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Hillary

You saved so much money last year by not donating to any of the assorted bigot pizzas, and bigot florists, and bigot bigots. It is time for you to spend that money on YOU, by which we mean us, because we made you this game, or rather will have made you this game just as soon as you Kickstart it.

Oh my goodness, Wonkette’s Game Of US America Elections: The Game is so exciting! Here, I made you a video.

LOL pinochle jokes! The robot lady pronounced it “puh-nickel”!

Auroch Digital, our partners in Wonkette’s Game Of US America Elections: The Game, are award-winning game designers (really!) out of Her Majesty’s Bum (that is English for “butt” by which we mean England), where they do the “Game the News” initiative that is very popular and also cool (they made a game about narcoterrorism, how fuckin’ rad is that), and they also made you a video.

Which video do you like better? Ours right? That’s what we thought. I will be sure to let them know.

But Wonkette, you are keening while smearing lipstick all over your face like you are denoting “crazy” in a feature film, how does it even work?

Well! Say you are Donald Trump. Once you have finished divorcing your fifth Eastern European immigrant wife, you try to win each state’s electoral votes, so you pull a “Wonk card,” or an “Appeal card,” and then you just … do what it says on the card, dummy! (Fun fact: Donald Trump is immune to “scandal cards,” because of how he loves Bible. Don’t laugh, JERKS! IT’S TRUE!)

Here, our friends at Auroch Digital wrote you a thing, because they are “professional” whatever:

Each player picks the candidate they are going to manage (we’re aiming to get a bunch of the 2016 ones in; Hillary, Trump, Bernie Sanders, Rubio, Rand, Carson, Carly Fiorina etc!). Each candidate has unique strengths and weaknesses. Then the player is dealt a hand of ‘Wonk Cards’; these can be new team members or dirty tricks to play on other players. Then we’re ready to get electin’! There are 50 states plus Puerto Rico and DC to battle over. Each state has a bunch of votes up for grabs and the players take it in turns to either grab votes, stab each other in the back or build up their campaign machine. The game moves state to state until they all been decided and that in turn decides who gets to be President!

The game design has a great balance between quick tactics and longer term strategy. It’s designed to be great fun to play in a group of friends.

DOESN’T THAT SOUND FUN FOR FRIENDS TO DO AND DRINK AT? It does!

OR, and this was my husband’s idea, and it was a super good idea which is why I love him besides that he is sexy and also knocked me up, just use the cards like a regular playing card deck. That is why we included Puerto Rico and the District of Columbia, to make 52, for a collectible playing card game complete with classy and elegant Wonkette humor. YOU’RE WELCOME, EASILY CONFUSED OLDS!

So, we need $30,000 because why? It is so we can print the games, since this is a physical card game and not even made out of pixels hardly at all. And then I will mail you the game in the mail, which costs money too. In fact, I am grifting hardly any money off this game unless you guys decide to go all wackadoodle insano and give us $300 million like that crazy Star Citizen video game, and, honestly, that sounds like a lot of stress. Think about it: have you ever seen that Zuckerberg boy look happy? Or that child who invented AirBnB? Of course you haven’t! Having anything more than $300 million is apparently the worst thing in the world! I mean, I’d have to get a warehouse. And an assistant. And probably at least one more postage printer. TOO MUCH WORK, I AM NOT THE OWNER OF AMAZON DOT COM!

In conclusion, please do not send us more than $300 million. But please do give us $30,000 or maybe up to say $180,000, but NO MORE THAN THAT. Then we can print your games and maybe do a “stretch goal” where we (by “we” of course I mean “Auroch Digital,” obvs and duh) make you a video game that does stuff.

Also, I told the Auroch Digital guys that you love to send us money, and that out of our 700 thousand to 900 thousand readers per month, 80 thousand of you actually are a “core audience” that comes lots of times a month, and if you guys all sent like $5 then we would not-not make our kickstarter, and I will not be embarrassed and ashamed :(

Also, if you send us like a hundred bucks, I will send you a shirt, which YOU ALREADY KNEW BECAUSE YOU WATCHED MY VIDEO AND IT WAS THE BEST. Oh, you wanted more details of what’s in it for you? Our Auroch pals made you this list.

  • Just Give Us Money, M’kay? $Any (Unlimited) – I want this crazy project to happen but don’t need no more shit cluttering up my home.
  • Early Bird Gets The Political Worm $14 (100) – I want the game, and I want it at a discount, Madam!
  • Just the Game Ma’am $20 (Unlimited) – Basic game posted to you-a’ll (US price, other locations will add additional postage costs)
  • Limited Edition $30 (150) – Game with Extra Game Modes in. Limited edition print run! Free copy of Narcoguerra game about Drug Wars (PC/Mac/Android. US price, other locations will add additional postage costs)
  • I DID-ED THATS! Limited Edition $40 (100) – All the stuff above, plus you get your name in the game credits, because look at you, YOU DID-ED THATS!
  • Co-designer $50 (75) – All of the above, but now you get to be a “co-designer,” which means you EXTRA did-ed thats!
  • Super Co-Designer $70 (50) – As above tiers plus invites to live developer chats. Get a special Super Co-design credit. (US price, other locations will add additional postage costs)
  • Limited Edition & T-Shirt $80 (25) – Game with Extra Game Modes in. Limited edition print run! Plus your choice of 3 Wonkette T-Shirts & Free copy of Narcoguerra game about Drug Wars (PC/Mac/Android)
  • Super Co-Designer & T-Shirt $100 (25) – As above plus one of three Wonkette T-Shirts. (US price, other locations will add additional postage costs)
  • Running Mate $1000 (3) – As above plus you get to pick subject and/or become candidate card yourself! (US price, other locations will add additional postage costs)

Those are very many good tiers. Here, have a pretty picture, on me!

MeetTheCandidates

Okay, ready? Set? KICKSTART! (Please.)

(And thank you.)

(We love you for real.)

(Here, have a baby.)

Open up and say awwwwwwww
Open up and say awwwwwwww

(The end.)

$
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  • dslindc

    The babby’s argument is compelling.

    • Lizzietish81

      Thought she sounded gassy in her closing remarks though.

  • ArgieBargie

    It’s like Magic:The Gathering, but with more buttsecks.

    But seriously, this is brilliant. Hats off.

    • MsAnthropesMr

      Knowing us here, probably as many cheeze doodle stained hands and beards and chins though.

      • Lizzietish81

        And lube

        • mtn_philosoph

          Yeah, they should put plastic lamination on all of the cards. It will make it easier to wipe off the lube.

  • Oblios_Cap

    C’Thulhu for the win!

  • Joe Beese

    CTHULHU 2016: BOLD SOLUTIONS

  • MsAnthropesMr
  • Nounverb911

    Does the Ted Cruz card cause the player to instantly hate it? Just to save time?

    • dslindc

      Punched by rally attendee . . . lose 5 caucus votes.

    • Joe Beese

      Rule 2.5.1 – The player who draws the Ted Cruz card must be punched in the nose by all the other players.

      • chicken thief

        And cockblocked from joining Kim Davis on stage by some Huckleberry event co-ordinator.

  • MsAnthropesMr

    Do you need friends to play this, or can it work for solitaire?

    • Nounverb911

      “You play solitaire with the cards you have, not the cards you want.”

      –Donald Rumsfeld

      • MsAnthropesMr

        “You play solitaire with the cards friends you have, not the cards firends you want.”

        –Donald Rumsfeld

    • Joe Beese

      If the Wonkette understands her readership, she has designed the game for people who have no friends.

      • Pickwicknext

        Most excellent. People on the interwebs= perfectly fine. People in the realz= fucking awful.

  • CriticalDragon1177

    I’m afraid even Cthulhu would be scared of Donald Trump. ;)

    • Nounverb911

      Cthulhu should avoid Fifth Avenue.

      • Msgr_Moment

        I am totally designing a “I shot a man in Barney’s, just to watch him die,” Trump tee-shirt. The Wonkaleaders may feel free to merchandise it.

        • SnarkOff

          But Barneys is on Madison. Bergdorf’s better.

          • elviouslyqueer

            *points* Um, darling? The Matt Drudge gay thread is that-a-way.

          • Msgr_Moment

            IDK from Madison. Is 5th Avenue?

          • Msgr_Moment

            I suck at the photoshopping, but

  • Lizzietish81

    Needs more fringe candidates, like LaRouche.

    • dslindc

      Who?

      • Nounverb911

        Harold Stassen’s best fringe opponent?

        • CriticalDragon1177

          Who?

      • Lizzietish81

        OMG ARE YOU SERIOUS?

        LaRouche is hillarious (if he exists, his followers are)

        I first met them when Sarah Palin came to Boston and I was hanging out with protesters dressed in proper tea attire calling ourselves The Real Tea Party.

        There was a table of them that had Queen Elizabeth, Barney Frank (dressed as a pig) and Obama (dressed like a Nazi) passing around cocaine. They’re INSANE!

        • LarryHoudini

          When I lived in Boston I got into a discussion with a LaRouche supporter who had a table set up outside of Central Square in Cambridge. After five minutes we were screaming insults at one another as a friend pulled me away. Good times!

    • MsAnthropesMr

      “THE GUS HALL FROM THE DEAD CARD!!”

      • JH Marx

        I voted for Gus twice, last time he ran Angela Davis was his running mate. (or not)

    • dslindc

      “Democrat” Jim Webb libelz!

    • elviouslyqueer

      Vermin Supreme or GTAFO.

    • chicken thief

      The Rent is Too Damn High guy also too!

  • dslindc

    Wut? It’s in non-Murrican munneyz? INPEACH!!!!11!!

  • Msgr_Moment

    What are these cards of which Thou speakest? Are they laminae of dried cellulose paste? Which century dost Thou live in, perchance?

    • Joe Beese

      It’s what we Oldz used to waste time with before apps were invented.

  • LarryHoudini

    ARE THESE CARDS COMPATIBLE WITH POKEMAN GO 2016? ASKING FOR A FRIEND.

    • Nounverb911

      Only when Matt Drudge is ‘giving’ them to his “friend”.

      • CriticalDragon1177

        Huh, what!?

    • CriticalDragon1177

      Well Cthulu and Trump are both monsters, but they don’t fit into little red and white balls, and they don’t battle on command, so no.

  • Lizzietish81

    Is there a strip version?

    • Joe Beese

      Only with the Anthony Weiner Expansion Pack.

      • Painter of Goats

        But who wants to see Anthony’s Weiner expand?

        • Nounverb911

          Nathan’s?

        • Joe Beese

          Consult his Contacts list.

        • PubOption

          Huma? Sydney Leathers?

    • Msgr_Moment

      I can’t be bothered to put on pants to play such a thing.

    • Fitzgerald Chesterfield

      “Step 1. Remove clothing”

      I guess not?

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Yes, but each player has to wear 538 articles of clothing.

    • CriticalDragon1177

      No thank you, politics in America is embarrassing enough as it is.

  • SnarkOff

    Magic: The Blathering

  • elviouslyqueer

    What? No love for Mitt Romney? FAIL.

    • Joe Beese

      As a bonus rule, one person in the room but not playing the game can be designated as Person Hoping Mitt Romney Will Be Included.

    • CriticalDragon1177

      They could add him in version 2.0

    • Latverian Diplomat

      The portrait artist kept falling asleep.

    • chicken thief

      They tried a Romney card, but they couldn’t get the trees just.the.right.height.

  • CriticalDragon1177

    I like the idea of this game.

    I think there should be political kryptonite cards that only hurt a particular candidate. Hillary Clinton’s political Kryptonite card, could be Benghazi, Bernie Sanders could be someone learning that he actually took money from Special interests, Ted Cruz’s could be his Father, and Donald Trumps could be him picking a Mexican Muslim women as his running mate, since that would tick off his racist, nativist, Islamophobic supporters. Off course if you end up with your own political kryptonite, card, you’re safe, and no one can use it against you. But if an opponent has it, they can use it once, to deal massive political damage to you, and than discard it.

    • Jenny

      You have to give money before you go giving development ideas, so you’ll get credit for goodest ideas. Otherwise you’re just getting exposure!

      • Pickwicknext

        Indecent!

        • Pinkham’s Law

          The best kind!

  • CriticalDragon1177

    You know what, if we’re going to include candidates from past elections in this game, lets also Include Barrack Obama. I like him. I almost wish he could run for a third term now. Obama is probably going to be remembered by historians as one of our best presidents.

    • Reddishrabbit

      He doesn’t need to run, once the FEMA camps open and he declares his Communist-Fascist dictatorship 4 life after he BENGHAZI!!!1!!!1!!!!1!!! the GOP!

      • CriticalDragon1177

        LOL!

      • bozilingus

        Still has a year to Executive Order this.

    • chicken thief

      HUH?! *conspiratorial whisper* You do know he’s blah, right?

    • Antonin Dvorak

      I hope there is an OHJB expansion pack.

  • Pat Paulson as “The Joker”!

    • Nounverb911

      ..

      • Villago Delenda Est

        “I have the math”

  • AntiDerpomeme

    I’m fairly certain that this is the absolute FIRST TIME EVER that I’ve clicked on two Wonky video links. Did not disappoint.

    Also, too, I volunteer to be your EU-based assistant. Presumably this comes with a yuuuge salary and a Miami-based house gift, yes?

  • Pinkham’s Law

    “700 thousand to 900 thousand readers per month, 80 thousand of you actually are a “core audience” ”

    Damn, Way to induce performance anxiety about the quality of our comments that aren’t allowed. 0.0

    • MsAnthropesMr

      ….
      (i now have comment anxiety)

      • Joe Beese

        If someone refreshes the home page exactly 60 minutes after the time stamp of the most recent post, does that make them “core”?

        Asking for a friend.

  • Tallmutha

    Uh oh. That babby again. Hold onto your wallets.

    • Joe Beese

      The Wonkette must have really worked out her “monetize the fetus” plans.

      • CriticalDragon1177

        Planned Parenthood Abortion Libel!

      • bozilingus

        This way they keep the babby parts.

    • JH Marx

      Using Donna Rose to extort our monies, has to be against the Geneva Convention.
      Resistance is futile.
      I see from the video that Donna Rose can read – congrats!

  • Pickwicknext

    Can I afford both this and Cones of Dunshire?

  • Jenny

    Is there an app for this?

    • CriticalDragon1177

      I wouldn’t be surprised if there’s going to be.

  • Olav_Pompatus

    I thought the “Game Of US America Elections” cost like a billion bucks. At least, it will for us.

    — c. & D. Koch

    • Pickwicknext

      Review quote from the box already?

  • Latverian Diplomat

    Karl Rove keeps trying to slip handwritten 3×5 cards into the deck.

    • chicken thief

      The Karl ‘Ham Head’ Rove card is still waiting for the 2012 Ohio results so Mitt can be declared the winner.

  • Fitzgerald Chesterfield

    Will there be a column in the funny papers like for Bridge?

    “West grabbed a rust belt bloc with an empty promise of a tariff on foreign-made goods. North sluffed his anti-immigrant rhetoric. Dummy South picked up the next trick and many coastal votes with the assertion that the economy is global.”

    • bozilingus

      Bring back Omar Sharif from the dead.

      • mtn_philosoph

        Onan Daffi FTW!

  • Helena Handbag

    I want one with an all Star Trek theme. Original television series. Accept no substitute! Harcourt Fenton Mudd for Prez!!1!11

    • eggsacklywright

      Tholian Webb is better than Jim Webb.

      • Latverian Diplomat

        They both cause you to leave the space sector immediately.

        • Cindyinencinitas

          Hear hear!

    • Joe Beese

      Mudd invented the “bimbo eruption”.

  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    I like the idea. I pledged. Anyone else?

    • Cindyinencinitas

      Me.

  • dslindc

    Does the Jeb! card just say, “Too sad and pathetic, automatic loser”?

  • tihond

    I cast Serra Hillary.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    Ted Cruz would just prefer a rousing game of Canadian Ultra-Cricket.

    • Vecciojohn LLC

      You’re curling my hair with these remarks.

      • bozilingus

        No poutine allowed.

        • Vecciojohn LLC

          There’s no poutine I baseball!

          • brucej

            Actually I’ll bet you can get poutine in toronto’s stadium…

          • Cindyinencinitas

            You can get sushi at Petco Park.

    • Pickwicknext

      How simiar is that to Brockian? Does at least one of the obstacles still explode?

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        The only thing that explodes in Canadian Ultra-Cricket is Ted Cruz’s electability

      • Latverian Diplomat

        The obstacles are made from Poutine, so it’s the players who explode.

        • Pickwicknext

          Oh dear, that will be messy. And smelly if anyone can recall the aroma of warmed hockey pads…

    • eggsacklywright

      He played wing-nut at Puck U.

  • Vecciojohn LLC

    Get outahere and get me some money too.

    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=h4Nhy5tIpPM

  • I’m predicting the election looks something a bit like this:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qZK1a8tnsgo

    • Vecciojohn LLC

      I’ll have what they’re smoking.

    • Vecciojohn LLC

      And that’s why it’s called whacking the puppet.

    • Duke

      Just keep singing.

    • MrBlobfish

      How come you’ve been hiding this from me? That was awesome. Puppet was totally asking for it.

      • I’ve been saving this one for maximum impact!

        That was one bone ugly puppet, too.

        • FlownOver

          Was that a Martin Shkreli puppet? Because that would explain.

    • jmk

      Well… that escalated quickly.

      • DahBoner

        Love the baby crying added in post production

    • Beaumarchais?

      Aha! What we need in this race are some Brazilians! Trump wouldn’t stand a chance.

      • Historicat

        Brazilians?

        kkkkkkkkkk

  • All the excitement of Strat-O-Matic without the baseball!

    What, no dice?

    • Joe Beese

      The randomization factor comes from Rule 7.3.6: Any player can win by playing the “Ohio Ballot Counting Irregularities” card on the game’s final turn.

      • Vecciojohn LLC

        Go fish. No, I mean it. We should all just go fishing until this flea circus leaves town.

        • MrBlobfish

          Careful now.

          • Vecciojohn LLC

            Oh, I’m a catch and release kind of guy. I’ll just yank,your out of the water for a little while and rip the hook out. You’ll hardly notice it.

          • eggsacklywright

            Is it true that, in certain refined circles, Blobfish caviar is considered a delicacy?

    • Vecciojohn LLC

      Dice not included. Offer void in Iowa and New Hampshire.

  • US Elections: The fun game where the only real winners are the ones who started the game with billions of dollars.

    • bozilingus

      Global Thermonuclear War: The only way to win is to not play.

      • elviouslyqueer

        “Would you like to play a game?”

        • Pickwicknext

          I can’t do that Dave.

          • Vecciojohn LLC

            You filthy ape!

          • CriticalDragon1177

            Charlton Heston, Planet Of the Apes, Libel!

          • Vecciojohn LLC

            I’ll take Bad Actors for $1,000, Alex.

          • eggsacklywright

            Careful, he might jut his jaw at you. Or gird his loins. Yish.

          • Vecciojohn LLC

            And he’s got the loins for it, sister!

          • proudgrampa

            “Soylent Green is PEOPLE!!!”

          • CriticalDragon1177

            Sorry I have to disagree, he was actually pretty good in that movie.

          • Vecciojohn LLC

            Yeah. But he was a right wing asshole. So fuck him.

          • CriticalDragon1177

            What you think of him personally, doesn’t change whether he was a good actor or not, or did a good or bad job in any particular movie.

          • Vecciojohn LLC

            Bourgeois revisionist!

        • Vecciojohn LLC

          Hey, this isn’t some gay bar!

          What? Oh. Uh,ok by

      • RoyalUglyDude

        Nuclear War Card Game libel!!1

  • chicken thief

    I think Dubya should be included just for the ‘stra-tee-ger-ee’ of the game but I don’t have a grand lying around so I can throw my two cents in. //sad face//

    • Joe Beese

      Rule 6.11.0.2 – The “Jeb Bush” player gets an extra turn if they can persuade their mother to be present in the room during gameplay.

  • chicken thief

    Could you make the cards really durable so the Hillary and Huma cards scissoring all the time doesn’t roon them?

    • Joe Beese

      “Not now, darling. The new orders from Goldman Sachs just arrived.”

    • Vecciojohn LLC

      Yeah, I get those two cards sticky all the time myself.

      • eggsacklywright

        In France, that’s called a Flush Royale.

        • Vecciojohn LLC

          Cuz a the metric system?

          • eggsacklywright

            Nah, it’s the Pulp Friction.

  • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

    Is this like that Iraq war deck from a few years back? Can we draw a big ‘X’ above their heads once they drop out (with votes)?

    • Pickwicknext

      Or are sent to a CIA black site?

  • Vecciojohn LLC

    Needz moar babby

  • Lot_49

    You people, always with the entreprenurialismo. Soon you’ll be so rich you’ll want to repeal the remaining estate tax to ensure that Donna Rose will never have to work.

    • rebecca

      gross!

      • Lot_49

        Love you too!

    • Pinkham’s Law

      Soon you’ll be so rich you’ll switch Parties andwant to repeal the remaining estate tax to ensure that Donna Rose will never have to work

      FTFY

  • Vecciojohn LLC

    OT, but there’s another shooting going on. Everyone drink!

    • Lizzietish81

      Shit, did Trump decide to put his theory to the test?

    • DahBoner

      Why isn’t Wayne La Pierre protecting us (from the effects of excessive alcohol consumption)???

      • Vecciojohn LLC

        Cuz these nimrods buy more guns when they’re shit-faced.

      • Cindyinencinitas

        He’s cruising around the golf course getting shitfaced.

    • orygoon

      So happy that it seems to have been a not-real-shooting. Shooting incidents break out in random places, or at least not predictable ones. Also, that place is Yuge. But The Spare is supposed to transfer there later this year, and when it comes down to it, I cannot really spare him at all. So let’s have zero shootings at Naval Hospital San Diego.

  • MrBlobfish

    I couldn’t understand a damn thing that guy said. Have them add subtitles next time. Lousy Irishman.

    • Irish?! That’s a Standard English (not upper-class Received Pronunciation) accent. Do you ask for subtitles when someone from Boston or Texas talks?

      • kaw143

        My most embarrassing I Acted Like An American story: senior trip to England. We took a day trip to Scotland. I asked a native a question and he responded. I turned to our guide and asked, “What language is he speaking?” When the guide responded that the person was speaking English, I hooked a finger over my shoulder and said, “You call THAT English?”

        Yeah. I made a GREAT impression, that day.

        Second most embarrassing I Acted Like An American story, same trip: upon checking into our hotel, I made a comment about the place looking so run down it must have been built sometime around the Norman Conquest. One of the chaperons was mortified and immediately apologized on my behalf, but the response was a shrug and, “Well, at least he knows about the Norman Conquest.” Which I only later realized was maybe not the case for most Obnoxious Americans.

        I swear I outgrew that kind of crap, though. Oh, who am I kidding? I visited New Orleans last year and had all sorts of colorful things to say about the statuary. . .

      • MrBlobfish

        You’re not the boss of me.

  • Lizzietish81

    OT Yep, time to reset the “Days Without a Shooting Spree” Calender, this time it’s at a San Diego Naval Base Medical Center

    http://news.yahoo.com/active-shooter-reported-naval-medical-center-san-diego-163727179.html

    • CriticalDragon1177

      I know we’re getting off topic now, but how long until they blame that on the Muslims?

      • Lizzietish81

        I didn’t look at the comments, but it being yahoo, they already have

      • tehbaddr

        I snuck a quick look at the comments. In just six comment I found this wingnut gem; “..ok why when there is an active shooter was no officers sent out was that obamas orders so he can cry get rid of guns”

        • orygoon

          Send officers into harms way, instead of enlisteds? Hmm. And at a hospital? Let’s see, what kind of officers work at hospitals? I wonder if it’s the same as when I was an AF brat, long ago–the officers in the medical facilities were doctors and nurses.

  • MrBlobfish

    Is there a Barbara Bush Old Maid card?

    • CriticalDragon1177

      Classic card game Libel!

    • Antimassacree

      You’re thinking of the Crypt Keeper project.

  • tehbaddr

    Trump-Hitler-Devil FTW!

    • bozilingus

      Worst game of Fuck-Marry-Kill evah.

    • CriticalDragon1177

      Oh a Satan Godwin!

  • This reminds me of a little-known board game from the mid-80s called City Hall, which was about Chicago politics. I own one of the few games that were produced before the outrage machine made them stop making it. Which was a shame, because it’s really fun to play.

    • eggsacklywright

      Instead of top hats and irons, there were billy-clubs, blackjacks, and brass knuckles?

      • No, but they should have been. This was a prototype, and the makers didn’t get further than that because of the outrage machine. The pieces, if I remember right, are plastic discs. It’s a shame it never got further than that, because the game was totally accurate regarding the fucked-up corruptness of Chicago politics.

  • RevZafod

    Well, this is fucked up. I made a $100 pledge and got a message “Can’t send email to this address”, so I don’t know if it registered or not. Tried my other email and got a message “This address is already taken”. Tried entering the pwd I have on file for the first one, and got “invalid.”

    • rebecca

      well that IS fucked up! did you then throw your laptop on the ground? because that’s what I would have done.

      I’ll check and see if it registered you; email me with the email you used.

  • timpundit

    I heartily endorse this event or product.

  • timpundit

    https://archive.org/details/msdos_President_Elect_-_1988_Edition_1987

    I remember playing this way back when. I remember that you could pick Donald Trump as a candidate, but they had him as a Democrat.

  • DahBoner

    Just like Fantasy football. Except all the players can’t play football worth shit.
    https://media4.giphy.com/media/OMYj7otYRfCAo/200w_d.gif

    • zerosumgame0005

      um, forgot to read what you wrote…what? best post today!

  • AnOuthouse

    I have a deck of Bush war criminal cards to remember 2004 by. A new deck will be the perfect way of remembering the year the Republican Party went down in flames.

  • AnOuthouse

    I checked the kick starter. What denomination is that? Canadian?

    • zerosumgame0005

      all the GOP ones sell in Loonies!

  • Courser

    I’m in! Did the Kickstarter thing, so Yay! I just want a card that says “Shoot someone on 5th Avenue in the Face!” Any player can throw THAT down and see what happens!

    • wavicles

      Nothing happens, apparently

      • Mintie

        Maybe you get even more popular if you do it as Donald Trump?

  • Brazilian Fart Porn

    I had to kick in to the Kickstarter.

  • BeliTsari

    Guess that’s the difference between foreign & domestic terrorists, dead-eyed gullibility?

  • Antimassacree

    Paying in pounds feels so classy!

  • wavicles

    300 mil? Mo’ money, mo’ problems!

  • Does the game have the concept of “public ignorance” here defined as an investment made by the GOP? Also “public apathy” as the same, except an investment by the Democratic Party?

    • Robyn Ryan

      sabotaging public education at the state level gets you extra votes from ignorant people.

  • How come when I try to sign up for ad free, I have to make a new account? Do I lose my old account? is it separate from disqust?

    • kaw143

      It is a separate account for disquss, yes. To be all properly signed in, you will need to be signed into both disquss AND Wonkette. Just disquss, and you get some boobage. Just Wonkette, and you can’t comment (which isn’t allowed, anyway.)

  • zerosumgame0005

    so all the GOP cards are Jokers?

  • toomanyrappers

    Only if there is a Geraldine Ferraro fist of fury (and boomers fucked up and chose wrong) card. :)

    http://www.queenscampaigner.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/03/Geraldine-Ferrero-dies4-AP-PhotoTLFREELANCEWEB.jpg

  • BMW

    That babbie iz teh cutests!

  • I don’t have any friends and I’m stuck at home. :(

    • Blue Spook

      Why don’t you post on RawStory? You used to bait people and then ban them with your Mod accounts. What happened, did someone tell your work?

  • freakishlystrong

    Love babby. Love Wonket. Do not even want to watch/hear election/reality show. Do not want to a play game about my country circling the drain. Too fucking scary.

  • SadDemInTex

    I may give money even though I don’t play card games. Dunno, just not my thing.

  • kaw143

    Wonkette, would you quit making me throw money at you? My arm is so hurted I can barely masturbate, anymore! (I can still masturbate a little, but ONE MORE GRIFT and I’m going to have to sue myself for alienation of affection.)

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    Damn that Wonkette baby, talking me out of money all the time.

    • kaw143

      And she can’t even talk, yet. Youngster’s got a natural gift, I tells ya’!

  • boll ocks

    So yeah, gonna buy this. Brilliant idea!!

  • boll ocks

    Also, there are online forums dedicated to card games wherin peeps play card games online using text, nothing hi tech. Maybe a RNG. If you guys started one I have a feeling it would boost sales of the game. Just a thought. Cheers.

  • Pickwicknext

    Pledged! Now for the exchange rate to improve before they charge my credit card!

  • Dr. Krieger IRL

    I’m going to have to get my ass down to Kickstarter.
    It’s bring Back MST3K and Exploding Kittens all over again!

  • Flanders

    Take it

  • superdave

    GAH! I keep throwing moneyz at TEH WONKET! Why do you keep making me throw moneyz at Teh Wonket?!? I blame teh babyz.

    Also, the young lady in the Kickstarter video? How much do I have to pledge for a little wink-wink, nudge-nudge?

    Also, too, you know how hard it was to type my first paragraph? What with the auto-correction? So in summary, TAKE MY MONEYZ!!!

  • Cindyjc

    So not fair using the Wonkette baby!! Alright, alright, I’m going!!

  • DAMMIT — what Cindyjc said. That baby. Cannot. Resist. Teh. Bebbeh.

  • flipdraw_mc_graw

    This is genius! Makes me wonder who the 2020 edition will feature… (if there’s a god, Liz W!)

    • rebecca

      I would vote for Liz Warren so many times, so illegally.

  • YourNameHere

    Did you guys pick that company solely because they are in Bristol?

  • A Grumpy Cat

    The Kickstarter deadline is only 2 days after my birthday, so FUND THIS THING AS A BIRTHDAY PRESENT TO THAT ANNOYING COMMENTER YOU DON’T PERSONALLY KNOW WHO CAPSLOCKS A LOT?

    Or, you know, something.

    • Cindyinencinitas

      Oh quit WHINING ABOUT YOUR BIRTHDAY. Mine is Tuesday and nobody has asked me what my favorite champagne is or ANYTHING. But I will carry on. Very stoically.

      • A Grumpy Cat

        IN THAT CASE MY CONTRIBUTION TO THE KICKSTARTER WAS IN YOUR HONOR ALSO HAPPY EARLY BIRTHDAY I HOPE IT IS DELIGHTFUL! *o/*

        • Cindyinencinitas

          I am overcome with delight. I will drink to your health on my birthday. Kisses!!!

  • ludicrousCommentary

    Fine, you win. I’ll play your stupid game if other people will play your stupid game too.

  • Cindyinencinitas

    Are you feeding her a pickle? Is that even allowed?

    • rebecca

      it is SOUP. she is a grown up woman who eats SOUP. SHE LIKES SOUP!!!!!!

      • Cindyinencinitas

        How fabulous! I hear all the best babies are doing it. I shall mail her some immediately!

  • Operation American Jesus®

    Operation American Jesus® has officially blessed the shiat outta this awesome card game project with a pile of cash.

  • chimichanga

    OK. How do I know thiS is Wonknormous Poe? I am veery gullible and that might be my leg yer pullin’.

  • Anna_in_pdx

    OK! I am a Wonkette freeloader but today I donated for this game. My good deed for the day is done! Hope you make your goal because I think this game may be the only thing that will keep my sense of humor intact in this run up to November 2016.

  • Flanders

    Heres your damn money. Now don’t fuck it up.

  • SadDemInTex

    Ok….I gave to the Kickstarter even though I have zero interest.

  • Dolmance

    Okay, Rebecca, I’m going to send you folks at Wonkette something, but it’s a surprise. All I can tell you is, it’s alive.

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