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malachi love-robinson
Welcome, friends! It’s time once more for your weekly round-up of flim-flammery and balderdash, the Snake Oil Bulletin! This week we’re making a return to the world of medicine, a field with which your Dr. la Volpe, DDS, PhD, TMI, WtF, RMCP, is quite familiar. We’ve found two choice tales of medical malpractice, malfeasance, and malcontent to satisfy your woo-woo cravings. Our first story on the agenda involves that charming young gentleman above. Cute lil bugger, isn’t he? What kind of mischief could an apple-cheeked young cherub like that create? Let’s take a look, shall we?

Kid Charlatan Poses As Naturopathic Doctor, No One Notices Difference

Much of the internet exploded for a brief five minutes last week at the news of 18-year-old Malachi Love-Robinson being arrested for impersonating a doctor.

Again.

Last year, the then 17-year-old Malachi was caught donning a lab coat and wandering the halls of St. Mary’s Medical Center in West Palm Beach, FL, posing as a doctor and looking in on patients’ medical exams (the fact that he was caught trying to sit in on an OB/GYN exam should make your skin crawl). For reasons that still baffle us, the hospital and police decided not to charge the teen with a crime despite the potential HIPAA hurricane the teen could have caused. His mom said he had an illness of some kind and was off his meds.

Apparently Malachi learned his lesson, because this time around he decided that if he was going to pose as a doctor, it’d be much easier to pose as a fake doctor than a real MD kind. How did he do it? Simple! Malachi scraped the hospital logo off his lab coat, and tacked the title “doctor of naturopathic medicine” to his name. Using this one weird trick to apparently fool everyone, Malachi opened TWO (2) different clinics, employed staff, and even saw patients regularly before an undercover officer finally slapped him in handcuffs for being an unlicensed quack.

Malachi carried on his first charade posing as an OB/GYN for a month before being caught. Malachi successfully posed as a naturopath for almost a year before anyone caught him. The boy opened a clinic in October before being shut down, but opened a second clinic not long after, building himself a website, and somehow keeping staff on payroll up until late February of 2016. Let’s take a gander at the still extant website for Malachi’s second practice: The New Birth New Life Medical Center & Urgent Care, LLC.

Where to begin? First of all, that name is a bigger mouthful than Milton Berle. Second, spelling errors on the front page are never a good sign, but when your own doctor naturopath doesn’t know the difference between “there” and “their,” you should run. The About Us page is populated by a cadre of grinning stock model ghouls. Malachi claims to be certified by the American Association of Drugless Practitioners (a fake accreditation diploma mill) and the American Alternative Medical Association (a “distrustful” and “questionable organization” according to Dr. Stephen Barrett of Quack Watch). The Services page is blank (shocker), with the only text being “Type your paragraph here.”

Then we get to the Staff page. Hoo golly, mister, that’s a fresh load of bullshit. The first thing we can determine is that the entire staff must have gotten the “senior picture” discount over at the Sears photo studio. “Dr.” Malachi doesn’t even pretend to have an MD, instead claiming a PhD. Even if it were true he wouldn’t be legally allowed to practice medicine. If you’re going to lie, kid, at least do it well. He also claims to hold an “HHP-C” and an “AMP-C,” which are not real. They are made up letter garbage. Then there come his qualifications. We hope you have your vinaigrette on hand, because it’s time to feast on some delicious word salad:

Dr. Malachi A. Love-Robinson is a a well rounded professional that treats, and cares for patients, using a system of practice that bases treatment of physiological functions and abnormal conditions on natural laws governing the human body. Dr Love-Robinson utilizes physiological, psychological, and mechanical methods, such as air, water, light, heat, earth, phototherapy, food and herb therapy, psychotherapy, electrotherapy, physiotherapy, mechanotherapy, naturopathic corrections and manipulation, and natural methods or modalities, together with natural medicines, natural processed foods, and herbs and nature’s remedies.

What did we just read? Was that a doctor’s qualifications or a list of minors you can pursue for your alchemy degree?

Malachi’s staff is even fishier. His operations director, Michelle L. Newsome, doesn’t list any business or marketing experience, but rather touts her family as credentials. The center’s program director, “Dr.” Sandra J. White, isn’t even a doctor. The bottom of her bio admits she only holds an honorary doctorate in divinity which she apparently received for teaching enough Sunday school classes.

Incidentally, “Dr.” Love-Robinson has a storied history with ministry too:

On a website offering free ordained ministry certificates, Love-Robinson is listed as a reverend who specializes in “philosophical theology, religious epistemology and Christian apologetics.” His biography states he is working on a doctoral thesis and lists him as a naturopathic physician.

As of today, Malachi is being charged with practicing medicine without a license, and is accused of cheating an 86-year-old woman out of over $6,000, through $3,500 in fraudulent medical bills for “vitamins” that didn’t work, and then by literally stealing the woman’s checkbook and writing himself three checks for $2,794 after she had to be rushed to the hospital.

In the end, the fact that few people questioned Malachi’s credentials, and that no one actually made an attempt to arrest him until February, is indicative of the absolute quackery of the alternative medicine world. The fact that someone with no qualifications, education, or even pubic hair could convincingly pose as a “naturopathic doctor” while touting obviously made-up treatments and using his practice as an excuse to feel up an undercover female officer says volumes about the permissiveness still granted the quack medicine world.

Indonesian Mayor Cracks The Origin Of Gays: Ramen Noodles

Remember that wingnut dick blister who believed that soy turns kids gay? We found him the perfect love match. The mayor of the Indonesian city of Tangerang is claiming that a diet of ramen noodles will most definitely turn a child into a great big homo. Oh honey, no. Everyone knows the gay-turning foods are sausages for men and tacos for women. Feeding a child ramen will just turn them into a writer.

The mayor made the comments at a pregnancy seminar, a topic on which mayors are apparently qualified to speak? In our experience elected officials are great at the baby-making aspect of pregnancy but not so much the baby-raising part.

Yr Wonkette gave Mayor Arief Wismansyah a brief mention in our roundup of crazy gay panic in Indonesia, but his explanation of proper nutrition for babbies deserves a closer look:

“To create Indonesian children that are healthy, smart, and competitive, the most important thing is, from the beginning, to provide them adequate nutrition, especially breastfeeding,” Arief said as quoted by [Indonesian website] Okezone.

Most scientists would strongly agree with the crucial importance of early childhood nutrition, but we’re pretty sure there isn’t a single credible scientist who would agree with what Mayor Arief went on to say. According to him, nowadays parents are so busy that they often only feed their children formula and instant foods, which can have a permanent negative effect on their child’s development.

“So, it’s no wonder that recently there are more LGBT,” he concluded.

Hear that, lesbians? Because your mother didn’t breastfeed, you grew to love the boobies. Of course that would mean that men who weren’t breastfed would come to love boobies too, except they would also be gay because they weren’t breastfed, so they would want men with…boobs?

Incidentally, the source for this story, Coconuts Jakarta, may be our new favorite source for LGBT news from Southeast Asia (oh come on, like you have a different favorite source?). Take a gander at their response to the rest of the mayor’s speech:

Now to be fair, Arief also said at the seminar that regional leaders such as himself should not discriminate against any of their citizens, even if they are deviant members of the LGBT community.

Which is a nice thing to say. Because it would be really unfair to discriminate against somebody just because their lazy parents turned them gay by feeding them formula and instant noodles as a child.

Oh ho ho, Coconuts Jakarta. Listen to you laying on that sass. Would we be remiss in speculating that your writers ate more than their fair share of instant noodles as a child?

As we noted earlier, it’s been a bad week for Indonesian officials saying the dumb. Indonesian Minister of Defense Ryamizard Ryacudu referred to gay people as a threat worse than nuclear war, since they’re “proxies” of some unnamed foreign enemy (Big Gayistan?):

‘It’s dangerous as we can’t see who our foes are, but out of the blue everyone is brainwashed – now the community is demanding more freedom, it really is a threat,’ Ryacudu reportedly said in the Ministry of Defence today (23 February).

‘In a proxy war, another state might have occupied the minds of the nation without realizing it.

‘In a nuclear war, if a bomb is dropped over Jakarta, Semarang will not be affected — but in a proxy war, everything we know could disappear in an instant.’

A proxy war, he added, didn’t need military forces to undermine the country, as its effectiveness and danger came from being based on an ideology.

‘This sort of brainwashing is dangerous, as it skews the mindset of our nation away from our base ideology,’ Ryacudu said.

Oh honey, relax. Your ideology is base enough already. The only bomb any gays are dropping is that big high heel we drop on New Year’s. People adopting a new way of thinking is not brainwashing — it might just be that you’re being left behind, and that terrifies you. Here, Minister, have some ramen noodles.

[Huffington Post / Fox 13 News / Sun-Sentinel / Gay Star News / Coconuts Jakarta]

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  • The Wanderer

    I always thought that The Gay had the Nude Bomb and the Love Bomb in their arsenals.

    • in the name of the moon

      Don’t forget the Glitter Bomb

  • memzilla

    Dr. Malachi A. Love-Robinson… bases treatment… on natural laws governing the human body.

    “Natural laws,” I presume, that the rest of the grifteopathic industry uses, like “there’s one born every minute” and “a fool and his money…”

    • Antimassacree

      Barnum’s Law states the slope of the sucker population is linear (m = 1 sucker/min). Robertson’s Law defines the inverse relationship between time and a fool’s cash-on-hand.

      • Rick Hill

        I hear the propensity of suckers is proportional to the belief that one cannot be suckered.

  • weejee

    RMCP

    Not RCMP?

    • H0mer0

      I never saw that episode. It makes sense! (except for Snidely Whiplash giving the “bride” away.)

    • Biff52

      Poor Nell. Always a bridesmaid…

  • UnsaltedSinner

    Kid Charlatan Poses As Naturopathic Doctor, No One Notices Difference

    Well, how do you tell the difference between a fake doctor and a fake fake doctor? In fact, wouldn’t a fake fake doctor be a real doctor?

    • Shibusa

      To qualify as a naturopath, all one has to do is tell patients not to consume dairy or wheat. Voila!

      • Dr. Krieger IRL

        Mitchell and Webb!

      • UnsaltedSinner

        Well, I can do that.

      • darnyoudarnyoutoheck

        Sugar, too, also.

      • Amy!

        Are grilled cheese sandwiches okay? Asking for a friend.

        • dead_elvis

          As long as the cheese is made from human breast milk.

      • Takoma DC

        And don’t fergit to limit yerself to food stuffs and liquid drinks according to your special unique precious blood type.

    • Fun with Cthulhu

      Kid Charlatan is my favourite Steely Dan song.

      • bozilingus

        Only when he does it without his fez on.

      • dead_elvis

        Only a fool would say that.

        (jk, The Royal Scam is my fave Dan LP.)

  • Rick Hill

    My father’s side of me reads this and thinks about all the suckers that just need to be relieved of their monetary burdens. Oth, the other side of my heritage makes me either too principled, or stupid, to actually do something like that.

  • Blender_415

    What’s the problem? He’s just following Pat Robertson’s business model (albeit in a different field). When are they going to arrest Pat? Ohhhhhh, never mind.

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    I still don’t get the “gays are worser than being nuked” argument.

  • Ricky Gay

    Feeding a child ramen will just turn them into a writer. = haha!

    • Thaumaturgist

      Worked with my son.

  • That Indonesia thing is ridiculous. I mean, I know I became gay because for ninth grade English I had to read S.E. Hinton’s “The Outsiders” and got to the scene describing Ponyboy massaging his buff older brother after a long day of roofing ahd who gets a paragraph-long description of how tight his t-shirt around is on his body.

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    I have decided to become a Dr. of Expressive Art Therapy. (D-EAT?)

    It is almost a real thing, and apparently you can become certified after paying thousands of dollars to attend 6 – 10 Saturday brunch workshops, and then you can go on to give Ted Talks and write books on pseudosciency evolutionary-anthropological quackery subjects like “How marriage is really un-natural, so give yourself a break if you cheated on every partner you ever had because your DNA made you do it”, and like Ester Perell, I will also call myself a “psychotherapist” with my new found hours of training in Expressive Art Therapy;minor in obtuse Snark, of course.

    • eggsacklywright

      I, too have training in Expressive Art Therapy, with a minor in Medical Expert: ergo, my title is Dr. Eggs, EATME

  • Jenny

    Who the heck was helping this kid with all this crap? Websites cost money. Locations cost money. Wtf.

    • nmmagyar

      And who the fuck would lease office space to an 18 y/o?

      • Gil

        Donald Trump?

  • chimichanga

    Next the kid’s going to drop the “Robinson” and reincarnate as sex therapist, Dr. Love.

  • DerrickWildcat

    That kid is awesome.

  • You know what rhymes with “ramen?”

    Gay men.

    QED
    ~

  • Pinkham’s Law

    I’m not getting the Ramen connection. I mean, I’m really not interested in limp noodles.

  • Never trust a gynecologist who has his staff head shot taken at Olan Mills Studios.

    • eggsacklywright

      Or Terry Richards.

    • Major_Major_Major

      Staff head shot, is that a euphemism for dick pic?

  • jviscont1

    Possibly the 1st Doogie Howser inspired fraud in that garden of Eden of fraud, Florida.

  • jmhm

    That was eighteen commas in one sentence. I love me some nested clauses, but that’s excessive.

    Isn’t this more or less how Michele Fiore made her nut?

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      “That was eighteen commas in one sentence. I love me some nested clauses, but that’s excessive.”

      Bertrand Russell libelz. Well, he would have dashes, semi-colons and possibly other forms of punctuation in sometimes-page-long sentences also too.

      • sw19womble

        It was a happier time: when punctuation ran free and unfettered across the landscape…

        • DoILookAmused2u ?

          Make English Great Again!

          Our sentences no longer fill entire pages because writers today are losers.

          • Pinkham’s Law

            You must not read RWNJ rants very often.

          • sw19womble

            RWNJ blogs are so low energy. Like real losers. But I like Wonkette. A lot of my friends are Wonketeers. And they like me. They’re so great. You know….

        • Zippy

          freerange punctuation

      • UnsaltedSinner

        Also Dickens libelz.

        • DoILookAmused2u ?

          19th-century-born bastards!

      • jmhm

        When Dr Love is Bertrand Russell, Dr Love can punctuate like Bertrand Russell /everyenglishteacherever

      • dead_elvis

        David Foster Wallace probably also too.

  • Oneofthebobs

    We can’t allow the gays to continue development of a soy-ramen based weapon!

    • Dr. Krieger IRL

      I volunteer to test that weapon, because it sounds delicious.

    • OddMan

      “Mr. President, we must not allow a soy-ramen based weapons gap!”

      • Oneofthebobs

        No fighting in the war room please.

  • Dr. Krieger IRL

    As a resident Fake Doctor, I do need to express the real-world danger of nefarious countries and their gay super weapons and gay proxy-wars and their sinister Gay Agenda, maybe a few other gay nouns, too.
    Because that’s totally a very real threat.

    • WeaselPoo

      And so freakin’ GAAAYYY also.

    • eggsacklywright

      But, but, those rotinis are sooo seductive. I quiver with anticipatory delight.

  • FlownOver

    If Malachi would just shift his practice to ophthalmology in Kentucky he’d be able to get all credentialed-like without difficulty. Free market medicine rocks!

    • Blank Ron

      Watch for a Presidential run in 2036!

  • The trick with the gay ramen noodles is to not use the powdered flavor package.

    That’s where all the gay is.

    • Dr. Krieger IRL

    • handyhippie65

      and the heartburn.

    • Rick Hill

      And chemtrails. They package chemtrails in them, too.

    • SnarkOff

      And the Umami.

      • sw19womble

        You mean the u-MAN-i, right, amiright!

    • WeaselPoo

      Though if you want a successful party, mix some powdered Ramon flavor package contents with sour cream for a faaabulous dip. .You’ll attract just the right amount of gay for a successful soiree.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      MSG == Mono Sodium Gay-tamate

      • Is that way so many of teh gheys want to get married?

        • Monicaahopkins4

          ❝my .friend’s mate Is getting 98$. HOURLY. on the internet.”….two days ago new McLaren. F1 bought after earning 18,512$,,,this was my previous month’s paycheck ,and-a little over, 17k$ Last month ..3-5 h/r of work a day ..with extra open doors & weekly. paychecks.. it’s realy the easiest work I have ever Do.. I Joined This 7 months ago and now making over 87$, p/h.Learn. More right Here:;/146➤➤➤➤➤ http://GlobalSuperEmploymentVacanciesReportsJobs/GetPaid/98$hourly…. .❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:::::;/146………….

    • Takoma DC

      Very true! When you hold it up to sunlight – it sparkles! Gay homosexual sparkles like Liberace’s eyes!

  • Joe Beese

    I don’t even know what to say.

    TODD: You know right now on Twitter, there is a trending retweet of yours. You tweeted someone from “ilduce2016″, it was a Mussolini quote, but you didn’t know it was Mussolini when you retweeted it, it said, “It is better to live one day as a lion than one hundred years as a sheep.”* That’s a famous Mussolini quote, you retweeted it, do you like the quote? Did you know it was Mussolini?

    TRUMP: It’s okay to know it’s Mussolini. Yeah, look Mussolini was Mussolini. Its a very good quote, it’s a very interesting quote, and I know it… I saw it… I saw what… I know who said it. But what difference does it make whether it’s Mussolini or somebody else? It’s certainly a very interesting quote.

    TODD: Well…

    TRUMP: That’s probably why…

    TODD: Mussolini…

    TRUMP: I, between Facebook and Twitter…

    TODD: …was a fascist.

    TRUMP: …have fourteen million people who…

    TODD: …do you want to be associated…

    TRUMP: …want to be able to vote. It’s a very interesting quote and people can talk about it.

    TODD: Do you want to be associated with a fascist?

    TRUMP: No, I want to be associated with interesting quotes, and people, I have almost fourteen million people between Instagram and Facebook and Twitter, and all of that and we do interesting things. And I sent it out, and it certainly got your attention didn’t it?

    TODD: Well, it is trending on Twitter right now. Mister Trump, I have to leave it there. Stay safe on the trail.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4apq_eEwjAA

    • Dr. Krieger IRL

      Wow.

    • sw19womble

      Will Trump make Amtrak’s trains run on time? Because honestly nobody could fail to be impressed if he manages that.

    • Zippy
    • Villago Delenda Est

      And here I thought Rudy911 was “Ill Douche”. I was wrong. “Ill Douche” is The Donald.

      • Zippy

        Rudy is Lil Douche

        • H0mer0

          and Fuckabee is Lil Abner? (without the muscles and sexy hair-no wait, that’s Gov Perry.)

          • Dr. Krieger IRL

            Huck is currently in the woods humping a dead boar.

          • The Wanderer

            Even dead swine have more taste than that.

          • The Wanderer

            Mammy Yoakum would have nothing to do with that hornswogglin’, mizzable SKONK!

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          Got any piano wire handy, Zip?

    • Blank Ron

      Really? This surprises people?

    • UnsaltedSinner

      I’m going to be the boring fair liberal here and point out that just because that quote was said by Mussolini, that doesn’t mean you have to be a fascist to agree with it. But nice trolling by whoever introduced Trump to it.

    • Dr. Krieger IRL

      “You see, Todd, I have a lot of Italian friends. Many friends. I’m currently polling at 70% with the Italian-American vote. It’s incredible. Anyway, my many, wonderful, Italian friends say that they thought Mussolini was a great man. They really do.”

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      “Mussolini was Mussolini…”. Who knew? No wonder Republicans love this guy.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        Say, you know who else was Mussolini?

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          Hitler?

          • Mehmeisterjr

            Close. It was his distant Italian cousin Hitlerini.

        • yyyaz

          Alessandra Romano.

        • Skadi

          Coriolanus?

        • Sister Romaine, the principle of the Catholic grade school I attended?

    • WeaselPoo

      “It is better to live one day as a lion than one hundred years as a sheep.”*

      TRUMP: No, I want to be associated with interesting quotes, and people
      I have almost fourteen million people between Instagram and Facebook and Twitter, and all of that and we do interesting things.

      That’s all of it right there. Trump is Mussolini, a bombast whose pandering to a sufficient mass of morons that Il Duce then imagined made him superior to all—instead of being merely superior to the mass of morons who invested in his bullshit.

      To Trump, mere attention = “interesting” , NOT intellectually engaging.
      To Trump, x million followers = legitimacy: by that reckoning, a World Cup soccer ball .would be more terrific and yooge President than Trump, because well over a BILLION people express a passionate interest in it every four years, just like the US election.

      • sw19womble

        Plus, Trump would have fitted in right at home at the head of FIFA

        • The Wanderer

          No, Sepp Blatter comes across as far more villainous and war-criminal-creepy than Trump. Trump would be the loudmouthed and brainless front man.

          • sw19womble

            Same patronising attitude/fear of women, though…

          • The Wanderer

            Of course! It’s all part of being a villain. In an earlier era, they’d have whip-thin, oiled mustaches to twirl as they cackled “Nyah-ha-ha!”

          • Jonny On Maui

            And tying women to railroad tracks, What’s up with that? I mean that’s a special section in the bondage group, right? Railroads and rope…

          • Blank Ron

            No wonder the classic Olde-Tyme villains are a dying breed: as the railroads consolidate and prune away redundant and uneconomical trackage, there just isn’t enough rail left for them to tie women to.

          • Biff52
          • H0mer0

            but unlike trumpster, HIS hair was perfect.

          • Biff52

            Sepp Blatter? There’s an app ointment for that.

          • Mehmeisterjr

            Dr. Malachi Love-Robinson specializes the naturopathic healing of Sepp Blatter. Call now for an appointment and be sure to bring your checkbook.

      • Nockular cavity

        WILSON libel!!!

      • darnyoudarnyoutoheck

        A one day old lion is a blind, toothless ball of cute.

    • jmk

      Ahhh yes… more liberal media at work as Chuckles says “Mr. Trump, you approvingly retweeted a fascist and you were endorsed by white supremacists…. but imma have to leave it there because whoops, that’s not something anyone should worry about, right?”

    • Great Holy Mary Mother of God, that man is a dumb fuck.

  • sw19womble

    *sheepishly hides certificate for alchemy degree (BA Hons) from webcam*

    • Dr. Krieger IRL

      Did you study alchemy under John Dee?
      Things were never the same after that whole Edward Kelley fiasco.

      • Skadi

        I thought about registering for one of his classes, but he had too many math prerequisites.

    • schmannity

      Can you turn gold into lead?

      • sw19womble

        I can turn water into lead, if that helps. Fun fact: the emergency manager at Flint, Michigan went to my alma mater – the Zosimus of Panopolis University of Panopolis.

        • Dr. Krieger IRL

          Damn, I went to Mortlake Manor. Panopolis always beat our track and field teams.

          • The Wanderer

            I wanted to attend Miskatonic, but I wasn’t eldritch enough.

          • Zippy

            you shall be matriculated last

          • Villago Delenda Est

            Whatsamatta U is rated higher than Miskatonic.

          • The Wanderer

            That’s just because the Mighty Moose mascot is taller than the Fighting Cephalopod.

          • Blank Ron

            That means ‘oblong,’ right?

          • The Wanderer

            In a strictly non-Euclidean sense, yeah.

          • eggsacklywright

            In the olden days, when I was a mere pram, I had a toy Euclid truck. It was yellow.

          • Biff52

            I used to drive an actual Euclid haul truck. Yooooge!

          • Blank Ron

            Bet it was classy too.

          • sw19womble

            But you still hold the winning record in the annual boat race – 302 to 271. Give us another century, tho…

  • Villago Delenda Est

    What? No certification from the Rand Paul ahdoctor board?

  • OddMan

    There are people who are deathly afraid of noodles. I could find no recognized name but pastaphobia or itriaphobia sounds close. Mayor Arief Wismansyah definitely has this, with a strong side of homophobia.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Smite them with meatballs! Let the Marinara flow like water! (ok, not that thin, it’s borderline blasphemy…)

      • SnarkOff

        Miso libel.

        • yyyaz

          Miso horny.

      • eggsacklywright

        Won’t someone think of the pesto?

      • H0mer0

        …and Alfredo, a mighty stream

    • sw19womble

      For shame, he has yet to be touched by His noodly appendage. R-amen.

      • Zippy

        that is in fact the actual mechanism for how ramen turns kids ghey- the FSM touches their noodly appendages and turns them into ghey pirates

    • SnarkOff

      And let’s not even talk about all of the people who are DEATHLY ALLERGIC to ramen noodles.

      • Jonny On Maui

        Is the food thread here?

        Sorry, I heard ‘allergic’…

        • sw19womble

          HE SAID BEEEEEEEEFFFF!!!!!!

          • Jonny On Maui

            And the vegans have arrived.

            “Food court is now in session…All rise…”

  • Riley Whodat Venable

    You describe Malachi as an unlicensed quack naturopath.

  • schmannity

    A fake doctor practicing quack medicine on imbeciles. In Florida you say? I’m going to have to call bullshit on that one.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      No one in Florida would ever fall for…

      Oh, never mind. I just can’t keep my face straight on that one…

  • Hutch

    Oh hey! A post about my doctor! Let me go back up and read it.

  • RoyalUglyDude

    I like boobies. My condition has never been diagnosed until now.
    Will ramen noodles cure me? I think I’d rather live with this chronic condition.

    • Dr. Krieger IRL

      Have courage, my friend.
      You’re not alone in your struggle.

  • Zippy
  • Msgr_Moment

    OT: haven’t heard aught from Hot Mess since she endorsed Dumpster Fire. Has Krispy Kreme alienated Dumpster Fire’s affect[at]ions?

  • Blank Ron

    Naturopathy! So easy an 18-year-old can do it!

  • Jason M

    He doesn’t even look like a doctor. He looks like some kid in a Walgreen’s photo lab jacket with a Fisher Price stethoscope around his neck. Still, if he wrote me a scrip for Vicodin, I’d give him 5 stars on Yelp, too.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    For reasons that still baffle us, the hospital and police decided not to charge the teen with a crime despite the potential HIPAA hurricane the teen could have caused. His mom said he had an illness of some kind and was off his meds.

    If we could trust our judges to take things like mental illness into account, and not take things like black skin into account, then yes, go ahead and press charges and get the system to keep an eye on this guy.

    But if we can’t trust our judges not to be dicks, then appeals not to press charges for things like this carry more weight. Not saying the hospital did the right thing here, (and wanting to minimize negative publicity was probably part of it too) but I can see why his mom’s appeal carried some weight.

    • SnarkOff

      Yes, exactly.

  • SnarkOff

    Call me a bleeding-heart liberal, but I think Wonkette should go a little easier on teenagers, even if they are 18. This kid is more likely mentally ill than he is malevolent.

    • Mavenmaven

      I thought so too until the stealing of a patient’s checkbook. Otherwise, no different than any other “naturopath” at any age.

    • thenearesthippie

      Whether this kid’s mentally ill, malevolent, or both, Trump’s found his running mate. And since the kid’s blah, and the blahs already love Trump anyway — VICTORY! In conclusion, fuck you, Ben Carson.

      • Skadi

        Running mate? Kid’s family should demand a paternity test.

  • cousin itt

    OT but, snake oil salesman par excellence: Donald Trump wouldn’t disavow former Ku Klux Klan grand wizard David Duke’s support for his presidential bid in an interview Sunday, saying that he knows nothing about the white supremacist leader.

    “Just so you understand, I don’t know anything about David Duke, OK?” Trump told CNN’s Jake Tapper on “State of the Union.”

    Trump was pressed three times on whether he’d distance himself from the Ku Klux Klan — but never mentioned the group in his answers.

    “I don’t know anything about what you’re even talking about with white supremacy or white supremacists,” he said. “So I don’t know. I don’t know — did he endorse me, or what’s going on? Because I know nothing about David Duke; I know nothing about white supremacists.” http://www.cnn.com/2016/02/28/politics/donald-trump-white-supremacists/index.html

    • Villago Delenda Est

      I’ve read that Trump’s dad had some KKK involvement. Like father, like son.

    • The Wanderer

      “Because I know nothing about David Duke, I know nothing about white supremacists.”
      Holy fucking in napalm with lit tiki torches, Batman, how clueless and shallow can a human being be?

    • jmk

      Did Tapper not ask “seriously? You don’t know anything about white supremacists – a major issue in some people’s lives – and you want people to think that you’re qualified to run the country?”

      Oh. Jake Tapper. Never mind.

      • Blank Ron

        He ‘doesn’t know anything’ in the LALALALALA I CAN”T HEAR YOU sense.

      • Thomas McCabe

        The only way Trump could not know about the KKK and white supremacy is if he spent the last seven decades walking around with his head up his arse.

        Mind you that might explain the colour.

    • greyXstar

      “White supremacists aren’t even real and they love me. That’s how incredible I am! I mean, look — I’m not saying that anyone is infer — everyone wants to jump on the Trump train okay? And who can blame them? It’s incredible, what I’m doing. Just remarkable. But I know for a fact — and I know this because I talk to alot of people okay? A lot. And I can tell you that I’ve never heard any white pers — why are we even talki — this is all so divisive, what you’re doing here. Very divisive. And dishonest, frankly. Go ask Hillary about her Black Lives whatever. Then you can come back and ask me about alleged white slushie machines or whatever the hell.”

    • thenearesthippie

      SGT. SCHULTZ 2016!

      • Skadi

        I see nothing!

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Disavow? It’s part of the Republican “big tent” philosophy.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    “Mechanotherapy”. Is that what they were doing at the Malheur National Wildlife Refuge HQ with all that donated equipment?

    • The Wanderer

      Didn’t I see something about that in Ghost in the Shell?

  • Vecciojohn LLC

    I always prick up my ears when I see a story about the causes and cures for the Big G.

    What?

    • eggsacklywright

      A graduate of the Orton School of Homology, eh?

  • Mavenmaven

    Talking about serious BS, though, anyone see the depths that Ross Douthat reached today? Obama is responsible for unleashing the Trump bigots because he was a black person.

    • Major_Major_Major

      Party of personal responsibilty?

    • Latverian Diplomat

      PWB — Presidentin’ while Black

    • sw19womble

      If only that uppity President had remembered his place not been elected twice by the popular vote, then none of this would have happened.
      People, this is why segregation works.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Douthat is practically daring Bill Kristol to top him. Or perhaps I should say bottom him, depending on whether Bill is eating his ramen and soy.

  • H0mer0

    as a real doctor with my own practice (11 years of this and still sweating every month to come up with the rent,) I’m impressed at the gumption of this kid, hiring a staff, renting office space, advertising, ordering equipment and supplies and signage…maybe they got him because he wasn’t withholding payroll taxes, rookie mistake.

    • Biff52

      Can I shadow you on “take your Wonketteer to work day”?

      • H0mer0

        sure, wanna learn how to draw blood and give shots?

        • Biff52

          Pfft. I grew up in the sixties, we learned that stuff early!

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “Regional leaders like myself should not discriminate against any of our citizens, even the deviant noodle eaters.” — Arief Wismansyah (paraphrased)

    “Many fabulous people come in from Mexico and our country is better for it. But these people are here legally, and are severely hurt by those coming in illegally…I am proud to say that I know many hard working Mexicans—many of them are working for and with me…and, just like our country, my organization is better for it.” — Donald Trump (exact quote)

    People are the same all over.

    • Blank Ron

      For a given value of ‘people.’

      • Latverian Diplomat

        That value being “stupid and awful”.

    • proudgrampa

      “Deviant Noodle Eaters” shall be the name of my new garage grunge band.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        You should all dress up like Andy Rooney in Breakfast at Tiffanys.

  • Ducksworthy

    You know who else was really into Naturopathy? Seriously, when I was a youth and just discovered the health food store, it was jammed with refugees from the collapse of the 3rd Reich.

    • Hitler’s vegetarian diet was responsible for his chronic flatulence.

  • Blank Ron

    The mayor of the Indonesian city of Tangerang is claiming that a diet of ramen noodles will most definitely turn a child into a great big homo.

    Because when I have important questions concerning sexuality, diet and psychology, the first person I go to is the mayor of my community.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Idiot poses as mayor, nobody notices, he get reelected.

      • Nounverb911

        George W. Bush?

        • Latverian Diplomat

          Substitute President for mayor, and yes.

        • Vecciojohn LLC

          Fool me twice . . . Can’t put food on your family. . .

          • H0mer0

            he was misunderestimated —for how much he fucked up the planet for generations, that is!

          • nmmagyar

            But can you practice your love on them?

          • Vecciojohn LLC

            I’m no longer a licensed practitioner, so no. Sorry.

          • H0mer0

            I thought you only needed to be an aristocrat for that.

      • Blank Ron

        I didn’t realise you’d ever lived in Toronto!

        • H0mer0

          I haven’t heard about him for a while. What’s he up to?

          • Zippy

            about an eight ball a day…

    • eggsacklywright

      But what if people only want to be teenie-tiny homos?

  • Eating Ramen noodles makes you a writer. Writers are gay. Therefore, eating Ramen noodles makes you gay (and fabulous). It’s just logic, folks.

    • H0mer0

      nuh uh! Ramen noodles was a staple of my med school days and other than my fascination with the mammaries and lesbian pR0n…I’ve said too much…

      • Vecciojohn LLC

        Too late! Now we know you’re a doctor! Take your lies from the pit of hell and go back there!

        • H0mer0

          what gave it away? the ramen or the pR0n?

      • Blank Ron

        Not at all. Do go on.

      • Me not sure

        Was that supposed to be lesbian prawns?

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Surely there are better ways to be gay than becoming a writer. I hear hairdressing and interior design pay better. Being a construction worker or a cop pays even better.

      • Vecciojohn LLC

        And as usual, the Native American gets nothing.

        • nmmagyar

          Well, there was the smallpox

          • thixotropic jerk

            Don’t forget Custer’s head on a plate!

          • Me not sure

            I offer a blanket condemnation of that.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            It’s a wooly subject.

        • True fact: the Indian Chief from the Village People was actually a Mexican, AND was the only one who was actually gay.

          • Lascauxcaveman

            Now that’s depressing. Only one bona fide gay in the whole pack? But those guys were where I actually came to the realization that Gay was a thing. Probably at age 17 or 18.

            [/sheltered, straight teen in the 70s]

          • Vecciojohn LLC

            I heard – years ago, of course – that only one of them wasn’t gay. Can’t remember which one, of course. At least I think that’s what I heard.

          • I think the cowboy was gay too. As well as the 2nd policeman.

      • DoILookAmused2u ?

        Rub-a-dub-dub
        Three dudes in a tub
        I’ll bet ya 10 bucks that they’re gay.
        A fluffer, a baker, and an interior decorator
        (The rest of this nursery rhyme requires you to read our terms of service and state that your are over 18 years old).

      • Zippy

        You forgot the indian and the leather clad biker

        • Me not sure

          And of course there is the Navy. ” Thank you for your servicing!”

  • Biff52

    Phototherapy? He takes pictures of hoohaws and boobs? I didn’t see any of those on his website.

    • Blank Ron

      They’re behind a paywall.

      • thenearesthippie

        Behind the Green Paywall.

    • Vecciojohn LLC

      He’s working on his premium pay site as we speak.

    • Me not sure

      Sometimes you have to shine a light where the sun don’t shine.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    From the Gawker article on The Donald’s quoting Mussolini:

    At the time of the account’s creation, Gawker Media Executive Editor
    John Cook expressed some concern that the joke behind the account was
    far too obvious, and wouldn’t trick anyone but a complete idiot.

    BURRRRN!

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      And he was right.

  • Robyn Ryan

    The kid could get a job writing word salad for government contractors and politicians.

    • H0mer0

      IKR? A promising career. I think I understood his mission statement better than the prose of Arief, Ryacudu, and the legislation pertaining to “Meaningful Use” of electronic medical records.

  • H0mer0

    “Body Paint Wedding Pictures Where We Can See Everything”
    That’s a good way of knowing who the best man is.

    • Anarchy Pony

      Never judge a penis when flaccid.

      • Me not sure

        Also too, never take a dick pic with the jumper cables still attached.

        • Jonny On Maui

          What does it take to get an invite to one of your parties?

          Asking for a fiend…

          • Me not sure

            12 volts.

          • Jonny On Maui

            Ahhh… The new BYOB…

          • Me not sure

            …and a really good punch recipe.

      • Melanie Aitken

        Especially when it is dead

  • Zippy

    OT OUCH! (from Meg Whitman- Christie’s former campaign mgr)

    “Chris Christie’s endorsement of Donald Trump is an astonishing display of political opportunism. Donald Trump is unfit to be President. He is a dishonest demagogue who plays to our worst fears. Trump would take America on a dangerous journey. Christie knows all that and indicated as much many times publicly. The Governor is mistaken if he believes he can now count on my support, and I call on Christie’s donors and supporters to reject the Governor and Donald Trump outright. I believe they will. For some of us, principle and country still matter.”

    • Villago Delenda Est

      This much is obvious to anyone who doesn’t have a professional investment (I’m looking at the offal that constitutes our mainstream media) in The Donald.

      • Zippy

        It really is pathetic the way the MSM were more than happy to build T-rump up from nothing just for the lulz and the page hits. At that point the Dem race didn’t look like it would be competitive, so they slagged Hillz 24/7 to help the eventual horse race and gave T-rump millions of dollars worth of free advertising in order to build one of their cherished fucking narratives and have something to talk about. And they now dishonestly say they have to cover him because he’s the frontrunner- after doing everything in their power to put him there.

        • roberteye

          Superb take! My sentiments exactly. It’s been an epic MSM fail – or success, depending on your POV, how they have manipulated the races. Even “liberal” MSNBC (now CNN-lite) spent months alternatively trashing HRC (e-mails e-mails e-mails, then Bill Bill Bill, etc.), pumping up Sanders (Maddow:”Ooh, look at the size of those crowds!”) AND doing constant cutaways to standard Trump events (Matthews: “He’s a real pro American guy, a straight talker!”) . They’ve done a terrible disservice, and all the debates have been despicable displays of non-information, no push back on blatant false hoods, no hard questions about guns, voting restrictions, climate, etc., and often leading questions that reveal an agenda (“Since the economic meltdown that happened when Obama took office…”)

    • Vecciojohn LLC

      “How could this opportunistic blowhard have betrayed us so? I am dying, New Jersey, dying!”

    • greyXstar

      A full of shit candidate’s campaign manager should probably understand that their candidate is full of shit.

    • Thaumaturgist

      Is Christie trying to position himself as Trump’s Cheney?

      • Zippy

        he’s desperate for a job, once the NJ peeps tell him to jump off a bridge

    • AnOuthouse

      I don’t understand how they can feel Trump is that much worse than the others in their party. They’re all evil.

      • Zippy

        because T-rump isn’t predictable or controllable evil

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          You win the intertubes, as always

        • That’s it, precisely. No-one can reason with Ted Cruz or offer him a deal. He’s like a Terminator. Trumpy is an angry bear – he can be distracted by sufficient raw meat and honey.

        • MrCanoehead

          So Trump is role-playing a statesman and his alignment is Chaotic Evil? Sounds like GOP&D.

    • Biff52

      Principle? She backed Chris-Chris, for fuck’s sake!

  • Hijabi Rockstar

    Ramen AND soy make you gay? So Japan should just go ahead and rename itself “Gayistan, Gay Republic of Gayness.”

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      So sorry Hijabi-san,

      Dōseiai-rando = Homosexual-Land.

      同性愛ランド

    • Me not sure

      I don’t think that one can overstate that, but if could, one should!

  • tehbaddr

    So the kid likes to dress up and play Doctor to look at the lady parts. Most males have done this before, but at like age 5-10!

  • Bad Granny

    You know, there might be something to the ramen/sexuality angle. It would explain why so many good Baptist boys go off to college and come back changed.

  • Nockular cavity

    Coconuts Jakarta

    HEY! That’s my drag name!

  • JoeChristmas

    Ladies and gentlemen, presenting the next US Senator from the great state of Florida. Sounds like he and Rick Scott should work well together.

  • Me not sure

    Damn those noodle eaters!

  • Callyson

    Everyone knows the gay-turning foods are sausages for men and tacos for women

    Wait–I thought it was the tuna that made women gay!

    • Biff52

      I’m allergic to fish.

      Could help explain my current drought…

    • Doug Langley

      So, what – I have to give up my sausage tofu? Or my Ramen tacos? Or my tuna casserole? This is confusing.

    • guppy06

      Fish tacos, perfect for Catholic lesbians (hah!) during Lent.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        We call those nuns.

        • kev

          why do you call “fish tacos” nuns?

    • therblig

      do you like fish sticks?

  • proudgrampa

    Well, THAT’s a lovely bunch of Coconuts!

  • Ranina

    Florida? Enough said.

    • Jonny On Maui

      “Florida! Where health care goes to die…”

  • bozilingus

    Dr. Love-Robinson is what happens when regulating agencies budgets are slashed to the bone. Florida is just letting the free market decide on who should be doing the healing.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gT1mJ8DKT44

  • HolidayinCambodia

    Dr. Love-Robinson’s mistake was not claiming to be some anti-choice propaganda mill. Then, there would be no rules (First Amendment!) on staffing or the quantity or quality of lies that he would be permitted to foist on the unsuspecting public.

    Maybe next year.

    • NorthStarSpanx

      Indeed. The Florida State Legislature would be whipping out laws all for him standing his ground for life!

  • SK

    Oh if only he had just charged with a knife at his best friend (and missed), why, he could have become a real doctor some day. And then he could have made even more money with his pyramid schemes, and quackery.

    Why, he could have even been a presidential candidate!

    What a doofus, he instead settled for being a doctor now.

    Thanks, Obamacare, we told you this would happen.

    • OneDemin EOr

      Pyramid schemes, haha!

  • OneDemin EOr

    I live out in BFE, where little old ladies (the original lols) regularly fall victim to medical scammers and fake IRS collections.
    Years ago, there was a guy offering door-to-door, in-home breast exams. Yes, you read that right. He was actually successful for about half a day; then the cops were called and he slipped town.
    Nice work if you can get it…

    • Vegan and Tiara

      So there really is such a thing as a “Female Body Inspector?” I thought that was just a T-shirt slogan.
      I had a guy call me once saying he was a podiatry student and could he ask me a few questions about my feet. Things got weird pretty fast.

      • kev

        my t-shirt advertising free mustache rides is no joke either, sister.

        • Vegan and Tiara

          Lulz!

    • NorthStarSpanx

      It’s going to happen soon with these ALEC laws, got to make sure women aren’t sluts, or prone to being sluts, and virginity tests for the young and unmarried ones also too.

    • kev

      are there any franchises for sale in ohio? i,m looking for a way to stay busy.

      • JustDon’tSayDittos

        scroll up. apparently your new Mclaren F1 is waiting for you.

        • kev

          i was more interested in the door-to-door breast examination gig.

  • SDGeoff

    I like the way the young “doctor” uses air as one of his tools.
    Air.
    That’s good. I would totes go to him.

    • guppy06

      He’ll blow air up your vadge, much like a certain kink.

      • Calli Arcale

        Random quack factoid (quacktoid?) of the day: in the 18th and 19th centuries, blowing tobacco smoke up one’s posterior was believed to have all sorts of recouperative powers, and it was often used to wake people from fainting spells.

        Honestly, I think just the *threat* of a “treatment” would wake a lot of people up….

        • ahughes798

          Probably where the term “Blowing smoke up your ass” came from, eh?

    • ahughes798

      If he used Earth, Wind and Fire I would totally go see this dude.

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        Here, we might need to explain your joke to the youngsters:
        https://latimesphoto.files.wordpress.com/2014/10/fa_1123_earthwindfire1_970.jpg

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          True story, my husband hung with those guys in CO back in the day. I am sure things were dropped, smoked, rolled and otherwise enjoyed most heartily.

          • Kiri the Unicorn

            As they should be!

        • Morrigan In Oregon

          Who’s the one armed guy?

      • Vegan and Tiara

        He’s a shining star, no matter who you are.

      • JustDon’tSayDittos

        Not to be a downer, but I still has a sad about Maurice. EWF will never be the same.

    • wavicles

      Earth also too.

  • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

    Doogie Howser didn’t have pubic hair and yet he was a doctor. Splain that!!

  • ahughes798

    “Feeding a child ramen will just turn them into a writer.” Or a musician.

    except they would also be gay because they weren’t breastfed, so they would want men with…boobs? Worked for Richard Speck.

  • azeyote

    “Dr.” Love-Robinson – a perfect example that regulations are destroying free enterprise – where’s his religious freedom ?

  • Jen_Baker_VA

    This reminds me, it has been a long time since I have had ramen noodles. I think I will have some tomorrow.

    • Be Gin

      Hi sodium, Hi Carbo Therapy.

      I also refer to Ice cream as Hi Calcium Fortification Blessing ritual.

      • kev

        what’s a fornication blessing ritual? asking for a friend.

  • puipui

    So if eating ramen makes you gay, I guess that explains why so many people experiment in college.

  • Lady Bug

    But his name is LOVE how can he be bad? HUH?!??!!!111

    • Takoma DC

      There’s Courtney and there’s Malachi. That’s enough proof for me.

  • Vegan and Tiara

    Majored in ‘Christian apologetics’ = many lulz.
    I think this is what the ENTIRE GOP majored in.

    • I forgot, which one had a minor in Scapegoating Theory?

      • Vegan and Tiara

        AOT, K

    • SK

      No, Trump flunked that.

      Or does he have an honorary doctorate from Trump University?

  • Vegan and Tiara

    Ramen?
    I barely touched them!

  • blaid droog

    I learned a long time ago,it’s always better to use licensed quacks. At least you can sue them.

  • Al F

    Ph.D.? LOL! Eh, you have no idea how much work that takes.

  • Wow, did a young Ben Carson travel foward in time?

  • Takoma DC

    Dr.Love-Robinson is a perfect example of what it means to be a jobs creator. And he even paid his staff! Take that Fiorina!

  • Sterculius

    He probably paid more taxes than Apple.

  • Be Gin

    The term “Naturopathic Doctor” always implies impersonation of a doctor.

    Harsh? Hardly as harsh as grifters who prey upon cancer patient’s fears and anxiety with their high priced BS (Belief System).

    My spouse has suffered with cancer for 20 years. It’s bad enough as it is.In the first few years we were targeted by a variety of quackeries and neo-age nonsense.

    One day an “energy field tuner” got under my skin. I let them know that if I brought my spouse to their “energy refinement center” that I expected a complete cure. 100%.
    And if that cure was not forthcoming then I would go insane and realign the quacks energy field with a hunk of IRON pipe.

    They shut up and I learned that letting them know that there are real consequences for their confidence game trumps their need for pelf.

    Since then I have refined my ability to spot them coming and letting them know that they are dealing with someone who expects Unreal Claims to produce Unreal Results. Or Else.

    • willi0000000

      good!

      [ . . . and don’t bother with “votes” for those bastards ]

    • Zyxomma

      I studied at a school with a naturopathic doctor. He was extremely knowledgeable, and I learned a great deal more than what I already knew from many years of independent study. They’re not all quacks.

      When our local news told us what had happened in FL, they said he was posing as an MD. Either way, he’s a scammer.

  • willi0000000

    The Meme Wars, begun they have.

  • Monicaahopkins4

    ❝my .friend’s mate Is getting 98$. HOURLY. on the internet.”….two days ago new McLaren. F1 bought after earning 18,512$,,,this was my previous month’s paycheck ,and-a little over, 17k$ Last month ..3-5 h/r of work a day ..with extra open doors & weekly. paychecks.. it’s realy the easiest work I have ever Do.. I Joined This 7 months ago and now making over 87$, p/h.Learn. More right Here:;/147➤➤➤➤➤ http://GlobalSuperEmploymentVacanciesReportsJobs/GetPaid/98$hourly…. .❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:::::;/147……..

    • JustDon’tSayDittos

      Again:

  • NorthStarSpanx

    By these credentials, heck, they are qualified to run Sarah Palin’s PAC and shoot for a VP selection.

    Malachi’s operations director doesn’t list any business or marketing experience, but rather touts her family as credentials. The center’s program director isn’t even a doctor, admits she only holds an honorary doctorate in divinity for teaching enough Sunday school classes.

  • kev

    i just love the names of these jakartaguinians. what were they? whatsamattu and ryecooder?

  • Ionlylikecats

    …. *reads line about writers* *thinks about the years she spent eating mostly ramen* *looks at her writer’s notebooks* *looks back at article* *clutches notebooks to her chest* what… what have they done to me?

  • metlotter

    Since he appears to keep practicing with his real name, can’t they just set up a Google alert or something?

  • one word here explains it all: FLORIDA

    • Seriously, if one of my parents’ snow-bird friends isn’t feeling well, they’ll hop on a plane in the middle of January & fly back to lovely snowy CT for a twenty-minute doctor’s appointment. Florida is that bad.

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