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Robert "LaVoy" Finicum, who died in the shootout.
Robert “LaVoy” Finicum, who died in the shootout.

Guys, we are not sure, but we think big gub’mint tyranny may have winned. How else to explain what transpired Tuesday night as jackbooted feds descended upon the Oregon militia boys (and little girls!) illegally occupying the Malheur National Wildlife Refuge, during a traffic stop, and started a shooty-shooty, which ended with the feds arresting dingbat militia leader Ammon Bundy and six other constitutionally ignorant dongbeavers. The shootout claimed one casualty, 55-year-old Robert “LaVoy” Finicum, the group’s spokesman. Bundy BFF and militia dickwhistle Jon Ritzheimer turned himself in and was subsequently arrested in Peoria, Arizona, around the same time, according to the FBI.

According to what Ammon Bundy told his wife, as reported by another dingbat, Nevada Assemblywoman and big-tittied militia fetishist Michele Fiore, the shooting was TOTALLY UNPROVOKED, so we guess BLM stands for Bundy Lives Matter now, who even knows?

Fiore, a vocal supporter of the Bundy family, said that Ammon Bundy told his wife that Finicum was cooperating with police when he was shot.

But sources told The Oregonian/OregonLive that Finicum and Ryan Bundy disobeyed orders to surrender and resisted arrest.

Oh, so maybe it wasn’t completely “Hands Up Don’t Shoot.”

Ryan Bundy got shooted too, by the way, but did not die.

finicum

You’ll remember LaVoy Finicum as the dude who was interviewed under a tarp, either because it was cold or because that’s where he chose to hide from the government on national television. Oh, and his code name may or may not have been “Fluffy Unicorn,” because why wouldn’t it be?

While it’s easy to laugh, Wonkette takes no pleasure in this guy dying. Dude was a nutbag, obviously, because he was prepared to die for the “noble” cause of teaching the federal government a lesson about whether or not it’s allowed to own land (obviously not, according to these morons). However, he also talked lovingly about his family in this interview with NBC News, and we’re sorry for pain they’re in right now.

Also very sad about the loss of their BFF, whose name they apparently cannot spell through their grief, is whoever runs the Bundy Ranch Facebook account:

bundyranch

Wonkette doesn’t take pleasure in this whole fuckshow of a resolution either, because it gives militia-supporting dildo-weasels EXACTLY the martyrdom story they need to prove that YEP FOR SURE the government is doing tyranny to them, and it must be stopped.

It is definitely OK to laugh at the others now in federal custody, though. Here, from the FBI, is the full list of which dorkwad losers the gub’mint done captured in Oregon:

* Ammon Edward Bundy, age 40, of Emmett, Idaho
* Ryan C. Bundy, age 43, of Bunkerville, Nevada
* Brian Cavalier, age 44, of Bunkerville, Nevada
* Shawna Cox, age 59, Kanab, Utah
* Ryan Waylen Payne, age 32, of Anaconda, Montana
* Joseph Donald O’Shaughnessy, age 45, of Cottonwood, Arizona
* Peter Santilli, age 50, of Cincinnati, Ohio

Not in custody? That buddy of theirs who murdered his dad. Maybe he was busy doing more murder or something and missed the big showdown.

The FBI says they are all charged with the same thing: “felony charge of conspiracy to impede officers of the United States from discharging their official duties through the use of force, intimidation, or threats.” Ooh, FELONIES! All together now: ENJOY PRISON, FELICIA!

These buttnuggets occupied a bird-watching sanctuary for the heroic purpose of supporting criminals convicted of committing arson on federal land. And once they were firmly ensconced in their little federally owned hidey cave in the wilderness, oh what fun was had!

For one thing, they quickly realized they really, really, REALLY needed some snacks, because they totally forgot to fill their fanny packs with snacks like their moms told them to. They needed Miracle Whip and tampons and those Walmart underpanties Ammon Bundy likes to wear on his freedom berries, and oh could you also send some Pall Mall Menthol 100’s?

Instead, America doubled over laughing and mailed them a bunch of dildos, which made militia dude Ritzheimer SO MAD BRO. Shall we watch that video again and giggle?

Oh well, it’s over now we guess. RIP LaVoy Finicum and all those wasted dildos and freedom and America and stuff.

Now look, commenters: We know there are parts of this story that are funny. The dead guy is not the funny part. And let’s all remember to obey the fucking Rules For Commenting Radicals, OK? We don’t want to have to do any jackbooted tyranny to you by threatening you with the Banhammer Of Loving Correction.

You may commence to making comments, which are not allowed.

[OregonLive / FBI]

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  • Logic of Color
    • The Wanderer

      LOL

    • eddi

      How very Zen.

    • Sam Hain

      There I fixed it:
      “Ammon Bundy stares from the back of a police van, clutching a dildo. Will his cause be remembered? A heron glides through the moonlight.”

      • Logic of Color

        OK yeah that might actually be better

        • nothingisamiss

          Oh, I don’t know. I’ve just sat and pondered both versions (as one does) and I think I like the vision of a heron swooping through the camp, picking up and flying off with the smooth purple (?) dildo.

          Beautiful, life-changing poetry.

  • RoyalUglyDude

    They should get to keep the dildos, at least. No one will want them at the police auction.

    • Gayer Than Thou

      I don’t think they won, so all they get is Rice-a-Roni.

      • Land Shark

        And the lube?

        • eddi

          They already ate that.

        • kindness

          The lube they could really use now that they’re in jail. Sure would make life easier for them. I had a friend tell me once one of his jail friendly friends said ‘those big boys in jail don’t rape you because they want it. They do it just to see the look on your face.’ Let’s just say with the lube those faces wouldn’t be so entertaining.

    • Joe Beese

      After the passage of the “Dong Day Afternoon” law, criminals can not earn sex-toy profits from their crimes.

    • nothingisamiss

      I would think EVERYONE would want them at the police auction. Dr Zoom, how far away do you live? Time to pick up some dildos for a friend.

    • Querolous

      If some one were to buy them at auction and have provenance they could put them ion eBay and make a mint. Anericans will collect anything.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        That’s what I’m banking on with my Bernie T-Shirt purchase.

  • onedollarjuana

    Apparently a couple of witnesses contest the claim that “LaVoy” was shot with his hands up. Stay tuned…

    • Land Shark

      I hope out intrepid FBI agents were wearing body cams. At least that would allow some truth about the arrests be made public.

    • Lizzietish81

      “witnesses”

      Probably fellow terrorists.

    • Lizzietish81

      Rawstory has it

      “There happened to be some arguments between the guys in the truck,” Lee said. “Somehow they got Ryan Payne pulled out of the truck, apparently. LaVoy had took off — he ended up hitting a snowbank, I guess, trying to get around the blockade. After he hit that snowbank, he came out of that truck and he charged at the law enforcement (officers) — as I understand it.”

      http://www.rawstory.com/2016/01/eyewitnesses-knock-down-conspiracy-theories-about-lavoy-finicum-dying-with-his-hands-up/

      • Gayer Than Thou

        You’re all Nancy Drew and the Secret of Malheur Wildlife Preserve this morning!

        • Lizzietish81

          Without the tight fitting sweater though, those never look right on me.

  • Land Shark

    “Dongbeavers” …. coffee all over the keyboard. Thanks, Evan.

    • Creepoman

      As an Oregon State alum, I usually take mild umbrage at the denigration of our noble mascot, but this one gets a flat-tailed slap of approval.

      • ThatDale

        “flat-tailed slap”…
        I’ll be in my bunk.

  • GunToting[Redacted]

    Dear mom:

    Militant Fantasy Camp isn’t going as well as I hoped…

    • Joe Beese

      Federal Prison Camp isn’t going to be much fun either.

      • jviscont1

        and say goodbye to those dildo care packages.

        • Gayer Than Thou

          And here I just bought a dozen dildos to send up there. Now what am I going to do with them?

          • The Wanderer

            I’m sure you can think of something. A Peg House, perhaps.

          • coozledad

            The United Republican Wives’ Fund.

          • eddi

            A problem of tool storage? That is what pegboard is for. (sorry Wanderer, great dirty minds etc)

          • The Wanderer

            (giggles)

          • Empy

            Save them for the field trip to Noah’s Ark-land!

          • Beaumarchais?

            You, of all people, will figure this out.

    • The Wanderer

      Still better than the Christian Shining Path Summer Getaway.

    • OneYieldRegular

      Hello muttah.
      Hello fattah.
      Here I am at
      Camp RAMBONE.

      • DahBoner

        “And no one has even looked at me in the shower. What am I? Chopped liver?”

  • Joe Beese

    The mugshots.

    • tihond

      Needs more blingeez… Though the guy on the bottom right is doing a pretty good blue magnum.

      • Objectifer

        That’s flag nipplez! Hard knock life, indeed.

    • jviscont1

      I have no problem with relocating their occupation of federal property to Leavenworth.

      • Hutch

        You’ll be occupying this now, boys. Have I shown you our lovely commodes?

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          Will they need snacks?

          • Hutch

            They’ll need moolah in order to squirrel cold hot pockets under the lower bunk. Maybe their supporters will help.

          • eddi

            All expenses paid at Club Fed. A full menu of six kinds of slop and weak coffee. No snacks allowed.

          • Lascauxcaveman

            Three squares and a cot!

      • The Wanderer

        I have to, although I’m probably going to get yelled at:
        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S5nzKw-XIxw

    • coozledad

      Getting the Osmonds back together is never a good idea.

      • Joe Beese

        Wendy and the Lost Boys.

        • OneYieldRegular

          Prussian Blue Tarp.

    • Gayer Than Thou

      Y’know, Ammon isn’t so bad looking. I might have to go write some Ammon Bundy/prison slash fic later today.

      • Playonwords

        Don’t blame us if you and Ammon end up as a thing – after you’ve converted him to socialism

        • OneYieldRegular

          Ammon definitely has a “I went to beer bust during Bear Week and all I got was this lousy dildo” look.

      • Suttree

        Dammit Gayer Than Thou! Some of us were planning on masturbating today! Hopefully this bottle of bleach will erase that thought.

        • Gayer Than Thou

          Don’t masturbate with bleach – learned that one the hard way.

          • Suttree

            Bleach is for drinking, olive oil is for masturbating. Maybe I got that confused and that’s why my chili tasted a little off the other day.

          • MyLovelyNose

            But your anus is nice and white.

    • Jeamonn

      Yay Diversity! They got people with beards and no beards, hair and no hair, the mentally challenged (bottom left specifically, AOT,K generally, actually that guy may have had a stroke) and a woman.

    • Tallmutha

      Who does Ryan’s picture remind me of? Oh yeah, these guys:

      http://i215.photobucket.com/albums/cc46/phinneyj/hillbillies.jpg

    • The Wanderer

      Monuments to human ugliness.

    • Tallmutha

      Les Fleurs du Malheur.

    • bozilingus

      Bottom right can’t be a mugshot, looks more like a Glamour Shot or EHarmony photo.

      • Dudleydidwrong

        “Farmers.com” photo

      • eddi

        That’s the late Levoy. Probably his FB mug shot.

        • Seek

          Nope that’s Ritzheimer (Sp? WTF) he gets the AZ glamour mug shot.

          • eddi

            I shoot from the hip and hit my foot. You would think I could learn from the bad example of others.

    • nmmagyar

      I thought Ammo would be balder

    • MyLovelyNose

      It’s always bottle blondes, never real ones.

  • Gayer Than Thou

    Am I supposed to be having thoughts and prayers now?

    • tihond

      Nope.

    • Gil

      Do what you do best…. ( I mean besides THAT)……….That’s what my dad always said…….

    • jviscont1

      too early.

    • Sgt. Gym Bunny

      I might have some thoughts and prayers for ’em….. But Commenting Rules for Radicals and such like…

  • coozledad

    You’ll be hearing this a lot today anyway.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OgtQj8O92eI

  • Pinkham’s Law

    Didn’t see it in the article, but Ritzheimer is also in custody, in Arizona. He turned himself in.

    • tihond

      The only book the should let him have should be a Koran.

      • onedollarjuana

        Korans for Morans.

    • Land Shark

      What? No gun battle with the jackbooted thugs? Wimp.

      • The Wanderer

        Most of them are.

      • eddi

        They got a heavy dose of the old shock and awe.

        • Lascauxcaveman

          More like wait and see. “We’re federal officers, we don’t have to come in after you. We’re getting paid to proceed cautiously.”

    • Lizzietish81

      It is, in the first paragraph.

      • Pinkham’s Law

        Thanks, my bad.

        • Lizzietish81

          I expected there would be more about it since he was all “I’m gonna die here!” and one of our favorite tattoos adorns his chest.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            flaaaaggggbrraaaaaaaa

          • OneYieldRegular

            He just couldn’t be with his family for Christmas, but he skipped out of the refuge to celebrate Arizona’s non-observance of Martin Luther King Jr. Day, perhaps?

    • Lascauxcaveman

      What a lousy soldier of freedom! Guns a’blazin, moron! Pew pew pew! Freedumb! You’re not going to get your armed uprising against tyranny by just handing yourself over.

  • tihond

    For once, the good guy with a gun worked.

  • dslindc

    I hope they enjoy their time in that government hotel, AKA, jail. Also too, having their guns taken away when they become convicted felons.

    • Creepoman

      Even in jail, they’ll still be on the dole. We just can’t seem to quit them.

  • arglebargle

    Has Cliven explained how the Negro would have handled this yet?

    • The Wanderer

      I want Cliven to be taken next.

  • Playonwords

    Evan, are dongbeavers like cockwombles?

    • Gayer Than Thou

      All I can say is, when I go to the zoo, I can never find either one.

    • Rick Hill

      Not sure but they’re nothing at all like snitter-snatches

  • JustPixelz

    Finicum also talked lovingly about his family in this interview with NBC News, and we’re sorry for pain they’re in right now.

    “There are things more important than your life and freedom is one of them,” Finicum said. “I’m prepared to defend freedom.”

    But his family was not one of the things more important than life and freedom.

    There’s an odd statistic about traffic fatalities: People in mini-vans are (or were, I don’t know if this is still true) are less likely to die in a traffic accident. It’s not because mini-vans are inherently safer. It’s because the people who drive them have a family. It makes them more careful.

    https://youtu.be/K4-3n1uDXpk?t=125

  • LarkintheAM

    Guess they’ll get a new federal building to occupy now – too bad it will involve wearing orange jumpsuits instead of flannel shirts and cowboy hats.

    • Msgr_Moment

      Send moar dildos!

    • JustPixelz

      I sense a TV show: Orange is the New Cowboy. Freedom lovers who could not be tamed find themselves in a strict prison environment. Hilarity ensues.

      Ammon: Guard! Guard! How am I supposed to drink this slop you call coffee? It ain’t got no French Vanilla Creamer. What part of “cruel and unusual” don’t you understand?
      Shawna: And the television only gets three “educational” channels. And turn on the A/C? Hello! Try to join the 21st century.
      Ryan: (whispers) Shawna. We think it’s still the 18th century.
      Ammon: Guard! Guard! I am a sovereign citizen and have found myself innocent in a trial by my peer, which is me. I demand you release me or I be forced to declare war on you.
      Shawna: Shut your Miracle Whip hole Ammon.
      Ryan: I caint’ quit you. (they kiss)
      Ammon: Guard! Guard! Here is a list of things I need in my cell. NOW. This. Is. Non. Negotiable.
      http://littlegreenfootballs.com/weblog/img/charles/2016/01/09/ZZ35A5F548.jpg

  • chiefkurtz

    I know one guy got killed, but how did so many armed white guys survive arrest? Must be they didn’t take a ‘fighting stance’, or weren’t overcome with ‘excited delirium’.

    • Objectifer

      “They got the drop on us, pa.”

    • The Wanderer

      The officers probably got the drop on them, or at the first sign of them they got so scared they surrendered.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      They were saved by precisely timed and executed tactical barrel rolls.

    • eddi

      They had no clue how fast a SWAT team could overrun them. I’m quite sure their first demand at the booking was for clean underware.

      • Toomush_Infer

        That underwear was long overdue…

    • OneYieldRegular

      You didn’t actually expect them to know how to use those props they carry around?

  • Lizzietish81

    Indeed, yahoo is full of pants crapping patriots who are already building a shrine to the man.

    Of course if he had been black or Muslim, he would totally have been spared.

  • Michael Rush
  • Msgr_Moment

    Shootout at the Not-OK-in-the-Haid Corral.

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    Robert “LaVoy” Finicum promised he would die rather than go to jail, so I think I would give the Oregon State Police the greater credibility on this.

    I mean, the Y’all ShotBob Martyrs Brigade is a parade of whackos who cannot tell the truth, and I am willing to bet OSP have video.

    These folks are just stupid. They are so stupid they didn’t realize that absolute minimum every one of them broke this law and is facing up to 6 years on this charge alone:

    18 U.S. Code § 372 – Conspiracy to impede or injure officer

    If two or more persons in any State, Territory, Possession, or District conspire to prevent, by force, intimidation, or threat, any person from accepting or holding any office, trust, or place of confidence under the United States, or from discharging any duties thereof, or to induce by like means any officer of the United States to leave the place, where his duties as an officer are required to be performed, or to injure him in his person or property on account of his lawful discharge of the duties of his office, or while engaged in the lawful discharge thereof, or to injure his property so as to molest, interrupt, hinder, or impede him in the discharge of his official duties, each of such persons shall be fined under this title or imprisoned not more than six years, or both.

    • The Wanderer

      Robert “LaVoy” Finicum promised he would die rather than go to jail . . .
      Wish granted.

      • DoILookAmused2u ?

        OSP is not affiliated with Make A Wish Foundation,however though.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      If the cops and feds decided to execute these guys, why wouldn’t they start with Ammon and work their way down? We know who was on their knees with their fingers interlaced behind their heads.

  • Tallmutha

    If Michele Fiore says Finicum was cooperating, that’s–well actually, that’s not good enough for me.

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      Yes, and baking soda cures cancer.

      • Gayer Than Thou

        I think you have to put it in your coffee enema, or it won’t work.

        • PubOption

          Do you have to eat acid-containing fruit a few hours earlier?

        • eddi

          And shred in a Bible page

        • Suttree

          Does it have to be that civet poop coffee to be fully effective?
          https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kopi_Luwak

    • The Wanderer

      Fiore’s brains might have rotted from huffing cordite fumes.

  • Pinkham’s Law

    I’m not sure why Evan concludes that “it’s over.” Yes, the ringleaders have been taken out, but – as far as I have been able to find – there are still others at the wildlife refuge. It is still being occupied, and the treasonous pricks doing so now have “reason” to be trigger happy.

    • Land Shark

      I would agree, except for the trigger happy part. From the articles I’ve read, most of these people are all hat, no cattle …. ie. they’ll cry for mercy before defending their “right” to trespass on gubmint property.

      • Pinkham’s Law

        And I hope that you are correct. I would much prefer for them to go to prison than to the morgue. In part that is because I simply don’t like cops killing people (regardless of their color), but also because, the more peacefully this ends, the less they can scream about jackbooted thugs and suchlike.

        • Gristle McThornbody

          What kills me is that these idiots even managed to bring out the jackbooted thug in a lefty progressive like me, and if I’m not mistaken, quite a few other lefty progressives. I wanted them out of there just on principle.

          There was absolutely no way this was going to end well. The group at the refuge would have basically needed to decide their little tantrum had gone on long enough, met with law enforcement, and taken their punishment like adults. Wasn’t gonna happen.

    • Toomush_Infer

      I believe the federal government (correct me if I’m wrong) has tanks…

      • Land Shark

        It is my understanding that the current range and accuracy of US armored divisions would make the use of tanks unnecessary.

        • Toomush_Infer

          Shucks…

    • HazooToo

      Wonder if they’ll let their little girls leave now that they realize they’re putting them in danger…. Nah, they’ll just put them in front so America can see the Feds gunning down children. GOD, these people are assholes.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      And they brought in kids just this week, because we know how much they like to use human sheilds.

      • OneYieldRegular

        It’s a thing they share with their fellow freedumb fighters Boko Harum and Daesh.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Ammon told everyone to go home, and the fight was moving to the courts. Now we’ll find out what sort of leader he really is.

      • Pinkham’s Law

        Oh, they’re talking about how, since he’s been taken into custody, he’s no longer abl’T COUNT!!!!1!!!!!!!! DAMMIT! and so, they don’t have to follow it. *eyeroll*

  • major_asshole

    It’s about goddamned time. If these people had been anything but the holy trinity of white, Republican, and (the right kind of) Christian, this would have ended after two days with a predictable result.

    • Toomush_Infer

      “two minutes” FIFY…

    • The Wanderer

      It would have been the Philadelphia MOVE all over again.

  • Playonwords

    If anyone had to die then Fincum the foster child farmer was probably the best. His real children are going on about how good he was but, like all apologists ignore the fact that he was inciting insurrection.

    • Hutch

      The RWNJs are calling him a “dead cowboy,” but I’m thinking “dead welfare queen” is more like it.

  • crunchyknee

    It’s a tarp!

    • Steely_Fan

      Perfect!

    • DahBoner

      * Tarp does not provide “magical protection” against government bullets. Sorry.

  • Vincent Ricola

    Please please please let all those dildos get entered into state’s evidence against these terrorists.

    I need the “found on site were 3 sleeping bags, 1 disposable cell phone and 128 assorted dildos” official statement.

    • lucidamente

      Presumably categorized by size, color, and power source.

      • Donald E Niman

        Oh shit. I didn’t read down before I posted the same damn thing. Damn ADHD…

    • The Wanderer

      I believe they burned the dildos.

      • BigBoppa

        Oh, the (substitute) humanity.!!!!!11!

      • Dudleydidwrong

        “Don’t burn that one…it’s my favorite.”

        • The Wanderer

          I just heard that in a cornpone Larry the Cable Guy voice.

      • Gayer Than Thou

        I didn’t know you could get enough friction going to do that.

        • eddi

          Using Hoppes 9 for love lube was their mistake.

          • Donald E Niman

            So, that Hoppes 9 stuff is flammable or combustible?

          • eddi

            Flammable. Gun cleaning solvent. Full of nifty petrochemicals and ammonia.

        • Donald E Niman

          It happened after their 55 gallon drum of lube ran out.

    • Joe Beese
    • Donald E Niman

      It would be even better if the official statement itemizes the dildos by quantities, types, lengths, colors, types of batteries, etc. It would be so cool to present that list in a courtroom.

  • lucidamente

    Can’t wait to hear what Trump has to say about this. (Actually, I can, like forever.)

    • JustPixelz

      Via Twitter…

      In a Trump administration, the FBI will not shoot because America will be great … And my poll number prove that … Did you ever see such crowds? Really. Really. Really. They shoot because we have stupid, incompetent leaders. I am very smart. I built a great company. My daughter is very beautiful. I want to bang her. It’s true. I have no choice. And Obama. Oy-yoy-yoy. What a putz. If Obama was on The Apprentice — it was a great show, everybody loved it, not as much as the Bible, but number two, and it made a lot of money for NBC; they should have used some of that money to hire good reporters, not stupid, third rate losers. I could set fire to an orphanage and my poll numbers would go up.

      • Major_Major_Major

        That seems a little too coherent for Donny J. IT’s like he has dog whistle/narcissism Tourette’s.

  • The Wanderer

    Preemptively apologizing, but these people deserved everything they got. Finicum’s family is in mourning, and I respect that, but there were indications that he and his wife fostered a passel of kids just to have cheap labor on his farm and to make a bit of coin from the State stipends given to foster parents.
    Have a good time in prison, Ammon, et.al.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      Indications? He came out and said with his mouth that the foster kids were his major source of income and the ranch just scraped by. Slave labor

      • The Wanderer

        Even if he came out and said it, he was still indicating. And yes, it was slave labor on a par with “Pastor” Terry Jones’ little cult down in Florida where his ‘converts’ work in his furniture shop for hardly anything.

      • nmmagyar

        We call it “The Bachmannn Model” in these parts

  • Kooter

    When and where are we meeting to go reinforce these guys. Stand together against government tyranny.

    • The Wanderer

      Might I recommend the local county jail?

      • eddi

        A big timesaver.

        • The Wanderer

          Yep. Our local sheriff’s office actually sent out postcards to people with active arrest warrants, basically saying “Do yourself a favor and turn yourself in. Don’t make us come after you.”
          A lot of people showed up at the jail, postcards in hand.

          • lroom

            That’s hilarious.

          • eddi

            Not unusual though. When the cops have the address of your hideout it is time to consider your options.

          • The Wanderer

            Even more fun was the ‘knock and search’ program. The deputies would go up to the guy’s door (after an investigation indicated that there would be drugs there), knock on the door, identify themselves as sheriff’s deputies and ask (ask!) if they could come in and look for drugs.
            It’s perfectly legal if the homeowner gives his/her permission. The fun bit was always how surprised they acted when they got to jail.

    • Lizzietish81

      At the corner of Main and Smith St in Houston.

      We might be late, just start the meeting without us.

      • Dudleydidwrong

        Will there be snacks? Can I bring somethin’?

        • JustPixelz

          Those cakes we like please.

          • BigBoppa

            NOt those ThE oTHer Wons

        • lroom

          Don’t forget the dildoes!

      • eddi

        On Fifth Avenue, New York. Trump will be there with his gun and a blindfold-for himself.

        • PubOption

          If he shoots Megyn Kelly, his poll numbers will go through the roof.

    • Blender_415

      Not sure which division they’ll be tried in, but here’s a start:

      https://www.ord.uscourts.gov

    • BigBoppa
    • Rick Hill

      You’re in the wrong place my friend, you want that forum over there….

    • Toomush_Infer

      It’s a trap!!!!!!….

    • Mr Corrections
    • Dr. Krieger IRL
    • Gayer Than Thou
      • Dr. Krieger IRL

        But a small fraction of the selection available in the Teabagger Fantasy Camp inventory.

  • Come here a minute

    If these wackjobs insist on befouling federal property with their presence, better a prison cell than a bird sanctuary.

    And, via Dok Zoom’s tweeter, I’m pretty sure there were no hands up.
    https://twitter.com/JimDalrympleII/status/692199912319127553

    • The Wanderer

      Misplaced comma between ‘sandy’ and ‘wash.’

  • PubOption

    Ammonites to fossilize in prison?

    • Msgr_Moment

      I see the hand of Cthulhu in this.

      • Suttree

        Do you have an early version of the Wonkette card game?!!!???

      • Querolous

        Tentacle porn!

    • Dudleydidwrong

      Wait until they have their trial-o-bites.

    • Toomush_Infer

      Dem bones, dem bones, dem dum bones…

    • Playonwords

      They’ll get a (veloci)raptorous welcome

  • Mr Corrections

    In solidarity with the noble Constitution Fanfic Authors who have been so unfairly arrested just for committing various felonies, I will be communicating only via tweets from Fanfiction_txt from now until my demands are met, or until I get bored or forget

    Thank you for respecting my struggle, pls send snacks
    https://twitter.com/fanfiction_txt/status/676278572290478080

    • tihond

      To be fair, that probably works as an excuse in Sheboygan (Lower Manitowac for you “Making A Murderer” viewers).

    • Suttree

      Dammit, I just got a jury summons. Can i claim hardship if I send Wonkette all of my canned beer vegetables?

      • Msmlg1979

        Me too! Week of February 15th.

        • Suttree

          LOL, March 15th for me.

          • Msmlg1979

            I’m excited. I get paid my full salary, and I get the hell out of this office for a change

          • Suttree

            I really don’t mind. I have these crazy thoughts about how it is my civic duty to participate in a modern society. People look at me funny when I say stuff like that. But I was raised by a law professor and a nurse. I also have been in a trial before for when I was assaulted and I would really rather have someone like me on the jury as opposed to the person who wasn’t SMRT enough to get out of it.

          • Msmlg1979

            I’m with you. The last time I served, I never got on a jury, and was so disappointed. The other members of the jury pool thought I was crazy, but I wanted to participate. The entire process fascinates me, and if I should ever be on trial, I want a fair one, with an unbiased jury, who understands how things are supposed to work, so I have to want that for everyone else, too. No matter what they might have done.

          • Suttree

            My concurrences exactly. One would wish that any sort of jury trial would have a group of highly somewhat intelligent people that would be able to separate the testimony given them and their preconceptions. But with our electorate this is rarely the case. After I was assaulted it took 4 years and 6 assistant district attorneys to finally get to trial. With the overloaded court system in New Orleans the only reason it ever went to trial is because I kept in constant contact and kept on their asses to make sure it got done. Also being raised by a lawyer I held up very well under cross-examination (I wish I had tape recordings of my father and I arguing when I was a youth!). Also, too all of my answers under direct and cross, I gave to the jury. I rarely looked at the prosecutor or defense counsel. I looked every juror in the eyes as I gave my testimony. It was one of the most difficult emotional experiences in my life. My jury came to the proper conclusion though. The major suck was that I was only allowed in the courtroom for my testimony, the reading of the verdict, and sentencing. I’m not sure if I could have handled the rest, but it would have been interesting if I wasn’t so emotionally invested. That being said, I look forward to jury duty.

          • Msmlg1979

            Good for you for sticking it out! Can you imagine how difficult that process is for those seeking justice who have not had access to the information and education we have been lucky enough to have? :(

          • Suttree

            I can. Even with the knowledge and gumption that I had I was unable to get the DA’s office to triple bill him even though this was his fourth felony with two attempted murder charges. I’m not a fan of the three-stikes law as it tends to be used against minorities indiscriminately for petty offenses, but some people deserve long jail sentences are a danger to society. I wish that our justice system would do more to assist in the rehabilitation of chronic offenders. I’m still scarred physically and psychologically but I really feel bad for the guy. Our society should be helping these people instead of abusing them more. He had a loving wife. His parents put their house up for his bond (yeah I know how to research).

          • Msmlg1979

            I’m so sorry that happened to you. So fucking sorry. Being a victim of a violent crime changes you forever in some ways, but it obviously didn’t take away your compassion or reason. And some people DO need long sentences, for the safety of others. This guy definitely qualifies. I have never been able to understand Three Strikes. All felonies are not equal. Violence towards others and selling some cocaine are two different ballgames. If we decriminalized certain narcotics, we would free up many resources that could be put toward truly helping chronic offenders (of certain kinds-I do believe there are some things you simply can’t rehabilitate out of a person) turn things around. But as long as people are making bank from incarceration, and the prevailing attitude in this country is that punishment is more important than trying to find solid solutions that actually reduce violent crimes, that ain’t gonna happen.

        • JH Marx

          Feb 1 for me.
          there coming for all us.

  • I am sorry someone died, but no government can tolerate armed rebels continually challenging its authority. This is what they wanted.

    • Kooter

      It is overdue for us to stand up against a tyrannical government out of control.
      It is our civic duty to fight the bastards. Let’s go!

      • Pinkham’s Law

        Hahahahahahha! Good parody of a dumbshit! I’ll give you a 7/10.

      • Needs more All caps and references to obscure treaties.

      • Helena Handbag

        Kooter Brown is that you? must be drunk.

        • Suttree

          He has 100+ beers on tap and 25 cent oysters. Of course he’s drunk.

          • Dr. Krieger IRL

            I love every single noun in this sentence.

          • Suttree

            There’s a good adjective in there too!

          • Playonwords

            The only good adjective is a …

      • Dudleydidwrong

        Overdue? Like your library books? Good snark, Kooter.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        I thought when they defied the police and occupied a building and charged police they were thugs? Or are they exempt cause they was white?

        Will you people make up your minds?

      • JustPixelz

        Other deep thots from Mr/Ms Kooter on InfoWars: “I bet there will be an open season on Oregon police now. As well it should be.”

        Your move O’Reilly. Also Hannity. Also Trump. Also … well all you asshats who claim BLM is about killing cops.

        • Kooter

          Listen moron… they drew first blood and tried to call it a peaceful resolution. Do you even understand what this is all about? If you do and agree with the BLM then you are either a government employee, a liberal moron, or a paid shill. This is about an out of control government that needs to be reigned in.

          People like you don’t deserve to be called American

          • JustPixelz

            Hi Mr/Ms Kooter

            Sadly (for you), I was born here and don’t need to do anything whatsoever to prove I deserve to be called an American. To be clear: I am an American.

            And, since you seem to be curious, I am not a government employee or paid shill. (If there is a way to get paid to be a shill, please let me know ’cause I could always use a few extra bucks to donate to the USO. I support the troops with more than a bumper sticker.) I am a liberal but do not consider myself a moron as I made a lot of money working in the private sector. I have mad coding skills.

            Unlike you, I do not ever call upon people to shoot our fellow citizens. For example when you said “the guns are coming for you Obama” or that it’s OK to kill “faggots and muslims”. (I have to recite these from memory since you bravely hid your comment history in the past couple hours.)

            Also, unlike you, I do not support armed rebellion. The Founding Fathers had first-hand experience with this and did not want it to happen again. So they incorporated “revolution” in the Constitution with two year terms in the House of Representatives. If you want to “reign” [sic] in the government, vote (or run for office). Maybe your point of view will prevail. Maybe not. That’s how democracy works. That’s how America works.

            At this point, I imagine you’ll start talking about how the Second Amendment protects all the others from a tyrannical government. We have over 200 years of history as a functioning democracy. (The Civil War years being an exception.) The Second Amendment didn’t make that happen. Americans did.

          • Kooter

            Well seeing as you are straining yourself with history then you must certainly remember that we are not a democracy but rather a Republic. The powers that be are tearing away at the fabric of this country. Are you even aware of the fact that our government is the biggest terrorist organization on the planet as well as the biggest drug and arms dealer on the planet. You seem to be quite ok with these things that completely go against what our forefathers fought and died for. Educate yourself and then you will understand why liberalism is destroying our country.

          • JustPixelz

            Up vote ^ for correcting me on republic vs democracy and not calling me a moron.

            It’s impossible to know what our forefathers would think about today’s America. (I call that kind of speculation paleotelepathy.) I think more than anything they would be amazed that we’re still here. DOH! Now you’ve got me guessing what they’d think.

          • JH Marx

            needs random caps, misspellings, and worser punctuation.
            You’ll never be a proper RWNJ!!!11!!

        • JH Marx

          A supposed human said that??!!1`

          • JustPixelz

            Yes! Disqus user “Kooter”. He or she made their profile private after I copy/pasted the two you see.

      • Tallmutha

        Hi Kooter, has the FBI been by to see you yet over your “Our guns are coming for you Obama!” comment? Well, they will be.

      • Mr Corrections
      • Gayer Than Thou

        As they say on Wikipedia: [citation needed].

      • The Wanderer

        You seem nice.

      • Dr. Krieger IRL

        Micro aggression against illegitimate people. Rethink your wording.

      • Lizzietish81

        Which you will do as soon as your last welfare check clears right?

      • Jeamonn

        Oh, shit, you’re serious!? I thought you were being funny on purpose, still hilarious though. Idiot.

        • Dr. Krieger IRL

          Right?

      • BigBoppa

        And when you see the federal agents, please be sure to run directly at them. They like that.

      • Whiny dude says what?

  • Joshua Norton

    Well, sheeeyit, who coulda seee this coming?

    [eeeeesh!]

    • tihond

      The Oracle at Delphi?

    • Dudleydidwrong

      Nostradamus?
      Scientologists?
      Jehovah’s Witnesses?
      Ben Dover Carson?

      • tihond

        Everyone’s favorite crystal gem, Garnet?

    • JustPixelz

      My houseplants predicted it.

    • BigBoppa
    • Mehmeisterjr

      Nostradamus? Shit, beaten to that one!

      How about John Partridge?

    • Gayer Than Thou

      Helen Keller?

    • Playonwords

      Madame Arcati?

    • Suttree

      My ex’s blind rat?

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      HIT….wait…

    • PubOption

      Walter Mercado?

    • Gayer Than Thou

      Miss Cleo?

    • BigBoppa

      The Amazing Kreskin?

    • Dr. Krieger IRL

      A tubeworm?

    • jmk

      Mr. Magoo?

    • eddi

      Mommy Reagan’s astrologer?

  • Lizzietish81

    Guys, Rawstory has accounts from some of the other militia men who were arrested. They were stopped at a road block, the second car, with tarp man, tried to get around and crashed into a snow bank, there was some arguing in the car and then he got out and charged the FBI.

    http://www.rawstory.com/2016/01/eyewitnesses-knock-down-conspiracy-theories-about-lavoy-finicum-dying-with-his-hands-up/

    • Mr Corrections
      • Pinkham’s Law

        Yeah, the “shot with hands up” story seemed like BS from the beginning. Especially since it was, allegedly, passed on by Bundy during a phone call he made *from the back of a police car* after being arrested. Uh, yeah, sure?

        • Creepoman

          I’ll buy that his hands were up – probably about eye-level, aiming a firearm at the FBI.

      • Dr. Krieger IRL

        FlavorTown, FlavorTown, uber alles.
        Uber alles.

  • DerrickWildcat

    Fine, there’ll just be more sex toys for the others.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      “Now that sheep is MINE!”

  • At least they will have no need for dildos and a bag o’ dicks in prison, if you knowwhuttamean, Vern.

  • Operation American Jesus®

    *** REPORT FROM CONVOY OF WHAT HAPPENED ***

    While everyone else was being arrested, LaVoy slammed the gas and hauled ass, promptly driving his truck into a snow bank after which a witness inside his truck said he jumped out and CHARGED LAW ENFORCEMENT.

    LaVoy Finicum was **NOT** on his knees with hands up in surrender mode, as the Bundy klan and LaVoy’s fans are so vociferously wailing.

    https://www.facebook.com/mark.mcconnell.127648/videos/10154667085229762/

    • beatbort

      The guy wanted to die and the FBI obliged him. Same mentality as suicide bombers in Iraq and Afghanistan. In his mind, martyrdom was guaranteed. I do hope the law enforcement officers video taped the confrontation to disprove the lies about hands up, peaceful demeanor, etc.

      • Hutch

        And now as a martyr in heaven, he has his 72 cousins.

        • Playonwords

          His cousins were virgins? I don’t think so

          • Hutch

            Point taken.

        • Donald E Niman

          I have it on authority (and my vivid imagination) that he got the 72 cousin thing wrong. He’s actually entitled to one 72-year old virgin cousin. You might wonder how a 72-year old virgin got that way…

          • Hutch

            LOL!

          • Querolous

            Please, tell us how he got away with it.

      • Major_Major_Major

        Considering these jackholes think the moon landing was fake (and 9/11, Sandy Hook, etc., etc., etc.), I’ll go out on a limb and say that a video wont make a difference to them.

        • Donald E Niman

          Yeah. Any video can be photoshopped. Or somethin’.
          /s

          • Sgt. Gym Bunny

            Except that Planned Parenthood video. That was taped on a Jesus film, so it’s practically gospel.

      • Jonny On Maui

        Like any video put out by law enforcement will be believed by this wackadoodles…

        Sorry, sad about the loss of life, but stupid is…

      • Biff52

        Hope he enjoys his 72 cousins in the afterlife.

    • Toomush_Infer

      “I was jus gon’ bout my bidness, and I don’ wan’ no tens and lebens how I don’ cut the rubbah…”

    • OddMan

      This video needs to be disseminated to the press. This is the only place I have seen it posted. Thanks Operation American Jesus®.

      • Operation American Jesus®

        Thank you kindly, OddMan.

  • LarryHoudini

    Typo alert: “The shootout claimed one casualty, 55-year-old Robert “LaVoy” Finicum” You clearly meant “95-year-old.” Please fix. Thanks!

  • BeachLoafer

    Methinks Dok Zoom’s going to have plenty of fodder for Dear Shit Fer Brains for a couple of weeks, and I’m looking forward to reading the brilliant, well informed, and no doubt grammatically correct comments as they arrive

    • doktorzoom

      You’re something of a sadist, aren’t you?

      Keep up the good work.

      • BeachLoafer

        Admit it, you love it!

  • Rick Hill

    Ok, these guys have been apprehended. Now how about going after the asshats on the soapboxes who have been egging them on. They wanted this, to show the administration as powerless or to get them another Ruby Ridge. They encourage lawlessness and cost others their lives.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      They don’t give a fuck about the admin. What they wanted was another Ruby Ridge to spark the “revolution”

      • Rick Hill

        No, guys like beck or Limbaugh or fox news(hahaha) love to get up and claim the preznit has no clothes or some shit.

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          I figure that is just a side bennefit. Their overlords have instructed them to start the Randian finale; they have been diligently attempting to do so for quite some time now.

          • Rick Hill

            Well, they just may be right, anyway. If Obama was a more effective dictator then none of this would be happening.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            If he only seized our guns when they said he was the first time….

          • Suttree

            Or the 400th time.

    • Dr. Krieger IRL

      I just home they toss Fiore in the clink as an accomplice.

      • Suttree

        I will not be downloading that movie.

        • Dr. Krieger IRL

          Big Gun Big Titty Prisoners 4?

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            Are they gonna offer her the same amount as they did Kimmy?

          • Dr. Krieger IRL

            …Maybe?

  • Randy Riddle

    Letting this go on so long will only encourage illegal violent takeovers of other bird sanctuaries.

    • Land Shark

      That’s why the Audubon Society has a SWAT team now.

      • Msgr_Moment

        Damn jackbooted birder thugs.

        • Dr. Krieger IRL

          Don’t fuck with birders, man. They’re tougher than all of us, and they hear us geologists stomping around from miles off, it’s embarrassing.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            Rock hound, eh?
            You know….geologists do it on the rocks. Allegedly. Archaeologists do it in holes.

          • Dr. Krieger IRL

            Rocks for Jocks!

            So sayeth the guy who was the wheezy nerdy “indoorsy” kid from high school…

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            I have a funny story about the birder biologists for you: One time, working on a base, there were these owl studiers who came in the gate as we left at the end of the day (owls be night time critters dig). One day, they were not there. We later learned they were taken prisoner as some part of war game exercise, where the soldiers were instructed that the “enemy” would try to impersonate civilians.
            We bought them drinks when they got out, for we were jelly.

          • Dr. Krieger IRL

            That’s a story I’d tell anyone who’d listen, it’s great!

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            That is why we were Jelly. We wanted to get taken in the games too (but only the games, it would suck if it were the real thing).

            Though there was this time my partner, also with lady bits, had to pee in the woods on another base. She came back all shaken and said when she went to squat, a voice said to her “Ma’am, I’d appreciate it if you did not do that right here” A few minutes later these quiet painted up fellows ghosted through.
            An hour after that, another group of fellows came by and asked us if we saw the guys with the yellow arm bands. We said we did not.
            Not as good a story though, but those boys are srs about their games.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            I’ve always found it hard to pee in the middle of war games.

          • jmk

            Ahhh the moment in which you go from shy bladder to petrified bladder.

          • Suttree

            Anthropologists watch from afar? Damn voyeurs.

          • Playonwords

            Spelunkers go deeper

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            Not the depth dude, it is the intensity.

          • jmk

            As the seismologist said…

          • Suttree

            And the fact that the ones at home are always handling suet makes them pretty tough. That stuff is gross.

      • Gayer Than Thou

        The only thing that stops a bad birder with a gun is a good birder with a gun.

      • Helena Handbag

        That was a cheep shot

      • malsperanza

        They’ve applied for some of that sweet military matériel too that’s being handed out. Would be handy to have a couple of Ospreys when you’re looking for migratory finches. Or maybe a B-2 Stealth when you’re looking for ospreys.

        In fact, I don’t know why Ed Bundy and his family didn’t apply for military hardware too. Foolish oversight; look where it got them.

  • DerrickWildcat

    Remember the ones that just got caught are supposed to be the smartest ones of the bunch. Imagine the brain power left in the compound.

    • Antimassacree

      The leftovers are still there, I guess. It’s hard to leave when you can’t find the door.

      • DahBoner

        Irregulars, markdowns and close-outs.

        • eddi

          The Walmart Mob.

      • Dr. Krieger IRL

        I’m hoping that they get rounded up as personal possessions and given back to Y’All Queda members during release, like the soiled condom in The Blues Brothers.

    • PortTaiLand

      Bunch of dildos.

  • Dr. Krieger IRL

    Of all these folks, Finicum was the one I actually kind of liked. Not that I endorse his child ranching behavior, but his mannerisms and body language really remind me of my granddad. I am genuinely saddened that he’s died, it shouldn’t have had to happen.

    I’m very happy that the two biggest agitators of the Bundy Clan (outside of the big man himself) are in custody. I hope Ryan Bundy gets slapped with a suit for what he’d done in recapture Canyon.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    You want to take over and barricade yourself in a federal wildlife refuge, fine. You don’t also get to go to weekly movie date nights in town.

  • When these dbags and their cynical politician supporters start caring about a 12 year old kid shot dead while holding a toy gun, I’ll consider feeling sorry for the whackadoodles armed with real guns who were actually trying to provoke a fight.
    ~

  • Operation American Jesus®

    Guess who the only person was that managed to escape back to Arizona before the arrests went down.

    Go on, guess.

    • Dr. Krieger IRL

      This is an interesting about-face from his weeping goodbye video.
      What a mound of chicken shit.

      • Rick Hill

        Not much of a surprise. If this had been a movie he would have been cast in the role of chickenshit instigator that gets his buddies killed while he turns tail and runs based on appearances alone.

        • malsperanza

          No, according to Michael Bay, that role would be played by the educated government staffer. Mr. Chickenshit would have been the hero who Just Wouldn’t Follow the Rules.

          Hollywood has ruined heroism.

    • HITLER!
      ~

      • Msgr_Moment

        Wait, wait, wait. Keep your powder dry.

        We have not yet asked the question: who else stayed barricaded in his bunker when the war was already over and refused to be taken to jail?

        • eddi

          Hiroo Onoda.

    • JustPixelz

      A Palin?

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      He got out spending the holidays with his family. Mission accomplished.

    • The Wanderer

      “Rogue Infidel?” They do grow ’em stupid round his place, don’t they?

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      I thought he did turn himself in, before this even went down?

    • OneWhiteWhisker

      Jesus Christ, he’s STILL begging for handouts. Such an independent patriot spirit, fer shurrr.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        Pretty sure that is what this was all about. Hence the unarmed unmaned bird sanctuary. Hence the immediate plea for snacks and money. Hence everything these people did. They were just looking for a free ride and wrapped up in the flag to do it.

    • Donald E Niman

      The feds promised Ritz Dildobater more and better dildos. He had no choice after that.

  • witsended

    Video of one of these nice gentlemen being arrested a couple of days ago, by a nazi cop.
    Ignore date stamp on the video.
    The nasty policeman was very brave to tackle someone who had been a 17 year old colonel in the green berets working for the CIA in South America and had the great ronnie personally seal his military record.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DyAVjIndWOE

    • malsperanza

      “When I go to jail, when I come out, I will kill you.”
      “I can’t be killed anyway.”
      “Are you a real state trooper? I only talk to real state troopers.”
      “You Obama sons of bitches!”

      Drunk as shit.

      • Msgr_Moment

        Mom must be so proud.

      • eddi

        So far off his meds he may never get back to planet Earth.

    • jmk

      The most instructive part was when he told the cops that he respected authority…three seconds before he started screaming that they were Nazis and he’d kill them.

      Nutbags in a nutshell.

    • doktorzoom

      Worth noting that this was a guy who was on his way to join the Bundy crew, not one of the people who’d been occupying the place. The armed loons actually found some of their “patriot” pals too unhinged even for them, and sent guys like this away.

      Not sure quite where the dividing line was; probably depended on whether new arrivals were gun-obsessed Consittution-twisting loons they already knew or not.

      • witsended

        Looking at his social media I think the guy has some sort of substance problem as well as mental issues.
        His post early in the day are just about readable but as the day progresses they make less and less sense, becoming more angrier and threatening.
        The guy is on self destruct and needs help, but I doubt he will get it.
        Allowing him to own firearms is not recipe for a happy outcome.

    • Querolous
      • witsended

        I have sent my donation to help his campaign.

        • Querolous

          Valium? Librium? Xanax?

  • Joshua Norton

    Ammon Bundy told his wife that Finicum was cooperating with police when he was shot.

    Suuuure he was. Whack-job guy who was hunkered down with his weapon under a tarp, threatening to shoot anyone and everyone who tried to put him in jail just turned into a kitten and was meekly going along with his avowed enemies.

    And I’m SURE the Feds, who just spent 24 days letting them run rampant would just up and start shooting knowing the whole country would be watching and judging their every move.

    Tell me another one.

    • Did you hear about the time when Obama and Hillary sat around laughing and drinking booze while listening to the Benghazi ambassador getting shot daid?
      ~

      • Oh, FFS. Do I have Michael Bay’s “24 days and 13 Hours” to avoid at my local multiplex in the future?

    • lroom

      The Washington Post article this morning was calling them “Government activists” which was a little sickening. I hope they get every one of these assholes.

      • bupkus23

        I hope they get everyone of those Washington Post assholes, too!

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        yeah they were calling them “protesters” last night. A bunch of the commenters there reminded them that “protesters” don’t carry guns and threaten to shoot everyone.

        • Gayer Than Thou

          I dunno – they might do, but when they do, then they get arrested and shot. It works that way.

  • coozledad

    It’s probably a good idea to remember that under a right wing government, these guys would often be tapped as surrogates for law enforcement, strikebreakers, shoulder hitters or torturers. They’re a latent American freikorps.

    These are the kind of guys who’d have lined up to strike Rosa Luxemburg with a rifle butt before they shot her in the head.

    Someone needs to figure out where the initial investment for this project came from. Georgia-Pacific? Weyerhauser?

    • malsperanza

      They’d have lined up to kill Rosa Parks too, given half a chance.

    • Suttree

      Yeah they would have made good Pinkertons.

    • Angela Ruzzo

      They would have had a field day with the suffragettes too.

  • Oblios_Cap

    The good guys with guns won this round.

  • Operation American Jesus®

    A reminder for when LaVoy’s fans claim he was on his knees with hands up in surrender mode:

    • The Wanderer

      Wish granted. Idiot.

    • Msgr_Moment

      He may, in the end, be the only one who got something he wanted out of this.

  • DerrickWildcat

    I’ve already made up a bunch of drooler conspiracy theories so I won’t be as shocked when they start hitting the internet.
    They mostly involve the video of the arrest disappeared or was altered.

    • Suttree

      Don’t forget about FEMA camps and Obama shot Greedo first.

  • Msgr_Moment

    #fluffyunicornlivesmatter

    • Pinkham’s Law

      apparently not, actually!

  • Mahousu

    The Oregonian is reporting that police have blocked all the roads to the refuge. They’re letting people out, but not letting anyone in.

    • lroom

      Good. It’s about time.

      • eddi

        Most of the leaders (such as they are) were snagged in one go. Whoever is left is dealing with a bunch who cannot be controlled. Look for the semi-smart to bail on the losers.

    • BigBoppa

      Sounds like a Bizarro roach motel.

  • Sgt. Gym Bunny

    What exactly do they have against grammar, in general, and capitalization, in particular?

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      grammar rules is for libruls. Not unlike fact, reason, logic….

    • Mehmeisterjr

      NO jAbooted TUGS will tell I what and What not it will, or, will NOT capITaliZing or GRAmmEr stuFF.

      • The Wanderer

        I read this in Torgo’s voice. “ThE MasTer WoUlD nOt ApPrOve . . . “

        • eddi

          I must but I cannot.

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      Tyrannical grammarment rules must be abolished and control of punctuation returned to the people! It’s in the constitution! Also we should use that funny “f” instead of “s”

      • BigBoppa

        It’s right there in the eleventeenth ammmmendmennt!!

  • crunchyknee

    I guess those over-reaching gov’mint bird watching tyrannical types will once again get to occupy that land unlawfully!

  • bryan

    I guess Vanilla Isis must have taken off their bullet proof tarp.

  • Operation American Jesus®

    The usual suspects:

  • Toomush_Infer

    Oh, look, there’s…..Squirrel!…

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Free the Dildos!!!!!1!

  • lroom

    The other news accounts I’ve read say that they were arrested on the road while traveling to a community meeting that was 100 miles away. This article makes it sound like they wen’t in and grabbed them at the refuge.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      Think that was an attempt at sounding all !!!!1111!!!! about it.
      But you are right, twas a road block. They nailed them when they were not in the town where there were potential hostages/casualties to worry about

      • lroom

        Thank goodness. I was worried about those kids that are there in the middle of the shootout.

        • eddi

          The road in is now blocked but as of a couple hours ago, no further moves.

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          I am worried about the human shields too. I figure something was about to go down when they began yanking kids out of school, out of state, and installing them as part of their fiasco.
          Though I had figured they just planned to use them first as grifting (look at the poor children, so hungry, do not send sex toys!) but I guess now they really get to be shields for the brave patriots.

          • Mr Corrections

            Taking time out from my important fanfiction posts to say that I read somewhere that the children were no longer in the refuge. Dunno if it’s true or not, but hope so.

            OK, back to being an idiot.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            Hope so as well. It was ridiculous they had them there at all.
            Fucking twits

          • lroom

            These assholes make me sick. I hope those children are safe but after this they should be taken away from those dangerous fuckers.

      • eddi

        They have been waiting for just such an event. Out in the middle of nowhere facing overwhelming force. And potential 20 years in Federal pens.

        • Biff52

          How long before the “movement” claims they were baited by the feds?

          • eddi

            Well a group of fellow travellers in Grant County did invite them over to give a speech. Their sheriff is more of the kind Ammon and Co. could deal with, a right-wing wacko. Who knows who might be an agent of a hostile power in such a group?
            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=952h-AJ3Bcg

    • eddi

      Some reporters need to read what their stringers are writing.

  • malsperanza

    This sad story just highlights the extreme lengths white people have to go to in order to commit suicide by cop.

    Why is it so much harder for us than for the blacks? Unfair!

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      Not all that hard really. According to the witness, LaVoy charged the cops sorta like Michael Brown only paler. The others just surrendered

      • “Michael Brown, an unarmed black teenager…”

        Still a critical difference, there. Except to the cops.
        ~

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          yeah I probably should have been more explicit about that.
          But I really just meant the charging part of it. Cops shoot people who charge them, as we learned from Brown, was what I meant.

      • malsperanza

        Wha?? First he had to go all the way up to a frigging wildlife refuge and invade it. Then he had to get besieged for weeks He had to beg for food on the internet while he waited for the cops to get going on the whole shooting thing. then he had to have a gun. Then he had to point it at the cops. Oh and he had to give a national media interview to let the cops know he wanted to die. AND he had to be a criminal committing felonies.

        Whereas several hundred The Blacks people per year can just walk down a street or be a kid playing with a toy.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      #WhiteSuicidesByCopMatter

  • Tarp Man died on his own terms, period. The majority of the country mourns a fool, and will consider him as such. At least for a coupla weeks.

    • Biff52

      Who?

      What, too soon?

  • bozilingus

    RiTZheIMer WuZ a GuBBermInT Plant!!1!1 ThE BUndYz WuZ SeTTed UP!!!eleven!?! OREGAMi!!!!!!!

    • lroom

      NeedZ moAR umlauts!!11!! OREGHAZI!!!!!

  • the Story of Brave Sir Ritzheimer:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l8IkbCeZ9to

    • UnsaltedSinner

      You’re waay ahead of me.

  • Antimassacree

    My only question is: How can we be sure Ammon will receive the dildoes we send him while he is in prison?

    • eddi

      Sadly they count as contraband.

      • Antimassacree

        And how, pray tell, did you know that so fast!

        • eddi

          My records were sealed by Eisenhower so you will never know?

      • Dr. Krieger IRL

        Bananas.
        Send Bananas.

    • tihond

      Bake them into a cake?

      • BigBoppa

        ……four and twenty dildoes
        baked in a pie………..

  • Jason M

    Black flag attack. We know he’s still chillin’ under a cozy tarp somewhere undisclosed, writing sexy John Wayne slash fic.

  • SessileRaptor

    Damnit, I was hoping we could get out of this without any martyrs. My ideal endgame was everyone goes to jail and then watches as the world forgets about them in 5 minutes flat.

    • eddi

      So now it will take 15 minutes. Only the other wackjobs are gonna care and they will rewrite the story regularly to fit current needs.

      • doktorzoom

        My worry is that some assholes will be so mad about the Martyrdom of LaVoy Finnicum that they’ll blow up a federal building.

        • eddi

          Hopefully the FBI will start spending real time and money on monitoring right-wing terrorists after this. It is not like they have to rely on foreign intelligence for help. It is all in-house.

  • Joshua Norton

    So now their story reads that even though they were continually trying to provoke a deadly response, they weren’t expecting them to respond exactly how they expected them to respond.

    Makes total sense.

    • Land Shark

      Logic isn’t one of their strong points.

      • Jack Parsons

        Indeed

        • SuspectedDemocrat

          They can in Q*bert!

        • Gleem-McShinez

          DON’T SCIENCE ON ME

  • beatbort

    Press conference in a few hours will make clear that the deceased did not have his hands in the air, that he charged at the police officers, was armed, etc. If Bundy told his wife otherwise, he’s lying and such false (and dangerous) information should be taken into account at his sentencing.

    • Pinkham’s Law

      I kinda doubt that he actually told his wife that. Supposedly, he did so while making a cell phone call from the back of a police car after being arrested. Do any of us believe that he would have been allowed to do that, minutes after being arrested?

      • nmmagyar

        IKR? How do you dial with your hands handcuffed behind your back?

        • jmk

          “OK Google…(dling)… call Mommy.”

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            ppft, on Bundy’s speedial his wife is called “bread winner”

          • OctopiRage

            Also, too, human shield.

          • Querolous

            “sammich maker”

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        “He was shot with his hands in the air. Also, did you send the coffee creamer and beef jerky that I asked for?”

  • Lefty Frizzell

    LaVoy Finicum, why, FFS why?

    How could you not know in your heart of hearts what a stupid crock of shit the cause, the plan, and the execution of it was?

  • Lefty Frizzell

    I don’t recall Tamir Rice being offered safe passage back home a week or so before being shot.

    • OctopiRage

      He had two seconds, why didn’t he take it?

  • Operation American Jesus®

    All the Mormon Taliban wanted to do was steal the land and abolish all government. IS THAT SO WROOOOOONG??

    https://scontent-dfw1-1.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xpf1/v/t1.0-9/12651055_951182274958581_1524600045597902493_n.jpg?oh=f17952a4a5aeef9fb55fa74bee628ce6&oe=57293B4D

    • Lefty Frizzell

      Is this staking out the territory for an insanity plea?

      • Operation American Jesus®

        Some “sovereign citizens” do babble such complete batwhackery in court that judges have ordered psych evals on them. One sovcit filed a multi-zillion-dollar “salvage lien” against the judge last August in her child custody case because a fake judge told her that would get her kids back for sure.

        When she started flipping out in court about how this was her constitutional right to seize the judge’s assets with a malicious lien and how she’s just like Founding Fathers, she was arrested in court right then and there, underwent psych eval and was actually committed for mental healthcare. Commitment to a psych facility is rare, however, for sovereign citizens because most of them are just sociopaths and criminals; they’re not actually hearing-voices kind of crazy.

        I don’t think Bundy can make a case for crazy. He’s just a selfish greedy arrogant asshat who tried to overthrow the government, that’s all.

    • Joshua Norton

      Still you, bub. Still you.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      Who are the terrorists?
      Probably the armed militants threatening the laws of the land? Probably.

      • Vegetablebrothel

        Vanilla ISIS, (someone else coined the phrase and their name).

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Buttwipes want to overthrow the government, but enjoy their favorite snacks and not get scuffed up in the process. Freedom ain’t free, yo.

    • malsperanza

      Well, it depends on what dictionary you use.

      “There’s glory for you!’

      ‘I don’t know what you mean by “glory”,’ Alice said.

      Humpty Dumpty smiled contemptuously. ‘Of course you don’t — till I tell you. I meant “there’s a nice knock-down argument for you!”‘

      ‘But “glory” doesn’t mean “a nice knock-down argument”,’ Alice objected.

      ‘When I use a word,’ Humpty Dumpty said, in rather a scornful tone, ‘it means just what I choose it to mean — neither more nor less.’

      ‘The question is,’ said Alice, ‘whether you can make words mean so many different things.’

      ‘The question is,’ said Humpty Dumpty, ‘which is to be master — that’s all.’

      Alice was too much puzzled to say anything; so after a minute Humpty Dumpty began again. ‘They’ve a temper, some of them — particularly verbs: they’re the proudest — adjectives you can do anything with, but not verbs — however, I can manage the whole lot of them! Impenetrability! That’s what I say!’

      ‘Would you tell me please,’ said Alice, ‘what that means?’

      ‘Now you talk like a reasonable child,’ said Humpty Dumpty, looking very much pleased. ‘I meant by “impenetrability” that we’ve had enough of that subject, and it would be just as well if you’d mention what you mean to do next, as I suppose you don’t mean to stop here all the rest of your life.’

      ‘That’s a great deal to make one word mean,’ Alice said in a thoughtful tone.

      ‘When I make a word do a lot of work like that,’ said Humpty Dumpty, ‘I always pay it extra.’

      Impenetrability indeed.

    • The Wanderer

      A rhetorical question, I suppose.

      • Gleem-McShinez

        I guess the bottom got cut off.

        “No really, who are they? I can’t be bothered to remember their stupid names”

    • Dr. Krieger IRL

      Crimony Ammon, if only you’d spend more time walking and less time with those cakes you like…

    • Vienna Woods

      Oh, for FUCKS sake.

  • Joshua Norton

    it gives militia-supporting dildo-weasels EXACTLY the martyrdom story they need to prove that YEP FOR SURE the government is doing tyranny to them, and it must be stopped.

    They obviously had this little story cooked up from the first day they started this farce. Strange that the cheerleaders claiming that he was surrendering were hundreds of miles away from Oregon at the time and not witness to the situation at all. They’re just recycling all their Waco looney-tunes talking points.

  • Brewerofbeers

    If they were arrested while in a convoy on the way to another county, what became of the people left at the refuge?

    • Hutch

      The OSP said, “Leave. Just leave.” I doubt if they have though.

      • Anarchy Pony

        If the kids are gone, they should just drop the hammer on them.

        • eddi

          They are waiting. Other vehicles were seen heading around to cover the other entries. That could take a while. Also let the remainder freak out at each other for a day or so. They may yet clean out the buildings on their own.

          • Hutch

            Crackpot-in Charge-Now Jason Patrick, from Bonaire, Georgia (that’s it! I’m moving?) seems like someone, from his interviews, that might torch the place to precipitate his very own Waco. I’m not optimistic on a peaceful outcome.

          • The Wanderer

            Tranquilizer darts.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        New leaders? If that isn’t the recipe for a circular firing squad, I don’t know what is.

    • Spotts1701

      It’s blockaded so that no one comes in, and the ones who are there have been told they are free to leave, and that they should. The guy left “in command” has basically told the FBI to piss up a rope..

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    “More French Vanilla creamer for the rest of us!”

    • BigBoppa

      And those cakes we like.

  • jesuswasablack

    Poor LaVoy he’s gone to meet that great big electro-magnetic pulse in the sky! I hope his coffin is draped with a blue tarp. Good Riddance asshole!

    • Msgr_Moment

      Tinfoil or GTFO.

      • eddi

        Tinfoil lining in the coffin of course.

  • 1JohnRyan1

    Looks like LaVoy’s special Mormon underwear wasn’t made of Kevlar
    Well at least we can take some comfort in that he died doing what he loved

    • TheBidenator

      He did not have any crotch wounds now did he? I’m just saying, the bullets may have bounced off!

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      Jesus Christ super star
      ridin down the streers on a yamaha
      The cops were there, but he don’t care
      He gots bullet proof underwear

  • natoslug

    Ostensibly, this whole thing started as a protest against mandatory minimum sentencing. If they had stayed focused, and not brought weapons, and not turned everything they touched to shit, and left their pocket not-constitutions at home, and not been so loathsome, I might have had the slightest bit of sympathy for them.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      If they had not been armed, their occupy movement woulda been jackbooted day one.

      Edit: damn, keep forgetting “and if they had been not white”

  • the_heckler

    But what of the dildos? Asking for a ‘friend’ of course.

    • Tio_Doidinho

      From Patton Oswalt on Twitter last night:

      Ammon Bundy stares from the back of a police van. Will his cause be remembered? A heron glides through the moonlight, clutching a dildo.

      • The Wanderer

        That would be very Interesting nest material.

      • the_heckler

        In all this confusion, I am comforted knowing that the common man understood the main issue surrounding this ordeal. #dildosmatter

  • AnOuthouse

    Do you know who else was one of the Best Patriots, Grandfather, Husband, Father, Neighbor, and fan of capitalized nouns?

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      Daniel Webster?

    • Dudleydidwrong

      Tom Brady?

      • chicken thief

        Prolly Coach Bill B for the ‘Grandfather’ part.

    • chicken thief

      Me?*

      * The Team Name and Mascot at My High School Was A Patriot

  • Vecciojohn LLC

    Congrats, boys. You’ve got your martyr in the form of some poor old man and you’re all going to be suckling at the federal teat at one our finest correctional facilities for at least a little while. Thank you for your service.

    • Vienna Woods

      Could we not call someone who is 55 old, please?
      Signed, ViennaWoods, b 1960.

      • Biff52

        Get used to it. I hated it when I got my first unsolicited senior discount when I was a mere 55…

        • Celtic_Gnome

          I started claiming the senior discount for 55 and older at the movies when I was 50. I love stickin’ it to The Man.

  • Hutch

    This is circulating on Twitter with the caption, “Too soon?”

    (Sorry if it’s already been posted, but Disquis doesn’t load commenters’ pictures for me the first 3-4 times I refresh. Grrr.)

    • bozilingus

      Disqus does bite the big one when it comes to attachments.

  • reelreeler

    You can have my gun when you pry if from my cold dead hands……wish granted

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5b2bUZ3eeRE

    • Objectifer

      Groovy!

  • Antimassacree

    Maybe the dongbeavers would have been happier with wooden dildos.

    • Vecciojohn LLC

      That can lead to splinters. Stick with the synthetics when choosing a dildo.

      • bozilingus

        Crystal dildo libelz!!1!

        • smr06va

          Man, how much SSD is the man givin’ you? Crystal shit ain’t cheap………………….

      • chicken thief

        Splinters? Like the guys that were too crazy even for Bundy to let join his posse?

  • beavertank

    What really gets me is the furor over the (probably imagined) claim that they shot him while he had his hands up and/or was on the ground.

    These same people were happy to claim it was justified when exactly that happened to multiple black kids (because thugs), but now that they claim it happened to an actual terrorist (who happens to be white) it’s suddenly the end of the world.

    What a bunch of human garbage.

  • Antimassacree

    Dongbeavers are always lonely. No matter how hard they try, they just can’t manage to “watch the teeth.”

  • Indiepalin

    What if you knew him and found him dead on the ground?

    • Steverino247

      I’d say, “Why did you pull your piece and disobey trained FBI sharpshooters, you dumbass?”

  • azeyote

    like there was ever gonna be a different outcome –

  • Beowoof14

    Don’t worry boys, I am sure Jared will share that foot long with you.

  • SuspectedDemocrat

    Despite their rhetoric, these loons are trying to convince everyone their comrade died on his knees. This brave-patriot-standing-his-ground narrative they’ve been pushing for the past several weeks suddenly becomes “I’m cooperating, officer!” so fast it gave me whiplash.

    • PubOption

      But wouldn’t they rather die on their feet than live on their knees?

      • Anarchy Pony

        That’s what they say from behind their keyboards…

      • eddi

        Only if they are the only ones with guns in the discussion.

      • Damian L

        Apparently not,Leaders my ass!

    • bozilingus

      So Finicum suddenly became a RW Michael Brown? Yeah, right.

    • MrBlobfish

      The Wimpiest Insurrection West of the Pecos.

      • Creepoman

        It’s kinda fun to stand on the west bank of the Pecos in New Mexico and bark out any claim that comes to mind: “I’ve got the biggest schwanstucke this side of the Pecos!” And for once, it’s actually true.

    • Sgt. Gym Bunny

      You mean they didn’t go out in a blaze of 2nd Amendment glory??? They can’t even do armed revolutioning right.

      • DahBoner

        These guys are under qualified to shovel shit out of Butch Cassidy & The Sundance Kid’s latrines.

  • Joshua Norton

    the shooting was TOTALLY UNPROVOKED,

    All bets were off weeks ago. Don’t act like your armed insurrection was all a big game right up until someone got shot.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      I remember my mother yelling at me as a kid, “are you playing armed revolutionary again? Someone is going to get their eye put out!!”.

      • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

        Hazardous business, playing chicken with the FBI.

      • Swampay

        “Mom, she hit me back first!”

    • OctopiRage

      Fed muscle memory, armed fuckwhistle who repeatedly says he’ll die for the mooching shitbags disobeys order, somehow gets un-alived.

    • Sam Hain

      That asswipe was all about suicide by cop, screw his ELEVEN kids….he’s all about the free-dumb!

      • Beaumarchais?

        Those kids were a parent-support system, and a lucrative one.

  • The really funny thing is if they’re convicted, they’ll be unable to own guns anymore. Tsk, who’d have thought?

    • Eykis

      Same with Track Palin and he lives with Snowbilly Grifter, so NO GUNZ for the Snowbilly Klan.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      ahem, they will be inelligible to own guns. My bet is that they will still own lots of em, just put them in their wives’ names.
      btw, these wives who support these deadbeats are either seriously in love, or there is some crazy stochholm syndrom going on

      • Jeamonn

        Um, no. Women are totally capable of being complete assholes too.

        • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

          “I hear you boys have a barrel full of unused (or only slightly soiled) dildos?”

          • DahBoner

            “Gruntmaster 9000”

        • Donald E Niman

          Oh, hell! There went breakfast.

          Thanks so much.

  • Tio_Doidinho

    Not sure when they posted this, but at some point they whipped out their shofars:

    • Shayna Friedman

      Who knew they were Jewish

    • Dr. Krieger IRL

      White, pasty, doughy, and even more out of touch with reality than me.

    • Mr Corrections
    • the_heckler

      They sure like their phallic symbols.

    • Eykis

      That is SOOOOOOOOOOO LAST WEEK~

    • BigBoppa

      Hey….didn’t the SnowGrifter say something about Trump and his Trumpeters just recently? At the time I thought she was talking about Doc Severensen and Dizzy Gilespe but now……..

  • smr06va

    This isn’t really over, is it? Aren’t there still wingnuts at the sanctuary? Has it been completely cleared?………….

    • natoslug

      Not over. The seditionists are still at the sanctuary, and there are still plenty of terrorist sympathizers (looking at you, Michelle Fiore) willing to lie to support the myth of martyrdom and try to make the movement grow. My guess is that we will see this escalate very soon.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        My hope is that these cowardly grifters will go “shit, didn’t think people were actually gonna die! I meant on our side anyway” and slink off in the night

        • SuspectedDemocrat

          “Well it sure has been fun playing house, but I have a government disability check waiting for me at home.”

        • natoslug

          You’re talking about the same sort of folks who think shooting up PP clinics is “pro-life.” Some will slink, but there will still be a few left whose desire to live out their anti-government bloodbath masturbatory fantasies is too strong to ignore. Hopefully not, but my faith in the awfulness of humanity currently is lightly greater than my faith in the goodness of humanity.

    • MrBlobfish

      Chop the head off the derp snake, does the rest of the derp keep derping?

  • DahBoner

    “Let’s not forget that over fifty young men, each affectionately known as ‘Boy,’ lost a loving foster father yesterday.”
    https://media1.giphy.com/media/i5JJP3rne092w/200w_d.gif

  • natoslug

    The biggest revelation in all of this for me is that Wonkville, the only Wonkproperty to cover the Million (give or take a million) Moron Militia March last night, still uses IntenseDebate. I haven’t visited since the Disqus switch, apparently.

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    Feel free to add names to this list as they announce their idiocy:

    Members of Yall Shotbob Wallmartrys Brigade

    1. Cliven Bundy
    2. Michele Fiore.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      Can we guess ahead of time? For I doubt I will be able to find this later, I expect this one to have a lot of non existant comments.
      Ahem….all the current GOP presidential candidates and boy howdy I bet Trump is wishing he went with the debate now cause this is all they are gonna talk about

    • christine

      Donald the RUMPhole.

  • OneWhiteWhisker

    I wonder if the feds planned to take them down at a roadblock to try to avoid turning the refuge into some kind of shrine should it happen that people got killed. Smart, if so.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      yeah they planned it that way. They waited patiently for them to be isolated, hence why they did not take them in town where there were potential hostages/casualties

    • MrBlobfish

      I’d like to think so. And when the video is released showing “unarmed” LaVern reachin’ for his six-shooter, the nuts will say it was staged and those are actors.

      • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

        Jes like them fuckin’ moon landings!!!!!!111!11…… … .. .

        • MrBlobfish

          Great. Malheur truthers already.

          • Longstreet63

            Well, you know this whole thing was a false flag operation to begin with. Those guys were all clearly Federal agents. Why else would they be left alone for so long?
            Its obvious, now you realize it isn’t actually going to lead to whatever nonsensical Constitutional revision the planners intended…

      • OctopiRage

        The flat earth made him do it.

    • Sgt. Gym Bunny

      If only they could have been taken out near an outhouse or Port-a-Potty.

  • Antimassacree

    Ammon the Fool, so the tale goes,
    Occupied lands where the quail goes;
    Packing not enough snacks
    In his little backpack,
    He earned scorn and a barrel of dildos.

    • christine

      And fried them up with armadillos, ate them with pleasure and thought it was treasure, lost a few teeth but saved them n’ made a wreath, hung it on their door with pride ‘cuz they thought they’d won the war… Oh well, I tried, but I’m not good with simple-minded rhymes…

  • TheBidenator

    It’s okay, LaVoy will be able to be the militia superhero Blue Tarp Man in the sky now….RIP, Fluffy Unicorn.

    • nosuchuser

      He’s spanking it under god’s tarp now, may he yank in peace.

  • Eykis

    Rizheimer is going to be known as ‘the narc’ from here on out – whether he is working with FBI or not, he’s toast – conveniently made it back home BEFORE the gunplay~

    • smr06va

      “Nipples, the Rat” will be looking over his shoulder for the rest of his life……

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      could not happen to a nicer guy

    • batteur

      Of course he solicits people to send money by posting a heartrending video of his children crying because their dad is such an immature, irresponsible, selfish man.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        An immature, irresponsible selfish man who subsists wholely upon the government and his wife

  • tehbaddr

    Hooray! ‘Bout fracking time!

  • TheBidenator

    …….and not a single one of them is from Oregon. A lesson, dildo flakes- take your next armed occupation and occupy some place in your own fucking state. We didn’t want you jackasses here to begin with and we really, really did not appreciate your pathetic, selfish stunt. GTFO and I hope you all enjoy prison.

    • batteur

      This really irks me– going to somebody else’s state with your guns and fucking with their town and services. Stay in fucking Ohio.

  • TheBidenator

    The funny part is the dumb fucks were captured on a snack run…maybe they should have occupied a Keebler factory, they could have holed up for months.

    • Zippy

      It takes a good elf with a gun to stop a bad guy with a bad plan…

      • OctopiRage

        Elves use bows and arrows if the documentary Lord of the Rings is to be trusted.

        • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

          Lucky Charms libel!

    • Relativicus

      On the surface, it appears the Feds played this right from the beginning, including the part where they let them come and go. These dopes finally felt secure enough in their freedom to travel that they scheduled an appearance at a rally of some sort in a town 20 or more miles away, and that’s when they got gotten (sorry about the legalese).

    • lroom

      I hear the Keebler Elves will cut a bitch.

  • OneYieldRegular

    One of the wire service stories on this incident noted that Jon Rickheimer became famous for pushing a box of dildos onto the floor. That sounds like a decent one-line Wikipedia entry for the guy.

    • Steve Zakszewski

      His FBI informant code name is Dildo Box.

    • Donald E Niman

      Ritzheimer epitaph,

      “Here lies the man [ok, sic], who swept the plastic dildos to the floor
      and kept the edible ones for himself.”

  • Steve Zakszewski
    • chicken thief

      Looks like they should have put trash bags on the list…

      • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

        They did. Somebody brought their kids.

  • chicken thief

    DIBS ON THE BLUE TARP!11!!1 2016, NO TAKE BACKS!!11!!

    On a serious note, Blue Tarp Man was the only one of those Brave Patriots Defending Our Constitution that I kinda sorta liked. RIP, BTM…..

    • Malmborg Implano

      If he genuinely believed that he was doing this for some great cause, I’m very sorry for him. If he was what I suspect he was and was just a self-aggrandizing bastard suffering from the delusion that he was a self-made reality star, then seriously, the hell with him.

    • blondeiq

      The Blue Tarp will be Trump’s pick for VP when Palin quits.

      • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

        A dead man WILL do a better job.

  • MrBlobfish
    • smr06va

      When you blow these dickwhi…………………er, never mind………….

    • Objectifer

      6 cm? That’s being generous.

      • tomamitai

        That’s measuring from the balls; is that official now?

        • Damian L

          I’m HUGE in the metrics!!!!!!!!

    • Gleem-McShinez

      In Soviet Prison, dickwhistle blows you

  • beatbort

    I want every single one of the people who participated in this shitstorm to be held accountable in a court of law for their actions. That said, the remaining people on the sanctuary are fools if they don’t take the FBI’s deal to “go home.” I can’t ever remember a time when the federal government law apparatus simply told armed assailants to “go home.” This is an unprecedented offer.

    • docterry6973

      Shall we make a list of all the unarmed black men and women who were not allowed to go home and were killed? Of course the difference is that they were thugs and these are glorious patriots.

      • christine

        Makes me want to vomit….

      • DoILookAmused2u ?

        And by “glorious patriots” you mean home-schooled anarchistic right-wing idiots, right?

    • tomamitai

      At Appomattox in 1865, which is arguably why we’re still dealing with this shit 150 years later.

  • batteur

    Inevitable that the arrested woman is named Shawna. There’s always a Shawna.

    • OneWhiteWhisker

      Too true.

    • Suttree

      I was really expecting a Krystal.

      • DoILookAmused2u ?

        Done snorted all the Krystal.

      • Msmlg1979

        Tammy. In the South, there’s always a Tammy.

        • Suttree

          And also, too (insert given name) Lynn.

    • christine

      Don’t forget Tiffany…

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      There was a Shawna big in the border militia movement here also too. She’s doing life in prison for murder.

    • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

      Where’s Tanya?

      • Querolous

        Ice what you did there.

  • Has anyone thought to ask the birds in the sanctuary what they think of all of this?

    • Hutch

      Migration is on hold until these delusional screwballs are out of there. A funny little duck told me so I have it on good authority.

    • BigBoppa

      They think it’s all a cheep stunt.

    • OctopiRage

      Cardinal sin

  • Spotts1701

    Welp, now they’ll all have a nice piece of federal property of their very own that no one will allow them to leave. So they got that going for them.

    • sosuume

      Free snacks and no taxes, also too.

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    It has been a bad week for unintentionally ironic right-wing anarchists beginning with the ironically named “Center for Medical Progress” down to F-troop in Oregon.

  • Relativicus

    Thus begins “The Legend of LaVoy.” By dinner time, EDT, he will have been shot from behind while attempting to save a 23-year old widow and her nine destitute children from being raped by a group of about two dozen federal agents. And by this time next week, “The Incident at Malheur” will be rewritten to tell the tale of a small band of ranchers cornered by a tyrannical government intent on stealing their small patch of subsistence-farmland.

    • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

      Yep, a martyr in the mold of Koresh and Weaver.

    • Mr Corrections
      • The Wanderer

        Machine gun jumblies? How’d we miss that?

    • JohnR

      Country song coming soon, remember Gordon Kahl https://youtu.be/HdPaLG14JsY

    • LesBontemps

      Someone call Michael Bay, stat!

      • Gleem-McShinez

        Hmm, gonna need more splosions.
        Maybe a little artistic license turns the dildos into mortars raining down on them?

    • Sgt. Gym Bunny

      What is with their odd need to demonize the Feds? While I know they ain’t all angels, the Feds are significantly more professional and judicious in their use of force than, say, the local yokel po-po’s, whom always get these yahoos hot and bothered in their “freedom berries” (Good one, Evan).

      • nightmoth

        They got infected with the Southern States Rights virus.

    • The Wanderer

      Is it to be set to the tune of The Beverly Hillbillies theme?

  • docterry6973

    So now the Paiutes get their land back, right?

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      no. They get to use it, but they have to share.

    • doktorzoom

      Kind of — the tribal president has said from the start that after decades of not getting respect, they have in recent years been very happy with how US Fish & Game has been working with them to preserve sacred sites and artifacts.

  • Malmborg Implano

    I’m very sorry they got their expressed wish that somebody would get killed, but I’m glad it was just one person, and that it was one of the reckless fools who perpetrated this stupid crime rather than one of the children they dragged into the fray or someone in law enforcement (yes, I am aware they’re not all homicidal maniacs!)

  • christine

    They are getting exactly what they were fighting for! Their own piece of Federal property. Bravo! I love it when a plan comes together…

    • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

      And six square feet will be much easier to manage than six thousand square feet.

      • Kavefish

        The real head-scratcher is trying to figure out where to park the backhoe.

  • Anarchy Pony

    I bet finicum thought his valiant traitors in arms would back him up when he started shooting, but they probably pussed out immediately.

    • JohnR

      I don’t think Ammon had any intention of fighting back but was willing to let the gentiles lay their lives down. Ammon was the one god spoke to after all.

      • bookish

        Sacrifice is for the little people.

        Did you see that contemptuous sneer on Ammon’s face in his mugshot?

    • bozilingus

      “All right boys, this is it! Who’s with me?”
      (crickets)

  • JohnR

    There need to be many more charges against these people including Fiore. How is it that Fiore is not in prison with her home healthcare scam and that baking soda flushes cancer out of your body bullshit along with possibly providing assistance or at least encouragement to this act of sedition?

    • OctopiRage

      Uh, big tits?

      • Biff52

        They’re really not that big compared to the rest of her, though.

  • AntiDerpomeme

    Ug, what a bunch of assholes.

  • Boko999

    Ok, so it’s not funny that one of these rat-bastard fundamentalist facsists got himself shot and killed.
    WTF is it?
    Tragic?
    LOL

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      Yes. tragic in the correct use of the term dating back to Greek tragedies.

      • nightmoth

        Good use of “tragic.” Although the event lacks the epic sweep of Oedipus, it probably already has the lamentations of a white robed Greek chorus chiming in on websites I do not visit.

      • Hutch

        Tragedy. From the Greek “tragos” meaning goat, and “oide” meaning song. Goat song?

        • SuspectedDemocrat

          Goat Song? Wasn’t that the love ballad from Springtime for Hitler?

      • doktorzoom

        “Tragedy is when I cut my little finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.”

        — Mel Brooks

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      It is never funny when anyone is killed. Stupid, pointless, tragic, take your pick, but never funny.

      • tomamitai
        • Jen_Baker_VA

          not funny, not laughing, being a good bleeding heart.
          That sound? Hrmmm my cat had a hairball. HONEST

    • timpundit

      It’s not funny to the family that called him ‘daddy’ I am sure. Look, I get it but death is final.

  • Walter_the_farting_dog

    FreeDumb!

  • “There are things more important than your life.”
    No. There actually aren’t.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      One of the disadvantages of this philosophical outlook is you never get to verify in person the thing that you thought was more important.

  • clintessa

    Can we add Miracle Whip and Tampons to the ‘tags’ section, please?

  • Colin

    Sad that it had to come to this. So pointless.

    • OneWhiteWhisker

      Disagree. I think the point was made that if you’re running low on dildos, take over a wildlife refuge.

  • BigBoppa

    Is there any truth to the rumor that Fuzzy Navel, or whatever his name is, said
    “This situation requires a really stupid and futile gesture be done on somebody’s part” just before they left the compound?

  • chicken thief

    Last words that Blue Tarp Man heard:

    “I think you want the guy over there.”

    ~ Ammon to the FBI

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      They were stopped miles apart. I think you mean Ryan. Same vehicle.

      • chicken thief

        Really? I hate it when facts get in the way of (good?) snark! Now I’m going to have to google search to find where you read that amount of detail.

        • DoILookAmused2u ?

          OPB, I think.

          I read that first they pulled over Ammon’s vehicle, and Finicum drove around that fuss, and then he ran into the second road block OSP had set up.

          Basically, they planned on pulling over the vehicles more than a mile apart.

  • nightmoth

    This quote is from The Oregonian:
    “My dad was such a good good man, through and through,” said Arianna Finicum Brown, 26, one of Finicum’s 11 children. “He would never ever want to hurt somebody, but he does believe in defending freedom.”
    Apparently he also believed in the freedumb of never wearing a condom.
    Yeah, I’m being mean. So zip it.

    • bloodyheck

      he was a foster-child farmer..made over $100k a year from kids..the state took them away while he was tarping in Oregon..he lamented his loss of *income*..not the loss of the kids.

      • nightmoth

        Oh, swell. Thx for that golden crap nugget of info.

      • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

        I shudder to think of what those kids went through.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Suicide by Fed. It’s the rage among the wailing three year olds that are “sovereign citizens”.

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      I’d like to hear him explain how he thinks you can “defend freedom” without hurting anyone.

  • Brazilian Fart Porn

    Hahaha!! LaVoy Redacted for violating the Rules For Commenting Radicals and the rest of them can Redacted for violating the Rules For Commenting Radicals

    • OctopiRage

      Good thing we aren’t allowed to comment, or that banhammer would be busy.

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      I am shocked, SHOCKED, that Brazilian fart porn would ever be redacted on Wonkette.

  • A Grumpy Cat

    I hope to hell that’s not the ONLY thing they’ll be charged with. They need to throw the (metaphorical) book at these assholes.

    • Harmless Immigrant

      And Hillary

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        except she didn’t do anything illegal, so there is that

      • Hutch

        Scott, this is mom again! Turn off the computer and come out of the basement this instant! I have your favorite for lunch: Chef Boyardee Spaghetti-Os! You can have the bag of Cheetos back after lunch. Come on, sweetie!

      • A Grumpy Cat

        Now, see, if you’re gonna troll, make it interesting. USE CAPSLOCK. Or umlauts. Talk about your delightful adventures in other people’s rect*ms. Call me a babby murderer or a libtard. Or a cocksucker. Republican trolls on Twitter love calling me that, like it’s an insult.

        I mean, you didn’t even put a period on the end of your sentence fragment. It’s like you’re not willing to put any effort into it. Trolling can be an absolute ART if you try! Come at me, bro! Make it fun!

      • Villago Delenda Est

        I’m sorry, but we still respect the Geneva Conventions here, unlike Hitler Youth such as yourself.

      • Lizzietish81

        You want to throw Hillary at them?

        • nmmagyar

          Just her “cankles”. Which reminds me, why aren’t the repubes making fun of her appearance as much this go ’round?

          • Historicat

            All in due time.

  • orygoon

    I’m not glad that the one guy was killed. But I’ll be honest; I’m not sorry, either.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      I am glad future foster kids will be spared the slave labor. Silver lining I guess?

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Ain’t Gonna Work On Lavoy’s Farm No More.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      I take great pleasure in reading his obit.

  • Bitter Scribe

    Oh fuck that guy. He wanted to be a martyr and he got his wish. I have no sympathy for him, and I’m just glad that he and his fuckheaded buddies didn’t manage to hurt any law officers. If that’s against the RfR then so be it.

  • Wonkaholic

    Gunfight at the Cosplay Corral

  • timpundit

    Is it wrong of me to imagine myself in a cell with Ammon?

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      probably.

    • OctopiRage

      Something, something, shiv of votes?

    • bookish

      Ammon’s going to be meeting some real bad boys in prison.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Why would you be in a cell? Have you been occupying a bird sanctuary or bulldozing Paiute artifacts recently?

      • timpundit

        If you have to ask then I am afraid you won’t understand.

        • Villago Delenda Est

          Well, I know why you want to be in the cell with Ammon, I’m just trying to figure out what you did to become his cellmate!

          • timpundit

            What ya got? :)

          • Villago Delenda Est

            And that is a perfect answer! Well played!

    • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

      Trust me, I know what you are talking about.

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      It’s wrong. Completely wrong. But not as wrong as writing fanfic describing that situation in detail.

      • timpundit

        Hmmm…

      • Toomush_Infer

        With dildoes…

    • nmmagyar

      Nope – I’ve been saying he was hot since this shit-storm began. Stupid, but hot.

      • timpundit

        I like em big and stupid.

        • nmmagyar

          God Bless Julie Brown

          • timpundit

            Oh someone got it!

    • Tio_Doidinho

      I’m thinking you’re gonna want an escape route when he starts the post-coital “conversation”.

      • timpundit

        The lengths I go to…

  • Me not sure

    Let me get this straight. Ritzheimer was urging all true patriots to come to Burns, but was arrested in Phoenix, Arizona. Kind of out of the line of fire, doncha think? Did they run out of Gummi Dicks?

    • Damian L

      It’s cold in oregon,and his perscriptions needed refilled.

      • Me not sure

        Viagra or Cialis?

        • BigBoppa

          Doesn’t matter. It’s gonna be so cold there will be no stiffies even if they had AOT.K.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      He was in the rear guarding the beer, don’t cha know?

    • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

      He had to return home to beg for more monetary donations.

  • orygoon

    The people still occupying the refuge are making the obligatory defiant no-surrender noises, because heroic, not wimpy. But it’s sealed off now; the feds have principles to demonstrate also. I hope there are no more martyrs for this white radical extremist movement, but I hope the damn thing is wrapped up quickly.

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      No more snacks.

      • OctopiRage

        No more dildos, lube and bags ‘o dicks?

        • eddi

          Fun times are over. Now it gets serious.

        • SuspectedDemocrat

          I think they won’t be going to the post office to pick up their mail.

    • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

      Are the children still at the refuge? I’m pretty sure the Feds won’t do much with kids there.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        Someone said earlier they think the kids went home, so ya if so, if not this will be yet a while

      • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

        But aren’t they ALL children? Don’t think there is a mind there that matured past twelve.

  • OctopiRage

    One of the “best Patriots?” Brady may have to throw and Ugg boot at them for that slight.

  • Lewis

    While this guy’s death is undoubtedly a tragedy for his family and friends the far right’s reaction is pretty fucking hilarious.

    https://twitter.com/EuroAmericans/status/692198555205902336

    • OctopiRage

      Well, the terrorists weren’t at a traffic stop, so…

    • Suttree

      WTF is a European American? I thought that we were supposed to hate those socialist-communist health care having surrender monkey cheese eaters?

      • tomamitai

        They think if they call themselves that instead of white then no one will notice that they’re racists.

        • Villago Delenda Est

          They are profoundly mistaken, about that, and about a great many other things.

          • nmmagyar

            Pretty much AOT, K

    • Tina in Spokane WA

      Sure, the mercenary “heroes” were probably GOP, but was Ambassador Stevens??

      • Thatsit Fortheotherwon

        Really.

  • Jared James

    Dongbeaver is my new favorite euphemism for well-regulated militia.

  • Harmless Immigrant

    You phags certainly use some colorful language.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      Rainbow colored even

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Take a drive to Oregon. I hear they’re low on dildos.

    • Msmlg1979

      We certainly phucking do

    • Hey loser, you can say “Fag” here.

      We’re not a delicate bunch of wilting flowers, you cock-stain.

    • Lizzietish81
    • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

      Thank you. And “phags” is capitalized, BTW.

    • Biff52

      Says the copraphage…

    • doktorzoom

      Say Hello to my little Banhammer of Loving Correction (© and ™ John Scalzi)

    • Max Newman

      I would expect a person such as you to jot be able to comprehend anything past about a 3rd grade level. Sorry those big words confuse your tiny intellect, go back the my little pony forums where you might comprehend the language.

    • Thatsit Fortheotherwon

      How’s business, Rentboy?

  • Jenny

    So are his wife and “kids” going to own up that the guy wanted to die for his cause of government mooching, and was acting like a total dumbass instead of being a man and father providing for his kids; or will they try to ride the grift train for their fallen “patriot?”

    No sympathy for the latter.

    • Anandamide

      Grift train all the way. One of tarp guys daughters has already been talking about how he was best dad ever (yeah, ask the foster kids…) and a True American Patriot (TM with dildoes).

    • Tina in Spokane WA

      Just waiting for all the Go-Fund-Me’s. They won’t allow the Patriots to do it to pay the lawyers, but their families can get on the grifting gravy train. “I need to feed my poor eleven children while my Patriotic husband is illegally being held by jackbooted thugs.”

      • nmmagyar

        I wonder if GFM would allow it. They changed their rules to say that no funding for folks breaking the law/legal defenses.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    The specifics of Finicum’s death have become immediately immaterial. He could’ve been wearing a suicide vest and threatening to take out an orphanage, but in Wingnutlandia,he will be revered as a patriot hero murdered by Obama’s jackbooted thugs. Islamic terrorists ain’t got nothin’ on these hillbilly zealots.

    • Vienna Woods

      He wouldn’t take out an orphanage- too many potential income sources foster children in there.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Right? An orphanage would be like a child-labor Walmart to this patriot.

    • therblig

      Ugarte: What right do I have to think?..Too bad about those two German couriers, wasn’t it?

      Rick: They got a lucky break. Yesterday, they were just two German clerks. Today, they’re the Honored Dead.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        “We’ll always have Oregon…”

        • SuspectedDemocrat

          Play it once, Sam. For old times’ sake. Play it, Sam. Play “Tear in My Beer”

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            “Dueling Banjos”.

      • Querolous

        Round up the usual morans.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      They are, after all, two sides of the same coin.

  • thirdeblue

    This is going to be one of the greatest American Reality as Farce movies in about ten years.

    • Tina in Spokane WA

      It won’t take the RWNJ part of Hollywood 10 years. Bay can have it in theaters in 3.

      • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

        But…but, I thought they were all Jews?

    • Vienna Woods

      Calling the Coen Brothers…

      • BigBoppa

        Must get in before michael bay

      • SuspectedDemocrat

        So it was a funny lookin’ fella

        • sw19womble

          yah, you betcha.

    • Tio_Doidinho

      Just run “Yackety Sax” on a 2-hour loop, and the soundtrack’s ready to go!

  • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

    Hey Ritzheimer, We didn’t want you to stick a dildo up your ass. We wanted you to stick it in your mouth so the whole country wouldn’t have to listen to you whine, cry and throw a temper tantrum like a spoiled little princess who thinks she not getting enough attention.

    • Stein Olsen
      • bookish

        Eeeww.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Captures this idiot perfectly.

      • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

        I use soap and water to clean my dildos. But to each his own.

        • Stein Olsen

          Clean?

          • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

            But all that Santorum can corrode latex, after a while.

          • nmmagyar

            Only if you use oil based lube (like Crisco). Or so I’ve read…

      • nmmagyar

        Needs to have the flag tattoo with the exposed nipples

  • orygoon

    I’m appalled at the lovey-dovey language journalist are using about Vinicum. Some strain of Stockholm syndrome–they talked to him and he made out like he was Mr. Nice Guy, and they just bought it? These people were committing crimes in a deeply antisocial manner and courting violence that might have spilled over to law-abiding Americans who were definitely not on their side, and many had a history of doing tangible harm to our country. Cliven Bundy, who got this ball rolling, owes our government $100 million dollars. If he doesn’t pay it, the rest of us have to come up with that money somehow, and that’s a lot of money in my books. If you’re a jerk, being aw-shucks sweet to the press for a few minutes shouldn’t cause them to make you out to be some kind of Grandpa Walton.

    • Harmless Immigrant

      Obama’s friend Al Sharpton owes the IRS Millions too.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        yadda yadda yadda deflect deflect. That all you got? Cause you know your buddy was wrong?

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        It sounds like so much more money when you capitalize “millions”.

        • Toomush_Infer

          One Mill….ion Dollars!….Yup, I see….

      • Professor Fate

        and when he occupies a federal building with host of armed men -instead of paying off what he owes – then it will be a issue. Until then, nice try.

        • orygoon

          Does Al Sharpton incite other Americans not to pay their taxes? When one attempts analogies, one should make them actually fit.

          • Professor Fate

            I would seem logical thought is not a major part of the skill set being exhibited here. At best this is a variety of the ‘so’s your old man.” reply.

          • Villago Delenda Est

            Not a major part of the skill set? Non-existent is more like it.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Citation?

        • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

          I think Chevy discontinued those decades ago.

      • orygoon

        He should pay his damn taxes then. See how that works? I don’t approve of Al Sharpton not paying taxes. I don’t approve of Cliven Bundy not paying his BLM grazing fees. It’s really quite logical and shouldn’t be too hard for you go get your head around.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          You’d think Sharpton not paying his taxes would make him a fucking hero to the these bozos…you know, “starving the beast” and all.

          • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

            Black men can’t be heroes. Don’t you know that?

          • Cindyinencinitas

            They can in the movies when they draw fire away from the white guy.

          • nmmagyar

            …so “Dead”.

          • Kavefish

            Even if it’s just for one day?

          • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

            Not even for one day, Kavefish. Not even for one day.

          • sw19womble

            I didn’t see them hanging heroic agitprop posters of Wesley Snipes up on the walls of the mom’s basement, that’s for sure.

          • Villago Delenda Est

            Small problem. Melanin surplus.

      • crawdaddy

        What has that got to do with anything and Al Sharpton paid what he owed. The president cannot waive your income tax. Now you want to believe that you live this crappy little life because all the “successful people” are all in on the conspiracy, but no you are just a loser.

      • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

        You’re not too bright, are you?

      • Lefty Frizzell

        BENGHAZI!!!!111!!!!1

        • Tio_Doidinho

          Oldies really are the best, aren’t they?

      • doktorzoom

        Or not.

        Sharpton owed an undisclosed amount of back taxes, and apparently has a payment plan with the IRS to pay them off. Shocking!

        • SuspectedDemocrat

          If you listen to right wing talk radio, every other commercial starts with, “Do you owe back taxes to the IRS?” Says something about their target demographic.

  • Steverino247

    His last words were reported to be, “Hey! Somebody hold my beer.”

    • Hold this magazine.

      • sw19womble

        He heard one of the FBI officers refer to it as a clip.

    • orygoon

      “They told me this was a Kevlar tarp!”

    • Damian L

      …………”watch ‘iss”!!!!

  • Msmlg1979

    The best father, grandfather, neighbor, friend etc..would have been somewhere doing something productive for his friends, neighbors, and family. Getting killed in a pointless, fruitless exercise does not qualify.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      I wonder what his dozens of indentured serva…er, I mean foster kids would say about that.

      • Msmlg1979

        Oh God. I shudder to think.

      • nmmagyar

        I have a hunch we’ll start hearing from them shortly

  • Prtezel logician, and daughter of the late LaVoy Finucum told reporters, “My dad was such a good, good man, through and through. He would never ever want to hurt somebody, but [BUUTTTTT] he does believe in defending freedom and he knew the risks involved.”

  • Spotts1701

    Well, the “don’t shoot, I surrender” narrative is gonna go right down the crapper now, since one of the “patriots” who was behind the wheel said Finucum attempted to elude police and then charged at the officers.

    • OneWhiteWhisker

      Actually, two of them have stated that Finicum charged the officers so yeah, that boat won’t float.

      • therblig

        gubmint proppygander that real muricans won’t believe.

      • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

        You think facts are going to get in the way of these idiots?

  • sosuume

    Just read where Angry Dildo Man has now turned himself in. Tarp Man is gone :( and now no more Angry Dildo Man. Is the Sumo Wrestling Militia Guy next? Whatever shall we do for daily grins??

    • doktorzoom

      I hear there’s a bunch of dangerous radical attention-seekers currently spreading their vile ideology through Iowa, New Hampshire, and South Carolina….

      • sw19womble

        And one of them just left early to avoid the implosion.

        • Villago Delenda Est

          Didn’t want to share with the others.

      • sosuume

        Yah. True. But do they have dildos, diapers or tarps? Pfft. No fun.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Ted Nugent is on tour again?

    • BigBoppa

      Sumo guy stayed back at the compound to “guard the snacks”.

  • Shoto

    Does anyone happen to know if these fine patriot dildo aficionados will actually be sent away for awhile? (No, not to Disneyland.) Will the charges stick?

    • sydneycat

      As Ken White of Popehat always says, don’t bet on it and don’t believe what the reports will say about sentencing. A first offense, even a felony, for a crime doesn’t usually get that much time in the federal system. There’s a whole table and people usually report the highest number without knowing anything about how it works.

      • nmmagyar

        I hope their judge is an avid bird watcher

        • Cindyinencinitas

          I’m hoping the judgment will be most instructive and hopefully written on a Light Bright so they can focus on it and maybe understand it.

      • guppy06

        Except don’t at least some of them have prior histories?

    • lroom

      They video taped all their crimes so hopefully something will stick.

  • bookish

    Anybody surprised that Ritzheimer managed to bail at just the right time? He’s begging for donations again. What a schmuck.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Hey, grifiting ne’er do well has to grift.

      He’s the exception to the “Once a Marine, always a Marine” meme, I’m sure.

      • Toomush_Infer

        Probably why he’s still alive…in Iraq, he was probably called “Where’s Ritzheimer”….

  • Longstreet63

    Does this mean Donald Trump is going to kill their families?

    • BigBoppa

      And Cruz will get to see if he can make the Nevada sand glow…..oh, wait. Some of it already does.

    • OneWhiteWhisker

      Only if they’re shopping at Sak’s 5th Avenue.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Our Sarah needs to watchful, then.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    I wish these douchenozzles a long and miserable stay in the dankest, darkest cells the Bureau of Prisons can find for them.

    And their parasite shitstain role model, the loathsome sire of two of the bastards.

    • tomamitai

      I don’t know if they’re dank and dark, but life in a supermax cell seems like it might well be worse than death.

  • Brewerofbeers

    He died for the wonderful cause of internet memes.

    • the_steamer

      The French Vanilla Resistance can’t be stopped!

      • SuspectedDemocrat

        Madame DeFolgers continues her knitting

        • BigBoppa

          Marie Antoinette said “let them eat those cakes they like”.

    • lroom

      Best. Meme. Ever.

  • Biff52

    “felony charge of conspiracy to impede
    officers of the United States from discharging their official duties
    through the use of force, intimidation, or threats.”

    And creating a nuisance…

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      Aggravating, also too.

      • Lizzietish81

        And one parking violation

        • sw19womble

          Don’t forget the grand theft auto!

          • SuspectedDemocrat

            I hope they remembered to include Xbox on their list of needed supplies

          • James Christopher Owen

            Vice City!

    • Villago Delenda Est

      “Unlawful use of a dildo in a wildlife refuge”

      • guppy06

        Contributing to the delinquency of a dildo.

        • Gleem-McShinez

          “Participating in the creation and transmission of hot dildo videos” (technically, throwing them into a fire in front of journalists, but still)

    • BigBoppa

      Aggravated douchenozzlry.

    • Cindyinencinitas

      There are pictures with circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one.

      • Biff52

        8X10 glossy photos!

    • Querolous

      Hope the Feds get to use all their 8″X10″ color glossy photographs with circles and arrows and a pargraph on the back of each one.

  • toomanyrappers

    If they were black, they’d all be dead. Fucked up, but true.

    • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

      A long time ago, too.

    • BigBoppa

      Is that in reply to the question “Fezzig, are there rocks ahead”?

  • Belasaurius

    bury him at sea, unmarked, like bin Laden.

    • sw19womble

      Radical fundamentalist beliefs. Odd interpretation of his most beloved book. Holed up with full knowledge of local government. Thought he was untouchable. Was probably just as surprised when the hammer finally came down.
      It would be fitting.

      • eddi

        As usual the US Right wing crazies map damn near one-to-one over the Mid-East crazies. Topological twins of different parents.

        • nmmagyar

          Same as it ever was

          • James Christopher Owen

            And you may ask yourself-Well…How did I get here?

            Letting the days go by…

    • orygoon

      The bin Laden types think they get a slice of paradise with 72 virgins. The Mormon men think they get their own afterlife planet with adoring family members revolving around them. I never considered those similarities before.

      • therblig

        according to my religion, i meet ben kenobi, yoda, and two different versions of my father

  • Toomush_Infer

    I’ve been thinking about the sincerity of these fantasists… They have a television script and what looks like a cause but isn’t, and a lot of butthurt…. we saw this before in the Civil War, in Hitler’s Germany, and both sides of the Spanish Republic argument…all you need is someone perceptive enough to enveigle FAUX News to get out the propaganda machine…

    • BigBoppa

      … a cause but isn’t, and a lot of butthurt…

      Say, isn’t that one of the planks of the republican platform?

      • eddi

        Only one plank? I though that was the party platform. Unfocused anger and God is my vice-president.

    • Paperless Tiger

      That’s kind of a broad brush for these narrow minds.

  • eddi
    • Villago Delenda Est

      They’re DOOOOOOOMED! They’re in Portlandia! They’ll be hipped to death!

      • sw19womble

        Put a bird on it/them!

      • therblig

        that exercise yard better have a fart patio

        • leemoder

          Anywhere I go there’s a fart patio.

    • proudgrampa

      A la Kingston Trio:

      So here we are in the Multnomah Jail
      Ain’t got no friends to pay our bail
      So here we’ll stay in the Multnomah Jail
      Just send our dildos to the Multnomah Jail!

    • orygoon

      I’m not sure what that is about, since John Day is quite a long way from Portland. I’m guessing it has adequate security and small towns do not. The Spare has a college friend whose dad is employed at that facility; I’m guessing it’s a headache and is making a lot of extra work for them. Ah well, to serve and protect.

      • Left Coast Tom

        What Portland has that John Day lacks is a federal courthouse.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Just got back from the supermarket…there’s been a run on the Cheese Eating Surrender Monkey vanilla creamer!

  • clubseal

    I await the Michael Bay version of events in order to see what really happened.

    • Cindyinencinitas

      It was mostly pew pew pew!

    • Jason Blue Eyes

      Cast Megan Fox as a sexy Oregon deputy and I’m SO there!

      • Damian L

        I’d rather see her in the Lube barrel

  • baconzgood

    If you occupy a government building while armed to the teeth what do you expect?

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Snacks?

      • Villago Delenda Est

        And dildos. The precedent can not be waved away like Fat Tony waving away the installation of a deserting coward in the Oval Office.

        • JH Marx

          For real:
          Fat Kenny ran lieberman’s New Haven, CT office.

      • guppy06

        Those cakes we liek?

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      Ummm… the government immediately disbands and I’m made President of the New Confederacy?

      Darn! I thought for sure that was the right answer

    • Msgr_Moment

      Hitler?

    • therblig

      heavy resistance from titmice?

    • Hardly Ideal

      It doesn’t help that they said they’d Fight to the Death. This ain’t Counterstrike and you don’t respawn ten seconds after a GRU pwns you.

    • Vienna Woods

      Dildos. Lots and lots of dildos.

  • The Smartest Racist

    Lol can’t wait until the government takes their guns away because they’re convicted felons.

    • clubseal

      That raises an interesting point; the second amendment warriors never seem too concerned about the infringement of convicted felons’ right to keep and bear arms.
      … Until now, I’d bet.

      • nmmagyar

        They care when the felon is white. Voting rights also, too.

    • Damian L

      That won’t happen,they’ll sell or gift them before the conviction.

    • James Christopher Owen

      Because none of us ever really get enough irony in our diet.

  • Paperless Tiger

    Too bad ignorance of the law is no excuse. They could prove ignorance.

    • Cindyinencinitas

      They wouldn’t even need a lawyer!

    • nmmagyar

      I think the prosecution would be willing to stipulate to their ignorance.

    • James Christopher Owen

      If ignorance of the law was an excuse, the case wouldn’t make it past the arraignment hearing.

  • IDon’tCareWhatYouThink
    • Villago Delenda Est

      “The streamer stopped streaming”

      • SuspectedDemocrat

        by the rockets’ red glare…

    • Laffing Crow

      I sure didn’t expect to see Kylo Ren out there. He really IS a bad guy.

  • Dildo swiper tried to escape back to AZ but was arrested by the FBI there, for our freedoms. Ritzenpfeffer is now in jail with no dildos at all.

    • eddi

      The rats are deserting the ship.

      • Real patriturdism is hard, but I think it doesn’t have a lot to do with throwing dildos away

    • Bill Slider

      Isn’t he the one with the awesome chest flag tattoo with volume controls, er titties ?

    • Tio_Doidinho

      No dildos that you know of.

      • beavertank

        He could have snuck one in… somehow.

  • Cindyinencinitas

    I think they should be forced to spend the rest of their lives studying constitutional law and the history of the birth of the nation and the philosophical underpinnings of our system of stewardship of public lands, oh, and the Native American history of the area. Yeah, that ought to keep them busy cuz clearly they have no earthly concept of any of this.

    • James Christopher Owen

      So, death by exploding head.

  • Stein Olsen
  • jesuswasablack
    • therblig

      The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of fluffy unicorns

  • Badger33

    They wanted free stuff from the Federal Government. I hope they get billed for all the state and Federal law enforcement costs created by this incident. Put liens on their properties.

  • eddi

    Latest from Oregonlive.com they seem to be getting things out quickly and accurately. Worth looking in on them.
    http://www.oregonlive.com/oregon-standoff/2016/01/leader_of_dwindling_band_of_re.html#incart_river_index

    • Hutch

      Thanks for posting link. Apparently, some of the douchebags ARE leaving, but the Georgia nutcase is staying. Woof!

  • Jason Blue Eyes

    Wait, so the 2nd ring-leader of these nutgoons, that Lurch from The Addams Family looking motha, Jon Ritzheimer wasn’t freezing his nuts off in the freezing cold with the rest of his fellow “Patriots”, he was sunnin’ himself in baking hot Arizona?

    “Daddy swore an oath…to get himself one awesome tan. FER’DUM!”

    • Jenny

      Pretty sure he is an informant. He just happened to be on his way back to Arizona when it all went down. He made a quick post asking for money, and quietly turned himself in.

  • pgjack

    This can be a nation governed by laws or a nation ruled by whomever has the most guns. I’d prefer we live with laws, if a person chooses to live by the power of the gun then that person must always be concerned about those with more guns. Those folks who chose to carry out an armed occupation of land under federal control with the consent of the rightful owners, the Paiute Tribe, want to rule with guns. If there’s is a righteous revolution maybe they’ll gather enough support to win. But righteous or not guns come with a cost. If you disagree with federal control of lands take it up in court. However, what gives the ranchers, loggers, etc. the right to control the land? That particular piece of land apparently belongs to the Paiute Tribe so the loggers, ranchers, etc. ought to get there butts and there cattle out.

  • bookish

    Supposedly this is a Mark McConnell Facebook video showing LaVoy Finicum’s actions at roadblock. I am unable to view it.

    https://t.co/GXyaAw4yVC

    • NGC1976

      He actually sounds very resonable in this video. It’s a shame these guys didn’t channel their passions through other means. It sounds like some of their complaints have validity but they lose all credibility when they pull stunts like this and the Bundy Ranch.

  • i_am_allwrite

    Life imitates art, man. This is EXACTLY like the fight scene in Dazed and Confused where the nerdy kid punches the tough guy in the face because he’s sure all the bystanders will jump in before he gets his ass handed to him, setting off a nationwide wave of nerd-on-bully violence that will culminate in bullies everywhere surrendering their cans of whoopass.

  • zerosumgame0005

    I really do hope the dash-cam video is released, not to be a ghoul but I would love to watch these “sovereign” citizens wave their penis extenders at the cops

    • SDGeoff

      Me too.

    • eddi

      I doubt they got the opportunity. Having an M-4 jammed into a sinus cavity with no warning tends to freeze one’s limbs in position.

      • Biff52

        According to New One-L Michele Fiore, that’s a nocular cavity.

  • zanzibar_buckbuck_mcfate

    How do you go on a drive with everyone in a truck while occupying territory? Isn’t the whole point of requesting snacks and dildos that you can’t drive away for funyuns or whatever?

    • SessileRaptor

      FBI used the clever tactic of letting them come and go until they felt confident enough that the leaders figured it would be fine if they up and went to some anti government meeting 70 or so miles away. Once they were well away from both civilians and support, whoops, roadblock and handcuffs ahoy!

      I actually give props to the Feds for playing the long game here. If the occupation fizzled out in the meantime due to lack of reaction, they could have just arrested everyone at their homes later.

      • zanzibar_buckbuck_mcfate

        Oh yes, this is totally awesome.

      • Left Coast Tom

        Yeah, this worked reasonably well.

        I was skeptical in large part due to the lack of any action from the Bundy Ranch idiocy, but this worked.

  • iGrover

    …. Nevada Assemblywoman and big-tittied ….

    Big-tittied? I always thought is was big-titted. Who knew.

    • SDGeoff

      Wonkese is a far superior tongue, especially in the hands of our sexysexy Evan Hurst.

    • guppy06

      Been a while since I’ve perused the Wonkette Style Manual myself.

      (At this point it may be covered in baby vomit.)

  • DahBoner
    • alwayspunkindrublic

      The masses reJoyce.

      • therblig

        my joy is doublin’ and doubliner

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          Pretty Bloomin’ clever, there.

      • Toomush_Infer

        Alast alone along the bulldozer ditch…..

    • bluicebank

      Didn’t see your post. On the other hand, figured someone beta me to it, so fahgetta bout it

  • Iam Reading

    Well, they weren’t tacticians, that’s for sure. I cant wait to read about their defense strategy.

    • Paperless Tiger

      Having all the leaders travel together was a bad strategy.

      • Kavefish

        I think this is exactly why the FBI/etc., didn’t interfere with them leaving and returning from the refuge – make them feel safe enough to voluntarily exit as a group.

    • Hutch

      Oh, I hope they opt to defend themselves and eschew the government-tyranny appointed attorneys!

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Once the authorities have interdicted their supply of Vanilla Coffee Creamer, how long do you figure they will hold out? I’m saying four days, tops.

  • Jenny

    Now let’s get Fiore, and Daddy Bundy in jail too. Fuck all these selfish assholes.

  • theblackdog

    Ritzcracker: Daddy swore an oath (to run away and hide behind you kids as shields and GoFundMe bait)!

  • Max Newman

    The burned dildos are a larger tragedy.

    • theblackdog

      I wonder what kinds of cancer they’re all going to end up with after breathing those toxic fumes

    • SDGeoff

      I think they saved the nipple clamps, though.

    • guppy06

      A shame. They probably would have mellowed out a bit after a good prostate massage.

  • Candy Apple

    RIP, dead guy. You’d be alive right now if you’d have been sensible. As for the rest of them, lock ’em up! Make an example out of them so we don’t have to read about another Bundy standoff a few years from now.

  • beavertank

    Oh man, this is just too funny… they’ve got someone posting updates on their facebook status: https://www.facebook.com/CitizensForConstitutionalFreedom.NEWS/posts/1655588731381823

    And the latest one (as of 1:02) takes the cake: “Militia members are expecting a group of Navy Seals to parachute in to the Refuge to come to their aid. The goal is now to hold on to the Refuge until the Seals arrive.”

    …they really are delusional.

    • SDGeoff

      Holy crap.

      • beavertank

        If anyone ever needed evidence that these people are seriously unhinged, this is it.

    • Hutch

      What?!? Are the Seals going to drop into Lake Malheur?!? That’s the only body of water nearby. Or do U.S. Navy Seals do operations far inland? In high deserts?

      • beavertank

        These are clearly rogue Navy Seals who don’t play by the rules, which is why they’re going to help this scrappy little band of terrorists against the big bad federal government. Rogues like that will go when they want, where they want, how they want. They don’t care about normal operational roles.

        • Hutch

          Mebbe Jason Bourne has been in touch.

        • DoILookAmused2u ?

          They are digging a trench on their live feed, and half the commenters are saying, “you are digging your own graves”.

          • beavertank

            Nah, there’s no way the federal government would let idiot terrorists be buried on federal land.

          • Lizzietish81

            Bets on what they hit first

            A sewer line
            A water line
            A power line

          • Calli Arcale

            My uncle had a summer job once working on a utility crew, and they were digging a trench to lay some sort of pipe or something. They came upon an unexpected pipe, and stopped work to try to figure out what it was and whether it was safe to cut it. The pipe did not appear on any of their utility maps, so they called the various utilities and asked. Nobody had a clue, but the phone company eventually mentioned that they had a disused line somewhere in that vicinity, so that’s probably what it was, and it would be safe to just go ahead and cut it. So they did, and expected, found it was full of wire.

            It was not the phone company’s pipe.

            A little while later, helicopters arrived and armed soliders came out to ask the foreman some questions. Eventually the pipe was repaired and reburied and my uncle’s team had to figure out a new way to lay their pipe, because apparently the mystery pipe belonged to NORAD.

            Oops.

          • Lizzietish81

            That’s just sloppy.

            Updating the dig safe agencies is part of my job.

          • JustPixelz

            Not as dramatic, but when we were remodeling our condo we knocked down a wall and found a big fat phone cable running from floor (unit below) to ceiling (unit above). The phone wires we actually connected to came from somewhere else. So … was this an old cable that had been superseded? Or was it still in use somewhere in the building? The phone company said “it’s probably not being used”. If was still in use, the cost/consequences of cutting it would be dire. So we changed our remodeling plan. Which is why the bedroom door is in a funny place.

          • JustPixelz

            Stupid NORAD. You know what else they get wrong? Santa Claus. Every year it’s “He’s over Pittsburgh. He’s over Duluth.” But is he? No. The fact is NORAD is providing a cover story for hypersonic CIA jets leaving chemtrails with mind control psychotropic drugs to keeps us from knowing the Truth. WAKE UP SHEEPLE! THEY’RE INSIDE YOUR HEAD!!

            Wait. Did I type that out loud?

          • JustPixelz

            A bubbling crude
            Oil that is
            Black gold
            Texas tea

      • Toomush_Infer

        They can balance those balls on their noses anywhere…

    • beavertank

      Oh, oh, there’s a further update on the Seals!

      “Yes, some militia members have spoken with retired Seals who are en route. This is not a joke.”

      It’s cute that the think it’s not a joke. That this whole THING isn’t a sick, stupid joke. Oh, stupidity…

      • Kevin Morin

        The internet is rife with retired “Navy Seals.” I have spoken to them too…they’re not coming.

        • beavertank

          But they are breathing heavy.

          • Kevin Morin

            No worries…Mom’s on the way with mini-pizzas to calm things down.

      • UnsaltedSinner

        Could it be that they heard about the “colonel” from the “Green Berets” who got arrested yesterday and got all excited? (By the way, his daughter (I think) was on Disqus yesterday, and deserves our completely snark-free sympathy; the guy is ill).

    • bozilingus

      With their revolution breaking down, maybe they are hoping for a blown SEAL.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Their brothers-in-farms in Meal Team Six?

      • caitifty

        Meth Team Six maybe..

    • Toomush_Infer

      Needz moar submariners…

      • Hutch

        Dive! Dive! Dive!

    • Lefty Frizzell

      They think the SEALs are going to join an illegal armed insurrection in a fucking bird sanctuary?

      Are they for real that irredeemably stupid? Actual seals would be more likely.

      • Gleem-McShinez

        If they hold out long enough, maybe Easter Seals?

        • tinywriting

          Everything will be o.k. once the seals arrive …

          • lroom

            I know I would that guy is adorable.

      • beavertank

        Yes. They are for real that irredeemably stupid. They live in a childlike world of wonder and delight where their imaginations define reality. The only problem is, they’re also heavily armed, and their imaginations are all severely paranoid.

      • Querolous

        Every good revolution needs a revolving seal.

      • Left Coast Tom

        I’ve sea kayaked around seals…I think most of them are smarter than these loons, although possibly the Highway 37 Elephant Seal might be an exception.

    • Calli Arcale

      Oh for goodness sakes….

    • Rick Gardner

      Michele Fiore promised the Bundys that the Navy Seals would come to their aid, as soon as they shared those dildos with her.

    • eddi

      What the fuck? over…

    • JustPixelz

      The movie will be called “Zero Derp Thirty”.

  • Bill Slider

    Based on last names alone, at least it is a diverse white crowd.

  • SDGeoff

    I do feel sorry for the family. I wonder, though, what the conversation at dinner was like when Fluffy informed his family he was going off to play War For Real. Judging by the remarks made by his family members so far, it appears they believe they have an martyr on their hands.

    • doktorzoom

      “Fluffy Unicorn” was a different guy. He was arrested in Arizona a couple weeks back on a prior warrant.

      Hmmm… maybe we need a line of trading cards to keep these twits straight…

      • DoILookAmused2u ?

        Cavalier? He was one of the fat ones with 88 tattoos on his fingers, right? I believe he was picked up on a warrant in AZ, but he apparently didn’t follow those instructions about “not leaving town”.

        Instructions, how do they work?

      • UnsaltedSinner

        Could this become another Wonkette card game?

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    The idiots at the refuge are digging some kind of trench with a backhoe.

    • guppy06

      When did Mark Sanford show up?

    • Hutch

      [Comment deleted by moderator. See Rules for Commenters.]

    • Land Shark

      Santorum pit.

    • bluicebank

      Dang. Looks like we’ll have to send in the Doughboys.

      Send the word.

  • SessileRaptor

    Remember kids, only dead brown people “become radicalized”‘ dead white guys “Find their voice.”

    • DoILookAmused2u ?
      • SuspectedDemocrat

        A bunch of fat guys standing around with rifles. I feel more free already :/

      • SessileRaptor

        *watches video* …..That’s… not how livestreaming works… That’s not how any of this works….

        Fuck, I have no video experience and hate these guys and I could do better livestream videos to help their cause and make them seem human and sympathetic.

        I also want to know where that ditch is in relation to the rest of the compound. I keep looking at that giant fucking hill and thinking that they’re either cutting their defensive trench off from support, or building it where they can be snuck up on and surrounded because THEY CAN’T SEE OVER THE HILL!!!

        I hope there’s something I’m not seeing because I seriously can’t handle the thought of these guys causing so much trouble while being so bad at playing soldier.

        • DoILookAmused2u ?

          Par for the course when you think about it.

      • lroom

        That guy that keeps wandering in front of the camera has a weirdly tall head. Also what the hell are they doing?

  • guppy06

    I’m thinking that once all the III/C-er’s rally around the narrative that he had is hands up is when the dashcam footage gets published.

  • greyXstar

    Can’t wait til armed insurrection becomes the hot new trend of 2016! Cause you know it will.

  • bluicebank

    So there’ll be a Finicum’s Wake?

    • doktorzoom

      I’ve purchased his perfectly awful self-published novel to write a review. I thank you for providing my kicker hed.

      • UnsaltedSinner

        Tells of a family’s struggle to come together and survive in the midst of national crisis. A stirring, fast-paced novel about what matters most in the face of devastating end-times chaos. Filled with gripping action and relatable characters, readers are drawn into the heart-rending dilemmas each member of the Bonham family faces. You may even find yourself stopping to ask, “What would I do?” LaVoy Finicum is a real life Northern Arizona Rancher who loves nothing more in life than God, freedom, and family. His spine tingling storytelling conveys in graphic detail just how fragile and precious freedom truly is and leaves his readers with an increased desire to stand for freedom

        Oh, crap. He wrote his fantasy, and then he tried to live it. And now he’s dead.

      • bobbert

        I trust you’ll compare and contrast it to Gilligan’s Wake.

        • doktorzoom

          Well, you see, Tom Carson’s novel was GOOD, and this is NOT.

          There. done.

      • lroom

        I would like to thank you for your service. Reading that crap so we don’t have to is a great sacrifice. Thanks.

    • Lizzietish81
    • jen

      That’s the educated vibe I like!

    • Bear OmNomNom

      Yes. And we will ReJoyce.

  • Steven M. Harries

    I’m a Bundyite
    And I’m OK.
    I sedition at night
    And I meth all day.

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    They are literally digging a hole right now on the refuge.

    It works as a metaphor too, but they are using the Refuge backhoe to dig a trench.

    • Steven M. Harries

      First work these white moochers have done since they were spit of their wombs.

      • DoILookAmused2u ?

        Somehow, I think the Paiute are going to be unhappy. Watch them dig through a water or sewer line or something.

        • BigBoppa

          I hear there’s a whole bunch of them headed to where it’s rumored some “Navy Seals” will be landing. They said something about taking their country back or something….

          • DoILookAmused2u ?

            Would you believe 40 trained seals?

            How about one feisty otter?

    • Jenny

      To shoot their guns from because their military training is from 1914, aka the history channel.

      • Hutch

        The sheriffs are going to need a couple of siege machines there.

        • DoILookAmused2u ?

          Attach bayonets!

          • Gleem-McShinez

            Shit! I forgot mine! One o them giganto dildos coulda came in handy right now!

          • Robyn Ryan

            that would put a whole new face on dueling.. bayonet dildos….

          • thixotropic jerk

            Ohmeegawd, I think the local ice cream man was selling frozen versions of the second one from the right to us unsuspecting kids way back when. His name was “Wayne” and he called them “PeterBombs” or such like. No wonder we all got headaches!

          • bozilingus

            You’ll poke your eye out!

        • Robyn Ryan

          the sheriffs are on their side. Which is why they weren’t arrested weeks ago.

  • Sheepshagger

    That Facebook page has a bit of a helter skeeter vibe.

  • OneDemin EOr

    Finicum recently had foster children removed from his home. He was being investigated for using the kids to provide an income for his family. He didn’t hold down a job, and his “ranch” was non-productive.
    I have a feeling that his “martyrdom” had more to do with preserving his reputation and not wanting to go to prison for the rest of his life.

    • Cindyinencinitas

      I was feeling sorry for him for being a clueless doofus who died because he was terminally stupid but I take it all back.

      • BeachLoafer

        Well, even if he wasn’t the sweet old grandpa he tried to project, his case of stupidity was still terminal.

  • OrdinaryJoe

    LaVoy seems to have been a very deeply troubled man who settled on “suicide by cop” as his out strategy. The tragedy is made all the more so because this was without a doubt the worst “cause” to die for in the history of lame brain causes.

  • Laffing Crow

    Except for your name. We already forgot how to spell it.

    • Robyn Ryan

      Who? The guy who used foster kids as ranch hands? Mr. Tarp? Good riddance.

  • bozilingus

    Play this for the remaining Oregon Militants:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XN32lLUOBzQ

    • zanzibar_buckbuck_mcfate

      Gotta keep em separated.

  • doktorzoom

    And here’s your Cute Animal Story chaser: In Alabama, a woman let her bloodhound, Ludvine, out to do her business just as runners in a half marathon were passing by. The doggie took off running, and she covered the rest of the course, finishing in 7th place.

    http://katu.com/news/offbeat/dog-accidentally-joins-half-marathon-finishes-7th-overall

    Race organizers gave her a participation medal, because why not? Good dog, Ludvine!

    http://twitter.com/hamlin_april/status/689966374349840384/photo/1

    https://scontent-sea1-1.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xap1/v/t1.0-9/12509543_1669303913349929_4123562915975051029_n.jpg?oh=d7c16c6a09be608dcaa2d7e752821566&oe=57402F01

    https://scontent-sea1-1.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xft1/v/t1.0-9/12417693_1669303923349928_7922417476382673588_n.jpg?oh=742e132d40469aba869bb62a0300d30e&oe=57395AD1

    • UnsaltedSinner

      I’m more impressed with dogs who win.

      • doktorzoom

        She was the first dog across the finish line :)

        • SuspectedDemocrat

          What matters is how she did in her dog-years age group

    • eddi

      That’s the happiest hound I’ve seen in a while.

  • UnsaltedSinner

    Bundy BFF and militia dickwhistle Jon Ritzheimer turned himself in and was subsequently arrested in Peoria, Arizona, around the same time, according to the FBI.

    So brave Jon Ritzheimer ran away, bravely ran away, away?

    Who’da thunk it?

    • beavertank

      And, in a move that should surprise no one, he made a tearful video saying goodbye to his kids before turning himself in to the feds… while also asking for money.

      The man is a grifter to the bitter end.

      • bseifried

        High Plains Grifter

  • Ricky Gay

    It’s gettin’ real at the compound!

  • Grokenstein

    However, he also talked lovingly about his family in this interview with NBC News, and we’re sorry for pain they’re in right now.

    Get up to speed on The Late Blue Tarp Man and his family. He and his wife were (note: past tense) milking the foster care system for their entire income. Just wait until those kids start talking about their experiences…

    http://talkingpointsmemo.com/edblog/get-the-government-s-hands-off-my-foster-kid-subsidies
    http://crooksandliars.com/2016/01/yall-qaeda-militant-loses-foster-children

    • Takoma DC

      Yes, agree. He sounded far more interested in the $ he received than in the well-being of those kids.

      • Rick Gardner

        Finicum referred to those foster kids as his revenue stream, which he lost just before he went to Oregon.

        • Takoma DC

          What a creep.

          I guess all his republican/tea bag/conservative friends, neighbors, and co-patriots are just rushing their foster parenting paperwork so that all of those innocent children can be quickly rehomed and raised by kind loving christian hard-working americans with family values.

    • UnsaltedSinner

      That was actually the point that struck me most: They gave this man responsibility for ELEVEN children. I hope his death leads to serious soul-searching among the people who decided that this guy was the perfect person to take care of foster children, let alone eleven of them. That whole system is crying out for a complete overhaul.

    • 451 Byrnes

      I give it 4 months on the outside until every one of the kids is showing a View lady on the horsie doll where the cowboy roped ’em.

    • Robyn Ryan

      child slave labor. I’m sorry, but I’ll save my tears for someone else. Live by the sword, die by it.

  • Notreelyhelping

    Just as a note: Oregonians are righteously sick of these waterheads.

    • Takoma DC

      Oregon needs more brown and black people. Then your state LE officials will move with alacrity, not precision, but quickly.

      Northerners like myself can’t comprehend how this “protest” was permitted to last as long as it did. Especially w/ FBI being involved. In the north, they shut this kind of nonsense down fast. And when interrogating suspects, a few are accidentally on purpose killed. It’s how LE rolls in these parts.

      • Notreelyhelping

        Oregon cops seem to range from extraordinarily humane to “let’s get in a bit of the old ultraviolence”; but this really was the FBI’s show. The sheriff down there seemed like he ran on the humane side of the meter.

        • Robyn Ryan

          The sheriff is a Bundy boy. He thinks he’s all the Constitution Oregon needs. Sheriffs are refusing to enforce the Law and hoping to prod the Feds into doing their dirty work for them.

          The tell: only Federal authorities are authorized to wear the Federal flag on uniforms. Military and Federal law enforcement display the flag as a visible sign of their commission to exercise Federal authority.
          Wear of the Federal flag on uniforms without Federal commission is ‘false flag’ claiming of Federal authority.
          Wear of the flag backwards, as is currently done on military uniforms, is a signal that your General Officers are managers and salesmen, not serious students of military science. But that’s another post….

          • smr06va

            Sheriff David Ward is the sheriff of Harney County.

            Sheriff Ward is not a Bundy boy.

        • Takoma DC

          What I saw and heard from the Sheriff seemed he was 100% supportive of this militia breaking the law. I doubt very much if this had been black and brown folks or gawd ferbid socialist hippies taking over gov’t bldg he’d be as “humane.”

          • smr06va

            Sheriff Ward of Harney County was not supportive of this militia.

          • Takoma DC

            Not exactly.

            Ward supported the militia when he thought they were arriving in his county to back local ranchers against BLM (Bureau of Land Management).

            When Ward came to understand the mission of their movement he changed his tune.

            My belief is if these individuals had been hippies, or black or brown protestors, Sheriff Ward would not have been as humane.

      • lroom

        We don’t get it in the South either at least us sane people don’t.

  • doktorzoom

    FBI/law enforcement press conference taking place right now.

    • smr06va

      This occupation isn’t over yet……….

    • cessnadriver

      Maybe he’s heartbroken that a criminal got what the criminal wanted. I am happy…I let out a whoop when I found out that is was tarpboy who was dead. The only sad part is that he didn’t suffer more.

    • Robyn Ryan

      Sheriff Glenn Palmer and others support the Bundy boys. They believe that THEY are the ultimate constitutional authority, not Mayors and governors and judges.

      The stand off has continued because these 4 star warlords refuse to uphold the law. Federals have insisted that local LEOs take the lead. The arrests were made by State Sheriffs Office, assisted by the Fed.

      Who do the sheriffs work for? The People, or the Bundys?

  • Land Shark

    Here’s the FBI plan for the rest of the trespassers:
    https://youtu.be/SbWg-mozGsU

    • lroom

      “Somebody’s gotta go back and get a shitload of dimes” one of my many favorites lines in that movies. What am I saying every line in that movies is my favorite.

      • Land Shark

        Slim Pickens’ performance is stellar. To compare the current cowboy militia to his portrayal in the film is an insult to his memory and his fine acting. However, I can see the FBI doing something like this to catch the remaining trespassers. A toll booth on the road to the Safeway where they buy their snacks ought to do it …..

  • Pecker Rider of Pern

    This is weird. I’m used to taking it for granted that the accounts of trigger-happy lawmen are bogus, but it’s their word against Ammon Bundy’s. I’m no alchemist, but I’m pretty sure you can’t arrive at the truth by mixing equal parts bullshit and bullshit. So who the hell knows why they shot Finicum dead? Whatever happened, it’s fucking waste of life. And the martyrdom is only going to embolden more of these right-wing militiamen.

    • Takoma DC

      No body cameras? I can’t believe LE would have planned this take down w/o video?

      • JustPixelz

        Yeah. I’m kinda waiting/wondering about cameras. One report is that the guy who was killed tried to drive away so may have moved outside camera range. Also, I think it was at night or dusk so maybe cameras don’t show what’s going on.

    • Lizzietish81

      Well what you do is you look at the evidence, who’s saying what.

      For example, in Michael Brown’s case, the police officer says that Brown rushed him, reached in his car, over him, in an attempt to get his gun. Eyewitnesses say he was shot at a distance with his hands up.

      In this case, one guy, a fellow militiaman, is saying that he was killed with his hands up, while other eye witnesses, also fellow militiamen are saying that he charged the FBI.

    • Lizzietish81

      Don’t take anything for granted.

      • Pecker Rider of Pern

        That would include the reliability of witness testimony, which is notoriously fallible, especially coming from weaselly sovereign citizens or cops. I’m not saying the LE officers were necessarily in the wrong, especially given what we know about the trigger-happy patriots they opened fire on. But if they didn’t have body-cameras or anything, I doubt it’ll ever be clear, not to me anyway.

    • cessnadriver

      10/1 odds that the cops had bodycams. This is 2016.

      • BeachLoafer

        For something like this, where LE knows they’re going to be pilloried for so much as a scratch on any of the perps, I’d be very surprised if they didn’t have a pretty significant A/V recording setup to document everything from multiple angles.

  • bluicebank

    Got a kick out of the booking photos.

    From top left, Ammon Bundy, Ryan Bundy, Brian Cavalier, Shawna Cox,
    From bottom left, Joseph Donald O’Shaughnessy, Ryan Payne, Jon Eric Ritzheimer and Peter Santilli.

    Ryan is the only man without a beard, and judging by that contorted face, is the only one who really needs one. Peter Santilli, on the other hand, has a decent come-hither look for his Gun & Ammo date pic.

    • smr06va

      Ryan Bundy had his head run over by a car as a kid (an LTD) — this caused a nerve to be damaged which led to paralysis on one side of his face. He has stated that this condition is a lot better than it used to be……….

      • Cindyinencinitas

        He looks like Little Nicky.

        • Takoma DC

          I was thinking the cigar smoking baby from Who Framed Roger Rabbit.

        • But not as sweet.

          • Cindyinencinitas

            I love that movie! “The mayor of New York has inexplicably lowered the drinking age to 10.”

          • “I Love Hookers.”

      • cessnadriver

        He’s so pretty, oh so pretty, he’s so pretty and witty and…..

      • BeachLoafer

        All things considered, I’d say he doesn’t look half bad for having his head run over by any car, much less a land yacht like the LTD

        • smr06va

          I would agree with that………..lol…………

        • beavertank

          But it does help explain why he’s simple enough to follow his brother into a clusterfuck like this. The car took its toll on his thinking brain.

          • BeachLoafer

            I try to be kind to those on the short bus …

        • smr06va

          Here he is telling the story:

          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GWvNrMq5OAg

        • “….he doesn’t look half bad…”
          I see what you did there.

    • cessnadriver

      Notice ammonoboy still has that kkkmomo smirk.

    • Takoma DC

      Most look 10 yrs older than the age on their long-form birth certificates. How do we truly know who these people are and where they are from?

      I’m not a Corinthian or a Trump supporter, or anything high falutin’ like that but their brazen behavior sounds an awful lot like syrian-egyptian-isis-extremicist-mosleem-monster terroristism.

      I truly don’t understand why the demoncratz and their mosleem usurper in what used to be the white house refuse to call them by their true name??!!!? Why won’t King Hussein Obama use the proper termiteology?!!!?

    • beavertank

      What a sorry collection of idiots and loons.

    • BeliTsari

      I didn’t KNOW Dennis (the only un-funny jagoff in Pittsburgh) Miller was still alive?

    • therblig

      needs ann b. davis

    • jesuswasablack

      Hey they got fluffy unicorn, he was my favorite!

    • Shawna’s sportin one heckuva Chuck Connors jawline. Were it not for his unfortunate nerve damage, Ryan Bundy would no doubt look as incapable of introspection as his brother Ammo. O’Shaughnessy’s nose holes are too small, also. And Ryan Payne appears like he’s looking for a confrontation that will justify those sad eyes that reflect a more general disappointment with life.

  • Hutch

    Sir, I am recommending a High Altitude Low Opening jump to clear this mess up. Over?
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X8yhDQvxA5c

    • bluicebank

      OT, but wtf did they have to parachute from 45,000 feet?

      “Are we there yet?”

      • Hutch

        I know, I know. You’re absolutely right. But HALO is so exciting!

    • Lizzietish81
  • cessnadriver

    I take enough pleasure in this gun fuck traitor dying for everyone.

    • doktorzoom

      You’ve been commenting here long enough to know better. Take another look at the rules.

      • thixotropic jerk

        Is this like just a “love tap” from the Banhammer of Loving Correction – tm?

  • I’m kind of curious why no one is calling this a road to socialism.

    I mean if the Bundy boys can occupy a federal building and make it their home for as long as they want, why can’t all of the homeless people do the same thing?

    Or is this just another right that only applies to rich white men?

    • SessileRaptor

      Well you see these hearty sons of the soil earned that land because something something constitution blah blah blah flag has a gold fringe herp derp admiralty court and in conclusion we’re white and have guns the end.

      • It’s really a sad situation when really ignorant people get ridiculous ideas about what they deserve, while others suffer with next to nothing and they think those people should have even less, but they should get even more.

    • Bundy is not what I’d call rich.

      • They don’t appear to have any need to work. They own property. That’s enough for me to regard them as rich.

        • I guess that makes me rich then, too. With an annual income of roughly $1,000. Give or take.

          • Well, I am heading off to work a late shift, then I go back early tomorrow morning. Will be interesting to see how things progress on this. Have a good evening!

  • Jennifer R

    Finicum was a child abuser f smn hd t d h ws grt chc.

    [This comment partially disemvoweled by Yr Friendly Neighborhood Comments moderator]

    • doktorzoom

      Please review the rules.

      — Dok Zoom, Yr Friendly Neighborhood Comments Moderator

      • ZangoCrudmonger

        Get ’em!

      • Pinkham’s Law

        I like this! very clever.

        • thixotropic jerk

          Hmmm, it’s like sudoku with letters instead of numbers! How very Wonkette!

      • Msgr_Moment

        I demand a Devowelestration!

  • 451 Byrnes

    LaVoy Finicum was the VERY DEFINITION of a republican welfare queen, buyin’ lobster and Jack on the people’s dime and using other folks’ kids as cheap farm labor (vis a vis “Holes”) and a domestic terrorist to boot. We need to stop sugar coatin’ this shit and admit it tastes a little funny to swallow.

  • E S

    This immoral piece of nothing beyond a heart of stone with freon coursing through his veins is blithely and hilariously tampering with the lives of hundreds of thousands of non violent prisoners enduring lives of utter hopelessness because of draconian sentences which would have been mitigated somewhat with this reform. Nobody is talking about wholesale get out of jail passes, but only recognizing the cruelty and ineffectiveness of mandatory, three strikes and similar sentences that everyone hates, including judges and juries. If I were cruel like him I would want him to get a concentrated whiff of all the suffering, nationwide, that will occur because of him, not just in the minds of the prisoners who are impacted, but their families, friends, and a society at large, that has washed its hands of the penal system and lets people like this act all willy nilly with impunity. Maybe he will change careers and be appointed executioner under the benevolent kingdom of Ted Cruz, at least I hope not.

    Prisoners and jails are operated by people who citizens elect. All of us need to wake up to that and accept our direct responsibility for everything about the penal system. The cruelty and injustice that goes on in our prisons, is the fault of each of us. Fix it, everyone, please.

    • edith prickly

      Ahem…WTF?

    • 3583818

      Le what?

    • Erick the Kracker

      I think you are wanting to reply to the Tom Cotton story. That’s the only way any of this might make sense. But that’s just me.

      • BeachLoafer

        I hope you’re right, because if you’re not, then WT everlovin’ F?

      • E S

        you’re right, i am trying to fix

    • Donald E Niman

      Okay, I give an eight out of ten here. I would have given you a nine if you had included “Three quarks for Muster Mark!”, but you didn’t so you only get an eight.

  • edith prickly

    Well, that was a giant waste of a lot of things. I doubt any of those involved will learn the right lesson from it, however.

    • beavertank

      So long as they spend some time in jail, then lose their right to own guns because they’re convicted felons, at least two good things will come of it even if they’re not bright enough to understand the lesson themselves.

      • Amalga

        Somehow I don’t think any of them will care they are convicted felons when it comes to their God given right to own guns.

        • eddi

          The ex-con in their ranks is well-equipped, and not just with dildos.

        • beavertank

          That’s fine, then they can spend even MORE time in jail on weapons charges. It’s really up to them how hard the legal fucking would be. If they want it hard, they can have it.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        Not to worry. President Huckabee will pardon them all.

    • SecludedCompound

      And we get a whole new generation of Twitter-type Ruby Ridge-type dumbasses who think this gives them permission to flaunt the rule of law.

  • SK

    When will they charge Cliven Bundy for failing to pay the grazing fees he owes?

    • Takoma DC

      When his skin becomes black or at the very least, tawny brown.

  • Stein Olsen
    • Mormos

      unfortunately, that living is still on your dime.

      • Not mine. I’m too poor to supply dimes.

      • eddi

        Worth it.

  • SK

    Well, if the charges against the Bundynistas had been pursued when Cliven Bundy was allowed to tell us one more thing about the Negro, perhaps this could have all been avoided, and no one would have had to die.

  • Beezelbubbles
    • Kevin Morin

      These guys mean business. Brought every vehicle in the fleet. Hunkered down, suffering fools no longer gladly.

      • Msgr_Moment

        America, fuck yeah!

    • tehbaddr

      Right! About time the sealed em off now that they have the ringleaders and head clowns of the f*ck circus.

    • Oregon has awesome police cruisers.

      • Msgr_Moment

        Yeah, the wingnuts totally should have stolen one of them instead of those boring white Wildlife Refuge vehicles.

      • eddi

        Our State Police used to just have old-school black and whites. Now they are in the state flag colors, blue and gold. And that stripe is reflective at night.

    • eddi

      Trained police and agents versus fantasy role-players. Saving throw is 21+ on 1d10. Reality check also required.

  • jesuswasablack

    Poor Roy he just wanted to left alone!

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CYAv1eJWEAAM13_.jpg

    • bseifried

      One tarp to rule them all.

    • I think the tarp is now a yellower shade of blue.

  • Sheepshagger

    Well Le vay (if that was even your real name) you know what they say. You come at the King you best not miss.

  • gehrig fry

    Periodic live stream from the refuge
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a-rdXj9xrGI

    • orygoon

      I just watched a fat man screeching into a camera at the Oregonian website. Somebody badly needs health care and meds.

      • ibwilliamsi

        Is he the same fat man that is going to pay per view sumo wrestling with Chris Christie?

  • BeliTsari

    OK… now where did all that Passion Natural Water-Based Lubricant get to, fellers???

  • According to what Ammon Bundy told his wife, as reported by another dingbat, Nevada Assemblywoman and big-tittied militia fetishist Michele Fiore, the shooting was TOTALLY UNPROVOKED,

    What, was he carrying Skittles and a toy gun?

    • jesuswasablack

      “big-tittied militia fetishist”

      Wow great name for my next full length feature!

      • therblig

        sorry, i’m unable to stay well-regulated

      • Biff52

        sry, I didn’t know it was loaded…

      • SuspectedDemocrat

        I know I’m supposed to be turned on and it’s just play acting with a paid model, but I can’t look at this without picturing what war does to people, like I’m worried she’s going to be featured on live leaks video a few days after striking this pose for the camera

        • eddi

          That is a pose from a military arms dealer calendar. Cannot remember which one, but they do that every year.

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        Good lord, what are those things on that poor woman’s chest?!

        • I’m not entirely sure, but if I look a little longer I’m sure I’ll get a firm grip on it.

          • thixotropic jerk

            Trigger Warning!!!!!

      • Damian L

        I’ll take one! Of each!

    • JurisGal

      The tarp threw them off, they thought it was a hoodie. I mean, seriously, are they really trying the “hands up” , unprovoked route?

  • Mormos

    frankly, i need more details wonkette. was this guy resisting arrest, or “resisting arrest”?

    • SecludedCompound

      um, except that they were reapporpriating community value for private capital by fiat, so no, none of that?

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        I actually understood that!

  • Kiri the Unicorn

    “Fluffy Unicorn” = Brian Cavalier.

    NOT a real unicorn, obviously, ’cause the high desert isn’t normal unicorn habitat.

    • Takoma DC

      Unless, of course, you’re high.

    • Msgr_Moment

      Unicorn furries, OTOH, are another matter entirely.

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        I know a few furries. Nice kids, for the most part. They create interesting porn.

        • Ain’t that the truth! They’ll draw just about anything for cut-rate prices, too. Once I commissioned a drawing of Guy Smiley soliciting a muppet prostitute. I got the same guy to do a picture of Clint Eastwood as a lobster, and he threw in a free Lee Van Cleeftopus.

          • Kiri the Unicorn

            The Good, the Bad, and the Delicious With Drawn Butter!

    • cessnadriver

      Oh, THAT’S why….thanks for the info!

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        Seriously: we like moss and trees and stuff like that. Real forests.

  • While it’s easy to laugh, Wonkette takes no pleasure in this guy dying. Dude was a nutbag, obviously, because he was prepared to die for the “noble” cause…

    Well if if makes y’all “feel better”, given the amount of weaponry he and his compatriots were hoarding arpund he was evidently willing to kill for his cause as well. (Actually that probably doesn’t make people feel better about the situation but it’s something worth considering.)

    And actually I’d issue a bit of a challenge on the “willing to die” part. I’m sure that came as a “suprise” to him. Given the scenarios that are constantly laid out about how our armed revolutionaries would handle “bad guys with guns”, these gun-toting idiots (and yes that’s what they are, sad unfortunate death or no) probably saw this as a fun exciting action movie and assumed they’d Schwarzenegger their way out of the situation.

  • “Well, we’re all damned silly in the desert…”
    —– Like Father, Like Son

  • chascates

    These sagebrush shitheads want to graze their cattle for free on federal lands. The fed rate for grazing is about one tenth what a private owner would charge. The charges for mining on public land is likewise minuscule and they seldom clean up when done.
    If you told these hobby horse headcases you wanted to go camping on ‘our public land’ they would run you off while shouting you didn’t understand the Constitution.

    • Odd Jørgensen

      yup, all about freedom, unless you try to enter public land that they have illegally occupied.`Cause now it belongs to them because they wanted it…

  • Msgr_Moment

    Don’t know if this has been discussed yet, but eyewitnesses who would be unlikely to lie in this particular instance confirm that Fucknuts rushed the police, rather than being on his knees with his hands in the air. Suicide by police. Period.

    What’re the odds that One-L Fiore and the rest of them apologize for slandering the po-po? Yeah, didn’t think so either.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      These are kind of people who insist that the moon landing was faked. You might as well ask one of Cliven Bundy’s cattle to do quadratic equations as ask these nitwits to admit to a truth.

      • thixotropic jerk

        As a qualified representative from The Society of Mathemeatical Cows, I moo to differ, my good MM jr!

  • I think I must have back my remaining fucks in with the last dildo shipment crate, because I am all out of them to give. So no I won’t be doing cartwheels because some stupid asshole done got himself killed and yes I think it’s unfortunate. But I’m not breaking out the mourning black either. Honestly my first thought about hearing this was “oh thank GOD it’s over!” Because i’m quite sure this would be a whole lot worse if this ridiculous farce had continued.

  • JurisGal

    Couldn’t wait to read the Wonkette take and it did not disappoint. Humor and compassion -even when compassion can be hard to muster. Loves me some Wonkette.
    Now,what is with patriots ( Patriots?) and the random capitalization of words?

    • fifthdentist

      Compare that to the Reptilicans’ reaction to news Jimmy Carter has cancer or Teddy Kennedy died.

  • thixotropic jerk

    Poetry for the masses, y’all:

    Ammon Bundy,

    Bored on a Monday,
    Arrested on Tuesday,
    
Wanted snax last Wednesday,

    Desecrated Paiutes on a Thursday,

    Fondled his firearm every Friday,

    Got lubed on Saturday,

    Forgotten by Sunday,

    That was the end,
    THANK YOU Cthulhu!

    Of That Numnutz Bundy.

    • Msgr_Moment

      I don’t know why
      I laffed so hard at this.
      Thank you
      How many syllables do I need in haiku, anyway?

      • eddi

        “Traditional haiku consist of 17 on (also known as morae), in three phrases of 5, 7, and 5 on respectively.” – Your friendly neighborhood Wiki.
        Note that is the traditional. Free verse only needs the 17 syllables.

  • Swampgas_Man

    Someone wanna tell me why my morning news AND daily fishwrap ignored this story?

    • thixotropic jerk

      I will tell you:

      Because sometimes ignoring is bliss

      • Gregory Brown

        I think you are just plain wrong, thix. No newspaper editor in his right mind would keep this out of the paper IF it hit the wire services in time to make deadline late Tuesday night.

        • Cindyinencinitas

          Alex Jones knows why the lamestream media isn’t reporting it. Wake up, sheeple! The jackbooted thugs are on the ground and Nobummer is going to declare martial law TONIGHT.

          • Gregory Brown

            If you listen to too much Alex Jones, your teeth will fall out.

          • eddi

            Followed by your brain.

          • Msgr_Moment

            Do I have time to wash my hair?

          • cleter

            No. You can wash your hair in the big communal FEMA camp shower once you are resettled.

          • Jenny

            PARTY TIME! WE’LL GET ‘EM INTO THOSE FEMA CAMPS TONIGHT BOYS!

          • lroom

            Yay!

          • fifthdentist

            It’s “marshall” law, ya moran!

          • Cindyinencinitas

            Who’s Marshall?

        • thixotropic jerk

          I don’t want to be wrong if loving, no, wait…
          How could I be wrong when loving– nope, nope…
          If loving is wrong then I’m always right, oh gahhh…
          Whatevs, I just know I am 125% correct about this because just because is why.
          Plus, I was the editor of my high school newspaper which totally Donalds your high-falootin’ CV, yahear?

          • Gregory Brown

            Well said.

    • Gregory Brown

      News cycle. The story may not have hit the wire before your paper had to go to press. It happened at night, and the feds may not have released the information until after deadline. How do I know this? I put out morning papers for decades as a newspaperman. Check Thursday’s paper. If it isn’t in there, feel free to call the editor and bitch him out, but I would be surprised if you don’t have more than one story on it.

      • Takoma DC

        Less than 4 minutes on MSNBC’s All In w/ Chris Hayes.

        • Gregory Brown

          You will have to take that up with MSNBC. I am addressing this guy’s newspaper.

          • Takoma DC

            You’ve never noticed media follows media follows media? I offered it as a comparison just to say it’s not getting much national news via electronic media. I could care less if this mess is covered in the news because any coverage will be propaganda for the militia group. Good night to you sir.

      • Takoma DC

        There aren’t any “wires” any more. News is instantaneous.

        • Gregory Brown

          Newspapers still rely on wire services, such as the AP, Reuters, etc. What is instantaneous is often crap that turns out not to be news.

    • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

      Wanna tell us why you are still relying on ‘paper’ news? And I don’t know what “morning news” you are referring to but ABC, CBS, NBC, Fox, CNN and all had this as top story before sunrise.

    • Takoma DC

      The perps ain’t D’money, Smoothie or $hifty.

    • Takoma DC

      Idk about the papers but the story got less than 4 minutes on MSNBC’s All In w/ Chris Hayes, and a slightly longer segment (maybe 8 mins) on Lawrence O’Donnell this evening.

  • Kerlyssa

    The guy that died was the kid rancher, right? Raising boys for sweet $$?

    Mmmk.

    • thixotropic jerk

      Brings a hole nude meaning to “rawhide” don’t it?

    • cessnadriver

      Tarpboy died never knowing that wearing a cowboy hat when you are not out in the sun makes you look like an idiot.

  • Beaumarchais?

    What is certain: LaVoy is on his knees right now, sucking Satan’s cock.

    • thixotropic jerk

      That’s gotta violate some kind of rules, but I am not sure which, I mean, if it was an actual comment, it would, but since Wonky don’t allow such– it don’t.

      • Beaumarchais?

        I thought about it carefully!

        • Cindyinencinitas

          If there were pineapples and a French maid constume involved it might be a copyright infringement. Idk.

    • Pinkham’s Law

      While he was certainly awful, I doubt that he’s awful enough for personal attention from the Prince of Darkness himself. I am sure, however, that Beelzebub has a devil put aside for him!

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        Oh mama mia, mama mia, mama mia let me go…!

        • Pinkham’s Law

          Hey. A question: are you Fluffy?

          • Kiri the Unicorn

            Not particularly. My mane tends to form ringlets, but the rest of my coat lays flat.

          • Pinkham’s Law

            much coolnness. very appreciatedness. I bask in your magnificence!

          • Kiri the Unicorn

            Oh dear… *blushes*

          • Pinkham’s Law

            AWWWWWWWW . . . you’re so cute when you do that!

          • Kiri the Unicorn

            You’re being very nice to this old stallion- thank you!

    • cessnadriver

      This is one of the times that I am sad that there is no actual hell.

    • If there’s a god…he’s probably standing before him/her/it and sputtering, “but..but..I thought, I mean…why?”

  • Badger33
    • Takoma DC

      Unbelievable. These “brave patriots” harassed and threatened a woman. Threatened to follow her home and burn down her house. Cowards.

  • LadyLaz

    I wish no one had died

    • Land Shark

      No snark. I wish many people would realize that having a gun makes you a target, not a protector.

      • SuspectedDemocrat

        People who live in war zones know this. People who live in tri-corner hat fantasy land do not.

        • cessnadriver

          I have actually had one of these morons tell me that he could shoot incoming bullets out of the air-because Jesus would guide his hand. Seriously, that happened.

          • fifthdentist

            Sounds like he thinks he’s Neo in The Matrix.

          • cessnadriver

            No, he’s a chris chan!

      • cessnadriver

        Gunz give you that magic veil of invulnerability. So does the magic undie set tarpboy overpaid for.

        Imagine his shock when the bullet sailed through trapboy’s head-jeebus didn’t stop the bullet! How could this be?

        • fifthdentist

          May he RIK (Rest in Kolob).
          Does anybody know how many wives Mormon terrorist martyrs get with their very own planet?

          • Damian L

            Probably not as many as they had here.

          • cessnadriver

            They only get the wives they had in life and the women only get into heaven if their husband invites them in. It’s really weird, but they believe it.

      • JoseM4

        More people would realize that if the criminals would give up their guns first.

        • thixotropic jerk

          Did that soccer ball hit you one too many times in the head?

        • Lizzietish81

          So if the police show up to reports of a shoot out how do they know who is the criminal?

    • cessnadriver

      Apparently Wonkette has a new be nice to repig traitors rule so I can’t say that I wish all but one of them had died terrible painful deaths. Because that wouldn’t be nice to repig traitors and would violate some rules or something.

      So I won’t say that in my opinion there was far too little bloodshed. Because, rulz.

      • SuspectedDemocrat

        True, the rules may stop you from saying that, or also possibly a shred of human empathy

        • cessnadriver

          I have no empathy for those who declare war on the United States. Declare war on me, suffer the consequences.

      • doktorzoom

        If by “new” you mean since at least 2012, then yes, we just came up with that. Something about us wanting not to be at their bloody level and all.

        • Rasilom

          Thanks Dok! I have seen you here “Keeping the Peace” since early early morning. I really appreciate the seance of humor. “Disemvoweled” is really truly priceless. And to the rest of you. Yes they are bad bad people those stupid Militia Fuckers, but you still should NOT ever wish violence on them or ANYONE. It is counter productive, feeds into their narrative of things and in general is just not very nice. So talk about their potential dildo fetish, talk about their poor dental hygiene, talk about how them dumb A Idiots think that taking over $100K in govt hand outs to raise foster kids, while not having a job or a productive ranch while at the same time bitching about govt handouts is so very far beyond stupid it hurts my brain to even try and figure it out. Just don’t wish them harm. As Bob and Doug McKenzie once pointed out “Be nice to bugs. Just because you don’t like something is no reason to kill it. I mean if we all just killed everything we don’t like, pretty soon, no matter how nice you are, someone won;t like you then you will be dead, so, be nice to bugs.”

          OK rant over soap box stacked, and thanks again Dok, you is one of the reasons I love it here.

          • lroom

            Great rant.

          • doktorzoom

            well thanks :) I should add that disemvowelling was invented (but not named) by Teresa Nielsen Hayden of the excellent writing/SF/cool stuff blog “Making Light,” and named by a regular there.

          • Rasilom

            I’m gonna go check that blog out, sounds excellent!

        • cessnadriver

          I don’t wish violence on people. I am merely stating my opinion that those who declare war on the United States and it’s people as well as the Constitution (the real one, not the pocket version cliveyboy et al carry in their pocket) should be dispatched with extreme prejudice.

          Repigs see any attempt at reason, conciliation or mercy as weakness. They call us cuckolds and pussies if we try to do anything other than attack.

          We ARE better than them. They hate America and Americans. Their bible is the Turner Diaries. Trumpy proves what I have always said: the difference between the repigs and the klan is the name.

          This attack on America happened because we didn’t retaliate against them for the last attack. They thought that because we didn’t take them out then we agreed that they were right.

          Weakness in the face of aggression invites more attacks.

          • doktorzoom

            “I don’t wish violence on people…” I just think some people should be “dispatched with extreme prejudice.”

            Uh. So you want them nonviolently dispatched with extreme prejudice? That’s nice.

    • Takoma DC

      That’s kind of you but most of these people are already dead. Very common among repubs-tea party-conservatives who worship death, violence, fear, hate…..

  • SuspectedDemocrat

    The militia has now added “more funding for public defenders” to their list of demands.

    • Count Awesome

      Will they insist the jury of their peers consist of al queda and ISIS members?

      • eddi

        They acknowledge no peers, judges or lawyers. They will defend themselves right in massive contempt proceedings.

        • Count Awesome

          The judge that presides over their case is going to love them simply because he/she will fuck with them back for disrespecting their authority.

          • eddi

            The judges who get stuck with sovereign citizen cases have many Maalox Moments. But in the end, the defendant gets it. Usually with a kiss.

          • Count Awesome

            Ultimately you don’t with a judge in their courtroom or else the judge will throat cram you with more prison time.

          • eddi

            And fines if he knows that will hurt as well. Jail time and a daily fine until the mook apologizes. It’s been done.

          • Count Awesome

            Side note: none should be released on their own recognisence due to prior histories of stand offs.

          • eddi

            If they can afford the bail set the judge screwed up.

    • doktorzoom

      Those lawyers we like.

      • Jenny

        It’s a good thing they have a judge of “A Superior Court of the U.S” on their side! He’ll get them out in no time flat!

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Maybe Orly Taitz would defend them pro bono.

  • Reverend Dr. Mike Anderson

    Welfare ranching advocacy is a dangerous job.

  • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

    “Fiore, a v̶o̶c̶a̶l̶ oral supporter of the Bundy family…”

    FIFY

  • dshwa

    I don’t buy the “murdered by the FBI” narrative that’s circulating amongst the Bundy bunch’s followers. I’ve been Felony stopped by the police before (long story short: I was driving the same vehicle seen pulling away from a murder scene in the nearby vicinity of the crime). Believe me, they are very clear that if you make any threatening moves, they will shoot you. I’m quite sure the procedure is similar no matter what state you are in or who pulls you over, and they give the same instructions loud and clear: if they think you are making a move for a weapon, they will take action to protect themselves.

    • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

      And I find it interesting that the FBI murdered only one and let the other seven live. Yes, that makes sense.

      • dshwa

        One dead, one wounded doesn’t sound like guns blazing to me.

        • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

          The FBI sure are lousy shots, huh?

      • bookish

        And why target LaVoy, a follower, rather than the leaders?

    • bookish

      I was watching a Portland news station about a half hour ago. The female anchor reported that an unnamed official had confirmed that the Feds have “video of the arrest, and plenty of it”.

      • fifthdentist

        It’s a fake.
        Leave it to fRight-wingers to believe heavily doctored video of Planned Parenthood is real and actual unmangled video is not real.

        • Msgr_Moment

          Shame they don’t still have Stanley Kubrick around to do it.

        • Lizzietish81

          See also, Eric Garner’s murder.

  • Pinkham’s Law

    anybody watching the msnbc town hall thing on Flint, MI?

    • Takoma DC

      We did. Thought it was quite good. Maddow is an excellent journalist imo. Frightening information about not just the water but their public schools as well. I don’t understand how their schools function with 1 school nurse? Maybe we heard that segment wrong? Your thoughts on the program?

      • Pinkham’s Law

        Honestly, got distracted by a facebook discussion about what’s going on in Oregon – which is still ongoing. Since the folks I’m chatting with are in OR, I’m afraid I found that more interesting than the TV, and paid rather less attention to it than I had planned. What I did watch seemed very well done.

        • Takoma DC

          I believe you can watch online. O’Donnell is doing a segment on the Flint Town Hall.

  • handyhippie65

    i would feel more sympathy if they hadn’t brought this tragedy upon themselves. as it is, i say it is about time.

  • I don’t want anyone to die in a violent matter. However, I’m a realist and it’s not for nothing that the old saying, “You fuck with the bull, you get the horn” still holds true.

  • r_dale

    Pfft, the only ones to blame for his death are the Bundy crime family. Lavoy’s blood is on Ammon Bundy’s hands.

  • ber6964

    A Country of Laws………Can not be held Hostage by Domestic Terrorists as these Peeps Attempted to Do.

    Violence only Prolongs the Nature Progression of Life…Change Happens.

  • Jenny

    Dang this thread has drunken live blogging numbers!

    • Pinkham’s Law

      Thank God!

  • Hopeless Idiots….. -_-

  • Erick the Kracker

    Howdy Doody got in a shooty shooty

  • Badger33

    I’m afraid the militants and their supporters will learn nothing from this.

  • sillyclucker

    There are still some holed up back at the preserve and apparently refusing to leave. One of them drove from his home less than 10 miles from me to join the Bundy’s early on. So unless something has happened recently, it’s not quite over.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      But from now on, it’s the Anaconda Strategy. I guess these nudnicks skipped the American History lesson about Winfield Scott.

  • Enfant Terrible

    LaVoy Finicum provided the Internet with a lot of laughs and joy with that blue tarp thing. It sounds like he had issues. I feel bad that he is gone.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      He had issues and $100,000 worth of orphans on the hoof had issues with him.

    • beavertank

      Unfortunately, many interactions between police and the mentally ill ends with someone being shot. It’s just too bad he, and the other people at that refuge, couldn’t get the help they needed before they managed to work themselves up to this level of paranoia.

      • Pinkham’s Law

        I 1,000,000% support this statement.

    • Vegan and Tiara

      His daughter claims he’s now a martyr. I don’t think these people realize that only a handful of deluded morons care about them and their dumb cause.

      • Nik Davis

        Unfortunately, a lot of that handful of deluded morons are armed…

  • Mehmeisterjr

    Well, how about this? Ammon is telling the occupiers to stand down:

    http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/2016/01/27/1-dead-feds-arrest-oregon-protest-leader-ammon-bundy/79392112/

    Of course, he is presupposing that they will just be allowed to mosey on home and prepare for the next demonstration of mind-boggling ass-hattery. I think that time has passed. Unconditional surrender, you doofi, and no more French Vanilla Creamer.

    • beavertank

      And now his father and his wife are insisting that he would NEVER tell “true patriots” to stand down, so they need to stay at the refuge because that statement must not have really come from him.

      Oy.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        OK, so they’re birthing his lawyer’s statement? That’s virtuoso hallucination.

      • dshwa

        He just watched one of his friends get killed. That changes a man sometimes.

      • Roni Raven

        Do you have a source for this? Please, it will help me win an argument.

  • Josh Raeburn

    If I never have to hear about federal management of grazing fees as a political issue again, it will still be too soon.

  • Celtic_Gnome

    What are the chances the dash cams on all those official vehicles that surrounded the Bundymobiles were switched off so there wouldn’t be any record of the cold-blooded murder by the police? None? Yeah, that’s what I thought.

    • Takoma DC

      Another poster has commented down thread that LE claims they have a lot of video of the chase, shooting and arrest of these perps.

      • Pinkham’s Law

        I sincerely hope so.

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      This has political implications. If the feds are smart, they will want to be seen as being entirely above-board.

  • bseifried

    The live feed from these guys up on youtube right now is absolutely surreal…

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gbRcFW7dqEo

    • bseifried

      damn. just stopped.

    • Pinkham’s Law

      That’s . . . a nice campfire.

    • thenearesthippie

      Hey . . . this isn’t the National Zoo’s pandacam.

    • Msgr_Moment

      I see a campfire. “Kumbaya, my Lord, Kumbaya……”

  • fifthdentist

    Note to self: Learn to play a musical instrument and start a band so you can name it “constitutionally ignorant dongbeavers.”

    • Pinkham’s Law

      Just go with “Constitutionally Ignorant.” Adding “Dongbeavers” makes it too many syllables.

      • Incoming Ham

        Those make up one band and a tribute band.

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      I’d buy that ticket!

  • jqheywood

    I just looked up Finicum in the public records, and his last address of record was in Colorado City, Arizona. Now back in the day (summer 1980 or 81), when I was doing summer work for the BLM up on the Arizona Strip (FLPMA wilderness area review), we were told EXPLICITLY to stay the hell away from there, and under no circumstances were we to drive a federal vehicle into that town, as they tended to shoot at BLM folks. If we broke down, we should walk the other way on the highway. It was (and is?) the home of the verrra fundamentalist sect of Mormons (multiple wives, many of them very young). We were told that the AZ & UT DPS would occasionally surround the town on both sides of the state border and round-up the polygamists. Makes me wonder if he was a fundy Mormon as well.

    • I’ve noticed that whenever you have multiple wives, you end up with younger and younger child wives because the wealthiest old men wind up taking two, three, four of the most desirable young women, and young or less wealthy men turn to marrying teens, adolescents, children because there are no girls their ages left. Then marrying children becomes socially acceptable, and there you are.

      • Vegan and Tiara

        It’s odd that whenever God comes back to earth, he only talks to one man, and he always tells that one guy the same thing – “you need to be boinking multiple women who are younger than you are.” God is so freaking weird and pervy.

        • bookish

          Just one of those inexplicable things…

          • Vegan and Tiara

            It’s weird how God never comes back to earth and tells a lady she needs to be boning ALL the young menz.

    • Roni Raven

      This does not surprise me. Colorado City is currently at the center of a religious discrimination lawsuit that has gotten virtually no coverage in the mainstream media that I can see. But I’ve heard several reports about it on NPR.

      The plot thickens…

  • Manhattan123

    We’re supposed to feel bad for the death of the guy who made the bulk of his income by fostering a bunch of kids? (That gub’mint money is good, you see, not like the stuff that goes to “those people.”) Yeah, no, Wonkette.

    • Roni Raven

      I didn’t see anything saying we’re supposed to feel bad for his death, but just suggesting we show a little compassion for the grief those who loved him must be feeling. Even gubmint grubbers’ families are capable of grief over a dead loved one.

      If such compassion offends your delicate sensibilities, maybe you shouldn’t be posting on Wonkette.

      • Manhattan123

        I didn’t realize you were the arbiter of who gets to be on Wonkette. Congrats! Does the position come with bennies?

        • Roni Raven

          Ha ha ha I didn’t actually expect you’d catch on that I was quoting your own words back to you.

          • Manhattan123

            Huh? What are you babbling?

          • Roni Raven

            Manhattan123 @ Roni Raven a month ago

            Not when it comes to Palin or one of her spawn. Fuck them. Sorry if it offends your delicate sensibilities. You probably shouldn’t be on Wonkette if this sort of stuff bothers you, tbh.

          • Manhattan123

            Aww, how cute, you were remembering a comment from a month ago? Well, that’s not creepy at all.
            But go ahead, defend Palin again.

  • jqheywood

    There is something going on …. armored vehicles on the move

  • bookish

    Three more males arrested departing Malheur, including Jason Patrick.

  • YayConspiracy

    I hope the Bundy bunch understand that losing Finicum’s life was a waste of life and that it was not watering the tree of freedom. This whole pointless occupation was a ‘tale told by an idiot, signifying nothing’.

    • Boojum

      Full of sound and furries.

    • dshwa

      I suspect that might be where Ammon is telling them to stand down now. It’s fun to fantasize about getting all militant but when the real death happens that changes the perception right quick.

      • bozilingus

        Could be Ammon made an agreement with the Feds so he could receive better treatment.

    • bardgal

      One bazillion points for quoting The Scottish Play.

  • eddi

    One last Oregonlive post. No bail for Ya’llQaeda. Some pretty watercolor art of the boys (and gal) in court.
    http://www.oregonlive.com/oregon-standoff/2016/01/ammon_bundy_and_other_oregon_s_1.html#incart_river_index

  • Voice of Harold

    Hey patriots, how’s that ‘standy-groundy’ thing workin’ out for ya?

    • OrdinaryJoe

      I don’t think they will be doing another run for Slurpee’s and chips at the local Circle K.

      • Voice of Harold

        Slurpee-suppin’ surrender monkeys.

    • Thatsit Fortheotherwon

      Traitriots.

      • Damian L

        Hateriots?

  • OrdinaryJoe

    I am always amazed listening to these morons blather on about the constitution and the constitutional forefathers, like they have a direct line of communication to the spirits of the Dead Founders. Let’s be very clear. George Washington, who as president was ready to lead the army into Pennsylvania to suppress the tax revolt we call the Whiskey Rebellion, would have shot them for treason.

    • Michael Kelley

      shays rebellion was before that,and caused the constitution convention to form,and the first president,George Washington.
      on the subject of service,as president he was in the masons,and his gardener was master of the lodge during this same time.
      president washington had to address his gardener as “worshipful master”.

  • bookish

    TPM: “sad to see someone throw their life away over bullshit”.

    https://t.co/WbPUGYQbxl

  • JoseM4

    Charged with a felony but unlikely they’ll be convicted by a “jury of their peers”.

    • thixotropic jerk

      Their conspiracy charge is just the tip of the militia-berg, amoeba. Martyrs, victims, freedom fighters? Yeah, maybe in the bad novel they keep writing about themselves in their tainted minds. Prediction: they will be on a long receiving end of even more sweet sweet government welfare then they ever dreamed of grifting for: Bundy ‘N Buds The Last Chapter: 33 Years Adds Up To Lots of 3 Hots And A Cot.

      • Invidosa

        It’s just thisbweird fucked up fantasy they have, and the persecution is allllllll part of what gets their dicks hard. I feel as though if perhaps, instead of buying fake badges, pocket constitutions and more cammo then should be allowed, on this earth,they had instead invested in a PS4/Xbox and the latest call of duty, this whole mess cold have been avoided!

    • Lord-Nash

      The only reason I’m even considering agreeing with you is a technicality of your sentence…I’m praying there are no more idiots like them to serve on a jury.

    • Bammac

      Where would they find a jury of mouthbreathing wannabe big talking religious fanatics with the brains god gave dull sheep?

      are you free to serve?

    • Damian L

      Where’s the reasonable doubt? Where’s the reasonable anything in this case?

  • JoseM4

    The narrative has already begun, his hands were up when shot just like Michael Brown …. facts / evidence won’t sway people’s opinion.

    • thixotropic jerk

      IKR? Because Finicum’s Demise is soooooo similar to what happened to Michael Brown, and Dontre Hamilton, and Eric Garner, and John Crawford III, and Ezell Ford, and Dante Parker, and Tanisha Anderson, and Akai Gurley, and Tamir Rice, and Rumain Brisbon, and Jerame Reid, and Tony Robinson, and Phillip White, and Eric Harris, and Walter Scott, and Freddie Gray, and…

      http://www.buzzfeed.com/nicholasquah/heres-a-timeline-of-unarmed-black-men-killed-by-police-over#.mqjAvEqo8

    • Lord-Nash

      I’m game. Please show me this evidence that Finicum’s hands were up.

    • Lizzietish81

      You know his fellow militia men stated he charged the feds right?

      • bozilingus

        And he charged them with his hands next to his head, index fingers pointed forward, like a bull. ;-)

    • dshwa

      Yes, and thank-you for giving us the wingnut narrative, already shown to be contradictory to what the other “protesters” at the scene have said.

  • JoseM4

    Always amazing how some people unconditionally support some protestors (and their acts of civil disobedience) but not others.

    • thixotropic jerk

      Uhm, like yourself, for instance?

    • Bammac

      In what way is it “amazing”, or even in any way remarkable? For instance, I would unconditionally support people protesting for their right to enter their workplace on two legs, rather than crawling, yet I would not support those protesting for their right to fuck their sisters.

      Nothing “amazing” about it, if you have two brain cells operative. Oh. and, you spelled “R” wrong, Jose.

    • doktorzoom

      Yeah, I remember how Martin Luther King led those sit-ins at lunch counters where everyone came in with an assault rifle, camped out in the aisles, and tore down walls that they didn’t like the location of. The parallels truly are eerie.

      Also, say hello to my little Banhammer of Loving Correction (© and ™ John Scalzi)

  • thixotropic jerk

    Alternate title for The Great Militia Debacle:

    Finicum’s Waste

    • Bad Granny

      My title suggestion for the erotic fan-fic; Finicum’s Rainbow.

  • Sir Ergot of Rye

    I’m no Freud but it’s clear to me when you look at their ages, 40, 43, 44, 45, 50, 59 and (32) this is the most pathetic mid life crisis ever. Buy a fucking motorcycle, sports car or divorce the wife and marry your 23 year old secretary for crissake. But leave the rest of us out of it.

    • magistralatina

      Secretaries?? They ain’t got no secretaries – they don’ need no stinkin’ secretaries.
      Because you gotta have a job, and letters to write to need a secretary. Did I mention those mouth-breathers are unemployed and illiterate?

  • I just love watching these wannebe soldiers parade around with their weapons and their fancy magazine belts. Knowing that they only have enough ammo for about an hour just warms my heart. You just have to shoot at them for awhile until they run out and bingo-dead militants. That’s what we did in Vietnam and I am sure it would work here.

    • Invidosa

      The “wannabe military” aspect sure stirred up som shits and giggles around here (and one documented incident of rage) when commented upon by real live actual military people (course, they can’t be REAL military on account of one is a gay pagan and two are bleeding heat liberals).

      One actual military human was heard to have said “what a fucking joke! Put these ass weasels in Afghanistan and 10 to 1 they are looking for the nearest beach to swim home from within a week . . .bunch of fucking assholes”

  • Pinkham’s Law

    happened yesterday, but I didn’t see it referenced in the non-comments.

    In a move that surprised exactly 0% of everybody, the criminals taken into custody were ordered held without bail. For some odd reason, the judge thought they might pose a flight risk. Imagine that.

  • Lord-Nash

    *Fingers crossed*

  • 2Girls1Cubs

    Cincinnati?
    One of them is from an urban area?

    • Takoma DC

      Yes. Their spokesperson. I believe he’s a radio host.

    • uniquename72

      No, he’s from Cincinnati.

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