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ooh, red eyes!!
Oh hey, look, One Million Moms, aka Seventeen Angry Dipsticks, is back! They’re still mad about Fox’s TV show “Lucifer,” like they were before, but now they have a new target: Olive Garden, which sponsors the show.

If you’re not familiar with “Lucifer,” it’s based on a Neil Gaiman comic about the devil getting bored and hanging out in Los Angeles, presumably because LA is the closest thing on Earth to his home territory (just kidding, that’s Oklahoma). He goes on adventures, helps the cops (OK, that part we actually totally buy), and just generally has a grand old time. But since Lucifer himself is apparently bad ‘n evil ‘n stuff (who knew?!), One Million Moms is VERY ANGRY Olive Garden, home of the Never-Ending Diabeetus Bowl, sponsors the show, and those ladies are determined to lay a hurtin’ on the OG on social media.

The premiere included graphic acts of violence, a nightclub featuring scantily-clad women, and a demon. The message of the show is clear. Lucifer is just misunderstood. He doesn’t want to be a bad guy, it’s God who is forcing him to play that role.

Contact Olive Garden, who sponsored the spiritually dangerous program “Lucifer” and paid corporate dollars to promote their restaurants in association with the content of the program.

And boy howdy, they are doing some contacting! The Olive Garden Facebook page is just a treasure right now. If you’re willing to sift through the dozens of comments left by heartwrenchingly lonely souls who feel the need to respond with “Yum!” or “Salad!” to every post (sometimes six times in a row!), you’ll find gems like these:

I truly enjoy your restaurant and the food you serve. I recently saw the adds for the ‘lighter Italian’ meals and was planning on making a visit soon, but I won’t be able to do that. It has been brought tomy attention that Olive Garden is a sponsor of the new FOX show ‘Lucifer.

We too were planning on making a visit soon, until a recent revelation convinced us to change our plans. In our case, it was finding out Olive Garden is fucking disgusting.

In May of 1607, the settlers landed in Jamestown, Va. Not much more than an hour later, they gave thanks to God. Christianity has done wonderful things for our country and for the 150 years before our country became a country. The show ‘Lucifer’ does not reflect the truth about Christianity. Please do not sponsor shows that do not respect the faith and foundation of our country. Please donot sponsor ‘Lucifer.’

“A few hours after that, they started handing smallpox blankets out to the natives, just like Jesus surely intended.”

I’m a Christian who was so up set at seeing a wonderful company like yours sponsoring a terrible program like Lucifer. As for my family my church and anyone that will listen we will stop eating at your restaurants until you stop siding with Satan and stand with GOD!! Please stop your support RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!

It’s a well-known fact that the Eleventh Commandment, known only to evangelicals, is Thou Shalt Not Use Commas.

OLIVE GARDEN…WE ARE BOYCOTTING YOU UNTIL YOU STOP SPONSORING THE spiritually dangerous program “Lucifer” ON THE FOX NETWORK…I HAVE NOTIFIED MANY PEOPLE ON FACEBOOK ABOUT YOUR DECISION…

“Lucifer” better watch out, because this dude has NOTIFIED MANY PEOPLE ON FACEBOOK.

Look, guys, this is a Darden Restaurants joint we’re talking about: Olive Garden and its parent company are responsible for WAY worse shit than sponsoring some TV show about how the devil isn’t really that bad a dude. Like their menu. Also for directly sponsoring human slavery.

Not all the Facebook posts were angry, though; at least one saw the humor in the situation:

olivegardenwellplayed

Well-played, indeed.

[One Million MomsGrubStreet]

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  • Dolmance

    Satan invented bread sticks.

    • And communion wafers.

      • Dolmance

        “Eateth of this bread stick, for it is my dick…”

      • dead_elvis

        And Necco Wafers, one of the worst candies of all time. Less tasty than the Jesus cracker, even.

        • Vecciojohn LLC

          Not all they’re cracked up to be, that’s for damn sure.

          • Bobby Tolberto AKA TDA

            There’s a Chinese candy called Haw flakes that are the shape and size of communion wafers, made from the fruit of the Chinese hawthorn and sugar, etc. My Chinese Catholic mother used to play Communion with her friends using them when she was a young child.

            http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Hawflakes.jpg

          • Vecciojohn LLC

            Priceless. Chinese candy is the best!

    • Blackest Noobs

      and the tours of italy at…where else….THE EVIL OLIVE GARDEN!!!!!

    • Latverian Diplomat

      But Olive Garden figured out how to fill them with addictive opiates.

      • Bobby Tolberto AKA TDA

        No wonder I feel so sleepy after having endless breadsticks!

  • cousin itt

    The devil you say?

    • Joe Beese

      Well, I certainly don’t think the Antichrist is a suitable role model for my children!

  • Nounverb911

    What’s Olive Garden?

    • Popeye’s favorite retreat?

      • Callyson

        Great, now I’ll never be able to get that image out of my head.

      • meanlawyermom

        You are perfect.

      • Vecciojohn LLC

        Or his favorite treat. Likes it even more than spinach, word is.

    • chicken thief

      It’s where people who love fine Italian cuisine go to take a shit.

    • JohnBull

      The first sign your neighborhood is going to shit.

  • Joe Beese

    The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing people to eat at Olive Garden.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      I don’t know. The undending pasta pass seems like an ironic punishment gone wrong like Homer Simpson and the donut machine in Hell.

      • Vecciojohn LLC

        I’ve had the pasta al fresco there. I could eat a lot of that stuff.

    • Vecciojohn LLC

      ***Kaiser rolls at the Olive Garden are the devil***

    • Sam Hain

      …that and watch FOX NEWS.

  • Nounverb911

    Why are they mad at Olive Garden? Shouldn’t they be yelling at Fox for putting the show on in the first place?

    • BadKitty904

      Look, if you’re going to be all rational and stuff…

  • Blackest Noobs

    said before, say it again….Christians…so fucking thin-skinned.

    • mtn_philosoph

      Chronic Outrage Syndrome.

  • DemmeFatale

    Thanks, Obama!

  • I just don’t understand how Cruz has time to shoot a TV show and run for president.

    • Nounverb911

      Multiple personalities?

    • Quercus

      Not being human, he simply buds off another one of himself.

  • Spotts1701

    I always try to patronize businesses that are the subject of these ridiculous “One Million Moms if you count by number of atoms” boycotts. But this may be a bridge too far for me.

    • OneYieldRegular

      I was going to say, I mean, I already appear to be part of their boycott by default.

  • cousin itt

    Hell’s Kitchen

  • Callyson

    I don’t suppose it ever occurred to these geniuses that they could cut out the intermediary and just boycott FOX, did it?

    • Nounverb911

      Then who would tell them how to vote?

      • I’ll do it!

        • BadKitty904

          And I call dibs on telling them where to go.

          • willi0000000

            tactfully, of course.

            “Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip.”
            – Winston Churchill

        • Sam Hain

          Get ready to engage in Malicious Fear Mongering then, that’s the only thing that motivates these fanatics.

  • Anarchy Pony

    Fun fact, lucifer is secretly the protagonist of the christian mythos.

    • marxalot

      Always had the idea that, right, okay, Satan gets the kids to eat the fruit. And God hauls him in and says “Lucifer.”
      L: “What? You wanted them to eat it, right?”
      JHVH: “But not yet.”
      L: “Oh, man.”
      JHVH: “Yup. So here’s what you’re gonna do.”
      L: “I am so dumb, I am so freaking stupid, I gotta crawl around on my belly, and eat dirt, and-”
      JHVH: “Willya cut that out with the dirt-eating? Shuddup. Nah, what you’re gonna do is, you’re gonna give him advice. He’s stuck now, I kicked him out. You screwed this up, so you help him figure it out. Okay?”
      L: “Covered in scales, and my head crushed by a- What? Yeah, I can do that!”
      Only, the thing is, he’s an archangel, not God, so his understanding is imperfect and he keeps getting ahead of himself and giving the poor schmuck (mankind) bad advice that would have been good advice, later, or except he left something out, or forgot an important bit.

  • Me not sure

    The Olive Garden and Satan…..hmmm…which one is the sponsor again?

  • elviouslyqueer

    I AM SO UPSET THAT I AM GOING TO TAKE ON A MULTI-MILLION DOLLAR CORPORATE ORGANIZATION BY WRITING AN ALL-CAPS FACEBOOK POST BECAUSE I AM AN IMPORTANT CHRISTIAN AND I USE LOTS OF EXCLAMATION POINTS ALSO TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • a_pink_poodle

      DON’T FORGET TO DE-EMPHASIS THE PART THAT SOUNDS like it should be emphasised in the first place

      • Biff52

        That’s emPHASis!

    • A Grumpy Cat

      THESE PEOPLE CAUSE US HONEST CAPSLOCKERS TO COME UNDER SO MUCH RIDICULE!!!!!!!!!!¡!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • BadKitty904

      I call shenanigans! You spelled all your words correctly, just like a HEATHERN!!1!

      • Celtic_Gnome

        While working for the state agency that filed incorporation papers, I was always amazed by the number of churches that incorporated with Brethern in their title. Just because you pronounce it that was doesn’t mean that’s how it’s spelled.

        • BadKitty904

          Pronouncing it “heathern” is standard religious humor in the South…

    • Querolous

      ÑÉËÐȘ ĦŐŖÊ ŨĦŁÅŬŢŚ!

  • Callyson

    It’s a well-known fact that the Eleventh Commandment, known only to evangelicals, is Thou Shalt Not Use Commas.

    I thought it was THOU SHALT USE ALL CAPS AND MULTIPLE EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!!!

    • You are going to need moar caps and exclamation points if you are going to keep up with elviouslyqueer!

      • Callyson

        IT’S ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

        • A Grumpy Cat

          MARRY ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • Villago Delenda Est

      AND ÜMLAÜTS!

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    Psst! There is no devil. People just do bad shit usually for selfish or lazy reasons, but sometimes because they get off on doing bad shit.

    • SessileRaptor

      And sometimes they do bad shit because they’ve managed to squint and cherrypick enough to say that the bible told them to. (Spoiler: they were going to do it anyway.)

    • BadKitty904

      And sometimes they do bad things because they’re sad, unhappy people and they want others to be unhappy, too.

    • Ducksworthy

      Or because a politician (preacher, FOX news, etc.) told them it was OK

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Or both (see Hucksterbee, Mike).

  • JMP

    Sigh; Lucifer is not based on a Neil Gaiman comic; it’s based on a comic by Mike Carey, which was spun off of Neil Gaiman’s Sandman. Though Sandman may be where the DC Universe’s version of Lucifer originated, the actual comic which,most of the characterization comes from, and off of which the show is based, was not written by Gaiman; that’s like saying that the Constantine show was based on the Hellblazer comic by Alan Moore even though he never wrote it, because John Constantine first appeared in his Swamp Thing; or that Penny Marshall is known for playing the character Laverne DeFazio in Happy Days.

    • Objectifer

      Wonker staff wouldn’t know anything about that. They’re more into ponies.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Except the show is nothing like the comic from what I’ve heard. To the extent they are using anything, it is Gaiman’s idea of a Lucifer who quits Hell and heads to Earth to do [something]. Carey and Fox just filled in the [something] differently.

  • Herasmus B. Lyon

    “Olive Garden” responds:

    • a_pink_poodle

      Aaaah, he’s at it again!

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      “Thank you for your output.”

      That’s what she said! After eating too much endless pasta.

    • Empy

      I wonder if its the same sarcastic ass that was “Target”: a while back answering to all the outraged “IF YOU TAKE AWAY THE ‘GIRL TOY’ SIGNS, HOW WILL I FIND TOYS FOR MY DAUGHTER?!?! TRANSHOMOS!!!1!!!!1” posts. I loved that poster.

      • Herasmus B. Lyon

        Pretty sure it is.

      • HobbesEvilTwin

        But if Lucifer never stops eating the never-ending pasta, which presumably is for a fixed price, wouldn’t Lucifer actually be a terrible customer from the perspective of the bottom line?

        I’ll answer this one myself:
        Forget it Jake, it’s Facebook.

        • Sam Hain

          But he pays his tab in immortal souls, which are of course priceless.

          • Gayer Than Thou

            Really, it’s the only way to get people to take a job at Olive Garden.

          • Naytch

            Poor bastards think it’s only Purgatory…

        • Naytch

          Repeat to yourself it’s just a show…

    • Sam Hain

      First World Complaints.

  • shastakoala

    But it’s the only good place in town with a several varieties of Satan’s broth.

  • Marceline

    Stupid women protest bad restaurant over show no one watches.

    • BadKitty904

      Pithy. Succinct. I like it!

  • SuspectedDemocrat

    The message of the show is clear. Lucifer is just misunderstood. He doesn’t want to be a bad guy, it’s God who is forcing him to play that role.

    Sounds like someone needs to eat from the tree of knowledge before their supposed protagonist turns them into pillars of salt or drowns them in a flood.

  • jqheywood

    Olive Garden, hmmm? Wasn’t there one of those in the New Testament? Gethsemane…where he was betrayed….I think this goes deeper that the MILLION MOMS know.

  • Callyson

    The Olive Garden Facebook page is just a treasure right now.

    They’ve either got an intern working overtime to hit the delete button or a huge fan base with too much time and too few tastebuds, because all I saw were posts gushing about the “food” they got at Olive Garden. Looks like One Million Temper Tantrums Moms got outnumbered…

  • elviouslyqueer

    One Million Moms = 9 bored housewives from Petaluma, California, who sell Amway and Pampered Chef on the side and pass around a very bedraggled looking Marco Rubio “inflatable husband” every Sunday after church.

    • chicken thief

      You stick a prick in him and he…. blows….? Help me out here folks….

    • Cindyinencinitas

      Really? Because that’s so close to the wine country, if they had any sense at all they’d be One Million Drunk Moms and leave everyone else the fuck alone. Sheesh. Have a breadstick, lady.

    • marxalot

      Sure they’re not from Petulanta, California?

      • BadKitty904

        I believe they’re based in Petalunatic, CA.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Does the Marco doll come with those boots we like?

      • Sam Hain

        No but you inflate him with bottles of water (not included).

  • SuspectedDemocrat

    Even knowing that Oklahoma is closer to hell, Lucifer said, “Meh, I’ll guess I’ll hang out in L.A.”

    • Well, he was trying for a change of scenery! Hell, Oklahoma, who can tell the difference?

      • Cindyinencinitas

        Which place do you think this guy is inhabiting? I rest my case.

        • FlownOver

          Josh? That rehab certainly has changed you!

  • a_pink_poodle

    That last comment confused me with its emphasis’. There’s the REGULAR STUFF YOU SAY AND WHEN IT COMES TIME TO EMPHASIS THE MOST IMPORTANT PART OF THE STATEMENT, it drops down in to the lower cap, SIGNALLING A DE-EMPHASIS!

  • cousin itt

    Yes, I’d like to start with your Antichristi special and then move on to the Pasta e Fagioli.

    • therblig

      god hates fagiolis

    • mtn_philosoph

      There is no Dana, only Pasta e Fagioli.

  • Damn it! These idiots have done something I didn’t think possible, making me actually consider eating at Olive Garden to spite them. Fortunately, the nearest Olive Garden is about an hour and some away, so I’m sure I’ll manage to not do so. I did watch the show, I rather like it.

  • exinkwretch

    Endless breadsticks, endless hellfire and damnation. Makes sense to me!

  • chicken thief

    “…a nightclub featuring scantily-clad women…”

    Oh, my goodness. You wouldn’t have the address handy, would you, ma’am? This needs to be checked out STAT.

    • BadKitty904

      I’ll bet there was JAZZ AND LIQUOR, TOO!!1!!!1!

      • willi0000000

        . . . en them funny cigareets also, too.

        • BadKitty904

          Reefer Madness LIBELZ!!1!

  • Mahousu

    Hell = never-ending Olive Garden pasta. but with only Diet Dr. Pepper to drink. And no bread sticks.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Bread sticks are bad, because people like them, so they cut into profit. Darden execs hate that, it depletes their hookers and blow slush fund.

  • bluicebank

    I understand Lucifer is another mediocre cop show.

    Now if they had written it so that the reason the LAPD is so fucked up is BECAUSE the Horned One was advising them, that would work.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      That was kind of what The Shield was like.

      • lroom

        Mackey libulz!!

    • BadKitty904

      I’ve never been to LA, but does EVERYone really wear black ALL the time?

      • bluicebank

        Only at the best parties, which are held outside of L.A.

        • BadKitty904

          Like, in San Francisco or Tiajuana?

  • Lambsendbeds

    I wonder how many times they watch each episode of “Lucifer” while fapping with a Breadstick? As research…for Jeebus…

  • NorthStarSpanx

    Would they be less outraged if they used a Devil that looked like Obama the way they cast for that New Age Christian Prosperity Gospel Hollywood production of The Bible?

  • Vincent Ricola

    I’m not sure I understand. I thought Lucifer created the Olive Garden? Isn’t he just sponsoring his own show?

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      I think it’s just a marketing deal. They sponsor his show, he agrees to make an appearance at the Garden of Olive, telling people to try the new apple crostata.

      • smr06va

        Martha Stewart’s evil marketing plan to rule the world lives on………….

  • IDon’tCareWhatYouThink

    Just posted “Would very much to see you extend the Lucifer stuff into your menu items. Anti-christ-pasto and such.”

    • Enfant Terrible

      Alla puttanesca or GTFO!!!

  • scubaix

    “A nightclub…and a demon”?? One demon? One lousy stupid demon??? I’m supposed to set my perm on fire over 1 measly demon?

    • FlownOver

      Is he…checkered?

      • Quercus

        Heh.

  • Dora Breckinridge

    That’s not my Lucifer. My Lucifer is Mark Pellegrino on Supernatural. He’s just SO good at flipping between creepy, menacing, and “hey, friend, come and listen a while, just us pals”, and I find it a lot more entertaining than the typical “Lucifer is a handsome GQ model with expensive cars and slicked hair” format.

    • andreamd

      Haven’t seen either but I like Mark!

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Spoilers:

      How do you feel about Misha Collins’ impersonation of Mark Pellegrino?

      • Dora Breckinridge

        Iiiiiiii… dunno, honestly. I don’t think he’s bad, but he hasn’t quite gotten a chance to do that switch from “Looks, guys, let’s be friends, let’s be reasonable,” to genuine chilling and threatening cold yet. The best he’s done for me was in the most recent episode, which I watched last night with my husband, in the scene where he’s talking to Dean. The smile Misha gives when Dean turns away was SO incredibly creepy and unsettling, it was really well done. I’m just not sure if Misha’s really got all of Mark’s mannerisms down, though it’s always neat to see him doing something other than the typical Castiel performance.

        • I’m a week behind, because Fuck You XFinity, so I only caught Misha’s final scene in that episode. From what I saw, I thought he did a pretty good job. I guess I’ll have a better idea next week, though.

          I’ve seen him do creepy smiles before, so no surprise there.

    • FlownOver

      Mine is less physically attractive, but at least he’s in the lead for the Republican nomination.

      • Dora Breckinridge

        Nooooooo! I thought there were no jump scares on this website!

    • Vienna Woods

      I prefer Crowley, King of Hell, myself.

  • OneYieldRegular

    I object to this group’s unfounded and blanket condemnation of scantily-clad women. I have been clad in scantily since I was a little baby, and it never did me any harm.

  • Christopher Boscarino

    So, when will Million Moms demand that Amazon stop carrying “Paradise Lost” by Milton? Literary Classics are the Devil’s propaganda, and take precious time away from finding one’s self worth through hard work!

    • Ducksworthy

      They assigned a committee to read it but the committee revolted.

  • Vecciojohn LLC

    True story. I took some of my relatives to the OG for lunch many years ago. When the kid asked if we wanted dessert I asked if they had cannoli. “Oh, no,” says the kid, “that’s on the pasta menu.”

    Swear to God.

    • Ren Chant

      in fairness, their tiramisu isn’t COMPLETELY disgusting.

    • BadKitty904

      So, “home-schooled,” then.

  • GDleftyPart2

    On the FOX network you say….nope, no boycott headed there…

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …geez, c’mon people!!! Dick Cheney has to make a living some how!!!

    • marxalot

      And Rumsfeld has the app market cornered!

      • SuspectedDemocrat

        Rumsfeld’s app is easy to download, impossible to remove, and the in-app purchases add up to far more than anyone expected.

  • Treg.Brown

    Neil Gaiman is my god. If he says it, I believe it.
    Appi’s on me tonight!

  • Joshua Norton

    Having occasionally been forced to partake of Olive Garden’s bill of fare, I can honestly state that the Donner Party had better food.

    • Ducksworthy

      At least they knew who or what was in it.

  • shastakoala

    Does Olive Garden serve the devils food cake we like?

  • Ren Chant

    actually, kind of a cute show, probably still not going to go to olive garden.

  • Michael Christian

    Tangentially related. This is one of my favorite books in the “Misunderstood Lucifer” genre.

  • SessileRaptor

    Oh no, the horrible “christians” who you know never tip their servers are boycotting. I’m sure there are waitstaff all over the country who’s only thought right now is “How can MY restaurant get in on this?”

  • Vecciojohn LLC

    Wait til they find out about The Devil in Miss Jones.

    • cousin itt

      So that’s what’s eating her.

      • Playonwords

        Rrrrrrr-im SHOT

      • Vecciojohn LLC

        No, it’s who is eating her.

        • cousin itt

          So who made it to third base?

          • Vecciojohn LLC

            I forget who jumped on her first.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      And that movie has a moral, too!

      • Vecciojohn LLC

        I only watched it for the moral.

    • BadKitty904

      Or even Ken Russell’s The Devils

  • Portia McGonagal

    Well now if Olive Garden does piss these people off it really could have an impact on their bottom line since it’s the church crowd who thinks this is some damn fine eye-talian eatin’. They’re gonna be limited to Golden Corral / Old Country Buffet now.

    • SessileRaptor

      If we can get those two places and Dennys to all do boycott worthy things we can completely cut them off from restaurant food.

      • Portia McGonagal

        Red Lobster too

        • Drew Miner

          yes, my daughter loves that one, so we break our boycott for that one a few times a year

    • Villago Delenda Est

      “Try the veal! Best in the city!”

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      Chik-fil-a libulz!!!

      They cater now, you know. (edit)

  • cousin itt

    It’s a trap!

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Is that one of those fancy Neapolitan pizza ovens?

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Dear One Million Moms: Change the damn channel, why don’t you? It’s not like you don’t have gazillions to choose from, this is not the 60’s, you don’t have only five alternatives.

    • Jenny

      But someone might enjoy themselves!

    • Bill Slider

      Five, I had but 3 growing up: ABC, CBS and NBC.

      • Biff52

        By the time we got a 2nd hand TV, there was also KQED-PBS and the independent KTVU that was eventually bought out by Fox.

  • BadKitty904

    I would like to see a numbered list of the names of all 1,000,000 moms in this organization. Can’t they be sued for false advertising or for fraud or some such?

    • SessileRaptor

      My favorite description of them is still the one from Cracked.

      “One Million Moms is a website based on intolerance and the inability to count. It’s named the same way a kid might call himself Commander Badass Boobtoucher: desperate wish-fulfillment and blatant lies. Despite being an entirely online group, they only had about 40,000 Facebook fans, an accurate count both of their real support and of how many moms don’t know their kids have already blocked them. By their math, I could call my dick the Pleaser of Luxembourg and it would be more accurate, because I’m only short about half a million people.”

      • BadKitty904

        Sounds about right, I’d say.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        I am mildly curious how many of those 40k facebook accounts are legit and how many are blank accounts to bump the numbers up.
        I myself, being a mom, who works, have not the time to cross reference all those, and nor do I do the face book or even have the inclination, because lazy, hence why it is only a mild curiousity.

    • Jennifer R

      Slogans and names are legally considered puffery.

      • BadKitty904

        Then it’s time for a One Jillion Wonketeers March Against Puffery.

        • mailman27

          And jiggery-pokery.

          • BadKitty904

            The jury is still out on codswallop.

        • Jennifer R

          I really want to make a joke about jilling off now.

  • whatwhomever

    I wouldn’t take a dump at the Olive Garden.

    • Vecciojohn LLC

      I would dump Trump there.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        In a heartbeat. Or a New York minute, take your short measure of time pick.

      • Mrs. Roger Kaputnik

        I wouldn’t eat there with Trump’s mouth.

  • Vecciojohn LLC

    I was going to go and try the eyetalian bus-ghetti but now I think I won’t. I hope Dominos isn’t possessed by Satan too.

  • SK

    … a nightclub featuring scantily-clad women, and a demon.

    Where’s this nightclub at?

    • Vecciojohn LLC

      pdx has tons of tittle bars and craft beer, but there aren’t that many demons, unless you count the Voodoo Donuts.

      • Tess

        They used to have a vegan pirate strip bar out on Sandy Blvd somewhere, how’s that? I believe the food served was vegan, not the strippers, but it could have been both

        • Vecciojohn LLC

          My neighbors curate vegan strippers for that place.

      • Jenny

        They’re about to open a voodoo donut in Austin. Any good?

        • Vecciojohn LLC

          In truth, I have never eaten one. I used to drive by the one in Northeast on Sandy Blvd every day and it was usually crowded. If you want to sound real Portlandy, tell people you’ve eaten at the one on Sandy, not the one the tourists have ruined.

        • sw19womble

          A friend’s daughter brought some back for her, while she was at at college down there. Apparently they’re really good.
          I got to see the empty box :(

    • DancesWithWolves

      New Orleans.

  • FauxAntocles

    Just one more reason for God to smite us – oh, well.

  • Daniel Krause

    This whole situation is a catalog of things that wouldn’t have interested me anyhow.

  • TheBidenator

    “.. a nightclub featuring scantily-clad women, and a demon.” I’ve been to this place, Trump owns it and hangs out there a lot….I wonder who the demon is.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      The Clenis, of course. Urging him to run for President.

  • whitroth

    Well, gee, I guess this means we have to go eat at Olive Garden one of these days, just to annoy those maroons.

    And btw, in the OT, Lucifer is G*d’s DA… *not* his Enemy ™. But the Xians in this country, especially, love to pick and choose what parts of the Bible they recognize.

    mark


    They’ve waited 2000 years for their God to come a second time; our Goddess has come twice tonight, already! – ancient neoPagan comment

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      Abraham was a crazy mofo. He woke one morning, grabbed his knife looking for something to kill, ran out of lambs, so decides that his son will do for now. Goes up the hill to cut his kid’s throat, finds a ram, kills it instead, and is so overcome with joy that he cuts off part of his dick, runs back into town with the bloody knife and demands to chop everyone’s dicks.

      Dude also like to go out I to the mountains and hear the voices in his head, and trips balls with the shrubbery.

      Writes it down, and ensures everyone writes it down forever. A hell of a legacy for a psychopath.

  • Vecciojohn LLC

    50 million Frenchmen can’t be wrong. These people, in contrast . . .

    • TheBidenator

      50 million Frenchmen would make for one foul odor filled gathering though….

      • Vecciojohn LLC

        Sir, one of my grandfathers was French, and he hardly smelled at all. Except toward the end of March.

  • TheBidenator

    Dear wingnuts,
    Since the rest of us up with the far more horrible programming that is the Fox News Channel the least you could do is allow the rest of us to watch our teevee shows in peace. Not that I watch “Lucifer” or many teevee shows…hell the last one I watched was “Ash v. Evil Dead” but that’s beside the point- pull the giant chunks of wood from your asses, change the channel or realize we can all go after Fox News.
    No Regards,
    The Normals.

    • Vecciojohn LLC

      He’s tough, but fair.

  • scubaix

    Mmmmm…one million hundred thousand moms….

  • Playonwords

    Firstly, Lucifer is an Archangel and is doing Gods work

    Secondly this whole thread and no-one has posted this
    https://youtu.be/vBecM3CQVD8

    • Vecciojohn LLC

      How about a little EMPATHY for the devil once in a while?

    • TheBidenator

      I thought that was evident by how well he’s doing in the GOP primary….so you’re saying we should be more sympathetic? Like what, not mocking his hair or leaving him alone for being a racist troll who wants to bang his daughter?….Please advise.

  • Doug White

    OMG! I just realized that by posting a complaint on the Olive Garden Facebook page you can get a free Tiramasu coupon mailed to your e-mail address!!!!!!!

    WINNING!

    • Jenny

      What???

    • Pinkham’s Law

      But, does it require purchase of an entree to claim it? LOSING!

    • nmmagyar

      But then you have to eat there

  • cousin itt

    Moms Against Biochemistry demand fireflies and lightning bugs be extincted!

  • BadKitty904

    Isn’t this the same, shrill band of Carrie-Nation-wannabes that called for a boycott of the Muppets? Of the freekin’ MUPPETS?!1?!!

    • beatbort

      Ann Coulter has children? I didn’t even know she mated

      • BadKitty904

        Since her species tends to eat their mates after copulation, it’s sometimes hard to tell…

  • Vecciojohn LLC

    The devil ain’t lazy, you gotta give him that.

    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=gSd3HJe0jIo

  • scubaix

    Mommy? Why is that nightclub demon making love to that scantily clad woman with unlimited breadstix and salad?

    • scubaix

      Englishpatient! Come away from that Fox. Here, go play with your gender-appropriate Peter Pan and Diddle Me Elmo toys!

      • scubaix

        Aww…ok…she was saying the breadsticks weren’t hard enough to make her…

        • scubaix

          Englishpatient! That’s enough! Rest assured mommy will be writing a sternly worded hotflash to Olive Garden immediately.

  • BadKitty904

    I’m still pondering the phrase “spiritually dangerous.” Dang. Just…dang.

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      It means ideas that don’t come from Your cult.

      I grew up in one.

    • DancesWithWolves

      Spiritually dangerous is hookers & cocaine not devil tv shows & salad.

  • Celtic_Gnome

    The few times I went to OliveGarden, I was enticed there by a menu item featured in a teevee commercial. Except those things were never on the menu. At least Satan doesn’t practice bait and switch.

    • Vecciojohn LLC

      Let’s just say that in their enthusiasm for their work, both of these parties have a tendency to over promise.

      • sw19womble

        The threat of eternity stuck in your current form, praising an invisible sky fairy, sounds far worse than any cheeky scam the pitchforky guy can throw at me.

  • Vecciojohn LLC

    Endless dipstix.

  • Jennifer R

    Truly, if there there was a time to root for casualties, it is now.

  • TheBidenator

    You know, usually this sort of thing makes me do the opposite because these ‘moralistic’ turds annoy me but it’s “Olive Garden” so yeah…not gonna eat there. It’s nothing personal (it is personal, actually) it’s just that my heart and I have finally gotten to love each other and I really don’t want to break the relationship up by clogging an artery with terrible food.

  • WhoDat

    These are the same type of people as those who complained the Hunger Games films didn’t match the books.

    • sw19womble

      They’re going to be awfully disappointed when they die then. :/

  • Jenny

    The trip with coworkers wasn’t awful. The tiramasu was worth it. Mmmm coffee soaked sugar

    • BadKitty904

      We call “coffee soaked with sugar” a “coradito dulce” Down Here.

      • Pinkham’s Law

        Around my house, we just call it “coffee.”

        • BadKitty904

          My Granny called it “little-boy coffee,” since the goal was to achieve the consistency and sweetness of melted coffee ice-cream…

    • Candy Apple

      They do make great tiramisu. I used to stroll into Olive Garden and just order a couple of pieces to go, along with a bottle of their fucking awesome salad dressing, and consider that I’d gotten the best of the Olive Garden experience.

  • kindness

    I didn’t realize the Million Moms was still a thing.

    • Whale Chowder

      …for very small values of “a thing.”

    • Mehmeisterjr

      When was it ever?

  • beatbort

    I think it’s the “scantily-clad women” that bugs them the most. Satan, not so much.
    Disappointment in one’s sex life will do that to a mom, or a million moms.

    • Haribo Lector

      Has the show featured any gay stuff yet?

      • sw19womble

        Yaoi! I hope so.

        • nmmagyar

          My panties will shoot off SOOO hard

          • thenearesthippie

            Be careful! You could put out an eye!

          • sw19womble

            ..

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    Lucifer (/ˈluːsɪfər/;[1][2][3] LOO-sif-ər) is the King James Version rendering of the Hebrew word הֵילֵל in Isaiah 14:12. This word, transliterated hêlêl[4] or heylel,[5] occurs only once in the Hebrew Bible[4] and according to the KJV based Strong’s Concordance means “shining one, light bearer”.[5] The Septuagint renders הֵילֵל in Greek as ἑωσφόρος[6][7][8][9][10] (heōsphoros),[11][12][13] a name, literally “bringer of dawn”, for the morning star.[14]

    The word Lucifer is taken from the Latin Vulgate,[15] which translates הֵילֵל as lucifer,[16][17] meaning “the morning star, the planet Venus”, or, as an adjective, “light-bringing”.[18]

    Later Christian tradition came to use the Latin word for “morning star”, lucifer, as a proper name (“Lucifer”) for the devil; as he was before his fall.[19] As a result, “‘Lucifer’ has become a by-word for Satan/the Devil in the church and in popular literature”,[15] as in Dante Alighieri’s Inferno and John Milton’s Paradise Lost.[13]
    However, the Latin word never came to be used almost exclusively, as in
    English, in this way, and was applied to others also, including Jesus.[20] The image of a morning star fallen from the sky is generally believed among scholars to have a parallel in Canaanite mythology.[21]

    However, according to both Christian[22] and Jewish exegesis, in the Book of Isaiah, chapter 14, the King of Babylon, Nebuchadnezzar II, conqueror of Jerusalem, is condemned in a prophetic vision by the prophet Isaiah and is called the “Morning Ha” (planet Venus).[23][24] In this chapter the Hebrew text says הֵילֵל בֶּן-שָׁחַר (Helel ben Shaḥar, “shining one, son of the morning”).[25] “Helel ben Shaḥar” may refer to the Morning Star, but the text in Isaiah 14 gives no indication that Helel was a star or planet.

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lucifer

    • Pinkham’s Law

      I like knowledge bombs! Thanks.

    • mailman27

      Yeah, but how long could a 900-year-old man survive on a grassy knoll?

    • Candy Apple

      I think I like you.

  • Mavenmaven

    One million moms are in here, Karras, would you like to send a message?

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      I would. Lucifer is a mistranslation of Isaiah 14:12 which was talking about Nebuchadnezzar II, who is too dead to care if he is misrepresented on a TV show by being alive and being the devil (who does not exist) among other things.

  • JoeChristmas

    To be fair, I loathe bad teevee and belief in supernatural beings, so I’m going to boycott Föx and Olive Garden!

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      Yeah, Ghost Whisperer is about as real as Supergirl. I don’t get it.

      And don’t get me started on History Channel programs about ghosts and UFOs, etc.

      • Vecciojohn LLC

        Well, I watch it, but I don’t believe half of that nonsense about aliens. But the stuff about Hitler, now that’s interesting. Make you think.

  • ShinyBlueThing

    I’m sure that the mediocre restaurant I won’t eat at will be very disappointed that all fifteen or so of the grumpy women in that fundy activist group won’t be showing up to treat them like crap, be terrible customers, and tip their servers with bible tracts.

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      I own stock in Darden. Please eat there because ‘baby needs a new pair of shoes”?

      • ShinyBlueThing

        Sorry, no. There’s precious little I can eat there, due to allergies, and my kids hate pasta. So, if we went, it would be my husband eating while everyone else looked at him.

        • DoILookAmused2u ?

          Salad?

          • ShinyBlueThing

            The dressing will kill me, so no.

          • DoILookAmused2u ?

            What the hell do you eat?

          • ShinyBlueThing

            Egg allergy is pretty limiting. Also, Olive garden has a “fuck you, we cross contaminate with impunity” policy so most of the things I can otherwise eat there are dangerous to me.

  • Antimassacree

    Bless their hearts. Probably can’t figure out how to use a salad bar or a space bar.

  • sw19womble

    The Satanic Temple issues another epic trolling statement about the need for a Religious Freedom Restoration Act in 3…2…1….

    • mailman27

      Hopefully they’re ready to roll out a fee-fi-fo-fum, and not a moment too soon.

  • Serolf Divad

    You could always boycott… Oh I dunno… Fox News, and really put the hurt to the show’s corporate owners. But I guess that’s one self righteous step too far.

    • SessileRaptor

      But then where would they get their daily dose of hate? How would they know who and what they need to be terrified of this week? HOW WILL THEY KEEP UP ON ALL THE WAYS OBAMA HAS FAILED AMERICA?! HOW?!

  • Joe Beese

    Cruz shifts last-minute attack advertising from Trump to Rubio!

    << [Team Cruz's] take is that because Cruz’s Super PACs are attacking Trump now, the campaign itself can afford to spend some money to try to hold Rubio back. Okay, but if Iowa’s still competitive, you would think Cruz would throw everything he’s got at Trump in hopes of derailing him before he builds up momentum. If Cruz loses narrowly to Trump and then Trump swamps New Hampshire, Cruz’s task in South Carolina will be much harder than if he went kitchen-sink on Trump now and won Iowa narrowly. It sure looks as if Cruz has quietly become convinced that second place in Iowa is the likeliest outcome for him and he’s desperately trying to hold Rubio to third. Cruz finishing second in the caucuses would be a heavy blow but he can still use it to claim a two-man race next week with Trump. Finishing third behind Rubio might be a campaign-killer since it would show that Cruz can’t even top Rubio in states where the electorate is supposed to favor the “true conservative” with a shelf full of evangelical endorsements. >>

    [emphasis added]

    http://hotair.com/archives/2016/01/29/wow-cruz-to-focus-attack-ads-in-final-days-before-iowa-on-rubio-not-trump/

  • Serolf Divad

    This political season has just been a surfeit of scheudefroide, hasn’t it?

    • Vecciojohn LLC

      Is that what they mean by scheisse porn? Cuz these fuckers are sure full of it.

      • Markuserektus

        Zwei Mädchen ein Tasse

        • Vecciojohn LLC

          The never ending bowl, only at the Garden.

        • bobbert

          Those aren’t Madchen.

  • jmhm

    _The show ‘Lucifer’ does not reflect the truth about Christianity_

    That it contains a Lucifer, or that he hangs out on the coast? Because I could have sworn I’ve heard both of those things from evangelicals on a regular basis.

    • Biff52

      I thought he hung out in New Orleans? I can’t keep up.

      • jmhm

        I know he went down to Georgia at least once.

        • SuspectedDemocrat

          He was supposed to pick me up at the crossroads, but now I guess I’ll have to call an Uber.

    • Vecciojohn LLC

      “The devil hath established his cities in the North.”

      – St. Augustine

  • Vecciojohn LLC

    Wait a minute. The Brits call a match a lucifer. There’s an old superstition about three on a match. Who is more devilish than an Englishman? Oh my GOD!!! The room is filling up with smoke!! Aieeeeeeee!

    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=dK1_vm0FMAU

    • Joe Beese

      SPOILER ALERT

      • Vecciojohn LLC

        Don’t fuck with me or I’ll tell everyone how Hamlet ends.

        • Candy Apple

          Everyone lives, right?

          • bobbert

            On a farm in upstate Denmark.

          • Vecciojohn LLC

            The End.

        • sw19womble

          Lady Macbeth did it!

          • Vecciojohn LLC

            In the drawing room with a knife.

        • Anarchy Pony

          No! I haven’t finished it yet!

        • BadKitty904

          He wakes up and finds it was all a dream?

          • Vecciojohn LLC

            Lucky guess.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            He wakes up and finds out that the entire thing was a product of his imagination, as he contemplates a snow ball.

          • sw19womble

            Jim Inhofe libel!

          • Major_Major_Major

            Not that kind of snowball…wait, I bet imhofe prefers THAT kind.

        • TheBidenator

          He changes his name to Ben Carson and runs for president?

          • Vecciojohn LLC

            No, that’s King Lear.

          • therblig

            then the audience rushes to grab claudius’s goblet

        • Villago Delenda Est

          George R.R. Martin walks on the set and kills off all the main characters.

        • grageo

          Hamlet always makes me think of omelets. I luv omelets cuz eggs.

          • Vecciojohn LLC

            You can’t make a Hamlet without breaking eggs.

    • Steverino247

      I’ve seen that opera. Very cool.

      • Joe Beese

        Kurt Moll – the bass singing the Commendatore – was also supremely badass as Hunding the Metropolitan Opera’s 1989 Die Walkure.

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qeNMuXnEAvU

        • Steverino247

          Thanks for sharing that. I need a break from certain howlers here today.

  • Mehmeisterjr

    I am the leader of the Million Grumpy Old Farts (actually just me) and I truly enjoy World War I and was intending to pay a visit and now I am up set with the Powell brothers (George Henry and Felix) and it has been brought tomy attention taht they have writed the follwoing spiritually dangerous song:

    “Pack up your troubles in your old kit-bag,
    And smile, smile, smile,
    While you’ve a lucifer to light your fag,
    Smile, boys, that’s the style.”

    It is spiritually dangerous to speak of Lucifer in this vain. (I do like the part about the fag.) Please donot allow this terrible song in your World War and as for my family my church and anyone that will listen we will stop patronizing your War until you stop siding with Satan and stand with GOD!! AND DO THIS NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Also, my arches hurt.

    P.S. A dutch version goes:

    Pak al je zorgen in je plunjezak en fluit, fluit, fluit!
    Aan alle moeilijkheden heb je lak, fluit man en ‘t is uit!
    Waarom zou je treuren, het helpt je niet vooruit,
    Dus: pak al je zorgen in je plunjezak en fluit, fluit, fluit.

    BOYCOTT PAINT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • JustDon’tSayDittos

      ups for “vain”.
      details are in the devil.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        Tnx. I always say its the little counts that thing.

  • dshwa

    Some people really need to get a life. Not every show on TV needs to accurately reflect your chosen mythology. If you don’t like it, go read a book.

    • Joe Beese

      You know that Supergirl is pretty hot.

      • Kip TW

        I always heard it as “Joe Beese,” and then they started saying it was “Joe Beets,” and I was all “YOU’RE TEARING ME APART!”

        • Joe Beese

          No, you were right the first time.

          The missus and I are built for comfort rather than speed, as the saying goes. So our joke was that if we ever had to go on the lam, the fake names we’d provide hotelkeepers would be Joe and Flo Beese.

      • nmmagyar

        She looks 12

        • JMP

          I’m watching all the DC shows, but man, the heroes are all so much younger than me (well except for Victor Garbor) that it really makes me realize that I am old. There was one bit where Supergirl talked about when she got her first cell phone as a kid, and that just floored me.

          • nmmagyar

            I had a similar experience with Callista Flockhart – I thought she’d gotten old, and remembered she’s roughly the same age as me

      • therblig

        kneel before jeb!

    • Major_Major_Major

      Wut is theez books u speke off?

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        Books are the devil’s work!

    • therblig

      “Leave it to Beaver” did.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        Lumpy Rutherford, Spawn of Satan!!!!!1111!,!`1

  • 2Girls1Cubs

    “Christian women found the disparagement of their religion much more disagreeable than slavery? You don’t say.”

    ~time travelers from 1820

    • Candy Apple

      Those Christian women should be pleased, because if anything, rather than disparaging their delusions, it feeds their narrative of the Devil as a smooth-talking badass. Isn’t the Devil supposed to be tempting? People aren’t tempted by something they don’t find likable.

      • sw19womble

        Exhibit A: Ted Cruz.

  • r m reddicks

    I don’t understand the math.

    • sw19womble

      Nobody said there was going to be math. Or satanism.

      • Vecciojohn LLC

        NO one expects math! Or Satanism!!

        • Pickwicknext

          Bring the comfy chair!

  • nmmagyar

    Yes, the food at Olive Garden is foul; but do you know what is delicious – the actor playing Lucifer. The show has it’s moments, but I am hoping for more satanic nudity (literally) in future episodes.

    • Sarah Richard

      Yeah Im torn, if I perv on that guy, does that make me pro satan? I dont want to go to hell. This is the same problem I had with the guy who played jesus in The Bible.

      • Vecciojohn LLC

        Ask yourself: who would Jesus do?

        • Candy Apple

          All of them (disciples), Katie.

          • Vecciojohn LLC

            I thought John was the Beloved Disciple.

          • sw19womble

            Well, apparently he could work wonders with a hemline and a fabulous little swatch of fun fur.

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          Mary Magdalene, allegedly.

          • Vecciojohn LLC

            But only with votes, right?

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            Is that what you kids are calling ejaculate these days?

        • Relativicus

          Sarah Shahi.

          • nmmagyar

            Are you sure that isn’t you who wants to do her?

          • Relativicus

            No, definitely Jesus. In an unrelated matter, I have Jesuseses power of attorney.

          • Biff52

            I’d hit that.

        • TheBidenator

          Monica Bellucci as Mary Magdalene….seriously, she owns it.

      • nmmagyar

        Perv away! Just repent when you’re too old to care – on the off chance that ever happens.

      • wavicles

        These are the kind of sensations that rile the moms, see.

    • Vecciojohn LLC

      Do they show boobs?

      Asking for . . . Oh, who am I fooling . .

      • nmmagyar

        Don’t know, don’t care. (Sorry :-( )

    • Candy Apple

      I only saw the teaser for it, like, five months ago or something, but I remember Satan was super hot. That’s what this is really all about, isn’t it? The Butthurt Moms are attracted to Satan.

      • nmmagyar

        He’s a charmer in the Bible also, too, no?

    • You know, that’s probably exactly what the Moms are afraid will happen.

      • wavicles

        The Devil made her do it.

  • Mrs. Roger Kaputnik

    So Satan eats at Olive Garden and Jehovah likes Chik Fil a?

    I kinda think I’m gonna have to side with the Christians on this one.

  • I liked the comment “Olive Garden’s soup is like an edible hug!”.

    • Vecciojohn LLC

      Or a hug like getting a bowl of Minestrone thrown on you.

  • Candy Apple

    Thanks for reminding me to watch the show, One Million Butthurt Moms! I’ve been wanting to see it ever since I found out Principal Wood from Buffy the Vampire Slayer was going to be on it.

    • Vecciojohn LLC

      Real housewives of Dogpatch.

  • Sarah Richard

    Damn, maybe I will watch that show..

    • sw19womble

      Damned if you do, damned if you… no, wait.

      • Shibusa

        Wait until The Donald hears about Lucifer. There will be Hell toupee.

    • Pickwicknext

      But for real, it’s a lot of fun. You should

  • Kip TW

    “You know the show is fiction, right?”
    “Fiction? You mean LIES??”

    • Vecciojohn LLC

      Yeah. Lies from the pit of HELL! Just like “science.”

      • Major_Major_Major

        Well, science is all just theories. If god didn’t say it, then it just ain’t true.

        • Vecciojohn LLC

          OED, as they say.

  • Jen_Baker_VA

    Wow. This is what they are worried about? A spiritually dangerous program on the TeeVee? Have they never seen 19 crimes and counting, then?
    What most moms really worry about: Being able to be there for their families AND hold a job. Having access to health care. Having good schools for kids. Suddenly remembering you never sewed up that hole in Lil Bill’s shirt and he went to school in it. Cleaning, cooking, working, getting the homework and baths in, and having it all done by 9 because fuck if I am doing it after,Keeping your significant other interested for 10+ years (cause no, no amount of logic will allow us to believe for a second that it is perfectly natural for people to find other people sexually attractive and it is not all our fault. Orrrrrr maybe that is just my own thing, can own it).
    Maybe my priorities are screwy.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      If you’re looking for “spiritually dangerous” stuff on teevee, last night’s presentation of fascist dipshits in Iowa on Faux Noise is just the ticket.

  • xy

    Dumb People Mad About Dumb Thing could have just as easily been this entire article.

    or most articles on the internet anymore.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      Your version of the internets is totes boring.

  • Steverino247

    There’s just no pleasing some people. Either with restaurants, TV shows or religions.

  • chascates

    I’ll get those bread sticks as take-out then.

  • Damian L

    But it’s on Fox and Fox is Gods own network,ask Hannity!

    • BadKitty904

      Did he specify which gods?

      • nmmagyar

        Mammon is the only one that counts to them

  • Relativicus

    So, rather than let what is not that great a show wither on the vine and go away, the better option was to draw a bunch of attention to it?

  • Anarchy Pony

    Spiritually dangerous? How fucking tenuous is your faith?

    • sw19womble

      Pyramid schemes rely on fresh meat. Need that ever-expanding customer base, or it all falls flat on its face.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      Amen! I’ve wondered about the nature of the god they purport to worship, who is too weak, uncaring, or _________ (fill in blank) to cause a TV show to disappear from the telly. We’ll have to wait for Nielsen, I guess.

    • Major_Major_Major

      Strong like bull(shit)

  • Jen_Baker_VA

    Meh. I liked Lucifer the first time round, when it was called Brimstone.

  • TheGrandWaz00

    The Million Moms rejected my membership application when they discovered I wasn’t a multi-tsk tsker.

  • E S

    The best fun to be had is that these Onward Christian Soldiers are just like Radical Islamic Terrorists (never thought I’d write that out, and kind of regret it already) who believe any depicting of the focus of their worship is a horrible offense, because doing so offends the heart of their religion and beliefs. When people don’t feel just as they do, and, say, represent their beliefs in cartoons, they try to kill them. For the Christian cuckoos, Lucifer, offends their beliefs too, and makes them helpless to do anything but mess with the sanctity of Olive Garden. They all need to hug it out until they are born again as good people.

    My religious beliefs are treaded upon constantly, because I have reverence for kindness, peace, compassion, altruism, generosity, understanding, thoughtfulness, humility, creativity, and intelligence. Everything and everyone on TV in any advertisement or show seems to be materialistic and self centered, even on my favorite Law and Order, (The Criminal Intent flavor if possible). That someone offends my sensibilties all the time doesn’t mean I boycott Louis Vuitton. instead I buy a cheap knock off on Canal Street for a joke and try to get along with everyone in town.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      I love your last paragraph, even the Criminal Intent insert. Because that too was my favorite and I had serious sads they tried fucking it up and then boinked it so badly toward the end.

      • DemmeFatale

        I also loved the quirky, weird, and cocky stylings of D’Onofrio in Criminal Intent.
        However, I was in the minority in my house, mostly cause of a lack of “Malones” and “Beeders (B.D. Wong).”

        • Vienna Woods

          I’ve only really seen D’Onofrio in Daredevil, as I kept away from the whole Law and Order franchise. But man, he is one good actor.

          • bobbert

            You ever watch Men in Black?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      They are two sides of the same revolting, regressive coin. Deity-bothered totalitarian assholes who are driven to madness by the idea that someone, somewhere, is having fun, most likely with their (gasp!) genitals.

    • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

      If one of the moms is pregnant when she’s born again is the baby born born again or does it have to be born again? Serious answers only, please.

      • Spotts1701

        *pulls out abacus, slide rule, then feeds results into UNIVAC*

        Yes.

        • cmd

          Slide rule.

      • wavicles

        Born again, again, seriously.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    I think if we were supposed to have a National Schoolmarm, the constitution they are always misquoting would mention it.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      I would say National Moralist, because schoolmarms tend to want to educate These folk have no such lofty ideals.

      • nmmagyar

        Secretary of Morals

        • UncleTravelingMatt

          How about Secretary of I’m Telling Mom

          • nmmagyar

            More (mental) age appropriate

    • RC

      moral scolds

      • wavicles

        scabs

  • Ricky Gay

    OLIVE GARDEN ALONE!!1

    • natoslug

      I’m doing my part.

  • janecita

    So funny! I saw the the commercial for this show the other day, and I say to myself, “the one million prude moms are going to be all over this show”. These unsatisfied witches are way too predictable!

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      I watched the first 10 minutes of the show. The only thing it has going for it is the outrage of the Better Christians. Should sustain it for at least a few seasons.

      • RC

        I hope so. I rather enjoyed it. Mindless fun with tall dark and handsome scenery. :)

    • nosuchuser

      I herself ‘This is going to make a bunch of fundies stroke out’ when we watched it. Right again magic man!

  • Gristle McThornbody

    Oh, ladies, it was shit like this that actually put “Married with Children” on the map when it first came out. Bitch and pee and moan all you want; Olive Garden doesn’t give a flying fritta what you think, and neither does anyone else.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      If anything, they’re giving people a reason to visit Olive Garden.

      • tomamitai

        Wasn’t Jesus arrested in an olive garden named Gethsemane?

        • Barley_Brains

          Yes! #anotherterroristcaptured

    • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

      In the 70’s it was the series “Soap”. They hadn’t even filmed the first episode and people were screaming how it had full frontal nudity. The free publicity they gave it made it a hit right off the bat.

  • Please allow me to introduce myself
    I’m a man of
    pedestrian tastes

    • Ranina

      …ah, what’s troubling you is the nature of my game…
      You just don’t get it, do you, silly broads?

    • Barley_Brains

      Splendid.

  • Vecciojohn LLC

    The devil is in the details. And the red sauce. And those fucking breadsticks.

    • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

      Don’t forget the salad! Cuz, ya know, it’s the only restaurant in town that serves bread and salad

      • Vecciojohn LLC

        Unless you want to drive out to the truck stop.

      • natoslug

        In Olive Garden, salad tosses you!

      • Rick Hill

        Don’t they use the only lettuce that is actually the complete opposite of being beneficial, too?

        • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

          It’s probably 20% romaine and 80% iceberg, which has the nutritional value of water. And their dressing has an outrageously high fat content. I used to work their……before I quit drinking. There were many a Saturday night where we would be on a two hour wait. People would actually stand in line for two hours so they could pay $12.99 for a bowl of spaghetti. I guess boiling water and opening a jar of Ragu was just too much for them.

  • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

    I am wondering how many here had never heard of this show until these stupid bitches gave it free publicity.

    • Paperless Tiger

      I’d pretty much forgotten about Olive Garden too.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      They have all the brainpower of Dolores Umbridge banning The Quibbler from Hogwarts, they do.

      • Anarchy Pony

        How did you know I’m reading Order of the Phoenix?!

        • Villago Delenda Est

          Legilimency, of course.

  • tehbaddr

    I watched as it was right after The X Files. It does not suck, and Lucifer screws with womens minds and makes them all randy and sexed up for him. That is what has really got these fridged bitches noses out of joint. They got hot and bothered and couldn’t handle it.

    • therblig

      you would think a breadstick would come in handy right about then

      • Villago Delenda Est

        It’s pretty much what they’re used to, if you know what I mean, and I think you do.

        • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

          When you run out of tampons a girl’s gotta do somethin’.

          • nmmagyar

            I’m just glad someone found a use for them

      • Shibusa

        America is going to Hell in a breadbasket.

    • The Wanderer

      It’s the goat eyes. Women can’t resist the horizontal pupils.

  • Rick Hill

    “… known only to evangelicals, is Thou Shalt Not Use Commas.”
    That’s, ok. I, use, enough to, make up for, it.

    But there was an unexpected result of this boycott. Evangelicals began to lose weight. The toxins in their blood began to thin out and be eliminated. The level of oxygen in it also increased, their reasoning capacities returned. They started to question the direction their church was taking, the ludicrousness of it’s “crusades”. A new age came upon mankind as they actually followed the teachings of Christ….
    Aww, shit, I can’t keep these kind of fairytales up….

    • Ricky Gay

      thats ok. I usually wake up in a comma,

    • Quercus

      Damn. It was just getting good.

  • mtn_philosoph

    There is no escape from the Never Ending Pasta Bowl.

    • natoslug

      That’s what you get for mixing Pastafarianism with Chthulism (Chthuluism? Gesundheit!).

      • ElderGodHarmony?
        ~

        • tehbaddr

          UspeakableHorrorMingle.com

      • therblig

        waiter, can we get fresh breadsticks?

        no, just the ancient ones

  • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

    The Million Moms’ vaginas also serve as ice cube dispensers. I bet the sex they had that made them moms is the only sex they get.

    • natoslug

      Parthenogenesis libelz!

      https://youtu.be/6bMM61Y5CEU

      • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

        Mammals are not capable of parthenogenesis. Well, except that one time 2,000 years ago.

        • natoslug

          Hush. The ’80s never lied to me! Although, now that you mention it, One Million Moms probably uses spores or some such for reproduction.

    • Rick Hill

      If only evil Obama would use his time traveling powers for good and would go back and stop them from even having that!

      • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

        I KNEW this was somehow Obama’s fault!

      • wavicles

        You mean the Olive Gardens, right?

        • Rick Hill

          The sex that made them moms.

    • DaveM

      Gross. Who wants tuna flavored ice cubes?

      • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

        Uh, uh. Strawberry douche.

      • Barley_Brains

        Would be good in Bloody Marys.

        • DaveM

          Gotta give you one man. That was fairly gross. I liked it.

          • Barley_Brains

            Cheers!

  • azeyote

    when they pig the fuck out at Olive Garden, they probably say the devil made them do it –

  • SnarkOff

    What the hell?

    • Shibusa

      I like my pasta cooked al Dante.

      • Barley_Brains

        Yea, but which level?

      • therblig

        i’ll have the penance alla vodka

  • malsperanza

    Isn’t the teevee show “Supernatural” a huge favorite among wingnuts, because it is about red-blooded American bros, who drive a trans am and fight the devil and listen to Classic Rock (TM) of the Lynyrd Skynyrd variety?

    What the fuck makes that show ok and this show not?

    • nosuchuser

      Ask what Double Standards™ can do for you.

      • malsperanza

        What html code do you use for superscript TM? I couldn’t get to work …

        • nosuchuser

          _&_trade_; (_&_copy_; _&_reg_; also work)

          Remove underscores.

          • Anarchy Pony

            WTF?™ I Can’t Even© GTFO®!

          • nosuchuser

            Enjoy, I pray to FSM that you use them unwisely!

        • Playonwords

          Also try copypasta the sidebar of this Wikipedia™ Trademark Symbol page because it’s also useful for other symbols like copyright ©,
          Registered Trademark ®
          Degree°
          inverted exclamation mark ¡ and many others

      • wavicles

        Oh, so much! Even at first, but once you get used to using them, you’ll wonder how you got by without ’em.

    • Vienna Woods

      Ahem, not just wingnuts….

      • Anarchy Pony

        They set an unrealistic standard of attractiveness!

        • chimichanga

          Thumbs up from my teenage daugters

    • I had a friend who wrote a lot of fan-fiction about the brothers on that show boning each other. Doesn’t sound very Christian to me. Well, any more than _Buffy the Vampire Slayer_ was, and my wife’s Christian dad wouldn’t let her watch that when she was younger.

      • Playonwords

        I once met someone who wrote Riker/Data slash fiction …

        • The Wanderer

          Oy.

      • malsperanza

        I’m not weighing in on whether Supernatural is Christian or not. As far as I can tell the show is awful and I don’t really care. It’s popular with the same viewers who liked The Dukes of Hazzard, who have a big overlap with the Christianists.

        Also,just for clarification: fanfiction =/= show.

        • Vienna Woods

          I really like Supernatural. There is some really good writing and acting. It’s not a red neck show even if most of the settings are supposed to be in red states. And the eye candy… oh my.

  • Rufus T. Firefly

    I’m more worried about 664, the Neighbor of the Beast.

    • therblig

      Lucifer hates that Fedex keeps leaving his neighbor’s packages under his front steps.

    • Toomush_Infer

      I’ve had this neighbor more than once…The worst!….

    • chimichanga

      Biggest laugh in a month. Hahahahahahahahahahahaha. Ha

  • Shibusa

    It’s news to me that anybody actually “enjoys” eating Olive Garden food.

  • Toomush_Infer

    Wait till Marco weighs in on this….at 148 pounds…

    • Count Awesome

      Is that soaking wet?

      • Major_Major_Major

        And lead lifts .

        • Count Awesome

          Concrete shoes (with votes) are more appealing to me.

          • Major_Major_Major

            They would make him look so presidential.

  • Jgb979

    OOH IM SO MAD SATANS FAVORITE ITALIAN RESTAURANT SPONSORS A PRETEND SHOW ABOUT A COMIC BOOK!!!!!!!!!!

    Funny how the Fox Broadcast network never gets mentioned.

    • Count Awesome

      It’s a weird synergy: the entertainment division at Fox creates a controversy and Fox News appeals to the wingnuts about the “coarsening of our culture”.

      • Quercus

        Kind of like a snake eating its own tail and coming out the other end or something.

        • Count Awesome

          Sadly, more like an eagle hatchling’s reflex to kick it’s younger sibling out of the nest to ensure survival.

    • therblig

      it’s because they turn their heads so the “X” looks like a crucifix.

  • Joe Beese
    • Count Awesome

      It’s karma. Cruz has acted like a prick for years to everyone. Trump simply saw an opening and then all the people Cruz alienated piled on. Serves him right.

      • cmd

        Just read an article about pizza guy, our local guy who got famous for hugging Obama when he came in his pizzaria in 2012. He got a lot of hate from idiots. So this year he did an interview saying he would probably hug any candidate who came in the restaurant except Cruz.

    • Jenny

      Such a beautiful thing!

      • Count Awesome

        Will Cruz threaten to boycott the next debate a la Trump because he felt the moderators were having the other candidates attack him? (Boo-fucking-hoo).

      • Joe Beese

        “Give me the nomination or she gets it!”

        • therblig

          her bored indifference and thousand yard stare suggest she may already be getting it. nudge nudge wink wink say no more.

        • Vienna Woods

          Wow. Now there’s an affectionate couple.

  • Jenny

    Speaking of people who need to mind their own business, my hoa president came by today. She was driving by and noticed I had a pit bull in my backyard.

    Yes, two in fact.

    Then she started in on how they’re dangerous dogs. I let her finish her bullshit. Then I replied they are not nearly as dangerous as their owner.

    I don’t bother people. I let people live their lives. Why is it so hard for others to do the same?

    • Count Awesome

      Pit bulls generally score very high on temeperment tests and can be extremely friendly. The owners play a big part, put sometimes animals can be a lot like people: sometimes your just born an asshole.

      • JoeChristmas

        See avatard.

      • Jenny

        Two things that set me off, messing with my kids and messing with my dogs. I won’t act like a normal rational person when it comes to those things.

        One dog is still immature and frankly she doesn’t like people on her turf. She’s a barker and a growler to strangers at the door and is put in her kennel when people come over. Loveable as heck when she is calm, but new people or places isn’t something she tolerates well. That said. She’s my shadow and would put herself in harms way for me.

        The other dog is old and wants to cuddle all day. She’s friendly but I’m not an idiot, I’d never leave her alone with anyone, especially a house guest.

        My dogs stay in my house. Outside to potty, catch the Frisbee, and walked late at night. I walk them late because there are less distractions and less of a chance I’d run into a moron letting their little Fifi run loose. I feel like I constantly have to be on guard because of the reputation pit bulls have so i try to minimize any and all problems.

        So I’m really annoyed being questioned about my dogs who are vaccinated, microchipped, registered with the city, and wearing their dog collar, and minding their own business in the back yard. Oh you saw some perfectly healthy dogs, roaming in their own yard and you need to ask about it? Gtfo out my face lady.

        • thixotropic jerk

          Well, I think the next time she bothers you, you should try covering her in bacon and release your hounds on her to fulfill her fantasies of being fatally slobbered on.

          I used to walk, I mean the dog would walk me – uphill – this old Italian lady’s pitbull she called “Bueno.” He would let aggressive dogs chew on him and would just take it rather than fight back.

    • DrShitferbrains

      And speaking of pit bulls, I hate licorice

      • ‘We’re like licorice. Not everybody likes licorice, but the people who like licorice really like licorice.’

        – Jerry Garcia
        ~

      • Jenny

        Lol that’s about as good as a motorcycle going down a neighboring street and the hoa lady stopped her blathering to ask if that was my dog growling. No you dip shit, it’s a motorcycle! Wtf!

        • Quercus

          I don’t know. Maybe you should have let her think it was your dog. Get her to leave sooner.

    • I AM R U

      Our neighbour has a dog that probably has some pit bull in it from it’s appearance, but it’s a mutt. And it’s a terrifying, dangerous animal to both other animals and people. But that’s because it’s owners have raised it to be a quasi guard dog for their drug operation.

      Hate the dog, not the breed.

      • Jenny

        I am one of the only Hispanics in the neighborhood so I honestly think she’s probably more pissed off about that. I’m not a renter either, I’m an owner so she can’t bully me as much as she’d like because I’m a voting member too.

        But Hispanic, dangerous ghetto dogs, I’m sure she thinks I sell drugs too. :)

        • I AM R U

          Urgh. You poor thing :/

        • wavicles

          She KNOWS.

      • thenearesthippie

        I’ve always felt that (proven) dangerous dogs should be rehabilitated and their owners put down.

        • I AM R U

          I’m not totally opposed.

    • cmd

      My next door neighbor, Gladys Kravitz, dreams of living in a neighborhood where she could be HOA president. We have no HOA but she surely is the self-appointed member of it. I’m glad we are now on her shit list because I don’t have to put up with her everlasting nosy questions.

    • Biff52
    • The Wanderer

      My HOA is almost entirely composed of retired crypto-fascists who walk incessantly, hoping to catch something that they can whinge about.

      • Jenny

        I went to the annual meeting today and I was the youngest person there. >_<

  • chimichanga

    This group is to snark what slo-pitch is to baseball.

  • I AM R U

    Has anyone seen the show? Is it any good? Any worthwhile gay characters?

    • Biff52

      I think we’re supposed to use our imagination.

      I did watch the pilot, and there were some lols and guffaws.

      • I AM R U

        It’s probably not available in my country :P

        • Pickwicknext

          No never. However, show is highly amusing and Tom Ellis is quite charming.

    • Mr Corrections

      The show is based on a minor aside in the Sandman comics, in which Lucifer convinces two angels to take over Hell while he goes and sits on a beach in Australia with a guy dying of cancer, drinking beer & admiring the sunsets. At least, that’s how I remember it going, it’s been a while. It’s a weird thing to base a TV show on, but far from the worst idea I’ve ever heard.

      • I AM R U

        I would actually watch that.

        Someone else mentioned living in LA and using Lucifer powers to get women. That I don’t want to watch.

        • Mr Corrections

          I ain’t seen it, or even a trailer for it, so I really can’t judge. Sandman was OK ranging to good, depending, and most other stuff Gaiman has been involved with has been pretty good; I don’t think he’s more than peripherally involved with this, tho.

        • Mr Corrections

          Neil Gaiman’s webpage doesn’t mention the show anywhere I can see, and nor does his Wikipedia article. As far as I can tell, the show is based on a spin-off comic that somebody else made, so doesn’t look like he’s involved even slightly. Ah well.

          • I AM R U

            Damn.

  • “a nightclub featuring scantily-clad women”

    Also known as “a nightclub.”
    ~

    • Count Awesome

      Prairie dresses or GTFO, apparently.

  • Badger33

    I’ll devour their souls.

  • Joe Beese

    Hillary doesn’t seem very good at this.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Wanna bet these same hypocritical dipshits watch Faux News exclusively? No boycott there.

  • crescentfang

    Personally I prefer “Good Omens” by Terry Pratchett ans Neil Gaiman. Good satire is hard to do effectively and I’m not surprised that the TV show isn’t carrying it off.

    • Pickwicknext

      Not the same thing. This is loosely based on Gaiman’s Sandman comics (also excellent). I happily upvoted because I started reading my shiny new hardcover edition of Good Omens today. I love Crowley.

      • rachelmap

        Everybody loves Crowley.
        Except his plants
        They love and fear him.

    • Wombat

      One of my personal favorites.

      RIP, Sir Terry. :(

      • crescentfang

        I’m going to miss Terry too. I have just about finished his disk world series and no one else writes like he does. He will be sorely missed.

  • Helena Handbag

    Television sucks balls, Olive Garden food is a travesty, and these protesters are credulous simpletons. Face it, there are no winners here.

    • Count Awesome

      The winners are the ones that don’t eat at Olive Garden and don’t watch TV. The winningest and ‘yoogest’ winners are those that snark on both.

    • Badger33

      Love the spam Alfredo.

      • Count Awesome

        Ewww. Alfredo sauce.

        • Msgr_Moment

          Alfredo shot first?

          • The Wanderer

            From the consistency . . . yes.

    • In the long run, we are all bread.
      ~

      • Count Awesome

        If we are all a type of bread, I claim to be brioche!

        • I’m such a 100% all wheatie. I even gave it to the birdies out back in the blizzard, the cardinals loved it.

          P.S. That’s a pic of Mr. Cardinal eating a Granny Smith apple core, which I also gave them. Believe me, they ate all the bread, too. (Had no birdseed in the house, doh!)

          http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-JnCZfqfXpOQ/VqolcgVM0HI/AAAAAAAASHE/OIwaFirC-BM/s1600/January%2B2016%2Bk%2B073%2Bcrop.jpg
          ~

          • Count Awesome

            I’m a Dodger fan, so I HATE Cardinals. (They would like some tasty pecans most likely).

          • thixotropic jerk

            How do we know that isn’t the actual shriveled corpse of Cruz’s heart that you tossed out there in the snow? Why’re you trying to poison that pretty bird with toxic waste?

          • I was able to obtain a little birdseed (on the black market, aka PetSmart) a couple days later:

            http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-zaWiFtndXcI/VqoesKqOE-I/AAAAAAAASGs/NjcHlvQVLNw/s1600/January%2B2016%2Bk%2B115%2Bcrop.jpg
            ~

          • thixotropic jerk

            Ok, but, I can still see that corpse heart. In the corner. Indestructible. Just like Cheney’s.

            Nice of you to help out your local feathered friends when the bad weather hit! There’s a nice place waiting for you somewhere with a lot of happy birds!

          • Yes, that is it. By the way, of course Nutkin got wise and raided the situation several times since. And he/she/squirrel also made off with the Granny Smith core (the newer ones) entirely.
            ~

          • thixotropic jerk

            You never turn your back on a rodent. Funny how all things lead back to Teddie C again.

          • JH Marx

            Better hope the HOA doesn’t see the litter in your yard.

        • therblig

          i believe the “million moms” are primarily “in-bread”

          • Count Awesome

            Duggar libel?

          • therblig

            the subject is breadsticks, not chicken fingers

      • Count Awesome

        So would Ted Cruz be Wonder® bread since it is Bread In Name Only? (As I understand Wonder® bread has no yeast but is whipped to incorporate air.)

        • From wicked-pedia:

          The majority of what is marketed in the USA under the name “wheat bread” has very little whole grain content, and is made primarily of white flour, with caramel coloring added to them to give an illusion of a higher whole wheat content.
          ————————————————————

          Does this seem relevant to the case of Ted Cruz, the Canadian anchor baby?

          My sources say yes.
          ~

          • Count Awesome

            Cruz is a BINO for these purposes.
            I have baked professionally and adding caramel color to bread is easier than actually adding whole grain flour. Bread baking is an art, much like pie dough, because it is about a feel rather than following a recipe: the humidity in the air can alter a recipe from day to day. I have the utmost respect for boulangeries.

          • thixotropic jerk

            “I have the utmost respect for the bourgeoisie” of course you do, you’re a Count! Try saying that in Moscow,1917 –with or without caraway seeds!

          • Count Awesome

            Boulangeries not Bourgeoisie: I may be splitting hairs, but bread baking is an art.
            If it were 1917 I’d die happily eating enough poison in baked goods to kill a cow, be shot several times, stabbed repeatedly, and tossed in a river only to drown. If it was good enough for Rasputin it’s good enough for me.

          • thixotropic jerk

            “In Russia…” о дерьмо! that meme won’t work with your comment…

          • Count Awesome
          • thixotropic jerk

            I don’t know Count, I would give you better survival odds than Rasputin — you so nasty!

            Do you have an unretouched (= unshaven face pic of iCharly?

          • Count Awesome

            The best i can do is find a picture of an unshorn demon sheep.

          • Playonwords

            Have you taken a close look at my avatar?

            I object to being compared to iCarly

          • therblig

            every gop candidate has pledged to razz putin

          • jmhm

            Before it became a scandal and a hissing I used to just add a spoonful of gluten from the King Arthur site to not-white bread. I can’t imagine not being able to cheat.

          • thixotropic jerk

            This just in: actual unretouched photo of A Million Mom consulting her brilliant experts for advice on the Olive Garden campaign

          • Count Awesome

            Not enough stooges.

          • The Wanderer

            “Reply hazy; ask again later.”

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            o.O And yet they charge a buck or two more for it, eh?
            fuckers. Seriously, there are not enough regulations when it comes to food.

        • Playonwords

          Ah, yes. the Chorleywood process.

          A British invention and, on behalf of my nation, I apologise

        • Msgr_Moment

          Are they whipped frothily?

      • essbird

        Or circuses.

      • Frank Underboob

        “In the long run, we are all bread.”
        You mean we’ll all be saved by a drunken Russian?

  • wavicles

    Spiritually Dangerous, my new screen name!

  • wavicles

    Yeah right, a boycott of Olive Garden. The Christian regulars are just gonna quit that shit cold turkey?

    • Count Awesome

      They’ll punish the servers by leaving “Chick Tracts” as tips.

    • Badger33

      I think they gravitate to the all-day-buffet places, where they gorge from a trough.

      • therblig

        just leave them a trough of baked beans and garnish it with a couple of dead dogs

        • MarkM

          You`re stealing “Fawlty Towers“ lines…

          • Frank Underboob

            If you’re going to steal, steal the best.

          • MarkM

            Can’t argue with that…:-)

      • Count Awesome

        They fill their days with a sack of flour around their necks and suck on a stick of butter before they go to bed.

        • Badger33

          I think you might have hit on a great mail order business concept.

          • Count Awesome

            Wal-Mart has me beat.

          • Frank Underboob

            Fundy-nosebags? Hmm.., Could work.

    • thixotropic jerk

      Off topic indeed! And EWWWWW! just EWWWWW! May the gnats of a thousand camel toes infest your eyes for that post Evil One!

      • nmmagyar

        The camel toe is what’s wrong with the photo

        • Jenny

          That immediately drew my eye. Wtf!

          • nmmagyar

            I don’t want to be accused of “fat shaming”, but for the love of God, look in a fucking mirror, especially when you know there is (are? who the fuck knows) going to be media. And, as a dude I can say with authority, he knew damn good and well those pants were cutting his junk in half. That shit hurts.

    • Mr Corrections

      That … was not a nice picture. I did not need to see that.

      • Grady: Perhaps they need a good talking to, if you don’t mind my saying so. Perhaps a bit more. My girls, sir, they didn’t care for the Overlook at first. One of them actually stole a pack of matches, and tried to burn it down. But I ‘corrected’ them sir. And when my wife tried to prevent me from doing my duty, I ‘corrected’ her.

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pc0_SYZJfzU
        ~

        • Frank Underboob

          Damn that was a creepy scene.

    • DahBoner
    • Playonwords

      New film of Dune begins casting for Baron Harkonen

    • Frank Underboob

      You are a terrible person for inflicting that on us.

    • Msgr_Moment

      Good luck finding it, Extra Crispie!

    • Vienna Woods

      I don’t know why I can’t see some of of the pictures you post, but looks like I lucked out this time, judging by the comments (which are not allowed)

  • Shibusa

    Do you think they have unlimited breadsticks in the Olive Garden of Eden?

    • Count Awesome

      No. That would make the Olive Garden of Eden go broke. Not enough tax breaks for that. Damn you Obama.

  • aliceblue

    The ungodly think they are just breadsticks but the Million Morons know that they are really Beelzebub’s tally-wacker. Open your eyes sheeple!!

    • Count Awesome

      The devil’s tally-wacker has more cheese and garlic on it.

      • aliceblue

        Well sure, AFTER sex.

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          both ew, and lol

      • MarkM

        Don’t forget the sulphur. People always forget the sulphur…

    • Badger33

      Not Beelzebub’s dildo?

      • aliceblue

        I suppose it could be, but tally wacker is such a fun word to say. :)

  • DahBoner

    Christianity has done wonderful things for our country and for the 150 years before our country became a country
    http://cdn.meme.li/instances/300×300/17018607.jpg

  • Paperless Tiger

    I haven’t seen it. How bad could it be on TV for Crissake? Are they fucking demon sheep or what?

    • Count Awesome

      Can’t be any worse than the food at Olive Garden.

    • Frank Underboob

      I saw the leaked pilot months ago. It’s pretty harmless, other than not hating on Satan.

  • guppy06

    This bears repeating: Paradise Lost is non-canonical fan-wank.

    • Count Awesome

      So is “Faust I & II”.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      True story, I once had an interesting conversation on a Grayhound bus (I took many a mode of travel in my hay day, and people talk to me I do not know why they need to stop talking to me).
      ANYWAY. This particular conversation was with a loverly lil ole lady blue hair, matching slacks, sweater shoes AND purse no less, about religion. Specifically hers, because people never want to listen to me so much as they want to talk to me. It took me 3 minutes to realize her ideas of heaven and hell and purgatory too were all Dante and nada bibble and naturally I assumed we had switched to literature. So I asked her which part of the Divine Comedy she liked best. And she peered at me funny and said something to the effect that there was nothing funny about hell.

      • Count Awesome

        She’s obviously unaware of Hell’s “Ironic Punishment Department”.

      • Goposaur

        The first time I met my future wife to be, we bonded over our mutual love of the sci-fi/fantasy novel “Inferno”. A modern day retelling by Larry Niven and Jerry Pournelle.

        • Playonwords

          Try Black Easter and Day After Judgement by James Blish

          • Frank Underboob

            Ooh! Another classic that I need to re-read.

          • bobbert

            Black Easter was so good that Blish had to write a sequel to get out of it.

        • Frank Underboob

          I need to re-read that, it’s been quite a few years.

        • HanBarbara

          Enjoyed it immensely back in the 1970s, except for the part where he put Kurt Vonnegut in hell for inventing religions, which was kind of missing the point. Of course, at that time Vonnegut was still alive.

      • Hell is for Children Grannies.
        ~

      • The Wanderer

        There’s a bit of SF erotica out there by Elf Sternberg titled Repentance. In it, Satan gives up on the whole ruling everything game and asks God for forgiveness. Not too bad, and the sex isn’t bad either.

  • Kurk Schoner

    For those that enjoy Hope That Helps!

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      I was told there would be no more hope. Or math.

    • Major_Major_Major

      Shame Tammie didn’t specify the local channel number for Fox as well, I guess I will have to figure that part out.

  • RoyalUglyDude

    I’ll be sure to check out this show. It sounds awesome! And I never would have heard about it before your boycott, one million moms. Sorry I don’t have time to thank you all individually.

    • Major_Major_Major

      I am sure all 12 of them would appreciate the kind missive if you get the chance.

  • Juan de Fuca

    Brainstorming ideas with Mrs. de Fuca and daughter about what to do tomorrow and Olive Garden never came up but thanks for the reminder about the new Lucifer series because we’ve been kinda wanting to check that out.

    One thing we did decide on is an Asian festival down in the city tomorrow. It’s a celebration of the Vietnamese New Year at Qualcomm stadium for all of you fellow SoCal peeps. The name of the event is: “Lunar New Year Tết Festival 猴年春节游园会”, and they are offering “FREE ADMISSION for anyone wearing a *complete* military uniform!!”

    So if you do come and you’re a vet like me, be sure to wear your *complete* military uniform to the Tet festival tomorrow! I’ll be the guy in board shorts and a t-shirt and posing as a local food truck worker if things get crazy.

    http://www.lunarnewyearfestival.org

    • Count Awesome

      Have fun, but as i underatand the lunar new year starts February 8th.

    • Dr. Krieger IRL

      Does Imperial StormTrooper armor count as a complete military uniform?
      Asking for a friend.

      • The Wanderer

        Too much gluten in the cloning tanks’ blood-surrogate? Definitely not an Alpha or Beta body type.

      • Moonshadow Kati

        “Aren’t you a lot fat for a Stormtrooper?”

        “Y’know what princess, you can just stay here.” *turns around and pouts.*

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      My favorite restaurant here is a Vietnamese joint. Enjoy.

      • Hutch

        Ah, good pho! Nothing like it! With salty lemonade, too, also!

      • Juan de Fuca

        I wil and thanks mate. Btw, that link sounded a lot funnier when I read it last night.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          It’s happened to me…few beers, hoping everyone sees me as witty as I think I am! That Vietnamese pho is like a tonic to me when I have a cold or feel congested. Enjoy your family weekend, friend.

    • HanBarbara

      NVA or ARVN uniform?

    • The Wanderer

      I find the Tet offensive.

  • hendenburg2

    Puh-Lease! As a former New Yorker, I have the solemn duty to point out that Hell is in fact located in New Jersey.

    But don’t take my word for it! Ask Futurama!

    • Anarchy Pony

      Well actually…

    • Major_Major_Major

      Western New Jersey is nice. On second thought that was Pennsylvania I was thinking of. (Snark off, western NJ is actually very nice,).

  • bmf125

    This one is fantastic:

    “OLIVE GARDEN…WE ARE BOYCOTTING YOU UNTIL YOU STOP SPONSORING THE spiritually dangerous program “Lucifer” ON THE FOX NETWORK”

    Because you know that person has that ALL CAPS rant written out previously and just copy and pasted in the ” spiritually dangerous program “Lucifer” ” bit from the original directive. That’s laziness!

    • Dr. Krieger IRL

      I was just thinking that!

    • lovelydestruction

      Getting so people just don’t put their heart into being dipshits anymore

    • Invidosa

      It’s not laziness, its SPIRITUAL PURITY!!!!!! Cause erverbudy knows that if you type the word “Lucifer” into your computer you are inviting daemons into your keyboard and therefore your home, duh!

      (It’s OK for me, I’m already a heathen pagan-Buddhist. Me n’ Satan are bff’s)

  • crazymonkeylady

    They should call themselves the ‘Million Prude March’.

    • Frank Underboob

      To be truly accurate, it’s more like the 10 Thousand Prude March. That being a much closer estimate of their actual membership numbers.

      • The Wanderer

        Probably closer to the Five Hundred Dingbat March.

  • nightmoth

    Was Olive Garden one of the many sponsors of the truly dangerous spiritual show “19 Kids and Counting”? A quick search indicates “No.” So unwad those knickers, sisters.

    • Rick Hill

      You see, then? There is a pattern of supporting evil.

  • YayConspiracy

    Olive Garden, it’s where food goes to die.

    • Frank Underboob

      ‘food’

  • essbird

    Notice that it never seems to occur to the wingnuts to boycott the media corporation that airs the show, and its subsidiary, the Lucifer of Information, FOX News.

  • Last Hussar

    Totally justified boycott. They give money to FOX. Eat at Olive Garden and you are directly sponsoring Murdochs Volcano Lair

    • gene108

      I wonder how many people, who are boycotting Olive Garden, are dedicated Fox News watchers?

      I feel the overlap would be high.

  • weave

    Olive Garden’s food delivery vehicle…

    • Dr. Krieger IRL

      The endless soup bowl, you say?

  • Thom

    I’d actually consider boycotting because the show deviates from the comic a lot. Here I am wanting a demonic fantasy adventure series and we get an LA cop show instead SO NO, FOX I WILL NOT WATCH YOUR TEEVEE SHOW UNTIL YOU RESPECT THE ORIRONGLAL SOURFRCE ADN RSPECT COMCIC BOOSK MOAR BETETER FRFRFFRFRF

    • Frank Underboob

      That was an excellent portayal of a fanboy meltdown. Well done.

      • Thom

        Yes.. a portrayal.. ahem..

        • therblig

          well, you had me going

  • Vegetablebrothel
    • Dr. Krieger IRL

      I’m upvoting this almost purely because I love your username.

    • veska

      Yup! Never even heard of the show, now I have an insatiable desire to watch it. And also eat at Olive Garden, even though I hate that place.

      • veska

        Oooooo!!!! Get OG takeout and do a Lucifer Netflix binge!

  • TBP100

    I’m probably going to boycott the show (by which I mean not watch it) because I didn’t like the pilot very much. I’ll give it one more chance because I like the premise (I don’t know the original comic).

    I do boycott Olive Garden because of the horrible food and the nature of the parent company.

  • Dr. Krieger IRL

    After thinking about this, I don’t see why they’re so upset (besides the fact that OMM is a bunch of meddlesome busybodies who doubtlessly rue the passage of the twenty-first amendment), it’s a vaguely-original-ish show on Fox. It won’t make it past the first season.
    Trust me, we’ve seen this happen before in the ‘Verse.

    • Frank Underboob

      I’m pretty happy about it. I liked the pilot when I saw it months ago, & was saddened that I hadn’t heard jack about since then. This protest may well be exactly what the show needs to make potential fans aware of it.

      • Dr. Krieger IRL

        I’ve not seen it yet, but anything that gets a bug up OMM’s nose is A-Okay by me. I want it to succeed just to watch them grind their teeth into dust.

        • Aleria Snow

          Do you really think most of them have teeth?

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            They not only have teeth, they have expensive store bought teeth paid for out of their husband’s pay check, along with their designer hand bags, fake boobs, frequent salon dye jobs, and all the lil coffee pods their wee hearts desire.

          • Dr. Krieger IRL

            There’s bound to be a full set between all of ’em.

      • jmk

        I’m happy for any show that features Tom Eliis.

        Even if it’s on Fox.

    • Vienna Woods

      That just made me make a sad face.

      • Dr. Krieger IRL

        I’m sorry.
        I’m all for a mass Wonketariat Firefly-and-booze night, if anyone cares to throw a dart at a calendar.

        Edited ’cause I no tipe gud.

        • therblig

          bonnets mandatory, pistols optional?

          • Dr. Krieger IRL

            I swear by my pretty floral bonnet.

        • Vienna Woods

          Dibs on Kaylee’s shindig dress!

          • Dr. Krieger IRL

            You want a slinky dress? I can get you a slink dress! Captain, can I have money for a slinky dress?

    • HanBarbara

      You can’t take the fiery pit from me.

  • Frank Underboob

    Someone needs to come up with an excuse to use the word ‘Beelzebupkiss’, what I have just invented. I think it means how much of a fuck I give about fundies mewling about Satanic influences on TV shows.

  • Demosthenes

    “The only thing worse than being talked about, in not being talked about.”
    There is nothing better than free publicity.

  • Brewerofbeers

    It is God, the Devil and Bob all over again. These are the same people who will unironically bitch about Muslims complaining about disrespecting Islam.

  • Greg Comlish

    It’s true. Lord Satan’s dark providence extends over every Olive Garden restaurant.

  • therblig

    The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world that olive garden serves actual food.

  • Selena60

    Without Satan there can be no God. Jesus needed a Judas, God needs a Satan. Besides, without Satan and no threat of eternal damnation, what’s the point of being evangelical?

    • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

      “what’s the point of being evangelical?”

      None at the bottom of the pyramid. Plenty at the top.

      • Dr. Krieger IRL

        Duh, all the grain’s down there!

        • Ulricii

          Ben Carson? Is that you?

          • Dr. Krieger IRL

            Well I been *zzzzzzzzzz* You know, in brain surgery *zzzzzzzzzzzzz*
            And Putin is just a one-horse oil *zzzzzzzzzzzzzz* And that’s how I saved the Popeye’s corporation from the space squid.
            *zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz*

    • georgiaburning

      Like pro wrestling, every face needs a heel that the rubes can boo and hiss at.

    • Last Hussar

      In many Bible stories Satan and God are hanging out together. Jobe is basically a story of what happens when two slackers with fantastical powers get bored and make a bet.

      • Robyn Ryan

        Piers Anthony’s ‘Incarnations of Immortality’ did it long ago. ‘On a Pale Horse’ is almost as good as Sir Terry Prachett’s Death.

        • Last Hussar

          I haven’t read Anthony in over 20 years (?25) ‘Incarnations’ was ok, but I got the feeling he ran out of ideas quite quickly – Death and Time were fresh.. He’s no pTerry.

          • Moonshadow Kati

            My sister had a bunch of those laying around so I read On a Pale Horse. Uggggh it was soooo baaad~

          • Robyn Ryan

            No one is….

  • therblig

    i don’t think this ad campaign is really going to help

    • Dr. Krieger IRL

      Now that’s a face I can trust!

      • Vegetablebrothel

        It’s doughy, like bread sticks, so why not?

        • Dr. Krieger IRL

          If I’d kept to the zealous Christian track, and also not taken up jogging, I’d have looked almost identical to him by now. Especially considering we’re about the same age. *shudder*

          Thank God I took a page from William Riker and grew a beard.

        • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

          Finger lickin’ good!

  • Dr. Krieger IRL

    My neighbor’s son adopted a Mastiff and named him “Lucifer” during the “I’m a posturing badass and stuff” phase of his early adulthood. After a few months, I took to calling the dog (who was a gigantic sweetheart, by the way) Loose-Heifer, since Randy went out of his way to overfeed him.
    Will OMM protest the dog, too?

  • Belasaurius

    I’m off to poke fun on their FaceSpace page

    • Dr. Krieger IRL

      Please share the results!

  • Joe Beese

    Associated Press – Ames, Iowa – January 29 – Presidential candidate Donald Trump motivating rally attendees by vowing to “Destroy you all” if he does not finish first in the state’s caucus on Monday.

    • Dr. Krieger IRL

      Now THAT’S how you Dictator-For-Life!

      • AntiDerpomeme

        Fer realz. That lazy blach dictator-in-chief Obummer could learn a thing or two from DonnieJTurnip. It’s still not too late to get those FEMA camps up-and-running.

    • Peripatetic Poltroon

      Channeling Morbo is he?

  • Joe Beese

    How desperate is Ted Cruz? This desperate.

    << The mailer was a large card printed to look like a manila envelope on one side and was labeled in all capital letters, “ELECTION ALERT,” “VOTER VIOLATION,” “PUBLIC RECORD,” and “FURTHER ACTION NEEDED.”

    On the other side, the mailer said in red letters at the top, “VOTING VIOLATION.” The text then reads:

    "You are receiving this election notice because of low expected voter turnout in your area. Your individual voting history as well as your neighbors’ are public record. Their scores are published below, and many of them will see your score as well. CAUCUS ON MONDAY TO IMPROVE YOUR SCORE and please encourage your neighbors to caucus as well. A follow-up notice may be issued following Monday’s caucuses." …

    Cruz spokesman Rick Tyler confirmed to IJ Review that the mailer was theirs in a phone call Friday evening, saying that the targeting had been “very narrow, but the caucuses are important and we want people who haven’t voted before to vote.” …

    The reaction on Twitter was swift, and largely negative. Many viewed the mailer as a privacy violation. As the mailer notes, the information on it was pulled from public records, and that is legal, but printing the names and voter records like that, along with the implication that the neighbors are seeing the same information, is unsettling to some. The Iowa Supervisor of Elections does not actually assign voter grades like this mailer implies.

    “These kind of mailers are fraught with risk,” said Republican media strategist Rick Wilson, who has done some work for a Rubio Super PAC. “They do work, but the social pressure stuff has got to be subtle. This, on the other hand, is like a sledgehammer.” >>

    [emphasis added]

    http://journal.ijreview.com/2016/01/252498-said-undecided-iowan-received-controversial-mailer-ted-cruz/

    That Ted, heh heh… just makin’ new friends wherever he goes.

    • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

      Hope Texas wakes us (ha ha ha) and dumps him from his Senate seat during the next two years of his not being president.

      • HanBarbara

        He is as sleazy as My Life, which spams your inbox in order to give you the opportunity to change a 7.5 out of 10 review (that someone in their company wrote about you).

    • Vegan and Tiara

      Ted Cruz – not known for subtlety. He makes up for it in sheer quantity of jerkwadness though.

  • BeachLoafer

    No big, I’ll bet they’re all lousy tippers anyway

    • nmmagyar

      No bet. Anyone who has ever waited tables know this to be a fact.

    • jmk

      I’d bet that a lot of those stupid Jeezus pamphlets come from these folks.

  • docterry6973

    Christianity is a monotheistic religion believing in the Father, Son, Holy Ghost, Satan, and hosts of angels. Some add thousands of saints, too.

    And every single one of them, except Satan, is mad at Olive Garden!

    • Dr. Krieger IRL

      Let’s not forget Stan, too.
      He works in accounting. Two cubicles down from The Apostle James.

      • UnsaltedSinner

        Stan in accounting just don’t give a fuck.

    • therblig

      the Burger King of Kings is delighted at the boycott.

  • HanBarbara

    So anotherwords, your story about a mythical being doesn’t match my story about a mythical being.

    • Vegetablebrothel

      Haha, it’s stretched even further since the Lucifer show is not supposed to be a docudrama based on dogma, it is CLEARLY fiction, whether or not you espouse certain beliefs.

    • UnsaltedSinner

      What’s next; a black Santa Claus?

  • Frank Underboob

    Off-topic, but a perfect OTM story:
    https://notalwaysright.com/what-the-fructose/50002

  • amindofitsown

    So, we should avoid sponsoring a show about one fictional deity because it’s the arch enemy of another fictional deity. Mmmkay.

  • URQ196

    Religious people are just so sad.

  • kaw143

    Huh. And I would think that sponsoring a show about Satan would be the most self-aware thing that Olive Garden could ever do.

  • m/ >_< m/

    *******************

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xidl_qp4po0

  • Jukesgrrl

    Just Google “one million moms boycott” and see how many things come up on the drop-down menu. Those wackos have boycotted Disney, Amazon (Kindle is gay, didn’t ya know), J.C. Penney, Ellen DeGeneres, Mattel, Chobani Yogurt, Nabisco Graham Crackers, Oreos (biracial??), Kraft Zesty Italian Dressing (ads too sexy), Campbell’s Soup, Ben & Jerry’s (didn’t like the name of one of their flavors), American Girl magazine, too many television programs and books to list here, and who knows what else. I haven’t noticed any of those companies going out of business lately. I guess there aren’t a million of those moms.

    • marcoselmalo

      They were more effective when they just boycotted drunk drivers.

  • Stein Olsen

    One Million Moms don’t get enough sex. They are way to angry. And these people never learn. The more they shout, more people will see the show.

    • CatCope

      1M more reasons to chow down at OG. Like when Barilla Pasta went a whining about our gay friends they said “the gays can buy another brand”. OK for me, I did. (at least I think it was Barilla, if not, sorrryy I was eating a Milky Way, HAHA)

  • Oh how is Ellen Degeneres using her Dark Arts of Tolerance to torture society today? (After all she is A Gay, and for OMM that’s like being the Devil, right?)

  • Robyn Ryan

    Rename the show ‘Touched by a Fallen Angel.’. They’ll lap it up.

  • Docrailgun

    So, they realize that Lucifer (Satan) was an angel and since God is omnipotent and omniscient, God must have purposefully had Lucifer fall. If you assume otherwise, God is no longer omnipotent or omniscient.

    • Moonshadow Kati

      I think I saw this movie.

    • notfromvenus

      To be fair, the whole Satan = Lucifer = fallen angel = = the king of hell = the cosmic bad guy fighting against God stuff is not really in the the Bible as such. It’s more like oral tradition and mythology. In Job, for example, Satan works for God. And IIRC, I don’t think Revelations actually overtly connects the evil forces to Satan. But I doubt these people are aware of that, either.

      • Detective Dan

        Yep, modern “Satan” is a compression of a bunch of different characters all rolled into one, mostly because of translation issues combined with trying to make the Bible easier for medieval peasants to follow.

    • Detective Dan

      Not completely; omnipotent and omniscient doesn’t exactly translate to interferes with everything and holds all the strings. Just because you know all the outcomes of any set of events and can do anything doesn’t necessarily mean you will or should control everything.
      Its the whole, “I’ll give you life and free will” thing.

    • AF_Whigs

      Philosophical question: could God create a Lucifer SO EVIL that even He couldn’t forgive him?

  • P-Nuts and Hair-Dos

    Christians tend to be very unlikely to actually understand their sacred texts.

    • TF04

      You can say the same for pretty much any radical fundamentalists. There are plenty of religious people that “get it”, but they don’t tend to seek validation by propagating their views quite as widely, hence we don’t often see them. If only they could teach their loud (and largely unwashed) brethren to do likewise…

  • TF04

    “It’s a well-known fact that the Eleventh Commandment, known only to evangelicals, is Thou Shalt Not Use Commas.”

    …or spell at a higher than 4th grade level. Seriously, the lack of self-awareness these bible-thumpers are exhibiting is kind of alarming. But then again, what else is new?

  • Crazy Cat Lord

    Please donot sponsor ‘Lucifer.’

    These people couldn’t spell their way out of 2nd grade, but still, it’s a rather nice suggestion to sponsor the cast and crew with a box of donuts. Or maybe even the actual guy with the pitchfork. Poor fellow lives in such a hellhole. Being donut-sponsored would totally make his day.

  • Still Crazy

    Unfortunately, to counter-protest these clowns we would have to eat at Olive Garden…Not even at gunpoint !!!

    • marcoselmalo

      The revolution will be lost if you will not eat at Olive Garden.

      • AF_Whigs

        Endless salad and breadsticks keeps the terrorists from winning!

  • Eyeball Freckles

    Now I really want some soup, salad, and breadsticks while watching Lucifer.

  • YourNameHere

    A) According to all the Judaism stuff I read – Lucifer is totally doing what G-d tells him to do and the Christians keep rambling on about Judaism being part of their religion. Are they lying?

    B) I have read Lucifer comics and that show (as far as I can tell) isn’t even loosely based on the Gaiman or Mike Carey stories. I’m kind of baffled as to why they even associated them. It’s not like having Lucifer do stuff is a new idea. I guess they figured us comic book fans are too burnt out to give a fuck anymore.

    • Ra’s Al Ghul

      It’s on Fox who specialize in raping comic book properties.

  • Teto85

    As the author said, there is much worse stuff Darden does to get your panties all in a twist over. One Million Moms = 25 Moms and numerous fax machines and internet alts.

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