Sad Republicans Forced To Choose Between Guy They Can't Stand And Guy They Hate

Terrible or awful?

It's real hard to be a "reasonable" Republican these days. Sad conservative columnist David Brooks has even taken to drinking on the job. That is how hard it is.

[contextly_sidebar id="0hZckWMlAuhT5GZGhMowfFP2E2GDsuh4"]On the one hand, the GOP looks pretty good and stuck with presidential frontrunner Donald Trump. Even the rest of the candidates seemed resigned to that fact during Thursday's debate. He's so terrible, even GOP leaders have enough sense to feel ashamed. And they are genetically incapable of shame. But hey, guess when you have a guy whose goons beat up people on the regular, while he guarantees on live TV that his dick is big enough for the Oval Office, it'll even make the GOP blush.

Then there's Ted Cruz. He's the only candidate left who has even the dimmest hope of beating Trump. The problem is, everyone hates Ted Cruz. Especially Republicans. This is a well-documented fact. You are tired of us telling you how many Republicans hate Ted Cruz. It would be easier to tell you all the Republicans who don't. There are two: equally insufferable Carly Fiorina, who endorsed Cruz this week after questioning his loyalty to America only two months ago (eye roll); and Meghan McCain , because Carly Fiorina told her to (EYEROLL, for fuck's sake).

Oh, and this late-breaking news that Sen. Mike Lee, the one colleague occasionally willing to let Cruz sit at his lunch table in the Senate caf, finally got around to saying Cruz for Not Trump, he guesses. Not because he likes Cruz either, mind you; he just hates Trump more, so he's "sending the signal that it's time to unite" behind the Not Trump with the best chance.

So make that three. Three Republicans in the whole world who don't hate Cruz, or at least don't hate him as much as they hate Donald Trump.

Meanwhile, plenty of Republican lawmakers are anonymously talking out of school about how much it just plain sucks having to pick between Horrible Option A and Horrible Option B:

It is, they say, a very difficult choice. From their perspective, it’s picking between the devil they know and the devil they don’t know.

Many GOP senators have declined to state their preferences publicly while the race remains competitive. Privately, they are flummoxed at the possibility of likely having to choose between two candidates they view as highly problematic.

Lawmakers who spoke to The Hill on background say they are wavering over who would be the better nominee — or more bluntly, the lesser of two evils.

They already know Cruz does not play well with others. Not even with his own teammates. Senate Republicans are dreading the prospect of unlikable sleazeball of Canadian sludge down-ballot boner-killer candidate Cruz, and they are wetting themselves at the even more terrifying prospect of having to kiss his presidential ass.

[contextly_sidebar id="fshKUmlipBaED4XCnd2V6QqMjTwlqgVW"]Ah, but then there is Trump. Donald Jesus Are You Kidding Us? Trump, whose xenophobia and hate rallies and disturbingly familiar salute of loyalty from his followers has earned him frequent comparisons to Hitler. The Hitler. And not in a stupid Fox News "the Nazis were secret Muslims from Kenya who made everyone have free gay abortions" way. Holocaust survivors and their families are for real creeped the crap out right now .

Gosh, can't imagine why Republicans might be nervous about a guy like that at the top of their ticket this November. It might even force them to dial back their own casual invocations of Godwin's Law because YOU KNOW WHO ELSE inspires comparisons to one of history's greatest monsters? Hey, it's your presidential candidate!

Mazel tov, Republicans. You've built yourselves one hell of a dilemma there. Can't wait to see which evil you ultimately deem slightly lesser.

[ POLITICO / The Hill ]