Jeb Bush Tells Mean Pope To Leave His Favorite Teddy Bear Trump Alone

Uhhhh ...

[contextly_sidebar id="88dfVyBXGCYqR2jJHK8EQhgVQoYAdlYL"]Jeb Bush is not dangling on the edge while fondling his gun that says JEB BUSH on it, contrary to certain vicious internet rumors he started, but he is definitely suffering from Stockholm syndrome. In the epic fight between Donald Trump and Pope Francis about whose Bible balls are biggest -- Trump's, obviously, since you never hear the pope saying he'd bomb the shit out of ISISicans, do you? -- poor sad pathetic loser Jeb (the Catholic!) is sticking up for , that's right, his captor:

"I thought it probably was inappropriate for the Pope to intervene at the -- in the height of a contested primary in that way," Bush said when asked about the Pope's comments on MSNBC's "Morning Joe." "I don't question Donald Trump's Christianity, that's between him and his creator. The fact is, he's got the wrong policy. Building a wall and making Mexico pay for it is not a policy." [...]

"He is a spiritual leader, he's an inspiration, he's the head of my church, so I'm cautious about this, to be honest with you, but I don't think he helped anybody by saying Donald Trump's not a Christian," Bush said.

Come ON, Jeb. If there's any one guy on the planet who doesn't need you sticking up for him, it's Trump. Conservative media panties are already bunched up and piss-drenched on Trump's behalf, after the pope's "disgraceful" accusation that Trump is not really a Christian, but rather, a ginormous festering dick boil whose face even Jesus The Actual Christ would probably punch. Limp-dicked gas sack Rush Limbaugh said "given the pope's political leanings," it's surprising he's not out on the campaign trail #FeelingTheBern for Sanders, HA HA HA groan, how is that guy still around?

Trump's Bible buddy Jerry Falwell, Jr. said the pope had naughtied by criticizing Trump in response to a question because, and we are NEVER going to tire of bringing this up FYI:

Jesus never intended to give instructions to political leaders on how to run a country.

But Jeb (THE CATHOLIC!!!) figures he ought to lend Trump a hand in his TwitFace flame war with God's right hand hombre. Not that Jeb agrees with Trump on anything -- except that it's A-OK to call first-generation Americans "anchor babies," but only if you're slurring Asians, not Hispanicans.

We can't imagine why Jeb thinks, in the HI-larious episode of Trump vs. The Lord God's Emissary, he should be on the side of the schoolyard bully who's been bloodying up his wherever and stealing his milk money for the better part of year. Maybe it's like that time, at the Republican debate Trump won without even being there, Jeb tried to show his brave face by saying , "I kinda miss Donald Trump. He was a little teddy bear to me."

That didn't persuade anyone that Jeb isn't a giant fucking sad-ass loser little boy L-O-S-E-R, and we can guarantee you standing with Trump, AGAINST GOD , isn't the Hail Mary that's going to save Jeb's sorry ass in Saturday's South Carolina primary.

Ah well. It'll all be over soon, Jeb, and then you don't have to go on TV anymore and answer any questions ever again. We promise.

[ TPM / Media Matters ]