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that's criminal charges now, jello pop man
that’s criminal charges now, jello pop man

In hot hot BREAKING news this morning, we woke up to find out that JELLO-pop-fueled sexual assault machine Bill Cosby is goddamn finally being criminally charged. It really couldn’t have happened to a more terrible guy.

Now, although more than 50 (!!?!!!!) women have come forward with allegations of Cosby’s extremely criminal level of creepiness, the statute of limitations on the various assaults means that he can only be charged in the alleged (WE SAID ALLEGED BILL COSBY DO NOT SUE US) 2004 assault of Temple University student Andrea Constand in his rape palace mansion. If you can’t remember which assault that was, probably because it is tough to keep track when you are reading about double digit sexual assault victims. People had a nice — OK, wrong term — rundown of what happened to Constand.

In January 2004, Cosby invited Constand to his mansion, “telling her he wanted to offer her assistance in her pursuit of a different career,” the suit said. She agreed to meet him and arrived at his home around 9 p.m. They began talking and, during the conversation, Constand said she was feeling “stressed” about making her career decision, the suit said.

Cosby “then offered [her] three blue pills, which he told her were herbal medication, which would help her relax,” the suit said. Constand took the pills with bottled water and within a short period of time, her “knees began to shake, her limbs felt immobile, she felt dizzy and weak, and she began to feel only barely conscious,” the lawsuit said. (Cosby had denied drugging Constand, saying that he gave her Benadryl.)

Oh right. About that denial. It sounds unbelievable even in that context above, but turns out to be outrageously pants-on-fire level of lying when you remember that Cosby already acknowledged in a deposition that he got Quaaludes from a gynecologist, a totally normal thing for dudes to do. Why did he need all those Quaaludes? Cosby copped to saying he didn’t need them for a sore vagina, but instead to put them inside ladies, of course.

Where were we? Oh, yeah. Back to the squirm-inducing details of Constand’s lawsuit, which form the underpinnings of the criminal complaint against Cosby.

She allegedly told Cosby she didn’t feel well and, because she couldn’t walk on her own, he led her to a sofa and laid her down, the suit said.

“Subsequently, [Cosby] positioned himself behind [Constand] on the sofa, touched her breasts and vaginal area, rubbed his penis against her hand, and sexually assaulted her,” the suit alleges. Constand was “semi-conscious” throughout the ordeal, the suit said, then lost consciousness shortly afterward.

She allegedly woke around 4 a.m., “feeling raw in and around her vaginal area,” the lawsuit said. Her “clothes and undergarments were in disarray,” the suit said.

We need to go steel wool our brains now.

So all of this awfulness adds up to actual factual criminal behavior in Pennsylvania, hooray! Per this morning’s presser, Cosby is being charged with aggravated indecent assault, which is a first-degree felony in good old Pennsylvania. And Cosby’s behavior was pretty much textbook felony.

The Montgomery County District Attorney charging the case, Kevin Steele, pointed out that most of the things in the case are not actually disputed: There’s no question as to the fact that Cosby gave Constand pills, and there’s no question that he digitally penetrated her (STEEL WOOL TIME AGAIN) because all that is in various bits of statements and depositions. The victim has also said that she was frozen, dizzy, and barely conscious, and all of those are things that make consent kinda not even remotely possible. So all that is left to Cosby, most likely, is either a “she wanted it” defense, undercut by the fact that, um, Constand has stated she DOES NOT LIKE THE D, or a “bitch set me up” defense, which you know he’s sleazy enough to try.

Ooh, one last thing. As the presser was closing, some dickbag of a reporter had to ask Steele if the charges were harder to get because Constand continued to have a social relationship with Cosby following the assault. Steele didn’t answer as we would have, which would have been to yell “FUCK YOU THAT’S NOT HOW THIS WORKS, ASSHOLE, WOMEN OFTEN MAINTAIN THOSE SOCIAL RELATIONSHIPS OUT OF FEAR WELCOME TO RAPE CULTURE” but he did point out that such a thing didn’t factor into his charging decision, probably on account of how it cannot, dummy reporter.

Though it is unlikely that Cosby would spend the next couple nights in the hoosegow because he will just post bail even if it is one squidzillion dollars, we’re going to spend the next 36 hours dreaming about Cosby counting down to the New Year from the cozy confines of a jail cell in beautiful Montgomery County.

[People/Reuters/Buzzfeed]

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  • Joe Beese

    Will Camille stand by him?

    • Nounverb911

      As an un-indicted co-conspirator?

    • Ghost Buggy

      It sometimes takes two to obstruct justice.

  • mirrorballdc

    J-A-I-L .. OH!

  • MrBlobfish
    • Ryan Denniston

      Is that a nail file or is that creepy dude happy to see us?

      • Major_Major_Major

        Yes

  • Thepeoplevs.

    He is a creep, but I still am at a loss to explain the 10 year delay in making a criminal complaint.

    • Nounverb911

      Money?

    • Zippy

      Constand, who worked for the women’s basketball team at Temple, where Cosby was a trustee and proud alumnus, said she was assaulted after going to his home in January 2004 for some career advice.

      Then-District Attorney Bruce Castor declined to charge Cosby, saying at the time that both the TV star and his accuser could be portrayed in “a less than flattering light.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        The DA was afraid of losing, and fucking up his record.

        • Zippy

          Back then, he probably would have lost (not that that makes it OK to not try). She was one of the anonymous plaintiffs who sued him in 2005

    • Msmlg1979

      Most victims of sexual assault/abuse never report it.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    Jared Fogle is reportedly unimpressed. “These charges aren’t even Federal. Aim lower, Bill.”

    • SnarkTank

      And the guy from “Glee” is just surprised that the plaintiff isn’t a tween. (Too soon?)

  • Msgr_Moment

    You know who else spent some time in a jail not too far from Reading?

    • Latverian Diplomat

      If Fort Monroe, VA counts as “close”, then Jefferson Davis?

    • Nounverb911

      Someone illiterate?

      • SterWonk

        +1 for the joke, but -1 because the name of the town “Reading” is pronounced “Redding”.

        • Nounverb911

          Needs more Otis Reading.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            And Redding Rainbow

          • DemmeFatale

            True Story:
            (I know you’re making a joke, but…)
            Levar Burton spoke at my daughter’s graduation, and was excellent. He sang the first few words of the Reading Rainbow theme song, and the kids finished the rest. (It brought a tear to all the parents’ eyes.)
            Butterfly in the sky…

    • Vienna Woods

      Saaay, do ya think that the Cos will write a ballad about it, also, too?

    • riledupone

      Were they railroaded?

  • Joe Beese

    His battalion of lawyers probably won’t put him on the stand. Which is a shame, because I would really like to hear his explanation that he gave her Benadryl to alleviate her hay fever.

    • Only if he did it in Fat Albert’s voice.

      • chicken thief

        Hey Hey Hey! Fever.

  • Nounverb911

    Cosby will certainly raise the bar in the annual ‘Prison Follies Amateur Show’.

  • Nounverb911

    “then offered [her] three blue pills”
    How many ‘blue pills’ did Cosby have to take?

    • Celtic_Gnome

      I know what you’re thinking. Why didn’t I take the red pill?

  • coozledad

    Nah Nah naht gonna have a good time.

  • Zippy
  • Count Awesome

    Here’s a bar joke for new years eve, make sure you are holding a drink when you tell it.
    Ask a friend if they want to hear your Bill Cosby impersonation. Tell them you’ve worked really hard to get it right and that you think it’s pretty accurate.
    Then in your regular speaking voice hand them your drink and say “have a drink.”

  • Mavenmaven

    he’ll be saying a lot of whoompa whoompa whoompa hey Noah in his cell.

    • SnarkTank

      “How long can you hold onto the soap? Ha, ha, ha….”

      • doktorzoom

        I have to say, it’s actually rather a relief that I had to scroll this far down in the thread to repeat that we don’t do prison rape jokes here. No, not even about terrible people. Please review the rules.

  • Msmlg1979

    All I can say about this without bringing down the wrath of Doc on my little head is:

    Hahahahahaaaaaa!!! About time!

  • And conservatives quietly move on to find the next black American who will lecture other black America about how it’s all their own fault that society keeps being racist.

    • Nounverb911

      Ben Carson’s going to need a new job son.

    • Lefty Frizzell

      Yelling at young black men to pull their pants up does seem spectacularly ironic now.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        “Conservatives” don’t grok irony.

        • Riley Whodat Venable

          ^ for “grok”

        • riledupone

          Conservatives don’t grok grok.

  • Indiepalin

    Ya put the Jell-O Puddin’ Pops in the women, hey hey hey

    • zerosumgame0005

      *shudder*

  • x111e7thst

    ‘ludes aren’t blue (best of my foggy memory)

    • Objectifer

      Neither is Benadryl.

    • Msmlg1979

      They were no longer produced in the US after 1985. Whatever he gave her, they weren’t ‘ludes.

    • Riley Whodat Venable

      Valium 10mg. Ludes were pearly white, but wen’t off the market in about 1982.

  • Spurning Beer

    I don’t think the leading “herbal medication” that helps you relax is legally available in Pennsylvania.

    • zerosumgame0005

      specially back in ’04

  • Msgr_Moment

    To be fair, the red pill was worse.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Don’t take the blue pills! Take the red pill!

  • MrBlobfish

    In other news, Ari Fleischer has been hired to rehabilitate Cosby’s image.

  • zerosumgame0005

    I just gotta ask what Trump is feeding his followers so they keep coming back for his rapey bullshit? Trump the Cosby of politics!

    • Count Awesome

      It must be the “hate-ludes”.

  • Spotts1701

    Maybe he and Jerry Sandusky can be roomies.

    • Major_Major_Major

      I shudder to think of their war story exchanges.

  • Vincent Ricola

    Cosby is (allegedly) a raping monster and deserves everything he gets.

    On a related note, is anyone else jealous of how easy it was for him to have massive amounts of ‘ludes on hand? I know he’s rich as sin, but damn, I can’t even get the extra-strength aspirin from my doctor for my lady time tummy aches. :(

    • Ryan Denniston

      I remember thinking the same thing around the time of Michael Jackson’s death.

      • Zippy

        Money changes everything

      • Riley Whodat Venable

        Jackson’s MD had been hired by the producers of his tour. The Doc’s job was to do anything necessary to keep Jackson performing. If that required some “Prometheus Unbound” work, so be it.
        Cosby was using drugs easily found on the street, or from any physician if you complain of not being able to sleep. Benzos are very safe unless mixed with alcohol.
        That said, I knew a chick in the 80s who through an Ativan and Coors party every month when her script got filled.

    • Joe Beese

      Celebrities get preferential treatment from everyone – including prescribing physicians.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        Star Fucking is a profession in LA.

    • Riley Whodat Venable

      There haven’t been any real ludes since the 70s. Even the Mexican Parest 400 is fake. Usually what you see is really a benzodiazapine (Valium, Ativan, Ruffies).
      Mixed with alcohol you black out quickly. Black out, not pass out. As in awake, drunk, and no memory hours later.

  • DinkyBossetti

    Yay, Montgomery County! That’s where I live. Now, don’t embarrass me, please.

    • Msgr_Moment

      Well, la di da. Aren’t you the King of Prussia?

      • DinkyBossetti

        I’m kind of ashamed to have laughed at this, but apparently I can’t resist a geographical pun.

        • Msgr_Moment

          I feel like a Lancer at a Plymouth Meeting.
          (Okay, all out of MontgoCo jokes now)

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          I laughed too, do not feel bad

        • arglebargle

          Feel the Bryn (Mawr)

          • DinkyBossetti

            Sure, but let’s see what you can do with this one: Bala Cynwyd.

          • Mehmeisterjr

            OK, but remember through your groans that you raised the challenge.

            There was this guy, see, and although he had two working testicles, he would only use one of them during intercourse. “The left nut is OK but the right one is the only Bala Cynwyd.”

            Thank you, you’ve been a wonderful audience.

          • DinkyBossetti

            It was a trick question. The first syllable of Bala has more of a short a sound than an ah sound, and Cynwyd is pronounced kinwood (or kinwid, depending on who you’re talking to).

        • GuidedAccordingly

          I’ll be Gladwyne this is over.

          • DinkyBossetti

            Damn. I wish I had this in my pocket for last year’s company holiday party, which was in Gladwyne.

      • Riley Whodat Venable

        Well played.

    • Every once in a while, my home state does something right. Yay PA!

  • Hutch

    Baby, it’s cold outside in Pennsylvania.

    • Msgr_Moment

      Has the Statute of Limitations passed on those sweaters yet?

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    Let’s just hope he doesn’t get OJ’s jury. Or his prosecutors.

    • Nounverb911

      Or gloves?

    • “Your honor would ‘if it doesn’t fit, you must acquit’ work here?”

  • OneDemin EOr

    HeyHeyHey!
    Best news today!

    • Villago Delenda Est

      The day is young. A 16 ton weight could still fall on the klown kar, for example…

      • Nounverb911

        Christie on a ‘hoverboard’?

        • gedde

          A “hoverbarge” perhaps.

      • SterWonk

        “A 16 ton weight bag of votes…”

        FTFY. And Doktor Zoom is the kindest, bravest, warmest, most wonderful human being I’ve ever known in my life, also too.

  • Objectifer

    I haven’t seen disco biscuits for 20 years or more, didn’t know they still existed.

    • Riley Whodat Venable

      They don’t

  • Beowoof14

    Oh my he will be retiring to the PA state prison. Sweet, year end gift

  • Randy Riddle

    “no question that he digitally penetrated her”

    Is this some new iPhone app I don’t know about?

    • Msgr_Moment

      Shit, now do I have to update all my analog penetrations?

    • Zippy

      “You see, you stick the one in the zero…”

    • Rasilom

      Yes, yes it is. Order yours today….

      https://www.vibease.com/

  • Metadude

    Let’s hope they have Jello pudding in the big house.

  • Joe Beese

    My knowledge of criminal law comes solely from watching lots of “Law & Order”. But it seems to me that if the prosecutor can get the testimony of those scores of other women admitted as “evidence of habit” or “pattern of behavior”, the Coz might start looking for a plea bargain right quick.

    • jviscont1

      Or bone up (can’t help myself) on his Portuguese while looking at Brazilian properties.

      • SnarkTank

        I hear there’s a freed-up hotel room in Puerta Vallarta that was prepaid.

        • D_C_Wilson

          Won’t work. We have an extradition treaty with Mexico.

  • exinkwretch

    If they can’t nail him on a sexual assault beef, why not prosecute him on drug charges, too? Most prosecutors are experts on nailing black men (OK, not rich ones) on drug charges!

    • Msgr_Moment

      Heck, just send him to a Chicago policeman’s convention. With votes!

      Too soon?

  • jviscont1

    will he go with the ‘just playing doctor’ defense since he played one on TV?

    • SnarkTank

      If memory serves (and it’s incredibly icky if it does), wasn’t he an OB/GYN?

      • SterWonk

        Definitely OB; not sure about the GYN part.

    • Hutch

      I just can’t post this picture, but it’s the perfect complement for your comment; q.v. http://www.dailyracingrag.com/gop/2-broke-doctors.jpg

      • jviscont1

        Good one. It would be irresponsible not to speculum here.

        • Hutch

          Yesh, I guess it did post with the link. Live and learn.

          JV: nice pun!

      • Dr. Bill at your cervix. Dilated to meet you.

        • Hutch

          Augh! I am regretting posting this, but nice one.

    • D_C_Wilson

      And ironically, an OB/GYN.

  • Michael Rush
  • Tom Lindsay

    I was ready to throw the book at him after watching “Leonard Part 6”.

  • Toomush_Infer

    How the high and mighty are fallen into a bowl of hot glycerin….

  • Msgr_Moment

    • Hutch

      I remember that movie. Horrible. 18 percent on Rotten Tomatoes is too damn high!

  • BigBoppa

    You know who else was into that whole digital penetration scene?

    (First one to say Duggar loses)

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      DUGG…..er…..

    • Msgr_Moment

      SONY, with the Compact Disc?

    • Major_Major_Major

      People on Satellite 5?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Hal 9000?

      • Nockular cavity

        But HAL didn’t offer stress pills to people he was trying to rape, just people he was trying to kill.

    • ManchuCandidate

      Gottfried Wilhelm Leibniz! Inventor of the binary number system!

      • Major_Major_Major

        Before that, people had to make do with only zeroes

        • Villago Delenda Est

          There are 10 kinds of people in the world. Those who know binary, and those who don’t.

          • Major_Major_Major

            That is second only to ‘pi’ telling ‘i’ to get real and ‘i’ responding with “be rational” in my list of favorite math memes.

      • Biff52

        I was told there would be no math.

    • Hutch

      R2D2?

    • D_C_Wilson

      The T1000?

    • Msgr_Moment

      The Orgasmatron?

    • Count Awesome

      Webcam models?

    • I can’t think of anything off the top of my head, but I’m sure I’ll be able to put my finger on it shortly.

      • BigBoppa

        Keep poking around. I’m sure you’ll touch upon something eventually.

        • Biff52

          BAD TOUCH! BAD TOUCH!

    • chicken thief

      Carly, saturating markets with her products?

    • doktorzoom

      Chinese hackers?

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Bobby “Two Fingers” Jamelli?

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Greg “Fingers” Taylor?

    • Playonwords

      Anonymous?

    • The Wanderer

      The Proteus supercomputer?

  • ManchuCandidate

    The irony is he spent a lot of 90s and 00s telling black youth about pulling their pants up and saying no to drugs while he couldn’t keep his up either and using every kind of tranquilizer in his most notorious role of Dr Rapey Bad Touch.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      You know, not gonna lie, I once looked up to the Cos. Local boy did good, great outreach, could do without his squawking on who should wear what or speak in which way, but in his own way I figured he was just trying to help…..I even enjoyed the Cosby Show. I did. And though it dates me, Fat Albert was a total staple of my childhood, with good morals and living the best you can no matter where you are born.
      yeah turns out all the years he was yelling about /my/ morals he was doing this shit. He never was one of the good guys. And worse, he used his good guy persona to prey upon vunerable people. It’s sick as fuck and I hope the Commonwealth nails him with Jury votes.

      • D_C_Wilson

        Me too. I grew up watching his shows. It’s heart rending finding out what a piece of shit he really was.

      • Jenny

        I always thought Fat Albert was the cartoon version of What’s Happening. I was also 5 when the reruns were on TV, and theyplayed back to back, so maybe that’s why. The kid in the extra large ski mask… Wtf?!

  • Callyson

  • Ä Ğrümpy Çät

    … giving someone diphenhydramine and lying about it being herbal medication isn’t drugging them?

    • BigBoppa

      Especially when some people, like me, have adverse reactions to several OTC medications. One Benadryl would put me in a 24 hour high (not the fun kind-heart palpitations are decidedly not amusing). 3 would probably make my heart explode.

      • I took Benadryl once and I felt like I’d just done several lines of coke in one snort. It was not fun. Even my prescriptions pain killers have never had such a strong effect on me.

        • BigBoppa

          Have you been tested for sensitivity/adverse reaction to opioids? That can be a very serious problem if you ever need general anesthesia. Have you ever taken a cold medicine with codeine? If so and you had a bad reaction you should seriously talk to your doctor about that.

          • I take morphine and have no problem with it. I’ve taken other opioids with no adverse reactions, and haven’t had any extraordinary issues with general anesthesia. I have the constitution, and the immune system, of a bull, so, for the most part, prescriptions drugs aren’t a problem for me, other than the fact that my brain is fried from 8 or 9 years of taking the goddamn things. My musculo-skeletal system, on the other hand, is for shit. I hope that someday, when I say “I threw my back out”, it’s because I got a new one and dumped the old one in the trash.

            Also, the only old cold medicine I’ve ever taken is Alka-Seltzer Plus, but I stopped using it when they took out whatever ingredient it was that’s…I want to say it’s used to take meth, but now I’m not sure. At any rate, the damn stuff doesn’t work anymore. Too bad. It was also a great remedy for hangovers.

            Sorry, this post turned out longer than I planned. Would you like to know the rest of my life story?

          • BigBoppa

            That’s sufficient. I was just concerned by what you said about the Benadryl. Opioid sensitivity runs in my family. My brother was in a coma for 2 weeks after a bad reaction to anesthesia. I think the meth ingredient you mentioned is pseudo ephedrine. That’s another one I can’t take.

          • I was really surprised by my reaction to Benadryl since, as I said, I suffer very few side effects from drugs. More than that, though, I was upset about it because I was at work. Thank god it wore off in about an hour.

            What happened to your brother must have been really scary for your family. I hope there were no permanent after effects.

            Again, sorry about that long post.

          • TheOtherHeadlessThompsonGunner

            That’s the rest of your life story? Sure does involve a lot about drugs.

          • Which is strange, because I much prefer alcohol.

          • TheOtherHeadlessThompsonGunner

            Yikes. That’s my helpful and sensitive response, right there.

    • Riley Whodat Venable

      The blue diphenhydramine is marketted as a sleep aid. Still 25mg per tab, but 3 plus alcohol could certainly put someone semi-conscious.

  • Jenny

    I fucking loved pudding pops as a kid, but never liked Bill Cosby in those commercials. I always wondered if child self was secretly racist against old creepy black men (Sanford Sr, you also creepy as fuck) but I think I just have an aversion to creepy, mean old men regardless of their skin color. I hated Archie too, fwiw.

    Anyways, why can’t I buy pudding pops anymore dammit??

    • TheOtherHeadlessThompsonGunner

      I never liked Pudding Pops but I did love watching both both Sanford & Son *and* Fat Albert. Also, I listen to a lot of Delta Blues. These facts indicate that I have no problem with old black men or the television shows they are on.

      In fact, I consider Whitman Mayo to be my mentor in all things.

      That said, my most fervent New Year’s wish is that Bill Cosby be time-traveled (with votes) back to the circa-1923 NKVD-run Lubyanka and that all his paperwork identify him as a grain-hoarding, counter-revolutionary Jew.

      • … a historical pedant notes that the pre-Stalin Soviets were not anti-Semitic. You’ve heard of a couple of guys called Trotsky and Sverdlov, let alone another one called Karl Marx. The anti-Semites were all on the other team, until Stalin needed a scapegoat 30 years later.

        • doktorzoom

          This place runs on snark and pedantry.

        • TheOtherHeadlessThompsonGunner

          No, I haven’t. ;)

          Thanks for the, uh, update. I propose in light of it that we send him to 1937 Moscow. Or 1938.

          • Or 1943 Stalingrad! Shot by both sides!

          • TheOtherHeadlessThompsonGunner

            Or 1944 Kursk, with no tank.

          • Mehmeisterjr

            Kurskses, foiled again!

      • The Wanderer

        “I got to agree with ya, Fred.”

    • theCryptofishist

      Barely remember Sanford/Redd Foxx, but never liked Cosby, worried about racism, also, too.

  • “saying that he gave her Benadryl”

    And, as everybody knows, a substance bought at a pharmacy, a substance that is used to treat a medical condition, a substance that has all kinds of warnings about not operating a vehicle because it causes drowsiness could NEVER be a drug.

    • Jenny

      One Benadryl knocks me the fuck out. If some dude offered me benadryl at his house I’d run away screaming “rape, rape!”

    • gedde

      C’mon, she was having an allergic reaction to smarm; he saved her from anaphylactic shock.

      • I hope he used a prophylactic while treating the shock anaphylactic

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Benadryl. $5.95 Babysitter in a Bottle.

  • Riley Whodat Venable

    He should have been arrested for “Leonard part 6”

    • Villago Delenda Est

      One has to wonder, in that case, what the studio was thinking.

      • Count Awesome

        It’s the movie equivalent of qualudes. He truly is a monster.

    • The Wanderer

      “Ipso Facto.”

  • Joe Beese

    <>

    http://talkingpointsmemo.com/news/bill-cosby-new-charges-2004-case

    For future reference, Dr. Cosby, that “in between area” is called “felony rape”.

  • Toomush_Infer

    ‘Um, God? This is Bill….” God: “Bill who?”…

    • Villago Delenda Est

      “I’m taking calls from Shatner and even Gates. But not you or Bennett.”

  • Jenny

    Also Jello 123 needs a brief revival dammit!

    • gedde

      Which is the Rufie layer?

      • DahBoner

        The top layer is mostly protein.

  • Lemmy Caution

    Cosby doesn’t seem to have any trouble getting his hands on all kinds of date-rape-type drugs. Where is Shkreli when we need him?

    • Riley Whodat Venable

      Any Benzodiazapine mixed with alcohol is a potential date rape drug. Valium, Ativan, Dalmane, Klonipine, most sleeping pills.

      • Takoma DC

        You seem to know a lot about drd.

        • Riley Whodat Venable

          I do. I worked in Psych hospitals for years. Also worked as a Substance Abuse specialist on a college campus.

  • Ghost Buggy

    HELLO FIEND.

    • SnarkOff

      nice!

  • IDon’tCareWhatYouThink

    Unresponsive = boner fuel? Strange world he lives in.

    • nightmoth

      Strange world indeed. With his money, he could have paid professionals to pretend to be asleep or even get in a coffin and pretend to be dead (!) and they would have kept it a secret, like Vitter and his diaper fetish. But nooooo! So what he’s done is beyond kinky—it’s hateful and evil.

      • DahBoner

        So was he a twisted control freak or just a cheap asshole?

        • Takoma DC

          Narcissists are usually control freaks and they are frequently cheap because they believe they’re entitled to have any and all wishes fulfilled. They don’t have the ability for empathy, compassion, or love. So that any complaints of those they hurt fall on deaf ears.

      • Takoma DC

        According to a story I read last year which quotes his NBC “handler” much of his job was hiring hookers for Cosby. I’m surprised none of his victims have brought lawsuits against NBC. At least 1 alleges Cosby drugged and sexually assaulted her at NBC studios. I’m also surprised another victim, who was not of the age of consent, when Cosby took her to the Playboy Mansion in the mid-70s and drugged and raped her there. That victim has photos which LAPD confirmed authentic. As soon as that was made public, Cosby’s longtime friend, Hugh Heffner very quickly made a statement that sounded an awful lot like he knew about the incidents and was trying to distance himself from his buddy.

  • chicken thief

    “There’s no question as to the fact that Cosby gave Constand pills, and there’s no question that he digitally penetrated her…”

    Well there you go. See how gentlemanly Bill is, he didn’t even quibble over the details. And he prolly said he’s sorry, so can’t we just move along now?

  • in the name of the moon

    I fail to see why giving someone 75mg of “Benadryl” would be ok, anyhow. Most people are knocked flat by that. Never mind they are pink.

    • creepypasta_e_fagioli

      personally i’m out cold after one capsule

  • Ilgattomorte

    IN THIS WEEK’S COSBY SHOW …

    Theo brings his girlfriend home from college for Christmas. All goes well until Cliff accidentally drops Methaqualone in the stuffing and that’s when the hi-jinks begin. There will be jokes, tears and police reports. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll pour drano in your eyes.

    It’s comedy with a message and that message is 10-25, out in 8 with good behavior. Only on CBS.

    • Takoma DC

      Wasn’t The Cosby Show NBC? Never Befriend Cosby?

  • Beezelbubbles
    • Kip TW

      “I came here to force myself on drugged women and eat Jello Pudding Pops — and I’m aaaalll out of Jello Pudding Pops.”

  • Logic of Color

    I’m guessing all those drugs gave her mushmouth

  • Joshua Norton

    Here’s hoping the judge tells him to “pull up his pants”.

    • Bitter Scribe

      And here’s hoping his cellmate tells him to pull them…no, no, that’s against the rules. Sorry.

      • SnarkOff

        “…with votes.”

  • Everyone remember: The Cosby Show was a huge hit because it showed a middle-class black family living like conservative Republicans and thriving in Reagan’s America. Wish fulfilment for the oppressed, justification that “see, racism is over” for the establishment. It doesn’t surprise me that the man who made that piece of pure-A ideological propaganda is also a drug-rapist.

    On the other hand, I loved Fat Albert as a kid. :(

    • tohu777

      I never watched The Cosby Show when it was first broadcast & became a hit, because I never trusted it. I grew up black in the suburbs, and, yes, that whole scenario is wish-fulfillment. I agree with you that it’s a product of the Reagan era…

      • theCryptofishist

        I didn’t watch it because Cosby always embarrassed me. I’d see him go through his schtick and cringe–thinking, nobody want’s to see anything this stupid. I felt much the same about Robin Williams.

        • Takoma DC

          Yes. Same here about both entertainers. My older brother loved the show he did with Robert Culp but hated TCS.

          I never found Cosby very funny. I’m only learning now that people thought of him so highly, like “a god” a lot of the victims have remarked.

    • Takoma DC

      I never found Cosby that funny or interesting and I grew up 20 mins from Philly.

      The only reason my friends and I ever watched 10 minutes of The Cosby Show was to see what Lisa Bonet was wearing.

      The older kids who smoked pot liked Fat Albert. I thought the animation awful and racist.

  • Malmborg Implano

    Well, I’m glad that people are finally starting to get the concept of consensual sex. Meaning, that doing the sex to little girls and boys and goats and people who are out of it due to mind-altering substances is not an okay thing, and when you call the cops on somebody who you catch doing it, the cops really ought to do something about it rather than just tossing your rape kit in a supply closet and giggling.

  • Kip TW

    I’d like to see the scene in jail when he learns that, because of an anti-shiv policy, they don’t let you have any frozen dessert on a stick.

  • Joshua Norton

    Jell-O Jail-O

  • Shibusa

    Finally. The Montgomery County District Attorney had probable Cosby to arrest this creep.

    • The Wanderer

      I saw what you did there.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Hence, the Bill of Indictment.

  • SnarkOff

    I think she wanted it, just like those 50 other ladies.

  • The Wanderer

    I had to serve a warrant on one of our clients, who was in jail for recording video of him doing naughtiness with his grandchild (additional counts were being added to the indictment). I made the mistake of reading the information attached to the warrant, and after I got home I downed three shots of 100-proof Stoli in an effort to efface the memory.

    • clubseal

      I had a similar reaction once when I had to cover a murder trial where a five year old kid had to testify in court about the night his dad beat his mom to death. It still haunts.

      • The Wanderer

        (sighs) I have less than 500 work days to go before I retire. It will be a while to flush all of the ugliness I’ve seen from my brain.

        • clubseal

          Good luck. Humankind’s ugliness sticks like tar.

  • tohu777

    What probably hurts Cos the most is that he’s not named in the criminal complaints as “Dr. William H. Cosby Jr. Ed.D.” You know he covets those honorifics!

    • theCryptofishist

      How many honorary degrees does he have now? And how does it compare to Carson’s count?

      • Werewolf

        Not as many as he used to have.

  • xy

    so can we start maybe listening to sexual assault victims now possibly? like maybe don’t call them liars or sluts and things like that? that would be nice.

    • nightmoth

      On some websites, that’s still what Cosby’s victims are being called, plus “old bags that nobody would want.”

      • Iam Reading

        Heartbreaking indeed

    • Especially when there are enough of them to populate a large city.

    • The denialist have already entered the “she’s a money-grubbing whore” phase of the high-profile rape narrative, so, unfortunately that’s a “no.”

    • Iam Reading

      That would be awesome. Don’t hold your breath, or read some of the posts above.

      • xy

        oh, i have no doubt that nothing will change as far as believing victims. i’m fairly certain cosby will get away with his crimes because he’s rich, famous, and old. but we might be getting just a teensy bit better at believing rape and sexual assaults are a thing that really happen. just a teeny, tiny bit.

        • Iam Reading

          I share and applaud your optimism

  • Iam Reading

    Fuck you Cosby you fucking rapist

  • kaydenpat

    Behold your sin will find you out. The jig is up.

  • Celtic_Gnome

    We haven’t forgotten about you, motherfucker!

    h/t to Larry Willmore

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Spoiler alert: He may possibly mention this story when he comes back from hiatus.

      • Vienna Woods

        Larry was the first person I thought of when I heard this.

  • Beaumarchais?

    His lawyers described the charges as “unjustified.” Not “false,” mind you. Isn’t that lawyerese for “Yup but so what?”

    • Mehmeisterjr

      It’s a way of directing attention away from the question of guilt or innocence to a vague cloud of questions about whether bringing the charges is unjustified. In what way? Unjustified because he’s innocent? Because the prosecutor isn’t prepared? Because they’re picking on a celebrity? A black black celebrity? Because the venue is wrong? Because the DA didn’t check a block on a form?

      It is a clever little legal pirouette but in the end, the defense is playing games with words to avoid addressing the central question. That’s the kind of trick that Wonketeers are likely to spot right away.

    • nightmoth

      One newscast said Cosby’s lawyer was helping him walk at the hearing as if he was having trouble seeing, so they’re probably going to portray him as a sick old man and hope everyone feels sorry for him.

      • Well i definitely believe he’s a “sick old man” all right, so i guess it’s working.

    • Takoma DC

      Unjustfied because in the deposition Cosby claimed the sex consensual. And the pills Benedryl.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba
    • DahBoner

      Gimme a big, fat 714 any day. Those things look FREAKY.
      https://media4.giphy.com/media/gCl6a4LcP5ke4/200w_d.gif

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Hey, I’m no racist. I don’t see color. Pink, blue, they’re all pills in God’s eyes.

    • Takoma DC

      Are quaaludes still manufactured? I thought they stopped making them in the 80’s?

  • “Oops! I accidentally gave her the Viagra.”

    (That explanation is certainly a lot more plausible than “blue Benadryl”. Does it come it decorative colors now?)

  • Paperless Tiger

    So eleven years ago she took some ludes, and now she wants to sue the dude she was partying with. If that catches on a lot of people are going to be in trouble.

    • Vienna Woods

      A) Not a civil suit. A criminal case. Big difference.
      B) Just the sort of attitude that kept charges from being laid in the many many other rapes.
      C) Fuck off.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        Commenting history suggests that Paperless Tiger is being totally ironic here. Unfortunately, there are a lot of people out there who really do still buy this.

  • DahBoner

    Bill Cosby is kinda like the opposite of the Wizard of Oz

    His sweater started out in color and now it’s black and white.
    http://a2.web.wt-cdn.com/post_items/images/000/021/933/large_gif/tumblr_lszteb5PZN1qiz3j8o1_500.gif

  • Hutch

    My friend recently predicted that Cosby’s attorney would beginning rolling out health issues to delay the proceedings. In 3, 2, 1….

    I learned this morning his lawyer said Cosby was now tragically blind. As in: “Disgraced TV legend Bill Cosby is attempting to turn a blind eye to the rape allegations….”

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Remember when industrialist/actual Stalinist spy Armand Hammer went to trial on crutches and, if memory serves, a neck brace and after he beat the rap actually threw away the crutches outside the courtroom and danced a little jig? It’s a classic ploy. Expect Ethan Crouch to pull it any minute now.

      • Takoma DC

        I think Crouch is going to blame antidepressants or ADD.

  • Angela Ruzzo

    My first thought was “How could any woman be so stupid as to take pills offered her by a man who invited her to his house late at night” but my second thought was “There are a lot of stupid people in the world, and being stupid does not justify rape.”

    I hope Cosby goes to prison, but he can afford clever lawyers, so I’ll believe it when I see it.

    • nightmoth

      In the case of the basketball coach, he pretended to be her friend for a year, then when she was having a career problem, told her to come over and discuss it with him.
      Most of the rest of the victims were not stupid, as much as young and unwary, particularly where “America’s Dad” was concerned. He actively sought out girls who were new in the fashion and acting world, in some instances even calling their parents and telling them he was taking their talented daughters under his wing to help them get ahead. Then after winning the girl’s trust, he would strike. Even today, many rape victims feel that it was “their fault” and that was especially true in the 1970s. Several victims said they couldn’t even tell their parents, let alone the police, because their parents thought Bill Cosby was such a great guy.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        I understand what you’re saying, and I’m familiar with the various predatory scenarios, and I am not blaming the victims, but I still say it’s stupid to take pills offered by anyone, particularly an unrelated man. If the Angel Gabriel showed up in my house with some unidentifiable pills, I wouldn’t take them.

        • Takoma DC

          Very true. I never take meds from anyone except family. I’ll wait until I get home. Or go to store and purchase myself. If I feel too sick then I make a standard apology that I don’t feel well and have to go home.

          Although not in the city (it’s next to Philly) Montgomery County has 24-hr taxi service.

          It’s too bad girls and women have to think this way but we do.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            I grew up in the 60’s, and there was a lot of media attention to the risks of drinking at parties because people would slip LSD into the punch. We were also warned frequently about taking pills offered by strangers, especially if we were female and the stranger was male. I learned my lesson at age 20 when college friends were passing a joint around, and I took a couple of puffs just to be polite although I really wasn’t that interested, and was NOT TOLD it contained hash oil. The rest of the evening is something of a blur to me. Fortunately nothing bad happened.

          • Takoma DC

            You were very lucky. Similar thing happened to me. I think the guy who rolled the joint had laced the pot with something. I was never in to drugs and that experience further instilled a stronger dislike of drugs.

        • Iam Reading

          You just victim blamed. Read your post. Wow.

          • Takoma DC

            You need to calm down.

          • Iam Reading

            After you stop victim blaming

          • Takoma DC

            Stop insulting women.

          • Iam Reading

            The only women I’m insulting are victim blamers.

          • Takoma DC

            Women using their reasoning faculties is very different than your want of shaming those women.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            I am not victim blaming. I clearly said that being stupid does not mean the stupid person deserves to be raped. Nobody deserves to be raped, no matter how stupid they are. Read it again.

          • Iam Reading

            I am not blaming the victims, but I still say it’s stupid to take pills offered by anyone, particularly an unrelated man……..

            You wrote that. It is victim blaming. I’m not saying those choices arent unwise, I’m saying that brinig them up in this context is victim blaming.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            It is absolutely not victim blaming. It is stating a fact and educating young women. A woman can be stupid and still be innocent, but if nobody points out that taking drugs from a stranger is stupid, then young women won’t learn anything. Worse things can happen than being raped. A person could die if they take pills from a stranger. It is stupid for a woman to walk down the street naked at midnight, but this is still no justification for anyone raping her. However, she needs to know it was stupid.

          • Iam Reading

            Agreed. Maybe right after the rape that message isnt helpful? Surely you see that?

          • Angela Ruzzo

            I understand your point, and it’s a good point, but I don’t agree. It is right after major media stories that young people may be paying attention and could learn something useful that sticks with them. Men are constantly targeting women for violence and abuse, and the only thing that seems to work is educating women about their rights and the risks they face. Educating and punishing men doesn’t seem to have much effect.

          • Iam Reading

            Thanks for writing that. FWIW, those words weren’t in the post I responded to. You may have meant to write them but how could I know that? Your heart is in the right, it seems.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            Thanks. My original post said my first thought that the young woman was stupid to take the pills, but my second thought was that this did not in any way justify her being raped. Rape is never justified.

      • Takoma DC

        I agree but cannot understand why only 1 woman (Constand) ever went to the police? None ever went to the hospital? None feared std or pregnancy? As a victim, you don’t have to name your attacker but seeing a doctor or going to the hospital would preserve much needed evidence in case the victim should choose to press charges in the future.

        While I understand that in the 60-70’s things were different there’s still the fact that Cosby was a wealthy black guy that the white guys in power would’ve loved to have brought down. They’d have loved a high profile case like this. Especially considering the comments Cosby made about his mother working in the homes of wealthy white families. How she was a maid for wealthy white women. His comments pissed off a lot of white people, both wealthy and not.

        I feel badly for the victims but as a woman who is always considering how my actions or inability to act may hurt another human being, animal, or the Earth. I cannot believe none pressed charges at the time of their being secretly drugged, raped and assaulted – if not for themselves then as an attempt to save other girls and women from the same violence and tragic experience.

        • nightmoth

          One would think so. All I can tell you is that I worked as a volunteer on a rape crisis hotline in the 1980s and it was hard to get young women to report–the younger they were, the more difficult it was. Rape is such a visceral violation of the body that the last thing any of them wanted was to climb onto an exam table and spread their legs and have a stranger poking around their vaginas and rectums. it felt like a repeat of the rape. Most of them wanted to take a long hot shower and try to forget it ever happened. As a counselor, it was my job to start returning their sense of autonomy. Although I encouraged them to report, submit to the evidence-gathering, and even oversaw the process so I could testify in court that the evidence kit went directly from the doctor to the police, my primary function was to advocate for what THEY wanted to do. Once I was even threatened with arrest by an impatient policeman who “couldn’t stand around the ER all night waiting for a 16 year old to decide to press charges.” (She did finally submit to the rape exam.)

          • Takoma DC

            I totally understand. I guess I just would’ve thought more than 1 out of 50 alleged victims would have filed a police report and/or gone to a hospital/dr.

            Thank you for all you do. Volunteers like you are invaluable.

            Happy New Year

          • nightmoth

            I burned out on rape activism after 2 years, but I appreciate the “thank you.”
            Happy New Year, as well, to you and yours!

          • Takoma DC

            Understandable. I can only imagine. Cheers!

        • Angela Ruzzo

          Women are not taught to be empowered. This repressive training starts in early childhood. Many women never report rape because they don’t think anyone will believe them, or they buy into the fiction that they caused it by their own behavior, or they are afraid of putting themselves into the power of a lot of ignorant male police and doctors. When the rapist is a powerful, rich, highly respected national figure, the situation is even more intimidating to them.

          • Takoma DC

            Yes that’s very true. But I still cannot imagine not wanting to find out if I have an std or if I’m pregnant.

            I personally never gave a damn if people believed me, or what they thought of me. So although shy, I was not repressed when it came to violence or injustice.

            My friend’s sister was raped when she was 15 or 16. Her name was kept out of the news but since I was friends with him, he told me and a few others. I never repeated the story to anyone else. Never revealed her name. She went to the hospital. According to my friend the police were very kind. The perp was quickly arrested (he was a juvenile as well) and he was sent to juvy. She went on to be a lawyer. I’m told she’s successful.

            Hopefully my own girls are empowered and not easily intimidated by power or fame.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            I hope so too, and if you have raised empowered daughters then I commend you. Sadly, I know too many women, young and old, who have no idea how to stand up for themselves and who cannot handle any form of confrontation. I know many mature women who have never even had the nerve to ask for a raise, even though their male colleagues do it and get one. They were raised to be “feminine and submissive” and to believe that they only have value as wives and mothers.

          • Takoma DC

            Thank you. I’m not sure though. We raised them to be kind and considerate but to question everything and everyone. To not be afraid to ask questions or to stick up for themselves or those they care about or causes important to them. I thought when our youngest recently graduated from college I’d worry less. I don’t show my concern outwardly. They both love to travel. Our eldest did 1 yr internship in Hong Kong and a summer in NYC. Younger girl did an internship in Bali.

            It’s difficult for women. I think more so in U.S. than in other western nations. We don’t have a lot of support that women in other countries have like paid maternity leave or good affordable (sometimes free) child care. And although ACA is a good thing, our healthcare system leaves something to be desired when compared with other countries. We also don’t have enough women in certain professions. Things are changing for the better but not fast enough for me.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            I know exactly how you feel. I have a beloved niece who is a Foreign Service Officer. She has been stationed in Egypt and Brazil, and is soon to go to Jordan. Her father was Syrian and Moslem, and did not raise her to be assertive, and my sister did not contradict this tradition, and I worry about her all the time. The world can be dangerous for women, and I never thought when I was 18 that this would still be true 40 years later.

          • Takoma DC

            Your niece sounds like an amazing woman. I can understand your concerns. I hope she is safe wherever she is stationed.

            Yes it does seem like violence against women may be worse today. Or maybe it’s less hidden now? I can recall a recent 3 year stretch where every few months we were hearing about the disappearance of a pregnant woman.

            Maybe 2016 will bring sweeping positive change especially for girls and women. I hope so.

            ~Happy New Year~

          • Angela Ruzzo

            I think violence against women is the same as it always was, but we hear about it more often. It’s a very old phenomenon, and the oppressors change tactics every now and then. Right now there is an upswing against our reproductive rights, which is just another way to express violence against women. But they are still burning women in India, and aborting female babies in China, and enslaving girls in Thailand, and genitally mutilating girls in Somalia. I have not seen significant iimprovement in my 60 years.

        • Iam Reading

          The first sentence of your last paragraph is the answer to your question. Victim blaming is the norm in the country when it comes to rape a d we have even convinced other women to get in on it. If you report , you get to be double and triple victimized before the case even goes to court. If we supported victims rather than blaming them then maybe reporting rates would improve. It starts with those who automatically start the victim questioning or blaming. That shit has to stop RIGHT FUCKING NOW!

          • Takoma DC

            So people have never falsely accused others of a crime? Especially famous or rich people?

            Grow the fuck up.

            Women are not babies who cannot defend themselves and cower at what others may think of them, or say about them.

            And furthermore we have jurisprudence in this country. People are innocent until proven guilty.

          • Iam Reading

            You are the reason women don’t report rape.

          • Takoma DC

            Stop insulting women.

          • Iam Reading

            I’m insulting victim blamers. Your guilt is showing

          • Takoma DC

            Actually it’s your guilt that’s showing loud and clear.

          • Iam Reading

            ?????? You drinking early. You drifted from wrong to nonsensical. I’m out. I don’t argue with crazy

    • Takoma DC

      His lawyer of several decades, Marty Singer “parted ways” with him this year. I’ve always been curious about that decision.

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