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S-M-R-T-S!
S-M-R-T-S!

BREAKING NEWS! On Jan. 19, in the year of our gun-totin’ Lord 2016, Sarah Palin will saunter out onstage with Donald Trump in Ames, Iowa, where she will caress his beautiful mane and say, “I also too Sarah Palin doncha know, America! And well you bet and all of them Katie, but I came all this way from up there in Alaska to say Donald Trump is the Mama Grizzly of MY heart, therefore he is my endorsement for president and Todd would like to be First Dude still.”

Or some collection of those words.

This comes after two whole fun-filled days of speculating whether Sarah would grace Trump with her magical SBD moose chili endorsement farts. Trump had Tweeter-faced out on Sunday that he had a BIG ANNOUNCEMENT to make at the Ames rally.

trump

And all the dumb Trump supporters on the internet took pills so they could get erections, and they said, “Is it Sarah? IS IT? ISSSSSS ITTTTTTTTT?!?!?!?!?!!!!!ELEVEN!1!!!?

Here are all the reasons Wonkette knowed it was Sarah:

We knew it was probably Sarah Palin, because AIRPLANE!

Ooh, ooh, The Washington Post said a private airplane took off from Anchorage Monday night, and some commenters at Free Republic “spotted” it first, because we guess they are air traffic controllers now. It landed in Des Moines! IT MUST BE SARAH! But then WaPo said the plane went to the sky again and went to Tulsa, sadface. It wasn’t Sarah. It was probably just some cows on vacation.

But wait! WaPo UPDATED to say Trump has an appearance in Tulsa right after the Ames thing! Maybe Sarah was going to make gay love to Trump in Iowa, and then do it again in Oklahoma, in a surrey with the fringe on top! And if the plane was already in Tulsa when she gets there, that means it can take Sarah back to Alaska and this means it is Sarah OMG OMG OMG!

And now hooray, we know the Free Republic air traffic control guys were right, freedom and liberty and moose chili for everybody!

We knew it was probably Sarah because getting endorsed by John Wayne’s daughter is PFFFFFT DUMB.

For part of Tuesday, people wondered if maybe it wasn’t going to be Sarah, because this thing happened:

aissa

We don’t get why this would be SO exciting, but maybe Iowa Republicans, who usually have nothing better to do than discuss which brands of lube work best for coitus with the Iowa State Fair Butter Cow, would have been very excited about John Wayne’s unknown daughter endorsing Trump.

We knew it was Sarah because Ted Cruz was being a dick about the rumors.

Oh GURL, the Ted Cruz camp got all petulant and bitchy about the possibility of Palin endorsing Trump, saying it would be a “blow to Sarah Palin” if she did, because she’s America’s conservative sweetheart and The Donald loves liberal homo abortions, and there would go her credibility. True, Cruz is petulant and bitchy every single day of his life, but this was kind of special sorta kinda, since Trump and Cruz have been dick-fighting extra special these days.

And awwwww, looks like Trump decided to be a dick right back, when he announced Palin’s endorsement:

palin

We knew it was Sarah because Bristol “blogged” a post about what a fucking fuck Ted Cruz is.

At the beginning of this post, Bristol is all, “Oh I’ve heard rumors, but I ain’t know nothin’ about politics, I’m covered in baby poo right now.” But at the end she said, “I hope … she endorses Donald Trump today for president,” which leads us to believe Bristol totally knew her mom was in Iowa, which meant she totally could get away with having a boy over for abstinence tonight.

Finally, we knew it was Sarah because she and Trump loooooooove each other like XOXO!

We mean come on, these two lovebirds have been tele-sharting this eventual announcement for a year now. Donald Trump said he might want to “tap” her for his administration, and we vomited into our own orgasms. She said OH DONTCHA BET, I would love to be “tapped” by Donald! She loves Trump because he’s a dumb, drunk Joe Sixpack-type guy who can’t talk good.

Sarah knows Trump is kind of a P.O.W. just like John McCain, because of his heroic service on “The Apprentice” or because of how good he yells about freedom or something. Good lord, he’s basically Jesus, when you look at him in the right light!

And look, we know Bristol slobs knob, but usually she doesn’t slob knob in such blatant political ways on behalf of her mother like she does with Trump. And she was pregnant with the Lord’s baby at the time!

The point is OH GOD, DEAR WONKETTE JESUS PLEASE, let this endorsement be the beginning of a beeeeeeyoootiful relationship between Trump and Palin, which ends in him “tapping” her for the veep slot, so that they may both get their sloppy dicks handed to them in November by President Hillary Clinton, AMEN.

[New York Times / Washington Post / Bristol’s Thought Hole / Washington Times]

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  • diogenez

    Sarah took a break from grinding turkeys and making elk jerky?

    • diogenez

      But really – who cares?

      • DahBoner

        Wasilla methheads about to crash, crash, crash?

    • DahBoner

      Grinding turkeys?

      Is Sarah working her way through school working at the Great Alaskan Bush Company?

  • borninatrailer

    Of all possible potential future sex tape leaks, this is the one I like least.

    • baconzgood

      “if I run out of vomit can I borrow some of yours?”

      -Tom Servo-

  • Steverino247
  • OneYieldRegular

    Campaign slogan: Amerika Über Alles!

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      Uber Ailes, as seen on Fox

  • Seaside

    Reality TV star endorses reality TV star.

    • diogenez

      If things get any more post-modern, I’m going swimming.

      • Captain Kraut

        No post-modernism here, for that they’d need to be aware.

  • exinkwretch

    Maybe Caribou Barbie can word salad some speeches for Donnie. Because he doesn’t sound like a big enough idiot already when he opens his enormous pie hole.

    • diogenez

      I’ve read that linguists have found that he speaks at a 4th grade level, so Sarah is needed to dumb things down for potential voters.

  • CapnFatback

    Her Grift meets Hair Graft.

  • Bureaucrap

    Hairpiece decided he needed a little moose in it.

  • Lefty Frizzell

    There’s no possibility that a Trump/Palin ticket could win is there? I can’t get my head round that.

    • margd

      Yeah, that was my first thought, too. I’m going to go look at kitteh pictures.

    • JMP

      It would be hilarious. And this is what the results of a Trump/Palin ticket would look like:

  • DahBoner

    Q: What has four wheels and flies?

    A: A Dump truck Dumb Trump.
    https://uproxx.files.wordpress.com/2015/09/trump.gif?w=360&h=201

  • And to make it even better. Track was arrested last night for assault, preventing the report of a crime, and brandishing a gun while drunk. Weehaa.

  • cessnadriver

    John Wayne was actually a 4F gay boy from USC.

    • Steverino247

      REPO MAN LIBEL!

    • Joe Beese

      His real name was Marion, for goodness sake.

    • Msgr_Moment

      Smile when you say that, Pilgrim.

      • cessnadriver

        Or old Marion will hit me with his purse?

  • Juan de Fuca

    This is like the time Justin Bieber came into the ring with Floyd Mayweather.

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      This is good news for Instagram?

  • JustPixelz

    It’s half of a YOOOGE endorsement.

  • Come here a minute

    Yes, of course we knew Sarah was scheduled to endorse Trump today. What is STOPTHEPRESSESDRUDGESIRENBREAKINGNEWS is that the Snowbilly Grifter didn’t quit halfway through the endorsement.

  • JustPixelz

    They’re having Fox-gasms on Fox News.

  • CapnFatback

    YUKON YUCKO “YOUBETCHAS” YOOOGE YUTZ.

    • mailman27

      Chump Humps Trump’s Stump

  • bryan

    An endorsement from Palin as useful as one of Jim Bakker’s ‘end times’ soup buckets : No substance and probably poisonous.

  • Anarchy Pony

    Moronic lunatic endorses lunatic moron.

  • Fitzgerald Chesterfield

    She’s done more change the political landscape in American as anyone since Ronald Reagan.

    Excellent point, Sen. Demint. She is responsible for the election of the first black president.

    • NellCote71

      Exactly.

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      And the further dumbening of the Republican base, also too, as you may have read in All of them Katie.

      • SisterArtemis

        I am suddenly possessed of the urge to write a snarktastic biography, titled “All of them, Katie.”

        Or possibly a political-porn historical fiction romance novel.

        Or, in yet another flash of non-brilliance, a heartwarming tv-movie (do they still do those?) and/or after-school special about a lonely Idaho teen who develops an obsession with hoarding puppies and kittens (and baby mooselings) in order to garner admiration and fame.

        *sigh* The best thing Palin has done for our country is produce material for an endless series of great memes, puns, jokes and absurdities. Wonder what the dollar value is on all the Sarah’s-an-Idiot swag that been produced since her arrival on the national scene?

    • The Wanderer

      Had the GOP al qaeda been capable of critical thought, McCain and Palin would have been tarred and feathered for exactly that.

  • Joe Beese

    Dick-lickers of RedState! What say you?

    <>

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      There’s those New York Values[tm] again!

    • TheBidenator

      Wow, they are fucking that Ted Cruz chicken with a passion they usually reserve for power shitting Taco Bell, aren’t they?

    • Left Coast Tom

      I’m glad you experience Red State so the rest of us can stay safely in the boat.

  • chimichanga

    Cuz $$$$$$$$$$$. No sense.

  • Constant Gardener

    Which one is Dumb and which is Dumber?

    • I think they are both dumber.

    • JustPixelz

      AOT,K

    • elviouslyqueer

      Yes.

    • Michael Stone

      Do you think me may pick her for his running mate?
      Ya know what is frightening? … There is no other planet to go to.

      • Constant Gardener

        I demand a Planet B!

    • Vienna Woods

      Reminds me of when we had a joined at the hip principal and vp, who the English head one day dubbed Pinky and…Pinky, because there was no brain.

  • crunchyknee

    Our collective reality show horrors are coming home to roost! Rock on ‘Merica!

  • netanil

    Dum and dummerer also, too

  • River CitySlicker

    Not again. . .didn’t she already pardon a turkey?

  • Ricky Gay

    Trump Palin – winning ticket or name of next grandbabby?

    • Iam Reading

      Satire porn

      • elviouslyqueer

        Most revolting political fanfic EVER.

        • Joe Beese

          The day’s rally is finished, Donald and Sarah are back in his suite at the Best Western, the cheers of the crowd still echoing in their ears. He pours out two glasses of classy Scotch to toast their partnership. As she raises her glass, she catches a new glint in his eye. And she feels a stirring she hasn’t felt in a long time…

          • Msgr_Moment

            Dear MSNBC Forum,
            I never thought I’d be writing to you, but…

          • ThePuckStopsHere

            Oh my dear sweet baby Jesus. No. Please, no…

          • Empy

            All I can picture is a string of “You betcha”s while she’s bouncing. I half wanted to continue the ‘fic’, but I think I’m too close to barfing to actually do it. Augh.

  • Mavenmaven

    What you can get nowadays for one slice of pizza…

    • I’d rather have the pizza, or even the pizza rat.

    • Joe Beese

      New York pizza.

      That’s good pizza.

      • tehbaddr

        Um wasn’t it Sbarro in Time Square? Blech!

        • Joe Beese

          Was it? Gah.

          Never mind then.

    • NellCote71

      New York pizza values.

  • Msgr_Moment

  • elviouslyqueer

    That’s it. We’re through the looking glass, out the wardrobe, past Narnia, and speeding toward Middle Earth.

    • Steverino247

      Uranus ahead, Captain.

      • cousin itt

        But first, ready the Cruz missile, we have to destroy the Klingons.

    • Spotts1701

      As long as you don’t see a plummeting sperm whale or bowl of petunias, we’re okay for the moment.

      • gedjcj

        “Not again!”

    • DerrickWildcat

      OMG, that cat is still at it!

  • chimichanga

    Truly a marriage made in Wonkette heaven

    • Iam Reading

      Maaahhhwijjjjjje

  • tihond

    Meanwhile Track Palin endorses getting drunk and then getting into fights.

    • Marcinema

      I swear she named her kids, as if they were sled dogs. Trump must figure she’s an “asset”, for the Fox crowd that whacks off to the like of her, and their “Bimbos On Parade”. I think he can probably get a BJ out of her, if he turns on all his charm, or maybe makes a deal for Bristol. Rumor she wants a cabinet post. I don’t think it exists yet, and I don’t know what it would be. The real Bible thumpers know he’s faking it, but he makes up for it with mysogyny, and racism.

      • bozilingus

        Secretary of Abstinence.

        • Marcinema

          Hmm, the irony would be appropriate. Bristol, can be the “under” Secretary of Abstinence.Nudge,nudge, wink, wink.

          • bozilingus

            Say no more.

            Please.

  • That_got_me_thinking

    This is good news for John McCain.

  • Iam Reading

    Must be a fucked up hair club thing.

  • netanil

    Idiocracy personified.

  • Joshua Norton

    John Wayne’s unknown daughter endorsing Trump.

    That has all the clout of a Yelp review from your mom.

  • Msmlg1979

    …”and there would go her credibility.”

    Bwahahahaaaaa!!

  • Steverino247

    Well, everybody makes mistakes.

    But most people learn from them!

  • netanil

    Never go full retard. Never.

    • Msgr_Moment

      TO LATE!!1

  • w9anthimos

    Trumpaline 2016!

  • cousin itt

    I will always remember where I was when I first heard this story.

    • TheBidenator

      I didn’t know you were going to visit and if I had I might have cleaned up first….that’s embarrassing.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        I thought that was Sarah’s up for sale Arizona home?

        • TheBidenator

          I am not modest….it’s not the size that counts it’s how you use it.

        • Vienna Woods

          I don’t see any American flags, so no.

  • baconzgood

    Bazonz just read an entire post about Grifty and Capt. Hair. I DEMAND that Wonkette give me back those 5 and 3/4 min. of my life.

  • Steverino247

    Simultaneously, throughout America, millions whisptered to themselves, “Can you fucking believe this shit?”

  • Jason M

    Please Dear God, I have been somewhat lapsed as a Jew lately, not circumcising my son and all (it’s a fucking HASSLE in Poland), but I’ve lived a basically honest and kind life for the most part and if You’re listening please oh please oh PLEASE HAVE DONALD TRUMP ANNOUNCE SARAH PALIN AS HIS RUNNING MATE! It’s all I’ve ever wanted, even as a small boy, even if I didn’t even know I wanted it. Amen.

    • NellCote71

      Where is Jon Stewart when we really need him?

    • Msgr_Moment

      Gosh, I expect the police stop you if you’re not counting the Rosary as you’re walking down the sidewalk. Helluva country.

      • Jason M

        “Sidewalks”? Hah!

  • Joe Beese

    Impressive prescience from Charles Cooke, written 5 months before Trump’s candidacy.

    <>

    http://www.nationalreview.com/article/397238/sarah-palin-slips-self-parody-charles-c-w-cooke

  • fawkedifiknow

    I think that’s John Wayne Gacy’s daughter.

    Same difference.

  • cousin itt

    Your move Jeb!

  • JMP
  • diogenez

    Can Aaron Schock be their pool boy?

    • elviouslyqueer

      Only if he gets there before Lindsey Graham shows up.

      • diogenez

        Lindsey isn’t the spry young thing he once was.

        • elviouslyqueer

          Neither is Aaron. At least according to JonathON.

  • Paperless Tiger

    Sounds like a great photo op for The Kiss of Death.

  • Jeamonn

    I fucking hate that Trump knows his mouth breathers so well that John Wayne’s daughter is an actual endorsement that matters to the jack holes. This woman is endorsing Trump on behalf of a dead guy that may have actually hated the idea of Trump in the WH. My fucking hair is coming out in clumps because of this kind of shit. Also, Wonkette, if your plan is to have a website that crashes faster than an Al-Qaeda test pilot to get me to subscribe to one that doesn’t it may actually work. This shit is getting ridiculous.

  • tehbaddr

    Palin’s moose chili farts are amongst the most sought after and flatulent amongst Republicans. FTFY

  • Thurman Munster IV

    If this brings on the apocalypse sooner like the one in Mad Max and my secret girlfriend Charlize Theron and those 5 babes with her, I say bring it on. Because surely it will cause the end times. Also too.

  • Dudleydidwrong

    Shitstain endorses shithead! Or is it the other way around?

    • ohpaleasegivemeabreak

      She’s valley trash and he’s pretending he’s uptown so I’d say the first way. Makes sense. Stains move downward – right?

  • elviouslyqueer

    And lo, in mothers’ basements across this great land, millions of wingnuts simultaneously cried out and had to change their pants.

  • JMP

    I’m with stupid.

    • cousin itt

      That’s a nice Palindrome.

  • Hutch

    You had me at “just some cows on vacation,” Evan!

  • mrpuma2u

    Let’s hope that she gives the Donald’s campaign the same boost she did McCains

  • TheBidenator

    This is the greatest team ever assembled…someone resurrect the Marx brothers, they are needed.

  • The Wanderer

    Indeed, a veritable Singularity of Stupid.

    • Joe Beese

      Stupidity so dense that its gravitational field presents any ray of intelligence from escaping.

  • Lascauxcaveman

    As if there was ever any doubt. These two are peas in a pod.

  • Skwerl King

    I can wait for Trump to publicly say that while he would try to hit Bristol, he wouldn’t pass if it was offered, which it probably has.

    • Joe Beese

      She’s not a 10.

      She needs Photoshopping to scratch 4.

      • Beaumarchais?

        A paper bag gets her to 5.

  • Duke

    This is so exciting. I want to see it livestreamed. Really, I do.

    • Joe Beese
      • Duke

        Thanks

        • Joe Beese

          If anyone hasn’t clicked through to that, the fast-scrolling chat window in the top-right corner of the page is like having a telepathic connection to the mental belchings of a hall full of Trump supporters.

          Disorientation may result.

          • Vienna Woods

            FUUUUCK. I lasted about 10 seconds.

      • Jesus Christ. Is she wearing chain mail?

  • netanil

    Coming soon, the announcement that Bristol is pregnant with Trump’s love child.

    • Ricky Gay

      I think you mean his next bride?

    • Joe Beese

      And she doesn’t want any lectures!

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      Trump’s daughter must be beside herself with jealousy.

    • Me not sure

      ….which he would love to fuck if she wasn’t his daughter.

    • TheBidenator

      You say that in future tense….big error.

      • Left Coast Tom

        I read “the announcement” in the future tense, not the alleged pregnancy.

  • witsended

    Old and Aussie but still golden.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lYccsybhplg

  • Fartknocker

    It’s 10:35 PM in London and I’m gonna bet the House of Commons and the House of the Lords smartphones are ablaze knowing they get to decide on not one but two idiots coming across the pond to see them. I can already see Wasilla Wonder bitching in a London restaurant because the chips in her “fish & chips” aren’t freedom fries.

  • Hutch

    Trump manages to generate tons of free publicity. Palin is a publicity ‘hooer and can bring even more publicity to Trump. They will just feed on the media and let it feed on them. It’s like a mobius strip of reality show politics. God help us all.

  • Nockular cavity

    Also, too (sorry), because Track Palin was arrested last night for domestic violence: http://gawker.com/track-palin-was-charged-with-assault-last-night-1753857153

    • Mr Corrections

      Also preventing the victim from phoning the police and brandishing a firearm.

      • Hutch

        Was there another barbecue brawl, too?

      • SuspectedDemocrat

        So he’s a strong supporter of the 2nd Amendment! What’s wrong with that???

      • cessnadriver

        Amazing that gun crimes are not felonies in Alaska.

        • Mr Corrections

          If he held the woman he beat up at gun point, which might be the case, I have difficulty in understanding how it’s not a felony.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            Because white, because second mendment, because Palin, pick your pick

          • Mr Corrections

            AOT,K

          • cessnadriver

            It might be one of those weird laws: in California driving with a sap or a blackjack is a felony while driving around with a loaded gun is a misdemeanor, if anything.

        • Beaumarchais?

          Then there would be no one to cash the oil checks.

    • Joe Beese

      They’re not perfect; just forgiven.

      Which is evangelical speak for “We’re scumbags.”

    • TheBidenator

      I don’t know if I can handle a surprise like that…Track Palin of all people was arrested for domestic violence? Surely they have the wrong Track Palin!

      • Joe Beese

        After all, there are thousands of Track Palins out there.

        • Beaumarchais?

          And one Track Palimo who misspells his own name for the police.

      • cessnadriver

        The Greatest War Hero Since Dan Quayle, Track Palin!

    • Msgr_Moment

      The 26-year-old Palin was busted in the family’s hometown of Wasilla on charges of fourth-degree assault, interfering with the report of a domestic violence crime and possession of a firearm while intoxicated. All the charges are Class A misdemeanors.

      Government overreach!! #2A

      • Beaumarchais?

        Is assault measured like black belts, or like burns?

    • baconzgood

      I am starting to think this family doesn’t practice what they preach.

    • Jenny

      Well it’s been a few weeks since the last trashy Palin story, something had to give.

  • TheBidenator

    I feel a great disturbance in the snark as if millions of libtards cried out in excitement and then were silenced….with a cigarette.

    • Hutch

      And I had stopped smoking.

    • lroom

      Okay that was good.

    • baconzgood

      STRONGEST SNARK….in the thread

  • Indiepalin

    Breaking: Ben Carson suspends Campaign due to car crash. I’m going to miss his 9-9-9 tax program.

    • TheBidenator

      I already snarked that news like two posts ago: we can all assume given that it’s Ben Carson’s campaign that they fell asleep at the wheel. Keep up, Indiepalin!

      • Msgr_Moment

        He what?!!?!zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

    • Anarchy Pony

      False flag! Conspirazzzzzzz

  • TheGrandWaz00

    Senator DeMint noted: “She has done more to change the political landscape in America as anyone since Ronald Reagan.”
    http://s3-ec.buzzfed.com/static/2013-11/enhanced/webdr06/21/11/anigif_enhanced-buzz-3175-1385049707-32.gif

    • malsperanza

      This one never gets old.

  • Hutch

    This just in on the Borowitz Report: “Palin Endorsement Widens Trump’s Lead Among Idiots.”

    • cousin itt

      Here is their Iowa caucus.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      You misspelled “athaletic.”

  • cousin itt

    “I am greatly honored to receive Sarah’s endorsement,” Mr. Trump said in a statement trumpeting Mrs. Palin’s decision. “She is a friend, and a high-quality person whom I have great respect for. I am proud to have her support.”

    She’s going to be his most athletic supporter.

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …didn’t she get schlonged by Obama during the 2008 election

    • cousin itt

      And now she’s back for more. Once you go Barack you want another whack.

      • cessnadriver

        THIS is why I love Wonkette!

    • cessnadriver

      Old Sarah of the BBC wishes!

      • AngryBlakGuy

        …well it is true what they say:

    • TheBidenator

      Before then too….but Glenn Rice doesn’t like to talk about it. Old shame.

      • AngryBlakGuy

        …Glenn Rice actually lives in my neighborhood! I usually run into him 2 or 3 times a month. Small world

  • Me not sure

    I predict that Catarh the ancient Egyptian god of spittle and rage will walk out and announce his endorsement of Trump and then spit on the press corps to the joy of the crowd. Sarah Palin? Pffft!

  • Msgr_Moment

    …maybe Iowa Republicans, who usually have nothing better to do than discuss which brands of lube work best for coitus with the Iowa State Fair Butter Cow,…

    WELL?!?!?! Don’t leave us hanging.

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      Trick question. The state fair butter cow is self-lubricating.

    • Vienna Woods

      You’d actually need something to create friction, not reduce it.

  • cessnadriver
  • TheBidenator

    I can imagine their first ad together:
    “I’m Sarah Palin donchaknow” :holding up a bloody otter head:
    “I am Donald Trump and I am YOOOGE”
    “All over America people are wakin’ up and their thinkin’ about how this crazy ride has gotten ’em turned around and then they drove off a cliff but then they realized you can’t make Moose chili without a scrotum and two nails”
    “I completely agree”
    “So what I’m sayin’ is I endorse Donald Trump to make America great again, youbetcha”
    “That was terrific. Beautiful. Just terrific.”
    (Folksy Acoustic Guitar Music outro)

    • Toomush_Infer

      How does this bring him any NEW voters?…

      • Beaumarchais?

        It does get him a lot of old voters.

  • Iam Reading

    Ok, but what is her stance on men who use their 2nd Amendment rights to stifle the 1st Amendment rights of female domestic partners? For instance, said male engages in domestic violence and then prevents the victim from reporting the crime by brandishing a firearm, likely while drunk. What would she think of such a scenario? What do you think, Track Palin?

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      I hope the press asks her this first thing in the morning.

  • Does this mean Trump is Bristol’s new baby daddy?

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …oh great, now we have to worry about the combined forces of snow-Billy and NEO-Nazi vote!!!

    • Msgr_Moment

      How could we Nazi this coming?

      • Joe Beese

        That’s Reich coming from you.

        • cousin itt

          Cruz is now going to fall Führer behind.

          • TheBidenator

            He’s going to need SSpeed up to catch Trump.

          • Villago Delenda Est

            He’s going to have to panzer a lot more to poach some Trump voters.

          • Vienna Woods

            He’ll find some at the Luftwaffe Hut, I’m sure.

        • malsperanza

          Yeah, he’s really gonna have to sturmabteilungshauptfuhrer now!

          Wait, what?

    • TheBidenator

      Or as the rest of us call it: Alaska.

      • Techutante

        Oh, don’t mind Alaskans. The election is over before we even get out of bed.

  • DerrickWildcat

    Performance Art: How ridiculous can you be and still have people support you.

    • TheBidenator

      Ronald Reagan’s senility utterly annihilated that paradigm and it’s been in free fall ever since….

      • cessnadriver

        Hey: trees pollute more than cars. Everybuddy knows that libtard!

  • Dr.Zoidberg

    Never a bad time to use this…

  • tehbaddr

    This is a gift that will surely keep on giving! Word salad extraordinaire 2016!

  • Ryan Denniston

    How’s the saying go? If trailer trash makes an endorsement in the political wilderness and nobody gives a shit, does it change a vote?

  • MrBlobfish

    Fragmented Sentence gets coveted Run-on Sentence endorsement.

    • cousin itt

      We know how wing nuts hate the syntax.

    • Toomush_Infer

      Fabulous! You betcha!….

  • eric

    Jon Stewart picked the wrong election to retire before.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      Seriously. Jon, we really, REALLY need you.

    • Beaumarchais?

      I wonder if he knew something…

  • Msgr_Moment

    I’ll be in my bunk.

  • Iam Reading

    I heard the word salad announcement. Pity me. Also too, that voice, that alleged sentence strucure, and that swarminess. I. Just. Cant. How does anyone get it up for that entity? Is there that much viagra and coke in the world?

    • azeyote

      and plenty of meth too ……..

  • Me not sure

    “Mr. Noah, there’s a Mr. Stewart on line one. He says the news today makes him want his show back .”

    • Toomush_Infer

      Lazy ass…

    • Vegan and Tiara

      Stewart’s off saving farm animals, that selfish bastard!

  • DerrickWildcat

    My Cat just endorsed Rubio, so the endorsements cancel each other out.

    • Anarchy Pony

      Please, your cat’s endorsement carries far more significance.

    • AntiDerpomeme

      The first endorsement in the form of a hairball this season.

    • Toomush_Infer

      My cat, apparently, is not answering surveys – he just showed me his ass… but the dogs are definitely in favor of subsidies and free education if (does that come with rewards?)…

  • Portia McGonagal

    Wow I am so changing my vote! John Racist Wayne’s daughter and Princess Bendy Straw’s endorsements in the same day?! You betcha.

    • BMW

      +1 for “Princess Bendy Straw”

  • azeyote

    i’m confused as usual wondering why a butter cow would need some lube – when you could just put it in a heated barn –

    • Msgr_Moment

      You’re a cruel lover.

    • darnyoudarnyoutoheck

      Seems to me the problem would be too much slippery, not too little.

      • bozilingus

        You must practice with a real cow first, so I’ve been told.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Buttering up a butter cow would seem redundant but then an attention whore endorsing another attention whore just happened so what do I know?

  • Joshua Norton

    Politician turned reality show star endorses reality show star turned politician.

    Neo get me outta here!

    • Antimassacree

      Indeed a fearful symmetry.

    • CripesAmighty

      ‘Murkin Ecksepshunalizm!

  • Msgr_Moment

    So, is she going to campaign with him, cause that could be comedy gold, Jerry.

    • DerrickWildcat

      I hope he lets her perform her free-form steam-of-conscious eefin and hambone gibberish at his rallies.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UX_q5cjRjJw

    • Hutch

      Fire up the One Nation bus. We’re Going Rogue!

      God help us all.

      • Msgr_Moment

        Bus?! I think sugardaddy Trump can spring for a Piper Cub.

        • Hutch

          And she’ll need a new wardrobe from Neiman Marcus. So she’ll be classy!

        • bozilingus

          Piper is almost old enough to give T-rump a Cub(bie).

    • AntiDerpomeme

      Two complete idiots, no complete sentences.

      • Toomush_Infer

        Two nuts, one golden cup!…

      • Mehmeisterjr

        I agree but you are too coherent. Let’s toss those words around in random order.

        Idiots two no, complete sentences complete Hussein.

        There, that sounds more Palinesque.

    • Vienna Woods

      mmmmm , pizza!

    • Vegan and Tiara

      Yadda yadda yadda…

  • TheBidenator

    Trump has now secured the coveted double Wazzack and we can only surmise that he is going for the triple with his VP nomination….my money is on cross eyed lunatic Steve King. Or since he needs the South, Louie Gohmert’s ties er, time has come.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Judge Roy Moore. Who is going to need a new gig soon.

  • Joe Beese

    Ted Cruz, eating shit:

    <>

    EAT IT! EAT IT!

  • Jen_Baker_VA

    I guess you need a nice Murrican lady to stump for you when your own is an immigrant?

    • Vegan and Tiara

      I’ve noticed he keeps her under wraps. I’ve only seen her speak one time during his entire presidential run.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        She sounds furrn is why, would be my guess

        • Mehmeisterjr

          Also, her jewelry smuggling history could make for some embarrassing Q&A’s.

  • Jenny

    I too practiced Brisket’s version of abstinence this morning when for the first time in a million years I had the house all to myself, and could invite anyone over! Pretty good abstinence imo.

    • Anarchy Pony

      Goddammit, is everybody getting fucked but me?

      • Msgr_Moment

        No. Just the singles.

      • Jenny

        Well sure women get less pay, opportunity, and other shit but getting sex is at least fairly easy.

        • Anarchy Pony

          Uh, touche, I guess…

          • Toomush_Infer

            touchy, touchy…

          • Anarchy Pony

            Yeah, I’m not getting any of that.

          • data_ninja

            Have you tried visiting a used car dealership? Perhaps starting a new cellphone contract with a major network provider?

      • TxSpinyLizrd

        Um, no.

    • TheOtherHeadlessThompsonGunner

      This’ll teach me not to answer the phone.

      • Jenny

        You never know, it could be a slightly unstable female looking for sex, or a guy selling time shares. Probably the time share guy more often than not, but you never know when the odds will be in your favor!

        • TheOtherHeadlessThompsonGunner

          You mean, like one leg’s longer than the other?

  • arundel

    Track Palin got hisself arrested: “Sarah Palin’s son Track was arrested a day before the former Alaska governor announced she was endorsing Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump,Gawker reported.

    The younger Palin was charged with assault, interfering with a report of domestic violence, and possession of a weapon while intoxicated. He was scheduled to be arraigned on Tuesday evening.”

    http://www.rawstory.com/2016/01/sarah-palins-son-track-arrested-on-assault-and-weapons-related-charges/

    • Sheepshagger

      I can see jail from my house!

      • vivian

        I can’t see from my jailhouse.

    • cessnadriver

      Why isn’t he at the wildlife refuge in Oregon?

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        What, and potentially get shot at? Are you nuts?

    • Antimassacree

      The Track of her tears.

  • MrBlobfish

    First, he snags Meat Loaf. Now Sarah. Dude can’t lose.

  • Msgr_Moment

    Meanwhile, in other news, Martin O’Malley found a lucky penny.

  • Toomush_Infer

    Ooh! Kiss of Eternal Damnation!…

  • bozilingus

    Sarah wrote another book after her last failure?? Or is she trying to get T-rump to buy her AZ house?

  • AntiDerpomeme

    Heh, I just noticed this “family friendly option” thing at the bottom of this page. If I click it, does this mean the stories about the Trump-Palin fuckfest go away? I’m so tempted…

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      Pretty sure it is just for the ads, which means no more boobs for you

  • DerrickWildcat

    “I’m proud to endorse Donald J. Trump for president. I was told there would be food.”

  • Msgr_Moment

    Damnit, Wonkette. Saving the best stuff for the end of the day!

  • Jen_Baker_VA

    Hot damn the bibble IS right. The Whore of Babylon paves the way for the Anti christ.

    Welp, been nice knowin ya, Earth, catch ya next Genesis

    • TheGrandWaz00

      You spelled Babble-on wrong.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        demmit. You are right, and so do win the internet today.
        But I will get you, and your little puns too

        • Mehmeisterjr

          ISWYDT

  • Sheepshagger

    This works

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Sarah Palin: High-quality person.

    You cannot make this shit up.

  • Mr Corrections
    • Anarchy Pony

      I need land, think I’m gonna go take it from someone trying to selfishly keep it for themselves.

      • bozilingus

        There is a wildlife refuge in Oregon waiting for you to call…

        • Anarchy Pony

          I was thinking more like a really classy estate somewhere…

          • Jenny

            I bet Palin’s super sex pad in AZ sits empty.

          • Anarchy Pony

            Arizona’s hot and it sucks… soooo… no.

          • Jenny

            Only if you go outside! That’s how I managed. I never adjusted to the 100 degree at night thing however.

      • malsperanza

        Hey why not? It worked for Texas.

    • tehbaddr

      He was a Nazi, but not anymore!
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YFjLmqAZ_0o

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        I never liked him (well, I did like the Quiet man but I think mostly for Maureen) but now I really, REALLY do not like him more.

      • Anarchy Pony

        PUNK ROOOOOOOOOOOOCK!

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Actual combat Marines hate that guy’s guts. And he knew it, too.

      If you think you can carry an M60 machine gun like Rambo, the drill sergeant will sneer at you for acting like John Wayne.

    • malsperanza

      Ah yes, hero John Wayne, who managed to dodge actually being in the armed forces during WW II, but was perfectly happy to make movies that inspired the entire cohort of Korea and Vietnam age boys to sign up and get themselves killed. Few people deserve the dustbin of history quite as much as John Wayne.

      It’s nice to know that for most voting Americans, the response to the first endorsement was, “Whose daughter, now?”

  • vivian

    Never forget

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      I…I think I do not like you now.

      • vivian

        well, I’m no John Wayne

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          All right, I like you then, a little, but it may be a while before I Jesus forgive you for the pic

    • Antimassacree

      If this doesn’t violate the US Flag Code, what does?

      • Randy Riddle

        If this doesn’t violate my eyes, what does?

      • vivian

        Desecration is her dedication.

    • kaw143

      So, this is the completely uncensored Amorica album cover?

    • Querolous

      I still don’t get it. Does she really think a pellet rifle will impress anyone?

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    If Alissa Wayne (R-who?) is endorsing Trump, maybe I better take a closer look.

  • duckshoe

    “Sen. Jim Demint noted ‘she has done more…as anyone since Ronald Reagan…” Oh, words, they aren’t your thing, are they, Jimmy?

  • Steverino247

    Think of all those Americans

    • ZangoCrudmonger

      Scientists warned us in the ’70’s, we have reached peak canned clams.

  • JoeChristmas

    Great, now what in the hell am I gonna do with this box of “Cruz/Palin ’16” bumper stickers??!?

    • Steverino247

      Make confetti bombs.

    • Vegan and Tiara

      Put one over Ted Cruz’s mouth, and also one over Sarah’s, too?

    • Jenny

      Grow a silly beard, wear flannel, and cover a car with them while proclaiming how original and ironic you are?

      • Anarchy Pony

        Needs a driving cap and a scarf.

  • TheBidenator

    Poor Ted Cruz can’t catch a break- when you lose the support of Sarah Palin you might as well give up. No really, Ted…give up. Quit politics, quit going on teevee, quit speaking- go to a monastery and take a vow of silence for oh, 45 years- I may be dead or deaf by then.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      I think it would be pretty funny if, not only he did not get the nomination, but also he gets voted out of the Senate. Is he up this year?
      pleasesayyespleasesayyes

      • Vienna Woods

        2 years from now, I think.

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          Damnit. Smary bastard is double protected by Texas and off year?
          muttergrumble

  • vivian

    Let me see if I’ve got this right…
    The Grifter Queen of Alaska endorses the billionaire candidate.
    Why, what are the odds?

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      Are you suggesting that Saint Sarah would whore herself out for mere monetary concerns?????

      • vivian

        Heaven forfend. I’m merely suggesting that perhaps she is bereft of other concerns.

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          Just asking questions, and all, like a good soverign citizen? Carry on

          • vivian

            Or in this case, carrion*

            *dead horse and all that

          • Ryan Denniston

            It would, of course, be wrong not to speculate!

    • Vecciojohn LLC

      Is is legal for the President to marry the Vice President?

  • Antimassacree

    I thought they said crossing the streams would be a bad thing.

  • dslindc

    I live alone so I can have abstinence whenever I want. In a gay way.

    • vivian

      Is that Gabstinence?

  • dslindc

    Nothing like a grifty quitter endorsing a racist blowhard! Maybe she’ll quit halfway to Election Day.

    • vivian

      You can take the grifter out of politics, but you can never take the politics out of grifting.

      • Vecciojohn LLC

        You can indict a grifter, but they’re damn hard to convict.

        • vivian

          Yet oddly, conviction is essential to being a successful grifter.

          • Vecciojohn LLC

            Now that is topping! Simply topping! Care for a sherry?

    • Vecciojohn LLC

      Maybe she’ll quit half way through her speech.

  • DerrickWildcat

    Big deal, Ted Cruz has the support of The Deer Hunter Duck Dynasty Dude.

    • Vecciojohn LLC

      I hope old Dead-Eye Dick endorses him too.

    • Randy Riddle

      But who is going to get the coveted WWE wrestler endorsement? I’m sure Lindsey Graham was trying ….

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        They’re all union aren’t they?

      • thewitchqueen74

        Kane’s a libertarian. I doubt he’s gonna endorse any of these guys except for maybe Rand Paul, since he’s got such a hardon for his dad.

  • Vecciojohn LLC

    Oh, of course Sarah is endorsing Trump. Guy’s a total chick magnet.

    • Antimassacree

      Since he owns a beauty pageant he is a chick magnate, also too.

      • Joe Beese
        • tehbaddr

          Ha, the sexy music as she parades her wares about, good stuff!

          • nightmoth

            Sounds a bit sad trombonish—prescient?

        • bozilingus

          I think OHJB would still have beaten her in this contest.

        • Antimassacree

          Will save this in case I swallow something toxic and need to induce vomiting.

      • Vecciojohn LLC

        The pun, sir or madam, is famously the lowest form of wit. Unless you are a master of English prose it is best to avoid punning. Shakespeare could do it. You and I should not.

        And stop being funnier than I am.

        • Antimassacree

          But the lowest form is all I’ve got and I want to play, too.

  • Toomush_Infer

    When they merge their grifting lists, there may be some crossover…

    • vivian

      “Don’t cross the streams!!!”

  • dslindc

    This is just an excuse to “write” another “book.”

    • Vecciojohn LLC

      Maybe it will be even BETTER than the Bible! Oh, the Rapture must be coming! Oh! Oh! Oh! Ma, fetch the snakes!

  • Pinkham’s Law

    Are any of us surprised that Palin is endorsing a loudmouth with no coherent vision or relevant experience?

    • Vecciojohn LLC

      crickets

      • Pinkham’s Law

        loud crickets, at that.

        • Mehmeisterjr

          Loud crickets with grating, mega-annoying chirps. Say, you don’t suppose that Palin is part-cicada?

  • Objectifer

    This may be the wrong take-away for this piece, but why would you need lube to fuck a cow made of butter?

    • Vecciojohn LLC

      A zen koan for out time.

    • Msgr_Moment

      Makes its own sauce, as they say in the Shire.

    • Naytch

      I know, right? I was thinking just a little foreplay to warm her up a bit…

      Maybe a glass of Chateau Cosby to soften her resistance…

      I am going to Hell.

  • Joe Beese

    Waiting for anything interesting to happen on the live feed. Some student center hall at Iowa State University, Bunch of frat dudes in hoodies and baseball hats standing around.

  • AntiDerpomeme
  • HazooToo

    Okay, I have a horrible question I have to ask. What do we do if that Thing actually does win? If it becomes President?

    • Randy Riddle

      Wait patiently for the outcome of a myriad of Constitutional court cases and financial scandals?

      Withdraw all your IRA funds before the market crashes?

    • vivian

      That is a horrible question
      Just terrible, terrible. I don’t…
      No, don’t even talk about it. It’s too disgusting.

    • Ryan Denniston

      Are you referring to what crawled up and died on his head? Well, the President does have his own doctor.

      • HazooToo

        I would actually prefer the dead animal. It doesn’t seem to have an opinion either way on Messicans. It just lies there…

    • Anarchy Pony

      Secede from the union?

    • Joe Beese

      Last month I wouldn’t have worried too much about it. But if the economy spends the rest of the year going downhill like it is now, all bets are off.

      The foreign policy implications are a bit unsettling, I admit. But on the home front, the kleptocracy will siimply continue entrenching as it has for the last few decades.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      Not gonna happen. Also, remember to vote.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        Can Canada declare itself a soverign nation and come and squat in Virginia?
        I am lazy. And poor. And it is cold up there.

      • HazooToo

        You laugh, now. Just wait til the American refugees start flooding in.

    • Pinkham’s Law

      You know how the gunhumpers are always talking about defending themselves from a runaway government . . . ?

  • Randy Riddle
    • Msgr_Moment

      Like the morning sun you come,
      And like a gust you blow

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        All we are is gust in the wind, dude

  • Vecciojohn LLC

    ‘Hain’t we got all the fools in town on our side? And hain’t that a big enough majority in any town?’

  • Joe Beese

    Donnie with a prop Bible provided for the occasion.

    Look at the sincerity on that face.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Joel Osteen, you have new competition!

  • TheGrandWaz00
  • Michael Christian

    The US has only ever had one emperor, and that was Emperor Norton I, who would thoroughly disapprove of Donald Trump.

    • Anarchy Pony

      He’s around here somewhere…

      • Michael Christian

        Yeah, he’s downthread a bit.

  • Slinger

    Hey Sarah, how did that endorsement of Dakota Meyer work out for you ?

  • Yr. Gma

    I first came to Wonkette in my hysterical panic at the possibility of a President Palin, looking for comfort. (Thank you for the succor.) And here we are again. I am too old for all this apocalypsing. Get off my lawn, you copulating curs!

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      I just had an interesting argument elsewhere, where a con was bemoaning this and I told him well, you created these people, deal. And he lamented over and over how not only Donald was a liberal plant, but Sarah was too, and they make all conservatives look stupid!!!!
      And I had to, because I am sometimes mean, go “Oh yeah, trust me, liberals are backin a Trump Palin ticket fo sho”

      • Pinkham’s Law

        The train wreck would truly be a thing of beauty!

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          I admit to being compelled to rubber neck.

  • Joe Beese

    John Wayne’s daughter is on the mic, filling time until Donald’s hair is ready.

    That takes time, you know.

    • Yr. Gma

      Is that Wayne’s daughter from the lawful marriage?

    • Vecciojohn LLC

      Maybe she plays the flute and could kill time that way.

      And no play the flute jokes, you pervs.

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    We dodged a bullet with that lady. Just kidding, that is no lady.

  • Bleeding T-Nut

    As much as I hate to encourage cons… Is this the FAMOUS FAT LADY SINGING ???

  • tehbaddr

    Sarah is going full on crazy train with her world salad, it is gold!

  • Joe Beese
  • Morrigan In Oregon

    AKKKKKKK! Cathy Guisewhite aside, I need to toss my morning breakfast essentials, Sarah is word salading is done in 110 decibels..

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      I do hope wonkette does a blow by blow. I haz not the cable

      • Vecciojohn LLC

        Blow by blow can be arranged but anything kinky will cost you extra. Capische?

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          I have spare change in the car door?

    • Morrigan In Oregon

      she is hitting all the golden oldies, too (ABC, anybody but Clinton)

      • Vecciojohn LLC

        Take a drink if she says Rhymes with witch.

  • TheBidenator

    Alright here’s my shot at a pithy headline: Hairdoo Endorses Hairpiece.
    Or Trump to Intelligence: Drop Dead!

    • Vecciojohn LLC

      Shitter/Quitter 2016!

    • wavicles

      Hairballs

  • Redstart

    Augh! Word cole slaw!

  • Vecciojohn LLC
    • Beaumarchais?

      Ethel used her chalkboard voice to propel the golden age of musical comedy into history, and in the process endeared herself to millions. Sarah used hers for something else.

      • Vecciojohn LLC

        And she was a total hoot in Mad Mad Mad Mad World, which holds up surprisingly well.

        Ethel, I mean, not Sister Sarah.

    • listening to this gives me the overwhelming urge to snort Klonopin.

      • Vecciojohn LLC

        I don’t what that is, but Molotov!

  • Joe Beese

    Sarah is wearing some kind of chain-mail cape.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      Please let it turn into a reversable flag, pleeaaassseee

    • tehbaddr

      It’s the Snow Queen Shawl.

    • OneDemin EOr

      Dang it, that’s the best thing the local T.J. Maxx had near the register on the Xmas Discount rack.

  • Cismontane

    If people were actually sane, this endorsement alone should cost Trump about 10 points in the polls, but people aren’t, so he might just get a boost out of it.

  • Juan de Fuca

    She’s actually following an outline for this thing – she wrote this ahead of time. Holeee fuck

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      Assume facts not in evidence. Someone else wrote it ahead of time, and spent the past 4 months painstakingly teaching her to memorize it.

      • wavicles

        Painfully

      • Juan de Fuca

        Her speeches couldn’t get her through a basic level leadership course required for promotion from E4 to E5 in the Airforce. Now CNN is discussing how compelling it was: “Calling Jihad on each others heads forever and forever – let ’em duke it out! It’s not about the ABC’s; anyone but Clinton, it’s about we’ve had enough and we’re not going to take it anymore all you rock and roller’s and holy rollers and full-time mom’s, all of you hands-that-rock-the-cradle!” Compelling.

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          heh, she wouldn’t make it to naf 2 let alone your fancy officer stuffies

    • bozilingus

      Is she reading from the palm of her hand?

      • wavicles

        No, it goes on so, so long

  • wavicles

    WOW
    What the hell could be going through Trump’s mind while he’s standing there?
    I’m distracted by the longest necktie I’ve ever seen.

    • Joe Beese

      It reaches the top of his fly!

    • lucidamente

      Which of her daughters can I bang?

      • Joe Beese

        AOTK

      • wavicles

        Oh yeah, of course. I just needed a moment and a shake of the head

      • Pinkham’s Law

        Certainly not Bristol, the Queen of Abstinence.

  • lucidamente

    Snowbilly Grifter endorsing the Donald right now: she just mentioned his “quiet generosity.” Wonkers, did I just have a stroke?

    • Toomush_Infer

      Why? Is she expensive?…

  • Joe Beese

    She’s looking forward to how Donald will stop all the race-baiting that goes on.

  • DerrickWildcat

    Two people that don’t know when to shut up. Sounds like a fun rally.

  • anon_the_great

    Why is she wearing window? (anti-radar stuff)

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      Chemtrails ya libtards! And the usurper has spies in her fillings

      • anon_the_great

        Ah. That ‘splans it.

    • OneDemin EOr

      So obvious she no longer has “handlers”.
      Poor thing. Her appearance after McCain chose her was really bangin’. After she returned to the tundra, it was all downhill from there.

  • Morrigan In Oregon

    there it is, the last comment, “We will rub Barack Hussein Obama’s nose in it!”

    • Morrigan In Oregon

      did you see it, it was finally said and The Donald just beamed!

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        They do know he is not running this year….right?

        • Toomush_Infer

          Shhhhh…..

        • Of course Hillary Benghazi Hussein Obama is running for president. It was in all the papers, which Sarah reads.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Oh, if only they were actually running against him. The stupid, it reaches new nadirs.

  • tehbaddr

    Well that was a thing.

  • hey donald: 2008 called!! it wants its losers back.

  • Joe Beese

    Awkward body language! Trump delivered a short message of thanks to Sarah, shook her hand, and then she hesitated before allowing him to pull her in for an air kiss.

    • Morrigan In Oregon

      Sarah is sooooo off her game. just downright rusty, I could hear the near panic in her higher register voice, keeping up that ‘high energy’ for Trump.

      • Joe Beese

        It was like a watching a long-past-prime ballplayer flunking basic plays.

        “Those government guys like to take your hard… money.”

      • OneDemin EOr

        Meth peaked too early.

  • lucidamente

    Lucky for me I resolved to drink more heavily in 2016.

    • Toomush_Infer

      And think of the poor popcorn farmers!….

  • Bitter Scribe

    One worthless, vapid, infantile twit endorses another. Who saw that coming?

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      All of us, Katie!

  • tehbaddr

    The word Harpy keeps coming to mind.

    • Juan de Fuca

      Harpy, Screeching Harpy – they both work.

  • DerrickWildcat

    Publicity seeking lunatic endorses publicity seeking lunatic.

    • Beaumarchais?

      You have that backwards.

      • Msgr_Moment

        In Soviet Russia, publicity seeking lunatic endorses YOU.

        • Mehmeisterjr

          What a cunt!

  • Relativicus

    There is no bottom.

    • Tio_Doidinho

      Oh honey, speak for yourself.

  • BeachLoafer

    Jesus H WTF Christ, what the fuck is she throwing in that word salad. Granted, I’m on my second martini, but I thought maybe if I drank enough, she’d make sense … damn was I wrong.

  • MrBlobfish

    Stop. You’re killing me, Sarah. Community organizer jokes? Ho Ho! What next? TelePrompTer jokes?

    Oh. Well there it is.

    • Joe Beese

      She made several cooing mentions of the tall things he builds and it had a gross “Fountainhead” flavor to it.

    • Vecciojohn LLC

      I just hope that those darn old liberal mediums don’t play none of those “gotcha” questions on her.

    • wavicles

      Yup

    • Brianna Amoré

      She’s still clearly living in 2008, the peak of her stardom.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Glory Days, they’ll pass you by
        Glory Days, in the wink of a young girl’s eye
        Glory Days
        Glory Days

      • Mehmeisterjr

        She’s Al and Peg Bundy all rolled into one!

    • Villago Delenda Est

      You knew it was coming all along!

  • Wassamatta U Alumnus

    Such beautiful word salad Evan! Did you take the extension course at tRump University Palin college of English? You done spoke just likum.

  • Never thought I’d wish Tweety would shut the fuck up so Michael Steele could get a word in.

    • Shoto

      That’s where a cattle prod might come in handy.

  • anon_the_great

    The weirdest part of what we all witnessed: Sarah Palin is clearly the superior public speaker.

    • “I know words. I’ve got the best words.”

    • Vecciojohn LLC

      Define “speaker.”

  • SheriffRoscoe

    Was in the car listening to XM radio while Sarah was speaking. You really need to hear her voice without the visuals to fully appreciate that singular timbre and tone. You think you might have pierced some barrier of theoretical physics to have arrived in a bizarre alternate universe.

    • Joe Beese

      I can only describe it as the sound of an Afghanistan War veteran with PTSD wearing combat boots walking over a six-pack of broken Miller High Life bottles that were dropped in the handicapped parking spot of a gas station convenience store at 3:30 in the morning while the buzzing of the fluorescent lights in the lampposts overhead cut in and out.

      • Vecciojohn LLC

        Are you a private eye in real life? Or just a gritty crime writer? Drink?

        • Markuserektus

          I reached in my desk and pulled out a bottle and drank it down, I felt blue. It was ink.

          • Vecciojohn LLC

            My amanuensis, Thunder Thighs, walked in and sat herself down.

            “If you were a gentleman you’d light my Lucky for me, sportin’ life,” she cooed like a fishmonger’s bastard in heat.

            “Payday’s tomorrow, toots,” I quipped wittily, “I’ll buy you a hamburger and a small salad to tide you over. In the meantime, why don’t you trot your twat down to the wop’s and replenish the rot-gut supply?”

            She gave me one of her patented pouts and flounced out.

            But that turned out to be the least of worries.

          • eggsacklywright

            Bukowski? Is that you?

            “She crossed her legs high…”

          • wallydog

            Neither here nor there, but I saw Bukowski at the Golden Bear in Huntington Beach back in the day. Very memorable.

          • Markuserektus

            …a tall blond walked past my office window. I knew she was tall, my office is on the second floor.

    • Vecciojohn LLC

      Physicists call it the Marge Gunderson Effect.

      • malsperanza

        Marge Gunderson libel.

        • Vecciojohn LLC

          I think I’m gonna barf.

          • ThePuckStopsHere

            The best description of the Wall of Sound that is Lou Sarah I’ve ever heard came from right here in the not-allowed Wonket Comments Section. I have long forgotten the poster but I have never forgotten the post: “She talks like my cat thinks.”

          • Vecciojohn LLC

            That was me! My wife, Morgan Fairchild, will back me up on that. Yeah.

          • ThePuckStopsHere

            Wow. I banged your wife once. Back in the ’70s. True story.

          • Vecciojohn LLC

            Hun huh huh huh huh huh huh a-huh huh. God, I like that kind of carryin’ on!

          • CripesAmighty

            Indeed. I wonder if Dok or somebody is archiving a compendium of What Would Be All Time Classic Wonkette Comments Which Would Exist If They Were Allowed But Don’t Since They Aren’t.

        • eggsacklywright

          I’m not sure I agree with you a hundred percent on your police work, there, Lou.

    • Left Coast Tom

      When she resigned I was in a car in northern Minnesota, on my way to Ely, with NPR on the radio when…that voice…came on the radio.

      I still haven’t recovered from the experience.

    • OneDemin EOr

      You, Sir, deserve a medal! Also a discount on hearing aids. And a coupon to redeem your soul, also, too.

  • Joe Beese

    Rita: I’d like to make her look a little more attractive,how far can you pull back?
    Cameraman: How do you feel about Cleveland?

    • Doug Langley

      Tootsie libel!!

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Cleveland might still be too close. How about Reykjavik?

  • TxSpinyLizrd

    Won’t there be some YOOOGE exothermic reaction caused by having two narcisstic loudmouths so close together?

    • Paperless Tiger

      Tickling the dragon’s tail.

      • Msgr_Moment

        That’s not the tail.

  • Mahousu

    Slate (of all places) has the perfect headline: “Hot Mess Endorses Dumpster Fire.”

  • Jen_Baker_VA

    Does Donald not know that Sarah lost to the Kenyan before? How does he expect to stop Obama with her this time?

    • Markuserektus

      Didn’t you hear? His butt is getting kicked out of the WH come fall.

      • Jamsie

        It’s funny (or sad) that the crazy tightie righties I know are all saying stuff like “He’s getting kicked out”, “We’re finally getting him out of the WH” or “Our long fight is finally going to be over” etc. Never “His term is ending after 8 years”. They actually believe that it was the efforts of the rightwinglosers that is ending his Presidency.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      You’re missing the big picture. Their goal is to put down Lincoln once and for all.

  • Jen_Baker_VA

    Bit OT, but Snyder says of Flint water proble, “I will fix it!”

    Did..he hire Jeb!’s guy?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Snyder needs to [redacted in deference to the Commenting Rules for Radicals].

  • Synthetic-mozzarella eaten in the windows of the Time Square Sbarros is thicker than water– they’re pizza-bonded. BFF.

    Also, might be the same person. Kind of a moron Victor/Victoria thing. So… done with mirrors?

  • Duke

    I watched it with my mouth open.

    I assume all those in attendance had their mouths open, too.

    However, I was stunned.

    That woman is looked to as a thought leader by actual people who can vote?

    • Brianna Amoré

      She’s the woman who says “Brawndo, it’s got electrolytes!”

      • 451 Byrnes

        Welcome to CostCo, I love you…

  • beatbort

    They turned the volume of the TV up in the newsroom right when she was shrieking about how “angry we are” and the Christmas tree tinsel on her blouse was flapping so hard I thought maybe the reception had gone bad on the tube.
    What the fuck does she have to be so angry about? She went from being a total nobody to the highest paid grifter whore in America in six months.
    Is she angry because her grown children are such fuck ups?
    Because her husband lives in his snowmobile?
    Because she had to sell her mega mansion in Arizona?
    I simply do not understand her rage.

    • Paperless Tiger

      They’re mad as hell and they’re going to keep taking everything they can get their hands on.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        And I’m going to enjoy every minute of it.

    • Biff52

      I’m quite certain that a seven figure direct deposit was just made in exchange for her endorsement, too.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      Were you not paying attention to the earlier article? They are angry because they cannot call a spade a spade without being labeled a racist

    • OneDemin EOr

      Without the anger and the angry, no matter how Trumped up it is, neither Grifter Barbie’s Mother* nor the Donald would be in politics. They should be riding a bus called The Butthurt Express.

      *Oh my goodness, time has not respected Mrs. Palin. And no money to fix it (yet). That is enough reason for her to be angry.

  • Biff52

    I just saw her on the TV. I couldn’t get to the mute button in time, now my ears are bleeding. I’d forgotten how much I hate that screeching nails on a blackboard voice.

    • OneDemin EOr

      I know! I was trying to be: okay, it’s been a while, I can be an adult about this.
      Nuh-uh, no way, no how. Oh, God, cannot hear the screeching non-sequiturs!
      I did count 19 minutes that she hogged the mic and enjoyed seeing Trump’s growing exasperation with her vocal diarrhea.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Now you know why Rick Davis (McCain Campaign Manager in 2008) was so adamant that Sarah not be allowed to utter so much as a syllable when McCain gave his concession speech.

      • Biff52

        With all the face time they give Trump, now with her by his side means I’ll spend even less time watching tv. Which should be a good thing.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        Trump, being the soul of patience, will no doubt never have a blowup with the equally patient Sarah Palin, except maybe real soon.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      As bad as, not as bad as, or worse than Rafael’s?

      • Left Coast Tom

        Not even Cruz’ voice has the same effect on me as Palin’s. Not close. Palin’s constant whine is coupled with a sing-song lilt, and the combined impact is terrible.

        • NellCote71

          Cant’t wait for SNL this weekend.

      • Biff52

        Far, far worse.

    • Jamsie

      I couldn’t find the bloody remote in time and half of my kitchen ceiling collapsed!

  • JMP

    Why the hell is there a museum at the birthplace of some crappy cowboy actor who died a very, very, very long time ago, was by all accounts a shitty human being, who has not been relevant for ages and is barely remembered by anyone but the elderly today, anyway?

    • Msgr_Moment

      Lots of people remember Reagan. What are you thinking?

      • Villago Delenda Est

  • Ranina

    Ah, but Ted has the endorsement of Sarah’s old pal the Duck Man.

    https://spthumbnails.5min.com/10388264/519413180_c_570_411.jpg

  • Msgr_Moment

    After Chris Hayes panel, the phrase #masturbatetoanime is bound to go viral.

    • Jamsie

      “Masturbate to Anime” is my new punk band name.

  • Brianna Amoré

    Oh Sarah. Still thinks she’s relevant after all these years. Bless her heart.

    • wavicles

      You should hear how happy they all are that she bestowed this on him. bee.zaar.oh

  • Mr Corrections
    • Mr Corrections

      It is moments like this that I could almost believe in a god.

    • Msgr_Moment

      Bill will be in his bunk.

      • Zippy

        looking at anime

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          They are never living that shit down, and nor should we ever let them

          Also, someone send some manga porn to those oregon guys please?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      My Schadenfreude meter has jammed into the “11” position on the far right of the dial.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Shouldn’t you have seen this coming, o great pundit of kristol-clear foresight?

      • NellCote71

        And Kristolnacht-clear foreskin, too. Also.

    • Jamsie

      If anyone in the world masturbates to anime, it’s Bill Kristol.

  • Left Coast Tom

    the Ted Cruz camp got all petulant and bitchy about the possibility of Palin endorsing Trump, saying it would be a “blow to Sarah Palin” if she did

    I thought Sarah Palin was blowing Trump?

    • marxalot

      Dude, it’s only courtesy to return the favor. We’re all YOOOOGE and classy here.

      • Zippy

        the republican reacharound

  • Then this happened

  • Melanie Scott

    O Sarah! Can’t you tell by his brittle candy-colored hair that he ran out of man-splooge eons ago.

  • chascates

    I don’t think you would need lube at all if you were sexing up the Iowa State Fair Butter Cow. I mean, it’s made out of butter.

    • tehbaddr

      But it’s kept very cold, refrigerated. You have to work at it for a while, or so I hear.

      • chascates

        Hmmm. I think I’ll just stick to actual, living cows (calves) then.

  • Tio_Doidinho

    Can’t find a link for it, but I’d bet there will be one tomorrow….some GOP strategist supposedly sez that Sarah Palin’s supporters “tend to be single white men to masturbate to anime.”

    This seems like the right venue for that kind of wisdom.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Rich “Starbursts” Lowery definitely seems to fit that demographic.

    • 451 Byrnes

      Or three comments up…Wonkette rulez!

    • Tio_Doidinho

      Well that was fast. My, the GOP establishment’s in a bitchy mood today.

  • malsperanza

    So is the Tea Party rejecting their beloved Cruz because

    a) he’s Canadian
    b) he’s Hispanic
    c) he’s the wrong specific branch of fundamentalist Christian
    d) he’s too liberal
    e) they are just dicks; they can’t help themselves; it’s what they do

    ?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      AOT, K.

    • Mr Corrections

      f) he’s an unlikeable asshole, even to other wingnuts

  • 451 Byrnes

    Isn’t lubing up for a state fair butter cow kinda redundant?

    Asking for a friend…

    • Paperless Tiger

      That’s just rude. Her name is Sarah.

      • 451 Byrnes

        Sheer brilliance. Have an upfist (lubricated, of course).

  • Mr Corrections
    • Msgr_Moment

      The woman panelist’s reaction was priceless.

      • Mr Corrections
        • Jen_Baker_VA

          lol I think I might crush on this woman a little bit

      • Mr Corrections
        • Mehmeisterjr

          To be fair, you can’t expect me to fap to Mama Grizzly.

        • Mr Corrections

          I don’t think that emotion even has a name – something between horror and delight?

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            Something between “Holy shit I am gonna bust a gut but then they won’t take me serious any more”

      • CripesAmighty

        I miss Joy’s show. They didn’t give it enough time to ‘gel’.

        • Jamsie

          Agree. I love Joy and she’s the only women I’d turn in my gay card for.

    • Tio_Doidinho

      You complete me!

      (And not just in an anime porny way.)

    • Zippy

      Anime demon girl libul!1!

      • Msgr_Moment

    • Axomamma

      Okay, I’m sorry, but this GOP clown car has now completely jumped the tracks.

  • nightmoth

    She endorsed Trump less than a day after her son drunk punched his girlfriend and got the cops called on him—-calling the whole lot of them “trailer trash” is an insult to all the good folks who can’t afford more than a single-wide, but by God, keep the place up and never call 911. All those deranged morans who say President Obama “makes us look bad to the rest of the world”: take a look-see right here at the cat barf the GOP has thrown up for you to feast on, then shut up and hang your heads in shame.

    • glennisw

      She and her husband left their oldest kid behind in jail in Alaska while she traveled to Iowa. Nice family values, eh? She couldn’t wait a couple days? The caucus isn’t till February 1 – she couldn’t support her own kid?

  • Callyson

    Congratulations to the happy couple. They deserve each other so richly…

  • artem1s

    so how long til she quits this campaign and withdraws her endorsement?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      I give it three months, or until something bad happens to The Donald, like he finishes second to anyone, even ¡Heb!

      Hey, we might as well go full scale fantasy here.

    • Paperless Tiger

      Right after Trump gets creamed in the state caucuses for lack of a ground game.

      • artem1s

        problem is TRump’s gonna get a bump after IA from Paul’s supporters. The real grifting ends with IA, and Paul has to file the papers for his Senate run. His supporters might gravitate to Cruz ’cause they would love the idea of a permanent government shut down. But I think the Trumpenator and Caribou Barbie are more their style.

    • Msgr_Moment

      If your Palin endorsement lasts more than four hours…

  • CripesAmighty

    Did. You. See. That? The end is nigh. We have achieved a Density of Derp that will inexorably collapse into a Singularity of Stupid, from whose event horizon, Nothing. Will. Escape. Ever.

    • wavicles

      LaPierre calls it “the age of terror”.

      • sw19womble

        All we need is some old crones knitting in the front row and we’re back in the 1790’s

        • The Wanderer

          Phyllis Schlafly as Madame DeFarge.

  • wavicles

    “They are so busted the way this thing works”.

  • Celtic_Gnome

    Well, having Sara Palin as your vice president is certainly an effective way to deter assassination attempts.

    • Beaumarchais?

      Not necessarily—think about her fans.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        Don better check her survey marks before he makes that decision. And often, after he does.

    • That worked for W as well. I always used to say the only reason no one tried to murder George W Bush is it would be like trading Dr. Evil for Darth Vader. “Hmm… Do we want a Warner Bros cartoon villain or an actual cyborg in the Whitehouse? Let’s just wait for Wile E. Coyote to play it out.”

  • Biff52

    Why on earth would Drumpf buy accept her endorsement, when it’s pretty obvious that, sadly, she’s not a 10?

    • Hutch

      Not any more. She’s definitely the poster child for Jonathan Swift’s observation that women should be educated because they cannot always be young.

  • malsperanza

    I was at the doctor’s today. I don’t actually know this doctor all that well, but in the middle of listening to my lungs, she suddenly asked, “So is this election going to be horribly embarrassing?”

    In between taking deep breaths, I answered: “Oh yes, the world is already rolling its eyes and the primaries haven’t even started yet.”

    Now I realize she must have seen the news before I did.

  • bryan

    I wish she’d speak English. Or, as she calls it, American. Not everyone speaks word salad.

  • wavicles

    OT. Jebbie just said that he’s in a four-way jump ball for second place. HA!

    • Hutch

      Really? Kasich is number two in Iowa and JEB? thinks he’s what?!?

      • wavicles

        Welp, you just have to have the sense to put it all in the right perspective. If you could see it from Jeb’ s angle, you could see his upwelling coming.

        • Hutch

          Upwelling? Having spent how much (compared to Kasich) and gotten lost in how many hoodie armholes?

        • Vienna Woods

          For some reason I just pictured septic tank seepage through the lawn.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Bad imagery for Je!B. His schmoo-like physique in a jump ball? Hahahahahaha!!!

  • akryan

    One of my close friends grew up with Todd Palin, commercial fished with him, is still good friends with him, said that although Sarah was never the sharpest tool in the shed, she wasn’t so bat shit crazy until she first got into politics and got a taste of power. He said that she’s almost unrecognizable to him anymore.

    • artem1s

      that’s sad. dammit, stop making me pity these people!

  • Msgr_Moment
    • Mr Corrections

      Easily one of the best put-downs I’ve ever seen

      • reductive. jon stewart said it better “she is literally an internet comment come to life”.

    • CripesAmighty

      Sublime.

  • Hutch

    And I just have this to say about sparkly ponies. BTW. And lord know how we need them.

  • CripesAmighty

    Some call that stuff ‘stream of consciousness’. Who detects anything conscious there? It sounds more like she grabbed the terminals of my shorted-out car battery charger/jump start machine with both fists, and started talking.

    • sw19womble

      ELECTROSHOCK THERAPY LIBEL!!!!!

      • CripesAmighty

        Nobody on proper electroshock ‘talks’ like that.

    • paltroony

      It’s a stream of something, that’s for sure. And I would guess it comes out of an organ other than the brain.

  • btwbfdimho

    The Cruzader: “…I wouldn’t be in the US Senate were not for Gov Sarah P…”

    OMg, and it’s probably true… I expected this lady to vanish asymptotically, but no, BS is spreading out of proportion. Thanks, McCain.

  • Zippy

    So I take it Trump’s check cleared…

    • Hutch

      Nicely put. You’re so dignified, Zip.

    • Sheepshagger

      Nah ya just leave the money on the dresser, you betcha.

  • JohnR

    Thanks for not makin’ me watch no more video of Sarah sppecifyin’ dont’cha know also too FFS

  • AntiBolter

    The Koch’s, Murdoch, Ailes, Preibus, Rove et al are looking at each other dumb struck with horror…….. It’s over, gone, finito, another four years in the wilderness.

  • Laura Ingalls Wildest

    Brilliant headline.

  • MrBlobfish

    He thinks he’s real bad
    He thinks he’s badder than Shaft, Superfly, James Bond and Kung Fu
    All put together tonight.

  • Michael Rush
    • Jen_Baker_VA

      giggle.
      Though I woulda said “wtf did I just do”

    • john mccain had that look too.

    • Diz

      My friend’s little grandson makes that same face when he’s crapping his diaper.

  • Pinkham’s Law

    OT, but this sucks. They may have chosen to support a horrible candidate, but shit – they shouldn’t die for it. Glad to know the other 3 are ok. Link didn’t show a thumbnail, so I’ll clarify: Car wreck. One of Carson’s volunteers died. 3 others treated and released.

    http://www.cnn.com/2016/01/19/politics/ben-carson-van-accident/index.html?sr=fbCNN012016ben-carson-van-accident0215AMVODtopLink&linkId=20507153

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      Yeah saw this earlier, and Ben honorably suspended opperations. I doubt any of the rest of his competitors would have even done a day. They’d have done the prayers and thoughts thing and said that they would want them to continue

      • Pinkham’s Law

        While conceding that you may well be right, I’m going to urge caution on speculating about what others might have done. Part of the problem on the Right is that they have demonized the Left to the point that they do not see us as human. Let’s not make the same mistake. While they don’t exhibit it in their politics, they are – as individuals – capable of empathy. Carson did the right thing. Let’s give the others the benefit of the doubt and think that they would, too.

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          Even when evidence points us to the contrary?
          Let us ponder a moment.
          Trump supporters beat up homeless guy and they are “full of passion.”
          Carly needs no further explination; we all know how she has treated people.
          Jeb/Shivo should ring a bell and speak of his capacity for empathy.

          I could go on for the others but I think you get my point. It is not precisely demonizing to make a supposition based on historical fact. The good doctor here is the only one of the entire bus who has ever seemed to exhibit a shred of anything coming close to compassion and empathy. Though I am sure they would all say “thoughts and prayers” if it was one of their guys, so you have me there.

          • Pinkham’s Law

            “Even when evidence points us to the contrary?”

            Yes. Even then. Recognizing our opponent’s basic humanity helps us to remember ours.

          • sw19womble

            Indeed, having empathy isn’t a weakness.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            Point taken. I will try to remember that there is a chance that these people who have never shown empathy before in their lives might still have some.

  • paltroony

    Well, she’s hitched her little UHaul mini-move trailer to the back of the GOP clown car for better or worse. I expect now as it travels round and round the center ring under the big tent, she will pop up and give the angry old white croaks a little MILF leg every once in awhile.

    • Truly Madly Derply

      I’m hoping the whole kaboodle goes round and round in ever smaller circles until they’re swallowed by their own assholes.

      • Msgr_Moment

        If only light could not escape its gravitational pull.

  • Apple Scruff

    Trump referred to Palin as “a very special person”. I think we all know what he really means here.

  • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

    I just threw up all over her word salad.

    • Pinkham’s Law

      Ok, exactly what the hell is that? I want to make sure I never accidentally order that somewhere!

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        looks to me like chilli taco salad. Taco chilli salad.
        Something with chilli and taco and salad

        • sw19womble

          The food scraps bin at a taco truck?

      • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

        Variation of a taco salad: chile salad….mmm, yummy! I would have to be sooo stoned to order this. ( not that I know what that’s like or anything)

    • Shibusa

      Reminds me of that great 1976 John Wayne movie: The Salad Shootist.

    • revenant

      looks like what Dr. Ben would find upon opening $arah’s skull

  • BMW

    Sadly, this is the closest thing I could find to a liveblog of the endorsement speech.
    http://www.businessinsider.com/sarah-palin-speech-endorsing-donald-trump-2016-1

  • Truly Madly Derply

    Best post ever.

  • bozilingus
    • lroom

      What the actual fuck.

      • bozilingus

        Just happened to be youtubing some old Keith Olbermann-Sarah Palin related videos and this popped up. I watched it to the credits and saw a familiar name. I thought others might enjoy this.

        • lroom

          It was pretty funny. The look on the face of that other lady when she snatches the crown was priceless.

        • There’s a distinct “Interview in a Bathtub” feel to it that I couldn’t quite put my finger on until the credits. Oh, Benincasa did this. Well, that makes sense.

  • kaydenpat

    And we thought the Clown Car was crazy in 2012. I almost miss Herman Cain and Bachmann. Almost.

  • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

    Great day, Donald! An endorsement from Palin and a proxy endorsement from a dead actor…you could say it “trumps” Cruz’s Duck Dynasty endorsement, fer sure, you betcha!

  • Tio_Doidinho

    Someone who clearly has training in Brazilian military torture put her finest moment in a video loop.

    You’re welcome.

    • nightmoth

      Looks like she’s calling “Caw! Caw! Caw!”
      Shouldn’t she be at the Oregon wildlife refuge?

    • Biff52

      I prefer Brazilian fart porn.

      • Msgr_Moment

        Who doesn’t?

        • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

          Explain the difference.

    • Vienna Woods

      Holy Fuck.

    • therblig

      please reassure me that it can’t happen here?

    • jkarov

      An Adderall drugged, bewigged bobblehead with an 83 IQ, and Trump wants an endorsement from this delusional cretin?

      • revenant

        delusional cretins are a market niche, also too, my friend. and not a small one

  • NellCote71

    I was at a meeting and just saw this. Is it just me, or did Trump look exceedingly uncomfortable? Is so, it was worth the bread and circuses.

    • swbeauty

      Ohhh yes he did , in his oversized jacket, fitting, for his oversized ego. She laid on the hate thick and heavy. The best thing was the younger crowd couldn’t follow her crazy rant/squeal at all it seemed. She didn’t get the applause she was used to back in the bad old days with McCain or a CPac rally.

  • Metadude

    You have to fly in to Des Moines, which is a shitty little place in itself, and then take an hour bus ride to Ames. I am glad SP had to endure that to expand her brand, or whatever the fuck it is she is doing.

  • kath1y

    Excellent report. But I’d like to throw in my little theory. I think it’s about the money. Donald has more than Ted. And he has connections in the entertainment world. Sarah gets a revived career. The rest of us get comic relief. All good.

    And hey, if you get a chance could you give us a rundown on that jacket she was wearing? So Atlantic City!

    • Dee Andee

      IKR? There wasn’t even any room amidst the bling for her special shiny American flag pin!

    • Biff52

      I figured she was just upcycling the tinsel from her xmas tree.

  • Enfant Terrible

    I don’t know what say. Vollig verklempt.

    • The Wanderer

      Meshuginah im ganz.

      • jkarov

        der suf iz noent

  • Steverino247

    And as we end another broadcast day and to commemorate the 43rd anniversary of my enlistment in the Army…

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aZjR8L81yQk

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      I dunno, it does not feel right if there is no one wearing a flag bra to show how patriotic they are

      • Land Shark

        That’s only the Treason Flag Bra ….

    • bozilingus

      No snark, thank you for your service and “thank you” to any other veterans or current service members.

    • ken_kukec

      And one week until the 43rd anniversary of the Paris Peace Accord ending U.S. participation in Vietnam.
      Coincidence? Or did Uncle Ho get word to Lê Đức Thọ to get the deal done because Steverino had enlisted and could be on his way?

      • Steverino247

        That’s what my parents told me in one of their letters to me at Ft. Ord. I told my drill sergeant, a Vietnam vet, and he laughed his ass off. My old barracks is now the Student Services Building at California State University M onterrey Bay. Swords into plowshares, I can dig it.

  • Angela Ruzzo

    Geeze, Trump and Palin?? I will definitely emigrate.

    • cunudiun

      To what planet?

      • Angela Ruzzo

        Whichever one will let me in.

        Canada is unfortunately a closed door because I am over 55 and they don’t want Olds, may they rot.

      • I hear Triton is lovely this time of year if you can breathe liquid nitrogen.

      • bookish

        I got in on the prayer circle on the other thread. It was heartfelt. Lord, hear our plea.

  • Sheesko

    All wonderful except the Preznit Hillz part. That needs to be Preznit Bernie, please. Thank you.

    • Why would we be surprised?

  • Yr. Gma

    Sarah’s looking a little jowly now, and I see the beginnings of turkey neck. (Insert jokes about turkeys and their necks around Palin.) The bloom is off the rose. The lipstick is off the pig. The old crone is starting to lose the battle. Welcome to old lady, you twit.

  • guppy06

    With Miche1e not running this time around, who’s getting the John Wayne Gacy endorsement?

    • swbeauty

      Ah, that was priceless! Batshit Bachmann lives on! Her Trump endorsement next? Oh boy

      • I think that was a reference to the OTHER one brain cell one “L” Michele.

  • nightmoth

    Start paddling, Donald. I definitely hear banjos.

  • pixeloid

    My favorite Palinism for tRump was “bitter clinging proud clingers”. Personally, I like the term “clingons”.

    • lovelydestruction

      We used to call them “willnots”. …no matter how much you wipe….

  • Villago Delenda Est

    The New York Daily News strikes again!

    • kaw143

      I have always admired that publication’s subtlety.

    • freakishlystrong

      “Sarah”s Drunk Son Beat Gal Pal, Waved Rifle: Cops” is fucking brilliant.. I’m certain that bullet wearing “spokeswoman” will say gal pal asked for it. Bull whooo! That Bill Clinton, AmIRight?

    • one_who_wanders

      I would have went with “Dumb and Dumber” over I’m with Stupid!” but this is a point upon which reasonable people may disagree. “Hate minds think alike” on the other hand is genius.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        “I’m With Stupid!” does have the utility of being ambiguous about who exactly is “stupid” in this case.

    • revenant

      “but I still loathe the Eagles”- yes yes and yes

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    I’m pretty sure Trump knows what Palin did for McCain’s chances – so yeah, he’ll paste a smile on his face and happily accept all the votes from what’s left of the Palin fan club, but he sure as hell isn’t going to do any more than the minimum.

  • SK

    So when will John McCain be asked to endorse Trump?

    • The Wanderer

      There’s word that Jeb!s campaign is asking McCain to endorse Bush. The needle on the Irony Meter ran past the red line and fell off.

  • Dr. Krieger IRL

    Ah, the Palin Dynasty. The world’s most prominent example that even crackers can aspire to fail at greatness.

  • bookish

    Ma Grizzly just got upstaged by drunk offspring. That’s gotta hurt.

  • kaw143

    So, am I the only one misresponsibly just asking questions about the sincere spontaneity of this endorsement? I mean, there’s no possibility that any silver crossed any grizzly paws palms, now is there? No multi-million dollar estates for sale, indicating that someone might be needing money? No lawsuits or recent arrests suggesting that someone might NEED money? I’m asking for about 7 billion friends. . .

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      It’s not really spontaneous when she said months ago how much she wanted to lick his yooooooge classy bank account, is it?

      • zanzibar_buckbuck_mcfate

        She’ll share the media spotlight and become ‘relevant’ again — it’s a match made in hell.

  • freakishlystrong

    “She has done more to change the political landscape in America as anyone since Ronald Reagan”.
    Thanks, Obama.

  • Thom

    At no point in her speech (nay, open-mouthed noise escape) can you hear anything resembling an endorsement or even simply multiple actual words strung together. I’m not yet convinced there weren’t just two amplifiers on stage blowing feedback into each other and that some of the more methed-out attendees interpreted that as a political endorsement.

  • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

    Great, she’ll be in the news for another ten fucking years now.

    • You can pry her 15 minutes from her cold, dead hands.

      • Dr. Krieger IRL

        They aren’t already dead? I thought that she was like the bighuge space cockroach from Men in Black.

  • Walter Wellstone

    Nah… Donald ain’t gonna tap that–she’s too old. He may be tempted to tap Bristle but she just had someone’s baby pop out of her vajajay (ew…!) and you gotta remember Donald is a germophobe. Willow is too chubby for him.

    • Dr. Krieger IRL

      Bristol’s “wherever” per The King’s Trumplish.

  • jkarov

    The horrific screech of her voice alone, and the fact she was obviously high on speed or Adderal were painful to watch.

    Donald Trump is going to be sorry he ever appeared on a stage with this lying, criminal, defeated quitter.

    Paylin has faked pregnancies, abused her kids by using them as props, committed many crimes, and is a hideous psychopathic liar.

    Her “endorsment” is only useful for the sad remnant of fools who think she’s not a despicable shill for the Christian Taliban

  • Jack Parsons

    To borrow Nixon’s old campaign slogan:
    NOW MORE THAN EVER

    • Dr. Krieger IRL

      Unfortunately, that picture-caption’s circumnavigated the Great Sea of Interwebs and has actually been outed as a fake:

      http://www.snopes.com/1998-trump-people-quote/

      I still wish it were real, though. It would be a real humdinger.

      • Jack Parsons

        Okay, but please don’t tell any Fox News loving relatives. Low information people don’t check Snopes, and this ended some contentious holiday table arguments. I also got some fun arguments about The Donald started by posting this in conservative threads.

        • Dr. Krieger IRL

          I’ll see what I can do, but I want something in return, Jack. I want a rocket booster. Not an SRB, a full-on closed cycle LRB, please.

  • blondeiq

    Ummm…hate to point this out, but if Bristle Palin slobbed more knob, she would be impreggernated immaculately less frequently, or often.

  • jmhm

    My favorite line from her speech: the faux-conservative DC Republicans are ‘turning the safety net into a hammock.” Apparently the base has fallen far enough that the safety net is a good thing now, as long as the wrong people aren’t using it.

  • ken_kukec

    She’ll be the greatest Sec State ever for the Trump administration. You won’t believe how classy she’s gonna be.

  • Tendernob

    Trump will just trade her in for a younger woman once he loses interest.

  • HorseChestnut

    Hey now, I went and did some fact-checking on this piece, and y’all have done the good people of Iowa a disservice. You don’t need lube to ride the butter cow, silly! It’s made of Iowa’s favorite pole grease: butter!

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