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David Brooks, Serious New York Times Typist
You mad, bro?

New York Times conservative columnist David Brooks lives in a different sort of reality, where Real Americans who do not live on the elitist coasts (like Brooks does) love God & Guns and the unlimited breadsticks at the Applebee’s salad bar.

Also, he is a lazy hack who doesn’t even need to overdose on fellow columnist Maureen Dowd’s Colorado weed snacks to hallucinate bullshit “facts” from his head, which are demonstrably false, and then pontificate insufferably about what his fiction says about America. (It says that meritocracy is a pipe dream when David Brooks still collects a paycheck for his nonsense.)

Behold, Brooks’s new and heretofore unexplored discovery that Ted Cruz is a bad Christian and kind of a dick. A “brutal” one:

Traditionally, candidates who have attracted strong evangelical support have in part emphasized the need to lend a helping hand to the economically stressed and the least fortunate among us. Such candidates include George W. Bush, Mike Huckabee and Rick Santorum.

But Cruz’s speeches are marked by what you might call pagan brutalism.

Classic Brooks, there, fondly recalling the alleged never-proven “compassionate conservatism” of George W. Bush, whose snickering about the nonexistent weapons of mass destruction people died looking for, on his order, clearly showed his softer side.

And cuddlebear Mike Huckabee, always talking about doing unto others — unless they are Syrian refugees, for example, who want to sneak into America to steal his cable TV and his sandwiches, with the aid of secret Muslim terrorist sympathizer President Obama.

And let us never forget Rick Santorum lending a helping hand to impregnated rape victims by telling them to stop complaining and be grateful God at least turned that “gift” of rapey splooge into a baby. Nothing brutal about that, no sir.

Ah, but to David Brooks, the pagan Cruz demonstrates none of that generosity of heart and spirit toward the least among us, so well exemplified by Dubya, Huck, and Frothy Mixture:

There is not a hint of compassion, gentleness and mercy. Instead, his speeches are marked by a long list of enemies, and vows to crush, shred, destroy, bomb them. When he is speaking in a church the contrast between the setting and the emotional tone he sets is jarring.

At least when Huckabee, who was once the superstar among evangelicals — until they turned on him for fear he’d make all their evangelical dreams come true — threatens to destroy his enemies by, say, burning Washington DC to the ground and dancing with his grandchildren on the piles of ashes and rubble, he does it with just the right Good Christian tone.

Brooks doesn’t bother to mention Donald Trump’s popularity with evangelical voters, despite what some people might consider an equally brutal threat to “bomb the shit” out of his enemies and kill their families too, while he’s at it. But he isn’t a real Christian conservative who fits neatly into Brooks’s claim that Cruz is uniquely THE WORST, so never mind.

But Cruz manufactures an atmosphere of menace in which there is no room for compassion, for moderation, for anything but dismantling and counterattack. And that is what he offers. Cruz’s programmatic agenda, to the extent that it exists in his speeches, is to destroy things: destroy the I.R.S., crush the “jackals” of the E.P.A., end funding for Planned Parenthood, reverse Obama’s executive orders, make the desert glow in Syria, destroy the Iran nuclear accord.

Granted, those are the positions held by every other Republican presidential candidate, and also, apparently, a majority of Republicans in America, but it’s somehow more distasteful — and brutal! — when Cruz does it because, well, because Brooks just doesn’t like the guy. Which is fine, we don’t either; nobody does. But we are not dumb or delusional enough to pretend Cruz is somehow worse than the rest of his rotten-to-the-core party.

But Brooks is. And oh how he longs for the good old days of reasonable and moderate conservatism that never really existed but squishy GOP elitists like Brooks like to fap to while reading old issues of The National Review:

The best conservatism balances support for free markets with a Judeo-Christian spirit of charity, compassion and solidarity. Cruz replaces this spirit with Spartan belligerence. He sows bitterness, influences his followers to lose all sense of proportion and teaches them to answer hate with hate. This Trump-Cruz conservatism looks more like tribal, blood and soil European conservatism than the pluralistic American kind.

That’s not Trump-Cruz conservatism, that’s just today’s Republican Party. Which is pretty much yesterday’s Republican Party, too, but without the fancy big words and the candidates’ delegation of dog-whistling duties to lowly staff members. That’s the kind of True American Conservatism Brooks thinks is still out there, somewhere, angrily shaking fists in the air about what pagan Cruz has done to the Grand Old Party. Probably while eating their cheap Real American dinners at Red Lobster.

[NYT, h/t Elon Green / Philly Mag]

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  • Nounverb911

    Brooks seems so annoyed with Cruz, that if Cruz is the nominee that Brooks would vote for Hil… Nah, he’s vote for Cruz.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Or he won’t vote at all, to preserve his “journalistic integrity”. Also, he lost the absentee ballot and polling places give him the creeps. All those common folks with no salad bar to distract them.

  • Spotts1701

    David Brooks? He’s still around? I figured Moral Hazard (h/t Charlie Pierce) would have buried him in the backyard by now.

    • GunToting[Redacted]

      Brooks’ “vast spaces for entertaining” give him plenty of places to hide.

    • HobbesEvilTwin

      I don’t know any dogs that bury their poop.

  • Cismontane

    So.. what? The Brooks of the world are just going to sit around debating the grand legacy of William F Buckley, Jr while the hoi polloi of their party coronates the likes of Teddy and Der Trumpenfuhrer?

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …did David Brooks just come out of 25 year coma?

    • Nounverb911

      Noonan’s making him dry out.

      • nothingisamiss

        Don’t make me ponder this.

    • chicken thief

      Not completely, no.

  • Usedtobeyellerdawg

    He’s still hoping Palin makes a comeback.

  • Pinkham’s Law

    Unlimited breadsticks are an Olive Garden thing, not an Applebee’s thing, as you would know if you followed OTM. Which, one would think, would kinda be a thing to do, since it is written by another Wonkette writer.

    • more proof Wonkette is full of not-real Americans.

      • lroom

        Inpeach!1!

    • Historicat

      David Brooks made reference to an Applebee’s salad bar one time. As a thing which does not exist, it has been a point of mockery for lo these many years. If only I could find the original Wonkette piece.

      • Pinkham’s Law

        Ahh! Clash of two cultures, then. Mocking Olive Garden – including the unlimited breadsticks – is well established tradition from the BCO days.

  • clubseal

    Spartan belligerence sounds a lot like the perfect description of modern American discourse.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      I thought “Spartan Belligerence” was the Michigan State fight song.

    • It’s a shade of lipstick in MAC’s spring line.

      • nothingisamiss

        Kiss me I’m Belligerent.

        • bobbert

          David Brooks covers Dropkick Murphys.

    • marxalot

      There is nothing spare not utilitarian about these fucks. They say everything 5 times, badly

    • Jonny On Maui

      Greek deathmetal garage band…

    • Querolous

      ¿?

      • clubseal

        I may be easily amused, but that is one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen.

  • Pinkham’s Law

    Yeah, as noted in the article, I’m not sure why this guy is picking on Cruz – he’s taking issue with the entire field of Republicans.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      He’s taking on Cruz because somebody “important” told him to.

      He’s just doing it in a bullshit way. The supposed grievance is a feature, not a bug most of the time.

    • coozledad

      It’s gotten to the point where the only way Brooks can condone the racism of his party is to distinguish the different flavors of nigger nigger nigger that each sad suckwater of the country brings to the hatefest. Cruz’s brand of hatred is gauche contrasted with the hands off approach to drowning or starving minorities favored by the old northeastern wing of the party.

      What Brooks is saying is he is going to be mighty disappointed not to be able to slide his tongue up another Bush’s ass.

  • Lizzietish81

    So who is Brooks talking to? It’s not as if Conservative Christian voters care about the disadvantaged.

  • coozledad

    Traditionally, candidates who have attracted strong evangelical support have emphasized the need to lend a helping hand to the younger daughters in the family, or at least a finger…

    …But Cruz manufactures an atmosphere of menace in which there is no room for compassion, for moderation, for anything but dismantling and counterattack. It’s too early in the cycle to run as a Republican.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    Jeez, Brooks can’t even hate on Ted Cruz without screwing it up. That’s a special kind of terrible.

  • Mavenmaven

    Brooks, and George Will, and all those people who fondly remember when Commentary seemed like a magazine of “ideas”, and had brain boners for Jeanne Kirkpatrick, sad deluded spiritual “neo-cons” all.

  • I don’t know. Ike seemed like a pretty okay conservative. Teddy was okay, too much of a warmonger, but okay.

    Course that was 60 and 100 years ago respectively. Today, both of them would probably lose the GOP primary to a guy frothing at the mouth gibbering about Agenda 21, contrails, and Jesus.

    EDIT: Teddy at least had the balls to go and sign up and fight in a war he advocated.

    • Thaumaturgist

      Seems to me, Ike deliberately tried to remodel the Republican Party to make room for decent people in fly-over country who wanted to serve but could not have gotten elected as Democrats. Between the time Ike defeated Taft and Reagan defeated Ford, and maybe even a little longer after that, rational, responsible conservatives were found throughout the Midwest and West. Even the northeast. But, Nixon prolly undermined the whole thing with his Southern Strategy.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Mark Hatfield was a Republican who opposed the War in Vietnam. The Oregon GOP would expel him as a heretic nowadays.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Chris…your last sentence…

      Something no one in the GOP actually does anymore. Best example is vocal advocate for the War in Vietnam the deserting coward, who arranged not to participate.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      Today, Teddy at least if not both Teddy and Ike would be considered left leaning libtards.
      Teds was /the/ progressive, after all.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Damn, I guess I should’ve asked Huckabee for my free crab legs this month, now that I know how cuddly and big-hearted he is.

  • lucidamente

    “Pagan brutalism,” because monotheists can’t be brutal.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Those pagans and their modern, exposed concrete architecture.

      • nothingisamiss

        I find pagan, modern, exposed concrete architecture easier to clean, at least.

        Sorry, what were we talking about?

  • JD Mulvey

    Christ’s teachings are incompatible with conservatism.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Conservatism is incompatible with conserving anything.

      • chicken thief

        IDEAS FROM 200 YRS AGO LIBELZ!11!!!

    • Ducksworthy

      Or, to put it another way, conservatism is incompatible with Christ’s teachings.

      • nmmagyar

        “Prosperity Gospel” has superseded anything JC might have actually said

        • Villago Delenda Est

          Mammon worship FTW!

        • Thaumaturgist

          You have to look at Jesus as a loss leader. You use Jesus to get them into the megachurch. It’s like Amway. You make your money on the ones looking for the inside stuff. The stuff Jesus doesn’t want you to know about.

    • JustPixelz

      WRONG! Jesus sayeth unto the poor:

      Fuck you.
      I don’t need health care and neither should you.
      The death penalty is good*
      Fuck you
      Love thy neighbor except: if same sex or married or poor or same sex.
      Guns, guns, guns!
      _________________________________________________
      * He changed his mind about this later

      • cmd

        O/T but SCOTUS just found Florida’s death penalty unconstitutional.

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          That is the bone they are tossing us before they destroy unions forever

          • nothingisamiss

            Don’t say this. I know it’s true but it’s going to kill another thing inside me. It will ultimately make me relive my hatred of the Bush v Gore election and the people who said “Bush and Gore are the same corporate entities.” Blam blam voting rights, unions, spending limits, affirmative action.

      • QHarp

        Though he only changed his mind on the death penalty as soon it directly affected him, so really, that’s the most conservative position of all.

        • bobbert

          See also, Megyn Kelly.

    • btwbfdimho

      True, that’s why Trump University rejected His Holy Application for Adjunct Instructor on IT.

      • Incoming Ham

        And you can’t finance loaves and fishes on junk bonds.

  • IDon’tCareWhatYouThink

    So, the “best conservatism” says things like “Are there no work houses with indoor plumbing?”

  • Jenny

    Eh I’m not going to complain. He is delusional; that’s fine, but Ted Cruz is in the crosshairs and that is extra extra fine. Ted Cruz is far more dangerous than Trump, so blast away Brooks. Blast away.

    • nothingisamiss

      It’s just that Brooks has a little “pew, pew, pew” gun instead of anything damaging.

      • Yail_Bloor_III

        “Brooks has a little “pew, pew, pew” gun…”

        He can’t help it, there was a slight mishap with the circumcision.

  • Jeamonn

    Dibs on Pagan Brutalism as the new name for my Ted Cruz inspired Christian death metal group.

    • Jonny On Maui

      I really gotta start reading further down before posting…

  • fawkedifiknow

    A party that doesn’t even notice how their candidate’s railing against the so-callled “politically correct speech” of the left are mirror images of it, is a party of profoundly stupid people.

  • proudgrampa

    You had me at “rapey splooge.” Brilliant!

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Wow. “Support for free markets” is such a radical idea in this Stalinist totalitarian state Obama has foisted on us.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      The last people who want actual free markets are CEOs of the major corporations. They hate free markets with a passion. Free markets cut into sacred profit.

      • btwbfdimho

        Exactly.

      • Tallmutha

        They like markets where they’re free to do whatever the hell they want.

        • nmmagyar

          …but long for monopolies

      • bobbert

        Too much uncertainty.

  • Callyson

    Cruz lays down an atmosphere of apocalyptic fear. America is heading off “the cliff to oblivion.” After one Democratic debate he said, “We’re seeing our freedoms taken away every day, and last night was an audition for who would wear the jackboot most vigorously.”

    Say, you know who else wore the jackboot vigorously?

  • Lefty Frizzell

    Yeah – it’s brutal. But it’s no more brutal than the republican party platform, as adopted by their convention. Why all the outrage now and not then?

    https://www.gop.com/platform/

    • GunToting[Redacted]

      I thought these idiots were all about having all bills be short enough to fit on the back cover of a matchbook. I clicked that link and went to one section and it must have been 30 pages long.

  • Callyson

    Some of these positions I agree with, but the lack of any positive emphasis, any hint of reform conservatism, any aid for the working class, or even any humane gesture toward cooperation is striking.

    “Come on, Ted, at least say it nicely!”

    – David Brooks

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Conservatism is all about defending the privilege that exists now from the terrible notion of egalitarianism. The horror!

      • Rick Hill

        Those damn eagles always want it all!

        • calliecallie

          Even if they have to be Steelers to get it.

        • Spotts1701

          Even the ill eagles want it too?

          • Rick Hill

            There cummin fer our jobs!!

        • Tallmutha

          They’re always taking it to the limit.

    • SnarkTank

      Isn’t “reform conservatism” an oxymoron?

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        Yes, they are both Oxes and morons

        • SnarkTank

          Ding! FTR, we also would have accepted “They are morons on Oxy.”

  • marxalot

    For “Judeo-Christian,” always read “fundamentalist/Protestant,” for “compassionate Conservatism,” always read “sucks to be poor, but things happen,” and for “pluralistic,” you may in this case substitute “all kinds of white guys.”
    This has been your handy Brooks-to-Reality gloss.

  • Ducksworthy

    Brooks is cute in a quaint old fashioned sort of way. He seems to just not be waking up to the fact the gentile and refined country club world that he thought was the GOP is built on a festering swamp of blood thirsty racist, pagan duck dynasty lunatics and is watching aghast as is sinks back into the ooze.

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      All that ooze is what keeps the golf course so green!

    • Pinkham’s Law

      I think you meant genteel instead of gentile, but he probably belongs to a country club that still doesn’t allow Jews, so it works anyway.

      • Ducksworthy

        So is Miss Lindsay an example of a genteel gentile, or should one speculate about such things?

      • PubOption

        I thought that Brooks was ‘of the faith’.

        • Pinkham’s Law

          Huh. So he is. Thank you for bringing that to my attention – you larn’d me something!

  • Swampay

    Traditionally, candidates who have attracted strong evangelical support have in part emphasizedpaid lip service to the need to lend a helping hand to the economically stressed and the least fortunate among us.

    FIFY

    • nmmagyar

      And that is the only difference. Trump and Cruz are publicly saying the things that have previously only been said behind closed doors

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Mammon is their deity. Well, they also pay homage to Moloch with the occasional elementary school shooting.

  • freakishlystrong

    The fuck have these delusional dipshits been?

  • LarryHoudini

    Nice one, David! Looks like it’s time for another $120,000 vacation. You earned it!

  • SuspectedDemocrat

    Yes, Brooks, today’s modern conservatives must balance their core set of values with something that is its opposite. Like, say… compassion, human decency, scientific literacy, or logic. You know, things on the other side of the scale.

  • Oblios_Cap

    This Trump-Cruz conservatism looks more like tribal, blood and soil European conservatism than the pluralistic American kind.
    Those Europeans aren’t really Exceptional humans like us, what with their bank holidays and free health care.

    • differentdrummer

      Someone really used ‘pluralistic’, ‘American’, and ‘conservatism’ in the same sentence? In print?

      • Tallmutha

        He misspelled “pleuritic.”

  • Anarchy Pony

    It’s a party of total lunacy, you can thank the southern strategy and the bircherites (now called the tea party)for that. Where have you been, David?

    • marxalot

      Playing towel boy at the Bohemian Grove.

      • HanBarbara

        Now that’s snark

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      Birch, please.

      • Anarchy Pony

        Please no!

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Sucking Koch peen.

    • Left Coast Tom

      He’s upset that Cruz (and, really, Trump) aren’t following the Southern Strategy script. They weren’t supposed to come out and say what they think.

  • Lefty Frizzell

    Pagan brutalism my fucking arse. It is, was and always will be religious brutalism.

  • beatbort

    He’s Peggy Noonan without the smell of gin on his breath.

    • SnarkTank

      Objection! Assumes facts not in evidence!

  • btwbfdimho

    Santorum was always against brutality, including asking the States to ban anal sex in the bedrooms of Armerica. http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2012/02/20/10-outrageous-things-rick-santorum-has-said.html

  • Villago Delenda Est

    The GOP establishment (of which Brooks is an active member) is really in a world of hurt this election cycle. Kaisich doesn’t have a chance in hell. It’s Trump, Cruz, or dumbfuck Rubio.

    • CalvinianChoice

      Don’t worry! Jeb!! will fix it!!

      • Dudleydidwrong

        Emission Accomplished!

  • Paperless Tiger

    Brutal, I tell ya! Never mind that he’s nutty as a fruitcake. We expect that.

  • OneYieldRegular

    David Brooks is insufferable, that’s a given, but I’m not going to kick a man when he’s down with kicking down Ted Cruz.

  • calliecallie

    Applebee’s has a salad bar?

    • Thaumaturgist

      Frankly, that surprised me too.

    • Vegan and Tiara

      I think they meant “Ruby Tuesday.”

  • Thaumaturgist

    Truth is, if I weren’t a Christian, basking in Christian Victory, I’d be a miserable loser, just like those Mooslims, Messicans and librul Wonketeers.

  • Lascauxcaveman

    One Canadian bagging on another Canadian in American newspapers. Just go away you hoseheads, we have enough problems on our own, eh?

  • Ilgattomorte

    God, I thought we were past this. First they questioned Cruz’s citizenship and now his faith. We’ve seen this before with Obama and now with Cruz. It is just the same old-fashioned bigotry and prejudice. They only attack Cruz because he is a dick.

    I thought we were past the days when people were mistreated simply because they are dicks. I remember the days when dicks were not welcome in restaurants, in other peoples homes or forbidden to intermarry with non-dicks. I guess with all of the dicks we see in public and throughout society these days, I just thought we had moved on. I guess I was wrong..

    If you look in your hearts, you’ll see I’m right. Cruz is being singled out because he is a dick and not one of you can tell me this would be happening if he was a pussy.

    • Logic of Color

      I know. What a Peniphobe.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        It’s pure cocktagonism, I tell ya.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        Brooksie has been putzing around like this for a schlong time.

    • chicken thief

      Cheney done rooned it for dicks everywhere.

    • differentdrummer

      He’s just another cockservative?

    • Dudleydidwrong

      Don’t call him a “dick,” because he’s RAPHAEL CRUZ, after all. Call him El Pito.

  • natoslug

    He may be a horrible person and a worse writer, but I kind of liked his guest appearance in “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia.”

    http://ia.media-imdb.com/images/M/MV5BMTY1OTk5OTkwOF5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTgwODcxNTM1NzE@._V1_SX640_SY720_.jpg

  • Ryan Denniston

    ““compassionate conservatism” of George W.
    Bush, whose snickering about the nonexistent weapons of mass destruction
    people died looking for, on his order, clearly showed his softer side.”

    But but but. Think of all the people he helped. He helped the millionaires and billionaires, who are so oppressed because they can’t find politicians to buy who agree with every one of their positions. He helped those ridiculed and mocked and blamed for the housing crisis. And also too, they are jerb creators and the only people really worth anything amirite?

  • E S

    I reflexively reference Ws charity and compassion by thinking of him mocking Karla Faye Tucker, pleading for her life before her execution.

    • nmmagyar

      And letting the poor folks in NO drown/starve

      • Thaumaturgist

        And leave. Nature’s urban renewal. It’s why we don’t want no federal money for Medicare. They might decide to stay.

        • nmmagyar

          Medicare is Sacrosanct, it’s Medicaid they want no part of

    • Tallmutha

      This is how he got the “compassionate conservative” tag:

      Bush: “I don’t think we should balance the budget on the backs of the poor.”

      Cheney: “Alright, you’ve covered your ass, now go choke on a pretzel and let us handle it.”

  • jesuswasablack

    Brooks is taking his one shot at relevancy in todays GOP, Trash Raphael Cruz! Other than that it is the usual mumbo jumbo of bumper sticker republican bullshit, nothing to see here move along!

  • I always look forward to the weekly David Brooks slapdown given by E.J. Dionne on NPR.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Krugman enjoys playing with Brooks like a cat plays with a mouse.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        How paganly barbaric of him.

      • Vegan and Tiara

        My favorite Krugman moment ever, circa 2009 or 2010: Krugman looks at George Will and says “from 2000 until 2008 your party got EVERYTHING you ever wanted, how did that work out for you?” George Will was not only speechless for the first time ever, but his jowl was wobbling. It was glorious!

    • HanBarbara

      Also Charlie Pierce has written some scathing columns, including Brook’s Irish Setter, Moral Hazard.

    • frrolfe
  • Ryan Denniston

    I remember growing up as a kid all those Cadillac Queens and Young Bucks the Republican party was eager to help. Oh, wait.

  • Ducksworthy

    You know who else was into pagan brutality?

    • differentdrummer

      The Visigoths?

    • Major_Major_Major

      The WWE? Specifically, the Undertaker

    • chicken thief

      Marcellus Wallace?

    • Nockular cavity

      Most Black Metal bands?

    • Nockular cavity

      The Conquistadors? Oops, sorry, that was Christian brutality. Never mind!

    • JustDon’tSayDittos

      The SF Giants? Oh wait that’s Pagan, not pagan.
      I’ll just show myself out…

      • Zippy

        and Pagano is an Indianapolis thing

    • Creepoman

      Vontaze Burfict?

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      <——— That hot number right there with the whip? GrrrWowsa!

    • Dudleydidwrong

      Hagar the Horrible? (He’s more real than Republican compassion.)

    • theCryptofishist

      Boadicea (However she spelled her name…)

  • Incoming Ham

    Question – why aren’t Cruz critics referring to him as “Rafael Eduardo Cruz” in the way they refer to “Barak Hussein Obama” – with that extra racist kick?

    • MrBlobfish

      I’m with ya, Hammy, but you need a touch of the ALLCAPS for proper emphasis: Rafael EDUARDO Cruz. Ah. That’s better.

      • Boscoe

        RAFAEL EDUARDO CRUZ. Fixed it for ya. ;P

    • Thaumaturgist

      The Evil Donald has started playing Born in the USA at his campaign stops. http://talkingpointsmemo.com/livewire/donald-trump-born-in-the-usa

      • Incoming Ham

        Is he carrying a big top tent around yet? Being played in by a clown band?

        If not it’s about time. It would give the “I like him because he’s entertaining and he tells it like it is” crowd orgasms.

      • HanBarbara

        More properly Born in The USA of an Immigrant Mother With aFew Foreign Mail Order Brides Acquired Later.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Springsteen’s lawyers are going to be all over his pasty white ass.

      • Dudleydidwrong

        On sad trombones, I hope.

    • HanBarbara

      They have to learn to write “Ted” with the same contempt the wingnuts used to reserve for “Barry Sotero”.

    • Boscoe

      That is actually a truly excellent question! Let’s see just how long it takes them to get there…

    • Vegan and Tiara

      Democrats need to start calling “Ted” by his Christian name.

      • theCryptofishist

        You are saying “Christian” in the sense of self-involved brute, and not lover of the world and all its creatures?

        • Vegan and Tiara

          YES! Nobody in the GOP is an actual Christian.

    • Left Coast Tom

      I’m perfectly happy to sit back and sip wine while Trump beats the shit out of Cruz.

  • Mehmeisterjr

    I know the standards of punditry are low but how does this sub-mediocrity have a career? Any random commenter on Wonkette (if only comments were allowed) can write better than this guy and that includes the dear shit for brains types.

    • Doug Langley

      I just got back from a meeting with my boss where he confirmed my pay’s getting cut because I don’t have enough students signed up for one class. Same work for me, less pay. Then I look at people like Babblin’ Brooks and despair that merit will ever win.

    • Vegan and Tiara

      Umlaut troll could probably replace Brooks.

    • Left Coast Tom

      The next six months will be critical.

  • Tallmutha

    Traditionally, candidates who have attracted strong evangelical support have in part emphasized the need to lend a helping hand to the economically stressed and the least
    fortunate among us. Such candidates include George W. Bu-bu-
    bu-shwa-shwa-what, what, WHAT????? What the FUCK???

    • nmmagyar

      W did talk a lot about helping the poor. His policies were either the exact opposite of that (or amazingly ineffective), but he did talk about it.

      • Squirrel_t_robot

        W. meant only the Poors of other countries, like Africa.

        LOL

        • SuspectedDemocrat

          Of course, if his fans actually saw him helping the poor, they’d be incensed. That’s why he had to do it in places they will never go, or if they did go they’ll be too busy killing lions to even notice.

        • Thaumaturgist

          You help the poors on the other side of the world, only thing you lose is what you give them. You help the poors in America, you give them a leg up and before you know it, they’re threatening your productivity.

          • Left Coast Tom

            You help the poors over there so you don’t have to help the poors over here.

          • thixotropic jerk

            A bad poor with a gun, no wait, a good poor with a gun, nope, that don’t work either! Hmmph!

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      He means they helped the poor, foundering companies, like for example, Haliburton

  • differentdrummer

    There’s that Judeo-Christian thing again – were any Jews actually consulted at any time in the formulation of this opium dream gone awry?

    • nmmagyar

      Adelson and Lieberman. So it’s cool

      • MrBlobfish

        We all laugh at Trump’s hair, and rightly so. But have you checked out the parts in Adelson’s hair? It starts at the top of each ear. I don’t recall seeing a combover from both sides. Also, too, what color of Miss Clairol does he use?

        • nmmagyar

          Mercurochrome #7

    • MrBlobfish

      No Jews were harmed in the making of this movie. What more do you want?

    • Squirrel_t_robot

      Jesus somehow gave consent.

      Maybe when he was on the cross.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      It’s been around for more than a century, but it really got a huge boost from the Holocaust, to show that we didn’t really mean it when we told the MS St. Louis to go away with its cargo of Jews.

  • MrBlobfish

    Let me guess: He’s a Jeb! guy.

    • Joe Beese

      You can tell. Just look at him.

    • Squirrel_t_robot

      States Rights, mister.

    • chicken thief

      From the latest polling, no one is a Jeb! guy.

      • TheBidenator

        JEB?!?! does have negative approval amongst Republicans, it’s really astonishing that his stupid ass hasn’t thrown in the towel yet. Delusional moran…

        • HanBarbara

          When you are sucking on that PAC money hose, you can go on for quite a while. There’s only 2 words I associate with Jeb: Terry Schiavo. How the man can even show his face in public after that is beyond me.

          • Boscoe

            It’s true, I mean look how long Jindal was able to continue pretending to run! I keep wondering “who is still funding this idiot???”

        • Dudleydidwrong

          When your stupid-ass brother has set the bar at “Mission Accomplished” while posing on an aircraft carrier, Jeb! has to try to keep up ’cause it is The Family’s honor at stake. At least the Mafia was honest about their dishonesty.

      • Left Coast Tom

        No, we had a JEB! guy in our comments last weekend. So he gets one vote. Two, if his son’s endorsement sticks.

    • Zippy

      He’s an establishment guy, so by default he’s a Jeb! guy (until they can come up with a placeholder for him)

      • MrBlobfish

        He should at least get smart-guy glasses, like for Establishment favorite Rick Whatshisface.

      • Tansy Geek

        The GOP might have better luck if they ran an actual bookmark instead of Jeb!

      • Left Coast Tom

        Probably Rubio, pretty soon.

  • Steven M. Harries

    Why does the NYT allow Israelis to express their views on US domestic issues? Shouldn’t ethical David Brooks be chewing the chicken fat while stomping on the face of a four-year-old Palestinian child?

  • Squirrel_t_robot

    All of them are actually reactionaries: no ideas, just bomb shit.

    • Vegan and Tiara

      “Bomb shit and Cut Taxes” is the only bumper sticker Republicans will ever need. They haven’t had a new idea in 40 years.

  • chicken thief

    Kaili, did you skip over Brooks knob slobbing of Zombie Reagan or did David just diss the GREATEST PREZNIT TO EVER PREZNIT IN THE HISTORY OF EVER?!!!!

    • Tansy Geek

      Peggy is that you?

  • Skwerl King

    I want what he’s smoking.

    • Squirrel_t_robot

      My liege!

  • Jared Moss

    PAGAN LIBELZ!! D:<

    • FauxAntocles

      Exactly – I don’t know what fricking evangelical church he goes to, but they excel in brutalism and hatred for their fellow non-evangelical humans.

      • Jared Moss

        Don’t get me wrong — I know good, charitable, entirely wonderful Christians who do credit to the human race. On the other hand, my Wiccan creed says things like “If it doesn’t harm anyone, do what you will”, “What you do comes back to you times three”, and “Don’t spend time with or be friends with a fool”. I resent any comparison between Pagans and Ted Cruz.

  • Daniel Forgerani

    why is brooks insulting pagans?

    • Zippy

      because he’s a dick? Just a guess…

    • proudgrampa

      Some of my best friends are pagans.

      • HanBarbara

        An it harm none, do what ye will. Don’t hear that coming out of the mouths of many Christians.

        • proudgrampa

          “Do what ye will” shall be the whole of the law…
          Loves me some Aleister Crowley.

      • Yail_Bloor_III

        I’m pretty sure that cranky-looking, old asshole I see in my mirror every morning is a pagan.

        “FU lying mirror! I do NOT look like that!” That’s what I get for buying “Dorian Gray’s Mirror,” I suppose.

  • SuspectedDemocrat

    I’ve known many pagans. None of them were as brutal as the Christians in the small town where I grew up.

    • LadyLaz

      Bingo.

    • Gayer Than Thou

      Ah. You’re confused. Brooks is using “brutal” in another sense. What sense that is, I couldn’t say. But surely it must be different.

  • Rick Hill

    It’s so difficult to stay on message when your party has been saying fuck off to anyone who isn’t one of them

  • TheBidenator

    This guy supported George Dubya Bush and Dick Cheney through Bush’s entire presidency- seriously fuck him and his definition of “compassion”. There’s hundreds of thousands of dead Iraqi’s, thousands of innocents that were tortured and humiliated, millions more displaced and/or injured, thousands of injured/.dead US troops, hundreds of thousands of homeless people and millions of economically displaced Americans who know what compassionate conservatism is all about. That’s without mentioning the millions suffering thanks to long delays in stem cell research to pander to vile ‘Christians’ like Ted Cruz and thousands and thousands more dead due to lack of health care for their preventable and curable illnesses….fuck him.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      I quite like him on the PBS. Especially when the old grampa dude schools him every single time.

      • LadyLaz

        I might need to start watching some pbs.

      • jmk

        Even though I have a hard time watching because I still miss Jim Lehrer (known to the offspring as Man Jim) on the show, I always find the sight of Mark repeatedly schooling Brooks both soothing and amusing.

        • Vegan and Tiara

          Jim Lehrer was a great man.

      • Doug Langley

        It was dreary reading this guy’s column in NYT cuz the commentators kept pointing out how wrong he was, yet he kept writing the same crap. Years later he admitted he stopped reading comments because he thought it was just too depressing.

    • Vegan and Tiara

      Yeah, and at least half of all voters are going to pull the lever for these fucktards. America is getting progressively dumber by the minute.

  • Zippy

    Brooks is just doing what he’s paid to do- carry water for the establishment. He’s been tasked with going after Cruz, the calculus being that (somehow) the Trump problem will take care of itself, so Cruz represents the biggest threat to the establishment, elitist old boy network wing of the GOP. Of course he has to dance around the fact that the entire party has become batshitinsane- they still need those voters for the general. So he has to thread the needle and pretend that what’s wrong with Cruz is unique to him and not simply the manifestation of his party’s descent into savage reactionary populism and fascism writ large. Cruz is bad because he utters the dog whistles out loud, instead of keeping that thin veneer of respectability intact the way the old guard has always done. It’s OK to be a selfish, heartless asshole and intolerant theocrat, just don’t be obvious about it or you’ll scare off the middle. Brooks message isn’t that the GOP needs to actually change anything, just dial back the rhetoric and go back to using the code words and keep the dirty work confined to the back rooms like the old days.

    • Boscoe

      Unfortunately what Brooks misses is that politicians who dial back the rhetoric and use code words and hide behind a pleasant facade are exactly what GOP voters are sick of. They’re in the market for a SINCERE asshole this time. Anything less is just “political correctness.”

      • Zippy

        That is the crux of the GOP’s dilemma. Hey Dr Frankenstein, how are you liking that monster now?

        • Vegan and Tiara

          Welcome to the Overton Window, America!

          • revenant

            and how do you like the fucking view?

          • Vegan and Tiara

            Pretty fucking awful.

      • Left Coast Tom

        True. Sadly for GOP voters, the code words are the key for being minimally viable in much of the country. If they could read they could re-consult Lee Atwater’s words on the subject.

    • Vegan and Tiara

      “It’s not our policies that need changing, it’s just the way we present them” should be the GOP’s slogan this year.
      My mother, the country club Republican, who has never missed an election in her life, has been saying lately “if Cruz or Trump is the nominee, I think I’ll stay home this election.” This is a woman who thinks Nixon and Reagan were fine, and GWB will be remembered kindly by history. I asked her why she thought Trump and Cruz were worse than any of the other dipshits the GOP is running, and she really never gave me an answer. Cruz is no different policy wise than any of the other assholes, but as you said, most Republicans want a veneer of kindness, even if they know it’s phony.

    • revenant

      so they send out this toothless Chihuahua, Brooks, to gum Raphael Cruz back in to line- yeah, that’ll work
      or, more probably, to reassure the squishes that, no, the Republican Party isn’t really that irredeemably fucking EVIL, just a bad apple or two, nothing to see here, carry on
      David Brooks is to politics as Giardia is to digestion

  • Razor’s Edge

    If this is a repeat sorry.

    Nothing is nastier than when bush was asked about Karla Faye Tucker and he mocked her wanting to live.

  • FauxAntocles

    I’m an elitist and I don’t live on the coast…
    Just sayin’

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      Me too and I am in a pee mont

  • In regard to Ludo Ted, David the Bejeweled Melonballer will be betting the other way. He’s got his eyes on the races’ greatest living mediocrity for Nov. 16.

    Hell, if Principe Rubiblow’s dick tapped warm whole milk and brandy, David would be sucking it at bedtime nightly.

    Back to Ludo Ted tho. I’m not clear HOW MUCH Ted lost on last night’s college footie champeenship, but given Ludo Ted’s inveterate disgust for plentitude, he clearly took the under.

    Ted’s a degenerate oddssucker who would rather die overnight than go to sleep with a dime in his pocket.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      Hell, if Principe Rubiblow’s dick tapped warm whole milk and brandy, David would be sucking it at bedtime nightly.
      Whatta ya mean would be? I thought he already was sans milk and brandy

  • TheBidenator

    Well this is literally not figuratively the first time I’ve seen anyone attack anyone for lacking the compassion of hahaha, I can’t….Santorum, Bush and HUCKABEE? So we have dumb, cruel and a frothy mixture who likes to imitate Dana Carvey’s “Church Lady” character from SNL….I’ve seen David Brooks enough to know he is boring and delusional but seriously if he thinks that trio of pig shit is compassionate then he needs to be on some strong meds, and probably institutionalized.

  • chicken thief

    Brook’s article was horribly written – it didn’t include either his or Cruz’s age.

    • Tansy Geek

      Or neck size, so we can send more Presidential looking ties.

      • Dudleydidwrong

        Or send him a rope–made of votes, of course.

  • Angry_Cop

    So the argument here is that Cruz is too uncouth for the GOP nom? Words fail me. Since 1980 the GOP has nominated nothing but belligerent world-wreckers, and have found the more ignorant and bellicose, the better they do.

    Brooks’ denial of what HIS party is has always been kind of sad, but with this election his cognitive dissonance has hit a new frontier – as I knew it would. Can’t wait to see if he endorses Clinton over Trump. Ha, I kill me, of course he won’t.

    • NorthernSaber

      Since 1980 yes- but I am (barely) old enough to remember Ford, who seemed genuinely decent, and other cats like Howard Baker and Bob Dole who, foul temper aside, seems positively statesman-like compared to the fuck-weasels and morons the GOP sends us now. Can’t remember- was Brooks in such high dudgeon when Palin was submerging “thinking” Republicans in a tsunami of bullshit in 2008?

      • Vegan and Tiara

        Palin was the first true Moron-American* to be nominated for VP. I think once they slipped her in, they figured out their base would vote for any old jackass, and it’s been a race to the bottom ever since.
        *Some might argue Dan Quayle was the first

        • lroom

          I would argue Dan Quayle was the first.

        • theCryptofishist

          But she lost.

    • artem1s

      about the only positive coming from a TRump nomination would be seeing Brooks tie himself in knots trying to justify supporting that fat fingered vulgarian. I’m thinking he might actually rupture his own colon trying.

    • Left Coast Tom

      Brooks is upset that Cruz is telling everyone he’s a belligerent world-wrecker, not that he actually is one.

      Probably goes double for Trump.

  • Joshua Norton

    Or maybe Brooks should reckon with his own contributions over the years to the wingnut mind-set that has made Cruz a possible contender.

    • Vegan and Tiara

      That’s what kills me, Republicans are all so shocked that assholes like Cruz and Trump are winning their primaries. Meanwhile the GOP elite has been rousing the rabble, and appealing to the worst instincts of their moron base, for the past 35 fucking years. Reap what you sow, dipshits.

  • SullivanSt

    Uh, David, sweetie, you mendacious motherfucking moron, European conservatives look over the Atlantic at Trump and Cruz and think “fuck those fubar fascists”. There may be one or two outright neo-Nazis in European politics (thinking the Greek dude who decided fistfights on televised debates were just the thing for winning the people over) nastier than the median GOP Presidential candidate this cycle, but the vast majority of European actual conservatives are way to the left – David Cameron, for example, for all the harm he’s done selling the NHS by the pound, still hasn’t dared attack the core principal of healthcare free at the point of delivery for all. Which of course makes him a raging pinko five-year-planning commie by US political standards.

    • Angry_Cop

      You are correct except where the Europeans fall on racial issues. Even their liberals skew wildly right of anyone in the US. But the rest of it, yeah, Euro cons might as well be Communist Party members.

      • LadyLaz

        This. Which is sad when thinking about France, because they used to be very welcoming. It’s why African Americans left the US for France in droves back in the 30s and 40s. Coates also has left and now lives in Paris.

        • The French still love American Blacks. French racists are ethnographic connoisseurs.

      • PubOption

        I saw an odd variety of racism during a visit to the UK last year. Some of their conservatives seem to accept the Black and Indian/Pakistani/Bangladeshi population, but are against the ‘Polish’ (generic term for Eastern European immigrants) coming into the country and taking their jobs. That could explain why the UKIP has run at least one Hindu candidate.

        • HanBarbara

          Speak the Queen’s English without an accent and you are considered fit to wait on their tables, or work in their convenience stores. Don’t speak th Queens English and you are a foreigner.

        • SullivanSt

          Failing to give a shit about cricket at all is a far worse failure of the infamous Tebbit test than continuing to support your country of origin’s team.

      • SullivanSt

        I don’t agree that racial politics in Europe are significantly worse than America. For example, the racial unemployment gap in France is 6%, in the US it’s 9%. While looking specifically at the prison population you’d think France was much worse, if you look instead at the proportion of the overall minority population that is locked up, the US has a far more devastating problem.

      • DahBoner

        Rape is pretty normal in Germany, according to my ex German gf

        • theCryptofishist

          What does that mean? Does any country have good statistics on the matter? Has there been a big uptick in rape (caused by something? maybe huge amounts of social change and people getting really confused?) or are we just hearing about it more often? And India–WTF?

  • LadyLaz

    Please give me a pagan candidate. Pagans gave us Christmas, the Christmas tree, Easter Egg hunts, the May Pole, Atristarchus of Samos, and most of our structure of government, which used to work.

    • SDGeoff

      And a respect for nature and our beautiful environment. That’s pretty nice about Pagans, too.

  • Ergoetal

    “…have in part emphasized the need to lend a helping hand to the economically stressed and the least fortunate among us. Such candidates include George W. Bush….”

    Yeah, thanks for that. Now I’ve got parts of an omlette all over my keyboard.

    • SDGeoff

      They warned you about that in your owner’s manual. See, page 14, halfway down: “Under no circumstances must the user ingest food, beverages or snacks while simultaneously taking in satire posing as Informed Moral Opinionating.”

  • Angry_Cop

    Even Paul Ryan’s lip service to the poor was more believable than this tripe.

    • zerosumgame0005

      at least he washed an already washed dish!

    • Thom

      That’s a reference to his not shaving for a while and growing a beard that might make an 8th grader jealous?

  • HanBarbara

    Americans generally don’t like their leaders to seem mean- they can be advocates for cruel policies, but they are supposed to be behind a nice facade. We as a country have justified an awful lot of our actions by saying that we were the good guys, spreading the benefits of Christianity, Democracy, and Capitalism to the benighted.
    Without that pretense of goodness, we are just another bully, like China, or the Soviet Union. I think that’s what Brooks is objecting to- Ted and Donald have ripped the facade away. What’s underneath is greed, racism, and paranoia. Not pretty at all.

    • Pecker Rider of Pern

      Reminds me of the GOP debates for the 2012 presidential race. We were all (not very) shocked to find the audiences cheer loudest for promises to let the sick die and so forth. That rabid horde is through with any pretense of being civilized–except in contrast to anyone who’s not a proud cracker.

    • malsperanza

      And a hunger for authoritarianism.The GOP of today is fundamentally hostile to democracy, and Brooks is SHOCKEDSHOCKED to discover it.

  • runfastandwin

    I should write some snark, but when I think of “modern conservatives” I always go back to Reagan kicking off his campaign in Philadelphia Mississippi…

    • HanBarbara

      Ah but he coded the “race” issue as a “States Rights” issue, and he was such a soft spoken elderly statesman. That’s what David Brooks is yearning for.

    • DahBoner

      I had a Con tell me Republicans weren’t racist.

      When I asked about Philadelphia, MS his response was….
      http://media0.giphy.com/media/LiTTNQx8gGlrO/200w.gif

  • Mehmeisterjr

    OT but Disqus seems to log me out a lot.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      That means you’ve been Disquarded!

      Email them and register your Disqust.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      It’s a disquaster when that happens!

    • Same. I suspect the Disqus cookie expired for everyone. Some places require you to login annually.

  • AnOuthouse

    What dies he expect? Cruz is a Canadian.

    • FauxAntocles

      I think they threw him out.

      • Dudleydidwrong

        Can’t we do likewise? Asking for a lot of friends.

        • theCryptofishist

          Where could he go?

          • Brianna Amoré

            Greenland.

          • theCryptofishist

            Sounds good.

  • Bitter Scribe

    Does anyone remember that Far Side cartoon that showed a guy who had worked for years in the snake house at the zoo cowering in a corner because he suddenly realized that snakes are hideous?

    Sometimes I wonder if Brooks will ever come to that point about conservatives. But probably not.

    • Tansy Geek

      He’d have to work in how both sides do it somehow.

      • theCryptofishist

        That’s what a two party system means.

    • Lambsendbeds

      Snake LIBELZ !!!’

  • OrdinaryJoe

    The Rethuglikkkans have the more “moderate” Conservaloons worried about going to far. BWHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHA….

  • borninatrailer

    Look at Brooks’ sleepy left eye… it’s like the right side of his brain is bored with the left side.

    • MarkM

      I’m bored with both sides, so…

  • Magic Juan

    “There is not a hint of compassion, gentleness and mercy. Instead, his speeches are marked by a long list of enemies, and vows to crush, shred, destroy, bomb them.”

    That’s pretty much the way all right wing christian republicans are. They follow american jesus….not that suck up one in the bible…

    http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-U7Z8zvLI7v8/UNzRMeOjKuI/AAAAAAAAPfQ/cfZl232lAks/s1600/americanjesus.jpg

    • Peripatetic Poltroon

      Pffft. American Jesus packs a semiautomatic, with 40 round magazine.

      • zanzibar_buckbuck_mcfate

        To borrow a phrase from the white duke, “God is an American.”

      • theCryptofishist

        And has snacks.

      • MarkM

        SEMIAUTOMATIC!?! Hell no-full auto only! Unmodified sears are for PUSSIES!

  • orygoon

    It’s evening in America, right?

    • SullivanSt

      The long, dark teatime of the soul

      • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

        I really miss Douglas Adams….sigh…

      • ahughes798

        At least the scones are good.

    • Msgr_Moment

      Did I nap through Martinis before Dinner in America again?

      • theCryptofishist

        Yes. We gave yours to Nooners, so that’s okay.

        • SqueakyRat

          I’ve always thought of David Brooks as Peggy Noonan with a dick, actually.

          • theCryptofishist

            She’s available in so many creepy varieties.

      • SqueakyRat

        America drinks and goes home.

  • Tansy Geek

    Bobo is the most metal pundit eva! All credit to Metapocalypse.

  • TheOtherHeadlessThompsonGunner

    David Brooks is what happens when a thoroughly mediocre mind tries to use Great Ideas.

    • zanzibar_buckbuck_mcfate

      And gets PAID for it!

  • WhyFelicia

    Actually, Brooks is painting Cruz as the only honest candidate, if you think about it.

    • Vegan and Tiara

      Cruz is also trying to paint himself that way, as the only honest man running for president.

  • Hardly Ideal

    Time to repeat myself again.

    I frequently spend my time pretending to fight cyborg ninjas and put balloons on goats, and I still live in less of a fantasy world than this guy.

    • clubseal

      As long as you don’t pretend to understand the overarching plot of the series, we’ll be alright.

      • Hardly Ideal

        Of course. It’s kinda like Star Trek or Doctor Who; you can have a damn good time without trying to defend every ham-fisted plot device and recton. We’re really just here to kick ass and hide in boxes, anyway.

        • clubseal

          Oh, I get it. I’m a Resident Evil fan after all. Excluding RE6, obvs.

  • Professor Fate

    Brooks is shocked shocked to discover that gambling has been going on.
    Seriously has he spent any time with these people? Being angry and judgmental is why are religious the first place – it provides justification for their nastiness – and oh yes, David, they aren’t that fond of Jews either.

  • Cranky Man

    So, still all about I’ve got mine, fuck you? Thought so. Kudos for advanced word salad spinning though. Must be as tediuos and boring as picking colors for the White House with Nancy.

  • Vecciojohn

    Spartans: The Muslims of ancient Greece.

  • Popillius

    I can’t find the reference but I read some time ago George W. Bush and Alberto Gonzalez snickered over one death penalty case in Texas that he refused to commute. It might have been a Molly Ivins article….

    But what really steams me is David Fcking Brooks equating “pagans” with evil. Evil is much more likely to be accompanied with sanctimonious self-righteous religious crusaders. Unbelievable he gets paid to write for anyone.

    • Jena-Auerstedt

      Yes, that was one of Bush’s lowest moments. I don’t know about Gonzalez, but it was when Bush signed the death warrant for Karla Faye Tucker. See https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Karla_Faye_Tucker#Execution, “Aftermath.”
      One can only take being a “compassionate” conservative so far, I suppose.

      • Popillius

        Thank you – I should have looked at Wiki longer. I thought the case was a woman. The lack of empathy is astonishing, isn’t it. I’m not sure who I loathe more – the politicians or the “journalists”. I think I hate the media more.

      • Thorn Spike

        Another low: “Who cares what you think?”

        http://www.salon.com/2004/03/19/bush_encounter/

  • whitroth

    “Pagan brutalism”?

    Shall we consider Christian brutalism, the convert-or-die of
    a) Pagans
    b) Muslims (e.g. the Crusades)
    c) The Wars of Religion (Xian on Xian)
    d( and, oh, yes, 1500 years of Jews

    mark “I’ll do some brutalism – Wonkette, you
    bring the feathers, and I’ll find some tar”

    • Brianna Amoré

      Just more anti-Pagan bullshit from the right wing. Just as they managed to paint witchcraft as evil for centuries, when in actual fact witches were more concerned with healing people using herbs than destroying people.

      • SqueakyRat

        Burning’ em is quicker.

  • Vegan and Tiara

    “Classic Brooks, there, fondly recalling the alleged never-proven “compassionate conservatism” of George W. Bush…”
    I find myself in a very odd position here, because I’m going to (for the first time ever!) say something nice about GWB. Bush did a minority outreach housing program to make sure that everyone in America could own their own home (American Dream Homeownership Act), which allowed a zero down payment on a house. It turned out to be a total disaster, but I think his heart might have actually been in the right place. Of course, it could have also been done so that bankers could sell more mortgages. I can’t imagine Cruz doing anything other than kicking people to the curb.

    • Jena-Auerstedt

      There’s little to like in the GWB record, but he also called Islam a religion of peace not long after 9/11 and visited a mosque. Compared to some of his wannabe successors in the GOP today, as Mark Shields put it not long ago, that was practically Lincolnesque behavior by the standards of today’s GOP candidates.

      • Vegan and Tiara

        Just when you think “how could the GOP get any worse?” they always manage to get worse. Bush seemed horrible, but having a black president made the GOP go completely bonkers, and now Bush appears compassionate and statesmanlike compared to Cruz or Trump, or any of the other idiots.

        • Jena-Auerstedt

          It’s embarrassing to look back fondly (albeit grudgingly) at Reagan, or even Nixon.

          • Vegan and Tiara

            I look at George H.W. Bush as a great American president at this stage. That’s saying a lot about how friggin’ nuts the GOP has gotten.

          • Jena-Auerstedt

            Yes, with each new Republican president one says, “How much worse can it get?”
            And then one sees the likes of Cruz or Trump in the wings, and one realizes . . . a lot worse.

          • Vegan and Tiara

            Soon they’ll just run the head of the KKK, with Stormfront and Reddit as VP and Secretary of Defense.

    • tex7

      Bush also ordered HUD and USDA to start improving conditions in the border colonias, at least until the Iraq invasion. So there was a moment of decency.

      • Vegan and Tiara

        He also gave money to Africa to combat AIDS, so he wasn’t 100% horrible, just maybe 97%, whereas someone like Ted Cruz is 110% horrible.

  • sundaytrucker

    Watching David Brooks always leaves me having the same thought that I have after reading Time Magazine in the dentist’s waiting room: Nothing that happens in the next hour will be as painful as that.

  • cgwalt

    Ewwww. I’ll just wait until Matt Taibbi face plants this nut sack.

    • clubseal

      Not sure if this comment is a David Brooks put-down or Matt Taibbi fan fic.

  • Angry and Short

    ” …a Judeo-Christian spirit of charity, compassion and solidarity.” So fucking tone deaf. Yep those Buddhist and Hindu fuckers know NOTHING about charity. Nor do the Mooslims. Only Christians. Plus, if they had their way it wouldn’t be Judeo-Christian it would only be about Jeebus, but since us Jews run the world they occasionally throw us a bone.

    • Giving to charity is actually #4 on every Muslim’s Top Five List Of Compulsory Things, just in front of going to Mecca. Typical wingnut willful ignorance from Brookes.

    • ahughes798

      It could be all about Jeebus, and it would still be Judeo-Christian, because Jesus was a Jew, no matter how much the Christers wish it wasn’t true.

      • Angry and Short

        Jeebus Libelz!

    • Brianna Amoré

      Never mind the fact that anybody can walk into any Hare Krishna temple, anywhere in the world, and receive a free meal, no questions asked.

      And no bullshit proselytizing either. Just some good old fashioned chanting and Kirtan.

      • Angry and Short

        But they were ladies clothing so obviously they are part of teh geigh conspiracy and shit, so they don’t count.

  • Angry and Short

    Brutal Pagan Libelz!

  • DahBoner

    Rumpelstiltskin just woke up from a 34 year dream and discovers the GOP just wants to “destroy things”?
    https://49.media.tumblr.com/4ff19726e3e88899dfb1ca967960b74a/tumblr_ncfhtbZoqv1qf5hjqo3_250.gif

  • r m reddicks

    What the hell’s a “sandwich”?

    • DahBoner

      On the NY Subway system, its called a ‘sammich’…

      • r m reddicks

        Ah, now I see.

    • azeyote

      i was in one once –

  • xy

    i had forgotten that david brooks was a thing. so thanks for reminding me, now i have to go drink a few bottles to forget him again.

  • azeyote

    when the fuck has the GOP given a shit about the poor sick and the old ? what’s he smokin – datura ?

    • thixotropic jerk

      He doesn’t have the wisdom to work with such a magnificent power plant!

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    Anyone who hates Ted Cruz can’t be all bad. (Fuck that guy.)

    What do you mean fuck WHICH guy. AOTK

  • Jena-Auerstedt

    I actually don’t mind David Brooks — compared to most of what passes for political insight on the right (from Limbaugh on down), he’s practically a philosopher.
    Practically.

  • obsessed

    Brooks is the Jeb! of journalism.

  • danteardenz

    Tell me Mr Brooks how creep Cruz ” brutalism ” ,is any different from your favorites ,” compassionate Conservatism” please ?

  • DantesE

    I’ll skip bashing on brooks since that Massengill is a lost cause. But the santorum’s comments about rape victims reminded me of something. I found this out when he made those comments. It seems that where I live Mi. if a woman is raped and gets pregnant and she decides to keep the baby even if the rapist is tried, convicted and sent to prison when he gets out he can ask for visitation. That has to be the most fucked up thing ever.
    Right OT but its late.

    • Dr. Krieger IRL

      That’s a literal waking nightmare.

    • That’s the best reason I can think of to have an abortion.

  • Dr. Krieger IRL

    I believe that if Jesus showed up and talked to any conservative christian group today, they’d crucify him all over again.

    • VandeGraf

      Trump would probably say, “Look at that lame ass douche bag, letting a couple Romans crucify him. They only had spears, for chrissakes! That isn’t what made Christianity great! “

      • Roni Raven

        “He’s the messiah because he was crucified? I like people who weren’t crucified.

        “Perhaps he’s the messiah. But right now he’s said a lot of bad things about a lot of moneylenders.”

    • Kip TW

      Ever drive past a suburban church with full-size crosses on the lawn? They’re ready for Him.

  • david drake

    brooks would be more readable if he’d use the word “splooge” at least once per column.

  • Gregory Brown

    All I could think of, reading Brooks’s screed the other day was “he’s describing mainstream GOP ‘thought.’ “

  • VandeGraf

    The enemy of your enemy might not be your friend, but it is only good sense to get out of the way and let him take it to your enemy. Brooks might be good snark fodder, and wrong as hell in many, many ways, but when he’s gone after Cruz, let him go after Cruz.

  • Kip TW

    Like a lot of conservatives who hate Hollywood, Brooks longs for the America that existed only in Hollywood motion pictures. Plucky immigrants who came to these shores with only a single bootstrap. Sure, they got a little hazing when they showed up, but they knew we had to band together against Hitler, and eventually formed the great melting pot where they live in harmony on the same street, over the candy store or on a farm.

    Oh, why don’t they cram that down our throat any more? What’s happened to this great land that Frank Capra built?

  • Justin

    I can pulls ideas out of my ass and write them down somewhat legibly. Where’s *my* plum NYT gig?

  • Antimassacree

    Thanks, Kaili Joy, for reading all the David Brooks words so I don’t have to.

  • MarkM

    First time I’ve read one of your columns. It won’t be the last. Beautifully sarcastic, with just a soupçon of acid contempt. Well done!

  • dickiedunn

    wait, applebee’s has a salad bar?

  • Hey, David Brooks – you asshole, YOU BUILT THIS.

  • Whollyholeyholy

    David Brooks lately suffers from a genteel delusion wherein he has not been a partisan hack just because he is not shouty. But, Cruz is demonstrably worse than others. I submit as evidence: http://www.dallasobserver.com/news/letter-from-texas-listen-america-trump-is-just-embarrassing-cruz-is-scary-8095715

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