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Nope, nothing.
Nope, nothing.

Fox News dip-whistle Greta Van Susteren wants to see pictures of Pluto, you guys!!!! And she knows NASA drove by Pluto LAST YEAR and took some pretty pictures, why won’t NASA let her seeeee themmmmmm? Pluto is her faaaaaaaavorite!!!! Come on, NAAAAAAAASA, show her the pictures of Pluuuuuuutooooo!

she wants to see them RIGHT NOW
she wants to see them RIGHT NOW

Like, can’t NASA just go to the Walgreens and say, “Hi, we are the space explorers, and we would like you to develop these rolls of film we took on our field trip to Pluto?” And can’t the Walgreens say, “Yes, space friends, we should have these ready tomorrow after 5!” And couldn’t NASA say, “Oh, but Greta the Fox News lady is REALLY excited about these pictures, like she’s literally leaking pee everywhere on Twitter right now about her MOTHERFUCKING TAX DOLLARS, could you possibly do one-hour photo?” And couldn’t Walgreens say, “Wait, we thought Todd Starnes was the one at Fox News who was into leaking pee?”

And couldn’t they agree that yes, Todd Starnes is the resident Fox News pee enthusiast (sources allege), and just get the pictures developed, so Greta can SEEEEE THEMMMMMMMM?

One of the Pluto pics Greta has such a boner for.
One of the Pluto pics Greta has such a boner for.

Jezebel points us in the direction of a Gizmodo post explaining in 2015 that it really would take a long time for us, and Greta, to get to see pictures of Pluto that had just been taken. Yes, NASA and all the science guys knew in advance it would take OVER ONE WHOLE YEAR. The long version is, ahemthe long version, but the short version is that Pluto is three billion fucking miles away and space internets are SLOW.

Like, you know that thing when you are lying by the pool on your multi-million dollar estate property looking at cat videos on your iPad, and the King of Spain, who is visiting right now, says, “Ay dios mio, those gato videos sure have been buffering a long time!” And you say, “Yes, King of Spain, it’s because my manor is so large and the modem is all the way over there in the east wing of the house, so it’s gonna take a minute. Cool your fuckin’ jets, your Royal Highness.”

WELL IT’S EVEN SLOWER THAN THAT WHEN YOU HAVE TO SEND INFORMATION FROM THE EDGE OF THE SOLAR SYSTEM THROUGH OUTER SPACE, GRETA, OUTER SPACE.

Jesus lord, some people.

[Greta on Twitter / NBCGizmodo via Jezebel]

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  • Gayer Than Thou

    Geez, what’s her rush? I’ve had people make me sit through slide shows from vacations they took in the 90s: “Oh, hey – thanks for coming over! Listen, I finally got around to digitizing all the pictures we took when we were in Mauritius, and I thought we’d look at them!”

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      And that was back in the film days!

  • SuspectedDemocrat

    Let’s send Greta to Pluto. I bet her iPhone takes awesome pictures. And it’s 4G!

    • Gayer Than Thou

      Hopefully she get’s her pictures posted on her Facebook asap!

      • SuspectedDemocrat

        If it’s “Throwback Thursday” she’ll be posting pictures from her Mars vacation two years ago.

        • SnarkTank

          Are we sure it wasn’t Venus?

      • bobbert

        I assume the apostrophe was intentional. Applause.

    • FlownOver

      If she’s on Sprint we’ll never know.

  • OneYieldRegular

    Yes, how can it take a whole year for NASA to show us pictures of Pluto when FOX shows us Uranus every time you turn to the channel (there will only be about 200 of these jokes, I know).

    • cousin itt

      Thank you for taking one for the team.

      • Gayer Than Thou

        If I had a dime…

        • cousin itt

          I’ll give you a plug nickel.

  • cousin itt
    • OddMan

      I have been reading Emily Lakdawalla’s stuff for a couple of years. She is one smart lady.

  • ImGoingBacon

    So she has a Twitter account. Wow, so does NASA!!! Maybe she should follow NASA on Twitter, and then see all the pretty pictures of Pluto. Now in 3D specturama!

    • Pam Hyland

      NASA even has a Tumblr!

  • beatbort

    Wait, that’s not a photograph of Pluto….that’s a still photo from Greta’s most recent brain scan…and it clearly shows, well, nothing at all.

  • Indiepalin

    In the days before digital cameras, developing these photos would have involved a four billion mile trip back to CVS, standing in line behind drug-addled grandparents, and then kicking yourself for forgetting to order double prints.

  • SuspectedDemocrat

    Duh Greta. It’s called “Throwback Thursday.” Get with the Internet, girl!

  • Ruhe

    Greta, it takes them a year to photoshop the images to remove all evidence of giant space slugs making their way across the icy face of Pluto…and then they even screw that up and let one image out that clearly shows the house-sized extra-terrestrial escargot and now everyone knows! So they can’t even get their cover-ups right! There’s your tax dollars at work for ya!

    • Gayer Than Thou

      I thought they were Photoshopping in the face of Jesus so they could guarantee continued funding.

      • Ruhe

        T-Shirt idea! “NASA went to Pluto with all my tax moneys and all I got was the same old inept Messiah”.

        • vivian

          Now, now. The J-man wasn’t necessarily inept. His followers on the other hand? Most definitely.

          • Ruhe

            Yeah, I don’t mean to be rude. Just an outsider’s perspective. Son of the creator, two thousand plus years on the job, everything still screwed up. You know.

          • Gayer Than Thou

            His dad, however, has terrible aim. Gays over here, disasters over there.

    • Tendernob

      So you’re saying Comcast provides internet for Pluto?

      • Latverian Diplomat

        SpaceComcast is the worst of all the Comcasts.

    • Doug Langley

      Dr Doolittle is hot on the case of that conspiracy . . .

  • Vincent Ricola

    I can’t hate. Greta was anxiously looking for signs that she could return to her home planet and who wouldn’t be a little impatient after such a long exile?

    • Lizzietish81

      She’s a Mi-Go?!

      • Vincent Ricola

        That has always been my guess.

      • vivian

        Mi-Go?

      • bozilingus

        She’s not my Hispanic friend…

      • sadboy

        I dunno, Mi-Go were supposed to be pretty advanced. Wouldn’t be in keeping with the Fox format.

        Unless she was summoned by one of the Great Old Ones, got high, wandered off and figured she’d mess with the monkeys for the lulz.

  • Tallmutha
    • Grokenstein

      Uhhhgh. Why aren’t you dressed and working a job, like your older brother Goofy? Loser! Slacker! Sad!

  • The Wanderer

    There are people who have no concept of how big space is. In Greta’s case, I have difficulty contemplating the vast, yawning abyss between her ears.

    • willi0000000

      “nothing gets by greta” . . . she’s like an event horizon.

      • Blank Ron

        Facts go in, nothing comes out, you can’t explain it!

      • Amy!

        That’s “Nothing get’s by Greta.” Except the rules for punctuation in English.

        (imagine me making the nails-on-chalkboard face when I saw the picture)

        • bobbert

          I wonder if it’s a phony meme. Because, if not, jeeesh.

        • bobbert

          I wonder if it’s a phony meme. Because, if not, good lord. (This may be a duplicate)

          • Amy!

            It is! More upfists for you! :-)

  • Anarchy Pony

    And I thought she was one of the less stupid fox drones…

    • MarkM

      “Less stupid”, in Fox drone terms, is still a fucking long way from smart.

      • vivian

        Like Pluto far.

        • Pickwicknext

          Like Alpha Centari far

          • willi0000000

            like GN-z11 far!

          • Blank Ron

            That’s the second time this year GN-z11 has got a shout-out on Wonkette. Coincidence?

          • willi0000000

            far freakin out, man.

  • Vienna Woods

    Get’s????? Seriously?

    • Oblios_Cap

      Nothing get is by Greta, nosirree…

    • vivian

      They spelled “Buy” wrong too.

    • FlownOver

      The SPECAU (Society for the Preservation and Encouragement of Correct Apostrophe Usage) salutes you, and invites you to our next meeting at a mop closet to be named later.

      • Doug Langley

        Sounds specious to me.

  • MarkM

    The fact this dizzy twat has a television career is one of the many terrible things that that murdering bastard O.J. Simpson should have to answer for.

  • Thepeoplevs.

    Space porn takes forever to download

  • Lizzietish81

    “There’s no point in acting surprised about it. All the planning charts and demolition orders have been on display at your local planning department in Alpha Centauri for 50 of your Earth years, so you’ve had plenty of time to lodge any formal complaint and it’s far too late to start making a fuss about it now. … What do you mean you’ve never been to Alpha Centauri? Oh, for heaven’s sake, mankind, it’s only four light years away, you know. I’m sorry, but if you can’t be bothered to take an interest in local affairs, that’s your own lookout. Energize the demolition beams.”

    • The Wanderer

      The Vogons are nothing if not efficient.

      • Pickwicknext

        Only if you’ve signed in triplicate.

    • Ruhe

      No phone gets by Greta un-sanitized.

    • Volt Owner

      I always have my towel ready when I hear Greta speak. She sounds like she would spittle-ize the first 3 rows in any venue you’d care to name…

  • cousin itt

    To be fair to Greta, NASA technology is a bit dated. And, don’t even get me started on how you have to wait for the pics to develop and then put it in the mail which takes the US Postal Service so long to deliver!1!!!

    • therblig

      that says “Land” camera – you need a “Space” camera

      • Doug Langley

        Well, there’s your problem.

  • Rock Drummer

    I really didn’t think fux noose could get any more stupider………I was wrong!

    • SeeTrain65

      Fox News: New Lows, Every Day!

    • Crystalclear12

      Do you think they have a plan for when the hit the molten core of the Earth?

      • vivian

        I think their plan is to corner the lava lamp market.

    • arglebargle

      They report, we deride.

      • vivian

        They distort, we deride.

  • SeeTrain65
  • bozilingus

    Bold. Powerful. Persistent.
    Like a super-resistant STD.

    • Tansy Geek

      I read it as:
      Powerful
      Bold
      A Blister
      So, yes.

    • janecita

      Recurring genital warts?

  • dslindc

    Get a brain, moran!

  • Oblios_Cap

    Pluto is not even a planet. Why’s she so hot to look at it?

    • dslindc

      She has a thing for dwarf planets! Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

      • SeeTrain65

        No wonder she likes Trump.

        • janecita

          No, no, he is in the gnome category, itty-bitty almost non existent

          • SeeTrain65

            You’re right. I guess “Planet Shrinkage” wouldn’t even fit. My bad.

          • SuspectedDemocrat

            That traveling gnome goes everywhere!

      • cousin itt

        Wait, she was in that movie I rented?

    • Shibusa
  • Steven M. Harries

    I always knew she worked for the damned Thetans . . . but Rupert Murdoch??? How low can one go?

  • Mpeg

    Now if Ms Susterenenen were to attempt time travel… and if it gave her the equivalent of a brain freeze as if she’d gargled a dozen soft-serv’s, well I wouldn’t object. I would enjoy seeing that very much in fact.

  • cousin itt

    Now you’ve gone and done it, Greta.

  • MrBlobfish

    My tax dollars paid for that aircraft carrier. Gimme gimme gimme.

  • Mpeg

    If laughing at Evan Hurst’s scribblings is wrong; well, I don’t wanna be at work.

  • MsAnthropesMr

    If it’s like the walgreens up at the corner from our house the person in front of you takes 30 minutes trying to scam something, and when you get up to the counter the picture machine is broken.

  • Jeff in the desert

    If Fox News hadn’t lead the movement to discredit Pluto as a planet in the first place, then NASA wouldn’t have lowered the priority of processing the pictures. So it’s their own damn fault. Their mission changed to following a massive body with no intelligent life, designated NotTrump16.

  • MrBlobfish

    Now, don’t you worry. The saucers are up there. The graveyard is out there. But I’ll be locked up safely in there.

  • SmokinGood

    I can’t believe I actually took the 3 minutes it took to look this up on the account of Greta van Dipshit, but the data transmission rate of New Horizons, from the EDGE OF THE SOLAR SYSTEM, is about 1kbps. I.e., roughly equivalent to a 1200baud dial-up modem. Which was hot shit in nineteen-eighty-fucking-seven.

    Now, I was too young to be lookin’ at titty pics in 1987, but I do remember it was still slow as shit for high quality pics years after that.

    • willi0000000

      add to that the time to send a “bad packet” message to New Horizons, process it and re-send the bad packet is about ten hours.

      [ so . . . your lookup time ain’t so bad ]

  • Skwerl King

    Why did they wait until now Greta?

    http://images.memes.com/meme/tile/30936.jpg

    • OddMan

      Always mention Aliens using ‘watermelon hands’. And it helps to have ‘Albert’ hair.

    • Mhael

      HMPF. Just another typical human, aren’t ya, always blaming us, er, I mean, THEM on humanity’s odd, inexplicable occurrences. I find that VERY insulting… on uh… on behalf of them. The aliens, I mean, of which I am not in any way part of an advance scout force of theirs.

      Now…. if you’ll EXCUSE ME, my completely normal, totally human ovapositor needs a good cleaning.

  • Panika MCD

    I prefer Varuca Salt’s version of this song.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TRTkCHE1sS4

  • Squirrel_t_robot

    Greta clearly has some side effects from all that Botox.

  • Jeff in the desert

    “We pay their salaries in tax dollars” Uh, not in coupons for Trump steaks?

    • SmokinGood

      Hookers & blow, or death!

  • Barley_Brains

    There are plenty of things to bitch at NASA about, but the New Horizons mission is certainly not one of them.

    • willi0000000

      NASA is configured to best be a “miracle” organization . . . put a man on the moon in ten years . . . build a “space truck” by yesterday . . . build a space station now . . . land an object too big to parachute down on Mars.

      . . . all with no dollars!

      . . . besides, it’s all the fault of the micromanagement team . . . this includes every member of congress, the president and every aerospace company in the world.

      [ . . . poor Charlie Bolton probably thought he was going to be the administrator when he was appointed ]

      • Barley_Brains

        Agreed. NASA was created by Cold War politics and is managed as a political tool. In spite of that fact, it does a lot of good science (New Horizons, Hubble, Mars Lab). It also wastes billions on scientifically questionable activities (Space Shuttle!!). Meanwhile the Russians fly our low-earth orbiting technicians back and forth to the ISS using what amounts to 1950s technology at an extreme cost to NASAs budget. That’s something to bitch at NASA about, not low bandwidth from a space robot that recently surveyed tiny planets at the edge of the solar system after a 10-year journey through space. Saddest part is that she does not even know that was what she was bitching about.

        • willi0000000

          the shuttle was a nixon decision, not a NASA decision.

          see: micromanagement team

  • Squirrel_t_robot

    Hey, Greta – I remember when the USA launched Voyager 1 and maybe you should, too.

    Because Voyager has been at it for 38 mother fucking years, and is still sending info back from deep space.

    Twat.

    • willi0000000

      and they must have used some leftover Voyager magic when they built Opportunity . . . now in it’s 13th year of a ninety-day mission!

      • bobbert

        That part of the planet over there?

  • Squirrel_t_robot

    And what about SkyLab, huh?

    NASA just let it fall FROM THE SKY.

    • vivian

      They didn’t even buy us catcher’s mitts.

  • LesBontemps

    Bold. Powerful. Persistent. Greta is like cat pee on a sofa.

    • Vienna Woods

      So… you’ve been to my sister’s house.

    • Squirrel_t_robot

      Don’t talk about the clowns, Martha.

  • Mhael

    I never thought I’d say this about TWITTER of all sites, but… if you want some EXCELLENT schadenfreude, read the replies to that tweet. Greta’s gettin’ quite a lesson on Not Asking Stupid Questions, How Basic Science Works, and Maybe Google That Shit First. ;)

  • Pickwicknext

    Once I was thr King of Spain. But now I eat humble pie.

    • Douglas E. Berry

      Don’t mention Lisa.

      • LesBontemps

        She’s unspeakable, really.

    • MrCanoehead

      Moxy Fruvous reference! High five!

      • Pickwicknext

        I hate that it’s all tarnished with the Gomeshi shit now

        • MrCanoehead

          Yeah. Still can’t beat their a capella Spider-Man theme.

  • Msmlg1979

    If you were bored, Greta, you could have been looking at Uranus any old time.

  • Scooby

    I saw these 15 years ago from that great private space program. Really, government can’t do anything right!

    • SmokinGood

      Too bad I got too bogged down reading through all that great Pfizer published medial research to get to it.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Alternate headline: Today In This Bitch Right Here.

    • AntiDerpomeme

      Lovely EQ, where the heck have you been? I’ve been missing your snark.

      • Squirrel_t_robot

        Yeah, I too am wondering and felt an odd sort of peace when EQ showed up.

        So, what up?

        • AntiDerpomeme

          I’m thinking it probably has something to do with Obummer’s sekert FEMA plans under Walmarts, except I can’t imagine elviously would be caught anywhere near a Walmart, so maybe it’s related to Nordstroms?

          • Squirrel_t_robot

            Jade Helm POW, even.

      • elviouslyqueer

        I have a new jerb which has been keeping me crazy. fucking. busy. So much so that I can only sneak onto Wonkette every so often. I miss you guys, though!

        • willi0000000

          relax . . . your aim will improve.

          [ srsly . . . hope you’re enjoying the new job ]

        • Playonwords

          Good to see you anytime

        • JustPixelz

          A new job?!? #ThanksObama

  • vivian

    Slightly OT: Hey Greta, how come the US spends $500 million a year on military marching bands, but only $157 million on the NEA?

    • Squirrel_t_robot

      How would we march in lockstep without military bands, huh, huh?!!!!11!!!!

  • Brendan_M

    Under President Trump, things are going to get done a lot faster. Within hours of a WaPo reporter asking if he did what he promised to do months ago, it will be done! Mere hours!

    • Squirrel_t_robot

      Did Pluto say thank you?

      No, it did not.

      After all we did for it.

      • Brendan_M

        Pluto is such a nasty, nasty dwarf planet.

        • Squirrel_t_robot

          Very, very disgraceful, believe me.

          • LesBontemps

            Sad!

        • Good_Gawd_Yall

          Tiny hands. Pathetic, really.

  • borninatrailer

    That’s an interesting thing to rage about.

    • aGuyInOregon

      she doesn’t care about Pluto. It’s another installment in the ineffective taxpayer-paid dweebs narrative. #givememymoneyback

  • Lance Thrustwell

    Nothing get’s by Greta? Doubtful. Misplaced apostrophe get’s by Fox News proofreader? Definitely.

    • MrCanoehead

      I wasn’t sure which thing getting by her was more ironic: the misplaced punctuation or the photo that made her look like a crazed mouse-woman.

      • SDGeoff

        I’m partial to Crazed Mouse Woman.

        • mancityfooty .

          Emphasis on the “crazed”

        • Playonwords

          Perhaps they were photos of the surface of Greta’s skin?

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        Every picture I’ve ever seen of her looks exactly like that. I think her facelift was a wee bit tight – she doesn’t seem to have enough slack there to close her lips over her teeth.

  • pstockholm

    The real scandal is they’re trying to pass off photos of California as Pluto.

    • Squirrel_t_robot

      Hollywood owns that whole ‘moon landing’ myth.

      You are fooling NO ONE.

      • pstockholm

        I was going for “drought, slashed Nasa climate change funding …” but might have left out a few intermediate steps. I like your direction better.
        Yes I kinda suck at Wonketting. Thank God this shit is not allowed. Would die if I thought anyone was reading this.

        • Doug Langley

          Too late. I just forwarded your post to 5,287 of my friends. Well, most of them are my friends. I think some of them might be in other countries, not sure. Oh, and I wouldn’t swear to it, but it’s possible one of them is your mom.

  • Tendernob

    Back in my day, Pluto was a planet!!

    • Msmlg1979

      Make Pluto great again!

      • Shoto

        Build a yoooge, classy, beautiful wall around Pluto and make the Mexicans pay for it.

    • aGuyInOregon

      Thanks, Obama.

    • pstockholm

      But kinda a mickey mouse sort of planet.

    • anon_the_great

      And we LIKED it.

    • BearGHAZI

      You’re a total bitch I hate you

      … but you’re so pretty though

    • folderol

      You’re named after the god of the dead. So die already.

    • Playonwords

      Do you still keep rabbits?

  • Rick Hill

    Man. Some people just doesn’t unerstand how things work(aside from Turnip, he understands nothing outside of the legal grift) Of course NASA can’t release these right away, they have to ‘shop out all the evidence of alien bases first. Duh…

  • anon_the_great

    Of course Greta could have gotten on the Twitter machine and sad, ‘Oops, my bad. Thx to boffos for setting me straight. Go NASA’ and everyone would have thought she was human. Of course Grete is a low functioning fascist fembot so that behavior was not in her algorithm .

  • Logic of Color

    We pay their salaries in tax dollars

    Pro Tip: Cops love it when you remind them of this

    • Nockular cavity

      The louder the better.

      • aGuyInOregon

        with hand gestures for emphasis

  • sadboy

    Even worse than Greta Van Stupidhead’s ignorance of basic physics is her ignorance of the budget cuts that limited the New Horizons program in the first place. The original mission, Pluto Kuiper Express, was planned to be much more robust (with better telecom systems, too) but was too expensive for NASA since ‘taxpayers’ decided they would rather commit trilions to Middle East wars. New Horizons was a cheaper redesign that had to scrimp on hardware costs, which is the main reason why Greta can’t get her pretty pics on demand.

    • Biff52

      Budget cuts is also why Pluto is no longer a planet.

      Thanks, Obama.

  • MushroomsforKittens

    It seems to me that the #pt dumbass tag should have more than two entries.

  • shastakoala

    I think this is just a publicity stunt for the new “Armagrettan” movie.

    • anon_the_great

      Hell has a special place for Punsters.

      You’ve been warned.

      • eggsacklywright

        I don’t know if we can sustern this level of foolery.

      • Playonwords

        Is it the place where mad captains hunt you with harpoons whilst grinding their teeth. You know – “there will be a whaling and gnashing of teeth …”

        • OppressedMass

          That was gret!

          What? I don’t usually do puns…

  • MushroomsforKittens

    Also, I think that Greta and Donald qualify as FT dumbasses.

  • dshwa

    I would pay some NASA scientist to quote her in a Senate budget hearing. “We need better funding because Gretta is mad it takes us so long to process our data.”

  • MrCanoehead

    If she’s on such a hurry she could go out and fetch them. From Pluto. I’ll wait.

  • Jgb979

    I’m pretty sure she’s just looking for evidence of Xenu hiding out planning his next attack

  • SDGeoff

    Leave it to Fox to have a glaring typo on their ad. It may well be true that nothing GET’S by Greta, but they need a new proofreader.

    • eggsacklywright

      We need less get’s and fewer television.

  • Gwennie_G

    “Nothing Get’s By Greta” except maybe an unnecessary apostrophe now and then.

    • Gwennie_G

      Oops, didn’t realize several people beat me to that one. I hope no one get’s mad!

      • Debbies are like snowflakes

        Your’s was the funniest, though

      • bobbert

        It’s okay.

  • WIDTAP

    I am going to assume the Greta’s solution would have been for New Horizons to trail a really long copper cable behind it.

    • Ghenghis McCann

      A long piece of string with a tin can at either end.

  • JustPixelz

    Greta could have shown us her “Meet the Trumps” tongue bath a year ago. Or two years. Or ten. WE ARE TAXPAYERS!

  • JustPixelz

    The problem for NASA is that, per our Republican Congress, they can only use Biblical science and engineering which slows things down.

    • sadboy

      Yea, trying to measure velocity in ‘cubits per fortnight’ makes for a lot of unit conversion work in mission control.

      • Volt Owner

        And then they’re all “Oh were you using CPF? I used rods per lunar day!” when it crashes a million hectometers from the target location, amirite?

        • sadboy

          Yes, the poor use of different biblical unit bases resulted in a grave error in the retrograde epicycle calculations, and a loss of millions of shekels of hardware to the Crimson Eye of Cerebus that day.

    • dallasdave

      That pi = 3.0 thing really screws up the electronical thingees too. Good thing New Horizons doesn’t need wheels.

    • therblig

      Quality is Book of Job 1

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    At Pluto’s distance, the x-band transmission rate was 1kb/s.

    Yes, 1 kilobyte per second.

    And you thought dial-up was slow on your 1990 2400 kbs modem.

    • The Wanderer

      That’s about as slow a processor speed as you find in the average Trump voter’s brain.

    • Playonwords

      Nearly up to Sinclair spectrum speed (Buzz – weeeeeeeeeeee – thrummmm

    • Left Coast Tom

      That’s why there’s no cat videos from Pluto…the “buffering…” condition never clears.

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    Meanwhile, thousands of her slack jawed Fox followers are all grumbling in unison about fucked up government wasting their hard earned money, so mission accomplished, Greta

  • Ellen D.

    Maybe the problem is … budget cuts?

    (Bad Astronomer says Your Are A Idiot, Greta.)

    • The Wanderer

      And Phil Plait puts one round, armor piercing, straight through the glacis.

      • Playonwords

        Nice tank reference.

        • The Wanderer

          Tanks!

          • Mr. Fusion

            Yer welcome.

    • AnOuthouse

      What does he think she is? A journalist?

  • Beaumarchais?

    Her Fox viewers are all on dial-up, so what’s the problem?

  • Fly

    Greta is my “go to” girl for all things thetan.

  • aGuyInOregon

    I hope most people realize it didn’t take ALL THIS TIME for the images to travel back from space. There’s more to it than that. Some specifics:

    Now, these particular photos of Pluto were actually downlinked back in December, and the raw images were posted to the internet about a week thereafter. No one really paid attention then, because they were raw images and hard to interpret. It took some time for NASA to process them and make them prettier and more presentable for public
    consumption. And that’s what they did in last week’s press release.

    http://www.vox.com/2016/6/1/11832080/nasa-detailed-photos-pluto-delay

    • Biff52

      ‘shooped! I KNEW it!

      • willi0000000

        NASA can’t afford p-shoop . . . they use GIMP.

        [ hell, they can barely afford to keep capitalizing their acronym ]

        • Biff52

          Can’t they have like a bake sale or something? That’s how schools are funded, isn’t it?

          • willi0000000

            wow! . . . great idea! . . . think how fast they could bake cookies with an old F-1 engine!

            [ . . . and the pugs would just cut their budget by twice the amount made in the bake sale . . . ETA: just like school budgets ]

  • schmannity

    Greta Van Susteren has a face that Carly Fiorina snarks on.

    • Playonwords

      Low blow …

      I’ll be sure to use it myself.

  • Mimihaha

    Science! How does it work?

    • GDleftyPart2

      We burn you at the stake just for talking about it, that’s how it works ’round here pardner.

      • Barley_Brains

        Lighten up Francis!

    • The Wanderer

      There’s really two kinds of science. One, Conservative Science, relies on the Holy Revealed Truth of God’s Word, astrology, and medieval thought; the other is Actual Science.

  • D_C_Wilson

    Greta is probably worried Xenu might be hiding on Pluto.

  • Sunnyhorse

    These are people who can’t even use an apostrophe correctly, so it’s asking a bit much for them to wrap their tiny little heads around what NASA is telling them.

    • Barley_Brains

      Is it? It’s!

  • folderol

    For some people, it’s hard to get all the marbles in their head to drop into those little round holes. Greta is one of those people.

  • GDleftyPart2

    The space/ time continuum is just another liebural plot to do something I will hate……

  • Vegan and Tiara

    RUDE!!!!

  • Me not sure

    Greta, just settle for pictures of Uranus. All you need is a selfie stick.

    • Barley_Brains
      • OneWhiteWhisker

        A number of years ago I got to see Saturn through a backyard telescope, rings and all. It was amazing.

        • Barley_Brains

          Saturn is the most dramatic planet viewed through the telescope when the rings are visible.

          • Volt Owner

            It’s really nice through the 40″ refactor in my back yard! Moons and all that stuff too. (Mt Hamilton is in my back yard, sort of…)

          • Barley_Brains

            Nice backyard! I’ll bring the IPA to the next cookout!!

        • Enfant Terrible

          I had that experience too. Amazing to think that it takes an hour for the light from Saturn to get here.

          • thenearesthippie

            But I want to see what Saturn looks like NOW, not an hour ago! What are paying NASA for, anyway?!

      • Me not sure

        Science! One of life’s greatest spoilers of a good punch line

        • Barley_Brains

          So far it has spoiled All the Religions too. Which is so much fun.

          • Me not sure

            Well, there is that.

  • Relativicus

    “We pay your salaries!”

    AUUUUUGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!

  • Cranky Man

    Well sheesh, it’s not rocket scie….. oh? It is rocket science? Never mind.

  • RobKanC

    Why don’t we send her there so she can see Pluto for herself. Why is the NASA not doing it.

    • Mahousu

      I dunno, there’s already a problem with space garbage.

  • AnOuthouse

    Greta, you know how long it takes for a thought to cross all the space in your head? Its like that.

  • mardam422

    Besides, NASA had to Photoshop out the little green men first.

  • WhyFelicia

    This is what network neutrality has wrought. Those pictures would have arrived much faster if Comcast were able to throttle my streaming of The Mindy Project so that space photos could get here faster. #thanksobama

    • Boscoe

      Or we could privatize NASA and let the market “correct itself”. ;)

  • JohnE_o

    Why doesn’t she use her super-duper OT-whatever Scientology powers to go take a look herself?

    (Because Scientology is a fucking scam, that’s why, duh)

  • Playonwords

    Greta. Latest image has come through
    http://i.imgur.com/cqtrrMf.jpg

    • Ghenghis McCann

      Where’s the Soup Dragon?

    • “Whistle whistle woo Woo-woo woo woo woo”= “Make the the Moon Great Again! Vote Iron Chicken!”

  • jmhm

    She used to be a smart lady for NPR. Then her new bosses at Fox sent her for “plastic surgery,” and now she’s Sarah Palin’s bestest friend totally ever and she doesn’t believe in science anymore.

    I’m just saying. It would be irresponsible not to speculate.

    • OneWhiteWhisker

      Gawd, that movie sucked. Not the original, that one’s truly creepy. But whoever was responsible for the remake should be set on fire, with votes.

      • jmhm

        I don’t entirely understand Nicole Kidman’s career.

        • Snarky

          After seeing Nicole porcelain skin in close-ups in Moulin Rouge back in the 90s, I knew then that Tom was not straight as an arrow.

          • jmhm

            I think she can be beautiful, and I’ve seen her act in things, but for the life of me I don’t understand why people use her as a found object (Eyes Wide Shut, for instance). There’s nothing about her that’s interesting enough for me want to watch her just being purty for two hours.

        • OneWhiteWhisker

          Yeah, bit of a “close your eyes, twirl and stick a pin in the script” vibe. Couple of sleepers in there though, Birthday Girl and To Die For come to mind.

          • jmhm

            I loved To Die For. I’m told she was good in The Hours, but for the life of me I can’t understand why you’d have Meryl Streep in a movie and have Virginia Woolf played by Nicole Kidman with putty on her nose.

          • Mehmeisterjr

            To be fair, it’s hard to know what kind of a performance if any Kidman gave because that goddam nose killed it. It wasn’t even close to the same color as her face.

            You don’t realize how good the make up artists are in movies until you see a total fail like that.

        • Ten years married to Tom Cruise.

      • kaw143

        HEY! Don’t be mean to Frank Oz!

        • OneWhiteWhisker

          Frank Oz owes me a refund for that horrendous piece of crap. He’s lucky I didn’t track him down and make him give it back the same way they did in the movie:

          https://youtu.be/Op0qrTGRcxk

          • kaw143

            I remember Andy Kaufman once offered a refund to everyone who went to see HeartBeeps on the David Letterman Show. Letterman quipped, “Well, you’ll need change for a $20, then.”

            This one was such a bomb I doubt if Oz would need much more. A comedy about killing your wife and replacing her with a robot? Who wouldn’t love that! …Is what I’m assuming some incredibly stupid studio executive said, probably not too long before his divorce.

            And, honestly, Oz has more sins on his resume than just this. So, I don’t blame you. at all.

  • WeaselPoo

    That’s the trouble with automatic spell check— that Fox poster blurb originally read :
    Old!
    Bowelful!
    Persusternent!

    • Last Hussar

      Bold, powerful, persistent?
      Bit like the Clap then.

  • Courser

    I drove an airport shuttle van for a year and when passengers would start bitching about a traffic jam, I’d tell them: “If I could alter the time-space continuum, I wouldn’t be driving your ass around in this shuttle van”

    Most of them thought it was funny, some didn’t. So what?

  • JoeChristmas

    Where is my Greta sex tape?!?? IWANT IT NOW!!1!!1

    • Grizz1y

      Wow, I didn’t know that Mummy fetishists hung out here.

      • Jonny On Maui

        You have no idea…

  • Economist2011

    her job is to complain all things government. Just don’t let science or facts get in the way of her rage.

  • chascates

    Haven’t the Scientologists developed fast space travel yet or are they still fucking around with that box with some electronic crap inside it?

    • Be Gin

      Hands OFF The Box!

  • Snarky

    Greta being a Scientologist knows how space travel works you guys!!! She is quite familiar with Xenu and Thetans and such.

    • Boscoe

      But those DC-8’s are notorious gas guzzlers…

  • Kelly Hamilton

    Greta is losing her Thetans, Photons and croutons.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    What this tells us about Greta is that the Doocy disease has totally taken over Faux; first reaction to anything is “government anything is bad”.

  • beavertank

    Do you have a secret side gig writing for Clickhole, Evan? If not, you’ve got their style down pat.

  • Last Hussar

    Why is she so angry she’s had to wait? What could possibly be on Pluto she is so impatient about?

    Writing that I’m thinking her species, perhaps.

    • Home pictures? Instructions from the headquarters? Those “paving stones” are not stones at all. They are vile lava beings that can morph into any form…like the T-1000..only made of lava. They feed on stupidity. Greta is a scout. She sends out stupidity beams and they are reflected back 10-fold.

    • Be Gin

      The Mi-Go will inherit the Earth.

  • hendenburg2

    One of the things that Gizmodo didn’t note is that each transmitter on these kinds of deep-space satelites has approximately the power of a refrigerator light

    • kaw143

      That’s no excuse. Why, the light in MY refrigerator turns on the instant I open the door! THAT’S FAST!

      • Be Gin

        I know that the minute I close that fridge door the Light STAYS ON!

        Now that is fast!

  • leemoder

    They still can’t figure out how the tides work. Nobody knows!

  • Ghenghis McCann

    ‘Bold, Powerful, Persistent’. Hang on a second, I think that’s my deodorant.

    • thenearesthippie

      It’s my cats’ litter box at the end of the day.

    • Iam Reading

      Necessary traits when she looks into mirrors

    • Or a urinary tract infection.

    • Roadstergal

      My farts after a good Mexican dinner.

  • Boo Hoo

    Gah! Build a better Space Modem, youse guys. And make Mexico pay for it.

    Geesh! *eyeroll*

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    Can’t we just send Greta to LV-426? I hear they have wonderful pinnacles for her to see…

    • Tokays_don’t_blink

      Then nuke the site from orbit. It’s the only way to be sure. (with votes…)

  • boll ocks

    I almost pooped myself reading this article.

  • StlSaxist

    “Nothing Get’s By Greta”?

    “gets”, folks, G-E-T-NoApostrophe-S

    Sheesh. (h/t to Steve G)

    • Grokenstein

      I mean, that HAS to be a Photoshop job, right? …Right?

    • Boscoe

      LOL Nothing gets by Greta… except that one apostrophe.

      Or, translated into Foxese: No Thing Get’s Bye Greta BENGHAZI!!!1!!!

    • Mystery_Poster

      I couldn’t get by that, either.

    • Odd Jørgensen

      Nothing get IS by Greta, she`s a daesh sympathizer!

    • revenant

      the educationally-challenged sprinkle apostrophes around because they have the vague notion that any word with an “s” tacked on to the end requires one. the idea of “possessive case” is just one of the tools they lack

  • bupkus23

    Knee-jerk “journalist”? No, knee-jerk jerk.

  • 1: Maybe she thinks Lord Xenu lives on Pluto?
    2: Is it me, or does Pluto have paving stones on it?

    • I hate to bust up the joke, but Xenu is the BAD GUY for Scientologists.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Total hero to Fox and Fiends.

      • Well, yeah, that was kinda my point; see, with him being the bad guy, it would behoove her to know where he is, so she and her pals could…ah, never mind

  • zanzibar_buckbuck_mcfate

    As a taxpayer, I demand my developed photos in under an hour.

  • Jus_Wonderin

    I bet if we launched Greta now, she’d get her photos before anyone else!!

  • Mehmeisterjr

    She thinks that bad? I ordered a pizza and a large Coke from Pluto Pizza two years ago and it still hasn’t arrived! “Fast service Guaranteed Throughout the Universe” my interplanetary ass!

    • therblig

      your order is gonna be so free.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      They’re terrible. I ordered a pizza from Pluto, and it was frozen like you wouldn’t believe. Never again.

  • retiredeng

    This kind of ignorance should be fatal.

    • kaydenpat

      Not on Fox News.

  • Iam Reading

    As long as she has been schlepping on CNN and then fox, you would think that at this point she at least accidentally knew some facts. Guess not

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Pfft – you liberal elitists and your “knowing facts!”

    • KenRob

      She doesn’t get “payed” if she accidentally knew any “factz.”

  • Dinz6315

    Does their header really say ” nothing get’s by Greta”? Dear Lord. Nothing but punctuation, apparently….

    • Tokays_don’t_blink

      I had the same thought. Good thing I scrolled down first before I did A Dumb and posted.

    • Odd Jørgensen

      also too, get`s?

  • Dinz6315

    AND she is a idiot.

  • bluicebank

    Dint nobody tell her that because Pluto was demoted to a dwarf planet, Verizon yanked its fiber optic, and so the planet had to fish out its 300-baud modem and sign up for AOL?

    So not NASA’s fault. It was that Euro trash astronomy club where they wear funny hats.

    • badphairy

      Now ist die time on Sprockets ven ve DANCE!

  • Shoto

    To be fair, Greta measures space-time in Xenu Units, not the antiquated slide-rule crap that those pinheads over at NASA use to figure stuff out.

  • hanadora444

    Excuse me, but didn’t they already release several Pluto pictures? I know because I have one on a tee shirt. Wasn’t there a big heart and some land configuration that they named after Cthulhu? Yeah, I know that they said we’d get more eventually but what’s the hurry? After all, how many pictures of Pluto does a sane non-astronomer need?

  • Badbadger

    Also, I pay the police’s salary with my TAX DOLLARs and they never send any hot policewomen to my house to handcuff me to the bed and give me a BJ. WHAT’S THE DEAL WITH THAT!

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      A friend saw a movie about a town where this happens on the regular. You should move to a place like that.

      • BreakingDeadMen

        That place has the best delivery pizza, too.

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          Best place to be a delivery man, no question. Or so I’m told.

          • Hello…did you order the Korean beef?

          • SassyMissDem

            The Philly Cheesesteak.

        • kareemachan

          And the foot-longs…

          OH MY!

  • Poly_Ester

    Its those godless NASA scientists, if they only would have prayed hard enough, they could have gotten god to overnight them!

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    The New Horizons probe is sending 8 gigabits of data 3 billion miles over a 2k modem with a fucking 10 watt transmitter. And NASA performed this miracle with the shitty little sliver of tax revenue that Congress lets them play with.

    If I were a space alien, and I encountered the New Horizons probe AND Fucks Gnus radio transmissions, the only logical conclusion would be that there must be two inhabited planets in the system – two planets that don’t talk much.

    • DutchS

      The low power is WHY it’s so slow. The signal to noise ratio is pretty poor, so only a slow rate, so you can be sure a peak really is a wave crest instead of noise, will work. And I saw the photo above months ago, so I don’t know where Greta’s head has been. Well maybe, but that’s banned here.

      • CATMAN

        So far up her elbows weren’t showing

      • Calli Arcale

        Minor correction: the beam is probably wide enough to illuminate not just the whole Earth but the Earth’s entire orbit. I know Voyager’s is — that far out, you don’t bother aiming at Earth. Just aim at the Sun. It’s close enough.

        Which of course also means there’s a part of the year where your reception will be crap because of the Sun in the way.

    • GEMoore

      If you were a space alien with that technology, and if you were like us, you would be wiping us out and only saving what you discover here as it meets your needs or arouses your curiosity.

      Maybe we should keep a small cosmic profile.

  • Who’s Get?

    • Odd Jørgensen

      Probly some ISIL dude. Nothing get IS by Greta.

      • kareemachan

        Does that mean she’s not ghostwriting for this Get person?

  • ContextIsKey

    When do I get to see all the taxpayer-funded secret plans the NSA has to spy on us US taxpayers? Oh yeah, Snowden already took care of that.

    BWAHAHAHA.

  • Hijabi Rockstar
  • kaydenpat

    Are any Fox News personalities intelligent? They all seem a little dim. Even the ones supposedly on the Left seem a little dizzy. Greta appeared to be smarter when she hosted a show on CNN back in the ’90s.

    • Odd Jørgensen

      The stupid gets absorbed through osmosis. Rub up against stupid long enough….and presto potato.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      If they were smart, they wouldn’t go there in the first place.

  • CATMAN

    Is Greta having a contest with Billo as to who can display the most scientific ignorance? O’Reilly did have a category killer with “tide goes in, tide goes out, perfect timing every time, you can’t explain that”

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      I’ll take “Stupid Things Said on Fox” for $400, Alex.

    • Dennis

      She’s a Scientologist which makes her a bit of a ding-a-ling.

    • Jena-Auerstedt

      Still, nothing quite topped that discussion on QVC between Shawn Killinger and Isaac Mizrahi about whether the moon is a planet. I think what made it most compelling was that it was on QVC.

      • Calli Arcale

        That actually could be a really interesting debate, since there’s a fair argument to be made both ways. Wish I’d seen that!

  • Darkest Timeline Zach Morris

    That typo got by her.

  • qadesh

    why is there an apostrophe in “get’s”???

    • vivian

      Contraction of “get us”. Nothing get us by Greta.

      • Once&futureFred

        Translated directly from the original Serbo-Croatian, it means “Greta never got us anything.”

    • TeeRaak

      She misspelled ‘getz’.

  • Be Gin

    What is that tiny thing in the lower left hand corner?

    I’ll just use my magnifier…

    WTF! Another half built Drumpf Developers project. Those damn things show up in the damnedest places.

  • Mr Sincere

    Is that really “Nothing get’s [sic] by Greta” I see behind her? Apparently Fox News employs no one literate enough to catch the problem. Flagrant apostrophe abuse!

    • mailman27

      Their shore its know big deal.

      • aGuyInOregon

        eye no rite

        • Jena-Auerstedt

          And that’s mighty seldom of ya

    • Msgr_Moment

      Fox Götz an F in spelling.

  • OneDemin EOr

    That’s ok, Greta, not everybody can be at the top of their profession.
    More’s the pity you’re at the bottom of yours, Sweetie.

  • Dr. Krieger IRL

    My one regret is that I have but one recommend heart to give to this article.

    Radio waves, Greta, Bing ’em on the Google machine you putz.

  • With all the crap going on in the world right now, this is what Greta is bitching about? What is she trying to distract us from? What does she not want us to know? And, if she’s a FOX News person, why is she tweeting an NBC News article? I mean, there are just so many mysteries here.

    • Jena-Auerstedt

      Beginning with how she got her job in the first place

    • kareemachan

      I just wanna know if she really did have a threesome with her hubby and $arah….. Being BFF’s and all.

  • ExecutorElassus

    Are we not going to talk about the part where she misspells her own tagline?

    It’s “gets,” dumbass. Apostrophes do not mean “watch out ohshit, here comes an «S»!”

    EDIT: oh, we did talk about that very thing. I need to TRY HARDER.

  • motmelere

    This girl actually went through the same school that I did, really for real, literally.

  • TeeRaak

    We pay their salaries in tax dollars

    What’s the difference between a tax dollar and a freedom dollar?
    https://media2.giphy.com/media/qgSavZjYFlDfq/200w_d.gif

  • george gonzalez

    Not to get too technical, Greta, but try to imagine someone standing a billion miles away from you. They have a flashlight. To send you a 1000×1000 pixel picture they need to send you 3 million numbers, each one 0 to 1023. They blink the numbers out on their flashlight. The light hitting you is about a millionth of a billionth of one watt. You have large binoculars and try to write down the flashes. Go try that and see how long it takes you to get one picture.

    • Msgr_Moment

      I was told th’ere would be no math.

  • ConnieHinesDorothyProvine

    Knowing the religion of which reGretable is a member, maybe she thinks that she’ll get to live on Pluto after she dies.

    • Can’t she just exteriorize like L. Ron Hubbard and go take a look for herself?

  • Quick! Everybody tweet her pictures of Uranus!

  • anna rampage

    “….and we pay their salaries in tax dollars”

    Are tax dollars some other form of currency that I’m not familiar with? Are they worth more or less that a standard dollar, and most importantly, do people get a special discount if they use them to purchase things?

  • Thetans be blocking la Gretern’s signals.

  • NorthernSaber

    “One of the Pluto pics Greta has such a boner for.”

    Ok, but wouldn’t a Greta boner be a “Groner”?

    Sorry- I’ll just let myself over here somewhere…

  • diogenez
  • Ambignostic

    If she would just read Emily Lakdawalla, like everybody should, she would have known this a long time ago.

    Edit: ha ha, I just noticed that @elakdawalla schooled greta to the tune of no fewer than six tweets with footnotes and pictures https://twitter.com/elakdawalla/status/738135005382070273

    • Greta is waiting for the long-form data.

  • Mintie

    Besides, everyone knows that Pluto–essentially the redheaded step-child of the solar system–only has dial up, because Mommy Sol refuses to upgrade him because Jupiter and Saturn told her they need Ethernet for “reasons.”

    • All the smart planets block Fox at the router.

  • bardgal

    It astounds me how she can even find her vagina.

    • Chuck

      Normally I would offer to help her , but in this case no.

    • Freti

      It would astound me if she had one. She probably reproduces by fission – like all bacteria.

    • Sakonyachen

      She obviously lost her top lip

  • m3bosha

    People bitching about “our tax dollars” really, really piss me right off. I work in property management, they remind me of the asshats in HOAs who think just because they pay for management you should magically be able to do their bidding the second an idea pops into their head, even if it is above and beyond what the contract says. I live in Colorado Springs, so the venn diagram of these two groups are probably a perfect circle.

  • Gascoigne

    If Greta would learn a few things about the Pluto craft, she would already know that NASA made the craft as light as possible, and made all the instrumentation on the craft super-lightweight and tiny, so as to put the pea-brained craft on the biggest rocket ever because a huge rocket makes the tiny craft go super super fast, so the craft could make it to Pluto in ten years or less, instead of fifty years if NASA had made a conventional normal weight craft, because Pluto and Charon are so fucking far away. The computers and radio beacon on board are so tiny and lightweight that it’s gonna take a year or more to send all the pix back to Earth. Don’t these Fox “journalamalists” learn anything about anything before shooting their mouths off? No, of course not. How much you wanna bet that Greta doesn’t even know about Pluto’s moon Charon?

    • uniquename72

      Also, these aren’t jpegs. The craft sends back thousands of images and other data, which then have to be analyzed and assembled. There’s a massive amount of processing that goes into all of this, and it ain’t done with Microsoft Paint or an Instagram filter.

  • Freti

    Since Pluto was downgraded to a dwarf planet it can’t get broadband…

  • r€nato

    obviously, Obama ordered NASA to withhold these Pluto pix in order to conveniently time their release to distract the liberal media from ZOMGBENGHAZZZIIIIIIIIIIII!!!111111!!1?!??!?!?!??!ELEVENTY!1111!!!!?!??!?!

    Obviously.

    • MyLovelyNose

      Plutazi!!

  • MyLovelyNose

    Nothing gets by Greta except science and English punctuation.

  • I have one.

    Damn that clever little twatwaffle, she has uncovered another branch of the Obummer Kenyan Mooslin Negro Communist plot to destroy America! Remember PlutoGhazi!!!!!!!

  • If she want to see them that bad, why doesn’t she ask Tom Cruise to fly out in a Scientology space-plane and get them?

    • Well, they’ve had trouble getting the DC-8s to fly in space given that they have no means of propulsion.

  • Jus_Wonderin
  • Come here a minute

    In space, no one can hear you bang your head against the wall.

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