SHARE
Not the actual cake that was ordered.
Not the actual cake that was ordered.

An Ohio baker has done her level best to expand the boundaries of the National Dumbfuckery on Religious Freedom, insisting that her Christian faith prevents her from baking a cake for a lesbian couple. Not a wedding cake: a fucking birthday cake.

It certainly wasn’t the text message Candice Lowe was expecting to get on her honeymoon. She says it came from the owner of a local bakery, canceling the order for her wife’s birthday cake. Lowe says, “after she saw my Facebook page, she found out that I was in a same-sex marriage and she could not do my cake.” … The couple was just married two weeks ago and are still on cloud nine after celebrating with their son, family and friends. But that all came crashing down. In some ways, they say, it’s like taking two steps back. “It wasn’t a wedding cake, it was just a birthday cake [for my wife, Amanda],” Candice said. “A birthday cake has nothing to do with your sexual preference.”

Pardon us for a moment.

Bear-Flips-Table

Thank you.

According to the blog Peacock Panache, Ms. Lowe didn’t say anything about her sexual orientation when she ordered the cake, but then the baker looked her up on Facebook, which is apparently a necessary part of baking a goddamn birthday cake for some people. Oh dear, and there was a very happy photo of the newlyweds:

lowe wedding

Obviously, the baker had to send an apologetic text, in the cutest most whimsical font possible, to let Lowe know Jesus wouldn’t allow her to bake cakes for demon lesbianese people:

Hey, she said "OK," so what's the big deal?
Hey, she said “OK,” so what’s the big deal?

Update: New photo has removed baker’s name. Also, as a couple commenters have noted, that smiley face at the end makes the whole “Can’t serve you since you’re hellbound!” message much nicer. To be fair, did you really want a baker who can’t spell your/you’re anyway?

Ms. Lowe posted the screenshot to her Facebook with the single comment “Just instantly pissed me the fuck off” plus five frowny faces, and things quickly went viral, as they do.

Contacted by the TV station that broke the story, the Good Christian owner of Take the Cake initially “expressed interest in sharing her side of the story,” but then stopped returning their calls, and has not responded to any media inquiries. Clearly, she needs some time to deal with all the oppression she faces (NO, DO NOT DOX HER), and because her name has been mentioned in some stories, doubtless some assholes have threatened her, which is NEVER OK. It’s perfectly sufficient for the internet to ask her to consider why on earth she thought it was her business to take to social media to check the relationship status of her customers in the first place.

Don’t worry, we’re certain a GoFundMe will be set up to help the poor bigot sooner or later. Will give the last word to Friend Of Wonkette Dan Savage, who explained where exactly this leaves us in the Culture War as of July 7, 2016:

Welcome to America — where bigoted bakers do background checks to avoid selling cakes to lesbians (because Jesus) but we don’t require merchants at gun shows to do background checks to avoid selling weapons of war to crazed terrorists, abusive spouses, and the mentally ill (because freedom).

Christ on a crutch. At least one good thing came out of this, besides the shaming of a bigot. We also learned from the Lowes’ Facebook cover photo that everyone in their wedding party was secretly a superhero (except maybe Amanda, though for all we know she had something appropriately spandexy under her gown):

No love for Madman? Fine.
No love for Madman? Fine.
We wish the happy couple a long nerdy life together, and all of those cakes we like.

[13ABC via The Stranger / Peacock Panache]

$
Donate with CCDonate with CC
  • SuspectedDemocrat

    Is it because the baker believes she was born gay?

    • BadKitty904

      Or Born Agayn?

      • elviouslyqueer

        • BadKitty904

          I luv that gif!

        • BadKitty904

  • DinkyBossetti

    But where can I get the cake in the photo at the top for MY next birthday?

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      That’s a Whateverday cake. You can have those anytime.

  • Nounverb911

    I blame Mark Zuckerberg.
    (And Al Gore for inventing the internets).

    • Creepoman

      And Duffy Goldman (Ace of Cakes) for leading people to believe putting frosting on cakes is a form of art and personal expression, rather than, you know, baking.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      I sometimes wistfully imagine an alternative world in which Al Gore had actually made it to the White House and was too busy preznitin’ to go an invent that damned internet. What a wonderful world that would be.

      • Nounverb911

        Then comments really wouldn’t be allowed on the Wonkette.

  • Jenny

    Luckily for this bakery the internet has now done a back ground check, and has decided that these in fact are not cakes we like.

  • Callyson
    • Spotts1701

      Okay, off to the part of the internet that is full of puppies and kittens and contains no sad whatsoever. Anyone want to come with?

      • Gayer Than Thou

        I was thinking porn, myself, but to each his/her own.

        • SnarkTank

          Not mutually exclusive, my friend.

          • Captain Kraut

            That somehow frightens me and I come from a land infamous for its scat porn.

            Well, at least it’s not fart porn.

      • Nounverb911
      • Creepoman

        Is that the bro-only one I’ve be hearing so much about?

      • meanlawyermom

        http://www.fupenguin.com/ – old but good blog about cute animal pics and snarky commentary about how cute they think they are. It lets me look at cute and animals AND appreciate what a dork I am for thinking they are cute (they are very, very cute).

    • RepubAnon

      One wonders what the excuse would have been if the couple was a black man and a white woman, as opposed to two women?

  • a_pink_poodle

    As it says in the Bible “Thou shalt not suffer a lesbian a birthday cake because she’ll get her gross lesbian mouth all over it. Her gross lesbian mouth that she puts to good use on her equally hot lesbian lover… in the 69 position… What was I saying again?” Ezekiel 23:20

    CAN I GET AN AYMEN?!

    • JoeChristmas

      AMEN as in sans penis.

  • I want that Deadpool shirt.

  • Painter of Goats

    I ♥ gay superheroes.

    • janecita

      Aren’t all of them gay??? I always thought that Superman looked really gay.

      • Astraea

        If what I’m reading on fanfiction dot net is true…

        • jmhm

          I think the AO3 is your better resource for the gay superhero porn.

      • Spotts1701

        It’s the spit curl, isn’t it?

      • BadKitty904

        Who else would run around all day in capes and tights?

      • Gayer Than Thou

        My teenaged self sure hoped so.

      • Nounverb911
        • mtn_philosoph

          One of my favorite shows from back when my generation was still in force-buildup mode prior to our successful assault on Truth, Justice and the American Way.

      • Captain Kraut

        I’ve always loved Ferguson’s “Aquaman, the second openly gay superhero” segment.

        Finally, someone who understood comics on prime (okay, prime prime) time tv!

        • jmhm

          OK, there’s slash I would totally read.

  • Lambsendbeds

    Well, I don’t see how the Lowes can possibly be upset – after all, the bigot baker ended her note with a smiley face.

    • Painter of Goats

      I thought Candice showed considerable restraint when she typed “OK” instead of using the flipping-you-off emoji.

      • SuspectedDemocrat

        I would have gone with a see-you-in-court-asshole emoji. Are those a thing?

        • Painter of Goats

          Well now they should be.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        And by “OK” I mean “Die in a Fire, asshole.”

  • Jenny

    Also the smiley face at the end of that text. What a cunt.

    • JD Mulvey

      That’s so you know she’s really nice.

    • Painter of Goats

      She’s such a perky asshole.

  • Nounverb911

    In other cake related news, it was reported that “Take the Cake” also refused to make cakes for Enola Gay and Gay Talese.

    • Nounverb911

      Also for anyone who “Donned we now our gay apparel”. (FALALALALALA….)

    • therblig

      what about Gay Divorcees? since they’re ending the same sex marriage, shouldn’t they get cakes?

      • doktorzoom

        Jesus actually condemned divorce, while he never said anything about teh gheys. So there’s a dilemma, huh?

        • therblig

          i guess kim davis missed that memo.

    • SnarkTank

      Also too anyone named “Gary” just because it’s too close.

  • Gays have stolen birthdays from normal people?

    My childhood is officially RUINED.

    • Painter of Goats

      As a borderline oldz I can say that if the gays stole some of my birthdays I would be in their debt.

  • BadKitty904

    God told me to spend my money with LGBT-supportive merchants, so I guess that all works out.

    • FlownOver

      I have a pro-equal rights fish-and-catnip startup, BK. Feel free to send those Feline-Ameros to :

      FlownOver’s Kitty Boutique
      General delivery
      LFK

      • BadKitty904

        I’m SO there!

  • SqueakyRat

    That’s because lesbians aren’t allowed to have birthdays in jesusland.

  • Spotts1701

    Since when do bakers look their clients up on Facebook before making the cake? I would think that the wife’s instructions on what kind of cake to make would be sufficient.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      IK,R? Sometimes when I’m working a slow night at the front desk of my hotel, and a real head case checks in, I may do google or FB on them, but that’s mostly to try and determine how much of a disturbance I can expect from them that night.

  • JMP

    If you’re so sorry that you won’t bake a cake for someone just because she’s gay, then maybe you could try just going ahead and making it, then you won’t have anything to be sorry about. Oh, and acting all surface polite while sending a horrifically bigoted message doesn’t actually make it less vile.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    Cakes. Cakes? Is there a stupider, more petty form of discrimination someone hasn’t thought of yet, or have we finally hit bottom?

    • Spotts1701

      Well, there are the photographers who print the Bible verse about sodomites on the back of wedding photographs of same-sex couples.

    • No glaze on your donuts?

      • Gayer Than Thou

        Is this a euphemism…?

    • BadKitty904

      You underestimate the vicious spitefulness of the Xian Right…

  • Jay Vaughn

    That might be the most adorable wedding picture ever.

  • SuspectedDemocrat

    Uh, wingnut bakers? The bible is totally cool with lesbians. Look it up.

  • LITTLE KNOW FACT!

    Gays get to count birthdays like Leap Year babies.

    I’m still in my early teens!

    • Gayer Than Thou

      That very much depends on the lighting.

      • Does Spencer’s Gifts still sell those black light bulbs?

        Asking for a friend.

        • Painter of Goats

          Because you like it when your teeth glow in selfies?

    • BadKitty904

      Um, that would make me just under 4 years old. And it’s not like I don’t get carded enough already…

  • Lambsendbeds

    I assume the “Take the Cake” is getting the appropriate Yelp reviews…I might just wander over there myself. WHAT ?!? That’s not doxxing !

    • doktorzoom

      No, it’s just really cheesy and pointless, and we will think less of you if you do it.

      • Lambsendbeds

        Naah Dok – I was just joshin’! I don’t even want to go read the remarks I’m sure are being left.

    • Astraea

      Their FB is already full of angry comments on multiple posts.

  • dslindc

    Hopefully this baker will find that she won’t need to check customers’ Facebook pages before baking a fucking cake because she will have no customers for which to bake.

    • Creepoman

      Her business plan now consists of creating a GoFundaBigot page. Baker’s hours really suck.

  • Astraea

    It’s not even in the Kentucky part of Ohio!

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      I’m afraid we may have accidentally spilled a little Kentucky on them once.

  • BadKitty904

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …how much of a nerd am I for being able to instantly name every superhero in that picture AND simultaneously get upset that no one wore a super villain shirt?!?!

    • Spotts1701

      Well, The Punisher is a bit of a dick who most Marvel heroes will only work with if they have to. So…half-points?

      • AngryBlakGuy

        …ehhhh, but he was a former priest

        • calliecallie

          And your point is?

          • AngryBlakGuy

            …point taken

    • (((JustPixelz)))

      Your nerdery goes up to 11.

    • JMP

      Well they’re all pretty big names who should be instantly recognizable there though, it’s not like someone was wearing a 3-D Man shirt.

    • Gayer Than Thou

      I think the baker is the super villain in this scenario: the Cake Refuser! Well, we’ll work on it.

      • AngryBlakGuy

        …yeah, some crappy villain like “Mole Man” or “Boomerang Man”

        • OneYieldRegular

          The Mole Men Want Your Eyes!

    • doktorzoom

      I was sad that nobody had the lightning exclamation point from Madman, also too.

      • SnarkTank

        I wanted to see Rorscach.

        • Latverian Diplomat

          No two people look at Rorschach the same way.

          • Hairstrike Alpha

            Fun fact, Rorschach was modeled off of G. Gordon Liddy….

    • Iam Reading

      The best kind of nerd

    • CynicalOptimist

      The supervillian is a cake baker…

    • Here’s a super cake by the Good Christian Baker in question to further stoke your righteous nerd rage:

      http://res.cloudinary.com/cd/c_limit,f_auto,h_1000,q_80,w_540/qfbjcv06zb3p9apbjz8f.jpg

      • Quercus

        Is that made out of cardboard? It doesn’t look nearly as tasty as the rainbow hued unicorn cake pictured in Doc’s article.

        • I believe that it’s actually made out of reconstituted communion wafers and used dollar store Halloween costumes.

          When one’s deeply held religious beliefs expressly prohibit the use of gay unicorn fart concentrate as a baking ingredient, the final product is bound to suffer.

        • Celtic_Gnome

          According to the Yelp reviews, she bakes out of her home and doesn’t have the necessary licensing for a commercial bakery.

  • I’m not a baker, but I’ll be happy to bake you gals a birthday cake or buy you a pint and we can commiserate and complain about Batman v. Superman. Nerds should stick together.

  • Bureaucrap

    The next step in legislation of “Our Christian nation” is to require all citizens of a state/locality to submit a detailed biography including anything that might cause a religious person to object, as a predicate to receiving any goods or services. Bios will be audited by the State Board of Virtue to ensure authentic representation of each individual’s sins.

    • SessileRaptor

      And perhaps we can have roving bands of christian men going around making sure everyone is acting in a manner that won’t cause pearl clutching. Call them something something committee to promote virtue and something something vice. It will be very american and full of freedom because they say it is.

    • Iam Reading

      Alexandria circa Cyril?

    • Lochspring

      I would like my authentic representation at 1/64 scale, please, and fully articulated. After all, what’s the point of immense gluttony and sloth if I can’t properly pose it?

  • (((JustPixelz)))

    Why won’t Donald Trump call this for what it is: “radical Christian assholery”?

  • orygoon

    Still with the cakes? Hey I missed you Wonkers and the cakes we do or do not like. Not really, because I just vacayed in Montreal.

    • Painter of Goats

      Were you scoping it out in case Trump wins?

      • orygoon

        Totally! Perhaps summer isn’t the best time for that though? But best for, you know, vacation.

  • geoffalnutt

    Scissoring and cake don’t mix!! You end up with cake in your hair, on the wall…and, sometimes, on the dog.

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      Yeah but you won’t hear the dog complaining.

      • geoffalnutt

        That’s because you have cake in your ear!!!

  • therblig

    dok – just an fyi, the good christian baker’s name is in the graphic with her note.

    • doktorzoom

      Yeah, I’ll repost without that. Peacock Panache included it in the story, but I can crop the pic.

      • Hairstrike Alpha

        I still see it! TIME FOR SOME DEATH THREATS! But before that, I’m going to order some pizza. Not for her, it’s for me…I’m famished. Then I’ll make so, so many death threats it’ll be one long argle bargle and when she hangs up, I’ll call again and start right where I left off.

  • Scooby

    I’ll bet she just didn’t want to say she didn’t want to bake for an inter-racial couple but thought this made her sound less bigoty.

    • elviouslyqueer

      That was my first thought, actually.

    • emmelemm

      It’s certainly not outside the realm of possibility.

  • Gayer Than Thou

    Where does it end? I suppose now I won’t be able to get a cake made for my leather fisting party.

    • (((JustPixelz)))

      Where does it end? Apparently that’s depends on Facebook.

    • Skwerl King

      I am intrigued. What kind of cake is appropriate for a leather fisting party? And what if it is a latex fisting party?

      Just asking for a friend.

      • SnarkTank

        Rocky Road?
        something something chocolate…..?

      • Creepoman

        Certainly has butter cream frothing, er frosting.

      • data_ninja

        Something with a quote from “Two Corinthians” on it

  • anwisok

    I can see why, say, a preacher would decline to perform a wedding for someone who doesn’t follow the teachings of their church. I can sort of get why the church pianist might not want to make their services available, either. I can’t, quite, but I can almost understand why someone would object to providing food for a gay wedding. But WTF? Now LGBTetcetc peeps can’t even have BIRTHDAYS????!?!?

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    WTF is it with these douchenozzles and cake?

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    Where is my weeping Eagle against the oppression of bigots at? I CAN’T COMMENT WITHOUT MY EAGLE WEEPING FOR THE DESTRUCTION OF ‘MERICA BY SHAMING THIS BAKER!

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    I’m sure that the fact that it’s for lesbos was only part of what squicked this bitch out….50% of the reason.

    • Iam Reading

      Hmmmmmmm, what could the other thing be? Rhymes with black?

      • Suttree

        Rhymes with miscegenation is more like it.

        • Iam Reading

          I blame my color recognition deficiency. Seriously though. I have 2 of the three types.

          • Suttree

            Hmm, I had never heard of that. I have trouble differentiating between blues and greens and always wondered if it was some sort of color blindness. Any idea?

          • Iam Reading

            Yes. You could have a color deficiency. Check out National Eye Institute Web page, facts about colorblindness. Beats my poorly paraphrasing self!

          • Suttree

            Thanks!

      • Hairstrike Alpha

        I was thinking more of something inter….esting. Possibly involving a race, to somewhere. Maybe an inter-esting race to marriage….

        • elviouslyqueer

          You may be on to something, but not exactly what you expect. The baker in question was also black.

          • Oneofthebobs

            I didn’t know that. I guess that I’m the real racist; I just assumed that she was orange.

          • Hairstrike Alpha

            Black people can be regressive shit heads about interracial marriage too. Believe me, my best friend back in Utah was mixed and he took shit from both sides…though much more from white people because it’s fucking Utah.

          • Iam Reading

            I have a scar courtesy of some neighbors who didn’t take kindly to me dating a sistah. That would have eliminated 80% of the local dating opportunities. I opted for the occasional instance of getting jumped. Painful, but worth it!

        • Iam Reading

          We can’t have dogs and cats getting along….wait, oh heavens no, they be mixing pigments!

    • anwisok

      I can’t imagine to what you refer.

    • OneYieldRegular

      She hates superheroes?!?

    • Creepoman

      After looking at the happy couple, I see what you mean – she actually despises people who wear their tie outside their vest.

  • neminem

    Not sure how to feel about this. And by “this”, I mean “people 1-star-reviewing them on yelp who clearly haven’t actually ever been customers” – I absolutely know how to feel about the owner as a person, which is that she is a horrible one and I hope her business fails horribly. But as far as her yelp page, on one hand, everyone does deserve to know that she is a terrible person before they give her money… on the other hand, as a huge yelper, I would like to point out that leaving reviews of places you’ve never actually tried is super against the rules, for obvious reasons.

    Therefore, I would recommend that only people from the area write reviews, and that they first visit the place, actually see the apparently-also-quite-mediocre cakes, obviously don’t buy anything, and *then* write a review about how the owner sucks and so do the cakes. But only if you can actually verify that.

    • Iam Reading

      Asymmetric warfare has its place

    • anwisok

      They are getting kinda hammered on yelp, aren’t they? Can’t say they don’t deserve it, but you ARE right. Shouldn’t be reviewing a place you haven’t been. Not that I’m going to cry about it.

  • Iam Reading

    What in the altogether fuck is wrong with people? God fucking Damn it. So fucking sick of this shit. GGGGGRRRRRRRRR. AAAAARGGHHHHH

    Way past time to tax chrches. We can apply the proceeds to counseling all of religion’s victims

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “Since lesbian sex doesn’t produce children, how can lesbians even have birthdays?”
    — A Christian Baker (*)

    (*) who may have flunked biology, or possibly often confuses cause and effect

  • Suttree

    This is why I always get birthday pie. But really, fuck this bigoted asshole. I hope no one ever buys anything from her ever again, and Gofundme makes new rules about pieces of shit who discriminate being able to raise money on their site.

    • Painter of Goats

      I always get a birthday pie too. Because mmm, pie.

    • Lark_in_the_AM

      That’s our family tradition, too. The favorite is a mixed berry pie, but now that pasteurized eggs make a worry-free French Silk possible, that one has been climbing the charts.

      • Suttree

        Mmmmm mixed berry….*drools* I also am just not a big fan of cake. It’s gross.

        • Lark_in_the_AM

          I like ’em both. Next time you are in town, stop by Corbo’s in Little Italy and get a Cassata Cake, especially when local strawberries are in season. :-)

          • Suttree

            Must be popular! It popped up as a suggestion after I wrote Corbos bak into google.

        • Good_Gawd_Yall

          My grandmother (RIP) loved eclairs and that was what we always celebrated her birthday with.

  • jmhm

    Hokay. I went to the business facebook page, and while I’m sure they’re yummy, Ohio must be a real seller’s market for cake if that baker can afford to turn down work.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      “We like sweets, OK? We have nothing else. Except maybe bowling.”
      — The Good Christian Folk of Ohio

    • Suttree

      They are getting hammered pretty fucking hard over on their fb page!

      • jmhm

        Woops. Not any more she’s not. Her page is down.

  • RoyalUglyDude

    The couple was just married two weeks ago and are still on cloud nine after celebrating with their son

    They also had a child out of wedlock?? That’s a second cake the bigot lady won’t bake!!

  • Markuserektus

    This really takes the cake…again.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “Cake: Our last line of defense.”
    — The omnipotent creator of the universe, apparently.

  • elviouslyqueer

    To repeat, for the bagillionteenth time, your job as a baker is to BAKE THINGS. Your job as a business owner is to SELL SHIT TO PAYING CUSTOMERS. Your job as a Christian is to be NOT A ASSHOLE.

    Why is this so fucking hard to understand?

  • Good grief. If I lived near them, I would make them a nicely decorated cake for free. Just because they deserve love and respect as much as any other human beings.

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    I’m serious. Why does this homophobic shit almost always involve selling somebody a fucking cake?

    Why can’t it be power tools or shower curtains or some shit?

    • JD Mulvey

      There was the pizza people that one time. In a year of ludicrous news stories, the newfound biblical prohibition on gay pizza weddings was certainly among the most ludicrous.

      • JD Mulvey

        Certainly at least comparable to Donald Trump impersonating his own publicist, which is the reigning champ of ludicrousness.

      • DoILookAmused2u ?

        I don’t believe anybody ever catered a wedding with pizza unless they were related to whoever they were marrying.

        And then I can totally see that happening.

        • Vienna Woods

          It would depend on the pizza. I mean, I really like good pizza.

      • Lark_in_the_AM

        Still involves ovens, though.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      The only conclusion I can reach is that bakers are terrible, horrible, awful people.

      • DoILookAmused2u ?

        Makes you glad you went back to school, right? You might be making almost no money working for an asshole and making cookies and donuts and cakes.

      • Skwerl King

        Just read your nursery rhymes. Someone is always being baked into something.

        • SisterArtemis

          Also, too, reference Arya Stark…

      • SnarkTank

        You have to quit watching “Cake Boss”. I have a very good friend who is a baker, and who wouldn’t balk at all about baking anybody any kind of cake. Except maybe a KKK cake…she might have a problem with that.

        • “Hi, I’d like a c-c-c-cake…”

          “You want me to bake a KKK cake?!”

          “Did I stutter?”

      • Nyumbu

        Exhibit A: any day except Sunday on cakewrecks.com

      • Iam Reading

        My Kung fu instructor is a former baker (joke in there somewhere?) and he is a sweatheart. He hates this kind of shit and you don’t want to spar him after bringing it to his attention!

    • Skwerl King

      Because hardware stores are packed with lesbians and look forward to not only their business, but the magic they can make on the sales floor. And by “magic”, we mean “money”.

      • Creepoman

        And every power tool, in the right hands, is really just a vibrator.

        • SisterArtemis

          Christ, can’t you keep a secret?

    • Latverian Diplomat

      “Shower curtains are plastic which was made from oil which takes millions of years to form which means the Bible is wrong about the age of the earth and Oh My God, Why Hast Thou Forsaken Me!”
      — The last Christian who tried to sell shower curtains

    • Suttree

      You would figure that people would be very concerned about what others are doing with those power tools. I saw this documentary once……

    • Shower curtains don’t discriminate, they will molest anyone and everyone.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      Because there aren’t that many small businesses that sell power tools anymore? Because if you work for a big-box store, and you discriminate, you will be fired so fast the door won’t close fast enough to catch your ass. But if you own your own business, you apparently think you can make your own rules? I’m just guessing.

    • Beaumarchais?

      Because this kind of cake baker is more the hobbyist kind, rather than the kind who actually needs customers? It’s a classic do-at-home small “business.”

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    Gay people get to have birthdays now too? Where does it END? Next thing you know they’ll be saying they get to stand in lines and see doctors. America we need to draw the line!

    • beavertank

      But not a line for gay people. Oh no. They can have their OWN line, somewhere else, because that gay line stuff doesn’t fly in THIS ‘Murrica.

    • BigBoppa

      Please reread your copy of the [scarequote]Homosexual Agenda[/scarequote]. Birthdays are covered in Article 12, Sextion 4.01d.

    • Astraea

      We weren’t satisfied with just kinky sex and parades.

      • Hairstrike Alpha

        Pics or GTFO….uhm it’s research for a uhm, class. Which class? Well, I’ll tell you which class…it is uhm, Scissoring 101. Small class you’ve never heard of it :ahem:

        • Spotts1701

          Off to your bunk, I take it?

        • Astraea

          I’m sorry, I have to direct you to the Lesbian Myths class down the hall. Also known as Disappointing Straight Men For Beginners.

          • Hairstrike Alpha

            I’m sorry but I prefer to remain in “Yes Lesbians Do Do This for Straight Men 301” it counts more toward my degree….

          • Msmlg1979

            Heheheheheeee!

    • arglebargle

      Except for the Jehovah’s Witness gays.

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …I’ve heard of potential employers Googling job applicants. But this is the first time I have ever heard of business owners running “background” checks on clients!!! MAKE THE BLOODY FUCKING CAKE YOU SHITTY TAINTS!!! According to your fucked up mindset, if you ran out of gas in the middle of the dessert and walked 3 miles to gas station owned by let’s say a Muslim family, they can tell you to “go fuck yourself” because maybe they don’t agree with your religion.

    • beavertank

      How slow does a bakery’s business have to be that they have time to snoop into their clients’ lives?

  • whitroth

    Oh, groovy. How many things wrong do I see here?
    1. It’s not only a lesbian couple its a “mixed race” lesbian couple. Gee, doesn’t that make it fall under the “public accommodations” section of the Civil Rights Law of 1965?
    2. How allegedly “Christian”….
    3. Besides, we learned in the late 80’s that lesbians are God’s Chosen People, since they’re least likely of all to get AIDS.

    • Lark_in_the_AM

      Re: #2 – there are many passages of the Bible where Jesus speaks directly about loving one another, about how only people who are without sin can judge others, about how your focus should be on yourself and not others when it comes to living a blameless life, etc. etc. Fundies wouldn’t know about those passages if Jesus showed up hisself to point them out. Their favorites are all about how they are God’s instruments of of judgment and vengeance and that anyone they don’t like, God doesn’t like also, too, so they are justified in being as evil as they want. Not terribly Christian, but it makes them feel all righteous to say they are.

  • Walter Wellstone

    I bet the not-same-race thing is really more prevalent than the same-sex thing in this case.

  • What is it about fundamentalist Christians and liking ovens? There must be some connection that I just don’t get.

  • Lascauxcaveman

    And by ‘OK’, I mean ‘die in a fire’.

  • janecita

    That passive-aggressive note really pissed me off! Is a fucking cake, not a double ended dildo!

    • beavertank

      …I should get a double ended dildo cake for my next party. Not because it’s thematically appropriate to me or the party, just because that would be awesome and awkward.

      • marxalot

        Friend of mine from high school used to make …distressingly accurate anatomical cakes for fun. Like the German’s chocolate dick cake. She’d make one for you I’m sure.

      • janecita

        You definitely should! And don’t forget to post pics;-)

        • beavertank

          At some point during the party you KNOW someone is going to either try cramming it down their throat, or down someone else’s throat because… well… y’know… I just hope I’ve got the camera handy when that happens.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            *raises hand* that was me at that party. In my defense, I was really fucking drunk.

  • AntiDerpomeme

    One of my jobs is creating custom jewelry, and most often these requests are for wedding or anniversary rings. In this case, I must admit that I do typically ask the customer a few specifics about their relationship and significant other in order to determine themes that can be symbolically incorporated into the piece or pieces. This is one case where I can see maybe finding out some details about a couple’s sexual orientation might come up, not as the main topic, but people do generally end up mentioning the gender of their partners. But this would be an aside, and certainly doesn’t impact whether I’d do the job. In any case, this is the only instance I can think of where investigating a customer’s relationship status was anybody’s business. Cakes certainly don’t need to be informed by a back story, especially birthday cakes.

    • Iam Reading

      Do you do stuff for atheists, declaring their atheism? If so, future customer here.

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        Me too!

      • AntiDerpomeme

        Of course, those are the best kind ;-)

  • Lark_in_the_AM

    So, of course, it wouldn’t be discrimination at all, for some liberal christian to refuse to serve her at a restaurant, bookstore, or other place of public accommodation because she’s an ignorant, bigoted, nasty individual who has committed crimes against humanity by using stupid cutesy fonts, would it?

  • Fallulah

    I assume they also do background checks on their clients to ensure none of them are divorced, have eaten shellfish, or wears mixed fabrics in their clothing. All also strictly prohibited in their bahble.

    • Hairstrike Alpha

      If you’ve got pictures on facebook of yourself enjoying figs….oh you’d better believe that’s a paddling. Yes, Fig Newtons count….barely.

    • jodyleek

      And what about the baker’s suppliers? Does she screen them to make sure no gay cooties get in the flour? Jesus Christ.

      • Nyumbu

        Because gay cooties are so much worse than e.coli in the flour!

      • SisterArtemis

        Yeah, I hate it when Jeebus gets in the flour… such a mess

  • Debbies are like snowflakes

    “take care”!?!? with a smiley face!?!
    way to rub salt in the wounds, Creepy Baker.

    • RecreationalPilot

      Well, it shows the baker will kiss a person when they fuck them.

    • BadKitty904

      I don’t have enough middle fingers to adequately respond to that.

    • Lark_in_the_AM

      This is the fundie version of pretending to ‘hate the sin/love the sinner’.

      • BadKitty904

        The key word here being “pretending”.

  • beavertank

    The baker used the wrong your/you’re… HE/SHE/IT IS HISTORY’S GREATEST MONSTER!!!

  • Msmlg1979

    OMG! I didn’t realize this was a liberal website. Let me insult all of you with a snotty comment in which I pretend to be very nice and apologetic, when I am actually jumping up and down with glee at the prospect of hurting people who have done nothing to me, for Jesus. Sorry! ♡♡♡

    • doktorzoom

      You forgot the :)

      • Msmlg1979

        :) :) :) Jesus Loves You! Except not.

        • doktorzoom
          • Msmlg1979

            I remember that story. :( I mean the sad face this time.

          • DerrickWildcat

            God Bless :)

        • whitroth

          Insert here the old Austin Lounge Lizards song, “Jesus Loves Me, But He Hates You”.

      • Iam Reading

        And “bless your heart”

    • JD Mulvey

      Blessed are the passive-aggressive, for they shall have all the cake.

    • BadKitty904

      I sometimes wonder if these hypocrites realize how incredibly unattractive they make Christianity.

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        Well, they managed to convert me! To atheism.

      • Msmlg1979

        My Mom has a magnet on her fridge that says-Nothing could lead more people to Christianity than kindness.

        But it takes more effort to be kind and loving than mean and selfish. It takes more self control and less pride.

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          You sound like you like follow the words of that hippie commie drifter, Jesus.

          • Msmlg1979

            Never have ridden a donkey, though.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            Don’t. Uncomfy, smelly, and they get a perverse delight on stopping suddenly and going the other way.

          • Msmlg1979

            Can I get 12 men to follow me around and do my bidding?

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            I am going to guess yes on that one XD

          • Msmlg1979

            Thank you!

          • On Wonkette? Probably…

          • Msmlg1979

            Are you volunteering?

          • Transportation may be an issue, but if you’re offering me loaves and fishes I can quit my job and not starve… :P

          • Msmlg1979

            Being in my glorious presence and doing my bidding isn’t enough?! Now you want me to cook for you, too?

          • Beaumarchais?

            Izzat what the kidz are calling it these dayz?

          • Msmlg1979

            I was a kid in the 90s. It was riding the Pony then. Kids today probably just text body part emoticons or something. I don’t know.

            https://youtu.be/lbnoG2dsUk0

  • calliecallie

    That cake in the photo is awesome. Now I’m hungry.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      The hard part of the recipe is getting a white cake through a prism.

      • doktorzoom

        It’s a lot easier if you work at the Mysteron Bakery.

        http://www.vectis.co.uk/AuctionImages/119/1754_l.jpg

        • Latverian Diplomat

          The nice thing about Mysteron cake is you can eat it and then you can have the duplicate. Unfortunately, the duplicate cake is a secret agent for the alien invaders.

          • elviouslyqueer

            Oh my god, GET A ROOM YOU TWO.

          • More like, “GET A MOM’S BASEMENT YOU TWO!”

        • therblig

          that’s for a pineapple backwards cake, right?

    • doktorzoom

      I initially downloaded this for the title image, and now have nowhere else to use it.

      • SisterArtemis

        in my humble opinion, you can never have too many ponies

    • RoyalUglyDude

      That is a cake we like.

  • Creepoman

    Where’s a Colosseum full of hungry lions when you need one?

    • Hush, you’ll give the Trumpanzees ideas.

    • Debbies are like snowflakes

      they are busy eating lesbian cakes

    • beavertank

      But lions can’t eat cake. You’ll make them sick.

    • neminem

      Fun fact: that was mostly like never actually a thing, general consensus is that Christians made that one up back in the early days of the religion, to make themselves look better. Yes, Christians have been pretending to be martyrs based on totally made-up information since pretty much the beginning.

  • From a recent video of Mrs. Betty Bower, America’s Greatest Christian, a quote suddenly springs to mind: “What do you call someone who ignores the Old Testament? A Christian. What do you call someone who ignores the New Testament? A conservative Christian.”

    • whitroth

      Right, but then a) the guys better be circumcised; b) no more pork or shellfish, and c) no fabrics with wool *and* linen, and cotton/poly is *right* *out*.

  • Blackest Noobs

    so regardless they,mostly white but some black christians, feel icky about it…you know whateves…but why do you care about how someone else loves someone else…isn’t love enough? i mean that’s the message in pretty every film tv thingy for straight whitebread heterosexuals…why is is so hard for them to just not give a shit about it…cuz…yeah it doesn’t really effect you…it’s not about YOU.

    but the mountain here is their religion tells them they’re on the top of this pile of shit, they’re not….we’re all on ground level at shit mountain…and about time they understand that.

    and seriously FUCKIN. LOVE. IS. ENOUGH.

  • ClarkJoe

    As a good liberal I’m supportive of compromise, so how about these dumbass bakers put up a big sign in their window saying “I hate gay people” or “Only Christians Allowed” and I assure you gay (and sane) people will not give them business.

    If you insist on being a bigot, it’d be nice to warn me first so I know not to waste my money on you.

    • Oh but I still remember the shrieking that took place when someone listed the businesses that supported California’s Proposition 8. “We stand strongly behind our beliefs; we just want to suffer no professional or economic consequences for them!”

      • ClarkJoe

        Here’s my question… I’m a gay dude. These people want the right to refuse me service. How am I supposed to know that before I walk into their business? If they have the right to refuse me service, and I walk in unaware, does that mean I’m trespassing, and if so do they have the right to shoot me for being on private property? Like, seriously, how would this all actually work IRL?

        • Nyumbu

          Some cities have a gay yellow pages (although I think they’re pink on account of yellow pages being copyrighted) that lists gay and gay-friendly businesses.

          • ClarkJoe

            Right, I know that (like I said I’m a gay dude). I really don’t want to have to refer to a manual before I know what businesses I can and can not enter. That’s why it’d be helpful if anti-gay businesses put a big sign outside declaring their homophobia in order to warn me away.

          • ViveLaRes

            I’m straight and I would love to know, too, so I can be sure they don’t get my business either. I know plenty of folks who would avoid the haters. But bigotry is a one-way street. Too bad it’s still so fucking crowded.

          • Can’t they just use Hobo Signs?

        • Shan

          Right? At least back in the day people put up “NO COLOREDS ALLOWED” signs.

          • ClarkJoe

            Yeah, but asking these people to speak up about their bigotry would be a violation of their first amendment rights or something. IDK. Fucking snowflakes.

          • Shan

            But it’s not BIGOTRY it’s “sincerely held religious beliefs” dude!

          • ClarkJoe

            Exactly. If these beliefs are so sincerely held, they should have no problem exclaiming them loud and proud. That would actually be a good legal test. Do you have a sincerely held religious belief about refusing service to certain types of people? Ok, what have you done to demonstrate that sincerely held belief to any potential customer?

    • Shan

      I agree. Seriously, people should start charging for their wasted time.

      • Hairstrike Alpha

        My rate is $25.00 per hour but all time spent with me is never wasted.

  • AntiDerpomeme

    BTW, those two look incredibly cute together. Bigot baker was probably jealous.

    • DemmeFatale

      Really.
      All the photos show me, is that love is love is love is love.

  • (((JustPixelz)))

    For what it’s worth, I notice this bakery is open on Sunday. Hypocrites.

    • arglebargle

      STONE THEM!

      • Sam Hain

        Truck full of cobblestones on the way.

    • BadKitty904

      Imagine my surprise.

    • Reddishrabbit

      Next you are going to tell me they wear mixed fabrics!

    • anwisok

      Are they, by chance, closed on Saturday?

  • Villago Delenda Est

    I am so tired of these future lion meals pushing their fucked up belief system on everyone.

  • chicken thief

    Jesus, where does this end? What if a gay wanted to buy a cake for his/her straight friend? Is gay money good in that instance? Does she do Faceplace background checks on her purveyors? Or is it ok to buy from the ghey but not sell to them?

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      gay money has gay cooties according to a myth in Dumbfuckistan.

      • SisterArtemis

        it’s the tiny rainbow glitter that gives it away…

    • Reddishrabbit

      Depends, does one belong to the Church of No Sympathy or the Congregation of Sad Sad Idiots?

  • Msmlg1979

    Remember y’all…that baker’s life SUCKS. Everyone she knows is exactly the same. It’s like eating white bread for every meal, the rest of her life. Boring, tedious, monotonous, dull.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      We can hope.

  • Creepoman

    This is why I’ve never owned one of those Facebooks.

    • BadKitty904

      This is why I bake my own cakes.

      • marxalot

        I’m an indifferent baker (you want something from a box? I can do that), but I will trade cookery for baked goods.
        My butternut squash risotto is revelatory.

        • BadKitty904

          Hmm. Wonkette’s own Bartertown…

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            Two chefs enter, one chef leaves?

          • elviouslyqueer

            Who runs Bartertown? EQ runs Bartertown!

  • Even Marie Antoinette was against these bakers choice!

  • marxalot

    *Sniff*
    Mmmm, smells like religious freedumb!
    Or a cake that’s turned moldy (fun fact: those cake carrier tupperwares retain moisture like their own little greenhouse- blargh).

    • Msmlg1979

      The best way to keep your cake fresh is to go ahead and eat it all.

      • marxalot

        Do not do as my buddy did, and apparently shove it up over the fridge so the dogs couldn’t get to it… and then forget about it.

        • Quercus

          That never worked for me. The cat regularly knocked anything edible off the top of the fridge and into the gaping maw of the dog.

        • SisterArtemis

          Did that once with some muffins from Costco once. Set them on the top of the frige on moving day, they got hidden behind some taller stuff, and forgotten for about 3 months. Cleaned the top of the frig, found the muffins, and though they’d been exposed to air, they were (1) not moldy, (2) not dried out, and (3) still spongey fresh. Never have eaten a muffin from Costco since.

  • Astraea

    And there’s not even anything they can do about it. It isn’t illegal here. As recently as April, this is what our fine governor had to say about it:

    “Republican presidential hopeful John Kasich’s answer to LGBT people turned away by businesses is “get over it,” while his advice for those business owners it to pray.”

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      There is most certainly something they can do about it. It is illegal in the United States, at the Federal Level.
      Pretty sure of that one. Gov “Who?” Kasich can get over /that/

      • Lark_in_the_AM

        But making a federal case out it means they’ll spend months waiting to have the case even investigated. It sucketh bigly.

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          I know. I just get so fucking fed up with this shit.

      • JD Mulvey

        I’m not so sure about that, Jen.

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          Pretty sure. Take out gay and stick in black, jew, etc. Same laws, one people.

          • JD Mulvey

            Race and sex are protected under the civil rights laws.

            (Amusing aside: Back in 1964, the civil rights law was drafted in order to prohibit racial discrimination. Opponents of the law then amended in “sex” as a “poison pill” amendment –in other words, the idea of prohibiting sex discrimination was considered so silly that it was assumed that including it would kill the bill.)

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            goddamnit, gimme some good news before I rage stroke.
            STILL. The Marriage thing did not work for the gay until we crammed their throats with it. Surely, we can cram their throats a little more. I mean…they keep oblidgingly opening them so widely for us, they must want us to cram them.
            Cram cram cram

          • JD Mulvey

            Ultimately there’s no substitute for electing a non-nutjob Congress and getting them to create meaningful legal protections.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            We’re trying that but in the meantime, I am ready to give in to my lesser demons and figure out a way to just smack people. I had a thought up thread about revoking any fed dollars they got as a small business owner (tax cuts included) since their business is obviously a religious organization now.

          • JD Mulvey

            Ha! So you’d make them tax-exempt instead?

          • anwisok

            Not what she had in mind. Oops!

        • JD Mulvey

          You can make an argument under the Equal Protection clause of the 14th Amendment, but that’s a hard case to make legally. The usual civil rights laws –in this case the CR Act of 1964, which deals with discrimination by retail establishments –does not include sexual orientation.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            Then it is about time for a SCOTUS case, where they will say oh, yeah, it does include orientation. Like all the other rules do.

          • JD Mulvey

            They’ve almost reached that point: they threw out laws prohibiting same-sex marriage on the logic that there’s no rational basis other than discrimination for those laws. In theory the same logic could apply to almost any law that limits the rights of GLBT people.

            That still doesn’t get it explicitly codified into federal statutory law, which would require Congress to act.

    • undercover epicurean

      With stances that strong, I am SHOCKED that he’s not a presumptive nominee rn.

      • David Browning

        That was when he was running for President. He probably wouldn’t say the same thing today (and I’m voting for Hillary.)

  • jmhm

    Hey, Dok? You sort of accidentally doxxed her, I think.

    Here’s a replacement.

    • JD Mulvey

      Refresh your browser and all will be right again.

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    I’ve never made death threats before, it’s always been eh, pointless to me. I don’t see where it really does anything for anyone for me to issue death threats- me or them. It’s not really cathartic then is it? I mean, you get all worked up because you’re like GRRRRR DIE! and then you’re just by yourself. So what do you do afterwards? It’s rough being a death threat virgin. I have performance anxiety like my rage may explode the moment we enter into conversation….sad.

    • JD Mulvey

      I prefer the weapon of ridicule.

    • BadKitty904

      Eh, they’re not worth getting that het up over. Fuck them and the cake they rode in on – I’ll take my bidness elsewhere.

    • I’ll kill you for this!

  • Vincent Ricola

    Goddess doesn’t like those among us that won’t sell their hetero cakes to nice gay people. She’s also planning on smiting anyone that uses dumbass fonts in their hate texts.

  • RecreationalPilot

    I’d be worried about getting “The Yelper Special”

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pDlR_ccnZww

  • cousin itt

    I’d like to call in the butcher and the candlestick maker and see if they could help the baker get her shit together. I’m thinking about a candle suitable for say, lighting up an ass, and maybe a couple of goat balls for the baker’s next Christmas tree.

  • PubOption

    I don’t remember much mention of birthday celebrations in the bible. This sect can find mention of three birthday celebrations, none of which would seem to be happy. https://rcg.org/articles/abcc.html

    • RecreationalPilot

      It prefaces any plague or disaster.

      God: “Ishmael, Ishmael, this is God speaking”
      Ishmael: “My Lord, What have I done to deserve this honor?”
      God: “I wanted to wish you a happy birthday, Ishmael. My most loyal servant!”
      Ishmael: “Thank you, God”
      God: “Now eat some leprosy, you fuck! Ah-hah-hah-hah!”

  • anna rampage

    Who knew that Ohio was also located in the province of Dumbfukistan, I mean OK, TX, TN, and most of the Southern states are a given, but Ohio?

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      Oh, there are parts of OH that are more flat-out rednecky than the South! Even – maybe especially – in Cincinnati, which is just barely separated from Kentucky by the Ohio River, which apparently is not far enough.

    • Astraea

      We have a little bit of everything here. It’s one of the states that passed a constitutional amendment to ban same sex marriage with a popular vote.

  • Fartknocker

    I think the baker has misinterpreting the Bible. I checked Fondant:13.2 and it says that the baker shall be liberal with fondant but avoid navy blue colored fondant as it is a form of bearing lubricant and will ruin bacon and chocolate chips. I can’t find anything on sexual orientation but Fondant 13:3 warns that eating any baked goods in bed coated with non-pareils or sanding sugar will cause great discomfort. I confirmed this with Jesus, who is the head baker at the La Mexicana bakery so the information is good.

    • theblackdog

      Fondant is the most evil and vile substance to ever be put on a cake.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        The real thing isn’t bad . . . the “shelf stable” stuff, which lets you put a cake in the store window for a year or two, is indeed a hideous concoction. Evidently, some bakers aren’t aware that it isn’t really intended for consumption. Those are not the cakes we like, and you should avoid them.

        • theblackdog

          I get the feeling some bakers only know how to make the shelf stable stuff, and well, it’s just nasty and likely violates the Geneva Convetions and Amendment 8 of the US Constitution.

  • Biff52

    Dear Internet:

    Please restore the “Esc” key to it’s former utility…

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    This everyone, is why I eat pie….also, it’s another good reason to defund Planned Parenthood. Just to be on the safe side.

  • DerrickWildcat

    Matthew 14:19
    Ordering the people to sit down on the grass, He took the five loaves and the two fish, and looking up toward heaven, He blessed the food, and breaking the loaves He gave them to the disciples (non gay), and the disciples gave them to the crowds (non gay),

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    “I’d love to make a birthday cake for your son. How do you spell his name? J – E – S – U . . . Oh, I’m sorry; I don’t bake cakes for whores with illegitimate children.”

    • Jeff in the desert

      Or for Jews. Or Blacks.(And they could have been ALL THREE)

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    Hey, any trolls knockin’ about on these threads? I’ve been missing them all lately…

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      No you haven’t. They’ve been pretty dull. Just a lot of “UR DUMB LIBERAL” stuff.

      • Hairstrike Alpha

        Even the ones for cops shooting black guys? They’re usually pretty energetic and racist.

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          I have not bothered looking for them there, tbh XD Those ones make me stabby and that is against my religion. Or Something.

    • Suse

      Did you miss “Dalton” yesterday?

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        I know U R but what am I????
        Amy played ping pong with his brain, it was a beautiful thing XD

      • Hairstrike Alpha

        Where was Dalton found?

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          The hillary didn’t do it thread from yesterday, me thinks. The late one.

  • Me not sure

    I question whether the race of one of the women was an uncited contributing factor in this denial of service. It would be wrong not to speculate.

  • BadKitty904

    I presume these judgemental “Christians” also refuse to sell cakes to people who lie, steal, get drunk, think impure thoughts, etc.? Right? RIGHT???

    • Villago Delenda Est

      How about serial adulterers like Donald Drumpf, Bill O’Reilly, Roger Ailes, and Newt Gingrich? Do they refuse to sell cakes to them?

      • BadKitty904

        Trying to disguise bigotry and hatred as “righteousness” doesn’t really seem to work, does it?

        • James Christopher Owen

          Post-Obergefell, some of my religious compatriots were wringing their hands about the state of the nation, now that same-sex marriage was the law of the land. I bluntly told them that if they thought gay marriage was the moral holocaust of our time, they were out of touch with reality.

    • RecreationalPilot

      That’s their whole fucking congregation!

      • BadKitty904

        Pretty much the whole human race, really. That carpenter guy, from Palestine, had some things to say about it. Something about “stones” and “casting” or some such…

        • Villago Delenda Est

          Carpenter guy was a dirty fucking hippie.

          • RecreationalPilot

            Was he the one caught with a little naked boy by a lake?

          • JesusWasAHippie

            Wha…?

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            ok clean fucking hippie. I mean he did do the feet washing so assuming he was familiar with soap.

    • SisterArtemis

      Isn’t the biggest sin no believing in their version of God? These folks are seriously narrowing their customer base!

      • Villago Delenda Est

        It’s far and away the greatest sin. Molesting children is a misdemeanor in their books.

    • Why don’t you want me to have cake?

      • BadKitty904

        I dunno. Making products, then not selling them, seems to be some sort of God-botherer Bidness Plan…

        • Good_Gawd_Yall

          Yes, because it’s far more profitable, and a whole lot less work, to grossly insult some customer and get a Go Fund Me (averaging, what, $100K?) payoff than to try to earn $100K baking cakes! It probably is her business plan!

          • BadKitty904

            There’s a sucker born every minute.

            ~ St. Barnum 9:95

    • theblackdog

      I bet she’s baked cakes for Divorcees!

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Would be fun to ask specifically for a “my divorce is final” celebration cake. My money says this nitwit would bake it for you – and then you get to ask where the Bible makes the distinction she’s making.

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          ooooo can we do gotcha vids like that family values dork, only, not edit them?

      • BadKitty904

        AND sinners who go dancing and indulge in mixed bathing!

        • And guys who didn’t make their brother’s widow pregnant

          • BadKitty904

            And as for eating pork – NO MORE BACON FOR YOU, CAKE-EATERS!!!

    • Biff52

      I never post those activities to my faceborg page though, so they will NEVER KNOW!

  • Ezio

    I’m a Catholic. If I give up red meat for lent and work in a restaurant, I’m not violating my religious beliefs by serving it to a customer who wants it. Same with a Muslim who serves alcohol.

    My point? You are not violating your religion by doing the job you get paid to do. You are not somehow complicit in what they do if you think it’s wrong. Do your job and move on.

    • marxalot

      This ^^
      Wages wash your responsibility, children: if you’re getting paid to provide a service, that’s what you do. Right up until someone pukes on the bar or tries to get you to sleep with them outside of an hourly contract.
      If it’s that much of a problem, find a new job.

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    Okay, okay last tasteless joke to follow up on my previous tasteless joke:

    I thought with them being lesbians they’d have pie for their celebration….

    Thank you, thank you.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Try your waiter, and tip the veal!

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Can lesbians do miscegenation? You have to wonder, whenever X-tard bigots are concerned.

  • DesertedPictures

    This is beyond the ‘but making a personal cake is an art and you can’t make me do art’ thing. This is just segration in 21 century. Disgusting.

  • DerrickWildcat

    Leviticus 19:26
    ‘You shall not eat anything with the blood, nor practice divination or soothsaying or bake some homo a cake”

    • RecreationalPilot

      The first written New bible was in Ancient Greek, and we all know what they did.

      That last part must have gotten lost in translation.

    • JD Mulvey

      Not sure but I think you need a rabbi to certify that your cake has not been touched by anything except hetero hands.

      But the Hebrew “cake” can also be translated as “schlong.”

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    This seems appropriate for this story: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TxVOD5diZTQ

  • Portia McGonagal

    This just takes the ever lovin’ , pun intended, cake. Since the fuck when does anyone need to look up someone’s FB page AFTER having taken their order (or whenever) and WTF does any of that have to do w/ baking a cake? Jesus.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Lesbo cooties. They’re everywhere. So beware.

  • Ninja0980

    They aren’t being murdered like they would be in the Middle East so what more do they want?
    Equal treatment where they are treated like other customers?
    Perish the thought!

  • JoeChristmas

    God just told me this lady is fucking idiot.

    • Ricky Gay

      hey me too!

  • crunchyknee

    “Don’t worry, we’re certain a GoFundMe will be set up to help the poor bigot sooner or later.”

    And, that Mr. Zoom, is why these fucktards do these sorts of things. It is the easiest way to wingnut welfare and maybe a five minute slot on the Fox “News.” Jesus my ass. She just wants some ill-gotten Jesusy dollars from other bigots.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Mammon worshiping scum, the lot of them.

      Jesus wept.

    • RecreationalPilot

      Some fundies need to raise money…

      so they don’t have to offer up their kids to the pastor.

    • TJ Barke

      It’s Doktor. He didn’t go to snark school to be called Mr.

  • Suse
  • Jen_Baker_VA

    I think it is time to revoke all the Fed dollars these small business owners no doubt got when starting up. Loans, grants, etc etc etc. Recall every dollar since their business is obviously a religious enterprise.

  • I wouldn’t do this, but there is a big part of me that would love to order a nice gooey cake from this bakery, pick it up and throw it in the baker’s face.

  • theblackdog

    Damn, another good reason to keep my Facebook locked down, or maybe just deleted.

  • I Only Like Cats

    … So um…. All of the tables flipped? Yeah that definitely wasn’t me. Carry on.

  • Jeff in the desert

    Caption from their Facebook Page…..CELEBRATE BEING INDEPENDANT

    • Jeff in the desert

      Addiitional “facts” gleaned from their FB page, Minority Business!!!! In Toledo, OH.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        Uh huh. So probably got Fed dollars to start up. Also, too, it is not fucking Flag ettiquete to eat your fucking flag, Americans, stop doing that.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Oh, dear. They’re rebels with clues, too!

  • DesertedPictures

    I always thought that the people that bake things for weddings and birthdays would have to be the nicest humans in the world. If you make something as great as cake, aren’t you supposed to be a kind person? These people really mess with my mind.

    • SessileRaptor

      They’re nice people in their own minds, after all letting someone who’s hellbound think that they’re not would be the height of rudeness.

      Joking aside, they think that they’re being good people by preaching and letting the sinners know that they have to repent or go to hell.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        Which is pretty much the precise opposite of what that Jesus guy told them to do, no? Fucking Paul.

        • Villago Delenda Est

          Yeah, Paul really fucked things up. And I’m not talking about McCartney, either.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            well…you could make a case about that one, also, too…..
            Also, fucking paul was never even a fucking apostle. Just a random grifter who was the first TV evangelist and Peter hated him soooooo hard.

          • Villago Delenda Est

            Peter has a knack for those sort of things, it’s why he’s the gatekeeper.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            I wish he had sent him off to say…Gual instead of Greece. Just for the funsies of it. Let’s see how well the Roman woulda fared there.

          • Villago Delenda Est

            The Teutoburger Wald is where he should have been sent.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            heh. hehehehehehehe. heheheheheheheheheheheheheh

          • pat tolle

            @Villago Delenda Est- He,like dRUMPf, have a knack for appropriating things to their personal advantage. I blame communications technology.If they’d have had the internet in Paul’s time he’d never have gotten away with it.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            oh idk, they probably had just as many anger-bears to fleece back then, also.

          • proudgrampa

            Omigosh, yes! Paul was fucking asshole.

          • James Christopher Owen

            While Paul was not one of the Twelve, the Jerusalem Church recognized his apostolic mission to the Gentiles. Whatever else one may say of Paul (and there’s plenty to be said), he made it a point of pride that he made his own living and didn’t make money from preaching.

          • Suse

            Ryan then?

          • Villago Delenda Est

            Works for me!

          • James Christopher Owen

            Paul gets a bit of a bad rap. Curiously, while Jesus refers to Hell a time or two, Paul not once. Additionally, Paul frequently exhorted folks to think of others before themselves, which is quite the Jesusy idea.

  • I Only Like Cats

    Part of me hopes that one day I’ll have a small business so I can put a sign in the window saying “we reserve the right to refuse service to all bigots”

    • TJ Barke

      My future marijuana and marijuana accessories emporium, Marijuanos Hermanos will definitely have such a policy.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        Mary, Juan and Nos, the three amigos!

        • Pickwicknext

          Those aren’t the three Amigos you like…

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Mary Jane Brothers?

      • Shaydee

        Ran by Michael and GOB?

        • Villago Delenda Est

          “Oh, yeah…hermano…”

        • TJ Barke

          Si, mi hermano.

  • Nockular cavity

    So, is investigating us on social media going to be a thing at retail businesses, now? Because that’s gonna make the checkout lines at the grocery store a lot longer.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      Apparently it is only a thing if you are looking for baked goods. And maybe pizzas.

    • proudgrampa

      It’s already a thing in employment, other stuff. Why I don’t facebook or tweet.

  • proudgrampa

    I like cake!

    That stupid baker, not so much.

  • TJ Barke

    This cake is a lie.

  • Suse

    Here’s a cake for YOU, you bigot baker…

    • SisterArtemis

      boy, that turd hanging over the back is really the capper

      But nice that it comes in its own cake pan!

      • data_ninja

        I have seen that before, and I think it’s a requirement to have that upper decker. But I honestly couldn’t bring myself to try it.

    • thenearesthippie

      A proper cat poop cake should have a garnish turd on the floor in front of the pan.

  • Nockular cavity

    See the text? Pretty close to Comic Sans. That’s the mark of pure Evil, right there.

    • Suse

      Haha! My email font is comic sans.

      • Nockular cavity

        STAY AWAY! STAY AWAY!

      • TJ Barke

        You monster!

  • Snicker Haha

    Qu’ils mangent de la chatte!

    • Jeff in the desert

      Well I think the French and Spanish have something going there….gateau…cake…gato…cat

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        Is it a conspiracy?

        • Jeff in the desert

          With icing on top..

          • Pickwicknext

            Did you know: if you lick the icing off a cupcake, said cupcake becomes a muffin and is therefore, healthy?

          • revenant

            that’s one of those “One Weird Tricks”, isn’t it?

        • TJ Barke

          What isn’t?

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Chat chapeau!

    • proudgrampa

      El gusto es mio!

  • chascates

    We need to return to America’s original foundations: waiting for the check to clear and then completing your customer’s order. I can’t stand overt Christians but I don’t go out of my way to irritate them, that is what Wonkette is for.

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    Boy, I sure hope Bigot Baker hasn’t ever had to pee next to a trans person! Bless her heart, I’m sure it would traumatize the shit out of her.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      This is the part that eludes me…women’s rooms don’t have urinals, only stalls, so no one can watch you doing your business, like is very possible in a men’s room.

      • JD Mulvey

        I’ve been using mens’ rooms for my whole life, and even at a urinal, scoping out others’ junk is not the norm. But maybe I just don’t go to the right places.

        • Late night truck stops – reportedly

          … and airport rest rooms according to Larry “wide stance” Craig.

      • thenearesthippie

        Stalls? You mean I’m not supposed to just poop in the corner?

  • limberrat

    Well as a former Evangelical who was force fed this bullshit, go fuck yourself :) :) :P

    The smiley faces lower the sting, right?

  • Toomush_Infer

    I may never be able to serve Christian bakers again…

  • Ranina

    If they do not do cakes for same sex parties, does that mean that children’s birthday parties must be mixed-sex in order for them to qualify for a cake? What if the birthday child thinks boys are icky, or girls have cooties, and don’t want to invite them?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Clearly the purchase of the cake must be preceded by a full background investigation to include a polygraph examination by the FBI.

      • Suse

        And vetting by the local congresscritter.

      • limberrat

        But a background investigation for guns is inconvenient

      • Ranina

        But you can’t trust the FBI! They give special treatment to the elites!

  • Jeff in the desert

    Take the Cake: Bakery & Cake Design Shop, official cake supplier to the RNConvention in Cleveland Ohio!!!!!

    • Jeff in the desert

      “Minority Owned but Bigoted Like We Are Not” tm

  • DerrickWildcat

    They’ll be out of business pretty soon anyway because in like two years you’ll be able to buy a cake robot.

  • DemmeFatale

    That’s some real Christ-like behavior, there.
    Bless her heart!

  • SisterArtemis

    this scene comes back to me far too often these days

  • Imagine all the Christian bakers who Jesus sent to Hell for baking gay cakes before Facebook came along.

    • James Christopher Owen

      “Inasmuch as you have done it unto the least of these, you have done it unto me”.

  • Suse

    What does God’s voice sound like, I wonder? Is he all shouty like Drumpf or smooth and sophisticated like Ronald Colman?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Sounds like James Earl Jones. Or Samuel L. Jackson informing the council that their decision is stupid-ass.

      • Randy Riddle

        Sounds like Whoppi Goldberg to me.

      • limberrat

        SIIIIMBAAAAAA

    • ViveLaRes

      I always assumed he sounded like Morgan Freeman or James Earl Jones, but now the RWNJs have taken even that away.

    • ViveLaRes

      I can tell you who doesn’t know what he sounds like. Bigot baker lady, here. She is confused about the voices in her head.

    • Jonny On Maui

      God sounds like Alanis in “Dogma’…

    • Jeff in the desert

      Noah, this is the Lord Noah. (so sort of like Bill Cosby…oh wait…)

      • SisterArtemis

        I love that sketch. I’m mad at Cosby for being a fucker, and almost as mad for making me question my love of his early stand-up (still have “Why Is There Air?” on vinyl)

        • Jeff in the desert

          He was a brilliant comedian.

          • revenant

            this is just one of those many situations where you have to separate the artist from the art. his early work was brilliant, and his devolving in to a monster is another thing entirely.

            so many cultural greats have been horrible human beings; appreciating their work is not equivalent to endorsing their private failings

          • CJTX

            And yet (and I don’t disagree with you), I feel like I’m supporting a monster. Either financially or through keeping the focus on their performance (EDIT: and not their crimes). I went through this whole emotional/artistic roller coaster with Woody Allen when he…well you know. Same thing whenever they talk about being Roman Polanski back to states.

          • revenant

            yeah, it does feel wrong. and maybe there are cases wherein, because the artist is still around and active, it might be appropriate to boycott some particularly egregious asshole.

            but.. many great artists become what they are because of some horrible, unhealable trauma, or personal deficit (the old “Wound and the Bow” business)
            as for personal consumption- if you buy it second-hand or get it from some other source that does not remunerate the object of your disgust, it seems to me that you are pursuing purity a tad too far if you feel it taints you
            and be careful not to learn too much about the lives of people whose work you appreciate, if your gag reflex is easily triggered

        • CJTX

          I never wanted to bring it up – but I feel the same. Should I hate his early stuff?

          His was the first stand up comedy I ever heard (I forget which album in particular, but it’s the one where the child wants chocolate cake for breakfast).

          My parents – strict people – would often remind me, “I brought you into this world, I can take you out of it”. (It’s a joke, they are/were really sweet people).

    • TJ Barke

      Well she looks a bit like Alanis Morissette, and she doesn’t speak.

      • SisterArtemis

        strong silent type, eh?

      • Jonathan Lawson

        Except through Alan Rickman…

    • CJTX

      Duh…it’s Phil Hartman or Dan Castenella.

      • revenant

        wuz hoping for June Forey, or Edward Everett Horton

        though William Conrad would be good for the stern stuff

  • ViveLaRes

    Seriously, bitch checks the FB page of her paying customers and proceeds to make business decisions based on that information? That is some major league fuckwaddery right there.

  • Fifth-and-a-Half Element

    Sigh…always misquoting that Jeebus feller.

    https://youtu.be/slbMe-aTY1A

  • limberrat

    Pulled up this baker’s FB page since that’s what she does to paying customers and her cakes look like absolute shit!

    • JD Mulvey

      Perhaps she can go into the bigoted pizza business instead?

      • limberrat

        Maybe these bakers don’t want gays because they think they are going to catch on that they are crappy bakers?

        • JD Mulvey

          Which is why pizza is a much better line of work –because outside of New York and Chicago, who can tell?

          • JH Marx

            New Haven, CT

  • Fartknocker

    Mrs. Fartknocker and myself make a trip twice a month to Total Wine and Spirits and we’ve never been asked about our sexual orientation, race or political affiliation. But the nice person always thanks us for bringing our own bags and loves our witty candor. Sometimes we dress gay according to one our daughters but the liquor store continues to take our money,

    • CJTX

      Money, in exchange for goods and services – without regard to the particular details of the person or persons making the transaction.

      That’s UnAmerican!

  • Jeff in the desert

    I’ll bake you a birthday cake my friend if you just seem straight to me
    I’ll get you pastries no end if you just seem straight to me
    Cos I don’t care too much for lebos, lebos can’t buy from me

    I’ll bake you all pecan pie if you say you’re straight to me
    Don’t ever ask me why but what is hot I’ll give to you
    I don’t care too much for lebos, lebos can’t buy from me

    Can’t buy from me, I tell the lebos so
    Can’t buy from me, no no no, no

  • AngryBlakGuy

    SERIOUSLY OT:

    …so my wife called me today after this atrocity, in the morning. My wife has always been the type to NOT lead off with bad news. She told me she was in the parking lot of her job and wanted to discuss a few things that she has seen/heard this morning:

    1) “They put barricades up on the 826” and it made me 20 minutes late!!!

    AT THIS POINT I KNEW SHIT WAS GOING TO HIT THE FAN!!! Because Miami traffic is almost legendary!!!

    2) Dwayne Wade went to the Bull’s!

    -Something that I was aware of because I am a insomniac that wakes up at 2am every morning and then roams the internet for memes until I can fall back asleep

    3) In tears she say “They shot ANOTHER BLACK MAN. My response was “Ok, I read about it this morning”. And my wife’s response was “that’s all you have to say”(with a lot of Jamaican expletives ) .

    I told my wife I’m done! Nothing changes! They don’t care about us! What’s the point of going full on rage mode when no one cares. She then asked me NOT to carry my firearm anymore because they may “kill me”. As a “owner” of a 2 year BLACK toddler I am scared crap-less. My younger brother who just got married 2 months ago, texted me that him and his wife have had conversations about NOT having children because they are afraid that they will get killed by police. Let me repeat that, a 30 year old recently married black couple are actually considering not having children because of police. This is the shit that people in our community have to consider on a daily basis

    • SisterArtemis

      Not blaming you, of course, but this makes me sadder and madder than I already was about all this shit

      • AngryBlakGuy

        …yeah I needed to vent a bit. My apologies

        • proudgrampa

          No worries…

        • SisterArtemis

          No, actually you shouldn’t apologize. I think you’re not unique, and I think that’s more of an indictment of the shit that’s going down than just about anything.

        • Jonny On Maui

          You Sir, have nothing to apologize about.

        • MrBlobfish

          No problem. When my Jamaican wife gets home, she will be totally vexed and let loose with a few bumbaclots.

          • Captain Kraut

            Damn, this is the reason I read Wonkette.
            Finally learning those words my university English professors couldwould not teach me.

            I shall henceforth strive to add the wonderful bumbaclots! to the German vocabulary.

          • CJTX

            Careful with that one – I once heard (or read) that that particularly insult would get ya killed in the bad parts of Kingston. Maybe those with jamaican SO’s can elaborate.

          • AngryBlakGuy

            …I would say “yes” an “no” on that issue. First off NEVER and I repeat NEVER stay in Kingston longer than you have to(pronounced: landing at the airport and getting to your hotel PREFERABLY outside of Kingston). Secondly the country side is much more entertaining and less dangerous than Kingston. Thirdly if you ever meet anyone and they say they are from Kingston, mind your jewelry and personal belongings. Hopefully I didn’t generalize TOO much

          • CJTX

            jeez – it’s more like “The Harder They Come” than I thought.

            Such a great flick.

          • AngryBlakGuy

            …Lol! Jamaica is a BEAUTIFUL count, with BEAUTIFUL people. And I would NEVER discourage anyone from going to that country. Hell, if myself and the wife won the lottery, that is where we would take the family and settle down. That being said Jamaica does have its issues

          • CJTX

            Oh of course, but so does India, Costa Rica, Mexico (Monterrey is incredible), Colombia (beautiful country I hear…and why have I adopted Trump’s cadence?) and most other places. I have heard that Jamaica, like other countries, the opulent vacation get aways are serviced, staffed, and within spitting distance of pure, unadultered poverty.

            I was into ska and reggae when I was younger, so I was interested in Jamaica (so much sound of such a tiny country!). Anyway, I just mostly wanted to bring up “the harder they come” in case you hadn’t seen it, or to marvel at that YUUUGE fuckin’ joint if you had.

            Hope your day is getting better ABG.

          • Notreelyhelping

            You sure about the NY Jets part?

          • AngryBlakGuy

            …probably not, if my daughter came home with a guy wearing a “NY Jets” jersey I may very well disown her

          • MrBlobfish

            Bumba = ass
            Clot = cloth

            Asswipe

          • AngryBlakGuy

            …don’t forget the “bloodclats” and “”pussholes”

            -apologies to anyone offended by my “foul dirty mouth”(as my mother in law would say when I said “damn”)

          • MrBlobfish

            I’m not familiar with pussyholes. She’s too busy crying.

        • Jane Gagle-Bennett

          Absolutely nothing to apologize for, otoh, this country has a lot to apologize for, still much work to be done to – as President Obama says – perfect our union. The arc of justice bends too damn slow.

        • Captain Kraut

          Damn, man, that’s only to be expected. I don’t know how you keep taking those blows.

          Throws some perspective on my righteous anger at a certain Italian football referee. And yes, that’s a blatant attempt to distract you, I know how fond you are of that sportsball variant.

        • No apologies needed, you have every right to vent and 10,000 reasons why it is necessary.

        • Daisy

          This is a bit late, but never apologize for that, please. You have absolutely every reason to be angry. Every. Fucking. Reason.

          • AngryBlakGuy

            …thanks, it’s never too late for someone that can’t sleep

          • Daisy

            I always try to be mindful of the time, since I’m in California. And you’re welcome. I just want to do more to help. More than just vote.

          • AngryBlakGuy

            …well outside of voting I have found that alcohol works pretty well.

          • Daisy

            Unfortunately, I’m not old enough to drink yet. Today would be a day for it,though.

    • I am sorry. And there are people who care, not enough of us to change things quickly, but there are people who are trying.

    • ViveLaRes

      This is heart-breaking. It is necessary that it be said as often as possible, because too many of us can distance ourselves from the real life fallout from these murders. But my heart does break for you, truly.

    • VforV, BernieBro Hillbot

      *crying now*

      • AngryBlakGuy

        …apologies

    • AngryBlakGuy

      …this was the actual text:

      • BadKitty904

        This is not the America I want to be proud of. This is not the America I want to raise my children in.
        So, what are we going to do about this?

        • Jonny On Maui

          Vote. Every.Single.Time. Vote.

          And call people on their shit. Yes. Trump has let the bigots believe they can spew their crap with no hooha. Bullshit. Call ’em on it at every turn. Never give up.

          • BadKitty904

            Ever since I was a lil’ tyke, my Granddad said, “If you’re going to be a citizen, you’re going to vote.”

            And you’re absolutely 150% correct, JoM – my family was here before this country was founded, my family helped found this country, my family has fought ever since to defend this country, and I’ll be damned to hell before I ever give up helping to make it what it’s meant to be.

      • Justno

        Goddamn it.

      • AngryBlakGuy

        …just an FYI I didn’t respond back to my brother on that topic because it was pretty devastating. The portion at the the bottom was a text from TODAY referring to the German vs. France game. I was stating that “Germany looks crisp as hell” in the first half. Kinda fucked up that I felt the need to post this. Welcome to Trumps America

    • Angela Ruzzo

      The situation is terrible, despicable, inexcusable, and I’m sorry you have to go through this. I know it will NOT make you feel any better if I say that you are in good company. Women have to consider potential violence against them every day of their lives, and have done for 10,000 years. They are raping 11-yr-old girls in Afghanistan and Iraq and Thailand as I write this. They are still mutilating women’s genitals in Africa. I’m sick of it. And I’m sick of what you and other Black Americans are going through. Something very bad happens to some men when you put them in a uniform and give them a gun. Please don’t think all white people think this is OK, because we don’t. It disgusts me.

      • AngryBlakGuy

        …I have never judged anyone on anything other than their character, work ethic and attitude. I don’t care if you are white, black, LGBTQ or even if you are a NY Jets fan. As a African I know about many of the atrocities occurring on my continent and it LITERALLY has brought me to tears. But I really wish America could get their shit together so we can actually deal with these issues, instead of spending nearly a HALF A BILLION dollars on investigating presidential blow jobs, white water, Benghazi and email servers!!!

        • Angela Ruzzo

          You are so right. And you are right to be angry and in tears. I am angry too. But anger will make you sick, and what we need to do is take action. I can’t tell you how to do that properly, you must decide that for yourself.

        • James Christopher Owen

          I think nothing will change until elections start turning on who’s going to to do the most to champion police reform.

    • Iam Reading

      That is awful. If your friends don’t reproduce, the racists win. They need to have a quiver full just to spite racist white trash.

      • Jane Gagle-Bennett

        I wish I could say something, anything – but words fail, and I’m sorry.

      • efoveks

        Here, here! :)

    • DinkyBossetti

      It’s not and will never be enough, but I’m sorry.
      I honestly don’t know how you find the strength to try to prepare your kid for THIS reality, as if getting him/her to adulthood relatively unscathed weren’t daunting enough without having to explain that not only will people hate him for no reason, but on top of that he will be in danger – even from people he should be able to trust when he needs help – because of that senseless hate. It is horrible and heartbreaking and infuriating.

    • Iam Reading

      Also, too. Lose the gun. A can of bear mace will drop anything. Stats on guns in homes are not good. I was paid to be armed for 22 years (USMC, not cop). When I retired, I divested myself of the few guns I had. Even in the defense of yourself or your family, you don’t want to kill somone. That act kills a part of you. Go non lethal. It may save your life. Good luck and be well.

      • Jonny On Maui

        Twice in one day. Not enough ups for this.

        • Cindyinencinitas

          What the everloving fuck can we do? Should I dig out the tie dye and make a daisy chain to wear around my head as I drive to Laguna where I know I’ll be safe?

          • Jonny On Maui

            Iam has it right Cindy, that’s all I know this early in the morning.

            That and I’d bet you look fantastic in tie dye…;)

          • Cindyinencinitas

            I still have it! And it still fits!! Got it at a Dead show and everthang.

      • AngryBlakGuy

        …just gave you an upfist for a totally cogent and concise point.

      • CJTX

        Dead on dude (pun not intended and not funny, but hte phrase is accurate). Funny how I repeatedly remind people that bad guys can and will fight past a bullet wound, but frickin pepper spray drops you. You can’t see, you can’t breathe. Oh but then I wouldn’t get to carry around this shiny bit of steel and death. I’m a dude and I’ll pick pepper spray all day over a firearm.

        ” That act kills a part of you.”

        amen, ask the war vets that had to do what they had to do.

        • Invidosa

          Big ups for the mace! I used to leave work in some of the seediest areas (Detroit, nuff said) I never leave home without it!

          And I’ve had to use it a few times in dudes who wouldn’t take fuck no for an answer. Gross

      • Shan

        “That act kills a part of you.”

        And yet the police who kill people…what do they do with them? Put them right back out there on the streets, with dead parts still in them? Or were those parts already dead to begin with?

        • AngryBlakGuy

          …probably with a raise and promotion

          • Shan

            Administrative leave? “Here, push some paper around until the commotion dies down and the grand jury declines to indict you.”

          • AngryBlakGuy

            …more or less

      • Dr. Krieger IRL

        Agreed, all the way.
        Bear mace works wonders, it’s more than adequate. There’s simply no reason to carry a lethal weapon for “protection”.

      • Cindyinencinitas

        I love you and would raise your children if I could.

    • efoveks

      When you let other peoples’ hatred dictate how you live your life, the haters win. Plus also too, how are they gonna post those cute babbie pics iffen they don’t have cute babbies??

      Listen up, ABG, Auntie Efoveks (who is so white, her butt doubles as a flashlight at night) promises to do all she can to make this a better world for them–your toddler, your friends AND their children.

      I am not alone in this and neither are you.

      It may take a few more iterations to finally get it right, but if we all keep hammering away at it, we will get there. The worst thing is to lose momentum. Our job is to KEEP AT IT and not be lulled into a false sense of complacency.

      I was born in 1965, and I remember thinking in the 1980’s– isn’t this behind us? Because I had confidence that MY generation was not a bunch of racist assholes. Now that I am older and wiser, I realize there are more (racist assholes) than I thought. But fewer than there were before. If we do our end, there will be fewer for the next generation to contend with, but if we do nothing, the whole world goes backwards.

      I remember, at the end of the 1960’s, the debate about whether mixed neighborhoods were a good idea. Can you imagine???? And yet, yes– this was a THING! I did not grow up in the South. This was in NEW YORK!!!!

      We have come so far, but we need to stay humble about how far we have to go, if we are going to really fix this. I would prefer it to be right now, but I must bow to the reality of it being a slow turn coming.

      You are not alone, NEVER forget that.

      Love to you and Mrs. AGB. If she’s swearing at you in Jamaican, I know she’s gotta be a pistol!! :-)

    • jmhm

      That sucks beyond the telling of it, and I have nothing useful, but I’m sorry.

    • Shan

      Because there’s nothing I can say to make any of that any better for you or your wife or your brother and SIL or…anyone else…I’ll leave you with the visual I just had: ALL COPS EVERYWHERE ARE NOW BLACK WOMEN. Preferably moms of teenagers (added because I have teenagers myself).

      Just imagine…

      • AngryBlakGuy

        …that’s an initiative that I could get behind. Your kid would get a category 5 ass whupping for running a red light but he/she would make it home breathing

        • Shan

          She doesn’t even have to put her hand on her holster. She just eyeballs them and slowly takes off her earrings, then takes out her cell phone. They start babbling apologies, even if they don’t know why they got pulled over, and then beg her not to call their mom…

          • AngryBlakGuy

            STOP: you are giving me flashbacks

          • Shan

            You’re not gonna get REAL flashbacks until you tell your wife about this. Or your mom.

          • Invidosa

            Once those shoes come off you are TOAST. I am as white a white girl as you can get (I’m a red head, we glow in the dark) and my first boyfriend was a kid from inner city Detroit (who happens to be black). His mom was the sweetest lady you would ever meet. . . . Till he pissed her off. Those shoes would come off and in her hands they would become deadly projectile weapons. She said I needed to learn from her so I could one day control my husband and kids. Sean said “ma! What if I’m her husband?” To which she turned to me and said “then you better learn fast baby girl, sometimes this one needs both shoes”.

          • Shan the Libtart

            Yeah, mine was a “don’t make me take my SHOE OFF” gramma, too.

    • SayItWithWookies

      I can’t believe this is my country sometimes — the dehumanizing of entire swathes of the population may be our historical legacy, but why the fuck do sadists and psychopaths think it’s open season on black people? What kind of monster has so little regard for other people? It’s a fucking national disgrace. I’m sorry you even have to think about whether a cop’s going to think the color of your skin makes you a threat, for so much as a minute, much less every day.

    • Dr. Krieger IRL

      My sister has similar concerns, her boyfriend is Eritrean and she’s terrified by the risk of police violence against him or any prospective kids. It’s frightening.

      I can only hope that we, all progressive people, can resolve this issue. The root of this issue runs deeper than cops, their actions are a sad symptom of a greater social illness.

    • Angela Ruzzo

      I just read a good article addressing some of the issues involved that might interest you.
      http://www.motherjones.com/politics/2015/07/police-shootings-traffic-stops-excessive-fines

  • data_ninja

    *looks at source website*
    13ABC? Why does that sound familiar?
    *looks at location*
    Toledo, OH
    *that old familiar feeling comes back*

    GODDAMMIT OHIO YOU WERE DOING SO GOOD ABOUT STAYING OUT OF WONKETTE HEADLINES! Why you gotta be all stupid up in my neck of the woods?

    /FFS

    • Astraea

      Right?

      • data_ninja

        Thank God for a pie alternative in Toledo.

        I have never been to that place, but have heard nothing but praise about it. Also, reading that pie menu (with pictures!) makes me hungry.

        • Astraea

          I wondered what I was going to do with my weekend…

    • Jeff in the desert

      Michigan fought to get Toledo and lost. So Ohio got Toledo….think it is too late to give it to Michigan? Swap it for the UP…

    • Jane Gagle-Bennett

      I lived in Toledo for forty years, and it is not overall anti-gay. I imagine this bake shop may experience a drop in business.

      • data_ninja

        I think this city is more diverse than I give it credit for, so there’s that. Maybe I should hold off on an opinion until Opal Covey weighs in.

        On second thought, no.

        • Jane Gagle-Bennett

          OMG, is Opal still hanging in there????

          • data_ninja

            I’m sure whenever the next mayoral race is, she’ll throw her hair hat in there.

          • Jane Gagle-Bennett

            Who was that other “perpetual” candidate – he ran against Kaptur at least once – Ed ???? – yeah, Carty came to mind when I said “perpetual candidate.”

    • BadKitty904

      Well, Florida appreciates the break…

  • Parakeetist

    I love cake. Nobody should be denied the right to cake.

    • Jeff in the desert

      But pie is better.

      • Jonny On Maui

        I’ve seen cakes in all different shapes tho I’ve never seen a pie in the shape of a butt…

        • ViveLaRes

          You haven’t see a pie baked by my Aunt Josie.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        Cinnamon rolls are best. With walnuts.

        • BadKitty904

          Or raisins!

          • Jonny On Maui

            Or mini chocolate chips. With raisins and walnuts…

          • Angela Ruzzo

            I had them once in France with hazelnuts. Yummy!

      • Michael Rush

        Pie are round , cake are square .

        • Pickwicknext

          Cakescan also, too be round

        • Jonny On Maui

          Pie are square is circle…

        • Jeff in the desert

          Had a little problem with geometry, huh?

        • Jeff in the desert

          I heard the square roots of cake is Pie.

        • SisterArtemis

          give me triangles, or give me death!

          –Telly

      • limberrat

        **Sharpens sword for dessert wars**

        • Jeff in the desert

          I shall defend pie’s honor to the death (with votes) Sir, name the place and time! Tis nobler to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune than to die without pie!

          • limberrat

            Gentle Jeff, put thy rapier up.

          • Msgr_Moment

            I thought Bill Cosby was the rapier guy.

        • CJTX

          It’s evenly matched – pies v. cakes…till baklava shows up and crushes everyone!

          • limberrat

            How could you baklava! You agreed to remain neutral for this war! Curse your sudden, yet inevitable betrayal!

          • CJTX

            Yes, I actually laughed out loud.

            There was such an awesome greek place in South Beach – I’d get a nice beef dish and they had baklava to go. All very affordable, very fresh, very good.

      • I have but one word for you sirormadam – strudel.

        • Jeff in the desert

          I am fond of hamentashen, but perhaps, for this article homotashen….

      • Pickwicknext

        Can’t we all just get hopped up on our choice of sugary dessert and bouce around like a hyperactive toddler?

        • Jeff in the desert

          Fine be logical…and gracious…and…where’s my PIE!?!?

          • Pickwicknext

            I’ll bake you one when it’s not 45 degrees in my apt where i do not have air conditioning

          • Jeff in the desert

            Ah, like in the desert. We do not have air conditioning and on days it hits OMG I just converted to F!!!!! well….I understand it only gets to 38 or so.

          • Pickwicknext

            I can live with it (been in the place for nearly 10 years), but i am not dumb enough to turn on my oven for the hour plus it takes to bake a pie to make the situation worse

          • CJTX

            <- Also from the desert.

            Degrees Celsius always sound so pleasant – till you do the math (which is also unpleasant).

          • BosGrl

            Air conditioning not all it’s cracked up to be. Now have it in my new apartment and just got my first electric bill. Back to fans.

      • Jonathan Lawson

        Pie IS great, but cheesecake.

    • Jeff in the desert

      This whole article takes the cake.

  • Incoming Ham

    They are an adorable couple.

  • TJ Barke

  • FrenchFriar

    It’s a two fer in this case. The baker can be racist and homophobic. Jesus must be so proud.

    • Jeff in the desert

      Well, the racist part could be true, but the owners I believe are black, so it may be racism, just the other way.

  • AeonHeaven

    I love that last picture, all superheroes! Shows who the real good guys are.

  • Brendan_M

    …everyone in their wedding party was secretly a superhero…

    That pic is super cute, Dok, but the Punisher and Deadpool are not superheroes; they are a vigilante and a merc with a mouth, respectively. Not to be a pedantic nerd, but you are called Zoom, after all.

    More lies from the LIEbrul Media, I guess…

    • JD Mulvey

      Proof that the gheys are, in fact, sinners –the sin of mischaracterizing comic book characters!

      • revenant

        my bible must be out of date.

        guess it’s not like Adobe and Silverlight, where they hound you mercilessly and cripple everyday activities until you knuckle under and LOAD THE FUCKING UPDATE ALREADY!!!!11!!!

      • Brendan_M

        I’m no Superman, so I won’t Daredevil to cast a Turok, Son of Stone at these LGBTQ X-Men and their Spawn, even if they could use a Preacher to act as a Green Lantern to lead them to the light or they risk a Jonah Hex. Booster Gold.

  • marxalot

    Aside: Dok, is that table flip from Polar Bear Cafe?

  • anna rampage

    I’m curious as to what religion this person belongs to, because jesus never refused to serve or help someone, not even the most vile & ruthless sinners like this woman….

    • JD Mulvey

      Other Jesus, not that hippy one.

      • anna rampage

        Oh, you must be talking about Jesus’s evil twin, Wrathful, Old Testament Jeebus…

        • JD Mulvey

          You can tell them apart because Evil Twin Jesus is a brunette.

          • bozilingus

            I thought evil twin Jesus was a Semite, while Good Twin Jesus is Caucasian ( a whitey ).

          • Jeff in the desert

            Why would God sow his seed in a Jewish vessel?

          • bozilingus

            He was sowing his wild oats and had some leftover seed?

          • The Bible says it was David’s seed

        • Serai 1

          Jesus wasn’t in the Old Testament. That was his dad, Wrathful Jealous Spoiled Brat Asshole.

    • ViveLaRes

      Our Lady of Eternal Butthurt GoFundMe Fundamentalists.

    • CJTX

      The 11th Commandment: Thou shalt not make those sweet cakes we like for those people.

      Scholars have confirmed the wink is not written in the bible, but it is heavily implied.

      • Jeff in the desert

        Actually there are 613 commandments in the Old Book, follows much like the Ferenghi (which were a somewhat steroetyped alien characters) But I am sure in one of the 613, it prohibits the selling of goods to those unworthy….Christians have cooped this to also mean Jews because the old stuff was mistakenly given to them first.

        • CJTX

          Facts? We don’t need no stinkin’ facts.

  • CJTX

    OT: Another lie about Hillary Clinton goes down in flames:

    “‘Guccifer’ Lied To Fox News About Accessing Clinton’s Server”

    http://crooksandliars.com/2016/07/guccifer-lied-fox-news-about-accessing

    • JD Mulvey

      Is nothing sacred anymore? To think that an anonymous hacker from Romania would tell an untruth, well.. I am beside myself.

      • marxalot

        I may faint.

      • cousin itt

        I’m beside myself with you.

        • JD Mulvey

          Oh, that’s you? I thought it was me.

          • revenant

            one of you must be an imposter

      • phoenix00

        or someone on Fox news would also tell them untruths?

    • katz

      A black hat hacker? Unethical? Impossible!

      • CJTX

        Unpossible?

    • thenearesthippie

      I’m sure this story will be featured prominently on all the internet and television news outlets mwahahahahahahahah. I crack myself up.

      • CJTX

        Heh – couldn’t even finish the sentence, right?

  • Beanz&Berryz

    People just need to stop believing that every random fuck-whistle thought that crosses their “minds” is a message from God…

    • Duke

      God leaves me post-it notes. He likes bread and milk and to keep the lawn short.

      • Cindyinencinitas

        How often does he make you wash your car. Your car must gleam like my everlasting love, he says to me.

        • Duke

          Funny that you mentioned that. I do wash cars but washing my car never comes up.

  • Angela Ruzzo

    I have come to the conclusion that many idiots are drawn to the cake baking business. I went into one in LaPlace, LA, to order a cake for my father’s 90th birthday, and I asked for chocolate cake with chocolate icing, which was his favorite. When you have a 90th birthday party, you should get whatever you like, right? He liked chocolate, he gets chocolate. They said “We don’t do chocolate cake, we only do white cake.” WTF???? Why don’t they do chocolate cake? Because they are idiots, I guess.

    • JD Mulvey

      Because the Lord. Our heavenly father is no chocoholic.

    • SisterArtemis

      was telling my 81 yr old mom about this story (she was appalled, good liberal that she is), and read the “I have come to the conclusion that many idiots are drawn to the cake baking business.” Got the biggest laugh out of her – thanks!

    • anna rampage

      You mean they only make cake in the color of their apparent lord and savior….

      • Angela Ruzzo

        Yeah, except he was olive-skinned. Like Syrians.

        • gratuitous

          You better check with Megyn Kelly on that.

          • Jonny On Maui

            I thought that was Santa Claus.

            Cripes, I’m gonna have to keep notes…

          • Pickwicknext

            You don’t have a big wall linking all of your theories about the global cabal? That’s just me? Oh…

          • Jonny On Maui

            Not doing that anymore was one of the things I agreed to so they would take off the funny jacket and let me out.

            I think they’re still watching but that could just be the meds…

          • revenant

            the organization chart on this thing has become a MONSTER

      • Angela Ruzzo

        Very possibly. But I really got the impression they were just bad business people and rather stupid. I asked for decorations of a fiddle and a fish because those were my dad’s hobbies, and they said they couldn’t do that either.

    • Pickwicknext

      So, they DON’T have those cakes we liek?

      • Angela Ruzzo

        Not at Reese’s Cake World in LaPlace, LA, they don’t.

        • Pickwicknext

          Good thing i know how to make my own chocolate cake. I like mine with chocolate rasberry ganache for the icing

          • Jeff in the desert

            Ohhhh….I could be turned from pie for that…

          • Pickwicknext

            I can make both. I have my family’s pastry recipie committed to memory, but I personally prefer cake

          • Angela Ruzzo

            Oh, yeah. . . an enormous chocolate sheet cake with chocolate icing and icing flowers all over beats pie any day. Not that I am disparaging pie. . . I wish I could eat my mother’s apple pie again, it was to die for. I have her recipe, but it doesn’t taste as good as when she made it. I suspect some psychological issues there.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            Sounds delicious. But my dad was living in a VA nursing home, and the birthday party was for him and 80 of his fellow residents and the staff, so I couldn’t make it myself.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      “We only do white cake”. Hmm…I know we’re the real racists, but does anyone else hear some disturbing implications in that?

      • CJTX

        It was when they used the same scenario in Django Unchained.

        Leo DiCaprio’s character emphasizes they will be serving white cake.

    • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

      I had a 4th grade teacher who could play “Five Foot Two, Eyes of Blue” on the piano very nicely. It was the only song he could play, period. Everyone reaches their own level of incompetence (he was an awful teacher), as they say…

    • Suttree

      So were you able to get one any closer than Metairie?

      • Angela Ruzzo

        Yes. At Cora & Dora’s in LaPlace. I would have gone there first but they had strange opening hours.

  • Kristina Muskiewicz

    I didn’t know it until now, but that unicorn cake is all I’ve ever wanted. Good thing my birthday is coming up!

  • anna rampage

    My guess is this is just a ploy from the owner of the failing cake shop to make a million or two off of a GoFundMe sympathy page directed at the rubes of this country…

    I mean have you seen their cakes, they’re just wretched….

    My local Winco has better looking cakes…

  • Gleem-McShinez

    “I just looked up your FB page and I am sorry, I will have to be calling in the lion. I apologize if it takes a while before you meet your eternal reward, he likes to play with his food. :)”

  • cousin itt

    Breaking – Something Fabulous!

    Sulu Will Be Married and Gay in ‘Star Trek Beyond’: Report “Star Trek Beyond,” the latest of the “Star Trek” movies, will show Hikaru Sulu with a husband and a daughter, according to a report by Australia-based Herald Sun newspaper. Oh my.

    http://www.nbcnews.com/news/asian-america/sulu-married-gay-star-trek-beyond-report-n605311

    • JD Mulvey

      They better not expect to get any cake from the Enterprise commissary.

    • Astraea

      About fucking time!

      Will they show actual affection on screen??

      • thenearesthippie

        Whoa! This is only the 21st century you know!

        • revenant

          “settle dahn, nah, settle dahn”

    • Serai 1

      That will be very excellent. Did Sulu never show any interest in women on TOS? I remember him leching over Uhura once. Wait no – that was in the mirror universe, so it was Evil Sulu (who was pretty fucking evil). Does anyone remember any other examples?

      • thenearesthippie

        The only openly straight Sulu I remember is Evil Sulu.

        • Serai 1

          The only other thing I remember is when he was running around half-naked crazy with a sword and he grabbed Uhura and yelled he would protect her, fair maiden! Hm. Seems the only times he ever did anything like that, he did it at Uhura. Friend-level comfortable, I suppose.

          Still a great development, though. Neat tribute to Takei, too.

          • cousin itt

            What’s up with Sulu, Doc?

            He’s gay, Jim.

          • Msgr_Moment

            “Well, do something, Bones!”
            “I’m a doctor, Jim, not a miracle worker!”

          • cousin itt

            I’m a doctor, Jim, not a miracle workerMarcus Bachmann!

          • thenearesthippie

            Half-naked crazy Sulu with a sword is my favorite Sulu. Ah hell, I’ll be in my bunk.

      • cousin itt

        Well, if you have to ask.

        • Msgr_Moment

          Is that a pony?

          • cousin itt

            Just a moment…

        • Serai 1

          AHAHA. I didn’t see the pic before.

          • Shan

            Yeah, what’s up with that? I don’t get the pics, either, until I reload or the site crashes or something and I have to Start All Over. Which sucks because all the notices are…off.

          • Serai 1

            Yeah, it’s one of the frustrating things about Disqus. Personally, I hate these comment systems that have the endless scrolls. It’s fucking annoying to have to reload and then spend time having to find your place again. What the hell was wrong with PAGES, for gods’ sakes?

          • Shan

            I thought I was just A Old and couldn’t figure it out.

    • Jeff in the desert

      Well there is some happiness. RIP Chekov…

    • Jeff in the desert
      • Astraea

        No one who cares that much for Roddenberry’s original vision would like the new movies in the first place.

        • cousin itt

          I do. I do. I do.

          • Astraea

            It’s just weird that with all the things that they change, Sulu being gay is a betrayal of the original? Obviously it’s important to Takei and thats okay! (ha) but bleh on laying it on Roddenberry.

            Big picture, this is just another problem with not having multiple visible LGBT characters. You lay all the symbolism and importance on one character. It’s ridiculous.

          • Jeff in the desert

            me, too

      • cousin itt

        I get his point and it’s a fair and honest one. Wait, what’s a Glamazon? And are there pics, for a friend?

        • thenearesthippie

          A glamorous Amazon?

        • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

          Yeah, and I’m just enough of a Trekkie–never been to a con, don’t collect, yadda yadda–that I’d prefer they listened to him. I think his point that a 23rd century gay Sulu wouldn’t have been in the closet is a very good one.

      • thenearesthippie

        Shut up George. We’re going to amuse ourselves casting Sulu’s husband and you’re not going to ruin it for us. :sticksouttongue:

        • Jeff in the desert

          ok, so who? I say the kid from Big Bang Theory Jim Parsons

          • Astraea

            I’m realizing that my knowledge of actors of that age is really limited.

          • thenearesthippie

            Me too!

          • Astraea

            The ones I can think of are too popular for a bitty role!

          • Jeff in the desert

            But a cameo in Star Trek, just like the Batman versus Superman movie.

          • Astraea

            Well in that case I’m putting my vote in for Tom Hiddleston.

          • thenearesthippie

            Daniel Radcliffe? Too young?

          • CJTX

            Ugh, right? I keep getting lost on the all the white actresses. Kate this and Kate that and Blake and Ashley…I have no idea who anybody is. Music star? Movie star? TV show? Reality show? No clue.

          • thenearesthippie

            Neil Patrick Harris. They could include a musical number.

          • Jeff in the desert

            I know! Wesley Crusher travels back in time!!!!!!

          • Astraea

            Shut up, Wesley

          • Jeff in the desert

            The Borg Queen?

          • Astraea

            Now you’re talking.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        I know where George is coming from, but this is reboot time. I mean, they blew up Vulcan in the first movie. Making Sulu gay is pretty insignificant compared to that bit of canon crushing.

    • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

      If George doesn’t get at least a cameo as Sulu’s Dad/FiL, they can bite me.

      • CJTX

        He was pretty awesome as Hiro Nakamura’s dad in Heroes.

  • zerosumgame0005

    I get the impression that the lesbian stuff was a excuse for the real objection to the relative skin tones involved…

    • Beanz&Berryz

      ohhh… PC bigotry?

    • Jeff in the desert

      mixed skin tones…owners appear to be black.

      • zerosumgame0005

        could be, but it is not like there are no objections from that “side” ever, but just an impression not a certainty since I have not seen pics of them

        • Jeff in the desert

          From FB, I believe the owner…

          • TJ Barke

            That guy’s totally not gay. Totally definitely not gay.

          • cousin itt

            Is he like, proud of that abortion cake?

      • Doesn’t mean they approve of interracial marriage or like white people.

  • gooberpeas

    Matthew 5:44-45

    44 But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, 45 that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.

    New International Version

    Hmmm. Nothing there about refusing to bake cakes or doing anything for you neighbor, is there?

    • Jeff in the desert

      Tell ya the truth I ain’t seen anything in Leviticus or Deuteronomy other than the bacon prohibition…..

      • harryr

        And the prawns, don’t forget the prawns.

        • Jeff in the desert

          Yeah, no lobster rolls with cheese and bacon bits on Yom Kippur.

        • bozilingus

          Aren’t we all prawns in the chess game of life?

          • cousin itt

            You’re nothin’ but a shell-out.

        • Msgr_Moment

          Bacon-wrapped prawns.

        • marxalot

          Try the Cajun lasagne. It was the most un-Kosher food I could come up with which I still wanted to eat.

      • …and that’s a prohibition that needs to go fuck itself.

      • CJTX

        Don’t they also have that bit about clothes with multiple types of materials mixed together or something (I’m not a christian).

        Sounds to me like EVERYBODY has violated that one…the 2nd original sin.

        • Jeff in the desert

          Yes, there are many things which are not too logical.

        • Shan

          Tattoos.

          • CJTX

            Forgot about that one – a fundie kid in high school told me about that “your body is a temple” bit. I didn’t have a tattoo then, so maybe it was the piercing. Yeah I think it was the piercing.

            I never liked that kid. The fundie thing wasn’t the final straw or the only reason, he was just an ass.

          • TJ Barke

            There’s not much more irritating than smug self righteousness. Which is one reason I have no friends.
            https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=I0e7V2hzqI0

          • Shan

            Oh, hell. That perverted pony again.

          • TJ Barke

            Nope, totally different perverted pony.

          • Shan

            I’m sorry. They’re all going to always remind me of Pianophile Pony.

            There’s something wrong with me.

          • TJ Barke

            There’s something wrong with all of us. That’s why we’re on wonkette.

          • CJTX

            He, like most religious folks that meet me, seemed utterly horrified at even talking to me. Like, I’m all about “it takes all kinds” and “to each their own” and stuff. These people make faces like I’m disgusting just for living -and I’m a straight-white-cis-dude.

            And I love the Ba Dum Tss. I may actually have to start watching that show. It would feel super weird, but I like the animation.

          • TJ Barke

            Watch the “ponies: the anthology” series on youtube first.

          • Jeff in the desert

            Which is why the Germans used them.

          • Shan

            Holy shit. I never knew that.

          • TJ Barke

            Which makes crucifix tattoos hilarious.

          • Shan

            And those (dare I say “literally”) godawful Jesus ones.

      • James Christopher Owen

        Deutoronomy does not prohibit teh lezbian. Even later Rabbinic Judaism held girl/girl action to be mere obscenity (as opposed to abomination).

        • Villago Delenda Est

          The obscener the better!

    • Rick Hill

      Some think that the more hardcore the believer, the more they have come to some realization inside that there is no afterlife. Myself, I think the attacks come from the belief that maybe they aren’t being true enough to their religion and they need to prove to gawd they really and truly lerv him.

      • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

        Well, there’s also the fact that the more hardcore religimous you are, the farther from reality you dwell…

        • James Christopher Owen

          It’s possible to be devout and not be crazy, but I get how it seems so many are bent on disproving my claim.

          • OrdinaryJoe

            As as been observed before, the problem with Christians is that 99% of them make the rest look bad.

        • Rick Hill

          Yeah but The Stupid doesn’t need much encouragement to go further. The more intelligent folks, that has to be the reason. “Maybe Gawd would show us a sign if we started doing the old testament stuff!”

      • James Christopher Owen

        Well, let’s see what the Boss demands:

        If you love me, keep my commandments. John 14:15

        I give you a new commandment, that you love one another. Just as I have loved you, you also should love one another. John 13:34

  • Jeff in the desert

    Whoa I was typing on this and lighnting took out the interweb…….

    • Cindyinencinitas

      Well there you go. No cakes for you!!!

      • Jeff in the desert

        :-(

        • Cindyinencinitas

          Ok. I’m sorry. It wasn’t a “sign.” Here.

          • Jeff in the desert

            Not true, I love my puppy…. :-( …

          • Jenny

            As you can tell, my 6th birthday went off without a hitch!

          • Cindyinencinitas

            So amazing when you have a birthday as a kid. The one day you get to have special attention. I have come to believe the purpose of this lifetime on earth is for me to learn to deal with disappointment. I must have been a heller in my last life.

    • Doug Langley

      Amateur hour. My students have come up with FAR more creative excuses for why they just couldn’t turn in their work on time. Example: “Well, I had it done and was about to submit it, but my 3 yr old son poured a glass of water on the power strip and shorted out everything . . . “

      • Jeff in the desert

        I have actually had my dog chew on my homework…

        • Jonny On Maui

          “I can’t make it in to work Monday, I’m stuck in Katmandu.” I swear on all that anyone holds holy, that was an actual voicemail. Even more flabbergasting, it was totally true.

          I kept that voicemail for a long time…

  • revenant

    1. Cute couple. Candice and Amanda- may your marriage be all you dreamed it would.
    2. fuck you fundie BEEYOTCH
    3. do you suppose Dan Savage would accept appointment to the USSC? after Barry & Michelle take their seats, but a.s.a.p.

  • CJTX

    Sooo, I have this folder of memes burning a hole on my hard drive. I like to bring these out to make fellow Wonketteers laugh on bad days…since this story is about cooking (tenuous?) and more importantly, since I haven’t found any other excuse to post it:

    • Suttree

      I will always upvote basement cat!

    • efoveks

      Be a rebel and do it anyway! :)

      • CJTX

        I try to aim for the slightest of relevance, when I can.

        • efoveks

          Yah, but it’s Thursday night– almost 5pm in CA! Fuck relevance. Today’s been rough, so if you have a meme, spill! If it involves cute li’l animals, you know it will be well received….

          • CJTX

            Alllll right – you twisted my arm.

          • CJTX

            Have a little bit o this!

          • efoveks

            Awwww! So cute I just wanna scrunchie wid’em !

          • CJTX

            I really need to get rich and famous off a video of the baby cat in the house. She doesn’t prefer to petted with hands (she will let you if she’s chill), but she LOVES LOVES LOVES to be petted with my feet. I seriously don’t get it. I know she wants a foot petting cause she’ll walk over and just stare at my feet…”You know what I want fatboy, give up the feet”. She’ll get some feet petting and then plop on her side in joy (you know how they do). She’s all kinds of awesome. We thought she was a boy for the first month or so we had her. In the mornings she does this cute “chirp” when she sees me in the morning. She’s got a little stuffed kitten toy she likes to drag around the house. She’s rad. (Sorry, I realize just now how lame this all is – everybody thinks their cat is awesome).

          • efoveks

            I’m Okay, but Mr. Efoveks is “the cat’s pajamas” in our house. Our cat Jumpy adores her Poppa. And his stinky socks? The bestest! She does the “chirp” thing too (mostly for HIM, harrumphhh!). Mr. Efoveks is a big guy, looks like the kind of guy who should have a big dog, but since I came along, has been the object of unabashed adoration of teh kittehs. Go figger. :)

          • CJTX

            Cute…that’s why I love ’em. They’re so weird – they fit in perfectly. Baby kitty does not like to be picked up for long…the boy likes to be at the highest point in a room. A shelf, the top of the fridge, etc.

            But still, cute story. ;)

          • CJTX

            Here’s a video of the kitty I was raving about below.

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8-KPEtxC4tg

          • Villago Delenda Est

            “Excuse me, this is not your pizza. It is my pizza. Now bugger off.”

    • HazooToo

      We love you. So much.

      • CJTX

        Awwww….oh you meant the cat.
        Kidding!

  • anwisok

    I wonder – when they reopen under a new name and in a new location (which may be difficult, since they seem to run this business out of their home), will they still keep their policy of discrimination?

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Looking up social media info on a client is creepy/stalky behavior to begin with. I don’t want or need to know personal details like that with the people I deal with. In some cases, doing installations in homes, I find out more about people than I want to know anyway, but it’s not information anyone needs to know.

    • YourMom

      Exactly. But…when I want to hire someone to do work in my home, I do a little looking. Turns out I don’t like assholes who play hate radio in my home.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Good point, and if I was having people come work in my home-esp. if I was female-it makes sense to be cautious. I’ve done work for very conservative clients before-not wingnuts mind you-and as long as they are decent and fair, we get along great. It’s actually nice to be reminded of that now and again.

    • HazooToo

      This was a woman who was dying to make her own stand, and get a little of those bigot bucks. She probably checked every customer’s page right after they left, just waiting for a gay one to stroll in. Not a wedding cake? Doesn’t matter! She still wins!

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        The wingnut grift network has become increasingly popular with the Party of Personal Responsibility.

        • HazooToo

          “Pull yourself up by your bootstraps!” they urge the poor struggling parents on EBT and welfare, while buying another lottery ticket or twelve.

  • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

    why on earth she thought it was her business to take to social media to
    check the relationship status of her customers in the first place.

    Hey, oppression is where you find it, even if you have to dig for it a bit…

  • anwisok

    Something else I wonder – do they fully comply with the Ohio Uniform Food Safety Code? Why do I think they can expect an inspection soon?

    • Longstreet63

      Have you not heard of John Kasich? He was on TV a bit recently. You think his state government is going to throw in with Iesbian-americans?

      • anwisok

        Local health department does inspections. If they get a lot of complaints that a place isn’t clean or whatever – yes, they will inspect the place. And I’m willing to bet at least a few people have thought of dropping a dime on them.

        • Longstreet63

          Which is likely to generate nothing due to political pressure.

        • Longstreet63

          Although, if this is in a blue city, it might do some godd.

  • Pickwicknext

    I am now bopping along to the They Might Be Giants album from March and debating a nap( yes, i am aware that it is 730pm where i am- i am a grown up and will nap if i want to!)

    • JustDon’tSayDittos

      Title? I’m going to see them at the Fillmore week after next. Might be good to hear the new stuff in advance.

      • Pickwicknext

        Phone Power. Kaw pointed it out to me last night…

        • JustDon’tSayDittos

          Thanks!
          Coincidentally, Mink Car is playing on the iPod at the moment.

  • I guess we have to go through each one of these types individually in order to weed them out.

  • snark-lurker

    WHO BAKED THAT CAKE?!!1!!

    CREDIT LIBULLZ!!!1!!1

  • RobKanC

    Poor Christians. FSM has really confused them with his mischief. I hope he can atleast give them their humanity back. But knowing his noodly appendage probably not.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      They have to want to get it back. They don’t.

  • Snopes Shop

    Always with the “your”

    • ViveLaRes

      The home-schooling, it burns.

      • TJ Barke

        Usually home schoolers are really good at the spelling and grammar stuff.

        • Jukesgrrl

          But not so good with logic.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Or “life skills”.

          • Shan

            No kidding. I used to have to do business with a bunch of home-schooled FLDS people from the compounds in Hildale and some place in Texas and I swear, nobody ever taught them how to use the telephone properly. They just…hang up. I’m not talking about chit-chat (which I hate), I’m talking about how, at the end of a business call, you usually summarize the discussion, remind everyone of who has agreed to do what, then then SAY GOODBYE. But they just…hang up. I’m not a huge stickler for “proper” social skills but that always blew my mind.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            If you don’t mind my asking, what business did you do in Hildale? Not real fond of outsiders in those parts.

          • Shan

            Oh, I didn’t actually GO to Hildale (shudder). I worked for a GC who used a lot of their “front” companies to do subcontracted work around the country: electrical, HVAC, FF&E installation, that kind of thing. So I had to talk to them on the phone frequently, and the stilted conversations were the first thing I noticed. As I recall, it wasn’t as bad with the women, though. They (the men only) would sometimes come visit our corporate headquarters and weren’t any more personable in real life. At least not with the women. They may have seemed fairly normal with the guys I worked with.

            The worst was when they were physically working on the same construction site in the town where I live, though. Their office was next to mine, and neither of them (there was a dad and son duo) ever spoke to me. The son might nod in passing, but the dad acted like I didn’t even exist.

            One day, I went to the bank of porta potties out in front of the site. There were 3 in that location, all locked because otherwise vagrants would use them (which, how much worse could vagrants MAKE a porta-potty?). So we all had to have a key to get in. Well, one of them was dedicated “WOMEN” even though there were only maybe three women out of I don’t know how many dozens of people on this huge jobsite, and what the hell difference would it make since the “women’s” toilets were just like the “men’s” toilets. Anyway, I went out to the potty at the exact same time the old fella was going to the “men’s” right next to mine. We both started to put our key into the padlock, but when he looked up and saw it was me, he stopped and walked away. Just…walked away.

            I don’t think George Takei’s “You can pee next to me” t-shirt was meant for THAT scenario.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Porta-John walls cannot stop temptation! Was the place in Texas the fundie Mormon paradise that Jeffs was building after he fled from Utah?

          • Shan

            Right? The scent of urinal cakes and 50 gallons of blue chemical water polluted by multiple beer-shits from the previous night’s Budweiser binge ALWAYS gets me dangerously revved up.

            I’m not actually sure which place in Texas it was. I just remember dealing with the same dozen first and last names all the time, no matter where they were based. And, yes, there were LOTS of them with the Jeffs surname.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Ha! I was actually thinking about him and his poor tortured fundie libido. I’ve related this story before, but an Iranian-American friend of mine told me that, back in the old country, the city buses are patrolled by the stick-wielding Purity Police. Part of their job description is making sure male passengers don’t sit in a seat recently vacated by a female rider. Apparently, it takes some time for the seat to “cool down” before it is safe for men.

          • CJTX

            Yikes – and I thought I was strange.

          • Shan

            When I was in my first year of college, I worked with an Iranian expat who told me (not believing any of this himself) that women were expected to cover their hair because it emitted rays that caused men to lose control of themselves. Because men are the passionate poetry readers etc, and women are rational, responsible ones. So I asked “Why don’t the men cover their EYES so they aren’t tempted?”

            It was many years later until I read about Golda Meir’s solution to the “rape crisis” when she was PM of Israel, after it was suggested that women should have a curfew in order to be safer: “If there is to be a curfew, let the men stay home.”

            I said YASSSS!

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Wait, wait….you’re saying the rays of temptation from women’s hair is a myth? Damn.

          • Shan

            It’s not a myth if you believe it.

            O.o

          • Mehmeisterjr

            Is the word for pee spelled “yourine” or “you’reine?” I always get those two confused.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Part of the curriculum for homeschooling and various Jesus Universities involves teaching creationist kiddies how to argue with evolutionists. Not a rigorous, empirical analysis/defense of the creationist cosmology, but lessons in how to seem smart when you’re really not.

          • limberrat

            Gee, you went to my church too?

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Nah, I’m Catholic. Jesuits don’t play.

          • limberrat

            I converted to Catholicism. My father in law went to a school with Jesuits and loves to rip apart weak creationist and RW Christianist religious arguments.
            My entire time in church as a pre-teen/teen was essentially how to argue with non-christians and bring them to Christ. We were conditioned not to question OUR faith but look for the holes in others. It was hard when I questioned the faith I grew up under and realized how much was BS.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Interesting. Yeah, the Jesuits make short work of that mentality. I grew up Catholic, albeit in the Dorothy Day/social justice wing of the church.

    • Grokenstein

      “Stop cramming your apostrophe down my throat!!”

      • therblig

        what about an interrobang in the colon?

    • JustDon’tSayDittos

      Just spell it the same way all the time, and your right half the time!

  • jmhm

    Asshole Scott Brown Republican says what?

    One of Romney’s message guys tells the Boston Globe (which, jesus, has no fucking shame) that Hillary’s basically OJ, what with the I have no idea.

    • Spotts1701

      Hillary Clinton is the new O.J. Simpson. She may have gotten off, but everyone knows what she did was wrong.

      • jmhm

        Colorless green ideas sleep furiously. Really. They do.

        • Mehmeisterjr

          Coincidentally, I just read a book, today, while waiting for surgery, that introduced me to the green ideas sleeping furiously reference. No kidding.

          • jmhm

            I hope everything went well.

        • James Christopher Owen

          Conservative commentary – proving once again Chomsky’s point that semantics is not reducible to syntax.

      • James Christopher Owen

        Of course she got off. She was sleeping with Huma Abedin the night of BEEEEEEEENNNNNNNGHAAAAAZIIIIIII!!! It’s a wonder she didn’t get a cramp in her vag when she got off.

        I’ll just show myself out…

    • BadKitty904

      Who?

      • jmhm

        The asshole or OJ?

  • HazooToo

    Well, happy belated birthday to Amanda and Congrats on the fun wedding. Also I want that cake. Also Jesus Christ, someone just create a fucking off button for the butthurt of the entire nation so we can get on with our fucking lives and stop these assholes obsessing over what other people do with their fucking genitals.

  • Dr. Krieger IRL

    Keep it classy, Christians. You’re all so oppressed and stuff, what with oppressing people who disagree with you and all.

    On the other hand, congratulations to the happy couple! All the best!

  • cynmac

    The Facebook messages, OMFG. I went to read them, not to participate.

  • Villago Delenda Est
    • limberrat

      These liberal pollsters are all against me! It’s completely unfair! I am being persecuted!

    • Jonny On Maui

      Ya tryin’ to give me a heart attack?

      • Villago Delenda Est

        My work here is done!

      • Smokahontas

        Breathe deep. And don’t eat alot of cheese and for gawd’s sake don’t watch the news.

    • anwisok

      Only 956 people polled, so I don’t know if that’s a big enough sample size to scale, but here’s the thing that got my attention:

      If those numbers hold among
      Latinos around the country, Pitney said it would doom GOP chances in
      traditional battleground states such as Florida, New Mexico, Nevada and
      Colorado.

      THAT would be good news, indeed!

      • limberrat

        This is great news for John McCain!

        • OrdinaryJoe

          The only thing I can figure is the 9% Latino group is made up of people who want free bus tickets back to Meheeko?

          • cynmac

            Nope. Those are the ones that are better off and want to pull the ladder up. Like Paul Ryan and Marco Rubio.

          • Serai 1

            No, no, no. The assumption that all Latinos think alike when it comes to immigration is a very bad one to make. There are plenty of Latinos who just want new immigrants to go away right now. They’re sterling examples of I’VE GOT MINE SO FUCK YOU JACK. (Plus, the internecine squabbling is endless. Mexicans hate Guatemalans, Chileans hate Argentinians, Venezuelans hate Ecuadorians, Spaniards sneer at the rest of the Latin world, and EVERYBODY hate the Cubans. It’s fucking endless.)

            http://www.cc.com/video-clips/o86dy8/the-daily-show-with-jon-stewart-deports-authority

          • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

            Mexicans with no Indian blood are quite snobbishly proud of it. (35 year SE TX resident).

          • Serai 1

            As a daughter of white Spaniard, I always have to work mighty hard not to giggle at such people. (There, SEE? Even when we try, we can’t help it!)

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            I think the gasp is less all Latinos think alike than it is…they know that they’re going to be shipped off too, right? It is like when Women vote GOP or gays- they know in their hearts they will be beaten by the people they support, so why do they do it?

          • Serai 1

            The fucked thing of it is – NO, they don’t know that. They honestly think whatever Trump is saying doesn’t apply to them. (This is a phenomenon one sees inevitably in this situation – the outsiders who think they’re accepted when they will never be anything but outsiders.) They’re REAL Americans, not like those greasy mojados. It’s a sad thing to see.

    • cynmac

      California has always been in play. That NV, Arizona and Georgia are also too is the Good News.

      • efoveks

        CA “In play”? Especially with Trump as nominee, it should be solidly blue in a sane world. :-(

        • Serai 1

          You’ve never actually been here, have you?

          • efoveks

            I live there, have for 40 years. We’re in a “blue” phase now.

            (Crap. I know you’re gonna skewer me on this.. and it’s okay. ..)

          • Serai 1

            Then how is it you think this is necessarily a blue state? It’s only blue on the coast. Go fifty miles inland at any point and you’re solidly in God’s Country. I always laugh at people who think CA is one huge hippie haven, myself.

          • efoveks

            I live almost 100 miles inland, and it’s not quite like that here. The local mayor? Democrat. State reps? Democrat. So’s the congressperson representing my district in Washington, as well as (stating the obvious) our governor. While the Dems no longer hold a supermajority in Sacramento, they are the party currently in power. And don’t forget, the mayor in Sac– also an inland city– is a Dem, and it looks pretty good for that continuing to be true. 39/53 of the congresspeople in the House of Rep’s are.. Democrat. The two senators from our state: Democrat– and it’s been that way for a long time.

            The last time a Republican presidential candidate won California? 1988.

            And whatever happened to the CA GOP????? After what happened to our state with the Governator in office– and Brown’s subsequent clean up efforts– I’m thinking we’re in the blue zone for a while.

        • Villago Delenda Est

          Darn, the snark html has failed me again.

    • Enfant Terrible

      Un-skew the Bear Republic!

    • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

      Trump is a foul ball. Does not compute…

    • Msgr_Moment

      It’s. About. Time.

  • limberrat

    Dear Bigot,
    Here is a lesson on proper usage of grammar:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Gv0H-vPoDc

    :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

  • idiotboy

    You know what, facebook sucks. Just do not use it. You will be a bit, let’s say, not under the microscope to put it nicely, which I am not good at.

    • Serai 1

      http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v123/Serai/Comment%20pics/this%20points%20up%20yeah%20that.jpg

      I’ve never had an FB page, and never will. (Or Twitter or any of those other thingies.) After years of being told NEVER PUT YOUR INFO ONLINE, how the HELL Zuckerberg managed to convince practically everyone that it would be PERFECTLY FINE OMG to splash your whole fucking life out there for just anyone to see, is beyond me. What, did everyone just lose their fucking minds back in ’03? (And then they whine and complain about the after effects. Well, you put that stuff there!)

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        I did the facebooking for like a few months. And then I started to loathe my own family members and quit.

        • Serai 1

          Yeah, there’s another great reason. *shudder*

  • OrdinaryJoe

    Oh jesusfuckingchrist. Get over yourself Cakkke Lady.

    • Enfant Terrible

      Boo-cakkke?

      • Shan

        I’ve been told not to try to find out what that is.

        • TJ Barke

          When multiple male ghosts love a lady very much…

          • Doug Langley

            Caspar libelz!!!!

          • TJ Barke

            There’s ectojism everywhere!

            I’m way too proud of that…

          • Shan

            Is that a Ghostbusters reference?

          • TJ Barke

            Ectoplasm is an alleged material related to ghosts… Jizz is well, you know what it is. So ghost jizz, is the joke.

          • Shan

            I am deeply sorry for making you have to explain that. I’ve been accused of not being from this planet before, and this is one of the reasons why.

          • TJ Barke
          • Shan

            Annnd….that looks like another goddamn pony with a forehead erection. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU TJ?

          • TJ Barke

            So very many things…

          • Shan

            Yes, well…it’s a tribal thing, apparently. And here most of us are.

        • Smokahontas

          Wise. There’s no scrubbing the Google.

          • Serai 1

            Pfft. It’s nothing compared to goatse.

          • James Christopher Owen

            Ah, krikey, ya had to bring THAT up. I thought we killed that with fire.

          • Serai 1

            Oh no. It’s still lurking in the corners, waiting to pounce.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            Just never run for public office, it’s all good.

        • Courser

          Yeah… no, you really don’t. I’ve been led to many dark places on the intarwebs that I did not need to know about. Because once in a great while something will make it’s way to my mouth hole and come out. Then everyone thinks I’m a horrible perv or something.

          • Serai 1

            Is it really considered that awful? I mean, when you’ve got shit like Two Girls One Cup and goatse, bukkake is pretty damn tame.

          • Shan

            LALALALALALALALA!

          • Courser

            Personally, I don’t find it all that awful but I’d rather over-warn than under-warn. I once happened on to some furry sites that even brain bleach can’t erase.

          • Serai 1

            Back in ’96, I bought a laptop off a co-worder, very sweet young guy. Sold it to me for $100, and since I just wanted something to write on, fine. Got it home, turned it on and WHOA HOLY SHIT. The desktop picture was a VERY explicit pic of two guys fucking. All spread out and in bright light. I SLAMMED that thing closed and then started laughing. Now, I happen to think such a thing is quite nice to look at, but fucking WARN ME PLEASE. LOL.

          • Courser

            Years ago, I had a temp gig at a big engineering/construction company. Another temp, a guy, worked only a few days when he was let go. Apparently he spent his days surfing the internet (this was back when most people didn’t have broadband at home). When IT came to wipe his computer, the tech found a disk in the disk drive with naked pictures of the temp guy. BIG surprise and not necessarily pleasant.

          • Sakonyachen

            Lemon party?

          • Serai 1

            ARGH

          • Sakonyachen

            Sorry, I couldn’t stop myself.

        • Msgr_Moment

          It’s the cakkke we don’t like. Well, I don’t. Whatever floats your boat. YMMV.

          • Serai 1

            Don’t you mean “cakkke frosting”?

          • Shan

            “It’s the cakkke we don’t like.”

            I haven’t been here all that long but I think this is worthy of some sort of Wonkette Hall of Fame thing. If there IS one.

            There should be.

  • Juan de Fuca

    What is it with RWNJ cake bakers and the whole gay discrimination thing? Is it some type of Marzipan Line for them?

  • meanlawyermom

    Love the rainbow cake and I want one for every birthday, anniversary, and funeral I am a part of from now until eternity!

    That said, I moved here after Gawker decided to do whatever it decided to do and was a big fan of Pinkham. In trying to get up to speed on this place where I was an intruder, I read a lot of back posts and learned about the cakes we like. That list and the constant references to it were things that got me hooked on this here mommy blog. I have missed references to the cakes we like and the comments that are not allowed as Wonkette has grown. I’m so happy Wonkette has grown, but I miss the inside jokes.

    • cynmac

      Later in the evening is when the Kewl Kids hang out.

      • Smokahontas

        …but it’s ok to catch up in the morning dance party if you’re an old, because inclusive!

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Welcome. I’m pretty new here, too, and enjoying it here. I’m not in on many of the inside jokes, but I appreciate the grammatical levity. And the sense of right and wrong…

      • JustDon’tSayDittos

        If you don’t get a reference, it’s OK to ask. A lot of them aren’t so old that we forgot. And we love to revive them.

        Watch this:

        Rainbow bagel, anyone?

        • Smokahontas

          Only with lox, of course.

          • Juan de Fuca

            If your bagel has a hint of a scintilla of a rumor of mango, you are doing it wrong.

          • Smokahontas

            Try the other side…

        • Courser

          More like Technicolor yawn.

        • JustDon’tSayDittos

          The correct answer is (as we say in the Shire)
          FFS, don’t start that again

          But maybe that’s just for me.

      • WomanInAMood

        I’m pretty new here myself, and when I figured out AOT, K, well, I was thrilled. Btw, we met before – I started here as WomanComingHome (stupid Disqus),, and we had an epic discussion of things Portland olds know. I believe we ended up with talking about Quality Pie.

        • Beanz&Berryz

          A fun chat. Glad to see you’re back…

          • WomanInAMood

            That was fun, wasn’t it? Good to see you!

          • Beanz&Berryz

            And you too.. I’d been following you under your old name, but noticed you weren’t about… Fun communities, these…

    • Enfant Terrible

      “Cakes we like”.

      It’s not the cakes, actually, it’s the company. Welcome!

      • BadKitty904

        Well, plus the cakes.

    • TJ Barke

      Cedar cheese, also, too.

      • Smokahontas

        As long as there are no canned clams we’re good.

        • anwisok

          YOU MONSTER!!11!!

        • Serai 1

          AND NO CREAMED CORN!!!

          • Pickwicknext

            What about garlic powder?

    • Smokahontas

      Just ease into it, like a cold 55 gallon tub of lube…

    • Doug Langley

      Remember, Dok Zoom is the kindest, warmest, bravest, most wonderful person we’ve ever met in our lives.

      • BadKitty904

        Now, why don’t you pass the time by playing a little solitaire?

        • Doug Langley

          This particular in-joke comes from the time Dok explained as moderator he could edit parts of posts that crossed the line, so natch everyone started playing “Manchurian Candidate” and pretended he was changing all the posts out of recognition.

          Related in-joke: “Rainbow Sparkle is the bestest pony!”

      • WomanInAMood

        And when I call you Walnuts, Walnuts, you can call me Al…*pipe music*

    • anwisok

      Well, aren’t you something special! I’ll bet you sell monogrammed thermoses, don’t you?

      • natoslug

        I sell monogrammed penises. No, wait, monocled penises. Yeah . . .

        • anwisok

          Oh, a tattoo artist!

          • natoslug

            The closest I get to artistic is photography and really bad poetry. the happy clam/lies dead in the sand. I TOLD YOU IT WAS REALLY BAD!!!!! OOT! NOW, BEFORE I TYPE MHAIR POOETRY! Yeah, I’m drunk and ma heid is spastic.

        • Msgr_Moment

          Manacled penis, FFS. Get it right!

          • natoslug

            But the monocle is so fucking adorable!

          • Jon Sussex

            Four out of five one-eyed monsters agree.

    • natoslug

      Wonket has no inside jokes, and no-one has lost any. Might as well ship it to Iraq, along with AoT,K.

      • BloviateMe

        …and the refugee hugging queers.

      • Peter Witting

        also, too.

    • doktorzoom

      You know who else got nostalgic for old in-jokes?

      I mean, besides every episode of SNL since about 1980….

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      Welcome, comrad! One of us, one of us *chants*

      • Serai 1

        Landru, LANDRU!!!

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          I am of the body! I swear!

          • Serai 1

            Ah, but are you One?

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            Naw, man, that was Neo.
            Edit: yeah, brother

          • Serai 1

            Ah, you dropped the ball.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            I totally did. I tried to edit it in, realizing too late to just put down “I reach” but…sigh *shame head* Today, I R Herbert.

          • Serai 1

            That’s okay, I reach. *makes egg*

        • Villago Delenda Est

          “Are you of The Body?”

    • Serai 1

      I made a rainbow cake a couple of years ago. It’s frustrating, time-consuming, but the results are AWESOME. I frosted mine with plain white buttercream, with just a rainbow stripe, and everyone thought it would be a plain ol’ cake. Cut the thing and SURPRISE! everyone loved it. That’s the trick, I think – not letting anyone know ahead of time what you’ve made. Because really, the cake itself is just a cake, nothing special about it. The colors are what make it amazing.

    • Serai 1

      I’ve been here a couple of months – refugee from Crooks&Liars and Salon – and I’m loving it. Nothing like a crowd of snarksters to help you blow off steam! Hope you have a great time and love it.

      http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v123/Serai/Comment%20pics/dance%20-%20calvin%20and%20hobbes.gif

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        ok I nominate this for every story that needs cute dancing characters. Which is all of them.

        • BadKitty904

          Hear, hear!

      • WomanInAMood

        This is making me very happy. I love Calvin and Hobbs!

      • BadKitty904

        I can dig it, bro…

    • BadKitty904

      The biggest plus is the “no pants” rule.

      • Pickwicknext

        Always. No pants.

        • BadKitty904

          Personally, I’ve never understood the fascination…

      • Shan

        That’s why there are so many chicks here. We can wear “no pants” whenever we ant.

    • phoenix00

      /also Gawker refugee and CA Pinkham fan.

      • Pickwicknext

        There are so many of us… we’re taking over!

        • phoenix00

          More accurately: Jalopnik refugee, but still a CA Pinkham, Tyler Rogoaway, and Mike Spinelli fan.

  • Grokenstein

    Has anyone made a “Social INjustice Warrior” crack yet?

  • Be Gin

    Who cannot love an entire family of superheroes?

    Only The League of Vile, Intolerant Assholes led by Lazy Cake Lady!

    • WomanInAMood

      That is one of the best pictures from a wedding I have seen in years. What a fabulous thing to do! I hope that the happy couple remember this, and not the nincompoops who are too pious to bake a damn birthday cake.

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    Heavens, thank you for ending the day with awesome. Much better than kittens.

    • BadKitty904

      I’m sorry, but NOTHING is better than kittens. *NOTHING*.

  • JustDon’tSayDittos

    There’s a small-time troll lurking on the dumpster fire post, if anyone else would care tell him (definitely a him) to fuck off and eat a bag of salted rat dicks. Goes by tanksolot or something like that. Not very smart, but might be good for practice.

    • doktorzoom

      You may want to change your verbs to past tense :)

      • WomanInAMood

        Have I mentioned recently how much I love you?

      • JustDon’tSayDittos

        I’m surprised you even bothered.
        Maybe he got worse – I was interwebz-free most of Friday, so I might have missed whatever triggered the Holy Banhammer of Love.

  • Shibusa

    Take The Cake Baker:

    • BadKitty904

      In which case, can said gun-monger be convicted of said murder and sentenced to life in prison? If not, why not?

  • TJ Barke

    I think he said “blessed are the cheesecake makers”…

    • CJTX

      “well good for them…they’ve had a helluva time.”

    • HooverVilles

      THIS

  • reelreeler

    A baker doing a Facebook search of a customer……that’s just Norman Bates creepy

    • WomanInAMood

      IK, R? Talk about Nosy McStalkerJerk. Who does a Facebook search of their customers?

    • Serai 1

      She’d strike out with me since I don’t have a Facebook page. This kind of thing is one of the main reasons for that.

      • Shan

        If she couldn’t find you on FB, she would probably stalk you IRL.

        Facebook is better. You don’t need people like that showing up on your porch.

        • Courser

          For 8 years, I lived in a townhouse that was # 13. I had the strangest human flotsam and jetsam show up at my door. A few creepy folks, a number of flipped-out meth heads, but mostly just your ordinary oddballs.

        • Serai 1

          No, I think she would just pick up the phone and call me at the number I gave her when I ordered the cake.

          • Shan

            And why would she call? So she can say: “Oh, hi, hello! Are you, like, gay or anything like that? Because, ew!”

            Which, on second though, would actually be preferable so you could just cancel your order over the phone right then and there.

      • BadKitty904

        Same here. Search away, ya hypocritical bitch.

    • BloviateMe

      Seriously, weird and creepy and weird.

      And creepy.

      • Sakonyachen

        If I were a raging homophobic asshole(huh, I typed in oppressed Christian and auto correct changed it to that, who knew?), I still wouldn’t do business with her because she’s a creepy fucking stalker. I dumped my Facebook for that very reason.

  • natoslug

    God’s a fickle and uptight shitbag, isn’t she/he/it/them/zher/zhe/whatthefuckever?

  • Nova McIntosh

    #1: Best Wedding Party Photo EVER
    #2: baker lady: you better shush, cause your god has at times smited or smoted and stuff

  • BloviateMe

    Oh come on, if you were a cake artist, would you really be OK with selling a cake to a gaggle of lesbians (by the way, what DO you call a group of lesbians?)?

    You know they’re not going to eat a piece, they just slowly lick out the frosting from between the layers. This is a civilization, people, hop on board, lickety-split.

    • Shan

      Aren’t you the cunning linguist, then?

    • Courser

      Cool by me – I might even join them!

      Meaning the licking of frosting, not the bigoted stuff. I’ve always enjoyed my lesbian friends and coworkers immensely.

    • geoffalnutt

      Hmmmm. A troop of…,a huddle of,…a scrum of,…an elipse of,…a loaf of… Nah.

      • WomanInAMood

        A Suburu of….?

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      I think a group of lesbians is called an orgy.

      • BloviateMe

        I just came a little bit.

        Go on…

      • JustDon’tSayDittos

        I though it was ‘wakka-jawaka’.

  • O_Hellllllllp

    The passive-aggressive text smiley makes me instantly stabby. Every. Damn. Time.

    • BadKitty904

      Easily assuaged by responding with a polite, friendly “Fuck you.”

    • JustDon’tSayDittos

      The font makes me a little rage-y.

  • Poly_Ester

    And just why are these so-called Christians so hung up on Old Testament teachings?

    • It justifies their pre-existing beliefs and won’t require them to change.

      • efoveks

        There’s a certain amount of deniability there too. Ever notice that Christians can still eat bacon?? AND lobster?

        • A form of confirmation bias. Oh, and the pork and lobster were solved by god given and approved technology. And, strap-ons don’t count.

          • Poe’s Law

            In colonial Massachusetts, it was illegal to serve one’s indentured servants lobster more than three times a week.

          • TJ Barke

            Because lobster was considered garbage food at the time.

          • Serai 1

            See, that’s a great example of a rule that’s lost its context. So many people see the rules in the bible and think they’re hideous and cruel, when they aren’t seeing the context that made them actually far better than anything anyone else was doing at the time.

        • Villago Delenda Est

          Mmmm….bacon wrapped lobster…

        • Serai 1

          And cut their hair. And shave. And get tattoes and piercings. And plant different crops side by side. And wear clothes of mixed threads. And… And… And…

          The only rules that exist are Those Ones We Like. Get out the Handwavium for anything else.

      • Serai 1

        Except for all those parts about helping the suffering, and cancelling debt, and being loving, and all the rest of the stuff that’s so convenient to forget about. The Hebrew bible isn’t anywhere near as horrible as a lot of people would like to paint it. There’s a lot of good stuff in there along with the bad. Cherry picking is undesirable no matter who does it, after all.

    • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

      “It has those little hates we like.”

      And the big ones, too. I mean, the NT has all that Commie Jesus crap the wingnut fundies are all hot to edit out…

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        Goddamnit, I think you just wonned the intertubes.

    • Serai 1

      Because it’s the one that confirms all their biases, natch. At least, the bits they read. They avoid anything they don’t want to hear.

  • Vegan and Tiara

    Note to self: Open bake shop that just sells baked goods, without questioning what body parts other people like to lick.

    • BloviateMe

      Well, let’s not be so rash here. How about a strictly voluntary retelling of body parts licked? In the interest of science. I’ll volunteer to take the minutes. Again, just for science.

      • Vegan and Tiara

        “Now, before I can bake your cake for you, let’s discuss what happened after you slowly began to unbutton her blouse. Did she toss her silky mane back and let out a throaty moan? What’s that, none of my business? OK, fine, l’ll put ‘Happy 100th Birthday, Grandma’ on your dumb cake for you!”

        • BloviateMe

          LOL.

        • Poe’s Law

          One hand stroked his well muscled chest. The other reached down to his manhood, throbbing and pulsing with anticipation.

          And then in a single deft movement he caught his wrists and bound him in cuffs.

          “Now you are mine, ” he whispered. “You will cum when I say you can cum.”

    • Courser

      I was just thinking about why some people expend so much energy on hate. I don’t get it.

      If I had a bake shop, I’d put anything people might want on a cake as long as it wasn’t hateful or mean. And I’d put up a sign saying as much. Of course, this presumes that I can decorate cakes, which I certainly cannot. I try, but no one would pay for my juvenile attempts.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        Because by hating others, they think it makes them better. Because they are not like those “others” and see how bad off they are, those dirty, icky “others.”
        Swear, that is about it. Pathetic, sad, but true.

        • Poe’s Law

          Mother Poe used to say, “Some purple just need some people to look down on. ”

          Wise woman

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            VERY. They’re dipshits anyway. It is INFINITELY more satisfying looking down on people because you know them, anyway.

          • Poe’s Law

            Mother Poe also said, “If you’re shit on daily, the powers that be will glad teach you how to punch down in the hopes that you won’t punch up. ”

            They’re not stupid. They’re abandoned by the left and have no one to guide them but the neo-feudalist right.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            They are not abandoned by the left. They want no parts of the left because the left includes those “icky ew others”
            The left would be fine having them if they would quit shitting on everyone who isn’t precisely like them. Who actually fights for poorz, for working people? It sure as fuck ain’t the right.

          • Poe’s Law

            I’m going to disagree with you here.

            Tbe left is too ready to dismiss poor and almost poor whites as idiots, dupes, rednecks, hillbillies, toothless trailer trash.

            Not exactly a recipe for winning hearts.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            huh. Maybe you and I hang with different lefties.
            Because honestly, most of the lefties I know just consider the biggoted traitor flag clutching types as idiot dupes, etc etc etc.
            It has zilch to do with them being poor, or almost poor (Case in point, Trump! That is a rich one), and nearly everything to do with the fact they would shoot us dead because we do not think precisely as they do.
            But I was recently told I am not a really real lefty because reasons, so there could be something there.

          • Poe’s Law

            That could be.

            My sort of leftism refuses to dismiss anyone. I take my lead from MLK (not the domesticated MLK of “I have a dream,” but the radical King of “Letter from Birmingham Jail,” or “Where do we go from here? ” or even “Strength to Love .”)

            It is based on a dialectic that sees every person’s experience as legitimate and seeks a resolution that meets the legitimate needs of all.

            Even the “bigoted flag clutching types” have a point, maybe not much of a point, but a point nonetheless.

            Simply dismissing and suppressing those with disagree with us does nothing except to put off the day of reckoning.

            Let me put it this way, in the 70s we suppressed the right and now the right has risen up to bite us in the ass.

            How much better it would have been to really address the issues that have been tearing us apart since Bacon’s Rebellion.

          • Amy!

            Per Bob Dylan: “There’s a lot of people in the world who haven’t got much food on the table. But they got a lot of forks, an’ knives … gotta cut somethin’.”

          • Poe’s Law

            This

        • Serai 1

          It’s not even that articulate. Fear Of The Other is a basic mammalian trait. Survival mechanisms are very, very difficult to eradicate.

        • Poe’s Law

          Whereas we, goodly,that we are, hate no one, dispise no one, dismiss no one as simply sad, pathetic and deluded.

        • Except that “we” aren’t playing our roles correctly and are not being as “bad off” as we’re suppose to be, proving that the bigots didn’t have much “control” over their pockets of reality (or at least the Common Knowledge sphere of public opinion that “everybody knows”) as they thought they did. This then confirms that the world is an uneasy unsure place where even the most comfortable assumption can be rocked of it’s shaky foundation (and this is YOUR fault, of course. You DID challenged the solace of their skewered sense of the world, after all)

          In this case, for instance, Cake Bigot (Soon the be a Bravo reality show, I’ll wager) saw a couple that was openly proud of their relationship instead of nervously requesting a cake for a “very special roomate” and treating their love like something do dirty and shameful that they could only safely communicate by scrawling secret coded messages in frosting. It’s almost as if the lesbians’ relationship is equal to Ms Catty Cakemaker which is a come-down when society has been whispering in your ear (with tongue action, even) that you are favored.

          And this (along with what Jen Baker said) is why equality is “bad”, the end.

    • phoenix00

      Most of the world has beat you to it :)

  • Mr. Lambert

    Donald will fix everything!

    -said no one

  • Poe’s Law

    Didn’t bother to read the whole article.

    A person, such as a baker, doing business in the public square, taking advantage of public benefits, has no right picking and choosing her clientele.

    Would refusing to serve a Jew be acceptable? A black? A disabledz? A straight ammo-sexual male?

    Don’t think so.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      I am going to open a shop and refuse to sell to anyone, because reasons, and then sob on the Gofundme about how persecuted I am.

      • Serai 1

        I shall open a bakery and refuse to sell to anyone with a mouth. It’s against my religion, you know.

        • LesBontemps

          My bakery will refuse to sell you a carrot cake.

          • TJ Barke

            My bakery will be full of marijuana edibles.

  • TJ Barke

    Thinking about cake is not so good for my diet…

    • BloviateMe

      Think about carrot cake. That should dry up your appetite.

      What fucked up, piece of shit mind looked at a god damned carrot and thought “let’s make a cake out of that thing.”

      Fuckers.

      • TJ Barke

        I like carrot cake…

        • BloviateMe

          We’re now in an internet fight, but I’m not sure what to do about it.

          This is awkward.

          • TJ Barke

            Allow me to present: Man not caring…

          • revenant

            how about just letting it slide (both sides, not just you) and being mindful that you agree about a lot of other things, and actually like each other?

          • BloviateMe

            We weren’t really in a fight, just playin’ about.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            Dude, you missed an opportunity to tell them to let it go.
            wtf

          • BloviateMe

            Never go full Cox on a lesbian post.

          • TJ Barke

            “I started a website called ihatecox.com, the only members are me, three interns and fourteen thousand lesbians…”

          • BloviateMe

            Seriously, that was one of my favorite lines from that entire series.

          • TJ Barke

            I fucking love scrubs. Love it.
            All 8 seasons. No, there were only 8 seasons.

          • BloviateMe

            Funny, when I was going thru my divorce, I was couch hopping for a couple months, so I bought a DVD player, and the first three seasons of Scrubs. That’s all I had, and I regret nothing.

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          then think of the hours upon hours you will spend in the bathroom trying to deal with shocking your system with cake after denying it horrifically hi cal enriched flour treats for so long.
          Because it will be horrendous.

        • Pickwicknext

          Oooo. Deal breaker baby

          • TJ Barke

            Well, you don’t like Chinese food, so, it was bound to fail…

          • Pickwicknext

            Oh. I haz a sad now. Why is our great green card marriage doomed by food likes and dislikes?

          • TJ Barke

            Apparently so. All the world’s a stage, and our play, it is a farce.

          • Pickwicknext

            Don’t you go using Shakespeare paraphrases against me!

            Hmmm…where do find food compromises?

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            Booze? Mac and Cheese? Maple Syrup?

            Edit: Deep fried beer battered mac and cheese covered with maple syrup?

          • BloviateMe

            Edible undies?

          • Pickwicknext

            I can combine two of those into an awesome side dish and the 3rd as a basis for an excellent dessert

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            see? WORKS. I am a great healer, of things and stuff. Where are my gofundme bucks?

          • Pickwicknext

            TJ’s being all quiet…

          • TJ Barke

            I’m not really a drinker… Mac and cheese, way too carb heavy for my new fitness oriented lifestyle, Maple syrup with Pancakes are just another kind of cake…

          • Pickwicknext

            Weird personal fact: i did not know there was such a thing as pancake mix until i was 16. My family’s pancake recipie (both full batch and half) is committed to memory

          • JustDon’tSayDittos

            yes, please! with extra bacon!

          • Actually I think tbe world’s just one bad GCU sequence from being a Uwe Boll flick.

          • TJ Barke

            A fate worse than death.

      • Shan

        HEY I LOVE CARROT CAKE!

        Do you like pumpkin soup? It’s like the same thing. BUT IT’S CAKE.

        Jeez.

        • BloviateMe

          Weak, low energy. Sad cake. Sad soup.

      • anwisok

        CARROT CAKE LIBELZ!!!1

      • Serai 1

        You’ve had too many dried-out slices of supermarket carrot cake. A truly well-made, lovingly crafted carrot cake is like biting into a sweet erotic dream.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        I’m with you on this. If it has veggies in it, it is not really cake.

        • BloviateMe

          Thank the gods! Someone agrees. I didn’t think carrot cake would be so divisive.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            We agree on EVERYTHING. Ask Wombles ^.^
            Where is wombles anyway. He should be here, siding with us on this cake issue.

          • BloviateMe

            I, of course, agree.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            See? Proof. We live in an echo chamber and just pat each other on the backs. Or balls. Or elbows, idk, hard to remember what we liberals are supposed to be doing all the time, they keep accusing us of too much.

        • vivian

          What about the culinary abomination known as fruitcake?

          • WomanInAMood

            It makes a fine building material.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            gak

      • natoslug

        FOOK YEW YE FOOKIN SPASTIC SHITE!!!!!!!!!!! (I love a decent carrot cake, which is damned hard to find, but not hard to make)

        • Juan de Fuca

          Ageed. One of the best cakes I’ve ever made was when I baked a carrot cake with of all ingredients that goes into a good carrot cake, minus the carrots. Made one for my wife years ago and she said – it’s very good but you made a spice cake.
          No, I made a carrot cake without the carrots…

          • BloviateMe

            Now that there is my kind of carrot cake…why yes, I’d love a second helping, thank you.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            Spice cake is actually pretty good XD

          • natoslug

            Bastard.

          • Biff52

            Was just gonna say without the carrots, it’s a spice cake.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            Spice cake is good. See? No veggies in it. Best with cream cheese frosting because it is so there.

          • BloviateMe

            Cake Spice was best Spice Girl.

      • Courser

        Oh, I’ll take yours – I love me some carrot cake!

      • JustDon’tSayDittos

        Holy shit, look at what you started! This might be the new ‘canned clams’! Or rainbow bagels! Or peas in guac!
        I’ll have a new reason to type:

        FFS, don’t start that again

        Yaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy!!!11!!11!!11111!!!!

    • Shan

      I will take your cake for you. Scrape off the frosting first, though.

    • revenant

      after the experience with the cat you mentioned earlier today, wouldn’t have thought you could eat at all, for a while

      • TJ Barke

        Meh. I washed my hands.

  • Serai 1

    The ultimate irony of social media: you want to be able to find anybody, but you don’t want just anybody to be able to find you.

    • revenant

      from the stories people around here relate, “just anybody” is exactly who will find you

      • Serai 1

        Which is why the whole idea is a very bad one.

        • revenant

          use a hammer to build a house= good tool
          use a hammer on another living being= evil
          the hammer is not to blame

          • Serai 1

            All tools are not created equal. The internet is a badly patched, weirdly anarchic thing, made up of myriad companies and services, very very few of which are anywhere near as altruistic as people assume. Not to mention the billions of users. I was never inclined to throw off my clothes in the middle of a busy intersection, and I’m not inclined to expose myself to any fucking lunatic or pervert who comes along, thanks. No matter what happy horseshit Zuckerberg and Jobs and all that other bunch have tried to pass off as acceptable ways to live.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            I so want to throw my clothing off in the middle of a busy intersection. The fine would be worth it.

          • Me not sure

            Stop!….

            HAMMER TIME!

            I’m with Serai 1.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        I once had a very scary experience waaayyyy back in the day when I was not quite a young, but no where nears almost an old. Back in the days of dial up. I was a chatter (surprise!!!!) and flirter and this one dude took a fancy to me and we seexxxxed it up and had some fun, right?
        No, not right. He figured me out and showed up and tried to do stuff that I was not a huge fan of.
        And that was before faceplace and tracking and shit.
        Internet is dangerous, yo.

        • Serai 1

          I’m fucking appalled at how cavalier people are with their information these days. I use my real name online for one thing only: buying stuff. That’s it. Anything else gets a fictional handle. Ditto for personal details: never any names of people or places attached. The closest I get is saying I live in L.A. Why on earth would I tell people where to find me or where I work? Are people really that fucking stupid?

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            ….I want to say no, but we both know the answer to that.
            For the record, my really real name is not Jen_Baker. Nor am I in VA *shifty eyes*

          • WomanInAMood

            I am not, in fact, in a mood. *crouches, prepares to duck*

          • Pickwicknext

            I am a genetically reengineered dodo from an alternate 1985

          • Serai 1

            …and I am very much the hypnotic bottomless eye of Basement Cat.

          • Jonny On Maui

            And I am a very large pair of fuzzy pink bunny slippers

          • Serai 1

            Aw, we already knew that about you, baby.

            *scratches your fuzzy ears*

          • Jonny On Maui

            Purrs!

            Yes, I borrowed it from BadKitty. No, I didn’t ask. And yes fuzzy pink bunnies can purr too!

          • JustDon’tSayDittos

            You mean you DON’T work for the Veterans Administration?*gasp*

          • JustDon’tSayDittos

            And I don’t care about dittos. I just don’t want anyone to mistake me for Rush.

        • Shan

          I haven’t had ANY problems on teh Intarwebz over a bajillion years. But before I even knew of such a thing, you know what got me fucking scared out of my mind? Where I worked when I was in college, we had name tags that had our first and last names on them. And you know what happened? Some freakazoid decided to look me up in the phone book, get my phone number, find out where I lived, and stalk me. Because he knew my names. And you know what the police said when I called them because he wouldn’t stop calling me and showing up at my apartment and where I worked?

          “Sorry, miss. We can’t do anything until something actually HAPPENS.”

          Um. That’s what I’m trying to PREVENT?

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            GRRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrr. Yeah see, that just makes me so very angry. At least yours was not self inflicted. I still facepalm over my stupidity.

          • Shan

            You were prolly no more dumb then than I am now for how not-cybersafe I am. I don’t know why, but it really doesn’t worry me any more.

  • bubbuhh

    God spoke? Or, perhaps, this particular shop’s been waiting for an opportunity to bake a golden parachute cake for about a year.

    Bakery That Refused to Make Cake for Lesbian Couple Raises Record-Breaking Donations
    http://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/bakery-refused-make-cake-lesbian-couple-raises-record-breaking-donations-n394066

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      Amazing.

    • limberrat

      Ain’t grifting stupid people awesome!

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        Shame we have those scruples we are constantly being accused of not having or we might get in on this.
        It seems so friggin easy

      • BadKitty904

        Sarah? Is that you?

        • limberrat

          Yooou betcha!

    • BadKitty904

      A fool and his money are…how does hat go?

      • BloviateMe

        …are soon drinking, if I’m playing the fool in that bit.

        Which, usually.

        • BadKitty904

          I always take Scotch whiskey at night as a preventive of toothache. I have never had the toothache. What is more, I never intend to have it.

          ~ Mark Twain

        • JustDon’tSayDittos

          In fact, let’s start now. Prosit!

    • Serai 1

      *sigh* See, this is the problem with integrity. I so wish I could come up with some ridiculous garbage to fleece the idiots with on GoFundMe, but I just can’t do it.

  • SnarkOff

    The lovely couple should have simply said, “It’s OK. We’ll eat pie.” If you know what I mean.

  • Blanche Beecham

    Ruth loved Naomi as Adam loved Eve. In fact, the Bible uses the same word to describe their love and celebrate it.

    Bake the damn cake and pay better attention in church.

    • BadKitty904

      I’ve always loved the Book of Ruth. When Naomi urges Ruth to leave her and go back to her family, Ruth replies:

      Entreat me not to leave thee, or to return from following after thee: for whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God: Where thou diest, will I die, and there will I be buried: the LORD do so to me, and more also, if ought but death part thee and me.

      Ruth 1:16-17, KJV.

      • snigsy

        Yes. Ruth’s loyalty was based on love. The GOP handbook insists that “real” loyalty is based on self-interest. And yet the GOP is also the party of religious values. Yup.

        • WomanInAMood

          Intellectual consistency – two big words. Which is why the current Republican party is having so much trouble.

        • BadKitty904

          What a sad way to live.

          • Serai 1

            And completely contrary to everything Jesus ever said. It’s almost as if they don’t respect him, or something.

          • BadKitty904

            Maybe if they actually read what He said? And tried, you know, applying it in their daily lives…?

        • revenant

          self-interest= “what have you done for ME lately”

      • WomanInAMood

        That really is one of the most beautiful stories in the Bible.

        • BadKitty904

          Amen, amen, amen.

  • anwisok

    Nomination for Official Wonkette song:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wg-q8vSPxao

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      not bad, not bad. I like this one
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jHp68Qniyg8

      • anwisok

        I’m impressed. She had a plan, and she executed the SHIT out of it.

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          And now that he’s used to the couch, she left the bed.
          That part was COLD

    • Pickwicknext

      This might actually be rather fitting:

      https://youtu.be/EHBA-M1GYVs

      • anwisok

        A worthy suggestion, for sure!

  • Biff52
    • Pickwicknext

      Goddamitt!!

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        countdown to it is all Obama’s fault for saying there is a problem in 3….2…

    • anwisok

      I will read that in the morning, thankyouverymuch.

      • Biff52

        No reports of injuries, so it might not be so bad.

        • WomanInAMood

          Maybe. I hope that you’re right, but….but…..wtf? This is not freedom. It is tyranny by the assholes of the world. Fuck.

          • Biff52

            Now it appears two cops were hit.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            aaannnddd that is enough internet tonight. Stay safe, Wonkers. It is more a plea anymore than a simple sign off.

          • Biff52

            Shooter cornered, which is a good thing.

          • WomanInAMood

            Have a good night. May angel kittiez watch over you.

        • anwisok

          Thank you for that information. Seriously. Thanks.

    • BadKitty904

      Perhaps a hug will help…

    • Biff52

      Kinda gone sideways. Early reports are usually inaccurate…

  • natoslug

    the newlyweds are adorable, and the cakemaker is a fucking idiot. Thus spake the drunk. BAKE THJE FUKING CAKE, ya fookin’ idjit!!!!!

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      YOU HAZ EYEBALL TOO???????!!!!!! (one)!!!!!!

      • natoslug

        All the kewl kids are doing it, so I had to as well. It’s either that or go back to my old username of Honore d’ballsac.

  • Jgb979

    The cynical side of me says these people are just trying to get some of that bigot pizza money, but I know someone who says “sowwy can’t bake you a cake ?” is far too stupid to ever think more than one step ahead.

    While continuing to advocate for updating public accommodation laws to include sexual orientation and gender identity, I almost wish the Internet outrage police would just leave this one alone. She’s clearly trying to become a martyr here, I don’t want to actually have her get her wish.

    The best thing that could happen is for her and her business to die a slow death, ignored by all and confined to the dustbin of history.

    • TJ Barke

      We must guard against the influence of the persecution industrial complex.

    • natoslug

      I’d settle for a quick death of her business and being ostracized by her friends and family. Maybe it’s just the alcohol talking, maybe it’s listening to the final words of a friend at stage iv, maybe it’s just me being an asshole, but I want people like the cake baker to be singled out and suffer. Enough of this shit. You want to make the world a worse place, you suffer. Fuck you, Christian baker.

      • WomanInAMood

        Oh damn, friend at stage four? Damn, damn, damn. I’m so sorry.

        • natoslug

          Just waiting to know when to take time off for the funeral. She’s ready to go, has had 15 or so more months than the doctors originally said. Being an adult is a fucking blast.

          • Biff52

            That’s fucked. Sorry…

          • anwisok

            Remember wanting to grow up? Sorry, dude – that sucks.

          • natoslug

            I’ve enjoyed being a man-child. Never really seen the point of growing up. This fucking isn’t helping.

          • anwisok

            “Hold onto sixteen
            as long as you can.
            Changes come around real soon,
            make us women and men.”

          • natoslug

            Thank you, John Cougar Mellencamp.

          • WomanInAMood

            Being an adult can really suck. I wish that I had words of wisdom. I don’t. The only thing I can say is that I am sorry you’re going through this much pain.

      • berkeleyfarm

        So, so sorry about your friend. (BT, DT recently.)

        • natoslug

          I’m not good with death. We’ll see if I become more detached or run away like I usually do. Now listening to “Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots” . . . we’ll see how adult I feel at the end of the album.

          • TJ Barke

            Death sucks, but you learn to deal. I did, at age 9.

          • natoslug

            Long-lived relatives here, and charmed life for the most part. Death has personally intruded rarely. Not an excuse for anything, but may explain why I refuse to accept it.

          • WomanInAMood

            It’s always hard to have somebody you love die. Just always is. Wish it weren’t so, but it is. Fwiw, when I’m missing someone who died, I consciously try to tell myself that I was damned lucky to have known that person. That it was a miracle that we overlapped and got to know and love each other. It’s not much, but it does offer some comfort. You are lucky to have known your friend.

          • Juan de Fuca

            Thoughts are with you Nato.

          • berkeleyfarm

            Music is good. I am only somewhat sane after my recent ordeal and the two deaths that followed not long after because of it. Holding you both in the Light, and singing to the other side.

  • anwisok

    Of course, if we want an official song that references “crazy,” we cal always look to Ozzy and Randy – but it’s rather predictable.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZcoweoZ6jpM

  • anwisok

    I’m kinda diggin on the Slade for a minute.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zm6npiXaotA

  • glennisw

    Christ. I mean, no, sorry. Fuck.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      Pretty sure were Jesus here today he would be saying Fuck, as well.

      • WomanInAMood

        How does one say fuck in Aramaic? That might be really useful to know when the happy-Clappies are standing at the door.

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          Funny enough? Trump.
          Ain’t that a kick in the pants?

          *note: not actually true.

          • At the corner, turn left

            Works for me.

        • Poe’s Law

          Haven’t been able to run that down.

          Best I could find is that the Egyptian for”carpenter” is en-f-kh .

          Does that help?

          • WomanInAMood

            I love it that you looked. I am far too lazy.

      • berkeleyfarm

        Jesus wept. And Mary threw some dishes.

        (I’ve said this before, but shit keeps happening.)

        • Poe’s Law

          Mary was a wise woman

  • anwisok

    Quiet Riot owes Slade royalties. Bigly.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6MQRCCNncGA

    • Juan de Fuca

      Damn! Did not know. Cheers for that.
      Also too, the E-Street band’s Little Stevie Van Zant might owe something to the guy playing lead guitar. Could just be the head attire…

  • anwisok

    How about some Thin Lizzy that ISN’T The Boys Are Back In Town?

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wyQ-tScuzwM

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      Clancy Brothers did it better.

      *also, not actually true, but like this too.
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rChOr-cvKZs

    • Biff52
      • BadKitty904
      • anwisok

        Its ok. We all have issues.

      • anwisok

        HOW DID YOU MAKE THAT A LINK? I’VE TRIED EVERYTHING I COULD FIND AND IT DOESN’T WORK W H A T . D I D . Y O U . D O ?????

        • Biff52

          Just go to youtube and enter the song you’re searching for, copy/pasta linkie.

          • Poe’s Law

            Pasta linkies are the best for my special Bolognese, which I love but Mrs. Poe can’t abide. It’s a religious war.

          • anwisok

            Embeds the video for me, which disqus does not like.

          • Biff52

            Post the index, not the actual video.

          • anwisok

            ???

          • Biff52

            After your search, you get a list of versions of your song. Don’t click on the song, so you don’t open the link to the video. Just copy the url to the list.

    • Serai 1

      Did somebody say The Boys Are Back In Town?

      MY VOTE for Wonkette Theme Song (regardless of gender):

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ltFdS0SJ41s

      • anwisok

        Not sure how it relates. Good song, just . . . well. Explainer, please?

    • Jonny On Maui
      • anwisok

        That could work as a theme song. I approve of it’s nomination!

      • anwisok

        We do, now.

    • SeeTrain65
  • anwisok

    Is this election what they were singing about?
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7pFdkkjGiEs

  • bubbuhh
    • Villago Delenda Est

      Hmm. Sniper. Hope they find him and find out what his motivation is. Far too early to draw any conclusions, but if it’s a white ammosexual out to disrupt a peaceful protest, I won’t be the least bit surprised.

      • TJ Barke

        False flag!!!! Argle bargle!

        • Courser

          Not so sure it’s not right now. While there are fringe types in every movement, BLM really isn’t a violent group. In-Your-Face sometimes? Sure. The Rethugs are dying to blame this on the blahs and I’m not so quick to jump to conclusions. This only hurts BLM, so the logic doesn’t work for me.

          • People who decide to murder other people typically aren’t acting logically. I have no idea who is behind this, but they’re making shit worse, not better.

      • Biff52

        One suspect is a black man seen marching with the protestors with a rifle strapped to his chest.

        • Suttree

          At the news conference the chief just gave they said he was a person of interest not a suspect. Who knows, that was minutes ago.

          • Biff52

            Just going by what the PD posted on twitter, but of course it makes sense that he’s a person of interest, so far…

          • Suttree

            I hear you. This sucks. I hope this doesn’t turn into the shitshow that I’m sure it’s going to turn into. More people will die because of this.

          • Courser

            I know, it just makes me sick. I’m way past my bedtime but so not ready for sleep.

          • Suttree

            They now have pictures of the person of interest at ground level in the crowd during the shooting.

          • Courser

            PD just posted that the guy from the picture has turned himself in. Sounds like he was just carrying the gun for open carry reasons. His brother reported earlier that the gun was not loaded and he turned it over to the police before the shooting began.

            Time will tell what the story is.

        • Villago Delenda Est

          Well, of course he’s a suspect. He’s a black man with a rifle strapped to his chest. Who handed the rifle to a police officer and cooperated with the police.

      • Biff52
    • data_ninja

      New count is 10 officers shot, 3 killed from WFAA local news.

      • TJ Barke

        Oh shit…

      • WomanInAMood

        Holy shit!

      • data_ninja

        Live News feed (WFAA Local): http://www.wfaa.com/news/local/dallas-county/breaking-shots-fired-and-officers-down-at-downtown-dallas-protest/266881573

        They’ve said it was two snipers shooting from elevated points.

        • Spotts1701

          Dammit. Either someone’s setting the protestors up, or someone decided not to listen to the whole “peaceful protest, do not escalate, don’t give the police a reason to wade in” spiel the ACLU was saying earlier.

          • TJ Barke

            I’m bettin’ peckerwoods itchin’ to start the race war.

          • Juan de Fuca

            Or this whole cycle of more guns on the street leading to more cops (who probably shouldn’t be cops but few of us ever find our perfect occupational match) fearing and killing more citizens, leading to more people getting pissed off by the endless and senseless killings of innocent people by cops leading to more targeting of cops by the lunatic fringe. Lather, rinse, repeat.

            We need a cultural change, both in our own gun culture and our police culture and I honestly don’t believe the two are mutually exclusive. Racism plays a role also but it’s not the only thing.

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            Still waiting on that “polite society”.

          • Courser

            I’ve had the same thought. From what I’ve heard so far, the Dallas Police Chief isn’t ascribing blame at this point. But the shootings happened as the Rally/Protest was breaking up.

        • data_ninja

          Police Chief: Police say that they suspect two snipers, but have no one in custody at this time. They are looking for them.

          Other reports from social media say that there was a man in army fatigues with an assault rifle spotted before gunfire started. May or may not be related.

          • data_ninja

            One suspect is cornered in a garage, and currently being negotiated with. They are assumed to be one of the shooters.

          • data_ninja

            Possible bomb planted that they are searching for.

          • data_ninja
          • data_ninja

            News Conference going on now (12:30am CT)
            -Negotiating with suspect still going on, not going well (gunfire has been exchanged)
            -2 suspects in a Mercedes with camoflauged bags in custody
            -Suspect in negotiation saying various things, such as ‘the end is near’, ‘bombs are everywhere’, ‘going to continue to hurt more police officers’. Nothing is confirmed.
            -Downtown Dallas is still an active crime scene.

          • WomanInAMood

            Who are these people? Gunfire is usually not a good sign in negotiations.

          • data_ninja

            I’ve been watching the live feed for over an hour, reading some social media related to this, and there doesn’t appear to be any information on it yet (or any that is being released to public). I’m doing my best not to speculate on anything, and just relay reported facts, and update as needed (such as someone originally labelled as a suspect being changed to a person of interest).

          • WomanInAMood

            Thank you for that.

          • data_ninja
          • JustDon’tSayDittos

            Hmm, and yet that’s not what happened at all. He wasn’t in custody, they killed him with robot-delivered C4. I suppose this is like ‘fog of war’, but why tweet incorrect info?

          • Spotts1701
          • data_ninja

            Alternate view of the suspect:
            http://i.imgur.com/rznLv0y.jpg

          • SayItWithWookies

            One of the organizers of the protest, Cory Martin, identifies that guy as his brother, who he’d persuaded during the march to hand his gun to the cops. Before the shooting started. That’s according to live reporting just now on cbsnews.com, take it for what it’s worth.

          • data_ninja

            From Reddit: “Person of Interest shown in the Police Chiefs press conference is seen in the crowd after shooting had begun. *HE IS STILL A PERSON OF INTEREST UNTIL CLEARED BY HPD. DO NOT APPROACH, CALL 214-671-3482 *”

          • data_ninja

            This person has turned themselves into the police, according to Dallas PD.

          • Snopes Shop

            Take this photo down, for god’s sake.

      • BloviateMe

        Bad. So very bad…

    • Poe’s Law

      Not a fan of cops killing random black men.

      Really not a fan of random killings of cops

      • TJ Barke

        Something tells me, not entirely random…

        • Poe’s Law

          Maybe. With luck we’ll know more soon.

      • WomanInAMood

        Not a fan of random killings. It’s just happening too goddammed many times. I’m with Sam Bee – yes, I want to take your guns!

    • kaw143

      Oh, god. Watching the live stream, now. One of the reporters on the scene was almost in tears.

      It doesn’t help that Dallas is my hometown. This happened in my old stomping ground. And even though I know Texas is batshit crazy, it ain’t supposed to be THIS crazy, dammit.

    • Links from outside the USA
      BBC
      Guardian
      al Jazeera
      Stuff NZ

    • King of America

      Dallas PD just reported a fifth officer has died.

      • CJTX

        Jeebus – I caught this too:
        “Police Chief David Brown said perhaps up to six snipers ambushed law enforcement, striking 10 officers and a civilian.”

  • bluicebank
    • TJ Barke

      MAAAAAAAXXXXX!

      • Serai 1

        Hey, Professor!

        • TJ Barke

          Push the button, Max!

          • Msgr_Moment

            I’m still tempted to use this all the time in elevators, till I realize that no one else will “get” it.

    • Serai 1

      When I was a kid, that movie was on rotation on Channel 5 during the daytime movie slots. My brother and I knew the whole damn thing by heart.

      Good night, you good Leslie, you!

  • cousin itt

    OT Toyota commercial for 2017 Camry. White woman gets police escort. Meanwhile, in reality, black woman and daughter suffer the death of her boyfriend. Welcome to fucking America. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VHYd9ymiWxs

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z7h2j0n18jg

    • anwisok

      You’re equivocating a commercial with a hypothetical worst situation that isn’t even hinted at in the commercial? WTF? Not like you’re reaching, or anything, but . . . you’re reaching..

      • cousin itt

        I’m not really sure what you mean. I do stand behind my comment. It’s not about the commercial, per se, it’s about the privilege the commercial conveys. I know Toyota could not have known, it’s just that racial privilege may dive deeper than most of us can grasp in an increasingly symbolic, visual world.

    • phoenix00

      I know Camry commercials are as cringeworthy as any, but no, just no.

  • Spotts1701

    Well, this is not good. Suspected sniper attack during protest in Dallas. 10 officers shot, 3 killed.

  • BadKitty904

    Alright, Wonklings, the Big Cat says it’s time for bed.

    The sad news, of late, has affected us all. As I’ve been thinking on what appears to be a rising tide of hate and horror engulfing our homeland, the quote below has repeatedly occurred to me. It’s a silly bit of pop fiction, I know – The Lord of the Rings – but it’s been much on my mind of late.

    Y’all shine bright, you hear? :0)

    Frodo: “I can’t do this, Sam.”

    Sam: “I know. It’s all wrong. By rights, we shouldn’t even be here. But we are. It’s like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger, they were. And sometimes you didn’t want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it’s only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines, it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn’t. They kept going. Because they were holding onto something.

    Frodo: “What are we holding onto, Sam?

    Sam: “That there’s some good in this world, Mr. Frodo… and it’s worth fighting for.

    • BloviateMe

      Funny, I tend to have the line “what can men do against such reckless hate” running thru my head of late, but I LOVE yours way better. Thank you.

      • Poe’s Law

        Love

      • Naytch

        Bernard Hill has all the best lines, IMO.

    • anwisok

      How dare you. Just, how dare you? how the fuck do you suggest that the trilogy is mere pop culture?

      I am sorry, bad kitty, but we may need to be enemies from this date forward.

    • Poe’s Law

      That scene always brings a lump to my throat, cynic that I am

    • cat cafe

      Aww, thanks for this.

    • Amalga

      Tolkien was more prescient than we knew. I hope.

      • Serai 1

        That’s only partly Tolkien, and the last line is certainly not him. That’s from the films.

        • Amalga

          I know that…but I first read those books in the late 50’s-early 60’s and saw a glimmer of hope and optimism in them that I still hold close in my heart.

  • Greg Comlish

    Off topic. I just saw the news that gun fire broke out during the police-brutality protests in Dallas with multiple officers targeted and killed. It’s unclear who is behind this attack. We can only hope the perpetrator will be identified and brought to justice before anybody else is killed.

    Facebook vermin are blaming this on Black Lives Matter and calling them terrorists. It’s possible a BLM affiliate was involved in the attack, but I doubt it. I’m going to go out on a limb and guess that one of Texas’s heavily anti-government white-supremacist groups is trying to instigate the race war that they so deeply crave through these attacks.

    • Courser

      Discussion is downthread..

    • data_ninja

      The situation is still ongoing. The police have one suspect who is believed to be involved in the shooting cornered in a parking garage, negotiating with them. Total count so far is 11 officers shot, 4 are dead. 3 or more are in surgery and/or critical condition. 1 civilian was also shot.
      This is a picture of one of the suspects that police believe was involved:
      https://twitter.com/DallasPD/status/751262719584575488

      • Snopes Shop

        Remove. He is not a suspect.

        • data_ninja

          Edited to show he was changed to be a person of interest (I made a similar edit below, had not updated this one yet)

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            You might remove “police believe was involved.” Or better yet, ditch the post entirely.

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          The joys of open carry in Texas. He wisely handed his gun to the cops when he realized what was happening. Lucky man.

          • WomanInAMood

            Smart man, really.

    • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

      Charlie Manson finally gets his wish.

  • bubbuhh

    TumbleweedsTumbleweeds

  • Biff52
  • bubbuhh
  • Fartknocker

    And Joe Walsh the former fucktard from some state celebrates a mass shooting. This is not a minor shooting. This is a big fucked up deal. Find me a candidate who who will willing to sacrifice party and preference to challenge the NRA and the the 2 million members to tell them them go shit themselves. Obama and HRC must deal with this. We as a nation are tired of this.
    https://twitter.com/WalshFreedom/status/751277664627924992
    I pity the law enforcement officers who died and the Dallas FD firefighters who faced a major mass casualty incident. And fuck you Joe.

    • King of America

      fucking SHAMELESS.

      • data_ninja

        His twitter stream is fucking disgusting. Absolutely unbelievable.

        • King of America

          it really, really is. Claims that BLM “cheered” the shootings, and attempts to link it to both LGBQT and Muslim people. And Obama, of course.

          • TJ Barke

            Jesus, fucking unbelievable…

          • data_ninja

            I want to make a joke about Trump, rooftops, and 9/11, but I seem to be out of snark at the moment.

          • kaw143

            Fuck that jerk. Fuck him with sharp, splintery votes.

        • Parakeetist

          I just read it. Good gravy.

    • SayItWithWookies

      Asking to be treated like a white person makes you a cop hater now, eh Joe? Gee, I think there’s a word for that outlook but — oh, I can’t quite — oh yes I can — racist. That’s fucking racist. You’re welcome.

    • BMW

      I read that first as the number 4, and it made even less sense.

    • Probably the only politician that CAN’T claim he “retired to spend more time with his family.”

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Was he this concerned about LEO safety during the Malheur Wildlife Refuge standoff?

    • He Joe Walsh was trending on Twitter, so I guess he wins?
      And fuck you Joe.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Tell us What’s Going On, Marvin.

    Let’s put the fucking guns down.

  • phoenix00

    /obligatory, even though it’s not the cake’s fault!
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y6ljFaKRTrI

    and yeesh @ Dallas sitch. More people dying, cop or civvie, is NOT what we want.

  • BMW

    That last pic of the superhero wedding party made me feel better on a somewhat shitty night.

    • WomanInAMood

      I’m gonna go look at that a lot. Those women deserve better than this. And I wish them and their lovely families every happiness.

  • ShinyBlueThing

    That wedding photo is the kitten break I need today.

  • data_ninja

    I’m calling it a night for myself, I’ve handled about as much as I can right now. Take care everyone; good night and good luck.

    This is the world we live in
    And these are the hands we’re given
    Use them and let’s start trying
    To make it a place worth living in.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CKrsAje9lxg

    • I dunno about hands but I do have a nice finger I’m willing to give these people. That’s a start, right?

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      Song of the night.

  • kaw143

    Ugh. And now the neighbors are having a LOUD ARGUMENT outside.

    …I’ve had it up to HERE with all the anger and rage, people!

    • CJTX

      I’m convinced state sponsored weed and/or oral sex would make the world a better place.

      • TJ Barke

        I’d like to subscribe to your newsletter.

        • cousin itt

          You can get off on my grass any time.

          Signed, Denver itt.

      • pstockholm

        And, definitely and.

      • The Wanderer

        “State sponsored” oral sex? That’s a social welfare program that everyone can embrace.
        ‘Embrace’ as in ‘mouth-hug.’

        • Msgr_Moment

          Sounds like governmental overreacharound to me.

          • The Wanderer

            The Rusty Trombone Plan?

    • TJ Barke

      Goddamn motherfucking calm the fuck down!

    • WomanInAMood

      That’s awful. And annoying. So sorry – neighbors can be the best and the worst.

      • Biff52

        Yeah. My good neighbor just took off for her island in Michigan for the summer, and the bad neighbor won’t muck out their goddamned horse stalls and the stench is getting powerful.

        • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

          Freedums!

        • WomanInAMood

          I’m sorry to hear that. Sucks to lose the good one and have the lovely smell of horseshit. My neighbors really are the best and worst as well. Are these the folks next to the place you want to sell?

          • Biff52

            Both neighbors are one parcel away. I can’t imagine living any closer to the horse people. Nothing I can do about it, that’s what the ‘hood is zoned for. And yes, it’s the place I can’t wait to sell.

          • WomanInAMood

            Well, I wish you luck. If need be, I will light incense and wave it in a generally southern direction, along with sending you my best wishes. I’m afraid that’s the best I’ve got.

  • Remember the good ol’ days before the lesbosexuals had birthdays?

    • WomanInAMood

      Did they just descend from the heavens? Were there storks who kept poor records? Are they angels?

      All works for me.

  • Frank Underboob

    OMG, that wedding photo is fucking adorable!

    • WomanInAMood

      Isn’t it? The Incredibles have nothing on this family. Because this family is super.

      • Beanz&Berryz

        And.. plus 1 for Incredibles reference…

  • CJTX

    Sigh…another day we need some cute ass animal pictures (I already posted a set earlier!)

    Here, have some cute ass deer hugging,surrounded by some pretty ass flowers.

  • Methinks someone took the “cake is a lie” meme a little too literally.

  • Stein Olsen
    • Lazy Media

      “Racist asshole” is not a protected class. It’s perfectly OK to discriminate against people for being dicks.

      • Stein Olsen

        I know. Was just posting a funny. But they would probably scream discrimination if he did refuse them service. This is how bigoted narrow minds work.

      • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

        “”Racist asshole” is not a protected class.”

        Beg to differ.

        • Stein Olsen

          Yea Christianity apparently are under attack since people say they can’t behave like bigots. They feel they need to have their rights to take away others rights protected.

  • Callyson

    For those of you who are burning the midnight oil and could use a break from the Dallas horror news story, we’ve got a troll in the gross Milo post from earlier today. Look for Will Focht’s comment!

    • CJTX

      Yay!

    • WomanInAMood

      Tally ho!

  • Lazy Media

    Uhhh, actually we do require “merchants” to do background checks at gun shows. The loophole applies only to private sales by people who are not federally-licensed firearms dealers, and anyone running a gun business has to have that license. Dan Savage is awesome; wouldn’t want him muddling message by being wrong on technical point.

    • Lazy reporting and very careful framing there. Merchants at gun shows are those who have to have a license to deal in weapons.

      But not all people at gun shows who do the selling are “merchants” and some merchants are happy to arrange straw purchases by “non-merchants” for those who do not pass the background checks.

    • CJTX

      I was honestly really disturbed by the AP’s headline – something along the lines of “4 Police Officers shot dead during BLM protest”. Yeah, technically it’s true, but these protests have attracted nuts before. Remember the asshats who attacked the one in MN, I think.

      • Yeah, and among all the gruesome news what will be lost is all of the peaceful (and sometimes beautiful) protests that happened in other cities all across the country.

    • Msgr_Moment

      I know it’s rather trite to say, but

      “I’m not black but there’s a whole lotsa times I wish I could say I’m not white…” — Frank Zappa.

      White privilege is a more toxic drug in our country than all the other drugs — alcohol included — combined.

  • cousin itt

    Why do we have to repeat the late 60s and 1970s? Please, I don’t want to go back there.

    • CJTX

      Ugh, between the pants and the hairstyles…I was just a child – but I watch a lot of TV.

      • cousin itt

        It seemed like every night on the TV news we all watched, if it wasn’t the exact number dead in North Vietnam, South Vietnam and Americans, it was stories I could barely comprehend about this city or that urban area going off on gun violence or poverty or fuck it all, anyway.

        • CJTX

          I can’t imagine…but I remember something similar about the Arab/Israeli conflict when I was a kid. My parents religiously watched the evening news… you used to see “West Bank” people throwing rocks in the midst of tear gas. I had no clue what it was about for many years.

        • SisterArtemis

          Yes, and Watts, and the Detroit riots and the dispair that led up to them, and on and on. It’s been going on a long long time

          • CJTX

            Barely OT – if you ever get the chance there’s a documentary about the time James Brown saved Baltimore (?) from going up with a concert. It was on netflix for a bit and I can’t remember the proper name, but it was pretty cool. I love docs…needless to say it was an incendiary time. I dunno, it’s good. Give it a chance…if you have the chance. ;)

        • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

          I think it might just be worse now, although I missed the draft by one year… Today there is (at least) half a country I cannot even converse with in a civil manner. And we may be losing less people, but our wars are longer. Endless, maybe?

        • The Wanderer

          Same here. Vietnam, the protests and the racial unrest turned me into the news and politics junkie that I am today. I was 13 when we left Indochina.

        • JustDon’tSayDittos

          And remember? Back then all we were worried about was the Saturday Night Special. A plain ol’ revolver.

          Pardon me while I weep nostalgically.

    • God, Kent State. That’s what I remember and I was soooo young.

      • CJTX

        That was before I was born – but how do you compare the outrage compared to then and now. I mean, I’ve read about how Kent State was horrifying to a lot of people – but after Sandy Hoook man.

        • I honestly couldn’t gauge the national response, I think I was 7 at the time. My oldest brother was in college at the time so Kent State was a frequently discussed topic in our house, it left an uneraseable impression on me.

          • CJTX

            So weird how some of these memories are so visceral and memorable.

          • cousin itt

            Makes me think how today’s kids will remember or try to remember the events of 2016 in 2036.

          • CJTX

            Aye…I was in my 20’s when 9/11 happened. In my Gov’t class this summer, most of the other students are millenials.

            At one point, as I never fail to mention, our palestinian-muslim-refugee-now-a-U.S. Citizen instructor said, “remember 9/11?” And the honest dude in the front said, “no.”. I said, “Ali, they were children then”.

            He was the same dude who said, true or not, that he liked having “older students” like me in the class cause I remembered this shit. Heh, I’m 37 (and a 1/2).

          • Msgr_Moment

            For these youngns, we have always been at war in Afghanistan. *sigh*

          • Toomush_Infer

            Stick around…

        • cousin itt

          One difference is that Kent happened within a social/political context of the time that was heavily centered on the Vietnam War and the right of people to demonstrate against it. Sandy Hook was seemingly disconnected from anything at all — just an act of gun violence devoid of any meaning or context. An act of madness.

        • Toomush_Infer

          Kent State was where impressionable young white men and women realized that, to the Right, they were the same as Negroes….

      • Msgr_Moment

        1968 comes to mind. Martin, then Bobby. And we wound up with Tricky Dick. The temptation, and the danger, is growing numb to it all.

  • Sami

    This wouldn’t happen if not for those activist judges deciding that those damn queers should also be subject to time and that calendars would apply to them too!

  • Msgr_Moment

    I read the news today,
    Oh boy.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3uwvBizKAwc

  • The Wanderer

    I may get yelled at here, but I wasn’t very surprised when I heard the news out of Dallas.
    Allow me to explain.
    I have watched race riots – Liberty City, Los Angeles after Rodney King, etc. – and I have also watched other protests. The first Palestinian intifadeh was the subject of an interesting study by two psychologists, one Israeli and one Palestinian, and they drew a conclusion that I see starting to play out. That conclusion is this: When a minority sees that they are powerless and see that the institutions of society are either indifferent or actively against them, they are going to lash out.
    In Minnesota, we had a man who played by all of the rules. He was a gun owner (by the way, what’s the NRA said about this?) and according to the reports he properly notified the officer that he was armed. The officer shot him anyway.

    There’s no panacea for this, I’m sorry to say. We will have to find some ground where we as a society can work together.

    • No yelling from me. I’ve only been surprised at how much the oppressed communities in the USA have put up with before exploding.

      • The Wanderer

        A friend on another site said, “Looks like another Long Hot Summer.”

        Me: “As if we needed another one.” :-(

  • In relation to the original article – has no one posted this yet
    https://youtu.be/CPMpeNDIGdk

    • Msgr_Moment

      Sometimes I think we never had the recipe for those cakes we like.

  • The Wanderer

    Well, time to start the day:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FZB20bXhMDE

  • Astraea
  • puipui

    I hate agreeing with Dan Savage, because he’s a transphobic biphobic racist asshole who regularly denigrates nonbinary people and also seems to think my sexuality is a choice and that I’m lying about it, and plus he has been known to tell people that they’re obligated to do things sexually that they don’t want to do so that their boyfriends won’t be unhappy with them, but he does have a point here.

    I just really wish he wasn’t everyone’s go-to spokesman for the queer community, because it’s been well known for years how much he hates most LGBTQ+ people who aren’t specifically L or G and also white, and actually he’s not always great about the L either.

  • Longstreet63

    What part of “Let them eat cake” don’t you understand?
    Jesus said that, right?
    Just before He was guillotined? I’m a bit rusty on church.

  • MsAnthropesMr
    • JustDon’tSayDittos

      I miss that guy.

  • JackLinks

    Why shouldn’t the baker and her shop’s address be published? There’s no right to privacy in the baking world!

    • Msgr_Moment

      Because people are assholes. Assholes who dox. This is why we can’t have those cakes we like.

      People who want to dox these people and harass them will probably be able to find their identity online without any trouble. I think the Wonkommissariat would rather not make it any easier for them to do so.

    • Astraea

      She runs her business out of her home.

  • Jamsie

    Fuck christian bakers. Fuck them

    • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

      With a dick shaped cake.

  • Msgr_Moment

    I’m sure Donald Trump will have something thoughtful and inspirational to say about current American racial dynamics.

    • data_ninja

      I’m sure it’ll sound like two raccoons on meth having rough sex in a metal trash can.

      • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

        Don’t you misquote me lamestream media!!!!!1! I said “get me my jigger.” You know, to make a drink with. And no, I said “kill all the chiggers.” Damn things itch like crazy…

      • The Wanderer

        Hmm! Thanks for the idea. I’ve been thinking of commissioning another drawing.

      • NorthernSaber

        There is an album title, a song lyric, and maybe even a group name in that. My hat is off to you; I kneel in supplication before your ability to convey imagery. Bravo!

      • Don’t bake cakes for the gay raccoons!

  • TheBoatDude

    Have any Christian butchers or candlestick makers weighed in on the situation?

  • Astraea
    • Jen_Baker_VA

      That is because we just had a shooting last month/week/night/hour and we’ll have another soon again.
      Pretty sure the police are all for gun control.

      • Astraea

        Yeah, I can’t imagine they’re thrilled with having to deal with heavily armed civilians.

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          I honestly think that is a lot of what this crap is about. They are thrust into situations where yes, some african americans do crimes- but that is because the majority population in those areas are african americans. Crime is most done in the place where you live, science fact. They conflate that with ALL blacks must therefore be crimers. Then add in that guns are ridiculously easy to get. Now you have people who are convinced that a segment of the population is all about crime AND insanely armed. They shoot first. It’s a fucking mess and now we have snipers taking out police which will only make things much, much worse.

          • Astraea

            In a lot of the neighborhoods they’re also ramping up tension and animosity by overpolicing black people, constantly criminalizing everything they do, terrorizing whole neighborhoods. And they aren’t getting trained to do anything but escalate.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            Yep. Lots of emphasis on squashing, not so much on calming things down.
            Funny enough, the conspiracy theories who keep yammering about how Marshal Law will be implimented have not yet noticed that we already live in a police state.

            Interesting aside: More whites were killed by police this past year according to the stats; pretty sure that is a glimpse that they might just see ALL non-police as potential enemies.

          • Astraea

            There are a lot more white people in the US, though. I wonder what it looks like as a percentage of the population.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            Not good, if you do percentages, I think.

          • Malmborg Implano

            Depends on what you mean by “white.” For purposes of demographics I count as “white,” but actually I’m half-western European, half-Russian Jew. Culturally speaking I have far more in common with African Americans, Latinos, Muslims and Roman Catholics than I do with the average white Anglo Saxon Protestant Republican represented by this ignorant slattern.