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All the lies, none of the energy.
All the lies, none of the energy.

Donald Trump finally gave his Great Big Anti-Hillary Speech Wednesday; he had planned it for last week before the unpleasantness in Orlando forced him to instead yell at Muslims and tell some lies about immigration and why Hillary Clinton hates The Gays. Constrained again by teleprompters, Trump did his very best to sound Presidential, but instead sounded like Donald Trump under heavy sedation. We aren’t sure it was an improvement. But it was definitely a Trump event: It was held at the Trump SoHo in New York, so we can look forward to seeing at the end of the month how much the campaign paid Trump’s hotel for the day. And he got through the 45-minute speech without saying “bigly” even once.

Speaking to a room of handpicked supporters whose applause seemed every bit as wooden and choreographed as the speech, Trump laid out the usual load of lies, with a few variations on familiar themes, so get ready for some intense media entrail-deciphering to find evidence of the new moderating influence of Paul Manafort. There were a couple of genuinely pathetic standing ovations that would do Charles Foster Kane proud, and masochists can see the whole awful spectacle below. (The actual speech begins around the 35-minute mark.)

Compared to some of his other teleprompter outings, Trump seemed to stick mostly to the text; his ad libs didn’t go skittering off into crazy digressions, but for the most part were merely weird repetitions of words from the written text, as if he had developed a bad case of teleprompter Tourette’s. As he went along, folks on Twitter were happy to provide instant fact-checks, and the New York Times prepped a quick-n-dirty summary, with helpful annotations for the reality-based community. Let’s hit a few highlights!

Much of the speech was based on bullet points from Peter Schweizer’s book-shaped object Clinton Cash, which may have set some kind of record for the most pre-publication debunkings before it even hit bookshelves last year. The book argues that Hillary Clinton used her job as Secretary of State to personally enrich herself and Bill, and was full of claims for which Schweizer had little or no evidence. Not that Trump speeches are expected to include facts, anyway. But they’re in a book, so that’s probably truthy enough for Trump supporters. How credible is Schweizer? Before his book came out, he was publicly worrying that the Clinton Death Squads might come after him, and yet darned if he isn’t still alive. They may be waiting to come after him with a sneaky slow-acting poison which will kill him in thirty years, at which time the murder will be officially ruled to have been “old age.”

Among the other fun lies Trump spouted was that Clinton “accepted $58,000 in jewelry from the government of Brunei” — which could only be considered “true” if you ignored the detail that, as with all gifts given by foreign leaders to government officials, Clinton turned the jewels over to the government exactly as required under the law. The stuff “must go to the National Archives or General Services Administration, unless recipients reimburse the U.S. Treasury for them.” Clinton didn’t keep ’em. Still, the gift gave Trump the chance to suggest Clinton obviously agrees with everything the Sultan of Brunei does, especially his offenses against the LGBT community:

The Sultan of Brunei has pushed oppressive Sharia law, including the punishment of death by stoning for being gay. The government of Brunei also stands to be one of the biggest beneficiaries of Hillary’s Trans-Pacific Partnership, which she would absolutely approve if given the chance.

And speaking of the TPP, we liked the bit where Trump took credit for pushing Clinton to finally say she opposes it. Which really she doesn’t, of course, because she’s a liar. Silly us — we thought if anyone deserved credit for Clinton’s opposition to the TPP, it was Bernie Sanders, the guy she was actually running against in the Democratic primaries.

Trump also tried to pretend he was taking a more nuanced position on some issues. That whole ban on Muslims thing that he said last week might have to be expanded? In his New York speech, that had morphed from something patently unconstitutional into something that was merely impossible, plus a gratuitous lie. Speaking of Syrian immigrants, Trump said,

I only want to admit people who share our values and love our people. Hillary Clinton wants to bring in people who believe women should be enslaved and gays put to death.

Again with how Hillary Clinton can never be a friend to the gays because she does the Sharia. It would be a little more convincing if Trump could manage to choke out the phrase “the LGBT community” without sounding like he was trying to order a sandwich. Nonetheless, the New York Times jammed its tongue deep into its cheek and tried to take Trump’s new tack seriously:

Mr. Trump has proposed temporarily barring all noncitizen Muslims from entering the United States; he has never made distinctions about Muslims who “share our values,” and it would be impossible to verify that immigrants “love our people.”

Trump also repeated his thoroughly-debunked claim that immigration authorities have no way to screen refugees for potential terrorist ties. Since he repeated his lie, we’ll repeat the debunking: Refugees actually face a two-year screening process that’s far tougher than any vetting faced by students, tourists, or people who get visas for investing in real estate owned by Donald Trump’s son-in-law.

Oh, and another sign of Trump’s new embrace of subtlety, or at least spin: Instead of his previous line that Hillary Clinton plans to abolish the Second Amendment, Wednesday’s speech included a slight variation on the theme. Now it’s “Hillary Clinton’s radical judges will virtually abolish the Second Amendment — can’t let that happen.” You see? That’s less definite, and while any fool can prove Hillary Clinton has never said she’d abolish the Holy Second Amendment, fact-checking what “virtually abolishing” it might be is a lot harder. Then again, she’s never said she’d appoint justices who’d do that, either.

As Trump wound up, he struggled more to resist the impulse to ad-lib, resulting in some beautiful moments in the transcript where the script and the Trumpetition collide, leaving only subatomic particles of meaning:

I’m also going to appoint great Supreme Court Justices. So important. One of the most important factors in this election. I’m going to have many appointments, could be as many as give. Probably will be three, could be four. One of the really big factors in this election. We are going to appoint Supreme Court Justices who will be outstanding. Outstanding. So important.

Yes. Truly. Much important. Very factor.

Americans. Americans, the people that we love. Americans. America first. Make our country great again. Americans are going to start believing in the future of our country.

We think he wanted to say something about Americans in America there. Bigly.

So here is your new, more disciplined, more “Presidential” Donald Trump for the next few hours, at least until he goes on “Fox & Friends” and starts babbling stuff from one of his other favorite Clinton conspiracy books.

[Politico / NYT / MediaMatters / WaPo]

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  • SnarkOff

    Hillary/Sultan of Brunei ’16!

    • The Wanderer

      The fun bit – none of his adoring fans could find Brunei on a map if you put a gun to their heads.

      • therblig

        they don’t know their browneye from a hole in the ground

      • NellCote71

        Now that would be the time to ignore safe gun laws. (Okay, okay, guns that shoot votes. Satisfied, overlords?)

      • BigBoppa

        I know a few who couldn’t find Brunei on a map if you circled it in red, pointed directly at it and Scotch taped a Walgreen’s coupon for a 12 pack of Budweiser right next to it.

      • H0mer0

        “why’d you say that?”
        “I panicked!”

    • Latverian Diplomat

      I’m surprised by this announcement. I thought he was a shoo in for Secretary of Sharia Law.

  • Treg.Brown

    With votes of course

  • Mavenmaven
    • The Wanderer

      So, Scott Adams is gay?

      • borninatrailer

        Haven’t The Gays suffered enough?

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Somebody’s been smoking old Dilbert strips again.

    • JustPixelz

      Adams has a new pointy-haired boss.

    • arglebargle

      He can see persuasion? Is it crystal blue?

    • AntiDerpomeme

      “I have squandered my resistance
      For a pocketful of mumbles,
      Such are promises
      All lies and jest
      Still, a man hears what he wants to hear
      And disregards the rest.”

    • natoslug

      Someone should have told Scott that he didn’t need to use real lead in his pencils when drawing. And to stop licking the tip after each stroke. Oh well, too late now.

    • natoslug

      Game over? I think a Trump presidency would be more like this . . . https://youtu.be/dsx2vdn7gpY

    • Gleem-McShinez

      I am guessing Scott Adams believes in this cartoon character Trump, because that 90’s terrible movie Cool World is true reality, and so he’ll get to bone cartoon Kim Basinger. THE END

    • Valkyrie

      Adams has staked his reputation on trump being this phenomenon of persuasion so he’s selling this rancid candidate as hard as he can.

      So, tell us, Dilbert author, what game is over? The one where a completely incompetent, funny-haired leader is taken at all seriously?

    • Blank Ron

      That’s some world-class snark.
      Wait, he’s SERIOUS?
      Then somebody better let some fresh air into the room, he’s hallucinating again.

    • spends2much

      Thought he meant Clinton was running unopposed, so went over to his Twitter account, and nope, he’s just plain insane.

      “Pardon me while I go throw out all my Dilbert paraphernalia” is what I would say if I had ever purchased any of his unimaginative crap.

  • Swampgas_Man

    I’ll be glad when the straight public stops pretending to give a damn about the LGBT community and politicians can stop pandering to it.

    • bobbert

      I’m pretty sure I’m upfisting snark here.

  • fergawdssakes

    Doctor Zoom is the biggest liar that has ever lived on the face of the earth, trust me. Anybody else will tell you what a captivating speech it was, one of the greatest speeches of all time if I must say. The blistering energy from that speech will propel Hilary to finally drop out of the race and concede the White House, at which point she will be arrested for treason. America will then be great once again and on this you have my word.

  • Lefty Frizzell

    This was supposed to be the dirt dealer, the game changer, Trump at his glorious meticulously researched counter punching best. The it’s all over for Hillary speech.

    It was incoherent, ineffective, childish and laughable. Is that the best he’s got? Not up to much from where I’m sitting.

    • Astraea

      The media still has a few hacks willing to say it was great.

  • “Intense media entrails-deciphering”–just made tea shoot out my nose. Thanx Dok Zoom!

    • The Wanderer

      We could always slice a Trump campaign staffer open and read the bumps on his liver:
      “Hmm . . . ah, yes. Definite cirrhosis.”

    • Querolous

      I just got home from my walk down to the bay. The seagull poop revealed everything I needed to know about Drumph.

  • Astraea

    Why does Trump always look like he’s filmed in front of a green screen?

    • Latverian Diplomat

      All of his “public” appearances are actually projections from his holographic studio in the bunker under Trump Tower. The only connection to the outside world is a dumbwaiter from the Trump Tower Grill.

      • lucidamente

        Ask not for whom the Taco Bowls . . .

    • beingreleased

      Do you think he’s created through motion capture? Is Andy Serkis really Trump?

      • The Wanderer

        Serkis is thinner.

        • BadKitty904

          And talented. And intelligent. And human.

          • rachelmap

            Gollum at least was a far more sympathetic character than Trump.

    • JVisconti

      People are telling me, he was a Weatherman in 1970

      • Randy Riddle

        It’s the color of the face and hair. They look like fronts moving through on a Weather Channel map.

  • TJ Barke

    That’s one helluva straw clinton he’s building.

    • The Wanderer

      Wicker Woman?

      • therblig

        Hillareed?

      • Latverian Diplomat

        Now we know what the Evangelical Advisors are for. They are the Sacrifice that goes inside!

        (Uh, with votes?)

      • TJ Barke

        Oh no! Not the bees, not the bees! Oh they’re in my eyes! Aaaggghhh!

      • arglebargle

        I said, “Hay Bartender”.

      • thenearesthippie

        Hillary Rattan Clinton

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Fortunately, our diligent media won’t let him get away…OK, I can’t even finish that sentence.

    • JustPixelz

      Like NASA’s ill-fated straw shuttle, Trump’s straw Hillary will go up in smoke.

      http://www.theonion.com/article/nasa-baffled-by-failure-of-straw-shuttle-1997

  • BadKitty904

    He’s the new Sarah Palin!

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      That’s unfortunate, too. With this idiot running around, people might forget how dumb she is just in time for her to resurrect her career.

      • BadKitty904

        “Resurrect”? When has she ever stopped grifting?

  • FauxAntocles

    Bigly boring speech – would not watch again.
    Disclosure: did not watch first time

  • neminem

    > “We think he wanted to say something about Americans in America there.”

    You’re not American! You’re not even wearing a flag on your head!

  • Ezio

    THAT’s the best speech he could give with a week?

    • limberrat

      Honestly I was waiting for this speech to be a laugh riot last week and it was completely disappointing.

    • Toadette

      Well, aren’t his kids essentially writing them for him?

    • MrBlobfish

      What? You think he actually has a speech writer?

  • Joshua Norton

    Repugs complain that Trump doesn’t stay on message. The only problem with that is he stinks up the place twice as bad when he does!

  • limberrat

    Did you also know Hillary started Arab Spring all by herself which then allowed her to invade Lybia and the cause Benghazi Benghazi Benghazi and ISIS!

    • Vincent Ricola

      All funded by the Clinton Foundation. #StayWoke

    • Caepan

      cause Benghazi Benghazi Benghazi and ISIS!

      She did all four of those? That’s it! INPEECH HER!

  • Joe Beese

    Would you buy a used car from this man?

    • Ezio

      “Those aren’t scratches…those are racing stripes. This car is the best. The very best. I can give ya a great deal.”

      • limberrat

        It starts perfectly and the sticky red stuff in there isn’t blood, it’s prune juice! Why that’s just a rumor that this was owned by the bayside stabber!

      • BadKitty904

        “The rust means it’s an antique. That’s classy! But I won’t charge you extra for it.”

    • natoslug

      I can’t think of anything that I would buy from that man. Except maybe silence.

    • baconzgood

      I wouldn’t even buy a used amp on Craigslist off him.

    • Gleem-McShinez

      Does he have any mid-level low-mileage used wives for sale? Perhaps one that’d spill some beans for a reasonable price?

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    What the hell is it with these people constantly demanding she and Obama be awake at 3 AM?

    • dslindc

      3 AM is the best time for doing Benghazi with Huma!

      • Latverian Diplomat

        Sure is. They’ve had an hour of rest after Benghazi-ing from 9PM to 2AM.

      • OrdinaryJoe

        *Banghazi. Fixed.

    • Toadette

      Because they are. That’s what happens when you’re a basement dwelling loser. You don’t have to get up and go to work in the mornings

    • limberrat
      • UncleTravelingMatt

        I forgot that was her ad.

    • I get more done after 3 a.m. than most people do all day. Carpe noctem!

      • Painter of Goats

        Me too! But that’s when I get up so I’ll just carpe my diem.

    • BadKitty904

      Chimpy wasn’t awake during his entire Presidency, as far as anyone can tell…

      • rachelmap

        I think he woke up once or twice after the 2006 election; he fired Rumsfeld and stopped listening to Cheney so much after that.

    • JustPixelz

      She testified she was awake all night. Obviously a lie because she LAUGHED when asked WHERE WAS HUMA?

    • CapnFatback

      I said, “Baby, they must be lonely.”

    • OneYieldRegular

      Can you imagine Donald Trump getting woken up at 3 a.m.?

      “Wuh, whazit, who tha whut tha fu…you’re FIRED ya goddam wage earning immigrant loser! Get outta my room! I gotta be up at 7 a.m. and you’re wrecking my sleep? I’m the President, goddamn it!”

  • lucidamente

    Clinton, Trump said, “accepted $58,000 in jewelry from the government of Brunei,” adding, “and these were genuine jewels, not the fake crap that some people like to give as wedding presents.”

    • BadKitty904

      Well, if anyone would know about “fake crap,” Donnie…

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      and promptly gave them to the National Archives because it wouldn’t be legal to keep them

  • JustPixelz

    “Hillary Clinton wants to bring in people who believe women should be enslaved and gays put to death.”

    Trump brings them in to sell them condos. A scheme which gets them an EB-5 visa.
    http://gothamist.com/2016/03/07/more_trump_hypocrisy.php

    • Callyson

      The under-construction tower called Trump Bay Street will adjoin the existing Trump Plaza Residences in Jersey City’s Powerhouse Arts District.

      Judging from the artist’s rendering of it, that development will be as fugly and vulgar as I’d expect. Ew.

      • MrBlobfish

        I looked at a condo in Trump Plaza Residences. Pretty crappy.

  • Honey, listen, you are a pudgy rage tomato with a beaver pelt on your head.

    The Gays are never going to like you best.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Not even if Michele Bachman is hiding in the bushes next to the stage?

    • AntiDerpomeme

      As some snarker in the Twitosphere pointed out recently, if the gays really liked Trump best, they would have fixed his hair and makeup a whole lot better.

      • BadKitty904

        Don’t tell ME that shade of pancake is an accident.

        • Cindyinencinitas

          *snicker* It doesn’t read on the teevee the way it did in the makeup trailer.

          • BadKitty904

            Oh *wink*, of course not *wink, wink*…

      • lucidamente

        Queer Eye for the Queens Guy?

    • Steely_Fan

      Vulgar talking yam libelz!!11! (h/t Charlie Pierce)

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    Afterwards, when reporters asked about his previous statements on the Brexit, he said, “I don’t think anybody should listen to me”.

    Not everything he says is a lie.

    • bobbert

      Really? That is fucking marvelous.

  • borninatrailer

    Adjective!

  • Sardonicuss

    Is that dirt or…..?

    • Kavefish

      night soil.

  • Lefty Frizzell

    Compare this bland, unpleasant, slightly greasy gruel of a speech with John Lewis testifyin’ earlier.

    • BadKitty904

      Well, one of the two is a competent, intelligent professional who loves America. And the other is tRump.

  • beingreleased

    Boy you people. You don’t like it when he’s a raving lunatic and you don’t like it when he’s a calm, collected lunatic. I’m beginning to think you don’t want a lunatic at all.

  • Vincent Ricola

    tRump sounds like my 4-year-old nephew when he tries to read along with the storybook and I make him sound out the words.

    “SO PRESIDENTIAL! Jared Kushner! Paul Manafort! Ivanka!” ~ CNN

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      “Bigly presidential! And look at those long, tremendous fingers!” — John Barron

  • deanbooth

    As Pierce pointed out today, Trump advisor Paul Manafort handled the Reagan campaign’s southern strategy. See, e.g., Philadelphia, Mississippi.

  • Callyson

    he book argues that Hillary Clinton used her job as Secretary of State to personally enrich herself and Bill, and was full of claims for which Schweizer had little or no evidence.

    This ought to be good:

    Media outlets tore apart Schweizer’s allegation that Hillary Clinton played a “central role” in approving a Russian uranium deal for Clinton Foundation donors. He made multiple errors in a section alleging Bill Clinton’s speaking fees influenced State Department grants in Haiti. He cited as fact a press release that was revealed as a hoax years before. He took a former U.S. ambassador’s words “badly out of context,” drawing condemnation from the individual. He erred in his conspiracy about Hillary Clinton’s vote on an India nuclear deal. He excluded multiple pieces of exculpatory evidence that undermine his claims. He hypocritically attacked the Clintons for engaging in the same behavior that Schweizer’s former boss, George W. Bush, did. And he alleged Clinton conspiracies that, in the words of third parties who reviewed his work, have “no evidence,” are “circumstantial,” and have “no smoking gun.”

    Media Matters analysis found at least 10 separate incidents in which media called out Schweizer for botching his reporting. The following is how reporters have described Schweizer’s work: “Incorrect,” “inaccurate,” “bogus,” “a fatal shortcoming in Journalism 101,” “the facts didn’t stand up,” “unfair and inaccurate,” “specious argument,” “there was nothing there,” “suspicious,” “the facts don’t fit,” facts “do not check out,” sources “do not exist or cannot be tracked down,” “confusion and contradiction,” “discrepancies,” “admitted a mistake,” “neither journalism nor history,” “a polemic so unchecked … that we can’t tell the fact from the fiction,” sources “have clearly used him,” and “tacitly conced[ed] he was wrong.”

    Another day, another Hillary hater is full of shit…

    • deanbooth

      Yet swift boats still leave a wake.

      • HanBarbara

        I don’t see her taking this lying down. She’s no John Kerry.

        • Cindyinencinitas

          John Kerry fell so others could learn. I hope she makes him Secretary of State.

          • HanBarbara

            I actually like him, this country would have been much better off had he won. I just wish he’d responded.

          • bobbert

            I felt that Kerry could not, at first, believe that other veterans would lie about him. Hillz has had people lying about her for decades. Practice makes perfect.

      • revenant

        and dumbshits follow in it, gulping down the rotten chum

  • Joe Beese

    Well, y’know, she is lying about now opposing the TPP. So there is that.

    • bobbert

      You might be right.

      With any luck, we’ll see.

  • limberrat

    I am still amazed at all the evil Hillary was able to accomplish in her time as SoS. She toppled countries and killed a bunch of people and helped create ISIS! It must have been that time machine again.

    • Toadette

      I have it on good authority that she ordered the Romans to attack the Carthaginian center at the Battle of Cannes, too.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        She was sighted in scuba gear near the USS Maine in Havana harbor. I have this on good authority…Alex Jones.

        • Toadette

          She also told Rickon he didn’t need to zig-zag.

          • Doug Langley

            And she was seen sneaking around the Challenger just before launch.

          • Cindyinencinitas

            Huma. Scissors.

    • NellCote71

      And apparently she did all of this while sleeping at night.

      • limberrat

        She’s a sneaky, conniving, incompetent woman!

        • revenant

          and a supervillian
          who makes the best peccary pies in all of Lompoc
          how does she do it?
          what’s her secret?

          • Doug Langley

            Nutmeg.

    • Biff52

      I thought she single-handedly created ISIS!

      • therblig

        that depends on what “is is”

    • artem1s

      but didn’t Drumpf just tell us how incompetent she is? sounds pretty damn competent to me.

  • Blackest Noobs

    so this was the Hillz Killer speech? REALLY????

    uh….NOPE.

    p.s. if Lil Donny thought he killed it, he did not, he is delusional.

    LOW-ENERGY indeed, wonkette…what a pathetic joke of a candidate.
    at least Mittens wasn’t this bad at it.

    • NellCote71

      I certainly changed my mind on the election.

    • Caepan

      And Mittens McRichPrick was pretty freakin’ bad at it!

      • Blackest Noobs

        Mittens forgot to switch to human-mode; he was stuck in robot-mode.
        we’re getting better with robot tech, we’re just not Cylon robot tech….yet.

  • cheetojeebus

    I’m going to break wind. So important. Lot’s of wind, You’ll never see anything else like it. It’ll be great.

    • Steven M. Harries

      “And because I ate Trump Steaks, the odor will be thick and meaty, like my mother’s [deleted].”
      —Donald J. Trump, President of Everything and Girls Have Cooties

      • bobbert

        Old Nick Exxon, he’s so sad….

  • Randy Riddle

    “Americans. Americans, the people that we love. Americans. America first.”

    Needs more cowbell.

    • mardam422

      I LOVE that show!!

  • Thaumaturgist

    John Lewis started his unruly sit-in right after The Donald’s serious speech. Networks stopped talking about The Donald’s serious speech. Who benefits from the sit-in? The Donald or Hillz?

    • MrBlobfish

      Hopefully, Americans.

    • JustPixelz

      Future would-be gun victims benefit?

    • BigBoppa

      I seriously doubt that it’s good news for John McCain.

      • Msgr_Moment

        Busey, then?

  • Villago Delenda Est

    BORING. Nothing new. Same old discredited leavings from Infowars. Same old projection.

    • YoBunnyBunny

      It’s really impressive that all the opposition research that the presumptive nominee for the GOP presidential ticket could come up with was basically a book report on a really shitty book.

      Low energy amateur clown show…

      • Master Contrail Program

        The dog ate my talking points.

      • timpundit

        No kidding. Working for trump must be easy as hell.

        • Blank Ron

          Good thing they’re not getting paid.

  • jesuswasablack

    “new moderating influence of Paul Manafort”

    Haha, its hilarious to watch the cables (especially msnbc) try to rehabilitate Trump every week or so. They do their best to make him seem normal, they can’t let the race get too out of his grasp otherwise how will they sell Northrup Grumman and petroleum institute.org commercials. These money grubbing TeeVee overloards don’t give a fuck about this country, just the bottom line.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cwIUv8wvf6c

  • YoBunnyBunny

    Something, something, something… polishing turd… something… something ????

  • natoslug

    Personally I support Hillary’s work to abolish the Second Amendment for all residents of Sim City.

    • limberrat

      Oopsies…another earthquake!

  • MrBlobfish

    Love our people? Sammy Syrian better keep his hand to himself.

  • cousin itt

    U.S. Americans. U.S. Americans, the people that we love. U.S. Americans. U.S. America first. Make our U.S. country great again.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lj3iNxZ8Dww

    • limberrat

      HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAbwahahahahahahaha….aahhhhgggggg **goes off to bawl in a whiskey**

  • natoslug

    We’re not laughing with you, Donut, we’re laughing at you. And hopefully by this time next year, you’ll be as financially bankrupt as you are morally.

    • Blackest Noobs

      that’s my Christmas wish this year, for Mr Tiny Fingers Vulgarian to become absolutely destitute cuz he had to use all his own money to keep his campaign afloat ( it barely is now)

  • Thaumaturgist

    Who needs the Illuminati when we have Hillz?

    • Steven M. Harries

      I thought she was half Mason/half Rothschild?

      • BadKitty904

        Did she really kidnap the Lindbergh baby?

        • AnOuthouse

          and ate it.

          • Cindyinencinitas

            With a side of Anastasia.

      • Caepan

        Mason Rothschild? Didn’t he perform Classical Gas?

  • Callyson
    • AntiDerpomeme

      Thanx for the link. I signed the card and even resisted gushing all over it like a common fangurl (because birthday celebrations require a slightly more dignified response).

  • Blackest Noobs

    TWO CORINTHIANS, MUTHERFUCKER!!!!

    this will be the tagline for my Donald Trump action movie when he will obviously FAIL EPICLY running for President.

    • Cindyinencinitas

      When I get elected, there will be two Corinthians in every garage!

    • The Wanderer

      He’ll be the Leeroy Jenkins of politics.
      I hope.

      • bobbert

        WWLJD?

  • Joe Beese

    The real Hillary!

    • Astraea

      Still a better president than Donald.

      • revenant

        and a better love story than “Twilight”
        and a better desert topping also too

        • kareemachan

          AND a better floor wax.

      • Joe Beese

        GORN 2016

        • jmhm

          Gul Dukat for president. He’s spotted, he’s rested, he’s got a big neck. Do you really want the guy who’s torturing subjugated people in the camps learning on the job?

          • therblig

            i’ve seen his alleged birth certificate – that thumb scan was definitely photoshopped.

          • jmhm

            Yeah, yeah. Shut it, maquis.

          • therblig

            i will not be deterred by bajorative comments

          • jmhm

            and that smile that wrinkles your nose touches my foolish heart…

          • therblig

            just my kera nariz

          • Mhael

            Dear Gods… that pun Maquis me hurt. ;)

          • therblig

            emissary about that

          • Mhael

            Odo you DIDN’T just reply with THAT mess. ;)

          • therblig

            you vorta know me by now

          • Mhael

            I gotta tell ya: these puns aren’t Worf the internets they’re printed on.

          • jmhm

            This Ezrilly kind of embarrassing.

          • Mhael

            Dax enough criticism out of YOU, thank you very much. ;)

          • jmhm

            Sure. You’re a real sensitive kai.

          • Mhael

            Sorry, I can’t help it. My head Jakes whenever people go pun-crazy. A KURZON ALL PUNS, I SAY!

          • jmhm

            Ooooh.

            You Wynn :)

          • Cindyinencinitas

            21 LAYERS!!!!!1

      • SuspectedDemocrat

        She has more Quatloos also too.

    • Shucky Ducky

      She’s ready to smash America with her papier-mache rock! If only there were a scenery-chewing egomaniac to battle her!

      • Cindyinencinitas

        Or a foam tombstone to trip over.

    • Playonwords

      WRONG!111!!

      that’s Liz or Phil the Greek

    • Malmborg Implano

      lol that’s Jan Brewer

  • Dr.Zoidberg

    Much bigly. Wow. So yooge. Very words.

    • JustPixelz

      MAKE AMERIC GRATE AGIAN!

  • shastakoala

    Is Trump getting a cut of Schweizer’s book sales?

    • bobbert

      Sales?

  • wide_stance_hubby

    You know he is about to say something brilliant when he pretends he’s holding a joint.

    • aGuyInOregon

      Thanks! I hadn’t thought of it that way before, but now I can never think of it any other way.

  • I Only Like Cats

    Well, this has been boring (but good fodder for jokes) so I’m going back to C-SPAN

    • Malmborg Implano

      You won’t see the gun control sitin.

      • I Only Like Cats

        Some of the periscope feed is on. I want to be ready for when the cameras turn back on.

  • OrdinaryJoe

    “Hillary Clinton wants to bring in people who believe women should be enslaved and gays put to death.

    Since when has Hillary supported the Clovenhoof Bundy Klan?

  • jesuswasablack
    • natoslug

      His mother dresses him funny.

    • BigBoppa

      How thoughtful. They put wheels on his Lazy Boy. That’ll make it so much easier to set him up to his watchin’ post by the door to the prison shower.

    • Antonin Dvorak

      Eerily reminiscent of this:
      https://youtu.be/J76aoP-Wmgk?t=2m25s

    • bobbert

      He’s in a wheelie and wearing camo pants? WTHMFF?

  • jmhm

    Funny thing about the Sultan of Brunei. Trump disapproves of his stand on the gaiz so bad that he bought a yacht from him for $29 million dollars.

  • BadKitty904

    • rachelmap

      That telepromter does not tie his brain cells together.

  • Blackest Noobs

    Hillz’s reaction to Trump’s speech:

    • Ill-Advised

      I really hope to see that expression in the debate. Timed right, it could unleash a roar of laughter. And be both unquotable and viral.

      • Blackest Noobs

        i have my doubts he will even make it to the debates…given his mental state or if he’s being a whiney pathetic man.

  • Astraea

    I’m so relieved to know that Trump doesn’t want me enslaved or stoned to death. Unlike Hillary, who sneakily supports my civil rights to hide her true agenda.

    • Cindyinencinitas

      This treachery will not stand! Wake up, sheeple!!!1!

  • baconzgood

    America is for Americans with American America in their America hearts. America.

    • cynmac

      Because he means America The Beer.

      • therblig

        i’d like to buy him a bier

      • aGuyInOregon

        When was that ever great?

        • Cindyinencinitas

          The last time I had one of those I had a headache for 3 days.

          • The Wanderer

            It’s Hangover in a Can!

      • The Wanderer

        John Oliver was right to call it “America’s favorite yeast infection.”

  • limberrat

    DONALD IS BORING ON TELEPROMPTER! TAKE HIM OFF!!!

    • BadKitty904

      Dance, monkey! DANCE!

  • Scooby

    I thought Sharia Law forbid the use of teleprompters.

    • therblig

      i think the threat is way overrated

      • Scooby

        Lambchop never used a TelePrompTer … Consummate professional!

  • natoslug

    It’s going to confuse the fuck out of Donut when someone finally tells him that there are Americans to the north and south of us.

    • therblig

      yankees to the left of us, doodles to the right! but i saved the regiment!!

  • timpundit

    I’ll bet MSNBC has already dubbed this “new” Trump the Trump 2.0 and will now crush Hillary.

    ‘Cause they’ve been pretty obvious about their need for a horse race.

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      SNAFU.

    • greyXstar

      They’ve even corrupted Rachel’s show with that shit. Disgusting! Sad!

      • Astraea

        This could be the moment! Donald Trump could still turn it all around!

        • greyXstar

          I’ve never screamed through my TV at her before. I felt bad!

  • NellCote71

    What is that sucking sound he has been making when he draws in his breath? Disgusting. Air going into his whatevers.

    • BigBoppa

      That’s what happens when there’s a direct conduit between the brain and rectum.

      With a little practice, he just might be able to work out a passable rendition of Hail to the Chief to play at Hilz’ inauguration.

  • FlownOver

    “…weird repetitions of words from the written text, as if he had developed a bad case of teleprompter Tourette’s.”

    This, it turns out, is a contagious illness. Evidence he’s been buddying up with “little Marco” again.

  • Toomush_Infer

    I just got back from Italy, where my phone fucked up and wouldn’t let me do anything for three weeks – the point is, EVERYONE in Germany, Austria and Italy thinks Trump is too fucking crazy to be dogcatcher. It used to be that you had to pretend not to be an American because Ugly – now, you have to pretend so that people don’t scream at you about this idiot….

    • timpundit

      The Germans scream? That’s unpossible!

      • Toomush_Infer

        It’s a little pinched sound – not very attractive…

      • Logic of Color

        The screaming is fine. When they start to get real quiet…that’s the time to worry.

      • revenant

        when seriously repressed people finally lose it, the explosion can level square blocks.
        see also the Japanese- polite, reserved, deferential… up to a point

    • Malmborg Implano

      Italy had its own spell of leadership by an elderly psychopathic grifter. Germany and Austria, unlike the U.S., underwent an intensive deprogramming to rid them of racist nationalistic delusions after they lost their last war of conquest.

      • Toomush_Infer

        Most folks there will point that out before you get to…

      • Cindyinencinitas

        I had a German boyfriend in college and he was not racially tolerant in any way, shape or form. The deprogramming must have worn off.

        • crisptickle

          was he from the East?

          • Cindyinencinitas

            He came here from Mansfield, Ohio, but went back and forth between there and Hanover.

    • Ezio

      Funny you mention that because I was just saying in a reply to another comment here that my Italian grandmother, who lived through WWII, thinks Trump is like a certain fascist dictator.

    • Hairstrike Alpha

      Yes but when Italian women yell at you about Trump with their accent it sounds really HOT.

    • OrdinaryJoe

      And the Germans, Austrians and Italians know crazy.

    • rachelmap

      I live in Korea. There are people here seriously freaked out about Trump. There are also people who laugh hysterically when they hear his name and call him a 바보, so there’s that.

      • Querolous

        Chicken pub?

        • rachelmap

          Fried chicken and beer are very popular here, Unlike Trump. Otherwise I don’t know what you mean.

      • bobbert

        It’s reasonable for Koreans to freak out about even the low probability of Trump. The US military posture in the ROK is, I believe, entirely determined by the Executive Branch.

        So 바보 is kind of like pendejo?

        • rachelmap

          It also seems to bug them that Trump had no idea that the South Korean government is already paying to keep the US military here.

          바보 is someone who chooses to be stupid.

    • bobbert

      I was just in Amsterdam, London, Paris and Dublin (not simultaneously), and the universal reaction was “How can ANYBODY want to vote for him?”

      Interestingly, people said this even before they knew my own opinion. I guess they figured that any USAmerican who would actually travel to Europe would be at least marginally sane.

      They’re not actually laughing at us — they’re just bemused at the idea that somebody might vote for Drumpf.

      • Lamashtar

        More worrisome is the right-wing European politicians who are approving of Trump. Its one for US to go crazy…

      • James Christopher Owen

        ♪♫New York, Paris , London, Munich everybody talk about mmmm POP MUSIC! Talk about…♪♫

        Sorry about that. Carry on.

  • limberrat

    Hey Bernie supporters! Come join the guy who is going to undo every progressive ideal ever!

    • Astraea

      But progress is haaaaaaaaaard

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      Rolling back all the progress of the past 50 years will really motivate people to change things!

    • Hairstrike Alpha

      Hey now, if you don’t get your way RIGHT NOW then you tear it all down and throw it into the shitter….that’s the totally adult response to have.

  • limberrat

    I love the fact he is still pushing that small loan bullshit and pretending his daddy didn’t give him a huge inheritance. An inheritance he has likely squandered.

    • Vincent Ricola

      Small “million dollar” loan. It makes me laugh every time. I would get escorted out of my bank if I asked to apply for a small million dollar loan.

      • Msgr_Moment

        I’m visiting my bank tomorrow to ask for a “small loan”. Wish me luck.

    • MikeyArmstrong

      Likely? That money is long gone.

  • BadKitty904

    Jebus H., it sounds like that speech was run through Google Translate. Backwards.

    • The Wanderer

      It sounds better in the original German.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Trump is like the love child of Andy Kaufman and Adam Sadler, but without the genius of one and the acting ability of the other.

    • baconzgood

      Adam Sandler acts? I’d like to see that some day.

    • greyXstar

      But Andy Kaufman couldn’t act.

  • Scooby
    • Ezio

      Make America white again? When was it white to begin with? The original people who were here first weren’t white.

      • Scooby

        Actually, the guy said he wanted it like the 1950s.

        • Ezio

          I heard about this. Yet does he know there were a bunch of serial killings and violence happening in the 50’s and 60’s too (mostly committed by white dudes btw)?

          • Scooby

            Here what his websit said: Yes the cunning globalist/Marxist social engineers have succeeded in destroying that great bulwark against statist tyranny the white American super majority. Without its expedited restoration little hope remains for the nation as a whole.

          • Ezio

            Ah, I see we have a stormfronter running for political office.

          • Scooby

            You mean Trump?

          • Ezio

            I mean Tyler, but I guess it can apply to both too.

          • Cindyinencinitas

            Did Tundra Grifter help him write that? Pass the ranch dressing.

          • Lark_in_the_AM

            Caribou Barbie isn’t that coherent.

          • The Wanderer

            He’s almost there. Another month and he can toss a good word salad. Right now, it’s racisting all over the place.

        • Astraea

          He thinks Pleasantville is a tragedy

      • Scooby

        This is his website http://ricktylerforcongress.com

      • Jukesgrrl

        But, but, but Columbus was white and aren’t we all just descendants of his? Huh?!1!

        • bobbert

          Hey, Cristoforo Colombo was a feckin’ wog, dontcha know?

      • Donald E Niman

        Trump is Making America Red Again. First time it was Native Americans. This time it’s embarrassment.

    • limberrat

      Holy shit, that IS real!

    • aGuyInOregon

      This is what Donald Trump has done to America. He has removed any constraint on fact or decorum or sanity.

      Rick Tyler explained his strategy (beginning with this inflammatory sign):
      “Of great significance, as well, is the reality of the Trump phenomenon
      and the manner in which he has loosened up the overall spectrum of
      political discourse.”

      http://newschannel9.com/news/local/congressional-candidates-controversial-billboard-has-polk-county-abuzz

      And of course, Rick Tyler is blantantly racist as well. So there’s that.

      The Tyler website is broken at the moment.

      • Scooby

        Trump found his VP!

      • say wha

        Say, you know who else loosened up their overalls?

        • BigBoppa

          Kim Davis for the jail house strip search?

        • Msgr_Moment

          Junior Samples?

        • Doug Langley

          Li’l Abner on his wedding night?

          • bobbert

            Mmmmm, Daisy Mae.

          • Doug Langley

            Big mystery that had people talking: why did Abner fight so hard to keep from hitching up with her?

    • Hairstrike Alpha

      Texas? Or South Carolina?

      • Antonin Dvorak

        Neither, it’s Tennessee!

        • Hairstrike Alpha

          Ah, the unwanted love child of South Carolina and Georgia

          • SeeTrain65

            Love child? Heh. Product of a bitter hate fuck.

      • Scooby

        Tennessee

    • Gleem-McShinez

      Here’s a vat of bleach, get in America!

    • The Wanderer

      Jesus in Jodhpurs, what a fucking embarrassment.

    • Debbies are like snowflakes

      holy buckets

  • Jay

    This is the new “keepin’ it tight and to the point.”

    I LOVE it.

    • revenant

      yeah, no more subterfuge, no more IYKWIM- just spray that hate out loud and proud so the squishy middle can’t pretend they don’t know exactly what the choices are… just go full Hitler, and let the people decide how they like that

  • timpundit

    Bet MSNBC is already declaring Trump “all but the front-runner”. I’ve been pretty disappointed in Rachel, lately.

  • baconzgood

    Cubs in first place? Trump not rambling? I gotta get to church and pray just in case.

    • Msgr_Moment

      To the rest of the room:
      “Should I pinch bacon or let him continue sleeping?”

      • Doug Langley

        Let him be. It’s a pleasant dream.

  • PubOption

    I could see the next President appointing three justices, one to replace dead Scalia, one to replace Clarence Thomas if he resigns, and one to replace RBG. When he talks about 4 or 5, it sounds like other justices should not leave loose pillows lying around.

    • Rick Hill

      “But I just got up for another trip to the buffet! Look, my old plate is still here….”

    • greyXstar

      I seriously doubt he has any idea how many justices there are. He probably thinks 4 or 5 is a small number or them.

      • thenearesthippie

        I wish someone would ask him how many justices are on the court, and to name one of them who isn’t DeadScalia.

        • Jukesgrrl

          Yes, it will be like the time Palin was asked what newspapers she read. And we got the classic, AOT,K.

        • greyXstar

          “Look, we could have little pop quizzes all day, but the bottom line is this, okay? I’m going to pick like 11 or 12 of ’em, and they’ll amazing. The best! Because I’m a great judge of character!”

    • bobbert

      In eight years, you get a shot at Kennedy too. I hope.

  • AngryKatie

    If, upon meeting a prospective business partner, I learned he couldn’t string together a coherent sentence that didn’t sound like he’d been kicked in the head by a donkey, I would not do business with him. I wouldn’t hire him as an employee. I wouldn’t hire him as a plumber.

    Trump sounds like an abject moron when he speaks extemporaneously, and lies like a rug at all times. How is this not a topic of concern for many people?

    • Gleem-McShinez

      “He’s got words on a hat.”

      I think that about covers it?

      • Usedtobeyellerdawg

        The bald spot? No it doesn’t.

    • revenant

      remember George W Bush?
      only Murka-hating libruls thought his desperate, unequal struggles with English were anything to worry about
      same as it ever was

      • AngryKatie

        I can’t believe I’m going to say this, but compared to Trump, Bush sounds like he has a mastery of English. Bush’s problem was malaprops, but at least he could more or less form a coherent sentence.

        • MrCanoehead

          I remember someone wrote a book of collected Bush malapropisms. He was trying to write a fluffy humour book, but he noticed that Bush-isms only happened when he was trying to be nice. When he was talking about war, violence, and destruction he was positively eloquent.

          • James Christopher Owen

            The Book On Bush: How George W. (Mis)leads America by Eric Alterman and Mark Green

      • MrBlobfish

        He’s the decider.

    • Rick Hill

      Srsly.

    • Msgr_Moment

      He’s not a CrookedLyingLesbianCommieAssassin(TM)?

    • MrBlobfish

      After the donkey kicked him, it left it’s tail on his head.

    • malsperanza

      Not to mention his tendency to default on his debts and sue his business partners.

    • Lamashtar

      This sounds like a Dr Seuss book. “I would not hire him as an employee! I would not hire him as a plumber!”

  • Shibusa

    I liked it, right up until 35:03, when Trump appeared.

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    Terrific. Look I read the best words. The best. So good. America is what is important. Americans. America first. I will nominate judges. Probably 7 of them. Very important. If you look at the thing we’re doing. So important. America. Wow. Just wow. Man. Americans. We’re going to make America great again. People know this. Believe me. This election is going to come down to Crooked Hillary who wants to virtually abolish the second Amendment. So important. Can’t let that happen. Makes ya think. America. America first.

    • Doug Langley

      Sorry, but I really don’t think the teleprompter is an improvement.

    • SeeTrain65

      “I have a great relationship with ‘the words.'”

  • AnOuthouse

    Some people say Hillary may be a succubus. Sad.

    • Rick Hill

      There’s talk, people will say she is an undead creature of the night. Trump would never say that but he’s heard things…..

      • revenant

        which he will gleefully retweet

    • MrBlobfish

      We need to look at that.

      • mailman27

        I’ll have the best people looking into this.

    • cat cafe

      I’ve heard, I’m not saying, people say she’s a Illuminist Witch who sacrifices small children, sad.

    • Jukesgrrl

      His fans don’t know the word “succubus.” It’s three syllables.

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    What I find hilarious is that even his dumb teleprompter speeches are still English translated into Trumpanese.

    • Cindyinencinitas

      But so American. So much American. Him with all the love and all the American.

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    Someone should have yelled “He is boring, cut his mic! Get him outta her!” Just to watch Donald get enraged. It was hilarious the last time it happened: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fwem87xKyC4

    • mailman27

      I swear, his forefinger doubles in length when he points at the hecklers he wants ejected.

  • DoILookAmused2u ?
    • SuspectedDemocrat

      His hair doesn’t look so bad in that picture!

      • SDGeoff

        The blue rinse is a little severe.

        • WIDTAP

          Still smells the same, though.

      • Shoto

        All that hairspray makes for a spectacular fireworks display, amirite?

      • chicken thief

        Did the messicans build a wall around it?

    • OneDemin EOr

      Trumpster Fire!

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    Herr Trumpler has been placed on Xanax…someone must free the beast for the glory of the movement!

  • greyXstar

    Americans for the Americas. In America. They are great, and making America great again. So important. So America.

    • mailman27

      It goes without saying. America.

      • greyXstar

        Bigly.

  • Parchment Scroll

    Remember: If you’re a woman or gay or unopposed to people being women and/or gay, and live in a country where that’s a bad thing, DON’T COME TO AMERICA. We don’t want you here, apparently? I guess? Is that what Trump’s saying? I think it’s what he’s saying.

  • CJTX

    “leaving only subatomic particles of meaning”
    Dok you’re on fire this week! (No I’m not sucking up, you’ve had some great lines in the past few days).

    • doktorzoom

      Oh, I don’t mind some sucking up.

      Fawning, flattery and sycophancy are fine, too. Though cash is best of all.

      • CJTX

        Hey, when I finally start MAKING some cash – I promise to put something in the kitty. Gotta finish this next year of school first. ;)

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        bitcoin or exposure bucks

        final offer!

  • Gleem-McShinez

    Wait till this industrial Creamsicle accident has to appear in a debate, next to Hillary, to try to make these same bogus points.

    It’s all fun and games now, where he’s got a stage to himself and zero pushback. But wait until he’s literally compared to her.

    She’ll be right there, addressing this shit. She can string together extemporaneous sentences that aren’t the exact same word repeated multiple times “for effect.” He’s got it easy now, when the numbskulls who support him have the benefit of simply ignoring Hillary completely, because she’s never been right there, within their meager attention spans, actually taking him apart.

    My prediction is that it is going to be shocking, many times over, just how unqualified this man is for the job.

    Trumpnits are going to have to screech themselves hoarse with LALALALALACAN’THEARYOU, or poke out their eyeballs, or brick up their ears, in to ignore the reality of there literally being no comparison between the two, happening right before them.

    • MrBlobfish

      For the debate, whoever gets it is going to do what Fox did. Everytime he says some BS, they’ll have a chart debunking him ready to flash on the screen. All the bitching about the press will come home to roost. Bigly.

      • Lark_in_the_AM

        Oh, I hope you are right. He cannot be allowed to get away with telling his lies.

    • chicken thief

      He’ll just call her ‘Crooked Hillary’ and his fans will claim he won.

    • BigHorn

      Are they REQUIRED to debate? What’s to stop him bailing that process altogether, for whatever specious reason, and calling it a win? Sure, you’d think it would hurt him, it should hurt him, but would it?

      • theblackdog

        Good question, since I think the debates themselves are just agreed to between the parties and the “news” channel hosting them.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        No requirement

    • Jukesgrrl

      I don’t think there will be a debate with Hillary. He’s stupid, but he’s not THAT stupid. He will probably let his VP choice debate hers and say that’s all he needs to do.

      • rachelmap

        Unless he comes down with an ‘illness’ that prevents him from speaking in public for a month, Hillary and all her surrogates will point at him and mock him for being too cowardly to say his lies to her face.

  • JD Mulvey

    I’m not exactly sure, but I think I can detect a small sliver of embarassment among RWNJs, which I previously didn’t think was possible.

    • OneDemin EOr

      Just watch Paul Ryan’s sour expression.

  • Big Puppy

    Dok, I always feel so much better when you explain Donald Trump to me. I’m still panicky, but it’s a better kind of panicky.

    • OneDemin EOr

      Trumpsplained!

    • phoenix00

      much better than finding out first-hand

  • Doug Langley

    “Hillary wants to bring in people who believe turn to left women should be enslaved, gays put to relax shoulders death, and we know nothing about her wait for applause religion.”

  • Jay

    This is why the German military wanted to kill Hitler and why we didn’t want them to succeed.

    • malsperanza

      We actually wouldn’t have minded.

  • beavertank

    People currently spending most of their campaign donations to enrich themselves should really be careful about throwing around spurious accusations of abusing public positions for personal gain.

    • James Christopher Owen

      Are you suggesting that people who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones? You may be onto something there…

  • Manhattan123

    Has this speech started running in a 24-hour loop yet on Fox News?

    • OneDemin EOr

      No, but they nearly (to use an Evan word) jizzed all over themselves, repeating things like “substantive” and “hard-hitting” (pun intended by us, lol).
      Stupid dicks.

  • Spotts1701

    book-shaped product

    “Caution: May contain word-like substances. Wear protective clothing.”

  • crabbylove

    I can just imagine his staff waiting and listening while he is speaking. The suspense, the stress, never knowing when he is going to say something awful. The small sense of relief each time he gets through a sentence as written. I hope the Trump Medical Plan covers ulcers.

    • Ill-Advised

      I think the Trump Medical Plan is only good for bleeding cash. Ulcers are a patient responsibility. God knows his staff need a lot of that.

  • cat cafe

    Dok! You’ve uncovered the actual secret to how he talks! Folks, we have the first DOGE candidate! Much bigly! So gibberish! Wow!

    • Jamoche

      That needs to be a t-shirt with The Hairpiece on the dog.

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    The worst part of this charade is the way the Very Serious People™ of the media all fell all over themselves trying to pretend like this was some sort of substantive speech. The guy manages to get through a speech without blurting out Pocahontas or Crooked Hillary and the talking heads were ready to suck his schlong for being all serious and presidential. Their attempts to put their thumbs on the scale in order to keep the race close are so fucking obvious…

    • Lark_in_the_AM

      The BBC actually called it “scathing”, making me nearly run off the road I was laughing so hard. What to do when even the foreign press, which ought to know better, just repeats talking points?

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        Seriously, how fucking low does the bar get set for this guy? “Welp, he didn’t belch or fart or walk up to the lectern with his fly unzipped, so he turned the corner and gave a serious policy speech”

        SMH he said nothing whatsoever, he just didn’t act bombastic!

      • byobg

        “Scathing” doesn’t have to mean “accurate.” Bullshit, when heated enough, can scathe.

    • Astraea

      Not to mention all the “substance” comes from a completely discredited book and other old right wing lies.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        2 days from now, long after conventional wisdom has settled in that it was a “serious policy speech” (thanks to all their fawning immediately after) and everyone has forgotten about it and moved on, they will finally get around to discussing the substance of what he said and factcheck it. Of course at that point it won’t matter in the least, but they’ll have their plausible deniability covered because they can say “hey, we called out his lies!”

        • malsperanza

          NYT did a running factcheck right away, and led with it. Not that undecided voters (assuming there are any) pay attention to the NYT.

    • malsperanza

      The broadcast media, at any rate.

      • Jukesgrrl

        I turn it off. And I’ve written them to tell them I’m no longer watching. CNN, MSNBC, the networks, I don’t watch any of them. I get all my news online. If their ratings go down, they will change. That’s why we now have that dumpster fire that used to be MSNBC. Their ratings went down after Obama was reelected and the idiot who runs the network, Phil Griffin, decided the network was tanking because it was too progressive.

    • James Christopher Owen

      Rather than congratulating him like the parents of a child who has finally learned to shit in the toilet, they should have noted how now that he’s not not raving about raping Mexicans or how we should be murdering the families of terrorists, his heart is totally not in it and he’s a weaksauce little fucktard.

  • FelineMama

    Poor Trumpelstiltskin (h/t driftglass). He’s trying soooooo hard. You are ingrates!
    He should try pig-latin, no????

    • The Wanderer

      His supporters are Real ‘Murkans! They don’t want to hear any of that furrin Pig Latin. Sounds like some damn terrists lingo.

    • TeeRaak

      Trumplethinskin.

  • ltmcdies

    a speech delivered straight to the peeps already voting for Donald….

    • sw19womble

      He might as well consolidate his base and start shooting people on 5th Avenue right now.

    • Jukesgrrl

      We don’t really know that. They might just be people who showed up for free appetizers at the Trump SoHo.

      • handyhippie65

        free food from der trumpenfurter? you gotta wonder what it was before.

  • Redgyal

    I don’t have proof but I think Donnie Darko uses a computer to tell him which words to say and how often. He doesn’t have to make sense he just has to get the right reaction from people. This is a science fact.

  • Notreelyhelping

    Debate preview:
    Trump: Important. Very important. Muslims, out! Bad. So bad.
    Clinton: You really can’t speak in complete sentences, can you?

    • malsperanza

      Alls Hillary really needs to do is practice various versions of “Please proceed, Governor.”

      • Ill-Advised

        Or agree sweetly with the accidental fact, saying, “if the gloves fit, you must acquit.”

  • MikeyArmstrong

    Reciting every lie from Clinton Cash is not presidential.

    • Jukesgrrl

      I guess that’s the kind of “opposition research” that gets done when a candidate has no one else’s money to spend.

      • MikeyArmstrong

        Or that’s the kind of oppo research one does when one is a conspiracy theorist.

  • mailman27

    When he strays off the teleprompter it’s straight back to middle school. He’s got nothin’.

  • zanzibar_buckbuck_mcfate

    The clapping is the kind I do when my kids are singing songs and forgetting the words…. overcompensating, encouraging, praying for them to get to the end. But my kids are obvi cuter and smarter.

    • Jamoche

      Like the “Good answer!” claps on Family Feud when the answer is utter idiocy.

  • disqus_lWwzrwNaw6

    My sweet 81 year old neighbor thought he was wonderful. Sigh.

    I have spent months trying to avoid finding out her politics, because I really like her. She’s lively and funny. She mows her own lawn. She’s plucky. She’s brave.

    But she adores Trump.

    I guess deep down I knew even before she said anything. I live in a white working class enclave where the Reaganist crazy oozed into the DNA long ago.

    But it was still depressing that she was so excited about this speech–this stupid, ghastly, six-day-old, rotting, maggot-infested fish carcass of a speech–that when she saw me in the yard she came rushing out (at 81, she can still rush! she’s amazing!) to tell me all about it.

    Oh God. I’m so sad.

    • elviouslyqueer

      The only appropriate response to her would be a very sickly (bigly even!) sweet “Oh darling, bless your heart.”

      • disqus_lWwzrwNaw6

        I chickened out completely. I just jabbered something about how it was a shame for candidates to make personal attacks when there are so many serious issues facing us (God, I’m so smugly pious at times, I piss myself off), but I was very generic and cowardly because I love her and I didn’t want to yell at her.

        • malsperanza

          You are right not to yell at her. She’s obviously wonderful, and anyway that’s not how you’ll change her mind. Bring her cookies, invite her to tea. Wait til later in the season and then find a Hillary talking point about protecting Social Security. Say nothing bad about Turnip. Pace yourself, you have 4 months.

    • Jukesgrrl

      Take heart. My mother’s a white working class woman of 90 years and she’s voting Dem. She supported Bernie (sent him $20 even!) but now she’s switched to Hillary. She says she’s old enough to remember what Fascists are like and she has declared Trump to be one. She’s got a little pack of equally old friends who all agree with her, too.

      One more thing. I live in Southern Arizona and interestingly, I have yet to see one Trump bumper sticker. There are still Ben Carson bumper stickers on a couple of cars in my neighborhood, but no one’s bothered to replace them with Trump bumper stickers.

    • Jamoche

      My grandmother is 93, born in the South but spent 40 years all over the world before retiring back to Georgia – and didn’t just huddle on the base like some military families, but went out and saw it – and she thinks Fox News, Trump, and all those lot are a bunch of idiots.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      Let her know sometime that he plans to do away with social security.
      See how much she adores him, then.

    • boll ocks

      The 95 year old woman I take care of is fond of saying, ” He must be smart because he made a billion dollars.” I don’t really respond, because she’s 95 and a bit senile. She’s a good person, however.

  • Jason Freeman

    Bwaaahhaaahhhaaaa. I cannot wait until he debates an opponent that doesn’t secretly agree with him. It will be great fun to watch him lose his shit when he gets frustrated. Maybe he will even try the old Republican tactic of publicly arguing over dick size with Hillz…………and LOSE!! HAHAHAHAHA. I know many of you are discouraged by the numbers in his base, but reality will rear its head soon and he will lose spectacularly. In fact, I say that every time he opens his dumb-shit face hole, it only helps to guarantee a blue victory.

    • BosGrl

      i hope you’re right

    • boll ocks

      He will fall flat on his ugly face in those debates…

  • Thorn Spike

    All Orange, no Julius.

    • Kavefish

      Et tu, mango?

    • handyhippie65

      we need a lemon shake up.

  • BearGHAZI

    As a liberal, I don’t ‘believe in the future’ of this country. Not happening. Nuh uh.

  • Jukesgrrl

    Truly, muchly, bigly.

    • Michael Rush

      You love me how much ?

  • Stein Olsen

    Trump’s Potential VP Picks. The Onion and Wonkette may be kindred spirits. The one with Marco Rubio almost had me on the floor. And I suspect the one about Ben Carson wasn’t even an attempted joke.

    http://www.theonion.com/graphic/trumps-potential-vp-picks-53138

    • Panika MCD

      “Kasich would lend a measure of experience and pragmatism to a campaign whose success relies on having neither of those things.”

      I know he convinced the press that he was these things, but he was never these things.

      • Stein Olsen

        Best I remember about him was that he tried to appear as the moderate of the bunch. Hence the word tried.

        • Panika MCD

          wanting guns in bars and making women drive to Chicago for abortions?

          • Stein Olsen

            Hence the word tried. Less crazy is the better term, although I see how it is mute now.

          • Panika MCD

            *moot

          • byobg

            Eh, Kasich’s been pretty mute lately too.

          • Amy!

            It’s harder to see the crazy eyes, obsessive tie-adjustment, and frothing at the mouth from a distance. From outside of Ohio, he kind of appears to be a moderate conservative.

    • King of America

      “Christie would be an invaluable echo in the administration”

  • Panika MCD

    with Drumpf holding all his events at Trump owned buildings and landing strips (which I’m sure would include Melania’s if he could figure out how to pay himself for it in the finance reports), it’s like Garfield’s front porch campaign only way less literary.

  • Jukesgrrl

    I don’t think this “event” will make up for the fact that reservations at the Trump SoHo are down more than 70%.

    • malsperanza

      Or that it was built by Turnip’s business partner, a much-convicted Russian fraudster named Slater, with a long rap sheet and close ties to the Mob.

  • fawkedifiknow

    They can’t even write a speech for him and make him sound intelligent. He’s incorrigibly dumber than a box of hammers. I am absolutely gob-smacked that there are more than a smattering of people out there who are impressed by this dumbass cheap huckster.

  • Paperless Tiger

    The only advantage with Trump is that we would have a lot fewer freedoms for them to hate us for.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      The whole life one is the one they really have a problem with.

  • Michael Rush

    Politifact is still crunching the numbers on who the real LIAR is …

    https://s31.postimg.org/9tewosd2j/politifact_trump_clinton_obama.jpg

    • handyhippie65

      dot’s vy der trumpenfurter vears nomex panties. to schtop does pesky lederhosen fires.

      • Amy!

        Upfisted for jagermonster dialect. :-)

        • handyhippie65

          been rereading the comics all week. dot makes me a shmot guy!

      • snark-lurker

        nomex panties? wuts that shod we git boner now? 2 late brb

    • SeeTrain65
    • TeeRaak

      So Republicans are better at telling lies than Democrats?

      No wonder Scott Adams closed his comments section.
      ((sarcasm))

  • chascates

    NPR reported today that his son-in-law Jared Kushner (who took over his father’s real estate empire when said father went to prison for fraud) and daughter Invanka are going to be helping with his campaign, beginning with getting rid of hired goon Corey Lewandowski.
    How will the Daily Stormer Waffen-SS and other dripping pools of hate deal with a member of the Chosen People at their fuhrer’s side?

    • Jenny

      Trumpenstein has subjugated that dirty dirty no good joo1!

  • JeffWest

    Trump’s voice keeps getting higher and softer, while Hillary’s deeper rasp is turning into an edged weapon. I look forward to the debates.

  • Marjorie Nye

    No wonder he’s avoided using a teleprompter. His awkward, stilted reading was laughable. One has to wonder if he’s dyslexic–his delivery was so strange and unnatural–as if he was reading the words one at a time without understanding what they meant, when all of a sudden the chipmunk that is his hairpiece whispered in his ear and a glimmer of insight appeared. Ironically, he accuses Clinton of reading other people’s speeches but he’s the one that seems as though he’s completely unfamiliar with whatever is coming out of that hole in his face.

  • Joshua Norton

    Dear Wingnuts:

    If you find yourself constantly having to say shit like “Trump’s speech was great, aside from all the lying,” just stop.

    • snark-lurker

      sez hoo?
      …loud sound of desperat hedscrachin…

    • Jamoche

      You found some that don’t stop at “great”?

    • Tom

      I wish I could compare this to Hillary Clinton’s 3 love letters to Goldman Sachs. I just can’t read those until after the election when GS money is extracted in the Lincoln Bedroom.

      Lying?

      Why don’t you demand the Clinton Goldman Sachs Speeches?

      • bobbert

        Hi, “Tom”. Because I don’t care about the Clinton Goldman Sachs speeches. Because I’m not insane, and therefore I don’t believe that those (boring, standard, been there, seen them) speeches contain some kind of arcane message to the financial community.

        Cheers.

        • Tom

          Um. Then why won’t she release those standard boring speeches? Try logic and you know they will look bad or Hillary wouldn’t be so worried to release them.

      • TeeRaak

        Lying?

        Yeah, I remember the last president who lied his ass off hundreds of times.

        At least no Republican keeps claiming he didn’t lie, right?

        ?

        • Tom

          Obama lied 100s of times? You don’t sound like a true democrat or maybe you do.

          Please tell me why Hillary won’t give us the transcripts to 3 speeches she was paid 100s of thousands for if she will take on Wall St like her talks to the peon voters she keeps saying she will?

          • TeeRaak

            The last president Current president.

            Such basic concepts seem difficult for some.

  • ViveLaRes

    I wish I could watch it so I could join in the fun but I haven’t been able to watch a Rethug speech since before Eisenhower Goldwater Gerald Ford ever.

    • WomanInAMood

      I learned this thing from my mom. Right before a big republican thingie, do laundry. With lots of socks. Roll the socks into balls and place them in a basket right next to your comfy chair. When irritated, throw the socks.

      It doesn’t break the tv, and it feels really good. Just sayin’.

      • John Smith

        I used to use just one ball of socks, attached to the “Pocket Fisherman”.

        Less picking up after.

        • WomanInAMood

          Anything from Ronco must be awesome. You have just removed any aerobic benefit from watching these horrible people. I’m honestly not sure whether to be grateful or resentful.

          • John Smith

            If it helps you decide, it’s also great for exercising cats; just toss it out and reel ’em back in. No aerobics, but great fun.

          • WomanInAMood

            I bet it’s a blast with cats. I am the owner of a 13 pound, fetch-focused dog. He would probably just look at me with more sorrow than anger.

          • John Smith

            Not as fun as the laser pointer, but still fun. Give your dog a belly rub for me.

        • gingerland62

          Gotta love Popiel!

          • clever_sobriquet

            BUT WAIT!!!!! THERE’S MORE!!!!!!!

  • Stein Olsen

    Trumps presidential robe as he imagines it. On state visits he fancy him self being guarded by Sith lords. After I made this, my friends told me I had brought out the best in him.

    http://i.imgur.com/4yL1ic0.jpg

  • bubbuhh

    The former secretary of state defended the work of her family’s foundation, which Trump attacked as receiving money from countries that oppress people’s rights.

    “The Clinton Foundation helps poor people around the world get access to lifesaving AIDS medicine,” she said. “Donald Trump uses poor people around the world to produce his line of suits and ties.”

    – HRC today in North Carolina

    • Jamoche

      Not to mention his gimme-hats.

    • bobbert

      Oh, this is first-rate burn.

  • Relativicus

    “Americans. Americans, the people that we love.”

    https://youtu.be/Rm3d43HLyTI

  • harryeagar

    In 1940, the Republicans nominated a Democrat for president. You wouldn’t think a party could screw itself worse than that. However . . .

  • bubbuhh

    Politifact must be in the thrall Killary McEmailz Corpton. There’s loads of proof even if this truth is not documented in the Trump Campaign Bible Clinton Cash as written by the most wholly “Profit” Schweizer

    The facts, them’s the rubber chicken, Politifact keeps bringin up facts. Facts is a well-known ploy of the Most Wickedest Hillary. Fur instance, according to PolitiFact, 59% of Trump’s checked claims have been deemed false or “Pants on Fire” false, versus 12% for Cllinton. Bad boojums, these facts.

    Donald Trump:

    True: 2%
    Mostly True: 7%
    Half True: 15%
    Mostly False: 17%
    False: 40%
    Pants on Fire: 19%
    http://www.politifact.com/personalities/donald-trump/

    Hillary Clinton:

    True: 23%
    Mostly True: 28%
    Half True: 21%
    Mostly False: 15%
    False: 11%
    Pants on Fire: 1%
    http://www.politifact.com/personalities/hillary-clinton/

    Only an agent of the Evil Clinton Empire would use such nasty numberz, like NBC.
    http://www.nbcnews.com/politics/2016-election/fact-checking-trump-s-speech-n597051

  • vivian

    Slightly OT: If Trump ate a bunch of acid and then gave a speech, would either his audience or the rest of the world be able to tell the difference? Serious question.

    • WomanInAMood

      His acid-tripping speech might actually make some sort of vague sense.

      • vivian

        “Hands. My hands. They are so tiny. Tiny. Tiny little hands, Magnificent, beautiful tremendous little hands. Have you ever seen such beautiful hands? These are God’s hands, God’s little tiny hands. etc.”

        • WomanInAMood

          And the colors….so orange…..

          • Master Contrail Program

            I’m an orange! Don’t peel me!

        • Master Contrail Program

          “These big, strong, hands couldn’t hold on to my funds!”

        • John Smith

          This sounds more like ecstacy. So a friend tells me. Ahem!

      • Jeremy Vajda

        That’s a great idea! All future presidential campaigns should include at least one major speech while on acid.

        • clever_sobriquet

          and one on MDMA!

    • BadKitty904

      He def. puts the argle in the bargle.

    • bobbert

      Serious answer: No.

  • OrdinaryJoe

    Low energy = forced by political handlers from the RNC to try for a rough approximation of truth.

  • Poly_Ester

    Trump using a teleprompter? He’s no Republican, but at least he can read.

    • Jared James

      And the fact he repeats long-debunked nonsense about Sec Clinton suggests he may have read a book! This is major news.

  • boll ocks

    What a pathetic loser. Who could look at this fingerless treasure-loompa and think, “President material!”?

  • rachelmap

    OT: Fuck you, Frank Luntz. (I’m listening to him on BBC Hard Talk right now.)

    ETA: ‘Hillary doesn’t say mean things like Donald does because she only reads from a teleprompter.’ Among other lies.

  • Serai 1

    Bernie fan Michele Goldberg is over at Slate with an article about how there’s TRUTH mixed with the lies, and so it’s a convincing speech!

    http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v123/Serai/Comment%20pics/judge%20judy%20eyeroll.gif

  • CynicalOptimist

    It’s not like you didn’t already have me at subatomic particles of meaning, and it’s true, it COULD be as many as give, but exactly how many future tenses before America begins to start to embark on America believing-in? I’m just asking for a friend.

  • Great Bear

    It’s how even his scripted speeches sound like he’s just spouting random bullshit off the top of his head.

    • bubbuhh

      That would be because mostly what he does is spout random bullshit dressed with GOPee cliches. According to PolitiFact, 59% of Trump’s checked claims have been deemed false or “Pants on Fire” false, versus 12% for Clinton.

    • Tom

      Where are Hillary’s scripted speeches to Goldman Sachs? Did they get lost 3 years before she pretended to call Wall St out while letting them know Hillary would never ask Warren to be her VP?

      • Great Bear

        Try to stay on topic, Sparky.

        • Tom

          How long does it take to gather the transcripts of 3 speeches from years ago? You should be worried about Hillary’s continued stonewalling about this. She may have a caged circus bear typing the transcript.

          You should be worried about the caged bear who after many years still can’t give us Hillary’s Goldman Speeches.

  • Tom

    “The book argues that Hillary Clinton used
    her job as Secretary of State to personally enrich herself and Bill, and
    was full of claims for which Schweizer had little or no evidence.”

    I will vote for Hillary in 2016, but please stop with the she and her husband are angels BS.

    The Clinton’s took in plenty of questionable money. It has now been 3 years and Hillary still has not released the transcript of her Goldman Sachs speeches. Her interns are really really really busy…shake it off…shake it off.

    Which Hillary supporter is willing to say it takes 3 years to provide video or transcribe 3 speeches?

    PS For the morons who will attack me for being a conservative based on 1 post, click on my profile where many trumpheads attack me for even considering to keep posting my liberal views.

    • dshwa

      No, we’ll just attack you for being a boring one trick pony instead. No one cares what she said to Goldman Sachs. The Clinton Corruption Canard is a product of two decades of misinformation and false accusations from an endless stream of right wing hacks. Your points are boring and disingenuous at best.

      • Lynn A Myers

        Thank you dshwa!

      • basically a re-phrasing of the old ‘if she has nothing to hide she would release them’

        Probably one of those St Petersburg trolls stirring up dissension. Russia I mean, not Florida.

    • tunk

      Hey Tom, please meet Dick and Harry because they know all the answers.

      • bobbert

        dshwa, tunk — Thanks. Saved me the trouble.

    • Astraea

      http://www.dailykos.com/story/2016/4/17/1516205/-A-Hillary-Clinton-Goldman-Sachs-Wall-Street-speech-has-been-released

      Clinton talks to Wall Street about the same issues she’s always been involved in. Especially opening up opportunities for women.

      What a corrupt monster!

    • King of America

      Why do you imagine that Hillary, or any other candidate, has to jump through hoops you invent just for them? What do you imagine is the Secret Message that is contained in these speeches (the topic of which was women in the workplace)? Why isn’t Hillary allowed to make money? Why do you imagine that you’re not a conservative, when you’re attempting to help Trump by posting right-wing smears of the Democrat?

      And lastly, why have you posted this nonsense ten times in this thread already?

    • Morrigan In Oregon

      geeze, dude, relax

  • kalu lohar

    My supreme court justice appointments will be yuggggeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee… I will appoint Jesus Christ to the Supreme Court.

    • Sakonyachen

      Jesus Christ? The Senate would never approve that libtard!

  • Sakonyachen

    Even CNN found time to fact check the speech and give it a big minute and a half(I may be generous there, I was on lunch), it was nowhere near enough time. Anderson Cooper wasn’t even there. Of course they had some grumpy looking lady on to talk about how some polls say, and some people say(probably their right wing friends), that Hillary isn’t very trusted either.

  • TeeRaak

    I like winners who don’t go bankrupt and say stupid shit and talk about their baby daughter’s breasts.

    Winners don’t finish in 2nd place in Iowa…
    https://media2.giphy.com/media/xTiTnvtbvEEArLmDao/200w_d.gif

  • Matt Thorn

    Perfectly good piece ruined by a stupid “quip” about Tourette Syndrome. Come on. You should know better. Tourette Syndrome is not a punch line.

  • clever_sobriquet

    His speeches sound like a Turing test gone rogue.

    • Rufus T. Firefly

      He would obviously fail a Voight-Kampff test. No empathy whatsoever.

      • James Christopher Owen

        “Now, tell me in single words, only the good things about your mother.

        You wanna know about my mother? I’ll tell you about my mother…”

  • Malmborg Implano

    Donald Trump is currently doing to Scotland what he’s done to Atlantic City

    https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2016/jun/23/donald-trump-faces-wall-of-opposition-as-he-returns-to-scotland

    • TeeRaak

      A golf course in Scotland? What a novel idea!

    • malsperanza

      Oh, dig down into that story. Neighbors refused to sell their land to him, so he hired thugs to trash their property and threaten them. Then he built unnecessary walls (!) out of spite to block their ocean view. They still refused to sell to him. There are many lawsuits.

  • TeeRaak

    https://media2.giphy.com/media/JVsMEetkJm7kI/giphy.gif
    #disappointed #trump’s shit is weak #looser #game over

  • Miss Dill

    His audience reminded me of those in infomercials, but not as good.

  • Blackest Noobs

    and oh the hilarity continues…this dickhead Trump gave his piss-poor facts deficient speech and then runs off to Scotland because of his piss poor business decision on a golf course, as if there wasn’t any more pressing matters for his campaign, like i dunno raising funds and hiring more than just 73 persons to run said campaign.

    if this dick wins it will easily go down in the Guinness Book of World Records…because Trump continues to make it a longer long shot of him winning.

    • malsperanza

      Nonsense! The Turnip knows exactly what he is doing, He will use the yooge publicity value of being a real true to life presidential candidate as a promotion gimmick for the golf course!

      And you thought he was incompetent???!!!

  • Bebecca

    OMG I didn’t know he was going to appoint outstanding S Ct justices. That changes my opinion of him. I’m going to vote for DT everybody!

  • TeeRaak

    If you’re ever down near the Dallas Zoo, check out their Successful Republican Businessman Exhibit…
    https://media2.giphy.com/media/3o85xC73J7y0c9wJWM/200w_d.gif

  • Donald Trump = Yesterday he was a Democrat supporting Hillary.

    Donald Trump = Yesterday he changed to Republican

    Donald Trump = After Obama won the election, he started looking for his birth certificate. He could not digest that a black man won became president.

    Donald Trump = Can’t handle the success of Obama. Dow over 17,000, gas prices lower than ever, record unemployment, more and more civil rights, consumer confidence up, health insurance cheaper than ever ($85/month), car insurance cheaper than ever ($25/month from Insurance Panda), the 1% starting to be taxed more… all the while republicans bleated about Benghazi took pointless votes to repeal the ACA.

    Donald Trump = Hates black people, Muslims, Mexicans, women, etc. etc.

    Donald Trump = Flips and Flops all the time

    Donald Trump = Liar

    Donald Trump = Not good for America…

    • Caepan

      Too bad you had to insert the spam in that comment. Now I gotta flag ya.

    • doktorzoom

      Boring troll is boring. This stupid comment is copypasted all over the web. Also, same username posts pro-Trump stuff elsewhere.

      Sad. Banhammered.

  • Brie

    The loud a$$holes wooting in the back to try to make it seem like they are more people there need to shut up.

  • BeachBum

    Of course I don’t know what the Trumpster is really thinking, but I infer that he is not really running a real campaign for president.. It looks like he’s running a business concern that has as it’s entertainment/attraction premise a campaign of running for president. Similar an owner of a sports team that doesn’t care if the team wins or loses, as long as he makes $$$$.
    In essence, the “campaign” is really just an 18 month infomercial.

    • Maybe

      It has been called a “scampaign,” which seems like the perfect term for it.

    • eliamias

      You give him too much credit when you assume he’s thinking in the first place.

  • irishdave3

    So the “New” Drumpf is still fact-free….Sort of puts me in if the “New” 1st Dick, who also. too had some yuuuge Secret Plans to make Murica Great White…

  • Maybe

    So he plans on appointing five new Supreme Court Justices? I know which four he’ll have murdered, of course, but I have to wonder about the fifth.

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