Moderate Gentleman John Kasich Advises Womenfolk To 'Relax'

On Monday, Republican Ohio Gov. John Kasich opened his mouth, in that moderate and very reasonable way of his, and stuck his foot as far inside of it as it would go. He did so likably, and reasonably, because he is that mythical Republican of yesternever, whose loathsome extremist conservatism is delivered in a calm voice and with a disarming smile, to soothe and distract you from the terrible things he is saying.

[contextly_sidebar id="D4zNY6kO12a3QhFdOF4pRDwjXSQhLC2k"]Having just signed a bill to defund Planned Parenthood in his state, thereby denying basic healthcare to low-income women, but moderately so, Kasich told a charming story of his first election, when he was 26, and how peachy keen it was, Daddy-o, to have the help of "many women, who left their kitchens " to get him elected.

But don't clutch your panties and get your pearls in a wad, girls, because he didn't mean it like that:  

Sometimes when you operate on the high wire without a net, sometimes you'll fall off and not say things exactly the way you want to.

He meant to say women mostly just sat around in their kitchens -- in 1978! -- until White Knight Kasich came along and gave them a reason to go outside, but in a more eloquent a way that would not hurt your delicate feelings. But you needn't worry your pretty little heads about it, because asked by Wolf Blitzer if he is sorry, sure he is, why not?

Sure, I'm sorry. Anybody who's offended -- of course. Of course. I'm more than happy to say I'm sorry if I offended somebody out there, but it wasn't intended to be offensive, and if you hear the whole thing, you'll understand the context of it.

You see, girls? If we just look at the context, we'll understand there's no reason for us to get all hysterical about it. So let's do that:  

We just got an army of people -- and many women who left their kitchens to go out and go door to door and to put yard signs up for me all the way back when you know when things were different. Now you call homes and everybody is out working, but at that time, early days it was really an army of the women that really helped me to get elected.

Hrmmm. It's strange because even with alllll that context, Kasich is still misremembering a golden era back when things were different -- in 1978!!! -- before women worked outside the home. Except for all the women who worked outside the home and comprised nearly half of the labor force. Granted, many of them could only land lower-wage, part-time work because why would any Mister Boss Man take a real job with a real paycheck away from a deserving guy and give it to some broad?

But hey. Things have changed now, and once you all calm down and "relax," your tiny girl brains might grasp the larger point that Kasich loves loves LOVES women, especially the ones who've "played a major role" in his "political life." That's how he got to be governor, so he could sign all those fabulous bills to screw over the women of Ohio. And if ladies will take some time out of their newfangled modern "working" lives to help send Kasich to the White House, he'll screw overall the women of America the same way.

Awwww, what a moderate sweetheart.

[ CNN via NY Mag / TPM ]