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Who have two thumbs and are a idiot and also those isn't thumbs?
Who have two thumbs and are a idiot and also those isn’t thumbs?

Dr. Ben Carson, who is just about done being A Thing, still has one supporter out there, you betcha. Since Sarah Palin cannot vote for her lady-crush-but-not-in-a-gay-way French fascist Marion Maréchal-Le Pen to be el presidente of America, and her moist Trump panties seem to have dried and crusted since the summer, Sarah’s a-rootin’ for her intellectual soulmate, sleepy-eyed broken-brained Dr. Carson. And she has some solid advice for him, as his popularity plummets before he can make it anywhere near the White House, based on her years of experience of being like that too:

It’s a tough road in front of him, but as long as he keeps being candid and speaking truth and not letting political consultants or those around him who would ever wanna kinda change his message, just not let anybody try to shape you and mold you into something that some consultant wants you to be, that’s a big mistake.

That’s also one heckuva sentence, Sarah Palin, but that is why we love you!

But it is tough, jumpin’ up there on a national stage when you hadn’t been there before to really dig into idiosyncrasies of the issues and the details of some of our especially foreign policy issues. So it’s a long hard road in front of him but, you know, I just have all the respect in the world for Dr. Carson.

Yes, those gotcha idiosyncrasies that have tripped up the good doctor. Like the difference between New Jersey and the Middle East. Like how Israel’s “complex” political system sure is complex and should just be like America’s instead. Like what is a Cuba and how does that work cuz no one has briefed him on it yet. Those kinds of subtle nuances that are hard to keep straight.

Now then, Sarah, would you like to tell the folks at home why Ben Carson is more better than Hillary Clinton? Please do so in your finest authentic frontier gibberish:

Dr. Carson is the antithesis of Hillary Clinton because of that integrity, the ethics, the honesty, the candidness, the trustworthiness of Dr. Carson versus that political establishment that has been you know just part of creating these problems and then blaming other people and never being held accountable and still try to buffalo voters into choosing them, pretending that they’re going to do anything different than they’ve already done to get us into the mess. So yeah, talk about the antithesis of Clinton would be Dr. Carson.

Yeah, Hillary, YEAH! Everyone knows you’re not nearly as trustworthy and integrity-ing as Dr. Carson, whose entire life story has been debunked as “Um, no” — from the time he stabbed a man in Reno just to watch him die (but not really) to the time he beated up a robber in a Popeyes Organization, with his brain. And how dare you try to buffalo voters! We don’t know what that means, but it sounds pretty darn ugly and maybe illegal in certain states and probably something Bristol would do in the back of a truck to end up oopsie daisy pregnant again.

No, again, I think if Americans do their homework, if voters look into what it is that Hillary Clinton, as secretary of state, supported in the context of everything that Barack Obama has been a part of, in growing government and creating this less secure, less sovereign nation of ours, fundamentally transforming it, Hillary Clinton was by his side. You know? She was shining his boots! So no, if people will realize that, then no, they will choose the antithesis of Hillary Clinton.

If only the American people will vet Hillary and realize she’s been shining Obama’s boots this whole time, then surely Dr. Ben Carson will be president. Yup, sounds exactly right.

[RightWingWatch]

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  • Lefty Frizzell

    Words – how do they work?

    • Nounverb911

      Well Sarah does seem to be fluent in iowese.

  • cousin itt

    still try to buffalo voters into choosing them,

    Buffalo chip says what?

    • coozledad

      Whereas Sarah’s party has been trying to redistrict the buffalo soldiers out of the process.

  • Nounverb911

    Was Sarah one of the conjoined twins Ben separated?

    • Gayer Than Thou

      Two twins, one brain. You can see that difficult choices had to be made.

      • coozledad

        Stihl or McCullough?

        • Lascauxcaveman

          From the results, I would guess a rusted and rather dull machete was used.

        • Playonwords

          Husqvana FTW!

      • eddi

        In a proper Solomonic moment, he disposed of the brain.

        • Vienna Woods

          She thanked him for it later.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Conjoined with iCarly, yup.

  • kindness

    Good article. Really you could have stopped at the headline and we would all still agree. Sad commentary on modern Republicans.

  • SnarkTank

    And how dare you try to buffalo voters! We don’t know what that means, but it sounds pretty darn ugly
    .
    Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      This is SERIOUS snark.

    • therblig

      i think buffalo were given the right to vote during the bisontennial.

  • cousin itt

    She was shining his boots!

    Dog. Whistles.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Way to put the dick in dictionary, Trixie Tundratwat.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    She should be identifying with iCarly, who has the same problem with telling untruths that Sarah has.

  • Joe Beese

    Straight shooting… Botox into her face.

  • Gayer Than Thou

    But it is tough, jumpin’ up there on a national stage when you hadn’t been there before to really dig into idiosyncrasies of the issues and the details of some of our especially foreign policy issues.

    Yes, it is tough indeed. Like when I wanted to be a barista, and I took some time to learn the difference between a latte and a macchiato. Because I thought maybe it might come up in the interview process. Similarly, when you decide to apply for the hardest, most important job on the planet, you do a little fucking homework.

  • Nounverb911

    “before to really dig into idiosyncrasies of the issues and the details of some of our especially foreign policy issues”
    And Vlad the Putin can see your porch from his Dacha.

    • FauxAntocles

      I especially like our especially foreign policy issues. I wonder if they’re thought up by especially foreign foreigners.

  • marxalot

    The Wut? Giraffe is not used to working these kinds of hours yet, y’all. Gave him the day off.

  • DahBoner
    • natoslug

      I don’t mind her breathing. It’s when she uses her mouth for noisemaking that I get annoyed.

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    I would be worried about myself if I understood what Caribou Barbie was talking about.

  • cousin itt

    And how dare you try to buffalo voters! We don’t know what that means, but it sounds pretty darn ugly and maybe illegal in certain states and probably something Bristol would do in the back of a truck to end up oopsie daisy pregnant again.

    I would feel bad for the buffalo.

    • Vienna Woods

      Now I want buffalo wings.

  • Skwerl King

    Dr. Carson is to Hillary Clinton as
    Sarah Palin is to ______________.

    • marxalot

      Cicero?

      • elviouslyqueer

        Demosthenes LIBEL!

    • FauxAntocles

      Einstein?

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      President Obama?

    • natoslug

      reality?

    • calliecallie

      Barack Hussein Obama.

    • Playonwords

      Ada Lovelace (Ada NOT Linda, you filthy minded Wonkers)

      • theCryptofishist

        But you love our filthy mindedness.

    • Nockular cavity

      Hitler! What, not this time? Crap.

    • Longstreet63

      All of them, Katie.

    • Hemp Dogbane

      Elizabeth Dole?

    • chicken thief

      John “Baby Daddy” Edwards?

    • therblig

      that other brain specialist?

    • margd

      Eleanor Roosevelt?

    • Roni Raven

      The Swedish chef?

  • calliecallie

    Once you go black, you never go back. Just saying.

  • Michael Smith

    “Fundamentally transformed” is the big conservative buzzword right now – I only just noticed it recently, but I can see its going to be their mantra in terms of describing Obama’s presidency.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Inigo Montoya reels in disbelief.

  • Barbara Delaney

    Good to see that Wasilla has maintained its position as the meth capital of the United States. It’s what keeps Sarah’s speechifying at rapid fire. Speaking of rapid fire, we’ve not seen Carson photographed with a big honkin’ gun yet, have we? I know Ben’s a blade man but still…he needs to demonstrate to the NRA that he’s a good guy with a gun.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      Well, except that he’s black, so the cops would probably identify him as a threat and go all Second Amendment on his sleepy ass.

    • Cleo_Cat

      I think Dr. Ben is wise not to go out there with a gun. Because blah.

      • therblig

        all it takes to stop him is a good guy with a belt buckle

    • Tallmutha

      He did say San Bernadino wouldn’t have happened if more people were armed, so he’s good. No need to alarm anyone with the image of a blah guy holding a gun.

      • Barbara Delaney

        Some black president’s didn’t shy away…

        • Tallmutha

          Yeah, well, it didn’t make them like him any more, did it?

          • Biff52

            As I recall, they ridiculed his stance and labeled him as an elitist because of the brand of shotgun (Benelli, I think it was) and anyway it was all ‘shooped, etc.

          • Lefty Frizzell

            It’s obviously faked, duh! Nothing about it is real. Pfft – it’s probably not even him – he’s left handed, so the watch should be on his right wrist. I think that perpendicular puff of smoke is from a Syrian so-called “refugee”…

          • Barbara Delaney

            Never said it did, my point was that Ben needs to demonstrate to the base, (never has that word been more appropriate), of the Republican Party that he’s capable of cooking his bacon like a man, you know, with a gun. It’s all fine and good hitting mothers with hammers and stabbing at school chums but that’s not going to cut it, (pun intended), with the Nugent wing of the party.

          • TheOtherHeadlessThompsonGunner

            That’s still just a wing?

          • Barbara Delaney

            I was trying to be all fair and balanced, like Sarah’s favorite news organization. It’s been a long time since it was just a wing. I fully expect Ted to be honored with a statue right next to Cheney’s someday, complete with a “code brown”.

          • Mehmeisterjr

            A substitute peen instead of a ballpeen?

  • Villago Delenda Est

    So Sarah’s coach inserted “antithesis” into this rant? That’s the only explanation I can come up with for her using that word.

    • elviouslyqueer

      “Willow, I need a word that will make me sound smart. Bring me that there brontosaurus over yonder.”

      • Notreelyhelping

        Genius.

    • Longstreet63

      I’m going with “Word of the Day” toilet paper.

    • Roni Raven

      She keeps using that word, but I don’t think it means what she thinks it means.

  • Tallmutha

    Remember when after the 2008 election, Sarah said a few words in front of a turkey slaughter and then slunk off to what we hoped would be obscurity, all the wise pundits said how what she should do is take a few months off and “study up on the issues” and she could come back as a formidable candidate? They really do think it’s like taking up a new hobby in middle age or something.

    • Msmlg1979

      Yes, because a few months of studying will fix allll that stupid.

    • aureolaborealis

      Isn’t it just a little bit scary that they were kind of right? If she still has a following at all, despite the incoherent ramblings and the gut-shot nastiness, just imagine what she’d be if she had ever bothered to expand herself in any way.

      • Hemp Dogbane

        “incoherent ramblings” are a feature, not a bug. And a sizable chunk of the citizenry are morons with a taste for incoherent ramblings.

        • theCryptofishist

          So, are they slavishly addicted to her half baked ideas, or is their (the ideas) total lack of meaning, mean they can be easily twisted into what they (the followers) please?

  • natoslug

    What’s that, MarketWatch? What do you have to say about all of that spendin’ and growin’ that Obama’s been doin’ of the gubmint? Oh yeah, you’re saying that, like with everything else Palin says, ever, it’s a complete load of shit. http://www.marketwatch.com/story/obama-spending-binge-never-happened-2012-05-22

  • DerrickWildcat

    She is terrible, dumb and talks too much

    • Msmlg1979

      I always enjoy the succint way you sum things up, DW.

      • Longstreet63

        Seconded. Perhaps DW could run for president as a republican. Just replace “she” with whoever is today’s designated enemy.

  • calliecallie

    She was shining his boots? Is that what the kids are calling it these days?

    • Anarchy Pony

      So she was polishing his helmet?

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Magic helmet.

      • Major_Major_Major

        Turtleneck discrimination!

      • Thurman Munster IV

        I think it’s an anteater not a helmet. But the result is the same.

    • Gayer Than Thou

      I mean, as long as you’re down there…

  • HobbesEvilTwin

    once again, it must be said: Fuck You, Walnuts!

    • Villago Delenda Est

      His single most unforgivable act.

  • natoslug

    I did not know that NewsMax had a studio. If they’re going to continue giving Palin airtime, they should consider renaming it Studio Giblets.

  • cousin itt

    I think she may be confusing Carson with her Ben Wa.

    • Joe Beese

      I once had a female French acquaintance whose boyfriend was named Benoit. I asked if he was rich from his royalties on the balls – because I’m secretly 10 years old – but I don’t think she got it.

    • Msgr_Moment

      Paging Dr. Ben Wa.

      • cousin itt

        Coming!

  • Michael Smith

    You know, like how buffalo are always acting one way, but then later trying to say they are going to act a different way, and that you should vote for them?

    • therblig

      don’t get them started on asian foreign policy – it’s all “yak, yak, yak”

      • Major_Major_Major

        And in Africa its about keeping up with the most current gnus.

        • therblig

          whatever you hear through the bovine.

        • theCryptofishist

          Although, to be fair, she does take a personal interest in the Sarah ngetti.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Two theories on how to persuade a yak. Neither one works.

    • Msgr_Moment

      Give her a break. She clearly meant cleveland. She gets those Great Lakes cities confused.

      • arglebargle

        She does appear to be a little steamed.

        • Mehmeisterjr

          Fried and/or baked, more likely.

      • theCryptofishist

        Well, to be fair, that whole rust belt is full of eastern european immigrants (a few generations later), who have never experienced real freedom, as practiced in alaska, and it’s all so grey, and democratic (as fucking if) and there are no wolves to shoot or helicopters to shoot them from, that it’s all just hell.

        Or something.

  • Tallmutha

    “Newsmax TV”? Is that a thing? It is not a thing.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      They like to imagine it is, just as they imagine that a 21st century version of Der Stürmer is journalism.

  • Olav_Pompatus

    Makes sense to me. If Hillary’s the shoe-shine boy, who could be further from that?

  • Randy Riddle

    “Dr. Carson is the antithesis of Hillary Clinton because of that integrity, the ethics, the honesty, the candidness, the trustworthiness of Dr. Carson versus that political establishment that has been you know just part of creating these problems and then blaming other people and never being held accountable and still try to buffalo voters into choosing them, pretending that they’re going to do anything different than they’ve already done to get us into the mess.”

    I think I’ve found todays sentence diagram assignment for the students in class.

    • cousin itt

      Bad Teacher.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Mean, nasty, vindictive teacher, more like it.

    • eddi

      Anybody who succeeds will need immediate mental help.

      • Roni Raven

        Anybody who succeeds is Phi Beta Kappa material

        FIFY

    • Doug Langley

      Today? More like a semester course project.

  • Antonin Dvorak

    1. Our especially foreign policy issues
    Does this imply we have “not so foreign policy issues”?
    2. How does someone emit such run-on-sentence gibberish and yet still be able to correctly use the word “antithesis”?

    • elviouslyqueer

      Blind squirrel, nut.

      • Notreelyhelping

        Maybe it means foreign policy that’s not that special.

    • Anna Elizabeth

      I think Caribou Barbie uses language in a perfectly cromulent manner.

    • arglebargle

      Blah blah room full of monkeys blah blah typewriters blah blah Shakespeare.

    • Roni Raven

      Broken clock once a day.

      • Eo Raptor

        What country are you from?

  • weejee

    World salad overload. Need to do some neural scrubbing.

    • Doug Langley

      That must be what they call brainwashing.

  • natoslug

    My Freude would be totally schadeing if, some day, Sarah Palin and her ilk were to become self-aware and develop some semblance of a conscience.

  • timpundit

    “That’s also one heckuva sentence, Sarah Palin”

    She’s missed more periods than Bristol.

  • weejee

    Snowbillie Grifter will be endorsing the new GOP ice cream in 3, 2, 1…

    • FauxAntocles

      Flavor du jour of the week…

  • timpundit

    “if people will realize that, then no, they will choose the antithesis of Hillary Clinton.”

    Isn’t cute how when they learn a new word they can’t stop using it?

  • Barbara Delaney

    Before the debate Sarah played a game of word association, Chris Christie? “Embracing Obama.” Marco Rubio? “Robotic.” Jeb Bush? “George.”

    She described Hillary as “Nyquil” and for President Obama? “Warned ya.”

    When it came to her favorite candidates, CNN reports, “Palin wasn’t
    shy about saying her two favorite candidates in the 2016 GOP race are Texas Sen. Ted Cruz and Donald Trump.

    Gee, the way she spreads her favors around its almost like she’s promiscuous or something.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Cruz for the Dominionism, Trump for the fascism.

      • eddi

        God and Country. Or “My God! What did they do to my country?!”

    • chicken thief

      They just did that to avoid her run on sentences.

  • JMP

    Palin is certainly a good source of advice on how to win a national election.

    • eddi

      Do the opposite of what she did. Have policies diametrically opposing hers. And don’t pick A Moran for your running mate.

  • jesuswasablack

    “as long as he keeps being candid and
    speaking truth and not letting political consultants or those around him
    who would ever wanna kinda change his message”

    Let me translate, I speak Jive and Gibberish:

    “as long as he never says what he believes and continues to lie through his teeth and does everything his well paid political consultants tell him to do he’ll have a fightin chance”

  • Gorillionaire

    Newsmax TV, huh? Did they ask her about retirement mortgage payoff look younger cure cancer with this one weird trick?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      New diet supplement is taking ANC by storm!

      • Roni Raven

        Does Ben Carson know about this?

  • jesuswasablack

    “She was shining his boots”

    Hillary go get yer shinebox!

    • Msgr_Moment

      It’s time to shit or get off the shinola.

  • Biff52

    All $arah knows about the mighty buffalo, she learned from “Cheers.”
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HMV_fJDruog

  • m3bosha

    I think her ghost writer forgot to tell he not to say things out loud where people can hear them.

  • jviscont1

    a Sec of State uses her own email server in the interest of reducing gov’t overhead and is now blamed for growing gov’t. can a girl catch a break here?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Nope.

  • Blackest Noobs

    often when i get in a convo with one of these knuckle draggers, they will always, no matter what, no matter the heaping amounts of evidence against the veracity of their right-winged heroes, will always say Hillary LIES.

    so i usually respond with the following:
    Ok, let’s say you’re right…Hillary is an absolute liar. what does that have to do with your favorite right-winged hero getting caught in a fib, a lie, an exaggeration? And why are you ok with one liar, but not another liar?

    Also could you name a lie Hillary did? (<<<— most of the time this really stumps them, unless they're really crazy and they go on a Benghazi rant, which that wasn't so much as lying but as trying to get info out about a fluid situation with little intel, did they screw up on that part, sure, but it's not like if the shoe was on the other foot, they would have done anything differently, well, at least Democrats would have approved upping the budget on security months ago, unlike what the Republicans actually did, which was shoot that down)

    • Villago Delenda Est

      The thing about identifying lies is that it should be very easy to do so. With Hillary, they can’t articulate what the lie she told is (they could, for example, cite her embellishment of that runway in the former Yugoslavia story) but no, they always fall back to talking points that have been discredited.

      They’re just not very bright, and it shows.

      • Anna Elizabeth

        I had one GOPer say to me “well, that’s *your* truth”. Fuck ’em all, I don’t debate with the braindead any longer.

        • eddi

          Faith moves mountains… of total ignorance.

    • BearGHAZI

      wow that’s solid. Might try it on the old man

    • jmk

      I usually point out that in the 25 or so years that Hillz has been accused of everything from bad hair to murder by a million committees and special investigators and review boards and Uncle Tom Cobley and all, not one investigation has turned anything up.

      I also like to mention that, when 89 bajillion people spend a quarter of a century screaming that Hillary is a lying liar who lies but can’t demonstrate anything more heinous than “she stretched the truth about one thing that happened in Bosnia that one time,” it’s not Hillary who is the liar.

  • Sgt. Gym Bunny

    Antithesis? Looks like somebody learned herself a new word.

    Seriously, she’s overusing that it just like someone who hasn’t quite made the connection that there exists plenty of synonymous expressions for that fancy, hoity-toity jargon-thingy she picked up at her Color By Numbers briefing. What A Idiot.

    • Msgr_Moment

      An antithesis is what an anti-intellectual writes, in order to verify her bona frieds.

      • theCryptofishist

        Nice one!

    • RoyalUglyDude

      Antithesis is what Dr. Carson gives you before he operates on your brain.

    • TheBidenator

      She glanced down at her word of the day calendar when she got lost and that was the word of the day….

    • Doug Langley

      Anti-thesis? Isn’t he in the Book of Revelations?

  • Sarah-speak translation: LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME! SEND MONEY! LOOK AT ME! SEND MONEY! I’M RELEVENT! SEND MONEY! LOOK AT ME!

    • Malmborg Implano

      Seriously, look up the diagnosis criterion of Narcissistic Personality Disorder and you’ll see Sarah Palin right there.

      • jmk

        Along with a large percentage of the current Klown Kar, also too. It’s a crowded photo.

      • Also, when you gaze into the abyss, it’s Sarah Palin who gazes back at you.

      • Relativicus

        I feel as if you’re looking too deep. Occam tells me she’s just an idiot.

    • Beezelbubbles

      Bristol’s ghostblogger isn’t doing it for free, doncha know.

  • diogenez

    Palin speaks fluent Harpy.

  • Mavenmaven

    Get how degraded Hillary is? She was shining Obama’s boots, when we all know it is the role of the black man to shine everyone else’s boots.

    • Vienna Woods

      Sorry, couldn’t hear you over that high-pitched whistle.

  • Operation American Jesus®

    Idiosyncrasies, indeed. Like the idiosyncrasies of building massive pointy triangles just to store grain.

  • TheBidenator

    I’m still trying to figure out what the hell she just said….man, if you don’t read or hear word salad for a while your interpretive skills diminish severely.

  • Major_Major_Major

    Anti-thesis: the way every procrastinating grad student feels, amirite?

  • Jeff Ackerman

    Going Rogue = running from your handlers so they can’t take 80 grit sandpaper to your rough edges and put a little lipstick on you.

  • chicken thief

    “…but as long as he keeps being candid and speaking truth and not letting
    political consultants or those around him who would ever wanna kinda
    change his message, just not let anybody try to shape you and mold you
    into something that some consultant wants you to be, that’s a big
    mistake.”

    Why yes, Sarah. Because listening to the consultants was where you went wrong.

  • RoyalUglyDude

    I need brain salad surgery after reading that.

  • TheBidenator

    I’ll let Walter Sobchak sum up this world salad for me: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3PfiKOkeKXk

  • beavertank

    I just love these little glimpses into Sister Sarah’s ever growing psychotic revisionist history. The only reason she lost her bid for president (while running as vice president) is she let those damn consultants tell her to not be herself.

    Clearly if she had been actually running for president and had stayed her crazy idiot self instead of letting “consultants” craft her into a crazy idiot running for vice president it would have all been so different. She could’ve been a contender! SHE COULD’VE BEEN A CONTENDER!

  • Constant Gardener

    How does that woman butter her toast?

    • eddi

      On both sides so as not to miss a spot.

  • chicken thief

    Just our luck that of all the veep choices on losing campaigns, this is the one that won’t go away.

    • Vegan and Tiara

      Seriously, you hear less from Dan Quayle and Al Gore and they were actual vice presidents. Hell, you hear less from George H.W. Bush and he was an actual VP and a president. She was a failed VP who never served a day in office, and yet we have to hear her opinion on everything.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        Maybe that’s why McCain chose her. They are both addicted to yakking on the teevee.

  • Shadow Catcher

    What’s that white stuff on her big bottom lip?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Got milk?

    • Beezelbubbles

      She’s rabid.

    • Doug Langley

      You don’t want to know.

  • JustDon’tSayDittos

    Excuse me, waiter! Can I get some vinaigrette on my word salad, please? And maybe a comma or two?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Oxford or plain?

      • JustDon’tSayDittos

        Just make sure there’s lots of oil. Drill, waiter, drill!

  • GDleftyPart2

    “dig into idiosyncrasies of the issues and the details of some of our especially foreign policy issues”

    My head, it hurts now.

    • zanzibar_buckbuck_mcfate

      IT IS JUST SO HARD TO CRAM FOR THIS TEST DONCHA KNOW

  • John Smith

    If there is anyone who knows idiosyncracies, it is definitely Sarah.

    • Vienna Woods

      Shouldn’t that be “idiotsyncracies” ?

      • Erick the Kracker

        Well played, Wienerwald, well played.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        demmit, Jen, learn to scroll down first *smacks self with a 3 day old cod*

        • Vienna Woods

          We’ve all done it.

        • r m reddicks

          You saved me!

  • Michael Rappaport

    Snowbilly must be proud to be the mom of America’s Punchboard.

    • Angry_Cop

      I’ve been calling her “America’s Practice Girl”.

  • Joshua Norton

    But it is tough, jumpin’ up there on a national stage when you hadn’t been there before to really dig into idiosyncrasies of the issues and the details of some of our especially foreign policy issues.

    It’s amazing! All the words she’s using are English, and yet it’s like she’s speaking a foreign language.

    • vivian

      It’s like someone takes a rational thought, puts it through a blender, Google translates it into Cantonese, then into Finnish, then into English, and voila!

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        My hoover craft is full of eels

    • Doug Langley

      An ESPECIALLY foreign language.

  • BMW

    Wait…”Newsmax Studios”…whut?

    • Vegan and Tiara

      Newsmax is for the drooling idiots who find that Fox “News” is just TOO liberal and erudite.

  • lesterthegiantape

    Carson can have my vote when he figures out how to blink faster.

    • therblig

      maybe it’s morse code, but all he knows are dashes.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        Secret signals to his attack squadrons in outer space?

      • Doug Langley

        Wait . . . it’s spelling out something . . . HELP BEING HELD CAPTIVE INSIDE BENS CRANIUM.

  • Jen_Baker_VA

    To be honest, I think someone taught her how to pronounce antithesis correctly and she was so proud of her learnin ability that she just had to say it as many times as possible.
    Also, am I the only one who hears her say “idiotsincrazies” ? Could be some fruedian thing in my broked brain

    • Mehmeisterjr

      “No, no, Sarah. Not aunt-tit-heezuz!”

    • Roni Raven

      Idiots ‘n crazies?

      The Freudian slip was probably not yours.

    • glennisw

      It was on her “Word of the Day” calendar.

  • mardam422

    It’s not the word salad. It’s the dressing. .

    • beatbort

      Too much olive oil in the Italian? Not enough garlic? Or several islands short of a thousand?

  • notfromvenus

    You know, she says a lot of dumb crap, but the worst thing I heard today was someone talking about how you should wear a crystal bracelet because “it protects your body from the bombardment of electrons”.

    • zerosumgame0005

      second only to “solar panels will suck away all the sunshine”

      • h4rr4r

        Which they do with electrons, photoelectric effect, study it out!

    • Doug Langley

      Hey, hey, you can never tell when an electron will jump out from a dark alley and mug you.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        An electron turned me into a newt.

        • ieatbees

          A newt?

          • therblig

            or a newtron?

          • Mehmeisterjr

            I got better.

  • minidriver

    “She was shining his boots!”

    This must have been ghostwritten, it’s the shortest and most concise statement Palin has ever delivered.

  • minidriver

    “She was shining his boots!”

    This must have been ghostwritten for her, it’s the shortest and most grammatically correct sentence Palin has ever said.

    • UnsaltedSinner

      A white woman polishing a black man’s boots! THE WORLD HAS TURNED UPSIDE DOWN!

  • beatbort

    OK, that convinces me, once and for all, that there’s some kind of wind-up toy inside Sarah’s brain that fires words randomly down chutes into her mouth hole, sometimes into some other hole(s), and conversation-type stuff comes out like a water hose that has a break or two in its length, prior to arriving at the nozzle, oh, Jesus Christ, now she’s got me doing it. Sarah, go away forever.

    • Roni Raven

      You may be onto something. I’m reminded of the pool party scene in the original “Stepford Wives,” myself. However the Stepford wives managed to be grammatical and coherent:

      “I’ll just die if I don’t get this recipe. I’ll just die if I don’t get this recipe. I’ll just die if I don’t get this recipe.”

  • Relativicus

    “Dr. Carson is the antithesis of Hillary Clinton because of that integrity, the ethics, the honesty, the candidness, the trustworthiness of Dr. Carson versus that political establishment that has been you know just part of creating these problems and then blaming other people and never being held accountable and still try to buffalo voters into choosing them, pretending that they’re going to do anything different than they’ve already done to get us into the mess. So yeah, talk about the antithesis of Clinton would be Dr. Carson.”

    Of course, were Kaili an actual journalismismist and not just an Obama Phone Polisher, she’d honestly have quoted Gov. Palin honestly. The above quote actually concludes with the rest of the quote with Gov. Palin, and I quote, “And they had a baby and the baby looked at me.” Now that the context of her entire statement in its entirety is known not that which is hamburger you see what she was really saying is that she supports life like Dr. Benanapants and not supports not-life like Killery Ballbuster-Lesbot. And that’s why it was the best summer ever. Thank you.

    • minidriver

      *cheers and applause*

    • RALPH WIGGUM AND WIGGLE-PUPPY LIBEL!

  • zanzibar_buckbuck_mcfate

    Maybe clueless people shouldn’t try to run for President if it’s THAT HARD to master WORLD POLITICS in a year. You know? Ever think of that, clueless people? This is just an off the cuff observation.

  • UnsaltedSinner

    “I think if Americans do their homework…”

    Sarah Palin is the last person who should tell others to do their homework.

    • Hollyinla

      Boom! Grifter gives advice but doesn’t take it. Now, other people’s money. That’s a whole nother thingy.

  • BPMM

    She is so fucking stupid, such a hypocrite, why would anyone take advice from her?

    • beatbort

      Yes, and at this point, is there anyone in America who still finds this gibberish and this idiot appealing in any way?

      • Gregory Brown

        There’s plenty, you know.

    • Vegan and Tiara

      Yet she still gets to go on news shows and talk about how dishonest Hillary Clinton is. When will the rubes wise up to the fact that “Newsmax” and Fox “News” are propaganda programs for idiots.?

      • TheOtherHeadlessThompsonGunner

        None of the times, Katie.

      • Gregory Brown

        If the rubes were smart enough to know that, they wouldn’t be rubes.

        • Vegan and Tiara

          Excellent point!

    • I don’t think they do, I think it’s a desperate attempt to stop her talking.

  • kaw143

    I wonder why she keeps putting, “You know?” in the middle of everything she says, because, you know, NO, I DON’T KNOW! WTF ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

    • Vegan and Tiara

      Teenagers do that all the time. I think she never progressed beyond being a pretty and popular sixteen year old girl.

      • Vienna Woods

        My husband does, also, too. It drives me INSANE.

        • Vegan and Tiara

          And you haven’t murdered him yet? You are a SAINT!!!!!

    • Hollyinla

      In a word, nothing.

  • JohnQFugly

    Is it a stretch to suppose that “some consultant” = Nicolle Wallace?

  • You know, I think if I ever tried to diagram a sentence of hers, I’d have a stroke.

    • JoyP

      I was thinking the exact same thing! My God! What a mess.

    • Bitter Scribe

      I think she should be required to write down, on a piece of paper, everything she says before she says it.

      And then she should put that piece of paper through a shredder and go away and never say anything again.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      I know we are not supposed to wish for cruel punishment in these nonexistent comments but if anybody deserves punitive sentence diagramming it is Sarah Palin.

      Just for starters, what, exactly, is “a big mistake?”

      Ideas rattle around in her skull like an errant marble.

    • Pugsandcoffee

      If I ever find myself teaching grammer, I will offer a 100% passing grade and the ability to skip the entire class of one student can successfully do so.

  • Vegan and Tiara

    Yeah, Clinton’s untrustworthy because Fox News and Rush Limbaugh say so. According to them, she’s so crafty that she’s just never been indicted or arrested for all of her crimes! So she’s either an innocent person being hounded by dishonest idiots, or she’s super crafty. Either way, I would want her to be president.

  • Greg Fuderer

    wait. five colleges and a fucking degree in communications?

    • zanzibar_buckbuck_mcfate

      I worked in college teaching/advising for many years…. 5 college changes is never a good sign.

      • Gregory Brown

        Absolutely a bad sign. She is not intelligent, but she does possess a mean streak and a kind of low, animal cunning. Not to mention her incredible way with words.

        • Mintie

          Watching the Hindenburg burn was undoubtedly pretty incredible, too, but that doesn’t mean it was a good thing.

        • Antimassacree

          “Low, animal cunning” is exactly right, though she clearly is not a cunning linguist.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          Always thought that about $arah as well…dumb as a post in the intellectual sense, but has a certain predatory intelligence, like a wolf. Or a shark.

          • TheOtherHeadlessThompsonGunner

            Total wolf libel, right there.

            Let’s give her credit for the predatory intelligence of a slightly retarded (with votes) barracuda.

        • Teto85

          But not as cunning as a fox. Or a Baldrick, even.

      • wiscowoman

        $arah is a quitter and has always been a quitter.

    • cessnadriver

      The Talibunny had to leave the college in Hawaii because there were too many slanty-eyes people running around.

      Which might be code for “not enough black basketball players”.

  • jkarov

    Of all the humans alive on the earth today, there are few more racist, idiotic, and willfully ignorant that Granny Grifter.

    • Roni Raven

      I take it you haven’t watched any of the Republican debates, then. Or maybe that’s the “few” you are referring to.

  • Mehmeisterjr

    I’m worried by the less sovereign nation that Obama has created. Dammit man, do more soverenning.

    • theCryptofishist

      I thought “less sovereign” was the equivalent of “a little bit pregnant.”

      Can we ask Bristol?

  • Mehmeisterjr

    Clearly, Palin was referencing the old vaudeville song:

    Oh chocolate drop, that’s me
    ’Cause, my hair is curlyJust because my teeth are pearlyJust because I always wear a smile
    Like to dress up in the latest style’Cause I’m glad I’m livin’
    Take troubles all with a smile
    Just because my color’s shady
    Makes no difference, baby
    That’s why they call me “Polish”

  • snigsy

    One is a winker, the other a slow blinker; but neither is a thinker.

    • Me not sure

      You are such a stinker!

  • Lambsendbeds

    Did she actually pronounce “antitheses”? Color me surprised! Her ghost writer must be getting her elocution lessons. Just like Eliza Doolittle, who done learned to speak good from Dr Doolittle. Or someone similar….

  • Thorn Spike

    Good Lord, these two barely have one brain between them.

  • URQ196

    Why won’t pAilin just go away?

  • h4rr4r

    I think you mean “an Cuba”.

  • Mintie

    *blink blink*

    I just–okay. I–um. . . No.

  • Rick Hill

    I’m starting to think Sarah just says shit to get a mention in Wonkette. She misses all that fame, donchaknow, and humiliation is her only spotlight, now.

  • Charon_69

    Sweet merciful Pete, one of her sentences had 78 words.

    • Rickyphoo

      I am considering a PhD thesis topic on diagramming one of her sentences,

      • RUexperienced

        I can’t wait for you to try this one:

        Sarah Palin: “‘We believe?’ Wait, I thought fast food joints, hurh. Don’t you guys think that they’re like of the Devil or somethin’ I was. Liberals, you want to send those evil employees who would dare work at a fast food joint then ya just don’t believe in, thought you wanted to, I dunno, send them to Purgatory or somethin’ so they all go VEGAN and, uh, wages and picket lines I dunno they’re not often discussed in Purgatory, are they? I dunno why are you even worried about fast food wages because dha.”

        • theCryptofishist

          If we line up all the straw men at the top…

          No, that’s not right.
          So, starting with the gratuitous religious references in a circ==

          I’m buffaloed.

  • JVB

    This is Sarah Moosebrain Palin.

  • glennisw

    Wait, I thought she supported Cruz – I mean, Trump?

  • RUexperienced

    “(Trump and Cruz) are fighters for America, and rather more unbiased than a couple of of the candidates that I might contemplate a part of the institution. The established order, going alongside to get alongside. We do not want any extra of that — that obtained us into this mess.”

    More classic word salad from the queen of lettuce.

    I just ran it through the Flesch Kinkaid reading level test and it scored 9.1. For reference, the average high school student scores 10-12.

  • Pete Grebus

    Sarah admonishes people to do their homework. That’s rich. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/disgrasian/sarah-palin-below-average_b_133435.html

  • Teto85

    Strong the derp is with this one.

  • cessnadriver

    Every repig in the country wants the Talibunny to be president. They hate America and want to see it die-and there is the bonus that electing another idiot to be president would really upset the librlz, doncha know.

    I talk to these people every day.

    Remember Nixon in ’63. This clown is not dead.

  • Anita Ledford

    She has a new word, antithesis, how cute. What an amazingly stupid woman.

  • Ryan Denniston

    Oh God, and as I read those quotes. Ugh. I can still here her saying the words in that God awful voice of hers. Her weird faux folksy way of talking. John McCain, you owe us big buddy.

  • Joseph

    Sarahs words flow like the Cyahoga river bef

  • Zhu Bajie

    Was her brain broken at some point? Or was it always defective?

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