President Marco Rubio's Constitutional Convention Is Gonna Be So Cool You Guys

so thirsty...for FREEDOM

It's a regrettably completely true truism that Republicans absolutely hate government, even as they've spent their entire careers swaddled in the warm embrace of a state or federal paycheck. In fact, it is really only the Terrible Tyrant Trump who can at least claim to loathe government with some level of honesty. Listening to that claptrap from someone like Marco Rubio, though, is absurd. Rubio is a mere whelp of 44, yet has managed to work as a politician or for a politician for the last 20 years. But make no mistake. In his zeal to become president, Rubio will pretty much give a wet sloppy open-mouthed kiss to every anti-government Tea Party piece of bullshit he comes across, even if it is completely insane.

He kicked off the week by trying to explain away his rather spotty attendance at his day job. Who among us has not had to do that? However, most of us don't do it by saying that the entire company is do-nothing levels of stupid and therefore we shouldn't have to show up, but we should also too get to be the boss.

“I have missed votes this year,” the Florida senator acknowledged. “You know why? Because while as a senator I can help shape the agenda. Only a president can set the agenda. We’re not going to fix America with senators and congressmen.”

Well, not with senators like you, Marky Marco.

Not content to throw out the entirety of the Congress, Rubio one-upped himself only 24 hours later by penning a slab of stupid as an op-ed for USA Today in which he calls for a constitutional convention.

The framers of our Constitution allowed for a constitutional convention because they knew our citizens were the ultimate defense against an overbearing federal government. They gave the American people, through their state representatives, the power to call a convention made up of at least 34 states, where delegates could then propose amendments that would require the support of 38 states to become law.

This method of amending our Constitution has become necessary today because of Washington’s refusal to place restrictions on itself. The amendment process must be approached with caution, which is why I believe the agenda should be limited to ideas that reduce the size and scope of the federal government, such as imposing term limits on Congress and the Supreme Court and forcing fiscal responsibility through a balanced budget requirement. Limiting the agenda will prevent the convention from being overtaken by special interests.

That sound you heard was one hundred conservative radio talk show hosts wetting their pants in excitement. This thing is their ultimate fever dream even though it is as unrealistic -- and childish -- as wishing for a unicorn for your birthday.

Yes, Marco Rubio. The very best way to fix what ails the United States is to do something to the Constitution that has literally never been done in the history of the Constitution, despite conservatives wishing and hoping and praying they could gin one up whenever the Supreme Court issues a series of decisions they don't like.

How bad was this idea and this op-ed? So bad that USA Today felt compelled, just one hour later, to issue its own op-ed explaining what a terrible fucking idea it is.

This year’s presidential election has seen more than its share of bad ideas [...] To these we can add another: Sen. Marco Rubio’s call for a constitutional convention to draft amendments to balance the federal budget and impose term limits on judges and members of Congress. Rubio’s convention is an invitation to constitutional mayhem.

Mayhem indeed, because as the op-ed goes on to point out, you can't actually place limits on a constitutional convention. They can get together and decide they want to have some sweet sweet term limits like you asked for, or they can convene and impose Sharia law on your grandma. You'd think someone who likes to remind you of his law school education would remember that part.

Generally, well-functioning and evolved democracies do not like to get together and throw out the core tenets of their governance based on the whining of mad baby men like Rubio. It's a testimony to how bad off we are that such a thing is even entertained.

[ Politico / USA Today / Slate ]