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Defender of the people.

Ammon Bundy and his band of merry morons need many things in life right now. Common sense, tampons for all the ladies who aren’t even currently occupying the Malheur National Wildlife Refuge in Oregon, and PLZ MORE SNACKS. And no more of that unpalatable vegan tofurkey jerky or whatever the hell it was. PETA, you are so gross and bad, and you should feel bad.

Oh, and they also need a hero. Somebody with the guns and the boobs and the baking soda cancer cures, who will stand up in the public square and say the absolute dumbest shit you could ever think of, on their behalf. Did we mention she should have knockers so big they could kill a man if she was spinning around too fast? Hey, Nevada Assemblywoman Michele Fiore, whatcha doin’?

Nevada state Rep. Michele Fiore, a Republican, tells OPB she called Ammon Bundy Saturday night. […]

“Everyone knows I’m a supporter of the Bundy family,” Fiore said. “Our relationship is pretty well documented.” […]

“We just need to get elected officials from the sheriff’s office on up protecting citizens,” Fiore told OPB. “I stand for our citizens and they need help from elected officials.”

LOL, who will stand up for the citizens (who have taken over a rural birdwatching station or whatever because “Constitution”)?

Of course, Fiore’s been knowing the Bundy clan for quite a while. She was one of their best buddies during the FIRST Bundy federal land rights standoff. In fact, it’s part of what made her famous.

But apparently she couldn’t pick her huge tits up off the huge tit stand she had installed atop her favorite gun safe (which is probably always unlocked), and actually GO to Oregon to nuzzle Ammon to her bosom. So a wingnut Republican Oregon state representative (as well as several other out-of-state politicians) did the snuggling for her:

According to Fiore, Oregon Rep. Dallas Heard, a Roseburg Republican, met in person with the militant leaders.

“It’s refreshing to see a representative like Dallas Heard care and lean on the side of citizens, versus our federal government,” said Fiore.

How sweet, Heard was willing to do all that, even though fellow Republican Rep. Cliff Bentz told him to back the fuck off that idea. Of Heard, Harney County Judge Steven E. Grasty said, “He’s probably the most inexperienced legislator in the state of Oregon. … It just seems bizarre.” A brand-spankin’ new Republican legislator acting like a stupid, embarrassing dick? You don’t say.

But back to Michele’s tits. Why is everything Michele Fiore does somehow related to her tits, at least on Wonkette? Because she started it. Remember that calendar she released, where each month featured her tits draped in a different way, each with their own special gun?

fiorehalloween

And then the Christmas card, which was all about not just HER boobs and guns, but the boobs and guns of her whole family?

Plus she yells about how transgenders need to stay off her “nakedness area,” refers to her vaginal area as her “va-jay-jay,” and is pretty sure the way to end sex trafficking is to forcibly remove pimps’ giggleberries.

The point is it’s real hard to take her seriously, y’all, kind of like it’s hard to take Ammon Bundy seriously.

Now get off your lazy ass, Michele, and go save your buddies in Oregon.

[OPB via RawStory]

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  • Antimassacree
  • Lizzietish81
  • Seaside

    “I stand for our citizens and they need help from elected officials” said elected official Michele Fiore without registering any irony.

  • Indiepalin

    Nevada: The Tits ‘n Lizards state

    • Iam Reading

      She is a gila monster with boobs, so, yeah!

  • Rick Hill

    I remember when the biggest poitical embaressment was Billy Carter. Now the republicans can’t elect them fast enough.

  • Lefty Frizzell

    Is this whatever-it-is they’re doing coherent enough to be called a clown show? Do any of them know what they’re doing and why?

  • fawkedifiknow

    Well, ain’t this whole sitiation just tits?

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      This whole thing is going tits up.

      • DahBoner

        Does she rent her ginormous knockers out for birthday parties for kids to jump up and down on?

        • Msgr_Moment

          If the Federales shoot, they’re gonna get tits for rat-a-tat-tat.

          • TheOtherHeadlessThompsonGunner

            Federales, huh?

            Does that mean Michele named the right one Pancho?

            #ObscureTownesVanZandt”humor”

      • TheBidenator

        I guess this situation has really gotten her tits in the wringer…

    • Gleem-McShinez

      They do claim they’ve taken over the whole areaola around the sanctuary.

  • AntiDerpomeme

    Elected (what da fuq, Nevada & Oregon?) government officials declare support for armed traitors who want to overthrow the government. So many boobs!

  • Zippy

    Great, tit willows to the bird sanctuary

    • data_ninja

      And a pair of blue footed boobies.

      • Msgr_Moment

        They do always travel in pairs, right?

    • Steve Zakszewski

      And the tufted titmouse’s cousin on steroids.

    • Lizzietish81
    • SigDeFlyinMonky

      And a pair of Bushtits.

      • Zippy

        Jenna and Barbara?

    • Biff52
      • Zippy

        what’s frightening is that I was humming that song to myself when I wrote my post

  • Steve Zakszewski

    She misunderstood when Bundy said they needed more boobs with guns up there. Besides, they’ve already shoved all the tampons up their man-vajes and there are none left for her.

  • Pollos Hermanos
    • Steve Zakszewski

      This cannot be liked enough.

      • Querolous

    • Sheepshagger

      What ah…what are we talking about again?

      • Anarchy Pony

        I’m sorry… we were uh… talking about, uh… what were we talking about?

        • Objectifer

          Bewbs!!!1!1!!

    • Msgr_Moment

      Hate to admit it, but this is the highpoint of the day. Wanks Thanks.

    • TheBidenator

      :Leers: Dammit I have to work! :Leers: No really I need to work, lunch is almost over…:Leers:

    • Steven M. Harries

      I really don’t get this breast-fetish thing. Think Condi Rice or Peggy Noonan can explain it to me?

    • Gleem-McShinez

      This is NOT the same video you’ll get when you ask a birdwatcher about tits.

    • TheBidenator

      Okay, you win…whatever we were arguing about. Shit, this is just like what my last ex-girlfriend used to do when she wanted something…all…over again.

      • Anarchy Pony

        What went wrong?

      • Nockular cavity

        And, uh, what’s her number?

    • elviouslyqueer

      Sorry, but I find this pretty much impossible to masturbate to, obvs.

      • SnarkTank

        And this is why I have a small amount of pity for my gay brethren. Us hetero-types enjoy it immensely. But then, we (most, but not all) have trouble fapping to pictures of guys in speedos, so the versa is vice, also too.

        • Pollos Hermanos

          Full disclosure. I’m gay and I think boobs are the best things ever.

    • Anarchy Pony

      Bunk, I’ll be in it, etc.

    • calliecallie

      So not safe for work.
      Los Pollos Hermanos also too! That caught my attention more than the boobs.

    • Markuserektus

      I’d rather see them departing (NSFW- depends where you work)

      https://youtu.be/vorUQJd7Yyg

  • Lizzietish81

    At least by the time of the calendar she had learned to not just suck in and jut out.

  • Spotts1701

    Well, I guess she needs something to do now that she’s closed up her Medicare grift home health-care business. And going down to the gun range gets boring after a while.

  • JMP

    “We just need to get elected officials from the sheriff’s office on up protecting citizens,”

    Maybe I’m remembering, but I believe the local sheriff’s office has been trying to protect citizens by telling the Bundys and other violent protesters to get the fuck out of town.

    • calliecallie

      They’re doing it wrong, obvsly.

  • DahBoner

    “We just need to get elected officials from the sheriff’s office on up protecting citizens”

    First, we need to start from the sheriff’s office on down to get the Mexican janitors on board.
    http://media3.giphy.com/media/nT8JKBXz1vL9u/giphy.gif

  • “We just need to get elected officials from the sheriff’s office on up protecting citizens,” Fiore told OPB. “I stand for our citizens and they need help from elected officials.”

    Does this boob-banging, gun-humping nutjob ever stop her mouth from running long enough to remember that SHE is an elected official…? Teh stupit is strong.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    Hey, OPB, why do you care what state reps from other states think about this?

    Primarily, you guys are radio news right? Not a tit Fiore friendly medium.

    And then your website features perhaps the least osten-tit-tious picture she has ever allowed to be taken of herself:

    http://www.opb.org/images/upload/c_limit,h_1000,q_90,w_640/AP_882095011505_n6oobk.jpg

    • Steven M. Harries

      Is that Yeltsin with a wig on, yo?

      • kindness

        If it was he’d have his shirt off and be riding a bear.

        • Steven M. Harries

          Yeltsin was more into Extreme Tennis. And yes, he tripped over the lines.

          • marxalot

            Yeltsin was a schlemiel in search of a schlemazel

        • Latverian Diplomat

          Shirt off riding a “bear” is Fiore’s next holiday card idea.

        • PubOption

          Here’s a photo of Michele with her shirt open for a bra check. http://www.ifyouonlynews.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/MicheleFioreFeatImg.jpg

          • Anarchy Pony

            She’s yoogely classy, she’ll have a cabinet position in the Trumpenfuhrer administration.

          • Antimassacree

            Dignity. Always…Dignity.

          • Gleem-McShinez

            That’s not Yeltsin signing the Chechen Peace Teaty?

    • Iam Reading

      Um….that is a lot of texture on her face. Does she have the herps on her cheeks?

      • Shibusa

        I thought maybe she went bird hunting with Dick Cheney.

    • janecita

      Photoshop really is an amazing invention.

    • btwbfdimho

      First time I see her without a gun.

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    I was hoping you were gonna say she was going to join the nuts there.

    I figured she could blow a few of them or at least give them handies to keep spirits up.

    I keep hoping stupid reaches critical mass.

    • Biff52

      I didn’t see condoms on their shopping list.

  • Estproph

    Hey, she’s just trying to win the All-England Summarize Proust Contest!

    https://youtu.be/uwAOc4g3K-g?t=3m47s

    • Antimassacree

      By the second mouthful most would remember being fed by their mom.

  • Msgr_Moment

    “Our relationship is pretty well documented.” […]

    Frantically searching Netflix…

    • natoslug

      Glad to know she’s willing to go on record as a terrorist sympathizer.

    • Querolous

      Frantically searching Uporn.

      • Msgr_Moment

        …as they do in the Shire.

  • Sheepshagger

    I have said it before, and I know its an unpopular position, but I think its necessary to reiterate once more:
    I like tits.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Don’t worry. Not even this idiot can give tits a bad name.

    • Objectifer

      You know what they say, once you’ve seen one, you want to see them all.

      • kindness

        Not true at all.

      • Sheepshagger

        Really?

        • Objectifer

          I’d post a Rodney Carrington video but it would probably get me banned.

      • gratuitous

        I’d have to see quite a few more before I could state that definitively.

    • Tallmutha

      They have to be attached to a sentient life form though.

      • Sheepshagger

        Romantic devil you!

        • Tallmutha

          Um, all due respect but based on your handle? I’m not sure you should talk?

          • Sheepshagger

            Baaa stard!

    • Dudleydidwrong

      Being “Sheepshagger” you are obviously aware that sheep have four of those things. Does old One L know that she’s lacking in that department?

    • HobbesEvilTwin

      brave stand. you says it like it are. prolly a place for you in the Preznint Trump gubmint.

  • Juan de Fuca

    “The point is it’s real hard to take her seriously, y’all, kind of like it’s hard to take Ammon Bundy seriously.”

    Ammon Bundy and Michele seem like identical boobs – identitties.

  • Anarchy Pony

    Get your thug Nevadans out of my state, Fiore.

  • Msgr_Moment

    P.s. Send moar calendars. — Ammon Gumby

    • Thurman Munster IV

      And lube. Boys are getting kinda frisky and they’ll be fucking Prairie dogs before long

  • Steven M. Harries

    Ms. Fiore: There are softer, nimbler, more satisfactory dildos. If you visit your local hardware store, they’ll be happy to explain to you haw batteries work.

  • TheBidenator

    Well shit, now that Boobs Fiore and Dallas Heard are involved it’s time to give up the ghost federal government and let Ammon Bundy ranch in the White House. This ‘noble experiment’ in Democracy was good while it lasted….tough break.

  • Gleem-McShinez

    That Christmas Card! Holy shit, hadn’t seen it before.

    Even with the best comedy minds on the task, The Onion couldn’t manufacture a satirical gun-lovers’ Christmas card any better than that.

  • Lizzietish81

    Also, seems to me that’s a terrible way to hold a shotgun

    • FauxAntocles

      She should be leaning more forward – unless she’ll fall over…

      • natoslug

        The butt should be resting on her forehead. As it is now, she might bruise something useful.

    • JustPixelz

      Agreed. And I’m practically an expert … I took a ten minute skeet shooting lesson at LL Bean.

  • Beezelbubbles
    • Gleem-McShinez

      Is GTFO still an option? I’ll take one of those, thx.

  • TheBidenator

    I love how the jackholes are trying to frame this as a “citizens v. government” conflict when it’s really “selfish, greedy, stupid assholes v. the other citizens” given that public land means land the public gets to be on which the government nicely maintains for us all. Land these assholes WANT for themselves so they can fence it all in and exploit it to ruin while they exterminate the animals and bring down all the trees.

  • Hemp Dogbane

    “It’s refreshing to see a representative like Dallas Heard care and lean on the side of citizens, versus our federal government,” said Fiore.

    It’s like Palin & W had a baby.

  • Objectifer

    Didn’t see huge tits on their shopping list. Curious.

    • beavertank

      I thought that was an implied request in every shopping list.

    • AnOuthouse

      If I was illegally occupying federal property, Titties and Beer would be my first request.
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LZVpOg8qHL0

  • kindness

    Get off your lazy ass Fiore! Those boys aren’t going to wack themselves off up there! What? Oh you don’t say? I stand corrected. Apparently they will.

  • “Everyone knows I’m a supporter of the Bundy family,” Fiore said. “Our relationship is pretty well documented.” […]

    At least until one of them kills a Federal officer and then watch her PR flacks try and fail to scrub the internet while she says, “We were never very close. We only spoke a few times by phone…”

  • Iam Reading

    Images of this entity hurt my nocular cavity

  • AnOuthouse

    Dallas Heard what?

  • Shibusa
    • Anarchy Pony

      ???

    • cousin itt

      Annie get yer fun?

      • Biff52

        I miss her comments.

        • cousin itt

          I was hoping…

      • Markuserektus

        …bags.

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      If your shooting rampage lasts more than four hours, call a doctor.

    • BigBoppa

      Looks like it shoots only blanks.

  • BigBoppa
  • gene108

    Booooooooooooobs!!!

    What a beautiful sight, what a beautiful thing.

    If Michelle really cared about Boobs, she’d pass a law restricting the use of fake boobs in Nevada.

    There’s no need for plastic surgery.

    It doesn’t make them look better.

    Gosh, only knows, there are plenty of women with fake boobs in Nevada. It’s become a pre-requisite for some jobs, I think.

    She’s probably in the pocket of the fake boob lobby, as well as the gun lobby, and the crazy conspiracy lobby.

    • PubOption

      Is Sheldon Adelson part of the gun lobby?

  • cousin itt

    “Our relationship is pretty well documented.” […]

    See: Child and Adolescent Psychiatry and Mental Health

  • JoeChristmas

    Maybe she could bring them some much needed tampons.

  • arglebargle

    One “L”, two “DD’s”

    • cousin itt

      Requires AA’s, not included.

      • Antimassacree

        And that ain’t no BB gun she’s pointing at some innocent bystander.

    • Whale Chowder

      Sending a tingle up EE’s leg

  • URQ196

    OPB= Oregon Public Broadcasting

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      You down with OPB?

      • Eyeball Freckles

        Yeah you know me!

  • SuspectedDemocrat

    Wait, is this why they need so many tampons over there? I thought Megyn Kelly was going to debate Trump again.

  • cousin itt

    My dead, soulless eyes are up here, boys.

    • BigBoppa
      • Collettedoliva

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    • w9anthimos

      But your tits, my god, your tits!

  • ThatDale

    I have decided that I will no longer use the phrase “federal government” when writing about these issues. It’s too much a part of the nutjobs’ framing. Instead, I will use the relatively unknown term “the United States.”

    aka OUR COUNTRY, MOTHERFUCKERS.

    • xy

      that must be some foreign language. everyone knows my country is call ‘Merica.

      (it’s always “my” country with these assholes, i thought it was for everyone)

  • elviouslyqueer

    Too late, Michele. The one thing these morons aren’t running low on is douche.

  • Duke

    Was “big tits” on the grocery list?

    • drbloor

      There’s always room for tittyfucking.

      /Bill Cosby

  • btwbfdimho

    I can’t wait to read Sean Penn’s interview with Ammon Bundy.

  • btwbfdimho

    Are those tits or air-bags?

    • elviouslyqueer

      Yes.

      • Gleem-McShinez

        Airbags pop out when there’s an accident.

        Here’s Michele Fiore popping up when there’s a clusterfuck trainwreck.

        Story checks out.

    • Dr. Krieger IRL

      Yes.

    • Dr. Krieger IRL

      She’s going to lose like 90% of her voter base when the Takata airbag recall goes into effect.

  • Incoming Ham

    awww – her first domestic not terrorist crush!

  • lroom

    Does Big Blog have an opinion on Big Boobs?

  • elpinche

    Oh no, not this truckstop cumdumpster. Not on this sad day.

    • Anarchy Pony

      Truckstop libel?

      • Antimassacree

        Not really. Sounds more like good old-fashioned marketing.

    • MyDogsAreSmarterThanYou

      Lot lizard.

  • Gleem-McShinez

    Michele’s actually pretty smart not to go.
    When the Feds finally cave and this is no longer a bird sanctuary, it will be legal to shoot tits there.

  • Msgr_Moment

    FSS, I can’t have these huge distractions hanging out on my screen while I’m trying to work!

  • MrBlobfish

    If the land was given over to the states, as they wish, they will be fine with the huge jump in taxes that will be needed to maintain the land, right?

  • Ergoetal

    Before Ammon can get interested in tits, he needs a dick.

    • Toomush_Infer

      He am one…

      • chicken thief

        As she’ll find out when he puts her up front as a human shield for the menfolk.

  • Me not sure

    Michele! Michele! Get your finger out of the trigger guard and look where you are pointing the gun, not at the camera! Jesus Christ, somebody is gonna get killed! Also too, do you have two elbows on each arm?

    • elpinche

      She giving those wingnut followers of hers those blowjob-eyes while handling that big black cock metaphor. It’s confusing.

  • IDon’tCareWhatYouThink

    They used some photoshop juice on her mug in those.

    Here’s one where she’s dressed up as Ursula:

    • tihond

      “I wanna be where the people are… Running around with those… What do you call them? JUGS!”

    • Shibusa

      Glamour Shots®?

    • SnarkTank

      The poor, unfortunate soul…

    • Ducksworthy

      You sure she’s not dressed as Elvira (apologies to Elvira)

  • calliecallie

    You know who else had a well-documented relationship with people trying to take over a government?

    • Msgr_Moment

      The Koch, I mean Krupps, family?

    • Anarchy Pony

      Prescott Bush?

    • Sheepshagger

      Edward Lansdale?

    • Antimassacree

      John L. Stevens?

    • Dr. Krieger IRL

      FEMA, according to the foil hat brigade?

    • chicken thief

      Ben Franklin’s bitches?

    • mrpuma2u

      Those “ladies” in the George W Bush BLM who were sleeping with people that worked for mining companies???

    • Whale Chowder

      Lafayette?

    • JH Marx

      Emperor Penguin Linus Torvalds

  • tehbaddr

    DOUBLE D CUPS LIBELZ!!!!1!!!!11!111 Chesticles, sweater puppies, fun bags, chest meat, gazongas, mammalian protuberances…

  • Celtic_Gnome

    The sheriff’s office needs to on up protecting citizens, and representatives need to lean on the side of citizens.

    I imagine that sex with Michele would be, shall we say, interesting.

    • Toomush_Infer

      Please stop imagining – the last thing I want is for that to be contagious…

    • Dudleydidwrong

      Is that the way she imagines sex? “Lean on the side”? With her boobs and his lean, that’d be a pretty unstable act.

      • eddi

        Old catty remark. “For her, great sex is showing up. Everything else just smears her makeup.”

  • jesuswasablack

    “I stand for our citizens and they need help from elected officials.”
    Wow good legal speak, carefully avoiding saying she supports armed insurgents over law enforcement. Nice set of Bolt-ons I wonder how much those fun-bags cost? Why do all the right-wing chicks seem to be CUNTS?

    • eddi

      Imitating the guys?

      • Ducksworthy

        No wonder the guys are all such cunts.

  • Jen_Baker_VA

    Maybe she can send Mammon the tampons?

    • Paperless Tiger

      Good point. Aren’t these the folks who are always on about states’ rights? What is Oregon, chopped liver?

      • PubOption

        I thought that it was a herb.

  • Ilgattomorte

    When trying to impress strangers it is not uncommon to put your best feature(s) forward. In Michele’s case we have a person who’s a moron, not particularly charming, not well read, has a severely inbred-looking family, an uncommonly bizarre love of guns, a seemingly nasty demeanor, only one damn “L” and big tits.

    I ask you. What would you lead with? In fact, it’s a damn shame the tits can’t do all the talking.

    • mailman27

      These tits are made for talkin’
      And that’s just what they’ll do
      One of these days these tits are gonna
      Squawk all over you

      Dow-dow-dow-dow-dow…

  • Lemmy Caution

    Sometimes you go to war with the lethal weapons you have …

  • Skeptic Rising

    As usual, Republican lawmakers should be seen and not Heard.

    • Dr. Krieger IRL

      Hearing Michele Fiore speak is like taking two dozen Ambien in a single gulp.

  • daysleeper

    I can’t disagree with her desire to castrate rapists. I think that’s a fantastic idea.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      Only do that before they ever get the idea to do the rape.

      • daysleeper

        Lacking the psychic ability to know they’re going to rape someone, I can’t support just castrating everyone. I’m sure there are 2 or 3 non-raping men out there, somewhere, and that wouldn’t be fair to them.

    • David Roosa

      castration doesn’t stop them

      • daysleeper

        But it’s a good start.

    • Ducksworthy

      Iowa has a US (not state US) Senator who could do that with her teeth.

  • Toomush_Infer

    She’d go there, but she’s afraid it’d be Cologne, New Year’s Eve all over again…

  • VandeGraf

    Does someone in Nevada have a camera Michele would pose for? She’s a fine match and would make an excellent VP candidate if the GOP wants to run a pair of the most narcissistic SOBs in recent history. TRUMP/FIORE. When you care enough not to really give a shit.

    • David Roosa

      what a pair

  • Serolf Divad

    “We just need to get elected officials from the sheriff’s office on up protecting citizens…”

    Sheriff on up? What kind of Big Government, Washington Bureaucrat, communist, Saul Alinksy following traitor is this woman? Ain’t she heard yet that according to the Mormon Constitution there ain’t no higher authority in America than your local sheriff (and baby Jesus)?

  • + Nevada Dingbat Michele Fiore Will Protect Bundy Jackholes With Her Ginormous Knockers

    ***********

    XD

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=82ANkjVEpYk

  • Major_Major_Major

    It is awfully swell of her to offer support now, but where will she be when the whole situation goes tits up?

    • MyDogsAreSmarterThanYou

      Prolly the same place Sean KKKlannity was when Cliven wanted to tell us all “something about the negro.” I’m not exactly sure where that is, but I’m relatively certain it’s not in this dimension.

    • Spotts1701

      She’ll just end up looking like a boob.

    • chicken thief

      She’ll jiggle her way out of it.

    • Gleem-McShinez

      “When your mood sags down into the pits, I’m right there with you”

      –Michele Fiore

    • mrpuma2u

      Knocker it off with mammary gland jokes already.

      • Gleem-McShinez

        Can’t help it, those are some giant punbags.

      • mailman27

        Q. What do you call One-L’s bra?
        A. Tanks for the mammaries!

      • Biff52

        Knocker? I never met ‘er!

    • therblig

      she would have been with her baseball team, but she lacked 8.

  • MyDogsAreSmarterThanYou

    “Our relationship is pretty well documented.”

    Gross.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      Saw the photos on http://www.absolutelyworstsexshit.gov She sure documented that horse.

    • Hey, everyone needs a sex tape!

    • chicken thief

      Her 44’s and his derringer?

      • Dr. Krieger IRL

        “Derringer” is a little generous for a Bundy.

        • eddi

          How’s this? And yes it’s real.

      • dshwa

        Saturday night special indeed

  • MyDogsAreSmarterThanYou

    Did we mention she should have knockers so big they could kill a man if she was spinning around too fast?

    I’ve handled the kind of knockers that could kill a man if the woman was spinning around too fast. Michele Fiore doesn’t have those kind of knockers, not by a long shot.

    • Spotts1701

      Aren’t those the ones that also have their own gravitational field?
      Asking for a friend.

      • SuspectedDemocrat

        They do, and we guys are pulled into orbit because we’re so dense.

        Boobs. Heh heh

        • Dr. Krieger IRL

          I’ll be in my bunk.

  • Dammit, if you’re gonna type “Her Ginormous Knockers” right there in the title, you must use this lovely image.

    Post reading-the-thread: Oooops. I’ll just “A-HEM!” myself.

    • cousin itt

      Is that the emergency eject button?

      • Ants In My Eyes Johnson

        No, that’s where you slip your bills for her consideration, along with a bunch of paper-based legal tender. Otherwise, no touching of the politicians, please, they are working.

  • Matt Jones

    “According to Fiore, Oregon Rep. Dallas Heard, a Roseburg Republican, met in person with the militant leaders.”

    Tits or not, it seems like “elected official goes to visit seditionists, not handed his walking papers after leaving the compound” is the real story here…

  • Angry and Short

    Back in the 90’s I had one of G.Gordon Liddy’s “Chicks with Guns” calendars. At that time is was considered a bit kooky, Now, everything connected with the right wing involves guns, tits and jeebus.

    • geoffalnutt

      And farts.

    • Ants In My Eyes Johnson

      Also loads of junk food presented as meals.

  • zerosumgame0005

    isn’t there a way to soak the tampons in vodka and then stick up your ass to get super drunk? that would combine the Bundy Boys affectation of anus-fingering with being stupid drunk…

    • Jonny On Maui

      I’ve heard that the tampon/vodka thing is a new way to get dead by alcohol, whoohoo, what’ll the kids think of next?

      If memory serves (serves hell, it’s not even taking orders…) the White Bread GunLoon Field Manual calls for the use of tampons as a quick field dressing for bullet wounds. Oh that said tampons could be soaked in vodka prior to field dressing use…

      I’d also want video of the EMT’s face…

  • chicken thief

    If she were to head up there, they could cross milk, cheese, and butter off their shopping list.

    • mailman27

      That is so udderly insulting.

    • Markuserektus

      Still need the lube though…for science reasons.

      • Biff52

        Butter works!

        • Markuserektus

          I really prefer the posterior aspect though…

          • dead_elvis

            See “Last Tango in Paris” for inspiration there.

  • From what I can tell, Dallas Heard is basically the male douche bro version of Michele Fiore. I have less faith in his, er, appendages though. http://media.kpic.com/images/660*400/DALLAS+HEARD+660.jpg

    • Querolous

      Heard is a real work of art (robinson)

      The following quote is from Dallas Heard, the Republican candidate for Oregon State Representative District #2.

      “All Indians are a disease and should be run out of our country. We
      should take back all their stolen land. If they want to come back in
      they can apply for citizenship and then be Americans”.

      He made this comment in an open Douglas County Commissioner meeting. Sounds incoherent and out of touch to us!

      from https://comedycounty.wordpress.com/

      • Biff52

        He said that as a candidate? And still got elected?

        • Querolous

          OR has its share of home-grown assholes. We really don’t need any from NV.

          • Biff52

            On a percentage basis, NV and OR are probably pretty close. Thankfully, both are still small enough states to not make too big a ruckus.

          • Oregon’s much more Blue than Nevada overall though, and much more left-wing generally. We haven’t voted Republican for President since 1984, and I believe our last Republican governor was in the 1980s too.

            We just have rural areas like Douglas County, which is to Oregon as Bakersfield is to California…

      • Anarchy Pony

        Wow, that’s the kind of guy I’d vote with a pitchfork.

  • blaid droog

    She is hot, in a slutty white trash whore porn star kinda way.

    • Biff52

      I’m not known for impeccable taste, but no.

    • dead_elvis

      hatefuckable?

    • JH Marx

      What’s wrong with that?

  • Paperless Tiger

    Some airhead exhibitionist. Why do they call them conservatives again?

  • SnarkOff

    What a boob.

    • eddi

      Her and Heard make a pair of boobs.

  • Lemmy Caution

    She looks like the kind of gal who grew up privileged in a white trash sort of way — the daughter of the trailer park supervisor, for instance.

    • hillarysleftone

      Mr. Lahey libelz!

      • Lemmy Caution

        And Ellen Page would be very offended.

  • dshwa

    It’s refreshing to see a representative like Dallas Heard care and lean on the side of citizens, versus our federal government,” said Fiore.

    There’s a way to get more of those kind of Representatives, you vote them into office. Of course, that requires a majority of people to agree with you, which isn’t the case with these nitwits.

    Which is their real problem, they hate democracy because it means they don’t always get their way.

  • It says a lot about the state of the United States in the 21st century that even our radical militants are as competent and menacing as old Saturday morning cartoon henchmen.

    • eddi

      And not a mastermind in sight.

      • Indeed, and I guess that’s for the best. But it’s hard not to even look at Donald Trump and think, “Come on, didn’t we even use to make better bigoted demagogues than this?!”

        • eddi

          Huey “Catfish” Long would eat him for breakfast. “They” had to shoot him to keep America from going Socialist/Communist.

  • Suse

    “A brand-spankin’ new Republican legislator acting like a stupid, embarrassing dick? You don’t say” Like stupid embarrassing dick Tom Cotton and his treasonous letter to Iran. .

    • Damian L

      Some would say treasonous letter to Iran.

  • JParkerSD46

    If we give these dipshits Texas, you know, the state that wants to rewrite the Constitution so its citizens can once again live in the 18th century, will Fiore, Bundy (all of them, Katy), and all those like them who hate America so much please go and live in there? That way they can enjoy their own special fantasy world. Oh, and take all the bible-thumpers who luurrvvv Jeebus so much that they hate everyone else. Gun fondlers, you get to go, too. And, please, you hard-pressed citizens of New Texas, don’t bother knocking on our door for anything. The hated US gubmint will be stationing Marines along the entire length of your rock-solid border to make sure of it. You know, with guns.

    • tex7

      El Paso won’t go with Texas. We can join New Mexico very easily, just move the border over. We’re almost a part of Mexico anyway, in Texas legislators’ imaginations. We’re the red headed stepchild of Texas.

    • Ants In My Eyes Johnson

      No, they’ll still be super mad that not everyone has to live an in Texan nightmare like them. They have the right to ruin everything else too!

  • hillarysleftone

    oh god that poor spanx thingie, this is inhuman torture for it.

  • sw19womble

    That calendar of Michele Fiore made me lactose intolerant.

    • Suttree

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

    • OrdinaryJoe

      Well then, this will just plain make you vomit.

      http://vegasseven.com/2016/01/05/sirens-call-fiores-gall/

      • Biff52

        Oh for fuck’s sake. I had to go there.

      • So the “Michele Fiore Story” is becasically what would happen if Joe Eszterhaus tried to write a political drama?

  • duckshoe

    Rep. Heard takes lots of “principled stands” in the House, and invariably loses b margins of 5 or 6 to 1 (52-11, 49-7, etc.). An invaluable contribution to Oregon’s public discourse…

    • eddi

      He is Salem’s token whack job. Every other legislation has one so we ask Santa real nice last year.

      • I thought Fiore’s chitzy pin-up calender was suppose to be the “token whack job”. (Hi-yoh!)

        I know that was crude of me. I mean plenty of very serious and respectable politicians put out sexy calanders for Ammosexual-fetishist right? I mean it was a big key in Theodore Roosevelt’s political savy (“Carry a big stick,” indeed!)

  • Quiet children! The anabol-n-vikes boobjob is talking about phalluses.

    I just threw up. not in my mouth and not a little.

  • Whale Chowder

    http://i0.wp.com/www.hallowellco.com/Door_knockers_-_round.JPG

    “What knockers!”

    “Oh…thank you doctor!”

    • Dr. Krieger IRL

      Stay close to the candles, the staircase can be treacherous.

  • btwbfdimho

    …”and lean on the side of citizens, versus our federal government,” said Fiore.

    Ironically, she hates the same federal government that protects those tits under the provisions of at least the 1st., 2nd., 4th., and 5th. Amendments. History is written by the whinners!

    • therblig

      don’t you mean the A, B, D, and DD amendments?

  • Brianna Amoré

    Nothing says “Happy Halloween” like a gun pointed at your face.

    • Biff52

      It’s how she answers the door!

      • dshwa

        I want neither a trick nor a treat from her.

  • cousin itt

    Release the Krakens!

  • btwbfdimho

    OMG, where is Vlad?

    • eddi

      Shot him off his high horse. Those two 44s did it again.

      • btwbfdimho

        Apparently, he’s ok.

    • Anarchy Pony

      Why is she holding a duck hunting/sporting shotgun next to a ranch horse? Get a Winchester or Henry Repeater you titbrained moron!

      • Gregory Brown

        You are so unfair. Maybe it’s a trap/skeet gun.

        • Anarchy Pony

          That’s what I meant by sporting.

          • Gregory Brown

            Ah so.

      • Peripatetic Poltroon

        Hey now. Lots of us country fellers like to shoot ducks from horseback. It’s right sportin’

    • btwbfdimho

      Here’s when OneL Fiore confronted Putin, and he approved her! Vladimir approved Trump and Fiore! Would Trump approved Fiore?
      http://anormaldayinrussia.site/putin-approves/

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        Trump would have six armed thugs wrassle the lady to the ground while Trump screeched that she was terrible and a loser and not a lady and his fans screamed sexist epitaths.

        • therblig

          trump would give her a draft pre-nup and a registration number

          • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

            And a request for a name change to Natasha.

    • therblig

      is she about to demonstrate her equine health care plan?

  • eddi
    • Peripatetic Poltroon

      Interesting. Until now, Y’all Qaeda has asserted that they have not damaged government property. Now they have. Moreover, letting cattle into environmentally sensitive wetlands is not A Good Thing.

      • eddi

        Well they have been fiddling with the computers in the offices. Looking for evidence of the FEMA graveyards I suppose. As well as collecting names of BLM personnel to publish on a “traitor’s list”.

        • Peripatetic Poltroon

          Uh oh. If they find the FEMA burial pits, Obama will be unmasked. We can only hope that that BATF agents are moving in.

  • geoffalnutt

    As Michele’s heroic and horrible breasticles loomed lasciviously over the midday Manhattan skyline, Bert knew this would be no average Wednesday walk in the park…

    • therblig

      suddenly, the pigeons and starlings were silent, replaced by the sound of aureoles.

  • JohnR

    Thanks for saying everything I was afraid to.

  • Walter_the_farting_dog

    She’s the exact kind of elected official I wish we could be protected from, will she kindly do us the favor of removing herself from office?

  • Damian L

    Kevlar implants?

    • smendler

      Angelina Jolie’s are titanium. Plus they shoot lasers.

  • Hutch

    Good lord, Michele is a total amateur. Try Betty Rowland, the Ball of Fire. Of course, Betty never ran for office.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZJUsGzPnBLI

    • therblig

      Leona Beldini, aka “Hope Diamond”, was a Jersey City Deputy Mayor, rolled up in “Operation Bid Rig” and chronicled in “The Jersey Sting” (highly recommended). From bribing elected officials in north Jersey to black market organ dealing rabbis in south Jersey, to the former burlesque queen taking bribes as treasurer of the incumbent Mayor’s campaign.

      you cannot make this stuff up.

      http://www.nj.com/hudson/index.ssf/2010/01/jersey_city_deputy_mayor_leona_1.html

      http://www.nj.com/hudson/index.ssf/2012/04/disgraced_former_jersey_city_d.html

      • Hutch

        Upfist, upfist, upfist.

        • therblig

          you say pangloss
          i say lip gloss

          • Hutch

            You say Candide, I say Candont.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        The funny thing is that I would trust her more than I would any current Republican candidate, especially New Jersey’s own Chris Christie.

        • Hutch

          Of course you would, sweetheart.

    • Anarchy Pony

      I’ll, uh, be in my bunk, again…

      • cousin itt

        Move over, Bro.

        • Peripatetic Poltroon

          Get a room dammit!

      • Usedtobeyellerdawg

        Upfist, downfist, upfist, downfist, upfistdownfistupfistdownfist…

    • Msgr_Moment

      4.9? Trump says, “Aha! She was never a 10.”

      • Hutch

        Inches, 4.9″. Sorry. Trump is still an idiot.

  • Slinger

    Ms. Fiore has some compeTITion from Sandra Kalista, performance artist and sideshow performer known as “The Amazing Boobzilla”.

  • WhyFelicia

    Whose body did she ‘shop her head into in the lead photo? Because those aren’t her arms or abs.

  • iamnotascientist

    Michelle Bachmann and Michele Fiore…huh? Huh?! You pickin’ up what I’m throwin’ down?! Huh? Are you?

    Chess match.

    Boom.

    • eddi

      Chest match? Combat between two boobs? The Filler in Maniller?

    • therblig

      six hours later, the same question is asked, “how does the horsey guy move?”

  • UnsaltedSinner

    “We just need to get elected officials from the sheriff’s office on up protecting citizens,” Fiore told OPB.

    I thought these militia guys didn’t recognize any elected official above the local sheriff, because something something the Constitooshun?

  • dshwa

    Yes, someone save us from the horror of people going to jail for committing a crime. That tyranny cannot be allowed to stand!

    • Ants In My Eyes Johnson

      The horror of entitled-ass white people having mandatory minimums applied to their sentencing must end!

      • dshwa

        Well I can understand why they’re mad. They weren’t the target demographic for mandatory minimums. At least not in the minds of the people who supported the idea.

  • cousin itt

    Carly Fiorina wishes she were Michele Fiore.

    • Jena-Auerstedt

      Or at least that she shared a couple of the Fiore endowments.

      • Dr. Krieger IRL

        blonde hair and brown roots?

  • proudgrampa

    This woman is a dipshit

  • btwbfdimho

    According to 1L Fiore, January is National Self-Defense Awareness Month!

    Awareness Tip for tomorrow: Get Into Your Car Quickly and Lock the Door Immediately!

    • Steely_Fan

      Jesus. NSDA Month or not, paranoid much Michele? No wonder you (think you) need so much artillery.

    • Dr. Krieger IRL

      A lot of vehicle-entry paranoia on this calendar. Some calendar-huckster’s been freebasing ADT commercials.

    • Msgr_Moment

      She has certainly heightened our awareness. Of self-defense? Not so much.

    • therblig

      shouldn’t January 18th have a warning about the blahs?

  • Jena-Auerstedt

    As the saying goes, who needs a gun when you have bazookas like that?

    • Damian L

      Bazoombas?

  • Lebez

    I hate to change the subject but you calling those idiots “ladies” as an insult actually is insulting us; “Common sense, tampons for all the ladies who aren’t even currently occupying the Malheur National Wildlife Refuge in Oregon,”

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      They are not calling those idiots ladies. They are making the point that these people are asking for tampons when there are no ladies present inside Bird Bunker 1.

      • therblig

        i assume the tampons are first aid for self-inflicted gunshot wounds.

        • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

          Would work just fine for head wounds with these jokers.

          • Msgr_Moment

            Nosebleed.

          • nmmagyar

            Butthurt also, too

          • Dr. Krieger IRL

            I beg to differ, the negative air pressure inside their empty heads would only suck the tampons into them.
            Very similar to a rupture in the hull of a spacecraft, only in reverse.

  • BeliTsari
    • Dr. Krieger IRL

      In fairness those Natives have a treaty or two to follow, after all, the ‘States have done such a wonderful job keeping up their side of the agreement.
      /Sarcasm.

  • Ryan Denniston

    “So a wingnut Republican Oregon state representative (as well as several other out-of-state politicians) did the snuggling for her”
    What’s with all of these outside agitators anyway?

  • Bob Smith

    Why the interest in the shoe salesman? And while her support for shoe salesmen is admirable, why the bundys? Sure they had a hot daughter but news flash, they have been off the air for 20 years.

  • smendler

    I understand that making eye contact with the camera is a very important feature of this kind of photography.

    • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

      I’ll bet there are spent rounds lying at her feet after she pumps that gun real fast…

      • smendler

        money shooting

      • TheOtherHeadlessThompsonGunner

        Shouldn’t up-vote you, as it will only encourage you. Still and all, I know what I like.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          He was born that way. Lack of encouragement won’t change anything.

          • TheOtherHeadlessThompsonGunner

            Reads like my elementary school report cards.

          • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

            I used to get Cs in “Conduct.” Overly generous, no doubt.

    • Platos_Redhaired_Stepchild

      Making eye contact with photoshop and airbrushing is a very important feature of this kind of photography.

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    • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

      Sorry, you must have D cups to ride this Wonkette.

  • Magic Juan

    Did we mention she should have knockers so big they could kill a man if she was spinning around too fast?

    Or nurse them back to health?

  • Angry_Cop

    She really is my white trash fantasy come to life. Oh, the things we would do, Michele.

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