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Housewives for Kasich

The very oh so moderate Ohio Gov. John Kasich loves the little ladies. He married one, and boy is his “hot wife” soooooo fine when she’s at home doing his laundry. Also, he has daughters, and god willing, they’ll grow up to be good little ladies too one day! The moderate governor’s heart is so extremely big, he’s got room for all the adorable little ladies in there. Especially the ones who’ve supported him throughout his distinguished moderate career, starting with his first election to the Ohio state Senate when he was 26:

How did i get elected? I didn’t have anybody for me. We just an army of people who um — and many women, who left their kitchens to go out and go door to door to put yard signs up for me.

Those were some good times, huh? Back in the roaring late ’70s, when Kasich was the pot-dealer for Ronald Reagan’s campaign staff (allegedly), and all the ladies stayed home where they belonged, making the menfolk sammiches, except for when they briefly ventured out to girl-fight for Kasich.

Maybe that’s why Kasich just signed a new bill to defund Planned Parenthood in his state. It’s his way of giving back to all the gals, like a friendly “thank you” slap on the ass. He loves you broads so much, he knows what’s best for you, and funding for reproductive health ain’t it. Besides, according to Gov. Kasich’s fellow moderate Republicans in the Ohio legislature, you can get your lady business taken care of at your local food bank, and no babies have to die, so everyone wins.

Being the moderate he is, though, “pro-life” Kasich knows it’s OK to murder your unborn baby if you got yourself raped or if you might otherwise die. That’s why there’s a special moderate exception in the bill he signed. True, under another bill Kasich previously signed, moderately, rape counselors are prohibited from telling victims abortion is available to them, so guess you girls just figure that one out on your own, somehow.

Man, it’s a good thing that charming fellow Kasich is one of those moderate, reasonable Republicans who loves the ladies so so SO much. Just imagine if he were a typical anti-woman conservative extremist. Oh what a shit show Ohio would be in that case, huh?

UPDATE: Kasich campaign’s team has responded to the scurrilous accusations that he said the words he said, about women and their kitchens:

Kasich response

Ah yes, the old “that totally gross casual sexism is not what you think it is, and why do you hate stay-at-home moms and grassroots campaigning?” defense. It’s as classic as mom’s apple pie. That she makes in her kitchen.

[h/t Zeke Miller / NBC Nightly News]

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  • FauxAntocles

    He’s just like that lovable curmudgeon, Archie Bunker.

    • Nounverb911

      Meathead libel!

    • QHarp

      Broads kept aspirin between their knees,
      Shooting browns was just good policy,
      Everything was nice and Jesus-y,
      Thoooose werrrre the daaaayyyyyyyys.’

    • The Wanderer

      No. Even Archie moderated his views. This shitheel won’t ever.

  • Nounverb911

    Kasich is “pro-life” just up to the point where your kid plays with a toy gun. Then he’ll bill you for the ambulance that takes him to the morgue.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      You left out the color of the kid’s skin. That really changes how Kasich feels on the issue.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Kasich is the dude tumbrel rides were made for.

    • Nounverb911

      Knit faster Madame Defarge.

  • Painter of Goats

    “…and many women, who left their kitchens to go out and go door to door to put yard signs up for me.”

    Did he pat them on the head when they were finished?

    • Joe Beese

      On the ass.

      • chicken thief

        In his defense, it’s hard to reach their head while reclining in the barcalounger.

  • Indiepalin

    Someone’s in the kitchen with Kasich, Dinah won’t you blow me now.

    • coozledad

      I hope she’s “strummin’ his old banjo” with those metal clawhammer picks.

  • deanbooth

    He’s a RINO in name only.

    • Nounverb911

      He’s a human in name only too, also.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      He’s mountain Dew in a tea cup.

      Moderate on the outside, “extreme” on the inside.

    • kindness

      Did you see him on Colbert last week? He was (as is his schtick) presenting himself to be Mr. Moderate and Colbert asked him if he was president in his last year in office if he would nominate a Supreme Court Justice if one came open. Mr. Moderate said of course he would but Obama shouldn’t because Obama has been so divicive. Made me want to reach through the TV and strangle his lying sack o shit ass.

      • Paul

        I originally read that as “retch through the TV”.

        Dyslexics untie!!

  • Lizzietish81
  • Latverian Diplomat

    In the Kasich household, they call the kitchen “The ladies’ room”. He’s never actually been in there, but he hears it’s nice.

    • Painter of Goats

      Richie:
      She said she’d do something desperate.

      Ralph:
      How desperate can you get in a ladies’ room?

      Richie:
      Do you know what’s in a ladies’ room?

      Ralph:
      No, do you?

  • Callyson

    Can’t wait to hear this asshole’s defense of cutting PP funds…

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Yeah, fuck this guy with a speculum and forceps. And votes!

    • The Wanderer

      Fuck him in the ear with a steel dildo (of votes).

  • Scooby

    Condemns women’s shoes for the hat trick.

  • Joe Beese

    It bears repeating as often as necessary: Of the serious contenders for the Republican nomination, the moderate candidate is calling for no abortion even in cases of rape and incest.

    • chicken thief

      That moment when you spot your boyfriend in the crowd.

  • Callyson

    Also too:

  • Shibusa

    22 astronauts were born in Ohio. What is it about Ohio that makes people want to flee the Earth? (Colbert)

    • Melissarmurphy3

      ❝my .friend’s mate Is getting 98$. HOURLY. on the internet.”….two days ago new McLaren. F1 bought after earning 18,512$,,,this was my previous month’s paycheck ,and-a little over, 17k$ Last month ..3-5 h/r of work a days ..with extra open doors & weekly. paychecks.. it’s realy the easiest work I have ever Do.. I Joined This 7 months ago and now making over 87$, p/h.Learn. More right Here!b!1111➤➤➤➤➤ http://GlobalSuperEmploymentVacanciesReportsPort/GetPaid/98$hourly…. .❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:::::!b!1111…….

  • AntiDerpomeme

    As a concerned citizen I need to know: what did all of Ohio’s menfolk eat in the 70’s when the ladies were selfishly leaving their kitchens, out gallivanting about and putting up Kasich signs? Cold noodle casseroles? Pickles from the jar? Deviled ham on Saltines? Lord knows microwaves were not nearly so available then, and we certainly couldn’t have any of those poor fellas turning on ovens. For shame, Ohio ladies. No wonder Kasich is taking away your frivolities like GYN care and cancer screenings–you need punishing.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      That was the peak year for sales of Swanson’s Hungry Man TV Dinners.

  • MsAnthropesMr

    Jesus, – he let women leave their kitchens? This guy IS a moderate.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Something something “Shut up, bitch! Go fix me a turkey pot pie” something something something.

    • MsAnthropesMr

      You need more practice on that ranting.

    • proudgrampa

      Oh, proudgramma would be so pissed at you…
      You do not want to piss proudgramma off. Seriously. You do not.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        I sorta do want El to piss proudgramma off, because pissed grannies are funny. So long as I am not the one who pissed ‘er off.

        • elviouslyqueer

          Better to be pissed off than pissed on. Or so says Todd Starnes.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            Pft, that boy pisses on hisself.

      • jmk

        Point her at Kasich, piss her off, and let her rip. Please.

      • lroom

        I am a proud grandma too and believe me we can be vicious.

  • chicken thief

    Did Moderate Kasich mention how many menz had to go find their wives after their ‘yard signs on doors’ excursion because they couldn’t find their way home? I mean, women and directions, amirite guys?!

    • Vecciojohn LLC

      And don’t even get me started on women drivers.

    • jmk

      Did he mention how many of those women were thankful because their excursions on his behalf gave them the excuse they needed to buy more shoes???

    • Whale Chowder

      They couldn’t wander far because bare feet.

  • OneYieldRegular

    And yet the worst part of this is that Kasich still manages to look “moderate” compared to his misogynistic, xenophobic, theocratic, planet-raping, profiteer-defending, torture-advocating GOP peers.

  • Hemp Dogbane

    The new Republican standard: if you haven’t endorsed pork bullets you’re a moderate.

  • Lizzietish81

    So close to a Binders full of Women

    • Msgr_Moment

      Stocks and bonds!

    • Blenders full of Women?

      • FlownOver

        Mmmmmmmm… That’s great bass!

  • Brewerofbeers

    Look, he let the women out of the kitchen and didn’t stone them for it – what more do you want?

  • Msgr_Moment

    Poetic justice? That’d be if every time one of these bozos had to suspend his campaign, the women of Amurrika got a chance to vote to see what is done with their bodies. Of course you’ll have to imagine for yourself what some of the options are.

  • chascates

    And he is supposed to be the moderate, reasonable one.

  • coozledad

    We just an army of people who um — and many women.

    That scans weird.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Women can’t be in armies, silly.

      • coozledad

        Is the army who um like the knights who say Ni?

        • Doug Langley

          But if they want a shrubbery, why is Jeb dropping out?

      • sarafina

        But we CAN be in monstrous regiments!!!

        • Wombat

          All the upfists to you.

    • JMP

      “People” and “women” are two completely separate categories.

      • Naytch

        And he forgot the “blahs”!!

    • chicken thief

      The phrase he was looking for was ‘binders full’, but you, being on the campaign trail and all is hard work!

    • gedjcj

      People and women.

      /FFS

      Sorry JMP, I should have clicked the “Show 1 new reply”.

  • LarryHoudini

    “How did I get elected? I didn’t have anybody for me.”
    The more things change, huh Kasich?

  • goonemeritus

    What are his views on lady folks hogging the tee-vee remote?

    • Latverian Diplomat

      How can they hog it if they are not allowed to touch it?

      • jmk

        Why would they be able to sit down to watch teevee? Don’t they have something to polish?

    • Joe Beese

      To switch to QVC. Because women be shopping. You can’t stop a woman from shopping!

      Am I right, people?

  • Latverian Diplomat

    OK Ohio, electing Kasich and not legalizing weed is two strikes.

    One more, and we start considering you one of the Southern states.

    • rosenbomb

      My boyfriend is from Ohio, and one time a waitress of ours said that Ohio is sister states with Alabama. He didn’t like that very much, but I definitely did.

      • MAZS

        Yea, but Indiana is the only state south of Mississippi.

      • Latverian Diplomat

        Rivers don’t make good boundries, geographically speaking. So while the Ohio river is the classic boundary between North and South, you can make the case that the South extends into southern Ohio, Indiana, and Illinois.

        • Celtic_Gnome

          Ohio is a schizophrenic state. The northern section is very east coast in its vibe, while the middle section is unadulterated midwest, and the southern portion is, well, southern.

    • RoyalUglyDude

      Everything south of I-70 is already considered a Southern state. As well as some areas North of I-70. Parts of Columbus, also too.

    • They already did the “let’s make it harder for the urban people to vote” thing. Learned it from Florida and Jeb!
      ~

      • FlownOver

        Kris K. Kobach LIBEL!!!!11!!11!

    • William_C_Diaz

      The legalization law that came before Ohio voters was the worst one I have seen thus far. While it did make the growing and sale of marijuana legal, the law also listed the only 10 people in the state who would be allowed to grow or sell it. The growers represented a very small, very wealthy monopoly of political insiders (including one of the cumsprouts of the Taft family).

      The law was so bad, that the ‘Issue 2’ legalization bill that went up along side it was the far better of the 2 choices. There will be another ballot initiative this year that should pass with flying colors.

      Here are the 2 weed related ‘Issues’ they voted on, along with another excellent rule against gerrymandering:

      http://www.cleveland.com/election-results/index.ssf/2015/11/statewide_results_for_ohio_iss.html

      All is not lost in Ohio!

      Have a great day!

      • Latverian Diplomat

        Yes, I remember that being a big problem with it. Better luck next time!

      • Doug Langley

        I looked at the bill and thought, wait a minute, where’s the freedom, this criminalizes weed even worse than ever.

        • William_C_Diaz

          The thing that is scaring me about legalization is that more and more places are beginning to think that the way to deal with their financial problems is on the back of weed legalization. Whats the point of having medicinal weed available if it ends up just as expensive as it is now?

          Have a great day!

          • Celtic_Gnome

            That was one nice feature in the Ohio bill. Medical marijuana was sold at a lower price with no sales tax and funded by some of the taxes on the recreational sales.

  • JMP

    The sad thing is, in the modern Republican party allowing abortion for rape victims and women with a pregnancy that will kill them if not aborted is in fact to the left of most of the regressive woman-hating dicks.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Man, if Kasich’s audience was any whiter, they could bottle it and sell it as a Clorox knock-off.

  • TheGrandWaz00
  • RoyalUglyDude

    Say, you know what other political cause Ohio women came out of their kitchens to support?

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Air conditioning for all menstrual huts?

      • RoyalUglyDude

        I was thinking of the Temperance movement, but these are way better!

    • OneWhiteWhisker

      None, because by that point the invisible-barrier collars had been implemented.

    • Shibusa

      Changing Denali back to McKinley?

    • Me not sure

      The right eat bon bons and watch soaps?

    • jviscont1

      Wm Howard Taft’s lapsed Jenny Craig membership?

    • chicken thief

      All the ones their husbands told them to?

    • FlownOver

      One Kitchen, One Sammitch Maker?

    • AnOuthouse

      To sign Juan, the pool boy’s petition?

    • Doug Langley

      Tupperware parties?

  • Shibusa

    It’s depressing that a man whose policies have veered to the right of Barry Goldwater is now called a moderate.

    • proudgrampa

      Swear to FSM, if Barry were alive and running today, I’d vote for him. Compared to the idiots running around today, he would be considered a “moderate.”

      • jmk

        The evangelical nutbags would have pushed him into the Democratic party for his support for The Gheys alone.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      I have friends who describe themselves as genetic Republicans, remaining in the party because their families have always been R’s. They’d probably be described as Rockefeller Republicans. They vote for whoever they want in the general, rarely anyone with an R after their name, and they get to fuck with the telephone surveys that come out now.

  • chicken thief

    I remember seeing that on the news when it happened. Bill O’Reilly covered it live.

  • Fitzgerald Chesterfield

    Kasich: “Bitches love me.”

  • TheBidenator

    Two Kasich stories in one day? He must really be the new Jeb(!!)….Kasich is boring enough but he lacks that overarching aura of pathetic that Jeb(!!) had in such abundance. We just didn’t know what we had until he was gone and there’s no bringing that spark back, folks.

  • marxalot

    What… is up… with his hair? Did he get a flat-top?

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      He is trying to pander to the jar head vote?

    • chicken thief

      I thought that was his ‘Something about Mary’ look.

    • Doug Langley

      He’s going with a Dick Tracey theme?

  • proudgrampa

    proudgramma will totally freak if she sees this. Do not discuss this “leaving the kitchen” around proudgramma. Seriously. Do not.

  • jviscont1

    A fiscal conservative is one who spends $15m on getting voters to like him and blocks $1.3m so people can hate him.

    • sw19womble

      Washington pork barrel politics at its finest.

  • MsAnthropesMr

    Q:What’s round on the ends, and high in the middle?
    A: Not Ohio, since they didn’t legalize the weed.

    • chicken thief

      Hitler?

      • MsAnthropesMr

        No, no – that structure goes something like:

        You know what OTHER state…

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          Saaayyyyy……You know what other govenor will end up spending billions to “save” his state a couple million?

    • Naytch

      Marco’s Cuban-heeled boots?

  • Vecciojohn LLC

    Ohio: NOT a shitshow!

    I can see the license plates now.

    • Rick Hill

      I like this better: Just you wait. They’ll take over your state too.

  • Jen_Baker_VA

    Not a single lady (or a married one) in that audience looks as if she is glad to be there. Hell, green sweater lady in the back has her arms crossed and is passing some serious side eye.

    • sw19womble

      All the single ladies?

  • calliecallie

    They left their kitchens? In 1978? Really?

    • MsAnthropesMr

      Too be honest, the Avocado green could get to be a bit much.

      • William_C_Diaz

        Compared to ‘Harvest Orange’? Surely you jest…

        Have a great day!

        • MsAnthropesMr

          True dat.

        • Me not sure

          Sometimes called Trump Tangerine.

        • Bill Slider

          I believe the actual product color was Harvest Gold, a perfect name for the Midwestern ladies. It was the toilets and bathtubs in that same icky color that was really ugly.

          • William_C_Diaz

            All the appliances in my parents kitchen in the 70’s were this color:

            http://www.colourlovers.com/color/EB4B11/Harvest_Orange

            My last girlfriend also had a thing for that color and all the accent crap (bowls, mixer etc) were that color, even though the theme otherwise was white. Harvest Orange is a much better accessory color than a main color theme, carrots still scare me to this day…

            Have a great day!

  • Me not sure

    … of course the yard signs said ” GTFO, KASICH, YOU STUPID BASTARD!”

  • Joshua Norton

    many women, who left their kitchens to go out and go door to door to put yard signs up for me.

    KASICHMENTUM!!!!

    • Me not sure

      If Kasichmentum should rise up and propel him to the nomination, Hillary or Bernie will beat him like a loveless penis with his decision to defund PP.

  • Vecciojohn LLC

    I’m coming out of my kitchen for Kasich. *No homo.*

  • TheGrandWaz00
    • Incoming Ham

      Still one of the best memes out there.

  • sw19womble

    Okay, you’ve convinced me. Twilight sparkle is best pony this piece of shit, with or without votes.

  • Vecciojohn LLC
    • Me not sure

      I thought that was about Camaros.

  • Rick Hill

    He was very courteous. After the election he told the women not to worry their pretty little heads, he’d take care of all that nasty government business.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Dear John:

    I can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan, and then sling the skillet in the general direction of your fat head, all without breaking a sweat.

    No love,

    Women everywhere

  • Callyson

    And in a related development:

    A New Google Extension Will Change Every Mention Of ‘Pro-Life’ To ‘Anti-Choice’

    • Me not sure

      Abortion: the only argument ever constructed without an “anti” side.

    • Cleo_Cat

      “Forced Birth” since that is what it amounts to, but Anti-Choice works, too.

  • The Wanderer

    The only reason he’s considered moderate is, as I’ve said before, he doesn’t go off on unhinged rants like the others do.

    • glasspusher

      Well said. The past 24 hours has convinced me, again, not to be fooled by someone who seems OK just because they don’t go “theatrical wingnut”.

      I’ll learn for good, eventually.

  • TheBidenator

    The gals were positively abuzz at the hair salon and the grocery store for that handsome young Kasich….they all talked excitedly about whether or not their husbands would allow them to vote for Kasich and cooked a special dinner just for asking.

    • Me not sure

      Anti-freeze makes a great sweetener, it’s been said.” More coffee, dear?”

      • Bitter Scribe

        I thought antifreeze was used to age wine.

        • Me not sure

          If putting together cogent thoughts seems to be getting harder you may want to change wines.

  • Bitter Scribe

    Snark off..is defunding PP like that even legal? I seem to remember reading somewhere that states can’t just deny federal money to health care providers because icky poo abortions.

    • lroom

      I’d like to know about that too.

  • beatbort

    Isn’t that cute. Kasich thinks running for U.S. President is just a bigger version of running for town clerk or voter registrar. Have I told you lately how much I hate these people?

  • Randy Riddle

    “Back in the roaring late ’70s, when Kasich was the pot-dealer for Ronald Reagan’s campaign staff (allegedly)…”

    Considering how the Raygun Revolution turned out, methinks harder drugs were involved…

  • MrBlobfish

    Sorry. Still not beating Trump.

    • Mavenmaven

      He’s have to defund Planned Parenthood for that. Oh, wait…

  • deanbooth

    From the Columbus Dispatch:

    Speaking to a crowd in moderate Northern Virginia, Kasich said that Planned Parenthood has “ discredited itself”

    Stop discrediting yourself! Stop discrediting yourself!

  • say wha

    Dear John:
    Please set the oven to “Moderate” before you put your head in.
    Love, all the Ladies

    • Naytch

      And Bugs!

      “You might Rabbit, you might!”

  • whirlaway

    “Maybe that’s why Kasich just signed
    a new bill to defund Planned Parenthood in his state. It’s his way of
    giving back to all the gals, like a friendly “thank you” slap on the
    ass.”

    He just wants to make sure women in Ohio STAY in kitchens.

    • OneWhiteWhisker

      Where, thanks to the defunding, they will die of uterine cancer and/or the syphilis their husbands so kindly passed on to them.

  • Jenny

    Ah the days of staying home and baking pies. Those were the days eh ladies? I wouldn’t know because I was not bornded yet. But I hear those were amazing days of bon bons and boinking the mail man.

    • Captain Kraut

      Lexicon salesmen libelz!!1!

    • Mavenmaven

      apparently the job to have in those days was Fuller Brush Man.

      • Bill Slider

        Typo correction, fuller bush man.

    • Doug Langley
    • AnOuthouse

      and mother’s little helpers. A couple of those and a quart of vodka made every day a sunny day. or so I’ve been told.

    • Zhu Bajie

      When you had to kill your own chickens, gut and pluck them, bake your own bread, crap in the outdoor privy, heat water on the stove, etc., etc., etc.

  • BOBOMO16325353

    I very much enjoy the mocking of ridiculous candidate statements on this site, as well as completely oppose Kasich’s actions on defunding PP, etc., but the statement he made about women coming out of their kitchens was taken out of context and blown out of proportion for click bait. This helps de-legitimize progressive media, reducing it to $hit Rushbo levels. Attack on his actions, but not this statement. We need to be better than righ wing talk radio!

    • jmhm

      He wasn’t able to provide a credible alternate context, and you neglected to. Help the man out. Explicate.

      • BOBOMO16325353

        I don’t usually buy spin BS, but this is at least plausible, and Kasich is a decent man, based on his record (Christian based “ethics and morality” aside).

        “John Kasich’s campaigns have always been homegrown affairs,” the spokesman, Rob Nichols, said. “They’ve literally been run out of his friends’ kitchens and many of his early campaign teams were made up of stay-at-home moms who believed deeply in the changes he wanted to bring to them and their families. That’s real grassroots campaigning and he’s proud of that authentic support.”

        http://abcnews.go.com/Politics/kasich-women-left-kitchens-elected-office/story?id=37116066

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          So – they didn’t actually leave the kitchens. Got it.

          • Gleem-McShinez

            They were just “stay at home moms” so uh, wait, um…

        • jmhm

          So you don’t challenge that he said exactly what was quoted and has stood by it for decades? You just think taking it at its face value in the context of a number of similar statements is not the generous interpretation? Based on a spokesman’s explanation many, many years after the fact which was quoted in the post and which, actually, doesn’t change the meaning of the quote?

          I think you perhaps are not grasping the requirements of responsible journalism here.

          • Bill Slider

            A whore with morals, how Christian of him.

        • Doug Langley

          So Kasich claims he has run all his campaigns out of . . . kitchens? And his highly trained, experienced campaign aides who helped him win major elections were . . . stay-at-home moms??

          And you BELIEVE that???

        • Celtic_Gnome

          If this was an isolated incident, I’d say, “Sure, give him the benefit of the doubt. Campaigning is hard, and you can’t talk for twenty-seven hours a day without occasionally saying something in an inelegant way.”

          But, this isn’t the first time. He’s been condescending to women, especially college-age women, treating them like brain-dead bimbos only interested in boys and fashion.

    • Paul

      As long as we’re making suggestions, unpopular as they might be, I too have a pet peeve. Please stop with all the “cute” names like “rethuglicans” etc. As soon as I see that I tend to discount whatever the writer is trying to convey. We have the power of ideas and don’t need to stoop to name calling. Be honest, don’t you roll your eyes when you read “libtard”? We can make our point(s) with logic and facts and shouldn’t descend to the level of Rush and his minions.

      While I’m at it, please allow one me one more statement “Hey you kids get off my lawn!!!”

      • mtn_philosoph

        If it was a gaffe from the Gov., it was one that spoke volumes. Kasich’s recent dick move regarding funding for Planned Parenthood shows that as a politician he is no friend of women, so yeah, context is everything.

        • Paul

          In this context, did you mean to reply to BOBOMO?

          • mtn_philosoph

            Yes, a reply to all, as a contribution to the general discussion.

      • Yeah, just call them stupid-ass muthafucking piece of shit. Yoh know, be classy!

    • A big PUH-LEAZE, concern troll. Wonkette click bait is random pictures of Donna Rose. Duh!

      No one is going to manipulate the inane mutterings of a third-rate loser candidates to generate any “clickbait” revenue. Not when they have to compete with “Slutty Prom Pics” for the clickbait prowess.

  • Msmlg1979

    The last time I left my kitchen, I got lost! It was dark, cold, and scary outside. I didn’t know what to do, there were so many decisions and choices, and I had been trained to believe no one would ever love me if I tried making those. So, when I heard a man, obviously in love with the sound of his own demanding voice, full of bluster, and the confidence that comes with having the winning kind of genitals, I gravitated toward it. It reminded me of my husband, who also thinks of me as a dispenser for all his needs, instead of a human, and that’s how I ended up working on the Kasich campaign, and against my own interests!

  • Marceline

    Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you my governor.

    *opens another box of wine*

    • Shoto

      We will serve no wine before its time…or before 10:30AM, whichever comes first.

    • TeeRaak

      Love the Trader Joes Shiraz $12 box wine

  • guppy06

    Kasich has a “hot wife?” So he’s into cuckolding?

    This introduces an interesting viewpoint on the GOP’s stance on women.

  • DinkyBossetti

    For the first time in my life, I wish women had stayed in their kitchens.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Maybe now they’ll get out to the polls – and vote Democratic.

  • Operation American Jesus®

    Would it be unladylike if I went all whirling dervish spinning ninja fists of fury on Kasich’s smarmy ass-face whilst daring him to say “women left their kitchens” just one more time?

    • SDGeoff

      As you so correctly point out, there is a big difference between a smarmy ass-face (nicely done!) and a punchy face.
      Smarmy ass-faces deserve the full whirling treatment of Ninja fury.

    • Not if you do it in heels and a thong, if comic books had taught us anything

  • SDGeoff

    He doesn’t need his comments twisted, they come that way.

    • Helena Handbag

      upfist times 10

  • John Smith

    The sad part is, he’s the adult in the room; to a specific value of adult.

  • Blender_415

    Can we stop with the “kitchen” talk? Now I have three browser windows open, comparing costs of the new All-Clad line of stainless steel cookware.

  • hollydturner

    I am so fucking tired of the bull shit coming out of Ohio lately.

    • Bill Slider

      Why limit it to lately?

      • hollydturner

        Well, I’m in Pittsburgh and Ohio is a stones throw from where I sit Idon’t want to piss Ohioans off completely.

        • kev

          you wrote “sit”. did you leave out the “h”?

          • hollydturner

            OK – that works to.

    • Zhu Bajie

      I was stuck in Cincinnati for 11 years, then escaped to Indiana. Worst years of my life!

  • whitroth

    The correct answer is Frankie Armstrong, singing “I’m Gonna Be An Engineer” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p220yi2VOj8

    (And as much as I lived Pete Seeger, sorry, this is a song that *really* should be sung by a woman….)

    mark

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    About that “exception” – I don’t think it works the way you might think it works. It works the way Kasich intends for it to work: not at all.

  • duckshoe

    Hillary makes a crack about not staying home and baking cookies, shitstorm ensues. Kasich suggets women are at their best at home in the kitchen, crickets, outisde of the snarkblog universe. SO much progress in 20 years.

  • AnOuthouse

    “rape counselors are prohibited from telling victims abortion is available to them, so guess you girls just figure that one out on your own, somehow.”
    I’ve heard Seventeen magazine is a great source of info for the gals.

    • mtn_philosoph

      I guess the law is silent about counselors telling a rape victim’s designated proxy, trusted advocate, etc. about the option, maybe? (Only with full consent of the survivor, of course.) Because there is no way that the advocate would then share that information with the survivor.

  • AnOuthouse

    Oh boy. Another non-establishment candidate who has never has never fed anywhere except the public trough. So authentic.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Hey! After he left Congress and before he became Governor, he was big-time private sector. He was a VP for Lehman Brothers.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Covered with pineapple slices? That’s not a roast. At least, I hope not.

    • Bill Slider

      Have you not gone to Hawaii where they prepare roasted pineapple with extra pineapple?

      • Jonny On Maui

        Tourist…

        • H0mer0

          do they have eggs bacon spam without the spam? (I was at my favorite Messicanisch restaurant and asked for the relleno platter without rice and it seemed like it lost that loving feeling.)

          • Jonny On Maui

            They’ve got something here that I’ve come to love. It’s called Loco Moco. A scoop of white rice, hamburger patty, fried egg, gravy. For breakfast, it’s yummy topped with green onions.

            Originally it came with spam, instead of hamburger. In every Safeway on the island there’s an aisle end display with cases of spam, just as one walks in. Always creeps me out…

          • DaveM

            Loco Moco is the reason I keep going back to Maui. I make it at home and it’s just not the same.

  • AnOuthouse

    … Shining hair and shining skin
    Shining as she reeled him in
    To tell him like she did today
    Just what he could do with Harry’s House
    And Harry’s take home pay

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RS0wzDMfzOQ

  • blinkytoo

    This GOP logo I made is coming in quite handy!

    • Raysa_Lite

      I can’t stop looking at that!! Or laughing at that!!!!

  • Bill Slider

    I remember Mr Moderate Congressperson when he was Chair of the House Budget Committee and was pushing the balanced budget amenment to the Constitution. The goddamned mother fucker, strong favorable comments to follow, ended his speech to over 1,000 housing industry types by saying you are either for me, or you are against me. It was one of those please come and speak nice and we will pay you $1,000, plus airfare, plus lodging at the best hotel in the city, plus meals, plus limo, plus of course you can bring you wife, no problemo, and there will be a limo with driver for your every need. It was almost, as if, he was working for slave labor cash money. Of course there was a wet bar reception with pricy hotel hot snacks for all to allow him to feel free to kibitz with the moneyied crowd and hint that campaign contributions are always welcome.

    • H0mer0

      Tell us how you really feel, Bill.

  • BeverlyCrusher’sWig

    “…like a friendly “thank you” slap on the ass.”

    I think a slap on the ass is what passes as women’s healthcare in Ohio.

    Also I don’t understand how Kasich can have both no one supporting him and also an army of women? Though as I’m typing this I’m thinking this might be the same thing to Kasich.

    • mtn_philosoph

      He keeps them all in binders. Binders that are stuffed full of them.

  • Cismontane

    Kasich, for president, 1952. Defeat Ike. He’s too liberal on women’s rights.

    • therblig

      ike let that one drive his jeep. and look how that turned out.

  • Sir Ergot of Rye

    More folders of women save the day for the wingnuts. Sigh..

    • psychobroad

      Binders, Sir, Binders! Not folders, they are completely different!

  • gingerland62

    I believe it was Stepford County

  • Ilgattomorte

    I went to a Kasich town hall and I was really inspired. So, I called my wife and said, “Honey, I’ll be home in 15 minutes. Make sure that dinner is on the table and my slippers are ready so I can relax.” Well, she cooked up a wonderful meal that I’m really looking forward to re-heating, after the testicular swelling goes down.

    Oh shit! I think she’s coming into the room.
    … Uhh, listen, I’ve gotta go.

    • DaveM

      You made me spit beer on my keyboard, that was a good one.

  • TeeRaak

    Back in the roaring late ’70s, when Kasich was the pot-dealer for Ronald Reagan’s campaign staff (allegedly)

    Makes sense to me…
    How else could decent human beings have stood to work for Reagan unless they were W-A-S-T-E-D?

    https://youtu.be/fjwWjx7Cw8I
    Scuze me while I kiss this guy

  • Zhu Bajie

    Ohio: the armpit of the rightwing.

  • TeeRaak

    Pot roast…

  • Incoming Ham

    “They’ve literally been run out of friends kitchens” can be taken a couple of ways…

    • kev

      i can’t tell you how many kitchens i’ve been run out of.

      being a chronic ohioan, i can tell you that in all but a handful of our 88 counties, kasich actually is moderate. the red-neck infestation throughout most of the state is scary.

      • Incoming Ham

        At the moment it seems that red-necks have infiltrated even places not generally known for red-necks. It’s like they have been hibernating in their underground lair waiting for the call to go to a stump speech cheer misogynists and bigots.

      • DaveM

        Chronic Ohioan. I find that term interesting. I guess that would make me a chronic Nevadan. I like it.

        • kev

          it’s a reference to vecciojohnllc’s comment under the “Idiot Gov. Paul LePage…”story from about a week-and-a-half ago. he has compiled a list of dread diseases as a public service.

  • psychobroad

    O you Wonkette, have I told you lately that I love you? Times 2 on that, I missed commenting on another story recently!

  • Celtic_Gnome

    So, all these stay-at-home moms baking cookies are fine with PP not being there for the poorz, because, if their precious snowflake gets knocked up by her dumber than a box of rocks boyfriend, they have the means to shut that whole process down so they don’t become Grandmas too soon.

    • Lizzietish81

      Move to a new town and claim the baby is yours.

    • diablodejalisco

      or travel to a more liberal state and have the abortion. and no one knows. thats what the wealthy republicans do. especially if its a mixed race relationship.

  • I recently asked Kasich’s Womens Outreach Coordinator for comment:

    Explains a lot, doesn’t it?

  • By the way, I love the backhanded complement of Kasich’s “defense.” Because any “career women” doing grassroots politics is some kind of “shrill fridgid bitch” apparently.

  • Enfant Terrible

    Well, the wimmenfolk just better get back in the kitchen. Them sammiches aren’t going to make themselves.

  • Skadi

    Well, he accepted Obamacare out of fear of St. Peter…maybe we need the Patron Saint of Anger (among other things) to swing by again?

  • Blanche Beecham

    There are a lot of things that would have me running from the kitchen. Spiders is one. A job making equal pay is another. John Kasich? Ah, not so much.

  • Takoma DC

    Kasich has been in congress since he was 26 years old? Why oh why is Ohio in such bad shape? Kasich rhymes with dick.

  • Melissarmurphy3

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  • Lord-Nash

    Someone didn’t post on Wonkette that “political correctness is how the Right revolts at the Left showing respect for everyone”. Or something like that.

    Whoever it was, give them a medal. And make sure it’s made from melted down kitchen appliances so there’s one more sorry old white guy who has to figure out how to make his own damn sammich.

  • diablodejalisco

    i think its about time for quash to drop out. he is going nowhere with this campaign. ted cruz and marco rubio too.

  • Not So Much

    Honestly, if there is any campaign that knows a thing or two about “desperate politics”, I think it’s his.

    • Tansy Geek

      I don’t know about that. Jeb!’s campaign was the very definition of desperate. Also pathetic, passive-aggressive and bizzarre. Kasich seems to me more of a “I’ll hide out until the other have killed each other off and I’ll win because they hate me less than the option.

      • Not So Much

        “Please clap.”

        I presume that moment was followed by a lengthy, sobbing shower while in the fetal position.

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