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Have you all signed up to help the American Family Association boycott Target? It’s the hottest thing right now! Over 500,000 people have signed a pledge saying that, due to how Target says it is okay for people to use the bathroom that corresponds with their gender identity, they will never ever darken the doors of a Target, not never again! (As if they were not already redneck Walmart loyalists who think Target is for liberals.)

And as is the case with these sorts of things, wingnuts are out in public saying hilariously stupid things about it. We will now provide you a sampling of these wingnuts, starting with “Fox & Friends” because that is always where we start. The show brought on Fox News resident pervy misogynist “Doctor” Keith Ablow, to explain the Target situation to Steve Doocy and the new blonde one:

STEVE DOOCY: Target, you know the big store?

Yep, let’s skip forward. Keith Ablow The Licensed Psychiatrist, say something breathtakingly stupid:

KEITH ABLOW: It represents more than bathrooms. We’re not just talking about who’s going to use which restroom. We’re talking about whether closely held opinion of an individual will be allowed to overcome scientific data and history … So if you believe that you are of one gender, but your DNA and your physical appearance and your physical anatomy are evidence that you are of another gender, then there’s that conflict. Then if we allow people culturally to dictate terms in our culture, then we also by extension may be in a position where we allow people to say they’re 65 when they’re 45 and get Medicare. Allow people to get tattooed head to foot and say “I’m a black person.” Now, would that be offensive to black people if that person got affirmative action preferences at school? […]

This is the leading edge, some would argue — I might! — of an unraveling of our culture and perhaps our ability to plan for the future as a species!

WHOA. Transgenders pooping at Target will lead to middle-aged people faking oldness and white people faking blackness and then all of humanity will fall apart!

You know this blew Steve Doocy’s mind, because Steve Doocy is a fucking moron:

DOOCY: So you’re suggesting that people can selecct their gender, they could select their race, they could select their age. HOW DID WE GET TO THIS PLACE?

ABLOW: We got to this place because we care about people.

Ablow makes factually incorrect mouth sounds about how there’s no science to back up the existence of transgender people, blah blah political correctness, yadda yadda shut the fuck up. He finally reaches the end of his slippery slope when he asks if America is ready to have a military draft, but all the 18-year-olds lie and say they’re 12 and we lose the war, and that will happen because of the bathroom policy at Target. For real.

Hey remember that time the “Fox & Friends” boys got really confused about how Target also doesn’t label boy and girl toys anymore, and seemed worried that they were accidentally going to end up playing with Barbies and growing breasteses as a result? That was funny.

Let’s look at a couple more wingnuts real quick, hey here’s one! She is Anita Staver, president of the Liberty Counsel and wife of Mat Staver, Kim Davis’s dumbass lawyer. She says she is boycotting Target, but also seems to be threatening to take a gun into the ladies’ room at Target. Um, Anita, you are not supposed to be pooping there right now anyway?

anita

Sweet Jesus, somebody is actually going to get shot before this is all over.

And finally, here is a pastor named Greg Locke, standing outside of the Target, explaining that he got GRRR MAD when he went and asked the Target Lady to tell him the bathroom policy. Here is how bad the policy is, according to pastor Greg:

Target …  you have lost your ever-lovin’ mind. Your political correctness has forced you to do something STUPID. […]

Let me tell you somethin’ and be blunt about it, before I got saved by the grace of God, I used to smoke a lot of dope! But I’ve never been that stupid, are you kidding me? The bathroom that you “self-identify” with.

Uh OK, he knows everybody will molest YOUR WIVES AND DAUGHTERS at the Target potties, because he used to smoke reefer before he accepted Jesus into his heart.

We can’t top that, so we will end this post RIGHT NOW.

[Fox News / JoeMyGod / Greg Locke on Facebook]

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  • chascates

    Are these idiots anal-compulsive or anal-retentive?

    • SDGeoff

      Ammo-depository.

      • BadKitty904

        Ammo-suppository would be more helpful.

        • Villago Delenda Est

          They need high colonics from stem to stern, that’s what they need. It’s coming out of their ears.

    • arglebargle

      Shit-for-Brains?

    • w9anthimos

      They are anal-cognitive.

    • jqheywood

      Yes.

  • SDGeoff

    And what does Miss Anita plan to do with her Glockorama when she gets behind the closed doors of her little gyno-cubicle?

    • Swampgas_Man

      Shoot the shit.

      • SuspectedDemocrat

        And the wife complains about MY aim!!

    • shastakoala

      Leave it there.

  • DerrickWildcat

    I make sure I crap before I go to Target.

    • beingreleased

      I go to Target to get crap, not leave it.

  • Bitter Scribe

    Hey, if Ablow can pretend to have a clue, it proves that anyone can believe anything they want about themselves.

    • BadKitty904

      Especially coming from a guy who looks like a talking dildo.

      • jqheywood

        I think you need a better selection of dildoes…’cause that’s just dildo libulz!1!

        • Invidosa

          Isn’t anybody thinking about the dildos??!!

  • cousin itt

    Let me tell you somethin’ and be blunt about it, before I got saved by the grace of God, I used to smoke a lot of dope! But I’ve never been that stupid, are you kidding me?

    You can’t explain that.

    • BadKitty904

      I think the “used to” is questionable.

      • SuspectedDemocrat

        And I would question the quality of his dope, also too.

      • Fun with Cthulhu

        I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too.
        – Mitch Hedberg

        • vivian

          I think he meant “I’m used to doing drugs”.

      • Invidosa

        I think the “never” is questionable

    • Mary Sandoras

      So he found Jesus thru smoking dope? That’s never worked for me.

      • Blank Ron

        You just need a better connection.

      • Invidosa

        You need better drugs. I once met Ishtar in my shower.

  • gedjcj

    [H]e knows everybody will molest YOUR WIVES AND DAUGHTERS at the Target potties, because he used to smoke reefer before he accepted Jesus into his heart.

    Well, I’m convinced!

  • vivian

    The only vaguely interesting aspect of Fux & Friends is trying to determine whether the particular group of hosts is in fact the dumbest set of three people to ever sit together, or was perhaps the last iteration slightly duller. It’s a fun parlor game except that it involves watching the show, which I can in no way recommend. I play when I’m in an airport.

  • cousin itt

    Must credit FOX News for always bringing a Target-rich environment for snark and puns.

  • Oneofthebobs

    Is this guy’s name really Pastor Gray Glock?

    • BadKitty904

      Well, since the operation. He used to be Suzy Uzi.

  • Anarchy Pony

    It is a day for facepalming.

    • Joe Beese

      ..

  • The Wanderer

    America: land of the free and home of the stupid.

  • SayItWithWookies

    It represents more than bathrooms. We’re
    not just talking about who’s going to use which restroom. We’re talking
    about whether closely held opinion of an individual will be allowed to
    overcome scientific data and history.

    Oh, that’s just horrible — you mean people will someday be able to say they’re any ethnicity they want to believe they are? Like on the US Census forms where they ask what ethnicity you are and you just answer without having a genetic test or anything to confirm it? Well if that ever happens — and it’s been going on at least since 1980 — it’ll completely destroy our society. Just like gay marriage, interracial marriage, Pre-K, affordable healthcare and Benghazi did.

    • FeloniousMonk

      Of course a “sincerely held religious belief” that IUDs cause abortions *does* “overcome scientific data”. You’ve got to pick your words carefully to come out on the right side.

  • JMP

    Aw, it’s so fun to the raging of the bitter old bigots as they realize that their world is gone, that America has become a much better, more tolerant place where they are completely irrelevant.

    • BadKitty904

      They are SO not handling being a minority very gracefully.

      • Gayer Than Thou

        Gonna be a while before anyone trots out the “model minority” trope for these folks.

        • SuspectedDemocrat

          Why can’t they be more like one of those nice minorities, and just be good at spelling bees and violin and such?

          • JMP

            Oh, don’t worry Madysonn, you’re one of the good white people.

          • BadKitty904

            Uppity. The lot of ’em.

      • JMP

        It seems like they’re afraid the decent people will treat them the same way they always treated minority, gay, non-Christian and women people. Actually, we’re just gonna mock their sorry little asses.

  • SuspectedDemocrat

    Never mind that we’ve been self-identifying for as long as there have been bathrooms. Every single one of us walks to the back of the store, looks at the two human figures and makes a choice: pants or skirt. Not once have I ever had to stick my wiener in a gender detector (I’m picturing a high-tech cross between a retina scan and glory hole here) to determine which door I should enter.

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    On the headline:

    I am ok with that.

    Whatever keeps them out of public bathrooms is good. Fox people should stay out of public bathrooms.

  • savoy6

    ..sweet baby jeebus.

  • Joe Beese

    The civil rights struggle of the past took place where people ate food. The civil rights struggle of today takes place where people eliminate food.

    I hope this is progress.

    • savoy6

      It is in a way; progress through the Alimentary Canal..

      • Vecciojohn LLC

        My grandfather was present when the Alimentary Canal was opened by President Tyler.

    • BadKitty904

      It is, after all, a fundamental issue.

  • proudgrampa

    Prior to today, I have never shopped at a Target. I will now do so.

  • MrBlobfish

    These are the people that get locked inside a car.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    It’s another Monday. My desk is getting a huge dent in it. AGAIN.

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      Target’s bathrooms will be nicer without the Fox crowd.

      • No matter how many times the rest of us say “good” when they threaten to leave, it just never sinks in.

  • MsAnthropesMr

    I always try to leave my deposits at Hobby Lobby. Don’t buy anything, I just poop there.

    • Gayer Than Thou

      Me too. Usually, though not necessarily always, in the men’s room.

      • BadKitty904

        Or, for that matter, in the restrooms.

        • MsAnthropesMr

          Those big planters pots in the gardening section are perfect.

          • BadKitty904

            Like porto-litterboxes!

          • MsAnthropesMr

            Never, ever think outside the box, Kitty.

          • Master Contrail Program

            Art supplies, makes for a nice glitter bomb. And glittered bum.

          • Hutch

            Was that you this morning?!?

          • Doug Langley

            And they go for peanuts.

        • Objectifer

          At Home Depot they thoughtfully have toilets right there in the aisles.

        • ContextIsKey

          I was driving by the local do-it-yourself NC car wash last weekend, and there in one of the bays was a guy power washing a toilet. If I hadn’t been so busy I would have stopped and asked him if that was a men’s or women’s car wash bay, just to make sure he was using the right one. True story.

          • BadKitty904

            Hey, Life in These United States…

    • Shibusa

      A friend of mine calls it Jesus Christ Superstore.

      • Blank Ron

        I am SO stealing that.

    • Creepoman

      As I learned from another commenter last week (and couldn’t stop snickering for a half an hour), make sure it’s an upper-decker. Who sez Wonkette isn’t educational?

    • diogenez

      I thought that was a seasonal display!

    • “It’s my hobby, and this is your lobby.”

    • SpideySenser

      And PLEASE tell me you don’t flush when finis.

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    I just. Can’t. Even. I had hoped that I could, but nope. Can’t.

    • Villago Delenda Est

    • Vecciojohn LLC

      There there. There there.

  • Skwerl King

    perhaps our ability to plan for the future as a species!

    I don’t want to ask what we are “planning as a species”. I’ve seen other “master plans” by right-wing social engineers, and don’t like them one bit.

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      It would be nice if, by “future as a species” he was talking about clean energy and sustainable cities.

      • SessileRaptor

        Yeah, I was just thinking that these are the same assholes who act like trying to ensure that our children have clean water to drink is a commie plot. They don’t get to talk about “Planning as a species”

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      You know what impairs our ability to plan as a species? Fuckwads like these people.

  • Master Contrail Program

    I’m sure it’s been said farther down but, THIS is where they take a stand on “going against science”? I think the Germans need to invent a new catch-all word for these dipshits.

    • Swampgas_Man

      Fickennutzen. Probably with an umlaut in there somewheres.

    • Scooby

      Arschlocher?

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Scheisskopf remains adequate.

    • These are the people who think the rights of DNA molecules trump the rights of people, remember.

      • Blank Ron

        Or would if they didn’t believe that DNA was a Socialist Nazi Plot.

  • Jan Ness

    So what do they do should they come across UNISEX potties? Hold it? They only have lad and lassies potties In their houses? What about places that won’t show their potties? So many questions!

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    Just think of how nice the world will be without Fox News folks crapping in all our public bathrooms!

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      It’s the shit that they broadcast that’s the real problem.

  • RecreationalPilot

    It looks like the FOX folks took them in their pant on set! Especially that chrome dome.

    He looks like he’s basking in its radiant warmth.

  • MsAnthropesMr

    I’m upset that all the white people that aren’t from the Caucasus get to select Caucasian on the census. I am Caucasian, dammit – with the big feet to go with it. I look just like Ramzdan Kadyrov.

    • georgiaburning

      I go with “Atlantic Islander”, though there is some mix

  • ViveLaRes

    Meh, this won’t change anything in my town. All the wingtards shop at Walmart except for the extreme wingnuttery, who shop at the Tractor Supply.

    • David Roosa

      Hey, I love Tractor Supply.

      • Doug Langley

        Isn’t that where John Deere and Allis Chalmers first met?

      • Blank Ron

        Though they will take away my Canadian citizenship for admitting it, I prefer getting my hardware at TSC. HUGE selection, and in metric too. Oh, and my shampoo, Original Mane and Tail.

  • MsAnthropesMr

    The Fox news folks are probably the assholes that eat chicharrones, and don’t give a courtesy flush and throw the fucking paper towels all over the floor.

  • MrBlobfish

    Why is this even a problem? Take your dook and move along. And wash your hands, please.

    • MsAnthropesMr

      Don’t you leave a dook? Why would someone pick one up?

      • Objectifer

        Coprophilia. A common affliction among modern Republicans.

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          I thought it was coprophagia.

          • Objectifer

            Hence the shit eating grins.

      • MrBlobfish

        Take a dook, leave a dook tray is not very popular.

    • BadKitty904

      It isn’t. Unless you’re a hard-core Repubelican.

      • SuspectedDemocrat

        In which case please stop tapping your foot. It’s really annoying.

        • BadKitty904

          And no, I am NOT looking for a good time.

    • Antimassacree

      Not washing hands is one of the hazards of dook.

    • Ian

      One of my colleagues definitely doesn’t flush or wash his hands. It ….. is so gross.

  • Creepoman

    Meanwhile, at a Target Supercenter in Texarkana, unbeknownst to either, Mike Huckabee and Louie Gohmert are dressed in full drag, quietly crouched in separate stalls of the ladies room with one eye glued to a peep hole carved in the partition.

  • BadKitty904

    I, for one, believe that this potty pandemonium should be decided by a process of elimination.

    • Vecciojohn LLC

      It will be a strain.

      • OrdinaryJoe

        Is this the Dump Trump group?

      • ContextIsKey

        With friends like these who needs enemas.

      • Doug Langley

        Boweling for Dollars.

      • shastakoala

        Defecantley.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Uh-oh . . . here come the crappy puns.

    • Antimassacree

      Since he is currently out of work, perhaps a task force headed by Sepp Blatter.

    • yyyaz

      The bottom of my heart would like to concur, but it has more pressing business right now.

    • Tallmutha

      It’s a movement!

    • SpideySenser

      It’s grunt work, but somebody’s gotta doo it.

  • Hutch

    These RWNJs aren’t going to boycott a goddamn thing. They have no morality and lie through their teeth. Yeah, they signed an online thingy, but they will not, for one pea-pickin’ minute, give up their special deals on the China-made crap that Target is famous for. In their circles, going to Target is high-class. Not giving that up. Best double-wide in the park, man!

    • MsAnthropesMr

      They’ll boycott Brussels sprouts. And Kale. Probably peas as well.

      • Hutch

        That elitist stuff, sure. But they will still need frozen peas for the guacamole!

      • David Roosa

        And soap

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        Maybe they’ll give peas a chance

  • Lambsendbeds

    But…but…since when do Fox and Friends believe in that ebil science? I thought “science” was just something made up by the libtards and atheists to deny the Glory of God and his creations? I haz a confused.

  • DerrickWildcat

    You don’t see as many people wearing Camo-clothing at Target as you do at Walmart,

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      That’s because their camouflage is better

  • Scooby

    Weird, but to this guy some one getting Medicare is a horror.

  • Kevin Morin

    “If everyone wore diapers we wouldn’t have this problem.” © Proctor & Gamble

    • BadKitty904

      Depends…

      • DoILookAmused2u ?

        Fabreeze.

      • JMP

        I like how we’re now getting Depends ads that try and make wearing adult diapers sound like something hip young people do; it’s all pandering to the Baby Boomers who are still in denial of their age.

        • SuspectedDemocrat

          I thought those ads were targeting millenials who love Chipotle?

        • Hutch

          Every time I see one, I can’t help thinking of the SNL “Oops, I Crapped My Pants” commercial.

          • DoILookAmused2u ?

            I just sneezed and peed a little. It’s OK, though, because I am wearing the New Depends with Obsession by Calvin Klein scented Fabreeze and patented corn starch technology!

        • BadKitty904

          Do not go incontinent into that good night…

        • proudgrampa

          It’s all good until the clerk has to do a price check when you’re trying to buy them…

          “PRICE CHECK ON DEPENDS! PRICE CHECK ON DEPENDS!”

          • Hutch

            “PRICE CHECK ON ADULT DIAPERS. AND CLEAN UP, AISLE FOUR.”

          • JMP

            When I was working at a Woolworth’s – for the young folks, they were kind of like a Wal-Mart but smaller, and now out of business – we did have an old lady once piss all over the floor, and I had to be the one to clean it up. Fun!

          • Hutch

            Woolworths. And Grants. That certainly takes me back. Did you call them “five and dimes” or “five and tens?”

          • JMP

            Just “Woolworth’s”, I only heard them called “five and dimes” from my grandparents.

          • Hutch

            Great. Sigh.

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            “Five and dime” in New England.

    • Antimassacree

      I’m David Vitter and I approve this message.

  • LIT_Fag

    One thing it apparent…Pastor Locke needs a Cocke.

  • witsended

    A little about our greg.

    MOUNT JULIET, TN (WSMV) –

    Greg Locke of Global Vision Bible Church in Mt. Juliet says, as a senior pastor, not much surprises him anymore. But when he received a late night email about one of his own fellow pastors, he was not only shocked but disturbed.

    “We knew that it was serious enough to get the authorities involved,” Locke said.

    In the email, a young woman claimed that for years, 34-year-old pastor Michael Light had sexually assaulted her when he was a youth minister at her church in North Carolina.

    MOUNT JULIET, TN (WSMV) –

    Greg Locke of Global Vision Bible Church in Mt. Juliet says, as a senior pastor, not much surprises him anymore. But when he received a late night email about one of his own fellow pastors, he was not only shocked but disturbed.

    “We knew that it was serious enough to get the authorities involved,” Locke said.

    In the email, a young woman claimed that for years, 34-year-old pastor Michael Light had sexually assaulted her when he was a youth minister at her church in North Carolina.

    Read more: http://www.wsmv.com/story/25884172/mt-juliet-student-pastor-arrested-for-sex-crimes-in-nc#ixzz46sM9HnTw

    Only follow up piece I could find.

    GRAHAM — After several days of testimony this week, parties in the case of a former youth pastor charged with statutory rape are waiting for the judge to decide whether he’ll allow the man’s alleged confession into trial.

    Michael Wayne Light, 35, formerly of Mount Juliet, Tenn., was charged in June with three counts of statutory rape and eight counts of statutory sex offense. The offenses allegedly occurred while he was youth pastor at Straightway Baptist Church in Elon between March 2005 and March 2007 and involved a girl between the ages of 13 and 15.

    Detectives with the Alamance County Sheriff’s Office traveled to Tennessee, interviewed Light and performed a polygraph test on him June 8-10. Following the polygraph test June 10, which detectives told him he failed, Light admitted to having a sexual relationship with the girl between December 2006 and February 2007.

    http://www.thetimesnews.com/article/20150424/News/304249847

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Well, I’m waiting for these guys to clean their house, as they say those heathen Muslims should.

      Still waiting.

    • NellCote71

      Straightway Baptist Church, heh-heh.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Following the polygraph test, which detectives told him he failed, he confessed?
      Not the brightest bulb on the tree, is he?

  • Blackest Noobs

    Hammer says please don’t hurt them, for they is IDIOTS.

    • Vecciojohn LLC

      Forgive them Lord, for they know not what they do-do.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        …for they know not where to do-do.

        fify

  • Master Contrail Program

    Target, huh? Minnesota nice, meet your counterparts Bible Belt insanely stupid assholery.

  • cousin itt

    Walmart will now offer its customers a guaranteed, safe-pooping experience. Dubbed, the ‘Junk Check’ program, there will now be “Gender Defenders” stationed in each one of Walmart’s public restroom facilities in the United States. Specially trained Walmart employees will now be on the lookout for suspicious packages and open them if necessary for inspection.

    • BadKitty904

      Said specially trained employees’ work will be overseen by “dick-tators”.

      • Hutch

        I’m pretty sure they will have a self-check line at the toilets.

        • LIT_Fag

          Walmart is famous for their stall door greeters

      • vivian

        Are their children ‘tator tots?

        • BadKitty904

          As long as they stick to good, ol’ Merkin Values and obey the GOP party line. Otherwise, they become “traitor tots”.

    • Doug Langley

      It’s really, really bothering me that I can’t tell if this is snark or not.

      • cousin itt

        I listen to “Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me” too much.

  • SDGeoff

    I have a friend in Mt. Juliet, and will now stop accusing him of making it all up.

  • Vecciojohn LLC

    This one weird insight may explain why the ‘nutters are so fond of gold and so obsessed with shit.

    https://newrepublic.com/article/106601/feces-and-gold-standard-psychological-explanation-goldbuggery

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    I hope to get in early on the tattooing so I can pass as blah, before the rush turns into a stampede. Because, you know, being A Black just makes everything easier in our color-blind society.

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      Yep, just get that full body tattoo and wait for the affirmative action money to start rolling in!

      Fascinating how they think over at F&F.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Have you ordered your monthly supply of free crab legs yet?

        • NellCote71

          Ha! Must I remind again that I still have not received my Obama phone.

    • BadKitty904

      SCOTUS? Is that you?

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Undead Scalia, at your service!

    • NellCote71

      Just like “choosing” to be a transgender person. Piece of cake.

    • JMP

      Just ask all those white people pretending to be black in America, like Rachel Dolezal, and –

      – no wait, she is the only one.

  • Spotts1701

    I thought they were already boycotting Target over the non-gendering of toys (remember the wailing about “How will I tell this is a girl’s toy if it isn’t PINK?!?”). So is this a double-boycott?

  • OrdinaryJoe

    The idiot things these morons will say in the name of Jeebuzz is just breathtakingly stupid.

    • BadKitty904

      Honestly. Do these people not have ANY real problems to deal with?

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        The GOP has no solutions for real problems – that’s why they invent fake ones.
        Which still doesn’t prevent their “solutions” from being stupid.

        • BadKitty904

          So, a lose-lose situation, then.

  • Antimassacree

    I would think most Fox News viewers share Archie Bunker’s views not only on race and religion, but also the need to use their own terlets at home exclusively. Surprised F&F could be so out of touch with the key demographic.

    • Duke

      That’s a good point: too frightened to actually go.

  • bluicebank

    The supply of shiny objects must be endless.

    This one not so shiny, tho.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      they are hard to polish, afterall

  • Sardonicuss

    How many “drop a Doocey” jokes can be gleaned from this shitty bit of Faux journalism?

  • Jennifer R

    Joke is on liberty lawyer, Target already doesn’t allow guns.

    • Spotts1701

      Well now that she’s confessed publicly to violating said policy, I hope every local Target posts her picture in the Security area with “Immediately Escort Off Premises”

  • HiHoSilver

    Never has so many given a shit, about taking a shit. Seriously – if you’re spending time in a bathroom worried about the gender of people around you… Here – let me help – you’re spending TOO MUCH FUCKING TIME IN THERE doing anything BUT using the bathroom. Idiot.

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      And if on the off chance that the bathrooms are taken over militant gay trolls having orgies, I am sure the police will come and escort them off the property in handcuffs.

      lol

      People are so lame.

      • HiHoSilver

        IKR? Seriously if someone wants to rape a woman in a bathroom, he’s not going to worry about whether his gender matches the cool little symbol on the door. And seriously – if you’re getting your rocks off looking over a stall at a woman pooping… Well you’re fucked already.

        • Hutch

          Und vat are you doink right now, beebee?

        • Spotts1701

          Again, this is the same group who believes gun control won’t work because criminals don’t obey laws. So we’re not exactly talking about the brightest bulbs in the box.

          • HiHoSilver

            Especially since we’re all supposed to switch to fluorescent or LED. They’re even MORE confused now.

          • PubOption

            Bubba, I don’t get those envireementalists, first they take the lead out of gasoline, now they want to put it in the lights.

  • FauxAntocles

    RWNJs don’t need no stinkin’ bathrooms – they shit their pants about every 5 minutes anyway.

    • SpideySenser

      Ted, is that you?

  • limberrat

    Dear Mr. Ablow –
    What fucking scientific data are you talking about? Because I can point to species that possess homosexual characteristics and others that can change sex on the basis of necessity or life cycle.
    Sincerely,
    A confused engineer who, you know, actually paid attention in science class

    • witsended

      Them lesbian Whiptail lizards don’t count cause they is really demons.

    • major_asshole

      There was video in the news lately of two male lions humping. Isn’t that proof enough for these morons?

      • limberrat

        I find “reality” that challenges their preconceived “deeply help beliefs” is handled by claiming that:
        1. Satan was somehow involved trying to weaken their faith
        or
        2. Someone selectively edited footage or forced those lions to mate

        or
        3. The lions are mentally diseased and must be put down
        or my personal favorite

        4. You are lying and I don’t believe you.
        I have been deep enough with these morons to know that even if you present a clear cut case, they will find an excuse to rationalize why you are wrong.

  • cousin itt

    You know this blew Steve Doocy’s mind

    But then, so would a weasel fart from 30 paces.

    • Vecciojohn LLC

      That’s why he always tries to stay at least that far from Billo the Clown.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Is it possible Pastor Locke displayed a touch of subversive wit when he said he was being “blunt” about the fact that he used to smoke a lot of reefer?

    • kareema

      For someone like that to have a whiff of wit is NOT possible.

      • BadKitty904

        He was simply reefering to his past.

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    You’re poo shy shy, hush hush, eye to eye

    • shastakoala

      Kajapoopoo

  • HiHoSilver

    In European countries people of various genders attend bath houses and most of them are pretty blase about the whole thing. Somehow I think North America is way too fucking uptight.

    • major_asshole

      Only sometimes?

      • HiHoSilver

        Sorry I’m Canadian, I was trying to be polite.

  • cheetojeebus

    Who knew fucking muppets pooped?

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Jim Henson’s right hand?

      • cousin itt

        You just have to stuff it up in there first.

        Remember kids, P is for Poopy which rhymes with Doocy.

  • limberrat

    I suspect most of the people “boycotting” Target couldn’t afford to shop there if they were being honest.

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    OT: Cruz is reportedly vetting Fiorina as a VP pick.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      that’ll cost him 30,000 votes right off the bat…

      • BadKitty904

        Honestly. Isn’t she of the female persuasion?

        • vivian

          She self-identifies as an asshole…

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            and NOBODY disputes that

          • NellCote71

            Equal rights for women to be assholes, too!

          • vivian

            Equal rights for equal wrongs, I always say.

      • HobbesEvilTwin

        Does Ted Cruz even have 30,000 votes nationally?

    • cousin itt

      Another perfectly good keyboard ruined.

    • limberrat

      Yay! Demon sheep commercials will be forthcoming!!!

    • Tony Alexander

      this shit just writes itself!

      more popcorn please!

      • Doug Langley

    • BadKitty904

      Every comedian in the U.S.: “Oh, pleasepleasePLEASE, God…

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Did she promise to do to Rafael what she did to HP?

      • limberrat

        I’ll turn your sinking campaign into a complete dumpster fire!

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          I was thinking “fuck it stupid”.

    • vivian

      Oh please let this be true! Could there be a more repugnant ticket? Trump and the risen ghost of Hitler?

    • Suttree

      What is there to vet? She has already proven that she tries to destroy everything and then run away with the loot. What else could they be looking for?

    • mancityfooty .

      It worked for McCain

    • vivian

      What would the slogan be: “Stink Different”?

      • Lemmy Caution

        Make America regular again!

    • cousin itt

      If the sheep had been properly vetted and treated with antibiotics and rosary beads in the first place, they would have never become demons.

      • limberrat

        I figured they came in close proximity with Carly.

    • BadKitty904

      So, Belial and the AntiChrist were busy?

      • Blank Ron

        They usually run as Libertarians.

    • cheetojeebus

      really not so OT, this is a thread about poop.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Does Kasich know yet?

      • vivian

        Why do I get the feeling this is the most common phrase heard in the halls of Ohio governance?

    • Lefty Frizzell

      That ticket is the Holy Grail of unlikability.

      • diogenez

        Psychotherapists of the country rejoice.

      • Anarchy Pony

        Managing to put Romneytron/Ryandroid to shame.

        • MarkM

          The Mittster appears quite statesmanlike in retrospect…

    • BadKitty904

      She’ll bring to Cruz’ campaign the sound political thinking of a Michele Bachmann combined with the stainless moral strength of a Sarah Palin.

      • limberrat

        So she’ll quit midway through the campaign?

        • data_ninja

          And then demand a golden parachute.

      • diogenez

        She’s handy with firing staff. And shitty computers.

      • MarkM

        And the irresistible populist appeal of Leona Helmsley…

    • Sardonicuss

      They can campaign as “The Titanic Duo”!

      • cousin itt

        I didn’t think Carly would go down for the VP job.

        • Hutch

          *Smirk* “go down”

        • Hey, those golf balls don’t make through a garden hose by themselves, you know!

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        There’s a Geraldo joke in there somewhere.

        • Sardonicuss

          It’s a race to the bottom, until Trump reveals his pick: Cruz porn lookalike.

    • BadKitty904

      Walnutz II: Electric Boogaloo…

    • bluicebank

      That’ll pack ’em in.

      • cousin itt

        Santorum libel!

    • vivian

      From failed HP CEO to failed VP candidate. What a trajectory!

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Can a failed stint as a Fox contributor be far behind?

        • vivian

          Not behind, ahead! She is always looking forward. She can see clearly through her own belly button.

      • You forgot failed Senate candidate in between there. The definition of failing upward.

      • Querolous

        She screwed Lucent first.

    • Sheepshagger

      Poor vet.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Brilliant – that will definitely garner added support from . . . ummm . . . yeah, I got nothing. Is there a CEO demographic?

      • Amy!

        It might bring in the all-important Martin Shkreli vote?

    • georgiaburning

      Make sure she gets a flea dip and distemper shots

      • Anarchy Pony

        Pretty sure she’s already got rabies.

    • JMP

      Isn’t that supposed to come after actually winning the nomination?

      • DoILookAmused2u ?

        They will jump that shark when they get to it.

        • vivian

          They’ll burn that bridge when they get to it.

      • vivian

        Well, since that is unlikely to occur, he’s having his power trip now.

    • sw19womble

      Is this a vain attempt by him to appear likeable by comparison?

      • vivian

        Sometimes I think reverse psychology is the only kind the GOP has. They are a people inverted.

    • MsAnthropesMr

      This is good news for John McCain.

      • HobbesEvilTwin

        No, I will still not forgive him or forget that he vomited Sarah Palin onto the nation.

    • Hutch

      Mr. and Mrs. Not-Going-To-Happen.

    • Gleem-McShinez

      After the vetting, when does the tapping start?

  • CJTX

    Doocy – Deucy…heh – let’s make that a thing (if it’s already a thing, I apologize in advance)

  • Painter of Goats

    In pre-K my granddaughter just learned she can use the restroom that matches her identity. Unfortunately we haven’t been able to find a restroom marked “guppies”. Even at Target.

    • limberrat

      My 3 year old daughter is still looking for the bathroom for kitties, puppies, or dinosaurs.

    • BadKitty904

      Yet.

    • Duke

      Gonna need extra stall in the “unicorn pegasus” bathroom.

      • JMP

        Ahem, they are called alicorns. Becoming one also makes a pony royalty for some reason.

        • NellCote71

          And you know this because . . .?

          • vivian

            C’mon now. common knowledge Oh wait. That’s horse sense. I get confused easily.

          • data_ninja

            It’s required reading here.

          • Anarchy Pony

            There’s a wiki for everything.

        • Anarchy Pony

          Master pony race.

          • sw19womble

            .. imma just leave this here…

          • Anarchy Pony

            Hopefully Big Mac doesn’t have any friends named Boxer…

        • bobbert

          You’ve been assimilated, haven’t you?

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    The new blonde newsbabe looks like she really, really wants to be somewhere – anywhere – else.

    • limberrat

      At this point, they are running out of their supply of blonde journalists not creeped out by Doocy and Roger Ailes.

      • BadKitty904

        Stepford, Inc., will increase production to meet the demand!

        • cousin itt

          And now a wholly-owned subsidiary of the Soylent Corporation.

          • vivian

            Maybe not. Soylent uses real people.

      • vivian

        …and the other rapey looking guy. Brain Killed Me.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        I wonder if she knows enough Morse to blink out an SOS.

  • I’d like to be the first to offer the Fox Fiends some world class scat:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2d-l7_TGnIE

    • Hutch

      I had tickets for a Duke Ellington concert in Seattle back in the day, but he cancelled and died soon after. But I had the extreme good fortune to see Ella Fitzgerald in concert five times. So, it’s all good, man.

  • Sheepshagger

    I’ve been identifying as black for years, if you know what I mean ladies.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      You’re good at basketball?

      • Sheepshagger

        Define “good”. Is spastic flailing good?

        • vivian

          Context. It’s all about context.

    • BigBoppa

      You only shag sheep that have rhythm?

    • vivian

      I’m not touching that one with a ten inch pole.

    • You can jump?

    • sw19womble

      Good for you. Trouble is, the police have been identifying me as black for years :(

  • Rick Hill

    People this stupid makes you wonder how they ever figured out the whole Tab A goes into Slot B part of life.

    • MarkM

      Trial and error…and remember, as Dr. Ian Malcolm said: “Life finds a way.”
      Unfortunately for the rest of us, that seems to be true.

  • mailman27

    Because pointing a Glock .45 at somebody is the definition if Liberty!!!1!11!!! (The L word must be capitalized.)

    • limberrat

      Libety – FIFY

      • Msgr_Moment

        Libety against tranny.

    • BadKitty904

      I would think pointing a gun at someone who obviously needs to use the restroom might have unexpected consequences. Just sayin’…

      • Spotts1701

        Well should someone point a gun at me it would no longer be necessary for me to use the bathroom.

        • BadKitty904

          And they may need a new pair of shoes.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    Yup, it’s all about protecting the ladies and proto-ladies from being sexually assaulted. Odd, though, that even though almost all the “bathroom bills” contain specific exceptions for custodial staff, these brainless shitheads are not concerned in the slightest that a child molester might dress up as a fucking janitor.

    • Hutch

      You need to get over to Free Republic and post that nugget pronto!

    • vivian

      … or even just a janitor.

    • Anarchy Pony

      Well it’s not like janitors are ever the bad guy.

    • CJTX

      Yeah, based on that premise, they should really be more on board with that whole “let’s-provide-funding-to-test-backlogs-of-rape-kits-so-we-can-get-predators-off-the-streets-and-spare-more-people-from-being-victimized” thing.

  • BadKitty904

    Based on the photo above, Douchey is looking more and more like a second-rate televangelist with each passing day.

    • vivian

      Or one of those dried apple puppets that scared the crap out of me as a kid.

      • CJTX

        I had to google dried apple puppet. Jeebus that’s some scary, Salem-witch trial, looking stuff.

        • sw19womble

          Yoiks! I thought that was code for something.

          • vivian

            They’re the poor man’s shrunken head.

        • kaw143

          WAYLAND FLOWERS LIBELZ!11!!

      • BadKitty904

        And if the truth about his secret double-life were ever revealed…

    • MarkM

      I would only disagree insofar as that statement would imply the existence of “first-rate” televangelists…

      • Querolous

        Nᵗʰ-rate or X-rated I’d believe.

  • ltmcdies

    Doocey…how does this guy have a “news” job…..

  • vivian

    OT: Anyone know what to do if Disqus is not registering your ‘likes’?

    • JustPixelz

      That explains why my “comments” always only have ^ v.

      • sw19womble

        Don’t say I never give you anything.

    • Markuserektus

      Reload the page?

    • Gleem-McShinez

      Fist people in the real world?

      • Blank Ron

        Pro tip: always, ALWAYS, ask first.

    • Juan de Fuca

      Vivian,
      I had that problem for a long time and occasionally still do. Sometimes an upvote will still appear as a guest vote. I believe it’s a Disqus bug, not a feature. I also tried several different proxy servers in case I was IP blocked due to a rough bar room fight in here a year or so ago when eveyone was flagging everyone else’s comment and regulars were banned in the confusion because of an influx of trolls. Different subject…

      Try going with a new proxy server or drop Shy or Dok an email. Could be a Disqus setting on their admin side. I’ll include a link later to proxy servers you can use based upon your area…

      • Jukesgrrl

        Sometimes there are problems, but it’s still the Bentley of comment carriers compared to that Ford Pinto they’ve got over at Slate.

  • MarkM

    Why do so many people suddenly think this is so goddamn important? If they are that fucking concerned about child molestation, why are they not lynching Roman Catholic priests or politically ambitious high-school wrestling coaches?

    • Relativicus

      At least it keeps them from talking about Lemonade.

      • sw19womble

        Or how round the corner, fudge is made?

    • eliamias

      They typically do this in election years. Make a giant boogie man to drive their base to the polls. That is why in non-presidential-election years, they tend to win the mid-terms handily.

      Proposition 8 and other bullshit referendums on rights are done at election times too. I was reading how when LePage won Maine for a second term, aside from the split of the left vote with an independent spoiler running, there was also something about bear-bait on the ballot to drive up the rural numbers.

      Plus ca change, etc. etc.

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        • BearGHAZI

          Either talk shit about Steve Doocy or get out, CATHY

  • MarkM

    When God drops a Doocey, it’s a doozy…

    • Objectifer

      Hey, don’t drag my governor into this.

  • major_asshole

    “We’re talking about whether closely held opinion of an individual will
    be allowed to overcome scientific data and history … So if you believe
    that you are of one gender, but your DNA and your physical appearance
    and your physical anatomy are evidence that you are of another gender,
    then there’s that conflict.” –“Dr.” Keith Blowhard

    Wow, dude. Just…wow. Your complete lack of self-awareness is shocking. You and your ilk used that exact same “logic” to tell us all how we’d better be A-OK with religious people bitching to members of the LGBTQ+ community about birth control and shit, but when it’s actually thrown back in your face it’s all about “scientific data and history” to you.

    Also, here’s something to chew on: When a person’s anatomy and physical appearance don’t match with their gender identity, there is indeed a conflict and that’s what we call gender dysphoria. That’s why people seek help and have gender reassignment of one form or another. How a supposed “psychiatrist” (who was kicked out of the APA) such as yourself could go without understanding such a thing is…just…mind-ablowing.

    • r€nato

      thank you for mentioning that while he is technically a “doctor”, he is indeed unqualified to practice in his field.

      • Blank Ron

        Heck, he’s unqualified to express an opinion about anything, not just headology.

      • Querolous

        Pseudo-shrink.

  • Cranky Man

    Lucky for all you comment readers, went to see the musical “Reefer Madness” a few days ago so I’m completely up to speed on the latest scientific knowings as to regarding that devil weed. Wait, what were we commenting about? Oh, yeah, got it now. Weed definitely makes you a sex loving fiend. But not necessarily a murderer, only about half of the dopers go on to murder. I hope that helps.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      Weed never made me a sex fiend. Usually it made me giggle, then it made me hungry, then it made me philosophical, then it made me invent useless things, and then it made me sleep.

      • Objectifer

        Made me the greatest guitar player since Django. But then I played the tape back.

        • Suttree

          Emmet Ray libelz!

        • Querolous

          Makes me the best non-comentator on Wonkette!!!111įįį

      • Cranky Man

        As I recall, we’d agree to go do something, like disc golf. But, wait, lets get stoned first. Then we might as well play Decade for the 11 thousandth time, and there goes the rest of the day.

  • Last Hussar

    I’m going to put a dress on, and go into the toilets and rape a 8 year old. What, you say going into the toilets in a dress is illegal? Oh, ID better not then.

  • Msgr_Moment

    Pastor Locke and Load should just sit down and smoke a doobie right now, is all that I’m saying.

  • Gleem-McShinez

    How often do you even have to deuce in a store’s crapper?? I think in all of the years I’ve been on this planet, I think can count the number of times I’ve had to take a store-shit on my anus.

    • kaw143

      Just to clarify, are you a man with three buttocks?

      • Objectifer

        I don’t have three buttocks but I do have two sheds.

  • Iam Reading

    By the time I need to take a shit in a public place, my selectivity isn’t that high. I just need to poop.

  • kaw143

    Ever notice how that slippery slope we’re never sliding down just keeps on moving to a new location? I mean, I’m almost to the point of not even believing in a slippery slope at all, and maybe the world won’t come to an end just because we’re respectful of the rights of others, or something?

    • BadKitty904

      Death panels, ebola, FEMA camps, ghosties, ghoulies, long-legged beasties, things that go bump in the night, etc.

      • Courser

        I’d buy a song that started out like that.

    • limberrat

      Women showing their ankles! This is going to lead us down a slippery slope indeed!

      • kaw143

        What? You would allow women to appear in public without such appropriate escort as to prevent her from showing her ankles? You, sir, are a rake and a cad! A CAD, I SAY!

        • limberrat

          I demand satisfaction! This must be handled the gentlemanly way in order to satisfy my honor! Bring your rapier and your second and meet me out at the dueling ground!

          • sw19womble

            ..

  • Spotts1701

    OT – But there better be some swift retribution for this sort of dick move.

    • kaw143

      I realize that Prince was, in fact and in reality, a somewhat conservative dude who was deeply religious and who opposed certain social rights, but, honestly, why would republicans want to adopt in death the man who released over thirty albums largely about how amazing his sexxing skills were? I mean, they do realize that this is the guy who inspired warning labels on records in the first place, right?

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        They are desperate. Prince is cool, and otherwise they have Nugent, the Duck guys, and some also rans and lesser has beens. AKA, no one cool.

        When one of your right wing friends mentions Prince the Republican, remind them that he threw a concert for Freddie Grey and helped pay for Trayvon’s family’s bills. Then smile and say we can use more Republicans like that.

    • r€nato

      in about 30 years of listening to Prince, I never once gave a moment’s thought to his politics. I’m positive he never discussed partisan politics publicly.

      But if they want to make an issue of that… I’m pretty sure he would have leaned left. Because he had a heart.

  • They really shouldn’t complain, considering they self-identify as responsible adults who should be allowed to vote despite scientific evidence and history.

  • tihond

    On the plus side, this will make Target bathroom visits more pleasant for non-bigots.

    • SessileRaptor

      I’m planning to go to Target on Friday, not planning to use the bathroom but it’s nice to know that I won’t unknowingly rub elbows with one of Those People.

  • I wish all these self-identifying christians would spontaneously combust in a fit of righteous rage. Jesus is all about the self-love movement, and even said “The lord has made you in his image, man and woman, go pee where you will”

  • limberrat

    I am honestly more concerned about the religious pricks imagining these scenarios being alone with my children than any gay or transgendered person.

    • BadKitty904

      I’d be pretty unhappy with the religious pricks imagining these scenarios being alone with me, much less with kids.

  • Msmlg1979

    Isn’t it funny how Fox, Christians, and RWNJs, but I repeat myself, suddenly care so deeply about the safety of women and girls when this issue comes up? Yet there are major problems that are, you know, real and shit, that females have been dealing with since the beginning of time and none of them give a flying fuck about them, or are actively working toward making those problems worse. We don’t want your kind of “help” you bunch of hypocrites!

    • r€nato

      so would that be legitimate rape, if you get touched inappropriately by a transgendered person using the “wrong” bathroom?

      I think this should be asked of every conservative politician and pundit from now through November. Sure would be a shame if they tripped over their dicks again on the rape subject.

      • Msmlg1979

        Give me the choice between being in any room with 50 Trans men, or one of the Fox Brigade or their ilk, I’m gonna feel safer in the former, and choose it every time, and twice on Sunday.

        • TheBidenator

          Get a room you 51! Oh wait, you did….

        • Courser

          I learned that because I’m a smoker. It sounds odd, but especially here in Colorado, there aren’t many of us. So wherever 2 or more of us gather, we have a chatfest. Same goes outside of bars or sci-fi conventions. We’re outliers and that makes for interesting company. We don’t care if you’re gay, trans, have Asbergers, whatever. We stick together, at least for that short time.

          • Msmlg1979

            I smoke as well. You really do meet interesting people in the smoking area.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      Say like, Mississippi not signing a law that would have allowed abused spouses to divorce their wife beatin dead beat husbands?

      (yes, I know women can abuse too.)

    • TheBidenator

      Like how there’s three kinds of rape? Real rape, wherein I guess that’s the one where you get punched in the face first. Fake rape where you merely say no and the man goes on raping anyway which since no bruises is apparently not real and the third one: Spousal rape which is definitely NOT real rape. See? They care enough about ladies to let you lying whores know that if it don’t split your lip then the jury must acquit….also your husband can I guess beat you and rape you and it’s not really rape because you’re married? I dunno, I can’t understand these twat bags…

      • Msmlg1979

        It’s simple once you understand a lot of people want us to be easily victimized. :(

        • TheBidenator

          Yeah I know….if ya’ll have fun or enjoy flirting and sex apparently you have it coming to some people. It’s shit…

  • r€nato

    1) This all started when Fox News Channel decided it could call itself “fair and balanced”. It’s a slippery slope indeed, libtards. Dogs and cats living together!

    2) I’m pretty sure wingnuts were already boycotting Target over their donations to Planned Parenthood. So what, it’s now double-boycotting? That’ll larn ’em for sure! Target will lose TWICE as much of the money they weren’t spending there already!

    • BadKitty904

      1.) “Fair and balanced” in the same sense that I’m “tall, dark, and handsome”.

    • limberrat

      I thought they were pissed when Target stopped allowing Salvation Army to ask for donations in front of their stores (they banned all groups) and then again when little Timmy and Jenny wouldn’t have segregated aisles for their toys.

      • r€nato

        quadruple boycott!

        • Spotts1701

          I’d say we’re getting into exponential boycotts, but then I might be accused of being Muslin-y for using that Al-Gebra.

          • r€nato

            so what you’re saying is by now, Target owes them money what with all the exponential boycotting.

          • AlanInSF

            Upside, this’ll cut down the crowding in Target’s pork rinds aisle.

          • Jukesgrrl

            Less toilet paper on the floor and fewer unflushed toilets in the ladies, also, too.

        • Be Gin

          Double Secret Quad Boycott!

  • I always wonder if Ablow has patients. What basket cases they must be

    • r€nato

      probably suicides, all of them.

    • kaw143

      I don’t know if he has any, but he sure tests mine every time he appears on FoxNews.

      • cynmac

        ISWYDT!

    • JParkerSD46

      He’s on Fox because he can’t get any patients. No matter how big of a nutcase someone might be, they certainly couldn’t be that crazy.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      Someone down thread said he was kicked outta the APA so I am guessing he has no patients.
      Or class.

  • Rufus T. Firefly

    Oh, *now* Fox is worried about planning for the future of our species.

    • BadKitty904

      I’m not convinced we’re talking about the same species.

  • dxyseilc

    I love that these bathroom laws are supposed to protect people, as though child molesters are saying “Aww, shucks! I’d totally go in there and fuck that kid, but what if I get caught in the wrong bathroom?!?!” This will not do a damn thing to protect anyone from anything, which is how you know it’s just a bullshit discrimination law.

    • sw19womble

      They realised they’d lost the anti-gay debate, and simply moved on to the next rung on the totem pole.

      • cat cafe

        Absolutely.

    • r€nato

      how curious that they do not have the same faith in the ability of the law to control inappropriate firearm use, as they do in the ability of the law to control inappropriate restroom use.

      • kaw143

        Hey, now. You lookit this here Consteetooshun and show me whur it says you gotta right to poop.

        • Swampgas_Man

          Obviously, you gotta fight. For your right. To POOOOOOP!

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    “We’re talking about whether closely held opinion of an individual will be allowed to
    overcome scientific data and history.”

    I don’t suppose the Fucks Gnus blowhards would care to distinguish betweeen “closely held opinion” and “sincerely held religious belief.”

    • Spotts1701

      They don’t do nuance. They do sledgehammers to the frontal lobe.

      • kaw143

        They have frontal lobes?

        • AlanInSF

          They know how to use hammers?

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            Given a bag of hammers, they could fight to a standoff in a battle of wits.

        • Spotts1701

          Not anymore. A sledgehammer blow will do that to ya.

        • Blank Ron

          Ours, not theirs.

  • sw19womble

    Ptch. I stopped listening to anything Fox said after they cancelled Firefly.

  • kaw143

    All I’m saying is why can’t we just enforce the pooping laws we already have? I mean, why go passing new pooping laws when we haven’t given our existing laws a chance?

    • r€nato

      they’ll get my poop when…

      you can fill in the rest.

      • Objectifer

        …they pry it from your clenched cheeks?

    • dxyseilc

      This is just another attempt by Republican lawmakers to show the voters that they’re tough on poo.

      • Swampgas_Man

        They’re already clearly in the butt-pocket of Big Poo.

        • limberrat

          We need to stop Big Poo before it spreads all over the place.

          • Jennifer R

            It’s time to totally flush big poo out.

          • Querolous

            We shall poop on the beaches, we shall poop on the landing grounds, we shall poop in the fields and in the streets, we shall poop in the hills; we shall never surrender,

    • cat cafe

      Freedom to poop is what protects the First Amendment!

      • Suttree

        That’s what I tell my republican neighbor when I poop in his flowerbed.

  • Redgyal

    Yet, we still don’t know for sure who Becky with the good hair is.

    • limberrat

      Fox News has a vault of blonde clones they grow. Disney has the same thing for their child stars.

      • Be Gin

        Free Kurt Russell!

    • Jukesgrrl

      It won’t be five minutes before half the B list celebs in the country are claiming to be Becky. Their agents are probably writing up the instructions right now.
      #IamBecky

  • AlanInSF

    I just dumped my head in a bucket of poop and decided I was Dr. Keith Ablow. He’s right — it totally works!

  • r€nato

    the only thing we need now to complete this circle of awfulness and cruelty, is for Ted Nugent to weigh in on the subject.

    • limberrat

      I need Phil Robertson to weight in on this critical issue before I am decided.

      • r€nato

        Pat.

        Would Rush Limbaugh do? Or am I late and he’s already offered his always well-reasoned, civil and respectful opinion?

        • limberrat

          I’m talking duck dynasty’s Phil Robertson, but Pat is another critical source to ask.

          • r€nato

            oh! my bad. I just know him as “that fuckface dipshit from DD”

        • BadKitty904

          Same as always – anything that’d make him a buck.

  • Lazy Media

    Thankfully, the Liberal Redneck has an unanswerable rebuttal. You morons.

  • Jen_Baker_VA

    We were promised that Obama would seize our guns and stick all the gunnuts into Fema camps.
    We were promised Bamz would declare himself King of the US of A America.
    We were promised that allowing gay marriage would lead to us all being forced into gay marriages.
    We were promised that teaching children in schools would turn the nation liberal.
    Now we are being promised that by letting people pee where they need to pee will lead to early retirement.

    WTF Fox? When will all your promises come to fruition?

    • r€nato

      and where’s the sharia law? Worst Seekrit Mooselimb Dicktater EVUR

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      We still have 6 months!

    • John Smith

      You do know that there are idiots on Breitbart’s site that think the chaos in the Republican party and at Trumps rallies is Obama trying to create disorder so he can declare martial law to suspend the elections.

      As if the Republicans have done anything Obama has proposed.

  • darnyoudarnyoutoheck

    You’d think I’d be completely inured to stupid by now, but no. I often suspect all the stupid is is a giant and complex prank that got away from whoever started it and has taken on a Lovecraftian life of its own.

    • AlanInSF

      I believe it’s a wormhole to a parallel dimension where everything is the oppposite. Sort of Bizarro World, only with morons instead of superheroes.

    • dxyseilc
  • dxyseilc

    Our good pals the Republicans are at it again. Here they go!

    Step 1 &emdash; Claim that they defend the Constitution, and stand up for the rights of the people, and believe passionately in freedom
    Step 2 &emdash; Make going to the bathroom a “papers, please” situation
    Step 3 &emdash; Complain about all these anti-American commies calling them out on their hypocrisy

  • AlanInSF

    Throughout history, humans have thought it was wrong to put raving paranoid morons on television. Yet now the closely-held opinion of an individual has been allowed to overrule the wisdom of the millennia.

  • AnOuthouse

    “We’re talking about whether closely held opinion of an individual will be allowed to overcome scientific data”
    So climate change is happening after all.

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      I am just wondering which branch of science the fashion police report to.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      Not only is climate change real, but so is evolution, and so is the scientific evidence that being gay is something you are born with. OH! And so is the fact that transgendered people are not making it up and really are trandgendered ^.^

      THANKS, DR KEITH.

    • Anarchy Pony

      And gays aren’t all pedophile perverts who’s marriages will KILL US ALL!

  • anon_the_great

    Smokin’ in the boys room…

  • Callyson

    That reminds me, I need to pick up a few things from Target. Better start writing that shopping list!

    • Jukesgrrl

      Cedar cheese and cakes we like. Don’t forget.

      • Callyson

        Hi–hope all is well.

        Also too:

  • Tansy Geek

    “We’re talking about whether closely held opinion of an individual will be allowed to overcome scientific data.”
    The Fox Snews team discusses their humanity.

    • Karen Marie

      How come this gets flipped when the discussion is whether you can get cooties by baking a cake for a gay or whether women should be have access to abortions?

  • sw19womble

    “We’re talking about whether closely held opinion sincerely held religious belief of an individual will be allowed to overcome scientific data.”

  • Callyson

    This is the leading edge, some would argue — I might! — of an unraveling of our culture and perhaps our ability to plan for the future as a species!

    Letting transgender people use the restroom that is appropriate for them will prevent the human race from planning for the future because…?

    • Anarchy Pony

      Pretty sure it’s republicans that keep us from planning for the future, what with all the science denial.

    • Occam’s 8 ball

      ‘Humanity planning for it’s future’ only means genocide and ethic cleansing. I’m pretty sure.

      • Callyson

        Well, the wingnuts would know a lot about ethic cleansing.

        (I know it was probably just a typo, but I like to think you meant it as I interpreted it!)

        • Suttree

          Are you saying Trey Gowdy shouldn’t be on the ethics committee?

      • CripesAmighty

        And buying gold coins from Glenn Beck just before the price collapses.

        • John Smith

          You know, I’ve always wondered why their stupid customers don’t think “if the price of gold is going to ‘skyrocket’ why the fuck are they selling it”?

          • Blank Ron

            If their customers were capable of thinking they’d buy their gold from a place that doesn’t charge a 100% markup.

          • Master Contrail Program

            My favorite thing is, what the hell are you going to do with gold after the doomsday/rapture/armageddon/superflu/Nebiru arrival. You can’t eat it. It’s too soft to make practical tools or weapons with. I suppose you could wire up an electrical dynamo with it, but copper isn’t going to be hard to come by in those circumstances.

          • nightmoth

            In “Touch the Earth,” a collection of native American observations, speeches, etc., one man called it “the yellow metal that makes white men crazy.” Still a pretty good description.

  • BadKitty904

    I’m actually kinda impressed that Target had this much sense.

    • Enfant Terrible

      Target is pretty well evolved on social issues. Labor relations, not so much.

      • Objectifer

        The red MalWart.

        • OneDemin EOr

          Merchandise is a bit better than Wally World, though.

          • Karen Marie

            Actually, I hate to say it, but for women’s tee shirts, Wally has much better quality at a lower price than Tarjay. I feel really guilty going in there to buy them but I am broke, and a $6 price difference is a lot, especially when the more expensive shirt has to be tossed after only a year.

          • Courser

            Totally agree. I have several Walmart shirts I bought under duress but they’re the most comfortable shirts I’ve had in a long time.

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            I get ’em at Costco. Top quality, and undoubtedly cheaper than Tar-jet.

      • Gorillionaire

        They have good marketing research, which has concluded that the stars and stripes and babbles crowd can be scoffed and ignored.

      • Karen Marie

        They know what side their bread is buttered.

  • TheBidenator

    “ABLOW: We got to this place because we care about people.”
    Fox was really wanting to get their audience to shit their pants with that one! Ablow jusrt dropped one of the most terrifying declarations you can make to a conservative- it’s right up there with “you will need to share with others”.

    • anwisok

      Yeah, I liked the way they made “we care about people” sound like a bad thing. WTF? Now they’re just gonna straight up make “We don’t care about people” their public brand? I – I just can’t see that being a good rallying cry. Even for them.

      • Suttree

        You would be surprised!

  • Nounverb911
    • Callyson

      Oh, for fuck’s sake.

    • TheBidenator

      You know if someone pulled that suit coat off that collection of frogs and snakes would just tumble out to the ground and then slither away, right?

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      November 2016: ObliteraTED

  • TheBidenator

    Keith Ablow is the worst fucking psychologist in the history of man. Me with three terms of completely different psychology seem more qualified to psychoanalyze someone than this rejected Kojack impersonator. Go back to fucking Savalas school you douchepuppy!

    • Enfant Terrible

      His appearances on Fox News border on medical malpractice.

  • Jukesgrrl

    I’ve been selecting my age for years. It’s called hair dye.

    • kaw143

      And when I wasn’t using hair dye, it was called a fake ID.

  • Mavenmaven

    Because if trans men use the male restrooms, they will get in the way of real republican male-male hookups.

    • Nounverb911

      This would be bad news for Larry Craig.

  • TheBidenator

    You know conservatives have really nothing to argue about when their argument amounts to “it’ll be anything goes!” “dogs and cats living together, mass hysteria!”. They brought that one out for gay people getting married and America immediately fell apart just as they predicted it would….

    • Suttree

      And before that it was all going to fall apart because of Obamacare, and Obama’s election, the Civil Right Act, letting women vote. etc., etc., etc.,………I’m still waiting for these fuckers to find that pond they crawled out of millions of years ago when everything was perfect, and go the fuck back to it.

      • CripesAmighty

        And Jazz, and that rock and roll music, and short shorts, and…

        • Master Contrail Program

          Don’t forget that demon weed, Marihuana!

          • eddi

            Or before that, Tabbac (tobacco if you must).

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            And the evils of drink!

      • John Smith

        It was all that fucking agriculture they started back in the Neolithic. Hitting those women on the head and dragging them back to the yurt to help grow crops.

    • Master Contrail Program

      Are you sure? Are you really sure? I mean, I haven’t seen any Nazis riding dinosaurs in my town so far. I just assumed it’s because Florida is a Stand Your Ground state though.

      https://youtu.be/-hpPwB5X4yc

  • OneDemin EOr

    So shopping at Target makes you want to smoke dope and forget about God?
    Where are my damn keys?

    • mancityfooty .

      shotgun!

    • Courser

      Worked for me!

      Oh, maybe it was the dispensary up the street. Who knows? AOT,K!

  • Callyson

    Anyone else here watching the Bernie and Hillary town halls on MSNBC?

    For those who want to, Bernie is on right now and Hillary will be there at the top of the next hour.

    • anwisok

      Other half would get very stabbity if I make us watch that instead of The Voice, so – nope.

    • cousin itt

      Well, if you insist. Yay, Clinders!

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      He is pushing me furtherer away.

      • Callyson

        Yeah…it really pisses me off that Chris Hayes didn’t ask him the obvious folllow-up when he talked about his strength in the polls:

        “Yes, but what happens when the GOP attack dogs go after you? Because if you are the nominee, they will do so: how can you be sure those strong positives will hold? What will your strategy for dealing with those attacks be?”

        41 minutes until Rachel…

        • DoILookAmused2u ?

          Great, the Coke whore thing.

          • Callyson

            I’ll give Chris Hayes credit for following up on that one. FFS, nobody needs to drink sodas–it’s not like taxing food and clothing.

            Signed,
            Product of a good pre-school education who wants universal pre-K now!

  • Joy

    The Target I frequent has at least one transgender employed ( the other is just very butch, I think) and an old lady with sleeve tattoos. They’re all very nice Americans. They have to pee sometimes. They are not pervy.

    • Karen Marie

      How do you know? Have you “been to the bathroom” with them? Huh? Huh?

      • mancityfooty .

        They did pass me a toilet roll that one time, so….

      • Joy

        Well no. But I’m still not scared to pee next to them.

  • Be Gin

    Is this “issue” the air-guitar version of an issue?

    • anwisok

      Air-guitar libelz!!!!

      Watching air-guitar can be fun and/or funny. Also too, it usually involves listening to some pretty good music.

    • Master Contrail Program

      I believe it’s the textbook defintion of a snipe hunting issue.

  • Nounverb911

    When looking for a TV doctor for Fox, did Roger Ailes get confused by the word ‘Ablow’?

    • cousin itt

      It was the salivation that distracted him.

    • Hijabi Rockstar

      Never mind about that, I can’t believe no one’s mentioned that Fox decided to go with the phrase “Bathroom Stance.” As in “Look out for Senator Todd, he has a wide Bathroom Stance.”

  • say wha

    Ladies and gentlemen, I’ll be brief. The issue here is not whether we used the wrong restroom, or took a few liberties with our appearance – we did.

    [winks at Dr.Ablow]

    But you can’t hold a whole retail store chain responsible for the behavior of a few, sick twisted individuals. For if you do, then shouldn’t we blame the whole capitalist system? And if the whole capitalist system is guilty, then isn’t this an indictment of our entire American society? Well, you can do whatever you want to us, but we’re not going to sit here and listen to you badmouth the United States of America. Gentlemen!

    Leads the Wonketariate out of the studio, all humming the Star-Spangled Banner

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      Star Spangled Banner is unhummable. Imma sit here and finish peeing if it’s all the same to you.

  • Raysa_Lite

    Gay marriage will cause PEOPLE TO MARRY DOGS AND TREES AND KILL MURICAN FREEDOMS YALL!!!!!

    Transgender people using any bathroom at all will cause CHILD MOLESTATION AND AGE LIARS AND FAKE BLACK PEOPLE AND KILL MURICAN VALUES YALL!!!!!

    Pretty K programs will make ALL MURICAN TODDLERS GAY YALL!!!!!

    And, the woman that is going to make porn because she strongly resembles Ted Cruz doesn’t know if he should be reelected.

    We are truly a stupid people. I’m ashamed of my country.

    • vivian

      I married an old shoe! Sadly, she ran off with someone else…

      • janecita

        The other shoe?

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          Hasn’t dropped yet.

      • Raysa_Lite

        That shoe ran away because public bathroom madness! !

        • BadKitty904

          I thought it ran away with the spoon.

          • Raysa_Lite

            I thought it was the fork.

            SEE HOW TRANSGENDER BATHROOM USE HAS CONFUSED US ALL?!?!

          • Biff52

            SPORK LIBEL!

      • Raysa_Lite

        And I see what you did there.

  • xy

    would it even be possible to slap these people hard enough to get some sense into them?

    • Callyson

      With crappy ratings, perhaps. But I doubt it.

    • cousin itt

      The force might have to be measured in kilotons.

    • Doug Langley

      You’d probably break your hand first.

    • Master Contrail Program

      Only if you have tremendously normal-sized hands, total strangers and Real Americans feel compelled to comment about. Sad!

    • eddi

      The Iron Fist would bust his knuckles.

    • Master Contrail Program

      Nope.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      You can slap the shit out of them, but ain’t no sense going to get in.

  • snark-lurker

    OK well what if there are 500,001 snark lurkers like moi who will now go running to Target for every little whatev we need or just fancy because we didn’t even know Target us down w/lgbt stuff & we like that.

  • Jenny

    Great googly moogly! Trangenders have been using the bathroom just fine and without bothering anyone since aaaaaalways. I’m pretty sure these idiots never fucking noticed.

    Go back to screaming about red coffee cups, yeesh because I’m getting super annoyed with this shit.

    • eddi

      Having lost the gay marriage bridge, the fanatics are regrouping at the newly renamed ‘save the women and children from pervs’ bridge. An easy to twist non-issue for mouth-breathers and rip-‘n-read ‘reporters’. The first court challenge will burn them out.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Without zombie Scalia to tell us which toilet the Founders intended trans-genders to use, I suspect that they’re going to have to retreat again. I can’t wait to see which more-ridiculous,more- stupid bridge they regroup at.

        • eddi

          Furrys? With all due respect to the fandom, they aren’t very high profile but desperation is setting in on the Religious Right.

    • Courser

      You know, I almost wonder if all this high pitched squealing about potty monsters (I mean, really, isn’t that what it is? A 5 year old’s terror that the potty monster is going to get him?), is an attempt to deflect from Disgusting Dennis’ pedophilia. He’s the real Potty Monster, but he’s one of theirs.

      • CJTX

        I’ll just put this right here:

  • cousin itt

    Bernie asked about pre-K during Town Hall. Drink!

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      No answer too.

    • Callyson

      For the most part, the audience’s questions are better than Chris Hayes’ are.

      • DoILookAmused2u ?

        She did not get an answer despite explaining. Was like Hillary talking about home loans on topic of public housing

  • Callyson

    Wait–did they just cut off Bernie’s town hall to talk about the latest rant from TehRump?

    I’m Team Hillary, but this pisses me right the fuck off…

    Edit: OK, they are back to Bernie, but they shouldn’t have cut any of his time FFS.

    • cousin itt

      To be fair, Cruz and Kasich kind of are employing a strategy of divide and conquer that worked so well for the European crusaders. Meanwhile, Caliph Trump can bitch and moan about how the Euro-Christian Establishment just wants to take over the world and actually be right about that.

      • Callyson

        Yeah, but I still think MSNBC could have saved that story for after the town halls, or tomorrow, rather than cutting into Bernie’s time. It’s an interesting story but it wasn’t breaking news that was urgent or anything.

        • cousin itt

          Let’s see how they work Hillary’s time. Maybe they will break in with a preview of Cruz’s porn-double’s coming attraction.

          • Callyson

            Fair enough…

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    It’s funny, because the slippery slope that I think this puts us on leads to full equality, a universal social net, and the end of war.

    • eddi

      I’m getting my Acme rocket skis ASAP. See ya at the bottom, suckers!

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    Well Sanders finally admitted deregulating derivatives completely was wrong.

  • h4rr4r

    Smoke dope? Dope is heroin, I think he meant poke smot.

    • eddi

      To an older generation ‘dope’ is generic.

      • Biff52

        We referred to reefer as dope, pretty specifically.

        • Jonny On Maui

          IIRC the original ‘dope’ was the material used to coat the canvas on the original ‘flying kites’. I don’t know the base of the substance, guess it was somewhat like sniffing glue.

          I’m probably wrong. Been that was a lot today…

          • eddi

            That form of dope is still around. Different formula, I assume. A lot of small planes use fabric on at least part of the plane. And traditional style RC aircraft with cloth or paper covers need a sealer as well.

          • Biff52

            That’s aircraft dope, which is lacquer. I flew control line planes as a kid, and we’d use that on the silk or tissue that was stretched over the balsa frame. Thinking back, it’s a wonder I never tried sniffing it.

  • janecita

    I’m sorry, but getting tattooed from head to toe to become black, shows a lot of commitment, urinating in a public bathroom is just necessity.

    • eddi

      Commitment indeed. Or ‘it’s very painful to become green’.

      • Master Contrail Program

        I notice you applied for the mail room position Mr. Hiss, but you clearly have CEO written all over you. Welcome aboard, sir!

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          I figured he was an HR person.

          • Jonny On Maui

            College recruitment…

      • BadKitty904

        It’s also not easy being green, per Kermit…

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Check his birth certificate – NC might want him in the ladies’ room.

  • CripesAmighty

    The Great Target Terlet Tempest.

    • eddi

      “The Great Target Terlet Tempest” Teapot. On sale in Housewares $49.95.

  • Courser

    This part is true. Reefer doesn’t make you stupid! Yay! (I’ve known this for a while)

    However, obsessing about who’s pooping in what potties – THAT shit will make you stupid forever!

  • Master Contrail Program

    Sounds like another job for #TargetCustomerService guy.

  • Riley Whodat Venable

    Good. Let them poop in WalMart.

    • CripesAmighty

      ‘Clean up in aisle 9!’

      • eddi

        A little more specific next time Riley. Remember what sort of people you are talking to.

    • Lord-Nash

      Walmart has more lazy mobility scooters anyway.

  • janecita

    Does Fox own a vapid, blonde girl factory? Seriously, I’m starting to get freaked out, they all look the same.

    • eddi

      Roger Ailes has a certain type he prefers. None dare call it fetish.

      • janecita

        He really does like his leggy blondes!

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          It seems that he put in an IQ limit after Megyn turned out to be so much smarter than he is.

          • janecita

            She is also mouthy, and he doesn’t like his leggy cattle to talk back

      • BadKitty904

        Say, you know who else had a thing for blonde, Aryan types?

        • eddi

          Actually Dolphie preferred a cousin. Until Heydrich shot her. And Eva’s hair was dark and wavy. He was kinkier than than the average Aryan.

    • Juan de Fuca

      Was thinking the same thing.
      Actually my first though was wondering if their hiring requirements includes “can pass for villainous protagonist in WW2 movies or being onstage during a Trump victory speech.”

    • BadKitty904

      They keep “pods” in the basement…

    • limberrat

      As I had said earlier, I suspect they have a similar cloning facility like Disney has for child stars.

    • Stepford journalists.

      • eddi

        “Well, I could have been an actress but I wound up here.”

      • janecita

        “Journalists”?

    • Bemused

      My brother has a friend who works at CNN. She says that the anchors’ hair color is controlled by their contract. They have to have a certain shade and length unless they get special permission to change it.

    • Master Contrail Program

      It’s like a right-wing, female version of “The Real Slim Shady” video.

  • anwisok

    OT, but:
    David Gilmour honors Prince with a Comfortably Numb/Purple Rain mashup. Cellphone video, but fairly decent sound, considering:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UcDHXoQmxu0

    • clairence

      I can never get enough of his guitar work, but I feel a bit stupid; I didn’t hear any Purple Rain in there.

  • Master Contrail Program

    Target Restroom Policy For The (Self)Righteous:

    If you’re winking when you’re tinkling,

    Be discrete and tap your feet.

    • John Smith

      Tap in a wide stance.

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    Clinton Town Hall now

    • Vegan and Tiara

      Unless people are throwing chairs, I’m not interested in watching any more debates/town halls/ speeches of any candidates of either party. I’m done with them all…pfft.

      • eddi

        I think they are out of things to say. Assuming they have all gone to the bathroom issue.

  • Hemp Dogbane

    Poliitical correctness harshes my pooping experience.

    • eddi

      Try more fiber in your diet.

      • I’ve been having some trouble lately. So, I ramped up my vegetable consumption. I’ll let you know how things come out.

        • eddi

          Please don’t… ?

        • Vegan and Tiara

          I hope things start going smoothly for you.

  • edith prickly

    Let`s see, who would I feel safer with in the bathroom – transgender woman minding her own business or crazy wingnut lady with a Glock….

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      If they knew about each other? None of them, Katie

      • edith prickly

        All hypothetical anyway. There are no more Targets in Canada and so far no one here has felt the need to legislate where transgender people go to the bathroom.

        • kaw143

          Well, clearly your government, which should be doing NOTHING, has failed, by not doing SOMETHING about the dreaded transpoop menace!

        • eddi

          You people don’t know how to have fun.

          • edith prickly

            Well I am annoyed Target left before I could take a poop there.

    • Anarchy Pony

      Better hope she doesn’t mistake you for a trans…

      • edith prickly

        Even if she did, I am certain she would poop herself before she ever got to the gun.

    • Master Contrail Program

      Realistically , Countess Glockula has been toting that gun everywhere she goes for years. That tweet is just more wingnut “whimsy”.

  • alnnc

    “We’re talking about whether closely held opinion of an individual will be allowed to overcome scientific data and history”

    Well, it seems like Ablow , the Little Sisters of the Poor, Hobby Lobby and other religious and right wing groups have used that to tell everyone else what they can and can’t do. It’s about time someone told them there is a limit to the bullshit we will take from them. If they can use it to tell women they can’t have an abortion or get contraceptives through their health insurance, we can tell them transgenders have a right to use the restrooms they consider appropriate.

  • i don’t know about unraveling culture but i do know i was in a walmart bathroom in the south this weekend and it was filthy. filthy. as i am a ridiculously uptight northerner i would swap any sexual perversion for a clean toilet.

    • disqus_lWwzrwNaw6

      You were in a Walmart bathroom in the south? This sounds like one of the tortures of the damned. Just saying the words out loud — “a Walmart bathroom in the south”–has caused me to descend into a profound state of depression and alienation.

      Also, I too would gladly put up with almost any of the permutations of human sexuality if the trade off was a sparkling clean bathroom. I remember peeing in a sink in Zagreb because the toilets in the hostel had evidently not been flushed since sometime around the end of WWII, and there was no way on God’s good earth I was going to go in one of them.

      • eddi

        Topper – squat toilet in a cheap bar in Korea. Worse, I was sober when I had to use it.

  • Iron Monkey

    Let me tell you somethin’ and be blunt about it, before I got saved by the grace of God, I used to smoke a lot of dope

    Or as we used to say in Chicago: I used to get all fucked up on drugs…now I get fucked up on Jesus.

    • BadKitty904

      Either way, you’re still fucked up.

    • Paul

      Cheech and Chong, Big Bambu album ” I used to be all messed up on drugs until I found the lord. Now I’m all messed up on the lord.”

  • Iron Monkey

    The chances of me listening to the Fox clip are 0 out of 0. But I can tell they think they are being funny. Someone should tell them that they aren’t. Right wing lackeys, lickspittles and toadies are unable to be funny, other than slipping on a banana peel and taking a header into the toilet.

    • bupkus23

      That’s why all those attempts to create a “conservative Daily Show” failed so hard.

  • Blanche Beecham

    Pleeze You just know Doocy sits to pee.

    • Doocy doesn’t sit…he squats.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        We prefer to use the term hovering. Sounds cooler.

        • tinywriting

          Helicopter peeing?

  • Iron Monkey

    Let me tell you somethin’ and be blunt about it, before I got saved by the grace of God, I used to smoke a lot of dope

    The first person I think of when looking for advice on social issues is a guy who “used” to smoke a lot of dope.

    • Gregory Brown

      I look for meth heads who have “had a moment of clarity.” They are all about social issues.

      • Master Contrail Program

        After they’ve slept for the first time in a week?

        • Gregory Brown

          No no, if they sleep the magic is gone.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      The before-and-after contrast is a great argument for the value of smoking dope.

    • bupkus23

      Hey – “and be blunt about it”

      Was he making a pun?

      • eddi

        Impossible. To be a Fox ‘expert’ he had to surrender his sense of humor as well any remaining sense of shame at the door. Ailes will keep them safe in a Altoids tin in his desk drawer.

  • Master Contrail Program

    Even these other noted fictional psychiatrists find Ablow cartoonish and insufferable in his villainy.

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    I give the Dem town halls a double Meh

  • anwisok
    • Juan de Fuca

      Very cool. Saw an interview with him yesterday and he said he learned how to play it a few hours before the concert. Don’t believe I’ve ever seen the guy without his mask on but that was cool.

      • anwisok

        He only does the mask thing with Slipknot. When he did Stone Sour he didn’t have it.

  • anwisok
  • AlanInSF

    I’d like to see NBA players dress up as little girls and demand entrance to middle school girls’ basketball leagues. I’ll bet they would kick ass!

    • Master Contrail Program

      In right-wing America, Juwanna Mann is a documentary.

      • Vegan and Tiara

        “Juwanna Mann” = You Want a Man? I see what he did there!

        • kaw143

          :facepalm:

          I cannot believe I never got that.

          • Master Contrail Program

            I have an amazing capacity/curse for remembering pop-cultural detritus. I suspect very few people recall this rotten tomato, and it’s play-on-words title at all.

          • Anarchy Pony

            I try not to…

          • Master Contrail Program

            Yeah. It’s no White Chicks, that’s for sure.

          • revenant

            but what is?

          • Master Contrail Program

            Sigh…….cinematic perfection (he says dreamily).

          • revenant

            you didn’t waste any of your time thinking about a profoundly crass, stupid movie title? are you even an American? next thing you’ll be telling us that you aren’t a hyperbolically partisan fan of some corporate sportsball franchise or other. how do you live with the shame?

        • Master Contrail Program

          Juana Mann, Juana Mann, Juana Mann, Juana Mann, What a mighty Goodman.

          He’s a mighty, mighty Goodman.

  • anwisok
  • Vegan and Tiara

    “We’re talking about whether closely held opinion of an individual will be allowed to overcome scientific data and history…”
    Ummm…when did “Fox and Friends” ever give a flying fuck about “scientific data and history?” Are they suddenly going to believe that climate change is an actual thing, or that trickle down economics is a massive failure? Are they going to start accepting reality?

    • revenant

      don’t get too excited- they just don’t know the meaning of “scientific data and history” any more than they know the meaning of anything else you’d care to name. their ignorance is all-encompassing, and a wonder to behold

      • Vegan and Tiara

        Their ignorance is slowly driving me mad. I really can’t take this level of stupidity anymore. I’ve never been one to threaten “well if so and so gets elected I’m leaving America” but I can NOT take a fucking Ted Cruz presidency.

        • revenant

          a fucking Ted Cruz presidency still seems unlikely, but then, so did a fucking Ronald Reagan presidency, and don’t even think about Shrub… as for the ignorance, isn’t it good that we still have this place, and a few others, to let off steam by pointing and laughing at the idjits and to let each other know that, yes, there are still other people here in the Home of Depraved who are not about to assimilate into the RWNJ hive anti-mind. points of light, dear V & T, like the lights you see in the windows when you’re cold and tired but just arriving at someplace you are welcome and expected

          • Vegan and Tiara

            Thanks for your words of encouragement, but some days I feel like they’re multiplying faster than we are. A friend of mine teaches at a prison, and all the felons were bitching to her the other day that they couldn’t have guns – UNFAIR!!!! Guess who they all want to vote for? Hint: A certain orange baboon.

  • beatbort

    Wow, I went in the Target men’s room the other day to wash my hands and Doucy was in one stall and Ablow was in another. The mess and noise and stench they made drove everyone in the store into the ladies room where we huddled in corners, shivering, until they left the area. It was still not safe to enter the men’s room an hour later. Kind of like the mess left behind at that Oregon bird sanctuary only without dildos.

    • revenant

      because the dildos had already left

  • WhyFelicia

    “Customers boycott after bathroom stance.”

    • tinywriting

      Wide stance? Sorry. Couldn’t resist.

    • eddi

      At least the headline writers are having fun.

  • anwisok

    OK, this is pretty cool full on sobbing:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8mD6Ik0IFPg

  • SK

    we also by extension may be in a position where we allow people to say they’re 65 when they’re 45 and get Medicare

    Say, that is not a bad replacement for Obamacare: Medicare for everyone!

    • Anarchy Pony

      I have it on good authority that that’s communism.

  • Gregory Brown

    The stupidity is blindingly incandescent.

    • Pickwicknext

      I once saw a tshirt that said ” If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic” I still regret not buying it

  • Me not sure

    I have on occasion made the mistake of going through the wrong door as a result of not paying proper attention. I sincerely hope the Glock lady wouldn’t shoot first and shit later.

    • Pickwicknext

      Yeah. I think you’re hoping for too much there

    • Left Coast Tom

      Was that because the signs on the door were way too cute? A few weeks ago I found myself deciphering a pair of doors, one with a squirrel with an acorn (nut) and one without.

      • kaw143

        Suddenly reminded of this:

        https://youtu.be/B9M5KtNOoo8?t=14m1s

        • Henri205

          And I am unanimous in that.

        • jmk

          We had certainly better pull our Strumpfs up.

      • Me not sure

        Seafood restaurants seem to be the worst about that.

        • eddi

          Squid on one door, Japanese school girl on the other? [runs for the exit]

          • Me not sure

            Bouy on on one door, gull on the other.

          • eddi

            Now that’s confusing.

          • Me not sure

            I know, just pictures! A local sandwich shop has Kong on the men’s room and Faye on the women’s.

    • Barley_Brains

      I once made that mistake in the bowels of Mammoth Cave. The lack of urinals should have keyed me in but I was A Idiot.

      • eddi

        Desperation is illiterate.

      • Me not sure

        I liked Mammoth Cave because the name was so creative.

    • NoGoodnik

      She was standing her ground! She feared for her life!

      • Me not sure

        Gives Target a whole new meanig.

  • clairence

    If Target’s restrooms are anything like most other public restrooms, they’re dirty and gross. Half a million fewer users means cleaner rooms for everyone else. Thanks, protesters.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Ladies and gentlemen: meet the GOP base. These ignorant fuckwits are allowed to vote, but only because the Founders never thought there’d be enough of them to worry about.

    • eddi

      The Founders only wanted rich landowners to vote. They may have been on to something. Either that or people got better educated and civic-minded. For a very brief period. That fooled everyone into think we were making real progress on establishing a better, more broadly supported republic. Now look out your window at the passing parade.

      • NoGoodnik

        Citizens United is the moral equivalent.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        The rich land owners were, at the time, the well educated liberal types. No really, the founding fathers were, by and large, the liberals of their age. Those founders figured that ignorant everyday people without an education probably would not know enough to vote, except for TJ, who’s passion aside from his slave women was to educate everyone.

        btw, wingnuts hate it when you point out that the Founding Fathers were the liberals, and the loyalists the conservatives of that era.

        • eddi

          If we could find a social group like the Founders today, willing to vote for the greater good and support it with their lives, fortune and sacred honor, I would give them the vote and be confident of America’s future. Unfortunately the population seems to be 90% yahoo, 10% despairing. At least in the small hours before dawn.

  • OddMan

    My dear old grandmother gone these many years used to say when extremely upset, “Shit fire and save the matches!”
    I’m not quite sure if that fits, but it does seem apropos.

    • Barley_Brains

      Elimination wisdom will set you free!

    • handyhippie65

      shit fire, and save box matches. my grand pa used to say it too.

    • nmmagyar

      One of my grandpa’s favorite sayings as well

  • Dolmance

    They think they’re up there at Fox News shitting pretty all right, but they don’t live in the real world, where when you’ve gotta go, you’ve gotta go.

    • NoGoodnik

      Probably got two or three of those transtypes in their bathroom right now! Steve Doocy could be sitting next to a transgendered person even as I type! You don’t know. You don’t know. You don’t KNOW!

      • Paul

        It would be irresponsible not to speculate.

  • FDRliberal

    Pastor Greg Locke: “Target … you have lost your ever-lovin’ mind. Your political correctness has forced you to do something STUPID…”

    “Forced”? I doubt any force is required to get the good pastor to do Stupid. I think doing Stupid is his default.

    • revenant

      his métier, his stock in trade, his reason to rise from his grimy pallet and greet the fucking rosy fingered dawn

      • Msgr_Moment

        Rosy fingered Dawn?! Are they Duggars?

        • jmk

          If they were, that name would be spelled Jdawn…because nothing says that Jim-Bawb is a mere humble servant of the lard louder than ensuring that the names of each of his numberless spawn reference HIM.

  • eddi

    Way OT but the Bundys are still being a fascinating case study in reality-tunneling. Now they are chasing a sovereign citizen type defense on the Malheur mess.

    Ammon Bundy to challenge authority of feds to prosecute Oregon standoff defendants
    “Ammon Bundy’s lawyers intend to argue that the federal government doesn’t have the authority to prosecute protesters who took over the Malheur National Wildlife Refuge, claiming that the federal government lacks control of the land.”
    http://www.oregonlive.com/oregon-standoff/2016/04/ammon_bundy_to_challenge_autho.html#incart_river_index

    • Vecciojohn LLC

      Well, best of British luck to them with that theory.

      *numb nutses*

    • Jonny On Maui

      This is going to be fun to watch. I’ve got the stash box, who has the popcorn?

    • data_ninja

      Fine, then let the Burns Paiute tribe judge them. I’m sure that their system of law and justice is just as good as any other, but I’m also pretty sure that they’d probably be harsher with the penalty given all of that vandalizing of their sacred sites.

      • eddi

        They could sentence them to 20 years of cleaning up their vandalism. With pooper scoopers, water pails and soft cloths. And when they finish Malheur, turn them over to the local tribe near the Bundy ranch to undo that damage for another 20 years.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        Pretty sure, just like Texas, the BundyBunch would be crying for big mamma Fed to swoop in and save em. I like this idea :D

    • cheetojeebus

      Indeed, Their attempts to ‘reason’ away the charges in this manner are akin to my plans to use the CERN Data just released to prove I did to wash the dishes all last week and it’s your turn doodoo butt!

      • eddi

        Your chances are better. CERN released real data. The Bundy’s arguments are full of sound and fury, signifying a total lack of fact.

    • Well, some judge is going to make the easiest money of his career when that’s brought before him…

      • eddi

        Hopefully for us, it will inspire rapturous heights of sarcasm in his written decision. U.S. Magistrate Judge Carl Hoffman is the gentleman getting the flak. He in in Nevada so he might have run across this sovcit nonsense before.

    • Biff52

      They need to start disbarring lawyers that go along with this gambit. As if the courts have time for this bullshit.

      • eddi

        Disbarring a lawyer is harder than dumping a politician. Even the ‘caught in bed with a live guy or a dead woman’ doesn’t always work on them.

  • smr06va

    Somebody please flush dr. blowhard and doofy……….immediately…………

  • Daisyjreyes3

    “my room mate Lori Is getting paid on the internet 98$/hr”…..!cg341ctwo days ago grey MacLaren P1 I bought after earning 18,512 DoIIars..it was my previous month’s payout..just a little over.17k DoIIars Last month..3-5 hours job a day…with weekly payouts..it’s realy the simplest. job I have ever Do.. I Joined This 7 months. ago. and now making over. hourly 87 DoIIars…Learn. More right Here !cg341n:➽:➽:➽➽➽➽ http://GlobalSuperJobsReportsEmploymentsHubGetPayHourly$98…. .❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦::::::!cg341n….,…

    • Biff52

      How have you managed to post 98 of these “comments” without meeting the banhammer?

  • Parakeetist

    Here’s my theory: trans people go pee because they need to pee.

    You know, same as everybody else in the fuckin’ world.

  • freakishlystrong

    This is still a thing? These assholes vote for people who won’t allow a dime to be spent on fixing roads or bridges or airports or train tracks and obsess over what bathroom people are using. Landing a man on the moon was the last great thing this country will ever do.

    • eddi

      The Republican Party; yours for solving the wrong problem for 40 years.

      • revenant

        it is not so much the “wrong” problem, as it is the “non-fucking-existent” problem

  • Odd Jørgensen

    Yeah! And what if, say, some guy thinks he`s a bear? Should we induce a coma so he can hibernate? Where oh where will it end?
    Ayup, fetch me my smelling salts, I`ll be on the fainting couch.

    • nmmagyar

      Can said “transspecies” person choose which 3 months to hibernate? I’m already pretty hairy and would be interested in subscribing to your newsletter for more information.

    • Yeah! And what if, say, some guy thinks he`s a bear?”

      Then he can join the “Furpig” float at your local Pride parade.

  • NoGoodnik

    All those transgendered people trying to get into that bathroom to sneak a peak at all the Fox News junks! Man, when Target ain’t even safe to take a dump in, what has the world come to?

    • Rickyphoo

      My question is: What self-respecting woman, gay or straight, would care enough to sneak a peek at those two idiotic meat-sacks.

  • NoGoodnik

    Don’t the transgendered have a sincerely held belief about their gender identity? I mean, maybe we’re just saying it wrong. Maybe if we put it in terms that “they” understand, then they’ll get it. Isn’t the rule, a sincerely held belief is a get out of jail free card and you don’t have to do nothing that you don’t wanna.

    • eddi

      Only if you vote Reb and have 4 white grandparents.

      • Nena

        I think that’s 2 grandparents too many…

        • eddi

          For them? You might be right.

  • anwisok

    Good morning! Some wake n bake tunes for the commentariat:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LaecsIUETYA

    • UnsaltedSinner

      This song turns 46 this year. You’d think we’d all be used to gender fluidity by now. Besides, does anyone serioulsy believe that Lola and her fellow trans people have been holding it all in for all these years?

      • Paul

        Let’s ask Leslie West of “Mississippi Queen” fame.

    • Biff52

      Local radio station played that in the runup to the news this morning.

  • Vienna Woods

    My 25 yr old son is home for awhile, and we were talking about this last night. He was sharing place with, among others, a transgendered woman. Oh and a gay guy also, too. He does not know what all the fuss is about. He says that anyone who has a a problem with it has issues of their own to work through. I musta done something right!

    • Jamsie

      You sure did do something right!

    • revenant

      would Ms. V. Woods please rise for her ovation? thank you

    • SeeTrain65

      You did do something. You raised a child to become a decent human being. Not all of us could do that.

  • Lord-Nash

    If ‘bathroom bills’ are actually for protecting children from perverts, then why hasn’t anyone proposed banning convicted sex offenders from public bathrooms?

    • eddi

      Dennis Hastert would have to hold it until he explodes. And that would distract from hating on gays. Which is what this is all about of course. These mouthbreathers have not got clue one about transsexuals. From their statements it seems they conflate transvestism with it. I am pretty sure that’s not correct. But I am willing to learn if I’m wrong.

      • Biff52

        I’ve used any number of public restrooms, and have never seen anything pervy going on. Poop on the walls, urine on the floor and tampons clogging the toilet, yeah.

        • eddi

          I used to do janitorial work. Tell me about it. ? Luckily I quickly found a degrading, mind-numbing government job that only sucked my soul dry on a weekly basis.

          • Biff52

            That’s where I drew my experience from as well. The ladies rooms were always the worst.

    • tomamitai

      If ‘bathroom bills’ are actually for protecting children from perverts, then why hasn’t anyone proposed banning convicted sex offenders from public bathrooms?

      And Priests, and Rabbis, and Ministers, and wrestling coaches, and football coaches, and Senators, and Representatives, and…fuck it! Why not just make ALL bathrooms private rooms, with locks, and you have to get the key from the manager before you can use it, and only one-at-a-time except for a parent, guardian, or credentialed personal care aid for the “differently abled”.

  • diogenez

    I don’t believe for a second that the Fox & Friends people ever poop.

    • Rickyphoo

      They usually spew crap out their mouths.

  • Jay Vaughn

    Fuck,that “Pastor” *nudge nudge* might be the most annoying summbitch to ever walk God’s green Earth.

  • Jamsie

    Pastor Greg Locke is sort of hot. I wonder which public restroom/park/rest area he hangs out in the most?

    • BadKitty904

      AOT, K?

  • cmd

    I got to thinking and I think maybe I have never used a Target bathroom. Why, I have no idea? I bet they are cleaner than the WalMart ones, also, too.

    • Invidosa

      I’ve never been in a Walmart, but I can tell you, the target toilets sparkle!

      • cmd

        I would be surprised if they didn’t. Now it is possible I’ve been in one and just forgotten about it because not memorable.

  • YourNameHere

    We’re talking about whether closely held opinion of an individual will be allowed to overcome scientific data and history

    AHAHAHAH. OH THE IRONY.

    • Notreelyhelping

      It’s almost beautiful in its symmetry.

  • Invidosa

    Uh-huh, OK, so three things here. First, allow me to say Target, you rock. If I didn’t already do all my shopping at your store (thanks for adding groceries, now you get all my money instead of just most of it. I don’t mind cause I fucking love you!) I would now.

    Which leads me to my second point; every time I go in to a target bathroom it’s fucking packed! I mean like, I have to swing my purse at small children to clear a path packed. There ain’t no molestation going on in that bathroom. Last week I had a little brat ooze under the stall door while I had a pee for chrissake!

    Third; bwaaaahahha! You think trans persons HAVEN’T been using the bathroom of their choice for years??!??? You poor, deluded ignorant fungal infected crotch goblins!

    • This is exactly how I feel about it. Honestly, people that don’t teach their children how to behave are the biggest problem in the bathroom. I’ve never had a problem with any trans person in any bathroom, ever. Have I shared a bathroom with one at some point in my life at least once? Probably. The point is. Who knows and really, who cares? A bunch of Morons, that’s who. It’s all portrayed as if some guy is going to put on a dress and creep around in ladies bathrooms. I’m sure this sort of thing may have happened at some point, some where but how much more often are things like that going to occur now that there is such a big stink about it. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it right? If well enough was left alone, this issue would not exist.

  • Wait, wasn’t Target all homophobic not too long ago?

    • tomamitai

      They bribed donated to some “pro-business” candidates of the homophobia spewing variety, as I recall, but insisted they don’t hate the Gays, it’s just business.

      • Zhu Bajie

        In general, all semi-monopoly big box stores are bad.

      • Yeah I vaguely recall Lady Gaga threatening to pull her cds from their store because of some anti-gay policy they supported. Was this what that “boycott” was referring to?

  • Notreelyhelping

    Ladies and gentlemen…meet President Trump’s Surgeon General.

  • Ruffle Puffle

    Jesus Christ . . . Can’t we just give these people Texas and be done with it? We can let them have a wall all the way around and everything. Austin, you can move to Florida.

    • Justno

      We don’t want Florida. Not kidding.

  • Apple Scruff
  • Kooolest G

    how come the bottom of the slippery slope sis always something terrible with these people? maybe at the bottom of this slippery slope we’ll land at a place where everyone stops being assholes to trans people who have to poop at target

  • beavertank

    If someone were dedicated enough to get a complete, permanent, 100% head to toe coverage tattoo because they want to be black… Sure. Go ahead. The amount of time, money, and pain that goes into that, not to mention the inevitable need for touch ups as it fades, is just mind boggling. If they’re that dedicated then go for it.

  • beavertank

    Wait a minute, these people (who believe religious beliefs should trump the law, and that climate change doesn’t exist) are now worried about one person’s personal beliefs “overcoming science”?

    …and the cognitive dissonance DIDN’T make their heads explode” Scanners” style?

  • Zhu Bajie

    Is Walmart paying them under the table?

  • Macbill

    Fear the Poop.

  • georgeorwel

    Did the ‘doctor’ just equate this bathroom bill with endangering the human species? I want to work up a real frenzy here but mainly this bull pucky just makes me tired…..
    Oh and don’t miss his scintillating op ed piece on the Fox News website. They must’ve beat out all the higher class papers to get the exclusive!

  • Justno

    I’m feeling so fucking stabby.

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