again. The courts really need to just hold these shit stains in contempt, add the processing costs to whatever their bill ultimately becomes and call it a day. Then actually enforce the collection of the fine. Seize their house, car and most important their guns. These morons will actually think twice if their penis extenders are taken away.

    • Vegan and Tiara

      I know from experience that judges do NOT like that SovCit shit.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        Even the late, sainted Antonin would have rejected this shit. Everybody knows that the only sovereigns are the Koch Bros.

      • UpstateNYObserver

        Yeah, but they still let them prattle and don’t shut them down. We had one out my way that didn’t pay his school taxes for more than 10 years AND got elected to the school board. Sometimes the courts just can’t summon up the cojones to make examples of these idiots. They can lock a 17 year old black kid up for years for possession of weed, but this scum suckers can dance around the courts for years with literally no consequences. They may not like it but the don’t slap it down like they could.

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          They’re trying to keep the peace. Most of these jokers are heavily armed and their friends are as well.

          • UpstateNYObserver

            I would refer you to a group called “MOVE” in Philadelphia a few years back. The difference was simply skin tone. If ever there was a clearer example of white privilege it’s these assholes. If they engage in armed insurrection, treat them appropriately. Most, if not all, of these dipshits have probably never drawn combat pay, have never taken, much less returned, fire and have never seen what a Cobra or Apache can do. I doubt seriously that any of them would do much of anything once it got real except drop a load in their pants. Even those that claim to be be veterans of Iraq, Afghanistan or Vietnam were likely to not carry an MOS that started with 11 or actually took or returned fire. Hunkering down in a bunker during a rocket or mortar attack is way, way different than dealing with a full on firefight.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            I remember that fiasco. Were they as well armed, however? With networks of fellow “patriots” in surrounding counties and states?

          • UpstateNYObserver

            The reality is that this “network” is comprised of morons who put holes in paper not bodies. They’ve never seen a real firefight or it’s aftermath. If they do respond violently then do what they desire..kill them. We can dance around this forever but these shiteaters are advocating and practicing terrorism. If we’re willing to kill someone with black or brown skin then killing these assholes should be dirt simple. The whole white privilege thing makes it fuzzy, but they’re not immune nor should they be. You point a gun, you eat a bullet.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            Oh I agree! I am just reasoning why the judges tend to grunt and mutter about it.
            Plus yeah, that whole if they are white than they should be given a stern talking to pisses me off to no end XD
            HOWEVER, as we saw at camp Bundy, these fellows are very armed, and they will swarm together. That is why they waited so long to pick them off methinks; the less martyrs made, the less momentum the movement gains, so to speak.

          • UpstateNYObserver

            I’d love to see how much they’d swarm if a gunship showed up and cleared the field. The swarming happens because they’ve learned that they’re white and there are few, if any ,consequences. Finicum was an anomaly. If when they had the first confrontation with the Bundy’s the Feds responded with serious force, we would not have the fiasco at Malheur. These shits talk big but real risk, real shooting ain’t on the menu.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            The swarming happens because they’ve learned that they’re white and there are few, if any ,consequences.

            This a million times. Though I disagree about the force at the Bundy’s. Those people were more than willing to shoot people. They really were.

          • UpstateNYObserver

            Oh they’re well armed but actually doing something when someone is shooting back (as opposed to paper or tin cans) is a whole different critter. There’s a cable channel that focused on fantasy firefights – and that’s all these shithead know. A real one is not what they think it is. Armed or not, their first priority will be clean underwear.

  • malsperanza

    Didn’t some asshole in the House or a state lege just urge sovereign citizens to shoot police? Now I can’t find the reference …

    • cessnadriver

      One of trumpies butt-boys from Georgia.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      uh huh. If you knock on my door….

  • cessnadriver

    It’s gonna work this time. Just you wait and see. It’s gonna work.

    • Be Gin

      Legal Faith Healing?

      • cessnadriver

        Cliveyboy’s prayers sure worked wonders after he dropped the LTD on his son’s head! The kid was and is a good as new!

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          fucker should come up on charges for that.

          • cessnadriver

            Mormon county, mormon state. It’s changed a bit in the south since then, but it’s still true.

    • Ima Witstüp

      Aw Bullwinkle, that trick never works!

  • proudgrampa

    I, a man!

    What A Idiot.

  • Mehmeisterjr

    Nothing about flag fringes?

    This guy has a fool, man as a citizen of Heaven client.

    • Operation American Jesus®

      Gold fringe, the abomination of ALL the fringes!

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        We should sew up a few flags with copper fringe, and place them around town sometime, just for the larfs

        • Operation American Jesus®

          Oopsy. A certain constitutionally expert person and lover of America and Jesus and freedom for he but not for me…was caught waving a befringed flag. Tsk-tsk.

          Treason! Traitor!

          Guards!! SEIZE HIM!!

          https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/2e93f339a1dc00e352d30344019086cd74e706f2ffe8ddf9b8670eb93b0f924e.png

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            ILLUNINATTTIII!!!!! Also, I think they hate him now and stuff.

          • Operation American Jesus®

            Well now, see ya got yer regular Illuninatttiii overlords who are in cahoots, CAHOOTS I SAY!, with the Queen and the Pope and Hello Kitty and whatnot.

            But then ya got yer Gloomynaughties, several levels down in power because they’re just harmless folks with a bit of the blues, diagnosed as clinical sad-sacks, who care far more about getting their paws on Oreo’s new cupcake-in-a-cookie thing than they worry about those stupid shape-shifting lizard-peeps because that shiat’s just ridonkadonk.

  • Lee Hillhouse

    OK, this might actually be one of those situations where a psychiatric examination is called for. Dude’s a loon.

    • starfanglednut

      So that’s why he occupied a bird refuge.

  • JD Mulvey

    As a certified US non-lawyer, I’m pretty sure that when ryan bundy, the man, sued the gubment to get his Facebook and his guns, it constituted a waiver of his claims that he is not subject to the federal gubment’s jurisdiction.

    So now he’s a slave like the rest of us, which is what social media will do to a person.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      That’s the funny thing about the US — once you’re in, you’re in. Becoming a non-American is just this side of impossible.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        So like Catholics?

        • UncleTravelingMatt

          You been talkin’ to my mom?

      • Major_Major_Major

        Unless you’re black/brown/Female/gay and the Sovcit Messiah gets elected.

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          Should that not be BBall? Since orange and all

    • TJ Barke

      That’s why I don’t book the face.

      • JD Mulvey

        I lose a little more brain cells sovereignty every time I look at it.

  • JD Mulvey

    I want a reporter to ask Donald Trump for a comment on this story.

  • BloviateMe

    Yeah but…

    • bubbuhh

      Hello, Iman E. Diot speakiin…of the Northwest Diots.

  • Panika MCD

    OT: you know that idiot proposal to make women have fetus funerals in TX? other than it totally not being legal, they’re having a hearing on it next Thursday and I’ll be covering it. I’m probably going to do it from home, but I do put anything I can’t put in my reports on my FacePlace during the hearings for all that are interested.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      Yes please, thank you. Because if they can get away with that shit….even in Texas….

      • Panika MCD

        they probably can with a law, but this is a proposed agency rule that originated at HHSC which does not oversee such matters, but which is in the process of absorbing DSHS that does. I think this is definitely over-reach when it comes to agency rule-making authority.

    • Bemused

      Do you even have to have a funeral for born-persons? I thought you could just cremate grandpa and, like, leave him in a jar on the mantle.

      • natoslug

        I keep telling my kids and wife that I don’t want a jar. Turn my cremains into a concrete garden sculpture — a priapic turtle or something. A jar on the mantle is a waste, while garden art is a waste you’ll trip over for a lifetime.

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          Turtle? Not a slug?
          It should totally be a slug.

          • natoslug

            The problem with a concrete slug is that there’s a fine line between a slug and a turd.

        • Jenny

          I want to be a pink synthetic diamond!

      • Panika MCD

        I believe that is an option, but, no, you don’t have to have a funeral. however, unless you’ve donated your body to other purposes (like SCIENCE!), you usually can’t have a body released unless it’s to a licensed funeral director or crematory. I believe this will be brought up at the hearing–and the fact that we can’t donate the fetuses to SCIENCE things. I’m personally planning on donating my body to train search and rescue dogs (something that became legal in TX just last year), but they cremate the remains and return them to the family.

  • Brian

    OT: Trump’s campaign is completely inept. Trump spoke today in Colorado, which Clinton is so confident in, she pulled her advertising. Trump sent Jr. to Mississippi, which, sure they might vote for Clinton, never. And Trump was supposed to start a Latino vote campaign, then they cancelled the one Latino-centric event they had scheduled. It’s fantastic. And he has no events planned this weekend. Hillary’s gonna win by a bazillion votes.

    • bubbuhh

      Let us hope Trump continues to listen to himself and run everything with his exceptional brainz.

      • TJ Barke

        Worked for Hitler. Wait…

        • Brian

          Hilter had Goebbels to run PR and Himmler to keep him focused, they were evil but they were good at what they did. Trump doesn’t have anyone who’s good at what they do.

          • TJ Barke

            Yeah, but towards the end he started making his own decisions, we know how that went…

          • Brian

            exactly how Trump’s going now.

      • Brian

        he’s going to spend money in NY, he’s a geniuz

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          He’s determined to win his home state because they “love him”

          It is amazing, it really, really is.

          Edit: though come to think of it, he could be picking these states based on which of his buisinesses he can “reimburse” out of his war chest.

          • Brian

            that does seem likely, all the meal in Trump hotels. Look for a lot of event in south Florida and Scotland. Scotland is definitely a swing state.

          • cat cafe

            I think he literally is only holding rallies where he has properties he can make everyone stay at.

      • Reddishrabbit

        Hiz leader SMRT movemeent! Win!

      • bluicebank
      • cat cafe

        And his temperament, today, he literally said, “I have the best temperament, I have the best temperament of ANYONE who has ever run for President!” It’s true, when you think of deeply Presidential temperaments, it’s Trump ahead of FDR, Lincoln, Kennedy, Obama….

    • Jenny

      What a coinky dink! Just today I got a letter from the RNC saying be a delegate for the next convention (and also fill out this survey and give us money). I laughed so hard at “liberal republican.” Anyways the bastards didn’t even pay for a postage paid envelope. SAD!

      See below:

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        they….do know the conventions are done with, right?

        • Jenny

          Next convention! You know where they try to be super liberal and take back the white house, courtesy of my “be more like the damn democrats survey!”

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            OHHHHhhhhh. rofl they are already moving on to the next one XD FUNNY

          • Jenny

            I’ve gotten similar surveys in the past, none have ever asked whether they were too divisive on social issues. It’s usually do you support our stance on protecting the sanctity of marriage? Yes or OF COURSE YES, etc.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            They’re such….I do not know. It is like double down is not their go to move, it is their only move.

          • Jenny

            Fox news has their own special category in the survey. It asks where you get your news from. There’s cable networks, other tv, blogs, newspaper web and print, magazines, and fox news. Lol I really would love to see their data. I bet it is cray!

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            No wonder they were so shocked when McCain and Mittens lost. When all you hear is what you want to hear, you think you’re fine I recon.

      • TJ Barke

        Liberal republican? What, like Eisenhower? They’re extinct.

      • Jamoche

        Do they seriously not understand when to use the word “Democratic”?

    • Daisy

      Mississippi? They’re campaigning in Mississippi? THAT IS HILARIOUS!

      Under what circumstances would fucking TRUMP lose Mississippi!?

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        They cheer for him loud there.

      • Brian

        they could lose it, if Trump suddenly turned black.

    • Florida Farmer

      In the past week here in Florida, he also bailed on an Hispanic talk thing (for the second time) but had no issues having some press at the Doral. But, ya know, the Latinos just love him!*

      *According to Trump. No guarantees are offered for this statement, implied or explicit. Trademark Cheeto Godzilla, 2016. All rights reserved. For white folks.

    • Vienna Woods

      Then there’s this…
      Trump insists he’ll win VA because “I have a lot of property [there], a lot of employees, I pay them a lot of money.”

  • Jenny

    Enemy combatant, military tribunals, Gitmo. Sounds like a good idea for a non citizen who commits terrorism!!!???

  • beavertank

    I sure hope he enjoys prison… Because he’s going to be spending a loooong time there.

  • Major_Major_Major

    The RWNJ moral high ground, as unconstitutional today as it was in 1789

  • greyXstar

    I have a headache.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      I recommend either a nice pain reliever, or a more holistic approach- sleep in a cool, dark, quiet and comfy place (with a cold wet rag so you can actually maybe get to sleep) or hair of the dog.
      If those fail, a new forehead may be in order.

      • greyXstar

        New forehead it is!

    • natoslug

      Is it in your person, your agent, or your settler?

    • Vienna Woods

      I do NOT have a headache, and haven’t for three weeks now, because I was getting sick and tired of fucking migraines and got a daith ear piercing. And it worked. I just wanted to share my happiness.

      • natoslug

        My cousin swears by Botox for her migraines. She got our grandmother’s genes, apparently, who managed a migraine or two a week. And as a side-effect, she looks like she’s so young! Well, she is young, but still. The only bad side-effect is that she just started a PR firm with Van Jones. Wait, is that a bad side-effect?

        • Jenny

          I agree Botox worked miracles, that and divorcing. Actually it was probably the divorcing.

          • natoslug

            Divorce cures many things.

        • Vienna Woods

          I’ve had botox in the past and it did work, but it is too fucking expensive to keep getting it done every 3 or 4 months. So I decided to try this instead. We’ve had massive thunderstorms a few times in the last week and the low pressure is my trigger, but no migraines!

          • natoslug

            If I start going through them again, I’ll have to find out what a daith ear piercing is. I had a cluster in 2000-2001, then a few a couple of months ago, but that’s it in 48 years. I do NOT want to do more, though. So glad not to be one of those people who have to schedule their lives around them.

  • sw19womble

    I’m sure it’s been said
    (below) but
    ee cummings has a lot
    to answer for

    • TJ Barke

      Say, womble, do you have a favorite anime… “pundit”, for lack of a better word? Like Digibro or Mother’s Basement?

      • sw19womble

        Tbh I tend to watch ‘anime on crack’ youtube vines like Anime Brain or Fenichi de Toeni or else AnimeEveryday, or Anime America and Misty Chronexia to pick up tips on new seasons and older anime genres.
        HTH

    • proudgrampa

      i sing of Olaf glad and big
      whose warmest heart recoiled at war:
      a conscientious object-or
      his wellbelovéd colonel(trig
      westpointer most succinctly bred)
      took erring Olaf soon in hand;
      but–though an host of overjoyed
      noncoms(first knocking on the head
      him)do through icy waters roll
      that helplessness which others stroke
      with brushes recently employed
      anent this muddy toiletbowl,
      while kindred intellects evoke
      allegiance per blunt instruments–
      Olaf(being to all intents
      a corpse and wanting any rag
      upon what God unto him gave)
      responds,without getting annoyed
      “I will not kiss your fucking flag”

      straightway the silver bird looked grave
      (departing hurriedly to shave)

      but–though all kinds of officers
      (a yearning nation’s blueeyed pride)
      their passive prey did kick and curse
      until for wear their clarion
      voices and boots were much the worse,
      and egged the firstclassprivates on
      his rectum wickedly to tease
      by means of skilfully applied
      bayonets roasted hot with heat–
      Olaf(upon what were once knees)
      does almost ceaselessly repeat
      “there is some shit I will not eat”

      our president,being of which
      assertions duly notified
      threw the yellowsonofabitch
      into a dungeon,where he died

      Christ(of His mercy infinite)
      i pray to see;and Olaf,too

      preponderatingly because
      unless statistics lie he was
      more brave than me:more blond than you.

      • bubbuhh

        A favorite since my high school. I was fortunate enough to go school in a state and county which encouraged instead of censoring wide reading.

        • proudgrampa

          You were lucky. I didn’t see this poem until university.

    • cat cafe

      somewhere i, the agent, the settler, and the idiot, have never travelled, gladly beyond any experience,your eyes have their silence:
      in your most frail gesture are things which enclose i, the agent, the settler, and the idiot,
      or which i, the agent, the settler, and the idiot, cannot touch because they are too near

      your slightest look easily will unclose me
      though i have closed myself as fingers,
      i am without evidence, therefore it is so

    • Don Marquis as well

      coarse
      jacosity
      catches the crowd
      shakespeare
      and i
      are often
      low browed

  • Mahousu

    This is the worst e.e. cummings imitation I’ve ever seen.

    • cat cafe

      Haha! Yes, it’s a TERRIBLE poem!

  • Joseph Stans

    Does Ryan Bundy, man, carry a spare pair of socks in his cheek? Because that would be weird.

  • Pookabun

    I legitimately do not understand why these people keep trying this shit when it has, demonstrably, never worked. At all ever anywhere. I know, magical thinking, but at least with god or woo or whatever there’s meant to be a future reward – this SovCit stuff is supposed to have an immediate effect and never does so WHY???

    • TJ Barke

      The most obvious conspiracist rationalization: that the media covers up the fact that it does actually work, and lots of anecdotal evidence from bullshitters that claim that it has worked.

    • cat cafe

      Well, they’re idiots. And also criminals, almost to a man. Those two populations aren’t very good at critical thinking, understanding actions and consequences, or that you actually have to cooperate and work to gain things, not just steal and do whatever you want.

    • UpstateNYObserver

      Einstein’s definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting the result to change. The basic framework of the SovCit idiots in a nutshell.

    • natoslug

      Personally, I hope they never learn. If I ever find myself unemployed, it is nice knowing that there’s a good market out there for insane bullshit, as long as I wrap it in the stupidest and most outlandish conspiracy theory I can think of.

      Carp eyes. They cure cancer, lumbago, and if wired with copper and placed around your skull, prevent the NSA from reading your thoughts. You gotta buy my authentic carp eyes! You know the NSA is using psychotropic drugs they put in your foot powder to make you weak and malleable and read your thoughts . . .

    • Jamoche

      Cargo cult thinking: the big magic words work for lawyers, so if it hasn’t worked for them yet it’s just because they haven’t got the incantation quite right yet.

  • bluicebank
    • vivian

      Scroll down my friend, scroll down…

      • bluicebank

        All on the same page!

    • Brian
    • proudgrampa

      I have always loved this scene.

      “You can’t fool me, there ain’t no Sanity Clause!”

  • Brian

    hey, just a reminder Khizr Khan will be on Lawrence O’Donnell which starts in half hour on east coast.

  • Brian

    Oh, crap, Clinton’s campaign emails were hacked. This will be a never ending shitshow funded by the Kremlin. I can’t wait to see email from some assistant to the assistant of the traveling secretary who made an inappropriate comment.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      I really, really hope by now, everyone associated with Clinton knows to never email anything important.
      For realz.

    • feministing

      tgif then i guess

    • Daisy

      That’s just lovely.

    • Jenny

      Oh great! Another day, another letter telling me that my information was compromised. I’m going to have free credit monitoring from all the companies for the rest of my life at this rate!

      • Daisy

        I just can’t wait until the Wikileaks guys get a hold of it and leak my information, really! /s

        Cause I bet they will, somehow.

    • natoslug

      That’s why you must always be vigilant about cybersecurity. For my publicly available servers, I’ve made sure that the nginx one is current as of 2009, and the two Apache servers have been up to date through 2012. As long as nothing’s changed on the Internet since then, I should be completely secure.

      • Jenny

        Impenetrable!!!

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        I think we should go back to paper for all sensitive data- or at the very least, a transfer to a non-internet connected server do hickey.

  • cat cafe

    Well, since he’s not a citizen of the United States, why don’t they take ryan bundy, man, and dump him out on the channel islands and leave him there to be his own citizen and idiot? Why is this moron getting food, shelter, and electricity, not to mention legal representation, at our cost, since he wants so badly not to be part of the social compact? Also, so, apparently sovcits don’t have to obey the rules of grammar either, and use “I” instead of “me”? I think the Grammar Police should arrest him just for that.

    • Biff52

      I’m all for shipping him off to an island, but NOT the Channel Islands. I suggest Nuatambu.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        They can play some soccer

        • Biff52

          If there’s enough land left to support a pitch!

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            sorry I mis-read XD Thought you were making a Bedknobs and Broomsticks ref

          • Biff52

            Nuatambu is one of the Solomons that disappeared earlier this year.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            But global warming is fake and the sea level is not rising! I saw it on the intertubes!

          • Biff52

            In trump we trust!

        • Cannedclamscanner

          Ahhh, does he know what soccer is?

      • Novaya Zemlya

    • shon

      Your being a mart ass and you don’t even know what your talking about. The UNITED STATES and united States of America are not the same thing.

  • elpinche

    When “Mushy” was a wee patriot at the ripe age of 7. He ripped off all those labels off pillows and mattresses. Then and there, I knew my son was a sovereign idiot. – Ma Bundy

  • Stein Olsen

    Ryan’s face looks like it comes pre punched I have found.

  • Be Gin

    Chapter 37 The Wizards Spell

    Judge Ginzburg’s Third Aquilonian District Court had earned a reputation for fair and even handed administration of the law without bias or corruption.

    The judge, famed for her erudition and wit, now sat hearing the testimony of a defendant accused of poaching upon the land that King Conan had deeded to the northern Bossonian Territories in gratitude for their assistance driving back a recent Turanian incursion into Aquilonia.

    The defendant,Thoth Ammon Bundius, had been droning for several hours upon his legal rights, abstract concepts of personage and other such wizardly arcana in an attempt to stupefy the court. His goal was to render everyone insensible and then to escape in a sudden rush to the door.

    And the wily wizard’s plan was working. Snoring could be heard in the gallery and even Judge Ginzburg found herself half nodding with fatigue.

    Suddenly the massive bronze District Court doors opened with a loud crash as King Conan strode into the court followed by a dozen of his scowling, stalwart Black Dragon Guardsmen!

    The King strode directly up to Judge Ginzburg’s bench and addressed her “Your honor. I must have a word with the man accused of poaching immediately.”

    Thoth Ammon Bundius immediately spoke up, “I must object to the King’s reference to myself as a man! It plainly states in Necronomiconian law that…” and that was as far as he could object.

    With an explosive burst of speed King Conan drew a twenty inch poniard and hurled it across the court room embedding itself in the Sovereign Wizards chest up to its hilt!

    Judge Ginzburg stood up and addressed the court “The King’s extra-judicial assertion of royal prerogative has violated the defendants right to a fair trial. I must rule a mistrial in this case. The defendant is therefore free to leave.”

    In the hubbub and chaos that erupted as the words were spoken Judge Ginzburg leaned down to address King Conan in a barely audible whisper

    “Thank you for cutting that legal knot for me your majesty.”

  • Alan

    Apparently not subject to the laws of grammar either.

    • bubbuhh

      Thatz goin 2 2 fahr. Hammerz gonna fall onim 4 sher.

    • natoslug

      We’re all subject to the laws of grammar. Gramper, though, he you can usually run from.

  • bubbuhh

    Even further OT This is the best list I could find of all those who appeared in the Fight Song video at the DNC:

    Elizabeth Banks, Sia, Tyler, and Britton,
    Rachel Platten(natch), Kristin Chenoweth, Jane Fonda,
    Mandy Moore, Jesse Tyler Ferguson, Josh Lucas,
    Ian Somerholder, Alan Cumming, Julie Bowen,
    Idina Menzel, America Ferrera, Ben Platt,
    Ellen Greene, Chrissie Fit, Billy Porter, Nikki Read,
    Esther Dean, Eva Longoria, Hana Mae Lee,
    Garrett Clayton, Jaime King, John Michael Higgens,
    Kathy Najimy, Kelly Jackle, Mary McCormack,
    Mary-Louise Parker, Renee Fleming, Mike Thompkins, Shelley Regner, Rob Reiner, and TR Knight.

  • natoslug

    The last few sips of chardonnay have passed my lips, and I have now moved on to a concoction containing vodka, watermelon juice, lime juice and agave syrup. While my thinking has slowed somewhat, it will probably take the death of several more watermelons before I reach the point where ryan c, man, makes any actual fucking sense. And I just realized that I am out of watermelons. Damn. I hope fucking zucchini are as tasty juiced, sweetened, and blended with vodka, as watermelon is. Otherwise there is no way I can approach ryan c, man, levels of thought. Heaven is a watermelon, drained and infused with vodka and agave.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      If you cut a watermellon in half, and then scoop the bits and make a bowl out of the rind, then pour in a bottle of vodka, then put the whole thing in the fridge for a day, it makes a most excellent summer afternoon treat. Plus, you can eat your infused bits accompanied with a nice beverage.

      • Jenny

        https://youtu.be/nVL8CXaYu7s

        Courtesy of frat bros, just shove the bottle in there!

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          Blaaahhh. It looks so much better if you cut it and scallop the edges and chill it for a day so it is all chill and yum.
          Silly frat boys *is so going to try this*

      • proudgrampa

        WHAT in hell are you doing to vodka???

        Hey, look. I’m all “live and let live,” but you should not mess around with vodka like that.

        The only thing that should be added to vodka is ice.

        Just sayin’.

    • UpstateNYObserver

      There aren’t that many watermelons grown in the Western Hemisphere (unfortunately). You might want to up your game to blotter acid.

      • natoslug

        Yes, but I have TWO growing in my yard right now. Sure, the growing season will end for them long before they mature, but eventually, with global climate change, those little fuckers will survive.

        • UpstateNYObserver

          Yeah but we really need acid right now. Vodka doesn’t and can’t quite cut it (wish it could though).

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        Windowpane or GTFO!

        • UpstateNYObserver

          To each his own…LOL

    • anna rampage

      I think you might have to subject yourself to a lobotomy, and do a bunch of bath salts to fully comprehend where this guy is coming from.

  • Brian

    Khizr Khan on MSNBC right now, East Coast time, go there now if you can.

    • Brian

      oh shit he says he only gave half of his speech. the other half was for Mitch McConnell and Paul Ryan. He says they are good men and good patriots (which, let’s leave that aside) he repudiates them for thinking of politics instead of national interest. He implores them to take a stand. Maybe they’ll listen.

      • Callyson

        Thanks for sharing. Sadly, work is preventing me from seeing that, so unless MSNBC stops with the Lock Up/In/Whatever the fuck shows, I’ll be missing this.

        • Brian

          if you’re in california I imagine it won’t be on until 10 your time. maybe you still can’t watch it, it’s still going on. It’s heartbreaking, the mother is a mess. I’d be shocked if video wasn’t made available on MSNBC.com

          • Callyson

            Watching as I type this. That video is getting my water works going…

  • Methinks he is a idiot…

  • Walter Wellstone

    This from a favorite son of the Party of Personal Responsibility.

  • ltmcdies

    Hillary Clinton’s gonna be your president and you can’t sovereign citizen you way out of it, Ryan

  • Suse

    Damn – the Khans are on Lawrence O’Donnell’s show talking about their war hero son. It’s heartbreaking, yet very uplifting. Fuck Drumpf.

  • Poly_Ester

    I guess we can cross Ryan of the potential Illuminati list.

  • Juan de Fuca

    So on one hand, he’s declaring himself above the law because he’s a “citizen of heaven” yet he also demanded:

    One million dollars One hundred million dollars if he has to face
    a judge for the conspiracy matter related to the takeover and occupation of the federal facility.

    He’ll probably soon be demanding Mahi Mahi for dinner while awaiting trial, but will settle for the ill-tempered sea bass.

    http://koin.com/2016/07/28/ryan-bundy-wants-1m-to-be-defendant-or-judge/

    • vivian

      I think he’ll have to settle for 9 Lives Seafood Feast

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        Sorry Charlie

    • jowgajen

      Just me or did you get the feeling he just held down the zero key until it seemed like enough?

  • Gleem-McShinez

    It’s true if you close your eyes and ears when a judge uses their gavel, you’re not subject to their rulings. i just made that up, but I, man, declares heretofore it is a true and factual statement of fact and evidence.

    • CripesAmighty

      And that thing that tastes like a bologna-on-wonder bread sandwich that you’re eating in the federal sneezer is really filet mignon. You’re welcome.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Without evidence to the contrary, it must be so.

  • anna rampage

    Not to point out the obvious here, but if he doesn’t recognize the govt of the United States, then certainly he would not believe its currency to be a valid form of payment.

    I say the courts should pay him, in Monopoly money that is.

    • vivian

      I think they should give him a box of ticks and tell him that his new friends like to cuddle.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      magic beans

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      He gets the agent of the money, not the body of the money.

  • redarmyzombie

    I keep telling myself, I can’t be surprised by these idiots anymore. I keep telling myself nope, no-siree, I’ve seen it all by now..

    I am such a fucking liar, y’all…

    • vivian

      While the number of possible experiences is infinite, the quality and kind are comparatively limited. When it comes to Stupidity, one afternoon on the internet is all you need to know the terrain…

  • Jeff in the desert

    Bundy is a Patriot! He stands against the oppression of the Federal Government and their land grabbing from the sovereign idiots (laymen, outsider) who do NOT have to pay for using the land or respect contracts. Jack booted FBI should leave is to our brand of justice with a gun and toughness, that is who is the toughest!!!! God says, “Let them eat cake, whomever shall dominate the land with their guns and such” And Jesus said, “Bundy Boy! Go forth and take the land, for thou are saved as long as you believe in me and do not raise the swine on the granted land.”

    Militia RISE!!!!! Sovereign idiots resist and revolt!!!!

    • TJ Barke

      Too many obvious tells that it’s not legitimate. 6/10 passable wingnuttery.

      • Jeff in the desert

        Yeah, not my best work, I am tired from traveling.

  • Brian

    2nd half of tonight’s Lawrence O’Donnell shoe is Tony Schwartz, the writer of Art of the Deal, who’s been trying to get the truth of Trump out.

    • Suse

      It was a short segment because the Khans ran a bit long. Their message is very powerful.

      • Brian

        yeah, now they’re talking about Trump’s treason, which because of politics he won’t be charged with. The Logan Act!

  • anna rampage

    Why do I get so much satisfaction out of watching these Hoofwankng bunglecunts get their just desserts…

    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=RfVbiefMdNU

    • Treg Brown

      I feel bad for feeling so good about this guy getting tased. I just don’t know how they showed restraint for 3 1/2 minutes of his arrogant and totally willfully ignorant rant. It’s probably a good thing I’m not in law enforcement.

      • dshwa

        I work in a hospital, and frequently have to spend time working in the ER. Eventually, when you have seen enough stupid, what generally happens is you have exactly the same reaction those guys did, a sort of resigned and unimpressed bemusement, right up until they start getting violent or threatening. Then you deal with that quickly and decisively. But plain old stupid just makes you shake your head and chuckle.

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    OT and FYI:

    A Clinton Goldman Sachs speech

    https://youtu.be/0lKlJ3Ed4fQ

    • anna rampage

      No wonder the GOP is so up in arms about Clinton speaking to Goldman Sachs. She’s promoting the work of satan by claiming that business need to invest in women, treat them as equals, and pay them as such…

      I mean for fucks sake, if wifie-poo is can make the same or more as a man, what’s gonna keep her in her place and not stop making the Hamburger Helper every night for dinner?

      • DoILookAmused2u ?

        It’s radical stuff there, boy. Lol

        • jowgajen

          Much like the DNC voicemails, former politicians speeches to major banks are full of scandalous material!

  • Biff52

    I’m gonna be so rich, you guys!

    • Suse

      Yeah?

      • Biff52

        If the gummint ever sends me my million dollars, anyway.

  • Wookie Monster

    Poor Ryan used to be more self-aware.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SKRma7PDW10

  • Daisy

    OT: Some random troll just showed up on the Khizr Khan thread. It’s rambling and long, and kind of hilarious. I

    • Suse

      See you there!

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      That was sad- I looked at her Disqus history. She’s not a troll, just a fundamentally stupid person who has been systematically brainwashed by years of FOX and/or RW hate radio

      • Biff52

        She also appears to be schooled in the $arah Palin Method of Wordsmithing.

    • dshwa

      Weve got a sov cit on this one now too.

  • Tio_Doidinho

    I’d still hit that.

    (waves of deeply felt anguish and shame bubble to the surface like Siberian permafrost)

  • shon

    For all you “learned

    “people out there ,flapping your mouth and not researching anything (as usual) here;: Barron v. Mayor & City Council of Baltimore, 32 U.S. 7 Pet. 243 243 (1833): excerpt:

    We are therefore of opinion that there is no repugnancy between the several acts of the general assembly of Maryland, given in evidence by the defendants at the trial of this cause, in the court of that State, and the Constitution of the United States. This court, therefore, has no jurisdiction of the cause, and it is dismissed.”We are of opinion that the provision in the Fifth Amendment to the Constitution declaring that private property shall not be taken for public use without just compensation is intended solely as a limitation on the exercise of power by the Government of the United States (Page 32 U. S. 251), and is not applicable to the legislation of the States. …If these propositions be correct, the fifth amendment must be understood as restraining the power of the General Government, not as applicable to the States. In their several Constitutions, they have imposed such RESTRICTIONS ON THEIR RESPECTIVE GOVERNMENTS (Page 32 U. S. 248)…“The question thus presented is, we think, of great importance, but not of much difficulty. The Constitution was ordained and established by the people of the United States for themselves, for their own government, and not for the government of the individual States. Each State established a constitution for itself, and in that constitution provided such limitations and restrictions on the powers of its particular government as its judgment dictated. …

    • BloviateMe

      You got all weird with your quotation marks, and completely fucked up your ellipses in a couple places, which is good, but not a single semicolon?

      It’s like you’re just phoning it in. Weak. Sad. Low energy.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        WHERE’S MY UMLAÜTS?

        • BloviateMe

          Showoff.

    • Suse

      Cutting & Pasting for Dummies.

    • Sardonicuss

      For all you “learned
      “people out there ,flapping your mouth and not researching anything (as usual) here…”

      *See now that’s a shame. You just don’t see many hicks out in the wild anymore. Sadly, they often run themselves over with trucks or choke on food ect…and never get to post on web sites. Tragic really.
      Now watch closely as he crudely attempts to string words together in a coherent fashion, much like a child working with playdo for the first time.

    • Rufus T. Firefly

      An 1833 case. Yup, I’m convinced!

      • BloviateMe

        Ah yes, the good ol’ days, when black people were considered the property in this excerpt, and not the people. Simpler times indeed.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        C’mon, it’s not like there could possibly be any case law since then that might apply

        • Rufus T. Firefly

          IK, R?

    • dshwa

      That’s nice, but it doesn’t say that the government can’t own land nor does it say that any man can just declare a piece of government land to be his and it then becomes his just because he said so. And there’s plenty of case law supporting that.

    • Bemused

      You will notice 2 things in the court case above. 1) it only applies to already privately owned land. 2) the government can take private property if it provides compensation. So, for example, if a person is renting land from the government, it is not privately owned by the person renting it and if a person is in debt to the government, the government can take their property in return for canceling their debt (hi, yes, we’re taking your cows and giving you marketrate. Coincidentally, you owe us marketrate money, so we’re garnishing that money and taking that off of your debt.)

    • Try as you may, nothing’s going to change the fact that the Confederacy lost the war.

    • JMP

      Maybe you should try to learn a little something about Constitutional law before spouting off about it and proving your ignorance? Obviously, you’re not a lawyer, but I am, so let me explain something you learn very early in law school. It may surprise you, but the law has changed since 1833. One of the biggest changes was the 14th Amendment to the Constitution; among many other important protections of individual rights, it applied the protections of the Bill of Rights to the individual states. Barron v. Mayor has not been good law for nearly a hundred and fifty years, because it was overturned by the 14th Amendment.

      There, now you’ve learned something! I hope that helps!

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        amazing, ain’t it?

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Yeah, but the 14th Amendment doesn’t count, because reasons. I mean Reasons. Or maybe it’s REASONS. Anyhow, q.e.d.

    • Biff52

      You know, for folks that make such a big fucking deal about Capitalizing Words and Proper Grammar, you sure fuck up the English language a lot.

    • natoslug

      I think what people here are trying to say is that you are a fucking moron.

  • shon

    Two Types of Citizens Identified: Article 2.1§5:
    “No Person except (1) a natural born Citizen, or (2) a Citizen of the United States,
    at the time of the Adoption of this Constitution, shall be eligible to the Office of President…

    • anna rampage

      Natural born citizen, as oppose to Rince Preibus why was grown in a test tube at a republican owned defense contractor’s lab

      • CripesAmighty

        I dunno, that look of creeping horror, and rolling torrent of flopsweat he seems to be increasingly exhibiting looks pretty human to me.

        • anna rampage

          He is just as human as a ear of Monsanto corn is real corn…

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Pssst “at the time of the Adoption of this Constitution”

      Because none of our founding fathers were natural born citizens of a country that didn’t exist yet. Holy shit you guys are goofy…

    • JMP

      Yes, and? What the fuck is your point supposed to be?

    • Biff52

      Well nobody that was a natural born Citizen or a Citizen of the United States, at the time of the Adoption of this Constitution, is even alive anymore. So who gets to be president (sorry, President) now? Certainly not trump!

  • shon

    City of Dallas v. Mitchell, 245 S.W. 944, 945-46 (Tex.Civ.App.-Dallas 1922):
    “The rights of the individual are not derived from governmental agencies, either municipal, state or federal, or even from the Constitution.
    They exist inherently in every man, by endowment of the Creator, and are merely reaffirmed in the Constitution, and restricted only to the extent that they have been voluntarily surrendered by the citizenship to the agencies of government.
    The people’s rights are not derived from the government, but the government’s authority comes from the people. The Constitution but states again these rights already existing, and when legislative encroachment by the nation, state, or municipality invade these original and permanent rights, it is the duty of the courts to so declare, and to afford the necessary relief “. No wonder the country is screwed, most of you don’t even know the difference

    • TJ Barke

      “restricted only to the extent that they have been voluntarily surrendered by the citizenship to the agencies of government.
      The people’s rights are not derived from the government, but the government’s authority comes from the people.”
      Like the people that want to authorize the government to keep Bundites from shitting all over public lands?

    • Barley_Brains

      The vast majority of the people grant their government the privilege of kicking you confessed idiots in the nuts, with logic and votes.

    • dshwa

      Just because you have rights doesn’t mean you aren’t subect to laws.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        HERP DERP WUT?

    • Suse

      Blah, blah, blah. Get out of the basement and get some fresh air, ffs.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      I’m pretty sure the rest of us got together and gave the government the authority to keep these nitwits from fucking up public lands

    • zerosumgame0005

      people are looking for relief from the dumb-assed Bundy Bunch of Morons

    • Suse

      Funniest thing I’ve read today.

      • JMP

        I like citing a nearly century old case from, not the Supreme Court, but a Texas state court of appeals as if it’s precedential. Um, a state appeals court is not exactly the supreme law of the land; of course being a loony I wouldn’t be surprised if this troll thought state courts were actually superior to federal ones according to the secret real Constitution.

    • JMP

      Frequented Communities – Infowars

      Well that explains it. Welcome to the real world, things work a little differently here than over in crazy land!

    • Major_Major_Major

      Roget vs. Webster(1992)
      Punctuation and capitalization heretofore have unique god-given importance wherein citizens with rectally placed craniums will not be constrained by their previously accepted standards of use.

    • Treg Brown

      Go to bed Cliven. Also too, you did a bad thing running over your child’s head and should feel bad about it.

    • doktorzoom

      Wow, we got us an actual Sovereign Citizen right here! Needless to say, the specimen has been placed in the hazardous waste (of time) bin.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Did he get kicked in the head by a cow? His head is crooked.

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      His dad ran him over with a truck

      • anna rampage

        I’d probably try to run over my child too if they were that stupid, and pig headed…

        • DoILookAmused2u ?

          The dad is where the stupid starts.

          • Treg Brown

            Nailed it. Seriously, what chance did he have?

      • Suse

        For real? Thought maybe he had part of his jaw removed due to cancer from chewin’ tobacco.

        • Major_Major_Major

          That’s what I always assumed as well.

      • Amy!

        Yeah, it always makes me a little uncomfortable when folks make fun of his appearance. The fact that he was run over as a child isn’t his fault. Now, maybe the stupidity isn’t his fault, either, but he still has to learn to live with the rest of society, and by his age, he’s had the opportunity to learn.

      • CripesAmighty

        Why is that singularly unsurprising?

        • DoILookAmused2u ?

          It doesn’t seem to surprise anybody when they find out.

      • BloviateMe

        If I were a lesser man, I’d point out that trucks also have a reverse gear, but luckily, I’m better than that.

  • nosuchuser

    Just for larfs, lets just say all of the assorted cargo cult legal machinations, magic words, and supernatural punctuation could actually work. Just for larfs, mind you. He has placed himself outside of the Constitutional protections afforded US citizens. Given that, he will now face the first law of human interactions; which is known as force majeure. You are in our physical custody and we will do with you as we please; because we possess the physical force to do so, and you lack the means to resist. Have fun in Gitmo dumb fuck.

    • TJ Barke

      Makes us seem like such an honorable society worthy of respect…

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      welcome to the jungle…

      • nosuchuser

        And he’s about to find out that he is not in fact at the top of the food chain. Much bigger, badder, and better organized animals are out there.

    • Well, he wanted to live in the Hobbesian paradise. I guess he got his wish.

      • Pickwicknext

        I always wanted to see a Gangsta’s paradise. Or failing that, an Amish one

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          or paradise by the dashboard light

        • I think I’d much prefer the Amish one even though it is bound to be more boring.

          • Pickwicknext

            Nicer quilts for sure

      • JMP

        These guys – and it’s almost all white guys – all think they’re just so special and talented that they would natural rise to the top within Galt’s Gulch or a post-apocalyptic lawless wasteland. Sometime I would like to see how they would really fare within not even a state of nature, but just a world that was truly meritocratic and they didn’t have every advantage that they get just for being white and male.

  • Rufus T. Firefly

    Meet Trump’s Attorney General!

    Firefly 2016! Re-engreaten Freedonia!

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    Trump just accused fire Marshall of being Clinton supporter for enforcing occupancy limit

    • TJ Barke

      Is he just getting more and more unhinged?

      • BadKitty904

        How would one tell?

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          less hinges

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            Yet making more noise.
            Is. A. Puzzlement.

    • Suse

      Descending into certifiable madness more every day. They should be hauling him off in a straitjacket very soon.

    • Why is he allowed to run for president again?

      • BadKitty904

        $$$

      • jowgajen

        Total lack of any sort of moral fiber in the Republican party.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      phentermine addiction is a helluva thing…

      • Zyxomma

        Never tried the stuff. Is it any fun?

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          I haven’t the foggiest- some sort of legal speed masquerading as a diet drug. Judging by Drumpf though, I’d have to say no.

    • BloviateMe

      The next step is accusing chestnuts of being lazy.

      • DoILookAmused2u ?

        I think it is because it was more than half empty and not many people wanted to see his ugly ass

      • BadKitty904

        Chestnuts, worthy heir of Walnutz…

    • King of America

      If he WAS a Democratic plant deliberately trying to lose, how could anyone tell the difference?

    • Allen Jordan

      The best part? It was in Colorado Springs, the most conservative city in Colorado. Home of…dare I say it…Focus on the Family.

    • DoILookAmused2u ?
  • zerosumgame0005

    huh, I ignore most capitalization because fucking IBM in the 80’s put the fucking caps lock key under the fucking SHIFT key making ut the most mis-keyed key on the QWERTY keyboard. FUCK IBM! not because magic…yes yes I re-mapped it but the resentment remains!

  • One of the more ridiculous (as opposed to emotionally traumatizing) artifacts of having grown up with parents into this shit is that the signature on my Social Security card has a little “c/f” next to it. Something something Latin something that’s supposed to have the same effect as this nonsense; “I was forced to sign this.” Something like that.

    Not nearly as bad as having to pay $26,000 in back taxes when I finally got free of them, but still fucked up.

  • Parchment Scroll

    ryan c, man, an Idiot, owes me $50,000.00; I am without evidence to the contrary, therefore it is so.

    That’s… that’s how this works, right? I’ve discovered the magic formula?

    • Suse

      Hey – cool! Let’s all do that!

    • Nope you need to declare you are “parchment::soul of the family soul, freeman of the land, having no connection to the legal fiction Parchment Soul,”

  • BloviateMe

    Kaine speaking on MSNBC. His energetic dorkiness is fun.

    • BloviateMe

      Goddamnit, nevermind, they cut away to Andrea Mitchell. Fuckers.

    • Suse

      He’s such a dork, but I like him a lot.

  • BadKitty904

    Vera, that boy’s not right.” ~ Aunt Pearl Burris

    • JMP

      I thought that was Hank Hill’s catchphrase.

      • BadKitty904

        Hank does use a similar line, but this quote – and its source, Greater Tuna – predates King of the Hill by a decade or so. The phrase is a common Southernism.

      • Steven Posey

        “Dang it Bundy!”

  • BadKitty904

    My, they’re…white.

  • r_dale

    Sheldon’s mother: “I should have taken him to that specialist in Houston.”

  • smr06va

    Wow. No demand for snacks?…………………No demand for dildos?………….My, how the lowly have fallen…………………

    • Dee Andee

      Leeeewb!

  • BadKitty904

    • Dee Andee

      Well meme-ed!

      • BadKitty904

        Sad, but horrifyingly true.

  • It’s funny sovereign citizen or not, believer in pseudolegal magic or not, recognizing the legal authority over you or not, you are just as much in jail. And in the case of that Vern fellow, just as dead.

  • DutchS

    Ever hear a small child try to go legalistic on grown-ups? “If you get to boss ME around then I get to boss my little brother around!” That’s these guys.

    Send him to the foreign country of his choice, first class. Let him tell THEM he’s not subject to their laws.

    • Biff52

      That’s kinda how it worked in my family, unfortunately.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        that’s how it works in lots of families

    • I there was a federal immigration judge who subscribed to this theory.

      • JMP

        There’s a major party’s nominee for President who subscribes to this theory.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        And an Alabama Supreme Court judge, also too.

  • Zippy W Pinhead
    • Treg Brown

      GOD, don’t read the comments there! Now I need a shower.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Par for the course with the Houston Chronicle – there’s a small army of knuckle-dragging trolls who take over the comments whenever anything to the left of Atilla the Hun gets published.

  • This shit would be sad if it weren’t so funny

  • btwbfdimho

    Speaking of people giving up the American passport, here is Conlon Nancarrow, piano composer from Texarkana, Texas, who gave up citizenship to became a Mexican and a internationalist fighting in the Spanish civil war.
    Also, he composed piano music that No Human Being Can Play. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kdm04Rz3wTk

  • cgthegeek

    I bumped into one sovereign citizen when I was working a campaign in Ohio. I’d never heard the term, so I made the mistake of asking him to explain what it was. That was a long day at the voter reg table.

    • BadKitty904

      Pro-tip:

      1.) Set fire to the tablecloth;
      2.) Fake an epileptic seizure.

      • Pickwicknext

        Community taught me to always fake a heart attack

        • BadKitty904

          Always effective.

          I’m told that asking the person who’s droning on and on and on and on and on if you can borrow $37 dollars from them works, too.

          • Pickwicknext

            I have faked fire alarms to get off of annoying phone calls at work

          • BloviateMe

            I’ve faked orgasms to get out of fire drills.

          • Pickwicknext

            I have faked orgasms to get bad sex to end

          • TJ Barke

            So how does it go bad? Does it start bad? Or does it go wrong somewhere along the way?

          • Pickwicknext

            Usually just boring. At least as I recall. I haven’t had any sex with another person, good or bad, in so long, i forget

          • BadKitty904

            “Oh, I’m sorry, I’ve got to go, my computer’s on fire!”

          • Pickwicknext

            That i, in no way, caused by throwing lit matches at it

          • BadKitty904

            Perish the thought.

          • Steven Posey

            “you know it’s funny, I shot the last guy who tried to talk to me this long about something I don’t care about.”

          • BadKitty904

            “Look! Over there! Isn’t that the Winged Victory of Samothrace?”

          • Steven Posey

            “I heard Bloomingdale’s is having a sale on magic space underwear today.”

        • Major_Major_Major

          Are there SovCits in Canuckistan? If not, can we send you some?

          • Pickwicknext

            Yeah. We have some crazies. However, we don’t elect them to things. And our judges have even less patience

          • BadKitty904

            Or all of them?

          • Pickwicknext

            No, thank you though. Have a nice day!

          • BadKitty904

            You could break them down for spare parts! Use them for insulation!

          • TJ Barke

            They’d just start to smell after a while…

          • BadKitty904

            Worse than they do now?

          • TJ Barke

            Amazing but true!

          • Pickwicknext

            Bloodstains are so obvious on the snowscape..

          • BadKitty904

            I’ve never seen snow, but yah, I did kinda notice that in Fargo, now that you mention it…

          • Pickwicknext

            Oh, to have never seen snow….

            Sorry…wandered off to fantasy land

          • BadKitty904

            I’m told it’s very pretty and I’m sure I should see it someday, but the thought of it being cold enough for rain to freeze in mid-air kinda freeks me out…

          • Pickwicknext

            Seems nice. Until you have to go out and/or shovel it so you can get anywhere. During winter, I start to think we have universal health care so we don’t have to worry when we slip, fall, and break something

          • Pickwicknext

            Is there i mention that in the nit winter time of year, the air can sometjme have enough humidity in it to be a semi-solid thing? Not quite on par with Florida, but the fact that it can go from -5 to plus 20 in less than 3 days is disturbing

          • TJ Barke

            Not even on far away mountains or something?

          • BadKitty904

            I didn’t see a mountain ’til my junior year in HS – they’re kinda creepy, actually – and there was ne’er snow on it. ‘Course, it was June…

          • TJ Barke

            Oh you poor child, you aren’t… Floridian are you?!

          • BadKitty904

            Yessir! A Stalwart Son of the Sunny South, bred’n’fed in the Land o’ Flowers, where my family’s lived for over 200 years now…

          • Zyxomma

            Have you never tried to travel elsewhere? I understand that even for a good kitty, the backyard can be quite a journey.

          • BadKitty904

            Oh, I’ve traveled a bit, but not very far and certainly not very North – I’ve spent more time in the Caribbean than I have north of Georgia or west of Louisiana. We should be going to Cuba in the next several months, in fact. That’s mostly because, until relatively recently, I didn’t have anyone to travel with and because I, like the rest of my family, REALLY love my home.

          • BloviateMe

            Jim Inhofe would like to show you his balls of snow.

          • BadKitty904

            Ew.

          • Oh … Yes. The most complete description of the “Organised Pseudolegal Litigant Argument” is the commentary of Associate Justice John Rooke on the case of “Meads vs Meads.” I posted the link upthread a couple of minutes ago

          • The Wanderer

            In Klingon, “O’Pla” is the opposite of “Qapla.” Instead of success, it expresses a wish that you fail big time.

      • Steven Posey

        Keeping a pack of alka seltzer on hand is very handy for the second tip.

        • BadKitty904

          Nice! That’d also open up the ol’ rabies ploy.

          • jowgajen

            This works best for us cats.

          • BadKitty904

            I’d hate getting that stuff all in my whiskers, though.

  • FlownOver

    Don’t mock the afflicted.

  • david spikes

    Is that what happens when your brother runs over your head with his truck.
    Not to mention the extreme bilateral asymmetry.

  • PhilOiseaubay

    This fine (ill)legal mind should offer his services to the other defendants. For those that accept, the not ‘idiot’ jurists would be well-advised to abandon their prosecution, hand over the $millions (in Monopoly… or for that matter my seriously devalued Canadian $s) and pay for a one way vacation in the heavenly land of padded white walls.

    • Biff52

      I tell ya, the quality of jailhouse lawyers has really declined lately.

  • Parchment Scroll

    Oh my god, I’ve been to the “Organic Law Institute” website and after briefly scanning over their front page, hit their Disclaimer – Terms of Use page, which basically says:

    1) EVERYTHING ON OR SOLD BY THIS WEBSITE IS WRONG AND USELESS
    2) This wrong, useless website is full of EXTREMELY VALUABLE CONTENT
    3) The Free Market value of the content on this website is $150 per page
    4) Images on this website are worth $75 apiece

    Okay, let’s break this down piece by piece.

    1) We keep getting sued by dudes who get tazed (see video further down the non-existent comments thread). Please stop that.
    2) But we will totally sue you.
    3) We have no idea how the free market works, but here’s how much we’ll sue you for.
    4) THE FIRST IMAGE YOU SEE ON THEIR WEBSITE IS A STOCK PHOTO OF THE CONSTITUTION AND A GAVEL. This is, apparently, worth $75 that, were I to paste it here, I would owe to the owners of the website even though they didn’t create it.

    Edit: I found the original US constitution image, which theirs was cropped from. It’s by Alan Crosthwaite and is for sale from depositphotos.com if you want to make some SovCit parody site or something.

    • Dee Andee

      lol

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      I’m pretty sure that Poe’s Law does not allow for the existence of a SovCit parody site.

  • Dee Andee

    Damn…he sounds like Trump, who thinks he should be paid to take part in presidential debates or make appearances. Some people…are chronic morans.

  • Relativicus

    “Status: incompetent idiot is incompetent idiot; you know this, man. i am without evidence to the contrary, therefore it is so.”

  • Grokenstein

    If he’s a (primary) citizen of Heaven and intends to return there anyway (i have no evidence to the contrary; therefore it is so) shouldn’t we go ahead and extradite him ASAP?

    • BadKitty904

      BUILD THE BLESSED WALL!!1!

      • Steven Posey

        The transit to heaven is an electric chair with the words “express line” stenciled on.

  • Amalga

    Yes, Ryan, as it was, as it is, as you shall forever be, a Idiot.

  • iamnotascientist

    Its kinda cute that they keep trying. I wonder why they think that “this time” its all gonna work out in their favor. “Well I’ll be! That flag does have pretty gold borders! Larry! Do you see that! This whole court has been a sham all this time cuz the damn flag is wrong! Huh! Guess I’ll go get a beer. Case dismissed!”

    • TJ Barke

      They think it works because they have anecdotal evidence from fraudsters and believe that the media covers up that it works.

      • revenant

        yep, that whole One Weird Trick that They don’t want You to know scam.
        now we know who falls for that nonsense.

  • King of America

    I actually missed the part of his magic spell that attempts to make his court-appointed standby counsel liable for any fines he gets. In particular, the part where it says “whether you like it or not”, which sounds very legalish.

  • Ninja0980

    O/T but we’ve had voting rights victories in WI,NC,KS today.
    Darn those activist judges who make sure a constitutional right is upheld!

  • cousin itt

    OT another more important story for mocking than some batshit sovereign asshole: In addition to oral sex, Luhn said that Ailes demanded she perform “sadomasochistic sex with another woman” for him on three occasions, and that he used her to recruit and hire attractive young women, then arrange private meetings with him.

    “You’re going to find me ‘Roger’s Angels.’ You’re going to find me whores,” she said he told her. https://www.theguardian.com/media/2016/jul/29/roger-ailes-sexual-harassment-fox-news-laurie-luhn

    FOX News, Mare and Phallus.

    • Parchment Scroll

      Oh god, every word of that is awful.

    • BadKitty904

      From what I’ve seen of Fox “News”, surely Ailes already had *plenty* of whores.

      • Pickwicknext

        BillO, Lumpy, Doocy, Brown-haird guy who is not Steve Doocy

        • Major_Major_Major

          Are you referring to the tape looking one?

          • Pickwicknext

            Actually I have no idea. I have never watched Faux News. It was an extra tier of cable subscription when I had cable and I was very not interested

          • Major_Major_Major

            Lucky you. I haven’t watched it since February when we went to visit my folks. Pops watches NOTHING else.

    • Steven Posey

      Holy shit, it’s like an even flabbier, more emotionally scarring Eyes Wide Shut.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Fifty Shades of Cray

    • WomanInAMood

      I just threw up a little. Ugh. Just ugh.

      • cousin itt

        A little? You must be made of stronger stuff. Cardinal Fang, fetch the Comfy Chair!

        • WomanInAMood

          Not the Soft Cushions! I confess!

    • Suse

      I have to ask why any woman would put up with this shit. I don’t care if the Faux job was in jeopardy. As a woman with loads of self-respect (which took a long time to develop), I’d rather be in the unemployment line.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        I have to believe that at some level, she liked it herself. That, or she was paid a shitload of money for it.

    • TJ Barke
    • TJ Barke

      Tell us more about those family values on your fine upstanding news network, Roger.

      • revenant

        this is the network that specializes in hiring moral scolds (hello, Mr. O’Reilly, Dr. Ablow, aren’t you looking, errr) to tell us all wherein we have strayed, the one that claims to stand for God and Country and Plain American Values, unlike the rest of the Secular Humanist (or “Satanist”) media.

        • TJ Barke

          Which is why it’s so much fun!

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      I thing IOKIYAR may – finally – have been stretched past the breaking point here.

      It would be great to hear “Doctor” Ablow give his evaluation of Ailes’ curious collection of peccadillos. I wonder if “Doc” has a Faceplace place or a blog where we can press him on that?

      • I always thought a peccadillo was a sort of armoured South American pig.

        Also when in South America do not confuse “Peccary” with “Pessary”

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          That’s a mistake you won’t make twice.

  • Stein Olsen

    How I imagine Ryan sees him self taking on America.

    http://i.imgur.com/MWGjPCH.jpg

  • handyhippie65

    at least he knows he’s an idiot, that’s half the battle…

  • Steven Posey

    Ryan’s busted face perfectly captures the expression caused by reading about SovCit antics.

  • OneDemin EOr

    If trying to make your way through that thicket of sub-English gibberish gives you a headache, think of the poor person who had to type that masterpiece.

  • Nice use of idiot in that SovietCit gibberish. Ιδιώτης was the ancient Athenian term for a “private individual” who didn’t participate in the civic life of the democracy. It was also the opposite of an expert. Someone’s been wasting a good classical education on a bunch of nonsense.

    • King of America

      As I recall, one of the cities (I’m gonna say Athens, because it sounds like an Athenian thing) at one point got itself a bunch of huge burly slaves and armed them with ropes dipped in wet paint. Whenever there weren’t enough people participating in their government, these guys – who were legally untouchable, despite being slaves – would just go out and lasso idle people and haul them in to serve, putting a nice permanent streak of paint on their clean white togas in the process (which was considered a mark of shame – showing that you had to be dragged in to do your duty).

      I’ve always admired the simplicity of that arrangement.

      • The Wanderer

        Yes, that was Athens. The slaves in question were Scythians, and were considered barbarians because they wore trousers.

        • King of America

          Oh yeah, that sounds familiar. Trousers!

        • shaar dula

          aha! that’s why nobody wears pants here!!

  • Relativicus

    “Sovereign Citizens, And You: The History of the Freeman Movement Explained”

    • Logic of Color

      Not to brag but..aw fuck it…to brag; I received the beautiful bound boxed set of the complete C&H for my birthday a few years ago. I love it so much.

    • revenant

      this is also a diagram of How Republican “Principles” Work

      • TJ Barke

        What do you mean? Their principles don’t change. Serve the rich, maintain their power and the societal systems that allow them to exploit us, keep the poor from uniting under their class interests by pushing culture war bullshit.

        • revenant

          we’re talking about two different things- actual, in practice principles (which, as you say, do not vary) versus stated principles, which are valid for as long as they seem useful and no longer

  • TJ Barke

    So OT and shameless self promotion: In my ongoing quest to become hot, I have dropped appx. 30 pounds since mid May. Back below where I was in 2012.

    • Biff52

      Your newest headshot shows it. Congrats!

      • TJ Barke

        One of the nice things is that a bunch of my old t-shirts are fitting again.

    • WomanInAMood

      Nice! Congratulations!

    • Suse

      Good for you!

    • Pickwicknext

      Congrats!

    • BadKitty904

      • TJ Barke

        God, you guys are the fuckin’ best.

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          We just hope you’re keeping the good parts.

          • TJ Barke

            Which ones?

        • BadKitty904

          Hey, you earned it, TJ. That kind of achievement takes strength and discipline. Good on ya!

    • lroom

      That’s fantastic.

    • Jenny

      That is an accomplishment! Keep it up. :)

    • arglebargle

      No need to buy new pants either if you hang out in these parts.

      • Invidosa

        Fuck pants! Those bastards are over fucking rated anyways . . . Invi needs another drinky. . .

    • Zyxomma

      Well done, TJ. Fit is FINE!!

      • TJ Barke

        Being FINE is the objective.

  • BadKitty904

    Alright, my lil’ peaches, the Big Cat says it’s time for repose. Mind you chirren behave and NO JUMPING ON THE FURNITURE!

  • Did anyone else notice the magical power of the formula “I am without evidence to the contrary, therefore it is so?” I can use it to prove ANYTHING! I feel like Archimedes with his lever, looking for a place to stand so he could move the world.

    • revenant

      how the author of that delusional mess of derp was allowed to run around on his own recognizance (if any) for so long without involuntary commitment for being a danger to himself and others is a horrifying mystery.
      And think about this- this self-proclaimed idiot, and so many others like him, is armed better than your average law enforcement officer

      • SeanT1001

        Anyone can file pro se. It’s just a Latin legal phrase for “fuckhead” (loosely translated).

        • The Wanderer

          I always thought it meant “Imbecile.”

      • dshwa

        Sadly, “stupid” and “delusional” are two different things, medically. The latter you can sometimes fix, the former you can only sedate.

  • iamnotascientist

    And does someone know what happened to his face? Please tell me he was kicked in the face by a cow he was fucking…

    • TJ Barke

      Dad ran him over with his truck. No shit.

    • Sam Hain

      Bundy and Cruz actually share the same dickname, “Fuckface”.

    • btwbfdimho

      His face is his avatar for Facehook, the First Anti-Social Network created in jail by a sovereign citizen (no friends allowed).

  • Sam Hain

    Alrighty then we’ll just throw the corporate “fleshy” part in prison and the sovereign, “freeman” thingy is welcome to roam the 5th dimension unhindered.
    Problem solved, I’m done here.

    • revenant

      wait a minute there, cowboy. you still haven’t accounted for a couple-three of the separate entities this clown claims to have, what, divided himself into? associated himself with? seriously, this magical Sov Cit system seems to have been, in part, cribbed from ancient Egypt. The Book(s) of the Dead divided each human in to four or five separate, semi-autonomous entities (the Ka, the Ba, the Name, the Shut, and the Akh), and each had spells and rituals required for proper handling

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Whatever – let ’em all go free, except for the idiot part.

      • The Ba souls are the cutest.

    • The Wanderer
  • Time to break out the excellent commentary by (Canadian) Associate Chief Justice John D. Rooke on the The Organized Pseudolegal Commercial Argument (OPCA) Litigant Case of “Meads vs Meads, 2012.”

    The commentary is long, hard and bloody good.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      That’s what she said.

    • TJ Barke

      Go on…

    • Zyxomma

      Yes. Yes, it is.

  • anna rampage

    I suppose if he doesn’t recognize the legal authority of the US, he likely hasn’t paid his federal taxes in quite some time…

    If this is the case, can we get an added charge of tax evasion once we get through all of the terrorism proceedings?

    • Ghenghis McCann

      Ah, tax evasion, the old favourite. Am I right, Mr Capone?

      • TJ Barke

        Capone, weak guy, low energy, sad!

        • anna rampage

          Speaking of sad, did you see Trump saying he wanted to punch the lights out of just about every speaker at the DNC?

          I’m looking forward to seeing his reactions after his ass is handed to him in the upcoming debates…

          • TJ Barke

            If he wasn’t such a pansy I’d say he’d commit seppuku.

        • Mehmeisterjr

          His secret vaults: bigly not good.

  • anna rampage

    Can’t we just deport folks like this since they claim that they are not citizens of the United States.

    Maybe we could send them to one of those abandoned pacific islands that were used for testing nuclear bombs….

    • TJ Barke

      They’d just get shit everywhere, it’s what they do…

      • anna rampage

        That’s why they should be confined to a small island….

        Eventually the rising oceans will swallow said Island, and their traces will be gone from this earth forever

    • laugh or retch

      One of them did say he was a citizen of heaven…

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        I’m not seeing a problem with that.

    • Parchment Scroll

      Fun fact: I looked up what it would take to lose US nationality yesterday for completely unrelated reasons, and the answer is no. He would have to declare nationality of a different nation, under that nation’s laws, with intent to sever ties with the US.

      (Having been born overseas, I wanted to find out everything I could about my own nationality and citizenship status, just because I took a lot of it for granted.)

  • Pickwicknext

    Ok Wonkers…bed time for me. Going Pokemon hunting tomorrow (barring rain) and then family dinner/birthday celebrations. See all of you figuratively in a few hours!

    • TJ Barke

      Caught anything good?

      • Pickwicknext

        Off and on…still passively trying find a Pikachu. Tomorrow will be my first active “go out to places and look for them” session. Everything else has been caught whilst i am heading somewhere i am already going

        • Major_Major_Major

          Whether it happens on the regular or not, I missed a Pikachu that spawned during a site visit in Milford, CT. Damnable busted up knee has kept me in the car, so limited hunting at best.

          • Pickwicknext

            I do most of my catching whilst on the bus to or from work. It’s been working surprisingly well

      • Pickwicknext

        Current dex:

        • TJ Barke

          An Ammonite, Jynx and Dratini!?

          • Pickwicknext

            Jynx are all over my city. I’ve caught like 10 of them.

    • Mehmeisterjr
      • Pickwicknext

        Ah. Florida.

  • btwbfdimho

    Send him to Guantánamo, and play very loud Tinariwen music near his jail. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kMMxff85yeI

  • SeanT1001

    All these guys want to do is get out of paying taxes. If they had a lick of sense they’d do what all the other tax dodgers and con artists do- start a religion.

    • King of America

      Not true. They ALSO want to shoot people for having the wrong skin pigmentation.

      • Major_Major_Major

        Religion will cover that also, too.

        • King of America

          I can’t fault that logic.

        • Mehmeisterjr

          It will also cover shooting people just on general principles.

  • M.E. Lawrence

    Dear god. Acid flashback or in-breeding?

    • SeanT1001

      Yes.

  • Nice load o’ chaw in his mouf there. How many teef does he have left?

    • SisterArtemis

      I do believe that’s the result of a childhood injury, not chew.

      Not saying he doesn’t DO chew, just not the reason for the shape of his face

  • Ghenghis McCann

    In some places in the document he’s “i; ryan c; man;” and in others he’s “i; ryan c, man,”. Are these two of the different people he is supposed to be, or is it that he finds punctuation difficult?

    • Major_Major_Major

      Yes

    • King of America

      In the first drafts he referred to himself as “ARyan Semen”

      ORIGINAL JOKE ©2016 ME, MUST CREDIT

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Now see, this is why he needs a real lawyer: to fix drafting errors like that. A single misplaced semicolon could ruin his otherwise airtight case.

      • Bren

        He’s up his own colon.

  • Manhattan123

    This is his fight song…

  • Lisavwinder4

    <<o. ★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★:::::::!!bt287p:….,…

    • The Wanderer

      Amber! Get out NOW! Lisa has all her previous roommates in Mason jars out in the backyard!

      • Parchment Scroll

        That’s not entirely true. Most of them are Lori’s ex-roommates.

    • JMP

      Whoa, you’ve changed; instead of wearing sunglasses while standing in front of a beach, you’re wearing a winter jacket now but still a thin blonde woman selling get rich quick schemes. I don’t know if I can even trust you anymore, Lori (if that was even your real name)

    • Mahousu

      Lisa, Lisa, your spending is out of control! The retail on a McLaren P1 is well over a million dollars. It’ll take you ten years to pay that off, even assuming you don’t go nuts and buy, say, a LaFerrari to keep it company.

    • limberrat

      Is Fraanklin pronounced like Frankensein?

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nxxSIX3fmmo

    • TJ Barke

      Amber Fraanklin? What happened to Lori?

      • Biff52

        Lisa is wearing her skin.

    • thenearesthippie

      So is Lisa a sovcit?

  • puipui

    Well, he did get one thing right; he is certainly an idiot.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      “A Idiot” (Capitalization is important on Wonkette, too!)

  • Stein Olsen

    I admit I came as far as to “God is the sole Sovereign”. Then I watched pics of some nice nude female game protagonists in stead. I am sorry to say the Bundy’s are failing to entertain me.

  • The Wanderer

    Trump declared that he wanted to “hit” those who spoke meanly about him (as opposed to how bigly the toe-lickers lionized him at the RNC). I think his fighting style may be a bit like this:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3YD_PR2IHH4

    • Malmborg Implano

      Already I’m noticing ways in which this ferret would make a better candidate for the Republican party than Trump:

      -It has much better hair.
      -It’s clearly in much better physical shape (note that along with withholding his tax returns Trump’s holding out on releasing the traditional health report.)
      -Its war dance is far more impressive than Trump’s war rhetoric.
      -Judging by the female giggling in the background, it’s got far more appeal to the female voter.
      -Ferrets have a proven track record of effective defense against genuine invasive threats such as rats and mice and as far as I’m aware do not attack human beings who like all others who come to America just looking for a better way of life for themselves and their families.

      • HazooToo

        Ferret/Weasel 2016! A candidate ALL parties can support!

    • Zyxomma

      tRump’s fighting style is “Call my lawyer. Now.”

  • freakishlystrong

    He’s free to leave. Oh, wait…

  • TeeRaak

    Does anybody here speak Jive Frontier Gibberish?
    http://i.makeagif.com/media/7-08-2015/zTgD64.gif

  • akryan

    What I love is that they don’t recognize the federal government and then want to be paid in money printed from the Fed they say doesn’t exist. At least ask for bitcoin.

    • BeachLoafer

      Kinda what I was thinking – if the USA, and its government, aren’t legitimate entities, then surely its money is worthless.

      Given the SovCits’ leanings, I’m actually a bit surprised denominations aren’t in Troy ounces of gold. Since he uses ameros as a denomination, though, how does one convert from worthless paper to tangible metal?

      Perhaps he’d take Monopoly money?

  • Noxious1

    ryan c, man, is an incompetent idiot; i am without evidence to the contrary, therefore it is so.

  • moggsy

    According to the Twitter lady I follow who basically studies anti-government extremists, it’s probably from Black’s Law 2nd edition (1910)’s definition of “idiot”:

    “What is IDIOT?- A person without understanding from his nativity, and for whom the law, therefore, presumes will never likely attain any”.

    So he probably saw “nativity” and ran with it.

    • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

      TOP DEFINITION

      idiot

      anyone who defines their own name on urban dictionary.

      what the shit? that kid is a fucking idiot.

    • Parchment Scroll

      So he’s saying “I know nothing, and probably never will”. I cannot argue with that statement.

  • Serolf Divad

    I say we take Bundy at his word; declare him a non-uniformed, foreign combatant and ship him off to Gitmo.

    • h4rr4r

      I disagree, international law is clear on what to do with spys. Which is what combatants out of uniform are.

      • Jared James

        Stand him in front of five good men and true, and give him a last cigarette?

        As a Mormon, I don’t think he’s allowed to smoke.

        • nmmagyar

          It’s a pity Joseph Smith didn’t have more to say about armed insurrections against the government. But he probably would have been in favor of them.

          • Jared James

            Brigham Young’s successor actually fought a small war with the government, and the church very nearly split over who to back, during the Civil War. (by then, of course, Joseph Smith was long dead, and had very little to say on any matters, political or otherwise)

  • arundel

    I’m confused as to whether he’s a man or not. It’s really unclear.

    • Doug White

      Are you ‘without evidence to the contrary’? Cuz that pretty much counts as ‘proof’…

      • jmhm

        Isn’t that also proof that he’s the ravenous bugblatter beast of Traal?

        • A Bashful Nobody

          Hitchhiker libelz!!!

    • The Wanderer

      He is a meat popsicle!

  • Bureaucrap

    I’m sure someone else has noted this already, but the Sovereign Citizens are too stupid to know they’ve been punked. Come on –, “I, idiot”? Whomever drafted those declarations for him must be rolling on the floor laughing. Also, “Bar Association”? Really? As the code for all legal authority? The only thing my Bar Associations do is collect dues and give CLE classes of dubious quality.

    • Jared James

      He’s convinced the BAR Association (all caps) is an acronym for something (a few theories are available, most of them focused on Jews or Freemasons) sinister and behind the destruction of the True Constitution and setting up the corporate slave state we now inhabit.

      Which, I assure you, I explained in a far more rational and systematic manner than any Sovcit has ever been able.

    • thenearesthippie

      What? You doubt the legal-educational value of an extended sales pitch for the latest billing software?

  • Relativicus

    Seriously, though, isn’t it hilarious that the SovCits have drawn up a belief system that causes them to refer to themselves as incompetents and idiots? I know there’s some anachronisms they must be working off, but that doesn’t make it less hilarious. It takes me back to those innocent days when thousands of elderly people walked around calling themselves “tea baggers.”

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      If you look up the etymology of the word “idiot”, it’s still hysterical.

    • Astraea

      Their conspiracy theory is truly bizarre, beyond secret aliens or chemtrails. Sometimes I wonder what it’s like to actually think that way.

      • Jared James

        I’ve had some interactions with Sovcits, and I have to say, there’s little or no resemblance between what they do and thinking.

  • VforV, I’m with Her!

    By whose full faith and credit is this 800 MILLION DOLLARS [pinky to lips] issued, anyway? Some fake corporation called UNITED STATES GOVERNMENT (INC.)? Do they have a legal standing to even create currency?

    I’m surprised he doesn’t demand to be compensated in bitcoin.

    • Ghenghis McCann

      According to the Wiki entry on SovCits; “they do not recognize United States currency.” That’s probably why he wants some, so next time he’ll be able to recognize it.

    • Jared James

      Only gold or silver will do. Some Sovcits insist silver isn’t real “coin” either, and demand solely gold.

      (yes, they imagine the all lower case on the word coin matters, too)

    • bozilingus

      Pay him with Monopoly money.

  • A Bashful Nobody

    He will have many friends to convert to his philosophy soon. In jail.

  • Astraea

    OT: This bodes well for what kind of leader Trump would be:

    Friday’s comments came at a rally during which Trump also delivered a number of seemingly off-the-cuff tirades against his perceived enemies. On this day, they included the fire marshal in charge of safety at the event, whom Trump accused of needlessly keeping people out of the 1,600-person University of Colorado auditorium.

    “I’m not a fan,” Trump said of the unnamed public safety officer. “He’s probably a Democrat, a guy that doesn’t get it.”

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      He did that because hardly anybody showed up. You have to find a video where they aren’t close to the stage to see it mostly empty.

      • Astraea

        I figured there was something behind the lashing-out. Because there always is. I’m glad to hear he’s having to face empty audiences.

      • Courser

        This warms the cockles of my heart. I didn’t think there was much support here for him. Although I was at the County fair yesterday and there was a truck with a huge “Make America Great Again” on the front of it.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      No grievance seems to be too petty to not make a national spectacle of. I bet he’s a real laugh riot in the supermarket checkout line.

      • msanthropesmr

        16 items is NOT too many. It depends upon how you define ITEMS.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          You got the last box of brown sugar-frosted Pop Tarts?! When my lawyers are done with you….

          • msanthropesmr

            He seems more like an Orange Crush pop tart kinda guy.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            And he no doubt sends one of his undocumented servants to do his grocery shopping for him.

          • jmhm

            Or his mother in law, who’s raising his latest kid.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Bring over the whole tribe…Is that the deal with eastern European trophy brides? I’m sure she’s raising Barron to be an entitled little fascist just like his daddy.

          • jmhm

            In fairness, his mother can’t do it – there have been stories for years about him leaving people in the main compartment of the plane so he can tear off a nooner on demand in the bedroom next door. Hard to raise a child when that’s your job. And since no ‘good’ boarding school is likely to take the kid, at least he’s spending as much time as she can manage with someone who isn’t related to his father.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Ewww. How disturbing. I suppose the good news for all those left waiting is that the sex only takes about 30 seconds.

          • nmmagyar

            Less if she touches him

          • nmmagyar

            Would that make Barron an Anchor Babby?

          • Pickwicknext

            Are those a thing? They sound horrifying and I would like to try them

          • msanthropesmr
          • alwayspunkindrublic

            We’re fucking doomed.

          • msanthropesmr
          • proudgrampa

            Indeed.

          • nmmagyar

            Speak for yourself. I consider this a major advancement in western civilization.

          • nmmagyar

            Me too!!!!!

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            There’s a spot reserved for you in Michelle’s new FEMA Nutrition Camp.

          • nmmagyar

            6 months from now we can all go back to eating crap food again. Free at last, free at last!

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Rumor has it that Hillary is considering keeping Michelle on as Food Tyranny Czar.

          • nmmagyar

            She could always just lesbian marry her and keep her on as FLOTUS. I would like that very much.

          • jmhm

            Seems like a missed chance to cross the aisle. Bloomberg loves him some portion control, and he’s always wanted to be a czar.

          • Jamoche
          • Biff52

            Someone slipped canned clams into my cart! MONSTERS~!

      • Suttree

        I assume he loudly complains as he rearranges the tabloids to put the National Inquirer at eye level.

    • jmhm

      Because it takes a big man to sooth his neglected ego by setting his mouthbreathing fans on a public safety official. But he loves fire marshals. There are sprinklers in all his buildings.

    • Jared James

      And by “it” he means “why the hell anyone would imagine Donald Trump is fit to run a 7-11, much less a country.”

    • TJ Barke

      “This guy wants people to not burn alive in a fire emergency. Can you believe that? Clearly in the tank for crooked Hillary, Sad!”

      • Astraea

        Those damn Democrats are always infringing on the wealthy and powerful’s right to endanger people!

    • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

      “He’s probably a Democrat…”

      Probably. Him and everybody else at CU, ya fuckin’ moron.

    • The Wanderer

      Phew, what a loony.

  • jmhm

    NC joins TX and WI in the penalty box, has to let citizens vote while not white

    The scurrilous attempt by North Carolina Republicans to suppress the rising power of black voters was struck down on Friday by a federal appeals court that concluded that the state’s voting strictures “target African-Americans with almost surgical precision.”

    The decision means that the voting power of black citizens in the important swing state will not be hobbled in November by a repressive 2013 law that the court found was steeped in blatant racism, in violation of the Constitution. “Because of race, the Legislature enacted one of the largest restrictions of the franchise in modern North Carolina history,” the court ruled.

    The court, in finding that the law was designed as a deliberate tool to reduce the African-American vote, is the latest to beat back attempts by Republican statehouses to interfere with minority and new voters.

    This month, a federal appeals court blocked the voter identification law in Texas, a law that had the effect of disenfranchising hundreds of thousands of people, with a disproportionate impact on black and Latino voters. And a federal court in Wisconsin this month found new voters suffered discrimination under a strict new photo ID law passed by the Republican-controlled Legislature.

    • Astraea

      But our most thoughtful SCOTUS justices told us this wouldn’t happen any more!!!!

      • jmhm

        You mean the guy whose extracurricular activities at Princeton included organizing against the admission of chicks and schvartzes and the one who dresses his translucent children in little lord fauntleroy suits?

        Oh, and that other guy who thinks there are HBCUs because teh moulis are too dumb to go to white state schools, only I hear he’s retired to somewhere with a warmer climate.

    • VforV, I’m with Her!

      Mr. V reported that Faux news’ coverage showed stock footage of people voting in NC. See if you can guess what those voters looked like.

      • msanthropesmr

        Not white?

    • nmmagyar

      Can any legal people, persons or entities tell me if this court has jurisdiction over NM?

      • Astraea

        Unfortunately not, the appeals court for Texas is in the 5th Circuit and NM is in the 10th.

        • nmmagyar

          Fuck. But I’m sure our ACLU chapter has paperwork ready to file.

          • Astraea

            What are the requirements they’ve put in place there?

          • nmmagyar

            Photo ID or current utility bill/bank statement/official mail. Totally fucks over the poor

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        I think VA was also ordered to do better at map making, if I am not mistaken. Probably won’t help in this election tho. 45 minute drive to vote, good thing I have a car.
        BUT….we’re organizing van-pools.

        • Biff52

          My rural-ish district in NV had me drive past 3 caucus precincts to get to mine. Didn’t make a lot of sense. Can’t wait to switch back to CA registration.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          What!! How is that possible? I can walk to my polling place..most people I know can. And AZ isn’t exactly libtard paradise.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            Cause Gerry Mander is sort of a bitch.

            Edit: When we first moved here, our place was 5 minutes away, mind you.

        • Zyxomma

          Glad you’re organizing van-pools, Jen. Thank you.

          Here in NYC, I walk to my polling place; one avenue and two blocks, the total round-trip takes less than 12 minutes (not counting waiting to vote, which happens rarely–last presidential election, the wait was graced by the appearance of my beautiful Representative, Carolyn Maloney).

          When it’s not a presidential election, it’s empty, which pisses me the fuck off. Please, my fellow Americans, vote in every primary and every general, every year. I once showed up at the polls when there wasn’t a single race in my district, and I don’t regret it.

    • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

      This is today’s great news.

  • msanthropesmr

    • limberrat

      McGucket!

      • msanthropesmr

        Awwwww….Donkey Spittle.

        “Why do I even have a bandaid on my beard?”

    • The Wanderer

      A Gary Johnson voter?

  • Recipriversexclusons

    Sometimes it’s not so much what you do but how you do it.
    Some Bundy-ite type vermin have apparently have been elected and are attempting
    to legislate away public land.

    Keep America’s public lands in public hands – The Wilderness
    Society


    The Rise to Power of the Congressional Anti-Parks Caucus
    – Center for
    American Progress


    House Republicans seek to open up national forests to mining and logging

    – The Guardian


    Federal public land transfers get a Congressional boost
    – High
    Country News, March 2015

  • Blackest Noobs

    claiming stupidity IS NOT a get out of jail card.

    jesus christ our education system…..jesus effin’ christ!

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      I personally always liked the old “The summabitch was asking for it” defense. Hey, worked for Zim.

    • Astraea

      I doubt this guy went through our education system.

      • Blackest Noobs

        which is a failure of our education system….i know i know you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink it….i got that…BUT we honestly can and NEED to do better.

        we are probably THE richest country in the world ( and i don’t just mean wealth, but including quality of life shite, for the most part we don’t have planes bombing the shit outha us, etc etc)

        even dumb fucking cowpokes on the ranch should have a basic foundation for critique thinking….we are lacking it these days in spades.

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          I do not see how a parent refusing to educate their children as a failure of our system, excepting maybe the allowance to not educate your kids.

          • Blackest Noobs

            our system failed the parent….not saying it solely the system itself (to blame, the parents have a part too)…but it ain’t no prize winner by any means

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            How did it fail the parent? These people are convinced that public schools= taking away their parenting right to shove their kid’s heads with whatever nonsense they choose
            This still seems to me more a legislative problem on the whole can not educate if you feel like it level.

          • Blackest Noobs

            because the parent themselves were not properly educated and we coddle those that wanted to “home school,” which came out mostly from parents that thought there wasn’t enough religion in their kids’ education.

            i want the education system to be more forceful, i want it to bring back classes in rhetoric and logic….even things like home economics is desperately needed..and schools got rid of that.

            like i remember i had a class in junior high called private law….where we discussed the law and even had mock trials….you wouldn’t get that from home schooling that’s for godamn sure.

          • nmmagyar

            But the parents who were educated under that system are the morons fighting for this bullshit system we are increasingly moving towards. One of the first victories by these batshit folks was to take over school boards.

          • nmmagyar

            ^This! Eleventeen billion times this! Fucking mouth breathers going back to Reagan fought for “choice, but not the whore kind” and expanding homeschooling from “sick” to “doesn’t accept evolution or the exclusion of Jesus as a correct answer to every question”.

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    Trump is now complaining about the debate schedule.

    Trump on Debates Deconstructed:

    These dates that I have known for almost a year won’t work.

    The fact that they are arranged by a non-partisan commission well in advance and the sites (and their alternate sites) themselves play a role in determining the exact dates in order to miniminze disruption at those universities is something that Trump wants you to think he is just becoming dimly aware of as the dates approach.

    They will be and have been the most-watched political events of every Presidential election cycle since they began.

    Trump is already making excuses, probably because he is trying to get out of the debates.

    Also, see how he handled publishing his taxes.

    • limberrat

      He knows he is getting his ass kicked and can’t control the debates like he can a rally.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        Hillz ought to be like “ok fine, any date, Trump, name it”
        Then watch him weasel more.

        • DoILookAmused2u ?

          it doesn’t work that way.

          The universities have their own scheduling issues, believe it or not.

          As much as we might want to coddle Trump and make sure he only has green M&Ms in his dressing room, universities have sports games and other events on their campuses that are important to them as well.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            Well that is fine, but Hillary should still say “Any date is fine with me” just for the contrast

          • DoILookAmused2u ?

            She is too responsible. She’s not going to put the universities graciously agreeing to host the events in a bind, most likely.

            because grown up.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            Goddamn it. Why do we always have to be the grown ups?

          • revenant